March 10, 2022 • 30 mins
Welcome to The Real Heal, a podcast that explores what it means to heal. But before we can begin to talk about healing, we must first learn how to open ourselves up to love. In this premiere episode, Alicia Silverstone and her dear friend and licensed social worker Mary Waldon discuss the power of love - self love, familial love, loving the animals that share our planet, and more. They share pivotal moments of self-acceptance in their lives and ways we can all be kinder to ourselves. Take the first step of your healing journey with The Real Heal, and consider how to foster compassion and empathy in your life.
To dig deeper into this episode’s topic and resources, visit thekindlife.com
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
What is it really gonna take to heal ourselves, our communities,
and our planet. I'm Alicia Silverstone and this is the
Real Heal. Welcome to the first episode of The Real Heal.
This podcast has been years in the making and is
(00:26):
a reflection of one of my lifelong passions exploring the
many faces of healing. But in order to talk about healing,
we first need to get ourselves rooted in love. That's
where the path to healing truly begins. I'm kicking off
the season by talking to one of my dearest friends,
Mary Walden, who is a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker.
(00:51):
We talk about the transformative power of love in a
tangible and practical way, including how opening your heart creates
the foundation for all of the conversations we're having this season.
I can't wait to go on this journey with you all.
So without further ado, let's get into the real hell.
(01:21):
Hi Mary, Hi Alicia. I'm so excited that you're here,
my first guest and my dearest friend. It's so lovely
to have you here. I am so excited to be here.
I feel like it's such a wonderful opportunity to continue
our conversations in this way. Mm hmmm, So why don't
(01:45):
you start by telling people who you are in your
work world and your life. So I'm a licensed clinical
social worker. I started my career seeing adolescent girls ages
fourteen to seventeen. Primarily their concerns were self harm, eating disorders, anxiety, depression,
(02:06):
some o c D. And then over the years I
expanded into seeing women as well, and I've been doing
that for almost twenty years. And in addition to that,
outside of the office, I am a founding board member
of a c L Global, which is awareness, courage and
Love to help people feel more connected with each other.
(02:28):
M hmm. Well, I'm going to tell people who are
listening who you are to me and how we met. Basically,
I picked Marry up at a health bar and we
were we were at a spa and we're very lucky
to have been there, and it's extremely health oriented. And
(02:49):
you know, most of the time when I'm at this place,
I stayed to myself and I don't want to talk
to anybody. But for some reason I got a sense
of this beautiful woman who was sitting at the counter.
I don't know if you were talking to someone, and
I heard what you said, but I just sort of
went over to Mary and said, Hi, do you want
to go on a walk with me? Is that how
(03:09):
you remember our I remember us making our little drinks
and our green our green drinks and our shakes, and yeah,
we just had a beautiful walk, and I remember we
talked about all the important things in the world and
opened our hearts and it was just And that was
about ten years ago, right, didn't we add that? Yes? Yes,
(03:33):
I think it was. It's a long time. Yeah, And
that's what makes this so exciting when you said you
wanted to do this podcast and this whole series about
healing and starting from a place of love. Yeah, it's
the magic that needs to happen. Yes, Okay, so let's
talk about that, because this episode really is trying to
(03:55):
ground the whole series in love and healing. And I
want people to be able to access this and understand
what the hell we're talking about. And uh, this whole
podcast series is about healing and love. And this first
episode feels like it could be a little hippie dippy
(04:15):
because it's about love, but that's not the truth. Everything
in this life is about love, and so we want
to sort of deconstruct that and say where do we begin.
Every human wants love, Babies want love, humans want love.
Everyone wants love, and we all want to feel better.
So every human right now out there needs to heal
on some mental level, physical level. There's general healing on
(04:39):
all levels. What is it that we can do to
address this for people? What would you say about that? Well,
first of all, I think it is you know, we
do risk sounding hippie dippy, but the reality is it
is the foundation of everything that all humans we are
designed to love, straight from from the beginning. We are
(05:03):
organized to love and to connect for our survival. We
all have that wish to be loved and it manifests
from the moment that we enter the planet and with
that connection with our primary caregiver in order to survive,
in order to get food and get nourishment and warmth
(05:24):
and protection. And so it's so foundational to everything we do.
And while we can easily understand it when the baby
comes and and the mom is there and mustling the
baby to the breast, we get that. But the further
we get from that moment, those first moments, the further
away we get from the understanding that the core drive
(05:48):
is still there. We still wish to be loved, and
we still need to be loved, and it comes out
in everything we do, even when what we do or
what we say isn't dripping in warmth and love and connection.
It can be dripping in fear and hatred and anger.
(06:09):
But if we can always come back to that foundational
point that it's really about a desire to be loved,
if we can truly connect with that, we can create
space even with people that we don't on the surface
seem to understand, or can even be afraid of, or
just don't feel that connection with. M So I think that's,
(06:33):
you know, really at the foundation of why why it
is that we need to look everywhere for the love,
even in the places that we don't understand. Yeah, so
maybe I will tell you a little bit about I mean,
you probably already know this, but for the people who
are listening so you can understand why I'm even going
on this journey at all. Is basically that my life
(06:56):
changed a lot, and I had a lot of trauma
and a lot of um difficulties and and a complex upbringing,
and all of those things left me with well, whatever
you want to call it, I had very little self worth,
I would say, and very little self love. And so
(07:16):
here I was this person out in the world and
in the public, but was very little foundation, like really
really thin foundation. And so how I have changed and
grown into into who I feel now very very much.
