September 18, 2025 • 66 mins
On the season finale of The Unwanted Sorority, we are giving flowers to Lupita Nyong'o for her global commitment to elevating the voices and messages of Black women across the diaspora through her art and her activism.
Rachel Markham, our Roll Call guest also joins us to share her testimony of healing from sexual assault. A writer, DJ, and sexual assault survivor, Rachel shares her journey through the work raising awareness about sexual assault in Ghana with her organization Sexual Assault Africa and The Transformation Foundation.
This episode is a full celebration of our strength and support across the diaspora. Let's get into it! Until next time, listeners...
Resources & Mentions
Lupita Nyong'o's excerpts from her New York Times op-ed as cited from Mike Miller's article in People Magazine titled "Lupita Nyong'o Says Harvey Weinstein Asked Her for a Massage"
Errin Haines Whack's article "Why so few women of color in the wave of accusers? ‘Stakes higher’' for WHYY
Lawretta Egba's article "Lupita Nyong’o Speaks up for “Broken” Women; Calls for “Healing” at Variety Power of Women Luncheon" for Face2Face Africa
Rachel Markham's book Transformation
Rachel's Nonprofit Recommendations:
- The Boring Talkative, a Ghanian NGO focused on equality, consent, sexual and gender-based violence
- The Brotar Foundation, a Ghanian NGO focused on on mental health awareness
- Power to Girls, a Greater Toronto Area and Ghana-based nonprofit focused on Black and marginalized girls with programming and support in personal development, mentorship, mental health and wellness. Follow them on IG here: @power2girlsgh
About the Spotlight Initiative
Florence Keya's organization Together for Girls
Women's Media Center-'s “#AmINext: South African women push back” in honor of Uyinene Mrwetyana
The New Humanitarian's article about the rise of violence against women in Sudan
Mukwege Foundation- Survivor network in Nigeria press release
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to the season finale of The Unwanted Sorority. I'm
your host, Leontra. This is a space created for and
by Black women, films, and gender expanse folks who have
experienced sexual violence. Whether you've lift it, love someone who has,
or simply want to hold space.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
You're welcome here.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
As we wrap up season one, it feels fitting to
end the season by zooming out to the global level.
Our healing, our advocacy, and our sisterhood can't stop at
any one country's border. Therefore, we're giving flowers to Miss
Lupita Niango and how she's been at the forefront of
(00:44):
our recent movement here in the United States in a
major way that also helps us look at it from
a global lens. You'll also hear from Rachel Markin, a
ganay and writer DJ and survivor who's working to raise
awareness about sexual bbviolence in Africa. You'll grow to love
her as much as I do when you hear her
(01:05):
share the story behind this moment.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Why predators feel emboldened because they know that society is
going to back them.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
The Unwanted Authority is a space for community connection and care,
but it's not a substitute for professional mental health, medical
or legal support.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
If anything you.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Hear today resonates in a way that feels heavy, I
encourage you to reach out to someone you trust or
a licensed clinician. You deserve to feel whole, You deserve
to be supported. The Pita Nyango is widely known as
(01:47):
an Oscar winning actress, but she also has emerged as
a powerful advocate against sexual violence and gender based abuse.
Born to Kenyan parents and raised in both Kenya and Mexico,
this time in the spotlight has always brought with it
a commitment to speaking up for women, particularly Black and
African women who've experienced sexual harassment and assault. In her
(02:11):
own words, she strives to quote turn pain into power
for the broken women, as written by Loretta Ikba in
Face to Face Africa, which.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Is linked in the show notes.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Through personal storytelling and public activism, Lapitas helped lead her
own version of an unwanted sorority, this community of survivors
who had experienced trauma yet who are able to find
solidarity and strength in one another. In October twenty seventeen,
(02:45):
at the height of the hashtag MeToo movement, Lupina and
Nyango added her voice to a rapidly growing list, making
public what she and so many women like her in
her industry had kept hidden. She wrote a powerful op
ed in The New York Times and detailing her own
negative encounters with Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein. In her essay,
(03:08):
Lupita recounts how, as a young actress, she was invited
to Weinstein's home for film screening. Part Way through the evening,
Weinstein led her to a bedroom and insisted on giving
her a massage, a situation that quickly made her feel unsafe.
Lapita describes attempting to quote by herself time to figure
(03:28):
out how to extricate herself from this undesirable situation, and
she ended up offering to give him a massage instead,
but when Weinstein attempted to remove his pants, she refused
and fled the room, stating that she was not at
all comfortable with what was happening, and so over subsequent meetings,
(03:49):
where Lupita admittedly invited Weinstein out for a friendly evening,
wanting to try to maintain the professional connection that was
building there, continued to pressure her for sexual favors in
exchange for career advancements, issuing ultimatum's like quote, if you
want to be an actress, she'd have to be willing
(04:09):
to do this sort of thing and name dropping other
actresses even that he claimed to have dated, and help
them get ahead. As Mike Miller's article in People magazine notes,
Lupita firmly rejected him, saying she would not be able
to sleep at night if she did what he was
asking her. And in his response, Weinstein ominously replied, you
(04:31):
have no idea what you're passing up. We are done here.
You can leave, and suggested and suggested that her career
mind suffer for that, and Lupita admits in that article
that the encounter left her shaken, feeling both threatened and
somehow needing to laugh it off to safely get out
of the situation.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
And for years after.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
That, Lupida remained silent about the abuse, and she wrote
that she shelved her experience with Harvey far in the
recesses of her mind, joining in the conspiracy of silence
that has allowed this perpetrator to prowl for so many years.
That's a direct quote from her essay. And it was
(05:14):
only when dozens of other women started coming forward in
twenty seventeen, that she realized her situation was part of
what she calls a quote sinister pattern of behavior, and
that she was not alone in this. Seeing those other
women speak out gave Lupita the courage to revisit her
own what she calls unfortunate moment in her past, and
(05:37):
she decided that sharing her story was important to her
to support this growing movement. In her essay, she writes, quote,
I think the women who have spoken up and given
me the strength to revisit this unfortunate moment in my past.
And now that she found her voice, she says she's
never going to shut up about this kind of thing.
(06:02):
In that essay in The New York Times, Lupeita declared
to make this work her mission, stating quote, I speak
up to make certain that this is not the kind
of misconduct that deserves a second chance.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I speak up to contribute to the.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
End of the conspiracy of silence. And it's interesting because
by choosing to speak publicly, Lupeida instantly became the lone
woman of color among Weinstein's accusers. As Aaron Haines Whack
of Why refers to her, Lupita Nyongo becomes the quote
(06:39):
lone public woman of color among Weinstein's litany of accusers.
As Lupita came forward with her story, something disturbing happened.
Harvey Weinstein actually broke his silence. As all of these
other allegations were coming in, he wasn't saying anything about them,
and yet when Lupita did, he came out to publicly
(07:02):
deny her story, even though he had initially stayed quiet
or issued these generic apologies when accusers who were white
actresses were starting to come out. As author and activist
Feminista Jones noted, Weinstein's quick denial of Lupita's story sent
an insidious message. It was insinuating that as a black woman,
(07:26):
her claims of harassment were somehow less credible. As she
says quote, it sent the message to black women that
they can't be harassed, they can't be assaulted, And so
Lupita's very public stand challenged those toxic myths head on
by insisting that what happens to us matters just as
(07:46):
much as anyone else. She showed the power of the
sisterhood that we're building here with the unwanted sorority, one
through which women support one another through our healing and
through our justice seeking, no matter what it may look like.
And so as these cultural pressures, the fear of being disregarded,
and systemic racism all make it harder for black women
(08:07):
to come forward, Lupita's openness helped to validate the experiences
of countless other women of color who often felt invisible
in that broader conversation, despite as we've heard on the
show this season, the originator having the full intention of
starting this four Black women and Girls.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And a vital aspect.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Of Lupita's advocacy is her insistence that the fight against
gender based violence include African women. Even before the Hashegmi
too went viral, Lupita was using her platform to draw
attention to the struggles of women in Africa facing rape,
war and abuse. In April twenty sixteen, for example, she
(08:52):
was honored at the Variety Power of Women luncheon for
her humanitarian work. During her speech, she spoke passionately about
women's empowerment and the need for global solidarity to combat
abuse and other forms of violence against women. At the time,
Lepida had recently starred on Broadway in Eclipse, a play
about five Liberian women and enduring the horrors of civil war,
(09:16):
which included sexual violence and forced marriage to a rebel commander.
In that speech, lepida O posed a powerful question, how
do we turn that pain into power? Her answer was
that women must refuse to be silenced and must uplift
each other.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
As she said, quote, we.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Live in a world where the war on women can
be felt around the world. But we were fighting back.
We were refusing to be silent, refusing to shut down.
