September 30, 2020 • 26 mins
What does it mean to be an ally? How can we use your own privileges to help others? How do we make sure our posts aren’t just performative? In this episode, we discuss how to create sustainable change, and why it’s needed now more than ever.
Be sure to listen to MILCK’s music here.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello everyone, Hi guys, Welcome back to the Secret Syllabus podcast.
The Secret Syllabus is a production of The Female Quotation
and I Heart Radio. College is supposed to be one
of the most transformative views of your life, so Hannah
and I are here to help. This podcast by college
students for college students is to discuss everything from body
(00:23):
positivity to being active in the causes that matter to us.
This is the class you do not want to miss,
we promise. I'm Katie Tracy and I'm Hannah Ashton. As
we all know, there is a lot happening from climate change,
the Black Lives Matter movement, domestic violence issues, and more.
And we're all told to be allies. But you may
be thinking, what does being an ally actually mean? I
(00:46):
think this definition changes a lot for me, But right now,
it means listening to other people's stories, especially those that
you may not identify with, so that you can better
understand their issues and then take it upon yourself to
lift them however you can. How do you make sure
the ally ship isn't performative? It's my question, yes, and
I know we talked about this in the interview, but
(01:08):
I think there's an element to it where you're doing
more work in real life than just online. You know,
you can post um and share about organizations, but if
you are sharing about them on social media, maybe also
try to donate money or volunteer hours. Yeah, I think
performative allyship can be tricky, especially in the age of
social media and personal branding as well, But at the
(01:30):
end of the day, you know whether you're being an
honest ally and I just recommend to do your research,
educate yourself. I think once you learn about other people's problems,
you really do find that you sympathize because I'm sure
you are a good person. Whoever is listening. Also, just
be aware of your audience, but don't do everything just
(01:50):
to please them. It should really come from you m HM.
And as social media creators ourselves. I know that we've
been working through this and it can be tough mental
if you're consuming just all this um you know, sad
and negative media. But something I have done it's just
taken time to reflect offline as well and maybe journal
take note of my emotions and why I'm feeling these
(02:11):
emotions in private spaces, and also think about what is
the personal history that I've lived through that has either
brought me this privilege or lack of privilege, and you know,
thinking about my family background, UM and how you can
make a difference. On the note of privilege, I'd love
to ask, how can we use our own privileges to
help others? I think for me, as first a content
(02:32):
creator and also an international student, it means number one,
using my platform to teach people what I'm learning and
if I don't, if I don't feel like I'm educated
in that topic, then it means passing the mic to
someone who does know how to talk about that topic.
And as a student, you know, I'm constantly learning things
in class and learning from conversations with friends, So just
(02:54):
sharing everything that I learned from those conversations with my
online community as well. M M. I find college to
be a great place to have conversations, especially in class.
It maybe a little bit of a safer space. You're learning,
you're engaging with one another, and then also taking those
conversations offline and out of class. UM to have the
tough conversations with your friends, Katie, I'd love to know
(03:17):
how you find your voice online to share about these topics. Yeah,
this is tough, especially during the pandemic. I've had a
lot of time to think about this, and the first
thing for me is definitely be patient with yourself. I
think it can be intimidating when you have a platform
and people demand answers from you, they expect you to
comment on everything. But for me, it's meant realizing that
(03:38):
this education process is an ongoing one. I can't, you know,
understand the world in twenty four hours. And I don't
also want to falsely share anything when I don't feel
like I am educated on that topic. Um is I'm
sure that there is some unique topic or cause or
issue that speaks to you more than another. And another
(04:01):
way to find your voice is to filter things out,
so you know, when you absorb all this news and
information coming at you, what do you find resonates with
you the most, What pain do you feel and what
is so upsetting that it makes you want to change it?
And just following that has helped me slowly come to
develop my voice. Hmm, that's so good, and I know it.
(04:24):
It really can be tough, um And I kind of
want to speak into maybe what worries I've had and
what you've had about not being a good ally and
just be honest on here about that. Because I grew
up in a predominantly white area. I looked at the
stats and my hometown is white, half of my family
is Puerto Rican, so I feel like I have more
(04:44):
personal experiences when it comes to Latin x injustices. But
what has worried me for a while is that I
didn't have access to a lot of black culture growing up. Thankfully,
I did get on YouTube young, and that is kind
of what introduced me um to more cultures, and I
was able to learn through watching other creators that didn't
look like me Um. However, what I'm doing now is
(05:06):
making sure that I'm educating myself through diversifying the feed
and of course asking friends to better understand and appreciate
black culture. And I love how that is a theme
running through media and now as well. That is amazing
and I totally feel the same way. I grew up
in the Philippines my whole life, so I didn't grow
up to a lot of black culture either, or white
(05:27):
culture or l g B t Q plus for that matter.
It was very homogeneous Asian for me. But just like you,
growing up on YouTube and the online space has exposed
me to different cultures and now it's something I'm a
huge fan of learning about other people. Realizing that the
Internet really makes it easier to bridge connections across the world.
(05:48):
It's it's really never been easier and it's fascinating. Yeah.
