May 15, 2025 • 33 mins
Being an assertive communicator is so much more than just being demanding or confident, it comes down to our emotional ease, how we hold ourselves, how we make others feel, how we frame even the smallest of questions. It's also not something that is taught to us and if it doesn't come naturally, we have to learn on our own. In this episode I break down the FIVE scientifically proven ways to be a more assertive communicator, including:
- The power of the pause
- How assertive communicators use their body
- Self authoring language
- Visualisation! Visualisation! Visualisation!
- How to leverage the Dunning-Kruger Effect
Plus 7 rapid fire tips you may or may not know! Happy (assertive) listening!
ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
the world, it is so great to have you here,
back for another episode as we, of course break down
the psychology of our twenties. Today, we are talking about
an episode that was requested by so many of you
(00:24):
after an episode I did maybe a year ago even
on how to have better conversations, And in that episode
I alluded to this idea of different kind of communication types,
one of them being an assertive communicator. And so in
this episode, I want to circle back onto that. I
want to circle back to this idea and talk about
(00:46):
how you can be an a setive communicator. How can
someone become someone who is confident in what they have
and confident in what they're saying using some pretty amazing
principles of psychology. So many of you have asked when
is this episode coming? And I honestly kept putting it
on the back burner and like delaying it for whatever reason.
(01:09):
But this week, I don't know what it was, it
really felt like the week to finally break it down.
So today we're going to go through my five tips
to be in assertive communicator, but also just a convincing,
persuasive communicator in general. It's so interesting to me because
(01:30):
we are never really taught how to be persuasive or
how to ask for what we want in a way
that will actually get us what we want but also
not frustrate people or make someone angry or upset. Sure,
you know, maybe we did public speaking in high school.
Maybe you did like debating and you had to get
(01:51):
up and give a speech. But from my memory, when
I did those things, you would kind of get up
and do it, and then they would grade you on
the skills you already had, without really giving you an
opportunity to improve. Like I cannot actually remember anyone giving
me legitimate tips or a course. It was just being
judged on like your pre existing ability, and that pre
(02:14):
existing ability. How we communicate is largely formed by our parents,
how they communicated, what their professions were, your innate confidence level.
But being an assertive communicator, it can be taught. It
is not just for people who are inherently self assured.
It's also not just for extroverts either. It's for people
(02:36):
who are introverts. It's for people who are shy. It's
for people who are people pleasers, and it's a really
valuable skill to have. I think it's one of those
skills that should probably be mandatory. Like I always think
that in high school we need to have like an
intro to life one oh one course, And in that course,
you know, you should learn about taxes, you should learn
about how to find a good mechanic, how to set boundaries,
(02:58):
financial literacy, and I think you should also learn how
to be in a sort of communicator. There is not
a single profession that does not require it. And recent
research that I was finding when I was investigating this
topic has also discovered that being an assert of communicator,
it doesn't just help relationships. It doesn't just help you
in your career obviously, it also makes you less stressed,
(03:21):
It reduces cortisol arousal, it makes you healthier, It makes
you healthier as an individual. So I'm going to give
you five scientifically founded and psychologically backtips to help you
not feel ashamed for asking for what you want, how
to make your preferences known, how to be someone who
others will listen to, and just so much more so,
(03:42):
without further ado, my lovely listeners, let's get into it.
Let's begin by just really articulating what an assertive communicator is,
because I have already alluded to the fact that it's
likely different to what you are currently imagining. So researchers
(04:07):
largely agree that there are four different communication styles when
it comes to tone and attitude. There is passive, there
is aggressive, there is passive aggressive, and there is assertive. Assertive. Sometimes,
in our minds can be confused with aggressive. We assume
that it might come off as domineering, demanding, selfish, loud, arrogant,
(04:29):
like I want this, I want it now. If I
don't get it, we will have issues. There is no compromise.
Assertive communication really means that you advocate for yourself. You
don't self silence, and you try and get your point
across honestly and with kindness but also self assurance. It
sounds like I'm going to invite you to see it.
(04:49):
From my perspective, it would help the team if you
did this, I would appreciate if you didn't do that.
I'm going to sit with this one. I'm going to
think about this because I'm not feeling it currently. There
is actually a lot of joy and a lot of
peace and being in a sert of communicator because I
think implicitly you understand that not everyone is going to
(05:11):
agree with you, not everyone is going to do what
you want them to do, but you have made your point,
you have communicated it, and that sits really well with you.
And a sort of communicator is often times actually the
most persuasive because they also don't use threats, they don't
use guilt, they don't use demands to get their point across.
They use inspiration, they use encouragement, they use personality. Another
(05:35):
defining point is that they often rely on nonverbal cues
that are very welcoming and which activate people's mirror neurons,
which we're going to speak about in just a second.
But the research has shown that this ability is really
what makes a sort of communicator so persuasive, and they
do things that people don't often think are persuasive. They
(05:58):
speak slower, who use more of their vocal range. Side note,
this was really this was quite an interesting piece of
research that I discovered when I was looking into this,
and it's that people with more empathy also tend to
use more of their vocal range. And a paper from
two thousand and nine actually found that diagnosed psychopaths actually
(06:21):
have a reduced vocal range, so their voice is more immovable.
It doesn't flow, it doesn't go up and down, so
they go a really interesting sign of both an assertive
and empathetic person but also communicator. They use their voice,
they use it almost like an instrument, something that flows
and surrounds people. And I really don't think that being
(06:43):
assertive and being empathetic is something that can be separated.
They actually go hand in hand. Let's talk about the
other three types of communicators. Aggressive communicators they are forceful,
They are immovable, They interrupt, they yell, they use threats,
they find hard to be silent. They also use less
eye contact. Passive communicators are often very indirect and submissive.
(07:07):
They really just avoid expressing their needs and they downplay
their feelings and they avoid conflict. It's also highly associated
with people who are conflict averse or who are chronic
people pleasers, chronic apologizers as well, which we actually have
an episode about coming up very very soon. And finally,
passive aggressive communicators. This is the least successful communicator, and
(07:31):
that's because it combines the worst aspects of the two
previous communication stars. They are often hostile, they are indirect,
they don't say what they mean. They rely heavily on silence,
the silent treatment, and also guilt to support their unrealistic demands.
