John Feldmann: From Punk Rock to Recovery

John Feldmann, frontman of Goldfinger and renowned producer, shares his journey from chaos to clarity. John opens up about his struggles with addiction, the power of recovery, and the lessons learned through music, family, and service. Discover how taking action, embracing vulnerability, and never giving up have shaped his life and career.

Keep in Touch With:

Instagram: @Seanovenice

Website: https://www.shellvenice.com/

Guest: John Feldmann

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's a sacred space. When I'm in a meeting, it's sacred,
and it's safe for people to share whatever's going on,
because if you share your pain, it gets cut in half.
You share your joy and it doubles. That's the rule.
What's your first year recovery? I can remember like that.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
And what's some some good John Little tips for people
in their first year recovery? Oh?

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Man, I was fucking jerking off till I was dehydrated. Man,
my first fucking year.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Yeah, jerk off A lot of audience. As long as
you don't drink or get high.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
Love is an action, man, and I have to act it.
I have to buy her flowers. I gotta keep writing
songs about her. I got to keep putting poems under
her pillow and rubbing her feet and all the shit
that I don't want to do because when I don't
feel it, it's hard to do it. But when I
do it, I feel it. I feel more in love
with her when I take the action.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Amen, brother, today, I've got not just a legend because
you are brother. I mean a man who helped shape
the soundtrack of a general as a front man, a
golden finger and a powerhouse producer behind some of the
punk and alt rocks greatest records. But beyond the music

(01:09):
is my sober brother, and I love him fucking dearly've
been walking this path of recovering together for a long time.
John Felban has proof that you can live out loud,
live clean, and turn your story into fire.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
Brother, Welcome to the Stato what else you got? Welcome
to the show. Thank you, brother, Okay, thank you for
having me. Yeah, this is I'm going to open with
your great line that you love to say. I just
fill the spirit of this right now. I love my
life because I say so. Because I say so. Let's
talk about how you Let's talk about what that means. Okay,
I love my life because I say so. Let's go
right into it, dude. Yeah, I mean, I have had

(01:43):
an incredible life and I'm so grateful for everything that
I've ever got. But there's been ups and downs, brother,
there have been ups and downs. Ultimately, I was selling shoes,
right I was, you know, getting doing my get well
job in nineteen ninety four, and I've been really you're
newly you're sober at hell long five years. I'm sober

(02:04):
five years. I'm working on the promenade, right, and I'm
doing everything they suggest, all the suggestions, but I'm still
selling shoes, which wasn't my career of choice. I have
a hard time. You look like an ape, ma'am. I
would absolutely be able to call out back then in
nine and a half, Yeah, what are you an eleven? Right? Yeah,

(02:27):
I could call it at them. You're hustling shoes, yeah,
because they told me to be self supporting through my
own contributions, right, And they say you get self esteem
by doing esteemable acts. And so I was earning a living.
I didn't have, you know, there's no kind of trust
fund for me. I was just out there hustling and
doing my thing. And I'm just staying sober selling shoes,

(02:48):
and I'm rehearsing in my band, Goldfinger, my little band
that had done nothing at the time. We'd played maybe
like twenty little club shows locally and doing all that thing.
And I had my my little cassette tape, you know,
on the at the podium, and like I like to say,
if you don't know what a cassette tap is, you
can fuck off, man, because those were the days, dude,

(03:08):
Because that tape was cassette tapes and CDs man. And
then this guy came in that you know, had seen
me play and he was an A and R guy
at this little teeny label, Mojo Records. Patrick McDowell came in.
I sold him a pair of nine and a half
ox Blood Doc Martins, and I stuck my cassette demo
in his shoe in his shoe box and he listened
to it that night. Called me the next day said

(03:29):
I want to I want to offer you a record deal, right, so,
you like when I was a kid, right like I've
always been in since I was twelve, I started playing
the bass guitar, and I'm like, how am I going
to be a professional musician. It wouldn't have been like
learn how to play the bass, number one, number two,
get a job at a shoe store. That wouldn't have
been the stemps. No, that wouldn't have been it, you know.

(03:51):
But I was taught to do the next indicated action,
which at the time was paying my rent, which was
selling shoes. And so I got offered this record. I
gave my two week notice and I went off to
you know, tour the world and do all the greatness.
But I had, you know, everything in my life, I
can connect the dots looking backwards to say this is

(04:12):
how I got to where I am. But the future
is is never known. I didn't know. I didn't know
it was going to be that, you know. And I
found this band that Used when I was on tour.
So without my band, I wouldn't have found the Used,
which gave me my journey as a producer. You know,
I found them. I said, I can make your demo
better than the one you have because I knew enough

(04:34):
from making records with Goldfinger I could be a producer.
And I made that record and then I got this
huge job at Warner Brothers because I discovered them. They
offered me my own an R consultancy at Warner Brothers,
and I had this huge, huge career, right and then
rock and roll is like you know, at the time,
rock music alternative. You know, the singer of the US

(04:56):
discovered my Chemical Romance, he got them signed to Warner Brothers.
Like it all kind of went in this trajectory and
then you know, edm came along and sort of like
white guitars were gone. It was just like Swedish house Mafia.
And you know Scrillis who's a friend of mine, Sonny.
You know, he had an emo band from first to last,

(05:18):
but he pivoted and became the legend that he is. Right.
But at the time, it was like, so my boss
at Warner Brothers got fired, everyone underneath him got fired.
And I was like, I was living in bel air,
massive house like my Asston martin my hole every day.
I had everything. And then it's just like that, you know,
my dog died, my dad died, and my son was

(05:39):
diagnosed with kidney cancer, all within a week, and it
was like, where the fuck are we going to go?
My son's you know, he had the surgery, got rid
of his kidney, and the doctors were wrong. It wasn't cancer,
but it was a lot, a fucking lot of process.
And I'm like, I'm getting to your fucking story here
in a second. But it was like I got depressed, man.

(06:01):
I went I went to my home group and I said,
I think I got to move to the valley. And
the guy at the meeting, he said, the valley that's
where dreams go to die, is what he said, you
know what I mean. And I'm like, we gotta, you know,
we got to figure this out. I got a family,
I got to do adult things. So we moved to
the valley and I'm out there and I'm depressed, man,

(06:23):
because my son's sick. All of you know, my people,
my support group is all I've moved and I'm shocked.
I guess like an hour and a half to go
to Mario's right, and it's like, what am I gonna do?
And I'm driving up the hill. One day I call
my I call my guy, my mentor, John Kimball, and
I'm like, what do I do? You know? And I
get to the top of the four or five I

(06:43):
got at and t I dropped the call. Of course,
I'm like, I'm telling him. I'm like, dude, I got
these suicidal ideations. I don't know what I'm gonna do
when I call him, and he just said, and I
you know. I call him back as I dropped the call,
and he goes, John, I thought you killed yourself because
he's a funny guy or whatever. And I call my

(07:03):
other guy and he said, this is what I want
you to do when you wake up in the morning.
I when you go in your own backyard, face the
sun and say I love my life as loud as
you can. And at the time, I'm like, dude, I'm
I'm not going to say some stupid thing that's never
going to work. I'm not going to trick myself into
believing something that isn't true. So I didn't. I didn't

(07:24):
for like a month. I just got it got really dark,
and I asked my friend John Robinson. I go. I
go to him. I said, dude, it's been dark. He goes,
you know, it's always darkest right before it turns pitch black.
And he starts laughing. You know, he's like, you know
the you know, the forever cynic that he was. So
finally I did it. I just made a decision. I'm
going to do the stupid thing that's never going to work.