On a final question, how do you be an ally
with groups you don't have the opportunity to interact with
in person? That is such a good question and I
think today our guests Connie Limb answers so many of
our questions just like that about ally ship activism and
using our voices to get involved in powerful movements. Connie Limb,
(06:11):
also known as Milk, is a Los Angeles based singer songwriter,
and she also shares her powerful story with us. So
let's get right into the interview. Hi, Connie, welcome to
the show. Your name on stage is Milk. How did
that name come about and what does it mean to you? Hi?
I'm so excited to be on this podcast with you both. So, Yeah,
(06:34):
my name is Connie Kimberly Limb and my artist's name
is Milk. So my last name is spelled L I M.
And my first two initials are c K for Connie
Kimberly and I decided to scramble up my name. So
I spelled my last name Limb backwards, and then so
it turns out to be M I L. And then
I tacked on c K Connie Kimberly. It was my
(06:55):
moment of wanting to free myself of the expectation that
the traditional Chinese culture has and that I've bought into.
I just had a really ravenous hunger for acceptance. So
Milk is kind of my third culture name. At age seven,
(07:16):
you wrote your first composition to healthy people at such
a young age. Did you remember your intention in writing it?
It's so interesting because when I wrote that first composition,
what happened was I was watching Captain Planet at like
six am in the morning. It was my favorite cartoon,
and there was a commercial about children in African countries
(07:37):
who were not able to find food every day, and
I just found that mind blowing. Because I had snacks,
I got lunch every day. I never had to worry
about being hungry, you know. Seeing kids my age on
the TV screen really moved me, and so I think
it was like a couple weeks later, I started learning
how to write music, how to score and write the
(07:59):
notes and learn how to write in the rhythm and
communicate that on writing. My piano teacher and I she
helped me write down my ideas because I'd like to
plunk out melodies and stuff and and she's like, well,
what do you want to name your very first composition ever?
And I thought, I want to name it the most wonderful, powerful,
beautiful thing I can think of. And I was like, oh,
(08:20):
what if all of the world was just healthy, like
no one was hungry? And so I said healthy people.
And that's how I name my first song. And I
remember being in like fourth or fifth grade and being
embarrassed by it because I think I started being called
naive or idealistic. It just wasn't as cool and quote
(08:43):
unquote smart to be hopeful about the goodness of humanity.
Then fast forward many many years when I was thirty
years old and Quiet went viral. It was really interesting
because Quiet was one of my songs where I wasn't
thinking about, oh, I want to write a cool vibe song,
I want to make people bop their heads or whatever.
I was more I want to write this thing so
(09:06):
I can be well again, Like I need to free
myself of the narrative that I'm bad, and so I
needed to heal. I wanted to be healthy. And when
I wrote that song and then it went viral, my
little brother, who's seven years younger than me, he was like,
you know what's crazy is that this is completely you.
You've been this person since you were so young. And
(09:27):
he said that because I've had moments where I've tried
to be other people, to try to impress or try
to fit the industry. It's like this habit that I've
built because I've been trying to fit into the Chinese culture,
trying to fit too American culture. It was really nice
to be like, oh, this is like healthy people, but
me as a thirty year old woman rather being a
seven year old girl. It's so interesting to hear how
(09:50):
other women who are like yourself making change today and
what their thoughts were younger. So I loved hearing about that.
You've mentioned that you've struggled with mental illness and school,
and so I'm wondering if that or any part of
your heritage has shaped you as an activist and or
as a musician. I am an anxious human being. I
(10:12):
also have depression, and it's chronic and sometimes it hits
me out of nowhere, And sometimes it happens over the
course of a few weeks and all of a sudden,
I'm in the trough of depression. I'm like, oh, and
I my whole life, I've had to observe myself more,
and I didn't know that I had it until maybe
(10:32):
my mid twenties. I also think that part of the
mental health journey has also been a nurtured aspect, because,
like I said, this idea of not really feeling like
I belonged in any particular place really exacerbated that feeling
of depression maybe already had it, and then to feel
(10:54):
like I didn't know how to express to my family
or to my peers what I truly felt was really
lee suffocating, and I felt like I was very alone. However,
I did find a couple of outlets. One was boys um,
which turns out to be something that ended up being
like quite unhealthy. I felt like the only time I
(11:18):
was calm and present and really in my body was
when I was making art, whether it was illustrating, whether
it was sewing something, whether it was playing piano or
singing or writing poetry. Music became an amazing way to
say all the things I needed to say. With songwriting,
I don't have to know exactly what I need to
(11:39):
say right away. I don't have to have wit on
the spot, like you know, say in a rat battle
or improv comedy or in a real conversation with my parents.
Um I can go to my room. I can close
out the world. I can process how I'm feeling, and
I can give myself time and I can craft each
(12:00):
lyric to try to explain what that crazy sensation is
that's running through my body when I feel pain, when
I feel rage, when I feel joy, when I feel
a crush, like all the things. I just became obsessed
with the puzzle of how to combine melody and words
(12:23):
and patience. How do I use those three ingredients to
craft like the perfect representation of this feeling. I believe
that when we do speak our truths, we become more free,
and music has helped me do that, and I want
my music to do the same for others. When I
was younger, I was hungry to be accepted, so I
(12:44):
focused on things like fame because I wanted to prove
to others that I was worthy. But now that I
am getting older, and there's this sense of grounded nous
of actually we just matter period. So if I'm going
to do this art, if I'm going to serve, I
(13:05):
want it to be in service of bettering society. I
don't need to make this about me. There's a lot
of narcissism in media, but there is a culture of
people who are using art to serve and I want
to be part of that. I feel the same way.
