January 17, 2024 • 29 mins
Libby Mascaro is a youth sports parent, soccer coach and mental health advocate. A standout high school soccer player who played collegiately at Penn State University, Mascaro is an experienced youth soccer coach with Beadling Soccer Club. A fierce advocate for mental health awareness, she co-founded the Upper St. Clair Parent Teacher Council Wellness Committee and volunteers her time to help support the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). Libby joins Nick to discuss her passion for mental health advocacy, the commodification of young athletes in sports, particularly in youth soccer, and the importance of prioritizing the well-being of young athletes as they navigate the complex dynamics of sports and adolescence.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
The winning Difference knows that true winning does not have
to be dictated by the scoreboard. Winning is engaging kids
in character, building, building confidence, and creating successful habits using sports.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
That's our goal. That's what we need to be doing.
That's where we're lost.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
This is the Reform Sports Project, a podcast about restoring
healthy balance and perspective in all areas of sports through
education and advocacy. Hi, this is Nick Bonacor from the
Reform Sports Podcast. My guest today is Libby Mascaro, a
decorated athlete, soccer coach, and mental health advocate. A standout
soccer player when she attended Mount Lebanon High School, she
(00:39):
went on to compete at the NCAA Division One level
for Penn State University. She is a fierce advocate for
mental health awareness and works closely with the Upper Saint
Clear Wellness Committee, which she co founded in twenty seventeen,
the National Alliance on Mental Illness, and the American Foundation
for Suicide Prevention. She was recently awarded Citizen of the
(01:01):
Year for her mental health focused work in the Upper
Saint Clair community. Libby and I discuss her passion for
mental health advocacy. The commodification of young athletes and sports,
particularly in youth soccer, and the importance of prioritizing well
being of young athletes as they navigate the complex dynamics
of sports and adolescents.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
I've been very much looking forward to having this guest
on We Connected, you know, through Reformed Sports project. Through
social media, I kind of became a big fan of
hers and the work that she does, and you know,
I've gotten to know her a little bit, you know,
just through posting and of course doing some due diligence
reading about her and such, and she's paving the way
for some really special things and a big advocate for
youth sports and a coach, former athlete, and mom and
(01:44):
all these great things. Coach Libby mescarroll, coach, thanks so
much for hopping on.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Hey, Nick, First, thank you so much for having me
to super big.
Speaker 5 (01:52):
Honor and I'm super grateful, so thank you so much
for taking the time.
Speaker 6 (01:56):
Oh my god, no, no, worse, thank you. You have
a very I mean.
Speaker 4 (01:59):
You're a deck rated athlete, your coach, club coach, you're
a mental health advocate. I mean, can you kind of
give me your backstory, Like, who the hell is Libby
Matt Carroll.
Speaker 5 (02:10):
Okay, well that's a loaded question, But I would say,
first of all, I'm a super huge fan of yours.
Like you said, we connected on social media a couple
of years ago.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I noticed a post of yours.
Speaker 5 (02:20):
And it just kind of resonated and clicked with me
and your huge inspiration for me and how I lead
my teams, our team, and so I just wanted to
point that out and thank you for the insanely awesome
work you're doing. And you're talking about stuff that needs
to be talked about and a lot of people aren't,
so thank you for that. So I am, yes, first
(02:41):
and foremost a mom. I have two daughters, who wants
a sophomore in high school, one's a freshman. Both play
high level soccer club soccer for the club that I
also coach for here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. It's called Bealing
Soccer Club. We play in the Girls Academy League. But
I most importantly my role as a mom. But yes,
of course, like I said, I'm a coach, and I
(03:04):
got into coaching many years ago. Actually I was in
high school and I did a volunteer coach for our
local travel team. And fast forward when my kids were
old enough to kick a ball around, I started coaching
them and then just kind of have continued in this
coaching role. I've coached to the high school level, but
most recently with club soccer here in Pittsburgh. But you
(03:27):
talked about my work with mental health advocacy and awareness. Unfortunately,
ten years ago, my mother who suffered pretty much most
of her life, but certainly the last ten to fifteen
years of her life were the worst. She had a
very serious mental illness. She unfortunately died by suicide on
June first of twenty thirteen, And at that point myself
(03:48):
and my brother kind of catapulted into just throwing ourselves
into the droves of how we can help people with
mental illnesses and disorders. So fast forward to today, it's
actually transform not only how I.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Help others, but how I coach specifically young female.
Speaker 5 (04:07):
Athletes, which that is what I coach with two other
coaches who are amazing. We have a roster of sixteen
players that are just wonderful, amazing young female athletes. But
there's a certain way, in my opinion, to lead young
female athletes.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
First of all, I'm sorry you know that you get
your mom passed and that's okay's and all of that,
But I love how you're kind of spearheaded, You're kind
of using that your platform as a way, And I
guess I want to ask, like, why do you see
because I've read some articles and you were recently awarded,
like you have to give me the exactly what it was,
but you had a big award like Female person of
(04:43):
the Year, whatever the heck it was, But like, what
about the correlation and youth sports and mental health? Why
do you see a correlation there and why do you
think that that platform is a good place to you know,
kind of spearhead your mission.
Speaker 5 (04:57):
So the award was given by a local judge who
give away an award every year or too.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
That the award is called Citizen of the Year.
Speaker 5 (05:04):
So I was awarded that for a couple of reasons,
which I am insanely humbled. And it's mostly based on
sort of the community outreach stuff that I've been doing
the last ten years, mainly with mental health advocacy and awareness.
I work with a couple of local organizations here, but
then I do a lot of work in our school
district specifically for kind of you know, taking care of
(05:28):
our students here. We have four thousand students in our
school district. A few years ago, myself and another amazing
human being started something called the Wellness Committee, where we
our mission is to make sure the students in our
district are taken care of, both physically but certainly mentally.
So I would have to say having two teenage daughters
and then coaching the exact same age of my daughters.
(05:51):
For the past I've had this team with a couple
other coaches our team for I think this is our.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Fifth season together. So I've seen these girls come up from.
Speaker 5 (06:01):
You ten basically to where we are right now at
you fifteen.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
But I also live with two teenage daughters.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
So the concept of being this coach but also a
female but also who happens to be a mom is
this dynamic that sometimes is hard because you're seeing every
aspect of the game, the coaching, the leadership, the players.
I'm seeing it everywhere. I'm seeing the whole circle of
(06:31):
where we are with this age. So my biggest concern
is making sure that these players are taking care of
as a person, a human being, a young female athlete
before anything else. We need to focus on the person,
the child the female before they are that player coming
(06:55):
onto the pitch.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
It's vital.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
So is that a shift, like you know, I would
assume I have. You know, we just talked about it.
I have a few more kids than you, but we
got to be somewhere in the ballpark of around the same.
