December 21, 2025 • 29 mins
I'm officially a UK resident! My thoughts on moving and this exciting new chapter for the podcast x
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello everybody. I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the
Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through
the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our twenties and
what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back
(00:27):
to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners,
old listeners. Wherever you are in the world, it is
so great to have you here. Back for another episode
as we, of course break down the Psychology of our twenties. Today, guys,
I have some big news. I moved to London. Might
(00:50):
not be big news for some of you who follow
me on Instagram, but it's true. I've made the leap
across the pond. The Psychology of Your Twenties is a
ficial a UK based podcast. It's been very exciting and
I want to talk about my decision to move overseas
(01:10):
in my twenties, what's been going on, what we've learnt,
some of the failing, some of the harder parts, the
cultural adjustments, and yeah, just some advice that I would
give for people who want to do the same, and
how I'm going to plan to meet friends and all
that kind of stuff. Like there's just a lot to
talk about. To begin with, I move with my boyfriend,
(01:33):
with my lovely, amazing boyfriend, and I'm going to tell
you the story of how we decided on London and
kind of when we decided and how we decided to move.
So taking it all the way back to when I
first met him. When I first met Tom, I feel
like you guys know the story, but it was very unexpected.
(01:53):
I was in Bali, I was on hinge, and I
matched with this guy then ended up ghosting in for
a little bit. That guy, I've now been with him
for like almost three years and he's incredible. At the
time that I met him though, I had just quit
my full time job and I was like, I'm a
single girl in her twenties. I want to move to London.
(02:15):
And for those who are in the UK or in Australia,
you'll know it's like a big trend. There's like a
whole joke that you turn twenty five in Australia and
you move to London. Like it's a very classic, like
my migratory pattern, like a lot of people do it.
I genuinely think that at this point I have more
friends in like Australian friends in London than I did
(02:37):
in Sydney because of just like you know how how
classic it is. And I was like, you know what,
London sounds great. I like knew a lot of people here,
and I was going to move at the end of
the year, and then I met this amazing person. And
I feel like when I met Tom, I was in
such a great centered headspace of like a man does
(02:59):
not come first, and if this guy, who I obviously
am really into like isn't doesn't have the same dreams
as me, that's okay, but like I'm not gonna pretend
it's going to work. So very quickly I said to him,
I want to let you know, like I really plan
on living overseas wherever that may be, Like my heart's
really set on like either London or like Seattle or
(03:25):
I think I also really wanted to move to Copenhagen.
And I was like, my heart's really set on that,
So you know it is a deal breaker if that's
not in your life plans, can you let me know?
He like took some time away and was like, I've
decided that I would really want to do that with
you if things go well. Obviously we've literally have been
dating for six months. Now that I think about it,
it's just a little bit wild that. I was like,
(03:46):
so when am we gonna move overseas And he's like,
I don't even I don't even know your blood type,
I don't know your parents, like you know, but I
would recommend it. We got very clear on it. He
is a lawyer. I don't know if I've told said
that before, but he's a lawyer. And in Australia, you
become a lawyer and then you have to do two
years of like professional practicing, So technically is a lawyer,
(04:08):
but you've got to get this thing called PAE. You've
got a practice and then you can become a like
a I'm gonna butcher it, but like a licensed lawyer,
like you can practice without supervision. It's kind of the
same with like doing residency as a doctor. And he
said to me, you know I have to do this though,
So here's the kicker. If you want to move, you're
(04:29):
gonna have to give me two years because he literally
just become a lawyer, so you don't have to give
me two years. And I, yeah, you know, now that
story has a good end, But I at the time,
like everybody was like why are you doing that? Like
why are you gonna put your life on hold, put
a dream that you have on hold for two years
for this guy that you've only known for six months,
and like, hope it's gonna work out. And he says
(04:50):
he wants to come with you, but what if he doesn't?
I you I could trust him the two years just
like flew by. At the start of this year, we
sat down and we were like, are we going to
do this? Like is this something that we're going to do?
You know, that was a goal I set and you
really he also was really keen on like a little
while ago now, like time like a year in your
(05:10):
twenties is like five years, Like so much can change
during that time, Like is this still something that we
want to do? And you know, he said, I'm so
freco lutely let's do it. So we set a date.
We were like, dessemble works really really well because obviously
that's when he passes, like finished this as pae and
we booked our flights and it all happened very very quickly.
(05:36):
This is the ironic thing. This is the weird thing
to have a plan, Like we should have planned more, right,
We knew this was going to happen for two years,
and I genuinely think we only made the plans for
it to happen in the last two months. Like I
know that we booked our flights in October mainly because
life is just very busy and chaotic. And it's not
that we weren't committed to going, but I think we
(05:57):
were just like, when is going to be the right
time do we do before Christmas? After Christmas? And it
just kind of ended up working that, Yeah, we've moved
right before the holidays, and it's beautiful and it's Christmasy.
So far it has been incredible. Here have been the
biggest adjustments. Firstly is the weather. I at the weather
(06:18):
and the sunlight, and I know that's like so cliche
and so many people talk about it. When I'm in Australia,
I spend I would say a good three to four
hours outdoor outdoors a day. I'm walking my dog, I
go for walks, I work in my backyard. I really
like the sunshine and it really doesn't get that cold.
Some people complain about it, but it's like it's really
(06:40):
not that bad. The sun setting at like four pm
has smashed me and also made it very hard to
fight jet lag because as soon as it hits four pm,
I want to have like a little mold wine and
I want to go to bed, and what baby wants
baby gets. So I've been letting my self through that.
(07:01):
I've been like holding out till like seven thirty eight,
but definitely, like I'm the jet like is making it harder,
and I just feel like the difficulty of being indoors
a lot more and not getting as much sunshine has
been difficult. Also coming at Christmas time. I like the
week we got here, I went and had dinner with
like two of my best friends, Stephan Joe who moved
(07:23):
like three months before we did. And Steph we were
like having dinner and she was like, have you been
shoved yet? And I was like no, what the heck?
And She's like I was like, no, I haven't been shoved.