I also went on a journey where because I struggled
with family expectations and living up to that, I turned
(13:27):
to many different things, creativity being one of them, and
it's been such a healing process. What did it mean
to you when you performed at the Woman's March in Washington,
d C? And just know that so many people resonated
with your song's message. Yeah, so there's a couple of
parts of that question. What did it mean to me
to perform at the Women's March? And then what did
(13:48):
it mean to me to experience the reaction to it afterwards?
I would say that the experience of performing at the
Women's March was so awesome because it was all about
enjoying the process, like following my big yes. When I
was planning my trip to go to the Woman's March.
(14:10):
I had just gotten dropped by my management and I
had zero idea where my career was going. I didn't
know how I was gonna sustainably make money. At that time,
I was living with my boyfriend. I was like, am
I just going to be this girlfriend who doesn't know
how to pay rent? Or like what's happening? But then
Trump got elected and this fire came within me and
(14:31):
there was this instinct within me where I was like,
I have to share this song that I wrote. I
was like, for some reason, I just feel like it's
really related to this moment, because like, everything he's making
me feel right now is what I felt to make
that song quiet. When I approach my art from a
joyful place of how can I serve the people who
(14:53):
are going to experience this, it feels like it's coming
from this really sacred place, so it's actually really entered jizing.
So the more I thought about it, the more energy
I got. I didn't like sleep. Sometimes I was like
working on the choir arrangement. I was recruiting strangers to sing,
and I was just like, I just felt like I
had such purpose for some reason, I needed to go
(15:13):
to d C to sing this song, and I needed
to sing this with a group of women. Just every
decision leading up to it was just joyful. It wasn't oh,
I should do this, I should do this, it would
be really cool because other people would think this if
that Like, No, it was just like what if I
did this? How awesome would that feel to me and
(15:34):
to the people I want to serve? Man, that was
a good example to set for myself for the future,
was this is how you want to make art. The
experience of the reaction from people at the Woman's March
and just people all over the world was a very
very surreal and enlightening experience, and it made me actually
(15:57):
more confident in the universe. Every moment that I was
either abused or put down, or the feeling of feeling silenced,
or the tension both my family, all those things made
me who I needed to be to write that song
quiet And I think for me it's such a lesson,
(16:20):
Like I'm sure when you look at people you admire
and they do things that like liberate them and maybe
it would it was scary for them, We're all like, yes,
you know. And I got to experience the world reminding me,
if you follow yourself, you will feel that big. Yes,
that's amazing, and it's so cool that you wrote quiet
in a time when you didn't feel heard. But in
(16:42):
politics and since as long as anyone can remember, music
has been used as a form of protests to amplify
social messages to large audiences, and so I'd love to
know in what ways do you use music as a
vehicle for social change. When I think about social change,
it's really interesting. From whatever angle I think about social change,
(17:02):
I always come back to the core idea that inner
peace leads to outer peace. And when we think about
some people's behaviors that make us mad and I wish
they would do different when we do all those thoughts.
When it comes down to it, it's all about what
we change within ourselves, how we commune with ourselves, how
(17:23):
we talk to ourselves. That has been a really important
element in my writing. For any type of social change movement.
I like to experience the emotion and express that emotion honestly,
and I focus in on my experience and then from
my vantage point. So I just wrote a song called
(17:46):
Somebody's Beloved that I'm releasing soon, and I'm sure I'm
going to get supportive feedback and I'm going to get
criticism for it because I am responding as a non
black woman who is a woman of color or watching
black lives be lost to systemic racism, and the reaction
that I had came out of me in a song
(18:09):
like that feeling that I had just had to come out.
And I actually wrote these verses, and I got scared.
I was like, I don't know how to say. I
don't know how to share and literally center my voice
as a singer as a non black person. And so
I had two options. I could keep that file and
put it away in my computer and play it safe,
(18:31):
or I could move forward with this process because I
have questions and curiosities. I have some friends that I
could share this with and maybe finish the song with.
I might not show up in ways that maybe some
people feel like is quote unquote right, and I may
cause harm at times if I'm because of my blind
spots as an Asian woman. But I want to try,
(18:54):
and I would welcome correction because I want to learn.
It all comes from a central desire to communicate what
I'm authentically feeling, and I don't ever write from a
perspective of someone else's experience. I don't try to put
I don't try to assume I know what others are
going through. Well, I think that's really courageous of you,
(19:16):
and I can imagine how scary it can feel. But
at the end, you know your heart seems to be
in the right place. You want to use your platform
to amplify the voices that need to be heard right now.
One thing I was wondering is what advice do you
have for others who want to use music or art
to drive social change? But I don't know where to start.