I feel so much self love and so much um
(07:37):
security in this world, and so much clarity. And my
journey started through my love of animals. It didn't start
through my love of myself. I didn't have access to that.
So when I was a little girl struggling to figure
everything out and not having, like I said, a sort
of foundation, you know, I didn't have a therapist. I
(07:59):
didn't have of anyone who was who was what do
you call it, um qualified to be helping. So so
that and I think that's many of us, right, And
so what got me in was not my desire to
go help myself. Unfortunately I didn't have access to that.
That wasn't what my role model showed me, you know.
(08:21):
It was stuck it up and be quiet and have
no thoughts, to have no feelings. That's what women are
supposed to do. Were sex objects, we are not here
to think or feel. Children would be seen and not
heard sit quietly on the corner. Yeah look cute. Yeah,
yeah all that. And so the idea that I would
try and better myself was incredibly selfish and really psychologically
(08:43):
it was warfare. And so the only thing that allowed
me to get better where I am now is my
love of animals, because I loved animals so much that
I couldn't face eating them. And when I made this choice,
my health changed. And now things started to get so
much healthier inside of me that I was able to
(09:03):
actually hear my intuition and things like this. So anyway,
my point is, there is a solution here, and this
show is going to walk you through all of that
and give you a variety of options of ways that
you might be able to heal if one thing doesn't
work for you or another thing does. Sometimes you get
tricked into falling in love with yourself through falling in
(09:25):
love with your baby or your creatures. But um, that's
sort of how I arrived here. Do you want to
share how you arrived where you are? Because you are
the most secure, loved up yummy among me. Ever, I
just I love you to pieces. Um, so our stories
are similar, and then there are some other parts that
(09:46):
are a little different. I left home very early like
you did. But you know, I always had a really deep, um,
multidimensional conversation in my head um, and so I was
always questioning and wondering, as I think you were too.
And really I think in terms of health, you know,
(10:08):
what healed my emotional health, what healed my heart was
having my children. What healed my physical body was really um,
getting an autoimmune disorder that really brought it brought my
health to the forefront. At a very young age, I
(10:28):
was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. And you know, now we
know that a lot of autoimmune disorders originate in chronic stress.
Chronic childhood stress can definitely help trigger autoimmune disorders. And
so once I was always really not down with the
medical profession. So I decided that, uh, you know, I
(10:51):
really wasn't into the multiple prescriptions that they prescribed and
all the drugs and that kind of thing. And so
I'm stubborn like you. I decided I wanted to figure
out for myself, and that's how I ended up. We
ended up at that SPOB because it's not really you know,
to say it's a SPA sounds a little kind of
foo foo right and fancy, and especially back then when
(11:13):
we were there, it was absolutely not fancy. It's very
much a healing place. And and you know, sometimes those
kinds of challenges can be the best gift because it
really forced me to look at my physical health and
look at all the ways but I was nourishing or
not nourishing myself. I think there's also interconnected because once
(11:36):
I had children, I spent a lot of time and
I was pregnant the first time. I was reading a
lot of you know, what's healthy and what's not, and
you find that you know that deep desire to give
the very best to your children. So yeah, that's how
that started. Yeah, I recognize that I have so much
(12:11):
of my stability needs taken care of. I have enough food,
I have a beautiful home, I have my son that
I love, and so I recognize that I'm sitting in
a place of a lot of privilege with that hard
earned but also you know, very very lucky position to
be in. So but but once you get past that,
(12:31):
like and I think a lot of our listeners are
past that. They have a home, they've got food, and
so then it's how do you go to the next step?
Of survival and making sure that your life is as
good as it can be. And and I think highlighting
the things that aren't working for you, like you said,
and going this isn't working for me. I don't like this.
I want this to stop, and then proactively seeking out
(12:52):
how to fix it. H is a practice that really
helped me. Was um, you know, putting my hand on
my heart and another hand on my belly. And I'm
sure you've seen me do it just when I'm trying
to order food, something something, but because I get overwhelmed
with choice, but then also just big deep things in
(13:13):
my life where I've had to make these massive choices.
And when you put your hand on your heart and
your belly and then you know, ask yourself the question,
you know, whatever it is, should I move to the moon.
There's either sort of a feeling that goes down into
the center which is a little darker and then or
(13:33):
it's filled with this possibility and lightness. And and when
I listened to that, I really get all the answers.
You always can go back. You were just talking about
not being perfect. We can always go back if we
have our center. And I think that asking your heart answers.
That's been huge for me, and the quiet of knowing
(13:54):
that the answers can come if you if you slow down,
and we don't have to do it all so fast.
And it's hard because I love I'm an overachiever. I
want to accomplish so many things. I want to fix
this world for God's sakes, and I only have how
many more years to do it before I'm dead. So
so it's like a big job. Hunt. It's a big job.
(14:14):
And I know it's not all on my hands. I
know everybody's I know so many people are working on this,
but but I feel like we have to keep regrouping
and calling in the forces and saying why is this
not happening? And that takes wrangling and effort and and
so yeah, you get exhausted, and so you can just go, Okay,
well I haven't been sleeping enough and so this is
(14:37):
how and then I'll feel better and then I'll be
more patient with my monkey when he walks in the door.
