September 13, 2023 • 34 mins
Blindsided by a sudden breakup shortly after closing the gap on a long distance relationship, one caller is left heartbroken and confused by the continued mixed messages. Another caller is certain her masculine energy is preventing her from attracting the ideal man. Iyanla has some guidance for the both of them: Choose yourself, and grow some lady balls! It just might help them both find a relationship that works.
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This is a rebroadcast of Episode 9.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
I am a Yamla. I had a baby daddy relationship.
I spent time in a relationship with a married man.
I had to learn the skills and tools required to
make my relationships healthy, fulfilling and loving. Welcome to the Rspot,
a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Beloved
(00:35):
by Now, you know that if you come to me
with an issue, I am going to tell you some
things you probably don't want to hear. And for today's topic,
I've got something to say to most, if not every
woman out there, Grow some lady balls. It's a topic
I love to discuss and one I want to educate
(00:58):
women about. And as we get into our conversation today,
you'll see what I mean. Growing lady balls is all
about choosing you and my first caller and I get
to the heart of exactly what that means. Good afternoon, beloved,
Welcome to the R Spot, where we talk about all
(01:21):
things relationships. So how can I support you? What is
your issue, problem, challenge, dilemma today?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Wow, Good afternoon, Good afternoon. The reason that I am
calling in today is because I'm going through a breakup
right now. Okay, I was a long distance relationship for
(01:49):
two years. And so this relationship began right after a
divorce and my partner was never married, no children. I
have three children, and we were long distance, like I said,
(02:09):
for two years, and then in the last two months,
my partner moved closer to close the distance, and I thought,
you know, this was going to bring us closer. So
I just got a call on last week. There wasn't
really an argument that was out of the norm or anything.
(02:32):
There was a disagreement, and then we went five days
without talking. No one called, and that was very unusual
because usually my partner will call and just leave voice
messages and you know, send me emails and things like
that in the event that there is a time that
I shut down and don't communicate. This time, none of
(02:55):
that happened, and I got a call, and you know,
I was told during that time we weren't speaking. I
went out, I had a couple of drinks and I
kissed someone else, and I don't think we can fix this.
Since then, you've talked maybe once or twice. There's been
(03:17):
a lot of confusing conversation. I'm being told I do
want to repair. I'm not sure I know how to repair.
Then I'm also being told I'm not sure that I
want to repair? Or how do I know that you
know this is right? I thought everything was wonderful. I
thought everything was great. So I'm just I don't have
a lot of answers, and I'm really torn. I feel broken.
(03:41):
I felt numb about this, and I just feel.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Like I've truly lost my best friend.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Okay, And when I saw that this opportunity came up
to speak with you, I jumped on it because who's
better to speak with?
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Nah?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
I don't know if I'm the one. Are you sure
you want to speak to me? Because I'm going right
in for the jugular here?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Okay, all right, tell me what.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Is it that you really want to know? Let's get
clear about that first.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Should I wait?
Speaker 3 (04:15):
How do I move forward? Like?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Is there a chance maybe that we reconcile, we repair?
Does heartbreak ever feel better? Is it pain going to ever?
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Stop? But I can pull up?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Hold up? Hold up, hold up, Hold up, My sister woman,
you were in a long distance relationship for two years?
How many times did y'all see each other in that
two years? How often monthly? So you've seen them twenty
four times for how long? Each visit.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Sometimes it would be like a week, sometimes maybe a
few days. But this person seemed very invested in me.
I mean treated me like gold. I had no complaints.
I didn't have to to open a door, I didn't
have to carry any bags anywhere. I didn't have to
pay for any meals ever. Whatever I needed support, they
(05:08):
were there anytime we traveled. I didn't have much responsibility
at all. So this person seemed to be very genuine
and very giving.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
And what if he let me ask you this, were
you raised in the church? Yes, okay, have you ever
heard and I will send the comforter? Have you heard
that scripture?
Speaker 4 (05:32):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
What if he was just a comforter? What if he's
not forever and ever?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
I met?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
You said long distance relationship right after a divorce?
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (05:45):
What if he was your comforter? Beloved? I don't know
why as women we think everyone has to be the one.
What if he was the one for them?
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Right?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
What if? Could you just be grateful you didn't have
to open the door. Can you be grateful? He paid,
he invested in you. Can you be grateful he took
you out to dinner? Can you be grateful? Was the
sex good?
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Could you be grateful? You know how many people got
divorced eight years ago and it ain't had no nookie since then.
They are dying from lack of nookie. Could you just
be grateful to him, to your creator, to the universe,
to life, and now you know what you're looking for
(06:35):
in the next one. Why do we as women think
that everyone is the one? Because if he was the one,
he would know and he wouldn't be kissing somebody else.
And if they kissed, I don't know if that's where
it ended, right, What if that season is just over?
(06:56):
What do you need to do to have peace? How
do you choose you now? As opposed to worrying about him?
It was good and I'm grateful, he was great, and
I'm grateful, But I'm just not going to allow myself
to be torn up by somebody who don't know surely
(07:16):
clearly right now, that this is what they want. When
he figures it out, maybe he'll come back, maybe maybe not,
who knows, could be. But how do you choose you
in the meantime?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Right, I gotta figure it out?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
No, you don't. You just have to make a choice.
I did that one time. I had that situation. I mean,
this brother was off the chain, gorgeous, okay, sweet, calm,
spiritually grounded, focused, dedicated, and he had made a commitment
(07:53):
in his mind to himself that until he finished his
doctorate we were in graduate school together, that he wasn't
going to be in in a relationship. And so then
I showed up. Oops, you know, and we had a
great time together. We had it study together and went together. Well,
it was just wonderful. And he was tormented. Tormented. You know,
(08:16):
this is not what I want. I don't know if
this is what God wants for me. I made a
commitment I can't do a relationship in school and boot
bah the And normally my process would have been to
try to convince him of how wonderful and marvelous I was.