This call to action kind of positioned her as a
vocal champion for African women's rights. She's worked with organizations
like Mother Health International, the Ugandan based nonprofit supporting pregnant
(10:00):
women in war torn and underserved regions, and through that work,
she's helped provide maternal care and communities that have been
devastated by conflict and trauma, a cause that's aligned with
the breaking of the cycles of violence. And while her
advocacy for survivors of sexual violence is a defining part
of her public work, Lupita's contributions to empowerment go even
(10:25):
further than that. She's been a vocal proponent of diversity
and self acceptance, often drawing on her own experience in
her own life to inspire others. For example, she's spoken
out about colorism, which is a prejudiced against people with
darker skin tones, and it's not inherent to black communities.
(10:48):
It can be found across all different races and ethnicities.
In a widely shared twenty fourteen speech, Lupita shared how
as a young girl, she prayed for lighter skin until
she saw super model alec Weck, a dark skinned African woman,
being celebrated in the media. That moment was life changing
(11:08):
for her. It taught Lupida that, to quote, beauty was
not a thing that she could acquire or consume. It
was something that she just had to be, and it
also empowered her to embrace her own skin. In twenty nineteen,
Lupida even authored a children's book titled soulwe which tackles
(11:28):
the issue of colorism and teaches kids that their dark
skin is beautiful. And so as we reflect on Lupita's impact,
it's clear why we're giving our flowers. As a founder
of this movement and in her courage in sharing her
own hashtag me too story and elevating other stories. With
(11:50):
the formation of the organization hashtag times up, she helped
ensure that black and African women's voices are heard in
the fight against sexual violence, and by bridging her advocacy
with her art, she's expanded the narrative around who gets
to be seen, who gets to be heard, and frankly,
who gets to be believed. Lupita often says she wants
(12:12):
to use her purpose to quote make the world a
better place, and through her activism she absolutely has. From
Hollywood boardrooms, two villages in Kenya, women have drawn strength
from Lupita and Yongo's example of turning pain into power.
In her own words, quote, we are fighting back, we
(12:34):
are refusing to be silent, and thanks to founders like Lipida,
the world is finally listening. Well, I'm so glad to
be talking with you again. So let me ask, just
(12:54):
for your comfort level and everything like that. Do you
want me to refer to you as Rachel or would
you prefer that I refer to you as Emmatha for
the episode?
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Okay, this is a good question. I wish I knew
how to answer, because even on the book I use
both names. On the Internet, I'm always oscillating between both.
But I think Rachel is okay, thank you, Yeah, of course, So.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
That leads me to my first question, which is you know,
probably how we entered the last conversation too, but just
tell us who you are, for the listeners and for
me as well.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
How would you like people to know you?
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Okay, So my name is Rachel Markham and I am
a writer. I enjoy photography. I DJ here and there.
I have other interests such as painting and you know,
being outdoors. But I'm also a survivor of sexual assault.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
And how did you get into DJing because I feel
like that one is new from the last time we spoke.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Okay, So djang is something that I wanted to do
for a while, but more so than DJing, I actually
wanted to learn how to produce, but I ended up
doing djang first. I started meaning DJ's female DJs here
in Acra and one of them taught me how to
(14:23):
dj and it was basically history since then.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah, yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Have you had like shows and things like that that
you've been able to So I.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Have had a show or two, but I mostly like
to just do it from home and then upload it
on SoundCloud. But I hope to change that at some point. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
So you talked about being a writer. How did you
get to the point because I actually I found you
through social media, yes, you having shared your story and
you working on your project with Sexual Assault Africa, which
I know has gone through some changes since you and
(15:12):
I first got connected. But how did you get to
this point where you felt comfortable sharing your story as
both a writer through your book transformation as well as
you know, sharing yourself.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
And your story on social media and beyond.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
So I would say that writing was something that came
natural to me when I was younger. I used to
write stories for fun. I just enjoyed writing scripts, and
it's something, like I said, I think it's like a
little bit of a light in me I feel sometimes.
(15:50):
And as far as the sexual assault is concerned, I
grew up having like outspoken people like my grandma, who
oh voice their opinion on things, no matter how my
new scale. It may seem like, you know, someone not
giving you all your change at the grocery store and
little things like that. So when you have people like
(16:14):
that around you, speaking up is in a way normalized
for me, So it wasn't really much of an issue.
And I also never tied being a survivor to shame,
even though naturally that's what comes with it, and that's
(16:35):
what people will do to you. They'll shame you, they'll
blame you, they'll do all this stuff. But it's something
that I always inherently understood was never my fault. So
I think all these things coming together has helped shape
me into the woman that I am now.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah, so I think I think what I'm hearing is
like you were able to build on these kind of
skills that you were exposed to throughout your childhood, so
that when you became an adult, you were able to
rely on those skills to kind of lead you into
finding your voice in this space and like reassuring you
(17:21):
that your voice mattered and your voice was important, if
not just for yourself, for other people to hear.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Yes, absolutely, And I also understood and knew that I
wasn't alone. There were so many other people who would
comforward about their stories, and that also gave me a
sense of comfort. Yeah for sure.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
That's kind of like the whole thought process or ethos
behind why this podcast exists, the Unwanted Sorority, because we
are all kind of connected in this way because of
the shared experience, and so that we can not just
lift up our own voices.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
But lift up the voices of others who have had.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
This experience, and you know, just remind each other if
we start to forget that our story is important and
people want to hear it and need to hear it
for that shared comfort of you know, healing and whatever
that may look like for you as the individual.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Exactly. I'm really big on the idea of camaraderie and community,
which sometimes feels like for some people it may be
hard to come by because one, people don't understand sexual assault.
Some people are just woefully ignorant and they don't want
to understand. It's just simple and easier for them to
(18:54):
just blame the survivor. And then in some situations you
have the whole issue of people also not knowing how
to be a good friend or being part of a
community and what it takes to really foster an environment
like that. So I really appreciate organizations, people and platforms
(19:17):
that have provided safe spaces for survivors and I wanted
to be one of those people myself, and that's why
I started Sexual Assault Africa as well.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Yeah, can you share a little bit about sort of
the process of creating that space and you know what
it meant to you and what it looks like and
maybe where it is today.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Yes, So Sexual Assault Africa was a social media page.
That's what it started as that I started in twenty twenty,
and the main goal was just to bring more awareness
and to normalize the topic being had, especially in the
African society. Sexual assault is difficult to talk about in
(20:07):
all societies, and we also have our own social norms
and various social issues that we have here. Were like
a society, like every other society, there's just a lot
of victim blaming. So I created it to help combat
some of those stereotypes and stimulate hard conversation and to
(20:34):
create an entity that solely and heavily just hones in
on the issue because I feel like we need more
of that here on the continent. There are people that
are doing things, don't get me wrong, there are so many,
but those other platforms also needed and need to be elevated,
(20:55):
and we definitely just need more and that is happening steadily,
thank god. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Yeah, And I don't want to put you on the
spot right now, but if you could, if you have
some specific organizations that come to mind for you. You
can either say them now if you do have some
like at the top of your mind, but please share
some with me through either WhatsApp or email so that
I could make sure that those get shared in the
(21:23):
show notes for this episode.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
For sure, for sure you want me to share them now?
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Or if you yeah, if you have some names that
come to mind for you, we can make sure they're
you know, give you some space to talk about them
in the episode.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
So I can't think of all of them right now,
but I definitely would more than love to. Off the
top of my head, I would mention there's one called
Power to Girls. They're based in Canada and Ghana, and
they are centered around women's empowerments and also encapsulates social
(21:58):
issues such as a sexual assault and other things too.
Then there is one called The Boring Talkative which is
solely centered around sexual assault. And I will also mention
the sister in GEO to Sexual Assault Africa, which is
named after my book called the Transformation Foundation. And these
(22:23):
are just the name a few, but there are some
more that I can definitely share with you after the interview.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Perfect yeah, and I'll make sure all of those get
plugged into the to the show notes.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
That's wonderful.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
So you talked about the Transformation Foundation being the sister
in Goo to your book. In your book, you really
you kind of went there right, Like you included text
messages with you or from your perpetrator, and you know,
it's just a very raw depiction of what your individual
(23:02):
experience was like. And so I key in on that
word transformation. Can you talk about what that looks like
for you, why that word is so powerful to you.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
So the reason the word transformation is so powerful to
me is because I've learned to find great healing in
transformation and change and being a mutable person. And one
of the greatest ways I believe to stimulate change is
by having a conversation and going against the grain and
(23:39):
going against the norms, and you know, speaking up about
things like sexual assault. Much less like in the context
I covered in the book, you know, writing about losing
a friend and then having her brother use her death
(23:59):
as an opportunity to sexually assault me. Transformation was about
destroying and dismantling the old and making way for the
new and reinforcing it.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Yeah, I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
I appreciate the way you articulated that because I think
many of us can identify with that and connect with
that because, as you mentioned, you were raised and you
had all these role models who showed you what it
is like to be independent, to be strong, to speak
up for yourself, and to just you know, wholeheartedly be
(24:44):
yourself in this world as a woman. And when we
go through this experience of being sexually assaulted or experiencing
some kind of sexual violence, sometimes that can feel it
can feel like those ways that we understand and I've
identified ourselves are no longer there.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
You know, it can.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Really work to destroy that self perception that we have.
