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October 25, 2023 53 mins

In this intimate one-on-one with Jada Pinkett Smith Iyanla and Jada dive deep into the actresses self journey toward healing beyond the camera.

In this magnetic and vulnerable conversation Jada discusses her shame about depression, forgiving her parents, and how her absent father taught her the ability to withstand hard life truths. Jada also reveals her transformative experience with plant medicine, facing her shadow side, and the power of implementing boundaries with loved ones. We learn how Jada’s acceptance of “not being okay” allowed her to do the personal work, which led her to become the heroine in her story with new memoir “Worthy." Worthy is available now wherever you buy books. 

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Speaker 1 (00:02):
I am a Yamla, your host, your guide, a teacher
for salm, and a soft place to fall for others.
And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until
I love myself enough to be able to share my
love with other people. Welcome to The Rspot, a production
of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Jada Pinkett Smith. We have seen her in films. We
have seen her as the wife of the fresh Prince
will Smith. We have seen her as the host of
The Red Table Talks. We have seen her as Trey
Jaden and Willow's mom. We have seen her, and we
may think we know her, because when you are a
public person, the public thinks they know. They have opinions,

(01:02):
they draw conclusions, and it is easy to forget that
before she was a film star or wife and mother,
before she made her mark on public opinion, she was
and is a person, a woman, and like every woman,
she has a story. Jada is letting us in on
her story in her new book Worthy. Through the pages

(01:26):
of Worthy, Jada is letting us in on her issues,
her challenges, lessons, her healing, her willingness to be vulnerable
and to withstand the heat of public critique. She shares
from her heart the value and necessity of learning to
love and honor yourself. As I have said right here

(01:49):
on the art Spot, the only relationship you ever have,
no matter who you are with, is the relationship you
are having with yourself. In this special pre season edition
of the Art Spot, I am honored to have as
my guest, Jada Pinkett Smith.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
Welcome to the our Spot, Miss Jada Pinkett Smith. You
know I love you right, I've been I love you too.
I've been loving you for a long time. So this
is an honor to have you here on the art
Spot to talk about your new baby worthy worthy. Is
this your first baby?

Speaker 3 (02:29):
This is it? This is my first one?

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Okay? Are you gonna have more?

Speaker 4 (02:35):
Are you?

Speaker 3 (02:36):
We'll see, We'll see how this one goes.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
They grow up quick, they grow up quick, so you
gotta you gotta be on it. Let me say I
two things. First, I appreciate you for, first of all,
talking about plant medicine. You know I'm a plant medicine Okay,
so we will have another conversation about that. Did you

(03:03):
do ayahuasca?

Speaker 3 (03:04):
Did you do I did ayahuasca?

Speaker 1 (03:07):
Goodly beautiful. So thank you for that, because I really
think it's a powerful healing tool for women. I think
it's a powerful tool for trauma. So the fact that
you shared that with us, and I love that worthy
takes us beyond the camera because most of us know
you on the camera, and this thing right here, it

(03:28):
is rough, it is gritty, it's real. Be more, be
more as the first cousin of Brooklyn, and That's where
I'm from. So I just I really really appreciate it.
Let me start here, because this is you're talking about
women and their worth, and you have this comment in

(03:51):
a statement in the book that says, my belief is
that every woman is worthy, a walking treasure that deserves
to live her life as the heroine of her own story.
You better talk to me, talk to me about being
the heroine of your own story, your story.

Speaker 4 (04:11):
In the statement, Yeah, it's like I really, you know,
being the heroine of my own story was me coming
to terms with every aspect of it, coming to terms
with you know, my light and my shadow, you know,
because I was just as much afraid of my light
as I was of my shadow, to be honest, you know,

(04:32):
So you know, really learning how to be my own mother,
my own father, my own lover, my own brother and sister,
you know, and realizing that it is my relationship with
myself and the Great Supreme that is most important, you know,

(04:56):
and was the thing that had been missing all along.
And once I really put that focus in on developing
an intimate relationship with myself as well as the Great Supreme,
is when I really got to see my life move
in the direction that I wanted to wanted it to
move in, and realize that is me contacting the heroin

(05:20):
within myself, you know, to take to take the power
of my life back, you know.

Speaker 1 (05:26):
And so, yeah, at the R Spot, it's all about relationships,
and Worthy talks about so many phenomenal relationships, dysfunctional though
they may have been. Yeah, relationships, I mean from Grandma
Marion to Mammy Boobie to your mom to your dad.

