October 23, 2025 • 34 mins
Everyone is secretly searching for the perfect relationship, but what if your relationship is just 'good enough'? What if you feel secure, or fine about the person you're with but secretly want more? In today's episode we break down what it means to settle in your 20s, including:
- The pressure to be 'coupled up' during your 20s
- How milestone anxiety creates unfulfilled relationships
- What settling looks and feels like
- How to tell if it's just relationships anxiety
- 3 questions to ask yourself if you're thinking about leaving
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
the world, it is so great to have you here.
Back for another episode as we, of course break down
the psychology of our twenties. Today, we are going to
talk about romantic relationships in our twenties, specifically the question
(00:46):
of why do we settle during this decade? Why do
we date people we know we shouldn't be with, Why
do we accept less than we deserve? Why do we
give people second chain answers, third chances and cling on
for too long despite objectively being in one of the
(01:08):
best times in our lives, of our lives, to be
single and to be uncoupled and to be seeing kind
of you know, what's out there time and time again.
I feel like I see people and I hear from
people in these mediocre relationships with you know, individuals they
don't even seem to like, and yet they are unable
to leave all because there is this deep fear that
(01:31):
we have of being single forever, or of dying alone,
of being alone day to day, And it's honestly a
bit of a tragedy. But when we have more life
ahead of us than behind us, it seems almost strange
that we continue to have this fear and that it
is so powerful and impacting our decision making so deeply.
(01:55):
So I want to discuss it from a psychological standpoint,
the precures we face, the conflicts we have within us,
and why we settle in our twenties. I would also
kind of hope that this episode might just inspire you
to re examine your relationship at this pivotal point in
your life. If someone isn't making your life better every day,
(02:16):
isn't making you a better person every day, why stay
with them when arguably being single in your twenties is
a whole lot better for your character development. I want
us all to you all together kind of question why
we have been asked to expect so much less from
(02:36):
love than we should, and why, especially in our twenties,
we've been asked to make compromises. There are so many
factors behind this, I know, like relationship anxiety plays a
big role. But I do believe that there are a
lot of people who are secretly very unhappy, and it
stems from the inability to see our worth and what
we deserve in our twenties. So hopefully this isn't too
(02:58):
much of a wake up call for any It's more
so informative and something to think about. But without further ado,
let's talk about why we settle in our twenties. There
is obviously not one way to live our lives during
this decade, or one way to pursue love during this decade.
(03:22):
I think I just need to acknowledge people have different values,
and different dreams and different needs in their life. You know,
some people want to get married young, some people, you know,
find the one when they're younger. Some people are just
happy to be single or just happen to find themselves single.
But I will make one thing super clear. A guiding
(03:42):
part of my life philosophy, specifically the philosophy I have
for my twenties, is it is not wrong to want big, grand,
wonderful things for yourself, and during these years of your life,
you owe it to yourself to chase after those things
in every way that you can can. That may apply
to your passions, to your career, to your friendships, your
(04:05):
big dreams, your dreams to travel to see the world,
and it also majorly applies to love. This is such
a sacred time in your life, and so settling now
when you have the whole world in front of you
is honestly, it's a disservice to yourself, and I kind
of want to explain why. Firstly, though, we can't really
(04:27):
get into that without examining you know, what does it
mean to settle in a relationship? What does it look like?
To give you a simple definition, I think it means
being in a relationship just for the sake of being
in a relationship when your needs, your values, desires, deeper
vision for love is not being met. Now, this can
(04:50):
be obvious, like when someone doesn't treat you right, is cruel,
is mean, is uninterested. But it can also be more subtle.
It can be someone who does all the things that
you'd expect or hoped they would, but who deep down
you know, doesn't fulfill you, who doesn't improve you, who
(05:11):
doesn't excite you. But you stay because it's good enough,
because they're nice, because they're fine, maybe because you don't
think that you deserve more or you will ever find more.
The question or the thing I always say to that
is like, you may never find better, but is this
even that good anyways? You know, of course, every relationship
(05:33):
has its doubts. We need to talk about that more.
Every relationship is gonna have stress, it's gonna have problems
that people need to work through. You will not find
a single relationship where people haven't had issues or miscommunications.
But settling isn't about not having arguments. It's about your
deeper core value needs, emotional needs, personality and compatibility needs.
(05:57):
It's actually quite complex for a word that means choosing
less then, but here are some kind of therapists backed
signs that this may be happening in your relationship. Number one,
you constantly question whether this is all there is, whether
this is like the love thing that everyone's been kind
(06:19):
of going on about. Number two, you are constantly trying
to fix things about them or about the relationship, and
it never truly works. Number three, they're holding you back
from things you really want. Number four, you find that
one of the biggest reasons you can't leave is actually
just because you're scared of being single, not because you
(06:42):
actually want to be in the relationship. Number five, your
gut instinct keeps telling you something is wrong and has
for some time, but you ignore it. The sick sign
that you are settling is you find yourself relying on
others to fulfill your emotional needs and not this person.
And number seven, you feel indifferent. And this is a
(07:04):
huge one. I had a friend of mine say to
me the other day at dinner. You know, the opposite
of love is not hate, its indifference. I think I've
quoted that on the podcast before, because it couldn't be
more true. If you just don't even care anymore, if
you sit there and wish that they'd break up with you,
you are settling. Sometimes, you know, you don't find that
(07:25):
you hate them, you just simply don't care. And that's
a huge sign to me that the love and the
life is gone. The irony is is that we can
mentally tick off everything on this list, and you can say, yeah,
that's me, that's me, that's me, and yet again find
excuses for why that's maybe not you, well, why you
(07:46):
will stay. What's really happening here is a form of
cognitive dissonance. When we know we deserve better, but we
still stay. What we do conflicts with what we continue
to understand and believe. You know, we know that we
aren't meant to be in this relationship, and yet we
stay there, and that creates discomfort, and in that emotional
(08:11):
place we do tend to just linger and feel terrible
until we do something. If you've never been in this situation,
you know you may not understand why that is, and
even if you have, you may not know exactly why.
