October 7, 2020 • 26 mins
There’s been a rise of mental health issues amongst young womxn—especially with the outbreak of COVID. In this episode we dive deeper into the unexpected stressors of college, and how they ultimately influence our well-being. We’ll discuss our own experiences in dealing with these challenges, self-care, and we’ll share our favorite mental health resources.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello everyone, Hi guys, welcome back to The Secret Syllabus podcast.
The Secret Syllabus is a production of The Female Quotient
and I Heart Radio and co produced by the Female
Quotient and Wondered Media Network. I'm sure a lot of
you have started college at this point, and you, guys
may have a lot of questions about how to navigate
(00:22):
the semester during COVID. So that's where Hannah and I
are here to help. This podcast, by college students for
college students is to discuss everything from body positivity to
being active in the causes that matter to us. And
this is the class you do not want to miss,
we promise. Hi guys. I'm Katie Tracy and I'm Hannah Ashton.
So let's be real. COVID nineteen has challenged my mental health.
(00:47):
I haven't left my home for seven months, and I
face an existential life crisis almost every week. And from
the calls I've had with friends, I know I'm not
alone in feeling this way. Since COVID began, we've all
had to completely change, if not scrap our plans. Up
until this day. I've never gone back to planning and
I really have just taken each day step by step. Yes,
(01:10):
I know so many people are feeling isolated during this time,
and I know for me and even my roommate who
we've talked about this, we're doing remote learning and we're
also doing remote internship, and then I also work online
as you know, podcasting and YouTube and tail and so
looking at my day, I really had to plan out
my day because everything is done in the same space,
(01:31):
Like I am here sitting at my desk, sitting on
my couch, sitting at my kitchen counter, and it sometimes
feels like I just never get a mental break because
when you're normally on campus, you're walking around, you're going
to the calf to get lunch with your friends, and
then you go to a new class. But now it's
just like everything is in the same place. And I
usually cope with stress by hanging out with friends and family,
(01:51):
but as we know, it's not exactly easy to see
people these days. So on top of dealing with the unknown,
we've also pretty much had to take a pause our
social lives. Exactly, it's easy to feel that work and
school has just blurred into one blob of a day,
and that is exactly why we need to find new
ways to take care of ourselves while also staying safe.
(02:13):
And that's where we turned to our next guests. But
before we get into our interview with our amazing guests,
we are going to check in with Christian are on
campus correspondent. Christian is a first year student at Harvard
University and she's living on campus, and so we wanted
to call her up now that she's been in classes
for a few weeks and just check in, see how
she's doing, see what's going on on campus, and just
(02:36):
give you guys another perspective for what college could look
like in this semester. Hey, Christian, it's been a few weeks.
How are you and how is college going? Hey? Um,
I'm doing pretty well. College is still feeling good, but
academics are hitting me hard. Classes are actually like starting
now for real, and it's been a bit of an
(02:57):
adjustment to say the least. And how stressful has the
transition been? The transition academically is probably the hardest, not
because the work is necessarily like super challenging, but it's
just like in volumes that I've never had before, and
so it's like reading whole books or writing like multiple
pages for like simple as like not simple but like
(03:18):
single assignments. That's been an adjustment because in high school
we definitely did not do that much at one time.
But I think it's kind of been I feel like
stress kind of coming in a little bit. But I
am like this week was my first full week of
classes because we started on like a weird schedule and
then we had labor Day, and so it's kind of
just been like I realized what doesn't work. So that's
(03:40):
been I guess helpful. I know what I should not
do in the future, and so it's just trying to
figure out like time management and all of that. Yeah,
I totally relate to that. I just want to reassure
you that first year is just a wave of so
many different things that you're just trying to stay afloat
and figure it out. But you know, the tides will
calm and you will just serve them. I don't know
what with the analogy, I really hope. So have you
(04:02):
found that Harvard is encouraging students to utilize any of
their mental health resources during this time? Yes, so they
recently like send an email about that and like dropped
the link to the office for like Mental Health and
things of that nature, but whether or not, like I
don't know whether or not it's I'm feeling it like
in the general campus community, like it was definitely dropped
(04:23):
in that email. We know it's like accessible, but I
feel like a lot of students are feeling really stressed
and really anxious right now, especially like the first years
that I see on campus, and I don't know if
people are actually taking advantage of them, myself included, and
so right now, I feel like they're definitely like they've
they've let us know that they exist, but I don't
know if it's like a super pressing like we need
(04:44):
to get these kids in like counseling type thing, and
maybe it should be On that note, how are you
as a student coping with stress or just feeling overwhelmed? Yes,
so how am I hoping? Honestly, that's a really great question.
I think that I've found a lot of joy and
like hanging out with my friends are like just like
(05:05):
talking to them or like face timing them and just ranting,
or just like sitting on FaceTime together studying because like
our study sessions look a little different this year, and
so I found a lot of peace in that and
just like connecting with people. And I think when it
does get super, super stressful, it's easy to feel like
you're isolating, like you're the only one going through that,
(05:27):
and so talking to other people, other people in your
classes or like my friends and realizing that we're all
feeling the same amount of stress and we're all going
through the same thing makes it feel a lot better.
I love that. Well, thank you so much Christian for
coming on and opening up with us. We cannot wait
to check in with you again soon. Yes, thank you.