(05:47):
This statement, there's so many things I want to ask you.
I want to use this overarching umbrella for us to
kind of line up with which are what are the
basic ingredients of a woman's work? Because you laid him out,
So the first thing I hear you say is your
relationship with yourself. I want to go to a statement

(06:09):
that you made in the book. You said you were
talking about your dad because for me, as a daughter,
I think that relationship with daddy is one of the
most important ones that we ever faced. And you said
about your dad because your dad had a substance abuse problem. Yeah,
and as did your mom. We don't talk about being

(06:31):
a child or two addicts. My mother was an alcoholic. Yeah,
so I understand that. But this is what you said.
You said that your dad gave you life, but in
his presence, you were your own person.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
He told you I am a drug addict and a criminal,
so I can't be your father. Wow. Wow, Okay, and
this was your your lesson from that. You're growing from that.
You said, my father gave me the lasting ability to
withstand and appreciate harsh truths. Talk to me of a

(07:12):
woman's worth and learning to accept the harsh truths of
her life, because you do that books so beautifully.

Speaker 4 (07:22):
You know, it is the process of letting go of
all the romantic fantasies, you know, of what we're told
our relationships are supposed to look like. What we are
told a woman's walk is supposed to be. You know
that we're always supposed to be tidy, clean, you know,

(07:44):
and in step with what society expects of us.

Speaker 3 (07:50):
You know. And so.

Speaker 4 (07:53):
For me really having to let go of the romanticized
eye ideas of what I thought I was supposed to be,
what I thought the people around me were supposed to
be of my life. And I think that being able
to learn to a certain degree because I, you know,
my lesson had to deepen as time went on as

(08:15):
far as my relationship with my father, but breaking those
idealistic ideas of my mother and my father at a
very early age and being able to accept them, you know,
as the human beings that they presented themselves to be,
you know. And as much as I wanted a father,

(08:37):
I wasn't upset at my father at that time for
not being able to show up for me.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
Wait right there, hold it right there. He said, you
were sudden, I think, or nine?

Speaker 4 (08:50):
Yeah, what what what were you drawing on?

Speaker 1 (08:56):
Not to be upset that your daddy wasn't the story
book that what men?

Speaker 4 (09:01):
You know what, I really I was so grateful that
he had enough honor and respect for me to not pretend.

Speaker 3 (09:14):
You know, because there had been.

Speaker 4 (09:18):
So much that was going on around me so much unsaid, right,
and for me not to have to like put the
pieces together and figure out what's going on. You know,
he was just straight up with it, you know, And
then I can I can manage myself from there.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
I can manage my surroundings from there.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
At nine, because you say in the book that you
appreciated the fact that he didn't pull the wool over
your eyes, that you didn't have told it right out.
So I think that one And you tell me if
this is one of the messages for women to get,
is that it is important for us to I only

(10:00):
accept people as they are, but when we see the wall,
when we hear the unspoken things, trust it, trusted it.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
And receive it and the best way that we can.
As a gift.

Speaker 1 (10:17):
Yes, but you know something that I noticed in Worthy
that is essential and you seem to have it first
of all the gift, and that is you have an
emotional vocabulary. Let me tell you where I found that.
You were talking about this predator that pulled up in

(10:40):
the car and exposed themselves to you early on, and
you said, I wasn't scared, I was disgusted. That's an
emotion that many of us don't have a language for
you said disrupted, but not scared. And what I noticed

(11:01):
you went on to say that I learned early there
ain't no such thing as a safe neighborhood. Yeah. I
want to scratch there for a moment, because so very
often one of the things that I've learned impacts a
woman's work is a not having an emotional vocabulary to

(11:22):
describe what she feels and be not feeling safe, not
feeling safe, not feeling safe. So you had that how
many young girls know that they're feeling disgusted? Where did
that come from, Miss Jada? Where did you get that?

Speaker 4 (11:41):
I really don't know, to be honest with you, that's
just how I felt. I just remember going back to
that moment and just being like em you know.

Speaker 3 (11:51):
It was disgusting.

Speaker 4 (11:53):
And I think probably my grandmother, Yes, my grandmother was.
She spent a lot of time with me, and I
think my grandmother knew that she wasn't going to be
around long and she was very you know, she was
very specific about the words that she chose. And I

(12:14):
tell you it's so you know what, it was probably
my grandmother because I remember she would say things to
me like if we were sitting at the table because
my grandmother couldn't cook.

Speaker 3 (12:21):
She's the only West Indian woman that I knew that
could not cook.

Speaker 4 (12:25):
And I would say, this food is nasty, right, and
she would say, you can say that the food doesn't
taste good, but don't call food nasty. So I guess
vocabulary in our house were very specific on how.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
We used words.

Speaker 4 (12:43):
My grandmother was very specific in how she used words,
and that's probably where I got it from.