But I grew some lady. I had grown some lady balls.
You know what lady balls are. I'll tell you how
(08:40):
I grew lady balls. After the break, welcome back. My
caller is learning how to stand up for herself, and
right before the break, I was going to share with
her how I did it. I had grown some lady,
(09:00):
and I said, you know what, if he don't want
to be with me, something must be wrong with him,
and I'm gonna let him go. So you know what
I told him one day when he was covetching and
moaning and groaning about I don't know if this is
what I want to do. And well, we done done everything,
we done eight together, slept together, shared money together, and
you still don't know. Okay, I'll tell you what. And
(09:21):
I looked him in his face. I said, you know,
I really enjoy being with you. This has been wonderful.
This has been marvelous. But you know what, you figure
out what you want to do, and when you figure
that out, let me know. In the meantime, I'm out
because I had to choose me. And you know what
I found out about three weeks after I did that.
(09:42):
You want to know, don't you?
Speaker 4 (09:44):
I do?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
That he was living with another woman.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yeah, that's what I said. Wow, So I just dodged
that bullet. Yes, what if you're dodging a bullet?
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Right?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
You got to dust off your lady balls. Your lady
balls are dusty. Don't think that because you had a divorce.
Oh God, here we go again. I'm losing another one.
I'm losing another relationship. Forget that. He doesn't know if
he wants to be with you. You can't convince him.
(10:21):
Let him go. If it's yours, it'll come back, all right. Now,
tell me what you hear me saying. You don't have
to repeat my words, but I want to know what
your inner conversation is about what you just heard.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
What I just heard was that some things are just
out of my control. And as opposed to just hanging
around and just waiting around, I have to pick up
the pieces of me and move forward. And what meant
(10:57):
for me, it's for me and it will come to me.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Well, I just want to clean that up a little bit.
What pieces? Why are you in pieces? You pretty old
to me? You had two years of good sex, good fun,
nice man. Why are you in pieces?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And it's just as heartbroken it it's sudden. I didn't
expect it. It's just so opposite of what's been going on.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Is what if you're dodging a bullet? What if you're
dodging a bullet?
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Caught you off?
Speaker 1 (11:27):
God, control freak, You didn't know? Okay, fine, what if
you're dodging a bullet? How come you're not saying thank
you God, yeah, thank you for sending this comforter. It
was fun, it was great. Is there another one coming
anytime soon?
Speaker 4 (11:47):
So?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I want you to repeat this with me, and I
want you to make this your mantra. You know what
a mantra is. A mantra is a word or saying
that you repeat over and over and over to shift
in your consciousness. Okay, okay, if he's mine, repeat that.
If he's mine, he'll be here, he'll be here if he's.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Not, If he's not, bye bye.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
And then you dust off your lady balls, and you
practice trust and you practice faith, and you choose you.
I hear you saying your heartbroke, and I hear your
saying you'll miss him and all of this. So what
do you need to do to choose you and bring
peace to you right now? What do you need to do?
You need to buy some chocolate? Do you need to
go shopping? Do you need to take some life spats?
(12:35):
I got some nice bath stuff you can take.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
If you want to, Yes, you do.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
What do you need to do to choose you right now?
As opposed to giving him your time, your energy, your parts,
and your pieces. They do that to us all the time. No,
you don't want me, you don't know if you want me.
I'm not gonna let myself want you by dust off
your la balls or grow him or put some hair
(13:02):
on them, or whatever you need to do. Just choose you.
And it's hard. I'm not being heartless. I know it's hard.
But you were long distance. You didn't see him every day.
You saw him once a month.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
So you know what.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
You can still talk to him. Write it in your journal.
You can still talk to him. Have the conversation out loud.
Put a chair in front of you, make believe he's
sitting in the chair, and talk to that chair. You
can still talk to him. But when he calls, don't
answer till he says you're the one I want and
I'm coming home. You don't say that bye. See I'm
(13:38):
a little older, so it's easy for me to be hard.
I don't have time. I'm closer to the grade than
I am to the nursery.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Thank you so much, thank you.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And here's the thing. You know, you're not in this
by yourself. Hundreds of thousands of us are in it
with you. So we want you to be successful one
way or the other. Either he makes up his mind
and chooses you.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
Yay.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Or he makes up his mind and doesn't and you
be okay, choose you. Now what you're gonna do. You're
gonna call me in six weeks and let me know
what happened. Absolutely okay, go buy some chocolate.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
You so.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Okay, my love, Bye bye long distance relationships. I ain't
messing with that. She needs some lady balls. I wish
I could teach women about ladyballs. Ladyballs is that cut
(14:43):
off switch. It's that place in us that is just
not going to accommodate, tolerate, entertain any foolishment. Ladyballs are
that part of us that makes our spine and our
chest broad and our feet firm. When we say I'm
(15:07):
choosing me, I get that you're confused. I guess that
you're lost. I guess that you're working through your stuff.
But if you want to be with me, I'm choosing me.
This is what you gotta do. I have a heart
on for me. Okay, Now I can share it with you,
but I can't make it okay for you. You've got
(15:29):
to know. You've got to know, because so very often
as women, we think we know he's the one, and
he can take years to try to figure out if
I'm the one. Like I said, I'm closer to the
grade than I am to the nursery. My lady balls
are long and hairy. I'm clear. We can't waste no time,
(15:52):
and you got two years, You've got time in, you've
got investment in, and I know we don't want to
let that go. I know we don't want to let
that go. But you've got to strengthen your lady balls.
