November 27, 2024 • 69 mins
Malik Pointer, part of the legendary Pointer family, shares his journey through the challenges and privileges of growing up within a musical dynasty. Malik opens up about the resilience it took to overcome a turbulent childhood and find purpose in recovery. With raw honesty, he reflects on the impact of community, faith, and staying true to the path of sobriety.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm a ghetto ass motherfucker. I'm up there in black leather,
bell bottomed snowboarding right and walking around her coat just however,
you could visualize the shit just way wrong, walking around
and people are making phone calls. My dad had my
mom on the street, so my mom ended up being
(00:20):
a pop star, but she used to be a prostitute.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
This fucking guy, four years old, five years old started hard.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
What happened to him? Like? What the fuck? What was
he running from? Why was he so scared?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Why was he putting all these shit in his body
at such a young age.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Welcome back to the SINO Show. I'm your host Seil McFarlane.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Today we've got a guess one of the most iconic
music families in history.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
She straight up right, I'm gonna go come on now,
come on, come on, ha ha.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
But I mean I known this brother for thirty years.
He's one of the most soulful, funky. He's a Stone
Colt juggie, He's a grifter. He figured it out. We're
gonna talk about so many different about a lover of recovery.
When you talk about community, about Miles Davis, flying the
Family Stone Black Panthers.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Yes, yes to it. Brother, there we are. I'm sitting
here looking at the picture of Miles over there. What
a character, right, I mean, like just amazing, amazing, amazing. Uh,
thanks for having me here. Yeah, you know, uh, but
go ahead. I I don't even know where to start.
I uh, I put my sunglasses on because I don't
whoever watches it, I just want them to get jealous,
(01:37):
you know what I mean? These are the Steve McQueen, Elvis,
who else step McQueen, Elvis, Bruce Lee. Oh, those are
the main guys that I saw growing up, wearing the
you and you can pull it off love and that
drama that kicked off with Kanye when he said whatever
he said about George, but he was wearing a these two.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Yeah, but why don't we just do this, Why don't
we start little history where he came from?
Speaker 3 (02:07):
All that matter.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I was born in Oakland four and a half. My
family moves to Saucelito, Okay. So yeah, and like I
always say this, you know, it's Tupac lived in sauce Alito,
but he lived in Morenz City and Moren City was
(02:33):
the ghetto of Sace Alto. Okay, So uh, there's Sace Alito,
Sauce Alto, and there's Moren City, and I'm not bagging
on the ghetto I lived. I hung out in Moren
City because that's where we went to church. And uh,
when I first got to Sacellito, I went to Saint
(02:54):
Hilary's and uh, then I started going to school Bayside
and a couple of other public schools because I got
kicked out of Saint Hilary's for fighting. It wasn't my fault,
like this kid, It wasn't it was it was. It
was a kindergarten to twelve grade school, so you know,
(03:17):
and this is during like that TV show Roots, So
there were like older kids that were just like Toby
Kunta Kinte. And this guy hit me over the head
with one of those pewter lunch trays. That's what the
lunch trays were. Then. They were pewter. They weren't even that.
Uh you know, they became like this classic thing later,
(03:39):
but when I was a kid, they were pewter. Right.
So I kicked the guy when he was drinking out
of a water faucet and knocked his teeth out. I
didn't mean to do it. I just you know what
I mean I didn't even I didn't even kick him
from a place of hurting them. He's drinking water and
I just kicked him in his butt. But it wasn't
I didn't make them hard to hurt him, and my
(04:02):
brain didn't go that could knock his teeth out, but
it knocked you know, all everything in the front out
right right. The guys way bigger than any things that happen,
way bigger than me. So I get kicked out of
the school for doing that, not him hitting me over
the head or whatever anyway, So yeah, and that was
(04:26):
the first time my mom got sued, uh so the
head none like, just wore my ass out with the
rulers for doing that to that kid. And when my
mom got back from tour, you could hear like, it's
like Saint Hilary's is at the top of this hill
(04:46):
in Timil and Tiberon, Okay and Maren and you could
hear her coming up the hill in the porst you're
just shifting, get fir. You can hear it coming right,
And when my mom got up there, you know, in
the fucking like. I guess black people can calm down
later in their money, but at this phase of it
(05:07):
from my mom. She showed up in the mink with
the glasses in the forest almost like oh yeah, I'm looking.
I'm Maleck Pointers mother, and I'm looking for the you
know whoever the head nun is that disciplined them, right,
And so they're like, oh yeah, this Pointer. Yes, And
when she goes, can I see the rulers that you
hit them with, just so that I could you know,
(05:28):
sacking all. You know, she got a hold of those
rulers and she beat she grabbed the nun and just
beat her all in the face okay, and trying to
hit her like no one was trying to get away,
just hitting her in the eyes and shit. So they
see the fucking shit out of my mom for that shit. Yeah,
get for mom to this day. Okay, Like the last
(05:51):
time I was in the Bay Area, well not the
last time, but a couple of decades ago, I'm Jaelank
at a bar in San Francisco talking to some guy
and somebody's like, dude, I hear your name is Malik.
Are you Malick Pointer, the one that your mom came
to the school and beat the lip and shit out
of you know what I mean? Anyways, my mom and
(06:14):
my family followed sly Stone, just sasci Leo, and then
sly Stone was like, I'm moving. I'm moving up to Nevado,
you know, getting some horses and some more land.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
He goes.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Plus, they won't sell me a house. Like he built
the record plane right there, right, the record plane is
like the album rumors. All these iconic records were recorded
at sly studio, but they wouldn't sell them the house.
He's like, at the time I was trying to buy
a house. I was the biggest artist on the planet.
(06:51):
And they were like, I don't know what to tell you.
We don't how many black people living in Sascilito, and
you will not be the first one wouldn't sell. And
the same thing happened with my family. So yeah, so
we moved out of Saucelito, and my mom we because
of work reasons. Everything was happening in Alay, like they
(07:15):
were doing like you know, Share and curbnet and all
their shows here right, so they were like, we need
to go down Alay. So my grandmother and my grandfather
we all stayed in moren but my mom and my
aunts moved down to La And then eventually when I
was like seventeen sixteen and a half. We moved to
(07:37):
Malaibu and it started all over again.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
It started all over again. Yeah, let me just go back.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah, yeah, because I think it's just like that's you know,
you're at that school already. You feel different, right, Me
and my sister and my cousin kindergarten in twelfth grade.
Three black people in the whole school. Three do you
understand two black residents in all of Sausalita?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Two? Okay, something like they know, like I was getting
at when I got to Malibu and Benveren and Miles
and whoopee, wasn't there yet, Ben Moraan, Miles Flip Wilson,
Lou Gossip and I ended up being remmased with Lou
(08:29):
Gasse at the carry unit. But they were like, you know,
Miles and Lou, they were like, just know, they know exactly,
not vaguely, exactly, how many black people live in Malibu.
Like nowadays, you see a Lambeau or this or whatever,
(08:52):
you see a black guy in it, you don't have
any idea who it is in the world that we
are in now. When I was a kid, you all
a Mercedes, a Lambeau, a fucking Jag twelve of Rolls
and you saw a black eye. You keep looking, You're like, Oh,
that's Kareem, Oh that's Cosby. Oh that's Flip. Oh that's
(09:17):
richeral pror Sydney on site. You know exactly who it is.
It's Jim Brown. It's not like I wonder who the
rich black person is. That's no, there's no such thing,
you know what I mean. So it's like I'm on
(09:38):
this new term with myself of like I grew up
as like this special nigga. Right, I was like the
special nigga, which I'll retarded as that shit. But everywhere
I went, there wasn't a feeling like I belonged there. Okay,
(10:00):
So that wasn't the feeling. And then other people, especially
if there were most places that you go, alcohol is involved.
Eventually someone's gonna get drunk and be like, who the
fuck is the nigga?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Who is he? Right?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
And then people you know that attitude of like I
don't know why he's here and why is he here?
And then someone's like, oh that's Malary Pointer. His mom's
want of the pointers. Oh I was hating no nigga,
and now I'm not because that's one of them special niggas.
There's a different type of nigga, right, And I'm like,
(10:36):
fucking kidding you. It's like I hate you, Okay, Okay,
you get a pass because you're not just a NIGGI.
You're like this other kind of nigga. And I'm like,
what the fuck is all that? And I'm also from
a time where I was raised to that's the feeling
(11:01):
I want to have. I don't even want to go
there if other niggas are there. Yeah, I want to
make sure I'm going to be the only negative. And
then unless I know who they are that's there, like
you're there for this reason, you're there for that reason.
So then me and my own people get addicted to
the same bullshit of like, oh, we're better. There is
(11:26):
no such thing as better. You're better because you actually
are better, but you can't actually be better than other
people by how you carry yourself as a human being
towards other people, you know what I mean, That's what
it really ends up being about. But I didn't know that.
So anyways, my friend Alan Kaufman, who was best friends
(11:49):
with Bruce Willis. Bruce Wallis had a birthday party. Yeah,
get your boy Malick to come up Sun Valley, Idaho.
Go up there players party, and then I'm walking down
the street. I'm in my I'm just get I'm a
ghetto ass motherfucker. I'm up there in black leather, bell
bottomed skip snowboarding right and walking around burd coat. Just however,
(12:15):
you could visualize the shit just way wrong, walking around
and people are making phone calls. Who the fuck is
that nigga? Right? And Willis is going crazy, just loving it,
Like dude, the phones are blowing up just because Malick's
walking down the street in a particular neighborhood. Did you
(12:38):
get off on that? See, this is the thing I wasn't.
I wasn't at the same time, but I didn't know
get it. I wasn't clear on what it was. Forever right,
they're making the calls, and Willis is just cracking up,
you know what I mean. But people are being weird,
you know, because no black people lived in this neighborhood
(12:58):
that he had his rancho, you know, like they know
everybody up there. So it's like the guy's just like
walking down the street like fucking like like he's lost
or something. What's he doing?
Speaker 3 (13:10):
You know?
Speaker 1 (13:10):
What I mean, because we keep account of our ship.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Yo, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I want people to know how you landed here. You
were born in addiction, you were born in trauma, but
also extraordinary distinction. Oh you got black pants, you've got
professors in your family, you've got pro athletes in your family.
But walk people through the early times. But you got
to talk about what it's protection program? Yeah yeah, yeah, okay,
so and then we'll work the come on it. So
(13:38):
before there were the Pointer sisters. My uncle was a professor,
you know, caught all over the Bay Area and befriended
Huey Newton. And the Pointers are in the first fifty Panthers, okay,
and everything's great. Then they start disagreeing on a bunch
(14:03):
of shit because shit started getting more violent. And Fritz
was like, no, it's about the education thing, you know,
kind of the di echonomy or something that's similar.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Is what Malcolm X went through with the Nation of Islam. Okay,
So Fritz is like, we should do education. It's not
about like grabbing guns and shit and kill Whitey and
all of that other shit. Like if you are educating,
you know what the fuck you're doing, then you don't
have to go that route. Hugh was like, you need
to chill right, even if you are right, let me
(14:40):
say it. Just go with the flow of whatever I say.
And Fritz would not stop and wouldn't shut up. Okay,
so you wouldn't bow down. So a bunch of panthers
broke into his classroom, stomped his face, crushed his job,
(15:00):
broke us back in two places simultaneously. While all of
that's going on, it's my aunt June's fifteenth birthday. She's
a virgin. She gets gang raped by fifteen panthers. That's
how she lost her virginity. Wow, so the baby's sister
of the Pointer sisters, that's how she lost her virginity.
That's what put us in the witness protection scenario where
(15:25):
you know, jag Or Hooper is calling Elton Pointer and
he's like, do you want to help us with the situation?
You know what I mean? So our whole family has
to go to Orenda Hills, which is northern California, Flornia Hills,
and we're in witness protection. Years later, all this witness
protection shit is coming up with like you know, Gotti
(15:49):
and send me the bull, and I'm going, oh, shit,
I've been in witness protection, do you know what I mean?
But like, yeah, the guys with the glasses, they all
come to the school in their life on and Jada
and Mallik, let's go jump in the car because he
put the Panthers put a hit on the entire Pointer family.
And I've never in my life heard anyone say anything
(16:09):
negative that's black about the Panthers, right, Like, I got
love for the concept of the Panthers, but they fucked
our family royally, you know. And so my aunt Bonnie
went and got June after all of this happened, and
started doing backgrounds for film More West. There's a film
(16:32):
more Eastern New York. There's one in Cresco, and so
that's on fool Around and Failed, And that's them, that's
June and Bonnie doing the backgrounds, not the Pointer sisters,
just those two. And then they did a Chicago does
anybody really know what time it is? And then they
(16:55):
did I Wonder under under who Boss gags? So they're
just my first my first time, Yeah, fucking right, goddamn no,
get this ship, bro, I'm fucking like this song. Every
time I heard it, it hit me a certain way
(17:17):
and I'm like, why is it hitting me a certain
way even though it's dope as fuck. I'm at the
IVY maybe ten years ago right talking to my aunt
and she's just going down all the songs she sang
backup on and she's like, yeah, that's me on Lowdown,
And I was like, what do you what lowdown? What
do you mean? She's like, boss Ad. I was like,
(17:37):
are you fucking serious right now?