And that's the top priority, because that's the biggest thing
I can do in this world, is be a kind
mommy to my baby. So absolutely we have to talk
more about the silence because so much gets clarified there.
If you haven't spent enough time in the silence, this
(14:58):
is where people might be thinking, oh, this is woo woo, right, like, oh, okay,
I'm gonna be silent and figure everything out in my life. Actually, yes,
And all the things that we do remove ourselves from
that space. All the distraction, all the noise, all the caffeine,
all the drugs, all the you know, all the ways
(15:20):
that we distract ourselves from the answers that do live
within us. And it really is about leaning back a
little bit. We we love to lean in America. In America, right,
we want to do more and be more and go, go, go,
And there really is a lot of wisdom to be
(15:41):
had and healing to be had in the quiet and
really just centering within yourself. You don't have to do
a fancy meditation practice or you know, go and do
guided meditations for hours and hours, just even turning off
the lights and sitting down and I love the hand
(16:02):
on the heart to ground yourself in the energy that
your own body is making in that moment and tune
into that. And that's scary for a lot of people,
that's very scary and understandably, because when you slow down,
a lot of things come come to you, right, A
(16:24):
lot of things come to your mind, a lot of
things come to your awareness. But that's that's the courageous step,
because that's where those answers lie. I love that. I
love the power of that. I don't know if we're
just really spoiled and lucky, but it sounds so. I
can remember twenty years ago when it was really scary,
(16:44):
but now that just sounds so good, Like what would
be scary about being quiet? But you know that it
is very scary, But I can't imagine what are those thoughts, Like,
what are the things that come up that would be scary? Well,
people's feelings, anxiety, memories, the things that they're running from,
(17:08):
all the stuff you're running from. Yeah, so if you
haven't run, if you're not working through it and diving
into it and like swimming in the sledge to get
through it, I see and I think that, you know,
we have a lot invested in what other people think
about us. We have a lot invested in the approval
of other people. You know, if you if you're running
(17:30):
and running and doing and doing and attempting to, you know,
meet the expectations of other people and all the different
dimensions of your life, and oh you stop and slow down.
You might question, hey, is this really what I want
to do? And that can be terrifying, right to say, oh,
my gosh, is this really what I want? And then oh,
(17:51):
I'm going to turn my whole life upside down? Yeah. Yeah,
I think more people are doing this as a result
of the pandemic, because yeah, they had everything taken away
from them. When you think about the world, and I
know that you are working to help people every day,
and you are, you have your eye on a lot,
(18:12):
and so my question to you is what are you
most concerned about. I'm most concerned about people have seemed
to have lost the ability to listen to each other.
That's the thing that I'm most concerned about, because you know,
everyone has an opinion and everyone has their point of view,
and there needs to be space for that. And we've
(18:35):
really lost the ability to listen and make space for
other people and and to hear them out, because there's
healing in just here being heard right and being understood.
That's why I've done I do the work with awareness,
courage and love a c L because we teach people
how to engage with each other, to be a air
(19:00):
and hold space non judgmentally and have the courage to
share your feelings about something and really just build that
baseline of love and connection. So there's um, there's this
(19:30):
space in ourselves that is just divine in your heart
and in that quiet and when we are paying attention
to like the news or the drama, I think a
lot of people are living in the space of a story.
And it's not that these things aren't real. I mean,
(19:51):
nine million people die of hunger every single year, about
fifty million people die of illnesses in the hospital, making
the hospitals all crowded up from style and food illnesses,
you know, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, all that stuff like
these are real things, and there are nefarious things going
on in the world that we don't like. You know,
there's so many things going on right and it is
(20:12):
our job and our duty as citizens to correct these
things when they come into your consciousness. Once you are
aware of this thing, you have to go, well, what
how can I contribute? Some of this added stress can
be removed instantly by turning the TV off and really
just going in and being grateful for what you have.
(20:34):
I woke up alive. I have all my limbs, or
if I don't have all my limbs, I know how
to work the ones I have. You know, like, there
are so many things that we can be grateful for.
We have so much abundance of love and fortune even
when we have nothing, And so I think we miss
all that because of the story we're being told, the
(20:56):
story of what's happening in the world. So I wanted
to say that because that is something that I, as
an activist, have to remember, and I do remember it
every day. And I remember someone telling me a long
time ago, you know, if your roots are not strong,
your tree will fall over. And because I was sort
of saying, I don't have time to take care of myself.
(21:18):
I don't have time to give myself love. I am
busy trying to make change, and I was doing this
and doing this and doing this to exhaustion. And when
this person said, yes, but if you don't give yourself anything,
the tree is going to die. And and this made
sense to me. It gave me permission to give myself
a little bit of love and a little bit of
(21:39):
watering and care, and to know that things that don't
serve you the the noise to shut it out. And
that doesn't mean being selfish and saying the world isn't
on fire, because it is. But how are we actually
going to make change because hearing the narrative and the
noise is not going to do it. I could not
agree with you more. Um, there's a saying and meditation
(22:01):
about the tree that we water the root. Every meditation,
every silence is watering the root to build the strength
of the tree. And you're right, we do have the
ability to cleanse our world just with sound, right with
turning off the television, not looking at the you know,
(22:22):
the notifications on your phone, um, from newspapers and CNN
and whoever. And it's about reclaiming that time for yourself.