I think that we have to own our own fears,
(19:39):
We have to own our own biases are insecurities. So
it's not just like you know, when we talk about racism,
sometimes we talk about systems, but systems are made of people,
and people are made of stories, and stories impact how
we feel secure insecure about ourselves, and I think we
got to get real with who we are and where
(20:02):
where we're at, with what we feel we're worth. For example,
I think the first step actually is to start trying
to deconstruct the societal hierarchy of what success or what
more value means. If we have any form of ladder
within ourselves, like, Okay, once I get this many followers,
I maybe better than I was here. Once I get like,
(20:23):
that's all capitalism kind of working itself within us. And
I'm saying not I'm not bashing capitalism, but I'm bashing
the competitive, imbalanced capitalism that sometimes it's embedded within us.
There's always this like balancing of wisdom and knowledge, And
if we can accept that and surrender and stop trying
to like be better than other people, that's the first step,
(20:46):
because then we can see more clearly why am I
doing art? Why am I releasing songs? Why am I
talking on a podcast? Like? What is my mission? And
that can become more clear when we do construct the
ladders in our heart. That is great advice for anyone,
not just creatives, but as someone who isn't in the
(21:08):
music industry. I would love to ask you for Our
last question is what other advice do you have for
those who are wanting to get involved in activism and
feel as though they don't know how, or are scared
to put theirselves out there, or even confused if you
know posting on social media is a productive form of activism.
Can you speak into that a little bit some really
great questions in there. I think that bravery is a
(21:30):
muscle for for me personally. I needed to flex my
bravery of speaking up in like setting boundaries and saying no,
because I didn't know how to say no to other
people until I was in my mid twenties. My experience
with abuse and sexual abuse just really deconstructed all boundaries.
So I had to rebuild that. So I had to
practice day to day in my real life. So I
(21:51):
talked about very small things because even those things scared
me to confront. So I was flexing my muscle and
practicing being more are honest with the people around me,
more brave with what I was saying, and more willing
to create tension. And hey, I'm working on this too,
but if we can get more comfortable with sitting in discomfort,
(22:15):
then we'll be more willing to speak up with our friends,
with our family, and with ourselves. Um and I think
that's the first step. And then experimenting and kind of
like playfully just try releasing, like posting one thing. If
you're at the phase where like posting something is scary,
then I would encourage you to face that and just
(22:36):
experiment like, follow that fear and kind of understand why
are you scared? Just start thinking about that and and
try try to post. And look, there's some people who
believe that okay, their social media activism posting doesn't really help.
I think that if you have a platform and there
are people listening to you, or even if you have
ten friends who listen to and you say, hey, this
isn't right. I'm speaking up for this, it just makes
(22:58):
your friends go okay, web right, that that isn't right.
It's just a way to support messages. So if you're
going to do a social media post, then maybe also
do an action with it, so you're not just doing
performative activism. So when I post about a cause, I
make a vow to either donate, and if you're not
(23:19):
in a financial place to donate, you can look at
the organizations and maybe follow those organizations and then ask
your friends to follow the organization. So we can start there.
Let's face our fears, follow our fears, and and let's
get comfortable with being uncomfortable. And if you're going to
post something, just just quietly do something that's action oriented
(23:41):
behind the scenes related to that post. I think we
just start with also like holding ourselves accountable for more
meaningful relationships. That can really help as well, even with
non activists just your friends, Like let's build some authentic
relationships where we're speaking from our hearts and it disposing
our vulnerabilities and sharing like honestly with each other and
(24:04):
holding our friends accountable. I think if we can create
some authentic relationships, that is a form of activism as well.
Thank you so much Connie for joining us on the
Secret Syllabus and sharing your powerful story to everyone listening.
We highly recommend following Connie on Instagram at Milk Music
so you don't miss any of her amazing content around music, activism,
(24:26):
and social change. We will link all the places you
can find her in the showdowns below. Thanks again, thank
you that really spoke to my soul. I think my
biggest takeaway here is we should all appreciate the unique
space we occupy in this world because we come from
such unique heritages, were born into a distinct generation, and
(24:47):
have embedded cultural values within our upbringing. We also just
have a lot of unique interest, experiences, personality, and way
of expressing how we view the world, and it's really
what makes each and every one of us so distinct,
so it is time to unpack all of that appreciate it,
because when you do it is powerful. I love that
and taking it to the next step. I feel like
(25:08):
once you have unpacked that and you really understand your
heritage and you have an appreciation for your culture, then
I learned from Connie that you can share that through
any platform that brings you joy. So you can share
your opinions, your voice, your culture in any medium, whether
that's writing articles, creating content, or like Connie, making music. Yes,
Queen Well, thank you all for checking us out today,
(25:32):
and thank you again to Connie Limp for taking the
time to join us on the Secret Syllabus. We are
your host Katie. You can find me at Aloha Katie
x on Instagram and I'm Hannah. You can find me
at Miss Hannah Ashton on Instagram. The Secret Syllabus was
created by The Female Quotient in partnership with I Heart
Media and co produced by The Female Quotient and Wonder
(25:53):
Media Network. The f Q is committed to advancing equality
and elevating women from college campuses to the corner off
the US. You can find out more at www dot
The Female quotient dot com, see you after your class.