So let's talk about some explanations. Psychologically, emotionally, socially why
(08:32):
do we settle? The first reason is that the relationship
feels safe or good enough. The worst kind of relationship
to leave is the one where when it's really good,
it's really good, and when it's bad, it's really bad,
or when it's bad you just feel nothing. This creates
(08:54):
such intense emotional fluctuations that you just don't feel like
you can pinpoint the truth. It makes it so much
harder to exit the relationship because you're essentially always anticipating
when things might turn to be better, and you're secretly
hoping for that. And so because there isn't this all
(09:14):
out sign or declaration that the relationship is bad, you
continue to live on the hope of it. Hope will
kill you, Hope kills us in these situations because we
keep expecting the time when it's just all going to
be good from now on, and we don't want to
give up on that potential, on that future that we
(09:38):
desperately want so badly. That's the thing about these situations.
You want to be in this relationship, you just know
it's not working. It also comes down to loss a version.
This is a psychological phenomena that describes how we feel
the pain of losing something that we had and something
(09:59):
that we valued more so than probably anything else. And
we will do a lot to stop ourselves from missing
out or to stop ourselves from losing something, even if
we don't actually typically see it as very valuable. There
is this deep pain that comes from putting in so
much time and energy and love and work into a
(10:23):
relationship and it failing anyways. You can't say that you
didn't try, though, you can't say that you did not
give it one hundred percent. And that's the thing. If
work and love was all it took, well, then shouldn't
it be working. But it's not. You also need other things.
(10:44):
You need compatibility, you need communication, you need the spark.
Another reason that we settle, especially in our twenties, is
fomo and the timeline trap. We see all these people
around us in these relationships, and oh my gosh, don't
they look like they're having so much fun and they've
(11:04):
really like found their person and they're so happy and
they do everything together, and oh my god, now they're engaged,
and now she's engaged and he's engaged, and everybody's engaged,
and everyone's getting married, and I'm going to be the
last single friend and I'm going to be miserable. There
is this intense milestone anxiety that is around every single
corner in our twenties, really that we are not where
we should be. We are and do not have what
(11:27):
we have that would potentially make us happy at this stage,
and how could our lives begin? How could we move
on unless we take this thing off our list? And
so when you're in a relationship that feels good enough,
you're sometimes the comfort of being able to say, Okay,
I got that ticked off the to do list, even
if it's not very well done, is really all you're
(11:49):
asking for. The thing is is that like to use
that to do list analogy. You can do a terrible
job and take the thing off your list. You know
you did a terrible job, and you know you're still
going to have to redo it. And that's the thing
with this relationship conundrum you're probably finding yourself in. You've
ticked the relationship off your list. To everyone else, that
(12:10):
might look great, deep down, you know that you're not
happy with the outcome. The fear of being single forever
is another thing that comes up time and time again.
It really sucks. Let's just acknowledge it. Phase value. It
really sucks to think that you're going to be alone
for the rest of your life. It just does.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
There's really nothing I can say to that other than
that fear is directly correlated to you perhaps not making
great decisions when it comes to who you're dating. A
twenty twenty three study found that when they examined why
people settled, the biggest factor was that they were scared
of being alone. And this is especially the case if
(12:58):
you are quite anxiously attached. Those with anxious attachment styles
find it difficult to let go of unhealthy relationships because
their need for belongingness can overpower their need for emotional
or fulfillment. That's really difficult to be holding these two
things that you think should go together, and yet you're
(13:20):
finding that they sit apart. I want to belong and
I want to be loved and I'm in a relationship.
Surely those things all go hand in hand, and you're
probably finding that maybe they don't. You have to approach
being single like you are going to be single for
the rest of your life, and that you know you
(13:44):
are never going to find anyone, and let yourself be
in that worst case scenario, let yourself truly believe it,
and then realize that it's actually really not that bad.
You know what the happiest group of people are, and
I know you've probably heard this time and time again,
it's like single people and especially women over the age
(14:04):
of sixty. So this whole myth that if you're not
in a relationship at twenty, you're going to be alone
forever is firstly probably not true. And the myth that
being alone forever is going to mean that you're miserable
is definitely not true. That's something that we really need
to start talking about. Low self esteem I think also
(14:24):
pushes us to settle, and I think that's something that
comes through with all of those previous factors we discussed.
I think that sometimes you may think that you've tricked
this person into falling in love with you, and that
you could never trick another person. That you are maybe
not good enough, and so for someone who's not good enough,
they should accept the good enough relationship. Right. This is
(14:46):
all you ever deserve, This is all you ever going
to find if you were to be single again, it's
just going to be miserable, and no one's going to
find you attractive, and no one's going to think you're hot,
and no one's going to think that you're intelligent or
worth their time. That's ridiculous. I'll just call it out.
I'm talking to the voice in your head right now.
(15:06):
It's not true. It's lying to you. But that lie
is what's keeping you in a relationship that actually probably
is worsening your self esteem. Because you don't feel good
about yourself, you're not able to act on what you
want from your life. You're not happy. The final reason
we settle is that we don't want to disappoint other people.
(15:27):
This is another really hard one. Maybe your family really
loves who you're with. Maybe they think that he or
she is amazing. Maybe they're all your grandparents can talk about.
All your aunts and uncles want to hear about. Every
one of your friends thinks they're great, everyone's so happy
and thinks you've got this beautiful relationship. Breaking up with
(15:49):
them would be admitting that that was a lie, and
you think that you might break other people's hearts in
the process. They don't care. They do, but they care
on this sense that they want you to be happy.
They want you to find and be in the relationship
that just makes you feel incredible about yourself. If you
(16:10):
were to truly talk to them and tell them about
all the stuff that was happening in your relationship, or
even if the relationship is good, all the things that
you were feeling and how unhappy you were, they would
want you to make the choice to leave. You know
that they're not going to be disappointed. But these are
some of the reasons why why we stay, why we
(16:32):
end up settling when we know deep down that we shouldn't.
We're going to take a short break here, but when
we return, I want to talk about the cost of
this decision in the nicest way possible, and where to
go from here when you know the relationship isn't right,
how do you leave it? Okay, So what is the
(16:53):
cost of settling in our twenties especially, that's the next
big question we need to answer. If you're in a
good enough relationship and that is to you better than
being single, which I understand why in many ways you
might just be thinking to yourself, like, well, why can't
I just stay a little bit longer, Like this isn't
that bad? Why not just like enjoy the security of
(17:16):
this all for a little while, like while it lasts. Well,
if you're scared about losing a good enough relationship, I
need you to seriously consider how much else you are
losing by staying in that relationship and everything else that
you are missing out on. This is a good way
to counteract our loss version by thinking about all the
potential things that we are losing, the opportunity costs that
(17:37):
we are losing by staying in this relationship. And that's
an economics term to basically reference, like if I gave
you five dollars and you bought an apple, Like, essentially,
there is opportunity in your money, and there is opportunity
to also buy an orange and also buy a pair
and also buy I don't know a banana, and you're
(17:59):
not just spending the money, you're spending or choosing the
opportunity to spend your money on a certain thing. So
the cost of settling falls across three categories, the identity cost,
the obvious opportunity cost or romantic cost, and the experience cost.