So those are the four communication styles. And we often
(07:54):
begin to develop our communication style not through an intentional effort,
but through outside influence. So family culture early experiences our environment,
which is actually a good thing. I know it sounds like, oh,
none of this is within my control, but it also
means that a lot of it is environmental, so it
can be changed. So without further ado, let's talk about
(08:16):
how we can change them. Let's talk about those five
tips I spoke about before. So my first tip for
becoming an assertive communicator. Tip one is that assert of
communicators know how to value silence more than their words.
And it doesn't mean they use the silent treatment. It
means they appreciate the pause. Pausing in a conversation actually
(08:39):
brings you back into control. Now. I don't think that
conversations are necessarily like a battle field for being in
charge and it's like this huge conflict. But a pause
I think brings you back into control over yourself, which
is what's really essential here. Have you ever, I don't know,
have you ever had that experience of being in a
(08:59):
really important conversation with someone and you find you just
can't stop talking, like words are just spilling out of
your mouth before you can even think of them, like
there is no there's nothing between your brain and the
words coming out of your mouth. I remember doing this
really important interview when I was twenty, and as soon
(09:20):
as one of the interviewers asked me a question, like,
I just said the first thing that I was thinking,
and it normally wasn't the best thing. And I think
if I had just learnt the power of the two
second pause, it would have had two really important effects.
A it would have shown the interviewers that I was
actually considering their question a little bit, and B I
(09:41):
would have answered better. I think a lot of us
are nately very afraid of silence in a conversation, but
pausing really just ensures that you say what you mean.
And there's this other part of that as well. Pauses
silence that is where meaning takes hold. It is really
hard to know what someone really means or is saying
in a conversation if you are constantly talking and having
(10:04):
to make these assessments on the fly. This is why
I think we typically only fully realize what someone was
actually saying to us after a conversation is over, and
that sometimes that's really frustrating because suddenly like you have
all your best comebacks, like you think of all the
things that you wish you had said. Pauses are so
effective in that sense because you can really hear the
(10:25):
things that aren't being said. That's what silence does. And
it also says I'm comfortable with silence because I'm comfortable
with myself, which is a particularly powerful message that you
want to send if you're trying to be assertive and
you're trying to advocate for yourself. So here's how to
apply this practically. When you feel yourself getting very maybe
(10:49):
running away with your thoughts, or you're reaching dead ends,
or you feel like you're losing control of the conversation,
pause for three seconds before every center before you say anything,
or you can create a physical cue that you need
to do first before you speak. I was reading this
really amazing book recently. I cannot remember the name, but
(11:10):
the author talks about how she always nods her twice
before replying to someone, so someone will say something to
her and she'll go, then she'll reply because it positively
reinforces that she's listening, but it also allows her to
reassess her words. Assert of communicators, they know the power
of the pause. Tip number two, learn how to regulate
(11:33):
your body. It is just as important as what you
have to say. Your body language is language. It is
saying something. And if you feel like you're about to
burst out of your skin, or there is this hidden
tension that you can't control most of the time, that
will come across and it can make you seem aggressive
(11:55):
or anxious, which could be interpreted as passive, neither of
which we want. We're going to regulate that before you
go into a conversation or you go to do a
speech or whatever it is. I want you to do
this exercise with me that I personally use. This is
the exact exercise I do before every speech, every podcast recording,
(12:18):
every live show. It is an excellent way to regulate
your body. So you stand up, you let your arms
go completely slack, You let your shoulders fall as far
as they want to, as far as they can without
any effort. Then I want you to notice your eyebrows,
notice your forehead, release any tension, consciously, release the muscles,
(12:41):
around your mouth, around your eyes, just let them let
them go as well, and I want you to sway
gently from side to side, maybe hum to yourself. Keep
your eyes closed, roll your shoulders back, then forward, take
three deep breaths, and open your eyes. This exercise works
(13:02):
because of the principles of progressive relaxation. It makes you
feel more in touch with your body. It means that
you can regulate it. It means that you have a
baseline level of stability. But that ritual is also equally soothing,
so it gets you really in the headspace. So this
is the pre communication exercise. This is the before, but
(13:24):
when it comes to actually communicating and using your body
language in an effective way during a conversation, we really
need to talk about this expert. His name is David Phillips,
and he has spent literally years analyzing over five thousand
successful public speakers, and he has noticed that there is
a few things that they really do and which you
(13:46):
might not notice they're doing, but you are nonetheless being
influenced by. So the first thing they do is that
they stop themselves from hunching. They keep their shoulders back,
they open up their body. It invites people in they
raise their chin. We also lean towards whoever they're speaking to,
which actually gives the impression of confidence and feeling relaxed
as opposed to tension and leaning away. If you think
(14:09):
about it in nature, if you're turning away from someone,
if you're moving away from them, you feel threatened. If
you're leaning towards them, you feel safe, and that makes
someone else feel safe. Two other things that they do.
The first thing is that successful a sort of communicators
tilt their head. Imagine someone saying something to you that's
really really sad and really really awful, like I don't
(14:31):
know I have cancer, or my boyfriend just broke up
with me. You immediately go for the head tilt. Oh
I'm so sorry. Oh that's so awful, because for some reason,
it's an indicator of empathy. It's a silent way of
displaying like I'm thinking about you, I care about you now.
The final thing that a sort of communicators do that
David Phillips noticed was something called a Dushen smile. So
(14:56):
a Dusshn smile is a type of when you and
grin that moves somebody's entire face, not just their mouth.
So this kind of smile that was discovered, or I
should say it first named by a French neurologist called
Julia mu Dushen back in the mid nineteenth century, and
(15:17):
you basically realized just through interacting with people, there are
two kinds of smiles, the Duschen smile, the non Duchen smile.
One involves the use of all the muscles in your face,
in your forehead, around your eyes, around your mouth. The
other smile, the non Duschen smile, just uses your mouth.
It's a very inauthentic kind of smile, a very coy
(15:39):
kind of smile, if you think about the Mona Lisa
best example of a non Duchen smile. But what they've
found after the naming of this smile is that people
who present a Duchen smile it serves a really important function.