Speaker 1 (12:47):
A basic ingredient of worth, And when you go through
Worthy and you're reading it, a basic ingredient is to
up level your emotional vocabulary. Because you speak so eloquent
throughout the book about what you felt and what it was.
I tell you I need two hours with you. But

(13:07):
let's just go on. Let me go back here. Let
me go back to the intro for a moment, because
here is a part I think that as women, we've
got to get this clear. And you say it so eloquently,
putting on a good face and your face covered or
hid depression and helpless. Yeah, so we go beyond the

(13:31):
camera where we saw a beautiful little data. Talk to
me about putting on a good face and how it
diminishes your work.

Speaker 4 (13:42):
Oh man, Because I spent so much time having shame
about my reality, and I said, I felt like well made.
I will feel more worthy, you know, to myself and

(14:06):
with the people around me if I play the role
I'm supposed to play, and play the role that people
want me to play. And I think that a lot
of times we as women get stuck in the roles
that we think we're supposed to play, you know, in
order to feel good about ourselves and to make sure

(14:29):
that the people around us feel good about themselves, and
you know, we are embraced and accepted in the way
that we want to be. And I just had so
much shame about what was actually going on within me.
And I just kept thinking to myself, if I just
if I just keep with this face, maybe one day

(14:50):
a miracle will happen and I'll just be the thing.

Speaker 1 (14:55):
You know, shame about the depression, shame.

Speaker 4 (14:58):
About the depression, shame about my unhappiness. I was like,
look at your life, like how dare you? You know,
how dare you?

Speaker 3 (15:08):
And and I.

Speaker 4 (15:10):
Didn't really, I just out of my shame has such
difficulty expressing.

Speaker 3 (15:17):
It, and I was scared to I was scared to.

Speaker 4 (15:20):
Really say, because every time I would start, people would
validate the feeling I had, which was, what's wrong?

Speaker 3 (15:28):
What are you talking about? Look at look at your life?

Speaker 1 (15:30):
Letting people talk you out your feelings. Yeah, yeah, And
that's and that's part of the mask, you know, you say,
putting on a good face and getting stuck in it.
But it's also the mask that we wear to make
other people comfortable, which also diminishes your relationship with yourself.

(15:53):
Let's look at two things where you've got into once
you've discovered your world, let's talk about that, but let's
talk about the relationship with you you had with you
under the mask? What were you doing inside of yourself?

Speaker 3 (16:10):
A lot of self hatred?

Speaker 1 (16:12):
What specifically did you mean? Because I think that's important,
you know, sometimes it is these words, what specifically did
you hate about jad?

Speaker 4 (16:22):
You know, I really hated that I wasn't content, and
I hated that there was nothing that could make me
content no matter what I did. And I really felt
I hated feeling broken, and I hated feeling that, you know,
I was ungrateful, and I hated feeling that I was losing,

(16:49):
that I was growing cold, numb, and that my my
feelings of resentment and anger, and I hate it not being.

Speaker 3 (17:01):
Seen, you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (17:03):
And that made me really angry, and I hated that
I was angry, and.

Speaker 1 (17:12):
I just.

Speaker 4 (17:14):
And it just made me dislike everything. It just made
me hate everything.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
You know, what's the one here can only be pictured
out there exactly.

Speaker 4 (17:22):
It diminishes, It diminished everything, and you know, my worth,
my personal worth and then just the worth of life.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
Yeah, we'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome
back to the R spot. Let's pick up where we
left off. I want to talk to you about this
other piece too, because you talked about miss Shirley, Grandma Shirley,

(17:51):
your dad's mom. This thing in the book took me
to my needs. Okay, about her leaving food on the
porch for her drug addicted son. But what I saw
in there was that she created a boundary and she

(18:14):
learned how to stay No loved them. She wasn't going
to abandon them, but she created a boundary. You can't
come in my house, ye, mistatee. How does a woman?
Because this impacts many women and their worth, they continue
to do for family members, for loved ones till it diminishes. Them.
Miss Shirley, although she had her issues, created a boundary

(18:37):
and said no, talk about the importance of that, please.

Speaker 4 (18:42):
Oh And that's every stay because you know, the thing
that I had to learn and I'm continuing to learn,
is like unconditional love. Love does not mean unconditional tolerance,
you know. And I think a lot of times we
get really mixed up on what love is supposed to

(19:03):
look like, right, And so we're told to be absolutely selfless,
and you know, don't worry about you, you worry about
you know. You just love as hard as you need
to for the people around you. And that and that
is a woman's worth and that's how a woman is

(19:25):
supposed to love.

Speaker 3 (19:26):
And that is just not true, you know.

Speaker 4 (19:29):
And boundaries are absolutely important. It teaches us how to
love ourselves, and it teaches others who want to know
how to love us, how to love us.

Speaker 3 (19:38):
And that was a big one I had to really
get with. It's like, my.

Speaker 4 (19:43):
Boundaries teach the people around me who want to love
me how to love me, and it's an expression of
how I want to love myself.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
That's right, and it.