I am so excited to introduce you all to Dr
(05:48):
Marie L. Bouquet. She is an Afro Latina clinical psychologist
who focuses on racial justice advocacy. She has built a
huge following on Instagram and uses the platform to provide
re sources for those who are struggling with their mental health.
Dr Bouquet has a lot of wisdoms to share, and
we hope you'll find some comfort, guidance, and reassurance in
(06:09):
our conversation with her. Let's dive into it, Hi, Dr Bouquet,
we are super excited to have you on our show today.
We believe mental health is a very relevant topic for students,
so we'd love for you to start us off with
the work you do and what inspired you to go
into this space. Well, the work that I do is
mental health related. So I'm a therapist and all the
(06:31):
work that I do is surrounded around mental wellness in
some way or another, whether it's by giving therapy directly
to my clients, or if it's consulting with specific organizations
on the ways in which they can enhance the mental
health of individuals within those organizations. It's kind of mental
health everything. And I came into it by happenstance. It
(06:54):
was like, this is a second career for me. So
I actually went into advertising first. I started doing volunteer
work mostly on the weekends because I really wasn't feeling
very fulfilled in my job and I wanted something to
bring meaning to my life in some way, and so
that that was one way that I found that could
be useful. And then I also attended my own therapy,
(07:15):
and my therapist at the moment was like, you would
be a great therapist. You need to do this. So
it's like, yeah, I don't know about that. That sounds
very scary to leave my job, but it's very comfortable.
But I took a leap of faith and then never
looked back. That's great, And has being an after Latina
influenced your work in any particular way, Oh, my goodness,
(07:36):
in so many ways. I don't even know where to start.
So even like some of the intuition and the EmPATH
qualities that I held as a kid, especially when I
saw my family or my community undergo distress by way
of immigration based distress or distress that was related to
the discrimination that we experienced, and the distress that was
(07:57):
associated with living in poverty. All of that was a
part of my world and I just kept soaking it
up in ways that I wasn't really understanding. And I
remember just telling my mom when I was like around six, like,
I want to do something about this. I want to
change this. The skills unfair, right, Like you just know
as a kid intuitively, like there's something wrong with this.
But I never really knew or had an understanding of
(08:21):
the fact that psychology was an arena of helping my people,
like there was a way that I could do it
through psychology, And so I think it all started there.
But then once I got into my studies and became
an Afro Latina, in the academic landscape and understood that
(08:42):
there were a multitude of micro aggressions that were not
only directed at me, but were directed in my community,
which I take very personally. I was like, I need
to make sure that I orient myself around the work
for my people. All of that put together made me
feel like I have a duty to my community, and
I have to approach my community from the perspective of
(09:05):
I am here, but also from the perspective of and
our indigenous practices and our healing practices also matter, and
I'm willing to, in a very ethical manner, incorporate them
into the work that I do. I'd love to dive
into this a bit more because mental health is incredibly
prominent in communities of color. So can you elaborate on
(09:26):
the unique challenges of navigating mental health as a person
of color. Yeah, the challenges are pretty up there in
terms of numbers of challenges, And I think there is
the challenge of access, right, Like, we don't really have
very concrete bridges to access for communities of color. In
addition to the fact that we also for the most part,
(09:48):
come from communities that don't really have a positive association
not only with the mental health world by relegating it
to the type of practice that's only for people that
are quote unquote really unwell or crazy or can't really
navigate life alone. But also the fact that the health
world has actually operated as a system of exploitation for
(10:12):
people of color. The people that are in positions of
power are not creating more avenues for training and admission
into clinical centers. So if we have individuals that have
a language capacity, have a cultural capacity, there's a chance
(10:34):
that they may get by passed by someone that is
white and doesn't have all of those nuances that they
can actually provide to the individual. And so then we
have that issue. Right now we have centers that are
predominantly white serving people that are predominantly not white, right,
and so we have that discrepancy. So now within all
(10:55):
of that, then you have people that come into the
therapeutic space and look at their therapists and say, yeah,
I don't know if I can trust you. I'm actually
not going to come back, right, So then we have
attrition where people aren't really connecting either because they just
don't feel the connection or feel like they have to
work extra hard to really make a point, Like I
am being discriminated against? Will you please hear me? Right?
(11:17):
And so all that, But also because there is a
lot of biases people that are wide identified and have
not done the work to actually undo those biases, that
they can actually like bring that into the therapeutic space
and cause harm. I mean, there's just a number of
things I can go on and on and on and
on about how much we prevent people from not only
(11:40):
being in therapy but also feeling the comfort that the
therapeutic they should be creating for every individual that we serve.
College campuses normally provide mental health resources like individual counseling
and group counseling. How do you suggest students make the
most of these resources. Students have incredible power. I think
(12:00):
students don't know to what extent the power actually exists
in the student body. One, you know, I don't think
it's very outwardly and overtly relate to the students. Hey,
this institution is here to serve you. You have the
power over the institution. Even if the institution is rigid
and feels like it has this hierarchical structure that has
power over you. The student voice, it has like so
(12:24):
much within it that can actually be transformative, right, and
so students can actually partake in the services. However, the
services aren't serving the student body in the ways that
the students believe that it should. Students have the capacity
to speak to that and speak to the organization about
these things and try and make institutional changes around who
(12:44):
is hired into their counseling centers. In terms of partaking
in the services themselves, I would encourage most students to
try to engage in at least a couple of sessions.