(07:46):
I'm in my own backyard same day. I'm interviewing this
kid that's going to end turn for me, right and
he shows up a half hour early, and I think.
I'm by myself in my backyard, my eyes closed, facing
the sun. I just go, oh, I love my life.
And I look over and this kid, Spencer is right
next to me, and he goes, oh, I love my
life too, you know, And he didn't get the job.

(08:06):
But it's like, you know, ultimately, Ultimately, the kid called
me a year later and he said, man, I've been
taking pills. I can't stop. And I didn't talk to
him at all about me being sober. I just talked
to him about music, and he said, maybe this guy
who was praising the sun God, which is what he
said to me, can help me. And so from that

(08:27):
point on, I've been saying I love my life out
loud every day and it was the first step that
got me out of that hole. And the mind is
a powerful thing. Man. What I say to myself is
what happens becomes my reality. And if I want to
think negative thoughts, my life becomes a negative place. And
if I want to say positive things, it's the opposite.

(08:47):
Whatever I choose to focus on is what my reality is.
And I choose to say I love my life. I
choose to say it, even if I don't believe it.
Say it anyway. Okay, my god, I mean so much.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
One of the things I love about your journey is
all the different pivots, all the different transitions.

Speaker 1 (09:05):
Okay, let's back up a little bit. Let's talk. I
got it. Where are you from? I grew up in
the Bay Area, Well, I was born in San Diego.
Moved to the Bay Area when I was eleven and
grew up up there and a lot of my you know,
journey and I was a derelict in the streets as
a kid, like a lot of us and our friends
were just trying to find our way. I had a dad,

(09:28):
I mean, he had polio. So he was in a wheelchair, right.
He was the last man to contract polio in America.
And he was in a wheelchair his whole life. And
he used this virus to really pushes the evolution of
his education. He went to graduate school, became a PhD
in nuclear physics. The smartest guy I'd ever met was
my dad, you know, and he had all these expectations

(09:49):
for me, which he did the best he could. And
when he died we were in good terms. But man,
it was you know, it was rough in the beginning
because I was terrible at school. I couldn't focus. I
had add I know, no one really knew what that
was back then, and I was just all over the
place and all I could focus on was music.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
But you knew at an early age this is what
I want to do. Right twelve, at twelve, you said,
what happened.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
I remember this show we played at a party and
I was a bass player singer of a band, and
after I just watched this group of five girls not
be able to keep their eyes off of me, and
I'm like, this is it?

Speaker 2 (10:22):
Man?

Speaker 1 (10:22):
At twelve, at twelve, I'm right, this is what I
want to do with my life. You know. At the time,
it was just like I couldn't talk to girls. I
was this kind of introverted, shy kid. Before I really
started drinking and doing drugs, I was just like, you know,
super But music, like music is like magic man. It's
like whatever the universe, God, whatever that is, speaks to

(10:43):
me through music, and I become in the moment, I'm
right there focused. I'm able to, you know, be the
best version of me when I'm creating music. You know,
when I feel useless, so there's no or self pity.
It's like, if I create something, I feel like I've
got a purpose, I've got something to do. Wow, were
you writing songs at twelve? I was writing songs at twelve?
Were right? Yeah? When did you realize you were a

(11:04):
good songwriter? A good songwriter? That's a great question. I
think it took I mean, I was probably twenty five
to realize that this was something I could do at
twenty five. So I'd been writing songs for thirteen years,
you know before I really I really honed in that,
like I can actually do this. I was in three

(11:25):
bands before Goldfinger, and I really didn't know how to
organize songs and arrange them until I got to where
I needed to get to. I was in a metal band,
this metal band called the Electric love Hogs, the best
fucking name of all time. And it was funny because
all the guys went off. The drummer started Orgy, another
great band, the guitar player started Velvet Revolver, and the

(11:46):
bass player went on to be a Goldfinger with me.
So it was like everyone kind of went out from that.
I mean, we had, dude, we had fucking Tool open
for us. We had a Rage Against the Machine open
for us, Corn Open the Deaf Tones open for us.
We had all these legendary bands and back in the
nineties open for us. And it was a cool journey
that lasted two years. But our songs were terrible. Our

(12:09):
songs were fucking terrible. We were great live, great live band.
I mean I didn't know how to I didn't know
how to write back then, you know, right, but at
the very beginning, like I mean, I studied the Beatles,
I mean, I studied the Police, I studied Social Distortion.
Those are all the bands that I kind of like
tried to learn how to the buzzcocks, try to learn

(12:31):
how to arrange, like here's the chorus, here's the story
in the verse that leads up to the synapsis of
the story, which is the chorus. Right. I kind of
learned how to do that really really young. And it
was funny because I just went to my high school reunion,
my fortieth high school reunion last weekend, and the girl
that was like my first broken heart, you know, she
was there. I'd stolen a little necklace when I was

(12:53):
in high school to write her a poem and put
it in her mailbox, all the shit that we do
as kids, idiot kids, you know, and she was there,
and it was just cool to be reminded of, you know,
how far I've come, and that I'm glad everything worked
out the way it was with my wife, and everything
is what it is.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
We're going to talk about here. Let's go into your
addiction history, because it's a hell of a story. Let's walk,
Let's spend some time on that.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
The first time I got drunk, it was I mean,
it was like my you know that that warmth that
just cut I mean my whole body just it just came.
It became like I could take a breath, like I
could take a breath finally. And it's like, as a kid,
you don't know how much pressure you're under or you're
trying to figure yourself out in adolescence and you're trying to,

(13:33):
you know what I mean, figure out what it is
to be a man. When I'm between twelve and sixteen,
and the first time I got drunk it probably right
around thirteen. I was at this beach party in Santa Cruz,
Bonfire on the beach like a John Hughes movie, and
I blacked out, came to out of a blackout. I
had these two girls that were in high school I was,
I was in eighth grade. I was making out with

(13:55):
both of them and I'm like, man, I have a rived, dude.
I had a ride and I'm like, this is what
I want to do. I mean, it took over everything,
you know. It was like I was still focused on music,
but it was like this became such a big part
of it, like the idea of getting drunk and getting
high and playing shows. It was all. I remember when
we opened for seven Seconds, one of my heroes, you know,

(14:17):
the bands that I grew up on up in Lake Tahoe.
This friend of mine had a little bullet full of cocaine,
and I just remember having to stop in between every
songs to do a bump, like and I was a kid,
you know. I was just a kid, you know, and
I'm just like, you know, doing cocaine young, just to
kind of make it through the show. So it became

(14:37):
a part of everything, hand in hand, and then in
the end it became all that mattered, Like it became
way more than being a musician, or I cared more
about that than I cared about the music.

