January 3, 2024 • 29 mins
Greg Berge is a high school principal and boys’ varsity basketball coach in Lake City, MN. A teacher at heart, Berge’s passion for leadership led him to a career in school administration where he has served as a principal for 19 of his 29 years in education. In addition, he is a published author, owner of the GB1 Leadership LLC, and a Licensed Sports Leadership Facilitator through the Janssen Sports Leadership Center. Greg joins Nick to discuss “The 20 Commandments of Being a Successful Sports Parent,” his motto “No Deposit, No Returns,” and the importance of defining roles, collective leadership, and a positive team culture.
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
You need player leadership because player let teams win, and
coaches can't wait and wish for team leaders. Coaches need
to systemically purposely develop and.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Build leaders on their team.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
And then once you get those things, then you can
look at the x's and o's.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
And all of that. But we need to be more
purposeful in how we develop that.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
This is the Reform Sports Project, a podcast about restoring
healthy balance and perspective in all areas of sports through
education and advocacy. Hi, this is Nick Boncor for the
Reform Sports Podcast. My guest today is Greg Burke, teacher, coach,
school administrator, and author. He currently serves as the high
school principal and varsity boys basketball coach in Lake City, Minnesota.
(00:49):
He is also the owner of GB one Leadership, LLC
and a licensed sports leadership facilitator through the Jansen Sports
Leadership Center. Greg and I discussed the twenty commitments of
being a successful sports pirent, his motto no deposit, No Return,
and the importance of defining roles. I got another just
phenomenal guest, a pump to have this dude, Greg burg Greg,
(01:11):
thanks so much for hopping on man.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Thanks Nick, appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Greg. We connected. I followed you on social media. I
see your content me and your background as a high
school administrator, as a coach. You know, now you've been
writing for so long, and I love your leadership content.
You have this gb one platform where you're putting out
an information about your experience and just so much helpful content.
What I love is I have a lot of coaches on,
I have a lot of athletes, a lot of professionals
(01:34):
in different spaces. What I love most about having you
on is you wear a lot of different hats, and
I want to jump right out and ask you this question.
I often talk about the similarities between coaching and teaching.
Teaching coach, and they kind of go hand in hand.
You know, we have a lot of sports parents and
such that I'll listen to this. I'll often convey and
advocate for let the kids be coached, let them be taught.
(01:56):
What's it like working with parents from an administrator side,
from the educational side, and from the coaching side. Is
it the same? Is a different different expectation? Can you
just talk us through that situation?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah, I mean I think my background is just a
little bit unique in that, you know, and I'll give
a quick summary in my background, people can kind of
understand appreciate it. But I became a head coach at
a really young age, at you know, twenty six years old,
a varsity coach.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
I replaced a a Hall.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Of Fame coach in Minnesota basketball coach, and so I
was the head coach at a very young age.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
And I did that for seven years.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
And then I got my administrative degree and I had
to get out of coaching at age thirty three. So
I became a principal at age thirty three once to
a neighboring district.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Came back to.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Lake City a couple of years after that to be
the principal there, and then I had the opportunity to
get back into coaching, and I've been back for eleven
years now.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
As the varsity basketball coach.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
So's what's interesting is I was a coach at a
young age.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
You know, knew you know.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Made a lot of mistakes, grew a lot, you know.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
We had success.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
But we've had a ton of success here this last
eleven years. So probably my core time, you know, I'm
in my like mid thirties to early forties. I wasn't
a head coach. I was coaching more at the youth level,
but I was an administrator, so I've seen it from
so many perspective. I've raised two kids, both of them
are in college now, both three sport athletes, So see
(03:23):
it from an administrative hat head coaching, as a young coach,
as a you know, older coach now, and yeah, you know,
I would say parents care about their kids. You know,
parents want the best for their kids. And you know,
there's too many examples out there of parents maybe being
over the top, but you know, most of the parents
are great people that are focused and can think in
(03:45):
terms of the team, but they want what's best for
their kids.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
And I think, you know, part of.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
My drive with what I'm doing is to make the
best coaches that I can because our kids need them
so bad in our world right now, and also to
educate parents and other people and try to help them
understand the challenges of coaching. So I don't know if
I answered your question directly, Nick, I'd love to go
deeper on that, but you know, I think that's the
bottom line, as parents really are focused on their kids,
(04:13):
and you know, they want what's best for them.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
For the most.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Part, what I often see, you know, in discussing with
parents and such is like there's confusion, like how do
you navigate? How do you juggle? How do you you know,
hold your kids accountable with you know, allowing coaches to
be the ones that are running there. But there's also
bad eggs, right, you know, So how do you kind
of surrender the reins without you know, if you feel
(04:38):
like maybe the person that's you know, whether that be
in the classroom, whether that be you know, on the
basketball court, maybe isn't the best suited you know, So
how do you navigate the surrender the control a lot
of the kids to be coached versus man, this coach
isn't quite what my kid needs, you know.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I think there's there's two things, two keys.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
And I actually just two days ago and Nick I
wrote the sports parent handbook, the twenty Commandments of being
a Successful Sports Parent, and I talk a lot of
all these things in that and it's about a six
page dogment.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
It's a free download online. But I think it's really.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Good for coaches administrators to give to parents.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I say there's two things. Number one is.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Parents have to remember that this is their child's experience,
not theirs. First and foremost, that's the most important part
of being a parent. And you know when when parents
oftentimes get into trouble, it's because they're thinking it's their experience,
and it's it's really not. It's it's their kids. And
Number two is to accept the struggle of team sports.
And we all know when you're part of a team,
(05:43):
there are so many unique challenges that go into that.
That's what makes coaching such a difficult job. You're managing,
however many people basketballs, you know, fifteen people and all
their wants and needs and goals and dreams, and you're
trying to bring them together as one group, as one team, and.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
That's incredibly tough.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
And so there's going to be struggles, and I think
parents needing to just accept the fact that there's going
to be ups and downs.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
There's going to be struggles, and my job as a parent.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Is to help my kid navigate that through their experience
and not try to solve their problems for them. But
the lessons learned, as we know, in team sports are
incredible and if we do it right and we help
our kids navigate that, the people they become on the
back end is way worth any accolades they get through
(06:33):
the process.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
So hypothetically, you know, my son or daughter is trying
out for the varsity basketball team. Right, there are sophomore
in high school and they're on the cusp, right, you know,
they don't get put on the varsity team and they're
on the JV. And oftentimes you hear it's not fair.
