July 3, 2025 • 12 mins
This week we meet Shelia. She’s had it up to her eyeballs with her two-timing husband. A liar and a serial cheater.
But she can’t think about that right now. The house has been invaded by yellow jackets. Can’t think about anything else till she rids the house of yellow jackets.
Shelia grabs her phone, races outside, and calls the exterminator.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the ten Minute Storyteller. That's me Bill Simpson,
your host, narrator, and author. We hear at the ten
Minute Storyteller endeavor to entertain you with tall tales or
rendered swiftly and with the utmost empathy. We pledge to
(00:25):
pack as much entertainment, emotion, and exploration into the human
condition as ten minutes will permit. Mini novels on steroids.
This week we meet Sheila. She's had it up to
(00:45):
her eyeballs with her two timing husband, a liar and
a serial cheater. But she can't think about that, not
right now. The house has been invaded by yellowjackets. Can't
think about anything else till she rids the house of
yellow jackets. Sheila grabs her phone, races outside, and calls
(01:08):
the exterminator. The exterminator. Sheila's had it. She put up
with his lying and cheating once and then a second time.
But three times buster, and you're out, her mother warned
her all those years ago. Yes, honey, he's very handsome
(01:31):
and very charming, but I'm telling you he's a narcissist
and a predator. I've known men like him before. All
they care about is themselves and getting in a girl's pants. Well,
Sheila blew her mother off, married Zachary and lived happily
ever after, well at least until she got pregnant. Near
(01:56):
the end of her pregnancy, the doctor told her to
quit having sex. Sure easy for him to say. Zachary
needed sex almost as much as he needed air and water,
and so with Shila out of the game, Zachary turned
to Donna, a lonely divorcee with big botox lips who
(02:19):
lived down the street. Sila eventually found out about Donna,
but by then she was insanely vulnerable, what with her
raging hormones, postpartum depression, and a six month old infant
who demanded her attention. Twenty four to seven. Zachary threw
(02:41):
himself at her feet, assured the affair had meant nothing,
and promised to never ever be unfaithful again. Ever, Sheila
bought it, and Zachary pooh lived up to his promise
for a couple of years, but then he strayed again,
this time with the preschool teacher, and everyone warned Sheila
(03:04):
that liars lie and cheaters cheat and they never change,
and she should cut her losses and end the marriage asap.
But again, Zachary got down on his knees, batted his
baby blues, begged forgiveness, and told her he loved her
and only her, and in fact loved her more than
(03:25):
he loved his own life. That it was just a
few years ago, and now well, the son of a
bitch has done it again, betting the babysitter, this time
a twenty something with fake boobs and a nose piercing.
But Sila, she can't deal with all that right now,
(03:45):
not right this second. Yellowjackets have invaded the kitchen, dozens
of them, maybe hundreds, too many to count. How they're
getting in, she doesn't know, but she's deathly afraid of
the nasty, little, bad tempered critters, so she grabs her
phone and races outside to escape their wrath. She googles
(04:07):
exterminators in her area, calls permak Hill good morning, sings
a cheery voice. Permakhill is ready to help you with
all your exterminating needs. Angie speaking, How may I help you?
I have yellow jackets in my house. Angie takes down
all the information and assures Shila a consultant will be
(04:30):
at her house within the hour. I don't need a consultant.
Shila shouts, I need an exterminator. Not to worry. Jeffrey
is a jack of all trades. Exactly one hour later,
a permakill truck pulls in the driveway. A handsome young
man steps out, slim and trim in tan khakis, a
(04:55):
white short sleeve shirt buttoned up to the neck, and
a baseball cat with Perma Kill printed across the front.
He wears a name tag on the pocket of his
dress shirt, Jeffrey. Sheila meets Jeffrey at the door of
his truck. Thank you for coming on such short notice.
I have a house full of yellow jackets. Yellow jackets,
(05:18):
you say, from Georgia tech. Huh he he can be pesky.
Can you get rid of them? They probably want money,
but I'll do my best. Let's take a walk around
the outside of the house, but they're inside. Jeffrey smiles
and nods and starts walking. Sila follows, arms folded across
(05:38):
her chest. A few steps behind. On the far side
of the house, Jeffrey stops points to where a swarm
of yellow jackets fly in and out, where the sighting
meets the foundation. He says, I'm master, a master exterminator. Man.