And so I love this idea of honoring that experience
for yourself, honoring that you may need, you know, certain
ways that you have to go about your healing from
that moment. But there's also beauty and strength and reclaiming
(25:29):
yourself and your identity and all those things that you
know to be true about yourself in transformation after that experience,
and that you can come out on the other side
even better, even more empowered, even stronger you know than
you thought you could be. So I just love that
so much.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Thank you so much, and the healing journey for so
many people looks so, you know, different, But I definitely
did want to set the tone for people to understand
that you can absolutely come forward about this, and even
(26:14):
if people are shaming you, it's not built in logic,
because for me, it's really simple. If someone does not
clearly give you permission to do something and you go
out of your way to do it without their permission,
that's on them and it's not on you. And there
have been countless situations where many of us can say
(26:37):
we've been alone with someone, or we've been alone with
the child, and the thought to sexually assault them never
crosses our minds. So for every person that likes to say, oh,
you know, he or she couldn't control themselves, they absolutely
could and they decided not to. Why because there are
millions of other people who can do so. For any
(27:02):
survivor listening to this, I know it's hard to actually
hear these words and believe it, but it's really not
your fault.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
M yeah, yeah, And it's on the perpetrator. It's on
that person to make better choices because there's lots of
evidence that they can and should, and it's more so
about power and control on their end than anything.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
Exactly. It's about power. It's you know, they always try
and make it look like it's a self control thing,
it's a clothing thing, But there are literal babies getting
sexually assaulted, so that should just tell you it has
nothing to do with what someone is wearing or how
they look or what time it was. Nothing will ever
(27:57):
justify doing something like that to another human being.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Yeah, yeah, no one's asking for it. No one's ever
deserving of.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
That, exactly. And even the statement asking for it, how
this person literally didn't ask for anything. They never gave consent,
you know, the perpetrator went out of their way to
commit the crime, So when was consent given? When did
(28:28):
they ask to be treated like that? Like I said,
it's all rooted in just zero logic. So I think
that's also one of the reasons why even though I
would say victim blaming does piss me off, it also
doesn't really bother me because it really is just rooted
in foolishness when you really assess and analyze everything.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Yeah, and I think that's like a powerful sentiment for
someone to hear who maybe hasn't thought about it in
those terms, because it can it can weigh on you.
You know, if you're constantly being told that you have
some form of responsibility in this when you are the victim,
(29:12):
you are the survivor, you know, that can weigh on
you to constantly hear that messaging placing the blame on
you for whatever reason. But just realizing and remembering that
it is not about you at all, it's about them.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
You know, that can.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Really be empowering for someone to hear who hasn't thought
about it in that way. So I appreciate you sharing
that with us.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
No problem. It really is also about perspective, because we
live in societies that goal based off of ignorance and
inaccurate stereotypes.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
What I appreciate so much about getting connected with you
is this show is you know, focused on black women's
healing journeys and black women's healing period after experiencing sexual
assault and sexual violence. But we've really been talking about
the show this season in the context of the United States,
(30:09):
and so I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be
able to have this conversation about this subject matter across
the diaspora and to be able to highlight, you know,
the work that's happening in Ghana. And other countries in Africa,
because there is so much happening at a global scale,
(30:32):
and I will say, a lot of what we are
hearing about and a lot of what is shared and
reported in the media here in this country focuses on
examples like the conflicts in the Democratic Republic of Congo
and Sudan when it comes to like the weaponization of
(30:53):
sexual assaults and sexual violence in war as weapons of war,
but they don't really talk about out this like like
some of the everyday like norms and cultural things that
are unique to the continent and unique to certain countries there.
So I'm wondering if you have any ways that you
(31:16):
can think of, or ways that you would you just
want to kind of platform why people need to pay
attention to this issue across the diaspora and why specifically
we need to focus on sexual assault and sexual violence
in Africa right now.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
So I think more attention needs to be brought, especially
because you can clearly see that pedophilia is a really
huge problem here. First and foremost, there are so many
people both men and women that I've spoken to, including
me myself having experienced rape as a child. There are
(31:58):
just so many people that have had experiences during childhood.
It was either done by a gardener or maybe an
uncle or a househelp, or your teacher at school. It
could be anybody, and these are really prominent issue. But
because of the stereotypes and some of the stories you
(32:20):
hear survivors sharing about their experiences even going to report
it to the police, a lot of people just largely
don't talk. And you will notice the same phenomena that
you notice anywhere else in the world. When you share
your story, there is almost a guarantee that there's someone
who's going to be like, oh, me too, you know.
(32:43):
So it is a prevalent issue here, but because of
many different issues, we don't really keep record as best
as we could because again, so many people do not
feel comfortable coming forward. They're thinking about, you know, being
(33:06):
embarrassed or worse, you know, bringing shame maybe to their
family and all this stuff, and again it all goes
back to the shame. It all goes back to the
mentality that a lot of people in our society have like, oh,
(33:26):
what were you wearing? You know, what were you doing there? Oh,
maybe you were being too nice, which is an insane
statement to make in it of itself, because if someone
is your friend and they're being friendly, like, what are
they supposed to do? Be mean? Just doesn't make sense.
And you know, blaming it on the clothing and just everything,
(33:52):
but blaming it on the people that are responsible for
these crimes, and then they'd get to like every other society,
if they're not reprimanded or held accountable in some abrasive way,
they just continue to do it, and there's just more
people that continue to suffer. And I think that there
(34:14):
are many people who are suffering in silence here.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Yeah, what would you say to them? To the people
who may be hearing this who are suffering in silence?
Speaker 3 (34:26):
So, first of all, I would like to say that
their existence and their presence on this earth is so important.
They are valued, and whether they decide to share their
story or not, they're still valued and their story still matters.
(34:47):
Because I know that there are people who may never
feel comfortable coming forward, but I hope they find peace
and comfort in knowing that there are so many of
us out there that have been through things that really
get at you and get at your confidence. It really
(35:09):
gets under your skin, especially when people are blaming you.
I've had people tell me almost everything under the sun.
When you talk about victim blaming, I just couldn't care
any less because wrong is wrong and a crime is
a crime. We have these laws in place for a reason,
they just unfortunately aren't enforced. But I just want you
(35:33):
to know that you should never carry shame. And you know,
we all have freedom of speech, and unfortunately, you know
people will use their freedom of speech just share their
opinions on your story. That may not be nice, but
you don't have to pay attention to them. They're just noised.
They're like empty barrels who have nothing in them and
(35:55):
don't know what they're talking about half of the time.
But the story is valid and you have nothing to
be ashamed of. And especially remember that you're not alone.
There so many of us out there. So don't ever
feel less than don't ever feel like your damaged goods,
don't ever feel like whatever that cruel person made you
(36:24):
feel and what they wanted to make you feel when
they did what they did to you, And don't ever
blame yourself.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Perfect again. I think that is going to matter to
many people, and I think that that is going to
resonate with many people. And I know that they're going
to be people are going to find that message who
need it. So I thank you Rachel for sharing that
(36:53):
with us.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
Thank you, and thank you to every survivor that's listening
to this, because just like I wrote in my book,
the work that I do is dedicated to all survivors,
and if it wasn't for your existence, I also wouldn't
feel as comfortable coming forward to So thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
That's beautiful. So I'm also curious.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
What are some of the well you Actually you talked
about a couple of different things that I did want
to come back to.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
With regard to like what this, what this.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
Looks like that you're seeing in Ghana and what you're
seeing in you know, different countries in Africa. You talked
about some people just don't feel comfortable coming forward, and
you said that some people worry about bringing shame to
the family, and so I'm curious to know if you're
(38:00):
seeing because we've talked about this on previous episodes of
the show. This sort of sort of a transformation in
terms of like understanding accountability and what that looks like
and placing that accountability on perpetrators and maybe not necessarily
seeking out support or justice through like the police or
(38:21):
through any sort of like criminal justice procedures, but like
the community holding perpetrators accountable for their behavior. Are you
seeing any movements like that where these people who are
engaging in this sexual violence behavior and who are the
perpetrators of pedophilia and who are the people who are
(38:45):
doing these acts? Are you seeing movements that are trying
to place the accountability and the shame and the guilt
on them as a level of like protection for survivors
and people who have had these experiences.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
Well, for example, some of the other platforms that I
spoke about, they are also education based, so they tried
to push for consent education as well as stimulating the conversation.