To start with the identity cost, firstly, you may really
(18:22):
struggle to be able to figure out who you are.
If you stay in a mediocre relationship, you become hied
up in this other person. Of course you do if
you have begun to share a life with them, if
you've moved in with them, if you've traveled with them,
if you've shared friends. Like if you do share friends
with them, your relationship can be your epi center. Everything
revolves around it, and everything will continue to revolve around it,
(18:46):
especially if you're worried about it ending, because even more
time and energy that you could be putting to yourself
becomes fixated on like not trying to break up with them,
or like trying to quell your anxiety or make yourself
feel better, because you don't want to lose the history.
You are spending and expending energy that could be better
spent on yourself. It is a finite resource. Your twenties
(19:08):
are we already know this the peak period of your
life for identity exploration. Maybe only second to our teenage, yes,
but I even think our twenties are more important because
you have more independence and a bit of money. You
are meant to be trying on different versions of who
you may want to be, like seeing what fits, seeing
what doesn't fit, seeing where you want to live, what
(19:30):
you want to try. You know they're if you're with
the right person, like they will let you do that.
They will allow you to be a separate entity and explore.
They will actually probably expand your ability to do that
and give you the freedom to discover yourself in a
deeply fulfilling way. But with the wrong person you experience
(19:54):
something that we call identity for closure. This is a
phenomena where whereby we basically choose who we are, and
unfortunately we choose wrong too early in life, and then
we find ourselves so tied up in commitments and attached
to this version of us that we just assume it's
(20:15):
who we are because we like being this person, which
is like, oh yeah, this is of course me I
like being in this relationship. I like my identity as
a girlfriend, as a husband, as a wife, as a partner.
Not because you actually do, but because you haven't looked
at any other alternatives. You have foreclosed on the opportunity
to explore. I had a friend who this happened to,
(20:38):
and thankfully she has exited this relationship. But she started
dating her ex when she was seventeen. By nineteen, they
were living together by twenty one. I remember them planning
their wedding, and I remember so much of who she
was was this guy's girlfriend right after they broke up.
(21:00):
They did eventually, and it took many, many years. I
remember her being like, I couldn't even decide what to
eat without him. I didn't have any hobbies that he
wasn't involved in. I didn't have any real friends that
didn't know us as a couple. First, you know, I
liked that I was a girlfriend, and I liked that
(21:20):
I was in a serious relationship because I think for
her it made her feel mature. But the thing she
said to me was like, I liked that experience. But
I realized that I liked that experience more than I
liked him. She had experienced identity foreclosure seventeen was when
they got together, and because of the nature of their relationship,
it was like she was kind of frozen, as she
(21:40):
would say in her own words, like frozen at the
point they became a couple. What we really want to
be experiencing is what we call an identity moratorium. This
is when a person is trying out roles or activities
or different things in order to kind of trial and
error into the most suitable one, and this process hopefully
(22:00):
brings us to identity achievement. So this is when we
find an identity we really like and our commitment to
that identity is high because we have been able to
go through and kind of cross out the things that
we don't want to be because we have explored our options.
Of course, you know, I feel like I have to
make this caveat. We never really stop discovering. That's why
(22:22):
you really need a partner at all ages who's going
to let you explore on your own. But when this
exploratory need is highest, confining yourself can be a lot
more threatening settling in your twenties and this may be controversial,
but I believe it. It can also mean that you
(22:43):
abandon your ability to find yourself through the fund of
meeting other people. Basically, you should be dating around. And
some people don't agree with me, and I totally understand why,
But I think that being single truly brings so many
opportunities to, you know, figure out who you are through
(23:03):
the lens of meeting other people and like having fun
with them and determining what you like about them, what
they like about you, what you don't like about them,
what they don't like about you. I read this quote
from Kristen Bell recently in which she was basically like,
I wish I'd had more fun. I wish i'd butterflied
around more in my twenties. And even though I'm in
(23:25):
a stable relationship now, I kind of have to agree
with her. I had a lot of fun when I
was single, Like I wouldn't say, actually fun. I had
a lot of experiences, and I wish I'd had maybe
a few more. Some people do just know, but for
others you learn through error. So if you've picked the
first person and they're like kind of all right, not
giving yourself the opportunity to get heartbroken and explore may
(23:47):
actually be costing you. Not every experience that is painful,
is bad. Sometimes they do actually teach you important lessons.
You know, I always get people who are like you know,
if you're not dating to marry, dating to be heartbroken.
Heartbreak sucks. It's not the worst thing in the world.
It is fertile ground for growth and to allow you
(24:11):
to redefine what you want out of a future relationship.
Maybe this is another helpful reappraisal for those of you
or those of us who are scared to leave a good,
not great relationship. It's never a loss to give something
you're all and to try with someone and for it
to maybe not work out. It's not a loss, of course,
we're aiming for true love. But sometimes the next best
(24:32):
thing is a lesson. Finally, you lose the everyday opportunity
to just be happier being in the wrong relationship, like
your body feels that, your mind feels that. You know,
you feel sick to your stomach, you feel anxious all
the time, you feel stressed, tense. There will be pain
(24:56):
in leaving, of course, but that is a temporary. Pain
is the everyday, chronic pain of being in a place,
in a relationship that you don't belong and every day
you abandon yourself a little bit more. Every day you
fall a little bit more silent. Every day you feel
less like yourself, you feel less connected, you feel the
resentment and numbness take over. Is a day you don't
(25:17):
get back and is a day that you could have
been spent healing. Not to scare you, but you have
one precious life. You have to go after what you
deserve and want, even if right now you can't picture it,
Even if getting there means standing at the start of
a marathonline and being like, I'm going to have to
run through this and it's going to be really painful.