Speaker 2 (14:48):
Let's talk about your bottom. Okay, your tap out moment? Yeah,
walk walk. The audience throught what was going on? Then?

Speaker 1 (14:54):
Where were you at? How old were you? Well? They
say fun, fun with problems and then just problems And
that was the arc of my of my addiction, and
the beginning of it was I mean, it was really fun,
like for everybody. It was like I found this freedom
from the pressure that I had at school. I mean,
I got kicked out of high school. I got to
grow pred in at sixteen. She had my daughter when

(15:14):
I was seventeen. I didn't meet her till I was
five years sober. It was like I had all this
external stuff that was like chaos, you know, and I'm
robbing people, stealing cars, doing all that stuff, and then
the problem started coming right there. And then what happened
in the end is I mean, I've been to jail
in Rosa Rito in Mexico, which was not fucking rad

(15:35):
at all. That was not a fun experience. And then
I went, you know, I've been to jail in Santa
Barbara a couple times just from being drunken, disorderly, then
unpaid warrant. And then at the end, I was dating
this girl and she ended up leaving me. I was
working at a used clothing store called ard Varks on Melrose.
I got fired from that job. So if that's not

(15:55):
bottom enough, I'll continue, you know. And then my third
day drunk, I was going to go see the Cure
at San Diego State. I got stole these tickets and
stole my roommate's car, drove down there, my third day drunk,
I got pulled over and I was going to get
depressed enough at the show to possibly end my life.
Like I was really like, I couldn't imagine my life

(16:16):
with alcohol. I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol, that
jumping off place that we talk about, and I was
going to end it. Instead, I go to jail for
a duy. I got pulled over in Mission Beach and
I went to jail and saved my life. Those cops
saved my life by pulling me over. Man. Wow, you know,
well what happened. I thought it was the end of

(16:37):
my life. Man. And I go to jail. They said
you can either get sober or stay in jail, you know,
And I said, I don't want to stay here any longer. Man.
And I went out and this friend of mine was sober.
I worked with at Ardvarks and he was sober nine
months and I'm like, how the fuck can you stay
sober nine months? Dude? So he told me about you know,
these meetings, and I went there and I just I

(17:00):
saw like all these rock stars and all these people,
and I'm like, holy shit, man, this is not what
I thought it was gonna be a bunch of old
dudes and trench toats, trench coats with boners, dude like
you know what I mean, just weird old guys like
with a little bottle in their pocket. But it wasn't
that at all, Just wasn't that. And you stayed sober
from the gate, from the gate, from the gate. It

(17:21):
just hit you. February nineteenth, in nineteen eighty nine, I'm
thirty six years Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
Wow, So you go Toming's in West Hollywood getting part
of that right, exactly right, fucking that's eat year.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
It was so good eighty nine. It was perfect. It
was exactly what I needed. I mean, I couldn't. I
couldn't get sober coming out of the first three times
and went to jail. I couldn't get sober when I
got her pregnant, couldn't get sober getting kicked out of school.
I had, you know, I had messed up my kidneys.
I had first stages of cirrhosis of the liver, I
Johnnie of the eyes. I was really sick from alcoholism,

(17:54):
really sick. But none of that got me sober until
it was time. And what right do I have to
tell any one interfere with anyone's bottom. It's like, I
just I feel like the dignity of of letting people
hit their own bottom, which you know, people try to
intervene in my life. I had an intervention. I had
of course, I had my parents that were super concerned,

(18:14):
but none of it was ready until I was ready.

Speaker 2 (18:17):
Yeah, beautiful, what walk the audience through if you can
remember your first year?

Speaker 1 (18:22):
What's your first year recovery?

Speaker 2 (18:23):
I can remember like that, And what's some some good
John Little tips for people in their first year recovery? Oh?

Speaker 1 (18:30):
Man, I was fucking jerking off till I was dehydrated. Man,
my first my first fucking year jerk. As long as
you don't drink, it was like anything recovery approved, you know.
It was like I drank. I mean I was drinking
a cup, I mean a pot of coffee a day.
I was. I was. The more anxious I would get,

(18:51):
the more coffee I would drink. I didn't know. I
just didn't know. How do how do you live without
drinking and drugs? How do you live? Man? And it
was like that That's what I was doing. I was
smoking clothes, cigarettes, drinking coffee, and spanking the monkey.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
Right.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
That was my first year, man, it was like but
it was it was so fun, man. I mean, I
got my sponsor said if you basically, dude, you got
to be self supporting through your own contributions. You got
to do this shit. So I got. I went and
begged for my job back at Ardvarks, and Joe the
owner graciously gave me my job back when I was
six weeks sober. Wow, And I got that job back,

(19:27):
and that's when I started, like my journey of being
self supporting. It was so important, right, you know, like
my friendly audience. Why that's so important? Well for me,
if I didn't like support myself, if I was looking
for other people to support me, there's no way I
would have like I would be able to know that
I can do this on my own, have the esteem
to be able to say, maybe I can do something

(19:49):
bigger that just sell us clothes on Melrose. Maybe there's
something out there. And it gave me enough courage and
hope to be able to pursue my dreams of being
a musician.

Speaker 2 (19:59):
You know.

Speaker 1 (19:59):
That's self esteem came from me showing up at work.
You know. And Milton, one of my heroes, would always say,
you know, I'm never surprised when an alcoholic gets sober.
I'm always surprised when he gets a job because I
think it's a really hard thing to do. It's a
really hard thing to do. I think for people think,
especially get you get sober, and you feel entitled and

(20:21):
in la you feel like things should be handed to you.
But man, I've had to earn every penny I've ever made.
I've had to earn it, and it makes me feel
valuable inside that I've had to earn it.

Speaker 2 (20:33):
Right on, Beautiful, When did you walk the audience through
when you found your higher power?

Speaker 1 (20:37):
And how did you find your higher power? I mean
it was kind of force fed to me in the beginning.
I was raised Catholic. I had the stations of the
Cross growing up, and I'd see, you know this naked
dude nail do across. I'm like, how is that going
to help me get sober? Like? How is this you know? Which? Like, look,
I have no real opinions on religion. I don't have

(20:57):
a religion. I practice. I have spiritual practice that I
do every day. But back then, Kimball told me, he said,
this is what we do here. We get on our
knees to humble ourselves and we say what's called the
third step prayer.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
You know.