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
She's like, oh, honey, we did everybody shit fucking guilty.
Barbara Streis say it, h yeah, STRAI said it with
Barry Gibb. Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Yeah. So my mom ends up marrying Dennis Edwards and
that's the guy that replaced David Ruffin. Okay. David Ruffan
is the original lead singer of the Temptations, and the
world was like, oh dude, the Temp's lost to David Ruffin.
They're done. It's over done. And then the first single
(18:16):
is Papa was a Rolling Stone. They're like, oh my god,
they're not done. So the world loved Dennis right, even
David had love for Dennis. Like everybody was like, we
can't believe that you were able to hold that up
where we didn't like go, there's no comparison. That sucks,
(18:37):
you know. So as a kid, my mom was doing
that whole scene in the Bay Area. As far as
like the gay movement in San Francisco at that time, right,
the Pointer Sisters were part of this theater group called
the the Cockettes. Okay, just a bunch of flaming dudes.
(19:01):
They were like, oh, we love these My mom's six
to one, right and they all wore the highest platforms.
They can get the mill one hands off. They were like,
we love these big black bitches, right, So they just
fucking r adopted them, right wow. In that click is
Gus van Zant, John Waters, Kenny ortega uh and whenever
(19:27):
Warhol was in on the West coast, So they ended
up in this click up in the Bay Area, right wow. Yeah,
So that crew was able to talk the city of
San Francisco into having a band at the San Francisco
(19:47):
Opera House never had a band ever, only classical music,
that's it. But those gay guys that ran San Francisco
were like, we want the Pointer Sisters at the Opera House.
So the first band anything like that that ever played
(20:08):
the Opera House was the Pointer Sisters, which is insane beautiful.
You know the T shirt that's a tuxedo, but it's
a T shirt. It's created for that show. Didn't exist
until that day.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Oh wow.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Yeah. And the reason is the Opera House is a
jacket required only venue, and somebody came up with that.
So in seventy three or whatever it is, right early seventies,
it's like, oh, these hippie looking people are showing up
and they don't have a jacket. You put on one
of these T shirts and now you're wearing a fucking
(20:46):
tuxedo and the back of it is like overall, so
it's like Dnim overalls on the back, but it's a
tuxedo in the front. Yeah my god.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Yeah. So remember that song one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
eleven twelve Sesame Street of course I do. That's me,
my sister and my cousin and the point of sisters.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Yeah. Wow man, yeah, beautiful stuff.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Huh yeah history. Yeah. So yeah, the Dennis Edwards scenario
brings in. At that time. You have a you got
Jim Brown, Ali, Malcolm Kareem, all of these guys are
(21:32):
talking to each other because they're like, jump on this movement.
In this whole thing, the civil rights. There's like an
energy going on, right, and so they want everyone that
has a lot of influence and star power and that
whole thing. They want everybody to be a part of it.
So Dennis was in that, you know, because he's the
(21:56):
lead singer of the Temptations. So it just brought uh
and plus my mom and my aunts went to Africa
when uh, I'll there right yeah, so and and like
I've never had anything belove for you on site, like
you've been so inclusive and because I'm a chronic re laughs,
(22:22):
fucking just weak hardude, Like I'm coming up on seven
and a half, like I'll be eight in February. So
but I'm just in and out and in and out.
And your love has always been consistent, like I don't
care to sit fuck down, you know what I mean.
And uh, it's it's not that way with everyone, by
the way, So I know the difference. Okay, born into
the addiction.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
She started partying early and then we got it.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
But I know you're such a good storyteller. And then
we got to talk about your father, legendary guy. Okay,
so you don't start you know, you're slim Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
People know the name film or Slim and the pimp name, right,
My dad's pimp name was Fat Sam.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
And when you see the movie American Gainster. Okay, right.
So when I was a kid, I remember Mickey Barnes.
I remember because the streets were buzzing talking about oh shit,
New York and the fucking dope scene. And so he
(23:25):
was the guy that we all knew on the cover
of Ebony, on the cover of Jet news Week, you
name it, he's the biggest drug dealer in the United
States that we knew. We see American Gainster when we're like,
he wasn't the biggest, he was the one that people
were talking about. But it was actually Frank Lucas. It
(23:47):
was the Denzel character. So in the Pimp game, everyone's
like Filmore Slim, when in actuality, it was Fat Sam
who was my dad who was like he was doing
the Like the concert scene up in the Bay Area
is controlled by a guy named Bill Graham. So down
here is whatever it is because.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Only say, some of the biggest festivals in the world
Bill Graham Productions.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Ladies in Joe Bill Graham presents. It's like, okay, the
guy in apocalypse. Now that brings the playboy bunnies to
the U. Oh right, remember he like did the little
show with the you know, the dancers or whatever. They're
really centerfolds or whatever. That was Bill Graham. Anyways, So
(24:32):
my dad provided like the rock and roll rock show
girls backstage. Okay, so he started doing the regular street
pimp and shit, and then he hooked up into that
scene where it's just like send this meaning girls backstage
and they just do whatever is needed, you know what
(24:54):
I mean. It's not a particular just be in the room,
got it, and you're super hot, and the guys just
kind of know if you need whatever you need, you're
gonna end up getting it. And he gets paid. Yeah,
you know, so it's a different type of pimping, but
still it's still pimping. And that was my dad anyways.
(25:15):
So yeah, yeah, I mean it's it's trust me. There's
some people out there that don't want me in my
family even bringing up the should I bring up you know,
but it is what it is. You know. That's that's
my mom. That's how my mom. My dad had my
mom on the street.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
So my mom ended up being a pop star, but
she used to be a prostitute, right, you know, and
my dad. You know, in today's world, in the whole
hip hop world, they're like, oh, I'm a pimp by blood,
and it's like something to say, yeah, you know, I'm
literally a pimp by blood. Not that that's a good thing,
(25:55):
you know what I mean. I'm sure there's certain traits
in it that are an asset because everything even you know, sure,
you know what I mean, some of these drug dealers,
you're like, goddamn, like I could have been the CEO
of whatever, you know. So but yeah, I started smoking
weedy taking quay ludes at like four or five there.
(26:18):
They give him a Kuai lude. He's two hyper. I
started uh snorting blow like around eleven, twelve three base.
I remember when when when John Lennon was assassinated, I
had been up for a couple of days freebase. I
with my uncle who was a big producer at Motown.
So you know, by the time I was seventeen, I
(26:42):
was shooting dope, you know. And the drugs scenario in
my house, my mom and my aunts were never home,
you know, and there was just so much you know,
the whole sex porn, you know, and freebasing. This is
(27:03):
before the crack thing. This is like the ether based world.
But uh yeah, you know that's that's the environment I
grew up in. And it was, you know, it was rough.
You know, nobody's celebrating fucking birthdays and Christmas or anything
like that. The concept of celebrating is that there's more drugs,
(27:25):
and when there's really enough drugs, it's not fun, right
at all.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
It's serious as that is, Bro, That's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
I mean it was a bummer. Bro. My uncle showed
up with like fucking three kilos, and you know, I
remember I remember bringing freebase just to school, you know,
because everyone knew I was a raging drug addict, you know.
So I was in my science class. You know, they
(27:56):
got all kinds of shit burming, you smell all kind
of weird, you know, and I was already taking hits
in the bathroom in school, and no one knew I
was taking hits because they weren't familiar with that smell,
you know what I mean. They're like they're looking for
weed cigarettes or cocoa puffs, but not the freebase smell.
(28:17):
Nobody was I literally had taken a hit, and my
principal came into the bathroom and knew I was in
the stall and was like, open up the door, and
that blown out a hit And he didn't know the smell,
you know what I mean, But there was already weed
and cigarette smell in the bathroom, you know what I mean.
(28:38):
So he was like, okay, so maybe you're not getting high,
you know. And meanwhile I'm all like bugged out, you know,
and I'm not all stones. So he was like, oh,
I thought you were in here a smug and weed,
you know, because his brain's not like, maybe you're in
here freebasing this way before anybody was hip to that ship.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
But anyway, well let me ask us about you know,
people could be listening to this right now then and go.
This fucking guy four years old, five years old started hard.
What happened to him? Like what the fuck? What was
he running from?
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Why was he so scared? Why was he putting all
these shit in his body at such a young age.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
When you grew up in that environment, nobody's present really,
So whatever I wasn't getting that, you would normally get
the hands on connection, Like my dad and my mom
didn't talk at all, never talked to him, never saw him,
and my mom was gone and high, you know high.
(29:34):
It's a fucking kite, you know. So there was no
connection on that. And my grandfather and my grandmother were
both ministers, and I used to sit at the breakfast table.
There was like this little round, like pale blue gringer
thing that you grind coke up in.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
Oh yeah, like you.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Get a nice big fucking eight ball and put it
the cruise on the bottom. Yeah yeah, and then you
got a powder. I used to grind that up and
fill up the vals for my mom while my grandmother's
making breakfast, and she would be like, I don't want
that on my table, you know. And my mom was like,
don't worry about her. Like everything I bought everything.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
She Nobody during that time pulled you inside and said, hey, well,
this is not how we roll here.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
This is what no one I went to school with,
like Remy Martin and Chrystall or Don perry On, and
you know, like an ounce of weed and like an
eight ball a blow, and you know, driving with no license.
You know, the cops would pull me over and call
my grandmother and be like, we know he's not even
(30:48):
sixteen yet, when we know he doesn't know it.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
I didn't give a fuck.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I didn't. I didn't even see it as that. I
didn't see it as don't give a fuck. With my family,
it was model to you. My family was like, we
are in charge, your grandmother and your grandfather with the whole,
you know, through the church thing. That is not how
we paid the bills. We pay it singing. So we're
(31:14):
in charge, and we're on drugs, so we don't look
at it as you can't be successful and be on drugs.
So you could do the drugs, just don't get caught,
you know, and don't tell them that we gave you
the drugs, you know. So it was just wild wild
(31:34):
West in my house.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
How old were you when the first time you realized,
oh something might be wrong here, I've got a problem.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Well, all I ever wanted to do was, you know,
get laid and do drugs. That's it. So freebasing. When
you're snorting, you still think you can kind of do whatever.
But once you start freebasing, you can't. Fuck You're not
(32:03):
gonna happen. I mean, I mean, granted, everybody thinks, oh yeah,
I'm gonna get some, and then because I have it,
I get to fuck you because I have it. They
kind of like the whole Rick James thing, right, me
and Rick. I knew Rick very well, and so the
whole image that Rick James has, there's not any part
of it this reality base. When I say none none, Right,
(32:29):
Rick James completely ignored whoever he brought with him while
he was high. He wasn't like, oh, ain kidding, He
ain't touching her and he don't want her touching him, Okay,
because if you get high, right, and if you have
like real money and you're buying keys and shit's clean,
you're not getting a fucking heart on.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
So that's out.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
So that's all bullshit, you know what I mean. If
you're doing some bunk coke, then you can fuck have
you just really you can't fuck right? So that's bullshit.
So any who, first time meanknew you had to like,
you know what, something's up here? I was like, uh,
because I wasn't interested in eating food or taking a shower.
(33:12):
I couldn't go anywhere, couldn't do then I knew. By
the time I was fifteen sixteen, you know, I was
still trying to go places. I had the band thing
up north that was but let's say I talk this
girl that I you know, like i'd go to the
prom or something and I'd be like, oh, yeah, you know,
(33:34):
I'm gonna get a bounce. You get the limo, Get
the girl. Now, get the girl fucking yelling at me
in the limo because I won't even look at her.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
I'm just.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
You're ruin this for me. You're kidding me, dude. I
thought she was like, one, okay, straight up right, like one,
it's a situation at that time, or a white girl
to be like, I'm gonna let this nigga fuck me.
It's a situation, bro. So she's got to deal with
the blowback of that, right. I was like, Yeah, I'm
(34:06):
I'm gonna go with you the problem, which means I'm
kind of sweet of agreeing to give you some pussy
right now, I'm go an dilemma with this negative won't
even look yeah at me at please don't touch me
and switch, please don't touch me please. She's like, are
you are you serious? Like you know what I mean,
I can't do shit. I'm scared. I'm scared of the girl.
