March 26, 2025 • 59 mins
In this episode, Curly and Maya take a nostalgic (and slightly chaotic) journey through the different eras of their lives—Taylor Swift-style. From their "Debut" Era (awkward phases and questionable fashion choices) to their "Reputation" Era (bad decisions, good stories), and even their "Folklore" Era (where they swore they had finally figured life out—spoiler: they hadn’t). Expect dramatic storytelling, unexpected plot twists, and a whole lot of laughter as they rank their past selves.
Maya Murillo and Curly Velásquez are the hosts of the Super Secret Bestie Club with production support by Karina Riveroll of Sonoro Media in partnership with iHeart Radio's My Cultura Podcast network. If you want to support the podcast, please rate and review our show!
Follow Maya Murillo on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok @mayainthemoment
Follow Curly Velásquez on Instagram and TikTok @thecurlyvshow and on Twitter @CurlyVee
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Ship. Let's that's too bid.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
How are you doing using jexas?
Speaker 1 (00:12):
We are England right now.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Oh, welcome to our heress tour, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
This is the chilies. Oh oh you're going man me
or her?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Can you get a chili or what?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
So a?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
You're gonna get us in chillier?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Can get chillier?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
What getty?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
My name is Curly and I'm Maya. And welcome to
the Super Secrets Clubs podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
A super secret club where we talk about super secret things.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah, like secrets that are super That's what it is.
In each episode we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreas men,
and of course our favorite secrets in here. I don't
think I've ever been to a Chili's. Oh do they
s chili there?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I don't know, Actually, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Do they remember Eli used to love chili Is? You
always talked about chili.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Well, you can get fucked up at Chili's.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I texted Joyce.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
I was like, let's well get fucked up at Chilis.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Is that like the same as getting a good buzz
at cheesecake factory?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Getting drunk at cheesecake factory is sophisticated? Like and you
don't really get that drunk because of all the bread
you've eaten. Chili's is like, gimme an appetizer, give me
the They have specialty drinks where you can just keep
getting them and bottomless and then a yap session and
(01:54):
that's your dinner.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
The yap session is your dinner.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Oh I kind of wish that, Like I feel like
I never got that sort of like thirty year old
buzz drunk experience. I mean, all I was doing is
drinking like foos and drinking like them and the backseat
of someone's car and getting so fucked up and then
going to the club and then like watching people get
(02:18):
into this fights and you know, going back home and
seeing who I helped up with, you know what I mean?
Like I wish that I would have been a good And.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
That sounds better, So it sounds that sounds like cooler.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
I wish I would have made it to this era.
I would love to be like, we're just gonna go
to cheese gaate factory. We're just gonna go to Chili's
and have a cute little drink share a little like
what are those onions tails?
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Onion rinks? Onion?
Speaker 1 (02:47):
No, like the onion mound. Do they have that chili too?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
The onion flower? Is that a chilie? Sounds good anyway? Oh? Oh, welcome.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
I feel God in this Chili's tonight. Let me tell
you that.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Office joke millennial elder millennial here, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
My spirit is. It feels a little complex.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
It feels all over the place, especially we're about to
time travel in this episode.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Excited this episode, Yes, and.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
It's my It was just my birthday March twenty fifth.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
If you're listening to this, I am now thirty two, thirty.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Two years ago, so young, like so young.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
It is such a prominent moment because I remember seeing
my mom at thirty two and seeing her and I remember.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
That era so clearly.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
And my mom was also like crying yesterday telling me
about when she was thirty two, my grandma, her mom
was put into a coma for something that happened. And
my mom goes, mom, it's my birthday today. I'm twenty five,
And my grandma, who's in a coma, lifted her finger
and wrote thirty two on my mom's stomach. Oh, I
(04:14):
love the nothing like a Latina mom to be to
come out of a coma and yeah, like, uh oh,
you're thirty two.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Girl, that's so funny, that's so cute. I also cidebear,
I feel like you're aging very slowly. I feel like
I'm like, how are you only thirty two?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Like I don't know either.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Actually, I feel like I'm maybe this goes into my
time blindness, but I feel like I'm turned aging rapidly,
like I'm thirty seven, and I feel like my parents
have been the same age for the past six years.
I used to tell my like, you're not eighty, You're
not eighty one. You've been eighty one for like the
past decade. And She's like, no, I'm not. And like
(04:55):
in my head, I'm like, how are you barely thirty two?
Like you just I feel like you're just getting started
on your life, just as you know, if you ever feel.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
You feel like I'm just getting started all my life.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Girl, from the time that I was thirty three, So
that's which we'll get into. But from the time that
I was thirty three to the time I was now
night and day, night and day, like completely different person,
completely different live. I'm in a whole new simulation. I'm
in a whole new timeline.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
How'd your spirit?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
My spirit is good. I mean I was telling you
earlier that I'm not on my anside depressants right now
because my insurance changed Yay healthcare in America, but you
know I should be back on them in time. And
I didn't really take them for a depression. I was
taking them more for ADHD. So I think it's going
to be a little bit of like just a different
sort of flare up for a little bit. But I
(05:44):
would say that I'm okay. I think that like part
of what I wanted to talk about with today and
what made me kind of pitch it to you this
week was like I was sitting at home in the dark.
I had like a really bad headache, and I found
my old phone from our BuzzFeed year so this would
(06:04):
have been from like twenty fifteen to twenty twenty whatever, right,
and I was going through back in time in the photos,
and there were so many photos that I was looking
in of just the different ways that I've changed, different
ways that I looked, all these different styles, and I
went from feeling like like what was I thinking with
(06:26):
that outfit? To body shaming myself to going into like
dark spots. But then I was kind of like, oh, man,
I was really handsome in this photo, Like, oh my god,
like I look so good in this photo. Why didn't
I appreciate that in that moment? Why was I so
mean to myself? And I kind of had that moment
(06:46):
where I go, oh, I never appreciate myself in the moment,
and I don't look back at it. And I had
this one friend one time because I was talking smack
about me, the heavier version of me, the one that
had like big pineapple hair, the one and my friend
was like he stopped me, and he was like kind
of like in a playfully angry way. He was like,
(07:07):
don't talk about my friend like that, because the only
reason that you are here, this version of you is here,
is because of that guy. Like you're standing on his shoulders.
And I felt like, oh my god, like that's so like,
that's so nice, and I need to be nice to
that version of myself and not treat him like, oh sorry.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
I felt like, listen, if we're feeling a little depressed,
we're gonna need some cute lights.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Much Mayo, Like literally just for those listening, just plugged
in like some lights instead of flickering in the background.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
So you see it.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
What color you want?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
I like what you had before?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Oh that just it just flashes that.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Yeah, I like that. No, I like that it kind
of I mean, I live in a distracted universe, so
that's good for me. This is the decor that we
have to work with at my parents' house.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Love it. And guess what, you're always on time or
you always know what was right.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
But yeah, let's get into it. So today we're gonna
talk about the different parts of our lives. How we want
you to kind of think about yours. I think about
your times and your past. I kind of went again
into later what I call past, future and present magic
that you can do with yourself that we do. And
so join us on a magical ride back and space
(08:22):
and time.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
In the Dinosaurs Room the Earth.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
What was your favorite dinosaur? What was your favorite?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
The t rex or the long rex?
Speaker 1 (08:44):
My nephews like the t rex, you know, which was
I like, do you remember Ducky from the Land Before Time?
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Yes, ol duck going there?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Yeah, and then I really like the long neck but
the water versions, the ones that look like they had
like fins, but they had the long necks. Yeah, the
blockiness monster. I guess I don't know why. As a kid,
those are like my two favorites.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
I'm very aquatic, all right, all right, you go for
as curls.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Sure, okay. So one of the things that I do
just to kind of help myself and heal myself and
do a lot of the healing that we talk about.
When you work with you're the baby version of you. Right,
what did it we talked about before? Whenever try this
with people around you, Try this with your friend, try
this with your circle. When you think of your inner
child and you ask yourself, how old is your inner child?
(09:39):
I always assume that all of our inner child was
the same age, but all of us are different. How
old is yours?
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Again, it changes, it changes by what exactly it is. Sometimes, yeah,
sometimes it's always eight years old. That's when I think
prominently things change for me and things started to be
more like impressionable and sync in. But then I can
also feel myself at sixteen and fifteen, and then I
(10:05):
can feel myself at nineteen twenty.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Oh, I can feel.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Myself at twenty five.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
I'm trying to work on my inner twenties like my
inner child, but my inner twenties, so it changes as
how old is yours.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
I would say the same. I think when you asked
me right away, the first thing I would say is
it's three years old, right. And I've been doing a
lot of work with the three year old version of me,
and I think as I've gotten older, I've been doing
work with the thirteen fourteen year old version of me.
I have this random memory of being thirteen and getting
(10:38):
ready to go into high school, and I knew that
I was going to get bullied. I knew that I
was going to go get new friends. I was going
to a whole new high school by myself. None of
my friends were with me. And I remember I was
in my parents' house and I was going to my
room and I turned around to look at the living
room and I was like, I'm really scared. I'm a
gay kid, not at thirteen. That was the third table one. Yeah, yeah,
(11:01):
so I'm scared. I'm like, I'm going to go in
to high school. I'm gonna get bullied. I'm so scared.
I'm so anxious. I turn the lights on and sometimes
I do this thing where I think I'm talking to
that kid as he's going to his room, and I'm like,
it's going to be really tough, but it's going to
be so much fun, you know what I mean, Like
you're gonna love it, kid. So I think that, you know,
even going into that, like my first era that I
(11:24):
kind of wanted to touch up on. And by the way,
I do this thing where I think about us, I
think everybody has this. They have what I picture of,
like different portraits, Like I always think about all your
ex'es or all your people that have changed your life,
like picture them in a portrait together like Annie Leibowitz
Vogue style like our Seers or you know, I don't know,
(11:45):
Carlos taking yeah or J C. Penny, like just a
portrait of everyone together. And so I picture myself the
different eras, the different versions of me in a portrait,
and the most current version is holding baby Curly, and
then above us is like the future all knowing Curly,
the one that like knows how it ends, knows how
(12:06):
it went, all the stuff. So I would say that
the first era for me would be Q Diana Ross,
come on com you know, like I feel like for me,
and my first A was coming out of the closet.
(12:28):
I always tell people like, coming out of the closet
is one thing, but figuring out who you are as
a queer person in the jungle, in the gay forests,
you find out who you are because it's not Sometimes
who you come out as is not who you how
you dwell like, it's not how you live. Like you know,
I came out and I went super fim like super like.
(12:52):
You know, everybody was kind of like everybody thought I
was a girl already. So I used to get my
face waxed. I used to go to Mac and get
I don't know makeup anymore these days, but back then
it was like studio fixed at MAC, and then you
would put the bronzer and you would like frame your
face with the bronzer for what our version of contouring was.
And I would wear these tiny little shirts, had big
(13:13):
curly hair. I basically wanted to be as androgynist as
I could be because I just felt like the most
What I used to say at that time was that
when people used to describe meeting angels and like near
death experiences, they couldn't tell something was if somebody was
male or female. And so I used to be like
(13:33):
before it was cool to be non binary nonconforming. I
was living in that world right where I was like,
I'm both and nothing at all at the same time,
you know, And I think that that person really set
the tone for giving me the space to be experimental
in my fashion. I would say, you know, that's when
(13:55):
you just like saw me having the most fun and
living in that two thousands of really bad low rise jeans.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Oh my god, don't remind me trigger warning everyone.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah, what about you, what's your first era?