Speaker 1 (21:12):
And he made me memorize that, and that's what I
did in the beginning, you know, I memorized this thing
that I didn't and I got on my knees and
I prayed to it something I didn't believe in, but
I said it anyway. And the power of prayer is incredible.
I mean, if I think about it, if I really
think about it, that I've been doing this every day
for thirty six years, most days, right, that I've been

(21:34):
taken care of, that there has been something out there
that has carried me through all these things, my son
getting sick, losing the job, you know, crazy, you know,
drama in the marriage, all the stuff that I've been through.
That there's been someone carrying me like that footprints in
the sand thing. You know. It says through the hardest
times in our life, I can look back and see

(21:56):
that I've been carried beautiful. Why the number one offender? Well,
I mean for me, it's like if I'm carrying around
this anger, right, if I am carrying around anger, I
cannot focus on what's right in my life. If I'm
focused on let's take my wife, for instance, because she's
the closest person in my life. If I'm focused on

(22:19):
how much pizza she's eating, how much money she's spending,
all I can see is how everything that's wrong with her.
I can see our bank account dipping down, I can
see her growing, and I can see all this shit happening.
But if I focus on what an amazing mother she
is with an amazing wife, she is, her loyalty, her love,

(22:39):
which is endless. It's fucking endless. She gives to me.
That's what grows. Whatever I focus on grows. So if
I'm focused on a resentment, all of a sudden it
becomes it goes to my belly. I don't know about you,
but when I'm deeply resentful, I can feel the acid
burning my stomach. It's awful. Why would anyone want to

(23:00):
live that way? Yeah? Ever, I have to be free
of it at any cost. And for me, it's about
writing the resentment down, why I resent it, and what
my part is, Like what did I do to create this?
So what am I doing to keep pushing it forward?
And then I pray for the person. That's what I
do for two weeks, health, happiness, success, everything I want
for me, I pray for them. Yeah, and it usually works. Yeah,

(23:23):
it's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
I got to imagine, you know, on that list some
producers that ripped you off, some bandmates that ripped you off,
some version, right, walk the audience through that process of
people that did your real harm financially or gossiped about you.

Speaker 1 (23:37):
How you got free of that? You said a little bit?
Can you go on more detail? I mean, ultimately, like
the idea of what prayer does is beyond me. The
why of it. I just know that it works, and
when I do it, it works. But it is really challenging,
like I've got I mean, I've had such an amazing
career and I'm so grateful, but it's hard when I

(23:59):
bring when I do bring people up from nothing, when
they don't know how to make a coffee or turn
a computer on, and then I watch them go talk
shit about me and go out there and become these
superstar producers and they won't even talk. Some of them
won't even talk to me because they're thinking I did
them wrong for this reason, this reason, this reason, and

(24:20):
I can't even talk to them. It's really challenging because
I'm a people pleaser like a lot of people. And
you know, in recovery, you don't want people to I
want some people to like me, and it's like I
want to be able to make it right. But those
are the hardest ones when I go to make an
amend and I can't even get with them. So what
I do, man, is like like they say, when I
try and get even, I get even worse. Right, That's

(24:43):
the thing, man, It's like if I go out there
and I try and get revenge, I try and get
even with them. All it is is keeping that resentment
going forward. So I have to be free of it.
And that's happened. I mean, it hasn't happened a lot.
But I'd say on one hand, I can count, you know,
five people and are not out there promoting me, right,

(25:03):
And it is it is tough because it's a cutthrow
business man. It is really hard, and there's only so
many artists that you can work with that are actually
successful out there. So when I pray for their health,
you know, this one guy I'm thinking of, you know,
since we're talking about it, you know, and I'm praying
for his health, happiness and success. And then this one
job I'm going for you know, he gets the job,

(25:26):
and I'm like, fuck, I keep praying for his health,
happiness and this is success. And then I find out
a month later, after doing it for a month, he
gets a job producing the Rolling Stones. Dude, I talked
to my friend Peter Miller. He goes, stop praying for
the fucking guy that's making great So I did. Yeah,
I got it, I got it. Let me add to

(25:46):
that great thing, because I so fucking get that. I've
taken guys off the street that are living in their
fucking cars, help them get sober, help them get their
kids back, teaching the game of how we run shell here,
put them in play, making money, travel, meeting amazing people,
and they still for me, and they start running their
fucking mouth what's my part in it?

Speaker 2 (26:07):
I should have never hired somebody that was so newly
sober and give them that maunt of responsibility.

Speaker 1 (26:11):
I always having a part, Yeah, I always have a part.

Speaker 2 (26:14):
I'm not saying that about you, but I want to
let the audience know that's what changed my life.

Speaker 1 (26:18):
What the fuck is my part in that? You know?
And it's people are going to run their mouths. Yeah,
I mean conversely, it's like they say, expectations are resentments
under construction. Yeah, and I've got expectations. And I'm a
loyal guy, you know. I like to be loyal to
the guys in my band and my wife, obviously, to
my kids, to the people that I sponsor, et cetera.
But it's like a lot of times I just expect

(26:40):
other people to treat me the same way I treat them,
and that doesn't This is not how the world happens sometimes.
You and I.

Speaker 2 (26:46):
I will always be indebted to John Kimball. You may
or may not know this. I used to work for
him at the VCR.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
Doctor you did.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
Yeah, I'll always give him love, and I'm doing it
right now. You and I, whoever's showing up for us,
who is giving us a shot, who believed us, who
loved us when we couldn't love our else, we were
indebted to them, exactly, a lot of cats don't get
that way, dude.

Speaker 1 (27:04):
Back in the VCR days, I have this one fucking
porn video that got stuck in my VCR because it
was just one scene I'd rewind and watch over and over,
and John Kimball was my first call. I'm like, bro,
can you fix my VCR right, it stuck. Yeah, he's
the best. He's the best. God bless you, John, Big
love for you, brother, Big love for you.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
So okay, right, you get through the steps, you get
through that, you've ten, eleven and twelve.

Speaker 1 (27:33):
But what's it like? You're in your first year? So brite?
Howll are you twenty one? Right?

Speaker 2 (27:37):
So you're at meetings, You're next to guys and fucking arrows.
I mean, cats are successful and how are you just
kind of what do you well?

Speaker 1 (27:45):
How do you like?

Speaker 2 (27:46):
What's your attitude is like I'm going to keep doing
my music or it will never happen for me, or
what's going through?

Speaker 1 (27:51):
I was a punisher in the beginning, Dude, I was
a punisher and I didn't know. I didn't know the
idea of anonymity. I didn't know the idea of like
it's a sacred space and I'm in a meeting. It's
sacred and it's safe for people to share whatever's going on,
because if you share your pain, it gets cut in half.
You share your joy and it doubles. That's the rule.
And it's like I used to go and punish some
of these rock stars and be like I'm Blader show tonight,

(28:13):
here's a flyer. I would punish them, and it's like
it never works. Yeah, that shit never works. When I'm
hustling out a meeting, this just doesn't work. And I
figure that out, and I just focused on me, my
side of the street. I focused on what I needed
to do to make shit happen. And it didn't happen
in my terms, because, like I said, that metal band,

(28:34):
it felt like we were I mean, Tommy Lee produced
our album and he was the greatest. He taught me
how to be a producer. He would sit there and
just I remember he had a lighter. He smoked cigarettes
and he'd light his farts on fire in the middle
of a session. It would I'd laugh, we'd laugh hysterically,
and we just had the best time making music. So
I had that experience and it was great. And like

(28:54):
I said, we had all these legendary pearl jam open
for us. Dude, it was wild. But it's like it
wasn't meant to be for me. I had to go
back to selling shoes, and without that shoe store, it
wouldn't have worked out the way that it was worth.
Exactly me being in this band where I was the
leader writing the songs, it wouldn't have worked out that way.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
The Doc Martin's metaphor is super powerful for me because
it's about you making a bet on yourself.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
And I said it when we were blessed to have
you here.

