December 25, 2024 • 49 mins
In this festive and questionably wise episode, Curly and Maya unwrap the glittering chaos of texting your ex on Christmas. Is it a heartwarming gesture of goodwill or a one-way sleigh ride to regret-ville? They weigh the pros (seasonal nostalgia hits different) and the cons (a drunk "Merry Christmas" can spiral fast).
Maya Murillo and Curly Velásquez are the hosts of the Super Secret Bestie Club with production support by Karina Riveroll of Sonoro Media in partnership with iHeart Radio's My Cultura Podcast network. If you want to support the podcast, please rate and review our show!
Follow Maya Murillo on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok @mayainthemoment
Follow Curly Velásquez on Instagram and TikTok @thecurlyvshow and on Twitter @CurlyVee
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Maya, it's Christmas. Can you tell a story?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Yes, gather round, Gather round. Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through my mind were thoughts of an x
I've left far behind. The trees stood tall, adorned with care,
but the ghost of your nonsense still lingered there. You
(00:24):
wrapped up your love and shiny deceit, a gift with
a bow, but lies underneath. You were my grinch, all
green with pride, stealing my joy and then running to
hide the carols you sang, all sweet and fake, promising
(00:49):
things you'd never make. But Santa No's, and so do I.
You're stalking stuffed with coal this Yule tide. Well I
deck the holes. You can deck your lies under the
mistletoe where truth dies. So here's to a season without
(01:10):
your name, a holiday bright free from your games.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Wait, I do love the end of this May Christmas
to me, and a lump.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
To you, Mary quish mush to me, and a lump
to you. May your cocoa spill and your tree lights too.
I'll toast to the lessons and all that you taught.
The best give I got was the one you are,
not Mary. Christmas, everyone had holidays?
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Well I guess h. My name is.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Curly and I'm Maya and welcome to the Super Secrets
Cloud podcast, a super secret club where we talk about
super secret things.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, like secrets that are super That's what it is.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
In each episode we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men,
and of course are favorite secrets.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Get in here.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Well, it looks like the little story time got a
little deep there.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
And I thought that was like a fun little light
moment that was actually from my lineage.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Wow, I did like My favorite line I think was
will I decked the halls? You can deck your lies,
which I'm not sure I know what that means exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
You know what it means?
Speaker 1 (02:41):
What does deck your lies mean?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
You can deck your lies? Okay, and then well you
deck the halls, you deck I'm decking the halls, deck
the halls with you deck your lies like they're decking
their lies, like maybe you're reading.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Maybe I just don't know what deck.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Means, deck the deck the halls with sound? Your deck
decking means to like to decorate.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Oh okay, so you're decorating the hall with your lives
their deck.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah, my ex is decorating the hall with their lives.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
I also really enjoyed. Merry Christmas to me and a
lump to you. That's like, it's well, here we are
almost at the end of the year. This is my
favorite time of year where we have I can't do
that where we have all these holidays that are just
all lumped together. You know, some people are really activated.
(03:34):
You have to go with your family who might not
share political listen political views or lifestyle viuses you. You
have to travel, there's work, there's deadlines, but I'll last here.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
We are Maya. How is your spirit doing this holiday season?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
It's good. A lot of realizations, and the realizations are that, oh,
I'm hungry for some familis.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I did not think you were gonna say that up.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Oh yeah, I think we're gonna make them when I
go back. We're currently filming this on December six, but
this is the holiday episode.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
So yeah, I guess what I was thinking you were
going to say is very much like a tamal oh
protein filled and it done correctly.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Yeah, wrapped in some sort of like banana leaf or
some sort of.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Hopefully yeah, wrap it up, rap it up, think thing thing, thinking.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
House music club, all of a sudden, Christmas Club.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I my eyes are so itchy. My my allergies have
been acting up this year. If twenty twenty four has
taught me anything and said, I'm allergic to a lot
of shit, and.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
It's been like crazy, weird, horrible pollution and quality. So yeah,
not holiday spirit esque, but your spirit going, I.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Spir it's really good. I have had a beautiful holiday
so far.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
I've been working a lot, and I also just got
back from a camping trip, which was really beautiful.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I came back with my primas, and I came back
with a lot.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Of profound lessons that I'm applying to my life currently,
applying to my life next year, and applied to my
therapy session that I had today, the one of which I.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
She's my there. This is amazing.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
She literally just gives me so many different perspectives. She's like,
are you talking about this or are you processing yourself
and your emotions and contrast to this? And I was like, oh,
I love that, Like, you're right, I am talking about
like And then you know, she whenever I'm like I
just kind of feel like this, She's very like, but
(05:47):
we know that's not true because I'm like, you're so right,
you shout out to my therapist, that's the right doing
it for herself. But today one of the things that
we were talking about is basically, there's so many different
emotions that come up during the holidays, you know, whether
it is that you do have to go as talks
of family, you do are dealing with shopping, or maybe
(06:10):
not having enough money, or just all the different emotions
that come with the holidays. Being single seems to be
one of the ones that people tend to feel the most.
And I almost feel like it's kind of like the
time to text your ex.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Listen, one thing stays constant, and it's the thought of
your ex during the holidays and not me. No, no, no, yeah,
we're talking about hypothetical.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
We're talking about you, the listeners.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Oh yeah, we're talking about you guys.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
You guys, you guys us.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Literally, I can't even think of a situation where I
would like even think or.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
I don't even have any access which exes, I don't
have any.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yeah, I've been single in a virgin of my entire life.
So fuck you guys for assuming.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Yeah, exactly. But yeah, this seems to be the time
that people are the loneliest. I think, I don't know
if people are still calling it cuff season.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
But I think cuffing season is over because that cuffing
season was for the holidays, right, you get cuffed up
for the holidays?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Or is this.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Cuffing season now? I don't remember. So basically, let's be honest.
Have we ever texted or wanted to text an X
during the holidays?
Speaker 1 (07:20):
You go first, Yeah, of course I have. I've done it.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I probably stopped doing it, like I would say, maybe
twenty twenty, maybe twenty nineteen, yeah, twenty twenty, I'll say
twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I can't say that I'm a holiday texter. I don't
necessarily get nostalgic enough to text.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Him on the holidays.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
My holidays are very much rooted in family, so it
has a lot to do with like my family, I
would say. But as somebody who's an advocate, or text
your X as, I'm always saying, teche, why hold like,
why just make yourself only when to them the holidays?
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Just do it. You're round, text your X whatever.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Yeah, you're you're a year round girl.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah, I'm a year round girly, Like, just text them whatever.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
I mean, Look, I always tell people text your ex
if it's something that's like dangerous, don't do it. If
it's something that was terrible for you, don't do it.
Something it was toxic for you, don't do it. But
if in case you need to go and touch the flame,
and touch the fire, which is what I always say. Yeah,
text your eggs if you need to know if the
milkshake still tastes.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Like God, God, taste it again. It's up to you.
It's not. It's not a chocolate shake, sweetie. It's a
shit shake.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
And if you need to keep trying it to make
sure that it's still a shit shake, go try it.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Hawk of the shit shake still answers though, that's a
real thing. Is block me, bitch? That's that's my holiday greeting.
Seasonal greetings, Merry Christmas, and block me bitch?
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Really? So you like the of like being blocked?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Or my thing is like if I've been texting an
X that I like, maybe you shouldn't or whatever. If
I'm testing the waters and you respond to me, you're
texting me back, you're telling me you still I don't
even want to say this.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Is that what you say?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Well, I guess other people's inter Yes, let's let's get
into Okay, we've built out a little bit of a
with the help of chat GBT. Why do people text
their X Emotional nostalgia, right, memory bias. Our brains are
led to tend to romanticize the good times and downplay
(09:41):
the bad, especially when we feel lonely or reflective, and
you know, they are a comfort zone also, so it
feels familiar for me. Whenever it's the holidays, I'm like,
it's the Christmas spirit, It's it's maybe Christmas magic, Christmas
prom com Maybe like texting them will kind of of,
like I don't know, make me feel good in some way,
(10:03):
and you know, maybe then we can extend an olive
branch and then we can fall back in love again.
That was like, I just feel like such an idiot.
I'm not I love that past maya, but I just
feel like, girl, wake up, wake up and smell the
hot cocoa.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
I feel like emotional nostalgia is kind of like one
of the hardest ones when you deal with any sort
of relationship.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
Right.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Like, as we said, our brains tend to romanticize things.
The more time goes between you and your the events
that have happened. And this is for anything by the way,
this is in the court of law. This is if
you witness a crime. This is if you try to
remember what happened to you while you're working at somewhere,
your brain just starts to kind of like automatically reinterpret
(10:49):
what it remembers. It remembers things differently, right, So a
lot of times too, they say that in relationships, you're
the more time, the more your brain will romanticide things
it remembers, like the good sometimes over the bad.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
And you know, we talk about it.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
You see it in a little bit with like maybe
it's not the same thing, but you see it certainly
with women having babies, right, Like, they have the baby.
It's one of the most painful experiences I'm sure that
anybody could ever go through. But then the more time
goes by, they remember the good things, they remember maybe
happy moments of being pregnant, happy moments of having the baby,
and they inevitably will have another one if that's what
(11:28):
they're that's what they want. Not inevitably, but if that's
what you want, you might have another baby. So I
feel like that kind of having that energy makes you
kind of want to reach out and kind.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Of like go like well, yeah, you know, it's really sweet.
Da da da. I don't have that. I don't have
that because.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
You know what, why I think I don't have that
as much You years ago told me your yeah, years ago,
you told me write down all the things that happened.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
With you in this particular, any particular.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Boyfriend that you're with or whatever, and title it like,
if you ever think of going back or whatever, read this.