Speaker 6 (07:07):
You know, I'm probably a few years older than you, maybe.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
But I don't recall when I was growing up there
being any It was almost like a stigma, like, dude,
you don't talk about now I'm a guy. Now, maybe
that's just a gender stereotype and guys are supposed to,
you know, stick their chest out and make preten everything's
okay and yad YadA, YadA. I feel like you have
a lot of you know, high level athletes that are
that are really turning that and kind of that that
(07:29):
Scarlett letter is kind of going by the wayside, which
is a blessing.
Speaker 6 (07:33):
But why, in particular.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
From an overall just youth standpoint, do you feel like
there's been such a shift from the time that you
and I may have been coming up and now the
emphasis on mental mental health.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
I know one thing for sure is as leadership, I
think the idea of leadership, whether that means a coaching role,
a parent role, a.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Director of a club role.
Speaker 5 (07:59):
I just think that we have gotten to a point
where a couple of things are leading away money ego
and then this person, this this amazing, wonderful, incredibly talented
thing in front of you.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Your player is being kind of tossed to the side.
It's win it all costs.
Speaker 5 (08:22):
It's transactional versus transformational leadership. We just we've gotten to
a point where we really, when it comes down to it,
do we really.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Care about the player the person? Do we?
Speaker 5 (08:36):
Yes, we care about the player and the athlete winning
for us, scoring goals, making baskets, whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
But how did we get to that point?
Speaker 5 (08:44):
We have to get back to the point of taking
care and loving the person before what they're doing for
us on the court, on the pitch.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
I've heard it said that almost like you know, kids
are becoming commodities, you know, to a certain degree. So
I'm listening to you and I'm going, is that kind
of it, like we're almost using and I say we,
I'm saying in general our generation, like the transformation, like
is it a matter of rather than looking at young
people as let's help mold and shape these human beings
into becoming the best versions of the cellphone and using
(09:16):
sports as a as a mechanism to do so, versus
you think it's kind of become I need to use
these kids to help elevate my status as a coach
or as an adult.
Speaker 6 (09:26):
Do you think that's kind of yes, gotten out of balance?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes. And it's not just
club soccer.
Speaker 5 (09:33):
It's not just the realm that I'm in that I
live in every day. It's not just club soccer. It's
all sports. It's all youth sports. We have early specialization.
We have kids being told that they can't play multiple
sports at ten years old because you know, their soccer
season is a year long and their parents are paying
four thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
It's just we've.
Speaker 5 (09:51):
Gotten to this point where we and I say we
again as a general term, the goal is not the
person and the player.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
The goal is the coach. What the coach can get
out of it, what.
Speaker 5 (10:03):
The coach can make, what the coach can do, what
the club has done. It's all about what we're doing
for that ego. I think it's a huge issue.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
And there's this quote and one of my biggest.
Speaker 5 (10:16):
Inspirations besides you and several other people. Is the winning difference.
So it's a guy that I started following on Twitter.
I'm sure you know you've probably followed him to, Yeah,
this is an awesome quote and you just touched on it.
The winning difference knows that true winning does not have
to be dictated by the scoreboard. Winning is engaging kids
in character, building, building confidence, and creating successful habits using sports.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
That's our goal.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
That's what we need to be doing. That's where we're lost.
That is not what we're doing.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
So I got to ask you, how do you, as
a club coach juggle the balance of and I don't
know any fees or what about, but how do you
juggle the performance demands of say a paying customer, write
a parent versus you know, I guess being able to
navigate what you believe your core values are your wise
to coaching. Do you convey that? Do parents come to
(11:11):
your club knowing like, hey, it's more than sports, O
Libby coach Mets Carroll like we're doing it for this reason?
And how do you convey that and navigate? Because I mean,
let's face it, if you're not winning, you might lose
all your players and then you have no more kids
to coach, right, So there's an element of that.
Speaker 6 (11:27):
How do you juggle so a.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Couple of things.
Speaker 5 (11:30):
The number one job of a coach, in my opinion,
the only thing that you should be focusing on, of course,
other things than you know skills. The number one job
of myself and the other coaches is to build an intentional,
established culture.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
And I will be totally honest.
Speaker 5 (11:49):
When I first started coaching, I knew nothing about culture.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I didn't even know what the word meant. I didn't
know anything. I didn't know anybody who talked about culture.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
I probably if I look back, I might be I
made so many mistakes. The self reflection from my beginning
days of coaching are enormous, and from what I've learned
until this point, the number one job is to build
that culture. So myself up top, looking down with my
other two coaches to our players, right, we're the ones
that build this culture.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
You teach them. Does it happen overnight? No way. It's
an arduous process. It takes time, it takes.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
Commitment, it takes learning, It takes reading, researching, meeting people
nick like yourself.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Right, have I learned this.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
Am I doing stuff that I've learned from other people.
Of course, I have so many people, John Gordon, Kate Levell, Lanceloya,
Brett Ledbetter Yourself, Great Burge, I mean, greatest coaches of
all time, Nick Saban, Pat summon Ands Durance Right, all
of them have created this idea that I lead by,
so I give them full credit. However, it has taken
(12:53):
me a lot of time to get where we are today.
The biggest thing also is teaching your players, your team,
how to be good teammates. The expert on that is
a guide, in my opinion, named Lanceloya.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
He's local, He's at a do Boys Pennsylvania. He's insane.
He wrote a book called The Wee Gear.
Speaker 5 (13:10):
The concept is how your success as a player is
determined directly by the success of your teammates, meaning you
will not succeed if your teammates do not succeed. You
have to teach your players to want their teammates to succeed.
You cannot want them to fail. You will not be successful.
(13:31):
Is it a concept that we all think, Wow, that's
a pretty easy concept to understand, But it's not.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
We have to lead them and teach them.
Speaker 5 (13:40):
I'd also have to say that it's putting everybody's egos aside, coaches, players, directors, owners.
The other thing is teaching them about servant leadership. Leadership
is about serving others, period and once you kind of
develop this established culture, we always have a team meeting
(14:01):
before our season starts.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
We sit down.
Speaker 5 (14:03):
It's a player led also huge thing. Player led teams win.
We sit down, the girls are broken up into small groups.
We talk about what our team goals are, We talk
about personal goals. We create a team mantra for the
entire year, but it's player led. The groups come back,
they present what they decided on.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
And then the team votes. Do I vote? Do our
other coaches vote? No, it's player led.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
They come up with the culture of the Pillars, what
they want, their expectations of each other, and.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
That is what we live, breathe by the entire season.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
When we return, Libby and I dive deeper into building
a strong team culture and mental health awareness in youth sports.
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(14:57):
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(15:20):
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(15:41):
Where we left off, Libby and I were about to
discuss the importance of culture and accountability in a team's success,
and her belief that clubs should provide mental health education
for coaches to better support their players' mental well being.
Speaker 4 (15:55):
You mentioned that word culture, but that takes time, right
you believe in it?
Speaker 6 (15:59):
How often do you you as a coach revisit your why?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Like?