You know it's not fair. And I had a guest
on recently he's a college coach, talked about fear doesn't
(06:54):
exist in his world in college coaching, and opportunity does.
But is there difference between the collegiate aspect and high school?
Like where do we draw the line between you know,
what's owed? Like people think at times everyone deserves the
same amount of playing time, but I always advocate for
like high school's a different animal versus the youth level,
(07:14):
Like obviously everything needs to be earned, but there's not
equal playing to How do you navigate the playing time
situation when it comes to high school athletics from a JV,
varsity even freshman standpoint?
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Yeah, I think you know it's it's a competitive level
at that level.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
And I tell this with our parents.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
We have a pack meing parent athlete coaches meeting seven
through twelve, and I share this philosophy at a very
young age, and I kind of work backwards and I say,
you know, what the varsity level is competitive basketball. There
are opportunities to play basketball.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
You can play.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
You know, we don't have ermurals, but a lot of
bigger schools might have innermurals. It might have you know,
less competitive AAU teams. There's a lot of opportunities to play.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
But at the high.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
School ursity levels, it's competitive and your team is the
best team that you can put on the court for your.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
School, regardless of grade. You know, that's the best team
you can put on the court.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Now, as you get down to JV level, that's kind
of tenth grade and below for us, and then the
C squad level would be ninth grade and below. And
the playing time changes at each level. And in middle school,
you know, we ensure quality playing time for all kids
that show up and are committed, you know, and come.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
To practice and so forth.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
We never use equal because it's impossible, and but we
use quality playing time.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
And the same thing at the elementary level. All kids
are going to play.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
It's going to be quality playing time because it's part
of the normal growth and development of being a kid
is you need that opportunity, that experience to play. As
you get into the high school level, there's a little.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Bit more of a commitment expectation.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
And we're also really we talk about roles a lot
on teams, especially at a varsity level, and we do
a lot of unique things to help communicate that with kids.
And we've had I've had I mean, I could probably
tell you on one hand in my eighteen nineteen years
that I've had to talk to a parent about anything.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
And I think, you know, the key is a coach
is to be very proactive, to be a very good communicator,
to be very upfront and honest.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I think a lot of coaches make that mistake because
they're not honest with kids.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
They're they're trying to please them.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
They try to promise things to them, and that usually
gets you know, coaches in drouble and so a lot
of things. But I do think at the varsity levels
it's a competitive environment and that's okay. The mantra of
our program is no deposit, no return, So we do
have this mindset of want everything to be earned. I
think that's a great life lesson for kids. But yeah,
(09:43):
I think it's a progression. And obviously the youth level
all kids are playing, it's quality playing time for everyone,
and it kind of gradually changes as they get older.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I love how you brought up communication. I feel like
there's so much lost when walls are put up in
boundaries about you know, parents, guardians have at times they
feel like they can't approach a coach. Some put up
a wall, others are very communicative. What is the fine balance?
I mean, is it an open door policy? Is it
because you said you can count on one hand and
(10:15):
roughly I guess you said eighteen nineteen years in which
you've had issues like that's I've heard coaches that are
one or two years in that that are overwhelmed. A
lot of that could be due to experience and learning
these things. But like when you talk about communication and
making sure the lines of communication are open with how
do you do that? Where the boundaries? How do you
(10:35):
communicate with the parents to keep it where it's where
it's smooth?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Yeah, you know a few things, and obviously when you've
been in it a little bit longer, you've kind of
developed some credibility that helps. But I you know, I
did a lot of this stuff as a really young
coach too, and you know, the first thing I would
say is, you know, be very honest about playing time,
about team makeup, about what they're going to expect.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
You know. I tell her parents, you know, in.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
A typical competitive game, most teams, most coaches, including myself,
are probably going to play eight.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Kids, you know, consistently.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
You know, you might get a ninth or tenth then
dependent on a situation, but it's not going to be
for tons of minutes. That's pretty typical across the sport
of basketball. And so I also tell them, you know,
in any situation where we have a lead or we're behind,
I'm going to get everyone in. I'm gonna do what
I can and any time to get them in, and
we'll set up other you know, like non varsity games
(11:31):
on a weekend to get some kids some playing time.
But you gotta be very honest with them because if
they ever come back to you later on, you want
to have something that you can fall back on and say,
you know what. I was very clear with this at
our pack meeting at the beginning of the year. What
you know, my expectations were in how this is going
to work. Your child is very aware of it.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
The second thing is, you know, if you're going to
talk with a parent, the kid has to be with them.
I mean, unless you're talking about something that is very sensitive,
the child needs to be there. It's their experience. And
I keep going back to that with parents, it's not
your experience at your child's. And a lot of times
the kid has a different perspective. You know what they
(12:12):
you know, what they talk about at home with the parents.
At times they're appeasing their parents' conversation. It's not really
what they want. So that's really important. And then one
really unique thing that I do at the beginning of
the year, and I do this to help define roles
with kids, is I have them fill out this pretty
lengthy self perception form and I ask them a lot
of questions. I ask them about their role on the team.
(12:34):
I asked them about the leaders on our team. And
one thing I do in it is I said, if
we had a game tomorrow, who would be probably our
top five guys that would be starting, Who would be
our first tier off the bench, and who would be
our second tier off the bench. And I want you
to put your name in the middle of this list
as well. And so what I'm doing and I don't
share this with kids or anything, but I want to
(12:55):
know where do they see themselves, where do they see
their teammates? And I want to come care that's where
I see them right now. And so if everyone everyone
does that, I take all that information and I put
it on a spreadsheet just to get an idea, and
I can say, you know that the team sees Johnny
kind of in that first tier guy off the match,
That's where I see him, But Johnny sees himself in
(13:17):
our top five. Well, I know that I have to
have a conversation with Johnny about maybe his role. And
more times than that, kids are spot on with where
they think they are, where the team thinks they are,
and where I do.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
And so if I ever had a.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Parent issue, you know, that's something that I can fall
back on if I need to.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Have never had to use it, but.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
I do that just to really start the discussion on roles,
and so I think there's a lot of things that
coaches need to do.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Those are just a couple. I'm sure I could share
more as well.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
When we return, Greg and I take a deep dive
into leadership welcome back. Where we left off, Greg and
I were about to do discussed the importance of collective
leadership and a positive team culture. I feel like that
piece that you are talking about there, when it comes
(14:09):
to leadership in particular, I know that's something that you're very,
very big on. How do you establish and I guess
empower leaders? I know from my own experience, like it's
often known amongst the kids like who are quote unquote
the alphas or whatever the case is. But do you
kind of let it work itself out? How do you know,
promote an environment which allows kids to become leaders and
(14:31):
foster that and empower those that might not be the
quote unquote alpha but can help be a productive role.