(34:29):
Just touch me.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (34:31):
So that's when I knew this is not happening. Anyways,
So I ended up in LA and I ended up
at the carry unit.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
Oh wow, yeah, god damn.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Yeah. So that they took us to uh Lock Cabin.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
For people on know.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Log Cabin is a very famous AA meeting place in
West Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Yeah that so many people got it. Yeah, that's where
I met Carrie White. Yeah, I'm Carrie. Carrie White came
up to me and gave me your car. She was like,
I know what you need. And Carrie White's you know,
I don't even know not explain it, you know. Uh.
She was very blessed and brilliant. One. Okay, I'll give
(35:15):
you a night a Carrie White story. Kerry White had
a salon. She had a couple of salons. One of
her salons, she's got Elvis and Jimmy Hendrix downstairs, both
of them waiting to get their hair done, and she's
rolling around on roller skates and jumps with the torch.
(35:35):
Never does either one of their hair because she's too high. Right,
they're just waiting. She's like, I'm busy smoking for you.
Based so you know, so when I meet her, she
gives me your she goes, I know what you need
and she says it in that seductive because she sees
me at the back of the meeting standing around looking
at it. I'm not there to fucking be sober. I'm
(35:55):
there to see who's hot, right, you know, I know
what you need your card. I'm like, oh my god,
this older, blonde, white lady is hitting on me at
the meeting, right not. So she has me go meet
her at all these different meetings and she doesn't show
(36:16):
up to one of the meetings.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
She has me meet her at.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
And every time I went to a meeting with Donald Madden,
who's like back in the day, like all these different
big wigs in AA, She's like, go to this meeting
and I'd walk in and the guy would be like,
your seat is right up front, and I'm like, where's Carrie.
She's not coming. Just sit the fuck down, shut up.
So I met like everybody who was anybody in AA
(36:42):
as far as men, through Carrie because she never met
me for a month, but we were talking on the phone.
I'm going through some stuff I'm working. But she did
it on purpose, and she invited me to her house
with her partner at the time, this lady Damien. She
was like, I'm gay. I was just I knew that
you were incapable of going and doing what you should
(37:06):
do to save your life, right unless I threw some
shit on it. Right, So I just met you at
the way how you were behaving.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
That's beautiful, that's right. And it worked, It worked, you know.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
What I mean? Yeah, it worked, And and her and
Damien they were rubbing my face and going, you need
to fucking do this and stop fucking around. This disease
you have is serious. But that moment, I'll never forget
that moment in log cabin at that time.
Speaker 3 (37:32):
You know, this happened a little bit.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
I was like the seed was planning.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
What the fuck is this? You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (37:43):
You know, but it didn't stick.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
It didn't stick. I needed to get some shit out
of my I was corroded inside with all this bullshit.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Right, let's talk about that. What was the bullshit?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
What was was just the you know, the whole thing
of like no connection with my dad or my mom
being on tour and that no connection to that, and
the incest in the house and the drugs and all
of that stuff. I needed to go through the process.
You know, that's outlined in the fucking book. You know,
(38:20):
but I didn't know that, you know. And everyone was like, hey,
you know just recently over the last ten years, you know, okay,
you know, sweep the floor. I'm off the floor, set
up the chairs, great, make the coffee, sugartte butts. I'm like, okay,
I don't get it. Why do you think that is
(38:42):
going to help me with this over here? And they're like,
here's the thing. We're all sober, and that's what we
know how to do. We know how to fix people
like you because we were like you. So we know how.
You don't know how. You don't know, dick, but you
(39:04):
know how to try to chase pussy money and get high.
You don't know fucking nothing about how this works. Okay,
And so I know, you know, you have a kid
and you have to give them like building blocks and
some stuff. You got to keep them. Here's some stuff
to occupy that thing, because you'll fucking light the curtains
(39:28):
on fire right on accident. You'll you know, go to
the stove, turn that you'll do some shit. And so
that's what all this little fucking weird shit in AA
is like, let me distract you from your first action,
right and then they're gonna take you down this path.
(39:51):
You know, it's like fucking the Wizard of Oz. Right,
weird shit, bro, right now you're gonna do this, and
you do that at this page saying don't be in
a hurry, and and say like, what does that have
to do with what I told you? Is wrong with me?
And they're like, you can't handle that yet. Just try
to do what we're telling you, you know what I mean.
(40:13):
Just try to you know, set up some chairs and
that I make your bed, and I'm like, okay, anyways,
so eventually I start doing this shit one the whole
tape of your a complete loser piece of shit. When
you do that shit, when you make your bed and
(40:33):
you do this and you and you do something for
the meeting, then you feel like it's kind of okay
for you to be at the meeting, even though you
know you were a worthless piece of shit, but you
did something. And then people were like, oh, that fucking idiot,
he's the one that set up chairs and shit. And
they're like oh god, and you're like, oh my god,
(40:55):
I'm the one that did it, you know, And eventually
you're like, Okay, what I did find out is there's
that part of it. And then when you're talking to
another person who has it as bad or is having
a bad moment or has it worse, and that inner
(41:16):
action of hope my tape and Satan like Satan to
me is like standing right over here just like I'm
just waiting for you to stop doing little let me
(41:40):
be a decent human type action. Yeah, because Nick, I'm
right here. I hope you stop. I'm so waiting for
you to stop. The problem is is he can't even
come anywhere near me while I'm doing it, amen ever ever, ever, Right,
So that's the weird thing that I felt, doubt that
(42:00):
if someone's going through anything, you don't even have to
be going through anything. If I just show up and
try to be of service, can't come in, You're not
gonna happen at all. It's like some weird dome. Right,
It's like the devil repellent, right, can't come in, can't
break the forest fill. Ever. Now, as soon as I
(42:23):
get into my big plans of how great I am
and my ego and this and that, then he starts
he wants to like connect to the ego, you know,
just morph you know, you know what I'm saying, it's
like it's so weird, right, It's like it's like it'll
just lay right on top of some shit and you'll
look and you'll be like you won't even know, you know,
(42:44):
like these horror movie type shit, right, or some weird
parasite or some shit like it'll just morph into some
shit and it doesn't matter what it is. The devil
jumps on my ass in every area of my life
that has nothing to do with rugs, right, and then
you know, let me, let me just it's like a
(43:06):
Boa constrictor just like the Alien movie, like, let me
just make you so hopeless that the only relief you
could get. You have two options. Now You've got God
and tell on yourself or get high and that there's
no other options.
Speaker 3 (43:20):
Say that again, but it's so beautiful television.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
No, there's no there's just help me, right, okay, you know,
and for me, God is in the empathy and compassion
of you and guys like you, Kerrie White, dude. Yeah,
when I say hopeless, no point, I'm only here from
(43:49):
somebody else being like I don't want to deal with it, bro,
I don't want to go to your funeral. Right, So
you won't do this for you? Can you? Over and
over again? Chuck la Valley, Chuck Negron, Bob Timmins, Tony
moorehead You, Howard Samuels, Carrie White, lynd Ald Already, Gloria Scott,
(44:16):
just people going, can you not do this to me?
Just for one second? Just do this one action for me?
Because you can't do it for you.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
Can you do it for me?
Speaker 1 (44:28):
Because it's gonna be such a bummer for me if
you don't do this for me. And then I go
do it, and I'm like, wow, okay, okay, I've just
dodged the bullet of killing myself because I don't have
a reason. I'm such a fucking loser. What's the point, right?
And someone's just like one second, just one second, just
(44:51):
give me a second of your time. You know.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
I would go to rehab.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
And you know you're checking and rehab because you're dying,
You're going I would, Yeah, I need help, please help
me get some sleep. Eat. Now, the people with the rehab,
I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Like? Why the fuck? What?
I let you tell me what to do? I checked it.
(45:19):
There was a guy named Kyle that read the carry
unit I check in because I'm dying and I don't
have a clue what I suffer from, and I have
no idea what alcoholism or drug addiction is, and I
have no idea of how to save my own life.
And the people that run the rehab right, they're like, well,
(45:44):
we're all sober and we know how to deal with
alcoholism and drug addiction. Like, we're not here for your
feelings about being black or your career goal. We're only
here to be like this. We have a job, and
our job is to teach you how to not get high.
(46:08):
Start there, don't get high, then how to keep it.
That's the exchange that we want to give you while
you're a rehab and that's why I check in. And
five minutes into being there, I'm like, who the fuck
are you? You can't help me, you don't know shit.
I'm like, I don't like your shoes, I don't like
(46:30):
your hair, you're too fat, you're not black. I don't
give a fuck. What kind of case I got to build?
And no listener to you this. I'm on that case immediately.
I'm not listening to you.
Speaker 3 (46:42):
The definance of an attic is extraordinary.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
What's the point in going to rehab, sober living, any
of it. I do all you know, I do this shit.
And then I don't want to listen to these people,
and I'm building cases and I'm finding reasons, and I
listen to them. And the one thing that qualifies them
to be able to tell me anything is that they
(47:07):
have all the sober time. Right. That is the only
reason I went there. It was just right. I didn't
I'm gonna check in there for my career. It's not
why I checked in. I couldn't stop getting high, as
why I checked in, get it, got it, but just
did what they said. I would have got my wife
when I was seventeen, bro right, And instead I found
(47:30):
the reason to not listen and relapse. And I thought
when I relaped, I didn't know that if I relapsed, right,
I'm gonna relapse right here, so I'll get sober right here.
I didn't know I relapsed right here, and then I
get sober three and a half years later, right. I
didn't know if that's how it go was if right?
Speaker 3 (47:46):
If so?
Speaker 1 (47:48):
I didn't realize, like I can take direction when I'm
when I'm in a when I've already decided fuck aa
it doesn't even matter if that's the case. Basically, I
take direction from anyone. I don't think I've ever had
bad direction.
Speaker 3 (48:08):
Ever.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
I don't care how fucking lame you are. I don't
every single person that said something to me, right, if
I did what they said, my life would be better
than now my life is. But see, I found a reason, Like,
you know, the devil mutes the truth, bro the devil
meets the truth. It just, dude, I just freaked out
(48:33):
on every reap every so we're living every I just
found a way to not listen, you know, And like
I went to jail for like ninety days once, right,
best Malk I've ever met, you know, because I couldn't
get to my mask and my costumes and my my
(48:58):
different fixes to avoid hearing my own voice, right, you
know what I'm saying. So when I'm in jail and
I can't do dick, the judge was like, he goes,
if I see you in my courtroom again, don't hire
an attorney. I don't give a fuck. This is not
(49:18):
a money thing. It's not a this it's nothing. There's
no point. So I get arrested, you know, Alvarado down
there by MacArthur Park for the third time. The guy's like, nope,
don't matter, you know, don't care. Let's talk about the
moment when God came through and you weigh and you
were all in and when you got clean. Oh this
(49:41):
last time I got clean. Howard Samuels, I was at
Sundowners crying because they relapsed again. You know, Oh dude,
I don't know what's wrong. And he was like, this
girl was Dayton Rosie or whatever. He's like, take him
(50:02):
up to the hills, take him right now. But I'm
just calling whatever.
Speaker 2 (50:10):
And I get up there right treatment center up in
the Hollywood Forever. Yeah, it doesn't know the hill.
Speaker 1 (50:16):
So this guy's like, you know, gray hair, good looking,
blue blood East Coast. Right, I've had so many things
happened throughout my life where like heart and soul crushing
as a black man, where a guy that looked like
(50:36):
Howard was behind it. Yeah right, Saw. I'm like, okay,
yeah right. So I go and I go to talk
to him and he goes. Just so you know, I
don't need to hear anything about your life. I don't
even care. There's not one thing about your life that
I care about. I don't care what I do care
(50:58):
about is that you figure out what you've been doing, okay,
so that you could stop doing that. So when we
get to step foward, because as far as I'm concerned
with you being here, and it's how long you've been
around the program, he's say, we'll do some speed shit
as far as one, two, and three, but you're here, right.
(51:22):
My concern is your inventory, and in the inventory, my
concern is your part, right, because I want to shut
down your part. I want you doing shit you should do.
I want you not doing shit you shouldn't do. So
let's just focus on those two things. That's it, okay,
(51:46):
Not what your mom did, not what the white man did,
not what no one did about nothing, just what you
do and don't do.
Speaker 3 (51:55):
Why'd you listen to him? Though?
