Surviving Domestic Abuse with Kelsey Pumel

CONTENT WARNING: Domestic Abuse

Lisa has a fan-girl moment! She’s joined by Kelsey Pumel, TikTok star who rose to fame after surviving domestic abuse and getting loud about it. Kelsey shares why she stayed, how she got the courage to leave, and her journey to finding self-love. PLUS- why TikTok banned her, and ALSO changed her life romantically, financially, and professionally in just a year. 

Follow Kelsey on Instagram: @perfectlykelsey

Follow Kelsey on Tik Tok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMexP4uAA/

The Truthiest Life on instagram @thetruthiestlife

Host @Lisahayim

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Edited by Houston Tilley

Intro Jingle by Alyssa Chase aka @findyoursails 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I was in a domestic violence relationship for about
eight years and no fil Even when times githeart and
you feel you're in the dark, cusye, just how beautiful

(00:21):
I can be when you sup in your heart, you
can finally start to your toe seius Lie. Welcome back
to the Truthiest Life. Everybody, what's up? It's Lisa haim
I hope you're all having a great end of your week.

(00:42):
This week's episode, I'm having my first fan girl moment.
Literally never had to say that phrase before, but it's
truly what it is for me. A few months ago,
I found my way onto TikTok, and I didn't really
understand it, and then I did. I found this woman, Kelsey,
and I was completely captivated by her worry, her humor,
the way she empowered other women, and the way she

(01:04):
shared her story about domestic violence, surviving it, getting out
of that relationship, and all the pain and trauma that
carried with her into the present day. That to who
our guest is today. Kelsey does talk about her experience,
so little content warning, we do talk about domestic violence
and physical abuse. That being said, Kelsey is so much
more than just serious. She's light. She's introspective. She truly

(01:27):
embodies what it means to live your truthious life. She
also shares with us, which was interesting to me how
TikTok works. This is a woman whose life has done
a complete one eight in the past year thanks to
this one social media platform. Her income has completely changed,
her career has changed. She went from a behavior analyst
working with kids with autism to a stay at home

(01:48):
mom and full time creator supporting her daughter Kobe. And
she has a new relationship. She's in a new romantic relationship.
She's changed states where she lived, and it's really amazing
to see what can happen when you try something new,
I guess, and what I really love about TikTok is
that it really does allow people who have important things
to say to say them. I know it gets a

(02:10):
bad reputation. We think that it's stupid that all it
does is promote young kids just repeating the same dances
over and over again. But there's a lot more to
this app when you find your way a little bit
more through it, and Kelsey is empowering so many women
to fight for their emotional freedom and physical safety. So
I personally learned a lot from this episode. And I

(02:30):
get empowered by Kelsey every day, and I hope you
do too. Kelsey's computer kept digging with notifications. We could
not figure out how to turn it off, so it's
a little distracting and you might think that it's your phone.
It did my best to edit them out. I just
want to let you know that there's a few in there.
It's not your phone, it's Kelsey's as usual. I just
want to say thank you so much for supporting this podcast.
The best way to support it is by leaving a

(02:51):
review on iTunes and giving it a rating as well,
and also sharing it on your social media. If this
episode or any past episode resonates with you, please share,
tag me, tag the truthius Life, tag Kelsey if it's
this episode, so we can repost and know that you're
really enjoying it. Also share with your family and friends
of social media sharing isn't your thing. I want to

(03:11):
thank you all from the bottom of my heart for
your support every single week, for allowing me to have
these conversations that I otherwise wouldn't be having or I
wouldn't get to record at least, and making this dream
a reality for me. I hope you all have a
great week, and I'll see you here next week. Welcome
back to the Truthius life today. I'm really excited for
all of you to get to know somebody who I
don't think you're familiar with, or maybe a few of

(03:34):
you are. And it's somebody who I've gotten to know,
although she hasn't gotten to know me, but I've gotten
to know her these last few months. So welcome Kelsey. So, Kelsey,
you're actually I think one of the first guests that
I've had on that I don't have like a real
personal relationship with. And you also didn't like come through

(03:57):
some sort of a connection. So I am experience and
seeing my first like fangirl moment. I guess you know,
um because I found Kelsey on TikTok a couple of
months ago, maybe November December, and I have no clue
how I found you, but once I found you, I
was hooked on you. Everyone else on TikTok, you know,

(04:18):
I'm like swiping like okay, next, next, this is interesting, funny,
but once I got to your page, I was like
drawn in, dropped in, going back trying to figure out
what was going on. So you're magnetic and very charismatic,
thank you. It's definitely been a roller coaster his last
year of wildness. Yeah, so that's kind of what I

(04:39):
want to start on. I guess there's so much that
I want to get on today because you provide so
much depth to your audience, and that's really what the
truth is life is about. There's obviously not obvious to listeners,
but there happens to be a lot of drama that's
around Kelsey and TikTok, and maybe we'll touch on that,
but that's like, you know, I'm not here to really

(04:59):
get into that. I'm here to get into who you are,
what you've endured. Because what you've endured many women, maybe
even men, have also endured, and you're really helping to
give a voice to I think a lot of people
who are sitting in silence. But before we get to
all that good stuff, I found your page. I was
sucked in and then drama started to unfold. But I

(05:21):
was kind of new, so I was like, why do
all these people have issues with Kelsey? Like, I'm confused.
Everything's going on so perfectly. Kelsey was your account almost
two million followers. I think you just hit two Yeah,
And I was being by TikTok and is that for
a good reason or I don't think so, but they might.

(05:41):
So I was paid by a company to make a
post like an an advertisement. It's supposed to be more
on the sex education but for female Okay, but it's
supposed to be for women, And I was like, mom
about women empowerment likely, and I'm comfortable talking about sex
and I'm comfortable talking about any of those type of issues.