You gotta get that estrogen, progesterin whatever flowing through them
so that you don't waste time choosing someone else's confusion
(16:15):
over your clarity. Because here's the truth. If it's for you,
it's for you. And yes, the other person may be
entitled to moments of a fear or unclarity or unsurety,
but I'm not gonna mess around with that too long
because if you're not sure now, I don't want to
be three, four or five years into this and you
(16:35):
could become unclear again. Get clear, and it will work
through everything else to honor our commitment to be. But
I'm not gonna try to convince you. Uh uh no,
I got a hard on for me, all right. That's
what lady balls means. Have a herd on for you,
choose you, take care of you, and give up this
(16:57):
thought that everyone has to be one. He may be
the one for now, but if he's not lining up,
or him or her, whoever you're with, I don't have
any preference. I'm saying in terms of partnership, relationship, intimate
love shit. If they can line up and if they're wondering,
(17:18):
you wander away. If I could teach ladies about their
lady balls, chocolate helps.
Speaker 5 (17:24):
Grow chocolate, chocolate cake, chocolate milkshake, and bubble baths, that's
how you grow your lady balls.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
My next scholar is a woman who feels she has
too much masculine energy. She's really going to enjoy what
I have to say about that. Hello, Hello, good afternoon, beloved.
Welcome to the R spot and how can I support
you this afternoon?
Speaker 4 (17:55):
So I need support in I'm getting out of a marriage. Basically,
it's something out of my marriage about a little over
a year now. And I was the one that made
that decision because I needed a lot of healing. I
was like broken in so many places. So I made
(18:16):
the conscious decision to get her my marriage because of
that and the issues that I'm having is I have
a lot of masculine energy because I was raised by
my dad and by my male cousin, and I was
around like my uncles and just a lot of men,
and even the women that I was around, they were
(18:38):
like really bold and courageous and you know, didn't play.
So I want to learn how to tone that down
and be more feminine so I can attract the ideal man.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Woo oky dopey. I love when people call me with
their own self diagnosis. It's so exciting. Okay, let me
ask you a question. What do you mean when you
say masculine energy? What does that mean?
Speaker 4 (19:12):
It means I will just be honest. I was very
controlling because I didn't want to be controlled. So if
my ex husband said anything to me like I was
on him. I didn't play the radio, you know, and
I feel like I maybe embarrassed him. Now he did
(19:34):
like come back at me, so he didn't let me
allow me to control him. But at the same time
me doing that, I was always in a tack mode
and I didn't like that part of myself. But I
didn't really see that while I was in my marriage.
But once I got out of my marriage and now
(19:54):
that I'm single, I'm like, oh my god, I had
some serious issues.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
So you consider control as a masculine.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Thing, yes, I do.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
And what's the distinction that you make between control and fear?
Speaker 3 (20:15):
I haven't really thought about it like that.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Very often people try to control their environment, control how
they are treated, control what's going on when they're afraid,
and they're afraid because they don't feel safe.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
Yes, that is exactly right, because, like I said, because I.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Was raised by my dad.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
My dad was like the mean person, right, like you
know what I'm saying, like the street, always fussing, always
on my sister in ours case, whereas with my cousin.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
My cousin was.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
More of be loving mail. I mean, he always made
us feel love and faith. He spent a lot of
time my cousin and a lot of time.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
With my dad. So with that being said, like I say.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
Being around my dad and being around him just being
so verbally abusive, I was like, Okay, I'm not going
to allow a man to treat me this way, you know.
And of course this was all unconscious. I didn't mean
to be so hard, but because I grew up that way,
(21:27):
it was just like I was just always in a
tack mode, always like got to have the last word.
And again, when I was younger, I didn't see this
as a problem.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
I was like, well, this is just who I am.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
But once I started to kill and do the work,
as you always say, I'm able to look at myself
and look at that past self, and I'm like, you
know what, I don't like the way I did things.
I don't like the way I treated people. Not that
I'm a mean person or bad person, but I know
I had some habits and some bad ways, and I
(22:02):
don't want to go into my future self with those weights.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
So I heard you say this, not going to allow
a man to treat me that way? Which way is that?
Speaker 4 (22:18):
That way was, like I said, my dad was very controlling, very.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Manipuliti, And I hope I don't start crying.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Wait a minute, I want you to stop right there,
because when the masculine energy feels aggressive, or when the
masculine energy feels vulnerable, it'll do one or two things.
It will retreat or it will attack. When the feminine
energy feels vulnerable, it will surrender, and it will weep.
(22:54):
You said, I want to learn more about my feminine energy.
But then you said, I hope I don't cry? Why not?
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Right?
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Feminine is water.
Speaker 4 (23:05):
Yes, yes, I'm so glad you told me, and I
am very emotional. Mister Onla, I have cried more in
the last two years that I've cried in my life.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Well, you said you want to set in, you want
to get into your feminine energy.
Speaker 4 (23:19):
Exactly, exactly, So that's what I've been doing.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Right, So we'll get into how to separate your energies
when we come back. Welcome back to the R Spot.
In an episode about growing lady Balls, we definitely need
(23:44):
to cover the difference between masculine and feminine energy. Mail
is fire and air, woman is water and earth. Masculine
energy is head, thought, thinking, intellect. Feminine energy is heart, emotion, feeling.
(24:07):
And what I hear you saying to me, you want
to get out of your head and your thinking and
into your heart and feeling so that you could be
less aggressive and more passive. But you're afraid to do that.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
I could be.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
Wrong, You're absolutely right, and based on what you just said,
I know I'm all over the place.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
No you're not.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
You're not all over the place. You in your head, Okay,
protecting yourself from the controlling, manipulative, abusive energy that you
experienced from your father, the man that has nothing to
do with masculine energy. He was a man who expressed
(24:59):
his masth sculinity through control, manipulation, and abuse. But true
masculine energy is thought and intellect, oh wow, and creation.