And I mean I think leadership. You know, some people
will say can't be taught, You're born a leader. I
think that there's different ways to be a leader. Some
are very vocal, some are not. How do you foster
leadership from a coaching standpoint but also from a classroom
(14:52):
an even administrative standpoint.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah, this is something I'm real passionate about. I wrote
a big course and course called the Team Leader OS
to help coaches develop team leaders on their team. For
this reason because ultimately, the reason that teams and programs
are successful, Number one is it always starts with a
positive culture, a good culture. That's the number one job
(15:14):
of a coach is to build a culture, and culture
I define it three ways. Culture is what you allow,
it's what you emphasize, and it's every day. And number two,
you need player leadership because player let teams win, and
coaches can't wait and wish for team leaders. Coaches need
to systemically, purposely develop and build leaders on their team.
(15:36):
And then once you get those things, then you can
look at the x's and o's and all of that.
But the reality is the two things that hurt coaches
more than anything and get them in trouble more than
anything is lack of culture and lack of leadership. So
we need to be more purposeful in how we develop that.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
And so with.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Leadership, I'm a big believer, like you said, in collective leadership,
there are multiple ways to lead, and there are multiple
types of leaders on a team. You mentioned the alpha.
Sometimes that's what I call the gamer. You know, that's
the one that you know in a game when the
games on the line and someone needs the ball in
their hands, you know, the kids know who that is
and that person is going to be your decision maker.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
That doesn't mean.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
That that person is the best practice leader, the best
locker room leader. I think sometimes as coaches, we we
just wait and wish for our best player to be
our best leader. It might happen once in a lifetime
as a coach. To be honest, I think there's a
statistic out there that like, at twenty percent of the time,
(16:39):
your best player is your best leader, and I think
that's very accurate. So you really need to encourage the
other types of leaders. You know, I have what I
call energy leaders. I mean these are the people that
maybe aren't getting a ton of playing time at your
bench leaders and they're bringing this positive energy to games
(16:59):
and practices. That's a critical role on winning teams, and
as a coach, you got to celebrate those.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
You know, you get what you emphasize.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
So you know, one thing we're doing this year on
our team is we are recognizing and celebrating egbs, which
are energy giving behaviors. Well, a lot of the kids
that are best with egbs on our team may not
always be our best players talent wise, but they bring
energy that is contagious to the rest of the team,
and I want to recognize and support that because I'm
(17:30):
developing a leadership skill in them when I do that.
And so I think talking about that with your kids
as a coach, letting them know that, you know, leadership
is just influence, that's all it is. So you think
you as a teammate, how do you influence your teammates
a lot of different ways. You're you're all leaders when
you influence others, and so how can we influence others?
(17:51):
And I think having these conversations with kids and kind
of opening the door to not just focus on that
stereotypical captain alpha type of person is really important for coaches.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
What you allow. I think I've heard that, you know,
one of my all time coaches that I ever had,
Mike Fox. I talk about him quite a lot. It
was the head baseball coach University of North Carolina for
twenty three years and we talked, you know, almost daily, uh,
just about ideas and such. And that often comes up
your culture as a coach, and you know, it's what
(18:24):
you allow, right, what you allow kids to happen in
your program. And I've seen situations where and I've heard
about it, and I've seen a firsthand with teams and
my kids have been on where you know, the rules
don't apply to everybody, you know, And that's a big
problem I know with my old coach when I was
in college with Coach Fox and even you know, Coach
Long and these my assistants, like they didn't care if
(18:46):
you were an All American, Like there were boundaries and
no matter who crossed them, there was going to be
a repercussion or you know whatever as a result of
stepping out of that. But if I'm a parent and
my kids tell me, well, you know, so and so
doesn't go to practic, but yet it's still starting every
game or this, that and the other, whatever it is,
how do you navigate it if quite frankly, you have
(19:06):
a coach who's allowing, you know, kind of anarchy for
lack of a better word. It's like, you know, so
for coaches, how do you stay consistent with that? And secondly,
as a parent, how do you navigate if the coach
is inconsistent with that and your kid is obviously feeling
the ramifications and doesn't really know how to navigate the
kind of disarray of the culture.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, I mean, first of all, I would hope that's
not happening. And I guess in my experience, I don't
see it a lot, But I'm not saying it's not.
Maybe commonplace in other places too, but you know, I
would hope that a coach, you know, wouldn't be in
that situation where kids that aren't showing up to practice
are starting. I mean, that's a there's always bad apples
(19:45):
and every profession, and there's bad coaches out there too.
But I think, you know, like you said, it's when
as a coach, you got to think everything comes down
at what you allow.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
And what you emphasize.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Those are the standards that you're creating in your program.
And I think of this as a school administrator too.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
You know.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
The best example I give is if I'm walking down
the hall at school and I see a kid talking
to his buddies and they swear and they're just talking
to their buddies. But I walk by and I hear it,
and I don't address it. Doesn't mean I'm going to
punish them or anything like that, but I'm going to
let them know that, hey, we don't talk that way.
We don't need to say that whatever if I don't
(20:23):
address it, I'm allowing it.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
And they know that they know them. When I walk
by that, I hurt it.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
And and those are the things that are really important.
These This is why culture is every day because you know,
if I don't address these little things every day, they're
going to turn into big things. It's kind of like parenting,
you know, when our kids are young, that's when all
the work is done as a parent. In my mind,
like you're setting you know, expectations and you know you're
(20:52):
loving your child and all that, but.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
You do that at a young age so that when
they get.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
To that high school age and bigger things happen and
all those kind of standards expectations have been set.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
It makes it a whole lot easier.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
And so you know, as a coach, you really have
to be conscious of what am I allowing each and
every day and then pick three things that are really
really important to you and emphasize those over and over again,
because we are what we emphasize. That's one thing I
learned as a young coach at a clinic. You can't
emphasize everything. And I think when I was young, I
did emphasize too much. And now you know, I really
(21:28):
emphasize three things in our program, and one is no
a positive return. I want a mindset that everything is earned.