But admittedly, sexual assault in you know, arguably most societies
(39:33):
is something that a lot of people, as I said,
are not really comfortable talking about. And then you brought
up the whole thing about shame, and it really plays
a huge role in it because it's not thought of
as just like something humiliating that happened to you, but
(39:54):
it's like even more humiliating to your family if you
come out about it. And it can be in different
facets because like I said, it could either be an
uncle or an aunt, or it could be like a
random gardener or something. But the idea of people speaking
(40:16):
about it is something that strikes discomfort in many people.
And there's also I think an underlying element in my
personal opinion that many parents, I think globally also blame
themselves and they deal with their own form of denial
(40:40):
and their own like emotional rollercoaster when they learn about
things like this that happen. And I have my own
opinion on that as well, which is that while some
parents are just blatantly negligent, some know the abuses taking place,
(41:00):
they don't do anything. Some actually may even like provide
their children to the predator. But I think we also
don't talk much about the shame and guilt parents feel
and the fact that in reality it's almost impossible, unless
(41:22):
of course, you're a stay at home parent, to always
have an eye on your kid. That's why I believe
in giving parent to grace, because there is an internal
battle that they uniquely go or goes on within them.
(41:43):
And your kid is going to go to school and
you're going to have to go to work, You're not
always going to be there. And when we yeah and
when we entertain things such as like blaming the parent
to you know, asking where were the parents, well, whether
(42:05):
the parent was there or not, you don't sexually assault anybody.
I've been around children, and like I said, the thought
never crossed my mind. So I think they're all interconnected
for the most part. But people have to remember that
(42:26):
unless you're just going to just throw away your life
entirely to the point where you know you're not going
to go to work or you know, it's also good
to devote your time to your own child. That's the
only way you can always have an eye on them.
So I also want parents to understand that they shouldn't
(42:51):
feel shame. It's normal to feel defeat and blame, like
you know, you failed your child, But there's also a
responsibility that we all have as human beings as part
of societies that have rules and structures and laws in
place that states that we shouldn't be participating in this
(43:11):
type of behavior in the first place. So I think
it all boils down to people being willing to have
those really super uncomfortable conversations. And sometimes it takes time,
you know, but you definitely keep on going and one
(43:32):
day there will be a revolution. I truly believe that.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
I can't wait to see it.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
Yeah, and I fully believe that you are going to
be a part of that, just with you know, everything
that you've been building and working towards. I fully believe
that you will play a role in that.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
So I hope too. I hope to be at the
front lines, absolutely right at the front lines.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
So that kind of to be to my next question,
what do you view as some of the ways that
here in the United States we could use some of
the lessons and the insights that you all are doing
in your movements, in your organizing in Ghana or in
different countries in Africa that could expand or you know,
(44:21):
challenge how we are thinking about healing and justice when
it comes to sexual assault and sexual violence.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
So this is such a really great question. I almost
don't know how to answer.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
I feel like it's a it's a big broad one too,
So you know, however you answer it is great because
there's probably so many different angles that we could you know,
take it okay.
Speaker 3 (44:45):
I think we should continue or we should keep or start,
depending on the atmosphere. We need to, uh start at
the root of the issue, which is that some of
these things happen because of social norms, like, for example,
(45:06):
in some places here, people actually think that sexually assaulting
someone is a way to court somebody, Like what happened
to me and what I have spoken about in the
book that my late friend's brother did. It is known
to some people that what he did was actually apparently
(45:29):
a way of him showing interest in me, which of
course is nonsense, but it's an actual belief. It all
boils down to this belief that people have, this understanding
that people have that the moment you have somebody of
(45:49):
the opposite sex within your vicinity or they're your friend,
it immediately has to become sexual or it has to
become romantic. We perpetuate some of these stereotypes as well,
like is mom jokingly telling me to marry him, and
he using that as an excuse to get riled up
(46:11):
and do what he did. But the fact that she
even joked like that, that's all part of the problem
because as a society we've told ourselves that automatically, if
somebody of the opposite sex, you know, even platonically gets
close to you or entertains you platonically, that means they
want something more and That's why I'm saying that it
(46:33):
goes down to the norms, because that's where a lot
of it comes from. And you know, even when people
say things, oh, well, why were you with him or her?
Or why were you alone with him or her? And
it's like, guys, like, we all have friends that we've
been around, and we ourselves are friends to other people
(46:54):
and we don't behave like this, So why is that
even an excuse? Right? And if those are the arguments
people want to make, not to get grotesque, but there
are people who have literally been assaulted by their own parents,
So what are you going to say that? You know?
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Yeah, it's like how far are you willing to accept this?
You know, like what is the what is it? What
does the spectrum look like for you of what is
acceptable and what is unacceptable? Because when it comes to
the law, it should be pretty clear what is unacceptable,
(47:36):
you know. And I think you have done a great
job in your work from what I've seen, in articulating
it as sort of a leak within the legal framework
like this, you know, it is illegal. These behaviors are
actually illegal, and so for us societally to just choose
(47:56):
to accept some of them as part of our norms.
It's like, no, like you are forgetting this important, huge
part that this is just actually straight up the legal behavior.
And so I think that that is one thing that
I really appreciated about how you kind of go about
articulating this in some of the messaging that you've been
(48:17):
sharing with Sexual Assault Africa.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
Yes, exactly, because it is a core reason why a
lot of these stupid little comments are thrown around this,
all this victim blaming and why predators feel emboldened because
they know that society is going to back them. They
know society is going to be like, well, you shouldn't
have been there, you shouldn't have been wearing that, you
(48:43):
shouldn't have done this, you shouldn't have done that, all
these you shouldn't have, you shouldn't have or you should have.
But what about the person who decided to do it?
Why couldn't they have just not? You know, right? Yeah,
and we may excuses for it, we justify it, and
this just you know, lessens the severity of it, which
(49:07):
is also something we shouldn't allow to happen. You read
the book and you see that there are people who
don't even know or believe or understand what they're doing
as sexual assault, Like they know it's wrong, they know
they shouldn't be doing it. But as you can see,
it's not something that's really drilled into people's heads until
(49:31):
you doubled down on it and I'm like, you didn't
just touch me, you literally assaulted me. You molested me,
you committed a crime. You know, we have to start
calling things for what they are and normalize it instead
of allowing these things to remain as norms that, oh,
(49:54):
you know, if you don't want something happening to you,
then you need to just stay at home and shrivel
up and die as if people don't have randoms breaking
into their houses and assaulting them. So enough is really
too much? How long are people going to just go
(50:15):
through these extreme hoops to defend these degenerate, morally bankrupt people.
We need to start holding them accountable very abrasively. Dare
I say it?
Speaker 4 (50:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (50:31):
Yeah, So that goes to my final question for you.
What do you hope this sort of diasporic conversation, this
you know, wider understanding around sexual assault and sexual violence.
What do you hope it looks like in the next
five to ten.
Speaker 3 (50:51):
Years in the next five to ten years, I hope
to see that more people are coming forward. I hope
to see some improvements in our justice system. One of
the goals of Sexual Assault Africa actually is to see
that sex Offender Registry or a system that's similar to
(51:15):
that is established not only here but in other African
countries as well, and the tolerance for this behavior is
just lowered, and we create an environment that really makes
people think more than just two times before they decide
(51:35):
to do something as cruel as sexual assault.
Speaker 1 (51:43):
I appreciate that, and so we can't can't wait to
see what the Transformation Foundation looks like at the forefront
of that over these next five to ten years. Yeah,
I can't wait to see what you are doing, miss
Rachel in this regard as well.
Speaker 2 (52:01):
And so I'm wondering.
Speaker 1 (52:03):
If you have anything that you would like to share
in terms of how listeners can reach out to you
or how they can support any of your work that
you have going on right now.
Speaker 3 (52:14):
Yes. So currently we are based on line, so we're
spreading information and you can follow us at sexual Assault
Africa on Instagram and Assault Africa on Twitter.
Speaker 1 (52:34):
So let me just say I appreciate you sharing everything
that you've shared with us today. I don't take any
of it lightly anytime we have these conversations, and I'm
just honored to be able to have you share what
this is looking like for you and what your experience
has been like in Ghana, because I don't think, like
(52:55):
I said, we get enough of that.
Speaker 2 (52:58):
Understanding here in the United States.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
And I want to make sure that we are connecting
all across the diaspora with this conversation because it's so
important for us to take this wider global lens, because
we are all so intimately connected, whether we are survivors
or not, just as black women, we need to make
sure that we are there for each other. We're honoring
each other's stories, and we are saving space for us
(53:23):
to speak our truths whenever we can. So I'm so
grateful for you, Rachel, and I just appreciate you so
much and everything you're doing with sexual South Africa.