True feminine energy it's heart and feeling and vulnerability and
(25:20):
the word we all hate passive or submissive. And you said,
I'm not going to allow a man to treat me
that way. I'm not going to allow man to be
abusive to me. I'm not going to allow man to
be manipulative. I'm not gonna allow man to control me.
(25:40):
I'm not gonna allow a man to do that because
it's not safe. Listen to me, Okay, can you hear me?
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Man, okay? And I want you to answer this question
with the first thing that comes to your mind. Doesn't
have to make sense. Who broke your heart my dad?
Did your dad break your heart by the way he
was or did your mom break your heart by not
(26:14):
being there to protect you from your dad?
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Which one happened first? Couldn't have happened first, because if
your mom had been there, dad would have never been
all over you considered the possibility that your mom broke
your heart. Yeah, and your heart is still broken, which
means it's tender and it's guarded. So if you really,
(26:47):
really really want to move into the feminine energy, you've
got to take the chain, the wall, the bricks, the
daggers off your heart and know that you are safe
to feel. I'm not just talking about crying, I'm talking
(27:11):
about feeling. You gotta get safe, right, and the way
to get safe is to heal that broken heart. Doesn't
matter why she left. The fact is the heart wasn't
there to balance the energy of the head, or the
feminine wasn't there to balance the energy of the masculine,
(27:32):
because the feminine is the heart. So you don't have
an issue with with masculine energy. You have a heart condition.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Wow, I'm so glad that you let me know, because
I'm like, just all over safe.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Oh you're not.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
You're in your head, you're not all open place, and
you're trying so hard what not to be. I'm not
gonna let a man treat me this way. So I
have to be this and listen this and this and this.
You're trying so hard not to be something until you
aren't being what you want to be, which is feminine, soft,
(28:12):
open hearted, present in your feelings.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Oh that's what I want to be.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
So you got to heal up that broken heart. Stop
looking at your dad. He was just a man. He
wasn't necessarily masculine energy. Although that's how masculine energy when
it's imbalanced. Right right, sounds like he had you and
your sister. Your mom was gone. We don't know what
that felt like for him. Maybe his heart was closed,
(28:40):
Maybe he was angry, Maybe he was hurt, Maybe he
was disappointed. Maybe he didn't know how to give you
his heart. Maybe he gave your heart his heart to
your mom and she left with it, or she broke
his heart and he just passed it on.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Who knows.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
We can make it up any way. We want it
to be right. But what I hear you saying is
you want to be more in your heart. So hmm,
so much is coming to mind now. I'm all over
the place forgiveness. Oh yes, I have been.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
Working with that, mister young But.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Who are you forgiving? What are you forgiving?
Speaker 4 (29:24):
I'm forgiving, like I said, my dad or anybody else
that I feel there had hurt me, including my ex husband,
and I'm forgiving myself asking others to forgive me. And
I didn't realize, though, that forgiveness was such a hard,
complicated process.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
I always thought it.
Speaker 4 (29:46):
Was simple, as I say the prayer, I forgive them,
I wish them the best, I wish them well.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
Okay, I'm good.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
And now that I'm on this killing journey, I'm like, oh,
it's it's so much deeper than that, and I didn't
realize it before.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
I have some more work to do.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Well. I want to encourage you to go back and
do your forgiveness on your mom. Forget her story, Forget
what they told you, Forget what you think, forget what
you made up. Go back and do some forgiveness work
on your mom, and then do some forgiveness work with God. Okay,
(30:29):
forgiving God for whatever you think God is responsible for.
If he's responsible for your mom, if leaving, if he's
responsible for your dad being abusive, controlling, manipulative, if he's
responsible for every little thing that happened to you when
you were six, twelve, thirteen, fifteen, sixteen, whatever, forgive your mom,
forgive God, then go to your dad, and then go
(30:54):
to yourself, and the deepest way to do it is
really to forgive the thought, forgive the feeling, forgive the belief,
forgive the judgment. But the forgiveness work. If you want
to take another look at my book on forgiveness, because
that is the work. It's a forty day process. Okay,
(31:14):
So think of it this way, beloved again. Masculine energy
is head thought, intellect, it's creation. Feminine energy is heart feeling.
It's a surrender and energy of surrender and energy of passivity,
not weakness, but passivity, receptivity, receptivity, let me say, receptivity,
(31:38):
whereas masculine energy is a more aggressive energy. So you
want to move out of the aggression into the receptivity, okay,
And you want to know that it's safe to feel
and forgiveness, and then when you finish with forgiveness, you
can work on trust.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Absolutely, thank you for your call, beloved. Give me a
call in about six weeks and let me know where
you are.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Okay, I surely will.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
Thank you so much, miss young Okay, my love, bye bye,
all right, bye bye.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
I'm glacious.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
So many of us think that the one right now
has to be the one forever in fact, as women,
we sometimes try to fit the square man peg into
the round hole in our heart, even when we know
it's not a good match. A good match has nothing
(32:38):
to do with masculine or feminine energy. It's not about
how much you invest in a relationship or how much
time you spend together. It doesn't even have anything to
do with how much you love each other. A good match,
a solid relationship has to grow from the mutual respect
between the people involved, which means that sometimes you must
(33:03):
stand up for yourself. You must grow some lady balls
and choose you, especially when you are not feeling respected beloved.
Choose you, vote for you, make that change, and then
go and get yourself some chocolate and have a bubble bath.
A'miyama and I thank you for tuning in. If you
(33:26):
have questions or insights about this or any other relationship
topic and you would like us to explore it here
on the R Spot, you can call me live at
seven seven five three zero seven seven seven sixty eight.