Speaker 4 (16:02):
Does that something you have to go back to? Because
I know, even me, if I'm not intentional. I can
get lost in results, like I can get lost in
the weeds of things that I know in the long
term out hey start focusing on short term right what's
in front of you. So at times I got to revisit, like,
hold on, let's keep this perspective. Is that something that
you try to practice and also do you try to
teach you know your kids?
Speaker 5 (16:21):
That So part of the working hard on it and
learning and taking the time is staying committed to it
and being consistent to the culture that the girls have
established and.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Holding them accountable. And when the question is every single day, I.
Speaker 5 (16:34):
Mean every single training session, every single huddle, right before
we you know, we say the starting lineup, and we're
in our huddle.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Hugged up really close.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
I say to the girls, who are you playing for?
They all say each other, and then they go off
onto the pitch. It's every single training session we talk
about it.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
It's something that's at the forefront.
Speaker 5 (16:54):
We spend a lot of time with x's and o's.
Of course, we have insanely talented coaches on this staff tactically,
but I'm sorry, it's a smaller portion in my opinion,
to what really drives our team's success. And I'll tell
you Nick, we have had incredible success. This team, the
wea coach is very successful. We don't have a whole
(17:15):
lot of superstars.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
We have a lot of kids who love each other,
who play for each other. That's why we win. Are
they talented skills wise? Of course they are. They're incredibly talented, hardworking,
but they love each other.
Speaker 5 (17:29):
They would run through a brick wall for each other
when they are on that shield.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
So these girls know each other really well. Right, you're
building that culture where they love each other. They're building
that relationship. I know that as a teammate, you hold
each other accountable, but you also are reluctant at times
to you know, perhaps convey to a coach if something's
going on with your teammate. Right, kids keep each other's
(17:55):
secrets at times you kind of build that bond. How
do you, as someone who has experience it's with mental health,
mental illness, how do you handle if you see something
Because a lot of parents out there, listen, I have
teenage kids, and sometimes you see something it's just a
teenage kid being a teenage kid. But when do you
know that, hey, I maybe need to pay attention to this,
and I guess, how do you handle that? Because I
(18:15):
feel like it's something that all of us parents need
education on it. Some have no experience, I have none,
and somewhere in the weeds confused.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
That's a really good question.
Speaker 5 (18:23):
And I think sometimes coaches, leaders, directors, owners, they're not
experts on mental illness and disorders and necessarily advocacy and awareness.
But we're in this leadership role, so we're kind of
expected to be educated in that, and I think we're
trying our best, and I think every coach has their
(18:44):
way of dealing with it. But for me, it's mostly
making sure that our players are confident and we have
open relationships with each other, meaning the communication they're not
afraid to to me, to our other two coaches. We
have this very very strong bond and the relationship.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
That we have with each other and that they have
with each.
Speaker 5 (19:11):
Other, they're confident enough to have those tough conversations or
even come to us and say, hey, this.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Is what's going on. I need help.
Speaker 5 (19:19):
So I also think that clubs, maybe in every sport,
youth sport, there should be maybe some sort of education
that happens. You know, we get CPR certified, we get
AED certified. Why are we not having some sort of
you know course, like kind of like safe sport where
you go in you have to take something and get
(19:40):
a certification, you know, a coaching course.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
We have to do certain things to be a coach
in order to coach at certain levels.
Speaker 5 (19:47):
Right, So this mental health part of sports is so enormous.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
I think it would be wonderful if we had coaches
being you.
Speaker 5 (19:56):
Know, responsible for taking some sort of know, baseline course
for mental health, just so you know the signs and
the symptoms and the questions to ask or how you
can help them. And certainly since COVID, you know, we're
dealing with unfortunately a very large and serious epidemic with
(20:16):
mental health crisis.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
We are in a mental health crisis for our young kids.
We are.
Speaker 5 (20:20):
The data shows it, the research shows it. So I
think maybe one of those things that we can do
going forward is educate our leaders maybe a little bit
more on mental health.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
So do you feel like it's a conversation that parents
should be having because you struggle in a game?
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Right?
Speaker 4 (20:35):
My kids wrestle someone you know, has a bad match
one of their teammates, and then they get pissed right.
Speaker 6 (20:39):
Kids are kids.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
They get upset, right, There's a difference between these are
disappointed in your results and maybe something else going. Is
it as simple as just pay check on your teammate?
Is there any type of like things that you could
put in your kids head or me as a parent,
can pay attention to some red flags? I know you
mentioned confidence, but is it like, is it just the
obvious things like staying in the room, not talking, But
then you do research sometimes and it's like, you know,
sometimes a sixteen year old will just shut down, you know,
(21:03):
So how do you know it?
Speaker 6 (21:04):
Is it probing questions?
Speaker 4 (21:06):
Is it just keeping the dialogueal because I struggle with
it as a parent of you know, three teenagers right
now at times.
Speaker 5 (21:11):
Yeah, I'm living with two teenage girls. It's like a mystery.
It's like I saw something on Twitter.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
It was funny. It was a meme.
Speaker 5 (21:17):
It said something like having a teenage kid in your
house is like having, you know, like something that wants
something to do with you. And you text them, hey, honey,
I love you so much. You're the best thing that's
ever happened to me. I'm so proud of you, and
they reply back, Okay, it's like, oh geez, like they
like literally they said nothing to you back.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I think right.
Speaker 5 (21:36):
Now, the biggest thing is to especially when you know
they lost a match, they lost a game, or maybe
we won and they think they didn't play well. You know,
it's all over the internet. It's talked about a million times.
When they get into the car, and I did not
do this in the beginning. I will tell you this
is something I learned. When they get in the car,
(21:56):
I always let them speak first. I say nothing about
the game. I don't And I think for me, I'm
forty six, we grew up different, right, we grew up
with a parent. You know, it was like this hardcore
you know, leadership and feedback. And I think sometimes that's okay,
But I think that we need to stop talking to
(22:20):
our kids when they don't want to talk.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Number one.
Speaker 5 (22:22):
So maybe maybe realizing that and just reading the room.
But I think the biggest thing is just being being
just a sounding board.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Just be a mom, just be a dad. They just
want you to be with them.
Speaker 5 (22:38):
They just want you to sit there. They just want
you to listen. That's all they want. They don't want
to hear anything about how they played, how they didn't
play the other thing. That's the worst possible thing they
can do. That I think is a big sign is
if they start comparing themselves to others. Comparison is the
thief of joy, and it's the thief of in my opinion,
confidence and true talent or true potential.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
I think compare is huge.
Speaker 5 (23:00):
Or saying things like you know, I'm not good enough
or oh my gosh, so and.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
So is so much better than me. I think that's
a big red flag. But it's tough. It's tough. I'll
tell you.
Speaker 6 (23:11):
I gotta say it happened not too long ago.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
My my son is a senior in high school who's
really even keeled and is he loves competing and all
that as a wrestler. But he had a match and
he lost, and he lost in like the last like
seven seconds, and he was so pissed.