Speaker 3 (53:33):
Thank you so much. It's an honor to be on
your platform.
Speaker 4 (53:39):
We'll talk soon, yes, bye bye.
Speaker 1 (53:54):
As I wrapped up my conversation with Rachel, I am
struck by how far we've come this season and how
many conversations we've got to have and how many amazing
guests we've had a chance to listen to in our
role call segments, But this segment always makes me think
how much farther we have to go. This conversation with
(54:16):
Rachel only reinforce that, and I'm so glad to have
had you on that journey with us Throughout this season.
Sexual violence has been socialized in societies around the world,
but together we can reshape those societies. We're going to
keep pushing that change forward every chance and in every
(54:37):
way we can. And one example of that is how
Rachel and I were able to dive into how the
African diaspora can support and learn from one another's movements
to end sexual violence across the world. As members of
this global black community, we can share resources and strategies
(54:58):
across borders. The hashtag me too movement, for example, sparked
conversations in Hollywood and in the United States, but there
have been parallel hashtags and campaigns in African countries that
haven't always gotten that same international spotlight.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
Those of US abroad, those.
Speaker 1 (55:17):
Of US in different countries can help amplify these stories,
particularly with the advancements of technology and social media, in
ways that we can stay connected, and that's how I
was able to meet Rachel in the first place. Through
social media, we can donate to local organizations that empower
survivors and fight stigma, and we can pressure international institutions
(55:41):
to fund safe shelters and crisis centers, and we can
simply listen. This finale episode is about making sure that
every black woman, fem and gender expansive person, whether it's
Chicago or legos Cape Down or London, knows that this
sorority of survival is truly global. We are widening our
(56:02):
circle of support because no survivors should feel alone or
forgotten no matter where they are. Rachel shares in her
role call.
Speaker 2 (56:11):
Segment her own experiences.
Speaker 1 (56:14):
And the cultural and social challenges that survivors face in Ghana,
challenges like victim blaming and stigmatization that can be as
traumatizing as the abuse itself. According to the Spotlight Initiative,
which is a United Nations based online resource platform for
programs to end violence against women and girls, in many places,
(56:35):
a woman's worth is still tied to her purity, so
when a woman or girl is raped, she risks being
ostracized as unmarriageable, worried about shame and isolation by the
very people she should be able to turn to, and
as Rachel points out, survivors are often made to feel
like they did something wrong when in truth, the blame
(56:57):
really lies with the perpetrator, and so it creates this
culture of silence and stigma. That is exactly what she's
fighting to change in her organization. And one of the
things Rachel emphasizes is the importance of safe spaces and
survivor communities. Healing from sexual assault is hard enough, doing
(57:19):
it alone under the weight of that stigma is even harder,
and we talked about creating spaces where survivors can support
each other and reclaim their sense of safety. And in Kenya,
for example, survivors like Florence Kia have established the Measia
Girls Safehouse, which is a sanctuary for girls who have
(57:41):
experienced sexual violence, and it provides not just a shelter,
but a haven for growth where survivors receive everything from
medical care, to education, to seeking justice and a community
of empathetic peers who truly understand what that experience is like.
And beyond individual safe haven, Rachel and I discussed the
(58:01):
importance of not just accepting, but working to change society's
norms as a critical effort to preventing sexual violence in.
Speaker 2 (58:09):
The first place.
Speaker 1 (58:11):
Rachel talked about how social norms and stereotypes need to
be confronted, had on whether it's the toxic ideas around
sex being seen as taboo, which just simply leaves young
people uninformed about consent, or the dangerous stereotype that a
woman who was wearing a certain thing or a person
(58:33):
who looked a certain way was somehow inviting her assault.
And organizations on the ground in Africa recognize this need.
Another organization from Kenya, the Wangu Kanja Foundation, which was
founded by a survivor, asserts that only by shifting social
norms that propagate sexual violence and holding perpetrators accountable can
(58:57):
we truly prevent abuse and enable dignified recovery and resilience
for survivors. In other words, it's not enough to treat
the wounds after the fact. We have to address the
attitudes and the mindsets that allow those wounds to happen
in the first place, and Rachel, through her projects and
her advocacy, is doing just that in her own country,
(59:20):
pushing for honest conversations about consent, to respect and gender
equality so that the next generation doesn't internalize the same
harmful beliefs. And so again, this final episode is broadening
our scope to a pan African and diasporic perspective out
of necessity. Too often, when sexual violence in Africa gets
(59:44):
attention here in the United States, it's only in the
context of extreme conflict, the horrific wartime rapes in places
like the Democratic Republic of Congo or Sudan which dominate
the headlines. And it's true the atrocities in those conflicts
are staggering. In Sudan's recent war, for example, human rights
(01:00:06):
groups have documented that all sides have committed rape and abuse,
with one militia using rape systematically as a weapon of war.
In Eastern Congo, another example is the tens of thousands
of women and girls who have survived brutal sexual assault
amidst the fighting, so much so that the region has
(01:00:26):
been infamously dubbed the rape capital of the world. And
these cities must be talked about. But as that conversation
with Rachel reminds us, sexual violence isn't only a wartime phenomenon.
It's woven into our social fabric during peacetime, as well.
Consider South Africa, where gender based violence has been called
(01:00:48):
a national crisis. In twenty eighteen, one in three women
there were reported to have been sexually attacked, and nearly
half of all reported rapes that year involved children, which
Rachel also spoke about having similarities in Ghana. South African
activists have risen up in protests since that time, bringing
(01:01:12):
about the hashtag and my next movement after a young
woman named u Yanane Mogachana and I apologize if I
mispronounced that was raped and murdered in a horrifying set
of circumstances, and it galvanized a countrywide demonstration in August
twenty nineteen. Cultural norms such as prioritizing female obedience and
(01:01:37):
male dominance creates an environment where marital rape or intimate
partner violence is normalize and survivors are pressured to endure
it rather than seek help, and in Uyinane's case, those
same mentalities also played out with a stranger. Rachel and
(01:01:59):
I discover how confronting these norms is huge, but it's
also necessary, not just in South Africa but across many societies.
Change has to happen at the community level, in our families.
Our churches, our mosques, our schools, and that is what
(01:02:19):
is going to encourage a new generation of survivor advocates
and we're already seeing that rising across different countries in Africa.
To drive that change, Rachel herself is a part of
that wave. She's using her voice and her platforms to
educate and agitate and she's not alone. Another example from
(01:02:41):
Nigeria is a survivor led network called the Women and
Children Conflict Survivors Foundation or WCCSF, which was launched in
late May of twenty twenty four to unite women who
endured conflict related sexual violence and to turn their pain
in The Research has shown that when survivors come together
(01:03:03):
in peer groups, it can enable survivors to overcome stigma
and assume a leading role in their healing and also
in the prevention and response to sexual violence. And I
just find that so inspiring and empowering. Survivors are relying
on what we do best, which is working in collaboration
(01:03:24):
to support one another and raise awareness through solidarity. Those
grassroot movements that we're seeing popping up all over the
continent of Africa are saying enough is enough and pushing
their governments, their leaders, and their society at large to
do better. And you've heard from so many others who
are doing the work in this country and beyond.
Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
And I am.
Speaker 1 (01:03:49):
So grateful for each of you tuning in each week
as we get into these amazing, incredible stories and conversations.
To all of the listeners, I thank you for joining
us on at the Unwanted Sorority this season, for every
story you've heard, every survivor who we've collectively uplifted, and
(01:04:11):
every uncomfortable truth that we've confronted. This may be the
final episode of this first season, but it's not the
end of this conversation. In fact, it's just the beginning
of a more expansive dialogue and conversation. And going forward,
we're going to continue to keep our perspective global, looking
across the diaspora and connecting our struggles and strengths and
(01:04:34):
just building this network of what The Unwanted Sorority was
created to do. And I invite you to continue sharing
your stories with me. You can reach out to the
email at the Unwanted Sorority at gmail dot com, or
connect on social media on TikTok or Instagram. Let's keep
this community growing, and I can't wait to share what's
(01:04:56):
next for the show, so stay tuned for all of
the updates. We're in this together, turning our pain into
power and making sure that no one has to walk
this road alone until next time. Take care of yourself,
take care of one another, and release whatever shame or
guilt you may be feeling about the harm that's been
done to you.
Speaker 2 (01:05:17):
You're not alone. I'll see you next time.
Speaker 1 (01:05:28):
The Unwanted Sorority is hosted and executive produced Bemmy Leander Tate.