(06:02):
So I was like, yeah, absolutely, And it was a
significant amount of money, so I was like sure, almost
an ad and I just pretty much talked about the company.
I was fully closed as always. This is probably my outfit.
I was wearing like sweatshirt sweat fans, but it basically
it got taken down for nudity and sexual activity. And
then within two days my entire account was banned for

(06:23):
nudity and sexual activity. That is actually ridiculous, I think
so too, and a really big problem. Actually, I think
so too, because the fact that we can't even speak
about just sex doesn't have to be that big of
a deal, Like you can't even speak about it. I
think that there's sex and then there's like, you know,
a lot of my audience comes from the wellness world,
like sex and sensuality, especially as a woman owning it

(06:46):
even in the absence of a man and having needs
is a conversation that needs to be had. So it
sounds like a big misunderstanding that is, you know, impacting
your life and what became your career. Although you've back remarkably,
but yeah, so you you get blocked and then you
come back and you're really funny about it. Your account

(07:07):
of two million, you know, gets taken from you. It's
obvious you have a loyal fan base, and you're you know,
regrowing your new account, which is currently called canceled with
Kelsey with a k well link everything below so everyone
can find you on all the social platforms. But I mean,
that is a huge deal when it sounds like, you know,
you have a four year old and your income is

(07:29):
has become reliant on TikTok, right because and and they
took money to for me. So I had it was
only like the beginning of the month, and I had
already got about two thousand dollars in my creator fun
so that month I was looking to make close to
five thousand, if not more, And they took that two
thousand didn't pay me not, so my audience I think
is more familiar with Instagram, and can you tell us

(07:51):
about what the creator fund is just to kind of
understand that works. Yes, you can get into their creator Fund.
I think you just have to have like ten thousand followers,
ten thousand views across your videos, been so many days, um,
and you have to be over eighteen. And then once
you get in it, you're paid based on the amount
of views your videos get. So if you get a
lot of views, you get more money, but it's basically

(08:13):
based on just views. So then they pay you every month,
or you can take money from your creator fund every month,
but you have wait thirty days to take that money.
So then if your coun kids band, you don't get
that money. So that was like money that I was
income that I was expecting to receive that I didn't,
and then building my new page, I really didn't start

(08:33):
building up those view amount I still haven't. I've actually
my page gets quite a lot of use still, So
that was what we kind of laughed about a little
bit because I was like, you know, I thought I
was gonna start from scratch. Luckily, I do have such
a loyal following and so many great people who do
specifically go to my page daily just to watch my
videos that I was making close to sixty already, almost

(08:56):
right out the gate of what I will. So that
was it was like, I mean, there's still going to
be that gap where I don't get that income because
they took that money, and then there was that gap
where I wasn't getting any views. But then so far
it's built back up and then it's kind of it
goes like this. So like I've learned, one big lesson
is this is not reliable income. It's to just be
my hopefully I get it extra spending money. So I've

(09:20):
had to really work my life around figuring out my
new income because none of it's stable. Nothing on my
social media is stable income, right, And I've been on
social media for I'm a registered dietitian, but I've been
on social media for like five or six years, and
I kind of accidentally ended up as an influencer. But
I've never personally been fully reliant on that income. But

(09:42):
I have many friends who have, and yes, it certainly
has that that instability. But most people listening now probably
think that you know, you've always been just an influencer. So, yeah,
what was life a year a year and a half
ago for you? So I own a facility for kids
with autism and it's called as Autism Center for Enrichment,

(10:02):
And I started that about five years ago when I
was pregnant. Because the moment I got pregnant, I was like,
I gotta figure this out because I knew her father
was beat in that sense and the sense of didn't
have a real job, still lived with his mom type it.
So I was like, I gotta get it together. So
I actually started this company. Things kind of fell perfectly
into place for me. The company I was working for

(10:23):
was shutting down. One of the co workers I had
was ready to dive in with me and start this
company because there was one client in particular who no
place in the nation would take her. She was considered
that aggressive and that on that scale of difficulty that
no place in the nation. We had tried to get
her into impatient hospitals to like, unless she was going
to be in a psych ward out of state, nobody

(10:43):
was taking her. And we weren't prepared to go jump
to a psych ward by that point because we knew
what we were doing and we were great with her,
so I was like, we have to start her own
company otherwise what's gonna happen are So we just dove
in basically feet first, started a company, immediately got a
network with this clients. Insurance providers started the rest took

(11:03):
all of the clients from the last place when they closed,
and so I had a client based starting out super lucky.
So I'm a board certified behavior analysts, so that's like
my educational background is applied behavior analysis and autism. So
your day today was going to a center working with
UM individuals with autism children, yes, and taking the therapists

(11:25):
how to do everything I needed them to do, and
then que TikTok what happened? So quarantine happened. We had
to shut down for a month when all of that
was going on last year at the end of March,
so I was in quarantine, but I was still working
from my home. So I still had a few clients
that I've had since they were like three and they're
like nine ten now UM and their parents just sent

(11:46):
them to my house and so I was basically doing
their online homeschooling with my four year old in the house.
I had a couple a couple of therapists that were
comfortable coming through my house and helping, and so we
kind of just opened my house as a small little
therapy place. But then so they were there, and I
would do my consults. When my consults are done, people
kept telling me over and over you would be great
on TikTok. You just have a TikTok personality, and I

(12:07):
was like, I don't know how to TikTok. I'm a
grown woman. Stop getting this child's app. Like I was
refusing for so long, and finally I was bored in
Quarantine one night, so I downloaded it and I did
one and it like real quick, got like hundred maybe views,
like super fast, you know, it got it got like
twelve thousand total, I think, But then I got followers

(12:29):
like that, and I was like, oh okay, I let
to make another one. So I made another one, and
I made another one, and then I had one where
I was like doing that I don't know, dancing the
baby shark, but it like dropped that beat and I
was like when a mom here, like whatever, and I
was cleaning up toys and they got like thirty thousand views,
and then all of a sudden my followers are going out,
and so I was like, Okay, maybe I am good
at this. So I just kept doing voiceovers for a

(12:50):
while or silly things, and they kept getting views and
kept you views of followers. And then I did some
voice over about Obama and Trump, and honestly, I could
have cared less. I just thought the voice over was funny,
but it caused so much controversy. So it's like all
these people gave we were like either loving it or
hating it. And then it was on Twitter and people
are like, you're blowing up on Twitter, and I'm like,

(13:11):
I don't even have a Twitter, who are you talking about?
I know anything worked, but it was my first real
viral video. I looked a hot mess. I had no
makeup on, I was quite tipsy. My forehead looked like
a mile long, and like that that when viral is
in this app, I can't stand it. She can't stand it.
But I started having fun with it, and then I

(13:31):
had a couple more go viral. I started that the
first time I told one piece of my story. So
one of my viral videos is everyone's reactions when I
got pregnant, and I made it funny. I made it silly,
like my baby daddy leaving to go cheat. I like
played his part, and then I played like my sister
happy because she I was the disappointment my mom. I
think I had her drinking wine, just happy that I

(13:53):
knew who the father was because she she always had
a judgments. Uh Like I made it funny um, and
that one kind of went blew up a little bit.
That's like where that was over the summer, and it
just kept going. But I was, I think trying to
highlight and what I thought was that your life, lifestyle,
what your brain does on a day today, as well
as your finances changed drastically. Yes, So then yeah, the

(14:16):
creator fun opened in August, and that's when my kind
of paths switched because I was then making money by
just making the videos I was already making. So I
was which more time doing that seem easy for you
or is there a lot more like those? Into It
was easy? But then it started getting there started like
there was a point where there was a lot of pressure.
I felt like like like I have to come up