Speaker 1 (51:58):
I was completely defeat and I was like, this guy's
letting me be in his place, which was unbelievably nice
and all of that shit. And I had been around
Howard my whole sobriety just about that the cap and
like when I first came around, he was there, you
know what I mean. He looks like a regular older
(52:20):
guy kind of When I met Howard, he was as
skinny as I am now for the ponytail right at
the cabin, crying over some girl that fucked his friend
or some shit, right shit, and we're all going to breakfast,
and I saw the guy over there crying and I
invited him. I was like, come with us, right, and
(52:44):
he was like, oh, dude, that's cool, Like you're a
nice guy, you know. So he was like, I remember
you might even started. Yeah. So I was like, okay,
this guy, you know, he came here sober from New
York though, you know, and he was a like in
the middle of a case of like trying to you know,
(53:07):
smuggle some heroin from Afghanistan. Yeah, I was supposed to
go to prison for a long time. So he ends
up in a halfway house in New York with Puerto
Ricans and niggas from prison. And he's like some blue
blood kid. So he had a different kind of grimy
of like I know, you know, he's like, I know
(53:30):
the entitlement he saw you, right, he saw you grow.
He's like, I get this privileged bullshit that Like he's like,
if I didn't find some self esteem, it was a
rap for me, right rap, because my dad had accomplished
all the shit. I had to find some self worth
and some and some self esteem so that when the
(53:53):
devil came to get me, I could be like, you
got to come back later, bro, I'm right in the
middle of her right now. I got shit going now
right now. You catch me later maybe, but as long
as I'm doing what I'm doing, you got no chance
with me. So anyway, I end up in his place
and he goes, He goes, I'm gonna help you with everything,
and he goes, I need you to not fuck anyone
(54:14):
here because you're here for free, and he needs you
to not get high, and he goes, if someone up
here gets high and they don't get kicked out, if
someone up here fucks another client and they don't get
kicked out, it's not your fucking business. Like, I need
you to not do any of that shit. I started
(54:35):
getting up before anybody else and doing every chore I
can get my hands on, because I couldn't believe this
guy was like what you need. I was like, ugh,
you know, I'm fighting with the girl and she turned
off the phone. He was like, here's a phone. Oh,
I need a fucking you know, my aunt's fucked up
and I need a you know, I need a cataract surgery. Okay,
(54:58):
set it up. He was like, He's like, if you
do what I told you to do right, every problem
that you have is our and it's our problem. I'm
gonna do it with you. Okay. I'm gonna do it
with you and get you on your feet and then
you'll be able to handle it on your own. And
it was just freaky bro it. I was so aimed
(55:25):
to please, did not want to disappoint this guy right. Like,
I don't even know how to explain it. I had
that with my grandmother when I was a kid, you
know what I mean, one you know, football coach. But
like this thing happened with me and the sky where
I was like it was more about him than it
was me. I was just doing what I thought he
(55:47):
would be like, I'm so proud of you. I had
no connection to what I was doing. I just start
doing it and then all of a sudden, I was like,
this is weird. I don't feel like a little piece
of shit loser. I don't want to die, you know.
It's just like kicked in and I didn't see it coming.
And that's this weird magic focus pocus shit that they
(56:12):
talk about. He's like, I need you to go through
the work with me. I don't care if you understand it.
I don't care if you feel it. I don't definitely
don't care if you want to do it. That has
nothing to do with it. Let's just do it, you know.
And I started doing all this shit with them, going
through the book, writing down, you know, journaling and taking
(56:38):
other guys from the hills to meetings and all the shit.
And it just changed everything from me everything, So you know,
all these years under the umbrella of Carrie White, and
it never ever did anything she told me to do
(56:59):
and nothing she told me not to do. It just
was a shit show. But she's in my fucking DNA
from from always being I mean, she sleeping on the couch,
rude canal, you name it. She did everything with me
and for me, you know, And I know that it's
(57:25):
not about enabling and financial shit in this program. I
know that it's not. Here's the thing though, when I
played the tape that I don't know factually, I don't
know this factually. What I've been told is that Bill
Wilson let a bunch of drunks take over his fucking
(57:47):
house in his marriage, like they took over the house.
I'm gonna put a guy everywhere I can. This one
goes in that, this one goes on the couch, right,
I have this much money. I gotta help that guy
with this. I gotta help that guy with that.
Speaker 3 (58:06):
That's what we do, not not.
Speaker 1 (58:08):
I take you through the book. The rest of your
life ain't my fucking problem. And see that is not
what I come from. I wouldn't be here if it
was just the book and not personal because the shit
the Boogeyman, yeah right in my head, which is bullshit
(58:28):
that I'm scared of, Like I need a guy to
hold my hand like a little bitch that I am.
I'll walk me through and go, dude, what is It's
not going to kill you? This form of avoiding How
this makes you feel like, I'm so serious about not
(58:49):
feeling it, the shame, the less than and that goes
with everything. I'm so terrified that I'm too dumb and
I'm too not worth someone's time or not worth it
or enough to even try. I'm gonna fail all of
(59:12):
that shit. And so Alcoholics Anonymous, these angels just showed
up in my life and was like, come on, man,
let's do this, let's do this, let's do that, this that,
because I just me by myself, Nope, can't do it.
I'd rather get high than expose that I'm too dumb
(59:34):
and I can't or I don't have enough self esteem
or self worth to even try, right, And so people
in the program knew that's what it really was, like
some old Bravado try to dodge ship shape ship to
not deal with my life. I needed people to walk
me through my life, not just the book, like this
(59:58):
is what's driving me crazy, Like talk to me, tell
me what's going on. Okay, we got to go do that.
And I was like, well, can we do it later?
Now we're doing it today, motherfucker. Like people started walking
me through my own life and it didn't kill me,
but not dealing with it was killing me. Every area
(01:00:19):
of life, work, you know, you name it, dealing with
my uh, trauma, shit, every area. So thank god for
alcoholics Anonymous and this tribe that we're in. There's no
judgment of I was a hoe, drug dealer, this that,
(01:00:41):
whatever the fuck it is here, it's just we're here
to help each other walk through all that.
Speaker 3 (01:00:48):
Shi firing line. You're always there to help. But no
matter who they are, what, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (01:00:52):
You're there.
Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
You're always spreading the love.
Speaker 1 (01:00:53):
I just think that the whole world would be a
better place if everybody was in the program. I know that.
You know, it's not our job to push AA on anyone,
and a person has to self diagnose themselves. We can't
do it for them. Granted, we're constantly talking to each
(01:01:18):
other about how we feel and where you're at, like
how you're don't really you know, and the rest of
the world. They don't get down like that. It's all
about what it looks like and not telling the truth.
That's the whole world. It's like not dealing with whatever
it actually is because it can't get better if you listen.
(01:01:42):
My mom is the only pointer sister that's alive, and
everybody else in the group is dead, and they're all
dead from I have money and I don't talk. Okay,
they don't talk because they're like, are you trying to
(01:02:06):
talk to me about reality and how I feel or something? Okay,
you're fucking dismissed because I can afford to replace you
in the lineup of people that work for me.
Speaker 3 (01:02:21):
You know what I mean? Big time brother.
Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
That's one of the curses of being successful is that
who's going to tell you the truth about anything?
Speaker 2 (01:02:31):
Tell the story and we'll wrap on this. When my
brother Downy called you, I think you were at rehearsal
or I think I.
Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
Was backstage in Vegas at the Cosmopolitics, okay, and we're
watching Tropical Thunder okay, right, you in the band, right,
the whole band. We're in the dressing room, we're watching
Tropical Glendor. My phone rings while we're watching it, and
I look at my phone and it says Downy on
my phone. I'm like, no way, So I FaceTime him, right,
(01:03:04):
and then the whole dressing room, I'm like, hey, you guys,
come here. Look at who's on the phone. And he's
like looking at you know, these are just like regular
guys right there, Like, whoa dude, it's right, you know whatever,
And I know, anonymity whatever. And I don't think he
would care because he's the one that called me so anyway,
and he goes, Okay, yeah, yeh, I said hi to
your friends and all that shit. He goes, there's a
(01:03:24):
reason I called you, though, and he goes, I need
you to walk me through something. I go what he goes.
I've been driving around looking at this guy in this tent.
There's a guy in a tent taking heads, right, I
don't want to get in the tent. He's like, I
know that, Like my life is where my life's at, right, Okay,
(01:03:48):
He's like, gude, I'm I am so tired of being
an iron man and all this shit. I'm I want
to burn it to the ground, bro. And he's like,
I hate to throw this in your face, but you know,
I know you're a chronic relapser, so I know that
(01:04:10):
you probably don't have a lot of time, and you're
pretty close, not too far away from your last hit. Like,
walk me through why I shouldn't get in the tent
with the guy, you know what I mean? He's like,
I just want to I want to get out of
my life. I don't want to deal with it anymore.
And just you know, and grow one. You know you
(01:04:37):
won't be able to do shit, Like whatever you don't
want to do is the reason you want to take
a hit. You can't whatever, however your favorite food, it
won't taste the same. You won't take a shower. You
can throw fucking out the window. That ain't gonna happen,
like it all goes away. You know, you don't want
to do this over, bro, You know you don't want
(01:04:59):
to do it again. And if you're lucky, all you
get to do is come back as a newcomer, you
know what I mean. If you're lucky, if you're if
you're lucky, if you're lucky, And he's like, thank you,
I love you, Da da da da. We were in
fucking fry health together, you know. And what's so magical
about that story, buddy, is he knew to ask for help.
(01:05:22):
He knew the right guy to call.
Speaker 2 (01:05:24):
Oh, he was like this motherfucker right here on I
got because he knew come on, and at the height
of his thing disease, I give a fuck, yeah at all,
doesn't give doesn't.
Speaker 1 (01:05:36):
Matter, and it definitely wants to embarrass you in front
of the world. That's what he wants to do, especially
if you're up right. Because Robert is a junkie like
you and me. He'll pad his oscar for a time.
That cat people forget that. Let me let me tell
you this one story of the first Iron Man premiere.
(01:05:59):
I met a ark flight for Ironman premiere. Okay, take
this girl sit there, and you know they have a
guy come out and tell you the deal like this movie, Dude,
I'm in the front row. It was downy, of course
it was. He came out in the little outbit to
(01:06:22):
describe the movie. He goes, Malick, what are you doing here?
While the girl sitting there. The girl is like, yeah, rude,
the fuck are you? Bro? I mean, he dude, that's
the kind of caddy. She couldn't give me that pussy
fast and I'm not knowing that's gonna happen. Bro. It
(01:06:48):
was insane, dude. One of the dopest things that's ever
happened to me.
Speaker 3 (01:06:52):
Thank you, my brother.
Speaker 2 (01:06:53):
Get lad in the bathroom at the set around adult.
What do you want to say to people that are struggling?
Speaker 3 (01:06:57):
What do you want? What's the message? What do we
want to wrap it up?
Speaker 1 (01:06:59):
Here's the deal alcoholism and drug addiction. Just like we're
serving a sentence. Okay, If you get sentence with alcoholism
and drug addiction and you go through the process and
work these steps and get in this community, it turns
you into a person that you're gonna suffer like there's
(01:07:26):
no tomorrow or you have to The only way out
is to help other people. There is nothing else. So
your sentence to Okay, for the rest of my life,
I have to help other people. Otherwise guaranteed I'm going
(01:07:49):
to drink again, get loaded again. Period, No defans or butts. Okay.
So everyone that really gets into that part of the
deal of helping other people, it's like, oh, I got
alcoholism and drug addiction, What of the fuck my life's over?
(01:08:09):
And so it turns us into this best form of ourselves, okay,
because you have to do what the concept of the
word god, you have to do that in order to
not die from alcoholism and drug addiction.
Speaker 3 (01:08:29):
You have to do it. I have to.
Speaker 1 (01:08:33):
And let's say you don't die or relapse you're miserable
as fuck, or you do it, and it puts us
in a position to be the best form of ourselves.
And I didn't know that, bro, but this is this
thing puts me in a situation where that's the only
(01:08:55):
way I get to be happy. And I love it.
It's dope.
Speaker 3 (01:08:58):
Yeah, I know you do straight up.
Speaker 2 (01:09:00):
Brother, Listen man, From day one with you, nothing but love.
I always saw the greatness in you. I'm so fucking
excited to see what's next for you in the chapter
of your life because you're tapped in.
Speaker 3 (01:09:10):
Brother.
Speaker 1 (01:09:11):
Oh, thank you, I love you.
Speaker 3 (01:09:12):
Thanks for coming.
Speaker 1 (01:09:12):
I love you too. I'm a little jealous of what
you're wearing because I had no idea how he was
gonna bring it like this, you know, I was.
Speaker 3 (01:09:18):
I thought you were to come in with what you were.
Speaker 2 (01:09:21):
I knew, right, that's okay, but how the interview it
was great, But fucking Sino's wearing their mister turkey got
going up.
Speaker 1 (01:09:29):
I should go in the bathroom and make him give
me his outfit.
Speaker 3 (01:09:33):
I'm gonna thank your God speed buddy, Thank you man,
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:09:37):
The Sino Show is a production of iHeart Podcasts, hosted
by me Cina McFarlane, produced by pod People and twenty
eighth av Our.