It makes you seem more friendly, it makes you more likable,
people are more likely to agree with you, and it
(16:00):
just makes you seem like a more assertive kind person.
The mood from this also really shifts, so you may
notice that once you perform a Duschen smile, the other
person smiles back at you. And this is the work
of what we call mirror neurons. So we talked about
this before. Mirror neurons. They're a specific kind of brain
cell that basically is essential for empathy. And what it
(16:25):
does is when someone else performs an action to you,
this part of your brain, these cells automatically firing and
it essentially wants to perform that action back to that person.
Someone smiles, you find yourself smiling. Someone looks disgusted, you
find yourself also looking disgusted. It's this kind of weird
(16:48):
neurological way that we feel connected and bonded to each
other through that exchange of behaviors. And so if you
want to really be assertive, and if you want to
be convincing, what you have to do is perform the
kind of body language that you think or you wish
someone was going to perform back to you. What's the
(17:09):
kind of environment, the physical environment that you want associated
with this conversation. The easiest way to create that is
to perform those behaviors first and kind of lead by example.
So this is your reminder your words really do matter,
but your body language, what your body is saying, might
just matter more. Okay, we are going to take a
(17:31):
short break, but when we return, I have three final
tips for you to stay with us. Okay, we're talking
about the five ways to transform yourself into an assertive communicator.
Tip number three, make it about you. If you want
(17:53):
something done or you want to convince someone of some
kind of point, it's actually not about them. This is
a conversation for you. This is your attempt to get
your point across. This is you communicating something that you value.
So the way that you can make it about you
is that, of course we can do things like use
I statements, I feel, I expected, I assumed, I saw.
(18:16):
We also want to switch from people pleasing to something
called self authorship. Self authorship is not demanding. It just
works to articulate our perspective, our self concept by essentially
using phrases that reflect our self definition. And it uses
(18:36):
these phrases as a way to say, hey, humanize me,
know that I'm my own person, know that I respect myself.
But I want to work with you on that. So
some of the statements that activate a self authorship perspective
or the kind of language that we would want to
be using things like this doesn't align with how I
(18:57):
want to work. I've thought about it, and I'm not
choosing what feels right for me, so I'm going to
change my mind. I really value your perspective, but I've
thought about what this means for me, and it doesn't
actually meet my needs. Something you may notice about these
(19:17):
kind of statements. They imply self reflection, not just an opinion,
not just a guess, like they are saying I have
done deep thinking, I'm not just immediately dismissing you. And
they also contain an essential boundary. They're saying thank you,
but no thank you. It is very hard to argue
with someone when what they're expressing is personal to them,
(19:39):
and it's very hard to implicitly say I don't agree,
because it comes off as an insult to our personhood.
If we frame things in a way of self authorship,
like imagine someone saying I'm choosing what feels right for
me and you saying, well, I don't like that. I disagree.
It feels unnatural. The other persons seem like the asshole.
(20:03):
So if you want to be more assertive, make statements
like this part of your vocabulary. I'm going to give
you a few other examples, because I feel like once
you hear them being said, it's easier to say them themselves.
Here are some examples. This may disappoint you, but it's
what I need to do. I've spent time reflecting and
this is an important boundary for me. It's really important
(20:26):
for me to follow through on what I value. I
respect your opinion, but I am standing by my choice.
Can you just see how powerful these are. They're not insulting,
they're not angry, They're just assertive. These statements are so measured,
they're also quite personal. They're quite intimate because you're kind
of letting someone know your core values. You're letting someone
(20:49):
observe your thought process, and it shows that you know, well,
you're not going to be forced to act in a
way that is against your values because you think about
them and you care about them deep. But you're also
not going to get mad and argue about it either,
Like this is not up for discussion. So using self
authorship language incredibly effective. Tip number four Visualize. If you
(21:15):
want to be in a set of communicator, visualize how
you want the conversation to go. Visualize how you're going
to handle yourself. Visualize the best communicator you know, try
and embody them. Visualize how you want the other person
to react. Visualization, especially if you're quite anxious when you
talk to others. It works because the brain often can't
(21:37):
distinguish between imagination and reality. It gets us in a
lot of trouble. Sometimes this is a case where it
really works in our favor. When you vividly picture yourself
having a conversation and you are calm, and you are clear,
and you are confident, you activate the same neural pathways
that would be firing if you are actually doing it.
(21:57):
And this kind of mental rehearsal helps reduce anxiety. It
increases a sense of preparedness. It makes the situation also
feel more familiar, and we know that a lot of
the times anxiety is just coming from a fear of uncertainty.
So if it feels certain in your mind by thinking
about it beforehand, you'll feel more certain in the moment.
(22:19):
There is an amazing study from twenty sixteen and it's
titled Imagining Success and the Effectiveness of Imagery that essentially
shows that when you do these kinds of exercises, when
you imagine winning, when you imagine an outcome you want
that programming, that's what you're doing. You're programming your mind.
It improves performance and it improved the likelihood of participants,
(22:43):
in this case winning their tennis match. So it could
also improve the likelihood of you coming across in a
way that is confident and true to what you want
to say and what you believe in. You and your
brain have a two way relationship. Even if you have
a baseline level of anxiety around being assertive, what you
say to yourself, what you say to your brain does
(23:04):
matter and will help. Another part of this is imagining
yourself as somebody you admire and embodying how you think
they would Behave think about someone who you think is
a really composed, assertive speaker, really think about it in
your brain. Who do you look up to? The person
I always imagine before I step into any space where
(23:27):
I'm speaking or where I have to get up in
front of people, is Michelle Obama. Like she has so
much poise, she has so much integrity, She speaks so clearly,
and I just think, you know, how would she handle
this if I'm walking into a situation that has stressing
me out? What words would she use? When would she pause?