(14:37):
all these ideas. I've never done this before, this is
not what I do. I was just being weird and
then I started losing myself here and there, trying to
figure out all these things, and I was like, I'm
just people followed me because of just me just being me.
Once I realized that it was me and my personality,
not these different ideas that all these other people had,

(14:57):
I began to slowly like oppress all that, make that
go away and just start being myself again. And then
things kind of started happening on their own. But the
money start coming in grand deals. But I again huge
for somebody like you with a four year old, a
soul provider of your family. And I really love what
you said that you kind of got lost a little

(15:19):
bit and then came back. I mean, my I'm doing
it all the time too, and like I feel like
that's we don't hear people talk about that a lot,
and I think coming from you, especially once my audience
heads over to your page, it's even more like, Wow,
this this woman with the strength and the confidence also
has her moments of like just getting lost a little bit,
pivoting a little bit, and then coming back. And it's

(15:40):
really about the coming back. And I'm just curious if
you could provide any insight as to what felt or
how did you know that it felt in genuine when
you were you know, doing it for the likes or
the or because other people were doing it, or because
what was trendy versus just showing up as kelsey. So
for me, I I'm really into with my body at

(16:01):
this point in my mind. I've done a lot of yoga,
a lot of meditation, I do a lot of spiritual work.
So I'm very trusting in the universe, and I pick
up on what I call signs easier, but my body
gives them a lot. So like that pressure feeling when
I started feeling like heaviness in my chest, or like
I started getting anxious a lot, overthinking everything again, and
I would have to revisit all of my practice to

(16:22):
kind of work through those constantly. That's to me the
universe saying this isn't the right path, and I would
start to like I would have to do medication. I
do meditation, So like I would do meditation and try
to rEFInd myself each time. But then like one of
the times I lost myself, I had stopped doing yoga,
like recently, stop doing yoga, stop meditating, and those signs

(16:42):
all would come where heavy chest or I have I
get like knots in my throat and I realized this
just isn't for me, This isn't what I want. And
then drama so again, yes, for some reason, drama follows me.
I don't like it. But there were points where I
was like, like, one month I made a significant amount
of money on TikTok because of how January, because how

(17:04):
much drama I was in, and people can't seem to
get enough with drama for some reason, and so a
party was like, screw it, I'll do it whatever I
got do for the views because I'm getting paid and
money is I need this, I want that. And then
it's so overwhelming though, so eventually it all catches up
and you're like, no, I don't want to live this

(17:25):
type of Lisa. This isn't who I am. I'll figure
out how to make money another way because this is
too stressful. And I started like my hair got really thin,
like my face was breaking out like crazy, like the
stress took over my body. I started like seeing it
like physically appear, you know what I mean. I handle
stress at this point really well mentally, so then I

(17:45):
don't notice it until it's literally taking my body down
where the same but I think a lot of people
in my experience, again, like I'm a healthcare provider, so
I deal with a lot of people who come with
the struggling of the symptoms. The last place they look
off in times is within. So it's like, Okay, why
is my throat closing? Why do I have this heaviness
in my chest? Let me call a doctor. This doctor

(18:06):
doesn't knowle me to go the next doctor. And it's
not to say that there's not sometimes something serious going on,
but you know, for everyone listening, just to know that,
like when you tap into that stillness, something comes up,
and that answer is usually what you were resisting, which
is like, you know, don't look towards the drama, even
though it's all the money and it's not worth it

(18:27):
for your happiness, for your health and your health, like
like with self love and all these things that I
constantly preach, your health and what you put in your
body and what you do with your body and your
mind should be your start and your finish. Like that,
if you're not worried about yourself and what you're doing
with yourself, mind, body, spirit, all of it, you'll lose yourself.

(18:48):
And I've done that, so many times like I'm not
I refuse to lose myself for a break for anyone
ever again. And then I realized, I'm doing it to myself.
It's not anyone else doing it's me. I'm choosing this,
and that's a big thing that I think people forget.
It's like I've never gone on there and been like
I don't want drama leave me out. I was like,
I know what I was doing. I said, I'm here

(19:08):
for the money, guys. But then I was like, what
am I doing? Because I really don't want to use
my platform in that way. It started out I wanted
to tell my story and I wanted to help people,
and then I got lost in all this madness and
I wanted to find a boyfriend and I wanted to
find this and it's just been all over. And then
I was like, I need to bring it back to
what it was originally meant for. And I think so
far I've done a really good job at doing that.

(19:29):
Like I used to be called the clapback queen. I
spent a lot of time putting people in their place,
and I was like why, And somebody said something to
me once it was on one I think we were
in Tennessee for a charity event, and she said, why
do you continue to do this? Why do you continue
to do clapbacks? Why do you feel you need to?
And I laughed and I was like, it's made my

(19:49):
whole platform, That's why I do it. I think it's funny.
And then I sat there for a while and I
was like, she's right, why that's really not a good
reason because of how much because we're talking about how
much it takes from me, how much energy it is,
how consuming it is. And I was like, it's being
funny worth losing myself or worth putting out this image
that I'm this tough, hard exterior, I know everything and

(20:13):
I'll put you in your play, whatever the case may
be that people are perceiving when I just think I'm
trying to be funny, is that really worth my mental
health and my physical health and my spiritual health. And
eventually it was a big no. Obviously, Curtis has helped
me see a lot of this, Like he's brought so
much calm to my life and has helped me find
my my grounding again, per se. And so it's been

(20:35):
I've been able to reflect on a lot of things
because It's like he brought some stillness to me that
I was missing again because I got lost. And I
think that you know, what I want to do on
the show is a lot to do with your story
and Curtis, and before we get there, just want to
share with you that you know, I feel like I too.
In in the beginning of my Instagram career, I was

(20:55):
very Instagram was kind of my platform. I was very
clapped back. I would see what other people were doing,
call them out on, you know, diety type mindsets that
I don't agree with. And I did it in a
way that was like sarcastic and and all those ways,
and it no longer fits me. And it can feel
scary in moments to walk away from that because that's

(21:18):
what gets you. You Google and the you know, the
likes and the falls. But at the same time, like
you said, like it didn't feel genuine. That being said again,
I've been in this for a long time. I have
found myself over the last few years becoming too soft
to appease every single person. And I found you, and
then I found you know all of your people and

(21:39):
like we come from very different worlds, and like I
it would would be amazing to meet in real life.
But like all of your your mom talk friends and everybody,
and that woman Bunny that you recently posted with and
went down a rabbit hole, it might not be my
style to do that like at any point, like you know,
all the time, but it has reminded me not to
take ship from every single person to the point where

(22:01):
your watered down and nothing's left of you. So you
guys have like given me back, not that snazzyness, not
that sarcastic nous, but a little bit of like, wait
a minute, why why am I so scared now to
show up? Because every time I did show up, somebody
said something and then I changed and and so I
do want to thank you. And again I'm just trying
to really let my audience know like what I get