M H.
Hello everyone, Hi guys, Welcome back to the Secret Syllabus podcast.
The Secret Syllabus is a production of The Female Quotation
and I Heart Radio. College is supposed to be one
of the most transformative views of your life, so Hannah
and I are here to help. This podcast by college
students for college students is to discuss everything from body
(00:23):
positivity to being active in the causes that matter to us.
This is the class you do not want to miss,
we promise. I'm Katie Tracy and I'm Hannah Ashton. As
we all know, there is a lot happening from climate change,
the Black Lives Matter movement, domestic violence issues, and more.
And we're all told to be allies. But you may
be thinking, what does being an ally actually mean? I
(00:46):
think this definition changes a lot for me, But right now,
it means listening to other people's stories, especially those that
you may not identify with, so that you can better
understand their issues and then take it upon yourself to
lift them however you can. How do you make sure
the ally ship isn't performative? It's my question, yes, and
I know we talked about this in the interview, but
(01:08):
I think there's an element to it where you're doing
more work in real life than just online. You know,
you can post um and share about organizations, but if
you are sharing about them on social media, maybe also
try to donate money or volunteer hours. Yeah, I think
performative allyship can be tricky, especially in the age of
social media and personal branding as well, But at the
(01:30):
end of the day, you know whether you're being an
honest ally and I just recommend to do your research,
educate yourself. I think once you learn about other people's problems,
you really do find that you sympathize because I'm sure
you are a good person. Whoever is listening. Also, just
be aware of your audience, but don't do everything just
(01:50):
to please them. It should really come from you m HM.
And as social media creators ourselves. I know that we've
been working through this and it can be tough mental
if you're consuming just all this um you know, sad
and negative media. But something I have done it's just
taken time to reflect offline as well and maybe journal
take note of my emotions and why I'm feeling these
(02:11):
emotions in private spaces, and also think about what is
the personal history that I've lived through that has either
brought me this privilege or lack of privilege, and you know,
thinking about my family background, UM and how you can
make a difference. On the note of privilege, I'd love
to ask, how can we use our own privileges to
help others? I think for me, as first a content
(02:32):
creator and also an international student, it means number one,
using my platform to teach people what I'm learning and
if I don't, if I don't feel like I'm educated
in that topic, then it means passing the mic to
someone who does know how to talk about that topic.
And as a student, you know, I'm constantly learning things
in class and learning from conversations with friends, So just
(02:54):
sharing everything that I learned from those conversations with my
online community as well. M M. I find college to
be a great place to have conversations, especially in class.
It maybe a little bit of a safer space. You're learning,
you're engaging with one another, and then also taking those
conversations offline and out of class. UM to have the
tough conversations with your friends, Katie, I'd love to know
(03:17):
how you find your voice online to share about these topics. Yeah,
this is tough, especially during the pandemic. I've had a
lot of time to think about this, and the first
thing for me is definitely be patient with yourself. I
think it can be intimidating when you have a platform
and people demand answers from you, they expect you to
comment on everything. But for me, it's meant realizing that
(03:38):
this education process is an ongoing one. I can't, you know,
understand the world in twenty four hours. And I don't
also want to falsely share anything when I don't feel
like I am educated on that topic. Um is I'm
sure that there is some unique topic or cause or
issue that speaks to you more than another. And another
(04:01):
way to find your voice is to filter things out,
so you know, when you absorb all this news and
information coming at you, what do you find resonates with
you the most, What pain do you feel and what
is so upsetting that it makes you want to change it?
And just following that has helped me slowly come to
develop my voice. Hmm, that's so good, and I know it.
(04:24):
It really can be tough, um And I kind of
want to speak into maybe what worries I've had and
what you've had about not being a good ally and
just be honest on here about that. Because I grew
up in a predominantly white area. I looked at the
stats and my hometown is white, half of my family
is Puerto Rican, so I feel like I have more
(04:44):
personal experiences when it comes to Latin x injustices. But
what has worried me for a while is that I
didn't have access to a lot of black culture growing up. Thankfully,
I did get on YouTube young, and that is kind
of what introduced me um to more cultures, and I
was able to learn through watching other creators that didn't
look like me Um. However, what I'm doing now is
(05:06):
making sure that I'm educating myself through diversifying the feed
and of course asking friends to better understand and appreciate
black culture. And I love how that is a theme
running through media and now as well. That is amazing
and I totally feel the same way. I grew up
in the Philippines my whole life, so I didn't grow
up to a lot of black culture either, or white
(05:27):
culture or l g B t Q plus for that matter.
It was very homogeneous Asian for me. But just like you,
growing up on YouTube and the online space has exposed
me to different cultures and now it's something I'm a
huge fan of learning about other people. Realizing that the
Internet really makes it easier to bridge connections across the world.
(05:48):
It's it's really never been easier and it's fascinating. Yeah.