Now be sure to follow me on social media for
all of the calling times. In the meantime, stay in
(33:46):
peace and not pieces. The R Spot is a production
of Shondaland Audio in partnership with Iheartraate Radio. For more
podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
(34:07):
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
I am a Yamla. I had a baby daddy relationship.
I spent time in a relationship with a married man.
I had to learn the skills and tools required to
make my relationships healthy, fulfilling and loving. Welcome to the Rspot,
a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Beloved
(00:35):
by Now, you know that if you come to me
with an issue, I am going to tell you some
things you probably don't want to hear. And for today's topic,
I've got something to say to most, if not every
woman out there, Grow some lady balls. It's a topic
I love to discuss and one I want to educate
(00:58):
women about. And as we get into our conversation today,
you'll see what I mean. Growing lady balls is all
about choosing you and my first caller and I get
to the heart of exactly what that means. Good afternoon, beloved,
Welcome to the R Spot, where we talk about all
(01:21):
things relationships. So how can I support you? What is
your issue, problem, challenge, dilemma today?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Wow, Good afternoon, Good afternoon. The reason that I am
calling in today is because I'm going through a breakup
right now. Okay, I was a long distance relationship for
(01:49):
two years. And so this relationship began right after a
divorce and my partner was never married, no children. I
have three children, and we were long distance, like I said,
(02:09):
for two years, and then in the last two months,
my partner moved closer to close the distance, and I thought,
you know, this was going to bring us closer. So
I just got a call on last week. There wasn't
really an argument that was out of the norm or anything.
(02:32):
There was a disagreement, and then we went five days
without talking. No one called, and that was very unusual
because usually my partner will call and just leave voice
messages and you know, send me emails and things like
that in the event that there is a time that
I shut down and don't communicate. This time, none of
(02:55):
that happened, and I got a call, and you know,
I was told during that time we weren't speaking. I
went out, I had a couple of drinks and I
kissed someone else, and I don't think we can fix this.
Since then, you've talked maybe once or twice. There's been
(03:17):
a lot of confusing conversation. I'm being told I do
want to repair. I'm not sure I know how to repair.
Then I'm also being told I'm not sure that I
want to repair? Or how do I know that you
know this is right? I thought everything was wonderful. I
thought everything was great. So I'm just I don't have
a lot of answers, and I'm really torn. I feel broken.
(03:41):
I felt numb about this, and I just feel.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Like I've truly lost my best friend.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Okay, And when I saw that this opportunity came up
to speak with you, I jumped on it because who's
better to speak with?
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Nah?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
I don't know if I'm the one. Are you sure
you want to speak to me? Because I'm going right
in for the jugular here?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Okay, all right, tell me what.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Is it that you really want to know? Let's get
clear about that first.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Should I wait?
Speaker 3 (04:15):
How do I move forward? Like?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Is there a chance maybe that we reconcile, we repair?
Does heartbreak ever feel better? Is it pain going to ever?
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Stop? But I can pull up?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Hold up? Hold up, hold up, Hold up, My sister woman,
you were in a long distance relationship for two years?
How many times did y'all see each other in that
two years? How often monthly? So you've seen them twenty
four times for how long? Each visit.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Sometimes it would be like a week, sometimes maybe a
few days. But this person seemed very invested in me.
I mean treated me like gold. I had no complaints.
I didn't have to to open a door, I didn't
have to carry any bags anywhere. I didn't have to
pay for any meals ever. Whatever I needed support, they
(05:08):
were there anytime we traveled. I didn't have much responsibility
at all. So this person seemed to be very genuine
and very giving.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
And what if he let me ask you this, were
you raised in the church? Yes, okay, have you ever
heard and I will send the comforter? Have you heard
that scripture?
Speaker 4 (05:32):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
What if he was just a comforter? What if he's
not forever and ever?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
I met?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
You said long distance relationship right after a divorce?
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (05:45):
What if he was your comforter? Beloved? I don't know
why as women we think everyone has to be the one.
What if he was the one for them?
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Right?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
What if? Could you just be grateful you didn't have
to open the door. Can you be grateful? He paid,
he invested in you. Can you be grateful he took
you out to dinner? Can you be grateful? Was the
sex good?
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Could you be grateful? You know how many people got
divorced eight years ago and it ain't had no nookie since then.
They are dying from lack of nookie. Could you just
be grateful to him, to your creator, to the universe,
to life, and now you know what you're looking for
(06:35):
in the next one. Why do we as women think
that everyone is the one? Because if he was the one,
he would know and he wouldn't be kissing somebody else.
And if they kissed, I don't know if that's where
it ended, right, What if that season is just over?
(06:56):
What do you need to do to have peace? How
do you choose you now? As opposed to worrying about him?
It was good and I'm grateful, he was great, and
I'm grateful, But I'm just not going to allow myself
to be torn up by somebody who don't know surely
(07:16):
clearly right now, that this is what they want. When
he figures it out, maybe he'll come back, maybe maybe not,
who knows, could be. But how do you choose you
in the meantime?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Right, I gotta figure it out?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
No, you don't. You just have to make a choice.
I did that one time. I had that situation. I mean,
this brother was off the chain, gorgeous, okay, sweet, calm,
spiritually grounded, focused, dedicated, and he had made a commitment
(07:53):
in his mind to himself that until he finished his
doctorate we were in graduate school together, that he wasn't
going to be in in a relationship. And so then
I showed up. Oops, you know, and we had a
great time together. We had it study together and went together. Well,
it was just wonderful. And he was tormented. Tormented. You know,
(08:16):
this is not what I want. I don't know if
this is what God wants for me. I made a
commitment I can't do a relationship in school and boot
bah the And normally my process would have been to
try to convince him of how wonderful and marvelous I was.
But I grew some lady. I had grown some lady balls.