(22:24):
out of your page and why it has been so
impactful to me as a woman moving into your story,
which is you know, I was most shocked, I think,
to learn that what you have endured. Uh, so many
people have endured or are enduring. Can you tell us
a little bit about that part of your story. Yeah,
So I was in a domestic violence relationship for about

(22:47):
eight years and I met him when I was twenty one. UM,
I didn't love myself at all when I met him.
I it's a very broken type of human in a
sense that I had childhood trauma. I was young. I
never learned how to love myself. I had never seen
real love except for like my grandparents and I just
I didn't know what a healthy love was. So I
got in this relationship. It was extremely manipulative right off

(23:11):
the bat, a lot of mental and emotional abuse for
the first several years. UM. It didn't get physical till
about year four. But when it did, I was already
so low with who I was as a person. It
was it felt like I deserved it in a sense.
So these things would happen, and I condoned them because
you stay with the love you think you deserve. And

(23:32):
I didn't love myself at all, and I had hated
myself to a sense of I allowed this person to
treat me this way because I felt I deserved it
in some sense wherever that came from. But so when
I got physical, there was so many different emotions. I mean,
I was ashamed, I was embarrassed. I didn't want to
tell anybody because I had talked too how great he
was of a person. I was constantly saying all these things,

(23:53):
but then it's this monster behind the scenes. But I
wouldn't let them see that, because if I got through
those bad times, they do it like a roller coaster.
You got your highs, but then the lows are extremely low.
So I got very physical, to a point where I've
had a broken elbow. I've had black guys, I've had
busted lips. I've had my entire thigh black and blue,

(24:13):
mainly black. It took a while to turn blue and
then purple like it was very deep, terrifying bruises. I've
quit jobs because I couldn't show up because of how
miserable I was, and I've gone to therapists through it
multiple I went multiple times. That was all just my
domestic violent one. UM I people asked me when I left,
and it was when I had my kids. So I

(24:33):
got pregnant in two thousands sixteen. Um, he cheated my
whole pregnancy. I found out about probably some of them.
I'm sure there's way more. I was informed of at
least four different occasions from when I was six weeks pregnant,
five months pregnant, seven months pregnant, and then nine months pregnant.
He choked me when I was eight months pregnant while

(24:54):
I was driving, So I'm like, and I mean, I
talked about this earlier to someone else that when he
was choking me, all I could think was just stay
still in quiet. That's how you protect your baby. I
have to stay still in quiet, and I did, and
he eventually stopped um and I was fine in that situation.
But then when she was born, he hated having to work.
He had to work to pay me five hundred bucks

(25:16):
a month, that's not even half of the rent, but
he had to work a nine to five to do that,
and he felt he was better than a nine to
five and shouldn't have to work, so he was often
come home with cash and throw it at me in
my face. And this is what I'm holding my baby,
So she's only weeks old. He's expecting me to be
backfit and in shape. There's all kinds of stuff. So

(25:36):
I'm like, mental, verbal, emotional, physical, All the abuse was happening.
I was called fat at like three or four weeks pregnant,
a lazy fat whale because I should be back fit.
All kinds of things that I was shamed for or
just told other women have to do it. So I
don't see why you can't different, just demeaning the grading.
I'm the only one taking care of the kid, you like,

(25:57):
he wasn't making care of her at all or helping
in any way. So, and she was a cluster feeder,
so she was feeding every fifteen minutes for about three months,
the first three months. I'm pregnant right now, so that
your story it's not a close reviewer, because that was
wild and I wasn't producing enough. I mean when I
say she was tiny, like to put I want to
put it into perspective. When I get into the story

(26:17):
where he hit me with her, she was in PREMI closed,
so helped or was she was? She was just a
week early, but she was only five pounds, like she's
very very little. Um, yes, but she was in PREMI
closed for two months because I just wasn't producing enough.
So finally I think at two months we started supplementing.
That's what me and my doctor talked about, and she

(26:38):
got her way back on. But it was at two months.
She was eight weeks old when he first put his
hands on me with her. At this point, the first
time I got violent after that one in the pregnancy.
So we're both sleeping. I woke up to feed her,
but I fed her laying down, um, and then she
went back to sleep, and so I was trying to
back to sleep. As about seven am, he decides to
get up start blaring music in our bedroom. There. I

(26:58):
had a four bedroom house, whole workout room could have
gone anywhere. Um, in our bedroom he wanted to work
out because there was a mirror. So he's blaring music
at seven am, and I'm like, can you please pick
any other room? Trying to sleep, and he basically got
mad that I would ask him to leave or remove
I'm not sure, threw my fan across the room and
shattered it on the wall. So I'm just laying there
and I'm like, you're being ridiculous. Go somewhere else. And

(27:20):
he was like, you take her somewhere else, go sleep
on the couch. And of course I'm I used to
be a big smartass, so I was like, well, recent
studies show that's how kids die, so let's not do that.
Like and of course that triggered him and he started
screaming at me. All these mean, horrible things, all these
terrible names. I was told to shut the f up.
I don't know how many times, so finally I did.

(27:40):
I was like fine. So I was just laying there
and I just locked I was just staring at COKEA.
I was gonna say locked eyes, but she was asleep,
just staring, keeping my focus on her. He's screaming, carrying on,
and I'm just not responding. But not responding. Then turned
into I'm ignoring him, dre, you ignore me. Oh, you
think you're being funny. Okay, we'll see how funny this is.
And he came over and he puned me in the face,

(28:01):
and then he began choking me. While I'm still holding
her and choking me and lifting me up off of
the bed. I'm still clinging to her. I finally get
away from him. I scratches all thatwn my arm and
my neck and all across my bag. But I get
away to the other side of the bed, trying to
not let him touch her. Um he comes over and
he rips her from my arms. Like the memory is
still like I can smell my bedroom. I can smell

(28:23):
I can see how I know the cloor of the sheets,
I can feel them. When I think about this, memory
because it's so ingrave, but her head fell backwards, the
worst memory I think I have, but it scared me
for the first time for her life. So it was
no longer my life that was in danger. And it
also made me realize how much I didn't love myself
because I continued to put my life in danger for

(28:45):
this person who clearly didn't love me or care about me.
And so in that moment, it was like this huge
revelation because and I say this all the time, victims
of abuse they stay because leaving is typically scarier than staying,
and they don't even til staying becomes scarier than leaving.
And that usually does happen with physical abuse. I tell
people all the time. The mental and emotional that's the

(29:06):
long term damage, and it's probably the worst because you
don't have that fear for your life, so you don't
leave and you're stuck, or you think you're stuck for
that matter. But the physical is what wakes you up
because you have to decide do you want to live
or do you want to die? And it makes me
sad to think about because of how many times I
was like, I guess I'll just die, like and I

(29:28):
was okay with that being the possible outcome until she came,
and when she came, honestly, it was not okay with
her being that possible outcome. And it was that moment
in my life that I chose us, we got to
get out because it could be her, one of us
isn't going to make it out alive or both. People
often ask how I got out, and I did have.
I do have an amazing support system and I still do.