On a final question, how do you be an ally
with groups you don't have the opportunity to interact with
in person? That is such a good question and I
think today our guests Connie Limb answers so many of
our questions just like that about ally ship activism and
using our voices to get involved in powerful movements. Connie Limb,
(06:11):
also known as Milk, is a Los Angeles based singer songwriter,
and she also shares her powerful story with us. So
let's get right into the interview. Hi, Connie, welcome to
the show. Your name on stage is Milk. How did
that name come about and what does it mean to you? Hi?
I'm so excited to be on this podcast with you both. So, Yeah,
(06:34):
my name is Connie Kimberly Limb and my artist's name
is Milk. So my last name is spelled L I M.
And my first two initials are c K for Connie
Kimberly and I decided to scramble up my name. So
I spelled my last name Limb backwards, and then so
it turns out to be M I L. And then
I tacked on c K Connie Kimberly. It was my
(06:55):
moment of wanting to free myself of the expectation that
the traditional Chinese culture has and that I've bought into.
I just had a really ravenous hunger for acceptance. So
Milk is kind of my third culture name. At age seven,
(07:16):
you wrote your first composition to healthy people at such
a young age. Did you remember your intention in writing it?
It's so interesting because when I wrote that first composition,
what happened was I was watching Captain Planet at like
six am in the morning. It was my favorite cartoon,
and there was a commercial about children in African countries
(07:37):
who were not able to find food every day, and
I just found that mind blowing. Because I had snacks,
I got lunch every day. I never had to worry
about being hungry, you know. Seeing kids my age on
the TV screen really moved me, and so I think
it was like a couple weeks later, I started learning
how to write music, how to score and write the
(07:59):
notes and learn how to write in the rhythm and
communicate that on writing. My piano teacher and I she
helped me write down my ideas because I'd like to
plunk out melodies and stuff and and she's like, well,
what do you want to name your very first composition ever?
And I thought, I want to name it the most wonderful, powerful,
beautiful thing I can think of. And I was like, oh,
(08:20):
what if all of the world was just healthy, like
no one was hungry? And so I said healthy people.
And that's how I name my first song. And I
remember being in like fourth or fifth grade and being
embarrassed by it because I think I started being called
naive or idealistic. It just wasn't as cool and quote
(08:43):
unquote smart to be hopeful about the goodness of humanity.
Then fast forward many many years when I was thirty
years old and Quiet went viral. It was really interesting
because Quiet was one of my songs where I wasn't
thinking about, oh, I want to write a cool vibe song,
I want to make people bop their heads or whatever.
I was more I want to write this thing so
(09:06):
I can be well again, Like I need to free
myself of the narrative that I'm bad, and so I
needed to heal. I wanted to be healthy. And when
I wrote that song and then it went viral, my
little brother, who's seven years younger than me, he was like,
you know what's crazy is that this is completely you.
You've been this person since you were so young. And
(09:27):
he said that because I've had moments where I've tried
to be other people, to try to impress or try
to fit the industry. It's like this habit that I've
built because I've been trying to fit into the Chinese culture,
trying to fit too American culture. It was really nice
to be like, oh, this is like healthy people, but
me as a thirty year old woman rather being a
seven year old girl. It's so interesting to hear how
(09:50):
other women who are like yourself making change today and
what their thoughts were younger. So I loved hearing about that.
You've mentioned that you've struggled with mental illness and school,
and so I'm wondering if that or any part of
your heritage has shaped you as an activist and or
as a musician. I am an anxious human being. I
(10:12):
also have depression, and it's chronic and sometimes it hits
me out of nowhere, And sometimes it happens over the
course of a few weeks and all of a sudden,
I'm in the trough of depression. I'm like, oh, and
I my whole life, I've had to observe myself more,
and I didn't know that I had it until maybe
(10:32):
my mid twenties. I also think that part of the
mental health journey has also been a nurtured aspect, because,
like I said, this idea of not really feeling like
I belonged in any particular place really exacerbated that feeling
of depression maybe already had it, and then to feel
(10:54):
like I didn't know how to express to my family
or to my peers what I truly felt was really
lee suffocating, and I felt like I was very alone. However,
I did find a couple of outlets. One was boys um,
which turns out to be something that ended up being
like quite unhealthy. I felt like the only time I
(11:18):
was calm and present and really in my body was
when I was making art, whether it was illustrating, whether
it was sewing something, whether it was playing piano or
singing or writing poetry. Music became an amazing way to
say all the things I needed to say. With songwriting,
I don't have to know exactly what I need to
(11:39):
say right away. I don't have to have wit on
the spot, like you know, say in a rat battle
or improv comedy or in a real conversation with my parents.
Um I can go to my room. I can close
out the world. I can process how I'm feeling, and
I can give myself time and I can craft each
(12:00):
lyric to try to explain what that crazy sensation is
that's running through my body when I feel pain, when
I feel rage, when I feel joy, when I feel
a crush, like all the things. I just became obsessed
with the puzzle of how to combine melody and words
(12:23):
and patience. How do I use those three ingredients to
craft like the perfect representation of this feeling. I believe
that when we do speak our truths, we become more free,
and music has helped me do that, and I want
my music to do the same for others. When I
was younger, I was hungry to be accepted, so I
(12:44):
focused on things like fame because I wanted to prove
to others that I was worthy. But now that I
am getting older, and there's this sense of grounded nous
of actually we just matter period. So if I'm going
to do this art, if I'm going to serve, I
(13:05):
want it to be in service of bettering society. I
don't need to make this about me. There's a lot
of narcissism in media, but there is a culture of
people who are using art to serve and I want
to be part of that. I feel the same way.