Speaker 4 (19:54):
Doesn't mean that I used to think putting up back
boundaries was unloving because I grew up in a house
where listen like having boundaries. When you're living with a
mother who has addiction problems and it's just the two
of you, there's a lot of you know, boundary crossing, violation, boundaries,

(20:23):
a lot of violations, and you think that the acceptance
of those violations is your show of love.

Speaker 3 (20:29):
And I had to. I had to. I had to.
I had to re educate.

Speaker 4 (20:35):
I had to unlearn that and re educate myself around boundaries.
And you know what, it's something that I deal with
every day in my life.

Speaker 1 (20:45):
And particularly as a public person. I know that I,
as a public person, have to create boundaries when I'm
in the walkport or idolatry or the gas station and
people want pitches and and get all and you just
have to create boundaries. A dear friend of mine, writer
Paul Farini, says, say no to the bad behavior and

(21:10):
yes to the love. And I think that as women,
part of our worth is learning how to say no.
Like miss Shirley said, I mean she's feeding her leaving
food on the porch, but saying to him, and she
held that boundary. Now may it led her to the
drinking a little bit, but we won't have that discovery.
I want people to read about missus Shirley, because you

(21:31):
got some colorful people.

Speaker 3 (21:34):
I know, I know, and she listened my grandmother. She
was something, but she was a powerhouse. You know, she
was a powerhouse.

Speaker 1 (21:43):
But the beauty that I also found in Worthy is
you did have relationships with these people and you saw
or now maybe now you're realizing now that you're adult,
and you still embrace the relationships with each person as

(22:04):
they were for who they were, without the judgments and
taking on their stuff? Is your stuff powerful? If we
as women want to develop our worth, growing our worth
and stand in our worthy mast, we have to learn
to accept people as they are, for who they are

(22:26):
and not make their stuff our stuff. Have you found that?
When I got to page four hundred and fifteen, Worthy,
I was clear about what how your story first of
all is so mirrored mind, and that's the beauty of relationships. Yes,

(22:46):
people were each other all of the time. But when
your readers get to page four hundred and fifteen, before
they get to four sixteen and they don't want it
to end, we want to know more. What is it
that you want them to walk away? With this data,
what is it to me? It was the basic ingredients

(23:07):
of a woman's work. But you may have another message,
what do you want women to walk away? And men too?
I think men need to be this point. I could
be wrong too.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
Thank you for saying that, because I do true I am.

Speaker 4 (23:21):
I do feel like the basic ingredients of a woman's
worth for sure, and you know, to just have don't
feel shame for your walk I think in this you know,
era of social media and needing everything to look so,
you know, perfect right, And we're all here learning how

(23:46):
to love ourselves, learning how to love others. And this
place is a university and we all have our curriculums
and our assignments and it's not meant to always be
pre and it's okay, you know, as long as we
are staying on path of understanding that we are here

(24:12):
to learn, you know, and to rise to our higher selves,
you know, And that's what this whole journey is about.
And like you said, just those little breadcrumbs, those ingredients
you know of what it takes and what it looks like.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
One of the things that I got was that every
single relationship you addressed was a classroom for you every
single one. Yes, And as a woman, your relationship with
your father, I think is probably the main lecture hall

(24:52):
The second one to that for your major lesson in
life is your relationship with your mom. Talk to me
about that because behind the behind the camera, beyond the camera,
it looks to the world and feels to the world
that you and her have a good mother daughter relationship.

(25:15):
How did you get there? Because I read it, but
I want to know from your heart, how did you
get there?

Speaker 5 (25:21):
You know?

Speaker 3 (25:22):
It just it's what you were talking about earlier.

Speaker 4 (25:24):
Just that level of self acceptance, you know, and that
level of acceptance of looking at my mother. And it
was really when I became a mother myself.

Speaker 3 (25:37):
Okay, when I became a that'll do it.

Speaker 5 (25:40):
Okay, when I became a mother myself and I got
married and life got like real in a different way.

Speaker 4 (25:53):
I really started to honor what my mother was able
to come through, you know, and I was able to
see her in a different way, and she really showed
up for me when I had my children, like I
got to see her become the grandmother.

Speaker 5 (26:15):
That you know.

Speaker 4 (26:18):
I didn't get to experience her as a mother, but
there was so much reconciling that happened in me being
able to watch her as the grandmother that she is.

Speaker 1 (26:32):
Okay, she is now as opposed to lamenting who she wasn't.

Speaker 4 (26:37):
Before was in the past, right because she was she
in her My mother got clean when I was twenty
and she became a total different person.

Speaker 3 (26:50):
And so that was.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
That was it.