Speaker 3 (01:09:46):
Lead producer is Keith Carlik. Our executive prouser is Lindsay Hoffman.
Marketing lead is Ashley Weaver. Thank you so much for listening.
We'll see you next week.
I'm a ghetto ass motherfucker. I'm up there in black leather,
bell bottomed snowboarding right and walking around her coat just however,
you could visualize the shit just way wrong, walking around
and people are making phone calls. My dad had my
mom on the street, so my mom ended up being
(00:20):
a pop star, but she used to be a prostitute.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
This fucking guy, four years old, five years old started hard.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
What happened to him? Like? What the fuck? What was
he running from? Why was he so scared?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Why was he putting all these shit in his body
at such a young age.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Welcome back to the SINO Show. I'm your host Seil McFarlane.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Today we've got a guess one of the most iconic
music families in history.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
She straight up right, I'm gonna go come on now,
come on, come on, ha ha.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
But I mean I known this brother for thirty years.
He's one of the most soulful, funky. He's a Stone
Colt juggie, He's a grifter. He figured it out. We're
gonna talk about so many different about a lover of recovery.
When you talk about community, about Miles Davis, flying the
Family Stone Black Panthers.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Yes, yes to it. Brother, there we are. I'm sitting
here looking at the picture of Miles over there. What
a character, right, I mean, like just amazing, amazing, amazing. Uh,
thanks for having me here. Yeah, you know, uh, but
go ahead. I I don't even know where to start.
I uh, I put my sunglasses on because I don't
whoever watches it, I just want them to get jealous,
(01:37):
you know what I mean? These are the Steve McQueen, Elvis,
who else step McQueen, Elvis, Bruce Lee. Oh, those are
the main guys that I saw growing up, wearing the
you and you can pull it off love and that
drama that kicked off with Kanye when he said whatever
he said about George, but he was wearing a these two.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Yeah, but why don't we just do this, Why don't
we start little history where he came from?
Speaker 3 (02:07):
All that matter.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I was born in Oakland four and a half. My
family moves to Saucelito, Okay. So yeah, and like I
always say this, you know, it's Tupac lived in sauce Alito,
but he lived in Morenz City and Moren City was
(02:33):
the ghetto of Sace Alto. Okay, So uh, there's Sace Alito,
Sauce Alto, and there's Moren City, and I'm not bagging
on the ghetto I lived. I hung out in Moren
City because that's where we went to church. And uh,
when I first got to Sacellito, I went to Saint
(02:54):
Hilary's and uh, then I started going to school Bayside
and a couple of other public schools because I got
kicked out of Saint Hilary's for fighting. It wasn't my fault,
like this kid, It wasn't it was it was. It
was a kindergarten to twelve grade school, so you know,
(03:17):
and this is during like that TV show Roots, So
there were like older kids that were just like Toby
Kunta Kinte. And this guy hit me over the head
with one of those pewter lunch trays. That's what the
lunch trays were. Then. They were pewter. They weren't even that.
Uh you know, they became like this classic thing later,
(03:39):
but when I was a kid, they were pewter. Right.
So I kicked the guy when he was drinking out
of a water faucet and knocked his teeth out. I
didn't mean to do it. I just you know what
I mean I didn't even I didn't even kick him
from a place of hurting them. He's drinking water and
I just kicked him in his butt. But it wasn't
I didn't make them hard to hurt him, and my
(04:02):
brain didn't go that could knock his teeth out, but
it knocked you know, all everything in the front out
right right. The guys way bigger than any things that happen,
way bigger than me. So I get kicked out of
the school for doing that, not him hitting me over
the head or whatever anyway, So yeah, and that was
(04:26):
the first time my mom got sued, uh so the
head none like, just wore my ass out with the
rulers for doing that to that kid. And when my
mom got back from tour, you could hear like, it's
like Saint Hilary's is at the top of this hill
(04:46):
in Timil and Tiberon, Okay and Maren and you could
hear her coming up the hill in the porst you're
just shifting, get fir. You can hear it coming right,
And when my mom got up there, you know, in
the fucking like. I guess black people can calm down
later in their money, but at this phase of it
(05:07):
from my mom. She showed up in the mink with
the glasses in the forest almost like oh yeah, I'm looking.
I'm Maleck Pointers mother, and I'm looking for the you
know whoever the head nun is that disciplined them, right,
And so they're like, oh yeah, this Pointer. Yes, And
when she goes, can I see the rulers that you
hit them with, just so that I could you know,
(05:28):
sacking all. You know, she got a hold of those
rulers and she beat she grabbed the nun and just
beat her all in the face okay, and trying to
hit her like no one was trying to get away,
just hitting her in the eyes and shit. So they
see the fucking shit out of my mom for that shit. Yeah,
get for mom to this day. Okay, Like the last
(05:51):
time I was in the Bay Area, well not the
last time, but a couple of decades ago, I'm Jaelank
at a bar in San Francisco talking to some guy
and somebody's like, dude, I hear your name is Malik.
Are you Malick Pointer, the one that your mom came
to the school and beat the lip and shit out
of you know what I mean? Anyways, my mom and
(06:14):
my family followed sly Stone, just sasci Leo, and then
sly Stone was like, I'm moving. I'm moving up to Nevado,
you know, getting some horses and some more land.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
He goes.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Plus, they won't sell me a house. Like he built
the record plane right there, right, the record plane is
like the album rumors. All these iconic records were recorded
at sly studio, but they wouldn't sell them the house.
He's like, at the time I was trying to buy
a house. I was the biggest artist on the planet.
(06:51):
And they were like, I don't know what to tell you.
We don't how many black people living in Sascilito, and
you will not be the first one wouldn't sell. And
the same thing happened with my family. So yeah, so
we moved out of Saucelito, and my mom we because
of work reasons. Everything was happening in Alay, like they
(07:15):
were doing like you know, Share and curbnet and all
their shows here right, so they were like, we need
to go down Alay. So my grandmother and my grandfather
we all stayed in moren but my mom and my
aunts moved down to La And then eventually when I
was like seventeen sixteen and a half. We moved to
(07:37):
Malaibu and it started all over again.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
It started all over again. Yeah, let me just go back.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah, yeah, because I think it's just like that's you know,
you're at that school already. You feel different, right, Me
and my sister and my cousin kindergarten in twelfth grade.
Three black people in the whole school. Three do you
understand two black residents in all of Sausalita?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Two? Okay, something like they know, like I was getting
at when I got to Malibu and Benveren and Miles
and whoopee, wasn't there yet, Ben Moraan, Miles Flip Wilson,
Lou Gossip and I ended up being remmased with Lou
(08:29):
Gasse at the carry unit. But they were like, you know,
Miles and Lou, they were like, just know, they know exactly,
not vaguely, exactly, how many black people live in Malibu.
Like nowadays, you see a Lambeau or this or whatever,
(08:52):
you see a black guy in it, you don't have
any idea who it is in the world that we
are in now. When I was a kid, you all
a Mercedes, a Lambeau, a fucking Jag twelve of Rolls
and you saw a black eye. You keep looking, You're like, Oh,
that's Kareem, Oh that's Cosby. Oh that's Flip. Oh that's
(09:17):
richeral pror Sydney on site. You know exactly who it is.
It's Jim Brown. It's not like I wonder who the
rich black person is. That's no, there's no such thing,
you know what I mean. So it's like I'm on
(09:38):
this new term with myself of like I grew up
as like this special nigga. Right, I was like the
special nigga, which I'll retarded as that shit. But everywhere
I went, there wasn't a feeling like I belonged there. Okay,
(10:00):
So that wasn't the feeling. And then other people, especially
if there were most places that you go, alcohol is involved.
Eventually someone's gonna get drunk and be like, who the
fuck is the nigga?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Who is he? Right?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
And then people you know that attitude of like I
don't know why he's here and why is he here?
And then someone's like, oh that's Malary Pointer. His mom's
want of the pointers. Oh I was hating no nigga,
and now I'm not because that's one of them special niggas.
There's a different type of nigga, right, And I'm like,
(10:36):
fucking kidding you. It's like I hate you, Okay, Okay,
you get a pass because you're not just a NIGGI.
You're like this other kind of nigga. And I'm like,
what the fuck is all that? And I'm also from
a time where I was raised to that's the feeling
(11:01):
I want to have. I don't even want to go
there if other niggas are there. Yeah, I want to
make sure I'm going to be the only negative. And
then unless I know who they are that's there, like
you're there for this reason, you're there for that reason.
So then me and my own people get addicted to
the same bullshit of like, oh, we're better. There is
(11:26):
no such thing as better. You're better because you actually
are better, but you can't actually be better than other
people by how you carry yourself as a human being
towards other people, you know what I mean, That's what
it really ends up being about. But I didn't know that.
So anyways, my friend Alan Kaufman, who was best friends
(11:49):
with Bruce Willis. Bruce Wallis had a birthday party. Yeah,
get your boy Malick to come up Sun Valley, Idaho.
Go up there players party, and then I'm walking down
the street. I'm in my I'm just get I'm a
ghetto ass motherfucker. I'm up there in black leather, bell
bottomed skip snowboarding right and walking around burd coat. Just however,
(12:15):
you could visualize the shit just way wrong, walking around
and people are making phone calls. Who the fuck is
that nigga? Right? And Willis is going crazy, just loving it,
Like dude, the phones are blowing up just because Malick's
walking down the street in a particular neighborhood. Did you
(12:38):
get off on that? See, this is the thing I wasn't.
I wasn't at the same time, but I didn't know
get it. I wasn't clear on what it was. Forever right,
they're making the calls, and Willis is just cracking up,
you know what I mean. But people are being weird,
you know, because no black people lived in this neighborhood
(12:58):
that he had his rancho, you know, like they know
everybody up there. So it's like the guy's just like
walking down the street like fucking like like he's lost
or something. What's he doing?
Speaker 3 (13:10):
You know?
Speaker 1 (13:10):
What I mean, because we keep account of our ship.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Yo, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I want people to know how you landed here. You
were born in addiction, you were born in trauma, but
also extraordinary distinction. Oh you got black pants, you've got
professors in your family, you've got pro athletes in your family.
But walk people through the early times. But you got
to talk about what it's protection program? Yeah yeah, yeah, okay,
so and then we'll work the come on it. So
(13:38):
before there were the Pointer sisters. My uncle was a professor,
you know, caught all over the Bay Area and befriended
Huey Newton. And the Pointers are in the first fifty Panthers, okay,
and everything's great. Then they start disagreeing on a bunch
(14:03):
of shit because shit started getting more violent. And Fritz
was like, no, it's about the education thing, you know,
kind of the di echonomy or something that's similar.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Is what Malcolm X went through with the Nation of Islam. Okay,
So Fritz is like, we should do education. It's not
about like grabbing guns and shit and kill Whitey and
all of that other shit. Like if you are educating,
you know what the fuck you're doing, then you don't
have to go that route. Hugh was like, you need
to chill right, even if you are right, let me
(14:40):
say it. Just go with the flow of whatever I say.
And Fritz would not stop and wouldn't shut up. Okay,
so you wouldn't bow down. So a bunch of panthers
broke into his classroom, stomped his face, crushed his job,
(15:00):
broke us back in two places simultaneously. While all of
that's going on, it's my aunt June's fifteenth birthday. She's
a virgin. She gets gang raped by fifteen panthers. That's
how she lost her virginity. Wow, so the baby's sister
of the Pointer sisters, that's how she lost her virginity.
That's what put us in the witness protection scenario where
(15:25):
you know, jag Or Hooper is calling Elton Pointer and
he's like, do you want to help us with the situation?
You know what I mean? So our whole family has
to go to Orenda Hills, which is northern California, Flornia Hills,
and we're in witness protection. Years later, all this witness
protection shit is coming up with like you know, Gotti
(15:49):
and send me the bull, and I'm going, oh, shit,
I've been in witness protection, do you know what I mean?
But like, yeah, the guys with the glasses, they all
come to the school in their life on and Jada
and Mallik, let's go jump in the car because he
put the Panthers put a hit on the entire Pointer family.
And I've never in my life heard anyone say anything
(16:09):
negative that's black about the Panthers, right, Like, I got
love for the concept of the Panthers, but they fucked
our family royally, you know. And so my aunt Bonnie
went and got June after all of this happened, and
started doing backgrounds for film More West. There's a film
(16:32):
more Eastern New York. There's one in Cresco, and so
that's on fool Around and Failed, And that's them, that's
June and Bonnie doing the backgrounds, not the Pointer sisters,
just those two. And then they did a Chicago does
anybody really know what time it is? And then they
(16:55):
did I Wonder under under who Boss gags? So they're
just my first my first time, Yeah, fucking right, goddamn no,
get this ship, bro, I'm fucking like this song. Every
time I heard it, it hit me a certain way
(17:17):
and I'm like, why is it hitting me a certain
way even though it's dope as fuck. I'm at the
IVY maybe ten years ago right talking to my aunt
and she's just going down all the songs she sang
backup on and she's like, yeah, that's me on Lowdown,
And I was like, what do you what lowdown? What
do you mean? She's like, boss Ad. I was like,
(17:37):
are you fucking serious right now?