You know what lady balls are. I'll tell you how
(08:40):
I grew lady balls. After the break, welcome back. My
caller is learning how to stand up for herself, and
right before the break, I was going to share with
her how I did it. I had grown some lady,
(09:00):
and I said, you know what, if he don't want
to be with me, something must be wrong with him,
and I'm gonna let him go. So you know what
I told him one day when he was covetching and
moaning and groaning about I don't know if this is
what I want to do. And well, we done done everything,
we done eight together, slept together, shared money together, and
you still don't know. Okay, I'll tell you what. And
(09:21):
I looked him in his face. I said, you know,
I really enjoy being with you. This has been wonderful.
This has been marvelous. But you know what, you figure
out what you want to do, and when you figure
that out, let me know. In the meantime, I'm out
because I had to choose me. And you know what
I found out about three weeks after I did that.
(09:42):
You want to know, don't you?
Speaker 4 (09:44):
I do?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
That he was living with another woman.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yeah, that's what I said. Wow, So I just dodged
that bullet. Yes, what if you're dodging a bullet?
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Right?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
You got to dust off your lady balls. Your lady
balls are dusty. Don't think that because you had a divorce.
Oh God, here we go again. I'm losing another one.
I'm losing another relationship. Forget that. He doesn't know if
he wants to be with you. You can't convince him.
(10:21):
Let him go. If it's yours, it'll come back, all right. Now,
tell me what you hear me saying. You don't have
to repeat my words, but I want to know what
your inner conversation is about what you just heard.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
What I just heard was that some things are just
out of my control. And as opposed to just hanging
around and just waiting around, I have to pick up
the pieces of me and move forward. And what meant
(10:57):
for me, it's for me and it will come to me.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Well, I just want to clean that up a little bit.
What pieces? Why are you in pieces? You pretty old
to me? You had two years of good sex, good fun,
nice man. Why are you in pieces?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And it's just as heartbroken it it's sudden. I didn't
expect it. It's just so opposite of what's been going on.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Is what if you're dodging a bullet? What if you're
dodging a bullet?
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Caught you off?
Speaker 1 (11:27):
God, control freak, You didn't know? Okay, fine, what if
you're dodging a bullet? How come you're not saying thank
you God, yeah, thank you for sending this comforter. It
was fun, it was great. Is there another one coming
anytime soon?
Speaker 4 (11:47):
So?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I want you to repeat this with me, and I
want you to make this your mantra. You know what
a mantra is. A mantra is a word or saying
that you repeat over and over and over to shift
in your consciousness. Okay, okay, if he's mine, repeat that.
If he's mine, he'll be here, he'll be here if he's.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Not, If he's not, bye bye.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
And then you dust off your lady balls, and you
practice trust and you practice faith, and you choose you.
I hear you saying your heartbroke, and I hear your
saying you'll miss him and all of this. So what
do you need to do to choose you and bring
peace to you right now? What do you need to do?
You need to buy some chocolate? Do you need to
go shopping? Do you need to take some life spats?
(12:35):
I got some nice bath stuff you can take.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
If you want to, Yes, you do.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
What do you need to do to choose you right now?
As opposed to giving him your time, your energy, your parts,
and your pieces. They do that to us all the time. No,
you don't want me, you don't know if you want me.
I'm not gonna let myself want you by dust off
your la balls or grow him or put some hair
(13:02):
on them, or whatever you need to do. Just choose you.
And it's hard. I'm not being heartless. I know it's hard.
But you were long distance. You didn't see him every day.
You saw him once a month.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
So you know what.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
You can still talk to him. Write it in your journal.
You can still talk to him. Have the conversation out loud.
Put a chair in front of you, make believe he's
sitting in the chair, and talk to that chair. You
can still talk to him. But when he calls, don't
answer till he says you're the one I want and
I'm coming home. You don't say that bye. See I'm
(13:38):
a little older, so it's easy for me to be hard.
I don't have time. I'm closer to the grade than
I am to the nursery.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Thank you so much, thank you.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And here's the thing. You know, you're not in this
by yourself. Hundreds of thousands of us are in it
with you. So we want you to be successful one
way or the other. Either he makes up his mind
and chooses you.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
Yay.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Or he makes up his mind and doesn't and you
be okay, choose you. Now what you're gonna do. You're
gonna call me in six weeks and let me know
what happened. Absolutely okay, go buy some chocolate.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
You so.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Okay, my love, Bye bye long distance relationships. I ain't
messing with that. She needs some lady balls. I wish
I could teach women about ladyballs. Ladyballs is that cut
(14:43):
off switch. It's that place in us that is just
not going to accommodate, tolerate, entertain any foolishment. Ladyballs are
that part of us that makes our spine and our
chest broad and our feet firm. When we say I'm
(15:07):
choosing me, I get that you're confused. I guess that
you're lost. I guess that you're working through your stuff.
But if you want to be with me, I'm choosing me.
This is what you gotta do. I have a heart
on for me. Okay, Now I can share it with you,
but I can't make it okay for you. You've got
(15:29):
to know. You've got to know, because so very often
as women, we think we know he's the one, and
he can take years to try to figure out if
I'm the one. Like I said, I'm closer to the
grade than I am to the nursery. My lady balls
are long and hairy. I'm clear. We can't waste no time,
(15:52):
and you got two years, You've got time in, you've
got investment in, and I know we don't want to
let that go. I know we don't want to let
that go. But you've got to strengthen your lady balls.