Speaker 6 (23:24):
He just got turned at the rock and he just
gassed out. Anyway, but he's so mad.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
And it was like five minutes after the match, and
I was going to go down and say, man, proud
of you.
Speaker 6 (23:32):
A good try. And I can tell I could tell
immediately I didn't you said. I think you said read
the room, and I could tell because I said, I said, Tyler.
He didn't respond, and that's not normal for him.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
Usually he's like, hey, you know, because he knows I'm
not gonna like criticize him or anything.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (23:47):
I don't do, I don't, I don't really care. But
he was hot, like what I mean by high. He
was pissed, and I said, Tyler. Then I went and
pull my armor. His dad, just leave me alone right now.
And I initially I wanted to like, go, oh, dude.
I wanted to like visualize him as like a seven
year old, like dude, I'm your dad. But I walked away,
and I was like, man, he handled that probably one
hundred times better than I did when I was sixteen
(24:08):
years old and my dad was annoying me for a second,
like cause I was like spoiled brat at times, and
I'd be like, Dad, leave me the hell of Like
I was obnoxious at times. I didn't want to hear
from anybody, particularly my dad if I like struck out.
Speaker 6 (24:18):
In a baseball game. But then like I gave him space.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
I walked away, and I'm like, man, I messed up
right there, Like I could tell he was just he
needed a look, you need a little bit of time.
He was still breathing heavy, and even though my intentions
were good, it was like, I think that's such a
great point, a little bit of common sense. At times
it's like, how would I feel? Do I want to
hear from anybody?
Speaker 6 (24:38):
Really?
Speaker 4 (24:39):
And if my coach says something to me, that's my coach.
But it's like sometimes you need a breather and reading
the room kind of understanding, like, hey, let's give it
a little bit of time. Even I fall short in that,
and I think it's I think it's such a great
simple piece of advice is let them come to you,
you know.
Speaker 6 (24:54):
I think that that's a good thing, Like we.
Speaker 4 (24:55):
Don't have to initiate every conversation, particularly you know, after
they have a bad event or or something doesn't go
their way.
Speaker 5 (25:01):
Well, I think it's teenagers in general. I mean, like
we have two daughters. My husband gets so upset and
takes it so personally. If my sixteen year old comes
down the stairs in the morning grumpy and doesn't want
to talk to anybody, I read the room and I'm like,
I'm getting out of the way of her.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Oh boy, what do you want for breakfast? Nothing? Okay,
do you need water?
Speaker 5 (25:20):
No, And then my husband he bops into the kitchen like, hey, everybody,
good morning.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
I mean, he's trying to be positive.
Speaker 5 (25:25):
He's amazing and very loving and kind, and they look
at him like they want to stab him, and he
gets very upset. We've had some conversations about your husband
a little, I know, I know. So we've had many
conversations about like, honey, just read the room.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
It's six forty.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
Five in the morning. They probably don't. It's just just
teenage girls. And he said, oh, but you know they're
so mean to me. I'm like, honey, they're not being mean.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
It's just it's just teenage girls. Got to get some
thick skin, you know. But then I think back, like
I like that to my mom and my dad, like,
oh gosh, I guess I was. I mean, I don't
think that has changed. It's just we just I think we're.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Just more aware of how we can be dealing with
them in these situations, just being present, just reading the room, you.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Know, being empathetic. They already have enough pressure on them anyway.
Speaker 5 (26:16):
If a kid makes a mistake in a game, don't
you think they already feel terrible? I mean they do.
They already feel terrible. There's no reason for us to
revisit that. The moment has come and gone.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
There's nothing anybody can do about it. It's over. Why.
That's one of the biggest things.
Speaker 5 (26:37):
I don't understand with coaches and with parents. I had
a girl this spring miss a PK. She's one of
our best PK hitters, never missed one that we practiced
all year. She missed it. Okay, it was a very
important game. She missed the penalty kick. Her body language
immediately changed. I've known this kid for years. I know
(26:59):
how head works. She's dedicated, she's loyal, she works hard
on and off the field. I mean, best best kid
you could have on your team in every sense of
the word.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Great kid, great player, great teammate. She was devastated.
Speaker 5 (27:13):
She comes off the field halftime and just completely falls
into my arms. I mean, the kid was sobbing. What
am I going to say to her? Nothing I'm gonna
say to her is going to help, whether it's bad
or good.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
So you just sit there, You let her cry, you
let her fall.
Speaker 5 (27:29):
Into your arms, You let her sob get it out.
You know, we made the decision not to start in
the second half because we knew she wasn't ready, and
you know what happened. There was no reason for anybody
to say anything to her other than just we love you.
Her teammates responded like that, we just loved on her,
which she's still upset after the day went on, of
course she was.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Did it take her a couple of days to come around, Yes,
but nobody intervened. We just loved on her.
Speaker 6 (27:53):
Sometimes it's just that freaking easy.
Speaker 4 (27:54):
I love that, man, And it's amazing the power of
your teammates just and your coaches just hey, it's all right,
and it kind of makes you realize it's way it's
way more about you know, and as time time a
lot of oftentimes heals all wounds and you.
Speaker 6 (28:07):
Just you know, have perspective. Coach obviously you know your passion,
your enthusiasm. We're very like mind. I can talk to
you all day long, but we don't have all day.
Where can people find you?
Speaker 4 (28:16):
Where can I know if they google you, there's all
different articles and blah, like what where can they find
your content?
Speaker 6 (28:22):
And how can they get in touch with you?
Speaker 2 (28:23):
So I would say.
Speaker 5 (28:24):
The most the most engaged for me with the coaching
and the culture and.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
The leading with love stuff is probably on Twitter. So
I'm on Twitter. I mean, I'm on Instagram. You know.
Speaker 5 (28:36):
Again, my main role is a mom, but of course
the coaching part of it is my second passion and
mental health. But I mean the biggest thing is just,
you know, lead with love. Whether you're a teacher, you know,
a coach, a player, a director, a leader in any
sense of the word, in any level of life, organizationally,
(28:56):
business wise, you lead with love. You love your people.
They will do anything for you. And guess what the
winning comes like, It just comes. You lead with love,
you love your people, It trickles.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Down and you win. I promise.
Speaker 6 (29:08):
Libby mes garrow freaking awesome. I love it.
Speaker 4 (29:10):
Cannot thank you enough for coming on sharing your Perspective've
definitely run this back again. I wish you nothing but success.
Let's keep in touch and thanks so much for sharing.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Thank you for having me, Nick, I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
That's Libby Mescaro, a decorated athlete, soccer coach, and mental
health advocate. Thanks for listening to the Reform Sports podcast.
If you've enjoyed this episode, we would appreciate it. If
you took a moment to rate and review our podcast.
As we work to grow our community of supporters and
advocates for more reform sports content, please subscribe to our
newsletter and blog at Reformsports Project dot com. You can
(29:43):
also follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
The winning Difference knows that true winning does not have
to be dictated by the scoreboard. Winning is engaging kids
in character, building, building confidence, and creating successful habits using sports.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
That's our goal. That's what we need to be doing.