Speaker 4 (26:54):
And then I really got to see her love on
her grandchildren in a way that you know, I might
not have had, but I was felt so blessed that
I was able to experience it through her relationship with
her grandchildren.

Speaker 1 (27:10):
Let me take you here, because this is an issue.
You know, I talked to lots of people, right, this
is an issue if you can talk into and share
with us, because so many sister women cannot forget or
forgive who Mama was or who she wasn't for them

(27:32):
long enough to accept who she is now. Is there
an instant? Is there a moment? Is there a choice
that you had to make to be able to accept
her and love her, forgive her whatever it is but
who she wasn't so that you could be present with
who she is today.

Speaker 4 (27:52):
I think a big part too, was that she was
very she was willing to talk to me about her
her not being able to show up in the way
that she had wished, right, and she had so much remorse.

Speaker 3 (28:16):
And then I.

Speaker 4 (28:17):
Could see her making up for that lost time between
us from my childhood through our new relationship as her
adult daughter. Yeah, and how she was trying to show
up for me because we always need our mothers.

Speaker 3 (28:39):
That doesn't change. We always need our mothers, So it's
never too late. And so once.

Speaker 4 (28:46):
I accepted and was able to open myself up to
being willing to have a relationship with her, you know,
and embrace her as my mother today today, not she
wasn't yesterday, but for the mother that she is today,

(29:09):
you know.

Speaker 1 (29:10):
Yeah, and you knew her story. One of the things
that I say to women all of the time when
you become an adult, know your mother's story, know she
is as a woman, and develop a relationship with her
woman to woman, and you lay that out so beautifully.
Here's an important question again about relationships as a married woman.

(29:33):
How what tips would you give give women who need
to heal in the midst of having a relationship with
their partner, with a man, How does a woman heel
her little girl, her teenage girl while she's trying to
be a big grown woman with a man.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
Let me tell you something, you and not both know
this right here.

Speaker 1 (30:00):
Like you said in the book, this is getting ready
to get real.

Speaker 4 (30:03):
Okay, yes, okay, because that that is probably that's probably
has been one of my biggest challenges, you know, in
and it is a process I would tell I would
tell women, make sure the partner that you're with is

(30:24):
the proper partner for the for your curriculum, right, because
not all partners are the right ones. And it doesn't
mean and let me tell you, it doesn't mean just
because it's difficult and challenging that that person is not
the right one. Really, I had to start looking at
I had to come to terms with I didn't know

(30:45):
what I was doing.

Speaker 3 (30:49):
On any level, right, on any level, Okay.

Speaker 4 (30:54):
I had to come to terms with that, like, yeah,
I didn't know what I was doing, okay. And I
had to come to terms with I came into this
relationship with a whole lot of stuff that didn't have
nothing to do with Will.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (31:12):
And I had to stop blaming him for my stuff
coming up.

Speaker 1 (31:19):
In our stuff, the stuff he triggered, the stuff he triggered.

Speaker 4 (31:22):
The stuff he's triggered, and I had to start looking
at him as a mirror.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
Beautiful, that's what relationships.

Speaker 4 (31:33):
Do, right, And I had to stop looking towards my
relationship and looking towards Will to be something for me that.

Speaker 3 (31:41):
I was not willing to be for myself.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
Right there. That's the Hallelujah truth. Say it again, Say
it again, this data.

Speaker 4 (31:48):
Yeah, I had to stop looking to this relationship and
to Will, you know, to be for me what I
was not willing to be for myself. And let me
tell you something that was probably that that is one
of the most difficult detoxifications psychologically, okay, spiritually.

Speaker 3 (32:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:13):
So when you stop looking at him to be something
for you that you're not being for yourself, when you
become willing to be that thing for yourself, what happens
to your relationship with him?

Speaker 4 (32:27):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (32:28):
Man, it just transforms. It becomes something.

Speaker 4 (32:31):
Totaltally different, totally different, you know. It's it's what I
call that when I started coming into my emotional independence,
my emotional and psychological independence, and I could see, I
could start I could start seeing where I had the

(32:54):
most unreasonable expectations of him and how unkind and yes, that.

Speaker 1 (33:02):
Was Yeah, that's that's where a lot of us go off.
I send some relationships that when we come into it,
instead of saying I had unreasonable expectations, we make him
or her wrong. Yeah, and we walk away.

Speaker 4 (33:23):
Yeah, we walk away and lord knows listen a couple
of times. Yeah, like you know and you know and really,
but that's part of it too, that's part of it too.
What made you say because he's the perfect damn mirror. Okay,

(33:46):
you know, he's the perfect mirror. And I really had
to give with that too, And because you also having
to detoxify and let go of the romanticized idea that
your relationships are here for your to enhance your pleasure,

(34:08):
like no, no, no, you're here to please me. That's
why you're here, right, And it's like, look, you get moments,
of course, you know, you have.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
Moments of that.