And you know, I think a lot of people have
guilt or worry that they need to kind of keep up,
you know, on what's going on, and and that it's
sort of a you know, a statement of privilege to
(22:44):
be able to not worry about it. I do think
there's some truth to that. There's privilege and choice for sure.
At the same time, if you do have the privilege
to make the choice, I kind of feel you have
the obligation to make get because the more that you
can cleanse your world of the nonsense, of the drama,
(23:07):
of the story, of the distraction that they're there are
billion billion dollar industries, multibillion dollar industries dedicated to distracting you, right,
and so you do have to fight for it. You
have to fight to reclaim your own attention and bring
it back to your world. And so it's available to
(23:28):
nourish yourself, to nourish your children, to nourish the things
that you can make a difference with. What resources do
you know that are available or I can how people
can get themselves on this track of helping themselves well
going the therapeutic route. There are a tremendous amount of resources.
Certainly given the state of where we are after the pandemic,
(23:52):
people have been seeking out therapy resources more frequently. But
I know that there are some online apps and things
like that. I can't necessarily speak to the efficacy of
those um but I do know that in your local area.
Generally places in the US have oftentimes they'll call it
(24:12):
a catchment area, or there'll be a local mental health
agency that will see people at a low cost or
sliding scale. You can also even look online at psychology today,
there's a tremendous amount of listing of therapists, and you
might if you find someone that you find interesting, you
might even give that person a call or send them
(24:33):
an email and ask them do they do a sliding scale,
particularly social workers and psychologists. I mean this is a
labor of love. I feel very privileged to do the
work that I do, and my colleagues are. They come
at this because it's mission driven, and so many, if
not most, therapists will offer a sliding scale. If they
(24:56):
don't have any sliding scale spots available on their case,
they certainly can give your recommendations of where you might
find those resources. Also, at local universities where people are
in training. You mentioned UM counselors and training, you can
oftentimes get those people as your therapist for a reduced
(25:18):
rate and people will get a little bit The public
can be a little shy about seeing someone in training,
but actually that can be a very very useful and
effective treatment. I want to add that you know, when
you're looking for someone, I think really good idea to
think a bit like you're auditioning someone, go to many
(25:40):
different people until you find the person that makes your
heart go ah, yeah, like really speaks to you. I
love that. Yes, I think that's sage advice. UM, because
each therapy interaction, each therapy couple we call it, is
a unique couple, and that therapist may be the perfect
(26:02):
therapist for your Aunt Josephine, but may not be the
perfect therapist for you. So you know, trust your gut.
You might not be sure after the first session. If
you're not sure, give it two or three. But by
the third, you know you can have a direct conversation.
You might say to the therapist, Hey, you know what,
I'm not sure that this is working, and you know,
(26:25):
you might want to be curious about that. That can
oftentimes lead to some really good therapeutic conversations or and
you may both determine that it's not a good fit,
and that person UM can often times offer you some resources. UM.
So if you don't want to go to therapy and
(26:45):
you just want to change these things in your life.
I wanted to also add that the food is the
most drastic thing that happened to me because I really
see the effects of how eating a kind diet makes
me balanced and feel well emotion Sally mentally, it has
that effect on you. It had that effect on me.
(27:05):
And then there's the going into your heart. There's meditation.
Mary offers meditation on her for free on her website.
There are many you know, meditation is so key. Yoga,
writing all these things and just catching those mean thoughts
that we have for ourselves, you know, and saying, hey,
(27:26):
you know I need you to take care of me.
I need asking yourself a really good mantra is like,
be the mommy and daddy to myself, what does this
baby need right now? And I suppose I just hope
that any listener will want to come back to talk
more about healing our relationships with our bodies, our children,
(27:50):
our food, the planet, other species that you'll see that
we're going to explore all of these things. And I
will hopefully provide tools for you that have worked for
me and that work for others, and these experts will
be telling you, like Mary, and just my dream, honestly,
my deepest, deepest dream is that everyone find peace in
(28:13):
their hearts and in their bellies, this compassion and desire
for truth and to become truth seekers and to be
love warriors and to really just allow themselves whatever it
is that they desire in this world to know that
(28:35):
it's possible, and that if they just focus on it
and cut out all the noise as best you can.
You know, if something's not working, you gotta get you
gotta remove it, fix it, do whatever you can so
that you can get to the And there are so
many beautiful examples of people doing that all the time.
So I just want to help people have the tools
because I know that when you eat a certain way,
(28:59):
it allows you to think and feel a certain way,
and that way is so good. So I want to
offer everyone that opportunity and chance to explore it. Really,
it's a great thing. I think if everyone who listens
today just takes a moment and, just like Alicia puts hurt,
(29:20):
their hand on their heart, just to take that moment
and tune into what it is that you're feeling in
this moment, the joy, the upset, the disappointment, the excitement,
whatever it is, and really tune in and take that
moment for yourself, then for sure more space was made
(29:42):
to take care of you, which is an awesome thing.
I love you. I love you too. This was so fun.
I'm so happy you did this. Thank you so much.
Thank you for having me to dig deeper into this
episodes topic and resources. Visit the kind life dot com.
(30:06):
The Real Hell is an I heart Radio production made
in partnership with Frequency Media. I'm your host. Alicia Silverstone
from I Heart Radio. Are managing producer is Lindsay Hoffman
from Frequency Media. Michelle Corey is our executive producer. Jordan's
Rizzieri is our producer, and Imani Leonard and Laura Boyman
(30:28):
are our associate producers. Sydney Evans is our dialogue editor,
and Claire Bitty Garry Curtis is our mixer and sound designer.