Speaker 2 (29:22):
The trick is, you got to put whatever version, whatever
your metaphor is. You got to put the fucking cassette
in the dot, whatever that is for you. You gotta
fucking do that, and what happens next none of our business.
Correct you do that, you get sign shit's popping off.
Let's go from there. Let's walk our life through there.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
Now, Yeah, let's I mean, they say you can't lock
yourself in a closet and pray for a sandwich. You
got to make the sandwich. You can't like I mean,
it's the same thing with a lot of artists these days.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
Man.

Speaker 1 (29:48):
They make music, They make all this music, and they
won't put it out because they're scared it's not gonna
go viral or it's not going to be successful. But
you got to put it out there. You have to
start somewhere like whatever it is, put it out to
the world and let it be what it is because
it's your It comes from you anyway, you know. So
in the beginning, it was like, I mean, it started,

(30:09):
you know, with a little I had a twelve track recorder,
the Akai twelve track, and I just like would record it.
I played the drums. I would do everything myself, and
I'd look for a band. I found my drummer he
was working with my best friend at Starbucks. My my
bass player worked with me at Nanna the shoe store,
and my guitar player was my old guitar tech from
the Electric Loveog. So it all kind of came together

(30:30):
just through these relationships that I had. And it was
like I listened to kay Rock every day. Back then,
k Rock was the I mean it was really the blueprint.
Every station in the country played whatever k Rock played right,
and I would listen to it and I'd like, you know,
be so stoked to hear Penny Wise and Green Day
and Rantsid all my favorite bands at the time. I
had this Dodge Colt that I bought for one hundred

(30:52):
dollars from my grandma with the It had the fuzzy
steering wheel around it and I'd torn it off. It
was all super glue. So in the summer here my
hands would get stuck to the steering wheel like it
was awesome, man. But I had all my no effects
and bad religion bumper stickers on the back driving around Hollywood.
And then one day, you know, right after I met

(31:13):
that guy, I was still doing my two weeks at
Nana for to get out of there, and I heard
my song on K Rock one day and I remember
I pulled over and I was like, wow, I made it.
I was like wow. And I wish, to be honest,
I wish today i'd still you know, I could still like,
you know what I mean, good job, buddy, But I

(31:34):
don't know. The more the more success that I've gotten,
the less I give myself a break. It's a weird thing.
Back then, it was like that was the goal and
I had made it, and I gave myself a pat
on the back. And I was like listening to them
before were they going to say afterwards? Were they going
to shout out the band? Were they going to do whatever?
But it's like, you know, I just remember sitting in

(31:56):
my car going I've made it. I'm on k Rock. Wow.
You know, that was the beginning of the journey man
for me. And then, you know, for me. It was
about touring because I wanted to play my songs in
front of people and have them sing the words back
to me that I wrote in my bedroom, you know
what I mean. That's what I wanted. And a lot
of artists today, man, they just want to go viral
or have a big TikTok moment and be able to

(32:18):
sit in their room and film themselves. And it's just
so different. I mean, the bands that are successful now
still do the same thing that I did. Get in
a van, go play a show in front of five people.
The next year you're playing in front of ten. Next
year you're playing in front of one hundred, and you
build an audience. It's the same shit. All the great
bands today, Turnstile, Knock Loose. All these bands are touring,

(32:39):
they're doing the work, and it's like I want to sometimes,
I want to shake these kids and go get on
the road. You don't need to be in the studio
and write a hundred songs for a record. Go get
on the road. And that's what I did. Right. We
hold the world's record for most shows played from a
touring band. In nineteen ninety six, we played three hundred
and eighty five shows. In nineteen ninety six we played.
We play a lot of time show days. We had

(33:01):
two days off that year. Killed my knees, but it
was so worth it. Man. We're in the Ginness Book
of World Records for most shows played. I did not
know that.

Speaker 2 (33:09):
Yeah, buddy, why what was going through you? Just you
loved playing? It was just what was going on?

Speaker 1 (33:13):
It was. It was a combination of how did you
get the band to say fuck? Okay? Yeah? We had
a manager that just put the hammer down. Man. He
was like, because you know, he's making twenty percent. So
I mean, unbeknownst to me as I was a kid
just like out there and I just didn't want to
go back to selling shoes, man, I didn't want. I
was like, if I have an opportunity to play and
play a show, why would I say no. I'm gonna

(33:36):
say yes. And I'm a single guy out there just
you know, meeting girls and playing my songs and going
to radio stations promoting it. And it was amazing. But
there was also this thing of like a lot of
these bands have been doing it for you know, bad religion.
We're doing it since you know, the early eighties, and
I come along in ninety four, and there was this
idea of the sellout thing. We're on MTV, we're on

(33:58):
the radio, and so some of our peers are like,
who the fuck are these guys coming Goldfinger coming out
of nowhere? They're on the radio. Part of it, they're like,
why aren't we on the radio. The other part of
it is like did they earn their stripes? And so
there's this undercurrent of like, still, am I good enough?
Did I make it? Am I? Is it enough? That
whole thing right right?

Speaker 2 (34:17):
What was it like for you when when you heard
your lyrics come back towards you on stage?

Speaker 1 (34:23):
Oh dude, when I that song here in your bedroom
was the first song that got on the radio, right, Yeah,
that was that was the first one. That was the
first one. And it was like and I had written
that song on God, it was New Year's Day. I
worked with this girl at Nana and I'd had a
crush on her for like six months and we finally
hooked up New Year's Eve and I wrote the song

(34:44):
the next day, you know, in ten minutes. I just
wrote it about the experience that I had, you know,
and it was like, I just, well, you have changed
because I still feel the same whenever we stop and
the crowd sings that moment back. I'm like, dude, there's
nothing better, there's nothing better. Oh you put me right there? Wow?

(35:05):
Nothing better? Wow. Wow. You still get a rush off
it when you're doing that, crazy dude, Like, I mean,
ninety four, so what is that thirty one years later
in twenty twenty five, Like we sold out this East
Coast run we're doing next month. It was like we're
still playing two to three thousand sedars. It's like, I mean,
my life is beyond anything I could have imagined. I'm

(35:28):
going to Australia next month for all these big festival
shows in front of fifty thousand people with Tool which
is funny, and Weezer, all my homies. It's gonna be great.
It's gonna be fucking great, and there's gonna be those
moments of them singing back the shit, and I just
you know, I don't ever want to take it for granted. Ever. Yeah,
that's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (35:47):
When when in your career did you realize I think
I'm not going to sell shoes again. I get that
that's a real right today, just big hair seat, I'll
be with you, yeah today I finally made it.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
Yeah, good for you. Yeah No, I don't know. It's
a I mean, look, the journey. The journey really is
the prize because I've been nominated for a couple of Grammys.
I've I've got so I've got so many plaques on
the wall from golden platinum albums. I've had so much
success in my life. But it's like it's it's a mirage. Man.