Nobody shoves, Nobody's gonna shove me. Like I'm pretty tall,
I'm like got broad shoulders, Like no one's gonna shove me.
And she was like, one of these days, you're gonna
get shoved, You're gonna get pushed, and then you're gonna
(07:45):
come to me and say this today was the day
that I was shoved. I'm officially I can say I'm
living in London, and then it literally happened the next day,
getting on the tube, getting on the bus. I feel
like there's so much bodily contact with strangers that like
I don't have in Australia, and a lot less like
cheerio and high and chatting. Maybe just because it's winter.
That's been a little bit of an adjustment also, you know,
(08:09):
just to take a turn, Like you know, there was
a like a terrorist attack in Australia went like a
lesson five days after we got here. It was like
this anti Semitic terrorist attack in a place that like
we called home and that we visited and that we knew.
(08:30):
I my to my best friends used to live across
the road from where the festival, the Harnker Festival was
being held, and I remember, like this is wild, but
two years ago when it was being held, I was
pet sitting their dog and watching the festival and to
think that like, yeah, oh my god, I need to
(08:52):
not get emotional about it because it's very sad. But
you know, in Australia, like this stuff doesn't happened and
I know everybody says that, but it really doesn't. And
it's so shocking and it's been hard. I'm excited about
living in London, but it has been hard feeling like
you want to mourn and grieve and be around friends
(09:15):
and family, but they're thousands of miles away and you
don't live in that city anymore, and everyone around you
in this new city that you live in is carrying
on as usual and it just doesn't feel like it's
just a weird transplant moment where you're like, I just
want to talk to somebody about this, and yeah, everybody's
(09:35):
just kind of going on about that day. Like when
Australia is asleep, we're awake and so you know, you
go to bed and then all this news comes in
and you wake up and you have nobody to really
process it with. And there's a lot of Australians in
London and in the UK, and it's been this weird
experience where I was in Sainsbury's the other day and
I like heard somebody with an Australian accent and it
(09:58):
was weird. I like wanted to Oh my god, I
don't want to cry, but like I wanted to go
over and say hi and just be like it was
it this weird gravitational pool of like this terrible thing
has happened, and like it was a weird. I'm not
going to go up to a stranger and be like, hey,
can you help me process like I don't know, like
(10:19):
my my weird disenfranchised grief and maybe you also guilt
for not being able to support the victims and in
my friends and family. So yeah, wow, that took a turn.
It took a turn, but it's it's just been a
weird experience being like just wanting to do something for
(10:39):
your community and these people and they have lost their
lives and these victims and having to just kind of
watch from a thousand miles away and hope that like
the love that you're sending from Afar is being received
and that I don't know, it's just so awful. It's
just so awful. But some of the other like how
(11:02):
do you change, how do how do we theme change
from here? Let's talk about maybe apartment hunting. There we go. Ow,
it's funny because like, as this has been happening, like
also like we don't really have a place to live,
and it was really stressing me out, like when we
got here and then this has happened, it just feels
like it doesn't really matter as much. Like it's been
(11:23):
very bizarre where I'm like, oh, you know, the first
few days we were here, we got like some bad
news that like our sublet had fallen through and these
like some amazing couple had like offered to let us
sublet their home for three months because they were going
to the US, and then her visa got denied. So
we literally found out like on the plane that like, oh,
we don't have anywhere to live come January. So it's
(11:46):
been like this very rapid series of events and things
that are going on. Apartment hunting in London is not
for the week. I will just say that the amount
of price gouging that has had like people who were like, well,
we will offer, and then they'll say, well, somebody else
has just offered more and we've accepted their offer. But
(12:08):
if you want to offer nine hundred quid, like we
could totally go for that. And then we're like, oh yeah, okay,
we can offer that. They go oh bound luck like
somebody else has come back with the other offering, Like
what is going on in this location? And then just
like getting references in and how quickly things move. Uh,
fingers crossed. By the time you're listening to this episode,
(12:28):
we will have an apartment because we put in an offer,
it got accepted, we put in our references. That literally
happened within twenty four hours. Like we we reached out
and like we want to see the place, and then
we saw it, and then we put an offer and
it was accepted, and then they did our references. We
haven't heard anything since, so I'm like, fingers crossed, it's
(12:51):
gonna be okay. But that has just been like a
whole like experience of just of stress, Like moving countries
is deeply, deeply stressful. And I think I was a
little bit naive and thinking, like it's not going to
be that bad because I work for myself and like
I don't have to job hunt. I thought that because
I don't have to look for a job, this is
(13:11):
going to be really easy. No, it's just a major
adjustment and it's definitely like given me a bit of
a flare up in yeah, some obsessive thinking, some anxious thinking,
and I like before we left, I was like, why
am I so stressed? Why am I so emotional, and
Tom and my friends were like, because you're moving countries
and I was like, yeah, but we're not there yet,
so it's like it shouldn't be this overwhelming, and yeah,
(13:33):
I think I definitely underestimated. Yeah, how overwhelming it's going
to be. How weird it is to say goodbye to
everybody but still feel like you know you saw them
a week ago, which is like kind of normal you
sometimes don't see your friends for a week, but knowing
like you're not going to see them the next few
weeks and having that bit of loneliness as well. I've
(13:54):
only been here for I don't know how long has
it been, like genuinely a week, and I've already felt
this pressure like how come I do not have any
new friends here? It's like, have you've been here for
a week? And like, how can we Our apartment that
we don't even have the keys to isn't fully furnished yet,
and how come we don't have our UK bank accounts open?
And I don't know if this has been your experience
if you've moved countries in your twenties, but it feels
(14:17):
like you get here and you expect your life to
be pre built, and you forget that like the city
you were in before and maybe the one before that,
you had to build that from nothing and you had
to build that up. That's not just going to be
transplanted to wherever you are. So I'm excited about that process.
I'm also very nervous about it, and I want to
talk about my approach, my game plan. I'm a very
(14:40):
efficient person and I like to have like my steps
and plays for like how I'm going to achieve something,
how I'm going to achieve friendship. So I'm gonna talk
about that after this short break. Stay with us, okay,
so we'll here we're in London. Couple questions that people
(15:01):
had for me about the move. The first is what
is happening to Tayloo my dog? So, in case you
don't know, I adopted a dog this last year this
year and she's a line of my life and she
is wonderful. It is quite difficult to get pets into
the UK, but also to get pets back into Australia.