(25:38):
At least you'll feel human rather than disappointment. At least
you'll really know what it feels like to know yourself
in the darkest points. So what do we do next?
You've made the decision, It's a loaded question to ask,
But where do we go from here? I will say,
at this point feels like a good time to just
(26:00):
maybe propose a few more questions. If you're still kind
of arming and erring, that might give you a little
bit more information. So before we think next steps, ask
yourself these questions. If your best friend was in this relationship,
what would you tell them to do. What would you
in five years time be begging you to do right
(26:20):
now if I gave you a guarantee right now that
you would find someone else. Would you stay with this
person when you picture your ideal relationship, is it the
person you're with now who is in these visions or not?
These questions don't have a right or wrong answer. I
think that's why they're so important. They're about tapping into
(26:42):
your gut instinct, you know. And if maybe you're thinking
this could just be relationship anxiety. Maybe, but relationship anxiety
doesn't stick around and stalk you for months. Relationship anxiety
also so it's not unresponsive to any kind of changes.
(27:04):
You know, it goes away when you talk to your
friends about it, It goes away when you talk to your
partner about it, when you're open about it. You know.
We have a whole episode on how to tell the
difference between intuition or anxiety that I would really recommend
for moments like this, But you know, sometimes you just
have to You just have to do it and see
(27:25):
if you feel better. So, how are we going to
try this, How we're going to how we're going to leave?
Number one plan? What you're going to say, I'm assuming
that you know there's a lot of love in your relationship,
there's just not a lot of compatibility, or there's just
not a lot of something he's missing, right, but I'm
sure you still really care about them. Just plan out
(27:47):
exactly your reasons. Talk about it in terms of you
and what you need. Don't say like, oh, I think
that you deserve better, No, just what do you need.
Don't make promises that you're going to get back together.
Just make your dot points, maybe write them a letter,
plan when you're going to do it, and then plan
(28:10):
your next two weeks. Distract, distract, distract as much as
you can for that first little chapter. This is when
it's going to feel the hardest. I always say the
first two weeks after a breakup and then the three
month mark is when it's the worst. Those are like
the hurdles that you need to get over. It will
slowly get better. Just plan out, like what exactly you
(28:32):
are going to do. Who are you going to see,
what courses are you going to start? Get a gym membership?
Literally before you break up with this person, obviously, like
talk to them before and see if you can work
stuff out. Like, I'm kind of assuming that you've had
some hard conversations before this, But if you really know
(28:55):
you're going to do this, I need you to write
down a timeline of what your next two weeks are
going to look like. And I need all your evenings
to be full, and I need you to know where
you're going to be so that you don't just get
stuck on the thought and just get back together. Get
a project. This is good advice for any time. But
have something that you can pour all of these feelings into,
(29:18):
all of your grief, all of your loss. You know,
even if you're the one to end things like, it's
still going to be hard. Find something that you can
channel that into to feel like you're making something from
your pain. Doesn't have to be creative. Set a goal, set,
a task set something you want to achieve that's going
to be the thing that you return to that you
(29:39):
can just focus on, especially if it's something that like
brings you into a state of flow or something that
you really wanted to like kind of get to in
the past. Reflect on the lessons, not just the loss.
A lot of time, and I think I've done this
in the past, Like I've suggested that you write a
closure letter. I think it's better actually to tell the
(30:00):
story of your relationship like it's a fable or like
it's a very old story that has a lesson or
a takeaway.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
At the end.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Someone always has to leave first, Right, why did you leave?
And what did you learn from the relationship? What are
you bringing with you for this next chapter? When you
apply and when you bring meaning to the pain, it
doesn't make it any easier, but it makes it feel
more important and it takes away like the meaninglessness of it.
Number five, My friend Gia actually gave was telling me
(30:31):
about something that she did when she broke up with
her partner, which was that she found a single friend
to kind of group up with, Like it's always so
much easier to go through something when you're not going
through it alone. And she was like telling me about
all these beautiful memories that they would have of like
every night they would have their hot chocolate and they
would like watch videos about how to decenter men. And
(30:52):
I was like, that's that's really nice to have, like
a body. So find a community of people who are
going through something similar, and also let yourself indulge in
the bad feeling, like let yourself be sad, but also
remember being sad has no correlation as to whether this
person was right for you or not. You can feel devastated,
(31:14):
you can feel heartbroken and still know this wasn't right
and was never going to be right. If you want
to make your way through that feeling, don't run away
from it. Let yourself just like be overwhelmed by it.
Watch La La Land, watch The Notebook, watched The Breakup,
Like get those movies ready, watch Sex in the City,
(31:34):
like have stuff ready so that you can just feel
really really sad. Have like your breakup album ready. The
new Olivia Dean album is like an iconic breakup album,
like I think it would be an amazing companion for
a recent split. Like indulge in the feeling. Let yourself
just really be sad. Let me finish by just making
(32:00):
something abundantly clear. You are not being greedy or unrealistic.
If you expect or want an amazing love story for yourself.
It is not unrealistic to want someone who makes time
stand still, who completes you, who is undoubtedly your soulmate.
That's not impossible, that is not asking for too much.
(32:24):
And you know you can call me a romantic But
I believe fully that this is out there for everyone
one hundred percent. I believe it, no doubt in my mind.
But you cannot find that person if you are in
a relationship that you settled for. And I don't want
you to be fifty sixty waking up in bed beside
(32:46):
someone realizing that the same feelings you have right now
have always been there and you should have just listened
to them right at the start. So I am sending
you a lot of love. I feel like if you're
listening to this, well it's not for no reason. You
probably know what you need to do, and I know
it's going to be really hard, but you are going
(33:08):
to get through it, and in six months time I
see you absolutely thriving. Maybe in a year, but it
will happen. So like, take this information to do with
it what you will, But I'm sending you a lot
of love, a lot of luck for this next chapter,
whatever you decide. I hope that you enjoyed this episode.
Maybe send it to someone that you think could benefit
from it, or just send it, re listen to it,
(33:30):
send it to yourself. If you are listening to this
on Spotify or Apple, you may not know that we
are also on YouTube. This episode is currently being filmed
and recorded, so I don't know if you want to
rewatch it since you've just finished, But if you want
to watch other episodes videos episodes, you can go to
our YouTube, The Psychology of Your Twenties and follow us
(33:52):
along there. You can also follow me on Instagram at
that Psychology podcast if you want to see behind the
scenes and stuff that we're doing and stuff that we're
and if you want to contribute to episodes or suggest
an episode, that's the place to do it. But until
next time, stay safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself,
and don't ever settle. We will talk very very soon.