Speaker 4 (34:17):
But what I realized was that, you know, in order
for me to get to those that authentic happiness, to
that authentic intimacy, that authentic connection, I had to be
willing to do the work.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
You know, that's my theme song to work. I willing
to write me a song, do the work.

Speaker 3 (34:42):
That's one thing.

Speaker 4 (34:43):
You know, we're almost three decades into this thing. You know,
I realized that he is where.

Speaker 3 (34:50):
My work is.

Speaker 4 (34:51):
You know, it's like, sure, I could go off and
you know, find a new partner, and you know it
could be but that person is not going to There'll
be other lessons, for sure, But the having done this
for three decades, there's ways that he knows me and
ways that I know him. In depths of buttons that

(35:11):
get pushed that you know is where is where our
work sit.

Speaker 1 (35:17):
So when buttons get go back to when you first
got together, before you detoxified yourself and found the word
a button get pushed back then, and a button getting
pushed now, what's the difference. What's the distinction.

Speaker 4 (35:33):
The distinction is I don't look to him and blame him.
The distinction is now I go ooh, all right.

Speaker 3 (35:43):
I'm triggered. Something is going on with me.

Speaker 4 (35:47):
Let me, let me take a minute and look at
what is going on with me. And I just know
that he this moment is helping me see a dynamic
in myself.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
That yes, oh boy, miss Jada, you have done the work.
But you can bottle this up and and spread it
out among the sisterhood because I'm watching relationships crumble, I'm
watching them fall apart, unworthy. You you go into the cornerstone,

(36:23):
your mother, your father, those caregiving parents. You see them
for what they are. You lay it out, You take
off the pieces you need need to take off. I mean,
like I said, this thing is rough. It is gritty,

(36:43):
it is real. Get your popcorn, people, get your popcorn
because you can. You're gonna have butter all over the pages.
It is as I would say the list shots. It
is delicious. It is delicious. We'll talk more about it
when we come back. Welcome back to the R spot.

(37:11):
Let's get back to the conversation. A couple of things,
and because I know, we gotta go the basic ingredients
of a woman's world. Take the mask on and let
yourself be your own person in the presence of other
people you love. But I get that good. Okay, that's right.

(37:31):
Don't be a shame or afraid of your shame in
your field.

Speaker 3 (37:37):
There you go.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yeah, don't be a shame of your shame. If you
have it, look at it. You talk in there. I
love those little interludes between each chapter. You talk about journaling,
you talk about looking at your shadow. You know how
many women don't even realize they have a shadow.

Speaker 3 (37:55):
I know, I know.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
If you've grown up with trauma, you have a shadow
Yours had a name, mine too. Mine has a name.
And you didn't speak to it, but you talked about
being bullied and then when you acted out, Korin was

(38:19):
and how you gave mine is Ronnie, Ronnie from Brooklyn,
and she speaks to the beast. She will cush you, fulfilled.
All my spirituality goes. I had, you know what I
had to do. I had to train her. I had
to give her something.

Speaker 3 (38:33):
Else to see me too. That's right, give them different jobs.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
Yes, yes, don't be ashamed of your shame and your fear.
The other thing is, and you made this statement, I
want to repeat it again. Your father gave you the
lasting ability to withstand and appreciate harsh truths. If we
really want to step into our work, we've got to
dismantle all the lies that we've told ourselves about us,

(39:00):
about other people, about who we are who were not.
Would you say that that's what you want us to
get out of this?

Speaker 3 (39:09):
Yes, that is That's it. That's the key right there.

Speaker 1 (39:15):
And not only being able to do the work. The
thing that I loved about worthy you didn't know what
the work was and you were willing to try everything
to see what it worked and not have any barriers
on it. Talk to me about your introduction to experience
with plant medicine and how it helped you.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
Yeah, I am. I was at. I was really in
a dark, dark, dark place.

Speaker 4 (39:44):
And a father of some of Jaden's friends had just
done a journey in Peru of.

Speaker 3 (39:53):
Ayahuasca and I was.

Speaker 4 (39:56):
He was telling me about the journey and I just
so I saw, I saw something so different than him,
and I was like, I need that, I need that,
and I just asked the universe, and the universe opened
up a door for me to have my first.

Speaker 3 (40:15):
I A journey, and.

Speaker 4 (40:17):
Oh hi, and it was it was. It was rough,
you know, but it was really intense. It was really intense.
But I tell you, after that one journey of four
nights back to back, I didn't.

Speaker 3 (40:36):
Have I really got to see my shadow.

Speaker 4 (40:39):
I got to see my level of self hatred and
make friends with it.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
And I haven't had a suicidal thought since now. That
was just that was just scratching the surface, you know
what I mean. I thought I was. I thought I.