This podcast is available on the I Heart Radio app, Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and wherever podcasts are found
What is it really gonna take to heal ourselves, our communities,
and our planet. I'm Alicia Silverstone and this is the
Real Heal. Welcome to the first episode of The Real Heal.
This podcast has been years in the making and is
(00:26):
a reflection of one of my lifelong passions exploring the
many faces of healing. But in order to talk about healing,
we first need to get ourselves rooted in love. That's
where the path to healing truly begins. I'm kicking off
the season by talking to one of my dearest friends,
Mary Walden, who is a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker.
(00:51):
We talk about the transformative power of love in a
tangible and practical way, including how opening your heart creates
the foundation for all of the conversations we're having this season.
I can't wait to go on this journey with you all.
So without further ado, let's get into the real hell.
(01:21):
Hi Mary, Hi Alicia. I'm so excited that you're here,
my first guest and my dearest friend. It's so lovely
to have you here. I am so excited to be here.
I feel like it's such a wonderful opportunity to continue
our conversations in this way. Mm hmmm, So why don't
(01:45):
you start by telling people who you are in your
work world and your life. So I'm a licensed clinical
social worker. I started my career seeing adolescent girls ages
fourteen to seventeen. Primarily their concerns were self harm, eating disorders, anxiety, depression,
(02:06):
some o c D. And then over the years I
expanded into seeing women as well, and I've been doing
that for almost twenty years. And in addition to that,
outside of the office, I am a founding board member
of a c L Global, which is awareness, courage and
Love to help people feel more connected with each other.
(02:28):
M hmm. Well, I'm going to tell people who are
listening who you are to me and how we met. Basically,
I picked Marry up at a health bar and we
were we were at a spa and we're very lucky
to have been there, and it's extremely health oriented. And
(02:49):
you know, most of the time when I'm at this place,
I stayed to myself and I don't want to talk
to anybody. But for some reason I got a sense
of this beautiful woman who was sitting at the counter.
I don't know if you were talking to someone, and
I heard what you said, but I just sort of
went over to Mary and said, Hi, do you want
to go on a walk with me? Is that how
(03:09):
you remember our I remember us making our little drinks
and our green our green drinks and our shakes, and yeah,
we just had a beautiful walk, and I remember we
talked about all the important things in the world and
opened our hearts and it was just And that was
about ten years ago, right, didn't we add that? Yes? Yes,
(03:33):
I think it was. It's a long time. Yeah, And
that's what makes this so exciting when you said you
wanted to do this podcast and this whole series about
healing and starting from a place of love. Yeah, it's
the magic that needs to happen. Yes, Okay, so let's
talk about that, because this episode really is trying to
(03:55):
ground the whole series in love and healing. And I
want people to be able to access this and understand
what the hell we're talking about. And uh, this whole
podcast series is about healing and love. And this first
episode feels like it could be a little hippie dippy
(04:15):
because it's about love, but that's not the truth. Everything
in this life is about love, and so we want
to sort of deconstruct that and say where do we begin.
Every human wants love, Babies want love, humans want love.
Everyone wants love, and we all want to feel better.
So every human right now out there needs to heal
on some mental level, physical level. There's general healing on
(04:39):
all levels. What is it that we can do to
address this for people? What would you say about that? Well,
first of all, I think it is you know, we
do risk sounding hippie dippy, but the reality is it
is the foundation of everything that all humans we are
designed to love, straight from from the beginning. We are
(05:03):
organized to love and to connect for our survival. We
all have that wish to be loved and it manifests
from the moment that we enter the planet and with
that connection with our primary caregiver in order to survive,
in order to get food and get nourishment and warmth
(05:24):
and protection. And so it's so foundational to everything we do.
And while we can easily understand it when the baby
comes and and the mom is there and mustling the
baby to the breast, we get that. But the further
we get from that moment, those first moments, the further
away we get from the understanding that the core drive
(05:48):
is still there. We still wish to be loved, and
we still need to be loved, and it comes out
in everything we do, even when what we do or
what we say isn't dripping in warmth and love and connection.
It can be dripping in fear and hatred and anger.
(06:09):
But if we can always come back to that foundational
point that it's really about a desire to be loved,
if we can truly connect with that, we can create
space even with people that we don't on the surface
seem to understand, or can even be afraid of, or
just don't feel that connection with. M So I think that's,
(06:33):
you know, really at the foundation of why why it
is that we need to look everywhere for the love,
even in the places that we don't understand. Yeah, so
maybe I will tell you a little bit about I mean,
you probably already know this, but for the people who
are listening so you can understand why I'm even going
on this journey at all. Is basically that my life
(06:56):
changed a lot, and I had a lot of trauma
and a lot of um difficulties and and a complex upbringing,
and all of those things left me with well, whatever
you want to call it, I had very little self worth,
I would say, and very little self love. And so
(07:16):
here I was this person out in the world and
in the public, but was very little foundation, like really
really thin foundation. And so how I have changed and
grown into into who I feel now very very much.
I feel so much self love and so much um
(07:37):
security in this world, and so much clarity. And my
journey started through my love of animals. It didn't start
through my love of myself. I didn't have access to that.