That's where we're lost.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
This is the Reform Sports Project, a podcast about restoring
healthy balance and perspective in all areas of sports through
education and advocacy. Hi, this is Nick Bonacor from the
Reform Sports Podcast. My guest today is Libby Mascaro, a
decorated athlete, soccer coach, and mental health advocate. A standout
soccer player when she attended Mount Lebanon High School, she
(00:39):
went on to compete at the NCAA Division One level
for Penn State University. She is a fierce advocate for
mental health awareness and works closely with the Upper Saint
Clear Wellness Committee, which she co founded in twenty seventeen,
the National Alliance on Mental Illness, and the American Foundation
for Suicide Prevention. She was recently awarded Citizen of the
(01:01):
Year for her mental health focused work in the Upper
Saint Clair community. Libby and I discuss her passion for
mental health advocacy. The commodification of young athletes and sports,
particularly in youth soccer, and the importance of prioritizing well
being of young athletes as they navigate the complex dynamics
of sports and adolescents.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
I've been very much looking forward to having this guest
on We Connected, you know, through Reformed Sports project. Through
social media, I kind of became a big fan of
hers and the work that she does, and you know,
I've gotten to know her a little bit, you know,
just through posting and of course doing some due diligence
reading about her and such, and she's paving the way
for some really special things and a big advocate for
youth sports and a coach, former athlete, and mom and
(01:44):
all these great things. Coach Libby mescarroll, coach, thanks so
much for hopping on.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Hey, Nick, First, thank you so much for having me
to super big.
Speaker 5 (01:52):
Honor and I'm super grateful, so thank you so much
for taking the time.
Speaker 6 (01:56):
Oh my god, no, no, worse, thank you. You have
a very I mean.
Speaker 4 (01:59):
You're a deck rated athlete, your coach, club coach, you're
a mental health advocate. I mean, can you kind of
give me your backstory, Like, who the hell is Libby
Matt Carroll.
Speaker 5 (02:10):
Okay, well that's a loaded question, But I would say,
first of all, I'm a super huge fan of yours.
Like you said, we connected on social media a couple
of years ago.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I noticed a post of yours.
Speaker 5 (02:20):
And it just kind of resonated and clicked with me
and your huge inspiration for me and how I lead
my teams, our team, and so I just wanted to
point that out and thank you for the insanely awesome
work you're doing. And you're talking about stuff that needs
to be talked about and a lot of people aren't,
so thank you for that. So I am, yes, first
(02:41):
and foremost a mom. I have two daughters, who wants
a sophomore in high school, one's a freshman. Both play
high level soccer club soccer for the club that I
also coach for here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. It's called Bealing
Soccer Club. We play in the Girls Academy League. But
I most importantly my role as a mom. But yes,
of course, like I said, I'm a coach, and I
(03:04):
got into coaching many years ago. Actually I was in
high school and I did a volunteer coach for our
local travel team. And fast forward when my kids were
old enough to kick a ball around, I started coaching
them and then just kind of have continued in this
coaching role. I've coached to the high school level, but
most recently with club soccer here in Pittsburgh. But you
(03:27):
talked about my work with mental health advocacy and awareness. Unfortunately,
ten years ago, my mother who suffered pretty much most
of her life, but certainly the last ten to fifteen
years of her life were the worst. She had a
very serious mental illness. She unfortunately died by suicide on
June first of twenty thirteen, And at that point myself
(03:48):
and my brother kind of catapulted into just throwing ourselves
into the droves of how we can help people with
mental illnesses and disorders. So fast forward to today, it's
actually transform not only how I.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Help others, but how I coach specifically young female.
Speaker 5 (04:07):
Athletes, which that is what I coach with two other
coaches who are amazing. We have a roster of sixteen
players that are just wonderful, amazing young female athletes. But
there's a certain way, in my opinion, to lead young
female athletes.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
First of all, I'm sorry you know that you get
your mom passed and that's okay's and all of that,
But I love how you're kind of spearheaded, You're kind
of using that your platform as a way, And I
guess I want to ask, like, why do you see
because I've read some articles and you were recently awarded,
like you have to give me the exactly what it was,
but you had a big award like Female person of
(04:43):
the Year, whatever the heck it was, But like, what
about the correlation and youth sports and mental health? Why
do you see a correlation there and why do you
think that that platform is a good place to you know,
kind of spearhead your mission.
Speaker 5 (04:57):
So the award was given by a local judge who
give away an award every year or too.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
That the award is called Citizen of the Year.
Speaker 5 (05:04):
So I was awarded that for a couple of reasons,
which I am insanely humbled. And it's mostly based on
sort of the community outreach stuff that I've been doing
the last ten years, mainly with mental health advocacy and awareness.
I work with a couple of local organizations here, but
then I do a lot of work in our school
district specifically for kind of you know, taking care of
(05:28):
our students here. We have four thousand students in our
school district. A few years ago, myself and another amazing
human being started something called the Wellness Committee, where we
our mission is to make sure the students in our
district are taken care of, both physically but certainly mentally.
So I would have to say having two teenage daughters
and then coaching the exact same age of my daughters.
(05:51):
For the past I've had this team with a couple
other coaches our team for I think this is our.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Fifth season together. So I've seen these girls come up from.
Speaker 5 (06:01):
You ten basically to where we are right now at
you fifteen.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
But I also live with two teenage daughters.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
So the concept of being this coach but also a
female but also who happens to be a mom is
this dynamic that sometimes is hard because you're seeing every
aspect of the game, the coaching, the leadership, the players.
I'm seeing it everywhere. I'm seeing the whole circle of
(06:31):
where we are with this age. So my biggest concern
is making sure that these players are taking care of
as a person, a human being, a young female athlete
before anything else. We need to focus on the person,
the child the female before they are that player coming
(06:55):
onto the pitch.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
It's vital.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
So is that a shift, like you know, I would
assume I have. You know, we just talked about it.
I have a few more kids than you, but we
got to be somewhere in the ballpark of around the same.
Speaker 6 (07:07):
You know, I'm probably a few years older than you, maybe.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
But I don't recall when I was growing up there
being any It was almost like a stigma, like, dude,
you don't talk about now I'm a guy. Now, maybe
that's just a gender stereotype and guys are supposed to,
you know, stick their chest out and make preten everything's
okay and yad YadA, YadA. I feel like you have
a lot of you know, high level athletes that are
that are really turning that and kind of that that
(07:29):
Scarlett letter is kind of going by the wayside, which
is a blessing.
Speaker 6 (07:33):
But why, in particular.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
From an overall just youth standpoint, do you feel like
there's been such a shift from the time that you
and I may have been coming up and now the
emphasis on mental mental health.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
I know one thing for sure is as leadership, I
think the idea of leadership, whether that means a coaching role,
a parent role, a.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Director of a club role.