So I have several of those notes, and it has photos,
It has fucking quotes, it has songs, it has everything,
right like, and I read it when I think that
I want to go and text. But I understand that
(12:37):
a lot of people during the holidays have this like
desire to kind of like you know, you go and
you see all the other couples at your family's house.
You see the theos and the theas. You see your
fucking eighteen year old cousin come in and she has
a boyfriend and now they're getting married and they just
moved in together, and you're like, God, damn, I'm in
my fucking thirties and I still have yet to meet
(12:58):
a man who I want to stay with long enough
to live with.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Like, yeah, I've never had a holiday where I was
bowed up. Ever I did, it's expensive, not Christmas or
Thanksgiving or New Year's It's always happened like after and
then we break up right before the holidays, and I'm like, oh, great,
so I should just i should just like, yeah, Christmas
(13:23):
present away. Even though it's March, I've already planned our
holidays season.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
The one boyfriend that I had during the holidays, it
was like pretty easy because I'm not a really good
gift giver, so I'm like, what do you what do
you like? And he was like, I really want a vacuum.
So I bought him like an expensive dice in vacuum,
and then he went all out for me, and I
was like, oh shit, I don't know how to I
don't know how to receive this or how to do it.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Here's your vacuum though, huh.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
I guess I would be a little pissed if you
got me a vacuum, I mean, or I would be like, wow,
I really needed this, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
He asked for it.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Uh huh oh okay, well then if he asked for it,
then why should you're a good gift giver. I feel
like the worst gift givers are like, I'm just gonna
get this for you because I just saw it and
it's last minute.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Oh yeah, yeah no, I'm very like, what do you like?
What are you into? What do you want that you
wouldn't necessarily buy for yourself.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I was like, you asked for a dice in vacuum though, like,
I don't know, sorry, I don't want to clock it.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
I don't want to. I don't know who he talks about.
It's a pretty cute gift. I think that if you're
into like Dyson's and stuff.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, if you're into it. Yeah,
but I'm like, I wouldn't call yourself a bad gift
givers if that's what he wanted. It is expensive, though,
very I feel like that's like a marriage present, where like,
you guys are married and needed for the house.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Well we kind of were so well.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Yeah, I h Another thing it says unresolved feelings, closure cravings.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
That's my big one.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
If the breakup lacked closure, you might feel compelled to
see answers or validation hope for reconciliation. A small part
of you might still wonder what if, and texting feels
like testing those waters. That's another big thing. I feel
like that people the reasons why people will text their
excess is to test the water to see if there's
still any accessibility to this or interest. Like I feel
(15:20):
like even though you're texting them back there, you're still
signaling to them that there is some interest. Even though
you stop texting them like after like you're still you're
still keeping the door a little bit open for my
foot to get in there and to pry it open.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
So even if I just reply, just one little reply,
one little wincy like thank.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
You, I would not reply. I wouldn't I wouldn't answer
if I wasn't interested, if I wanted you to get this,
if I was booed up with someone and I wanted
you to get the signal we were not friends like that, Like,
I would not answer at all. I would say Merry
Christmas because I'm closed. The door's closed. I'm with somebody else,
(15:58):
even if we're just friends. Like if I'm not control
reading actively to the friendship, but I'm answering this one thing.
If I know the other person, especially has the unresolved feelings,
I'm not answering.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
See, for me, I love closure. I have closure cravings
all the time. We talked about this in the episode
that we just did before, but I'm sorry, my eyes
are just such a I have this thing where the
way that I see it is I really do believe.
Not to quote Wicked again, but I'll probably quote Wicked
for the rest of my life. But like in the
opening sentence of for Good, they said, I've heard it
(16:31):
said that people come into our lives for a reason, right,
bringing something we must learn, and we are led to
those help us must grow if we let them.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Anyway, that's me being Glinda, and we help them in return.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
But anyways, I do believe that there's people like that too,
So I think for me, the closure cravings, I will
say I do feel them a little bit more towards
the end of the year because I do kind of
get a little bit like, oh, man, like I would
like to get over whatever we win through. I would
love to be able to go like, thank you so
much for everything that you did for me this year.
There's been a lot of growth, there's been a lot
of changes, and I hope that.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
You're doing well.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
But I feel like if you can get past those thoughts,
a lot of times they're just thoughts like you just
have them and you're like, oh, that would be really nice,
and then you're like, it's not maybe the best call
to do that, so just keep.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
It moving right.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Closeure cravings. I would say it's maybe close your addiction
for me in the past one hundred percent, because if
you want closure, just say that, like a need closure
for this and that what really happened, Like that is
the best way to satisfy the cravings. It's just to
go for it, not to send like a Merry Christmas
text or whatever, because yes, maybe you're easing into the conversation,
(17:50):
but holidays is not the time to do that, Like
do that for like New Year's or some shit. Yeah yeah,
you know, or even the past.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
It also says that sometimes people that it is a
hope for, like reconciliation. You know a lot of people
still have the whole like what if you know, it
brings up a lot of things I think to be around,
a lot of imagery of love and family and gifts
and all these things that you.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Kind of wish, like, you know, even if you go
to the fucking grove.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
There's texting my ex there, there's fountains there, Texting my
ex near that fountain. Yeah, I'm going to take a
picture sitting on Santa's lap.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Literally, Like if you go to the grove if you
don't live in La the grove is like this like
big send that to your eggs.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
I'm saying the picture.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, me and your dad are having a.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
But like if the grove is kind of like a
big outdoor like mall here, there's a huge fountain at
the center of it, at the heart of it, and
every year for Christmas they have these giant Christmas trees
and they have this fake Santa with this reindeer like
flying over the fountain. It's lined with Christmas lights all
over and you just see families and couples taking photos there,
(19:04):
like so you know, I get it. You might be
on your way to go watch Wicked and you're kind
of like, well, you know. The other thing too, which
is another reason that CHATGITBT came is that a lot
of times when you want to contact an X, like
it is very much rooted in ego, like like what
(19:28):
part of you still yearns for the validation that might
come from this conversation. What part of you craves kind
of like, you know, the reassurance of maybe how things unfolded.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Maybe was it real? What was it that went wrong?
You know?
Speaker 3 (19:46):
It says that breakups content your confidence, and a reply
from your ex might feel like proof that you still matter.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
That that that that, and I think the other one
says powerplay sometimes is about wanting to see if they
still care or think you do, I still have an
impact on their life. Is that just associated with that
one person or is that just a lack of feeling
like you matter, Like you're kind of giving a lot
of power to that person too, to kind of satisfy
(20:15):
the need of feeling validated and feeling like you're important
versus like That's something that needs to come with ourselves
and the people around us that we surround ourselves with
who have told us that you do matter. I want
to stay in your life, I'm here, And yet we
always seem to drift off and go to those who,
with their actions, tell us that we actually don't matter.
(20:36):
They don't care about us like that, and we don't
have an impact on their life. And I think that
triggers the ego bad because of course we want to matter,
especially to somebody who didn't choose us quote unquote right
or things didn't happen the way we thought it was
going to happen, Like.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Yeah, I feel like in terms of that, like that's
a universal feeling I believe that we all have in
terms of like wanting the reassurance of knowing, like you know,
I think Taylor Swift has a lyric that's like were
you something about like were you as maimed by this
as I was, Like, were you as affected by this
as I was, like impaled, heart broken over this? You
(21:20):
want to kind of know like, No, I did make
a difference. I did kind of do something. I did
cause ripple effects for better for worse. Like I think that, yes,
that's ego and that's validation. But sometimes we always talk
about like ego is not a bad thing, right, Like
ego can be something that you go I actually was
reflecting on a lot of my relationships while I was
camping and I was writing a lot, and I was
(21:42):
writing about how I'm so really tight with a lot
of my exes. I'm really tight with people that I
fell in love with. I mean there's people who I
just like, was like, you know, my first love when
I was not my first love William Ran, but he's
in the book too. But like you know, William by
the way, you know, when I was a kid, I
used to love him. I used to call him. I
(22:02):
used to like count the hours between me and calling
him because I was so obsessed with when a Now
we call each other, you know, now we like really
hold space for one another for being grown men navigating
this life.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Right. But like, even if you would have told.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Younger me, being like, no, you and William are going
to be really good friends later in the future, I
would have loved that. But you know, even now thinking
about I had to write down my relationships to these
men that I've dated because I wanted to see in
front of me, almost like the reassurance of like, no,
we did okay. You know, a lot of these relationships
(22:36):
either we kind of like revere each other in a
lot of ways, like we respect each other and we're like,
we're not for each other.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
We dated, I love you, We're not that. But I
think very highly of you, and I love you. You know.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
I've had some people that I've dated before being like
I never found anybody else like you after you, and
you never will and you never will, bitch, you know,
And I think just hearing that really does feel really
nice because you go like, oh, I didn't realize that
I would have that much of an impact. And thank
you for number one, thank you for letting me do
(23:10):
that in your life. I recognize that that's important. And
number two, thank you for holding me in that space.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
I hold you in that space too.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Mm.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
And with the holidays, a lot of people feel lonely.
I definitely have worked on my loneliness when it came
to the holidays, because it just I would get so
depressed that you're single. What am I not feeling lonely? Yeah,
for sure, Oh my god, every single day of my life.