So when I was a little girl struggling to figure
everything out and not having, like I said, a sort
of foundation, you know, I didn't have a therapist. I
(07:59):
didn't have of anyone who was who was what do
you call it, um qualified to be helping. So so
that and I think that's many of us, right, And
so what got me in was not my desire to
go help myself. Unfortunately I didn't have access to that.
That wasn't what my role model showed me, you know.
(08:21):
It was stuck it up and be quiet and have
no thoughts, to have no feelings. That's what women are
supposed to do. Were sex objects, we are not here
to think or feel. Children would be seen and not
heard sit quietly on the corner. Yeah look cute. Yeah,
yeah all that. And so the idea that I would
try and better myself was incredibly selfish and really psychologically
(08:43):
it was warfare. And so the only thing that allowed
me to get better where I am now is my
love of animals, because I loved animals so much that
I couldn't face eating them. And when I made this choice,
my health changed. And now things started to get so
much healthier inside of me that I was able to
(09:03):
actually hear my intuition and things like this. So anyway,
my point is, there is a solution here, and this
show is going to walk you through all of that
and give you a variety of options of ways that
you might be able to heal if one thing doesn't
work for you or another thing does. Sometimes you get
tricked into falling in love with yourself through falling in
(09:25):
love with your baby or your creatures. But um, that's
sort of how I arrived here. Do you want to
share how you arrived where you are? Because you are
the most secure, loved up yummy among me. Ever, I
just I love you to pieces. Um, so our stories
are similar, and then there are some other parts that
(09:46):
are a little different. I left home very early like
you did. But you know, I always had a really deep, um,
multidimensional conversation in my head um, and so I was
always questioning and wondering, as I think you were too.
And really I think in terms of health, you know,
(10:08):
what healed my emotional health, what healed my heart was
having my children. What healed my physical body was really um,
getting an autoimmune disorder that really brought it brought my
health to the forefront. At a very young age, I
(10:28):
was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. And you know, now we
know that a lot of autoimmune disorders originate in chronic stress.
Chronic childhood stress can definitely help trigger autoimmune disorders. And
so once I was always really not down with the
medical profession. So I decided that, uh, you know, I
(10:51):
really wasn't into the multiple prescriptions that they prescribed and
all the drugs and that kind of thing. And so
I'm stubborn like you. I decided I wanted to figure
out for myself, and that's how I ended up. We
ended up at that SPOB because it's not really you know,
to say it's a SPA sounds a little kind of
foo foo right and fancy, and especially back then when
(11:13):
we were there, it was absolutely not fancy. It's very
much a healing place. And and you know, sometimes those
kinds of challenges can be the best gift because it
really forced me to look at my physical health and
look at all the ways but I was nourishing or
not nourishing myself. I think there's also interconnected because once
(11:36):
I had children, I spent a lot of time and
I was pregnant the first time. I was reading a
lot of you know, what's healthy and what's not, and
you find that you know that deep desire to give
the very best to your children. So yeah, that's how
that started. Yeah, I recognize that I have so much
(12:11):
of my stability needs taken care of. I have enough food,
I have a beautiful home, I have my son that
I love, and so I recognize that I'm sitting in
a place of a lot of privilege with that hard
earned but also you know, very very lucky position to
be in. So but but once you get past that,
(12:31):
like and I think a lot of our listeners are
past that. They have a home, they've got food, and
so then it's how do you go to the next step?
Of survival and making sure that your life is as
good as it can be. And and I think highlighting
the things that aren't working for you, like you said,
and going this isn't working for me. I don't like this.
I want this to stop, and then proactively seeking out
(12:52):
how to fix it. H is a practice that really
helped me. Was um, you know, putting my hand on
my heart and another hand on my belly. And I'm
sure you've seen me do it just when I'm trying
to order food, something something, but because I get overwhelmed
with choice, but then also just big deep things in
(13:13):
my life where I've had to make these massive choices.
And when you put your hand on your heart and
your belly and then you know, ask yourself the question,
you know, whatever it is, should I move to the moon.
There's either sort of a feeling that goes down into
the center which is a little darker and then or
(13:33):
it's filled with this possibility and lightness. And and when
I listened to that, I really get all the answers.
You always can go back. You were just talking about
not being perfect. We can always go back if we
have our center. And I think that asking your heart answers.
That's been huge for me, and the quiet of knowing
(13:54):
that the answers can come if you if you slow down,
and we don't have to do it all so fast.
And it's hard because I love I'm an overachiever. I
want to accomplish so many things. I want to fix
this world for God's sakes, and I only have how
many more years to do it before I'm dead. So
so it's like a big job. Hunt. It's a big job.
(14:14):
And I know it's not all on my hands. I
know everybody's I know so many people are working on this,
but but I feel like we have to keep regrouping
and calling in the forces and saying why is this
not happening? And that takes wrangling and effort and and
so yeah, you get exhausted, and so you can just go, Okay,
well I haven't been sleeping enough and so this is
(14:37):
how and then I'll feel better and then I'll be
more patient with my monkey when he walks in the door.
And that's the top priority, because that's the biggest thing
I can do in this world, is be a kind
mommy to my baby. So absolutely we have to talk
more about the silence because so much gets clarified there.