I think that's a great life lesson for kids. Number Two,
we talk about energy and being a positive energy giver
all the time. I think energy is contagious and that's
an important part of our program. And then number three
is the concept of we over me and your team.
(21:48):
And I just feel that, you know, if we have
a team that has a everything is earned mindset, is
team first, and they're positive energy givers, we're going to
be okay. And so that's what I emphasize over and
over again.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
And so.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
The culture is built every single day, and I think
sometimes coaches feel like we finally got that good culture,
and then they stop addressing it, and then they start
allowing things that they wouldn't have allowed before, and then
all of a sudden, they get a problem and they
gotta they got to.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Like recalibrate their culture.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
But that's why I try to simplify things as best
I can. And that's that's how I have simplified culture.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
I think that as you're talking about every day, that's
so critical consistency, right, and I can speak from it
from a parenting standpoint, I mean, it's challenging and I
have six kids and quite frankly, they wear me out.
But it's also picking your bat's. I mean, it's also
picking your battles. And I love how you pointed out
that you know, you probably addressed every single thing like
(22:47):
you mentioned when you were younger, but then you kind
of figure out, you know, where I guess the most
emphasis needs to be put, you know, as we come
to wrap up here, and I appreciate your time, and
you know the insight where do you think parents should
when your kids are entering this journey? And I think,
you know, it's I feel like it's often a lot
(23:08):
easier as a sports parent, you know, in those early
early ages. But then once the competitiveness starts to ramp
up a little bit as your head towards middle school
and people start, you know, looking at travel teams or
whatever the case is, and you know, how do you
step back and realize, like, hey, how do I navigate this?
I guess what would be some advice as you're closing
(23:29):
for parents to know, how do we kind of allow
our kids for this experience to be theirs while still
helping to guide them, knowing that obviously, you know, they're
paying money, in many cases a lot of money. They're
allocating a lot of time. They want to be able
to have their kids have the best experience on and
off the playing surfaces, courts, mats, grass, whatever it is.
(23:51):
But at the same time be able to extract those lessons.
How do they keep a full perspective without being I
guess bent and held on performance and get caught up
in the rat race of keeping up with the Joneses.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Well, I think you hit the nail on the head.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
There is comparison is the thief of joy, and you know,
I think with your own child, I'm reminded when you
said that of.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
A great past summit story.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Pass some with a longtime women's basketball coach at University
of Tennessee, one of the best coaches to ever coach.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
And I might give the story a little bit off.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
But her son was trying out for a varsity basketball
team and I don't know if he's in tenth creator
maybe it was a lower level team.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
I can't remember.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
He didn't make the team, and she tells the story
of her her son comes home and in the back
of her mind the first thing she's thinking is, are
you kidding me?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
You cut Pat Summit's kid from your team. You know,
she knew that she had a.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Lot of influence as a basketball coach or whatnot, but
she never said that to her kid. And to her kid,
her first response is did you do everything you could
possibly do to make that team?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
And she turned it on him, and she turned it on.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
The work ethic and the commitment and the time and
did you do everything possible to be the best that
you could be? And he didn't and she knew that
he didn't. And you know there was a consequence for that.
And so I think as parents you have to think
of the end goal.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
The end goal is not for them to be this.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
I mean, if they're you know, some parents can hung up,
how I'm a kid to get a scholarship?
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Do you know how good they have to be to
get a scholarship.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
If they're even close to not making a team there
and they're not getting a scholarship, they're not that level
of an athlete. If they're that good, they're going to
make it.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
So your end.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Goal is to provide the life lessons of sport. They're
going to last for them throughout their entire life and
all the skills that are learned. You really have to
think of it that way. And you know, comparison is
a thief of joy. Don't compare your kids to others.
Building them this no deposit, no return mindset. I know
it's tough, but the rewards you get when you can
(26:00):
flip the switch and think of the process being the
prize and not you know, the living in the moment
are so incredible for parents, and I think, you know,
you just you have to be mindful of tunnel vision
as a parent because it's very normal as parents to
just think of everything through your kids lens. And a
(26:21):
coach's job, good or bad, is to look at it
for the totality of the team. Coaches want to win,
especially at the varsity levels, so they're doing everything that
they think can help their team win.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
And so, you know, I think those things are really important.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
I wrote a post this week on why do parents
sit alone? I didn't think it was going to be
like a huge post. It got like one point two
million views and it resonated with a lot of people.
Parents sit alone because they don't want to hear the
negativity and the drama and the stuff that goes on
in the stands that compare and finger pointing to blaming.
(27:03):
They want to just enjoy the experience with their kid,
and I think we need to step back as parents
and kind of think of that what the end goal
is and what our ultimate responsibility is as parents. And
I know that's easier said than done for some, but
it's ultimately what I think we need to do.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
It's great. I'm not surprised that that post got a
lot of reach and touched a lot of people because
we wrote a blog. I wrote a blog last year,
Life of a Lone Wolf sports Parent, talking exactly about that,
and it got the same type of response. I mean, Greg,
where can people find I know I found you on Twitter?
Tell us your handles, your platforms, your website. Where can
(27:44):
people find what you're doing and all of your great
work that's being put out there?
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Yeah? Thanks Nick. I really just right on Twitter actively
on Twitter or x now.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
I guess my handle is at GB eleven twenty one
and so I've posted a few times a day.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
A lot of really good contents.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
I have a newsletter that a free newsletter that I
published each week called Great Teams, Better Leaders, one, two three.
You can subscribe to that on my Twitter handle, and
I have a website that you can find a lot
of other books I've written, my team leader os you
know another free a lot of free resources I give
away too.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
That's GB one leadership dot com.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
So yeah, I appreciate the opportunity Nick, and I love
what you're doing. I love your stuff, and I'm honored
to be a guest on this today, so I want
to thank you for that as well.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
No doubt, man, it works both ways. I appreciate you
coming on, sharing your insight, sharing your experience, definitely going
to help a lot of people and keep doing what
you're doing. I'll keep following you and everyone go check
out greg stuff. It's it's high quality. It's definitely it
helps me and in my journey as a sports parent,
and I just love connecting with great people out there
doing great work. So I appreciate you coming on.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Greg.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
That's Greg Berg High School principal, basketball coach and teacher.