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
She's like, oh, honey, we did everybody shit fucking guilty.
Barbara Streis say it, h yeah, STRAI said it with
Barry Gibb. Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Yeah. So my mom ends up marrying Dennis Edwards and
that's the guy that replaced David Ruffin. Okay. David Ruffan
is the original lead singer of the Temptations, and the
world was like, oh dude, the Temp's lost to David Ruffin.
They're done. It's over done. And then the first single
(18:16):
is Papa was a Rolling Stone. They're like, oh my god,
they're not done. So the world loved Dennis right, even
David had love for Dennis. Like everybody was like, we
can't believe that you were able to hold that up
where we didn't like go, there's no comparison. That sucks,
(18:37):
you know. So as a kid, my mom was doing
that whole scene in the Bay Area. As far as
like the gay movement in San Francisco at that time, right,
the Pointer Sisters were part of this theater group called
the the Cockettes. Okay, just a bunch of flaming dudes.
(19:01):
They were like, oh, we love these My mom's six
to one, right and they all wore the highest platforms.
They can get the mill one hands off. They were like,
we love these big black bitches, right, So they just
fucking r adopted them, right wow. In that click is
Gus van Zant, John Waters, Kenny ortega uh and whenever
(19:27):
Warhol was in on the West coast, So they ended
up in this click up in the Bay Area, right wow. Yeah,
So that crew was able to talk the city of
San Francisco into having a band at the San Francisco
(19:47):
Opera House never had a band ever, only classical music,
that's it. But those gay guys that ran San Francisco
were like, we want the Pointer Sisters at the Opera House.
So the first band anything like that that ever played
(20:08):
the Opera House was the Pointer Sisters, which is insane beautiful.
You know the T shirt that's a tuxedo, but it's
a T shirt. It's created for that show. Didn't exist
until that day.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Oh wow.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Yeah. And the reason is the Opera House is a
jacket required only venue, and somebody came up with that.
So in seventy three or whatever it is, right early seventies,
it's like, oh, these hippie looking people are showing up
and they don't have a jacket. You put on one
of these T shirts and now you're wearing a fucking
(20:46):
tuxedo and the back of it is like overall, so
it's like Dnim overalls on the back, but it's a
tuxedo in the front. Yeah my god.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Yeah. So remember that song one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
eleven twelve Sesame Street of course I do. That's me,
my sister and my cousin and the point of sisters.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Yeah. Wow man, yeah, beautiful stuff.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Huh yeah history. Yeah. So yeah, the Dennis Edwards scenario
brings in. At that time. You have a you got
Jim Brown, Ali, Malcolm Kareem, all of these guys are
(21:32):
talking to each other because they're like, jump on this movement.
In this whole thing, the civil rights. There's like an
energy going on, right, and so they want everyone that
has a lot of influence and star power and that
whole thing. They want everybody to be a part of it.
So Dennis was in that, you know, because he's the
(21:56):
lead singer of the Temptations. So it just brought uh
and plus my mom and my aunts went to Africa
when uh, I'll there right yeah, so and and like
I've never had anything belove for you on site, like
you've been so inclusive and because I'm a chronic re laughs,
(22:22):
fucking just weak hardude, Like I'm coming up on seven
and a half, like I'll be eight in February. So
but I'm just in and out and in and out.
And your love has always been consistent, like I don't
care to sit fuck down, you know what I mean.
And uh, it's it's not that way with everyone, by
the way, So I know the difference. Okay, born into
the addiction.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
She started partying early and then we got it.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
But I know you're such a good storyteller. And then
we got to talk about your father, legendary guy. Okay,
so you don't start you know, you're slim Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
People know the name film or Slim and the pimp name, right,
My dad's pimp name was Fat Sam.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
And when you see the movie American Gainster. Okay, right.
So when I was a kid, I remember Mickey Barnes.
I remember because the streets were buzzing talking about oh shit,
New York and the fucking dope scene. And so he
(23:25):
was the guy that we all knew on the cover
of Ebony, on the cover of Jet news Week, you
name it, he's the biggest drug dealer in the United
States that we knew. We see American Gainster when we're like,
he wasn't the biggest, he was the one that people
were talking about. But it was actually Frank Lucas. It
(23:47):
was the Denzel character. So in the Pimp game, everyone's
like Filmore Slim, when in actuality, it was Fat Sam
who was my dad who was like he was doing
the Like the concert scene up in the Bay Area
is controlled by a guy named Bill Graham. So down
here is whatever it is because.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Only say, some of the biggest festivals in the world
Bill Graham Productions.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Ladies in Joe Bill Graham presents. It's like, okay, the
guy in apocalypse. Now that brings the playboy bunnies to
the U. Oh right, remember he like did the little
show with the you know, the dancers or whatever. They're
really centerfolds or whatever. That was Bill Graham. Anyways, So
(24:32):
my dad provided like the rock and roll rock show
girls backstage. Okay, so he started doing the regular street
pimp and shit, and then he hooked up into that
scene where it's just like send this meaning girls backstage
and they just do whatever is needed, you know what
(24:54):
I mean. It's not a particular just be in the room,
got it, and you're super hot, and the guys just
kind of know if you need whatever you need, you're
gonna end up getting it. And he gets paid. Yeah,
you know, so it's a different type of pimping, but
still it's still pimping. And that was my dad anyways.
(25:15):
So yeah, yeah, I mean it's it's trust me. There's
some people out there that don't want me in my
family even bringing up the should I bring up you know,
but it is what it is. You know. That's that's
my mom. That's how my mom. My dad had my
mom on the street.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
So my mom ended up being a pop star, but
she used to be a prostitute, right, you know, and
my dad. You know, in today's world, in the whole
hip hop world, they're like, oh, I'm a pimp by blood,
and it's like something to say, yeah, you know, I'm
literally a pimp by blood. Not that that's a good thing,
(25:55):
you know what I mean. I'm sure there's certain traits
in it that are an asset because everything even you know, sure,
you know what I mean, some of these drug dealers,
you're like, goddamn, like I could have been the CEO
of whatever, you know. So but yeah, I started smoking
weedy taking quay ludes at like four or five there.
(26:18):
They give him a Kuai lude. He's two hyper. I
started uh snorting blow like around eleven, twelve three base.
I remember when when when John Lennon was assassinated, I
had been up for a couple of days freebase. I
with my uncle who was a big producer at Motown.
So you know, by the time I was seventeen, I
(26:42):
was shooting dope, you know. And the drugs scenario in
my house, my mom and my aunts were never home,
you know, and there was just so much you know,
the whole sex porn, you know, and freebasing. This is
(27:03):
before the crack thing. This is like the ether based world.
But uh yeah, you know that's that's the environment I
grew up in. And it was, you know, it was rough.
You know, nobody's celebrating fucking birthdays and Christmas or anything
like that. The concept of celebrating is that there's more drugs,
(27:25):
and when there's really enough drugs, it's not fun, right
at all.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
It's serious as that is, Bro, That's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
I mean it was a bummer. Bro. My uncle showed
up with like fucking three kilos, and you know, I
remember I remember bringing freebase just to school, you know,
because everyone knew I was a raging drug addict, you know.
So I was in my science class. You know, they
(27:56):
got all kinds of shit burming, you smell all kind
of weird, you know, and I was already taking hits
in the bathroom in school, and no one knew I
was taking hits because they weren't familiar with that smell,
you know what I mean. They're like they're looking for
weed cigarettes or cocoa puffs, but not the freebase smell.
(28:17):
Nobody was I literally had taken a hit, and my
principal came into the bathroom and knew I was in
the stall and was like, open up the door, and
that blown out a hit And he didn't know the smell,
you know what I mean, But there was already weed
and cigarette smell in the bathroom, you know what I mean.
(28:38):
So he was like, okay, so maybe you're not getting high,
you know. And meanwhile I'm all like bugged out, you know,
and I'm not all stones. So he was like, oh,
I thought you were in here a smug and weed,
you know, because his brain's not like, maybe you're in
here freebasing this way before anybody was hip to that ship.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
But anyway, well let me ask us about you know,
people could be listening to this right now then and go.
This fucking guy four years old, five years old started hard.
What happened to him? Like what the fuck? What was
he running from?
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Why was he so scared? Why was he putting all
these shit in his body at such a young age.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
When you grew up in that environment, nobody's present really,
So whatever I wasn't getting that, you would normally get
the hands on connection, Like my dad and my mom
didn't talk at all, never talked to him, never saw him,
and my mom was gone and high, you know high.
(29:34):
It's a fucking kite, you know. So there was no
connection on that. And my grandfather and my grandmother were
both ministers, and I used to sit at the breakfast table.
There was like this little round, like pale blue gringer
thing that you grind coke up in.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
Oh yeah, like you.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Get a nice big fucking eight ball and put it
the cruise on the bottom. Yeah yeah, and then you
got a powder. I used to grind that up and
fill up the vals for my mom while my grandmother's
making breakfast, and she would be like, I don't want
that on my table, you know. And my mom was like,
don't worry about her. Like everything I bought everything.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
She Nobody during that time pulled you inside and said, hey, well,
this is not how we roll here.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
This is what no one I went to school with,
like Remy Martin and Chrystall or Don perry On, and
you know, like an ounce of weed and like an
eight ball a blow, and you know, driving with no license.
You know, the cops would pull me over and call
my grandmother and be like, we know he's not even
(30:48):
sixteen yet, when we know he doesn't know it.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
I didn't give a fuck.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I didn't. I didn't even see it as that. I
didn't see it as don't give a fuck. With my family,
it was model to you. My family was like, we
are in charge, your grandmother and your grandfather with the whole,
you know, through the church thing. That is not how
we paid the bills. We pay it singing. So we're
(31:14):
in charge, and we're on drugs, so we don't look
at it as you can't be successful and be on drugs.
So you could do the drugs, just don't get caught,
you know, and don't tell them that we gave you
the drugs, you know. So it was just wild wild
(31:34):
West in my house.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
How old were you when the first time you realized,
oh something might be wrong here, I've got a problem.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Well, all I ever wanted to do was, you know,
get laid and do drugs. That's it. So freebasing. When
you're snorting, you still think you can kind of do whatever.
But once you start freebasing, you can't. Fuck You're not
(32:03):
gonna happen. I mean, I mean, granted, everybody thinks, oh yeah,
I'm gonna get some, and then because I have it,
I get to fuck you because I have it. They
kind of like the whole Rick James thing, right, me
and Rick. I knew Rick very well, and so the
whole image that Rick James has, there's not any part
of it this reality base. When I say none none, Right,
(32:29):
Rick James completely ignored whoever he brought with him while
he was high. He wasn't like, oh, ain kidding, He
ain't touching her and he don't want her touching him, Okay,
because if you get high, right, and if you have
like real money and you're buying keys and shit's clean,
you're not getting a fucking heart on.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
So that's out.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
So that's all bullshit, you know what I mean. If
you're doing some bunk coke, then you can fuck have
you just really you can't fuck right? So that's bullshit.
So any who, first time meanknew you had to like,
you know what, something's up here? I was like, uh,
because I wasn't interested in eating food or taking a shower.
(33:12):
I couldn't go anywhere, couldn't do then I knew. By
the time I was fifteen sixteen, you know, I was
still trying to go places. I had the band thing
up north that was but let's say I talk this
girl that I you know, like i'd go to the
prom or something and I'd be like, oh, yeah, you know,
(33:34):
I'm gonna get a bounce. You get the limo, Get
the girl. Now, get the girl fucking yelling at me
in the limo because I won't even look at her.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
I'm just.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
You're ruin this for me. You're kidding me, dude. I
thought she was like, one, okay, straight up right, like one,
it's a situation at that time, or a white girl
to be like, I'm gonna let this nigga fuck me.
It's a situation, bro. So she's got to deal with
the blowback of that, right. I was like, Yeah, I'm
(34:06):
I'm gonna go with you the problem, which means I'm
kind of sweet of agreeing to give you some pussy
right now, I'm go an dilemma with this negative won't
even look yeah at me at please don't touch me
and switch, please don't touch me please. She's like, are
you are you serious? Like you know what I mean,
I can't do shit. I'm scared. I'm scared of the girl.