(23:55):
But it's like absolutely, But I think it's it's it's
like combating, like, Okay, loneliness doesn't mean that you're alone,
Like when you feel lonely, it doesn't mean that you're alone,
Like it just means you're missing, you know, a person
who's not in your life yet, and missing an idea
of something that other people have from your perspective that
(24:19):
you don't have, like I have love, I have community,
I have happiness, I have friends and who you know
what I'm saying, Like, That's how I've had to restructure
the trigger of feeling lonely of whether it's not having
a partner or not feeling close to your community at
(24:40):
the time or whatever it is. And then especially when
you're pumped with like holiday movies and rom coms and
these like huge milestones, it can all like amplify feelings
of missing someone or you know. So I think that's
a huge thing of when I even I've texted ex's
(25:01):
for their birthday, have they texted me?
Speaker 1 (25:03):
I was going to say that.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
I was going to say that, yeah, what is the rule,
like do you text them on their birthdays?
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
I didn't this year, and I think I will not
for the rest of my life, like just because I'm like, well,
you're not texting me happy birthday because you obviously are not.
We're not there. But I wanted to because I was like,
oh my god, like this is I don't know. I
don't know what my reasoning was for it back then,
(25:34):
but I think I just won't because it was based
off of like other things, you know, And I feel like.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
Well, that's what we talked about before too, where I
always tell you we talked about it before.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
What is your motive?
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Right, Like I really believe that right now, there are
certain people in my life that if I talk to them,
I would have a different motive.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
If I, you.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
Know, reached out to other boyfriends or other friends or
other people, like, there would be no motive. It would
just be like, hey, what's up. That's it right, you know,
Like I'm not sure that the holidays necessarily make me
feel lonely, particularly certainly bored.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
You know.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
It's another a huge you know where I'm.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Like, I'm bored, Like what can I do? Like I
don't know that I have that so much. I will
say that, you know, these other emotions that they bring
up here, which is like, you know, fear moving on, right,
like the fear of I think with my last relationship,
and I'm okay with being open about this. I felt
like it was inevitable that I was going to fall
(26:38):
out of love right I was. It was almost like
I was slowly being pushed off of a cliff. And
it goes back to that song and the No Doubt
song called running, like please don't let me fall out
of love, like please don't let me get there, Like
I don't want to get there because I inevitably it's
so sad like and just like that feeling of just
like when you text or when you out, it almost
(27:01):
feels like the last ditch effort, right, like the last
thing of being like, don't let me get there. But
I think that part of the sadness of the year
ending is that maybe that door has closed and it's
your opportunity to go into the next year and being
like I'm not doing that anymore. By the way, all
of these emotions can exist at the same time. You
(27:22):
can have the emotions of like missing somebody, wishing things
worked out differently, wanting and having the desire for different outcomes,
but knowing that it's not the right thing, like you
don't have the text, or you can just keep going,
make it to January, make it to the first quarter.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
I know.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Yeah, I think like my intentions for texting X's or like,
you know, the past couple of years when you know
I've been with you where I'm like should I text
them or should I whatever have been because I've missed
their friendship. Not necessarily that I miss like being their
romantic partner or being sexual with them or whatever, just
(28:07):
the bare bones. I don't have another person in my
life who kind of embodies what this person embodied in
that friendship and I think I miss that. But then
when you don't get that reciprocated or it's like the
lines are kind of blurred, you have to like let
it go and embrace like a new chapter. And that
(28:29):
is kind of scary because but the reality is is
like they're not the only person in the world who
can provide that. And I think I have. I had
a really hard time of closing things up and sending
them out and not always having an invisible string on
them so I can tug them back whenever I wanted to,
(28:50):
you know fully, just letting go and having no attachments
and if they come back then yeah. And then also
I think constantly texting your exes in that is you're
not allowing for space. You're not allowing for these things
to come back to you if you want them to
come back to you. Yeah, And I know, like the
idea of wanting an X back is like why would
(29:11):
you why would you want to get something out of
the trash? Like why would you want to like you know,
like I get that, but you have those different like
friendship exes that are like yeah, but it wasn't like
that they weren't trash, you know.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
There.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
I have like x's in my life that I hope
say in my life for the rest of my life,
Like I just love them so deeply. I have one
ex that I visited San Francisco that I just love
so much. Like every time we're together, it is just
like we are old friends. We recognize each other's habits,
like we're like on par you know what I mean.
(29:47):
Like there's no expectations and it's just really just like, oh,
I love your spirits so much. And I think that
if I got married to somebody else or he got
married to somebody else, it would be like a genuine
happiness for each other. And you can't have that with everybody.
You can't have that. It doesn't mean that I didn't
love him when we were dating. It doesn't mean that
I didn't have hopes or desires for where I wanted
(30:10):
us to go when we were dating. But I think
that it can transform into something different. I think that,
like in saying that it's always just going to be
like a fluctuation. I think of emotions and certain seasons,
certain weathers, certain memories, certain sense, certain songs will make
you kind of nostalgic or a moment that may have passed.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
So if you want to text your ex and you
maybe want to get out of that cycle, AT recommends
is to pause and reflect. Ask yourself why you're tempted
to text? What are you hoping to gain? Like? What
can you do instead? You know, like talk it out
or journal, ben to a friend, delete their number, it says,
(31:01):
or distract yourself. Channel that energy into something that helps
you move forward, work out, watch a.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Show and I think, wait, can I read this with
you too? Journal or talk This is my first time
seeing them this part too, So journal or talk it out,
vent to a friend, or write during instead of hittings.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Well yeah, that's what I thought. Vending to a friend.
Venting to a friend would help. But then you're like,
do it, do it? Write it?
Speaker 3 (31:24):
You know what's so funny is I actually have so
many notes in my phone of things that I want
to say. I have this really beautiful text message that
I just found randomly? Can I read it to you?
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Actually? Can I find it?
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Let me find it.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
I just like have away with words. Also, mine are
like can you call me? I want to talk to you?
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Okay, if you read nothing else in this letter, know
that I still talk about you like we're still friends.
I still talk about our adventures, the lessons we learned
together and the ones we learned apart. No, I never
stopped loving you deeply. No, I never stopped thinking about you.
I'm happy we are the people we became, and I
wouldn't change that. But I wish we could have done
(32:08):
it together. And so I think that even just like
the moments of like.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Oh, are you going to sell that too?
Speaker 1 (32:14):
No, my Grandma, I wrote it. When you died.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
I was like, girl, you're in heaven now, I wish
you could have done it together. Yeah, no, I'm kidding.
It was about a partner, but it was still something
like I think that those moments of being like I
wish we could have done it. And by the way,
I'm going to also be honest too, I'm pretty sure
I wrote that, but I also feel like it sounds
really pretty.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I don't know if I wrote it.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
But there's that feeling of like, I wish we could
have been there together, and all these are all the
things that I want to say, but I can't say.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Just put it in your notes.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
In your phone and read it on your podcast with
thousands of listeners with your best friend.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Right yeah. I think it's also like let's get down
to the nitty gritty of like have a plan if
this is something that kind of plagues your life where
you look back and you're like, why did I do that? Like,
I think it's it deserves kind of a backup plan
of like Okay, let me go through the steps, Like
I think you helped me with that too, Like Okay,
what would happen if he were to say this.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Yeah, we always saying sobriety play the tape?
Speaker 2 (33:21):
Oh right right. I mean it does feel a little
like addiction based. Honestly, you're always kind of searching for
that dopamine hit, serotonin hit to know that we're loved
and that we're appreciated. And I think that's the bare
bones of it, is that we need to be surrounded
by people who make us feel, you know, loved and appreciated.
(33:44):
And also that thing of like just because you don't
have anybody to text or celebrate the holidays with, that's
like a romantic partner doesn't mean the whole holiday is shit.
I think we need to break down the fact that
we hold romantic relationships to a high, high standard that
if we don't have one, then we're failures, then we're losers,
then we're wallflowers or like whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
You know.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Yes, my entire life, I've felt like a fucking loser
every single year, which is.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
So crazy because you actually get hit on a lot.
You get so much attention that doesn't.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Equate make that doesn't that never makes me feel like
I loved or celebrate. It makes me feel like a
piece of meat on a stick, you know, like, and
it's always from people who are married or just completely
weird or gross, so it's not even being hit on.
It's just like you're the entertainment. It's on social media.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
You know.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
I do not equate that at all with making me
feel celebrated because it means nothing. I don't know these people.
If it was from somebody that I had a relationship with,
oh for sure, like you know, dred percent, I feel like,
oh hell yeah. But I'm talking to the girlies who
are the third wheels and the girls who feel like
(35:02):
complicated during this time that we have to like hold
on to other things that make us feel fulfilled, and
just because we don't have somebody this year doesn't mean
we're completely alone, because we're not. And what does that
mean when we call ourselves losers or we call ourselves
like do we think of our other friends who don't
have relationships as losers? Like why is it always the
(35:24):
worst names and just statements that we think about ourselves, You.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
Know, I think it's I was gonna say, third wheel
culture is so fucking funny, Like that is something like
to all the third wheels out there, like that is
so relatable.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
We've all been there, we all know what that is.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Yeah, I mean Joyce and I talk about it a lot.
Like it's almost like a very I don't want to
(36:05):
say minuscule, but it is a form of like I
want to say something other than trauma, but it is.