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
the world, it is so great to have you here.
Back for another episode as we, of course break down
the psychology of our twenties. Today, we are going to
talk about romantic relationships in our twenties, specifically the question
(00:46):
of why do we settle during this decade? Why do
we date people we know we shouldn't be with, Why
do we accept less than we deserve? Why do we
give people second chain answers, third chances and cling on
for too long despite objectively being in one of the
(01:08):
best times in our lives, of our lives, to be
single and to be uncoupled and to be seeing kind
of you know, what's out there time and time again.
I feel like I see people and I hear from
people in these mediocre relationships with you know, individuals they
don't even seem to like, and yet they are unable
to leave all because there is this deep fear that
(01:31):
we have of being single forever, or of dying alone,
of being alone day to day, And it's honestly a
bit of a tragedy. But when we have more life
ahead of us than behind us, it seems almost strange
that we continue to have this fear and that it
is so powerful and impacting our decision making so deeply.
(01:55):
So I want to discuss it from a psychological standpoint,
the precures we face, the conflicts we have within us,
and why we settle in our twenties. I would also
kind of hope that this episode might just inspire you
to re examine your relationship at this pivotal point in
your life. If someone isn't making your life better every day,
(02:16):
isn't making you a better person every day, why stay
with them when arguably being single in your twenties is
a whole lot better for your character development. I want
us all to you all together kind of question why
we have been asked to expect so much less from
(02:36):
love than we should, and why, especially in our twenties,
we've been asked to make compromises. There are so many
factors behind this, I know, like relationship anxiety plays a
big role. But I do believe that there are a
lot of people who are secretly very unhappy, and it
stems from the inability to see our worth and what
we deserve in our twenties. So hopefully this isn't too
(02:58):
much of a wake up call for any It's more
so informative and something to think about. But without further ado,
let's talk about why we settle in our twenties. There
is obviously not one way to live our lives during
this decade, or one way to pursue love during this decade.
(03:22):
I think I just need to acknowledge people have different values,
and different dreams and different needs in their life. You know,
some people want to get married young, some people, you know,
find the one when they're younger. Some people are just
happy to be single or just happen to find themselves single.
But I will make one thing super clear. A guiding
(03:42):
part of my life philosophy, specifically the philosophy I have
for my twenties, is it is not wrong to want big, grand,
wonderful things for yourself, and during these years of your life,
you owe it to yourself to chase after those things
in every way that you can can. That may apply
to your passions, to your career, to your friendships, your
(04:05):
big dreams, your dreams to travel to see the world,
and it also majorly applies to love. This is such
a sacred time in your life, and so settling now
when you have the whole world in front of you
is honestly, it's a disservice to yourself, and I kind
of want to explain why. Firstly, though, we can't really
(04:27):
get into that without examining you know, what does it
mean to settle in a relationship? What does it look like?
To give you a simple definition, I think it means
being in a relationship just for the sake of being
in a relationship when your needs, your values, desires, deeper
vision for love is not being met. Now, this can
(04:50):
be obvious, like when someone doesn't treat you right, is cruel,
is mean, is uninterested. But it can also be more subtle.
It can be someone who does all the things that
you'd expect or hoped they would, but who deep down
you know, doesn't fulfill you, who doesn't improve you, who
(05:11):
doesn't excite you. But you stay because it's good enough,
because they're nice, because they're fine, maybe because you don't
think that you deserve more or you will ever find more.
The question or the thing I always say to that
is like, you may never find better, but is this
even that good anyways? You know, of course, every relationship
(05:33):
has its doubts. We need to talk about that more.
Every relationship is gonna have stress, it's gonna have problems
that people need to work through. You will not find
a single relationship where people haven't had issues or miscommunications.
But settling isn't about not having arguments. It's about your
deeper core value needs, emotional needs, personality and compatibility needs.
(05:57):
It's actually quite complex for a word that means choosing
less then, but here are some kind of therapists backed
signs that this may be happening in your relationship. Number one,
you constantly question whether this is all there is, whether
this is like the love thing that everyone's been kind
(06:19):
of going on about. Number two, you are constantly trying
to fix things about them or about the relationship, and
it never truly works. Number three, they're holding you back
from things you really want. Number four, you find that
one of the biggest reasons you can't leave is actually
just because you're scared of being single, not because you
(06:42):
actually want to be in the relationship. Number five, your
gut instinct keeps telling you something is wrong and has
for some time, but you ignore it. The sick sign
that you are settling is you find yourself relying on
others to fulfill your emotional needs and not this person.
And number seven, you feel indifferent. And this is a
(07:04):
huge one. I had a friend of mine say to
me the other day at dinner. You know, the opposite
of love is not hate, its indifference. I think I've
quoted that on the podcast before, because it couldn't be
more true. If you just don't even care anymore, if
you sit there and wish that they'd break up with you,
you are settling. Sometimes, you know, you don't find that
(07:25):
you hate them, you just simply don't care. And that's
a huge sign to me that the love and the
life is gone. The irony is is that we can
mentally tick off everything on this list, and you can say, yeah,
that's me, that's me, that's me, and yet again find
excuses for why that's maybe not you, well, why you
(07:46):
will stay. What's really happening here is a form of
cognitive dissonance. When we know we deserve better, but we
still stay. What we do conflicts with what we continue
to understand and believe. You know, we know that we
aren't meant to be in this relationship, and yet we
stay there, and that creates discomfort, and in that emotional
(08:11):
place we do tend to just linger and feel terrible
until we do something. If you've never been in this situation,
you know you may not understand why that is, and
even if you have, you may not know exactly why.
So let's talk about some explanations. Psychologically, emotionally, socially why
(08:32):
do we settle? The first reason is that the relationship
feels safe or good enough. The worst kind of relationship
to leave is the one where when it's really good,
it's really good, and when it's bad, it's really bad,
or when it's bad you just feel nothing. This creates
(08:54):
such intense emotional fluctuations that you just don't feel like
you can pinpoint the truth. It makes it so much
harder to exit the relationship because you're essentially always anticipating
when things might turn to be better, and you're secretly
hoping for that. And so because there isn't this all
(09:14):
out sign or declaration that the relationship is bad, you
continue to live on the hope of it. Hope will
kill you, Hope kills us in these situations because we
keep expecting the time when it's just all going to
be good from now on, and we don't want to
give up on that potential, on that future that we
(09:38):
desperately want so badly. That's the thing about these situations.