(34:29):
Just touch me.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (34:31):
So that's when I knew this is not happening. Anyways,
So I ended up in LA and I ended up
at the carry unit.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
Oh wow, yeah, god damn.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Yeah. So that they took us to uh Lock Cabin.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
For people on know.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Log Cabin is a very famous AA meeting place in
West Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Yeah that so many people got it. Yeah, that's where
I met Carrie White. Yeah, I'm Carrie. Carrie White came
up to me and gave me your car. She was like,
I know what you need. And Carrie White's you know,
I don't even know not explain it, you know. Uh.
She was very blessed and brilliant. One. Okay, I'll give
(35:15):
you a night a Carrie White story. Kerry White had
a salon. She had a couple of salons. One of
her salons, she's got Elvis and Jimmy Hendrix downstairs, both
of them waiting to get their hair done, and she's
rolling around on roller skates and jumps with the torch.
(35:35):
Never does either one of their hair because she's too high. Right,
they're just waiting. She's like, I'm busy smoking for you.
Based so you know, so when I meet her, she
gives me your she goes, I know what you need
and she says it in that seductive because she sees
me at the back of the meeting standing around looking
at it. I'm not there to fucking be sober. I'm
(35:55):
there to see who's hot, right, you know, I know
what you need your card. I'm like, oh my god,
this older, blonde, white lady is hitting on me at
the meeting, right not. So she has me go meet
her at all these different meetings and she doesn't show
(36:16):
up to one of the meetings.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
She has me meet her at.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
And every time I went to a meeting with Donald Madden,
who's like back in the day, like all these different
big wigs in AA, She's like, go to this meeting
and I'd walk in and the guy would be like,
your seat is right up front, and I'm like, where's Carrie.
She's not coming. Just sit the fuck down, shut up.
So I met like everybody who was anybody in AA
(36:42):
as far as men, through Carrie because she never met
me for a month, but we were talking on the phone.
I'm going through some stuff I'm working. But she did
it on purpose, and she invited me to her house
with her partner at the time, this lady Damien. She
was like, I'm gay. I was just I knew that
you were incapable of going and doing what you should
(37:06):
do to save your life, right unless I threw some
shit on it. Right, So I just met you at
the way how you were behaving.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
That's beautiful, that's right. And it worked, It worked, you know.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
What I mean? Yeah, it worked, And and her and
Damien they were rubbing my face and going, you need
to fucking do this and stop fucking around. This disease
you have is serious. But that moment, I'll never forget
that moment in log cabin at that time.
Speaker 3 (37:32):
You know, this happened a little bit.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
I was like the seed was planning.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
What the fuck is this? You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (37:43):
You know, but it didn't stick.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
It didn't stick. I needed to get some shit out
of my I was corroded inside with all this bullshit.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Right, let's talk about that. What was the bullshit?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
What was was just the you know, the whole thing
of like no connection with my dad or my mom
being on tour and that no connection to that, and
the incest in the house and the drugs and all
of that stuff. I needed to go through the process.
You know, that's outlined in the fucking book. You know,
(38:20):
but I didn't know that, you know. And everyone was like, hey,
you know just recently over the last ten years, you know, okay,
you know, sweep the floor. I'm off the floor, set
up the chairs, great, make the coffee, sugartte butts. I'm like, okay,
I don't get it. Why do you think that is
(38:42):
going to help me with this over here? And they're like,
here's the thing. We're all sober, and that's what we
know how to do. We know how to fix people
like you because we were like you. So we know how.
You don't know how. You don't know, dick, but you
(39:04):
know how to try to chase pussy money and get high.
You don't know fucking nothing about how this works. Okay,
And so I know, you know, you have a kid
and you have to give them like building blocks and
some stuff. You got to keep them. Here's some stuff
to occupy that thing, because you'll fucking light the curtains
(39:28):
on fire right on accident. You'll you know, go to
the stove, turn that you'll do some shit. And so
that's what all this little fucking weird shit in AA
is like, let me distract you from your first action,
right and then they're gonna take you down this path.
(39:51):
You know, it's like fucking the Wizard of Oz. Right,
weird shit, bro, right now you're gonna do this, and
you do that at this page saying don't be in
a hurry, and and say like, what does that have
to do with what I told you? Is wrong with me?
And they're like, you can't handle that yet. Just try
to do what we're telling you, you know what I mean.
(40:13):
Just try to you know, set up some chairs and
that I make your bed, and I'm like, okay, anyways,
so eventually I start doing this shit one the whole
tape of your a complete loser piece of shit. When
you do that shit, when you make your bed and
(40:33):
you do this and you and you do something for
the meeting, then you feel like it's kind of okay
for you to be at the meeting, even though you
know you were a worthless piece of shit, but you
did something. And then people were like, oh, that fucking idiot,
he's the one that set up chairs and shit. And
they're like oh god, and you're like, oh my god,
(40:55):
I'm the one that did it, you know, And eventually
you're like, Okay, what I did find out is there's
that part of it. And then when you're talking to
another person who has it as bad or is having
a bad moment or has it worse, and that inner
(41:16):
action of hope my tape and Satan like Satan to
me is like standing right over here just like I'm
just waiting for you to stop doing little let me
(41:40):
be a decent human type action. Yeah, because Nick, I'm
right here. I hope you stop. I'm so waiting for
you to stop. The problem is is he can't even
come anywhere near me while I'm doing it, amen ever ever, ever, Right,
So that's the weird thing that I felt, doubt that
(42:00):
if someone's going through anything, you don't even have to
be going through anything. If I just show up and
try to be of service, can't come in, You're not
gonna happen at all. It's like some weird dome. Right,
It's like the devil repellent, right, can't come in, can't
break the forest fill. Ever. Now, as soon as I
(42:23):
get into my big plans of how great I am
and my ego and this and that, then he starts
he wants to like connect to the ego, you know,
just morph you know, you know what I'm saying, it's
like it's so weird, right, It's like it's like it'll
just lay right on top of some shit and you'll
look and you'll be like you won't even know, you know,
(42:44):
like these horror movie type shit, right, or some weird
parasite or some shit like it'll just morph into some
shit and it doesn't matter what it is. The devil
jumps on my ass in every area of my life
that has nothing to do with rugs, right, and then
you know, let me, let me just it's like a
(43:06):
Boa constrictor just like the Alien movie, like, let me
just make you so hopeless that the only relief you
could get. You have two options. Now You've got God
and tell on yourself or get high and that there's
no other options.
Speaker 3 (43:20):
Say that again, but it's so beautiful television.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
No, there's no there's just help me, right, okay, you know,
and for me, God is in the empathy and compassion
of you and guys like you, Kerrie White, dude. Yeah,
when I say hopeless, no point, I'm only here from
(43:49):
somebody else being like I don't want to deal with it, bro,
I don't want to go to your funeral. Right, So
you won't do this for you? Can you? Over and
over again? Chuck la Valley, Chuck Negron, Bob Timmins, Tony
moorehead You, Howard Samuels, Carrie White, lynd Ald Already, Gloria Scott,
(44:16):
just people going, can you not do this to me?
Just for one second? Just do this one action for me?
Because you can't do it for you.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
Can you do it for me?
Speaker 1 (44:28):
Because it's gonna be such a bummer for me if
you don't do this for me. And then I go
do it, and I'm like, wow, okay, okay, I've just
dodged the bullet of killing myself because I don't have
a reason. I'm such a fucking loser. What's the point, right?
And someone's just like one second, just one second, just
(44:51):
give me a second of your time. You know.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
I would go to rehab.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
And you know you're checking and rehab because you're dying,
You're going I would, Yeah, I need help, please help
me get some sleep. Eat. Now, the people with the rehab,
I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Like? Why the fuck? What?
I let you tell me what to do? I checked it.
(45:19):
There was a guy named Kyle that read the carry
unit I check in because I'm dying and I don't
have a clue what I suffer from, and I have
no idea what alcoholism or drug addiction is, and I
have no idea of how to save my own life.
And the people that run the rehab right, they're like, well,
(45:44):
we're all sober and we know how to deal with
alcoholism and drug addiction. Like, we're not here for your
feelings about being black or your career goal. We're only
here to be like this. We have a job, and
our job is to teach you how to not get high.
(46:08):
Start there, don't get high, then how to keep it.
That's the exchange that we want to give you while
you're a rehab and that's why I check in. And
five minutes into being there, I'm like, who the fuck
are you? You can't help me, you don't know shit.
I'm like, I don't like your shoes, I don't like
(46:30):
your hair, you're too fat, you're not black. I don't
give a fuck. What kind of case I got to build?
And no listener to you this. I'm on that case immediately.
I'm not listening to you.
Speaker 3 (46:42):
The definance of an attic is extraordinary.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
What's the point in going to rehab, sober living, any
of it. I do all you know, I do this shit.
And then I don't want to listen to these people,
and I'm building cases and I'm finding reasons, and I
listen to them. And the one thing that qualifies them
to be able to tell me anything is that they
(47:07):
have all the sober time. Right. That is the only
reason I went there. It was just right. I didn't
I'm gonna check in there for my career. It's not
why I checked in. I couldn't stop getting high, as
why I checked in, get it, got it, but just
did what they said. I would have got my wife
when I was seventeen, bro right, And instead I found
(47:30):
the reason to not listen and relapse. And I thought
when I relaped, I didn't know that if I relapsed, right,
I'm gonna relapse right here, so I'll get sober right here.
I didn't know I relapsed right here, and then I
get sober three and a half years later, right. I
didn't know if that's how it go was if right?
Speaker 3 (47:46):
If so?
Speaker 1 (47:48):
I didn't realize, like I can take direction when I'm
when I'm in a when I've already decided fuck aa
it doesn't even matter if that's the case. Basically, I
take direction from anyone. I don't think I've ever had
bad direction.
Speaker 3 (48:08):
Ever.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
I don't care how fucking lame you are. I don't
every single person that said something to me, right, if
I did what they said, my life would be better
than now my life is. But see, I found a reason, Like,
you know, the devil mutes the truth, bro the devil
meets the truth. It just, dude, I just freaked out
(48:33):
on every reap every so we're living every I just
found a way to not listen, you know, And like
I went to jail for like ninety days once, right,
best Malk I've ever met, you know, because I couldn't
get to my mask and my costumes and my my
(48:58):
different fixes to avoid hearing my own voice, right, you
know what I'm saying. So when I'm in jail and
I can't do dick, the judge was like, he goes,
if I see you in my courtroom again, don't hire
an attorney. I don't give a fuck. This is not
(49:18):
a money thing. It's not a this it's nothing. There's
no point. So I get arrested, you know, Alvarado down
there by MacArthur Park for the third time. The guy's like, nope,
don't matter, you know, don't care. Let's talk about the
moment when God came through and you weigh and you
were all in and when you got clean. Oh this
(49:41):
last time I got clean. Howard Samuels, I was at
Sundowners crying because they relapsed again. You know, Oh dude,
I don't know what's wrong. And he was like, this
girl was Dayton Rosie or whatever. He's like, take him
(50:02):
up to the hills, take him right now. But I'm
just calling whatever.
Speaker 2 (50:10):
And I get up there right treatment center up in
the Hollywood Forever. Yeah, it doesn't know the hill.
Speaker 1 (50:16):
So this guy's like, you know, gray hair, good looking,
blue blood East Coast. Right, I've had so many things
happened throughout my life where like heart and soul crushing
as a black man, where a guy that looked like
(50:36):
Howard was behind it. Yeah right, Saw. I'm like, okay,
yeah right. So I go and I go to talk
to him and he goes. Just so you know, I
don't need to hear anything about your life. I don't
even care. There's not one thing about your life that
I care about. I don't care what I do care
(50:58):
about is that you figure out what you've been doing, okay,
so that you could stop doing that. So when we
get to step foward, because as far as I'm concerned
with you being here, and it's how long you've been
around the program, he's say, we'll do some speed shit
as far as one, two, and three, but you're here, right.
(51:22):
My concern is your inventory, and in the inventory, my
concern is your part, right, because I want to shut
down your part. I want you doing shit you should do.
I want you not doing shit you shouldn't do. So
let's just focus on those two things. That's it, okay,
(51:46):
Not what your mom did, not what the white man did,
not what no one did about nothing, just what you
do and don't do.
Speaker 3 (51:55):
Why'd you listen to him? Though?
Speaker 1 (51:58):
I was completely defeat and I was like, this guy's
letting me be in his place, which was unbelievably nice
and all of that shit. And I had been around
Howard my whole sobriety just about that the cap and
like when I first came around, he was there, you
know what I mean. He looks like a regular older
(52:20):
guy kind of When I met Howard, he was as
skinny as I am now for the ponytail right at
the cabin, crying over some girl that fucked his friend
or some shit, right shit, and we're all going to breakfast,
and I saw the guy over there crying and I
invited him. I was like, come with us, right, and
(52:44):
he was like, oh, dude, that's cool, Like you're a
nice guy, you know. So he was like, I remember
you might even started. Yeah. So I was like, okay,
this guy, you know, he came here sober from New
York though, you know, and he was a like in
the middle of a case of like trying to you know,
(53:07):
smuggle some heroin from Afghanistan. Yeah, I was supposed to
go to prison for a long time. So he ends
up in a halfway house in New York with Puerto
Ricans and niggas from prison. And he's like some blue
blood kid. So he had a different kind of grimy
of like I know, you know, he's like, I know
(53:30):
the entitlement he saw you, right, he saw you grow.