(29:50):
And even when it would go up and down with them,
like because I would stay, they would just distance themselves,
but they would never leave. So if I called, no
matter how many times I called, they would always show up.
So I was very, very lucky to have that safety net,
which so many women don't. The safety levels are so
different across all these situations, and I'm like I would
it would break my heart if I told someone what
to do and it ended up in a death, Like,

(30:11):
I don't know how I would be able to live
with that. So I have a really hard time trying
to find that balance of sharing my story, giving advice,
and then letting people know, at the end of the day,
you have to make sure you're safe. Yeah, And it's
I mean, a very responsible kind of disclaimer that you're
putting on after coming off of your own roller coaster
of just sharing this was my ticket to freedom. But
it sounds like, you know, Kobe really was your creative

(30:33):
and it's saving grace and it's amazing that it was
only four years ago. Like the amount of self work,
it sounds that you've done those building blocks in the
last four years alone. Is just four years? Is nothing? Right? Well,
that's the I tell people, like I began the work
in it when I was five months. I remember him
being on the phone. I found out he cheated, and

(30:55):
he was calling me all these terrible names. It was
all my fault somehow that he cheated. But remember him
saying these terrible things about how he couldn't wait till
his daughter grew up so he could tell her how
much of a cunt her mother was and how much
of a or whatever. He was so excited to teach
her that I was the bad person. And that was

(31:16):
one of my defining moments because I realized in that
moment that I didn't like him anymore. I still loved him,
but I didn't like him, and I knew in that moment,
like the universe is trying to prepare me to leave,
and so I started doing a lot of that spiritual
work during and working on But I also they say
with pregnancy sometimes at naxia sincentia, So like, prior to pregnancy,

(31:36):
I was a little unbalanced my chemical balance. So I
had a really bad anxiety, had depression, I had all
of those things going on. But I was like sane pregnant.
It was like for the first time my wife, I
felt sane. And so I was reading research and it
said like, pregnancy can fix chemical abdance, that's not the word,
but change change them, and yeah, you needed the the altering. Yeah,

(32:00):
So I I felt sad. Like we just to make
jokes about it. Everyone was like, oh, she's she's no
longer crazy. Wait till Kobe comes out, We'll see if
she's crazy again. Like it was a big joke because
I was like, why do I feel normal? So that
helped me because it helped me to see things from
a whole different perspective, right, different brain, different different brain. Yeah,
and I was like, this is unacceptable. So I really

(32:20):
started doing that self work in it, which led me
to have just a little bit more power when it
was time to go, and then I began really going
full force into my self love journey. It's that that's
great to also just think about it like in these
more bite sized pieces, rather than like I need to
show up tomorrow and love myself and have the courage
to make these great changes and change my life and

(32:41):
change my career and change like it's just like it
starts with a little kinder, like a little spark within you,
and you gotta run with that. So obviously, you know,
this is hard stuff to talk about, and I thank
you for sharing a bit of it with us. You know,
you shared on your TikTok really powerful video with audio
that was about ninety seven percent. Does that mean that

(33:02):
seven percent of people experienced domestic abuses? That one's actually
about sexual actual harassment of women have been sexually harassed.
I was raped when I was nineteen by him or
there was a random guy in college. I tell that
story on there, but that was yeah, I was nineteen then.

(33:22):
But again that that's one of the things that led
to me not loving myself, me not having any self worth,
any self respect, which then when you bring in a
narcissist at twenty one with somebody who has no self worth,
no love for herself, no self respect. I'm an easy target,
especially when the highs are so high, the loads are
so low, and then you're back to the highs are

(33:43):
so high. Like you have such a intense personality. I
don't mean intense bad, I just mean you have a
like you bring such intensity so when somebody is going
to love you hard in those highs, I feel like
it's easy from what I'm witnessing. I'm an Internet stranger,
keep in mind, but I feel like it's really easy
for you to jump fully back in and forget everything else.

(34:05):
And I would. And I'm a very forgiving person too,
Like typically I don't hold a lot of grudges. Like
you say sorry, I'm like, okay, cool. I might not
put myself back in the situation anymore, but I've learned that.
But I'm a very forgiving person. If you say you're sorry,
or I think you're sorry, like I'll forgive you and
I'll move on like it never happened. And I'm using
I'm one of those people like I trust your right
off the bat. You don't have to prove it, I

(34:26):
just do it. I trust you. I just feel like
everyone should be dressed it and then I usually get
hurt and I'm working on a lot of that. But
I still feel like in this moment now I can
still say I still jump in full throw. It's it
literally is my personality. I jump in ready to go,
and that describes my relationship. Now. I was gonna say,
we are we are watching that, and I came in

(34:47):
at the jumping off point. So this has been really interesting.
Before we get to Curtis, I just want to ask you,
and I'm sure this is a work in progress for
you perhaps, but when it comes to sharing such a
vulnerable you're clearly sharing really important things that are changing
everyone out there lives who feel really alone and stuck.

(35:09):
That being said, it's a hard story for you to tell,
to think about, to ruminate in, especially when you're now
kind of shifting your life into a really beautiful what
appears to be a really beautiful relationship and family. Do
you have boundaries to sharing your story or answering questions
related to this when it comes to the public. So

(35:29):
I have very specific boundaries when if we're discussing things
like the mother of Curtis's children, I refuse to have
those conversations publicly. Right now, we're good, But I don't
think it's appropriate to share our relationship or anything about
their relationship or anything about the like their business is
their business, so I usually don't speak about that. I
just started speaking about my rate. That was the first

(35:51):
time I made that, but before I didn't. That was
my first time really opening about that one For talking
about the domestic stuff, No, I love sharing it all
at this point. Now, if I'm like having a day
where I'm feeling overwhelmed, I might not be as open
to it. Um it might take me a second longer,
like I had. Somebody asked me about a month ago,
can you please share your story again? It's been a
long time and I will go long times without talking

(36:12):
about it, and it's more like re energizing, of course,
fueling to get back to that point. And I told her,
I was like, you know, give me, give me a
couple or a month, or a couple of weeks or
a month, and I'll try to come up with something.
Because also figuring out how to share it is important
to me. That's my biggest boundaries because I have to
be very responsible with how I share it. I have
a daughter who's gonna grow up and she's gonna know