One they're free, which is something that you don't find
that side of school. Where I went to college, they
had like women of color groups. Sometimes, if you feel
(13:05):
like you are the person that is usually minoritized in
your classes, I feel like my experience is very unique
and no one really understands me, and that's a part
of my conundrum and in navigating this college landscape, though,
I would suggest like looking at the list of groups
that are available in your college campus and get yourself
(13:28):
in community and a community that's cohaling together. What you
said about not relying on your college for resources too
much really resonates with me because in my college, one
of the most powerful things is the peer community you
have supporting each other. We also have an organization called
Ears that trains people to listen to others and just
(13:49):
be that source to validate them. How would you recommend
someone struggling with mental health to talk to their loved
ones about it, especially if they feel ashamed. That's really tough,
you know, I think sometimes is it's important and helpful
too if you have a person that is like your
safety person, maybe a friend perhaps if it's a therapist,
(14:09):
being able to role play how you might say it
to your family members. And I think it helps to
also provide families with psycho education, which psycho education is
just basically like providing information that is a part of
the psychology world so that people can have that information
at their disposal and make decisions that are pro health
(14:31):
decisions or pro mental health decisions based on having a
more nuanced understanding of psychology and its offerings. Because a
part of what is going on when a person feels
like they can't necessarily more fluidly like come to their
family and say hey, I'm in therapy, you know, it's
because there's the shame already there, and then there's the
(14:53):
idea that the person may be unwell and pervasively unwell.
We think about mental health and psychology and think at
the extreme, but if you can relay to your family members,
like I really want to optimize who I am growing
to be as an adult matters to me to be
(15:14):
well rounded. And you talked about collective healing earlier. What
is the best way we just as students, can support
our friends and classmates when they are struggling with mental health.
I think it's a matter of you know, you can
look within yourself to see what makes me feel good
and probably deposit a little bit of that into your
friend's life. There are so many ways in which you
(15:35):
could say, hey, I'm here for you. Even just sitting
with the person is something that can be helpful. Something
that is actually really tangible and doesn't require so much
is if you're like, let's say, in the library. And
it's going to be different for people now that many
colleges are going the virtual route, but even so, you know,
you can have like a zoom where you can have
(15:58):
like thirty minutes on, thirty minutes off for thirty minutes.
We're going to do, you know, whatever it is that
we need to do for our respective classes. For thirty minutes.
We're going to check in with each other, make sure
everyone's okay. Are you feeling all right, feeling anxious? Do
you feel like you're reaching your goals? You know? And
just like do like a check in with one another,
and that can be helpful too. Now that we're talking
(16:20):
about the zoom reality a lot of us are facing,
I'd love to talk to you about your work with
intergenerational trauma. This is the first time I've heard this term,
and I was fascinated because I grew up in a
household with three generations. I think it's super relevant because
so many students are back home living with their parents,
and many of them have to confront this as well.
How does intergenerational trauma work and how can we identify
(16:42):
it in our lives. It's a very variable concept. Basically,
there are elements of unresolved pain or norms that a
person has abided by that has kept them in some
sort of a trauma bondage, even if they're not aware
of it. Like if you have the mom that's a
yeller and she gets easily irritated, and she's always doing
(17:07):
things that invalidate you in some way. We don't want
to necessarily say, oh, well, you know, that's trauma, so
it's a past, but it's important to understand that that
gets translated over to the next generation and then the
next generation as well. It becomes really painful, you know,
for a family to have to experience like a trauma
(17:29):
that has not been resolved by one generation or one
individual that falls within a generation and for that to
be transmitted. Usually this tends to be not only something
that is seen as happening within an individual, but also
happening within communities. For many communities of color, we have
(17:50):
several histories and experiences within our histories that are marked traumas, right,
collective traumas, and so we're also existing in all of that.
Right now, we have Black lives matters, a trauma that's
existing in the black community and individuals that you know,
can empathize with what is happening within the black community
(18:12):
and anti black violence. There is the collective trauma that
also comes from what's happening in society that impacts us
as a whole. And then there's sometimes the intergenerational trauma
that happens by way of what's happening internally to a
person or the pain that they have held onto that
they then transition onto the rest of their unit or
(18:33):
you know, their their their own collective, their family, whoever
it may be. I know you also do work with
intergenerational healing, and I was hoping you could tell us
more about this and how we can all practice it
in our lives. Yeah. The intergenerational healing can take two forms.