Speaker 3 (14:27):
Well, what would you say to that kid, like if
you were like a magical being where they came out
of the closet, maybe literally, I.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Would tell that kid to work, because truly, like that
kid was like was afraid, but like didn't show it,
you know what I mean, Like it did not matter.
I remember one time this girl I went to school
and I was wearing like a really tight cameo T
shirt and I don't know what I was wearing, and
she was like curly looks so ridiculous in that outfit.
(14:57):
And I'm like, she's just a boring white girl, Like
I mean, she could be any you know, She's a
borings intimidated you know, And I'm like, I'm a gay kid,
who's pushing against the norms, who's you know, enjoying himself
and just having and feeling so good about himself that
he's like, Yeah, this little cameo T shirt, this is it,
(15:18):
you know.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So cute.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
What do you feel like would be yours?
Speaker 3 (15:21):
Thoughf My first era honestly jumps to nineteen, being nineteen,
graduating high school at eighteen, and then I fell in love.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
It's like that song summer after high school when we first.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Did it, never one without the other some rehead.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Yes, because I fell in love way early. It was.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
It was like a first love that still to this day,
even though I do not talk to him at all
and I've had to like really make my parents understand
throughout the year. Is that like the way you guys
feel about each other, that deep love? Like, Yeah, I
had that at nineteen, and we all, me and that
guy always knew for the rest of our lives that we,
(16:11):
you know, just that one person where it's like it's
just undeniable and I feel like you can fall in
love many times, you can have many soulmates.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
But that was so.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Formative for me because not only did I fall in love,
but I was I knew I had a dream that
I wanted to fulfill.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
And career wiz or relationship wise.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Career wise, it was always career, but that also started
something with love interests where I felt like my career
was a third wheel, like maybe the guy's a third wheel,
or like my careers that they're but basically it's like
my career came first and always that being that that
(16:58):
being a problem for them, either the intimidated or like
I remember, I even like wanted to go to I
went to as U and I went to the West
campus because I was going to go to the main campus,
but it was in Tempe and I would have gotten
like an apartment out there or a dorm.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Which was expensive that that was not gonna happen.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
But my boyfriend at the time was like, you're just
going to go off to college and forget about me.
And he was doing nothing. He had no job, he
had no he had nothing, but he had the energy
to make me feel guilty.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
About though, right what he was in hindsight.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Oh yeah, oh.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Thousand percent, I've forgotten Surety when she did go to
college and forget all about you. But I ended up
going to like ASU West, which was like five minutes
from my house, so I still got to be at
home with my parents, which was like perfect. But that
really that era was me so in love and then
(18:01):
so sad and depressed, you know, very very depressed, suicidal,
one hundred percent ideation trigger warning. Sorry, But the thing
that kept me going was my work. And then you know,
in my twenties, when I turned twenty, that's when I
(18:23):
had a viral vine on vine and from then on,
I feel like I need to do work in my
twenties because I've always had this chip on my shoulder
that any guy, any person that I'm gonna be with,
is going to have an issue with my career because
that's just what I've seen time and time again. So
(18:44):
that era of me being nineteen twenty falling in love
and just you know, getting my heart broken, but then
that was the start of my career, which is like crazy.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Well, I feel like I remember you telling me that
you had gotten like a lot loss of like a
lot of weight and your parents were like super concerned
for you, right, and it was just yeah, yeah, and
like it was just really really bad for you. And
I think that, like, you know, your first heartbreak is
really just so transformative. Mine triggered my alcoholism, you know,
(19:18):
and when I was like eighteen years old. So I
think that like even you kind of it kicks starting
you into kind of focusing on your career. That's really interesting.
I wonder if, like a lot of people would relate
to how their first heartbreak really just transformed them. I think, well, yeah,
what would you say, and what would you tell that
(19:39):
girl who was like should I should I go to
that college? Real close? Sturdy? As well?
Speaker 3 (19:46):
I dropped out so it didn't matter. I mean, I
was showing my mom yesterday. I was telling my mom
like I would tell her, like he's going to come
back in ten years, he's going to want to be
with you. Finally, he's going to feel like he's ready,
(20:07):
but he's gonna be disgusting, Like he's gonna have the
greasiest hair. He's gonna like have still nothing going on
and want to mooch.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Off of you.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
When he gave you, you allowed him to give you
this complex, So like this boy wanted to make me
feel bad because honestly, the whole thing, and I've said
this so many different times, like I my parents were
super tired of me being sad, and they're artists, and
so they know, like a way to heal your heart
(20:41):
is through art, like express yourself like and so I
did this series on YouTube love songs for a year,
saying love songs on YouTube. And then there was fiber
dot com where you can do services for five dollars.
This is when it first started, like in twenty twelve,
twenty eleven, twenty twelve, and I made customized love songs
for people and it went viral and then it got
(21:04):
picked up on different news outlets, which one of the
producers on there ended up working for BuzzFeed. Remembered me,
and then you know, that started that. So when my
career went you know big, that boyfriend, that ex boyfriend
was like, the only reason why you're successful is because
(21:25):
of me, Like I'm the reason why you're successful. And
I'm like, you know what, if you want to take that,
If you want to take that, go ahead, if that
makes you feel better, for sure, but you're not getting
you're not getting the financial part of that.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
But like it was what I did with it, you know.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
So it was it was that era was transforming my
heartbreak into art, and that was the fuel and the
start of my career, but I would tell her, you
win girl, you end up.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Winning girl, and you forget about him. I feel like
with the heartbreak with the music, that's really interesting because
I think that I think that's really good advice for
younger people that if you're dealing with heartbreak, I would
do what do you do with that energy? Right? Like I?
For me, it was to get. For me, it propelled
me to do better at work, and it pushed me
(22:21):
to do more things, you know, Like that's when I
went into my first heartbreak when I was eighteen, and
then I went heavily into drinking. But that's when I
started working for David la Chappelle because I wanted to
go back to him and be like, well, guess what
I'm doing, you know what I mean. And then I
went into working with Jeremy Scott because I wanted to
go back and be like, so what are you doing now?
Because she liberal like, I just did a shoot with
Gaga for Rolling Stone, you know what I mean? And
(22:44):
I'm nineteen, bitch, like one of those things, or I
was twenty or something. I think I was twenty one
by that point, but you know, fast forward, I have
this kind of crazy life from that point on of designing.
Being in the art world, you know, working for Jeremy Scott,
I used to wear like leggings with giant T shirts
(23:06):
and big boots, and I used to hang out with
other queer Latino gay kids who would mix in parts
of our culture and our identity, but we did it
in really like gay Latino ways. I would say, so,
like I would be in a Peruvian poncho and like
gold Nike boots, gold Nike shoes, you know, and an
LA ball cap. And you know, my friend Cisco would
(23:28):
be in Brian Lichtenberg leggings and wearing just like a
giant Nike T shirt. Jos who's a stylist, Now those
are all cute like we you know, Jose Jose was Jose,
Francisco was Cisco, Jeffrey Martinez was jeff Martin, and then
Gonalitos me was Curly, so like we had cute little
like names for ourselves back then, you know, fast forward
(23:48):
to all that, get to BuzzFeed. I would say that
the next really big era for myself after that would
be kind of like my Rika Badu meets Andre th
thousand meets my like Santo era, where I like, I
don't know what I was going through at the time.
I think I wanted a pompadoor. I started to kind
(24:09):
of like make my hair go up, and then it
got too big to stand up by itself, so I
tied a string around it, and I started to wear
my hair in this pineapple style. I remember a long time.
Yeah yeah, and like yeah, I really didn't really feel
good in my body at the time, so I only
wore button downs. I only wore skinny jeans, and I
(24:30):
wore yeah overalls, yeah, yeah, overalls, but I only wore them,
you know, over like a hoodie over like a button down.
I remember I was always in loafers without socks, so,
you know. And I would wear these giant rings, giant necklaces.
I just saw a photo of me and Jenny Lorenzo,
and I was wearing like a giant like shell that
(24:52):
looks like a horn on my neck. And then I
was wearing like actual bones on my neck and like
big hair, big rings, everything big. And I just I
would pray. I still do, but I would pray to
my spirits all the time.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
I would burn like he was like the lead of
the head of a coven.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Yes, and I just found photos in that phone, by
the way of what my room used to look like. Furs, shells, oils, candles, statues,
like things that were burnt, papers that were burnt. It
looked like a banka. Yeah, And it's crazy because I
(25:33):
think for a very long time. Oh, that was when
I had just gone sober too, so I was deeply
into spirituality. I was deeply into like finding that part
of myself. But I also felt very lonely, you know.
I kind of was becoming this. I was very happy
with how I looked, and I was very happy with
how I was showing up and how I was moving
(25:53):
in the world. But I think that I almost was
kind of like a caricature in a lot of ways,
where people didn't see me as a human. They saw
me as like this, like gay guy with big rings,
big hair, and you know, was running around BuzzFeed on
a skateboard or something. You know. But I I'm harder,
(26:13):
I think on that version of me because I never
felt attractive during that time. I didn't like being touched.
I wasn't having sex. I wasn't doing anything because I'd
just gone sober and I didn't know how to have sex.
You know, like being fucked up for most of your
life and on drugs and sleeping around it's easy. You know,
You're laying there and you're like, what's what's your name again?
(26:35):
And then you sober up and you're like, I don't
like that position. I'm not doing that. But am I weird?
Should I say something? I would rather not do anything,
But I, as of lately have been being like, he's adorable.
You're young, you were a twenty you were in your twenties.
Like if I saw a little twenty year old right
now coming in like that Gordovito, like pineapple hair, big rings,
(26:57):
I'd be like, you're adorable. Let's let's talk spirit. Yes, And.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
I'm sorry that you feel that way too, like or
that you felt that way at that time, you know,
And I don't want to like like invalidate like what
you were feeling. But from the outside you know how
we always have to be like from the outside in
you were so adorable and so attractive and so like
(27:28):
cute and it but.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Because it was your your spirit.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
It was it was how you made people feel and
how and how considerate you were, you know, asking people's
days and everything. Because you worked at the front desk
and you remember what it felt like, you know, So.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Thank you for that. I'm learning to be kinder to
that guy, So thank you for that.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Like, yeah, because that's my friend, Like, that's.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
Who was such a I know, that's who I saw
a sunny face when you came down to come get
me my first day orientation and you're hi, And from
(28:16):
then on I knew.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Everything was going to be okay.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Like that's safety like that that makes people feel safe
and comfortable. And I think during that time you provided
(28:41):
a lot of safety to people and representation in that
way of like you know, being in videos and just
there's nothing ever wrong with being one hundred authentically yourself
because it that shit radiates and ripples and magnet five
and touches so many people. So that's what I would
(29:03):
say to that version of I would go back and
be like.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yeah, yeah, me too.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
It's me.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Well, that's the version that my friend was like being
nice because he wouldn't even be here if it wasn't
for that guy was true. I know that guy was.
He equally was Yeah, And I think if.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
You know, I if anyone is in their twenties right
now or remembers their twenties, like we were super hard
on ourselves during that time.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
We're just trying to figure shit out, you know.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
My next one is when I was twenty three, when
I first got to BuzzFeed. So it like kind of
matches up like the timelines, Like I got to BuzzFeed
like twenty sixteen, and I feel like twenty sixteen for me,
and like twenty eighteen or twenty nineteen like that kind
of like peak Bettle like era where we just all
locked the fucking and.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Really got to work. But this was so prominent for.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
Me because it taught me how to be a better friend.