I also went on a journey where because I struggled
with family expectations and living up to that, I turned
(13:27):
to many different things, creativity being one of them, and
it's been such a healing process. What did it mean
to you when you performed at the Woman's March in Washington,
d C? And just know that so many people resonated
with your song's message. Yeah, so there's a couple of
parts of that question. What did it mean to me
to perform at the Women's March? And then what did
(13:48):
it mean to me to experience the reaction to it afterwards?
I would say that the experience of performing at the
Women's March was so awesome because it was all about
enjoying the process, like following my big yes. When I
was planning my trip to go to the Woman's March.
(14:10):
I had just gotten dropped by my management and I
had zero idea where my career was going. I didn't
know how I was gonna sustainably make money. At that time,
I was living with my boyfriend. I was like, am
I just going to be this girlfriend who doesn't know
how to pay rent? Or like what's happening? But then
Trump got elected and this fire came within me and
(14:31):
there was this instinct within me where I was like,
I have to share this song that I wrote. I
was like, for some reason, I just feel like it's
really related to this moment, because like, everything he's making
me feel right now is what I felt to make
that song quiet. When I approach my art from a
joyful place of how can I serve the people who
(14:53):
are going to experience this, it feels like it's coming
from this really sacred place, so it's actually really entered jizing.
So the more I thought about it, the more energy
I got. I didn't like sleep. Sometimes I was like
working on the choir arrangement. I was recruiting strangers to sing,
and I was just like, I just felt like I
had such purpose for some reason, I needed to go
(15:13):
to d C to sing this song, and I needed
to sing this with a group of women. Just every
decision leading up to it was just joyful. It wasn't oh,
I should do this, I should do this, it would
be really cool because other people would think this if
that Like, No, it was just like what if I
did this? How awesome would that feel to me and
(15:34):
to the people I want to serve? Man, that was
a good example to set for myself for the future,
was this is how you want to make art. The
experience of the reaction from people at the Woman's March
and just people all over the world was a very
very surreal and enlightening experience, and it made me actually
(15:57):
more confident in the universe. Every moment that I was
either abused or put down, or the feeling of feeling silenced,
or the tension both my family, all those things made
me who I needed to be to write that song
quiet And I think for me it's such a lesson,
(16:20):
Like I'm sure when you look at people you admire
and they do things that like liberate them and maybe
it would it was scary for them, We're all like, yes,
you know. And I got to experience the world reminding me,
if you follow yourself, you will feel that big. Yes,
that's amazing, and it's so cool that you wrote quiet
in a time when you didn't feel heard. But in
(16:42):
politics and since as long as anyone can remember, music
has been used as a form of protests to amplify
social messages to large audiences, and so I'd love to
know in what ways do you use music as a
vehicle for social change. When I think about social change,
it's really interesting. From whatever angle I think about social change,
(17:02):
I always come back to the core idea that inner
peace leads to outer peace. And when we think about
some people's behaviors that make us mad and I wish
they would do different when we do all those thoughts.
When it comes down to it, it's all about what
we change within ourselves, how we commune with ourselves, how
(17:23):
we talk to ourselves. That has been a really important
element in my writing. For any type of social change movement.
I like to experience the emotion and express that emotion honestly,
and I focus in on my experience and then from
my vantage point. So I just wrote a song called
(17:46):
Somebody's Beloved that I'm releasing soon, and I'm sure I'm
going to get supportive feedback and I'm going to get
criticism for it because I am responding as a non
black woman who is a woman of color or watching
black lives be lost to systemic racism, and the reaction
that I had came out of me in a song
(18:09):
like that feeling that I had just had to come out.
And I actually wrote these verses, and I got scared.
I was like, I don't know how to say. I
don't know how to share and literally center my voice
as a singer as a non black person. And so
I had two options. I could keep that file and
put it away in my computer and play it safe,
(18:31):
or I could move forward with this process because I
have questions and curiosities. I have some friends that I
could share this with and maybe finish the song with.
I might not show up in ways that maybe some
people feel like is quote unquote right, and I may
cause harm at times if I'm because of my blind
spots as an Asian woman. But I want to try,
(18:54):
and I would welcome correction because I want to learn.
It all comes from a central desire to communicate what
I'm authentically feeling, and I don't ever write from a
perspective of someone else's experience. I don't try to put
I don't try to assume I know what others are
going through. Well, I think that's really courageous of you,
(19:16):
and I can imagine how scary it can feel. But
at the end, you know your heart seems to be
in the right place. You want to use your platform
to amplify the voices that need to be heard right now.
One thing I was wondering is what advice do you
have for others who want to use music or art
to drive social change? But I don't know where to start.