I possess the skills and know how to why either
(06:00):
remove or exterminate virtually any pest, vermin or nuisance you
can imagine. And you know what the son of a
bitch who owns Perma Kill pays me. Don't even guess,
I'll tell you. Twenty Measley bucks an hour, twenty Measley
bucks an hour, and not a nickel more for overtime,
not a nickel. Take it or leave it, he says,
(06:22):
whenever I bring up the idea of a raise, take
it or leave it? Well, I take it because of
what am I gonna do? The job market sucks out there.
I got a disabled wife and three kids, one of
them with a cleft palate, and one sweet as pie,
but moon eyed, empty as a hollow log upstairs. So anyway,
(06:44):
that's my story. Your story is a yellow jacket nest
hiding behind the siding of your house. I see it
five times a day this time of year. Two hundred
and twenty five bucks up front with a credit card.
If you want me to exterminate proNT as in you know,
right now, right this second, you want to think about it,
(07:04):
that's no problem either. I'm happy to come back tomorrow.
Fuck no, says Sheila. Do it now, right now. The
nasty little bastards are in the house. That's what they
all say, says Jeffrey. You grab your credit card while
I suit up. We'll meet back here before the moon
strikes one. Well, payment complete, Jeffrey goes to work in
(07:28):
his one piece nylon exterminating suit, complete with zip hood
and face shield. He lies right down on the grass
right where a gazillion yellow jackets buzz in and out
of the house, down low where the wood siding meets
the concrete foundation. It's like a thousand jet fighters taking
(07:50):
off and landing on an aircraft carrier out in the
middle of the Pacific Ocean. Sheila, she stands well back
and thinks Jeffrey with the disabled wife and moon eyed kid,
is one kooky dude and maybe a little spooky too,
probably inhales way too many exterminating sprays and chemicals. Jeffrey
(08:15):
takes his little puffer gun with its long nozzle and
shoots some agent orange up into that yellow jacket nest
behind the wood siding. Immediately, yellow jackets stop flying and
start dropping to the ground, dead stone dead. The more
Jeffrey puffs, the more yellow jackets drop out of the sky.
(08:40):
After a while, Jeffrey stops and says, that'll teach the
sum bitches to mess with Jeffrey. Sheila nods, but asks,
what about the ones inside? They're not long for this world,
honey pie, Let's go have a look. Sheila wonders if
it's safe to go inside with the exterminit on the backstoop.
(09:02):
She says, I'll wait out here the ladies, says Jeffrey,
they usually do, and he pets her kids inside. Sheila
shakes her head. The dog's at the groomer and the
kids at school. Inside, Jeffrey dons a respirator and fogs
the downstairs of the big fancy center hall colonial. Sheila
(09:26):
can see the fog through the window. After just a
couple minutes, Jeffrey emerges from the fog and steps outside.
He removes his respirator and pulls off the one piece
nylon suit. I think maybe give the xylon b an
hour or so to clear before your head back inside.
(09:47):
You'll have some vacuuming to do. But there's not a
dang thing in there still breathing. Nothing in there alive. Wow,
says Sheila. You work fast, Jeffrey shrugs, easy, schmeezy. I guess,
and then Sheila adds, I wish I could exterminate my
husband as easily. Hmmm, asked Jeffrey. What do we got here?
(10:11):
A cheater or a beater? Huh? What'd you say? An
unfaithful clown or a fist wielding abuser. It's always one
or the other, honeybun, sometimes both, the former, says Sheila.
Figured says Jeffrey, Oh, why is that? Jeffrey shrugs again. Listen,
I do all kinds of exterminations, including husbands who cheat
(10:34):
or beat a hundred bucks cash up front. Sheila smiles
and lets off a little laugh. But a couple minutes later,
Jeffrey backs his Permac Hill pick up out of the driveway,
his khakis stuffed with four twenties, a ten, two fives,
and a recent pick of the Dead Man Walking. Easy schmeezy. Hey,
(11:10):
thanks for listening to this original audio presentation of The Exterminator,
narrated by the author. If you enjoy today's story, please
take a few seconds to rate, review, and subscribe to
this podcast, and then go to Thomas William Simpson dot
com for additional information about the author and to view
(11:32):
his extensive canon. The Ten Minute Storyteller is produced by
Andrew Piglesi and Josh Kalani and is part of the
Elvis Durand Podcast Network in partnership with iHeart Productions. Until
next time, this is Bill Simpson, your ten Minute Storyteller,
Welcome to the ten Minute Storyteller. That's me Bill Simpson,
your host, narrator, and author. We hear at the ten
Minute Storyteller endeavor to entertain you with tall tales or
rendered swiftly and with the utmost empathy. We pledge to
(00:25):
pack as much entertainment, emotion, and exploration into the human
condition as ten minutes will permit. Mini novels on steroids.