Our executive producer is Joel Money, our producer is Carmen Loren,
and original cover art is created by Savannah Muler. I
would also like to be a special thanks to the
I Heard Podcast Next Up program for helping bring the
show to life. Also all of the guests who have
taken a step in sharing their story with you all
on these episodes, and finally, to all the members of
(01:05:50):
the Sorority who will never tell their story, we see
you and your story matters.
Welcome to the season finale of The Unwanted Sorority. I'm
your host, Leontra. This is a space created for and
by Black women, films, and gender expanse folks who have
experienced sexual violence. Whether you've lift it, love someone who has,
or simply want to hold space.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
You're welcome here.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
As we wrap up season one, it feels fitting to
end the season by zooming out to the global level.
Our healing, our advocacy, and our sisterhood can't stop at
any one country's border. Therefore, we're giving flowers to Miss
Lupita Niango and how she's been at the forefront of
(00:44):
our recent movement here in the United States in a
major way that also helps us look at it from
a global lens. You'll also hear from Rachel Markin, a
ganay and writer DJ and survivor who's working to raise
awareness about sexual bbviolence in Africa. You'll grow to love
her as much as I do when you hear her
(01:05):
share the story behind this moment.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Why predators feel emboldened because they know that society is
going to back them.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
The Unwanted Authority is a space for community connection and care,
but it's not a substitute for professional mental health, medical
or legal support.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
If anything you.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Hear today resonates in a way that feels heavy, I
encourage you to reach out to someone you trust or
a licensed clinician. You deserve to feel whole, You deserve
to be supported. The Pita Nyango is widely known as
(01:47):
an Oscar winning actress, but she also has emerged as
a powerful advocate against sexual violence and gender based abuse.
Born to Kenyan parents and raised in both Kenya and Mexico,
this time in the spotlight has always brought with it
a commitment to speaking up for women, particularly Black and
African women who've experienced sexual harassment and assault. In her
(02:11):
own words, she strives to quote turn pain into power
for the broken women, as written by Loretta Ikba in
Face to Face Africa, which.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Is linked in the show notes.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Through personal storytelling and public activism, Lapitas helped lead her
own version of an unwanted sorority, this community of survivors
who had experienced trauma yet who are able to find
solidarity and strength in one another. In October twenty seventeen,
(02:45):
at the height of the hashtag MeToo movement, Lupina and
Nyango added her voice to a rapidly growing list, making
public what she and so many women like her in
her industry had kept hidden. She wrote a powerful op
ed in The New York Times and detailing her own
negative encounters with Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein. In her essay,
(03:08):
Lupita recounts how, as a young actress, she was invited
to Weinstein's home for film screening. Part Way through the evening,
Weinstein led her to a bedroom and insisted on giving
her a massage, a situation that quickly made her feel unsafe.
Lapita describes attempting to quote by herself time to figure
(03:28):
out how to extricate herself from this undesirable situation, and
she ended up offering to give him a massage instead,
but when Weinstein attempted to remove his pants, she refused
and fled the room, stating that she was not at
all comfortable with what was happening, and so over subsequent meetings,
(03:49):
where Lupita admittedly invited Weinstein out for a friendly evening,
wanting to try to maintain the professional connection that was
building there, continued to pressure her for sexual favors in
exchange for career advancements, issuing ultimatum's like quote, if you
want to be an actress, she'd have to be willing
(04:09):
to do this sort of thing and name dropping other
actresses even that he claimed to have dated, and help
them get ahead. As Mike Miller's article in People magazine notes,
Lupita firmly rejected him, saying she would not be able
to sleep at night if she did what he was
asking her. And in his response, Weinstein ominously replied, you
(04:31):
have no idea what you're passing up. We are done here.
You can leave, and suggested and suggested that her career
mind suffer for that, and Lupita admits in that article
that the encounter left her shaken, feeling both threatened and
somehow needing to laugh it off to safely get out
of the situation.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
And for years after.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
That, Lupida remained silent about the abuse, and she wrote
that she shelved her experience with Harvey far in the
recesses of her mind, joining in the conspiracy of silence
that has allowed this perpetrator to prowl for so many years.
That's a direct quote from her essay. And it was
(05:14):
only when dozens of other women started coming forward in
twenty seventeen, that she realized her situation was part of
what she calls a quote sinister pattern of behavior, and
that she was not alone in this. Seeing those other
women speak out gave Lupita the courage to revisit her
own what she calls unfortunate moment in her past, and
(05:37):
she decided that sharing her story was important to her
to support this growing movement. In her essay, she writes, quote,
I think the women who have spoken up and given
me the strength to revisit this unfortunate moment in my past.
And now that she found her voice, she says she's
never going to shut up about this kind of thing.
(06:02):
In that essay in The New York Times, Lupeita declared
to make this work her mission, stating quote, I speak
up to make certain that this is not the kind
of misconduct that deserves a second chance.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I speak up to contribute to the.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
End of the conspiracy of silence. And it's interesting because
by choosing to speak publicly, Lupeida instantly became the lone
woman of color among Weinstein's accusers. As Aaron Haines Whack
of Why refers to her, Lupita Nyongo becomes the quote
(06:39):
lone public woman of color among Weinstein's litany of accusers.
As Lupita came forward with her story, something disturbing happened.
Harvey Weinstein actually broke his silence. As all of these
other allegations were coming in, he wasn't saying anything about them,
and yet when Lupita did, he came out to publicly
(07:02):
deny her story, even though he had initially stayed quiet
or issued these generic apologies when accusers who were white
actresses were starting to come out. As author and activist
Feminista Jones noted, Weinstein's quick denial of Lupita's story sent
an insidious message. It was insinuating that as a black woman,
(07:26):
her claims of harassment were somehow less credible. As she
says quote, it sent the message to black women that
they can't be harassed, they can't be assaulted, And so
Lupita's very public stand challenged those toxic myths head on
by insisting that what happens to us matters just as
(07:46):
much as anyone else. She showed the power of the
sisterhood that we're building here with the unwanted sorority, one
through which women support one another through our healing and
through our justice seeking, no matter what it may look like.
And so as these cultural pressures, the fear of being disregarded,
and systemic racism all make it harder for black women
(08:07):
to come forward, Lupita's openness helped to validate the experiences
of countless other women of color who often felt invisible
in that broader conversation, despite as we've heard on the
show this season, the originator having the full intention of
starting this four Black women and Girls.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And a vital aspect.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Of Lupita's advocacy is her insistence that the fight against
gender based violence include African women. Even before the Hashegmi
too went viral, Lupita was using her platform to draw
attention to the struggles of women in Africa facing rape,
war and abuse. In April twenty sixteen, for example, she
(08:52):
was honored at the Variety Power of Women luncheon for
her humanitarian work. During her speech, she spoke passionately about
women's empowerment and the need for global solidarity to combat
abuse and other forms of violence against women. At the time,
Lepida had recently starred on Broadway in Eclipse, a play
about five Liberian women and enduring the horrors of civil war,
(09:16):
which included sexual violence and forced marriage to a rebel commander.
In that speech, lepida O posed a powerful question, how
do we turn that pain into power? Her answer was
that women must refuse to be silenced and must uplift
each other.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
As she said, quote, we.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Live in a world where the war on women can
be felt around the world. But we were fighting back.
We were refusing to be silent, refusing to shut down.
This call to action kind of positioned her as a
vocal champion for African women's rights. She's worked with organizations
like Mother Health International, the Ugandan based nonprofit supporting pregnant
(10:00):
women in war torn and underserved regions, and through that work,
she's helped provide maternal care and communities that have been
devastated by conflict and trauma, a cause that's aligned with
the breaking of the cycles of violence. And while her
advocacy for survivors of sexual violence is a defining part
of her public work, Lupita's contributions to empowerment go even
(10:25):
further than that. She's been a vocal proponent of diversity
and self acceptance, often drawing on her own experience in
her own life to inspire others. For example, she's spoken
out about colorism, which is a prejudiced against people with
darker skin tones, and it's not inherent to black communities.
(10:48):
It can be found across all different races and ethnicities.
In a widely shared twenty fourteen speech, Lupita shared how
as a young girl, she prayed for lighter skin until
she saw super model alec Weck, a dark skinned African woman,
being celebrated in the media. That moment was life changing
(11:08):
for her. It taught Lupida that, to quote, beauty was
not a thing that she could acquire or consume. It
was something that she just had to be, and it
also empowered her to embrace her own skin. In twenty nineteen,
Lupida even authored a children's book titled soulwe which tackles
(11:28):
the issue of colorism and teaches kids that their dark
skin is beautiful. And so as we reflect on Lupita's impact,
it's clear why we're giving our flowers. As a founder
of this movement and in her courage in sharing her
own hashtag me too story and elevating other stories. With
(11:50):
the formation of the organization hashtag times up, she helped
ensure that black and African women's voices are heard in
the fight against sexual violence, and by bridging her advocacy
with her art, she's expanded the narrative around who gets
to be seen, who gets to be heard, and frankly,
who gets to be believed. Lupita often says she wants
(12:12):
to use her purpose to quote make the world a
better place, and through her activism she absolutely has. From
Hollywood boardrooms, two villages in Kenya, women have drawn strength
from Lupita and Yongo's example of turning pain into power.