(15:23):
This kind of feeds into another question, which is how
long do you plan to stay? And the thing is
is that we don't know. So our decision process was
there is no point putting her through the process of
moving if in six months even a year where like,
we actually don't like it here and we want to
move back. So what we're going to do is give
(15:45):
ourselves six months to make a decision on how long
do we want to stay, and if it's less than
a year, we won't move her over, and if it's
more then we will. Trust me, she is fine, having
the time of her life. She's staying with my parents
and my sisters. They really wanted another dog, really want
(16:09):
another dog, but my childhood dog is quite elderly and
he's still alive, and they didn't want to get a
puppy or they didn't want to get, you know, a
new untrained dog when our childhood dog was still alive
and like, you know, you don't want his replacement to
be sitting right there. It's kind of like a weird
cruel thing. But they did really want like another dog
(16:29):
in the house, especially as he's getting older, and it
just kind of worked out perfectly. Also, because my parents
are going to be empty nesters in the next couple
of years, they didn't want to get a new dog
and then be like, now we don't have any kids,
at home to play with this dog. And you know,
my sisters really want a dog, but like you know,
they're going to be out of home and they're not
going to take care of it and they're not going
(16:49):
to be around. So actually it's worked out really really well,
and her and my childhood dog get along very well.
It's very cute. My sister also has this cat that
she found, uh, who's very cute actually, and they're like
giving along. And my other sister has a rabbit. My
three sisters, I have a dog, my sister has a rabbit,
my other sister has a cat. They all look exactly
(17:10):
the same. They are all a very specific kind of
black and white animal. And like we always joke that
that's like out yeah, like the reflection of our soul
is in the pets that we chose, but the fact
they all look the same is quite funny. Like we
have the same pet in different fonts. So Tyler was fine,
Tyler was very happy. Kind of hurt my feelings a
(17:33):
little bit when I don't actually think she knows that
I'm gone. I'm sure she does, but like my sisters
are sending me photos, I'm like, this dog is having
a great time. Not that I wanted her to feel sad,
but I was like, oh great, she she's already forgotten
about me, which is both a good, happy and kind
of like a bittersweet thing. Second question, how long we
gonna stay? Sorry to properly address that, the like, ultimately,
(17:55):
my visa is for three years, and then we can
apply for permanent see if we love it. That's probably
getting a little bit ahead of myself. I'm just going
to see how the first six months goes, and if
we love it, if we're enjoying it, if we're making
progress towards loving it, we will stay. We will bring
over our beautiful dog, and hopefully be happy with that decision.
(18:16):
But I also am like trying not to be afraid
of saying I'm wrong and going back on decisions because
they're not right. I had this big thing before I left,
of like what if I moved to London and I
don't like it and you know people, and then I
have to tell people I don't like it and I
have to move home and I'm a failure, And like,
I'm not having any of that anymore. I'm just cutting
(18:37):
off that thought from my brain. If it's not right,
I'm not gonna linger. I'm not going to try and
convince myself it's right. I'm going to give it the
best I've got and then just trust that things are
going to fall into place. And if it's not and
the feeling isn't there, we move on to the next thing.
We move home, we move somewhere else. How am I
going to make friends? This is not the first time
(19:00):
I've moved to a new city that I do not know.
I moved to Canberra for university. I moved to Sydney
after university. Now I live in London. I know that
it's going to take three months to feel good about
the decision, six months to feel like I have some
(19:22):
friends and I have some community, and part of that
is just time. I often give this advice to people
who are like, I've moved to a new city, What
do I do? You've got to abide by the six
month rule. The first three months are going to be
really hard. The first six months are going to be difficult.
But it's almost a science that, like when you hit
the six month mark, something will change for you, especially
(19:47):
if this is where you're meant to be, especially if
you're putting in the time and putting in the effort
to making relationships, to making community. Six months is it,
And so I genuinely feel like I'm strapping myself in
for this, Like marathon, I'm strapping myself in for the
next six months, and I'm just like, let's go, let's
work really hard at making this feel like home. The
(20:11):
biggest things I'm going to be doing is I'm joining
a book club, I'm volunteering, I'm joining a boxing group,
and I'm joining a run club. Ready made groups, Communities
like that that I can fit into and hopefully offer
some services to or offer like and really just like
be a part of have always been my go to.
(20:31):
When I moved to Sydney, I joined a life drawing class,
I joined a climbing gym. I then like later on,
I joined a pottery studio. Kind of fallen out of
love with those hobbies, but I'm like, great, it's time
for the next round. And I made some wonderful, amazing
friends that way. The other thing I'm committing to doing
is same grocery stores, same coffee shops, same gym, same
(20:54):
route to work, I same restaurants, Like I want to
meet the people in my neighborhood, That is genuinely how
I made three of my best friends when I moved
to Sydney. I met them through consistently interacting with my
environment and with like literally like the institutions of my
(21:16):
community in a really consistent way. Because I was like,
if I have this routine and somebody else has this
routine and it's similar, A, We're going to see each
other a lot. B We're probably going to be quite
similar people. So that is something I always give people
advice to do, is like, yes, explore your new city,
but like say hi to people in your local spaces
(21:37):
and show up to things at the same time across
your week. You will meet like minded people. The other
thing I've asked my friends back in Australia and my
friends already living here to do is to platonically set
me up with people. I'm committed to the mutual friend route.
(21:59):
If my friend like somebody, I would say ninety nine
percent of the time, I'm gonna like them as well.
One of my soul sisters, Gracie, this is how we met.
I'm using like try like things that I previously have
evidence for. I was in Sydney, I was really lonely,
and I remember calling my dad up and being like,
I just really want a friend, and he was like,
(22:19):
ask your friends if they know anybody asked to be
set up, and we went on like a blind friendship
date together and it was like love at first sight.
So I've already got a few of those things planned,
and I'm also gonna do some community events with the
Psychology of your twenties, because I don't know if you
guys know this, London is the biggest city of listeners.