It taught me how to be and you know, being
with our group and and being in LA, like.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
I was so scared.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
I was such a little like dough, like a little
baby deer and.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
I I heard you were so young moving to a
whole Yeah, my.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Shap stay o by myself only knew like maybe three
people in LA and figured it the fuck out. And
what was really great was community during that time, you know.
And I feel like twenty three is the isn't that
there's that one thing that's like nobody likes you when
you're twenty three.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Who was that song or something, you're only You're only Yeah,
it's like you're only something when you're seventeen. When you're
twenty three.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Nobody likes.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Well I made people love me at twenty three.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
I cast a spell on all of you, guys. I say,
one day, one.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Day, so you're almost at your ten years out here
next year?
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Yeah wow.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I always tell people after eight years like you're an Angelino,
Like that's it.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
I mean that era for me was like twenty sixteen
to yeah, twenty seventeen, learning about myself and also deconstructing
and deprogramming things that I because you know, when you're
in like a Latino family, your friends are your your
family sometimes you know, like your community is your family
(31:37):
like and there's some things with that when you go
out on your own where you have to learn like
oh shit, like I don't have this person to like
guide me or like go with me to the doctor
or you know. So that was really great and I'm
really grateful to you know, my friends at the time,
like my Bettle like friends because they I had no
friends before, you know, it was all it was all
(32:01):
like people.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
But yeah, we were always together. We had to travel
together and learn all those things together, Like we had
to learn a lot of things in real time, like boundaries, conversations,
you know, with all of us, like whether it's me
or you, or us with Gadiel or even like with Claudia,
Like you know, we had to learn all these things.
We learned what we were cool with, what we weren't
(32:23):
cool with, what each of us liked, what we didn't like.
Like you said this thing where people used to ask
me if my hair was a wig all the time,
and because it was big and curly, and I used
to die at black because for a long time, And
do you remember Gudia brought somebody or Nick Nick, the
barber who used to come cut her hair, brought somebody
in and he was like, is that is your hair
(32:45):
a wig? And I was such a little diva. I
looked around at everyone and I was like, who's this?
Speaker 2 (32:53):
And then we wanted to touch your hair?
Speaker 3 (32:55):
Like people are so weird with that, though, like what
is what is what kind of sensory shit are you
into that you have to like touch people's hair all
the time.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
I know that's so crazy, huh. I think it's just like,
you know, you see something like this, like so crowking
in top of my head and you're.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Like oiled up, like still what I feel like.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
For me though? After that, and this is when we
had met too. We had met like during my sober time.
But my next big change was when we met we
were at my friend. We were at our friend Darina
the Marco's party, and we met this trainer who was like, Oh,
I'm here for a new gig. Turns out the new
gig was to train Kim Kardashian and we met Melissa,
(33:39):
and Melissa who is still Kim kish trainer. I believe
she is, for she has been for a very long time.
We were like, we're actually looking to do a video
with a trainer who can help us. And so we
trained with her for I think a month was it? Yeah,
we trained like bodybuilders for like.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
A couple of months.
Speaker 3 (33:58):
Because that I feel like that would have been unhealthy
to t we lost.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
A lot of life. I feel like it was like.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Three I think it was three months.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
I ended up losing like forty pounds I think or
something like that because I was doing it wrong. I
wasn't eating enough, which is very.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Like you're in a macrodet.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
We're in a macro diet, yeah, which is crazy, but
I ended up losing a lot of weight, and this
kind of starts a news cycle for me that I
am now a sadbody who's in my mid to late
thirties learning to honor the younger version of me, because
it suddenly put me in a on a path of
(34:35):
wanting to be desired, right, because suddenly I wasn't this
chubby boy anymore. I was like this super skinny boy
trigger warning, right, guys, and like the dysmorphia stuff. But
I suddenly like my body just changed and I was
sober and I didn't know how to do. I was
just completely different. And I think that from that point,
(34:58):
for the next few years, every boyfriend that I had
kind of like wanted me to like calm down, or
guys that I liked only liked me. So like, you know,
when I had one boyfriend, he didn't like my style
because I was dressing very like nineteen sixties and seventies
and I had really that era was fun too. By
(35:18):
the way that era, I no longer did the pineapple.
I grew up my whole entire head of hair. I
had a huge like yes, god, yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
It was a crowd beautiful wild crowd.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Yeah. Yeah, I kind of looked back at it. I
just saw, you know, I saw photos like damn, my
hair was doing that same and then I would wear
high waisted pants all the time and like open shirts
and lots of gold chains. And this individual that I
fell in love with that I liked, said that he
didn't like my style or my hair, and so I
(35:52):
decided to change and morph so that I could be
with this person and you know, hopefully have at but
having a relationship and being in love. And I just
downplayed myself so much, like my style completely changed. You know.
In our last year of our relationship, I watched this
(36:14):
Trixie Mattel documentary and I saw that she, you know,
she has all this white around her eyes to kind
of give her this anime look, as anime look, and
I ordered I remember Gucci. This was during the pandemic,
so I remember Gucci was releasing these collections with huge
nineteen eighties hip hop gazelle glasses with big chains, an
(36:37):
homage to like the eighties nineties hip hop fashion. Trixie
was doing her documentary and I was like, that's my
new thing, Like hooked up with my friend Pajuga who
decided to put me in giant Vivian Westwood hats. I
had giant glasses. It was like I kind of had
this huge style of renaissance. Why I didn't give a
(36:58):
fuck where I wanted to wear everything, and I was
working at e right where I was talking about fashion,
and then I broke up with my boyfriend and I
went super minimal again, like super like, and it kind
of led to this pattern of me, of this era
of me finding this like my style of being kind
of like a minimalist, you know. And I'm still kind
of there in a lot of ways. But we'll get
(37:20):
to that part when we get there. But what about yours?
What's your next era?
Speaker 2 (37:24):
That's that I have the same era? Like the weight
loss twenty eighteen.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Oh well, we don't know each other's eras, by the way,
we didn't talk about it.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
No, yeah I put dates or I put years, but
you didn't put But but I feel like, yeah, they
line up a lot, because yeah, I lost a lot
of weight and people treated me different. People were like,
oh my god, you're but I felt like I got
too skinny. So I felt like my head, my face
looked sunken. In a little bit and my eyes look giant,
(37:57):
like I felt like I felt like my face didn't
look good for like I don't know. And now I'm
like the chunkiest I've ever been, and I'm like, I
like this this fat filler in my face.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
It's just it's just chubbed in my own chub. It's yeah.
I lost a lot of weight.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
And then I started dating someone in like the Summer Fall,
which was like the first guy I had truly dated
since like my twenty when I was twenty, and I
was also booking a lot of things, like having a
lot of videos like do really Well. It was the
(38:40):
same timing as.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
It was a little bit before after the Spanish video,
so I was like fresh off of that doing really Well.
I felt like I had a flow. But then, like
you know, situationships happened. I just did not feel like
I knew my worth, even though it was such a
contrast that I knew my worth with my career because
(39:09):
you know, before it got to BuzzFeed, I was I
was a content creator, but I was negotiating branded deals myself,
so I had to be like knowing my worth because
that's money you know, so I got a lot of
practice on that end career wise, performance wise skill sets
with performing and acting and singing and being on camera. Like,
(39:31):
but then it was such a flip when it came
to love that I had no idea what my worth
was if it wasn't attached to my career. But then
my career being attached to my career was also a
detriment because these guys were and I don't only want
to put it on them, like I understand, like I
(39:52):
get it. Like if I was dating me, I would
be scared too, you know what I'm saying. I would
be really really scared and simandiny.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
Would you be intimidated today?
Speaker 4 (40:00):
Me?
Speaker 1 (40:00):
I'd be intimidated to date you.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
To be honest, I'd be like, what's this moon sign Scorpio?
Speaker 5 (40:05):
Nope, come out into the lights, come out into the lights,
come out.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
Yeah, I feel like we are intimidating. And physically I'm
just like a tall, you know, very curvy, volumptuous, big hair,
so like physically yeah, I'm like, you know, I call myself.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
I would would too, but it was it was like.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
You, I will say that you are a vision, Like
whenever we go out I've said this to you before,
like you're absolutely a vision because you are tall, curvy
and you have big hair, Like you're such a vision.
Like when people when you walk in, you know, you
just are so graceful. So whatever noise depicts grace, I
would say, that's the noise speaking walking.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
You know, just because like you know, in my apartment building,
I have like I'm on the highest floor and then
the person below me, I know, is like, don't I'm like.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
I was not even I feel like when I'm I'm
on the I'm on the second floor of my building,
and I feel like, I like, sometimes I feel bad,
so I try to slide in my socks around so
that they don't hear me.
Speaker 3 (41:23):
They can probably hear that it's probably noisier than he,
but it was. It was a hard lesson realization. From
twenty eighteen to twenty twenty two, I was in a
depression of light and I had dated a lot of
people after that, you know, like and and was still
(41:46):
friends on and off with that X. But it really
and it's not even that X as a person, Like
it's not that person. It's what attachment I had to
that experience and what narrative I was feeding to myself,
which was like, what is my purpose? Like, who am
I without my body? Without my career? Is my spirit?
(42:10):
My soul?
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Enough?
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Oh it makes me want.
Speaker 3 (42:12):
To cry, I know, but it's so sad because that's
how I felt like I felt because I never got validation,
nor reassurance or any sort of like I love your spirit,
I love your you know you you make me feel
this type of way. It was like, you're so talented,
(42:51):
you've got it going on, You've got you know, you're
you're hot, you're this and that, Like you know, I worked,
we worked hard on that video, so I did have
some abs, so yes, thank you, But who was I
without all of that?
Speaker 2 (43:07):
Was that enough?
Speaker 3 (43:08):
And I felt like the people I was dating at
the time like did not see past any of that
and attached to the career or how I looked or
how they looked being with me, which was fucked up.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Whatever. I learned a.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
Lot through that time that, Like, you know, that was
until I would say even like twenty twenty three and
twenty twenty four, Like from twenty eighteen to even last year,
I feel like I woke up and was like, hey,
don't attach yourself too much to your career or even
to your body, even though it is your body. Like
focus on being a good person, working on yourself so
(43:46):
you can be good to other people, holding yourself accountable,
and always having intention that is not only serving you,
but is going to serve the highest good of society,
you know. And I feel like that's like working on yourself.
So that's that's that era about you.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
Yeah, that's so crazy because like you don't give yourself
credit during that time, Like you don't really give know
how to give yourself that love. And sometimes you don't
even know that you're that's what you were missing, you
know what I mean? Like I think that, and sometimes
like I think you're not ready to hear that, because
sometimes people will be like you are amazing right now,
(44:27):
you are this that right now and and sorry, let
me mix myself and you don't feel it, you know,
Like I used to feel like people would be like, no,
you are this, you are attractive, you are talented, you
are that, and I'm like, I don't believe you. And
so I think that it gets kind of like kind
of dark until until you're kind of past it and
(44:48):
you're like, oh, I was those things, you know, like
I was really like fun and sweet and I didn't
care and I was fun and what.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
Are we gonna say about ourselves?