(36:27):
It's like, because I used to think as a kid,
when I get to hear and there was that moment
on K Rock where I really felt like I had
accomplished something. But it's like once you get somewhere, then
you're like, look, and how do you keep it? And
there's all these guys underneath you, just like trying to
pull you off the ladder to get to your spot,
and it's like, how do I keep it? But if
that's my if that's my whole modus opera anddi or whatever,

(36:49):
then what's the point. It's got to be about the journey,
you know, because when it's me and a guitar in
my bedroom and I got some chords that I like
and a melody comes to my head and I got
a concept for a song. I'm not anywhere else. I'm
not thinking about when's the next platinum record, when's the
next Grammy nomination. I'm just in that moment. That journey

(37:09):
is what matters.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
Man.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
Yeah, right on.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
Wow, Wow, the audience, I'm assuming we'll want to know.
You're a young guy, good looking guy. Finally these shows.
How are you staying sober? How did you stay sober
during that time? How did you stay grounded? How did
you stay of service back then? Dude, I just like
so many stories. I remember at nine months sober, I

(37:34):
was I saw this guy that I had slept with
his girlfriend and he was in a band with me
back in the olden days, and I'm like, I'm just
going to make amends. But I wasn't there, I wasn't
ready yet, but I'm like, in my head, I'm going
to make amends. I didn't talk to John, I didn't
do anything. I just like went up to the guy
I'm like, and he was the bartender at the party,
and I just go, hey, man, I'm sober now and
I just want to say I'm sorry for sleeping with

(37:55):
your girlfriend. And he didn't know I had slept with
his girlfriend, and I go, can I get a club soda.
I mean, like, whatever, the wrong way to do that?
I did it the wrong way. Yeah, So he goes,
no problem.

Speaker 1 (38:07):
Bro turns around because he gets this club soda and
pours a bunch of vodka in it, and I didn't
know right hands it to me and I go, thanks, Bro,
and I take a sip and I immediately I felt
the burning in my mouth and I spit it out immediately,
and I'm like shit. I called John Kimball from the party.
I'm like, John, this is what happened. What did I do?
He goes day one and he hung up the phone

(38:28):
because he's a funny guy. It wasn't day one because
obviously my intention wasn't to drink, and I didn't drink it,
but it was still like a big kind of like
how am I going to do this in the real world?
Like how is it going to happen? And I go
on tour. I mean, I remember we had a meeting
in another band's dressing room and we're halfway through the
meeting and I look down at the table and there's

(38:48):
a bunch of lines drawn out and we're in the
middle of a five person little meeting. I'm like, oh shit,
there's fucking cocaine right here, and uh, we went to
another room immediately. There was another time in Saint Louis
when I was trying to you know, I was been
with my wife for maybe like five years or something.
And I come off stage and I go, uh, the

(39:09):
pageant in Saint Louis and I go back to the
dressing room. Everyone's on stage, like, you know, meeting fans
or doing whatever. I just wanted a shower and there's
these two strippers in the in the shower naked, and
they just look at me and they start making out.
And I see on the table they'd drawn out a
bunch of lines of cocaine and they just go like
this to me into the shower. I just look at them.

(39:29):
I turn around and I walked out. I don't know where,
like because that is not my instinct. That is not
my instinct. I mean, I'm still like a dude, you know.
And it's like the idea of monogamy, Like if I
was a penguin and my partner died, like I'm gonna
be monogamous. But I'm a human and humans aren't built
to be monogamous. So those kind of decisions. When I

(39:50):
look back, I go, there is a higher power working
in my life that just turned me around and got
me the fuck out of that dangerous situation.

Speaker 2 (39:58):
Wow, that year that you set the world's record, how
were you going to meetings?

Speaker 1 (40:02):
How did you take care of yourself though? Man? Or
were you not taking care of yourself? I was one
hundred percent. I have been to a meeting every day
for thirty six years. Every day, no matter what, I'll
do a sound check, go to a six pm meeting,
go to the show at eleven. I mean, no matter
what it is a no matter what. My fucking I
did not know that, no matter no matter what. Every

(40:23):
time you figure out in the city. I got it
set up before. Back in the old days, I did
phones at Central Office and they had the lized all
the the you know, I'd have it in my pocket.
Where do I go? Before there was the internet, I
just knew exactly where I was going to go before
I got there every time.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
Yeah, beautiful, that's important, that's super Yeah. I remember when
I was traveling in Europe and before the internet, the
international directory, and you would go and you'd try to
figure it in the meeting. It had been there three
years and it just you figure it out. You figure
figure out, you got another one. You see the logo
and you got it.

Speaker 1 (40:54):
You got it.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
That's I did not know that. Good for you, man,
Good for you. When did you realize? When did you
put your producer hat on? When did you cross over?
And when did you realize? Like, oh fuck, I enjoy this.
I only do I enjoy it. I'm really good at it.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
Yeah. I had produced my own band, so I kind
of figured out just by trial and error, what any
que is, what a compressor is. Like I would just
move the knobs until it sounded right to me, you know,
And I would figure out microphones and what sounded good
on my voice and what sounded good on the other
guys in my band. You know. I kind of like
just did it trial by error. I was self taught.

(41:29):
And you know, I'd found this band messed from this
band's show off from Chicago, and I was like, I
knew I could make them sound better. I knew I
could do with my experience making my own records. I
knew I could make their shit sound better. And I did,
And I was like, this is so fun, Like not
having to worry about how's the song going to go

(41:49):
over live for me? How am I going to sing
it live? Is it in the right key for me?
I'm just working for writing for somebody else, producing for
somebody else. And it was just like I had no
idea that people even could do this for a living,
Like I wasn't looking when I was a kid producer
credits on albums's listen to the music? So the Used
was the the Used Blue. I mean they really changed

(42:11):
the world. I mean they kind of. I mean there
were bands. There was a band called The Refuse that
the Used were really influenced by, and there was definitely
bands like AFI that were doing screaming music. But the
way Bert's the singer sings like Michael Jackson and then
was able to scream like he's being murdered. Like I'd
never heard anything like it. It didn't exist. And he

(42:33):
created this whole genre from the first album that we
made together, and it was like everywhere I went there
like people would be like, how'd you get that snare
drum sound? How'd you record his vocals? What we're using
as a compressor? And it became this thing that I'm like,
holy shit, people are paying attention people are paying attention
to the way I make records, right. You know, I
remember this band bringing me the Horizon. The first time

(42:55):
I met Ali, the singer, he was like, dude, the
used album changed. I mean, they're like one of the
biggest rocks in the world. They do two nights in
the forum. They're massive, and they're like that first US
record changed my life, everything about it. So that's when
I knew I needed to And you know, Goldfinger kind
of like plateaued. Like it's not that we never became
you know, Green Day or Blink, which were are kind
of you know, cohorts. When we were coming up. They

(43:17):
became these stadium bands, and we kind of stayed at
like a bigger club level. And I'm like, if I
want to have kids, if I want to do this,
maybe I can check this thing out and see what happens.

Speaker 2 (43:27):
Oh right, So you were you were humble enough and
sober enough to go. It's been a great run. We're
probably not going to be like our brother's Green Day.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
I got it. I'm gonna figure something out here. Yeah,
I mean, ultimately, the messaging I got as a kid
was when God closes the door, he closes all the
fucking doors. Right, that was the messaging I got. It's like,
but I found out that, like it's not that way,
and it's like, do I want to live in this
little mousehole that I'm living in, like you know eking

(43:54):
you know eking by and you know, kind of paying
the mortgage or there's this huge door open and with
all these bands that want me to produce them, like
what do I want to do?