(22:40):
I've already met some of you here. I think I've
already met like five or six of you. Shout out
to the girls at UCL who I ran into when
i'd had a few wines the other night coming home
in Camden, thank you for saying I and I just
feel like you guys are so cool and I'm totally
down for like being friends with listeners, particularly because I
(23:03):
feel like you guys and me would have so much
in common and I think you guys are really cool
and every time I meet you, I want to be
your friends anyways, So I'm going to lean in heavily
to that, and I'm also going to join a co
working space. I think something that has made the last
few months in Sydney. Particularly hard for me was because
(23:28):
I knew I was leaving. I just like spent a
lot of time at home and I I wasn't going
to my co working space, I wasn't finding a new
coworking space. I wasn't really putting anything new in place
to make community and to get out of my house
because I was like, there's not really a point. I'm
gonna be gone soon. And the thing is is that
(23:49):
it's like a terrible attitude to have, and it meant
that I just spent a lot of time in my
little second bedroom office dungeon and then was wondering why
I felt so terrible. I'm not doing that again this time.
I have booked my membership, I've booked my coworking space.
I'm gonna be the most jolly person at that we
(24:10):
work and I'm gonna make everybody be friends with me.
And I'm gonna get out of my house and I'm
gonna be productive outside of my home. Another question somebody asked,
is any advice I want to make a similar move
from Australia to the UK. Okay, biggest piece of advice
is the visa is gonna cost you a lot more
(24:32):
than you think, specifically because you have to pay the
healthcare levee. So just take that into account and make
sure that you were prepared for that. Don't buy the service.
This is so oddly specific. Do not buy the service
that says they will scan your documents for you, because
it is a lie. Sorry, I'm so angry about this,
but when I got my visa, they had like this
(24:54):
optional service. It was like fifty dollars and they'd scan
your documents and I did it, and guess what, they
don't scan them. You have to scan them yourself. You
have to send them to them and then they'll send
them through for you. So don't listen to their lives.
They don't actually scan them. Sorry, don't do that. Have
at least I would say two months to three months
of savings, maybe even more. It's kind of similar to
(25:17):
when you quit your job, right because I'm assuming most
of you will have to quit your job to move here.
But even if you don't like it's an expensive place
to live, I've already noticed that. Something I took for
granted is that we have GST included in Australia. They
do not, so you'll pay for your food and then
it'll be like, wait, what the heck twenty percent more
on top of the bill because we don't have that right, Like,
(25:39):
even if we do, it's quite minimal. It's an expensive city.
Rent is really expensive. Save as much as you can also,
so that when you get here you can kind of
enjoy yourself and you don't feel like you're scrambling, you
don't feel like you're very stressed. That's something that we've
had in the first few days, not with jobs, but
with housing and other things that are going on. That
(26:03):
just meant that it's beautiful time in London's Christmas markets,
and it's been kind of hard to enjoy it because
it's been like we have to go home and do
all these things. So if you can make money less
of a stressor, I would say do it. Also, don't
bring all of your bags on the plane we took.
We've done two like big suitcases and one let little
(26:23):
mini carry on suitcase and like a backpack each. We
had friends like ship their stuff over on a boat.
It cost a lot of money to get an extra suitcase,
especially since mine was overweight it was like forty kilos.
But when they shipped it on the boat, and then
they went and picked it up. I think it was
like so much cheaper. So that's an option. Don't bother
bringing furniture, Bring as little as possible. Clear out your wardrobe.
(26:46):
I brought too many clothes I've gotten here. I'm not
wearing them now. I have to get rid of them
when I'm already here and I paid to bring them over.
Just really take like this minimal approach, Like one of
my neighbors said to me before we left, like, oh,
this is like one of the rare opportunities you have
to travel quite light through life, like your your soul
is kind of not as burdened by physical possessions. You
(27:09):
can go anywhere, be anything, choose anything. And that felt
really nice to me. So I'm really trying to embrace
that and live quite minimally in this moment. And I
would recommend doing that as well also just because it
saves you money and frustration. But those would be my
biggest tips, I think in maybe three months. I think
at the six month mark, actually I'm going to do
(27:30):
another episode if you guys want it, of course, Like
I'm going to do another episode about my thoughts right now. Yes,
a lot of has happened in the first week that
we've been here. I'm still incredibly optimistic about it. And
maybe I'm like applying my like Sydney learnings to London
when it is a different city and might be a
bit harder to get my foot in the door in
(27:52):
terms of routines and the community and friendship. But I
am really committed trying and for not making the same
mistakes that I've made previously when I've moved to new cities,
which is only relying on the friends I already have
there and being kind of isolated. So I'm going to
give you guys an update in six months, maybe like
(28:14):
the next thing you'll hear about this, like I'm back
in Australia and we just won't address it ever again.
But I have a good feeling about it, just like
I have a good feeling about twenty twenty six. So yeah,
let's see what happens. I'm really excited. I want to
also thank you guys for, like you know, obviously listening
to the podcast and allowing me to move here, and yeah,
(28:36):
you made this happen for me, so I feel like
it's my win. It's also a win for all of
us and I really appreciate all the listens from this
year and all the support. I'm in a really grateful,
sappy mood. I'm just very emotional at the moment, so yeah,
I'm just projecting and just being like, I love you
guys also much. But it's true and I'm very grateful.
(28:56):
Especially with my book this year and with the tour
and mixup, I to do a lot more stuff in Europe.
So if you're an European listener, if you're a London listener,
hopefully I'll get to meet you this year. Next year,
hopefully I'll see you around. That sounds strange to say,
but hopefully we get to be friends. That's something I'm
really looking forward to. If you enjoyed this episode, maybe
(29:16):
leave leave a little British emoji in the comments down below,
especially if you've made it this far, if you are
have moved cities, move countries in your twenties, or if
you are a London listener, give me some tips. What
should I know? What's something that you wish you knew
when you moved here or moved anywhere. Also follow us
on Instagram at that Psychology Podcast or at gemmaspeg if
(29:37):
you want to see some more personal updates with my
with my transition to London life, and until next time,
stay safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself. We will
talk very very soon.