You want to be in this relationship, you just know
it's not working. It also comes down to loss a version.
This is a psychological phenomena that describes how we feel
the pain of losing something that we had and something
(09:59):
that we valued more so than probably anything else. And
we will do a lot to stop ourselves from missing
out or to stop ourselves from losing something, even if
we don't actually typically see it as very valuable. There
is this deep pain that comes from putting in so
much time and energy and love and work into a
(10:23):
relationship and it failing anyways. You can't say that you
didn't try, though, you can't say that you did not
give it one hundred percent. And that's the thing. If
work and love was all it took, well, then shouldn't
it be working. But it's not. You also need other things.
(10:44):
You need compatibility, you need communication, you need the spark.
Another reason that we settle, especially in our twenties, is
fomo and the timeline trap. We see all these people
around us in these relationships, and oh my gosh, don't
they look like they're having so much fun and they've
(11:04):
really like found their person and they're so happy and
they do everything together, and oh my god, now they're engaged,
and now she's engaged and he's engaged, and everybody's engaged,
and everyone's getting married, and I'm going to be the
last single friend and I'm going to be miserable. There
is this intense milestone anxiety that is around every single
corner in our twenties, really that we are not where
we should be. We are and do not have what
(11:27):
we have that would potentially make us happy at this stage,
and how could our lives begin? How could we move
on unless we take this thing off our list? And
so when you're in a relationship that feels good enough,
you're sometimes the comfort of being able to say, Okay,
I got that ticked off the to do list, even
if it's not very well done, is really all you're
(11:49):
asking for. The thing is is that like to use
that to do list analogy. You can do a terrible
job and take the thing off your list. You know
you did a terrible job, and you know you're still
going to have to redo it. And that's the thing
with this relationship conundrum you're probably finding yourself in. You've
ticked the relationship off your list. To everyone else, that
(12:10):
might look great, deep down, you know that you're not
happy with the outcome. The fear of being single forever
is another thing that comes up time and time again.
It really sucks. Let's just acknowledge it. Phase value. It
really sucks to think that you're going to be alone
for the rest of your life. It just does.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
There's really nothing I can say to that other than
that fear is directly correlated to you perhaps not making
great decisions when it comes to who you're dating. A
twenty twenty three study found that when they examined why
people settled, the biggest factor was that they were scared
of being alone. And this is especially the case if
(12:58):
you are quite anxiously attached. Those with anxious attachment styles
find it difficult to let go of unhealthy relationships because
their need for belongingness can overpower their need for emotional
or fulfillment. That's really difficult to be holding these two
things that you think should go together, and yet you're
(13:20):
finding that they sit apart. I want to belong and
I want to be loved and I'm in a relationship.
Surely those things all go hand in hand, and you're
probably finding that maybe they don't. You have to approach
being single like you are going to be single for
the rest of your life, and that you know you
(13:44):
are never going to find anyone, and let yourself be
in that worst case scenario, let yourself truly believe it,
and then realize that it's actually really not that bad.
You know what the happiest group of people are, and
I know you've probably heard this time and time again,
it's like single people and especially women over the age
(14:04):
of sixty. So this whole myth that if you're not
in a relationship at twenty, you're going to be alone
forever is firstly probably not true. And the myth that
being alone forever is going to mean that you're miserable
is definitely not true. That's something that we really need
to start talking about. Low self esteem I think also
(14:24):
pushes us to settle, and I think that's something that
comes through with all of those previous factors we discussed.
I think that sometimes you may think that you've tricked
this person into falling in love with you, and that
you could never trick another person. That you are maybe
not good enough, and so for someone who's not good enough,
they should accept the good enough relationship. Right. This is
(14:46):
all you ever deserve, This is all you ever going
to find if you were to be single again, it's
just going to be miserable, and no one's going to
find you attractive, and no one's going to think you're hot,
and no one's going to think that you're intelligent or
worth their time. That's ridiculous. I'll just call it out.
I'm talking to the voice in your head right now.
(15:06):
It's not true. It's lying to you. But that lie
is what's keeping you in a relationship that actually probably
is worsening your self esteem. Because you don't feel good
about yourself, you're not able to act on what you
want from your life. You're not happy. The final reason
we settle is that we don't want to disappoint other people.
(15:27):
This is another really hard one. Maybe your family really
loves who you're with. Maybe they think that he or
she is amazing. Maybe they're all your grandparents can talk about.
All your aunts and uncles want to hear about. Every
one of your friends thinks they're great, everyone's so happy
and thinks you've got this beautiful relationship. Breaking up with
(15:49):
them would be admitting that that was a lie, and
you think that you might break other people's hearts in
the process. They don't care. They do, but they care
on this sense that they want you to be happy.
They want you to find and be in the relationship
that just makes you feel incredible about yourself. If you
(16:10):
were to truly talk to them and tell them about
all the stuff that was happening in your relationship, or
even if the relationship is good, all the things that
you were feeling and how unhappy you were, they would
want you to make the choice to leave. You know
that they're not going to be disappointed. But these are
some of the reasons why why we stay, why we
(16:32):
end up settling when we know deep down that we shouldn't.
We're going to take a short break here, but when
we return, I want to talk about the cost of
this decision in the nicest way possible, and where to
go from here when you know the relationship isn't right,
how do you leave it? Okay, So what is the
(16:53):
cost of settling in our twenties especially, that's the next
big question we need to answer. If you're in a
good enough relationship and that is to you better than
being single, which I understand why in many ways you
might just be thinking to yourself, like, well, why can't
I just stay a little bit longer, Like this isn't
that bad? Why not just like enjoy the security of
(17:16):
this all for a little while, like while it lasts. Well,
if you're scared about losing a good enough relationship, I
need you to seriously consider how much else you are
losing by staying in that relationship and everything else that
you are missing out on. This is a good way
to counteract our loss version by thinking about all the
potential things that we are losing, the opportunity costs that
(17:37):
we are losing by staying in this relationship. And that's
an economics term to basically reference, like if I gave
you five dollars and you bought an apple, Like, essentially,
there is opportunity in your money, and there is opportunity
to also buy an orange and also buy a pair
and also buy I don't know a banana, and you're
(17:59):
not just spending the money, you're spending or choosing the
opportunity to spend your money on a certain thing. So
the cost of settling falls across three categories, the identity cost,
the obvious opportunity cost or romantic cost, and the experience cost.