Speaker 4 (40:54):
Had a rived, you know what I mean, I'm cured,
only to realize, oh no, baby girl, you got a
whole journey ahead of you, you know. And I kept
my relationship with the plant medicine, you know, even till
this day.

Speaker 1 (41:09):
Yeah, I appreciate the fact that you said, if you
want to do it, make sure you do it under
supervised guidance, and don't because people are out here doing
all manner of wonderfulness. Yes, I want to invite and
encourage women, particularly on the journey toward they're worthiness, to
be able to explore, investigate alternative ways of getting because

(41:34):
the system that we're operating in that gave us the
false notions, that puts the mask on us and wants
us to keep the mask, that violates our boundaries, that
doesn't keep us safe. That system doesn't work.

Speaker 3 (41:49):
That's right, it doesn't, you know.

Speaker 4 (41:51):
And I agree with you if we can, you know,
to just keep our minds open for however, you know,
there's so as you just there's so much wonderfulness out
here right that is off the beaten path, you know,
And if we can just keep an open mind, you know.

Speaker 1 (42:10):
So when you wink now and you stand in this data,
this data. What does what does that feel like for you?
Who you are today, worthy and available to yourself? What
does that feel like? Maybe if you can describe it
people and want to go get someone.

Speaker 3 (42:30):
Yes, I just I feel so proud. I'm like, you
did it.

Speaker 4 (42:37):
You know all those times I wanted to quit, all
those times I couldn't see the light at the end
of the tunnel, and to be able to wake up
every morning and be happy to be me right, and
it is nothing special going on. It's just me right,
you know what I'm saying. Just happy in my skin,

(42:59):
happy to be with me, you know. And it feels
I feel like I'm looking forward to my day every day.
I feel like that no matter what's happening in the
outside world, what's going on in my.

Speaker 3 (43:16):
Internal world is so yummy. You know that whatever the
world wants to bring my way, it's gonna be okay.
You know that I know my worth with my.

Speaker 4 (43:30):
Divine self and with the Great Supreme you know what
I mean. And I don't have to convince nobody of it,
you know, And I can just be the thing that
I am and whoever wants to share in it. Fantastic
and whoever does it, that's okay too, you know what

(43:51):
I mean.

Speaker 3 (43:52):
And that feels good.

Speaker 1 (43:54):
That's vibrational authenticity. That is your vibrational independence. No matter
what's going on, you can stand in it. So, you know,
because of social media and everybody needs tips, So give
us our three tips, this data. So I want that
they hear it from your mouths when they go out

(44:15):
and get worthy, they will they will have your tips
right just down now are spotters.

Speaker 5 (44:22):
You know.

Speaker 4 (44:22):
I think really spending time with yourself is a big one,
you know.

Speaker 3 (44:29):
I think, look, not everybody's into meditation and all of that.

Speaker 4 (44:34):
I get it, But even if you just spend time
with yourself, whether it's reading, whether it's writing, just with
you and you every day, just take some time, whether
it's in a bathtub, whatever that is, to just be
with you and develop a relationship with you and you.

Speaker 3 (44:53):
I think it's just so important.

Speaker 4 (44:56):
You know, we feel like we need all the put
the phone down, to get off Instagram, just be with you.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (45:06):
And I think one of the biggest things too, is
really working on curing self judgment in the world today.
The world can be such a harsh place and I
feel like part of my you know, happiness has for

(45:26):
myself and my level of self worth has come from.
What matters is not what other people think about me,
but how I think about myself.

Speaker 3 (45:35):
And it's the self judgment that people weaponize.

Speaker 1 (45:39):
Yes. And for those who don't know what self judgment
is or the should as, the kuldas, the shouldn't have yes. Now,
you know I always tell people, don't should on yourself
and don't let other people should on you.

Speaker 4 (45:56):
That's right, you know what I mean. Don't allow other
people's ideas and judgments of you. If somebody's making you
feel bad, that means that's an area for you to
look at because you are not confident in that area.

Speaker 1 (46:11):
Right.

Speaker 4 (46:11):
It's like, no one can you know, forge a weapon
against you that we don't assist.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
Yes, yes, And if somebody is making you feel bad,
they're also giving you the gift of helping you identify
a trigger. There you go, get in there and you
know nobody can keep right. That's right, that's right, unplugged

(46:38):
the trigger.

Speaker 3 (46:39):
The third one is just keep stepping.

Speaker 4 (46:42):
You know, people will say I tried this, I did that,
you know, I try therapy of it? Man, Listen, you
gotta keep stepping. That's what the journey is all about.
Just keep going, don't stop, don't say this doesn't work
for me. And that's the one thing about my journey.

Speaker 3 (46:59):
I I just have trying.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
Yeah, yeah, until you push the right.