Hello everybody. I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the
Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through
the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our twenties and
what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back
(00:27):
to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners,
old listeners. Wherever you are in the world, it is
so great to have you here. Back for another episode
as we, of course break down the Psychology of our twenties. Today, guys,
I have some big news. I moved to London. Might
(00:50):
not be big news for some of you who follow
me on Instagram, but it's true. I've made the leap
across the pond. The Psychology of Your Twenties is a
ficial a UK based podcast. It's been very exciting and
I want to talk about my decision to move overseas
(01:10):
in my twenties, what's been going on, what we've learnt,
some of the failing, some of the harder parts, the
cultural adjustments, and yeah, just some advice that I would
give for people who want to do the same, and
how I'm going to plan to meet friends and all
that kind of stuff. Like there's just a lot to
talk about. To begin with, I move with my boyfriend,
(01:33):
with my lovely, amazing boyfriend, and I'm going to tell
you the story of how we decided on London and
kind of when we decided and how we decided to move.
So taking it all the way back to when I
first met him. When I first met Tom, I feel
like you guys know the story, but it was very unexpected.
(01:53):
I was in Bali, I was on hinge, and I
matched with this guy then ended up ghosting in for
a little bit. That guy, I've now been with him
for like almost three years and he's incredible. At the
time that I met him though, I had just quit
my full time job and I was like, I'm a
single girl in her twenties. I want to move to London.
(02:15):
And for those who are in the UK or in Australia,
you'll know it's like a big trend. There's like a
whole joke that you turn twenty five in Australia and
you move to London. Like it's a very classic, like
my migratory pattern, like a lot of people do it.
I genuinely think that at this point I have more
friends in like Australian friends in London than I did
(02:37):
in Sydney because of just like you know how how
classic it is. And I was like, you know what,
London sounds great. I like knew a lot of people here,
and I was going to move at the end of
the year, and then I met this amazing person. And
I feel like when I met Tom, I was in
such a great centered headspace of like a man does
(02:59):
not come first, and if this guy, who I obviously
am really into like isn't doesn't have the same dreams
as me, that's okay, but like I'm not gonna pretend
it's going to work. So very quickly I said to him,
I want to let you know, like I really plan
on living overseas wherever that may be, Like my heart's
really set on like either London or like Seattle or
(03:25):
I think I also really wanted to move to Copenhagen.
And I was like, my heart's really set on that,
So you know it is a deal breaker if that's
not in your life plans, can you let me know?
He like took some time away and was like, I've
decided that I would really want to do that with
you if things go well. Obviously we've literally have been
dating for six months. Now that I think about it,
it's just a little bit wild that. I was like,
(03:46):
so when am we gonna move overseas And he's like,
I don't even I don't even know your blood type,
I don't know your parents, like you know, but I
would recommend it. We got very clear on it. He
is a lawyer. I don't know if I've told said
that before, but he's a lawyer. And in Australia, you
become a lawyer and then you have to do two
years of like professional practicing, So technically is a lawyer,
(04:08):
but you've got to get this thing called PAE. You've
got a practice and then you can become a like
a I'm gonna butcher it, but like a licensed lawyer,
like you can practice without supervision. It's kind of the
same with like doing residency as a doctor. And he
said to me, you know I have to do this though,
So here's the kicker. If you want to move, you're
(04:29):
gonna have to give me two years because he literally
just become a lawyer, so you don't have to give
me two years. And I, yeah, you know, now that
story has a good end, But I at the time,
like everybody was like why are you doing that? Like
why are you gonna put your life on hold, put
a dream that you have on hold for two years
for this guy that you've only known for six months,
and like, hope it's gonna work out. And he says
(04:50):
he wants to come with you, but what if he doesn't?
I you I could trust him the two years just
like flew by. At the start of this year, we
sat down and we were like, are we going to
do this? Like is this something that we're going to do?
You know, that was a goal I set and you
really he also was really keen on like a little
while ago now, like time like a year in your
(05:10):
twenties is like five years, Like so much can change
during that time, Like is this still something that we
want to do? And you know, he said, I'm so
freco lutely let's do it. So we set a date.
We were like, dessemble works really really well because obviously
that's when he passes, like finished this as pae and
we booked our flights and it all happened very very quickly.
(05:36):
This is the ironic thing. This is the weird thing
to have a plan, Like we should have planned more, right,
We knew this was going to happen for two years,
and I genuinely think we only made the plans for
it to happen in the last two months. Like I
know that we booked our flights in October mainly because
life is just very busy and chaotic. And it's not
that we weren't committed to going, but I think we
(05:57):
were just like, when is going to be the right
time do we do before Christmas? After Christmas? And it
just kind of ended up working that, Yeah, we've moved
right before the holidays, and it's beautiful and it's Christmasy.
So far it has been incredible. Here have been the
biggest adjustments. Firstly is the weather. I at the weather
(06:18):
and the sunlight, and I know that's like so cliche
and so many people talk about it. When I'm in Australia,
I spend I would say a good three to four
hours outdoor outdoors a day. I'm walking my dog, I
go for walks, I work in my backyard. I really
like the sunshine and it really doesn't get that cold.
Some people complain about it, but it's like it's really
(06:40):
not that bad. The sun setting at like four pm
has smashed me and also made it very hard to
fight jet lag because as soon as it hits four pm,
I want to have like a little mold wine and
I want to go to bed, and what baby wants
baby gets. So I've been letting my self through that.
(07:01):
I've been like holding out till like seven thirty eight,
but definitely, like I'm the jet like is making it harder,
and I just feel like the difficulty of being indoors
a lot more and not getting as much sunshine has
been difficult. Also coming at Christmas time. I like the
week we got here, I went and had dinner with
like two of my best friends, Stephan Joe who moved
(07:23):
like three months before we did. And Steph we were
like having dinner and she was like, have you been
shoved yet? And I was like no, what the heck?
And She's like I was like, no, I haven't been shoved.
Nobody shoves, Nobody's gonna shove me. Like I'm pretty tall,
I'm like got broad shoulders, Like no one's gonna shove me.