It is a form of like it just feels like
weird sometimes, you know, when you're always the one who's
like the single one, and then you're a part of
like these other people's relationships and you kind of feel
like a pawn or a gesture in that relationship and
(36:27):
like it just feels like I don't know it. I've
dealt with it my entire life, and it's like something
that I just don't want to be a part of
ever again is that kind of feeling. And it's not
like the people who you are third wheeling with are
doing this on purpose. It's our perception and it's what
is a perception based off of like this capitalistic bullshit
(36:51):
that we are supposed to be with somebody and if
we're not, then we're losers, you know, And like these
rom coms that are being pumped out and like an
idealistic version of these holidays that are made to feel
like we are not enough. We don't have enough unless
we have someone, unless we're skinny enough, unless we have
(37:12):
a certain item. And I'm done with it. I think
that's the biggest thing I've learned this year is that
I'm like fuck that shit, yeh over it, Like fuck it,
you know, because what does it mean at the end
of the day.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
Not a damn thing, because you don't when you die,
when you're done, not to go there. But like you
don't take anything with you. You don't take like your
husband with you. I would like to, I'd like to
bring him into the crip with me and close the
coffin over the book of lives.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
You're coming with me, you know, But like you don't
have that.
Speaker 3 (37:46):
I think that, like you know, holiday season can be
really activating for a lot of different people, if you
are moving within healthy boundaries for yourself, I think whatever
you choose to do, if you do decide to text somebody,
if you do decide to look for closure, if you
do decide to reach out, like, do it in a
way that is healthy. Do it in a way that
(38:06):
you can have a calm conversation with somebody.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
I would.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
And this is things that I've said, you know before,
like ask yourself what your intention is, right, Like if
you do have a motive to call your ex or
text your ex and fix things for closure, like that's okay.
Like if you're looking to string them along because you
know that they're still in love with you, that's not okay.
Right If you're lonely and you know that they're still
(38:31):
in love with you and you're like, I know I
could get some dick or some ass, like let me
text them, that's also not okay. Like, really consider what
your intentions are in terms of reaching out to somebody
that you have shared a romantic time in space with.
And then I think the second thing would be, so
have a motive, and the second thing would be write
yourself a mini outline, what are the things that you
(38:52):
want to say, what are the different points that you'd
want to touch up on, Like, what are the things
that you just want to make sure that this conversation
and is either one of many conversations or perhaps the
last one where you can get that bit of closure
and you can kind of just go and be like,
I love you, I honor you, I honor our time together.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Yeah, and even if it doesn't go the way you
wanted to go, there's no need to like villainize or
villainize the other person or the situation or make yourself
feel like why did they do that?
Speaker 1 (39:26):
But what if you are the villain though?
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Oh well yeah, well you know that's enough. But what
I'm saying is like, make your decision, stand on it,
stick with it, and know that it was led from
the heart, from putting yourself out there and getting what
you want. That's what it is. It's a you know.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
I always say my decisions and my choices are not
always the best, but they were always rooted and what
my heart wanted to do, and I'm.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Very okay with that.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
Welcome to the astrology portion of the podcast. So which
sign would send the text aries? Aries are impulsive as.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Ud which sign?
Speaker 2 (40:16):
And yeah, I'm sending it, I'm sending three text messages.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
I would say Cancers with some of the texts, I
would say like air signs might, but I don't know
that air signs care.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
About bullshit for that long. Like I feel like air
signs are like I'm out.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
I think Aquarius would, but they wouldn't have so much
anxiety about it. I think they would just do it
without Some would do it without any kind of They're
just like, I'm just gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
Do you think Earth signs would.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
I don't know if I don't, I don't know if
Virgoes would. I don't know that honestly, I think I
think Capricorns are probably like wait what x oh no, no, no,
I'm not even that was from no, No, They're not
even thinking about it. And then taurists, tourists, I feel
like they would. I feel like they would have a
(41:04):
motive behind it, for sure. I think they would during
this time they would miss that kind of like comfortability
and celebratory vibe about the holidays.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
You know, what about Leo's what about the fire.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Signs Leo's would, but then they would delete it.
Speaker 3 (41:22):
Okay, I feel like Leo's would want to, but they wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
I feel like a Leo they'll delete it. Yeah, I
feel like an aries.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Yes, aries are sending that text message.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
Yeah, I feel that too, very impulsive.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
When I dated that one Aris in my early twenties,
he would text me out of nowhere and be like
I miss you, and I'd be like.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Bitch, I am. I used to be texting I miss
you and hey, thinking about you, or sending a little
message of like a funny little thing whatever. Was there
a tiny bit of motive behind it? Yeah? When do
you not have a motive behind anything?
Speaker 1 (41:58):
That's what trips me.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Motive for everything. But I think my intention for those
things was also like to connect, you know.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
With just anyone or with that person.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
With that person for sure, you know of like yeah,
you just get nostalgic and then sagittarius. I feel like
they would. I feel like maybe they have a little
anxiety about it, but then I think they would send
the text and then maybe not answer it because they're
like actually changed my mind.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
I feel like they would send it to I feel
like they'd send the text and it would be like
should I.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
There would be a lot of back and forth, should I,
should I not? Should I? Should I not? Should I
should not? And then they would present.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Geminis would not would Jennie, I don't think geminis, Mike, listen,
All Geminis have no need.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
They don't.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
They don't need it. I think I think it could
from a different place. I think they I think not
no need though Libras. I feel like Libras would. I
feel like they would craft it in a very clever,
cutez smart way that doesn't even feel like somebody's reaching
(43:19):
out to their ex. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
I feel like Aquarius of the same way too, Like
they just would be like that answer, no need is
very much my dad, who also is an Aquarius. My
dad is very like. My dad's very big on like
a next is an next for a reason and next
is an next for reason.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
But I've had like Aquarius partners past Xes text me
for sure, Pisces have texted me for sure. They're on
the fourth message and it's one of those long ones
that you have to press to see more.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
Ices. God love you guys, God love you guys.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
Know what good for them that.
Speaker 3 (44:00):
They have the strongest hearts. They're just so open and
so big. They literally have the strongest hearts. Cancer would
send it. Pisces, Yeah, I think we cover them.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Yeah. Wait, what's the other water? Oh Scorpio, Oh Scorpio.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
Oh my god, I forgot Scorpio.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
Sorry.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Oh. I think they're taking three business days to write
the message. And there's three different versions. I think they're
gonna send the text, but they're gonna depending on their
mood that day. Either it's going to be the one
where it's a little more serious, or it's going to
be playful, or it's going to be like, hey, can
(44:35):
I come pick up my sweater that I left?
Speaker 3 (44:38):
I was going to say something similar to that. I
feel like, and I don't know, because there's something I
would do. I don't know if this is the verbal
part of me or the Scorpio side of me, but
why I feel like there's no need to send the text.
I'll just run into you when I run into you, like,
I'll just see you when I see you, like.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
So you're managed. So you're putting on a spell, you're
creating a spell, you're manifesting, and they will never know.
And that concludes the astrology portion.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
Of the podcast. Well, maya, here we are again, Mary Christmas.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
You, how do you plead?
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Do not make yourself feel like shit for not having
a partner this year? Do not just just like be
very kind to yourself. Things are very chaotic politically right now,
energy wise, just in general for this year, but also
you know, family stuff, like really focus on what makes
you feel less likely to reach out to somebody who
(45:38):
already made you feel like you were not enough. Go
towards somebody and people who make you feel like you're enough,
and so that you don't have to spend so much
brain energy crafting up a message to a plea of
notice me and be with me, remember me, and like
(45:58):
choose me, pick me, love me. You know, like I
don't think that we should be spending this time doing that.
I think we need to be spending time arguing with
ourtheas about who they voted for.
Speaker 3 (46:11):
Yeah exactly. I feel like for me, you only live once,
and it's all the life is shorter than you think
it is, right, So I always say, like you know,
miss Frizzil, like get in there, make mistakes.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
If there's no valiant, yes, yeah, go for it.
Speaker 3 (46:29):
Yeah, I think that there are so many people who
go to their deathbed with the same habits.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
They never change.
Speaker 3 (46:37):
They are the same person from the day they are
going to the day they die. And you have the
free will to decide if you want to break habits
or break out of habits and see what else you
can do, see who else you can fall in love with.
Make space right, like there is no wrong answer unless
he's beating you or hitting you.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
Then don't go back unless.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
You're compromising yourself.
Speaker 3 (47:00):
Yes, that's a better way to say that, compromising your
health and your spirituality and your safety and the safety
of others. But if it's just a little like I
miss you, thinking of you, thinking of you, I hope
you're well.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
Body, pick little mayor of boy, pick miss this.
Speaker 1 (47:17):
Who knows?
Speaker 3 (47:18):
I will say this though, I have seen a lot
of couples who later on they're like, we broke up
and we got back together and we got married and
da da da dah, and then you're the comments so sweet,
and then later on you hear the book up again.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
So maybe xs are exes for reasons.
Speaker 3 (47:29):
Keep it moving, sis, brother, lay of them's keep it moving.
Text a friend, write it in your notes. What you
really feel, write it in a journal, write it in
a song, create some art, stay healthy, stay sane. There's
a lot, bigger, a lot bigger things happening in the
world than worrying about if it meant anything to your ex.
If it meant something to you, then it meant something,
(47:50):
and that's what's the most important.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of
the Super Secret Bestie Club podcast Curly. How can they
find you on social media?
Speaker 3 (47:58):
You can find me on my only Fans.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
Just kidding.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
You can find me at the Curly v Show on
Instagram and TikTok maya.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
We're gonna find you.
Speaker 2 (48:09):
You can find me at my Moments m a ya
in the moments anywhere you scroll.
Speaker 4 (48:15):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
Also, we're on blue Sky so oh yeah, blue Sky threads.