You gotta get that estrogen, progesterin whatever flowing through them
so that you don't waste time choosing someone else's confusion
(16:15):
over your clarity. Because here's the truth. If it's for you,
it's for you. And yes, the other person may be
entitled to moments of a fear or unclarity or unsurety,
but I'm not gonna mess around with that too long
because if you're not sure now, I don't want to
be three, four or five years into this and you
(16:35):
could become unclear again. Get clear, and it will work
through everything else to honor our commitment to be. But
I'm not gonna try to convince you. Uh uh no,
I got a hard on for me, all right. That's
what lady balls means. Have a herd on for you,
choose you, take care of you, and give up this
(16:57):
thought that everyone has to be one. He may be
the one for now, but if he's not lining up,
or him or her, whoever you're with, I don't have
any preference. I'm saying in terms of partnership, relationship, intimate
love shit. If they can line up and if they're wondering,
(17:18):
you wander away. If I could teach ladies about their
lady balls, chocolate helps.
Speaker 5 (17:24):
Grow chocolate, chocolate cake, chocolate milkshake, and bubble baths, that's
how you grow your lady balls.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
My next scholar is a woman who feels she has
too much masculine energy. She's really going to enjoy what
I have to say about that. Hello, Hello, good afternoon, beloved.
Welcome to the R spot and how can I support
you this afternoon?
Speaker 4 (17:55):
So I need support in I'm getting out of a marriage. Basically,
it's something out of my marriage about a little over
a year now. And I was the one that made
that decision because I needed a lot of healing. I
was like broken in so many places. So I made
(18:16):
the conscious decision to get her my marriage because of
that and the issues that I'm having is I have
a lot of masculine energy because I was raised by
my dad and by my male cousin, and I was
around like my uncles and just a lot of men,
and even the women that I was around, they were
(18:38):
like really bold and courageous and you know, didn't play.
So I want to learn how to tone that down
and be more feminine so I can attract the ideal man.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Woo oky dopey. I love when people call me with
their own self diagnosis. It's so exciting. Okay, let me
ask you a question. What do you mean when you
say masculine energy? What does that mean?
Speaker 4 (19:12):
It means I will just be honest. I was very
controlling because I didn't want to be controlled. So if
my ex husband said anything to me like I was
on him. I didn't play the radio, you know, and
I feel like I maybe embarrassed him. Now he did
(19:34):
like come back at me, so he didn't let me
allow me to control him. But at the same time
me doing that, I was always in a tack mode
and I didn't like that part of myself. But I
didn't really see that while I was in my marriage.
But once I got out of my marriage and now
(19:54):
that I'm single, I'm like, oh my god, I had
some serious issues.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
So you consider control as a masculine.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Thing, yes, I do.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
And what's the distinction that you make between control and fear?
Speaker 3 (20:15):
I haven't really thought about it like that.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Very often people try to control their environment, control how
they are treated, control what's going on when they're afraid,
and they're afraid because they don't feel safe.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
Yes, that is exactly right, because, like I said, because I.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Was raised by my dad.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
My dad was like the mean person, right, like you
know what I'm saying, like the street, always fussing, always
on my sister in ours case, whereas with my cousin.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
My cousin was.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
More of be loving mail. I mean, he always made
us feel love and faith. He spent a lot of
time my cousin and a lot of time.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
With my dad. So with that being said, like I say.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
Being around my dad and being around him just being
so verbally abusive, I was like, Okay, I'm not going
to allow a man to treat me this way, you know.
And of course this was all unconscious. I didn't mean
to be so hard, but because I grew up that way,
(21:27):
it was just like I was just always in a
tack mode, always like got to have the last word.
And again, when I was younger, I didn't see this
as a problem.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
I was like, well, this is just who I am.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
But once I started to kill and do the work,
as you always say, I'm able to look at myself
and look at that past self, and I'm like, you
know what, I don't like the way I did things.
I don't like the way I treated people. Not that
I'm a mean person or bad person, but I know
I had some habits and some bad ways, and I
(22:02):
don't want to go into my future self with those weights.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
So I heard you say this, not going to allow
a man to treat me that way? Which way is that?
Speaker 4 (22:18):
That way was, like I said, my dad was very controlling, very.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Manipuliti, And I hope I don't start crying.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Wait a minute, I want you to stop right there,
because when the masculine energy feels aggressive, or when the
masculine energy feels vulnerable, it'll do one or two things.
It will retreat or it will attack. When the feminine
energy feels vulnerable, it will surrender, and it will weep.
(22:54):
You said, I want to learn more about my feminine energy.
But then you said, I hope I don't cry? Why not?
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Right?
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Feminine is water.
Speaker 4 (23:05):
Yes, yes, I'm so glad you told me, and I
am very emotional. Mister Onla, I have cried more in
the last two years that I've cried in my life.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Well, you said you want to set in, you want
to get into your feminine energy.
Speaker 4 (23:19):
Exactly, exactly, So that's what I've been doing.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Right, So we'll get into how to separate your energies
when we come back. Welcome back to the R Spot.
In an episode about growing lady Balls, we definitely need
(23:44):
to cover the difference between masculine and feminine energy. Mail
is fire and air, woman is water and earth. Masculine
energy is head, thought, thinking, intellect. Feminine energy is heart, emotion, feeling.
(24:07):
And what I hear you saying to me, you want
to get out of your head and your thinking and
into your heart and feeling so that you could be
less aggressive and more passive. But you're afraid to do that.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
I could be.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
Wrong, You're absolutely right, and based on what you just said,
I know I'm all over the place.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
No you're not.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
You're not all over the place. You in your head, Okay,
protecting yourself from the controlling, manipulative, abusive energy that you
experienced from your father, the man that has nothing to
do with masculine energy. He was a man who expressed
(24:59):
his masth sculinity through control, manipulation, and abuse. But true
masculine energy is thought and intellect, oh wow, and creation.
True feminine energy it's heart and feeling and vulnerability and
(25:20):
the word we all hate passive or submissive. And you said,
I'm not going to allow a man to treat me
that way. I'm not going to allow man to be
abusive to me. I'm not going to allow man to
be manipulative. I'm not gonna allow man to control me.