And she was like, one of these days, you're gonna
get shoved, You're gonna get pushed, and then you're gonna
(07:45):
come to me and say this today was the day
that I was shoved. I'm officially I can say I'm
living in London, and then it literally happened the next day,
getting on the tube, getting on the bus. I feel
like there's so much bodily contact with strangers that like
I don't have in Australia, and a lot less like
cheerio and high and chatting. Maybe just because it's winter.
That's been a little bit of an adjustment also, you know,
(08:09):
just to take a turn, Like you know, there was
a like a terrorist attack in Australia went like a
lesson five days after we got here. It was like
this anti Semitic terrorist attack in a place that like
we called home and that we visited and that we knew.
(08:30):
I my to my best friends used to live across
the road from where the festival, the Harnker Festival was
being held, and I remember, like this is wild, but
two years ago when it was being held, I was
pet sitting their dog and watching the festival and to
think that like, yeah, oh my god, I need to
(08:52):
not get emotional about it because it's very sad. But
you know, in Australia, like this stuff doesn't happened and
I know everybody says that, but it really doesn't. And
it's so shocking and it's been hard. I'm excited about
living in London, but it has been hard feeling like
you want to mourn and grieve and be around friends
(09:15):
and family, but they're thousands of miles away and you
don't live in that city anymore, and everyone around you
in this new city that you live in is carrying
on as usual and it just doesn't feel like it's
just a weird transplant moment where you're like, I just
want to talk to somebody about this, and yeah, everybody's
(09:35):
just kind of going on about that day. Like when
Australia is asleep, we're awake and so you know, you
go to bed and then all this news comes in
and you wake up and you have nobody to really
process it with. And there's a lot of Australians in
London and in the UK, and it's been this weird
experience where I was in Sainsbury's the other day and
I like heard somebody with an Australian accent and it
(09:58):
was weird. I like wanted to Oh my god, I
don't want to cry, but like I wanted to go
over and say hi and just be like it was
it this weird gravitational pool of like this terrible thing
has happened, and like it was a weird. I'm not
going to go up to a stranger and be like, hey,
can you help me process like I don't know, like
(10:19):
my my weird disenfranchised grief and maybe you also guilt
for not being able to support the victims and in
my friends and family. So yeah, wow, that took a turn.
It took a turn, but it's it's just been a
weird experience being like just wanting to do something for
(10:39):
your community and these people and they have lost their
lives and these victims and having to just kind of
watch from a thousand miles away and hope that like
the love that you're sending from Afar is being received
and that I don't know, it's just so awful. It's
just so awful. But some of the other like how
(11:02):
do you change, how do how do we theme change
from here? Let's talk about maybe apartment hunting. There we go. Ow,
it's funny because like, as this has been happening, like
also like we don't really have a place to live,
and it was really stressing me out, like when we
got here and then this has happened, it just feels
like it doesn't really matter as much. Like it's been
(11:23):
very bizarre where I'm like, oh, you know, the first
few days we were here, we got like some bad
news that like our sublet had fallen through and these
like some amazing couple had like offered to let us
sublet their home for three months because they were going
to the US, and then her visa got denied. So
we literally found out like on the plane that like, oh,
we don't have anywhere to live come January. So it's
(11:46):
been like this very rapid series of events and things
that are going on. Apartment hunting in London is not
for the week. I will just say that the amount
of price gouging that has had like people who were like, well,
we will offer, and then they'll say, well, somebody else
has just offered more and we've accepted their offer. But
(12:08):
if you want to offer nine hundred quid, like we
could totally go for that. And then we're like, oh yeah, okay,
we can offer that. They go oh bound luck like
somebody else has come back with the other offering, Like
what is going on in this location? And then just
like getting references in and how quickly things move. Uh,
fingers crossed. By the time you're listening to this episode,
(12:28):
we will have an apartment because we put in an offer,
it got accepted, we put in our references. That literally
happened within twenty four hours. Like we we reached out
and like we want to see the place, and then
we saw it, and then we put an offer and
it was accepted, and then they did our references. We
haven't heard anything since, so I'm like, fingers crossed, it's
(12:51):
gonna be okay. But that has just been like a
whole like experience of just of stress, Like moving countries
is deeply, deeply stressful. And I think I was a
little bit naive and thinking, like it's not going to
be that bad because I work for myself and like
I don't have to job hunt. I thought that because
I don't have to look for a job, this is
(13:11):
going to be really easy. No, it's just a major
adjustment and it's definitely like given me a bit of
a flare up in yeah, some obsessive thinking, some anxious thinking,
and I like before we left, I was like, why
am I so stressed? Why am I so emotional, and
Tom and my friends were like, because you're moving countries
and I was like, yeah, but we're not there yet,
so it's like it shouldn't be this overwhelming, and yeah,
(13:33):
I think I definitely underestimated. Yeah, how overwhelming it's going
to be. How weird it is to say goodbye to
everybody but still feel like you know you saw them
a week ago, which is like kind of normal you
sometimes don't see your friends for a week, but knowing
like you're not going to see them the next few
weeks and having that bit of loneliness as well. I've
(13:54):
only been here for I don't know how long has
it been, like genuinely a week, and I've already felt
this pressure like how come I do not have any
new friends here? It's like, have you've been here for
a week? And like, how can we Our apartment that
we don't even have the keys to isn't fully furnished yet,
and how come we don't have our UK bank accounts open?
And I don't know if this has been your experience
if you've moved countries in your twenties, but it feels
(14:17):
like you get here and you expect your life to
be pre built, and you forget that like the city
you were in before and maybe the one before that,
you had to build that from nothing and you had
to build that up. That's not just going to be
transplanted to wherever you are. So I'm excited about that process.
I'm also very nervous about it, and I want to
talk about my approach, my game plan. I'm a very
(14:40):
efficient person and I like to have like my steps
and plays for like how I'm going to achieve something,
how I'm going to achieve friendship. So I'm gonna talk
about that after this short break. Stay with us, okay,
so we'll here we're in London. Couple questions that people
(15:01):
had for me about the move. The first is what
is happening to Tayloo my dog? So, in case you
don't know, I adopted a dog this last year this
year and she's a line of my life and she
is wonderful. It is quite difficult to get pets into
the UK, but also to get pets back into Australia.