Speaker 3 (48:21):
Yeah, you can find us on Blue Sky too, by
the way, because we're not on that other app.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Well, I dabble a little bit, but I'm not I'm
not really active on there as much. Sure, thank you
so much for listening. Love you. Merry Christmas and Happy
Holidays to you and your family. And I hope you
get everything you want this year. I hope you get
the Christmas users Bag. Make sure to hit that subscribe
(48:48):
button to hear more episodes every single week. The Super
Secret Bestie Club podcast is a production of Sonodo in
partnership with iHeartRadio's Michael Toda podcast Network.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Maya, it's Christmas. Can you tell a story?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Yes, gather round, Gather round. Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through my mind were thoughts of an x
I've left far behind. The trees stood tall, adorned with care,
but the ghost of your nonsense still lingered there. You
(00:24):
wrapped up your love and shiny deceit, a gift with
a bow, but lies underneath. You were my grinch, all
green with pride, stealing my joy and then running to
hide the carols you sang, all sweet and fake, promising
(00:49):
things you'd never make. But Santa No's, and so do I.
You're stalking stuffed with coal this Yule tide. Well I
deck the holes. You can deck your lies under the
mistletoe where truth dies. So here's to a season without
(01:10):
your name, a holiday bright free from your games.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Wait, I do love the end of this May Christmas
to me, and a lump.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
To you, Mary quish mush to me, and a lump
to you. May your cocoa spill and your tree lights too.
I'll toast to the lessons and all that you taught.
The best give I got was the one you are,
not Mary. Christmas, everyone had holidays?
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Well I guess h. My name is.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Curly and I'm Maya and welcome to the Super Secrets
Cloud podcast, a super secret club where we talk about
super secret things.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, like secrets that are super That's what it is.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
In each episode we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men,
and of course are favorite secrets.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Get in here.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Well, it looks like the little story time got a
little deep there.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
And I thought that was like a fun little light
moment that was actually from my lineage.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Wow, I did like My favorite line I think was
will I decked the halls? You can deck your lies,
which I'm not sure I know what that means exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
You know what it means?
Speaker 1 (02:41):
What does deck your lies mean?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
You can deck your lies? Okay, and then well you
deck the halls, you deck I'm decking the halls, deck
the halls with you deck your lies like they're decking
their lies, like maybe you're reading.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Maybe I just don't know what deck.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Means, deck the deck the halls with sound? Your deck
decking means to like to decorate.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Oh okay, so you're decorating the hall with your lives
their deck.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah, my ex is decorating the hall with their lives.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
I also really enjoyed. Merry Christmas to me and a
lump to you. That's like, it's well, here we are
almost at the end of the year. This is my
favorite time of year where we have I can't do
that where we have all these holidays that are just
all lumped together. You know, some people are really activated.
(03:34):
You have to go with your family who might not
share political listen political views or lifestyle viuses you. You
have to travel, there's work, there's deadlines, but I'll last here.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
We are Maya. How is your spirit doing this holiday season?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
It's good. A lot of realizations, and the realizations are that, oh,
I'm hungry for some familis.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I did not think you were gonna say that up.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Oh yeah, I think we're gonna make them when I
go back. We're currently filming this on December six, but
this is the holiday episode.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
So yeah, I guess what I was thinking you were
going to say is very much like a tamal oh
protein filled and it done correctly.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Yeah, wrapped in some sort of like banana leaf or
some sort of.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Hopefully yeah, wrap it up, rap it up, think thing thing, thinking.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
House music club, all of a sudden, Christmas Club.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I my eyes are so itchy. My my allergies have
been acting up this year. If twenty twenty four has
taught me anything and said, I'm allergic to a lot
of shit, and.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
It's been like crazy, weird, horrible pollution and quality. So yeah,
not holiday spirit esque, but your spirit going, I.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Spir it's really good. I have had a beautiful holiday
so far.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
I've been working a lot, and I also just got
back from a camping trip, which was really beautiful.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I came back with my primas, and I came back
with a lot.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Of profound lessons that I'm applying to my life currently,
applying to my life next year, and applied to my
therapy session that I had today, the one of which I.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
She's my there. This is amazing.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
She literally just gives me so many different perspectives. She's like,
are you talking about this or are you processing yourself
and your emotions and contrast to this? And I was like, oh,
I love that, Like, you're right, I am talking about
like And then you know, she whenever I'm like I
just kind of feel like this, She's very like, but
(05:47):
we know that's not true because I'm like, you're so right,
you shout out to my therapist, that's the right doing
it for herself. But today one of the things that
we were talking about is basically, there's so many different
emotions that come up during the holidays, you know, whether
it is that you do have to go as talks
of family, you do are dealing with shopping, or maybe
(06:10):
not having enough money, or just all the different emotions
that come with the holidays. Being single seems to be
one of the ones that people tend to feel the most.
And I almost feel like it's kind of like the
time to text your ex.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Listen, one thing stays constant, and it's the thought of
your ex during the holidays and not me. No, no, no, yeah,
we're talking about hypothetical.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
We're talking about you, the listeners.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Oh yeah, we're talking about you guys.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
You guys, you guys us.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Literally, I can't even think of a situation where I
would like even think or.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
I don't even have any access which exes, I don't
have any.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yeah, I've been single in a virgin of my entire life.
So fuck you guys for assuming.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Yeah, exactly. But yeah, this seems to be the time
that people are the loneliest. I think, I don't know
if people are still calling it cuff season.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
But I think cuffing season is over because that cuffing
season was for the holidays, right, you get cuffed up
for the holidays?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Or is this.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Cuffing season now? I don't remember. So basically, let's be honest.
Have we ever texted or wanted to text an X
during the holidays?
Speaker 1 (07:20):
You go first, Yeah, of course I have. I've done it.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I probably stopped doing it, like I would say, maybe
twenty twenty, maybe twenty nineteen, yeah, twenty twenty, I'll say
twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I can't say that I'm a holiday texter. I don't
necessarily get nostalgic enough to text.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Him on the holidays.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
My holidays are very much rooted in family, so it
has a lot to do with like my family, I
would say. But as somebody who's an advocate, or text
your X as, I'm always saying, teche, why hold like,
why just make yourself only when to them the holidays?
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Just do it. You're round, text your X whatever.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Yeah, you're you're a year round girl.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah, I'm a year round girly, Like, just text them whatever.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
I mean, Look, I always tell people text your ex
if it's something that's like dangerous, don't do it. If
it's something that was terrible for you, don't do it.
Something it was toxic for you, don't do it. But
if in case you need to go and touch the flame,
and touch the fire, which is what I always say. Yeah,
text your eggs if you need to know if the
milkshake still tastes.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Like God, God, taste it again. It's up to you.
It's not. It's not a chocolate shake, sweetie. It's a
shit shake.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
And if you need to keep trying it to make
sure that it's still a shit shake, go try it.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Hawk of the shit shake still answers though, that's a
real thing. Is block me, bitch? That's that's my holiday greeting.
Seasonal greetings, Merry Christmas, and block me bitch?
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Really? So you like the of like being blocked?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Or my thing is like if I've been texting an
X that I like, maybe you shouldn't or whatever. If
I'm testing the waters and you respond to me, you're
texting me back, you're telling me you still I don't
even want to say this.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Is that what you say?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Well, I guess other people's inter Yes, let's let's get
into Okay, we've built out a little bit of a
with the help of chat GBT. Why do people text
their X Emotional nostalgia, right, memory bias. Our brains are
led to tend to romanticize the good times and downplay
(09:41):
the bad, especially when we feel lonely or reflective, and
you know, they are a comfort zone also, so it
feels familiar for me. Whenever it's the holidays, I'm like,
it's the Christmas spirit, It's it's maybe Christmas magic, Christmas
prom com Maybe like texting them will kind of of,
like I don't know, make me feel good in some way,
(10:03):
and you know, maybe then we can extend an olive
branch and then we can fall back in love again.
That was like, I just feel like such an idiot.
I'm not I love that past maya, but I just
feel like, girl, wake up, wake up and smell the
hot cocoa.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
I feel like emotional nostalgia is kind of like one
of the hardest ones when you deal with any sort
of relationship.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
Right.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Like, as we said, our brains tend to romanticize things.
The more time goes between you and your the events
that have happened. And this is for anything by the way,
this is in the court of law. This is if
you witness a crime. This is if you try to
remember what happened to you while you're working at somewhere,
your brain just starts to kind of like automatically reinterpret
(10:49):
what it remembers. It remembers things differently, right, So a
lot of times too, they say that in relationships, you're
the more time, the more your brain will romanticide things
it remembers, like the good sometimes over the bad.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
And you know, we talk about it.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
You see it in a little bit with like maybe
it's not the same thing, but you see it certainly
with women having babies, right, Like, they have the baby.
It's one of the most painful experiences I'm sure that
anybody could ever go through. But then the more time
goes by, they remember the good things, they remember maybe
happy moments of being pregnant, happy moments of having the baby,
and they inevitably will have another one if that's what
(11:28):
they're that's what they want. Not inevitably, but if that's
what you want, you might have another baby. So I
feel like that kind of having that energy makes you
kind of want to reach out and kind.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Of like go like well, yeah, you know, it's really sweet.
Da da da. I don't have that. I don't have
that because.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
You know what, why I think I don't have that
as much You years ago told me your yeah, years ago,
you told me write down all the things that happened.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
With you in this particular, any particular.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Boyfriend that you're with or whatever, and title it like,
if you ever think of going back or whatever, read this.
So I have several of those notes, and it has photos,
It has fucking quotes, it has songs, it has everything,
right like, and I read it when I think that
I want to go and text. But I understand that
(12:37):
a lot of people during the holidays have this like
desire to kind of like you know, you go and
you see all the other couples at your family's house.