Thanks thanks for listening to the Reform Sports podcast. If
you've enjoyed this episode, we would appreciate it if you
took a moment to rate and review our podcast. As
we work to grow our community of supporters and advocates
for more reform sports content, please subscribe to our newsletter
and blog at Reformsports project dot com. You can also
(29:16):
follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
You need player leadership because player let teams win, and
coaches can't wait and wish for team leaders. Coaches need
to systemically purposely develop and.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Build leaders on their team.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
And then once you get those things, then you can
look at the x's and o's.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
And all of that. But we need to be more
purposeful in how we develop that.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
This is the Reform Sports Project, a podcast about restoring
healthy balance and perspective in all areas of sports through
education and advocacy. Hi, this is Nick Boncor for the
Reform Sports Podcast. My guest today is Greg Burke, teacher, coach,
school administrator, and author. He currently serves as the high
school principal and varsity boys basketball coach in Lake City, Minnesota.
(00:49):
He is also the owner of GB one Leadership, LLC
and a licensed sports leadership facilitator through the Jansen Sports
Leadership Center. Greg and I discussed the twenty commitments of
being a successful sports pirent, his motto no deposit, No Return,
and the importance of defining roles. I got another just
phenomenal guest, a pump to have this dude, Greg burg Greg,
(01:11):
thanks so much for hopping on man.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Thanks Nick, appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Greg. We connected. I followed you on social media. I
see your content me and your background as a high
school administrator, as a coach. You know, now you've been
writing for so long, and I love your leadership content.
You have this gb one platform where you're putting out
an information about your experience and just so much helpful content.
What I love is I have a lot of coaches on,
I have a lot of athletes, a lot of professionals
(01:34):
in different spaces. What I love most about having you
on is you wear a lot of different hats, and
I want to jump right out and ask you this question.
I often talk about the similarities between coaching and teaching.
Teaching coach, and they kind of go hand in hand.
You know, we have a lot of sports parents and
such that I'll listen to this. I'll often convey and
advocate for let the kids be coached, let them be taught.
(01:56):
What's it like working with parents from an administrator side,
from the educational side, and from the coaching side. Is
it the same? Is a different different expectation? Can you
just talk us through that situation?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah, I mean I think my background is just a
little bit unique in that, you know, and I'll give
a quick summary in my background, people can kind of
understand appreciate it. But I became a head coach at
a really young age, at you know, twenty six years old,
a varsity coach.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
I replaced a a Hall.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Of Fame coach in Minnesota basketball coach, and so I
was the head coach at a very young age.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
And I did that for seven years.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
And then I got my administrative degree and I had
to get out of coaching at age thirty three. So
I became a principal at age thirty three once to
a neighboring district.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Came back to.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Lake City a couple of years after that to be
the principal there, and then I had the opportunity to
get back into coaching, and I've been back for eleven
years now.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
As the varsity basketball coach.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
So's what's interesting is I was a coach at a
young age.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
You know, knew you know.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Made a lot of mistakes, grew a lot, you know.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
We had success.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
But we've had a ton of success here this last
eleven years. So probably my core time, you know, I'm
in my like mid thirties to early forties. I wasn't
a head coach. I was coaching more at the youth level,
but I was an administrator, so I've seen it from
so many perspective. I've raised two kids, both of them
are in college now, both three sport athletes, So see
(03:23):
it from an administrative hat head coaching, as a young coach,
as a you know, older coach now, and yeah, you know,
I would say parents care about their kids. You know,
parents want the best for their kids. And you know,
there's too many examples out there of parents maybe being
over the top, but you know, most of the parents
are great people that are focused and can think in
(03:45):
terms of the team, but they want what's best for
their kids.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
And I think, you know, part of.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
My drive with what I'm doing is to make the
best coaches that I can because our kids need them
so bad in our world right now, and also to
educate parents and other people and try to help them
understand the challenges of coaching. So I don't know if
I answered your question directly, Nick, I'd love to go
deeper on that, but you know, I think that's the
bottom line, as parents really are focused on their kids,
(04:13):
and you know, they want what's best for them.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
For the most.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Part, what I often see, you know, in discussing with
parents and such is like there's confusion, like how do
you navigate? How do you juggle? How do you you know,
hold your kids accountable with you know, allowing coaches to
be the ones that are running there. But there's also
bad eggs, right, you know, So how do you kind
of surrender the reins without you know, if you feel
(04:38):
like maybe the person that's you know, whether that be
in the classroom, whether that be you know, on the
basketball court, maybe isn't the best suited you know, So
how do you navigate the surrender the control a lot
of the kids to be coached versus man, this coach
isn't quite what my kid needs, you know.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I think there's there's two things, two keys.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
And I actually just two days ago and Nick I
wrote the sports parent handbook, the twenty Commandments of being
a Successful Sports Parent, and I talk a lot of
all these things in that and it's about a six
page dogment.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
It's a free download online. But I think it's really.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Good for coaches administrators to give to parents.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I say there's two things. Number one is.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Parents have to remember that this is their child's experience,
not theirs. First and foremost, that's the most important part
of being a parent. And you know when when parents
oftentimes get into trouble, it's because they're thinking it's their experience,
and it's it's really not. It's it's their kids. And
Number two is to accept the struggle of team sports.
And we all know when you're part of a team,
(05:43):
there are so many unique challenges that go into that.
That's what makes coaching such a difficult job. You're managing,
however many people basketballs, you know, fifteen people and all
their wants and needs and goals and dreams, and you're
trying to bring them together as one group, as one team, and.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
That's incredibly tough.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
And so there's going to be struggles, and I think
parents needing to just accept the fact that there's going
to be ups and downs.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
There's going to be struggles, and my job as a parent.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Is to help my kid navigate that through their experience
and not try to solve their problems for them. But
the lessons learned, as we know, in team sports are
incredible and if we do it right and we help
our kids navigate that, the people they become on the
back end is way worth any accolades they get through
(06:33):
the process.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
So hypothetically, you know, my son or daughter is trying
out for the varsity basketball team. Right, there are sophomore
in high school and they're on the cusp, right, you know,
they don't get put on the varsity team and they're
on the JV. And oftentimes you hear it's not fair.
You know it's not fair. And I had a guest
on recently he's a college coach, talked about fear doesn't
(06:54):
exist in his world in college coaching, and opportunity does.
But is there difference between the collegiate aspect and high school?