Speaker 2 (44:04):
Right?

Speaker 1 (44:05):
And it was like, I mean at that point, I'd
had a herning a disc in my neck from going
I go we Go Crazy Live, I'd tore my acl,
I've had four surgeries on my knees. You know, we're
talking fifteen years into my career in the band, and
it's like, how is this sustainable as we go forward?
So how I made it sustainable is now we play
forty shows a year and I just do weekend stuff

(44:26):
and I produce records the rest of the time. And
it did It all worked out better than I can imagine?
It all worked out better? Right? I had no idea,
right right right when they told me, dude, maybe you
should be DJ Felchman when fucking Skrillics was blowing up,
maybe you should go do it be a DJ. I'm like, bro,
I'm not I'm not a DJ. It's not my it's
not me. I got to be true to myself, man.

Speaker 2 (44:50):
And you just start taking the action people found you. Yeah, right,
you're good away. I mean, it's really how long has
that been now that you've actually been.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
I mean I started producing, Yeah, twenty five years ago. Wow,
so it's been a while. It's been a while. Yeah.
Your wife, Yeah, you've been married for how long? I've
been married for twenty six years? We got together twenty
nine years ago. How have you stayed married? We don't
want a divorce on the same day, because there are

(45:19):
definitely days I wanted to end, and there's definitely days
she wants it to end, but it hasn't been on
the same days. So on the days that I want
it to end, she'll convince me why we got to stay.
And I mean, the main thing is contrary action, you know,
because the honeymoon phase, no matter who you are, it
dissipates and it becomes real and you got real problems,
you know, with you know, jobs and mortgage and money,

(45:42):
and then you got kids and you got all that
stuff going on, and it's like, so when I what
I've been suggested, which is the hardest thing in the world,
is to give her a foot massage. When I want
to leave the marriage, man, do the opposite, yeah, buy
erfly when I want to you know after. I mean, look,

(46:03):
we don't really fight anymore. We get in a little
like TIFFs, but we've been i mean five years marriage.
We were definitely like it was a struggle. I was
working with this one girl, this pop star, and and
you know, she was eight months pregnant, and it was
like and I was having all sorts of fucking you know,
like should I maybe pursue this twenty five year old pops?

(46:25):
I mean, I was definitely thinking like maybe there's a
little of freebie there an out and she knew, and
she knew that I was like, you know, kind of
crushing and and it was awful. I felt so guilty
and nothing happened. I never cheated or anything like that.
It was just in my head and I never like
put it out there to this other girl or anything.

(46:45):
But but my wife was like, so, I mean I
would I would be too, I'd be like, fuck, you know,
but we're on I'm only human. I'm human first. But
even before I'm alcoholic and I have human fucking thoughts
all the time, and I didn't act on them. And
we made it through. But it was really touch and
go there for a minute, and I mean a lot.

(47:06):
I mean in the end, I love my wife, I
really do. But love is an action, man, and I
have to act it. I have to buy her flowers.
I got to keep writing songs about her. I got
to keep putting poems under her pillow and rubbing her
feet and all the shit that I don't want to
do because when I don't feel it, it's hard to
do it. But when I do it, I feel it.
I feel more in love with her when I take

(47:28):
the action. Amen, brother, right on. What do you love
the most about her? I mean, she's so beautiful. She's
so loyal man. It's like she would die for me
and she would die for our kids, you know. And
the idea that like, I have someone that knows me
inside and out, knows all of my defects and still
loves me. She's so easy going man. It's like I

(47:51):
am such a high madenance dude. I need so much
all the time, just attention and I just need to work.
I need all this shit and she's just there. You know,
she's there. Yeah, beautiful.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
You had a daughter when you were seventeen. I did,
and then you didn't talk to the daughter until you're
five years or three year sober?

Speaker 1 (48:10):
Is that right? Five years sober? So I was twenty.
I was twenty six when I talked about that healing. Yeah, man,
who she Yeah? She was five or maybe eight eight
when I met her. And I had so much guilt
and shame about it because I wasn't there and I
had a kid. I was sixteen when she got pregnant,
so I was just a kid, man. I mean, I

(48:32):
took her to the boardwalk in Santa Cruz, who went
on a bunch of rides. And I've never been so
terrified in my life, and I've done a lot of
scary things. That was the most terrified I've ever been.
I didn't know what I was going to talk about
with an eight year old kid. I didn't hang out
with kids. I didn't have all my friends were still
single at the time, and no one had kids.

Speaker 2 (48:48):
Man.

Speaker 1 (48:48):
And I just kept saying this one prayer over and
over in my head, and just get me through the
next minute, get me to the next minute, and that's
what I did. And then I was suggested to go
visit her on her birthday, to give her presents on
Christmas and just to be part of her life. And
what happened is we became friends and started talking, and

(49:11):
you know, I was touring all the time, and we
talk and I found out her favorite band was Hansen,
which whatever wouldn't have been I mean this boy band
back in the nineties. And so Goldfinger ended up playing
Top of the Pops in Germany, this big, big TV show,
and on the same show that we were on, Hanson
was on it, right, so I go knock on their

(49:31):
door because I knew, you know, a living amend is
when these opportunities come available to you, don't take it
for granted. Her favorite guy was Taylor, the sweetest kid.
He answers the door, and I go, hey, man, I
have a daughter that you're you're her favorite person on
the planet. Is there any way you could leave a
message or call her? So we just called her and

(49:53):
he left a message on her answering machine because she
was at school because of the time difference from Germany.
Her mom gets home, gets the message from the answer machine,
calls the school. The principal plays the message over the
loudspeaker for the whole school to hear, right, she says,
she starts hysterically crying, tells me the story. Later, hysterically crying,

(50:14):
falls out of her chair, and she says, to this day,
I was the best moment of my life. And she's
got three kids. So it's like these moments, dude, that
you're able to get, you know, I would have missed
it all, Yeah, missed it all. I would have missed
it all. Stay with this. What it means to be
a sober father? For you? What have you had to

(50:36):
learn to be a sober father? What does that mean? Accountable?
Mainly that I'm that. I'm just I'm there. I had
My oldest daughter is now forty two. She's got three kids,
and it's like they're the most beautiful family ever. And
I have a beautiful family, and theirs is so beautiful.
She has three daughters and the youngest, who's raised does

(51:00):
these silk things where I don't know if you've seen
these gymnastic silk things.

Speaker 2 (51:04):
I love.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
Yeah, And she's incredible, And it's like I remember my
parents told me, like at the time when they found
out that this girl was pregnant, this twenty one year
old girl when I was sixteen, and they said, just
ignore it, It'll go away. That was the best they
could do, the best advice they could give me. And

(51:25):
I remember thinking, you know, when my daughter got pregnant
when she was eighteen, my first thought was, you know,
you're gonna be You're gonna miss out on all this life.
You're gonna you know that. I thought it was the
right thing to do, give her my opinion, But what
I ended up saying to her was how going to
be a service? Yeah? Wow, how can I be a
service to you? And I mean, it's the best thing.