You see the theos and the theas. You see your
fucking eighteen year old cousin come in and she has
a boyfriend and now they're getting married and they just
moved in together, and you're like, God, damn, I'm in
my fucking thirties and I still have yet to meet
(12:58):
a man who I want to stay with long enough
to live with.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Like, yeah, I've never had a holiday where I was
bowed up. Ever I did, it's expensive, not Christmas or
Thanksgiving or New Year's It's always happened like after and
then we break up right before the holidays, and I'm like, oh, great,
so I should just i should just like, yeah, Christmas
(13:23):
present away. Even though it's March, I've already planned our
holidays season.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
The one boyfriend that I had during the holidays, it
was like pretty easy because I'm not a really good
gift giver, so I'm like, what do you what do
you like? And he was like, I really want a vacuum.
So I bought him like an expensive dice in vacuum,
and then he went all out for me, and I
was like, oh shit, I don't know how to I
don't know how to receive this or how to do it.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Here's your vacuum though, huh.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
I guess I would be a little pissed if you
got me a vacuum, I mean, or I would be like, wow,
I really needed this, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
He asked for it.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Uh huh oh okay, well then if he asked for it,
then why should you're a good gift giver. I feel
like the worst gift givers are like, I'm just gonna
get this for you because I just saw it and
it's last minute.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Oh yeah, yeah no, I'm very like, what do you like?
What are you into? What do you want that you
wouldn't necessarily buy for yourself.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I was like, you asked for a dice in vacuum though, like,
I don't know, sorry, I don't want to clock it.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
I don't want to. I don't know who he talks about.
It's a pretty cute gift. I think that if you're
into like Dyson's and stuff.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, if you're into it. Yeah,
but I'm like, I wouldn't call yourself a bad gift
givers if that's what he wanted. It is expensive, though,
very I feel like that's like a marriage present, where like,
you guys are married and needed for the house.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Well we kind of were so well.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Yeah, I h Another thing it says unresolved feelings, closure cravings.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
That's my big one.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
If the breakup lacked closure, you might feel compelled to
see answers or validation hope for reconciliation. A small part
of you might still wonder what if, and texting feels
like testing those waters. That's another big thing. I feel
like that people the reasons why people will text their
excess is to test the water to see if there's
still any accessibility to this or interest. Like I feel
(15:20):
like even though you're texting them back there, you're still
signaling to them that there is some interest. Even though
you stop texting them like after like you're still you're
still keeping the door a little bit open for my
foot to get in there and to pry it open.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
So even if I just reply, just one little reply,
one little wincy like thank.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
You, I would not reply. I wouldn't I wouldn't answer
if I wasn't interested, if I wanted you to get this,
if I was booed up with someone and I wanted
you to get the signal we were not friends like that, Like,
I would not answer at all. I would say Merry
Christmas because I'm closed. The door's closed. I'm with somebody else,
(15:58):
even if we're just friends. Like if I'm not control
reading actively to the friendship, but I'm answering this one thing.
If I know the other person, especially has the unresolved feelings,
I'm not answering.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
See, for me, I love closure. I have closure cravings
all the time. We talked about this in the episode
that we just did before, but I'm sorry, my eyes
are just such a I have this thing where the
way that I see it is I really do believe.
Not to quote Wicked again, but I'll probably quote Wicked
for the rest of my life. But like in the
opening sentence of for Good, they said, I've heard it
(16:31):
said that people come into our lives for a reason, right,
bringing something we must learn, and we are led to
those help us must grow if we let them.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Anyway, that's me being Glinda, and we help them in return.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
But anyways, I do believe that there's people like that too,
So I think for me, the closure cravings, I will
say I do feel them a little bit more towards
the end of the year because I do kind of
get a little bit like, oh, man, like I would
like to get over whatever we win through. I would
love to be able to go like, thank you so
much for everything that you did for me this year.
There's been a lot of growth, there's been a lot
of changes, and I hope that.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
You're doing well.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
But I feel like if you can get past those thoughts,
a lot of times they're just thoughts like you just
have them and you're like, oh, that would be really nice,
and then you're like, it's not maybe the best call
to do that, so just keep.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
It moving right.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Closeure cravings. I would say it's maybe close your addiction
for me in the past one hundred percent, because if
you want closure, just say that, like a need closure
for this and that what really happened, Like that is
the best way to satisfy the cravings. It's just to
go for it, not to send like a Merry Christmas
text or whatever, because yes, maybe you're easing into the conversation,
(17:50):
but holidays is not the time to do that, Like
do that for like New Year's or some shit. Yeah yeah,
you know, or even the past.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
It also says that sometimes people that it is a
hope for, like reconciliation. You know a lot of people
still have the whole like what if you know, it
brings up a lot of things I think to be around,
a lot of imagery of love and family and gifts
and all these things that you.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Kind of wish, like, you know, even if you go
to the fucking grove.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
There's texting my ex there, there's fountains there, Texting my
ex near that fountain. Yeah, I'm going to take a
picture sitting on Santa's lap.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Literally, Like if you go to the grove if you
don't live in La the grove is like this like
big send that to your eggs.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
I'm saying the picture.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, me and your dad are having a.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
But like if the grove is kind of like a
big outdoor like mall here, there's a huge fountain at
the center of it, at the heart of it, and
every year for Christmas they have these giant Christmas trees
and they have this fake Santa with this reindeer like
flying over the fountain. It's lined with Christmas lights all
over and you just see families and couples taking photos there,
(19:04):
like so you know, I get it. You might be
on your way to go watch Wicked and you're kind
of like, well, you know. The other thing too, which
is another reason that CHATGITBT came is that a lot
of times when you want to contact an X, like
it is very much rooted in ego, like like what
(19:28):
part of you still yearns for the validation that might
come from this conversation. What part of you craves kind
of like, you know, the reassurance of maybe how things unfolded.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Maybe was it real? What was it that went wrong?
You know?
Speaker 3 (19:46):
It says that breakups content your confidence, and a reply
from your ex might feel like proof that you still matter.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
That that that that, and I think the other one
says powerplay sometimes is about wanting to see if they
still care or think you do, I still have an
impact on their life. Is that just associated with that
one person or is that just a lack of feeling
like you matter, Like you're kind of giving a lot
of power to that person too, to kind of satisfy
(20:15):
the need of feeling validated and feeling like you're important
versus like That's something that needs to come with ourselves
and the people around us that we surround ourselves with
who have told us that you do matter. I want
to stay in your life, I'm here, And yet we
always seem to drift off and go to those who,
with their actions, tell us that we actually don't matter.
(20:36):
They don't care about us like that, and we don't
have an impact on their life. And I think that
triggers the ego bad because of course we want to matter,
especially to somebody who didn't choose us quote unquote right
or things didn't happen the way we thought it was
going to happen, Like.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Yeah, I feel like in terms of that, like that's
a universal feeling I believe that we all have in
terms of like wanting the reassurance of knowing, like you know,
I think Taylor Swift has a lyric that's like were
you something about like were you as maimed by this
as I was, Like, were you as affected by this
as I was, like impaled, heart broken over this? You
(21:20):
want to kind of know like, No, I did make
a difference. I did kind of do something. I did
cause ripple effects for better for worse. Like I think that, yes,
that's ego and that's validation. But sometimes we always talk
about like ego is not a bad thing, right, Like
ego can be something that you go I actually was
reflecting on a lot of my relationships while I was
camping and I was writing a lot, and I was
(21:42):
writing about how I'm so really tight with a lot
of my exes. I'm really tight with people that I
fell in love with. I mean there's people who I
just like, was like, you know, my first love when
I was not my first love William Ran, but he's
in the book too. But like you know, William by
the way, you know, when I was a kid, I
used to love him. I used to call him. I
(22:02):
used to like count the hours between me and calling
him because I was so obsessed with when a Now
we call each other, you know, now we like really
hold space for one another for being grown men navigating
this life.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Right. But like, even if you would have told.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Younger me, being like, no, you and William are going
to be really good friends later in the future, I
would have loved that. But you know, even now thinking
about I had to write down my relationships to these
men that I've dated because I wanted to see in
front of me, almost like the reassurance of like, no,
we did okay. You know, a lot of these relationships
(22:36):
either we kind of like revere each other in a
lot of ways, like we respect each other and we're like,
we're not for each other.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
We dated, I love you, We're not that. But I
think very highly of you, and I love you. You know.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
I've had some people that I've dated before being like
I never found anybody else like you after you, and
you never will and you never will, bitch, you know,
And I think just hearing that really does feel really
nice because you go like, oh, I didn't realize that
I would have that much of an impact. And thank
you for number one, thank you for letting me do
(23:10):
that in your life. I recognize that that's important. And
number two, thank you for holding me in that space.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
I hold you in that space too.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Mm.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
And with the holidays, a lot of people feel lonely.
I definitely have worked on my loneliness when it came
to the holidays, because it just I would get so
depressed that you're single. What am I not feeling lonely? Yeah,
for sure, Oh my god, every single day of my life.
(23:55):
But it's like absolutely, But I think it's it's it's
like combating, like, Okay, loneliness doesn't mean that you're alone,
Like when you feel lonely, it doesn't mean that you're alone,
Like it just means you're missing, you know, a person
who's not in your life yet, and missing an idea
of something that other people have from your perspective that
(24:19):
you don't have, like I have love, I have community,
I have happiness, I have friends and who you know
what I'm saying, Like, That's how I've had to restructure
the trigger of feeling lonely of whether it's not having
a partner or not feeling close to your community at
(24:40):
the time or whatever it is. And then especially when
you're pumped with like holiday movies and rom coms and
these like huge milestones, it can all like amplify feelings
of missing someone or you know. So I think that's
a huge thing of when I even I've texted ex's
(25:01):
for their birthday, have they texted me?