(23:47):
How would she hold herself? I call it the masterful
hero effect. I think it has another term, but for me,
masterful hero effect, and it really works. You know, if
people you admire can shape our behavior through what we
buy and what we consume, and how we dress and
what books we read or music we listen to. If
they can influence us that way, they can also shape
(24:11):
our speaking behavior and how we assert ourselves because they
set an example. I think having an example of a
person like this also calms the innate, people pleasing part
of me, at least that is really imagining the world
collapsing and relationships ceasing to exist. If I ever set
(24:34):
a real boundary, if I ever said I'm not okay
with that, that's a big fear. I think that's the
main barrier to being in a sort of communicator. What
if people think that I'm an asshole? What if they
don't want to be my friend? And so having that
example of someone who is loud and clear and not
afraid to express what they want and yet still has successful,
(24:56):
beautiful relationships just reinforces that. This fear that being assertive
is going to ruin friendships or partnerships for you is
a myth your brain is trying to tell you for
whatever reason. Sometimes actually relationships do need hard boundaries, and
they do need assertiveness, so you're not kind of like
running around in the dark trying to figure out what
(25:18):
someone else wants. It'd be so much easier if they
just came out and said it. And I think we
can all acknowledge that our lives would also be easier
if sometimes we just swallowed the hard pill and just
said what we really wanted and weren't afraid to upset people. Now,
my lovely listener is our final tip for this episode,
(25:39):
possibly my favorite one. Use flattery. Flatter the person by
personalizing your framing to make them seem superior. Let me
explain this, because if it sounds like manipulation, I promise
it isn't. The best way I can explain this is
if you've ever had a dog, you'll know the easiest
(25:59):
way to make them take medication something that you know
they typically don't enjoy, is to sneak it into something really,
really tasty. So like my dog, she's like this, She
will just refuse to eat her worming medication or her
tick medication, but the moment it is in a piece
of chicken like, she's all over it. We're gonna do
(26:20):
the same for our more difficult conversations with maybe the
more difficult people in our lives or who we encounter,
We're gonna sneak what we want into the conversation using
a metaphorical piece of chicken, and hopefully finish up with
our intended outcome. So how are we going to do this? Essentially,
(26:42):
what you're going to do is make someone feel like
they already know what you're about to say, and they
already agree with it because they have already had the
thought you've had. They've already considered it because they are superior.
So phrases like this. You probably already know this, but
I just want to make it really clear. I know
(27:04):
you're probably already thinking this through, but I just want
to share my perspective as well. What I love about
you is how intuitive you are, so you've probably already
picked up on the fact that dot dot dot this
is peak assertiveness. You are bringing someone onto your side
(27:24):
but still confidently making your point. Also, what I found
is if someone wants to disagree with you or dismiss
you or dismiss the second part of a statement, they
also have to disagree with the first part of the
statement as well, which their ego will probably prevent them
from doing so. Let me use one of those sentences
(27:45):
just to like illustrate this. I know you're really switched on,
So this has probably already crossed your mind. But when
you don't clean up after yourself, that means someone else
has to do it. That first half of the sentence
is crucial. I know you're really switched on. This person
isn't going to say, well, no, I'm not, I'm not
actually that switched on, because that's just counterintuitive. They want
(28:06):
to maintain their sense of pride and their sense of ego,
and so by introducing a statement with something positive that
they inherently will agree to, it means that they agree
with the entire thing. This tactic. The reason it works
psychologically is because it actually taps into something called the
Dunning Kruger effect. I spoke about this in my book
(28:27):
a lot in the chapter on mistakes. But people really
overestimate their competence and their abilities. So if you play
into that, and you tap into their desire to maintain
their self image as someone who is intelligent, competent, knowing, aware, intuitive,
whatever it is, it's not that you trick them into
(28:48):
agreeing with you, but you make it easier for them
to agree with you. You lower the ego barrier by
kind of opening the door and saying, well, you're already
so much smarter than me, so come in, come in
and show me how it's done. I think it also
makes people less defensive. You know, people don't want to
have difficult conversations. I know I don't, so when you
(29:10):
introduce it in a positive way, it also lessens the
chance that either one of you is going to become upset,
aggressive or agreeable. So those are my five tips. Let's
do a quick refresh before I give you some rapid
fire bonus ones. But number one, know the power of
the pause. Number two, regulate your body. Number three, make
(29:34):
it about you, number four visualize Number five flattery. I
deliberately in this didn't want to include tips that maybe
you had heard before, so apologies if these were things
you already knew, Especially the body language tip. I know
a lot of people talk about that. I think we
all have some clue of how powerful that is. But
(29:56):
there were some tips I didn't include that are pretty common,
and if you need a refresher, let's quickly go through them,
because I think any further ways that we can be assertive,
anything that clicks with you. That's important, so remember to
be direct but not harsh. Practice before you step into
a conversation, keep your tone, calm always. If you feel
(30:20):
the need to yell, shout, walk away, hold eye contact
and own your not try and intentionally stop yourself from
over explaining or apologizing. This is a habit that is
hard to break. It's somewhat builds into our DNA to
avoid conflict through appeasement, but apologizing or coming back or
(30:41):
going back on your point can really undermine what you
have to say. The critical thing to remember is it's
not a bad thing to be assertive. It's not an
ugly or a selfish thing. It's actually a huge sign
of respect towards the person or people you are speaking to,
(31:02):
because it's saying this is what I need. Can you
do this for me or not? I want to have
an honest relationship with you. I don't want to waste
your time, and I respect you enough to not try
and conceal what I'm really after. Sometimes when I struggle
with this, because I definitely do in work situations, it's
(31:22):
a big issue for me. I can be assertive in
all other areas except for work, but I just remind
myself sometimes you have to be the asshole. Sometimes you
have to be the asshole, and so be it. If
they are going to judge you, that is okay. They're judgments.
They mean a whole lot less than your happiness. So
(31:43):
I hope that you have learnt something from this episode.
I hope that you can take these five tips I
had for you today and integrate them, even if it's
just one even if it's just one sentence that I said,
I really meant it when I said being in assertive
community unlocks so much in your life, and it is
(32:03):
a practice, it is a skill. I think. The first
thing is we need to mentally get over the roadblock
that being assertive means that we are being disrespectful. It's
the complete opposite. And when you finally are, you realize
it's kind of a strange epiphany, like why wasn't I
always doing this? Like gosh, I've missed out on a
lot by keeping my mouth shut. But the good thing
(32:26):
is the good news is it starts today and you
can go forward with these skills, with these habits, with
these tricks and tips, and hopefully change how you really
express what you want, what you need, what you deserve.