This week we meet Sheila. She's had it up to
(00:45):
her eyeballs with her two timing husband, a liar and
a serial cheater. But she can't think about that, not
right now. The house has been invaded by yellowjackets. Can't
think about anything else till she rids the house of
yellow jackets. Sheila grabs her phone, races outside, and calls
(01:08):
the exterminator. The exterminator. Sheila's had it. She put up
with his lying and cheating once and then a second time.
But three times buster, and you're out, her mother warned
her all those years ago. Yes, honey, he's very handsome
(01:31):
and very charming, but I'm telling you he's a narcissist
and a predator. I've known men like him before. All
they care about is themselves and getting in a girl's pants. Well,
Sheila blew her mother off, married Zachary and lived happily
ever after, well at least until she got pregnant. Near
(01:56):
the end of her pregnancy, the doctor told her to
quit having sex. Sure easy for him to say. Zachary
needed sex almost as much as he needed air and water,
and so with Shila out of the game, Zachary turned
to Donna, a lonely divorcee with big botox lips who
(02:19):
lived down the street. Sila eventually found out about Donna,
but by then she was insanely vulnerable, what with her
raging hormones, postpartum depression, and a six month old infant
who demanded her attention. Twenty four to seven. Zachary threw
(02:41):
himself at her feet, assured the affair had meant nothing,
and promised to never ever be unfaithful again. Ever, Sheila
bought it, and Zachary pooh lived up to his promise
for a couple of years, but then he strayed again,
this time with the preschool teacher, and everyone warned Sheila
(03:04):
that liars lie and cheaters cheat and they never change,
and she should cut her losses and end the marriage asap.
But again, Zachary got down on his knees, batted his
baby blues, begged forgiveness, and told her he loved her
and only her, and in fact loved her more than
(03:25):
he loved his own life. That it was just a
few years ago, and now well, the son of a
bitch has done it again, betting the babysitter, this time
a twenty something with fake boobs and a nose piercing.
But Sila, she can't deal with all that right now,
(03:45):
not right this second. Yellowjackets have invaded the kitchen, dozens
of them, maybe hundreds, too many to count. How they're
getting in, she doesn't know, but she's deathly afraid of
the nasty, little, bad tempered critters, so she grabs her
phone and races outside to escape their wrath. She googles
(04:07):
exterminators in her area, calls permak Hill good morning, sings
a cheery voice. Permakhill is ready to help you with
all your exterminating needs. Angie speaking, How may I help you?
I have yellow jackets in my house. Angie takes down
all the information and assures Shila a consultant will be
(04:30):
at her house within the hour. I don't need a consultant.
Shila shouts, I need an exterminator. Not to worry. Jeffrey
is a jack of all trades. Exactly one hour later,
a permakill truck pulls in the driveway. A handsome young
man steps out, slim and trim in tan khakis, a
(04:55):
white short sleeve shirt buttoned up to the neck, and
a baseball cat with Perma Kill printed across the front.
He wears a name tag on the pocket of his
dress shirt, Jeffrey. Sheila meets Jeffrey at the door of
his truck. Thank you for coming on such short notice.
I have a house full of yellow jackets. Yellow jackets,
(05:18):
you say, from Georgia tech. Huh he he can be pesky.
Can you get rid of them? They probably want money,
but I'll do my best. Let's take a walk around
the outside of the house, but they're inside. Jeffrey smiles
and nods and starts walking. Sila follows, arms folded across
(05:38):
her chest. A few steps behind. On the far side
of the house, Jeffrey stops points to where a swarm
of yellow jackets fly in and out, where the sighting
meets the foundation. He says, I'm master, a master exterminator. Man.