Speaker 5 (07:59):
I just think that we have gotten to a point
where a couple of things are leading away money ego
and then this person, this this amazing, wonderful, incredibly talented
thing in front of you.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Your player is being kind of tossed to the side.
It's win it all costs.
Speaker 5 (08:22):
It's transactional versus transformational leadership. We just we've gotten to
a point where we really, when it comes down to it,
do we really.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Care about the player the person? Do we?
Speaker 5 (08:36):
Yes, we care about the player and the athlete winning
for us, scoring goals, making baskets, whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
But how did we get to that point?
Speaker 5 (08:44):
We have to get back to the point of taking
care and loving the person before what they're doing for
us on the court, on the pitch.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
I've heard it said that almost like you know, kids
are becoming commodities, you know, to a certain degree. So
I'm listening to you and I'm going, is that kind
of it, like we're almost using and I say we,
I'm saying in general our generation, like the transformation, like
is it a matter of rather than looking at young
people as let's help mold and shape these human beings
into becoming the best versions of the cellphone and using
(09:16):
sports as a as a mechanism to do so, versus
you think it's kind of become I need to use
these kids to help elevate my status as a coach
or as an adult.
Speaker 6 (09:26):
Do you think that's kind of yes, gotten out of balance?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes. And it's not just
club soccer.
Speaker 5 (09:33):
It's not just the realm that I'm in that I
live in every day. It's not just club soccer. It's
all sports. It's all youth sports. We have early specialization.
We have kids being told that they can't play multiple
sports at ten years old because you know, their soccer
season is a year long and their parents are paying
four thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
It's just we've.
Speaker 5 (09:51):
Gotten to this point where we and I say we
again as a general term, the goal is not the
person and the player.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
The goal is the coach. What the coach can get
out of it, what.
Speaker 5 (10:03):
The coach can make, what the coach can do, what
the club has done. It's all about what we're doing
for that ego. I think it's a huge issue.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
And there's this quote and one of my biggest.
Speaker 5 (10:16):
Inspirations besides you and several other people. Is the winning difference.
So it's a guy that I started following on Twitter.
I'm sure you know you've probably followed him to, Yeah,
this is an awesome quote and you just touched on it.
The winning difference knows that true winning does not have
to be dictated by the scoreboard. Winning is engaging kids
in character, building, building confidence, and creating successful habits using sports.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
That's our goal.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
That's what we need to be doing. That's where we're lost.
That is not what we're doing.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
So I got to ask you, how do you, as
a club coach juggle the balance of and I don't
know any fees or what about, but how do you
juggle the performance demands of say a paying customer, write
a parent versus you know, I guess being able to
navigate what you believe your core values are your wise
to coaching. Do you convey that? Do parents come to
(11:11):
your club knowing like, hey, it's more than sports, O
Libby coach Mets Carroll like we're doing it for this reason?
And how do you convey that and navigate? Because I mean,
let's face it, if you're not winning, you might lose
all your players and then you have no more kids
to coach, right, So there's an element of that.
Speaker 6 (11:27):
How do you juggle so a.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Couple of things.
Speaker 5 (11:30):
The number one job of a coach, in my opinion,
the only thing that you should be focusing on, of course,
other things than you know skills. The number one job
of myself and the other coaches is to build an intentional,
established culture.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
And I will be totally honest.
Speaker 5 (11:49):
When I first started coaching, I knew nothing about culture.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I didn't even know what the word meant. I didn't
know anything. I didn't know anybody who talked about culture.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
I probably if I look back, I might be I
made so many mistakes. The self reflection from my beginning
days of coaching are enormous, and from what I've learned
until this point, the number one job is to build
that culture. So myself up top, looking down with my
other two coaches to our players, right, we're the ones
that build this culture.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
You teach them. Does it happen overnight? No way. It's
an arduous process. It takes time, it takes.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
Commitment, it takes learning, It takes reading, researching, meeting people
nick like yourself.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Right, have I learned this.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
Am I doing stuff that I've learned from other people.
Of course, I have so many people, John Gordon, Kate Levell, Lanceloya,
Brett Ledbetter Yourself, Great Burge, I mean, greatest coaches of
all time, Nick Saban, Pat summon Ands Durance Right, all
of them have created this idea that I lead by,
so I give them full credit. However, it has taken
(12:53):
me a lot of time to get where we are today.
The biggest thing also is teaching your players, your team,
how to be good teammates. The expert on that is
a guide, in my opinion, named Lanceloya.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
He's local, He's at a do Boys Pennsylvania. He's insane.
He wrote a book called The Wee Gear.
Speaker 5 (13:10):
The concept is how your success as a player is
determined directly by the success of your teammates, meaning you
will not succeed if your teammates do not succeed. You
have to teach your players to want their teammates to succeed.
You cannot want them to fail. You will not be successful.
(13:31):
Is it a concept that we all think, Wow, that's
a pretty easy concept to understand, But it's not.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
We have to lead them and teach them.
Speaker 5 (13:40):
I'd also have to say that it's putting everybody's egos aside, coaches, players, directors, owners.
The other thing is teaching them about servant leadership. Leadership
is about serving others, period and once you kind of
develop this established culture, we always have a team meeting
(14:01):
before our season starts.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
We sit down.
Speaker 5 (14:03):
It's a player led also huge thing. Player led teams win.
We sit down, the girls are broken up into small groups.
We talk about what our team goals are, We talk
about personal goals. We create a team mantra for the
entire year, but it's player led. The groups come back,
they present what they decided on.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
And then the team votes. Do I vote? Do our
other coaches vote? No, it's player led.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
They come up with the culture of the Pillars, what
they want, their expectations of each other, and.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
That is what we live, breathe by the entire season.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
When we return, Libby and I dive deeper into building
a strong team culture and mental health awareness in youth sports.
Before we go to break, I wanted to share some
exciting news from Team Snap as they have acquired Mojo,
a leading youth sports technology and media platform. In addition
to the best in class sports management solutions used by
two million plus daily active users and more than nineteen
(14:57):
thousand sports organizations. Mojo brings in award winning library of games, drills,
and session by session support for youth coaches, as well
as robust interactive multimedia tools including live streaming for families
and fans to engage on and off the field. The
combination of the two industry leading consumer tech platforms also
creates the most comprehensive suite of B to B tools
(15:20):
available for youth sports organizations, including powerful content distribution capabilities
to drive adoption of coaching and training programs, registration tools,
payment processing, organization management tools, and much more. Head to
teamsnap dot com slash Mojo today to learn all about it.
(15:41):
Where we left off, Libby and I were about to
discuss the importance of culture and accountability in a team's success,
and her belief that clubs should provide mental health education
for coaches to better support their players' mental well being.
Speaker 4 (15:55):
You mentioned that word culture, but that takes time, right
you believe in it?
Speaker 6 (15:59):
How often do you you as a coach revisit your why?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Like?