Thank you so much for listening. As always, make sure
that you are following us on Instagram at that Psychology Podcast,
(32:47):
we are always looking for new episode suggestions. You can
DM me over there. Make sure to share this episode
with a friend who might need it. And until next time,
be safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself, be assertive,
and we will talk very very soon.
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
the world, it is so great to have you here,
back for another episode as we, of course break down
the psychology of our twenties. Today, we are talking about
an episode that was requested by so many of you
(00:24):
after an episode I did maybe a year ago even
on how to have better conversations, And in that episode
I alluded to this idea of different kind of communication types,
one of them being an assertive communicator. And so in
this episode, I want to circle back onto that. I
want to circle back to this idea and talk about
(00:46):
how you can be an a setive communicator. How can
someone become someone who is confident in what they have
and confident in what they're saying using some pretty amazing
principles of psychology. So many of you have asked when
is this episode coming? And I honestly kept putting it
on the back burner and like delaying it for whatever reason.
(01:09):
But this week, I don't know what it was, it
really felt like the week to finally break it down.
So today we're going to go through my five tips
to be in assertive communicator, but also just a convincing,
persuasive communicator in general. It's so interesting to me because
(01:30):
we are never really taught how to be persuasive or
how to ask for what we want in a way
that will actually get us what we want but also
not frustrate people or make someone angry or upset. Sure,
you know, maybe we did public speaking in high school.
Maybe you did like debating and you had to get
(01:51):
up and give a speech. But from my memory, when
I did those things, you would kind of get up
and do it, and then they would grade you on
the skills you already had, without really giving you an
opportunity to improve. Like I cannot actually remember anyone giving
me legitimate tips or a course. It was just being
judged on like your pre existing ability, and that pre
(02:14):
existing ability. How we communicate is largely formed by our parents,
how they communicated, what their professions were, your innate confidence level.
But being an assertive communicator, it can be taught. It
is not just for people who are inherently self assured.
It's also not just for extroverts either. It's for people
(02:36):
who are introverts. It's for people who are shy. It's
for people who are people pleasers, and it's a really
valuable skill to have. I think it's one of those
skills that should probably be mandatory. Like I always think
that in high school we need to have like an
intro to life one oh one course, And in that course,
you know, you should learn about taxes, you should learn
about how to find a good mechanic, how to set boundaries,
(02:58):
financial literacy, and I think you should also learn how
to be in a sort of communicator. There is not
a single profession that does not require it. And recent
research that I was finding when I was investigating this
topic has also discovered that being an assert of communicator,
it doesn't just help relationships. It doesn't just help you
in your career obviously, it also makes you less stressed,
(03:21):
It reduces cortisol arousal, it makes you healthier, It makes
you healthier as an individual. So I'm going to give
you five scientifically founded and psychologically backtips to help you
not feel ashamed for asking for what you want, how
to make your preferences known, how to be someone who
others will listen to, and just so much more so,
(03:42):
without further ado, my lovely listeners, let's get into it.
Let's begin by just really articulating what an assertive communicator is,
because I have already alluded to the fact that it's
likely different to what you are currently imagining. So researchers
(04:07):
largely agree that there are four different communication styles when
it comes to tone and attitude. There is passive, there
is aggressive, there is passive aggressive, and there is assertive. Assertive. Sometimes,
in our minds can be confused with aggressive. We assume
that it might come off as domineering, demanding, selfish, loud, arrogant,
(04:29):
like I want this, I want it now. If I
don't get it, we will have issues. There is no compromise.
Assertive communication really means that you advocate for yourself. You
don't self silence, and you try and get your point
across honestly and with kindness but also self assurance. It
sounds like I'm going to invite you to see it.
(04:49):
From my perspective, it would help the team if you
did this, I would appreciate if you didn't do that.
I'm going to sit with this one. I'm going to
think about this because I'm not feeling it currently. There
is actually a lot of joy and a lot of
peace and being in a sert of communicator because I
think implicitly you understand that not everyone is going to
(05:11):
agree with you, not everyone is going to do what
you want them to do, but you have made your point,
you have communicated it, and that sits really well with you.
And a sort of communicator is often times actually the
most persuasive because they also don't use threats, they don't
use guilt, they don't use demands to get their point across.
They use inspiration, they use encouragement, they use personality. Another
(05:35):
defining point is that they often rely on nonverbal cues
that are very welcoming and which activate people's mirror neurons,
which we're going to speak about in just a second.
But the research has shown that this ability is really
what makes a sort of communicator so persuasive, and they
do things that people don't often think are persuasive. They
(05:58):
speak slower, who use more of their vocal range. Side note,
this was really this was quite an interesting piece of
research that I discovered when I was looking into this,
and it's that people with more empathy also tend to
use more of their vocal range. And a paper from
two thousand and nine actually found that diagnosed psychopaths actually
(06:21):
have a reduced vocal range, so their voice is more immovable.
It doesn't flow, it doesn't go up and down, so
they go a really interesting sign of both an assertive
and empathetic person but also communicator. They use their voice,
they use it almost like an instrument, something that flows
and surrounds people. And I really don't think that being
(06:43):
assertive and being empathetic is something that can be separated.
They actually go hand in hand. Let's talk about the
other three types of communicators. Aggressive communicators they are forceful,
They are immovable, They interrupt, they yell, they use threats,
they find hard to be silent. They also use less
eye contact. Passive communicators are often very indirect and submissive.
(07:07):
They really just avoid expressing their needs and they downplay
their feelings and they avoid conflict. It's also highly associated
with people who are conflict averse or who are chronic
people pleasers, chronic apologizers as well, which we actually have
an episode about coming up very very soon. And finally,
passive aggressive communicators. This is the least successful communicator, and
(07:31):
that's because it combines the worst aspects of the two
previous communication stars. They are often hostile, they are indirect,
they don't say what they mean. They rely heavily on silence,
the silent treatment, and also guilt to support their unrealistic demands.
So those are the four communication styles. And we often
(07:54):
begin to develop our communication style not through an intentional effort,
but through outside influence. So family culture early experiences our environment,
which is actually a good thing. I know it sounds like, oh,
none of this is within my control, but it also
means that a lot of it is environmental, so it
can be changed. So without further ado, let's talk about
(08:16):
how we can change them. Let's talk about those five
tips I spoke about before. So my first tip for
becoming an assertive communicator. Tip one is that assert of
communicators know how to value silence more than their words.