(36:34):
this story, and it's gonna be public information at this point,
so she's going to hear the story. Probably even before
I get to have my time to talk to her
about her she'll come ask me about it because of
how public it is. So I want to be very
responsible out of respect for her. Um. She does have
relationship with her father, so so I want to make
sure that I'm not coming on in a bashing way

(36:56):
or out of any type of emotional way, but just strictly,
this is my story and I'm allowed to tell it,
and I'm gonna tell it, and no one's gonna stop
me from telling it. This is how it went, this
is what happened, and try to keep it as clean
cut as possible. Do you have full custody or no? Yes,
so I have full soul custody and full physical custody.
He beat up someone else in September, so he was

(37:18):
he's facing big boy, big boy charges. Now I did
tell his attorney I wouldn't speak on whatever agreement they
come to. So that's one thing that I have been
told I need to be censored on or asked to be,
and I said sure, now you can look it up online.
So it's public information that they were felling me three charges,
so that I can say So he's working, he's doing

(37:38):
whatever he's supposed to be doing. For that, he's in
court for it right now. Whatever he ends up getting,
I'm not sure exactly what they don't want to talk about.
That's a public record. But so she was getting supervised
visitation like two hours a week for a couple of months.
It took him a long time to do that because
he did call me when he first got out, because
we had just started co parenting, just barely started, finally

(38:02):
started communicating. We usually communicate through his parents. She just said,
started back to jail, called me to ask for my support. Sir,
you got her. Hope I don't get called in to
support the other woman, because I'll show up to testify.
Don't ever call me to support you after beating up
a woman. That's never gonna happen. I don't know what
storyline he thought was happening there, but I basically gave

(38:23):
him a huge lecture. I was absolutely not. But you
still are the father to my child, and you have
came in her life once again and built a relationship
once again, all for you to once again not be present,
And I was like, and that's not fair to her,
and so out of like for her, you need to
show up. And by show up, he wasn't allowed to
see her. So I was like, she has an iPad facetimer.

(38:44):
You can call her as many times as you want,
maintain that relationship while you're going through this. She deserves that.
She doesn't deserve this back and forth crap. She didn't
do anything, So I tried very hard to get him
to keep his relationship with her. He did not call,
didn't call, didn't set up his time because he was
mad at me because I wouldn't support him, so we
didn't call her, didn't show up, then set up his
supervision time because in our agreement he was allowed to

(39:06):
have supervised visitation if this happened again. So then I
ended up threatening his mom. Not like his mom, but
I said, I have a million followers. I'll air all
this out with his government name if he doesn't show
up for his dart Because she kept asking, and it
was so hard as a mom to have her coming up.
Where's my dad? Why don't I get to see him anymore?
What did he do? Now and she's three, and she

(39:28):
can talk and ask those questions that I'm seeing, Like,
I don't know how to answer this stuff because I
want to say he said he beats women, he's a
bad person, but I can't say that to her. I
tried very not to speak bad about him at all
in front of her, because I know one day she'll
need to tell her own story and she'll learn it
all and come up with it on her own, and
I don't want her to think I ever kept her

(39:51):
from making her own decisions. And it's very hard. She's
so young and safety is on the table. But so
it's it's a constant balancing act here. But easily, Yeah,
he didn't. But then so his mom sat at the
supervision time, and so then he started getting him. He
starts showing up to him because they were keeping record
if he did so, then he showed up. Yeah. So
now we just finalized our newest custody group because I moved,

(40:13):
So it's long distance now. Um, so there's long distance parenting,
but obviously it's different in our case because you can't
necessarily do supervise agency since I'm gone, but he can't
necessarily be unsupervised so we did come up with agreement
that he sees it. He'll see her about seven weeks
out of the year, and he has to be supervised
the entire duration with his parents for the next two years.
So Klobe will go with him for one year period

(40:35):
one week periods at a time. Yeah, there are two
that will be two weeks long, like in the summer. Okay, long,
And that's the longest that they'll have is two weeks,
because it's usually six weeks straight in the summer. No, no, no, no, yeah,
that's a long We're not there yet. We gotta build
some some trust and stuff. So if he can make
it two years, finish out whatever sentencing he gets and whatever,

(40:58):
it all has to be completely closed. The case basically
has to be completely close. They're saying it will take
two years. So you just mentioned that you moved and
this is kind of going back to a little bit
more exciting love life stuff. No, it's important, it's important stuff.
But it has been really kind of fun. I'm like,
I think I'm like a decently intuitive person. But you

(41:20):
have a new boyfriend, Curtis. You just moved in with
him and his kids to a different state. This is
you know, like you said, you dive in and people
listening are probably like, well, this sounds like a really
bad idea, you know that don't have context, but you
show a lot of it on the internet. And I
love Curtis, I really do. I have to say, like,
he just he feels safe and you feel safe with him.

(41:45):
It feels like the time I felt safe since I
was a child, So it's huge for me. Well it's
also just again really amazing just to pat you on
the back of like, I grew up in some chaos,
two different types, but my nervous system became really shattered
and frazzled, and I thought that was just who I was,
and my husband as well has been really critical in

(42:06):
helping me figure that out. But I mean, it's really
amazing that you're in the last four years alone, like
establishing a new relationship to your nervous system with yoga
and meditation and that body awareness that you talked about
in the beginning. So it's it's just amazing to think, like, Okay,
we grew up this way. We have side effects. I
don't know if that's the right word I want to
go for, but some of them can be kind of

(42:28):
rectifiable with the right environment and work and the right thinking.
So a big thing that I learned is you can
rewire your brain. And it's so like your brain has
ruts and certain situations, your brain immediately goes into whatever
right it's been doing for so long, and you can
rewire those I call ruts. I don't know. I look

(42:49):
at it like a road, a path, and you can
rewire that. By the moment your brain starts to put
you into that rut, stop it, Like, i'd't have to
be like this, that's not what's happening. Remind yourself, Like
a lot of times, I have to remind myself I'm safe.
That's one of my things. No, I'm safe. The universe
is protecting me. I'm okay. I don't have to go
down that path and worry. I know I'm safe. And

(43:09):
then I'll say, like three whatever the whatever I was thinking,
whatever negative thought happened, I'll switch it and say three
positive things in that moment. Or I'll take myself into
a mirror and I'll look at myself and you stop
it right now. But I'm trying to alter my way
of thinking. And so instead of looking like with when
I started breaking out from all the stress I've been
going through. Instead of looking in the mirror just on

(43:30):
like some self love and being like, wow, you look terrible.
Your your acne is terrible. It's messing whatever theykay, I
would I would start going in on myself and be like, no,
you are so gorgeous. You have act mee because you
are dealing with life and it is difficult and you
are showing it and it's okay because you're conquering it.
And I had to constantly and yeah, instead of being

(43:51):
hypercritical and tearing myself down the moment I start, I
stop it, and I switch it, and I start to
talk to myself different. And the way you talk to yourself,
the way you talk period, it's it's vibrations. It's putting
something out there, and that's the universe. Law of attraction
and law of libration, all of those universal laws I
live by at this point, because I noticed when I

(44:12):
started speaking the life I wanted, it became I literally
spoke my reality into existence by just continuing to manifest
what I deserved and what I wanted for myself. And
I started feeling each day like I already got it.
I started appreciating all the little things I love. When
I stopped worrying about finding the love of a man
and started realizing the love I have of Kobe, how

(44:34):
much the child loves me, I was so content with
it just being her and I forever, just because that
love is so powerful and it's the love I want.
Like it's just real and it's honest, and it's true,
and we are in this right or die for each
other no matter what, and we just have that relationship.
And I was so fine with that being the rest
of my life. And I started appreciating what I had.