Speaker 6 (47:04):
Button, until you push the right curtain, until you find
the right information, until you find that right therapist, and
do you find that right book, until you find that
right activity, do you find the right thing that works
for you, because it's not just going to fall in
our lab.

Speaker 1 (47:18):
The thing that I noticed and worthy too, and which
is what most many people I've encountered, you were consistent.
You were consistent, you were observant, you took copious notes. Okay,
I'm doing this. Wait a minute, that's let me that's
not working, Let me do this. You were consistent. And
I think what happens very often is we get this thing,

(47:42):
we try this thing, and instantly we want cleaner, whiter
teeth and fresher breath. And if we don't get the
whiter teeth fresher breath in thirty seconds, then it didn't work,
and we go on, but we don't make the investment
in it. I want to acknowledge the investment miss Jata,
that you made in yourself.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 4 (48:04):
And I think that's such a good point. You know,
in this day and age, looking for that instant gratification,
and you can't microwave this journey. You can't microwave it.
And you're right, you know, being consistent.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
So are spotters worthy? It's Jada said that. I just
want you to understand at the pore at the bottom,
by page four fourteen or four fifteen, you will have
a beautiful, beautiful road now for developing a divine relationship

(48:38):
with yourself that makes you the heroine of your story,
and that allows you then to have authentic relationships with
other people based on who you are and not on
what they can give you. So that's how I upworthy.

Speaker 3 (49:00):
Well I like it. That's that's it right there.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
Oh, miss Dada. I want to thank you for joining
me here on the art spot. I want when you
come to bothom I'm coming to see you, I might
do something that I've never I've never done. I want
to bring four books for my four granddaughters. I want
you to sign them, okay, because they love you. It

(49:25):
will be I'm gonna have five. I'm not gonna ask
you to sign mine or books. I want you to
sign them for my four granddaughters and because I just
want them to to have this as a part of
their life. Thank you, deep bow to you spiritual warrior
that you are. Thank you for giving us clips beyond

(49:48):
the camera. Thank you for your authentic transparency.

Speaker 3 (49:54):
I can't wait to see you and get a hug
from me.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
Okay, and tell me miss Data. I know this may
be a a weird, bizarre question, but I love to
ask them. How can I support you? How can I.

Speaker 4 (50:06):
Support I'm just so glad that you you had me
here on your podcast.

Speaker 3 (50:12):
You know, I really thought it was.

Speaker 4 (50:15):
Important to speak with you because I've I've been I've
just loved your work all these years, you know, and
I just knew that we would be able to have.

Speaker 3 (50:26):
A real conversation, you know.

Speaker 7 (50:30):
I knew you would get it, and I just really
I really wanted your wisdom, and you know, you're such
a beautiful teacher.

Speaker 4 (50:42):
And even in even in talking to you about it today,
you know, you got me thinking about certain aspects of
it in a different way, you know, and I knew
that would happen.

Speaker 3 (50:53):
So that's it. I'm just so happy that you. You
had me here with you to speak.

Speaker 1 (50:58):
Well, I'm going to call upon my grandmothers and my
greatest greatest grandmothers and ask them to unite with your grandmothers,
including Miss Shirley and Miss Marion and all of the
women in your life. And I ask them to use
worthy and to lift worthy to the highest heights, that

(51:23):
women all over will read worthy and become new distribution
centers of light and love on planet, and that the
broken places in their hearts and minds will be healed
through your authentic transparency and love, so that we as

(51:43):
women may stand together in a different way for the
healing of the planet. And I ask the grandmothers, the
greatest greatest grandmothers, to give power and efficacy to these words,
to shape it and it become the reality that we
know in twenty twenty three and beyond, for all we

(52:05):
have received and all that is yet to come. I
say thank you. I let it be. I thank you,
Miss Jada. Good luck on your journey. May this be
the first of many many babies, and may you're healing
continue in a way that blesses us are.

Speaker 3 (52:21):
Oh my goodness, thank you so much. I I just
love you.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
I love you, thank you.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
So there you have it. Jada Pinkett Smith, a woman
sharing her story, her journey to becoming worthy in her
own mind, her own heart, and in her own life.
It is a journey that I and many women have taken,
although our stories may be different. The journey to worthy, oh,

(52:53):
it is such a worthwhile endeavor in order to become whole.
So if you have not picked up your copy of Worthy,
I encourage you to do so today because that too
will be a worthwhile endeavor. And be sure to tune
in on November fifteenth for Season two of The R Spot,

(53:13):
brought to you by Shondaland and iHeart Wherever you listen
to podcasts in the meantime, stay in peace and not
in pieces. The R Spot is a production of Shondaland
Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio,

(53:37):
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
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Host

Iyanla Vanzant

Iyanla Vanzant

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