I think that we have to own our own fears,
(19:39):
We have to own our own biases are insecurities. So
it's not just like you know, when we talk about racism,
sometimes we talk about systems, but systems are made of people,
and people are made of stories, and stories impact how
we feel secure insecure about ourselves, and I think we
got to get real with who we are and where
(20:02):
where we're at, with what we feel we're worth. For example,
I think the first step actually is to start trying
to deconstruct the societal hierarchy of what success or what
more value means. If we have any form of ladder
within ourselves, like, Okay, once I get this many followers,
I maybe better than I was here. Once I get like,
(20:23):
that's all capitalism kind of working itself within us. And
I'm saying not I'm not bashing capitalism, but I'm bashing
the competitive, imbalanced capitalism that sometimes it's embedded within us.
There's always this like balancing of wisdom and knowledge, And
if we can accept that and surrender and stop trying
to like be better than other people, that's the first step,
(20:46):
because then we can see more clearly why am I
doing art? Why am I releasing songs? Why am I
talking on a podcast? Like? What is my mission? And
that can become more clear when we do construct the
ladders in our heart. That is great advice for anyone,
not just creatives, but as someone who isn't in the
(21:08):
music industry. I would love to ask you for Our
last question is what other advice do you have for
those who are wanting to get involved in activism and
feel as though they don't know how, or are scared
to put theirselves out there, or even confused if you
know posting on social media is a productive form of activism.
Can you speak into that a little bit some really
great questions in there. I think that bravery is a
(21:30):
muscle for for me personally. I needed to flex my
bravery of speaking up in like setting boundaries and saying no,
because I didn't know how to say no to other
people until I was in my mid twenties. My experience
with abuse and sexual abuse just really deconstructed all boundaries.
So I had to rebuild that. So I had to
practice day to day in my real life. So I
(21:51):
talked about very small things because even those things scared
me to confront. So I was flexing my muscle and
practicing being more are honest with the people around me,
more brave with what I was saying, and more willing
to create tension. And hey, I'm working on this too,
but if we can get more comfortable with sitting in discomfort,
(22:15):
then we'll be more willing to speak up with our friends,
with our family, and with ourselves. Um and I think
that's the first step. And then experimenting and kind of
like playfully just try releasing, like posting one thing. If
you're at the phase where like posting something is scary,
then I would encourage you to face that and just
(22:36):
experiment like, follow that fear and kind of understand why
are you scared? Just start thinking about that and and
try try to post. And look, there's some people who
believe that okay, their social media activism posting doesn't really help.
I think that if you have a platform and there
are people listening to you, or even if you have
ten friends who listen to and you say, hey, this
isn't right. I'm speaking up for this, it just makes
(22:58):
your friends go okay, web right, that that isn't right.
It's just a way to support messages. So if you're
going to do a social media post, then maybe also
do an action with it, so you're not just doing
performative activism. So when I post about a cause, I
make a vow to either donate, and if you're not
(23:19):
in a financial place to donate, you can look at
the organizations and maybe follow those organizations and then ask
your friends to follow the organization. So we can start there.
Let's face our fears, follow our fears, and and let's
get comfortable with being uncomfortable. And if you're going to
post something, just just quietly do something that's action oriented
(23:41):
behind the scenes related to that post. I think we
just start with also like holding ourselves accountable for more
meaningful relationships. That can really help as well, even with
non activists just your friends, Like let's build some authentic
relationships where we're speaking from our hearts and it disposing
our vulnerabilities and sharing like honestly with each other and
(24:04):
holding our friends accountable. I think if we can create
some authentic relationships, that is a form of activism as well.
Thank you so much Connie for joining us on the
Secret Syllabus and sharing your powerful story to everyone listening.
We highly recommend following Connie on Instagram at Milk Music
so you don't miss any of her amazing content around music, activism,
(24:26):
and social change. We will link all the places you
can find her in the showdowns below. Thanks again, thank
you that really spoke to my soul. I think my
biggest takeaway here is we should all appreciate the unique
space we occupy in this world because we come from
such unique heritages, were born into a distinct generation, and
(24:47):
have embedded cultural values within our upbringing. We also just
have a lot of unique interest, experiences, personality, and way
of expressing how we view the world, and it's really
what makes each and every one of us so distinct,
so it is time to unpack all of that appreciate it,
because when you do it is powerful. I love that
and taking it to the next step. I feel like
(25:08):
once you have unpacked that and you really understand your
heritage and you have an appreciation for your culture, then
I learned from Connie that you can share that through
any platform that brings you joy. So you can share
your opinions, your voice, your culture in any medium, whether
that's writing articles, creating content, or like Connie, making music. Yes,
Queen Well, thank you all for checking us out today,
(25:32):
and thank you again to Connie Limp for taking the
time to join us on the Secret Syllabus. We are
your host Katie. You can find me at Aloha Katie
x on Instagram and I'm Hannah. You can find me
at Miss Hannah Ashton on Instagram. The Secret Syllabus was
created by The Female Quotient in partnership with I Heart
Media and co produced by The Female Quotient and Wonder
(25:53):
Media Network. The f Q is committed to advancing equality
and elevating women from college campuses to the corner off
the US. You can find out more at www dot
The Female quotient dot com, see you after your class.
M H.
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