(51:48):
I remember. When Reagan was a little girl, they came
to visit me, and you know, I was, I mean,
I became a grandpa when I was you know, thirty seven.
Lot of judgment against myself and what that meant and
what it looked like. And I remember holding her hand
going to ice cream. She was five, and I just

(52:12):
I just was holding her hand, and you know, my
kids were older than and I just asked her, I said,
do you like coming to Los Angeles to visit us?
And she said, yeah, she goes, I love Los Angeles
and I said, why do you love Los Angeles? And
she said, because you're here. No, Wow, because you're here.

(52:35):
And man, I would have given it all up. I
would have given it all up when I was a kid,
you know, thinking any of my life was a solution
to my problems. This life that I have is just incredible,
and being a father is the best thing I've ever
done ever in my life. My son's twenty, you know,

(52:57):
all he wanted to do was get into Chapman College
after high school. That's all he wanted to do. And uh,
you know, he didn't get in. He applied, he didn't
get in. And I shared about it at a meeting.
I said, I said, my son couldn't couldn't get into college.
And uh, I was just sharing because I was in pain.
And my son wasn't hurt you. It hurt you that

(53:17):
he was sad at the man, I feel everything he feels.
He's part of me. And I shared it at a meeting.
And you know, if I share my panic, it's cut
in half. If I share my joy at doubles, And
I was just sharing to get through the pain. And
uh it this friend of mine, this friend of mine
at the time who was in the you know, pornography business,
because we know all types in the met in the rooms.

(53:39):
And it's like, uh. He calls me afterwards, he goes, Dude,
I know a professor a Chapman And I'm like, no,
you don't. You should know a professor. Turns out he did,
and UH put me in touch with this guy, Joe R.
And Uh. I took him out to lunch and told
him my story and he said, let me see what

(54:01):
I can do. I wrote a letter to Emissions on
my son's behalf after I met my son, and he
got my son in. He's been in there now. This
is uh, you know, he's almost done with his third
semester at Chapman. And it's like it's like I could
connect the dots looking backwards, but I can't see the future.
I don't have a crystal ball. I had no idea

(54:22):
this was how the journey was going to go. But
everything works out better than I can imagine.

Speaker 2 (54:26):
I just can't. I just can't pick up. I just
can't use can't pick up. What you probably don't know
is I helped Joe or get sober. So God bless
him for carrying the message to your beautiful boy. Yeah, yeah,
great guy, Yeah, beautiful. I want to go into your routine,
your spiritual routine, and I'll do some rapid fire yeah,

(54:46):
and then we can call it a day.

Speaker 1 (54:47):
Sick. What's your how do you what's your routine? How
do you get right with truth? And moory? What do
you do? I know you call your coal plunch guy? Right, yeah,
all right, lay it down. I'll wake up five am,
thirty seven degree cold plunge three minutes, say I love
my life out loud, make my coffee, go on a meeting,

(55:08):
say my third step prayer, Ask God to keep me
sober today. You know, I don't really meditate. I did
about five years of vedic meditation. Jeff Kober taught me
how to meditate. Give me a mantra twenty minutes in
the morning, twenty minutes in the afternoon. It was a
good time in my life, but I kind of fizzled

(55:28):
off it. And to be honest, I don't really miss it.
Got it right? This is are right on and you
don't miss a day on this to you, no, exactly right. Never.
I work out every day too, every day, no matter.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
What workout beautiful, beautiful, are you ready, yeah, little rapid fire.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
Yeah. First song that made you say I'm doing this
for life that I wrote or someone else. Either way,
I don't care. Riley the Who Yeah yeah Wow. Three
words to the describe Goldfinger's DNA energy Energy Energy fuck yeah.

(56:06):
Most underrated Goldfinger track, pick a fight. Wow, favorite lyric
you've ever written? One line? Only Here, I am doing
everything I can, holding onto what I am pretending I'm
a superman. I'll say it again, that's how bug again.
Here I am doing everything I can, holding on to

(56:27):
what I am pretending I'm a superman.

Speaker 2 (56:31):
Warped to her memory in one word, chaos. Best crowd
you've ever felt under your feet.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
Oh, that's got to be recently. Man probably warped tour
twenty twenty five. Man this year. Just seeing forty thousand
people running around on the biggest circle pit I've ever seen.
That was incredible. Open. You know when we we played,
we headline this festival in ninety six called the hf
Festival in DC and we had to play last. So

(57:01):
it was no doubt the Foo Fighters Goldfinger headlining, and
it was like sixty thousand people jumping. That was a
moment too.

Speaker 2 (57:10):
Ooh oo oo oh beautiful, beautiful, most How's this, how'ses
my life in studio moment.

Speaker 1 (57:18):
Brendan Yuri panic at the disco, getting him on the
mic and just freestyling Freddie Mercury, Oh fucking Freddy. Wow.
Travis Barker story in ten seconds sitting in the back
of the bus when his old band, The Aquabats was

(57:40):
opening for Goldfinger. He was still in the Aquabats, talking
about the Descendants tattoo on his leg and talking about
both of our girlfriends at the time, saying we're going
to marry these girls.

Speaker 2 (57:50):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (57:51):
Just him and I old school Wow. Wow. Ban you
wish you could have produced Deftones my chemical romance. I
was offered both. Wow. Wow. Pre show ritual, we do
a circle, say a prayer. I have throw kot, I
have a entertainer secret throats, pray, always pray, always pray,

(58:13):
and I ask God to walk in the room before
I do. Beautiful new band. Everyone should know hot box?
What is it? Hot box? Hot epic new metal band? Okay.
One thing fans always get right about you? I have
web toes. What's one thing they always get wrong? That

(58:35):
that I am an angry guy.

Speaker 2 (58:38):
Wow, that's biggest shift. In music since you started computers.
Sobriety in one sentence, I mean I have to put
it first.

Speaker 1 (58:52):
Yeah, that's great. The text you send a brother who's struggling,
it's going to work out better than you can possibly imagine. Daily,
non negotiable for your mental health. Cole Plan's workout. One
belief you've outgrown that I'm not enough. Finish the line, buddy.
At the end of the day, music is a spiritual

(59:13):
journey right on. Oh that's so great, dude. Final thoughts
for the audience, anything you want to drop on everybody.
Just don't ever give up, man, Just don't ever give up.
Keep going no matter what. Just keep going. You know,
if you're struggling, if you're a songwriter, if you're a producer,
you get it wrong one day, you'll get it right
the next. I promise. Just keep going, Just keep going,
don't quit. Thanks for driving over the hill, Thanks for

(59:36):
making time, Thanks for bringing me. Thanks. Yeah, I love
you the best. I love you too.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
The Sales Show is a production of iHeart Podcasts, hosted
by me Cina McFarlane, produced by pod People and twenty
eighth av Our. Lead producer is Keith carlik Our Executive
Cruiser is Lindsey Hoffman. Marketing lead is Ashley Weaver. Thank
you so much for listening. We'll see you next week.