(15:23):
This kind of feeds into another question, which is how
long do you plan to stay? And the thing is
is that we don't know. So our decision process was
there is no point putting her through the process of
moving if in six months even a year where like,
we actually don't like it here and we want to
move back. So what we're going to do is give
(15:45):
ourselves six months to make a decision on how long
do we want to stay, and if it's less than
a year, we won't move her over, and if it's
more then we will. Trust me, she is fine, having
the time of her life. She's staying with my parents
and my sisters. They really wanted another dog, really want
(16:09):
another dog, but my childhood dog is quite elderly and
he's still alive, and they didn't want to get a
puppy or they didn't want to get, you know, a
new untrained dog when our childhood dog was still alive
and like, you know, you don't want his replacement to
be sitting right there. It's kind of like a weird
cruel thing. But they did really want like another dog
(16:29):
in the house, especially as he's getting older, and it
just kind of worked out perfectly. Also, because my parents
are going to be empty nesters in the next couple
of years, they didn't want to get a new dog
and then be like, now we don't have any kids,
at home to play with this dog. And you know,
my sisters really want a dog, but like you know,
they're going to be out of home and they're not
going to take care of it and they're not going
(16:49):
to be around. So actually it's worked out really really well,
and her and my childhood dog get along very well.
It's very cute. My sister also has this cat that
she found, uh, who's very cute actually, and they're like
giving along. And my other sister has a rabbit. My
three sisters, I have a dog, my sister has a rabbit,
my other sister has a cat. They all look exactly
(17:10):
the same. They are all a very specific kind of
black and white animal. And like we always joke that
that's like out yeah, like the reflection of our soul
is in the pets that we chose, but the fact
they all look the same is quite funny. Like we
have the same pet in different fonts. So Tyler was fine,
Tyler was very happy. Kind of hurt my feelings a
(17:33):
little bit when I don't actually think she knows that
I'm gone. I'm sure she does, but like my sisters
are sending me photos, I'm like, this dog is having
a great time. Not that I wanted her to feel sad,
but I was like, oh great, she she's already forgotten
about me, which is both a good, happy and kind
of like a bittersweet thing. Second question, how long we
gonna stay? Sorry to properly address that, the like, ultimately,
(17:55):
my visa is for three years, and then we can
apply for permanent see if we love it. That's probably
getting a little bit ahead of myself. I'm just going
to see how the first six months goes, and if
we love it, if we're enjoying it, if we're making
progress towards loving it, we will stay. We will bring
over our beautiful dog, and hopefully be happy with that decision.
(18:16):
But I also am like trying not to be afraid
of saying I'm wrong and going back on decisions because
they're not right. I had this big thing before I left,
of like what if I moved to London and I
don't like it and you know people, and then I
have to tell people I don't like it and I
have to move home and I'm a failure, And like,
I'm not having any of that anymore. I'm just cutting
(18:37):
off that thought from my brain. If it's not right,
I'm not gonna linger. I'm not going to try and
convince myself it's right. I'm going to give it the
best I've got and then just trust that things are
going to fall into place. And if it's not and
the feeling isn't there, we move on to the next thing.
We move home, we move somewhere else. How am I
going to make friends? This is not the first time
(19:00):
I've moved to a new city that I do not know.
I moved to Canberra for university. I moved to Sydney
after university. Now I live in London. I know that
it's going to take three months to feel good about
the decision, six months to feel like I have some
(19:22):
friends and I have some community, and part of that
is just time. I often give this advice to people
who are like, I've moved to a new city, What
do I do? You've got to abide by the six
month rule. The first three months are going to be
really hard. The first six months are going to be difficult.
But it's almost a science that, like when you hit
the six month mark, something will change for you, especially
(19:47):
if this is where you're meant to be, especially if
you're putting in the time and putting in the effort
to making relationships, to making community. Six months is it,
And so I genuinely feel like I'm strapping myself in
for this, Like marathon, I'm strapping myself in for the
next six months, and I'm just like, let's go, let's
work really hard at making this feel like home. The
(20:11):
biggest things I'm going to be doing is I'm joining
a book club, I'm volunteering, I'm joining a boxing group,
and I'm joining a run club. Ready made groups, Communities
like that that I can fit into and hopefully offer
some services to or offer like and really just like
be a part of have always been my go to.
(20:31):
When I moved to Sydney, I joined a life drawing class,
I joined a climbing gym. I then like later on,
I joined a pottery studio. Kind of fallen out of
love with those hobbies, but I'm like, great, it's time
for the next round. And I made some wonderful, amazing
friends that way. The other thing I'm committing to doing
is same grocery stores, same coffee shops, same gym, same
(20:54):
route to work, I same restaurants, Like I want to
meet the people in my neighborhood, That is genuinely how
I made three of my best friends when I moved
to Sydney. I met them through consistently interacting with my
environment and with like literally like the institutions of my
(21:16):
community in a really consistent way. Because I was like,
if I have this routine and somebody else has this
routine and it's similar, A, We're going to see each
other a lot. B We're probably going to be quite
similar people. So that is something I always give people
advice to do, is like, yes, explore your new city,
but like say hi to people in your local spaces
(21:37):
and show up to things at the same time across
your week. You will meet like minded people. The other
thing I've asked my friends back in Australia and my
friends already living here to do is to platonically set
me up with people. I'm committed to the mutual friend route.
(21:59):
If my friend like somebody, I would say ninety nine
percent of the time, I'm gonna like them as well.
One of my soul sisters, Gracie, this is how we met.
I'm using like try like things that I previously have
evidence for. I was in Sydney, I was really lonely,
and I remember calling my dad up and being like,
I just really want a friend, and he was like,
(22:19):
ask your friends if they know anybody asked to be
set up, and we went on like a blind friendship
date together and it was like love at first sight.
So I've already got a few of those things planned,
and I'm also gonna do some community events with the
Psychology of your twenties, because I don't know if you
guys know this, London is the biggest city of listeners.