And it doesn't mean they use the silent treatment. It
means they appreciate the pause. Pausing in a conversation actually
(08:39):
brings you back into control. Now. I don't think that
conversations are necessarily like a battle field for being in
charge and it's like this huge conflict. But a pause
I think brings you back into control over yourself, which
is what's really essential here. Have you ever, I don't know,
have you ever had that experience of being in a
(08:59):
really important conversation with someone and you find you just
can't stop talking, like words are just spilling out of
your mouth before you can even think of them, like
there is no there's nothing between your brain and the
words coming out of your mouth. I remember doing this
really important interview when I was twenty, and as soon
(09:20):
as one of the interviewers asked me a question, like,
I just said the first thing that I was thinking,
and it normally wasn't the best thing. And I think
if I had just learnt the power of the two
second pause, it would have had two really important effects.
A it would have shown the interviewers that I was
actually considering their question a little bit, and B I
(09:41):
would have answered better. I think a lot of us
are nately very afraid of silence in a conversation, but
pausing really just ensures that you say what you mean.
And there's this other part of that as well. Pauses
silence that is where meaning takes hold. It is really
hard to know what someone really means or is saying
in a conversation if you are constantly talking and having
(10:04):
to make these assessments on the fly. This is why
I think we typically only fully realize what someone was
actually saying to us after a conversation is over, and
that sometimes that's really frustrating because suddenly like you have
all your best comebacks, like you think of all the
things that you wish you had said. Pauses are so
effective in that sense because you can really hear the
(10:25):
things that aren't being said. That's what silence does. And
it also says I'm comfortable with silence because I'm comfortable
with myself, which is a particularly powerful message that you
want to send if you're trying to be assertive and
you're trying to advocate for yourself. So here's how to
apply this practically. When you feel yourself getting very maybe
(10:49):
running away with your thoughts, or you're reaching dead ends,
or you feel like you're losing control of the conversation,
pause for three seconds before every center before you say anything,
or you can create a physical cue that you need
to do first before you speak. I was reading this
really amazing book recently. I cannot remember the name, but
(11:10):
the author talks about how she always nods her twice
before replying to someone, so someone will say something to
her and she'll go, then she'll reply because it positively
reinforces that she's listening, but it also allows her to
reassess her words. Assert of communicators, they know the power
of the pause. Tip number two, learn how to regulate
(11:33):
your body. It is just as important as what you
have to say. Your body language is language. It is
saying something. And if you feel like you're about to
burst out of your skin, or there is this hidden
tension that you can't control most of the time, that
will come across and it can make you seem aggressive
(11:55):
or anxious, which could be interpreted as passive, neither of
which we want. We're going to regulate that before you
go into a conversation or you go to do a
speech or whatever it is. I want you to do
this exercise with me that I personally use. This is
the exact exercise I do before every speech, every podcast recording,
(12:18):
every live show. It is an excellent way to regulate
your body. So you stand up, you let your arms
go completely slack, You let your shoulders fall as far
as they want to, as far as they can without
any effort. Then I want you to notice your eyebrows,
notice your forehead, release any tension, consciously, release the muscles,
(12:41):
around your mouth, around your eyes, just let them let
them go as well, and I want you to sway
gently from side to side, maybe hum to yourself. Keep
your eyes closed, roll your shoulders back, then forward, take
three deep breaths, and open your eyes. This exercise works
(13:02):
because of the principles of progressive relaxation. It makes you
feel more in touch with your body. It means that
you can regulate it. It means that you have a
baseline level of stability. But that ritual is also equally soothing,
so it gets you really in the headspace. So this
is the pre communication exercise. This is the before, but
(13:24):
when it comes to actually communicating and using your body
language in an effective way during a conversation, we really
need to talk about this expert. His name is David Phillips,
and he has spent literally years analyzing over five thousand
successful public speakers, and he has noticed that there is
a few things that they really do and which you
(13:46):
might not notice they're doing, but you are nonetheless being
influenced by. So the first thing they do is that
they stop themselves from hunching. They keep their shoulders back,
they open up their body. It invites people in they
raise their chin. We also lean towards whoever they're speaking to,
which actually gives the impression of confidence and feeling relaxed
as opposed to tension and leaning away. If you think
(14:09):
about it in nature, if you're turning away from someone,
if you're moving away from them, you feel threatened. If
you're leaning towards them, you feel safe, and that makes
someone else feel safe. Two other things that they do.
The first thing is that successful a sort of communicators
tilt their head. Imagine someone saying something to you that's
really really sad and really really awful, like I don't
(14:31):
know I have cancer, or my boyfriend just broke up
with me. You immediately go for the head tilt. Oh
I'm so sorry. Oh that's so awful, because for some reason,
it's an indicator of empathy. It's a silent way of
displaying like I'm thinking about you, I care about you now.
The final thing that a sort of communicators do that
David Phillips noticed was something called a Dushen smile. So
(14:56):
a Dusshn smile is a type of when you and
grin that moves somebody's entire face, not just their mouth.
So this kind of smile that was discovered, or I
should say it first named by a French neurologist called
Julia mu Dushen back in the mid nineteenth century, and
(15:17):
you basically realized just through interacting with people, there are
two kinds of smiles, the Duschen smile, the non Duchen smile.
One involves the use of all the muscles in your face,
in your forehead, around your eyes, around your mouth. The
other smile, the non Duschen smile, just uses your mouth.
It's a very inauthentic kind of smile, a very coy
(15:39):
kind of smile, if you think about the Mona Lisa
best example of a non Duchen smile. But what they've
found after the naming of this smile is that people
who present a Duchen smile it serves a really important function.
It makes you seem more friendly, it makes you more likable,
people are more likely to agree with you, and it
(16:00):
just makes you seem like a more assertive kind person.
The mood from this also really shifts, so you may
notice that once you perform a Duschen smile, the other
person smiles back at you. And this is the work
of what we call mirror neurons. So we talked about
this before. Mirror neurons. They're a specific kind of brain
cell that basically is essential for empathy. And what it
(16:25):
does is when someone else performs an action to you,
this part of your brain, these cells automatically firing and
it essentially wants to perform that action back to that person.