In her own words, quote, we are fighting back, we
(12:34):
are refusing to be silent, and thanks to founders like Lipida,
the world is finally listening. Well, I'm so glad to
be talking with you again. So let me ask, just
(12:54):
for your comfort level and everything like that. Do you
want me to refer to you as Rachel or would
you prefer that I refer to you as Emmatha for
the episode?
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Okay, this is a good question. I wish I knew
how to answer, because even on the book I use
both names. On the Internet, I'm always oscillating between both.
But I think Rachel is okay, thank you, Yeah, of course, So.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
That leads me to my first question, which is you know,
probably how we entered the last conversation too, but just
tell us who you are, for the listeners and for
me as well.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
How would you like people to know you?
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Okay, So my name is Rachel Markham and I am
a writer. I enjoy photography. I DJ here and there.
I have other interests such as painting and you know,
being outdoors. But I'm also a survivor of sexual assault.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
And how did you get into DJing because I feel
like that one is new from the last time we spoke.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Okay, So djang is something that I wanted to do
for a while, but more so than DJing, I actually
wanted to learn how to produce, but I ended up
doing djang first. I started meaning DJ's female DJs here
in Acra and one of them taught me how to
(14:23):
dj and it was basically history since then.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah, yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Have you had like shows and things like that that
you've been able to So I.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Have had a show or two, but I mostly like
to just do it from home and then upload it
on SoundCloud. But I hope to change that at some point. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
So you talked about being a writer. How did you
get to the point because I actually I found you
through social media, yes, you having shared your story and
you working on your project with Sexual Assault Africa, which
I know has gone through some changes since you and
(15:12):
I first got connected. But how did you get to
this point where you felt comfortable sharing your story as
both a writer through your book transformation as well as
you know, sharing yourself.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
And your story on social media and beyond.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
So I would say that writing was something that came
natural to me when I was younger. I used to
write stories for fun. I just enjoyed writing scripts, and
it's something, like I said, I think it's like a
little bit of a light in me I feel sometimes.
(15:50):
And as far as the sexual assault is concerned, I
grew up having like outspoken people like my grandma, who
oh voice their opinion on things, no matter how my
new scale. It may seem like, you know, someone not
giving you all your change at the grocery store and
little things like that. So when you have people like
(16:14):
that around you, speaking up is in a way normalized
for me, So it wasn't really much of an issue.
And I also never tied being a survivor to shame,
even though naturally that's what comes with it, and that's
(16:35):
what people will do to you. They'll shame you, they'll
blame you, they'll do all this stuff. But it's something
that I always inherently understood was never my fault. So
I think all these things coming together has helped shape
me into the woman that I am now.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah, so I think I think what I'm hearing is
like you were able to build on these kind of
skills that you were exposed to throughout your childhood, so
that when you became an adult, you were able to
rely on those skills to kind of lead you into
finding your voice in this space and like reassuring you
(17:21):
that your voice mattered and your voice was important, if
not just for yourself, for other people to hear.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Yes, absolutely, And I also understood and knew that I
wasn't alone. There were so many other people who would
comforward about their stories, and that also gave me a
sense of comfort. Yeah for sure.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
That's kind of like the whole thought process or ethos
behind why this podcast exists, the Unwanted Sorority, because we
are all kind of connected in this way because of
the shared experience, and so that we can not just
lift up our own voices.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
But lift up the voices of others who have had.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
This experience, and you know, just remind each other if
we start to forget that our story is important and
people want to hear it and need to hear it
for that shared comfort of you know, healing and whatever
that may look like for you as the individual.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Exactly. I'm really big on the idea of camaraderie and community,
which sometimes feels like for some people it may be
hard to come by because one, people don't understand sexual assault.
Some people are just woefully ignorant and they don't want
to understand. It's just simple and easier for them to
(18:54):
just blame the survivor. And then in some situations you
have the whole issue of people also not knowing how
to be a good friend or being part of a
community and what it takes to really foster an environment
like that. So I really appreciate organizations, people and platforms
(19:17):
that have provided safe spaces for survivors and I wanted
to be one of those people myself, and that's why
I started Sexual Assault Africa as well.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Yeah, can you share a little bit about sort of
the process of creating that space and you know what
it meant to you and what it looks like and
maybe where it is today.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Yes, So Sexual Assault Africa was a social media page.
That's what it started as that I started in twenty twenty,
and the main goal was just to bring more awareness
and to normalize the topic being had, especially in the
African society. Sexual assault is difficult to talk about in
(20:07):
all societies, and we also have our own social norms
and various social issues that we have here. Were like
a society, like every other society, there's just a lot
of victim blaming. So I created it to help combat
some of those stereotypes and stimulate hard conversation and to
(20:34):
create an entity that solely and heavily just hones in
on the issue because I feel like we need more
of that here on the continent. There are people that
are doing things, don't get me wrong, there are so many,
but those other platforms also needed and need to be elevated,
(20:55):
and we definitely just need more and that is happening steadily,
thank god. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Yeah, And I don't want to put you on the
spot right now, but if you could, if you have
some specific organizations that come to mind for you. You
can either say them now if you do have some
like at the top of your mind, but please share
some with me through either WhatsApp or email so that
I could make sure that those get shared in the
(21:23):
show notes for this episode.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
For sure, for sure you want me to share them now?
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Or if you yeah, if you have some names that
come to mind for you, we can make sure they're
you know, give you some space to talk about them
in the episode.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
So I can't think of all of them right now,
but I definitely would more than love to. Off the
top of my head, I would mention there's one called
Power to Girls. They're based in Canada and Ghana, and
they are centered around women's empowerments and also encapsulates social
(21:58):
issues such as a sexual assault and other things too.
Then there is one called The Boring Talkative which is
solely centered around sexual assault. And I will also mention
the sister in GEO to Sexual Assault Africa, which is
named after my book called the Transformation Foundation. And these
(22:23):
are just the name a few, but there are some
more that I can definitely share with you after the interview.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Perfect yeah, and I'll make sure all of those get
plugged into the to the show notes.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
That's wonderful.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
So you talked about the Transformation Foundation being the sister
in Goo to your book. In your book, you really
you kind of went there right, Like you included text
messages with you or from your perpetrator, and you know,
it's just a very raw depiction of what your individual
(23:02):
experience was like. And so I key in on that
word transformation. Can you talk about what that looks like
for you, why that word is so powerful to you.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
So the reason the word transformation is so powerful to
me is because I've learned to find great healing in
transformation and change and being a mutable person. And one
of the greatest ways I believe to stimulate change is
by having a conversation and going against the grain and
(23:39):
going against the norms, and you know, speaking up about
things like sexual assault. Much less like in the context
I covered in the book, you know, writing about losing
a friend and then having her brother use her death
(23:59):
as an opportunity to sexually assault me. Transformation was about
destroying and dismantling the old and making way for the
new and reinforcing it.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Yeah, I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
I appreciate the way you articulated that because I think
many of us can identify with that and connect with
that because, as you mentioned, you were raised and you
had all these role models who showed you what it
is like to be independent, to be strong, to speak
up for yourself, and to just you know, wholeheartedly be
(24:44):
yourself in this world as a woman. And when we
go through this experience of being sexually assaulted or experiencing
some kind of sexual violence, sometimes that can feel it
can feel like those ways that we understand and I've
identified ourselves are no longer there.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
You know, it can.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Really work to destroy that self perception that we have.