The one that I emphasized the most because it actually
is easier to focus on, which is the healing that
(18:56):
we do within ourselves and by ourselves. The other type
of healing is healing the entire unit together simultaneously. It
can often be really hard to do that, to get
people on the same page, in the same room, and
that sort of thing. However, intergenerational healing can exist by
(19:16):
one person being able to emphasize their own healing, their
own stability, their own mental health state, and being able
to focus on that. And what tends to happen when
we heal ourselves is that we also heal others. So
we heal back into the generations before us, and we
(19:39):
heal forward into the generations that came after us. My
healing is also going to have a ripple effect upon
the ways in which my nephew presents as a healed
person in this world because I can talk to him differently,
I can express more openness, more love. I have the
(20:01):
capacity to have a reflection of how my parents perhaps
may have spoken to me in a way that felt
like I didn't really feel like I had a voice there. Right,
there's just like this this way that language is produced
around silencing kids that sometimes we internalize that, right, And
(20:23):
so I'm very cognizant of the fact that I needed
to heal my own voice. And even though have amazingly
loving parents, but they're imperfect, right as we all are,
and they themselves have the intergenerational trauma and the intergenerational
norms that have transpired onto them that have relegated them
silent as well, and so they then transitioned that onto
(20:45):
myself and my sister. And so while my sister and
I have worked on finding, you know, our own voice,
it's made the relationship with our parents so fruitful because
we've been able to say you can say, you can
say this, you know, and open up the channels from
my parents that feel like they have a voice. So
when I'm a learning in my generation, then look at
(21:07):
everything that's happening around me, like it's really passed back
and it's passed forward and it's even staying with me.
So that's why inter generational healing is so important, because
it doesn't just heal the person, that heals the whole
circle around you. That's an amazing story and advice. So
thank you for opening up and sharing about your personal
(21:28):
experience with this for us. But as COVID has sent
many students home to their families, COVID has also made
it challenging to practice self care. So I'm curious how
can we implement healthy self care practices into our routines now,
even if we're not at school and able to be
out with friends. I would say the best thing to
do is to try and not over complicate self care.
(21:51):
Self care doesn't need to be like something that is
fully orchestrated, like self care day or self care moment.
Sometimes self care is literally just finding a corner in
the home where there's no one for at least five
minutes and doing deep bating. Sometimes it's just stepping outside
of it's a sunny day, giving yourself like five minutes
(22:14):
to just sit on the stoop or sit in front
of your building wherever you may be, taking the sun,
taking the elements, maybe touch the grass or plans and
connect with earth and and just being mindful in your moment.
Sometimes it's mindful eating, right, like really savoring the food
(22:35):
and just being in your own space and your own headspace,
and you're creating like an aura around you. So it
doesn't really have to be a very complicated process because
for most of us, we don't really have that option,
even if we have the means. Right now, there aren't
very many options out there for self care. Like I
(22:56):
so wish that I could go to like a theme park,
but I don't have that option, And so you know,
let me like look into little things that I can
do on a daily basis. My teas are really important
to me. Being able to just like you know, play
with my dog for a little bit, whatever it is
that you can do that can be a very simple
(23:18):
way of just bringing joy into your day can be
an act of self care. I agree. I think simplicity
is key, and you don't have to go to an
elaborate spa or buy hundred dollar face masks or feel
like you have to you know, go out and about
to practice self care. Like you said, just playing with
my dogs as something I'm enjoying while being home that
(23:38):
I actually don't get to enjoy well on at school.
So taking a mental note of that, Lastly, we'd love
to ask, how do you suggest we find community and
connection during this lonely time and perhaps lonely semester. I
think you know, if you have it in you and
you feel like you want to take community to be
(24:00):
a different level for yourself, I would really think about
being the creator of a community. I recently saw somebody
post something about creating like a virtual yoga community, and
it really spoke to me. I was like, yes, that's
exactly what I want. I'm be totally looking for this,
Like I told myself for the past month, today's Yogo day,
(24:21):
Today's Yogo day, and it has not happened. And so
to just have accountability partners would be so cool because
then I have an opportunity to meet new people, an
opportunity to do collective wellness practices with them. I mean
it just has like this win win, like I'm so
grateful for the person that created that, and so let's
(24:41):
do what we can to create virtual communities and maybe
add a little bit of flare to it, maybe a
book club, maybe this, maybe that there's just like so
many ways that we can get creative around this. So yeah,
Dr Bouquet, thank you so much regarding us through mental
health and enlightening us about how healing ourselves can also
heal the younis were part of to all our listeners.
(25:02):
You can learn more about Dr Bouquet on our Instagram
at doctor dot Mariel Bouque, and we'll get in our
show notes as well. Thank you, thank you, and good
let's see you both during your upcoming semester. Well that
was an interview I didn't know I needed, but certainly did.
I'll be home with my family for the next few months,
(25:24):
so this is a great reminder that adult figures in
our lives are also humans who are imperfect, and intergenerational
conflict is a two way street. I will have to
admit there are ways I don't help, but now I
realize I can help heal with them too. That's amazing.
On campus and off, it can be really hard to
discuss mental health with friends and family, and on top
(25:46):
of that, finding a therapist can be really tough. But
we need to remember the importance of breaking the stigma,
nurturing ourselves and providing a safer, more open space for
others to share their experiences exactly, and we hope you
all will take Dr Bouquet's advice and find some comfort
in these times of solitude, whether that means healing with
(26:06):
your community, practicing a new hobby, or just doing deep
breathing exercises. So a huge thanks to Dr Pruque for
taking the time to come on the podcast. We are
so appreciative of all the incredible work you do. We
are your host, Katie. You can find me at Aloha
Katie x on Instagram and I'm Hannah. You can find
me at Miss Hannah Ashton on Instagram. The Secret Syllabus
(26:29):
was created by The Female Quotation in partnership with I
Heart Media and co produced by The Female Quotient and
Wonder Media Network. The Female Quotion is committed to advancing
equality and elevating woman from college campuses to the corner office.