Speaker 3 (45:00):
You know, in a couple of years of this version,
you know, well now.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
It's crazy because and this I'll mix in my last
two eras. I feel like what happened with me is
I ended up losing weight and I needed to. I
just had some procedures done, and basically the procedures, cosmetic ones,
really helped me. They were gender affirming for me, so
(45:30):
like in ways that my body, people used to think
that I was a girl because of the way that
I was developed, because of the length of my hair,
because of the way that my face looked. You know,
people used to get confused, and you might look at
some photos and be like, I don't know, like I
don't know how they would confuse it, but just at
the time, it would happen to me everywhere I would go,
(45:50):
and it would get really embarrassing. So I think that
getting these procedures done and growing into this version that
I am now, And I'm not saying I don't want
to make people feel like this is what you should do.
This is not the answer, Like I was having this
conversation with my cousin in Hawaii last week and she
was like, how can you tell people to love themselves
(46:11):
and be their best? And you went off and you
paid a bunch of money to like, you know, kind
of like change yourself. And I'm like, I think you
can do both. I think that you can do you know,
or you can do one or the other. And there's
no wrong way to do it. Like I just felt
like I wanted to I had the means to do it,
(46:33):
and so I did it. And it's kind of a
controversial thing and it's an amazing question, right, like how
do I ask others to love themselves when maybe I
didn't I couldn't do it, you know. And now I'm like,
for the first time in my life, though, it has
given me the space to actually enjoy myself a little
(46:54):
bit more, where now I'm like, I actually feel that
the way that I feel like my youth and my
days are borrowed. So now I'm not so much worried
about I'm not hating on myself as much. I still do.
Like my cousin's like, are you giving yourself a lymphatic
massage on your face again?
Speaker 3 (47:14):
And well, you should do this every single day, though
I do it like twice a day, morning and night,
just because it like, we hold a lot of tension
in our jaw and you have no idea how much
tension we have in there until you take a roller
and go back there and and there's nots. There's notts
back there and right here, like right in front of
(47:35):
your ear, like rite out your jaw a little. Yeah,
you can feel them. So that's that's good regardless to
do that.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
Because you can feel it draining. But yeah, yeah, I
get it.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
To get it, that's so funny. Yeah, She's like, are
you and so yes, I'm so critical of myself, but I,
more oftentimes than not, I do have these moments where
I'm like, I'm I know, I'm going to look back
in a few years and be like, damn he was
he was a I know I'm going to do it.
So I try to be kinder to myself. You know,
we can totally have another episode one day where do
you talk about cosmetic work and kind of go deeper
(48:08):
into that question because it is super controversial. My hope,
my hope and my deepest desires for everybody to have
a moment where they can just really look at themselves
and for where we're at and just give ourselves that
grace to exist. This is as good as it's going
to get for a lot of us. And you know,
you love yourself. I think that how I would like
(48:31):
to move forward is and how I am so doing
it now, which I love to do, is I feel
like I'm marrying the femininity of my youth and the
flying buoyance again with kind of like the masculinity and
the simple, more minimal style that I've adopted. So like,
I've been really into jackets that have like a fur
trim and I'll throw it under over a hoodie, you
(48:52):
know what I mean. Like I just bought myself a
really big foe for a jacket that I want to wear,
and I haven't done that in a while. You know.
I threw on a little eyeline last night, and I
haven't done that in a while, you know. And I'm like, yeah, right,
Like I played yeah, Like I haven't played with like
eyelighten in a long time, and and it was just
(49:13):
I'm just like, yeah, why not? Like who cares? I
think that uh, marrying the two, marrying all versions of
myself together and or maybe they're not going to marry
each other. Maybe that's not the best word. Maybe just
throwing them all in a blend. Maybe that's not good either.
Maybe rolling them all up and together into a little
ball of Plato and making this, you know, and like
(49:36):
you mix all your Plato colors together, And then maybe
that version of me is the best version. And maybe
he's the happiest because he gets to express himself however
he wants to outside of And this is really big
for me of what other men want of me? You know,
(49:58):
what about you?
Speaker 2 (49:59):
My now being thirty two, Oh my goodness, I feel well.
Speaker 3 (50:05):
We're recording this a couple weeks earlier, but I still
feel like when I am thirty two, I'm gonna it's
I feel like I'm going to be more aligned. I
feel like there's a lot of boundaries I've placed for
myself now that I didn't have when I was twenty two.
(50:25):
That you know, I thought I was just supposed to
be a vessel for or a comedian for everyone and anyone,
and that was my worth. I had to make everybody
laugh or entertain or like And I don't have to
do that now, Like I am worthy and I can
exist by just existing, you know, and like I'm not
(50:49):
as attached to my body or my career in that way.
I feel like I'm I have a sort of like
healthy detachment from it all where I'm able to clock
getting clocked out, but then come back to myself. And
when I am aligned in my career and my body,
it is for a better purpose. That's not just for
(51:11):
validation or trying to prove myself to somebody. It's because
I want to create art. It's because I want to
wear an outfit because I feel good in it and
not to prove anything to anyone else, which is huge.
And I feel like I'm I've been practicing that, and
now I feel like I'm at a next level of
(51:31):
like practice for that.
Speaker 2 (51:33):
So it's good. I feel really happy.
Speaker 3 (51:37):
I feel I love this version of myself. I've really,
really really worked on that radical self love. If you
heard the other episode of my solo episode, that's a
practice that I really really do every single day, because,
like I said, it is a practice.
Speaker 2 (51:54):
You're not gonna wake up.
Speaker 3 (51:55):
One day and be fully healed or fully love yourself,
and you have to allow yourself to have those days
when you don't like yourself or you don't feel good
about yourself.
Speaker 1 (52:08):
And yeah, it's like not a destination, not at all.
Speaker 2 (52:11):
It's not a destination. It's a journey.
Speaker 3 (52:14):
And yeah, and I love I love that. I love
this version of myself. But now let's go into the
astrology portion of the podcast. Okay, it's gonna be a
little speed round. We're gonna be talking a little bit
about your sadur in Return, Your sad in Return. The
(52:36):
ages are between twenty seven to thirty sometimes thirty two,
thirty three, sometimes like twenty five. And it's the wake
up call era when life forces you to grow up
and make serious choices.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
So if you just think.
Speaker 3 (52:48):
About maybe you're in it right now, you know, think
about where you were when you were twenty seven or
twenty eight or thirty, like, was it difficult? Was it
life changing for you? And it doesn't always have to
be bad where like bad things happen, but it could
be something that just transforms your life in a different way.
(53:10):
And it happens every twenty seven to thirty years.
Speaker 1 (53:13):
So yeah, I went sobering, like it completely changed my
life twenty seven, twenty eight. Who I was before that
completely different than who.
Speaker 2 (53:22):
I Yes, in twenty eighteen I was twenty five, and
so twenty nineteen when I was twenty six, and then
twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (53:33):
I was twenty seven. Yeah, I even though it was COVID.
COVID happened during my SATIN return. I auditioned for like
a Disney show, a Nickelodeon show. I was on Vogue's website,
like I did a little fashion show.
Speaker 2 (53:55):
And yeah I did.
Speaker 3 (53:57):
And that was in a commercial like in when I
was like twenty nine, like a huge commercial that changed
my life. So but then there was a lot of
crazy shit that happened, like so much stuff I don't
really want to get into, but just a lot of
really heartbreaking, heartbreaking stuff. But then on the other end,
(54:19):
really transformative things that had it all had to happen,
so okay.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
So some of the things it.
Speaker 3 (54:26):
Could bring you career shifts, new jobs, major success or burnout,
breakups or engagements, moving cities or homes, identity crisis, feeling lost,
questioning your purpose, health wake up calls. And sometimes if
you ignore these lessons, Saturn comes back harder. If you
resist the change, Saturn.
Speaker 2 (54:45):
Won't let up.
Speaker 3 (54:46):
People who avoid their lessons office often face burnout, breakdowns
or repeating cycles. After it's over, you feel like you're
stepping into your power, which I feel like aligns with
what I was saying about being thirty two, because I
feel like thirty one was like my way out. I
was on my I closed the door behind me of
side in return, and I'm still walking out of the woods,
(55:07):
walking out of the trail, and thirty two feels like, Okay,
I see the castle. It's all the way over there.
At least I'm out of the woods.
Speaker 1 (55:15):
Yeah, you know, like yeah, yeah, how.
Speaker 3 (55:19):
Do you feel about your saturdy? Like could you could
looking back? Could you see how you were in your
satin return?
Speaker 1 (55:25):
Oh? Absolutely? I was just you just made me think
because you were talking about how you can see the
what did you call out the castle that you close
the door behind you and you could see the.
Speaker 2 (55:33):
I closed the door behind me.
Speaker 3 (55:34):
I got I thirty one was traveling out of the woods,
and yeah, I guess still see in the far distance.
Speaker 1 (55:40):
Yeah, I feel like I'm kind of it. I feel
like I'm maybe after my sobriety. I would say two
removed like two castles ahead, like not ahead of you,
but just ahead of where I was before from you know,
and they've been like huge changes. So I'm like, what
(56:04):
else is there left to do?
Speaker 4 (56:05):
Lord?
Speaker 1 (56:07):
You know what I mean? I need enough? Like it's
crazy because since twenty twenty, even just now with the
whole new presidential stuff going on, you know, all the heartbreaks.
I also got out of a relationship that left me
that had you know, throwing that you know, I threw
(56:29):
that away into the trash a while ago, and it
was like transformative as well, thank you for the lessons
onto the next. I'm back on the path, but it
never ends. And it's been super amazing. And I will
say this though, every version and this portrait of mine
that I mentioned before, this portrait of hours, every new
(56:50):
version of us has always been far more amazing than
the last. I feel and just like I can honor
the past and I can honor future, but also just
the present. I'm like, we like these kids, they're pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (57:04):
And that concludes the astrology portion.
Speaker 1 (57:08):
It Well, maya let me take this costume off, old costume?
Imagine I should just we should like do like photo
shoots of our pastlves.
Speaker 3 (57:20):
Like, well, yeah, I think, well I'm scared for that,
but yes.
Speaker 1 (57:25):
I'm scared too. Yeah, I don't know why I said it.
Speaker 3 (57:28):
Listen, this is a bit of a long and a
little bit of a heavy episode, but I hope that
you can get the main message that I think. It's
not only about healing your inner child. It's about healing
your inner twenties if you're if you're in your thirties
or you know, your forties, if you're in your thirties,
if you're in your forties, you know, because and honoring
(57:53):
and giving those versions of you grace because they were
figuring it out. We have the accessibility now in privilege
of all of these different things we learned in wisdom
because of them, you know, so we got to honor
them just as much as we would honor the future
(58:13):
version of ourselves and what they're doing.
Speaker 1 (58:16):
You know.
Speaker 3 (58:16):
So I hope you can do a little like I
don't know, manifestation meditation tonight and pick one era that's
not necessarily like your childhood, but something that's like maybe
a couple of years ago, you know.
Speaker 1 (58:30):
Yeah, yeah, just you know, love them, love them, feel
that love reciprocated back, and you know, kind of understand
that you've had quite the life. Bibs people living it up.
Speaker 3 (58:42):
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of
the Super Secret Vesti Club podcast. Curly, How can they
find you on social media?
Speaker 1 (58:49):
You can find me at the Curly v Show on
Instagram and TikTok and read note which I never posted
on What About You Maya?