Speaker 4 (16:02):
Does that something you have to go back to? Because
I know, even me, if I'm not intentional. I can
get lost in results, like I can get lost in
the weeds of things that I know in the long
term out hey start focusing on short term right what's
in front of you. So at times I got to revisit, like,
hold on, let's keep this perspective. Is that something that
you try to practice and also do you try to
teach you know your kids?
Speaker 5 (16:21):
That So part of the working hard on it and
learning and taking the time is staying committed to it
and being consistent to the culture that the girls have
established and.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Holding them accountable. And when the question is every single day, I.
Speaker 5 (16:34):
Mean every single training session, every single huddle, right before
we you know, we say the starting lineup, and we're
in our huddle.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Hugged up really close.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
I say to the girls, who are you playing for?
They all say each other, and then they go off
onto the pitch. It's every single training session we talk
about it.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
It's something that's at the forefront.
Speaker 5 (16:54):
We spend a lot of time with x's and o's.
Of course, we have insanely talented coaches on this staff tactically,
but I'm sorry, it's a smaller portion in my opinion,
to what really drives our team's success. And I'll tell
you Nick, we have had incredible success. This team, the
wea coach is very successful. We don't have a whole
(17:15):
lot of superstars.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
We have a lot of kids who love each other,
who play for each other. That's why we win. Are
they talented skills wise? Of course they are. They're incredibly talented, hardworking,
but they love each other.
Speaker 5 (17:29):
They would run through a brick wall for each other
when they are on that shield.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
So these girls know each other really well. Right, you're
building that culture where they love each other. They're building
that relationship. I know that as a teammate, you hold
each other accountable, but you also are reluctant at times
to you know, perhaps convey to a coach if something's
going on with your teammate. Right, kids keep each other's
(17:55):
secrets at times you kind of build that bond. How
do you, as someone who has experience it's with mental health,
mental illness, how do you handle if you see something
Because a lot of parents out there, listen, I have
teenage kids, and sometimes you see something it's just a
teenage kid being a teenage kid. But when do you
know that, hey, I maybe need to pay attention to this,
and I guess, how do you handle that? Because I
(18:15):
feel like it's something that all of us parents need
education on it. Some have no experience, I have none,
and somewhere in the weeds confused.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
That's a really good question.
Speaker 5 (18:23):
And I think sometimes coaches, leaders, directors, owners, they're not
experts on mental illness and disorders and necessarily advocacy and awareness.
But we're in this leadership role, so we're kind of
expected to be educated in that, and I think we're
trying our best, and I think every coach has their
(18:44):
way of dealing with it. But for me, it's mostly
making sure that our players are confident and we have
open relationships with each other, meaning the communication they're not
afraid to to me, to our other two coaches. We
have this very very strong bond and the relationship.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
That we have with each other and that they have
with each.
Speaker 5 (19:11):
Other, they're confident enough to have those tough conversations or
even come to us and say, hey, this.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Is what's going on. I need help.
Speaker 5 (19:19):
So I also think that clubs, maybe in every sport,
youth sport, there should be maybe some sort of education
that happens. You know, we get CPR certified, we get
AED certified. Why are we not having some sort of
you know course, like kind of like safe sport where
you go in you have to take something and get
(19:40):
a certification, you know, a coaching course.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
We have to do certain things to be a coach
in order to coach at certain levels.
Speaker 5 (19:47):
Right, So this mental health part of sports is so enormous.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
I think it would be wonderful if we had coaches
being you.
Speaker 5 (19:56):
Know, responsible for taking some sort of know, baseline course
for mental health, just so you know the signs and
the symptoms and the questions to ask or how you
can help them. And certainly since COVID, you know, we're
dealing with unfortunately a very large and serious epidemic with
(20:16):
mental health crisis.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
We are in a mental health crisis for our young kids.
We are.
Speaker 5 (20:20):
The data shows it, the research shows it. So I
think maybe one of those things that we can do
going forward is educate our leaders maybe a little bit
more on mental health.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
So do you feel like it's a conversation that parents
should be having because you struggle in a game?
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Right?
Speaker 4 (20:35):
My kids wrestle someone you know, has a bad match
one of their teammates, and then they get pissed right.
Speaker 6 (20:39):
Kids are kids.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
They get upset, right, There's a difference between these are
disappointed in your results and maybe something else going. Is
it as simple as just pay check on your teammate?
Is there any type of like things that you could
put in your kids head or me as a parent,
can pay attention to some red flags? I know you
mentioned confidence, but is it like, is it just the
obvious things like staying in the room, not talking, But
then you do research sometimes and it's like, you know,
sometimes a sixteen year old will just shut down, you know,
(21:03):
So how do you know it?
Speaker 6 (21:04):
Is it probing questions?
Speaker 4 (21:06):
Is it just keeping the dialogueal because I struggle with
it as a parent of you know, three teenagers right
now at times.
Speaker 5 (21:11):
Yeah, I'm living with two teenage girls. It's like a mystery.
It's like I saw something on Twitter.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
It was funny. It was a meme.
Speaker 5 (21:17):
It said something like having a teenage kid in your
house is like having, you know, like something that wants
something to do with you. And you text them, hey, honey,
I love you so much. You're the best thing that's
ever happened to me. I'm so proud of you, and
they reply back, Okay, it's like, oh geez, like they
like literally they said nothing to you back.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I think right.
Speaker 5 (21:36):
Now, the biggest thing is to especially when you know
they lost a match, they lost a game, or maybe
we won and they think they didn't play well. You know,
it's all over the internet. It's talked about a million times.
When they get into the car, and I did not
do this in the beginning. I will tell you this
is something I learned. When they get in the car,
(21:56):
I always let them speak first. I say nothing about
the game. I don't And I think for me, I'm
forty six, we grew up different, right, we grew up
with a parent. You know, it was like this hardcore
you know, leadership and feedback. And I think sometimes that's okay,
But I think that we need to stop talking to
(22:20):
our kids when they don't want to talk.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Number one.
Speaker 5 (22:22):
So maybe maybe realizing that and just reading the room.
But I think the biggest thing is just being being
just a sounding board.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Just be a mom, just be a dad. They just
want you to be with them.
Speaker 5 (22:38):
They just want you to sit there. They just want
you to listen. That's all they want. They don't want
to hear anything about how they played, how they didn't
play the other thing. That's the worst possible thing they
can do. That I think is a big sign is
if they start comparing themselves to others. Comparison is the
thief of joy, and it's the thief of in my opinion,
confidence and true talent or true potential.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
I think compare is huge.
Speaker 5 (23:00):
Or saying things like you know, I'm not good enough
or oh my gosh, so and.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
So is so much better than me. I think that's
a big red flag. But it's tough. It's tough. I'll
tell you.
Speaker 6 (23:11):
I gotta say it happened not too long ago.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
My my son is a senior in high school who's
really even keeled and is he loves competing and all
that as a wrestler. But he had a match and
he lost, and he lost in like the last like
seven seconds, and he was so pissed.