You can find out more at www dot the Female
dot com See after Glass Guy
Hello everyone, Hi guys, welcome back to The Secret Syllabus podcast.
The Secret Syllabus is a production of The Female Quotient
and I Heart Radio and co produced by the Female
Quotient and Wondered Media Network. I'm sure a lot of
you have started college at this point, and you, guys
may have a lot of questions about how to navigate
(00:22):
the semester during COVID. So that's where Hannah and I
are here to help. This podcast, by college students for
college students is to discuss everything from body positivity to
being active in the causes that matter to us. And
this is the class you do not want to miss,
we promise. Hi guys. I'm Katie Tracy and I'm Hannah Ashton.
So let's be real. COVID nineteen has challenged my mental health.
(00:47):
I haven't left my home for seven months, and I
face an existential life crisis almost every week. And from
the calls I've had with friends, I know I'm not
alone in feeling this way. Since COVID began, we've all
had to completely change, if not scrap our plans. Up
until this day. I've never gone back to planning and
I really have just taken each day step by step. Yes,
(01:10):
I know so many people are feeling isolated during this time,
and I know for me and even my roommate who
we've talked about this, we're doing remote learning and we're
also doing remote internship, and then I also work online
as you know, podcasting and YouTube and tail and so
looking at my day, I really had to plan out
my day because everything is done in the same space,
(01:31):
Like I am here sitting at my desk, sitting on
my couch, sitting at my kitchen counter, and it sometimes
feels like I just never get a mental break because
when you're normally on campus, you're walking around, you're going
to the calf to get lunch with your friends, and
then you go to a new class. But now it's
just like everything is in the same place. And I
usually cope with stress by hanging out with friends and family,
(01:51):
but as we know, it's not exactly easy to see
people these days. So on top of dealing with the unknown,
we've also pretty much had to take a pause our
social lives. Exactly, it's easy to feel that work and
school has just blurred into one blob of a day,
and that is exactly why we need to find new
ways to take care of ourselves while also staying safe.
(02:13):
And that's where we turned to our next guests. But
before we get into our interview with our amazing guests,
we are going to check in with Christian are on
campus correspondent. Christian is a first year student at Harvard
University and she's living on campus, and so we wanted
to call her up now that she's been in classes
for a few weeks and just check in, see how
she's doing, see what's going on on campus, and just
(02:36):
give you guys another perspective for what college could look
like in this semester. Hey, Christian, it's been a few weeks.
How are you and how is college going? Hey? Um,
I'm doing pretty well. College is still feeling good, but
academics are hitting me hard. Classes are actually like starting
now for real, and it's been a bit of an
(02:57):
adjustment to say the least. And how stressful has the
transition been? The transition academically is probably the hardest, not
because the work is necessarily like super challenging, but it's
just like in volumes that I've never had before, and
so it's like reading whole books or writing like multiple
pages for like simple as like not simple but like
(03:18):
single assignments. That's been an adjustment because in high school
we definitely did not do that much at one time.
But I think it's kind of been I feel like
stress kind of coming in a little bit. But I
am like this week was my first full week of
classes because we started on like a weird schedule and
then we had labor Day, and so it's kind of
just been like I realized what doesn't work. So that's
(03:40):
been I guess helpful. I know what I should not
do in the future, and so it's just trying to
figure out like time management and all of that. Yeah,
I totally relate to that. I just want to reassure
you that first year is just a wave of so
many different things that you're just trying to stay afloat
and figure it out. But you know, the tides will
calm and you will just serve them. I don't know
what with the analogy, I really hope. So have you
(04:02):
found that Harvard is encouraging students to utilize any of
their mental health resources during this time? Yes, so they
recently like send an email about that and like dropped
the link to the office for like Mental Health and
things of that nature, but whether or not, like I
don't know whether or not it's I'm feeling it like
in the general campus community, like it was definitely dropped
(04:23):
in that email. We know it's like accessible, but I
feel like a lot of students are feeling really stressed
and really anxious right now, especially like the first years
that I see on campus, and I don't know if
people are actually taking advantage of them, myself included, and
so right now, I feel like they're definitely like they've
they've let us know that they exist, but I don't
know if it's like a super pressing like we need
(04:44):
to get these kids in like counseling type thing, and
maybe it should be On that note, how are you
as a student coping with stress or just feeling overwhelmed? Yes,
so how am I hoping? Honestly, that's a really great question.
I think that I've found a lot of joy and
like hanging out with my friends are like just like
(05:05):
talking to them or like face timing them and just ranting,
or just like sitting on FaceTime together studying because like
our study sessions look a little different this year, and
so I found a lot of peace in that and
just like connecting with people. And I think when it
does get super, super stressful, it's easy to feel like
you're isolating, like you're the only one going through that,
(05:27):
and so talking to other people, other people in your
classes or like my friends and realizing that we're all
feeling the same amount of stress and we're all going
through the same thing makes it feel a lot better.
I love that. Well, thank you so much Christian for
coming on and opening up with us. We cannot wait
to check in with you again soon. Yes, thank you.