I possess the skills and know how to why either
(06:00):
remove or exterminate virtually any pest, vermin or nuisance you
can imagine. And you know what the son of a
bitch who owns Perma Kill pays me. Don't even guess,
I'll tell you. Twenty Measley bucks an hour, twenty Measley
bucks an hour, and not a nickel more for overtime,
not a nickel. Take it or leave it, he says,
(06:22):
whenever I bring up the idea of a raise, take
it or leave it? Well, I take it because of
what am I gonna do? The job market sucks out there.
I got a disabled wife and three kids, one of
them with a cleft palate, and one sweet as pie,
but moon eyed, empty as a hollow log upstairs. So anyway,
(06:44):
that's my story. Your story is a yellow jacket nest
hiding behind the siding of your house. I see it
five times a day this time of year. Two hundred
and twenty five bucks up front with a credit card.
If you want me to exterminate proNT as in you know,
right now, right this second, you want to think about it,
(07:04):
that's no problem either. I'm happy to come back tomorrow.
Fuck no, says Sheila. Do it now, right now. The
nasty little bastards are in the house. That's what they
all say, says Jeffrey. You grab your credit card while
I suit up. We'll meet back here before the moon
strikes one. Well, payment complete, Jeffrey goes to work in
(07:28):
his one piece nylon exterminating suit, complete with zip hood
and face shield. He lies right down on the grass
right where a gazillion yellow jackets buzz in and out
of the house, down low where the wood siding meets
the concrete foundation. It's like a thousand jet fighters taking
(07:50):
off and landing on an aircraft carrier out in the
middle of the Pacific Ocean. Sheila, she stands well back
and thinks Jeffrey with the disabled wife and moon eyed kid,
is one kooky dude and maybe a little spooky too,
probably inhales way too many exterminating sprays and chemicals. Jeffrey
(08:15):
takes his little puffer gun with its long nozzle and
shoots some agent orange up into that yellow jacket nest
behind the wood siding. Immediately, yellow jackets stop flying and
start dropping to the ground, dead stone dead. The more
Jeffrey puffs, the more yellow jackets drop out of the sky.
(08:40):
After a while, Jeffrey stops and says, that'll teach the
sum bitches to mess with Jeffrey. Sheila nods, but asks,
what about the ones inside? They're not long for this world,
honey pie, Let's go have a look. Sheila wonders if
it's safe to go inside with the exterminit on the backstoop.
(09:02):
She says, I'll wait out here the ladies, says Jeffrey,
they usually do, and he pets her kids inside. Sheila
shakes her head. The dog's at the groomer and the
kids at school. Inside, Jeffrey dons a respirator and fogs
the downstairs of the big fancy center hall colonial. Sheila
(09:26):
can see the fog through the window. After just a
couple minutes, Jeffrey emerges from the fog and steps outside.
He removes his respirator and pulls off the one piece
nylon suit. I think maybe give the xylon b an
hour or so to clear before your head back inside.
(09:47):
You'll have some vacuuming to do. But there's not a
dang thing in there still breathing. Nothing in there alive. Wow,
says Sheila. You work fast, Jeffrey shrugs, easy, schmeezy. I guess,
and then Sheila adds, I wish I could exterminate my
husband as easily. Hmmm, asked Jeffrey. What do we got here?
(10:11):
A cheater or a beater? Huh? What'd you say? An
unfaithful clown or a fist wielding abuser. It's always one
or the other, honeybun, sometimes both, the former, says Sheila.
Figured says Jeffrey, Oh, why is that? Jeffrey shrugs again. Listen,
I do all kinds of exterminations, including husbands who cheat
(10:34):
or beat a hundred bucks cash up front. Sheila smiles
and lets off a little laugh. But a couple minutes later,
Jeffrey backs his Permac Hill pick up out of the driveway,
his khakis stuffed with four twenties, a ten, two fives,
and a recent pick of the Dead Man Walking. Easy schmeezy. Hey,
(11:10):
thanks for listening to this original audio presentation of The Exterminator,
narrated by the author. If you enjoy today's story, please
take a few seconds to rate, review, and subscribe to
this podcast, and then go to Thomas William Simpson dot
com for additional information about the author and to view
(11:32):
his extensive canon. The Ten Minute Storyteller is produced by
Andrew Piglesi and Josh Kalani and is part of the
Elvis Durand Podcast Network in partnership with iHeart Productions. Until
next time, this is Bill Simpson, your ten Minute Storyteller,
Host
Bill Simpson
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.