Speaker 6 (23:24):
He just got turned at the rock and he just
gassed out. Anyway, but he's so mad.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
And it was like five minutes after the match, and
I was going to go down and say, man, proud
of you.
Speaker 6 (23:32):
A good try. And I can tell I could tell
immediately I didn't you said. I think you said read
the room, and I could tell because I said, I said, Tyler.
He didn't respond, and that's not normal for him.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
Usually he's like, hey, you know, because he knows I'm
not gonna like criticize him or anything.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (23:47):
I don't do, I don't, I don't really care. But
he was hot, like what I mean by high. He
was pissed, and I said, Tyler. Then I went and
pull my armor. His dad, just leave me alone right now.
And I initially I wanted to like, go, oh, dude.
I wanted to like visualize him as like a seven
year old, like dude, I'm your dad. But I walked away,
and I was like, man, he handled that probably one
hundred times better than I did when I was sixteen
(24:08):
years old and my dad was annoying me for a second,
like cause I was like spoiled brat at times, and
I'd be like, Dad, leave me the hell of Like
I was obnoxious at times. I didn't want to hear
from anybody, particularly my dad if I like struck out.
Speaker 6 (24:18):
In a baseball game. But then like I gave him space.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
I walked away, and I'm like, man, I messed up
right there, Like I could tell he was just he
needed a look, you need a little bit of time.
He was still breathing heavy, and even though my intentions
were good, it was like, I think that's such a
great point, a little bit of common sense. At times
it's like, how would I feel? Do I want to
hear from anybody?
Speaker 6 (24:38):
Really?
Speaker 4 (24:39):
And if my coach says something to me, that's my coach.
But it's like sometimes you need a breather and reading
the room kind of understanding, like, hey, let's give it
a little bit of time. Even I fall short in that,
and I think it's I think it's such a great
simple piece of advice is let them come to you,
you know.
Speaker 6 (24:54):
I think that that's a good thing, Like we.
Speaker 4 (24:55):
Don't have to initiate every conversation, particularly you know, after
they have a bad event or or something doesn't go
their way.
Speaker 5 (25:01):
Well, I think it's teenagers in general. I mean, like
we have two daughters. My husband gets so upset and
takes it so personally. If my sixteen year old comes
down the stairs in the morning grumpy and doesn't want
to talk to anybody, I read the room and I'm like,
I'm getting out of the way of her.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Oh boy, what do you want for breakfast? Nothing? Okay,
do you need water?
Speaker 5 (25:20):
No, And then my husband he bops into the kitchen like, hey, everybody,
good morning.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
I mean, he's trying to be positive.
Speaker 5 (25:25):
He's amazing and very loving and kind, and they look
at him like they want to stab him, and he
gets very upset. We've had some conversations about your husband
a little, I know, I know. So we've had many
conversations about like, honey, just read the room.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
It's six forty.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
Five in the morning. They probably don't. It's just just
teenage girls. And he said, oh, but you know they're
so mean to me. I'm like, honey, they're not being mean.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
It's just it's just teenage girls. Got to get some
thick skin, you know. But then I think back, like
I like that to my mom and my dad, like,
oh gosh, I guess I was. I mean, I don't
think that has changed. It's just we just I think we're.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Just more aware of how we can be dealing with
them in these situations, just being present, just reading the room, you.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Know, being empathetic. They already have enough pressure on them anyway.
Speaker 5 (26:16):
If a kid makes a mistake in a game, don't
you think they already feel terrible? I mean they do.
They already feel terrible. There's no reason for us to
revisit that. The moment has come and gone.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
There's nothing anybody can do about it. It's over. Why.
That's one of the biggest things.
Speaker 5 (26:37):
I don't understand with coaches and with parents. I had
a girl this spring miss a PK. She's one of
our best PK hitters, never missed one that we practiced
all year. She missed it. Okay, it was a very
important game. She missed the penalty kick. Her body language
immediately changed. I've known this kid for years. I know
(26:59):
how head works. She's dedicated, she's loyal, she works hard
on and off the field. I mean, best best kid
you could have on your team in every sense of
the word.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Great kid, great player, great teammate. She was devastated.
Speaker 5 (27:13):
She comes off the field halftime and just completely falls
into my arms. I mean, the kid was sobbing. What
am I going to say to her? Nothing I'm gonna
say to her is going to help, whether it's bad
or good.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
So you just sit there, You let her cry, you
let her fall.
Speaker 5 (27:29):
Into your arms, You let her sob get it out.
You know, we made the decision not to start in
the second half because we knew she wasn't ready, and
you know what happened. There was no reason for anybody
to say anything to her other than just we love you.
Her teammates responded like that, we just loved on her,
which she's still upset after the day went on, of
course she was.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Did it take her a couple of days to come around, Yes,
but nobody intervened. We just loved on her.
Speaker 6 (27:53):
Sometimes it's just that freaking easy.
Speaker 4 (27:54):
I love that, man, And it's amazing the power of
your teammates just and your coaches just hey, it's all right,
and it kind of makes you realize it's way it's
way more about you know, and as time time a
lot of oftentimes heals all wounds and you.
Speaker 6 (28:07):
Just you know, have perspective. Coach obviously you know your passion,
your enthusiasm. We're very like mind. I can talk to
you all day long, but we don't have all day.
Where can people find you?
Speaker 4 (28:16):
Where can I know if they google you, there's all
different articles and blah, like what where can they find
your content?
Speaker 6 (28:22):
And how can they get in touch with you?
Speaker 2 (28:23):
So I would say.
Speaker 5 (28:24):
The most the most engaged for me with the coaching
and the culture and.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
The leading with love stuff is probably on Twitter. So
I'm on Twitter. I mean, I'm on Instagram. You know.
Speaker 5 (28:36):
Again, my main role is a mom, but of course
the coaching part of it is my second passion and
mental health. But I mean the biggest thing is just,
you know, lead with love. Whether you're a teacher, you know,
a coach, a player, a director, a leader in any
sense of the word, in any level of life, organizationally,
(28:56):
business wise, you lead with love. You love your people.
They will do anything for you. And guess what the
winning comes like, It just comes. You lead with love,
you love your people, It trickles.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Down and you win. I promise.
Speaker 6 (29:08):
Libby mes garrow freaking awesome. I love it.
Speaker 4 (29:10):
Cannot thank you enough for coming on sharing your Perspective've
definitely run this back again. I wish you nothing but success.
Let's keep in touch and thanks so much for sharing.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Thank you for having me, Nick, I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
That's Libby Mescaro, a decorated athlete, soccer coach, and mental
health advocate. Thanks for listening to the Reform Sports podcast.
If you've enjoyed this episode, we would appreciate it. If
you took a moment to rate and review our podcast.
As we work to grow our community of supporters and
advocates for more reform sports content, please subscribe to our
newsletter and blog at Reformsports Project dot com. You can
(29:43):
also follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
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