(44:54):
And when I started appreciate the abundance I was living in,
I only kept getting more. I think that people don't
really eyes like you have so much every day, even
when you don't have a time, you have something to
be grateful for. And when you start focusing on that good,
that good gets so much better. And I'm a living
example of it, truly and again in just a year
or the way your life has transformed. Just to break

(45:16):
that down you, you know, we're a behavior analyst. That's
the right term, right, behavior analysts. You own your own
center pandemic hit TikTok starts exploding, You're getting extra income.
I think I'm missing a good portion because I came
in late. But a man enters your life, I think
by way of TikTok. Is. Did you meet tik Curtis
on TikTok? Yeah, that's awesome. So it's funny with Curtis

(45:37):
is I actually actually dated someone before him off of TikTok.
I got a wind of that, but it was like
a big super fast again, like super intense right away
and then super crash and burn right away, Like oh,
like it happens super fast, and old me would have
sat in that. Oh I'm heartbroke. Oh no one's gonna
love me. Oh, and I would have sat in it.
I gave myself one day. I said, you have one

(45:59):
day to feel sorry for yourself. You have one day
to feel sad, and then you get your ass back up.
I gave myself that day, and then I started making
sure I got up. I showered, I did my makeup,
I did my hair, I put on nice clothes, I
made funny TikTok's. I just kept doing thing. I went
to the clinic. I hadn't been. I've been off and
on at the clinic because of TikTok. So I made
sure to go there because those kids always made me happy,

(46:20):
go do my nails. I made sure to take care
of myself, and I set time aside to make sure
that I was doing that. And then all of a sudden,
I was fine and I was able to do like
I also practice non attachment and the art of letting go,
and so I was able to so easily let it
go because I was like that one wasn't for me
and one wasn't for me because something better is coming.
But it's hard with the internet is watching it. That

(46:41):
was the tough part. Yeah, right, Like it was intense,
like so many people watched it, and so many people
watched it crash, and you have all these people who
come in they're like, yeah, I told you he was
going to leave you because you're this and you're that,
and all these people like it's like oh my god.
And you sit there you're like, well, are you right,
and like, no, you sound crazy. You only have profile picture.
I don't even have a prop opicre just user one
two nine six four to one. I'm like, yeah, it's

(47:04):
not gonna happen today, not today. State I would be like,
you know, I refused to listen to those people. But
that was that took a lot of work too to
make sure I don't because every now and then they
would drag me in. I was like, what am I doing?
I only know people. I want to care what they
think of me. But that took a lot of work
to make sure that I wasn't caring about what all
these randoms thought about me, and knowing that their opinion

(47:26):
doesn't define me. Their opinion isn't my business. They can
have it and stay over there, or they can come
to my page and have it. It It brings more views.
But either way, I'm not gonna let my energy have
any space with that. But Dad came crashing down, but
I so easily let it go. I was like, okay,
I'll let it go. I'm gonna move on and I'm
not going to restrict myself. That was a big thing
I wanted to work on in that. Not saying well,

(47:46):
now I'm not gonna love it hurt me and I
was like, no, I'm I'm ready to be in love.
I know I'm ready. He wasn't. I am, And I'm
gonna keep loving just as hard as before. I put
myself out there again. I was like, I want to date.
I want to do this, and the next thing, you know,
TikTok maybe like TikTok's bachelorette for a second, and they
were rowing guys at me left and right. I was

(48:07):
loving it. Oh my gosh, that is the best. And
this was one that was thrown at me. They were like,
you should check him out. It's funny because I wasn't alive.
And somebody dropped his name and I was like, how
old is he? And somebody said forty three and I
said that it's too old for me. He was thirty
nine at the time, and I was like, it's too
old for me, dismissed it, moved on. Wasn't even going
to think about it. Old are you? I'm thirty two.

(48:27):
I'm about turning three three, so there's about seven year difference.
But so I was like no. Somebody was like, he's
in his life, saying how beautiful you are. I was like, oh,
that's really sweet. So I followed him back a little guy.
I mean, he really like he's not shy with sharing
what he thinks. And everyone kind of has to go
learn that on on their own, like and find the

(48:49):
video where they go to Mexico and he gets drinks
with Randy. I just want to recommend that video because
it it gives me a really good That's what I
was like, Oh, Curtis. So Curtis, he's touch of people person,
he can talk to anybody. He's very charismatic. It's weird
because he's like an extrovert at introvert. At the same time,
what's your birthday? You said? Coming up? My husband's eleven,

(49:12):
So you're a tourists. Yeah, and then what's Curtius and aries?
What is birthday? It just March, got it? So we
have a very strong areas household. My moon's in aries
go off fire in this households give a busy household,
so like everybody around me, but I love like my moon,
so that's my emotions. So like your moon signs, your emotions,

(49:34):
your mood, all that internal stuff is an air minds
and aries. Like I'm very attracted to his like outward personality,
which is your your sun signs your personality. Very attracted that.
It's very calming to me because it understands me too,
So like he understood me faster than anyone has ever.
Like I was so scared talking to them at him

(49:54):
at the beginning because he was asking me really deep
questions what happened with that relationship? It's intense, sir. You
just started texting me at day ago because I want
to know everything, and so then I'm like sending book paragraphs.
I feel like I have to explain myself and be
like okay, and I'd be like, is it We're good?
I don't. I'm like that too, though. I just I
like to just know a lot of things about people

(50:16):
and just like understand you fully so that I know
how to communicate with you and all those things. And
that's why a podcast is a good format versus me
my natural form of interrogation when I meet people, which
you know, who can be off putting. So this I
think it was this morning. It might have been last night.
I saw it this morning. You posted a pretty vulnerable video.