Speaker 3 (58:55):
You can find me at Maya in the Moment anywhere
you scroll.
Speaker 2 (59:00):
I love you.
Speaker 5 (59:03):
Heye.
Speaker 3 (59:05):
Make sure to hit that subscribe button to hear more
episodes every single week.
Speaker 2 (59:10):
The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast is.
Speaker 3 (59:12):
A production of Sonodo in partnership with iHeartRadio's Michael Tha
podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (59:17):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Ship. Let's that's too bid.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
How are you doing using jexas?
Speaker 1 (00:12):
We are England right now.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Oh, welcome to our heress tour, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
This is the chilies. Oh oh you're going man me
or her?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Can you get a chili or what?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
So a?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
You're gonna get us in chillier?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Can get chillier?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
What getty?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
My name is Curly and I'm Maya. And welcome to
the Super Secrets Clubs podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
A super secret club where we talk about super secret things.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah, like secrets that are super That's what it is.
In each episode we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreas men,
and of course our favorite secrets in here. I don't
think I've ever been to a Chili's. Oh do they
s chili there?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I don't know, Actually, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Do they remember Eli used to love chili Is? You
always talked about chili.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Well, you can get fucked up at Chili's.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I texted Joyce.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
I was like, let's well get fucked up at Chilis.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Is that like the same as getting a good buzz
at cheesecake factory?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Getting drunk at cheesecake factory is sophisticated? Like and you
don't really get that drunk because of all the bread
you've eaten. Chili's is like, gimme an appetizer, give me
the They have specialty drinks where you can just keep
getting them and bottomless and then a yap session and
(01:54):
that's your dinner.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
The yap session is your dinner.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Oh I kind of wish that, Like I feel like
I never got that sort of like thirty year old
buzz drunk experience. I mean, all I was doing is
drinking like foos and drinking like them and the backseat
of someone's car and getting so fucked up and then
going to the club and then like watching people get
(02:18):
into this fights and you know, going back home and
seeing who I helped up with, you know what I mean?
Like I wish that I would have been a good And.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
That sounds better, So it sounds that sounds like cooler.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
I wish I would have made it to this era.
I would love to be like, we're just gonna go
to cheese gaate factory. We're just gonna go to Chili's
and have a cute little drink share a little like
what are those onions tails?
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Onion rinks? Onion?
Speaker 1 (02:47):
No, like the onion mound. Do they have that chili too?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
The onion flower? Is that a chilie? Sounds good anyway? Oh? Oh, welcome.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
I feel God in this Chili's tonight. Let me tell
you that.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Office joke millennial elder millennial here, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
My spirit is. It feels a little complex.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
It feels all over the place, especially we're about to
time travel in this episode.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Excited this episode, Yes, and.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
It's my It was just my birthday March twenty fifth.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
If you're listening to this, I am now thirty two, thirty.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Two years ago, so young, like so young.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
It is such a prominent moment because I remember seeing
my mom at thirty two and seeing her and I remember.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
That era so clearly.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
And my mom was also like crying yesterday telling me
about when she was thirty two, my grandma, her mom
was put into a coma for something that happened. And
my mom goes, mom, it's my birthday today. I'm twenty five,
And my grandma, who's in a coma, lifted her finger
and wrote thirty two on my mom's stomach. Oh, I
(04:14):
love the nothing like a Latina mom to be to
come out of a coma and yeah, like, uh oh,
you're thirty two.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Girl, that's so funny, that's so cute. I also cidebear,
I feel like you're aging very slowly. I feel like
I'm like, how are you only thirty two?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Like I don't know either.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Actually, I feel like I'm maybe this goes into my
time blindness, but I feel like I'm turned aging rapidly,
like I'm thirty seven, and I feel like my parents
have been the same age for the past six years.
I used to tell my like, you're not eighty, You're
not eighty one. You've been eighty one for like the
past decade. And She's like, no, I'm not. And like
(04:55):
in my head, I'm like, how are you barely thirty two?
Like you just I feel like you're just getting started
on your life, just as you know, if you ever feel.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
You feel like I'm just getting started all my life.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Girl, from the time that I was thirty three, So
that's which we'll get into. But from the time that
I was thirty three to the time I was now
night and day, night and day, like completely different person,
completely different live. I'm in a whole new simulation. I'm
in a whole new timeline.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
How'd your spirit?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
My spirit is good. I mean I was telling you
earlier that I'm not on my anside depressants right now
because my insurance changed Yay healthcare in America, but you
know I should be back on them in time. And
I didn't really take them for a depression. I was
taking them more for ADHD. So I think it's going
to be a little bit of like just a different
sort of flare up for a little bit. But I
(05:44):
would say that I'm okay. I think that like part
of what I wanted to talk about with today and
what made me kind of pitch it to you this
week was like I was sitting at home in the dark.
I had like a really bad headache, and I found
my old phone from our BuzzFeed year so this would
(06:04):
have been from like twenty fifteen to twenty twenty whatever, right,
and I was going through back in time in the photos,
and there were so many photos that I was looking
in of just the different ways that I've changed, different
ways that I looked, all these different styles, and I
went from feeling like like what was I thinking with
(06:26):
that outfit? To body shaming myself to going into like
dark spots. But then I was kind of like, oh, man,
I was really handsome in this photo, Like, oh my god,
like I look so good in this photo. Why didn't
I appreciate that in that moment? Why was I so
mean to myself? And I kind of had that moment
(06:46):
where I go, oh, I never appreciate myself in the moment,
and I don't look back at it. And I had
this one friend one time because I was talking smack
about me, the heavier version of me, the one that
had like big pineapple hair, the one and my friend
was like he stopped me, and he was like kind
of like in a playfully angry way. He was like,
(07:07):
don't talk about my friend like that, because the only
reason that you are here, this version of you is here,
is because of that guy. Like you're standing on his shoulders.
And I felt like, oh my god, like that's so like,
that's so nice, and I need to be nice to
that version of myself and not treat him like, oh sorry.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
I felt like, listen, if we're feeling a little depressed,
we're gonna need some cute lights.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Much Mayo, Like literally just for those listening, just plugged
in like some lights instead of flickering in the background.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
So you see it.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
What color you want?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
I like what you had before?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Oh that just it just flashes that.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Yeah, I like that. No, I like that it kind
of I mean, I live in a distracted universe, so
that's good for me. This is the decor that we
have to work with at my parents' house.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Love it. And guess what, you're always on time or
you always know what was right.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
But yeah, let's get into it. So today we're gonna
talk about the different parts of our lives. How we want
you to kind of think about yours. I think about
your times and your past. I kind of went again
into later what I call past, future and present magic
that you can do with yourself that we do. And
so join us on a magical ride back and space
(08:22):
and time.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
In the Dinosaurs Room the Earth.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
What was your favorite dinosaur? What was your favorite?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
The t rex or the long rex?
Speaker 1 (08:44):
My nephews like the t rex, you know, which was
I like, do you remember Ducky from the Land Before Time?
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Yes, ol duck going there?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Yeah, and then I really like the long neck but
the water versions, the ones that look like they had
like fins, but they had the long necks. Yeah, the
blockiness monster. I guess I don't know why. As a kid,
those are like my two favorites.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
I'm very aquatic, all right, all right, you go for
as curls.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Sure, okay. So one of the things that I do
just to kind of help myself and heal myself and
do a lot of the healing that we talk about.
When you work with you're the baby version of you. Right,
what did it we talked about before? Whenever try this
with people around you, Try this with your friend, try
this with your circle. When you think of your inner
child and you ask yourself, how old is your inner child?
(09:39):
I always assume that all of our inner child was
the same age, but all of us are different. How
old is yours?
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Again, it changes, it changes by what exactly it is. Sometimes, yeah,
sometimes it's always eight years old. That's when I think
prominently things change for me and things started to be
more like impressionable and sync in. But then I can
also feel myself at sixteen and fifteen, and then I
(10:05):
can feel myself at nineteen twenty.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Oh, I can feel.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Myself at twenty five.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
I'm trying to work on my inner twenties like my
inner child, but my inner twenties, so it changes as
how old is yours.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
I would say the same. I think when you asked
me right away, the first thing I would say is
it's three years old, right. And I've been doing a
lot of work with the three year old version of me,
and I think as I've gotten older, I've been doing
work with the thirteen fourteen year old version of me.
I have this random memory of being thirteen and getting
(10:38):
ready to go into high school, and I knew that
I was going to get bullied. I knew that I
was going to go get new friends. I was going
to a whole new high school by myself. None of
my friends were with me. And I remember I was
in my parents' house and I was going to my
room and I turned around to look at the living
room and I was like, I'm really scared. I'm a
gay kid, not at thirteen. That was the third table one. Yeah, yeah,
(11:01):
so I'm scared. I'm like, I'm going to go in
to high school. I'm gonna get bullied. I'm so scared.
I'm so anxious. I turn the lights on and sometimes
I do this thing where I think I'm talking to
that kid as he's going to his room, and I'm like,
it's going to be really tough, but it's going to
be so much fun, you know what I mean, Like
you're gonna love it, kid. So I think that, you know,
even going into that, like my first era that I
(11:24):
kind of wanted to touch up on. And by the way,
I do this thing where I think about us, I
think everybody has this. They have what I picture of,
like different portraits, Like I always think about all your
ex'es or all your people that have changed your life,
like picture them in a portrait together like Annie Leibowitz
Vogue style like our Seers or you know, I don't know,
(11:45):
Carlos taking yeah or J C. Penny, like just a
portrait of everyone together. And so I picture myself the
different eras, the different versions of me in a portrait,
and the most current version is holding baby Curly, and
then above us is like the future all knowing Curly,
the one that like knows how it ends, knows how
(12:06):
it went, all the stuff. So I would say that
the first era for me would be Q Diana Ross,
come on com you know, like I feel like for me,
and my first A was coming out of the closet.
(12:28):
I always tell people like, coming out of the closet
is one thing, but figuring out who you are as
a queer person in the jungle, in the gay forests,
you find out who you are because it's not Sometimes
who you come out as is not who you how
you dwell like, it's not how you live. Like you know,
I came out and I went super fim like super like.
(12:52):
You know, everybody was kind of like everybody thought I
was a girl already. So I used to get my
face waxed. I used to go to Mac and get
I don't know makeup anymore these days, but back then
it was like studio fixed at MAC, and then you
would put the bronzer and you would like frame your
face with the bronzer for what our version of contouring was.
And I would wear these tiny little shirts, had big
(13:13):
curly hair. I basically wanted to be as androgynist as
I could be because I just felt like the most
What I used to say at that time was that
when people used to describe meeting angels and like near
death experiences, they couldn't tell something was if somebody was
male or female. And so I used to be like
(13:33):
before it was cool to be non binary nonconforming. I
was living in that world right where I was like,
I'm both and nothing at all at the same time,
you know, And I think that that person really set
the tone for giving me the space to be experimental
in my fashion. I would say, you know, that's when
(13:55):
you just like saw me having the most fun and
living in that two thousands of really bad low rise jeans.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Oh my god, don't remind me trigger warning everyone.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah, what about you, what's your first era?
Speaker 3 (14:27):
Well, what would you say to that kid, like if
you were like a magical being where they came out
of the closet, maybe literally, I.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Would tell that kid to work, because truly, like that
kid was like was afraid, but like didn't show it,
you know what I mean, Like it did not matter.