He's like, I get this privileged bullshit that Like he's like,
if I didn't find some self esteem, it was a
rap for me, right rap, because my dad had accomplished
all the shit. I had to find some self worth
and some and some self esteem so that when the
(53:53):
devil came to get me, I could be like, you
got to come back later, bro, I'm right in the
middle of her right now. I got shit going now
right now. You catch me later maybe, but as long
as I'm doing what I'm doing, you got no chance
with me. So anyway, I end up in his place
and he goes, He goes, I'm gonna help you with everything,
and he goes, I need you to not fuck anyone
(54:14):
here because you're here for free, and he needs you
to not get high, and he goes, if someone up
here gets high and they don't get kicked out, if
someone up here fucks another client and they don't get
kicked out, it's not your fucking business. Like, I need
you to not do any of that shit. I started
(54:35):
getting up before anybody else and doing every chore I
can get my hands on, because I couldn't believe this
guy was like what you need. I was like, ugh,
you know, I'm fighting with the girl and she turned
off the phone. He was like, here's a phone. Oh,
I need a fucking you know, my aunt's fucked up
and I need a you know, I need a cataract surgery. Okay,
(54:58):
set it up. He was like, He's like, if you
do what I told you to do right, every problem
that you have is our and it's our problem. I'm
gonna do it with you. Okay. I'm gonna do it
with you and get you on your feet and then
you'll be able to handle it on your own. And
it was just freaky bro it. I was so aimed
(55:25):
to please, did not want to disappoint this guy right. Like,
I don't even know how to explain it. I had
that with my grandmother when I was a kid, you
know what I mean, one you know, football coach. But
like this thing happened with me and the sky where
I was like it was more about him than it
was me. I was just doing what I thought he
(55:47):
would be like, I'm so proud of you. I had
no connection to what I was doing. I just start
doing it and then all of a sudden, I was like,
this is weird. I don't feel like a little piece
of shit loser. I don't want to die, you know.
It's just like kicked in and I didn't see it coming.
And that's this weird magic focus pocus shit that they
(56:12):
talk about. He's like, I need you to go through
the work with me. I don't care if you understand it.
I don't care if you feel it. I don't definitely
don't care if you want to do it. That has
nothing to do with it. Let's just do it, you know.
And I started doing all this shit with them, going
through the book, writing down, you know, journaling and taking
(56:38):
other guys from the hills to meetings and all the shit.
And it just changed everything from me everything, So you know,
all these years under the umbrella of Carrie White, and
it never ever did anything she told me to do
(56:59):
and nothing she told me not to do. It just
was a shit show. But she's in my fucking DNA
from from always being I mean, she sleeping on the couch,
rude canal, you name it. She did everything with me
and for me, you know, And I know that it's
(57:25):
not about enabling and financial shit in this program. I
know that it's not. Here's the thing though, when I
played the tape that I don't know factually, I don't
know this factually. What I've been told is that Bill
Wilson let a bunch of drunks take over his fucking
(57:47):
house in his marriage, like they took over the house.
I'm gonna put a guy everywhere I can. This one
goes in that, this one goes on the couch, right,
I have this much money. I gotta help that guy
with this. I gotta help that guy with that.
Speaker 3 (58:06):
That's what we do, not not.
Speaker 1 (58:08):
I take you through the book. The rest of your
life ain't my fucking problem. And see that is not
what I come from. I wouldn't be here if it
was just the book and not personal because the shit
the Boogeyman, yeah right in my head, which is bullshit
(58:28):
that I'm scared of, Like I need a guy to
hold my hand like a little bitch that I am.
I'll walk me through and go, dude, what is It's
not going to kill you? This form of avoiding How
this makes you feel like, I'm so serious about not
(58:49):
feeling it, the shame, the less than and that goes
with everything. I'm so terrified that I'm too dumb and
I'm too not worth someone's time or not worth it
or enough to even try. I'm gonna fail all of
(59:12):
that shit. And so Alcoholics Anonymous, these angels just showed
up in my life and was like, come on, man,
let's do this, let's do this, let's do that, this that,
because I just me by myself, Nope, can't do it.
I'd rather get high than expose that I'm too dumb
(59:34):
and I can't or I don't have enough self esteem
or self worth to even try, right, And so people
in the program knew that's what it really was, like
some old Bravado try to dodge ship shape ship to
not deal with my life. I needed people to walk
me through my life, not just the book, like this
(59:58):
is what's driving me crazy, Like talk to me, tell
me what's going on. Okay, we got to go do that.
And I was like, well, can we do it later?
Now we're doing it today, motherfucker. Like people started walking
me through my own life and it didn't kill me,
but not dealing with it was killing me. Every area
(01:00:19):
of life, work, you know, you name it, dealing with
my uh, trauma, shit, every area. So thank god for
alcoholics Anonymous and this tribe that we're in. There's no
judgment of I was a hoe, drug dealer, this that,
(01:00:41):
whatever the fuck it is here, it's just we're here
to help each other walk through all that.
Speaker 3 (01:00:48):
Shi firing line. You're always there to help. But no
matter who they are, what, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (01:00:52):
You're there.
Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
You're always spreading the love.
Speaker 1 (01:00:53):
I just think that the whole world would be a
better place if everybody was in the program. I know that.
You know, it's not our job to push AA on anyone,
and a person has to self diagnose themselves. We can't
do it for them. Granted, we're constantly talking to each
(01:01:18):
other about how we feel and where you're at, like
how you're don't really you know, and the rest of
the world. They don't get down like that. It's all
about what it looks like and not telling the truth.
That's the whole world. It's like not dealing with whatever
it actually is because it can't get better if you listen.
(01:01:42):
My mom is the only pointer sister that's alive, and
everybody else in the group is dead, and they're all
dead from I have money and I don't talk. Okay,
they don't talk because they're like, are you trying to
(01:02:06):
talk to me about reality and how I feel or something? Okay,
you're fucking dismissed because I can afford to replace you
in the lineup of people that work for me.
Speaker 3 (01:02:21):
You know what I mean? Big time brother.
Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
That's one of the curses of being successful is that
who's going to tell you the truth about anything?
Speaker 2 (01:02:31):
Tell the story and we'll wrap on this. When my
brother Downy called you, I think you were at rehearsal
or I think I.
Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
Was backstage in Vegas at the Cosmopolitics, okay, and we're
watching Tropical Thunder okay, right, you in the band, right,
the whole band. We're in the dressing room, we're watching
Tropical Glendor. My phone rings while we're watching it, and
I look at my phone and it says Downy on
my phone. I'm like, no way, So I FaceTime him, right,
(01:03:04):
and then the whole dressing room, I'm like, hey, you guys,
come here. Look at who's on the phone. And he's
like looking at you know, these are just like regular
guys right there, Like, whoa dude, it's right, you know whatever,
And I know, anonymity whatever. And I don't think he
would care because he's the one that called me so anyway,
and he goes, Okay, yeah, yeh, I said hi to
your friends and all that shit. He goes, there's a
(01:03:24):
reason I called you, though, and he goes, I need
you to walk me through something. I go what he goes.
I've been driving around looking at this guy in this tent.
There's a guy in a tent taking heads, right, I
don't want to get in the tent. He's like, I
know that, Like my life is where my life's at, right, Okay,
(01:03:48):
He's like, gude, I'm I am so tired of being
an iron man and all this shit. I'm I want
to burn it to the ground, bro. And he's like,
I hate to throw this in your face, but you know,
I know you're a chronic relapser, so I know that
(01:04:10):
you probably don't have a lot of time, and you're
pretty close, not too far away from your last hit. Like,
walk me through why I shouldn't get in the tent
with the guy, you know what I mean? He's like,
I just want to I want to get out of
my life. I don't want to deal with it anymore.
And just you know, and grow one. You know you
(01:04:37):
won't be able to do shit, Like whatever you don't
want to do is the reason you want to take
a hit. You can't whatever, however your favorite food, it
won't taste the same. You won't take a shower. You
can throw fucking out the window. That ain't gonna happen,
like it all goes away. You know, you don't want
to do this over, bro, You know you don't want
(01:04:59):
to do it again. And if you're lucky, all you
get to do is come back as a newcomer, you
know what I mean. If you're lucky, if you're if
you're lucky, if you're lucky, And he's like, thank you,
I love you, Da da da da. We were in
fucking fry health together, you know. And what's so magical
about that story, buddy, is he knew to ask for help.
(01:05:22):
He knew the right guy to call.
Speaker 2 (01:05:24):
Oh, he was like this motherfucker right here on I
got because he knew come on, and at the height
of his thing disease, I give a fuck, yeah at all,
doesn't give doesn't.
Speaker 1 (01:05:36):
Matter, and it definitely wants to embarrass you in front
of the world. That's what he wants to do, especially
if you're up right. Because Robert is a junkie like
you and me. He'll pad his oscar for a time.
That cat people forget that. Let me let me tell
you this one story of the first Iron Man premiere.
(01:05:59):
I met a ark flight for Ironman premiere. Okay, take
this girl sit there, and you know they have a
guy come out and tell you the deal like this movie, Dude,
I'm in the front row. It was downy, of course
it was. He came out in the little outbit to
(01:06:22):
describe the movie. He goes, Malick, what are you doing here?
While the girl sitting there. The girl is like, yeah, rude,
the fuck are you? Bro? I mean, he dude, that's
the kind of caddy. She couldn't give me that pussy
fast and I'm not knowing that's gonna happen. Bro. It
(01:06:48):
was insane, dude. One of the dopest things that's ever
happened to me.
Speaker 3 (01:06:52):
Thank you, my brother.
Speaker 2 (01:06:53):
Get lad in the bathroom at the set around adult.
What do you want to say to people that are struggling?
Speaker 3 (01:06:57):
What do you want? What's the message? What do we
want to wrap it up?
Speaker 1 (01:06:59):
Here's the deal alcoholism and drug addiction. Just like we're
serving a sentence. Okay, If you get sentence with alcoholism
and drug addiction and you go through the process and
work these steps and get in this community, it turns
you into a person that you're gonna suffer like there's
(01:07:26):
no tomorrow or you have to The only way out
is to help other people. There is nothing else. So
your sentence to Okay, for the rest of my life,
I have to help other people. Otherwise guaranteed I'm going
(01:07:49):
to drink again, get loaded again. Period, No defans or butts. Okay.
So everyone that really gets into that part of the
deal of helping other people, it's like, oh, I got
alcoholism and drug addiction, What of the fuck my life's over?
(01:08:09):
And so it turns us into this best form of ourselves, okay,
because you have to do what the concept of the
word god, you have to do that in order to
not die from alcoholism and drug addiction.
Speaker 3 (01:08:29):
You have to do it. I have to.
Speaker 1 (01:08:33):
And let's say you don't die or relapse you're miserable
as fuck, or you do it, and it puts us
in a position to be the best form of ourselves.
And I didn't know that, bro, but this is this
thing puts me in a situation where that's the only
(01:08:55):
way I get to be happy. And I love it.
It's dope.
Speaker 3 (01:08:58):
Yeah, I know you do straight up.
Speaker 2 (01:09:00):
Brother, Listen man, From day one with you, nothing but love.
I always saw the greatness in you. I'm so fucking
excited to see what's next for you in the chapter
of your life because you're tapped in.
Speaker 3 (01:09:10):
Brother.
Speaker 1 (01:09:11):
Oh, thank you, I love you.
Speaker 3 (01:09:12):
Thanks for coming.
Speaker 1 (01:09:12):
I love you too. I'm a little jealous of what
you're wearing because I had no idea how he was
gonna bring it like this, you know, I was.
Speaker 3 (01:09:18):
I thought you were to come in with what you were.
Speaker 2 (01:09:21):
I knew, right, that's okay, but how the interview it
was great, But fucking Sino's wearing their mister turkey got
going up.
Speaker 1 (01:09:29):
I should go in the bathroom and make him give
me his outfit.
Speaker 3 (01:09:33):
I'm gonna thank your God speed buddy, Thank you man,
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:09:37):
The Sino Show is a production of iHeart Podcasts, hosted
by me Cina McFarlane, produced by pod People and twenty
eighth av Our.
Speaker 3 (01:09:46):
Lead producer is Keith Carlik. Our executive prouser is Lindsay Hoffman.
Marketing lead is Ashley Weaver. Thank you so much for listening.
We'll see you next week.
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