(22:40):
I've already met some of you here. I think I've
already met like five or six of you. Shout out
to the girls at UCL who I ran into when
i'd had a few wines the other night coming home
in Camden, thank you for saying I and I just
feel like you guys are so cool and I'm totally
down for like being friends with listeners, particularly because I
(23:03):
feel like you guys and me would have so much
in common and I think you guys are really cool
and every time I meet you, I want to be
your friends anyways, So I'm going to lean in heavily
to that, and I'm also going to join a co
working space. I think something that has made the last
few months in Sydney. Particularly hard for me was because
(23:28):
I knew I was leaving. I just like spent a
lot of time at home and I I wasn't going
to my co working space, I wasn't finding a new
coworking space. I wasn't really putting anything new in place
to make community and to get out of my house
because I was like, there's not really a point. I'm
gonna be gone soon. And the thing is is that
(23:49):
it's like a terrible attitude to have, and it meant
that I just spent a lot of time in my
little second bedroom office dungeon and then was wondering why
I felt so terrible. I'm not doing that again this time.
I have booked my membership, I've booked my coworking space.
I'm gonna be the most jolly person at that we
(24:10):
work and I'm gonna make everybody be friends with me.
And I'm gonna get out of my house and I'm
gonna be productive outside of my home. Another question somebody asked,
is any advice I want to make a similar move
from Australia to the UK. Okay, biggest piece of advice
is the visa is gonna cost you a lot more
(24:32):
than you think, specifically because you have to pay the
healthcare levee. So just take that into account and make
sure that you were prepared for that. Don't buy the service.
This is so oddly specific. Do not buy the service
that says they will scan your documents for you, because
it is a lie. Sorry, I'm so angry about this,
but when I got my visa, they had like this
(24:54):
optional service. It was like fifty dollars and they'd scan
your documents and I did it, and guess what, they
don't scan them. You have to scan them yourself. You
have to send them to them and then they'll send
them through for you. So don't listen to their lives.
They don't actually scan them. Sorry, don't do that. Have
at least I would say two months to three months
of savings, maybe even more. It's kind of similar to
(25:17):
when you quit your job, right because I'm assuming most
of you will have to quit your job to move here.
But even if you don't like it's an expensive place
to live, I've already noticed that. Something I took for
granted is that we have GST included in Australia. They
do not, so you'll pay for your food and then
it'll be like, wait, what the heck twenty percent more
on top of the bill because we don't have that right, Like,
(25:39):
even if we do, it's quite minimal. It's an expensive city.
Rent is really expensive. Save as much as you can also,
so that when you get here you can kind of
enjoy yourself and you don't feel like you're scrambling, you
don't feel like you're very stressed. That's something that we've
had in the first few days, not with jobs, but
with housing and other things that are going on. That
(26:03):
just meant that it's beautiful time in London's Christmas markets,
and it's been kind of hard to enjoy it because
it's been like we have to go home and do
all these things. So if you can make money less
of a stressor, I would say do it. Also, don't
bring all of your bags on the plane we took.
We've done two like big suitcases and one let little
(26:23):
mini carry on suitcase and like a backpack each. We
had friends like ship their stuff over on a boat.
It cost a lot of money to get an extra suitcase,
especially since mine was overweight it was like forty kilos.
But when they shipped it on the boat, and then
they went and picked it up. I think it was
like so much cheaper. So that's an option. Don't bother
bringing furniture, Bring as little as possible. Clear out your wardrobe.
(26:46):
I brought too many clothes I've gotten here. I'm not
wearing them now. I have to get rid of them
when I'm already here and I paid to bring them over.
Just really take like this minimal approach, Like one of
my neighbors said to me before we left, like, oh,
this is like one of the rare opportunities you have
to travel quite light through life, like your your soul
is kind of not as burdened by physical possessions. You
(27:09):
can go anywhere, be anything, choose anything. And that felt
really nice to me. So I'm really trying to embrace
that and live quite minimally in this moment. And I
would recommend doing that as well also just because it
saves you money and frustration. But those would be my
biggest tips, I think in maybe three months. I think
at the six month mark, actually I'm going to do
(27:30):
another episode if you guys want it, of course, Like
I'm going to do another episode about my thoughts right now. Yes,
a lot of has happened in the first week that
we've been here. I'm still incredibly optimistic about it. And
maybe I'm like applying my like Sydney learnings to London
when it is a different city and might be a
bit harder to get my foot in the door in
(27:52):
terms of routines and the community and friendship. But I
am really committed trying and for not making the same
mistakes that I've made previously when I've moved to new cities,
which is only relying on the friends I already have
there and being kind of isolated. So I'm going to
give you guys an update in six months, maybe like
(28:14):
the next thing you'll hear about this, like I'm back
in Australia and we just won't address it ever again.
But I have a good feeling about it, just like
I have a good feeling about twenty twenty six. So yeah,
let's see what happens. I'm really excited. I want to
also thank you guys for, like you know, obviously listening
to the podcast and allowing me to move here, and yeah,
(28:36):
you made this happen for me, so I feel like
it's my win. It's also a win for all of
us and I really appreciate all the listens from this
year and all the support. I'm in a really grateful,
sappy mood. I'm just very emotional at the moment, so yeah,
I'm just projecting and just being like, I love you
guys also much. But it's true and I'm very grateful.
(28:56):
Especially with my book this year and with the tour
and mixup, I to do a lot more stuff in Europe.
So if you're an European listener, if you're a London listener,
hopefully I'll get to meet you this year. Next year,
hopefully I'll see you around. That sounds strange to say,
but hopefully we get to be friends. That's something I'm
really looking forward to. If you enjoyed this episode, maybe
(29:16):
leave leave a little British emoji in the comments down below,
especially if you've made it this far, if you are
have moved cities, move countries in your twenties, or if
you are a London listener, give me some tips. What
should I know? What's something that you wish you knew
when you moved here or moved anywhere. Also follow us
on Instagram at that Psychology Podcast or at gemmaspeg if
(29:37):
you want to see some more personal updates with my
with my transition to London life, and until next time,
stay safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself. We will
talk very very soon.
Host
Jemma Sbeghen
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