(25:40):
I'm not gonna allow a man to do that because
it's not safe. Listen to me, Okay, can you hear me?
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Man, okay? And I want you to answer this question
with the first thing that comes to your mind. Doesn't
have to make sense. Who broke your heart my dad?
Did your dad break your heart by the way he
was or did your mom break your heart by not
(26:14):
being there to protect you from your dad?
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Which one happened first? Couldn't have happened first, because if
your mom had been there, dad would have never been
all over you considered the possibility that your mom broke
your heart. Yeah, and your heart is still broken, which
means it's tender and it's guarded. So if you really,
(26:47):
really really want to move into the feminine energy, you've
got to take the chain, the wall, the bricks, the
daggers off your heart and know that you are safe
to feel. I'm not just talking about crying, I'm talking
(27:11):
about feeling. You gotta get safe, right, and the way
to get safe is to heal that broken heart. Doesn't
matter why she left. The fact is the heart wasn't
there to balance the energy of the head, or the
feminine wasn't there to balance the energy of the masculine,
(27:32):
because the feminine is the heart. So you don't have
an issue with with masculine energy. You have a heart condition.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Wow, I'm so glad that you let me know, because
I'm like, just all over safe.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Oh you're not.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
You're in your head, you're not all open place, and
you're trying so hard what not to be. I'm not
gonna let a man treat me this way. So I
have to be this and listen this and this and this.
You're trying so hard not to be something until you
aren't being what you want to be, which is feminine, soft,
(28:12):
open hearted, present in your feelings.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Oh that's what I want to be.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
So you got to heal up that broken heart. Stop
looking at your dad. He was just a man. He
wasn't necessarily masculine energy. Although that's how masculine energy when
it's imbalanced. Right right, sounds like he had you and
your sister. Your mom was gone. We don't know what
that felt like for him. Maybe his heart was closed,
(28:40):
Maybe he was angry, Maybe he was hurt, Maybe he
was disappointed. Maybe he didn't know how to give you
his heart. Maybe he gave your heart his heart to
your mom and she left with it, or she broke
his heart and he just passed it on.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Who knows.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
We can make it up any way. We want it
to be right. But what I hear you saying is
you want to be more in your heart. So hmm,
so much is coming to mind now. I'm all over
the place forgiveness. Oh yes, I have been.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
Working with that, mister young But.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Who are you forgiving? What are you forgiving?
Speaker 4 (29:24):
I'm forgiving, like I said, my dad or anybody else
that I feel there had hurt me, including my ex husband,
and I'm forgiving myself asking others to forgive me. And
I didn't realize, though, that forgiveness was such a hard,
complicated process.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
I always thought it.
Speaker 4 (29:46):
Was simple, as I say the prayer, I forgive them,
I wish them the best, I wish them well.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
Okay, I'm good.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
And now that I'm on this killing journey, I'm like, oh,
it's it's so much deeper than that, and I didn't
realize it before.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
I have some more work to do.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Well. I want to encourage you to go back and
do your forgiveness on your mom. Forget her story, Forget
what they told you, Forget what you think, forget what
you made up. Go back and do some forgiveness work
on your mom, and then do some forgiveness work with God. Okay,
(30:29):
forgiving God for whatever you think God is responsible for.
If he's responsible for your mom, if leaving, if he's
responsible for your dad being abusive, controlling, manipulative, if he's
responsible for every little thing that happened to you when
you were six, twelve, thirteen, fifteen, sixteen, whatever, forgive your mom,
forgive God, then go to your dad, and then go
(30:54):
to yourself, and the deepest way to do it is
really to forgive the thought, forgive the feeling, forgive the belief,
forgive the judgment. But the forgiveness work. If you want
to take another look at my book on forgiveness, because
that is the work. It's a forty day process. Okay,
(31:14):
So think of it this way, beloved again. Masculine energy
is head thought, intellect, it's creation. Feminine energy is heart feeling.
It's a surrender and energy of surrender and energy of passivity,
not weakness, but passivity, receptivity, receptivity, let me say, receptivity,
(31:38):
whereas masculine energy is a more aggressive energy. So you
want to move out of the aggression into the receptivity, okay,
And you want to know that it's safe to feel
and forgiveness, and then when you finish with forgiveness, you
can work on trust.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Absolutely, thank you for your call, beloved. Give me a
call in about six weeks and let me know where
you are.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Okay, I surely will.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
Thank you so much, miss young Okay, my love, bye bye,
all right, bye bye.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
I'm glacious.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
So many of us think that the one right now
has to be the one forever in fact, as women,
we sometimes try to fit the square man peg into
the round hole in our heart, even when we know
it's not a good match. A good match has nothing
(32:38):
to do with masculine or feminine energy. It's not about
how much you invest in a relationship or how much
time you spend together. It doesn't even have anything to
do with how much you love each other. A good match,
a solid relationship has to grow from the mutual respect
between the people involved, which means that sometimes you must
(33:03):
stand up for yourself. You must grow some lady balls
and choose you, especially when you are not feeling respected beloved.
Choose you, vote for you, make that change, and then
go and get yourself some chocolate and have a bubble bath.
A'miyama and I thank you for tuning in. If you
(33:26):
have questions or insights about this or any other relationship
topic and you would like us to explore it here
on the R Spot, you can call me live at
seven seven five three zero seven seven seven sixty eight.
Now be sure to follow me on social media for
all of the calling times. In the meantime, stay in
(33:46):
peace and not pieces. The R Spot is a production
of Shondaland Audio in partnership with Iheartraate Radio. For more
podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
(34:07):
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Host
Iyanla Vanzant
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