Someone smiles, you find yourself smiling. Someone looks disgusted, you
find yourself also looking disgusted. It's this kind of weird
(16:48):
neurological way that we feel connected and bonded to each
other through that exchange of behaviors. And so if you
want to really be assertive, and if you want to
be convincing, what you have to do is perform the
kind of body language that you think or you wish
someone was going to perform back to you. What's the
(17:09):
kind of environment, the physical environment that you want associated
with this conversation. The easiest way to create that is
to perform those behaviors first and kind of lead by example.
So this is your reminder your words really do matter,
but your body language, what your body is saying, might
just matter more. Okay, we are going to take a
(17:31):
short break, but when we return, I have three final
tips for you to stay with us. Okay, we're talking
about the five ways to transform yourself into an assertive communicator.
Tip number three, make it about you. If you want
(17:53):
something done or you want to convince someone of some
kind of point, it's actually not about them. This is
a conversation for you. This is your attempt to get
your point across. This is you communicating something that you value.
So the way that you can make it about you
is that, of course we can do things like use
I statements, I feel, I expected, I assumed, I saw.
(18:16):
We also want to switch from people pleasing to something
called self authorship. Self authorship is not demanding. It just
works to articulate our perspective, our self concept by essentially
using phrases that reflect our self definition. And it uses
(18:36):
these phrases as a way to say, hey, humanize me,
know that I'm my own person, know that I respect myself.
But I want to work with you on that. So
some of the statements that activate a self authorship perspective
or the kind of language that we would want to
be using things like this doesn't align with how I
(18:57):
want to work. I've thought about it, and I'm not
choosing what feels right for me, so I'm going to
change my mind. I really value your perspective, but I've
thought about what this means for me, and it doesn't
actually meet my needs. Something you may notice about these
(19:17):
kind of statements. They imply self reflection, not just an opinion,
not just a guess, like they are saying I have
done deep thinking, I'm not just immediately dismissing you. And
they also contain an essential boundary. They're saying thank you,
but no thank you. It is very hard to argue
with someone when what they're expressing is personal to them,
(19:39):
and it's very hard to implicitly say I don't agree,
because it comes off as an insult to our personhood.
If we frame things in a way of self authorship,
like imagine someone saying I'm choosing what feels right for
me and you saying, well, I don't like that. I disagree.
It feels unnatural. The other persons seem like the asshole.
(20:03):
So if you want to be more assertive, make statements
like this part of your vocabulary. I'm going to give
you a few other examples, because I feel like once
you hear them being said, it's easier to say them themselves.
Here are some examples. This may disappoint you, but it's
what I need to do. I've spent time reflecting and
this is an important boundary for me. It's really important
(20:26):
for me to follow through on what I value. I
respect your opinion, but I am standing by my choice.
Can you just see how powerful these are. They're not insulting,
they're not angry, They're just assertive. These statements are so measured,
they're also quite personal. They're quite intimate because you're kind
of letting someone know your core values. You're letting someone
(20:49):
observe your thought process, and it shows that you know, well,
you're not going to be forced to act in a
way that is against your values because you think about
them and you care about them deep. But you're also
not going to get mad and argue about it either,
Like this is not up for discussion. So using self
authorship language incredibly effective. Tip number four Visualize. If you
(21:15):
want to be in a set of communicator, visualize how
you want the conversation to go. Visualize how you're going
to handle yourself. Visualize the best communicator you know, try
and embody them. Visualize how you want the other person
to react. Visualization, especially if you're quite anxious when you
talk to others. It works because the brain often can't
(21:37):
distinguish between imagination and reality. It gets us in a
lot of trouble. Sometimes this is a case where it
really works in our favor. When you vividly picture yourself
having a conversation and you are calm, and you are clear,
and you are confident, you activate the same neural pathways
that would be firing if you are actually doing it.
(21:57):
And this kind of mental rehearsal helps reduce anxiety. It
increases a sense of preparedness. It makes the situation also
feel more familiar, and we know that a lot of
the times anxiety is just coming from a fear of uncertainty.
So if it feels certain in your mind by thinking
about it beforehand, you'll feel more certain in the moment.
(22:19):
There is an amazing study from twenty sixteen and it's
titled Imagining Success and the Effectiveness of Imagery that essentially
shows that when you do these kinds of exercises, when
you imagine winning, when you imagine an outcome you want
that programming, that's what you're doing. You're programming your mind.
It improves performance and it improved the likelihood of participants,
(22:43):
in this case winning their tennis match. So it could
also improve the likelihood of you coming across in a
way that is confident and true to what you want
to say and what you believe in. You and your
brain have a two way relationship. Even if you have
a baseline level of anxiety around being assertive, what you
say to yourself, what you say to your brain does
(23:04):
matter and will help. Another part of this is imagining
yourself as somebody you admire and embodying how you think
they would Behave think about someone who you think is
a really composed, assertive speaker, really think about it in
your brain. Who do you look up to? The person
I always imagine before I step into any space where
(23:27):
I'm speaking or where I have to get up in
front of people, is Michelle Obama. Like she has so
much poise, she has so much integrity, She speaks so clearly,
and I just think, you know, how would she handle
this if I'm walking into a situation that has stressing
me out? What words would she use? When would she pause?