Like where do we draw the line between you know,
what's owed? Like people think at times everyone deserves the
same amount of playing time, but I always advocate for
like high school's a different animal versus the youth level,
(07:14):
Like obviously everything needs to be earned, but there's not
equal playing to How do you navigate the playing time
situation when it comes to high school athletics from a JV,
varsity even freshman standpoint?
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Yeah, I think you know it's it's a competitive level
at that level.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
And I tell this with our parents.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
We have a pack meing parent athlete coaches meeting seven
through twelve, and I share this philosophy at a very
young age, and I kind of work backwards and I say,
you know, what the varsity level is competitive basketball. There
are opportunities to play basketball.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
You can play.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
You know, we don't have ermurals, but a lot of
bigger schools might have innermurals. It might have you know,
less competitive AAU teams. There's a lot of opportunities to play.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
But at the high.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
School ursity levels, it's competitive and your team is the
best team that you can put on the court for your.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
School, regardless of grade. You know, that's the best team
you can put on the court.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Now, as you get down to JV level, that's kind
of tenth grade and below for us, and then the
C squad level would be ninth grade and below. And
the playing time changes at each level. And in middle school,
you know, we ensure quality playing time for all kids
that show up and are committed, you know, and come.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
To practice and so forth.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
We never use equal because it's impossible, and but we
use quality playing time.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
And the same thing at the elementary level. All kids
are going to play.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
It's going to be quality playing time because it's part
of the normal growth and development of being a kid
is you need that opportunity, that experience to play. As
you get into the high school level, there's a little.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Bit more of a commitment expectation.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
And we're also really we talk about roles a lot
on teams, especially at a varsity level, and we do
a lot of unique things to help communicate that with kids.
And we've had I've had I mean, I could probably
tell you on one hand in my eighteen nineteen years
that I've had to talk to a parent about anything.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
And I think, you know, the key is a coach
is to be very proactive, to be a very good communicator,
to be very upfront and honest.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I think a lot of coaches make that mistake because
they're not honest with kids.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
They're they're trying to please them.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
They try to promise things to them, and that usually
gets you know, coaches in drouble and so a lot
of things. But I do think at the varsity levels
it's a competitive environment and that's okay. The mantra of
our program is no deposit, no return, So we do
have this mindset of want everything to be earned. I
think that's a great life lesson for kids. But yeah,
(09:43):
I think it's a progression. And obviously the youth level
all kids are playing, it's quality playing time for everyone,
and it kind of gradually changes as they get older.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I love how you brought up communication. I feel like
there's so much lost when walls are put up in
boundaries about you know, parents, guardians have at times they
feel like they can't approach a coach. Some put up
a wall, others are very communicative. What is the fine balance?
I mean, is it an open door policy? Is it
because you said you can count on one hand and
(10:15):
roughly I guess you said eighteen nineteen years in which
you've had issues like that's I've heard coaches that are
one or two years in that that are overwhelmed. A
lot of that could be due to experience and learning
these things. But like when you talk about communication and
making sure the lines of communication are open with how
do you do that? Where the boundaries? How do you
(10:35):
communicate with the parents to keep it where it's where
it's smooth?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Yeah, you know a few things, and obviously when you've
been in it a little bit longer, you've kind of
developed some credibility that helps. But I you know, I
did a lot of this stuff as a really young
coach too, and you know, the first thing I would
say is, you know, be very honest about playing time,
about team makeup, about what they're going to expect.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
You know. I tell her parents, you know, in.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
A typical competitive game, most teams, most coaches, including myself,
are probably going to play eight.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Kids, you know, consistently.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
You know, you might get a ninth or tenth then
dependent on a situation, but it's not going to be
for tons of minutes. That's pretty typical across the sport
of basketball. And so I also tell them, you know,
in any situation where we have a lead or we're behind,
I'm going to get everyone in. I'm gonna do what
I can and any time to get them in, and
we'll set up other you know, like non varsity games
(11:31):
on a weekend to get some kids some playing time.
But you gotta be very honest with them because if
they ever come back to you later on, you want
to have something that you can fall back on and say,
you know what. I was very clear with this at
our pack meeting at the beginning of the year. What
you know, my expectations were in how this is going
to work. Your child is very aware of it.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
The second thing is, you know, if you're going to
talk with a parent, the kid has to be with them.
I mean, unless you're talking about something that is very sensitive,
the child needs to be there. It's their experience. And
I keep going back to that with parents, it's not
your experience at your child's. And a lot of times
the kid has a different perspective. You know what they
(12:12):
you know, what they talk about at home with the parents.
At times they're appeasing their parents' conversation. It's not really
what they want. So that's really important. And then one
really unique thing that I do at the beginning of
the year, and I do this to help define roles
with kids, is I have them fill out this pretty
lengthy self perception form and I ask them a lot
of questions. I ask them about their role on the team.
(12:34):
I asked them about the leaders on our team. And
one thing I do in it is I said, if
we had a game tomorrow, who would be probably our
top five guys that would be starting, Who would be
our first tier off the bench, and who would be
our second tier off the bench. And I want you
to put your name in the middle of this list
as well. And so what I'm doing and I don't
share this with kids or anything, but I want to
(12:55):
know where do they see themselves, where do they see
their teammates? And I want to come care that's where
I see them right now. And so if everyone everyone
does that, I take all that information and I put
it on a spreadsheet just to get an idea, and
I can say, you know that the team sees Johnny
kind of in that first tier guy off the match,
That's where I see him, But Johnny sees himself in
(13:17):
our top five. Well, I know that I have to
have a conversation with Johnny about maybe his role. And
more times than that, kids are spot on with where
they think they are, where the team thinks they are,
and where I do.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
And so if I ever had a.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Parent issue, you know, that's something that I can fall
back on if I need to.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Have never had to use it, but.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
I do that just to really start the discussion on roles,
and so I think there's a lot of things that
coaches need to do.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Those are just a couple. I'm sure I could share
more as well.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
When we return, Greg and I take a deep dive
into leadership welcome back. Where we left off, Greg and
I were about to do discussed the importance of collective
leadership and a positive team culture. I feel like that
piece that you are talking about there, when it comes
(14:09):
to leadership in particular, I know that's something that you're very,
very big on. How do you establish and I guess
empower leaders? I know from my own experience, like it's
often known amongst the kids like who are quote unquote
the alphas or whatever the case is. But do you
kind of let it work itself out? How do you know,
promote an environment which allows kids to become leaders and
(14:31):
foster that and empower those that might not be the
quote unquote alpha but can help be a productive role.