If you haven't spent enough time in the silence, this
(14:58):
is where people might be thinking, oh, this is woo woo, right, like, oh, okay,
I'm gonna be silent and figure everything out in my life. Actually, yes,
And all the things that we do remove ourselves from
that space. All the distraction, all the noise, all the caffeine,
all the drugs, all the you know, all the ways
(15:20):
that we distract ourselves from the answers that do live
within us. And it really is about leaning back a
little bit. We we love to lean in America. In America, right,
we want to do more and be more and go, go, go,
And there really is a lot of wisdom to be
(15:41):
had and healing to be had in the quiet and
really just centering within yourself. You don't have to do
a fancy meditation practice or you know, go and do
guided meditations for hours and hours, just even turning off
the lights and sitting down and I love the hand
(16:02):
on the heart to ground yourself in the energy that
your own body is making in that moment and tune
into that. And that's scary for a lot of people,
that's very scary and understandably, because when you slow down,
a lot of things come come to you, right, A
(16:24):
lot of things come to your mind, a lot of
things come to your awareness. But that's that's the courageous step,
because that's where those answers lie. I love that. I
love the power of that. I don't know if we're
just really spoiled and lucky, but it sounds so. I
can remember twenty years ago when it was really scary,
(16:44):
but now that just sounds so good, Like what would
be scary about being quiet? But you know that it
is very scary, But I can't imagine what are those thoughts, Like,
what are the things that come up that would be scary? Well,
people's feelings, anxiety, memories, the things that they're running from,
(17:08):
all the stuff you're running from. Yeah, so if you
haven't run, if you're not working through it and diving
into it and like swimming in the sledge to get
through it, I see and I think that, you know,
we have a lot invested in what other people think
about us. We have a lot invested in the approval
of other people. You know, if you if you're running
(17:30):
and running and doing and doing and attempting to, you know,
meet the expectations of other people and all the different
dimensions of your life, and oh you stop and slow down.
You might question, hey, is this really what I want
to do? And that can be terrifying, right to say, oh,
my gosh, is this really what I want? And then oh,
(17:51):
I'm going to turn my whole life upside down? Yeah. Yeah,
I think more people are doing this as a result
of the pandemic, because yeah, they had everything taken away
from them. When you think about the world, and I
know that you are working to help people every day,
and you are, you have your eye on a lot,
(18:12):
and so my question to you is what are you
most concerned about. I'm most concerned about people have seemed
to have lost the ability to listen to each other.
That's the thing that I'm most concerned about, because you know,
everyone has an opinion and everyone has their point of view,
and there needs to be space for that. And we've
(18:35):
really lost the ability to listen and make space for
other people and and to hear them out, because there's
healing in just here being heard right and being understood.
That's why I've done I do the work with awareness,
courage and love a c L because we teach people
how to engage with each other, to be a air
(19:00):
and hold space non judgmentally and have the courage to
share your feelings about something and really just build that
baseline of love and connection. So there's um, there's this
(19:30):
space in ourselves that is just divine in your heart
and in that quiet and when we are paying attention
to like the news or the drama, I think a
lot of people are living in the space of a story.
And it's not that these things aren't real. I mean,
(19:51):
nine million people die of hunger every single year, about
fifty million people die of illnesses in the hospital, making
the hospitals all crowded up from style and food illnesses,
you know, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, all that stuff like
these are real things, and there are nefarious things going
on in the world that we don't like. You know,
there's so many things going on right and it is
(20:12):
our job and our duty as citizens to correct these
things when they come into your consciousness. Once you are
aware of this thing, you have to go, well, what
how can I contribute? Some of this added stress can
be removed instantly by turning the TV off and really
just going in and being grateful for what you have.
(20:34):
I woke up alive. I have all my limbs, or
if I don't have all my limbs, I know how
to work the ones I have. You know, like, there
are so many things that we can be grateful for.
We have so much abundance of love and fortune even
when we have nothing, And so I think we miss
all that because of the story we're being told, the
(20:56):
story of what's happening in the world. So I wanted
to say that because that is something that I, as
an activist, have to remember, and I do remember it
every day. And I remember someone telling me a long
time ago, you know, if your roots are not strong,
your tree will fall over. And because I was sort
of saying, I don't have time to take care of myself.
(21:18):
I don't have time to give myself love. I am
busy trying to make change, and I was doing this
and doing this and doing this to exhaustion. And when
this person said, yes, but if you don't give yourself anything,
the tree is going to die. And and this made
sense to me. It gave me permission to give myself
a little bit of love and a little bit of
(21:39):
watering and care, and to know that things that don't
serve you the the noise to shut it out. And
that doesn't mean being selfish and saying the world isn't
on fire, because it is. But how are we actually
going to make change because hearing the narrative and the
noise is not going to do it. I could not
agree with you more. Um, there's a saying and meditation
(22:01):
about the tree that we water the root. Every meditation,
every silence is watering the root to build the strength
of the tree. And you're right, we do have the
ability to cleanse our world just with sound, right with
turning off the television, not looking at the you know,
(22:22):
the notifications on your phone, um, from newspapers and CNN
and whoever. And it's about reclaiming that time for yourself.
And you know, I think a lot of people have
guilt or worry that they need to kind of keep up,
you know, on what's going on, and and that it's
sort of a you know, a statement of privilege to
(22:44):
be able to not worry about it. I do think
there's some truth to that. There's privilege and choice for sure.