I remember one time this girl I went to school
and I was wearing like a really tight cameo T
shirt and I don't know what I was wearing, and
she was like curly looks so ridiculous in that outfit.
(14:57):
And I'm like, she's just a boring white girl, Like
I mean, she could be any you know, She's a
borings intimidated you know, And I'm like, I'm a gay kid,
who's pushing against the norms, who's you know, enjoying himself
and just having and feeling so good about himself that
he's like, Yeah, this little cameo T shirt, this is it,
(15:18):
you know.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So cute.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
What do you feel like would be yours?
Speaker 3 (15:21):
Thoughf My first era honestly jumps to nineteen, being nineteen,
graduating high school at eighteen, and then I fell in love.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
It's like that song summer after high school when we first.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Did it, never one without the other some rehead.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Yes, because I fell in love way early. It was.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
It was like a first love that still to this day,
even though I do not talk to him at all
and I've had to like really make my parents understand
throughout the year. Is that like the way you guys
feel about each other, that deep love? Like, Yeah, I
had that at nineteen, and we all, me and that
guy always knew for the rest of our lives that we,
(16:11):
you know, just that one person where it's like it's
just undeniable and I feel like you can fall in
love many times, you can have many soulmates.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
But that was so.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Formative for me because not only did I fall in love,
but I was I knew I had a dream that
I wanted to fulfill.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
And career wiz or relationship wise.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Career wise, it was always career, but that also started
something with love interests where I felt like my career
was a third wheel, like maybe the guy's a third wheel,
or like my careers that they're but basically it's like
my career came first and always that being that that
(16:58):
being a problem for them, either the intimidated or like
I remember, I even like wanted to go to I
went to as U and I went to the West
campus because I was going to go to the main campus,
but it was in Tempe and I would have gotten
like an apartment out there or a dorm.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Which was expensive that that was not gonna happen.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
But my boyfriend at the time was like, you're just
going to go off to college and forget about me.
And he was doing nothing. He had no job, he
had no he had nothing, but he had the energy
to make me feel guilty.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
About though, right what he was in hindsight.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Oh yeah, oh.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Thousand percent, I've forgotten Surety when she did go to
college and forget all about you. But I ended up
going to like ASU West, which was like five minutes
from my house, so I still got to be at
home with my parents, which was like perfect. But that
really that era was me so in love and then
(18:01):
so sad and depressed, you know, very very depressed, suicidal,
one hundred percent ideation trigger warning. Sorry, But the thing
that kept me going was my work. And then you know,
in my twenties, when I turned twenty, that's when I
(18:23):
had a viral vine on vine and from then on,
I feel like I need to do work in my
twenties because I've always had this chip on my shoulder
that any guy, any person that I'm gonna be with,
is going to have an issue with my career because
that's just what I've seen time and time again. So
(18:44):
that era of me being nineteen twenty falling in love
and just you know, getting my heart broken, but then
that was the start of my career, which is like crazy.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Well, I feel like I remember you telling me that
you had gotten like a lot loss of like a
lot of weight and your parents were like super concerned
for you, right, and it was just yeah, yeah, and
like it was just really really bad for you. And
I think that, like, you know, your first heartbreak is
really just so transformative. Mine triggered my alcoholism, you know,
(19:18):
and when I was like eighteen years old. So I
think that like even you kind of it kicks starting
you into kind of focusing on your career. That's really interesting.
I wonder if, like a lot of people would relate
to how their first heartbreak really just transformed them. I think, well, yeah,
what would you say, and what would you tell that
(19:39):
girl who was like should I should I go to
that college? Real close? Sturdy? As well?
Speaker 3 (19:46):
I dropped out so it didn't matter. I mean, I
was showing my mom yesterday. I was telling my mom
like I would tell her, like he's going to come
back in ten years, he's going to want to be
with you. Finally, he's going to feel like he's ready,
(20:07):
but he's gonna be disgusting, Like he's gonna have the
greasiest hair. He's gonna like have still nothing going on
and want to mooch.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Off of you.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
When he gave you, you allowed him to give you
this complex, So like this boy wanted to make me
feel bad because honestly, the whole thing, and I've said
this so many different times, like I my parents were
super tired of me being sad, and they're artists, and
so they know, like a way to heal your heart
(20:41):
is through art, like express yourself like and so I
did this series on YouTube love songs for a year,
saying love songs on YouTube. And then there was fiber
dot com where you can do services for five dollars.
This is when it first started, like in twenty twelve,
twenty eleven, twenty twelve, and I made customized love songs
for people and it went viral and then it got
(21:04):
picked up on different news outlets, which one of the
producers on there ended up working for BuzzFeed. Remembered me,
and then you know, that started that. So when my
career went you know big, that boyfriend, that ex boyfriend
was like, the only reason why you're successful is because
(21:25):
of me, Like I'm the reason why you're successful. And
I'm like, you know what, if you want to take that,
If you want to take that, go ahead, if that
makes you feel better, for sure, but you're not getting
you're not getting the financial part of that.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
But like it was what I did with it, you know.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
So it was it was that era was transforming my
heartbreak into art, and that was the fuel and the
start of my career, but I would tell her, you
win girl, you end up.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Winning girl, and you forget about him. I feel like
with the heartbreak with the music, that's really interesting because
I think that I think that's really good advice for
younger people that if you're dealing with heartbreak, I would
do what do you do with that energy? Right? Like I?
For me, it was to get. For me, it propelled
me to do better at work, and it pushed me
(22:21):
to do more things, you know, Like that's when I
went into my first heartbreak when I was eighteen, and
then I went heavily into drinking. But that's when I
started working for David la Chappelle because I wanted to
go back to him and be like, well, guess what
I'm doing, you know what I mean. And then I
went into working with Jeremy Scott because I wanted to
go back and be like, so what are you doing now?
Because she liberal like, I just did a shoot with
Gaga for Rolling Stone, you know what I mean? And
(22:44):
I'm nineteen, bitch, like one of those things, or I
was twenty or something. I think I was twenty one
by that point, but you know, fast forward, I have
this kind of crazy life from that point on of designing.
Being in the art world, you know, working for Jeremy Scott,
I used to wear like leggings with giant T shirts
(23:06):
and big boots, and I used to hang out with
other queer Latino gay kids who would mix in parts
of our culture and our identity, but we did it
in really like gay Latino ways. I would say, so,
like I would be in a Peruvian poncho and like
gold Nike boots, gold Nike shoes, you know, and an
LA ball cap. And you know, my friend Cisco would
(23:28):
be in Brian Lichtenberg leggings and wearing just like a
giant Nike T shirt. Jos who's a stylist, Now those
are all cute like we you know, Jose Jose was Jose,
Francisco was Cisco, Jeffrey Martinez was jeff Martin, and then
Gonalitos me was Curly, so like we had cute little
like names for ourselves back then, you know, fast forward
(23:48):
to all that, get to BuzzFeed. I would say that
the next really big era for myself after that would
be kind of like my Rika Badu meets Andre th
thousand meets my like Santo era, where I like, I
don't know what I was going through at the time.
I think I wanted a pompadoor. I started to kind
(24:09):
of like make my hair go up, and then it
got too big to stand up by itself, so I
tied a string around it, and I started to wear
my hair in this pineapple style. I remember a long time.
Yeah yeah, and like yeah, I really didn't really feel
good in my body at the time, so I only
wore button downs. I only wore skinny jeans, and I
(24:30):
wore yeah overalls, yeah, yeah, overalls, but I only wore them,
you know, over like a hoodie over like a button down.
I remember I was always in loafers without socks, so,
you know. And I would wear these giant rings, giant necklaces.
I just saw a photo of me and Jenny Lorenzo,
and I was wearing like a giant like shell that
(24:52):
looks like a horn on my neck. And then I
was wearing like actual bones on my neck and like
big hair, big rings, everything big. And I just I
would pray. I still do, but I would pray to
my spirits all the time.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
I would burn like he was like the lead of
the head of a coven.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Yes, and I just found photos in that phone, by
the way of what my room used to look like. Furs, shells, oils, candles, statues,
like things that were burnt, papers that were burnt. It
looked like a banka. Yeah, And it's crazy because I
(25:33):
think for a very long time. Oh, that was when
I had just gone sober too, so I was deeply
into spirituality. I was deeply into like finding that part
of myself. But I also felt very lonely, you know.
I kind of was becoming this. I was very happy
with how I looked, and I was very happy with
how I was showing up and how I was moving
(25:53):
in the world. But I think that I almost was
kind of like a caricature in a lot of ways,
where people didn't see me as a human. They saw
me as like this, like gay guy with big rings,
big hair, and you know, was running around BuzzFeed on
a skateboard or something. You know. But I I'm harder,
(26:13):
I think on that version of me because I never
felt attractive during that time. I didn't like being touched.
I wasn't having sex. I wasn't doing anything because I'd
just gone sober and I didn't know how to have sex.
You know, like being fucked up for most of your
life and on drugs and sleeping around it's easy. You know,
You're laying there and you're like, what's what's your name again?
(26:35):
And then you sober up and you're like, I don't
like that position. I'm not doing that. But am I weird?
Should I say something? I would rather not do anything,
But I, as of lately have been being like, he's adorable.
You're young, you were a twenty you were in your twenties.
Like if I saw a little twenty year old right
now coming in like that Gordovito, like pineapple hair, big rings,
(26:57):
I'd be like, you're adorable. Let's let's talk spirit. Yes, And.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
I'm sorry that you feel that way too, like or
that you felt that way at that time, you know,
And I don't want to like like invalidate like what
you were feeling. But from the outside you know how
we always have to be like from the outside in
you were so adorable and so attractive and so like
(27:28):
cute and it but.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Because it was your your spirit.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
It was it was how you made people feel and
how and how considerate you were, you know, asking people's
days and everything. Because you worked at the front desk
and you remember what it felt like, you know, So.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Thank you for that. I'm learning to be kinder to
that guy, So thank you for that.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Like, yeah, because that's my friend, Like, that's.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
Who was such a I know, that's who I saw
a sunny face when you came down to come get
me my first day orientation and you're hi, And from
(28:16):
then on I knew.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Everything was going to be okay.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Like that's safety like that that makes people feel safe
and comfortable. And I think during that time you provided
(28:41):
a lot of safety to people and representation in that
way of like you know, being in videos and just
there's nothing ever wrong with being one hundred authentically yourself
because it that shit radiates and ripples and magnet five
and touches so many people. So that's what I would
(29:03):
say to that version of I would go back and
be like.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yeah, yeah, me too.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
It's me.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Well, that's the version that my friend was like being
nice because he wouldn't even be here if it wasn't
for that guy was true. I know that guy was.
He equally was Yeah, And I think if.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
You know, I if anyone is in their twenties right
now or remembers their twenties, like we were super hard
on ourselves during that time.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
We're just trying to figure shit out, you know.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
My next one is when I was twenty three, when
I first got to BuzzFeed. So it like kind of
matches up like the timelines, Like I got to BuzzFeed
like twenty sixteen, and I feel like twenty sixteen for me,
and like twenty eighteen or twenty nineteen like that kind
of like peak Bettle like era where we just all
locked the fucking and.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Really got to work. But this was so prominent for.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
Me because it taught me how to be a better friend.
It taught me how to be and you know, being
with our group and and being in LA, like.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
I was so scared.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
I was such a little like dough, like a little
baby deer and.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
I I heard you were so young moving to a
whole Yeah, my.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Shap stay o by myself only knew like maybe three
people in LA and figured it the fuck out. And
what was really great was community during that time, you know.