And I mean I think leadership. You know, some people
will say can't be taught, You're born a leader. I
think that there's different ways to be a leader. Some
are very vocal, some are not. How do you foster
leadership from a coaching standpoint but also from a classroom
(14:52):
an even administrative standpoint.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah, this is something I'm real passionate about. I wrote
a big course and course called the Team Leader OS
to help coaches develop team leaders on their team. For
this reason because ultimately, the reason that teams and programs
are successful, Number one is it always starts with a
positive culture, a good culture. That's the number one job
(15:14):
of a coach is to build a culture, and culture
I define it three ways. Culture is what you allow,
it's what you emphasize, and it's every day. And number two,
you need player leadership because player let teams win, and
coaches can't wait and wish for team leaders. Coaches need
to systemically, purposely develop and build leaders on their team.
(15:36):
And then once you get those things, then you can
look at the x's and o's and all of that.
But the reality is the two things that hurt coaches
more than anything and get them in trouble more than
anything is lack of culture and lack of leadership. So
we need to be more purposeful in how we develop that.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
And so with.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Leadership, I'm a big believer, like you said, in collective leadership,
there are multiple ways to lead, and there are multiple
types of leaders on a team. You mentioned the alpha.
Sometimes that's what I call the gamer. You know, that's
the one that you know in a game when the
games on the line and someone needs the ball in
their hands, you know, the kids know who that is
and that person is going to be your decision maker.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
That doesn't mean.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
That that person is the best practice leader, the best
locker room leader. I think sometimes as coaches, we we
just wait and wish for our best player to be
our best leader. It might happen once in a lifetime
as a coach. To be honest, I think there's a
statistic out there that like, at twenty percent of the time,
(16:39):
your best player is your best leader, and I think
that's very accurate. So you really need to encourage the
other types of leaders. You know, I have what I
call energy leaders. I mean these are the people that
maybe aren't getting a ton of playing time at your
bench leaders and they're bringing this positive energy to games
(16:59):
and practices. That's a critical role on winning teams, and
as a coach, you got to celebrate those.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
You know, you get what you emphasize.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
So you know, one thing we're doing this year on
our team is we are recognizing and celebrating egbs, which
are energy giving behaviors. Well, a lot of the kids
that are best with egbs on our team may not
always be our best players talent wise, but they bring
energy that is contagious to the rest of the team,
and I want to recognize and support that because I'm
(17:30):
developing a leadership skill in them when I do that.
And so I think talking about that with your kids
as a coach, letting them know that, you know, leadership
is just influence, that's all it is. So you think
you as a teammate, how do you influence your teammates
a lot of different ways. You're you're all leaders when
you influence others, and so how can we influence others?
(17:51):
And I think having these conversations with kids and kind
of opening the door to not just focus on that
stereotypical captain alpha type of person is really important for coaches.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
What you allow. I think I've heard that, you know,
one of my all time coaches that I ever had,
Mike Fox. I talk about him quite a lot. It
was the head baseball coach University of North Carolina for
twenty three years and we talked, you know, almost daily, uh,
just about ideas and such. And that often comes up
your culture as a coach, and you know, it's what
(18:24):
you allow, right, what you allow kids to happen in
your program. And I've seen situations where and I've heard
about it, and I've seen a firsthand with teams and
my kids have been on where you know, the rules
don't apply to everybody, you know, And that's a big
problem I know with my old coach when I was
in college with Coach Fox and even you know, Coach
Long and these my assistants, like they didn't care if
(18:46):
you were an All American, Like there were boundaries and
no matter who crossed them, there was going to be
a repercussion or you know whatever as a result of
stepping out of that. But if I'm a parent and
my kids tell me, well, you know, so and so
doesn't go to practic, but yet it's still starting every
game or this, that and the other, whatever it is,
how do you navigate it if quite frankly, you have
(19:06):
a coach who's allowing, you know, kind of anarchy for
lack of a better word. It's like, you know, so
for coaches, how do you stay consistent with that? And secondly,
as a parent, how do you navigate if the coach
is inconsistent with that and your kid is obviously feeling
the ramifications and doesn't really know how to navigate the
kind of disarray of the culture.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, I mean, first of all, I would hope that's
not happening. And I guess in my experience, I don't
see it a lot, But I'm not saying it's not.
Maybe commonplace in other places too, but you know, I
would hope that a coach, you know, wouldn't be in
that situation where kids that aren't showing up to practice
are starting. I mean, that's a there's always bad apples
(19:45):
and every profession, and there's bad coaches out there too.
But I think, you know, like you said, it's when
as a coach, you got to think everything comes down
at what you allow.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
And what you emphasize.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Those are the standards that you're creating in your program.
And I think of this as a school administrator too.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
You know.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
The best example I give is if I'm walking down
the hall at school and I see a kid talking
to his buddies and they swear and they're just talking
to their buddies. But I walk by and I hear it,
and I don't address it. Doesn't mean I'm going to
punish them or anything like that, but I'm going to
let them know that, hey, we don't talk that way.
We don't need to say that whatever if I don't
(20:23):
address it, I'm allowing it.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
And they know that they know them. When I walk
by that, I hurt it.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
And and those are the things that are really important.
These This is why culture is every day because you know,
if I don't address these little things every day, they're
going to turn into big things. It's kind of like parenting,
you know, when our kids are young, that's when all
the work is done as a parent. In my mind,
like you're setting you know, expectations and you know you're
(20:52):
loving your child and all that, but.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
You do that at a young age so that when
they get.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
To that high school age and bigger things happen and
all those kind of standards expectations have been set.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
It makes it a whole lot easier.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
And so you know, as a coach, you really have
to be conscious of what am I allowing each and
every day and then pick three things that are really
really important to you and emphasize those over and over again,
because we are what we emphasize. That's one thing I
learned as a young coach at a clinic. You can't
emphasize everything. And I think when I was young, I
did emphasize too much. And now you know, I really
(21:28):
emphasize three things in our program, and one is no
a positive return. I want a mindset that everything is earned.
I think that's a great life lesson for kids. Number Two,
we talk about energy and being a positive energy giver
all the time. I think energy is contagious and that's
an important part of our program. And then number three
is the concept of we over me and your team.