To start with the identity cost, firstly, you may really
(18:22):
struggle to be able to figure out who you are.
If you stay in a mediocre relationship, you become hied
up in this other person. Of course you do if
you have begun to share a life with them, if
you've moved in with them, if you've traveled with them,
if you've shared friends. Like if you do share friends
with them, your relationship can be your epi center. Everything
revolves around it, and everything will continue to revolve around it,
(18:46):
especially if you're worried about it ending, because even more
time and energy that you could be putting to yourself
becomes fixated on like not trying to break up with them,
or like trying to quell your anxiety or make yourself
feel better, because you don't want to lose the history.
You are spending and expending energy that could be better
spent on yourself. It is a finite resource. Your twenties
(19:08):
are we already know this the peak period of your
life for identity exploration. Maybe only second to our teenage, yes,
but I even think our twenties are more important because
you have more independence and a bit of money. You
are meant to be trying on different versions of who
you may want to be, like seeing what fits, seeing
what doesn't fit, seeing where you want to live, what
(19:30):
you want to try. You know they're if you're with
the right person, like they will let you do that.
They will allow you to be a separate entity and explore.
They will actually probably expand your ability to do that
and give you the freedom to discover yourself in a
deeply fulfilling way. But with the wrong person you experience
(19:54):
something that we call identity for closure. This is a
phenomena where whereby we basically choose who we are, and
unfortunately we choose wrong too early in life, and then
we find ourselves so tied up in commitments and attached
to this version of us that we just assume it's
(20:15):
who we are because we like being this person, which
is like, oh yeah, this is of course me I
like being in this relationship. I like my identity as
a girlfriend, as a husband, as a wife, as a partner.
Not because you actually do, but because you haven't looked
at any other alternatives. You have foreclosed on the opportunity
to explore. I had a friend who this happened to,
(20:38):
and thankfully she has exited this relationship. But she started
dating her ex when she was seventeen. By nineteen, they
were living together by twenty one. I remember them planning
their wedding, and I remember so much of who she
was was this guy's girlfriend right after they broke up.
(21:00):
They did eventually, and it took many, many years. I
remember her being like, I couldn't even decide what to
eat without him. I didn't have any hobbies that he
wasn't involved in. I didn't have any real friends that
didn't know us as a couple. First, you know, I
liked that I was a girlfriend, and I liked that
(21:20):
I was in a serious relationship because I think for
her it made her feel mature. But the thing she
said to me was like, I liked that experience. But
I realized that I liked that experience more than I
liked him. She had experienced identity foreclosure seventeen was when
they got together, and because of the nature of their relationship,
it was like she was kind of frozen, as she
(21:40):
would say in her own words, like frozen at the
point they became a couple. What we really want to
be experiencing is what we call an identity moratorium. This
is when a person is trying out roles or activities
or different things in order to kind of trial and
error into the most suitable one, and this process hopefully
(22:00):
brings us to identity achievement. So this is when we
find an identity we really like and our commitment to
that identity is high because we have been able to
go through and kind of cross out the things that
we don't want to be because we have explored our options.
Of course, you know, I feel like I have to
make this caveat. We never really stop discovering. That's why
(22:22):
you really need a partner at all ages who's going
to let you explore on your own. But when this
exploratory need is highest, confining yourself can be a lot
more threatening settling in your twenties and this may be controversial,
but I believe it. It can also mean that you
(22:43):
abandon your ability to find yourself through the fund of
meeting other people. Basically, you should be dating around. And
some people don't agree with me, and I totally understand why,
But I think that being single truly brings so many
opportunities to, you know, figure out who you are through
(23:03):
the lens of meeting other people and like having fun
with them and determining what you like about them, what
they like about you, what you don't like about them,
what they don't like about you. I read this quote
from Kristen Bell recently in which she was basically like,
I wish I'd had more fun. I wish i'd butterflied
around more in my twenties. And even though I'm in
(23:25):
a stable relationship now, I kind of have to agree
with her. I had a lot of fun when I
was single, Like I wouldn't say, actually fun. I had
a lot of experiences, and I wish I'd had maybe
a few more. Some people do just know, but for
others you learn through error. So if you've picked the
first person and they're like kind of all right, not
giving yourself the opportunity to get heartbroken and explore may
(23:47):
actually be costing you. Not every experience that is painful,
is bad. Sometimes they do actually teach you important lessons.
You know, I always get people who are like you know,
if you're not dating to marry, dating to be heartbroken.
Heartbreak sucks. It's not the worst thing in the world.
It is fertile ground for growth and to allow you
(24:11):
to redefine what you want out of a future relationship.
Maybe this is another helpful reappraisal for those of you
or those of us who are scared to leave a good,
not great relationship. It's never a loss to give something
you're all and to try with someone and for it
to maybe not work out. It's not a loss, of course,
we're aiming for true love. But sometimes the next best
(24:32):
thing is a lesson. Finally, you lose the everyday opportunity
to just be happier being in the wrong relationship, like
your body feels that, your mind feels that. You know,
you feel sick to your stomach, you feel anxious all
the time, you feel stressed, tense. There will be pain
(24:56):
in leaving, of course, but that is a temporary. Pain
is the everyday, chronic pain of being in a place,
in a relationship that you don't belong and every day
you abandon yourself a little bit more. Every day you
fall a little bit more silent. Every day you feel
less like yourself, you feel less connected, you feel the
resentment and numbness take over. Is a day you don't
(25:17):
get back and is a day that you could have
been spent healing. Not to scare you, but you have
one precious life. You have to go after what you
deserve and want, even if right now you can't picture it,
Even if getting there means standing at the start of
a marathonline and being like, I'm going to have to
run through this and it's going to be really painful.
(25:38):
At least you'll feel human rather than disappointment. At least
you'll really know what it feels like to know yourself
in the darkest points. So what do we do next?