Speaker 1 (25:03):
I was going to say that.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
I was going to say that, yeah, what is the rule,
like do you text them on their birthdays?
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
I didn't this year, and I think I will not
for the rest of my life, like just because I'm like, well,
you're not texting me happy birthday because you obviously are not.
We're not there. But I wanted to because I was like,
oh my god, like this is I don't know. I
don't know what my reasoning was for it back then,
(25:34):
but I think I just won't because it was based
off of like other things, you know, And I feel like.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
Well, that's what we talked about before too, where I
always tell you we talked about it before.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
What is your motive?
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Right, Like I really believe that right now, there are
certain people in my life that if I talk to them,
I would have a different motive.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
If I, you.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
Know, reached out to other boyfriends or other friends or
other people, like, there would be no motive. It would
just be like, hey, what's up. That's it right, you know,
Like I'm not sure that the holidays necessarily make me
feel lonely, particularly certainly bored.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
You know.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
It's another a huge you know where I'm.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Like, I'm bored, Like what can I do? Like I
don't know that I have that so much. I will
say that, you know, these other emotions that they bring
up here, which is like, you know, fear moving on, right,
like the fear of I think with my last relationship,
and I'm okay with being open about this. I felt
like it was inevitable that I was going to fall
(26:38):
out of love right I was. It was almost like
I was slowly being pushed off of a cliff. And
it goes back to that song and the No Doubt
song called running, like please don't let me fall out
of love, like please don't let me get there, Like
I don't want to get there because I inevitably it's
so sad like and just like that feeling of just
like when you text or when you out, it almost
(27:01):
feels like the last ditch effort, right, like the last
thing of being like, don't let me get there. But
I think that part of the sadness of the year
ending is that maybe that door has closed and it's
your opportunity to go into the next year and being
like I'm not doing that anymore. By the way, all
of these emotions can exist at the same time. You
(27:22):
can have the emotions of like missing somebody, wishing things
worked out differently, wanting and having the desire for different outcomes,
but knowing that it's not the right thing, like you
don't have the text, or you can just keep going,
make it to January, make it to the first quarter.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
I know.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Yeah, I think like my intentions for texting X's or like,
you know, the past couple of years when you know
I've been with you where I'm like should I text
them or should I whatever have been because I've missed
their friendship. Not necessarily that I miss like being their
romantic partner or being sexual with them or whatever, just
(28:07):
the bare bones. I don't have another person in my
life who kind of embodies what this person embodied in
that friendship and I think I miss that. But then
when you don't get that reciprocated or it's like the
lines are kind of blurred, you have to like let
it go and embrace like a new chapter. And that
(28:29):
is kind of scary because but the reality is is
like they're not the only person in the world who
can provide that. And I think I have. I had
a really hard time of closing things up and sending
them out and not always having an invisible string on
them so I can tug them back whenever I wanted to,
(28:50):
you know fully, just letting go and having no attachments
and if they come back then yeah. And then also
I think constantly texting your exes in that is you're
not allowing for space. You're not allowing for these things
to come back to you if you want them to
come back to you. Yeah, And I know, like the
idea of wanting an X back is like why would
(29:11):
you why would you want to get something out of
the trash? Like why would you want to like you know,
like I get that, but you have those different like
friendship exes that are like yeah, but it wasn't like
that they weren't trash, you know.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
There.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
I have like x's in my life that I hope
say in my life for the rest of my life,
Like I just love them so deeply. I have one
ex that I visited San Francisco that I just love
so much. Like every time we're together, it is just
like we are old friends. We recognize each other's habits,
like we're like on par you know what I mean.
(29:47):
Like there's no expectations and it's just really just like, oh,
I love your spirits so much. And I think that
if I got married to somebody else or he got
married to somebody else, it would be like a genuine
happiness for each other. And you can't have that with everybody.
You can't have that. It doesn't mean that I didn't
love him when we were dating. It doesn't mean that
I didn't have hopes or desires for where I wanted
(30:10):
us to go when we were dating. But I think
that it can transform into something different. I think that,
like in saying that it's always just going to be
like a fluctuation. I think of emotions and certain seasons,
certain weathers, certain memories, certain sense, certain songs will make
you kind of nostalgic or a moment that may have passed.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
So if you want to text your ex and you
maybe want to get out of that cycle, AT recommends
is to pause and reflect. Ask yourself why you're tempted
to text? What are you hoping to gain? Like? What
can you do instead? You know, like talk it out
or journal, ben to a friend, delete their number, it says,
(31:01):
or distract yourself. Channel that energy into something that helps
you move forward, work out, watch a.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Show and I think, wait, can I read this with
you too? Journal or talk This is my first time
seeing them this part too, So journal or talk it out,
vent to a friend, or write during instead of hittings.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Well yeah, that's what I thought. Vending to a friend.
Venting to a friend would help. But then you're like,
do it, do it? Write it?
Speaker 3 (31:24):
You know what's so funny is I actually have so
many notes in my phone of things that I want
to say. I have this really beautiful text message that
I just found randomly? Can I read it to you?
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Actually? Can I find it?
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Let me find it.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
I just like have away with words. Also, mine are
like can you call me? I want to talk to you?
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Okay, if you read nothing else in this letter, know
that I still talk about you like we're still friends.
I still talk about our adventures, the lessons we learned
together and the ones we learned apart. No, I never
stopped loving you deeply. No, I never stopped thinking about you.
I'm happy we are the people we became, and I
wouldn't change that. But I wish we could have done
(32:08):
it together. And so I think that even just like
the moments of like.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Oh, are you going to sell that too?
Speaker 1 (32:14):
No, my Grandma, I wrote it. When you died.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
I was like, girl, you're in heaven now, I wish
you could have done it together. Yeah, no, I'm kidding.
It was about a partner, but it was still something
like I think that those moments of being like I
wish we could have done it. And by the way,
I'm going to also be honest too, I'm pretty sure
I wrote that, but I also feel like it sounds
really pretty.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I don't know if I wrote it.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
But there's that feeling of like, I wish we could
have been there together, and all these are all the
things that I want to say, but I can't say.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Just put it in your notes.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
In your phone and read it on your podcast with
thousands of listeners with your best friend.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Right yeah. I think it's also like let's get down
to the nitty gritty of like have a plan if
this is something that kind of plagues your life where
you look back and you're like, why did I do that? Like,
I think it's it deserves kind of a backup plan
of like Okay, let me go through the steps, Like
I think you helped me with that too, Like Okay,
what would happen if he were to say this.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Yeah, we always saying sobriety play the tape?
Speaker 2 (33:21):
Oh right right. I mean it does feel a little
like addiction based. Honestly, you're always kind of searching for
that dopamine hit, serotonin hit to know that we're loved
and that we're appreciated. And I think that's the bare
bones of it, is that we need to be surrounded
by people who make us feel, you know, loved and appreciated.
(33:44):
And also that thing of like just because you don't
have anybody to text or celebrate the holidays with, that's
like a romantic partner doesn't mean the whole holiday is shit.
I think we need to break down the fact that
we hold romantic relationships to a high, high standard that
if we don't have one, then we're failures, then we're losers,
then we're wallflowers or like whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
You know.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Yes, my entire life, I've felt like a fucking loser
every single year, which is.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
So crazy because you actually get hit on a lot.
You get so much attention that doesn't.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Equate make that doesn't that never makes me feel like
I loved or celebrate. It makes me feel like a
piece of meat on a stick, you know, like, and
it's always from people who are married or just completely
weird or gross, so it's not even being hit on.
It's just like you're the entertainment. It's on social media.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
You know.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
I do not equate that at all with making me
feel celebrated because it means nothing. I don't know these people.
If it was from somebody that I had a relationship with,
oh for sure, like you know, dred percent, I feel like,
oh hell yeah. But I'm talking to the girlies who
are the third wheels and the girls who feel like
(35:02):
complicated during this time that we have to like hold
on to other things that make us feel fulfilled, and
just because we don't have somebody this year doesn't mean
we're completely alone, because we're not. And what does that
mean when we call ourselves losers or we call ourselves
like do we think of our other friends who don't
have relationships as losers? Like why is it always the
(35:24):
worst names and just statements that we think about ourselves, You.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
Know, I think it's I was gonna say, third wheel
culture is so fucking funny, Like that is something like
to all the third wheels out there, like that is
so relatable.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
We've all been there, we all know what that is.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Yeah, I mean Joyce and I talk about it a lot.
Like it's almost like a very I don't want to
(36:05):
say minuscule, but it is a form of like I
want to say something other than trauma, but it is.
It is a form of like it just feels like
weird sometimes, you know, when you're always the one who's
like the single one, and then you're a part of
like these other people's relationships and you kind of feel
like a pawn or a gesture in that relationship and
(36:27):
like it just feels like I don't know it. I've
dealt with it my entire life, and it's like something
that I just don't want to be a part of
ever again is that kind of feeling. And it's not
like the people who you are third wheeling with are
doing this on purpose. It's our perception and it's what
is a perception based off of like this capitalistic bullshit
(36:51):
that we are supposed to be with somebody and if
we're not, then we're losers, you know, And like these
rom coms that are being pumped out and like an
idealistic version of these holidays that are made to feel
like we are not enough. We don't have enough unless
we have someone, unless we're skinny enough, unless we have
(37:12):
a certain item. And I'm done with it. I think
that's the biggest thing I've learned this year is that
I'm like fuck that shit, yeh over it, Like fuck it,
you know, because what does it mean at the end
of the day.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
Not a damn thing, because you don't when you die,
when you're done, not to go there. But like you
don't take anything with you. You don't take like your
husband with you. I would like to, I'd like to
bring him into the crip with me and close the
coffin over the book of lives.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
You're coming with me, you know, But like you don't
have that.