And I feel like twenty three is the isn't that
there's that one thing that's like nobody likes you when
you're twenty three.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Who was that song or something, you're only You're only Yeah,
it's like you're only something when you're seventeen. When you're
twenty three.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Nobody likes.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Well I made people love me at twenty three.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
I cast a spell on all of you, guys. I say,
one day, one.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Day, so you're almost at your ten years out here
next year?
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Yeah wow.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I always tell people after eight years like you're an Angelino,
Like that's it.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
I mean that era for me was like twenty sixteen
to yeah, twenty seventeen, learning about myself and also deconstructing
and deprogramming things that I because you know, when you're
in like a Latino family, your friends are your your
family sometimes you know, like your community is your family
(31:37):
like and there's some things with that when you go
out on your own where you have to learn like
oh shit, like I don't have this person to like
guide me or like go with me to the doctor
or you know. So that was really great and I'm
really grateful to you know, my friends at the time,
like my Bettle like friends because they I had no
friends before, you know, it was all it was all
(32:01):
like people.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
But yeah, we were always together. We had to travel
together and learn all those things together, Like we had
to learn a lot of things in real time, like boundaries, conversations,
you know, with all of us, like whether it's me
or you, or us with Gadiel or even like with Claudia,
Like you know, we had to learn all these things.
We learned what we were cool with, what we weren't
(32:23):
cool with, what each of us liked, what we didn't like.
Like you said this thing where people used to ask
me if my hair was a wig all the time,
and because it was big and curly, and I used
to die at black because for a long time, And
do you remember Gudia brought somebody or Nick Nick, the
barber who used to come cut her hair, brought somebody
in and he was like, is that is your hair
(32:45):
a wig? And I was such a little diva. I
looked around at everyone and I was like, who's this?
Speaker 2 (32:53):
And then we wanted to touch your hair?
Speaker 3 (32:55):
Like people are so weird with that, though, like what
is what is what kind of sensory shit are you
into that you have to like touch people's hair all
the time.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
I know that's so crazy, huh. I think it's just like,
you know, you see something like this, like so crowking
in top of my head and you're.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Like oiled up, like still what I feel like.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
For me though? After that, and this is when we
had met too. We had met like during my sober time.
But my next big change was when we met we
were at my friend. We were at our friend Darina
the Marco's party, and we met this trainer who was like, Oh,
I'm here for a new gig. Turns out the new
gig was to train Kim Kardashian and we met Melissa,
(33:39):
and Melissa who is still Kim kish trainer. I believe
she is, for she has been for a very long time.
We were like, we're actually looking to do a video
with a trainer who can help us. And so we
trained with her for I think a month was it? Yeah,
we trained like bodybuilders for like.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
A couple of months.
Speaker 3 (33:58):
Because that I feel like that would have been unhealthy
to t we lost.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
A lot of life. I feel like it was like.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Three I think it was three months.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
I ended up losing like forty pounds I think or
something like that because I was doing it wrong. I
wasn't eating enough, which is very.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Like you're in a macrodet.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
We're in a macro diet, yeah, which is crazy, but
I ended up losing a lot of weight, and this
kind of starts a news cycle for me that I
am now a sadbody who's in my mid to late
thirties learning to honor the younger version of me, because
it suddenly put me in a on a path of
(34:35):
wanting to be desired, right, because suddenly I wasn't this
chubby boy anymore. I was like this super skinny boy
trigger warning, right, guys, and like the dysmorphia stuff. But
I suddenly like my body just changed and I was
sober and I didn't know how to do. I was
just completely different. And I think that from that point,
(34:58):
for the next few years, every boyfriend that I had
kind of like wanted me to like calm down, or
guys that I liked only liked me. So like, you know,
when I had one boyfriend, he didn't like my style
because I was dressing very like nineteen sixties and seventies
and I had really that era was fun too. By
(35:18):
the way that era, I no longer did the pineapple.
I grew up my whole entire head of hair. I
had a huge like yes, god, yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
It was a crowd beautiful wild crowd.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Yeah. Yeah, I kind of looked back at it. I
just saw, you know, I saw photos like damn, my
hair was doing that same and then I would wear
high waisted pants all the time and like open shirts
and lots of gold chains. And this individual that I
fell in love with that I liked, said that he
didn't like my style or my hair, and so I
(35:52):
decided to change and morph so that I could be
with this person and you know, hopefully have at but
having a relationship and being in love. And I just
downplayed myself so much, like my style completely changed. You know.
In our last year of our relationship, I watched this
(36:14):
Trixie Mattel documentary and I saw that she, you know,
she has all this white around her eyes to kind
of give her this anime look, as anime look, and
I ordered I remember Gucci. This was during the pandemic,
so I remember Gucci was releasing these collections with huge
nineteen eighties hip hop gazelle glasses with big chains, an
(36:37):
homage to like the eighties nineties hip hop fashion. Trixie
was doing her documentary and I was like, that's my
new thing, Like hooked up with my friend Pajuga who
decided to put me in giant Vivian Westwood hats. I
had giant glasses. It was like I kind of had
this huge style of renaissance. Why I didn't give a
(36:58):
fuck where I wanted to wear everything, and I was
working at e right where I was talking about fashion,
and then I broke up with my boyfriend and I
went super minimal again, like super like, and it kind
of led to this pattern of me, of this era
of me finding this like my style of being kind
of like a minimalist, you know. And I'm still kind
of there in a lot of ways. But we'll get
(37:20):
to that part when we get there. But what about yours?
What's your next era?
Speaker 2 (37:24):
That's that I have the same era? Like the weight
loss twenty eighteen.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Oh well, we don't know each other's eras, by the way,
we didn't talk about it.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
No, yeah I put dates or I put years, but
you didn't put But but I feel like, yeah, they
line up a lot, because yeah, I lost a lot
of weight and people treated me different. People were like,
oh my god, you're but I felt like I got
too skinny. So I felt like my head, my face
looked sunken. In a little bit and my eyes look giant,
(37:57):
like I felt like I felt like my face didn't
look good for like I don't know. And now I'm
like the chunkiest I've ever been, and I'm like, I
like this this fat filler in my face.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
It's just it's just chubbed in my own chub. It's yeah.
I lost a lot of weight.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
And then I started dating someone in like the Summer Fall,
which was like the first guy I had truly dated
since like my twenty when I was twenty, and I
was also booking a lot of things, like having a
lot of videos like do really Well. It was the
(38:40):
same timing as.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
It was a little bit before after the Spanish video,
so I was like fresh off of that doing really Well.
I felt like I had a flow. But then, like
you know, situationships happened. I just did not feel like
I knew my worth, even though it was such a
contrast that I knew my worth with my career because
(39:09):
you know, before it got to BuzzFeed, I was I
was a content creator, but I was negotiating branded deals myself,
so I had to be like knowing my worth because
that's money you know, so I got a lot of
practice on that end career wise, performance wise skill sets
with performing and acting and singing and being on camera. Like,
(39:31):
but then it was such a flip when it came
to love that I had no idea what my worth
was if it wasn't attached to my career. But then
my career being attached to my career was also a
detriment because these guys were and I don't only want
to put it on them, like I understand, like I
(39:52):
get it. Like if I was dating me, I would
be scared too, you know what I'm saying. I would
be really really scared and simandiny.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
Would you be intimidated today?
Speaker 4 (40:00):
Me?
Speaker 1 (40:00):
I'd be intimidated to date you.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
To be honest, I'd be like, what's this moon sign Scorpio?
Speaker 5 (40:05):
Nope, come out into the lights, come out into the lights,
come out.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
Yeah, I feel like we are intimidating. And physically I'm
just like a tall, you know, very curvy, volumptuous, big hair,
so like physically yeah, I'm like, you know, I call myself.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
I would would too, but it was it was like.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
You, I will say that you are a vision, Like
whenever we go out I've said this to you before,
like you're absolutely a vision because you are tall, curvy
and you have big hair, Like you're such a vision.
Like when people when you walk in, you know, you
just are so graceful. So whatever noise depicts grace, I
would say, that's the noise speaking walking.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
You know, just because like you know, in my apartment building,
I have like I'm on the highest floor and then
the person below me, I know, is like, don't I'm like.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
I was not even I feel like when I'm I'm
on the I'm on the second floor of my building,
and I feel like, I like, sometimes I feel bad,
so I try to slide in my socks around so
that they don't hear me.
Speaker 3 (41:23):
They can probably hear that it's probably noisier than he,
but it was. It was a hard lesson realization. From
twenty eighteen to twenty twenty two, I was in a
depression of light and I had dated a lot of
people after that, you know, like and and was still
(41:46):
friends on and off with that X. But it really
and it's not even that X as a person, Like
it's not that person. It's what attachment I had to
that experience and what narrative I was feeding to myself,
which was like, what is my purpose? Like, who am
I without my body? Without my career? Is my spirit?
(42:10):
My soul?
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Enough?
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Oh it makes me want.
Speaker 3 (42:12):
To cry, I know, but it's so sad because that's
how I felt like I felt because I never got validation,
nor reassurance or any sort of like I love your spirit,
I love your you know you you make me feel
this type of way. It was like, you're so talented,
(42:51):
you've got it going on, You've got you know, you're
you're hot, you're this and that, Like you know, I worked,
we worked hard on that video, so I did have
some abs, so yes, thank you, But who was I
without all of that?
Speaker 2 (43:07):
Was that enough?
Speaker 3 (43:08):
And I felt like the people I was dating at
the time like did not see past any of that
and attached to the career or how I looked or
how they looked being with me, which was fucked up.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Whatever. I learned a.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
Lot through that time that, Like, you know, that was
until I would say even like twenty twenty three and
twenty twenty four, Like from twenty eighteen to even last year,
I feel like I woke up and was like, hey,
don't attach yourself too much to your career or even
to your body, even though it is your body. Like
focus on being a good person, working on yourself so
(43:46):
you can be good to other people, holding yourself accountable,
and always having intention that is not only serving you,
but is going to serve the highest good of society,
you know. And I feel like that's like working on yourself.
So that's that's that era about you.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
Yeah, that's so crazy because like you don't give yourself
credit during that time, Like you don't really give know
how to give yourself that love. And sometimes you don't
even know that you're that's what you were missing, you
know what I mean? Like I think that, and sometimes
like I think you're not ready to hear that, because
sometimes people will be like you are amazing right now,
(44:27):
you are this that right now and and sorry, let
me mix myself and you don't feel it, you know,
Like I used to feel like people would be like, no,
you are this, you are attractive, you are talented, you
are that, and I'm like, I don't believe you. And
so I think that it gets kind of like kind
of dark until until you're kind of past it and
(44:48):
you're like, oh, I was those things, you know, like
I was really like fun and sweet and I didn't
care and I was fun and what.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
Are we gonna say about ourselves?
Speaker 3 (45:00):
You know, in a couple of years of this version,
you know, well now.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
It's crazy because and this I'll mix in my last
two eras. I feel like what happened with me is
I ended up losing weight and I needed to. I
just had some procedures done, and basically the procedures, cosmetic ones,
really helped me. They were gender affirming for me, so
(45:30):
like in ways that my body, people used to think
that I was a girl because of the way that
I was developed, because of the length of my hair,
because of the way that my face looked. You know,
people used to get confused, and you might look at
some photos and be like, I don't know, like I
don't know how they would confuse it, but just at
the time, it would happen to me everywhere I would go,
(45:50):
and it would get really embarrassing. So I think that
getting these procedures done and growing into this version that
I am now, And I'm not saying I don't want
to make people feel like this is what you should do.