You've made the decision, It's a loaded question to ask,
But where do we go from here? I will say,
at this point feels like a good time to just
(26:00):
maybe propose a few more questions. If you're still kind
of arming and erring, that might give you a little
bit more information. So before we think next steps, ask
yourself these questions. If your best friend was in this relationship,
what would you tell them to do. What would you
in five years time be begging you to do right
(26:20):
now if I gave you a guarantee right now that
you would find someone else. Would you stay with this
person when you picture your ideal relationship, is it the
person you're with now who is in these visions or not?
These questions don't have a right or wrong answer. I
think that's why they're so important. They're about tapping into
(26:42):
your gut instinct, you know. And if maybe you're thinking
this could just be relationship anxiety. Maybe, but relationship anxiety
doesn't stick around and stalk you for months. Relationship anxiety
also so it's not unresponsive to any kind of changes.
(27:04):
You know, it goes away when you talk to your
friends about it, It goes away when you talk to your
partner about it, when you're open about it. You know.
We have a whole episode on how to tell the
difference between intuition or anxiety that I would really recommend
for moments like this, But you know, sometimes you just
have to You just have to do it and see
(27:25):
if you feel better. So, how are we going to
try this, How we're going to how we're going to leave?
Number one plan? What you're going to say, I'm assuming
that you know there's a lot of love in your relationship,
there's just not a lot of compatibility, or there's just
not a lot of something he's missing, right, but I'm
sure you still really care about them. Just plan out
(27:47):
exactly your reasons. Talk about it in terms of you
and what you need. Don't say like, oh, I think
that you deserve better, No, just what do you need.
Don't make promises that you're going to get back together.
Just make your dot points, maybe write them a letter,
plan when you're going to do it, and then plan
(28:10):
your next two weeks. Distract, distract, distract as much as
you can for that first little chapter. This is when
it's going to feel the hardest. I always say the
first two weeks after a breakup and then the three
month mark is when it's the worst. Those are like
the hurdles that you need to get over. It will
slowly get better. Just plan out, like what exactly you
(28:32):
are going to do. Who are you going to see,
what courses are you going to start? Get a gym membership?
Literally before you break up with this person, obviously, like
talk to them before and see if you can work
stuff out. Like, I'm kind of assuming that you've had
some hard conversations before this, But if you really know
(28:55):
you're going to do this, I need you to write
down a timeline of what your next two weeks are
going to look like. And I need all your evenings
to be full, and I need you to know where
you're going to be so that you don't just get
stuck on the thought and just get back together. Get
a project. This is good advice for any time. But
have something that you can pour all of these feelings into,
(29:18):
all of your grief, all of your loss. You know,
even if you're the one to end things like, it's
still going to be hard. Find something that you can
channel that into to feel like you're making something from
your pain. Doesn't have to be creative. Set a goal, set,
a task set something you want to achieve that's going
to be the thing that you return to that you
(29:39):
can just focus on, especially if it's something that like
brings you into a state of flow or something that
you really wanted to like kind of get to in
the past. Reflect on the lessons, not just the loss.
A lot of time, and I think I've done this
in the past, Like I've suggested that you write a
closure letter. I think it's better actually to tell the
(30:00):
story of your relationship like it's a fable or like
it's a very old story that has a lesson or
a takeaway.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
At the end.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Someone always has to leave first, Right, why did you leave?
And what did you learn from the relationship? What are
you bringing with you for this next chapter? When you
apply and when you bring meaning to the pain, it
doesn't make it any easier, but it makes it feel
more important and it takes away like the meaninglessness of it.
Number five, My friend Gia actually gave was telling me
(30:31):
about something that she did when she broke up with
her partner, which was that she found a single friend
to kind of group up with, Like it's always so
much easier to go through something when you're not going
through it alone. And she was like telling me about
all these beautiful memories that they would have of like
every night they would have their hot chocolate and they
would like watch videos about how to decenter men. And
(30:52):
I was like, that's that's really nice to have, like
a body. So find a community of people who are
going through something similar, and also let yourself indulge in
the bad feeling, like let yourself be sad, but also
remember being sad has no correlation as to whether this
person was right for you or not. You can feel devastated,
(31:14):
you can feel heartbroken and still know this wasn't right
and was never going to be right. If you want
to make your way through that feeling, don't run away
from it. Let yourself just like be overwhelmed by it.
Watch La La Land, watch The Notebook, watched The Breakup,
Like get those movies ready, watch Sex in the City,
(31:34):
like have stuff ready so that you can just feel
really really sad. Have like your breakup album ready. The
new Olivia Dean album is like an iconic breakup album,
like I think it would be an amazing companion for
a recent split. Like indulge in the feeling. Let yourself
just really be sad. Let me finish by just making
(32:00):
something abundantly clear. You are not being greedy or unrealistic.
If you expect or want an amazing love story for yourself.
It is not unrealistic to want someone who makes time
stand still, who completes you, who is undoubtedly your soulmate.
That's not impossible, that is not asking for too much.
(32:24):
And you know you can call me a romantic But
I believe fully that this is out there for everyone
one hundred percent. I believe it, no doubt in my mind.
But you cannot find that person if you are in
a relationship that you settled for. And I don't want
you to be fifty sixty waking up in bed beside
(32:46):
someone realizing that the same feelings you have right now
have always been there and you should have just listened
to them right at the start. So I am sending
you a lot of love. I feel like if you're
listening to this, well it's not for no reason. You
probably know what you need to do, and I know
it's going to be really hard, but you are going
(33:08):
to get through it, and in six months time I
see you absolutely thriving. Maybe in a year, but it
will happen. So like, take this information to do with
it what you will, But I'm sending you a lot
of love, a lot of luck for this next chapter,
whatever you decide. I hope that you enjoyed this episode.
Maybe send it to someone that you think could benefit
from it, or just send it, re listen to it,
(33:30):
send it to yourself. If you are listening to this
on Spotify or Apple, you may not know that we
are also on YouTube. This episode is currently being filmed
and recorded, so I don't know if you want to
rewatch it since you've just finished, But if you want
to watch other episodes videos episodes, you can go to
our YouTube, The Psychology of Your Twenties and follow us
(33:52):
along there. You can also follow me on Instagram at
that Psychology podcast if you want to see behind the
scenes and stuff that we're doing and stuff that we're
and if you want to contribute to episodes or suggest
an episode, that's the place to do it. But until
next time, stay safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself,
and don't ever settle. We will talk very very soon.
Host
Jemma Sbeghen
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