At the same time, if you do have the privilege
to make the choice, I kind of feel you have
the obligation to make get because the more that you
can cleanse your world of the nonsense, of the drama,
(23:07):
of the story, of the distraction that they're there are
billion billion dollar industries, multibillion dollar industries dedicated to distracting you, right,
and so you do have to fight for it. You
have to fight to reclaim your own attention and bring
it back to your world. And so it's available to
(23:28):
nourish yourself, to nourish your children, to nourish the things
that you can make a difference with. What resources do
you know that are available or I can how people
can get themselves on this track of helping themselves well
going the therapeutic route. There are a tremendous amount of resources.
Certainly given the state of where we are after the pandemic,
(23:52):
people have been seeking out therapy resources more frequently. But
I know that there are some online apps and things
like that. I can't necessarily speak to the efficacy of
those um but I do know that in your local area.
Generally places in the US have oftentimes they'll call it
(24:12):
a catchment area, or there'll be a local mental health
agency that will see people at a low cost or
sliding scale. You can also even look online at psychology today,
there's a tremendous amount of listing of therapists, and you
might if you find someone that you find interesting, you
might even give that person a call or send them
(24:33):
an email and ask them do they do a sliding scale,
particularly social workers and psychologists. I mean this is a
labor of love. I feel very privileged to do the
work that I do, and my colleagues are. They come
at this because it's mission driven, and so many, if
not most, therapists will offer a sliding scale. If they
(24:56):
don't have any sliding scale spots available on their case,
they certainly can give your recommendations of where you might
find those resources. Also, at local universities where people are
in training. You mentioned UM counselors and training, you can
oftentimes get those people as your therapist for a reduced
(25:18):
rate and people will get a little bit The public
can be a little shy about seeing someone in training,
but actually that can be a very very useful and
effective treatment. I want to add that you know, when
you're looking for someone, I think really good idea to
think a bit like you're auditioning someone, go to many
(25:40):
different people until you find the person that makes your
heart go ah, yeah, like really speaks to you. I
love that. Yes, I think that's sage advice. UM, because
each therapy interaction, each therapy couple we call it, is
a unique couple, and that therapist may be the perfect
(26:02):
therapist for your Aunt Josephine, but may not be the
perfect therapist for you. So you know, trust your gut.
You might not be sure after the first session. If
you're not sure, give it two or three. But by
the third, you know you can have a direct conversation.
You might say to the therapist, Hey, you know what,
I'm not sure that this is working, and you know,
(26:25):
you might want to be curious about that. That can
oftentimes lead to some really good therapeutic conversations or and
you may both determine that it's not a good fit,
and that person UM can often times offer you some resources. UM.
So if you don't want to go to therapy and
(26:45):
you just want to change these things in your life.
I wanted to also add that the food is the
most drastic thing that happened to me because I really
see the effects of how eating a kind diet makes
me balanced and feel well emotion Sally mentally, it has
that effect on you. It had that effect on me.
(27:05):
And then there's the going into your heart. There's meditation.
Mary offers meditation on her for free on her website.
There are many you know, meditation is so key. Yoga,
writing all these things and just catching those mean thoughts
that we have for ourselves, you know, and saying, hey,
(27:26):
you know I need you to take care of me.
I need asking yourself a really good mantra is like,
be the mommy and daddy to myself, what does this
baby need right now? And I suppose I just hope
that any listener will want to come back to talk
more about healing our relationships with our bodies, our children,
(27:50):
our food, the planet, other species that you'll see that
we're going to explore all of these things. And I
will hopefully provide tools for you that have worked for
me and that work for others, and these experts will
be telling you, like Mary, and just my dream, honestly,
my deepest, deepest dream is that everyone find peace in
(28:13):
their hearts and in their bellies, this compassion and desire
for truth and to become truth seekers and to be
love warriors and to really just allow themselves whatever it
is that they desire in this world to know that
(28:35):
it's possible, and that if they just focus on it
and cut out all the noise as best you can.
You know, if something's not working, you gotta get you
gotta remove it, fix it, do whatever you can so
that you can get to the And there are so
many beautiful examples of people doing that all the time.
So I just want to help people have the tools
because I know that when you eat a certain way,
(28:59):
it allows you to think and feel a certain way,
and that way is so good. So I want to
offer everyone that opportunity and chance to explore it. Really,
it's a great thing. I think if everyone who listens
today just takes a moment and, just like Alicia puts hurt,
(29:20):
their hand on their heart, just to take that moment
and tune into what it is that you're feeling in
this moment, the joy, the upset, the disappointment, the excitement,
whatever it is, and really tune in and take that
moment for yourself, then for sure more space was made
(29:42):
to take care of you, which is an awesome thing.
I love you. I love you too. This was so fun.
I'm so happy you did this. Thank you so much.
Thank you for having me to dig deeper into this
episodes topic and resources. Visit the kind life dot com.
(30:06):
The Real Hell is an I heart Radio production made
in partnership with Frequency Media. I'm your host. Alicia Silverstone
from I Heart Radio. Are managing producer is Lindsay Hoffman
from Frequency Media. Michelle Corey is our executive producer. Jordan's
Rizzieri is our producer, and Imani Leonard and Laura Boyman
(30:28):
are our associate producers. Sydney Evans is our dialogue editor,
and Claire Bitty Garry Curtis is our mixer and sound designer.
This podcast is available on the I Heart Radio app, Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and wherever podcasts are found
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