Speaker 3 (37:46):
I think that, like you know, holiday season can be
really activating for a lot of different people, if you
are moving within healthy boundaries for yourself, I think whatever
you choose to do, if you do decide to text somebody,
if you do decide to look for closure, if you
do decide to reach out, like, do it in a
way that is healthy. Do it in a way that
(38:06):
you can have a calm conversation with somebody.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
I would.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
And this is things that I've said, you know before,
like ask yourself what your intention is, right, Like if
you do have a motive to call your ex or
text your ex and fix things for closure, like that's okay.
Like if you're looking to string them along because you
know that they're still in love with you, that's not okay.
Right If you're lonely and you know that they're still
(38:31):
in love with you and you're like, I know I
could get some dick or some ass, like let me
text them, that's also not okay. Like, really consider what
your intentions are in terms of reaching out to somebody
that you have shared a romantic time in space with.
And then I think the second thing would be, so
have a motive, and the second thing would be write
yourself a mini outline, what are the things that you
(38:52):
want to say, what are the different points that you'd
want to touch up on, Like, what are the things
that you just want to make sure that this conversation
and is either one of many conversations or perhaps the
last one where you can get that bit of closure
and you can kind of just go and be like,
I love you, I honor you, I honor our time together.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Yeah, and even if it doesn't go the way you
wanted to go, there's no need to like villainize or
villainize the other person or the situation or make yourself
feel like why did they do that?
Speaker 1 (39:26):
But what if you are the villain though?
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Oh well yeah, well you know that's enough. But what
I'm saying is like, make your decision, stand on it,
stick with it, and know that it was led from
the heart, from putting yourself out there and getting what
you want. That's what it is. It's a you know.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
I always say my decisions and my choices are not
always the best, but they were always rooted and what
my heart wanted to do, and I'm.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Very okay with that.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
Welcome to the astrology portion of the podcast. So which
sign would send the text aries? Aries are impulsive as.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Ud which sign?
Speaker 2 (40:16):
And yeah, I'm sending it, I'm sending three text messages.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
I would say Cancers with some of the texts, I
would say like air signs might, but I don't know
that air signs care.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
About bullshit for that long. Like I feel like air
signs are like I'm out.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
I think Aquarius would, but they wouldn't have so much
anxiety about it. I think they would just do it
without Some would do it without any kind of They're
just like, I'm just gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
Do you think Earth signs would.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
I don't know if I don't, I don't know if
Virgoes would. I don't know that honestly, I think I
think Capricorns are probably like wait what x oh no, no, no,
I'm not even that was from no, No, They're not
even thinking about it. And then taurists, tourists, I feel
like they would. I feel like they would have a
(41:04):
motive behind it, for sure. I think they would during
this time they would miss that kind of like comfortability
and celebratory vibe about the holidays.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
You know, what about Leo's what about the fire.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Signs Leo's would, but then they would delete it.
Speaker 3 (41:22):
Okay, I feel like Leo's would want to, but they wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
I feel like a Leo they'll delete it. Yeah, I
feel like an aries.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Yes, aries are sending that text message.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
Yeah, I feel that too, very impulsive.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
When I dated that one Aris in my early twenties,
he would text me out of nowhere and be like
I miss you, and I'd be like.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Bitch, I am. I used to be texting I miss
you and hey, thinking about you, or sending a little
message of like a funny little thing whatever. Was there
a tiny bit of motive behind it? Yeah? When do
you not have a motive behind anything?
Speaker 1 (41:58):
That's what trips me.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Motive for everything. But I think my intention for those
things was also like to connect, you know.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
With just anyone or with that person.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
With that person for sure, you know of like yeah,
you just get nostalgic and then sagittarius. I feel like
they would. I feel like maybe they have a little
anxiety about it, but then I think they would send
the text and then maybe not answer it because they're
like actually changed my mind.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
I feel like they would send it to I feel
like they'd send the text and it would be like
should I.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
There would be a lot of back and forth, should I,
should I not? Should I? Should I not? Should I
should not? And then they would present.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Geminis would not would Jennie, I don't think geminis, Mike, listen,
All Geminis have no need.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
They don't.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
They don't need it. I think I think it could
from a different place. I think they I think not
no need though Libras. I feel like Libras would. I
feel like they would craft it in a very clever,
cutez smart way that doesn't even feel like somebody's reaching
(43:19):
out to their ex. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
I feel like Aquarius of the same way too, Like
they just would be like that answer, no need is
very much my dad, who also is an Aquarius. My
dad is very like. My dad's very big on like
a next is an next for a reason and next
is an next for reason.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
But I've had like Aquarius partners past Xes text me
for sure, Pisces have texted me for sure. They're on
the fourth message and it's one of those long ones
that you have to press to see more.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
Ices. God love you guys, God love you guys.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
Know what good for them that.
Speaker 3 (44:00):
They have the strongest hearts. They're just so open and
so big. They literally have the strongest hearts. Cancer would
send it. Pisces, Yeah, I think we cover them.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Yeah. Wait, what's the other water? Oh Scorpio, Oh Scorpio.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
Oh my god, I forgot Scorpio.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
Sorry.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Oh. I think they're taking three business days to write
the message. And there's three different versions. I think they're
gonna send the text, but they're gonna depending on their
mood that day. Either it's going to be the one
where it's a little more serious, or it's going to
be playful, or it's going to be like, hey, can
(44:35):
I come pick up my sweater that I left?
Speaker 3 (44:38):
I was going to say something similar to that. I
feel like, and I don't know, because there's something I
would do. I don't know if this is the verbal
part of me or the Scorpio side of me, but
why I feel like there's no need to send the text.
I'll just run into you when I run into you, like,
I'll just see you when I see you, like.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
So you're managed. So you're putting on a spell, you're
creating a spell, you're manifesting, and they will never know.
And that concludes the astrology portion.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
Of the podcast. Well, maya, here we are again, Mary Christmas.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
You, how do you plead?
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Do not make yourself feel like shit for not having
a partner this year? Do not just just like be
very kind to yourself. Things are very chaotic politically right now,
energy wise, just in general for this year, but also
you know, family stuff, like really focus on what makes
you feel less likely to reach out to somebody who
(45:38):
already made you feel like you were not enough. Go
towards somebody and people who make you feel like you're enough,
and so that you don't have to spend so much
brain energy crafting up a message to a plea of
notice me and be with me, remember me, and like
(45:58):
choose me, pick me, love me. You know, like I
don't think that we should be spending this time doing that.
I think we need to be spending time arguing with
ourtheas about who they voted for.
Speaker 3 (46:11):
Yeah exactly. I feel like for me, you only live once,
and it's all the life is shorter than you think
it is, right, So I always say, like you know,
miss Frizzil, like get in there, make mistakes.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
If there's no valiant, yes, yeah, go for it.
Speaker 3 (46:29):
Yeah, I think that there are so many people who
go to their deathbed with the same habits.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
They never change.
Speaker 3 (46:37):
They are the same person from the day they are
going to the day they die. And you have the
free will to decide if you want to break habits
or break out of habits and see what else you
can do, see who else you can fall in love with.
Make space right, like there is no wrong answer unless
he's beating you or hitting you.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
Then don't go back unless.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
You're compromising yourself.
Speaker 3 (47:00):
Yes, that's a better way to say that, compromising your
health and your spirituality and your safety and the safety
of others. But if it's just a little like I
miss you, thinking of you, thinking of you, I hope
you're well.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
Body, pick little mayor of boy, pick miss this.
Speaker 1 (47:17):
Who knows?
Speaker 3 (47:18):
I will say this though, I have seen a lot
of couples who later on they're like, we broke up
and we got back together and we got married and
da da da dah, and then you're the comments so sweet,
and then later on you hear the book up again.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
So maybe xs are exes for reasons.
Speaker 3 (47:29):
Keep it moving, sis, brother, lay of them's keep it moving.
Text a friend, write it in your notes. What you
really feel, write it in a journal, write it in
a song, create some art, stay healthy, stay sane. There's
a lot, bigger, a lot bigger things happening in the
world than worrying about if it meant anything to your ex.
If it meant something to you, then it meant something,
(47:50):
and that's what's the most important.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of
the Super Secret Bestie Club podcast Curly. How can they
find you on social media?
Speaker 3 (47:58):
You can find me on my only Fans.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
Just kidding.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
You can find me at the Curly v Show on
Instagram and TikTok maya.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
We're gonna find you.
Speaker 2 (48:09):
You can find me at my Moments m a ya
in the moments anywhere you scroll.
Speaker 4 (48:15):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
Also, we're on blue Sky so oh yeah, blue Sky threads.
Speaker 3 (48:21):
Yeah, you can find us on Blue Sky too, by
the way, because we're not on that other app.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Well, I dabble a little bit, but I'm not I'm
not really active on there as much. Sure, thank you
so much for listening. Love you. Merry Christmas and Happy
Holidays to you and your family. And I hope you
get everything you want this year. I hope you get
the Christmas users Bag. Make sure to hit that subscribe
(48:48):
button to hear more episodes every single week. The Super
Secret Bestie Club podcast is a production of Sonodo in
partnership with iHeartRadio's Michael Toda podcast Network.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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