This is not the answer, Like I was having this
conversation with my cousin in Hawaii last week and she
was like, how can you tell people to love themselves
(46:11):
and be their best? And you went off and you
paid a bunch of money to like, you know, kind
of like change yourself. And I'm like, I think you
can do both. I think that you can do you know,
or you can do one or the other. And there's
no wrong way to do it. Like I just felt
like I wanted to I had the means to do it,
(46:33):
and so I did it. And it's kind of a
controversial thing and it's an amazing question, right, like how
do I ask others to love themselves when maybe I
didn't I couldn't do it, you know. And now I'm like,
for the first time in my life, though, it has
given me the space to actually enjoy myself a little
(46:54):
bit more, where now I'm like, I actually feel that
the way that I feel like my youth and my
days are borrowed. So now I'm not so much worried
about I'm not hating on myself as much. I still do.
Like my cousin's like, are you giving yourself a lymphatic
massage on your face again?
Speaker 3 (47:14):
And well, you should do this every single day, though
I do it like twice a day, morning and night,
just because it like, we hold a lot of tension
in our jaw and you have no idea how much
tension we have in there until you take a roller
and go back there and and there's nots. There's notts
back there and right here, like right in front of
(47:35):
your ear, like rite out your jaw a little. Yeah,
you can feel them. So that's that's good regardless to
do that.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
Because you can feel it draining. But yeah, yeah, I
get it.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
To get it, that's so funny. Yeah, She's like, are
you and so yes, I'm so critical of myself, but I,
more oftentimes than not, I do have these moments where
I'm like, I'm I know, I'm going to look back
in a few years and be like, damn he was
he was a I know I'm going to do it.
So I try to be kinder to myself. You know,
we can totally have another episode one day where do
you talk about cosmetic work and kind of go deeper
(48:08):
into that question because it is super controversial. My hope,
my hope and my deepest desires for everybody to have
a moment where they can just really look at themselves
and for where we're at and just give ourselves that
grace to exist. This is as good as it's going
to get for a lot of us. And you know,
you love yourself. I think that how I would like
(48:31):
to move forward is and how I am so doing
it now, which I love to do, is I feel
like I'm marrying the femininity of my youth and the
flying buoyance again with kind of like the masculinity and
the simple, more minimal style that I've adopted. So like,
I've been really into jackets that have like a fur
trim and I'll throw it under over a hoodie, you
(48:52):
know what I mean. Like I just bought myself a
really big foe for a jacket that I want to wear,
and I haven't done that in a while. You know.
I threw on a little eyeline last night, and I
haven't done that in a while, you know. And I'm like, yeah, right,
Like I played yeah, Like I haven't played with like
eyelighten in a long time, and and it was just
(49:13):
I'm just like, yeah, why not? Like who cares? I
think that uh, marrying the two, marrying all versions of
myself together and or maybe they're not going to marry
each other. Maybe that's not the best word. Maybe just
throwing them all in a blend. Maybe that's not good either.
Maybe rolling them all up and together into a little
ball of Plato and making this, you know, and like
(49:36):
you mix all your Plato colors together, And then maybe
that version of me is the best version. And maybe
he's the happiest because he gets to express himself however
he wants to outside of And this is really big
for me of what other men want of me? You know,
(49:58):
what about you?
Speaker 2 (49:59):
My now being thirty two, Oh my goodness, I feel well.
Speaker 3 (50:05):
We're recording this a couple weeks earlier, but I still
feel like when I am thirty two, I'm gonna it's
I feel like I'm going to be more aligned. I
feel like there's a lot of boundaries I've placed for
myself now that I didn't have when I was twenty two.
(50:25):
That you know, I thought I was just supposed to
be a vessel for or a comedian for everyone and anyone,
and that was my worth. I had to make everybody
laugh or entertain or like And I don't have to
do that now, Like I am worthy and I can
exist by just existing, you know, and like I'm not
(50:49):
as attached to my body or my career in that way.
I feel like I'm I have a sort of like
healthy detachment from it all where I'm able to clock
getting clocked out, but then come back to myself. And
when I am aligned in my career and my body,
it is for a better purpose. That's not just for
(51:11):
validation or trying to prove myself to somebody. It's because
I want to create art. It's because I want to
wear an outfit because I feel good in it and
not to prove anything to anyone else, which is huge.
And I feel like I'm I've been practicing that, and
now I feel like I'm at a next level of
(51:31):
like practice for that.
Speaker 2 (51:33):
So it's good. I feel really happy.
Speaker 3 (51:37):
I feel I love this version of myself. I've really,
really really worked on that radical self love. If you
heard the other episode of my solo episode, that's a
practice that I really really do every single day, because,
like I said, it is a practice.
Speaker 2 (51:54):
You're not gonna wake up.
Speaker 3 (51:55):
One day and be fully healed or fully love yourself,
and you have to allow yourself to have those days
when you don't like yourself or you don't feel good
about yourself.
Speaker 1 (52:08):
And yeah, it's like not a destination, not at all.
Speaker 2 (52:11):
It's not a destination. It's a journey.
Speaker 3 (52:14):
And yeah, and I love I love that. I love
this version of myself. But now let's go into the
astrology portion of the podcast. Okay, it's gonna be a
little speed round. We're gonna be talking a little bit
about your sadur in Return, Your sad in Return. The
(52:36):
ages are between twenty seven to thirty sometimes thirty two,
thirty three, sometimes like twenty five. And it's the wake
up call era when life forces you to grow up
and make serious choices.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
So if you just think.
Speaker 3 (52:48):
About maybe you're in it right now, you know, think
about where you were when you were twenty seven or
twenty eight or thirty, like, was it difficult? Was it
life changing for you? And it doesn't always have to
be bad where like bad things happen, but it could
be something that just transforms your life in a different way.
(53:10):
And it happens every twenty seven to thirty years.
Speaker 1 (53:13):
So yeah, I went sobering, like it completely changed my
life twenty seven, twenty eight. Who I was before that
completely different than who.
Speaker 2 (53:22):
I Yes, in twenty eighteen I was twenty five, and
so twenty nineteen when I was twenty six, and then
twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (53:33):
I was twenty seven. Yeah, I even though it was COVID.
COVID happened during my SATIN return. I auditioned for like
a Disney show, a Nickelodeon show. I was on Vogue's website,
like I did a little fashion show.
Speaker 2 (53:55):
And yeah I did.
Speaker 3 (53:57):
And that was in a commercial like in when I
was like twenty nine, like a huge commercial that changed
my life. So but then there was a lot of
crazy shit that happened, like so much stuff I don't
really want to get into, but just a lot of
really heartbreaking, heartbreaking stuff. But then on the other end,
(54:19):
really transformative things that had it all had to happen,
so okay.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
So some of the things it.
Speaker 3 (54:26):
Could bring you career shifts, new jobs, major success or burnout,
breakups or engagements, moving cities or homes, identity crisis, feeling lost,
questioning your purpose, health wake up calls. And sometimes if
you ignore these lessons, Saturn comes back harder. If you
resist the change, Saturn.
Speaker 2 (54:45):
Won't let up.
Speaker 3 (54:46):
People who avoid their lessons office often face burnout, breakdowns
or repeating cycles. After it's over, you feel like you're
stepping into your power, which I feel like aligns with
what I was saying about being thirty two, because I
feel like thirty one was like my way out. I
was on my I closed the door behind me of
side in return, and I'm still walking out of the woods,
(55:07):
walking out of the trail, and thirty two feels like, Okay,
I see the castle. It's all the way over there.
At least I'm out of the woods.
Speaker 1 (55:15):
Yeah, you know, like yeah, yeah, how.
Speaker 3 (55:19):
Do you feel about your saturdy? Like could you could
looking back? Could you see how you were in your
satin return?
Speaker 1 (55:25):
Oh? Absolutely? I was just you just made me think
because you were talking about how you can see the
what did you call out the castle that you close
the door behind you and you could see the.
Speaker 2 (55:33):
I closed the door behind me.
Speaker 3 (55:34):
I got I thirty one was traveling out of the woods,
and yeah, I guess still see in the far distance.
Speaker 1 (55:40):
Yeah, I feel like I'm kind of it. I feel
like I'm maybe after my sobriety. I would say two
removed like two castles ahead, like not ahead of you,
but just ahead of where I was before from you know,
and they've been like huge changes. So I'm like, what
(56:04):
else is there left to do?
Speaker 4 (56:05):
Lord?
Speaker 1 (56:07):
You know what I mean? I need enough? Like it's
crazy because since twenty twenty, even just now with the
whole new presidential stuff going on, you know, all the heartbreaks.
I also got out of a relationship that left me
that had you know, throwing that you know, I threw
(56:29):
that away into the trash a while ago, and it
was like transformative as well, thank you for the lessons
onto the next. I'm back on the path, but it
never ends. And it's been super amazing. And I will
say this though, every version and this portrait of mine
that I mentioned before, this portrait of hours, every new
(56:50):
version of us has always been far more amazing than
the last. I feel and just like I can honor
the past and I can honor future, but also just
the present. I'm like, we like these kids, they're pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (57:04):
And that concludes the astrology portion.
Speaker 1 (57:08):
It Well, maya let me take this costume off, old costume?
Imagine I should just we should like do like photo
shoots of our pastlves.
Speaker 3 (57:20):
Like, well, yeah, I think, well I'm scared for that,
but yes.
Speaker 1 (57:25):
I'm scared too. Yeah, I don't know why I said it.
Speaker 3 (57:28):
Listen, this is a bit of a long and a
little bit of a heavy episode, but I hope that
you can get the main message that I think. It's
not only about healing your inner child. It's about healing
your inner twenties if you're if you're in your thirties
or you know, your forties, if you're in your thirties,
if you're in your forties, you know, because and honoring
(57:53):
and giving those versions of you grace because they were
figuring it out. We have the accessibility now in privilege
of all of these different things we learned in wisdom
because of them, you know, so we got to honor
them just as much as we would honor the future
(58:13):
version of ourselves and what they're doing.
Speaker 1 (58:16):
You know.
Speaker 3 (58:16):
So I hope you can do a little like I
don't know, manifestation meditation tonight and pick one era that's
not necessarily like your childhood, but something that's like maybe
a couple of years ago, you know.
Speaker 1 (58:30):
Yeah, yeah, just you know, love them, love them, feel
that love reciprocated back, and you know, kind of understand
that you've had quite the life. Bibs people living it up.
Speaker 3 (58:42):
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of
the Super Secret Vesti Club podcast. Curly, How can they
find you on social media?
Speaker 1 (58:49):
You can find me at the Curly v Show on
Instagram and TikTok and read note which I never posted
on What About You Maya?
Speaker 3 (58:55):
You can find me at Maya in the Moment anywhere
you scroll.
Speaker 2 (59:00):
I love you.
Speaker 5 (59:03):
Heye.
Speaker 3 (59:05):
Make sure to hit that subscribe button to hear more
episodes every single week.
Speaker 2 (59:10):
The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast is.
Speaker 3 (59:12):
A production of Sonodo in partnership with iHeartRadio's Michael Tha
podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (59:17):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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