(23:47):
How would she hold herself? I call it the masterful
hero effect. I think it has another term, but for me,
masterful hero effect, and it really works. You know, if
people you admire can shape our behavior through what we
buy and what we consume, and how we dress and
what books we read or music we listen to. If
they can influence us that way, they can also shape
(24:11):
our speaking behavior and how we assert ourselves because they
set an example. I think having an example of a
person like this also calms the innate, people pleasing part
of me, at least that is really imagining the world
collapsing and relationships ceasing to exist. If I ever set
(24:34):
a real boundary, if I ever said I'm not okay
with that, that's a big fear. I think that's the
main barrier to being in a sort of communicator. What
if people think that I'm an asshole? What if they
don't want to be my friend? And so having that
example of someone who is loud and clear and not
afraid to express what they want and yet still has successful,
(24:56):
beautiful relationships just reinforces that. This fear that being assertive
is going to ruin friendships or partnerships for you is
a myth your brain is trying to tell you for
whatever reason. Sometimes actually relationships do need hard boundaries, and
they do need assertiveness, so you're not kind of like
running around in the dark trying to figure out what
(25:18):
someone else wants. It'd be so much easier if they
just came out and said it. And I think we
can all acknowledge that our lives would also be easier
if sometimes we just swallowed the hard pill and just
said what we really wanted and weren't afraid to upset people. Now,
my lovely listener is our final tip for this episode,
(25:39):
possibly my favorite one. Use flattery. Flatter the person by
personalizing your framing to make them seem superior. Let me
explain this, because if it sounds like manipulation, I promise
it isn't. The best way I can explain this is
if you've ever had a dog, you'll know the easiest
(25:59):
way to make them take medication something that you know
they typically don't enjoy, is to sneak it into something really,
really tasty. So like my dog, she's like this, She
will just refuse to eat her worming medication or her
tick medication, but the moment it is in a piece
of chicken like, she's all over it. We're gonna do
(26:20):
the same for our more difficult conversations with maybe the
more difficult people in our lives or who we encounter,
We're gonna sneak what we want into the conversation using
a metaphorical piece of chicken, and hopefully finish up with
our intended outcome. So how are we going to do this? Essentially,
(26:42):
what you're going to do is make someone feel like
they already know what you're about to say, and they
already agree with it because they have already had the
thought you've had. They've already considered it because they are superior.
So phrases like this. You probably already know this, but
I just want to make it really clear. I know
(27:04):
you're probably already thinking this through, but I just want
to share my perspective as well. What I love about
you is how intuitive you are, so you've probably already
picked up on the fact that dot dot dot this
is peak assertiveness. You are bringing someone onto your side
(27:24):
but still confidently making your point. Also, what I found
is if someone wants to disagree with you or dismiss
you or dismiss the second part of a statement, they
also have to disagree with the first part of the
statement as well, which their ego will probably prevent them
from doing so. Let me use one of those sentences
(27:45):
just to like illustrate this. I know you're really switched on,
So this has probably already crossed your mind. But when
you don't clean up after yourself, that means someone else
has to do it. That first half of the sentence
is crucial. I know you're really switched on. This person
isn't going to say, well, no, I'm not, I'm not
actually that switched on, because that's just counterintuitive. They want
(28:06):
to maintain their sense of pride and their sense of ego,
and so by introducing a statement with something positive that
they inherently will agree to, it means that they agree
with the entire thing. This tactic. The reason it works
psychologically is because it actually taps into something called the
Dunning Kruger effect. I spoke about this in my book
(28:27):
a lot in the chapter on mistakes. But people really
overestimate their competence and their abilities. So if you play
into that, and you tap into their desire to maintain
their self image as someone who is intelligent, competent, knowing, aware, intuitive,
whatever it is, it's not that you trick them into
(28:48):
agreeing with you, but you make it easier for them
to agree with you. You lower the ego barrier by
kind of opening the door and saying, well, you're already
so much smarter than me, so come in, come in
and show me how it's done. I think it also
makes people less defensive. You know, people don't want to
have difficult conversations. I know I don't, so when you
(29:10):
introduce it in a positive way, it also lessens the
chance that either one of you is going to become upset,
aggressive or agreeable. So those are my five tips. Let's
do a quick refresh before I give you some rapid
fire bonus ones. But number one, know the power of
the pause. Number two, regulate your body. Number three, make
(29:34):
it about you, number four visualize Number five flattery. I
deliberately in this didn't want to include tips that maybe
you had heard before, so apologies if these were things
you already knew, Especially the body language tip. I know
a lot of people talk about that. I think we
all have some clue of how powerful that is. But
(29:56):
there were some tips I didn't include that are pretty common,
and if you need a refresher, let's quickly go through them,
because I think any further ways that we can be assertive,
anything that clicks with you. That's important, so remember to
be direct but not harsh. Practice before you step into
a conversation, keep your tone, calm always. If you feel
(30:20):
the need to yell, shout, walk away, hold eye contact
and own your not try and intentionally stop yourself from
over explaining or apologizing. This is a habit that is
hard to break. It's somewhat builds into our DNA to
avoid conflict through appeasement, but apologizing or coming back or
(30:41):
going back on your point can really undermine what you
have to say. The critical thing to remember is it's
not a bad thing to be assertive. It's not an
ugly or a selfish thing. It's actually a huge sign
of respect towards the person or people you are speaking to,
(31:02):
because it's saying this is what I need. Can you
do this for me or not? I want to have
an honest relationship with you. I don't want to waste
your time, and I respect you enough to not try
and conceal what I'm really after. Sometimes when I struggle
with this, because I definitely do in work situations, it's
(31:22):
a big issue for me. I can be assertive in
all other areas except for work, but I just remind
myself sometimes you have to be the asshole. Sometimes you
have to be the asshole, and so be it. If
they are going to judge you, that is okay. They're judgments.
They mean a whole lot less than your happiness. So
(31:43):
I hope that you have learnt something from this episode.
I hope that you can take these five tips I
had for you today and integrate them, even if it's
just one even if it's just one sentence that I said,
I really meant it when I said being in assertive
community unlocks so much in your life, and it is
(32:03):
a practice, it is a skill. I think. The first
thing is we need to mentally get over the roadblock
that being assertive means that we are being disrespectful. It's
the complete opposite. And when you finally are, you realize
it's kind of a strange epiphany, like why wasn't I
always doing this? Like gosh, I've missed out on a
lot by keeping my mouth shut. But the good thing
(32:26):
is the good news is it starts today and you
can go forward with these skills, with these habits, with
these tricks and tips, and hopefully change how you really
express what you want, what you need, what you deserve.
Thank you so much for listening. As always, make sure
that you are following us on Instagram at that Psychology Podcast,
(32:47):
we are always looking for new episode suggestions. You can
DM me over there. Make sure to share this episode
with a friend who might need it. And until next time,
be safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself, be assertive,
and we will talk very very soon.
Host
Jemma Sbeghen
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com