I am so excited to introduce you all to Dr
(05:48):
Marie L. Bouquet. She is an Afro Latina clinical psychologist
who focuses on racial justice advocacy. She has built a
huge following on Instagram and uses the platform to provide
re sources for those who are struggling with their mental health.
Dr Bouquet has a lot of wisdoms to share, and
we hope you'll find some comfort, guidance, and reassurance in
(06:09):
our conversation with her. Let's dive into it, Hi, Dr Bouquet,
we are super excited to have you on our show today.
We believe mental health is a very relevant topic for students,
so we'd love for you to start us off with
the work you do and what inspired you to go
into this space. Well, the work that I do is
mental health related. So I'm a therapist and all the
(06:31):
work that I do is surrounded around mental wellness in
some way or another, whether it's by giving therapy directly
to my clients, or if it's consulting with specific organizations
on the ways in which they can enhance the mental
health of individuals within those organizations. It's kind of mental
health everything. And I came into it by happenstance. It
(06:54):
was like, this is a second career for me. So
I actually went into advertising first. I started doing volunteer
work mostly on the weekends because I really wasn't feeling
very fulfilled in my job and I wanted something to
bring meaning to my life in some way, and so
that that was one way that I found that could
be useful. And then I also attended my own therapy,
(07:15):
and my therapist at the moment was like, you would
be a great therapist. You need to do this. So
it's like, yeah, I don't know about that. That sounds
very scary to leave my job, but it's very comfortable.
But I took a leap of faith and then never
looked back. That's great, And has being an after Latina
influenced your work in any particular way, Oh, my goodness,
(07:36):
in so many ways. I don't even know where to start.
So even like some of the intuition and the EmPATH
qualities that I held as a kid, especially when I
saw my family or my community undergo distress by way
of immigration based distress or distress that was related to
the discrimination that we experienced, and the distress that was
(07:57):
associated with living in poverty. All of that was a
part of my world and I just kept soaking it
up in ways that I wasn't really understanding. And I
remember just telling my mom when I was like around six, like,
I want to do something about this. I want to
change this. The skills unfair, right, Like you just know
as a kid intuitively, like there's something wrong with this.
But I never really knew or had an understanding of
(08:21):
the fact that psychology was an arena of helping my people,
like there was a way that I could do it
through psychology, And so I think it all started there.
But then once I got into my studies and became
an Afro Latina, in the academic landscape and understood that
(08:42):
there were a multitude of micro aggressions that were not
only directed at me, but were directed in my community,
which I take very personally. I was like, I need
to make sure that I orient myself around the work
for my people. All of that put together made me
feel like I have a duty to my community, and
I have to approach my community from the perspective of
(09:05):
I am here, but also from the perspective of and
our indigenous practices and our healing practices also matter, and
I'm willing to, in a very ethical manner, incorporate them
into the work that I do. I'd love to dive
into this a bit more because mental health is incredibly
prominent in communities of color. So can you elaborate on
(09:26):
the unique challenges of navigating mental health as a person
of color. Yeah, the challenges are pretty up there in
terms of numbers of challenges, And I think there is
the challenge of access, right, Like, we don't really have
very concrete bridges to access for communities of color. In
addition to the fact that we also for the most part,
(09:48):
come from communities that don't really have a positive association
not only with the mental health world by relegating it
to the type of practice that's only for people that
are quote unquote really unwell or crazy or can't really
navigate life alone. But also the fact that the health
world has actually operated as a system of exploitation for
(10:12):
people of color. The people that are in positions of
power are not creating more avenues for training and admission
into clinical centers. So if we have individuals that have
a language capacity, have a cultural capacity, there's a chance
(10:34):
that they may get by passed by someone that is
white and doesn't have all of those nuances that they
can actually provide to the individual. And so then we
have that issue. Right now we have centers that are
predominantly white serving people that are predominantly not white, right,
and so we have that discrepancy. So now within all
(10:55):
of that, then you have people that come into the
therapeutic space and look at their therapists and say, yeah,
I don't know if I can trust you. I'm actually
not going to come back, right, So then we have
attrition where people aren't really connecting either because they just
don't feel the connection or feel like they have to
work extra hard to really make a point, Like I
am being discriminated against? Will you please hear me? Right?
(11:17):
And so all that, But also because there is a
lot of biases people that are wide identified and have
not done the work to actually undo those biases, that
they can actually like bring that into the therapeutic space
and cause harm. I mean, there's just a number of
things I can go on and on and on and
on about how much we prevent people from not only
(11:40):
being in therapy but also feeling the comfort that the
therapeutic they should be creating for every individual that we serve.
College campuses normally provide mental health resources like individual counseling
and group counseling. How do you suggest students make the
most of these resources. Students have incredible power. I think
(12:00):
students don't know to what extent the power actually exists
in the student body. One, you know, I don't think
it's very outwardly and overtly relate to the students. Hey,
this institution is here to serve you. You have the
power over the institution. Even if the institution is rigid
and feels like it has this hierarchical structure that has
power over you. The student voice, it has like so
(12:24):
much within it that can actually be transformative, right, and
so students can actually partake in the services. However, the
services aren't serving the student body in the ways that
the students believe that it should. Students have the capacity
to speak to that and speak to the organization about
these things and try and make institutional changes around who
(12:44):
is hired into their counseling centers. In terms of partaking
in the services themselves, I would encourage most students to
try to engage in at least a couple of sessions.