(50:36):
I think about how Curtis called you. He's in Japan
right now. You're you just moved in your the stay
at home mom out of the blue and anyway, so
he called you and can you tell us about that post?
This morning? Called and before we started I was like hey,
He was like hey, so first of all, let me
just start by telling and so it was that that
was the trigger, I think, because I was like, first
of all, what's gonna come next? Because like, first of all,
I just want to tell you I love you so much.

(50:58):
I miss you. You are the best best girlfriend ever.
You're one of the most amazing women. Like just kept going.
He was like, I just really needed you to know
how much I love you. And he always tells me
I'm beautiful. Every day he tells me I'm beautiful. So
then he said that too. I said, is that it?
And he was like, did I not say enough? Like
he was like, what are you talking about? I was like,
usually there's a butt. He was like, there's no, but

(51:18):
I just wanted to tell you I appreciate you and
I really like I love you, and I'm it's because
like I'm here and I'm watching his kids on his
week and I'm picking up everything for him, and I
don't think he's had anyone ever do that for him,
and so I think he's falling more in love while
he's away from me. But like he had this intense
moment where he was just trying to tell me he
loved me. But I had a trigger, and I all

(51:41):
of a sudden was waiting for him to tell me
I did something wrong, like I love you first of all, great,
but don't do this anymore, or I don't want me
to do there's something that I did wrong, and so
I was just waiting for it and he was like, no,
like this is all that. I just wanted to tell
you that. And I was like, oh my god, I
love that story because you're trauma was bonse was to
wait for the shoe to drop to have the high

(52:03):
love and then also you're a piece of ship for
lack of a better word. And that juxtaposition of how
your brain went there and then how he brought it
back to safety for you, and then you allowed him
to bring it back to safety like you could have
also lingered in that trauma response. It just it spoke
to me a lot. And I think a lot of
women are scared to open up after abuse, physical, mental, emotional,

(52:27):
all of it. I'm just wondering, how do you deal
with things that you've picked up out of fear along
the way so to protect yourself. You know, it's just
knowing your triggers really helpful. So I've got a lot
of self reflection and I'm still working on understanding what
is a trauma response versus what is a gut feeling

(52:48):
and the relationship. Before this, I was getting a lot
of gut feelings and I kept denying them. I was like, no,
it's a trauma response. No, this is a trauma response. No,
it's just because I have trauma. And I kept trying
to blame that. But it was a gut feeling and
I had it, and I know the feeling. It's very real.
It's very physical for me at this point, Like I said,
I'm very into my body. I know it. I get
that heavy chest and that burning it goes like right

(53:11):
up here and it's like a not in my throat.
I know something is wrong when those things happen, and
it's not just a quick like usually my trauma response,
or like a quick more less physical, more just reaction,
when it's a gut feeling, like the universe is giving
me some sort of sign. I can feel it in
my body, and I'm learning the difference in the feelings,

(53:34):
and so that's helped a lot. So with that, when
I learned it, and now with him, like we had
one in Mexico, it wasn't him. It was a trauma
response because but I I started to make myself think something.
But instead of that heavy chest, I did have the
ball in my throat because I wanted to say something.
So usually I get that if I want to say something,
but I feel like I can't close up so fast,

(53:55):
and that that is one of my trauma responses, that
part because in past I couldn't communicate my feelings without
getting in trouble. So fear and it'll immediately lock up.
The burning is my my gut feeling, my just that
burning is that gut feeling I get. But I had
that my palms were sweaty. He has told me some
of his and it's like walking away in the middle
of a conversation. He does not like that, and we've

(54:17):
spoke about it. So I tried very hard to make
sure that I let him finish whatever, even if like
we don't need to be fighting, but if he's trying
to tell me something, even then like he doesn't like
if I just walk away, which I'm a h D
or a d D. So I do it a lot,
and he'll make sure to be like, hey, remember I
don't like that, Like oh God, yes, okay, I'm sorry.
Finished first, and then I'll do that like but we

(54:39):
like communicate, we're able to openly be like, no, that's
one of them. I didn't like that, and it's the
same thing. So in Mexico I did that on accident. Way.
He was trying to film a TikTok for me, but
he was messing up, and so I said, you know what,
never mind, and I walked away. Yeah, So then he
got in his and he just gets quiet. All the
things that you're talking about in a relationship. I've been

(54:59):
with my husband for sick sears and we really have
just you know, we've come so far together, but like
the two of you have explored these difficulties that normally
I may have been together for what's four or five months,
Like that's still the honeymoon phase for most people, where
you're like just sweeping things under the rug, or you're
getting into a fight and then you're scared it's not
going to work out, Like instead of you know, the

(55:20):
blow up fights, you're coming back together. Okay, what I
do wrong? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have walked away and
gotten frustrated that the TikTok wasn't going. While I know
it's silly, but I mean I relate to that sort
of now, and that's what we did. Like, he walked away,
and then he came back and he's really quiet, and
that's when I started, like my throat started getting folks.
I was like, we're gonna have to talk about this
because I don't like you're quiet. Quiet. Quiet makes me
nervous when people. So then he walked away and he's

(55:43):
on the phone for a little bit with one of
his coworkers or no, I think it was his best
friend Gorman. He's on the phone with and then he
was just sitting over far away from me. So I
was like, nope, we're not gonna do this. So I
got up and I walked over there, and I was like,
what's going on. I was like, I'm going to communicate
my feelings with you because I can't leave them right here.
And so I did. I was like, I don't like
when you get quiet makes me you're uncomfortable. It makes
me like overcritical of what I've done, and I start

(56:05):
to fall back into that spiral and I can't do that.
So you asked for help, Yeah, And so then when
he realized it was I meaning quiet, and he that's
what I do. But I'm going to work on it,
and he apologized. I would never want you to feel
like it was anything between. Uh like, and we just
and we both dang near cried and hugged and we
were good. I've been saying lately that when you're in

(56:29):
a healthy relationship, fighting is normal. But I have found
recently with my husband because our fights have become so healthy,
like there whatever, that they are more reparative than they
are damaging, like that come together after when you make up,
because like you said sorry, you said sorry, and I'm like,
I love you, Like this is great. I'm so glad

(56:51):
we dug deeper and came up re emerged. So it's
just I mean, the fact that you guys are doing
this in four or five months, I think just really
speaks to I don't I don't necessarily think longevity of
a relationship ever matters, but really the quality of the
relationship that you're in currently, which is the important thing,
Like that's what it's about. So I'm so happy for
you to be in this part of your journey and

(57:13):
continue to watch you sore. I don't want to take
a minute more of your time, but thank you for
being here. My final question is do you think everything
happens for a reason than keep it at that. Thank you, Kelsey.
We'll put all your info below. I know all of
my humans are gonna love your queen energy that you
put out. And thank you for unknowingly hyping me up

(57:33):
these last few months. And I'm rooting for you. I'm
in your corner forever. I appreciate you. Thank you so
much for having me