(21:48):
And I just feel that, you know, if we have
a team that has a everything is earned mindset, is
team first, and they're positive energy givers, we're going to
be okay. And so that's what I emphasize over and
over again.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
And so.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
The culture is built every single day, and I think
sometimes coaches feel like we finally got that good culture,
and then they stop addressing it, and then they start
allowing things that they wouldn't have allowed before, and then
all of a sudden, they get a problem and they
gotta they got to.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Like recalibrate their culture.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
But that's why I try to simplify things as best
I can. And that's that's how I have simplified culture.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
I think that as you're talking about every day, that's
so critical consistency, right, and I can speak from it
from a parenting standpoint, I mean, it's challenging and I
have six kids and quite frankly, they wear me out.
But it's also picking your bat's. I mean, it's also
picking your battles. And I love how you pointed out
that you know, you probably addressed every single thing like
(22:47):
you mentioned when you were younger, but then you kind
of figure out, you know, where I guess the most
emphasis needs to be put, you know, as we come
to wrap up here, and I appreciate your time, and
you know the insight where do you think parents should
when your kids are entering this journey? And I think,
you know, it's I feel like it's often a lot
(23:08):
easier as a sports parent, you know, in those early
early ages. But then once the competitiveness starts to ramp
up a little bit as your head towards middle school
and people start, you know, looking at travel teams or
whatever the case is, and you know, how do you
step back and realize, like, hey, how do I navigate this?
I guess what would be some advice as you're closing
(23:29):
for parents to know, how do we kind of allow
our kids for this experience to be theirs while still
helping to guide them, knowing that obviously, you know, they're
paying money, in many cases a lot of money. They're
allocating a lot of time. They want to be able
to have their kids have the best experience on and
off the playing surfaces, courts, mats, grass, whatever it is.
(23:51):
But at the same time be able to extract those lessons.
How do they keep a full perspective without being I
guess bent and held on performance and get caught up
in the rat race of keeping up with the Joneses.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Well, I think you hit the nail on the head.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
There is comparison is the thief of joy, and you know,
I think with your own child, I'm reminded when you
said that of.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
A great past summit story.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Pass some with a longtime women's basketball coach at University
of Tennessee, one of the best coaches to ever coach.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
And I might give the story a little bit off.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
But her son was trying out for a varsity basketball
team and I don't know if he's in tenth creator
maybe it was a lower level team.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
I can't remember.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
He didn't make the team, and she tells the story
of her her son comes home and in the back
of her mind the first thing she's thinking is, are
you kidding me?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
You cut Pat Summit's kid from your team. You know,
she knew that she had a.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Lot of influence as a basketball coach or whatnot, but
she never said that to her kid. And to her kid,
her first response is did you do everything you could
possibly do to make that team?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
And she turned it on him, and she turned it on.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
The work ethic and the commitment and the time and
did you do everything possible to be the best that
you could be? And he didn't and she knew that
he didn't. And you know there was a consequence for that.
And so I think as parents you have to think
of the end goal.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
The end goal is not for them to be this.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
I mean, if they're you know, some parents can hung up,
how I'm a kid to get a scholarship?
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Do you know how good they have to be to
get a scholarship.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
If they're even close to not making a team there
and they're not getting a scholarship, they're not that level
of an athlete. If they're that good, they're going to
make it.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
So your end.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Goal is to provide the life lessons of sport. They're
going to last for them throughout their entire life and
all the skills that are learned. You really have to
think of it that way. And you know, comparison is
a thief of joy. Don't compare your kids to others.
Building them this no deposit, no return mindset. I know
it's tough, but the rewards you get when you can
(26:00):
flip the switch and think of the process being the
prize and not you know, the living in the moment
are so incredible for parents, and I think, you know,
you just you have to be mindful of tunnel vision
as a parent because it's very normal as parents to
just think of everything through your kids lens. And a
(26:21):
coach's job, good or bad, is to look at it
for the totality of the team. Coaches want to win,
especially at the varsity levels, so they're doing everything that
they think can help their team win.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
And so, you know, I think those things are really important.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
I wrote a post this week on why do parents
sit alone? I didn't think it was going to be
like a huge post. It got like one point two
million views and it resonated with a lot of people.
Parents sit alone because they don't want to hear the
negativity and the drama and the stuff that goes on
in the stands that compare and finger pointing to blaming.
(27:03):
They want to just enjoy the experience with their kid,
and I think we need to step back as parents
and kind of think of that what the end goal
is and what our ultimate responsibility is as parents. And
I know that's easier said than done for some, but
it's ultimately what I think we need to do.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
It's great. I'm not surprised that that post got a
lot of reach and touched a lot of people because
we wrote a blog. I wrote a blog last year,
Life of a Lone Wolf sports Parent, talking exactly about that,
and it got the same type of response. I mean, Greg,
where can people find I know I found you on Twitter?
Tell us your handles, your platforms, your website. Where can
(27:44):
people find what you're doing and all of your great
work that's being put out there?
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Yeah? Thanks Nick. I really just right on Twitter actively
on Twitter or x now.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
I guess my handle is at GB eleven twenty one
and so I've posted a few times a day.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
A lot of really good contents.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
I have a newsletter that a free newsletter that I
published each week called Great Teams, Better Leaders, one, two three.
You can subscribe to that on my Twitter handle, and
I have a website that you can find a lot
of other books I've written, my team leader os you
know another free a lot of free resources I give
away too.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
That's GB one leadership dot com.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
So yeah, I appreciate the opportunity Nick, and I love
what you're doing. I love your stuff, and I'm honored
to be a guest on this today, so I want
to thank you for that as well.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
No doubt, man, it works both ways. I appreciate you
coming on, sharing your insight, sharing your experience, definitely going
to help a lot of people and keep doing what
you're doing. I'll keep following you and everyone go check
out greg stuff. It's it's high quality. It's definitely it
helps me and in my journey as a sports parent,
and I just love connecting with great people out there
doing great work. So I appreciate you coming on.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Greg.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
That's Greg Berg High School principal, basketball coach and teacher.
Thanks thanks for listening to the Reform Sports podcast. If
you've enjoyed this episode, we would appreciate it if you
took a moment to rate and review our podcast. As
we work to grow our community of supporters and advocates
for more reform sports content, please subscribe to our newsletter
and blog at Reformsports project dot com. You can also
(29:16):
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