One they're free, which is something that you don't find
that side of school. Where I went to college, they
had like women of color groups. Sometimes, if you feel
(13:05):
like you are the person that is usually minoritized in
your classes, I feel like my experience is very unique
and no one really understands me, and that's a part
of my conundrum and in navigating this college landscape, though,
I would suggest like looking at the list of groups
that are available in your college campus and get yourself
(13:28):
in community and a community that's cohaling together. What you
said about not relying on your college for resources too
much really resonates with me because in my college, one
of the most powerful things is the peer community you
have supporting each other. We also have an organization called
Ears that trains people to listen to others and just
(13:49):
be that source to validate them. How would you recommend
someone struggling with mental health to talk to their loved
ones about it, especially if they feel ashamed. That's really tough,
you know, I think sometimes is it's important and helpful
too if you have a person that is like your
safety person, maybe a friend perhaps if it's a therapist,
(14:09):
being able to role play how you might say it
to your family members. And I think it helps to
also provide families with psycho education, which psycho education is
just basically like providing information that is a part of
the psychology world so that people can have that information
at their disposal and make decisions that are pro health
(14:31):
decisions or pro mental health decisions based on having a
more nuanced understanding of psychology and its offerings. Because a
part of what is going on when a person feels
like they can't necessarily more fluidly like come to their
family and say hey, I'm in therapy, you know, it's
because there's the shame already there, and then there's the
(14:53):
idea that the person may be unwell and pervasively unwell.
We think about mental health and psychology and think at
the extreme, but if you can relay to your family members,
like I really want to optimize who I am growing
to be as an adult matters to me to be
(15:14):
well rounded. And you talked about collective healing earlier. What
is the best way we just as students, can support
our friends and classmates when they are struggling with mental health.
I think it's a matter of you know, you can
look within yourself to see what makes me feel good
and probably deposit a little bit of that into your
friend's life. There are so many ways in which you
(15:35):
could say, hey, I'm here for you. Even just sitting
with the person is something that can be helpful. Something
that is actually really tangible and doesn't require so much
is if you're like, let's say, in the library. And
it's going to be different for people now that many
colleges are going the virtual route, but even so, you know,
you can have like a zoom where you can have
(15:58):
like thirty minutes on, thirty minutes off for thirty minutes.
We're going to do, you know, whatever it is that
we need to do for our respective classes. For thirty minutes.
We're going to check in with each other, make sure
everyone's okay. Are you feeling all right, feeling anxious? Do
you feel like you're reaching your goals? You know? And
just like do like a check in with one another,
and that can be helpful too. Now that we're talking
(16:20):
about the zoom reality a lot of us are facing,
I'd love to talk to you about your work with
intergenerational trauma. This is the first time I've heard this term,
and I was fascinated because I grew up in a
household with three generations. I think it's super relevant because
so many students are back home living with their parents,
and many of them have to confront this as well.
How does intergenerational trauma work and how can we identify
(16:42):
it in our lives. It's a very variable concept. Basically,
there are elements of unresolved pain or norms that a
person has abided by that has kept them in some
sort of a trauma bondage, even if they're not aware
of it. Like if you have the mom that's a
yeller and she gets easily irritated, and she's always doing
(17:07):
things that invalidate you in some way. We don't want
to necessarily say, oh, well, you know, that's trauma, so
it's a past, but it's important to understand that that
gets translated over to the next generation and then the
next generation as well. It becomes really painful, you know,
for a family to have to experience like a trauma
(17:29):
that has not been resolved by one generation or one
individual that falls within a generation and for that to
be transmitted. Usually this tends to be not only something
that is seen as happening within an individual, but also
happening within communities. For many communities of color, we have
(17:50):
several histories and experiences within our histories that are marked traumas, right,
collective traumas, and so we're also existing in all of that.
Right now, we have Black lives matters, a trauma that's
existing in the black community and individuals that you know,
can empathize with what is happening within the black community
(18:12):
and anti black violence. There is the collective trauma that
also comes from what's happening in society that impacts us
as a whole. And then there's sometimes the intergenerational trauma
that happens by way of what's happening internally to a
person or the pain that they have held onto that
they then transition onto the rest of their unit or
(18:33):
you know, their their their own collective, their family, whoever
it may be. I know you also do work with
intergenerational healing, and I was hoping you could tell us
more about this and how we can all practice it
in our lives. Yeah. The intergenerational healing can take two forms.
The one that I emphasized the most because it actually
is easier to focus on, which is the healing that
(18:56):
we do within ourselves and by ourselves. The other type
of healing is healing the entire unit together simultaneously. It
can often be really hard to do that, to get
people on the same page, in the same room, and
that sort of thing. However, intergenerational healing can exist by
(19:16):
one person being able to emphasize their own healing, their
own stability, their own mental health state, and being able
to focus on that. And what tends to happen when
we heal ourselves is that we also heal others. So
we heal back into the generations before us, and we
(19:39):
heal forward into the generations that came after us. My
healing is also going to have a ripple effect upon
the ways in which my nephew presents as a healed
person in this world because I can talk to him differently,
I can express more openness, more love. I have the
(20:01):
capacity to have a reflection of how my parents perhaps
may have spoken to me in a way that felt
like I didn't really feel like I had a voice there. Right,
there's just like this this way that language is produced
around silencing kids that sometimes we internalize that, right, And
(20:23):
so I'm very cognizant of the fact that I needed
to heal my own voice. And even though have amazingly
loving parents, but they're imperfect, right as we all are,
and they themselves have the intergenerational trauma and the intergenerational
norms that have transpired onto them that have relegated them
silent as well, and so they then transitioned that onto
(20:45):
myself and my sister. And so while my sister and
I have worked on finding, you know, our own voice,
it's made the relationship with our parents so fruitful because
we've been able to say you can say, you can
say this, you know, and open up the channels from
my parents that feel like they have a voice. So
when I'm a learning in my generation, then look at
(21:07):
everything that's happening around me, like it's really passed back
and it's passed forward and it's even staying with me.
So that's why inter generational healing is so important, because
it doesn't just heal the person, that heals the whole
circle around you. That's an amazing story and advice. So
thank you for opening up and sharing about your personal
(21:28):
experience with this for us. But as COVID has sent
many students home to their families, COVID has also made
it challenging to practice self care. So I'm curious how
can we implement healthy self care practices into our routines now,
even if we're not at school and able to be
out with friends. I would say the best thing to
do is to try and not over complicate self care.
(21:51):
Self care doesn't need to be like something that is
fully orchestrated, like self care day or self care moment.
Sometimes self care is literally just finding a corner in
the home where there's no one for at least five
minutes and doing deep bating. Sometimes it's just stepping outside
of it's a sunny day, giving yourself like five minutes
(22:14):
to just sit on the stoop or sit in front
of your building wherever you may be, taking the sun,
taking the elements, maybe touch the grass or plans and
connect with earth and and just being mindful in your moment.
Sometimes it's mindful eating, right, like really savoring the food
(22:35):
and just being in your own space and your own headspace,
and you're creating like an aura around you. So it
doesn't really have to be a very complicated process because
for most of us, we don't really have that option,
even if we have the means. Right now, there aren't
very many options out there for self care. Like I
(22:56):
so wish that I could go to like a theme park,
but I don't have that option, And so you know,
let me like look into little things that I can
do on a daily basis. My teas are really important
to me. Being able to just like you know, play
with my dog for a little bit, whatever it is
that you can do that can be a very simple
(23:18):
way of just bringing joy into your day can be
an act of self care. I agree. I think simplicity
is key, and you don't have to go to an
elaborate spa or buy hundred dollar face masks or feel
like you have to you know, go out and about
to practice self care. Like you said, just playing with
my dogs as something I'm enjoying while being home that
(23:38):
I actually don't get to enjoy well on at school.
So taking a mental note of that, Lastly, we'd love
to ask, how do you suggest we find community and
connection during this lonely time and perhaps lonely semester. I
think you know, if you have it in you and
you feel like you want to take community to be
(24:00):
a different level for yourself, I would really think about
being the creator of a community. I recently saw somebody
post something about creating like a virtual yoga community, and
it really spoke to me. I was like, yes, that's
exactly what I want. I'm be totally looking for this,
Like I told myself for the past month, today's Yogo day,
(24:21):
Today's Yogo day, and it has not happened. And so
to just have accountability partners would be so cool because
then I have an opportunity to meet new people, an
opportunity to do collective wellness practices with them. I mean
it just has like this win win, like I'm so
grateful for the person that created that, and so let's
(24:41):
do what we can to create virtual communities and maybe
add a little bit of flare to it, maybe a
book club, maybe this, maybe that there's just like so
many ways that we can get creative around this. So yeah,
Dr Bouquet, thank you so much regarding us through mental
health and enlightening us about how healing ourselves can also
heal the younis were part of to all our listeners.
(25:02):
You can learn more about Dr Bouquet on our Instagram
at doctor dot Mariel Bouque, and we'll get in our
show notes as well. Thank you, thank you, and good
let's see you both during your upcoming semester. Well that
was an interview I didn't know I needed, but certainly did.
I'll be home with my family for the next few months,
(25:24):
so this is a great reminder that adult figures in
our lives are also humans who are imperfect, and intergenerational
conflict is a two way street. I will have to
admit there are ways I don't help, but now I
realize I can help heal with them too. That's amazing.
On campus and off, it can be really hard to
discuss mental health with friends and family, and on top
(25:46):
of that, finding a therapist can be really tough. But
we need to remember the importance of breaking the stigma,
nurturing ourselves and providing a safer, more open space for
others to share their experiences exactly, and we hope you
all will take Dr Bouquet's advice and find some comfort
in these times of solitude, whether that means healing with
(26:06):
your community, practicing a new hobby, or just doing deep
breathing exercises. So a huge thanks to Dr Pruque for
taking the time to come on the podcast. We are
so appreciative of all the incredible work you do. We
are your host, Katie. You can find me at Aloha
Katie x on Instagram and I'm Hannah. You can find
me at Miss Hannah Ashton on Instagram. The Secret Syllabus
(26:29):
was created by The Female Quotation in partnership with I
Heart Media and co produced by The Female Quotient and
Wonder Media Network. The Female Quotion is committed to advancing
equality and elevating woman from college campuses to the corner office.
You can find out more at www dot the Female
dot com See after Glass Guy
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