And so I love this idea of honoring that experience
for yourself, honoring that you may need, you know, certain
ways that you have to go about your healing from
that moment. But there's also beauty and strength and reclaiming
(25:29):
yourself and your identity and all those things that you
know to be true about yourself in transformation after that experience,
and that you can come out on the other side
even better, even more empowered, even stronger you know than
you thought you could be. So I just love that
so much.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Thank you so much, and the healing journey for so
many people looks so, you know, different, But I definitely
did want to set the tone for people to understand
that you can absolutely come forward about this, and even
(26:14):
if people are shaming you, it's not built in logic,
because for me, it's really simple. If someone does not
clearly give you permission to do something and you go
out of your way to do it without their permission,
that's on them and it's not on you. And there
have been countless situations where many of us can say
(26:37):
we've been alone with someone, or we've been alone with
the child, and the thought to sexually assault them never
crosses our minds. So for every person that likes to say, oh,
you know, he or she couldn't control themselves, they absolutely
could and they decided not to. Why because there are
millions of other people who can do so. For any
(27:02):
survivor listening to this, I know it's hard to actually
hear these words and believe it, but it's really not
your fault.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
M yeah, yeah, And it's on the perpetrator. It's on
that person to make better choices because there's lots of
evidence that they can and should, and it's more so
about power and control on their end than anything.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
Exactly. It's about power. It's you know, they always try
and make it look like it's a self control thing,
it's a clothing thing, But there are literal babies getting
sexually assaulted, so that should just tell you it has
nothing to do with what someone is wearing or how
they look or what time it was. Nothing will ever
(27:57):
justify doing something like that to another human being.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Yeah, yeah, no one's asking for it. No one's ever
deserving of.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
That, exactly. And even the statement asking for it, how
this person literally didn't ask for anything. They never gave consent,
you know, the perpetrator went out of their way to
commit the crime, So when was consent given? When did
(28:28):
they ask to be treated like that? Like I said,
it's all rooted in just zero logic. So I think
that's also one of the reasons why even though I
would say victim blaming does piss me off, it also
doesn't really bother me because it really is just rooted
in foolishness when you really assess and analyze everything.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Yeah, and I think that's like a powerful sentiment for
someone to hear who maybe hasn't thought about it in
those terms, because it can it can weigh on you.
You know, if you're constantly being told that you have
some form of responsibility in this when you are the victim,
(29:12):
you are the survivor, you know, that can weigh on
you to constantly hear that messaging placing the blame on
you for whatever reason. But just realizing and remembering that
it is not about you at all, it's about them.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
You know, that can.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Really be empowering for someone to hear who hasn't thought
about it in that way. So I appreciate you sharing
that with us.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
No problem. It really is also about perspective, because we
live in societies that goal based off of ignorance and
inaccurate stereotypes.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
What I appreciate so much about getting connected with you
is this show is you know, focused on black women's
healing journeys and black women's healing period after experiencing sexual
assault and sexual violence. But we've really been talking about
the show this season in the context of the United States,
(30:09):
and so I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be
able to have this conversation about this subject matter across
the diaspora and to be able to highlight, you know,
the work that's happening in Ghana. And other countries in Africa,
because there is so much happening at a global scale,
(30:32):
and I will say, a lot of what we are
hearing about and a lot of what is shared and
reported in the media here in this country focuses on
examples like the conflicts in the Democratic Republic of Congo
and Sudan when it comes to like the weaponization of
(30:53):
sexual assaults and sexual violence in war as weapons of war,
but they don't really talk about out this like like
some of the everyday like norms and cultural things that
are unique to the continent and unique to certain countries there.
So I'm wondering if you have any ways that you
(31:16):
can think of, or ways that you would you just
want to kind of platform why people need to pay
attention to this issue across the diaspora and why specifically
we need to focus on sexual assault and sexual violence
in Africa right now.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
So I think more attention needs to be brought, especially
because you can clearly see that pedophilia is a really
huge problem here. First and foremost, there are so many
people both men and women that I've spoken to, including
me myself having experienced rape as a child. There are
(31:58):
just so many people that have had experiences during childhood.
It was either done by a gardener or maybe an
uncle or a househelp, or your teacher at school. It
could be anybody, and these are really prominent issue. But
because of the stereotypes and some of the stories you
(32:20):
hear survivors sharing about their experiences even going to report
it to the police, a lot of people just largely
don't talk. And you will notice the same phenomena that
you notice anywhere else in the world. When you share
your story, there is almost a guarantee that there's someone
who's going to be like, oh, me too, you know.
(32:43):
So it is a prevalent issue here, but because of
many different issues, we don't really keep record as best
as we could because again, so many people do not
feel comfortable coming forward. They're thinking about, you know, being
(33:06):
embarrassed or worse, you know, bringing shame maybe to their
family and all this stuff, and again it all goes
back to the shame. It all goes back to the
mentality that a lot of people in our society have like, oh,
(33:26):
what were you wearing? You know, what were you doing there? Oh,
maybe you were being too nice, which is an insane
statement to make in it of itself, because if someone
is your friend and they're being friendly, like, what are
they supposed to do? Be mean? Just doesn't make sense.
And you know, blaming it on the clothing and just everything,
(33:52):
but blaming it on the people that are responsible for
these crimes, and then they'd get to like every other society,
if they're not reprimanded or held accountable in some abrasive way,
they just continue to do it, and there's just more
people that continue to suffer. And I think that there
(34:14):
are many people who are suffering in silence here.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Yeah, what would you say to them? To the people
who may be hearing this who are suffering in silence?
Speaker 3 (34:26):
So, first of all, I would like to say that
their existence and their presence on this earth is so important.
They are valued, and whether they decide to share their
story or not, they're still valued and their story still matters.
(34:47):
Because I know that there are people who may never
feel comfortable coming forward, but I hope they find peace
and comfort in knowing that there are so many of
us out there that have been through things that really
get at you and get at your confidence. It really
(35:09):
gets under your skin, especially when people are blaming you.
I've had people tell me almost everything under the sun.
When you talk about victim blaming, I just couldn't care
any less because wrong is wrong and a crime is
a crime. We have these laws in place for a reason,
they just unfortunately aren't enforced. But I just want you
(35:33):
to know that you should never carry shame. And you know,
we all have freedom of speech, and unfortunately, you know
people will use their freedom of speech just share their
opinions on your story. That may not be nice, but
you don't have to pay attention to them. They're just noised.
They're like empty barrels who have nothing in them and
(35:55):
don't know what they're talking about half of the time.
But the story is valid and you have nothing to
be ashamed of. And especially remember that you're not alone.
There so many of us out there. So don't ever
feel less than don't ever feel like your damaged goods,
don't ever feel like whatever that cruel person made you
(36:24):
feel and what they wanted to make you feel when
they did what they did to you, And don't ever
blame yourself.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Perfect again. I think that is going to matter to
many people, and I think that that is going to
resonate with many people. And I know that they're going
to be people are going to find that message who
need it. So I thank you Rachel for sharing that
(36:53):
with us.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
Thank you, and thank you to every survivor that's listening
to this, because just like I wrote in my book,
the work that I do is dedicated to all survivors,
and if it wasn't for your existence, I also wouldn't
feel as comfortable coming forward to So thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
That's beautiful. So I'm also curious.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
What are some of the well you Actually you talked
about a couple of different things that I did want
to come back to.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
With regard to like what this, what this.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
Looks like that you're seeing in Ghana and what you're
seeing in you know, different countries in Africa. You talked
about some people just don't feel comfortable coming forward, and
you said that some people worry about bringing shame to
the family, and so I'm curious to know if you're
(38:00):
seeing because we've talked about this on previous episodes of
the show. This sort of sort of a transformation in
terms of like understanding accountability and what that looks like
and placing that accountability on perpetrators and maybe not necessarily
seeking out support or justice through like the police or
(38:21):
through any sort of like criminal justice procedures, but like
the community holding perpetrators accountable for their behavior. Are you
seeing any movements like that where these people who are
engaging in this sexual violence behavior and who are the
perpetrators of pedophilia and who are the people who are
(38:45):
doing these acts? Are you seeing movements that are trying
to place the accountability and the shame and the guilt
on them as a level of like protection for survivors
and people who have had these experiences.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
Well, for example, some of the other platforms that I
spoke about, they are also education based, so they tried
to push for consent education as well as stimulating the conversation.
But admittedly, sexual assault in you know, arguably most societies
(39:33):
is something that a lot of people, as I said,
are not really comfortable talking about. And then you brought
up the whole thing about shame, and it really plays
a huge role in it because it's not thought of
as just like something humiliating that happened to you, but
(39:54):
it's like even more humiliating to your family if you
come out about it. And it can be in different
facets because like I said, it could either be an
uncle or an aunt, or it could be like a
random gardener or something. But the idea of people speaking
(40:16):
about it is something that strikes discomfort in many people.
And there's also I think an underlying element in my
personal opinion that many parents, I think globally also blame
themselves and they deal with their own form of denial
(40:40):
and their own like emotional rollercoaster when they learn about
things like this that happen. And I have my own
opinion on that as well, which is that while some
parents are just blatantly negligent, some know the abuses taking place,
(41:00):
they don't do anything. Some actually may even like provide
their children to the predator. But I think we also
don't talk much about the shame and guilt parents feel
and the fact that in reality it's almost impossible, unless
(41:22):
of course, you're a stay at home parent, to always
have an eye on your kid. That's why I believe
in giving parent to grace, because there is an internal
battle that they uniquely go or goes on within them.
(41:43):
And your kid is going to go to school and
you're going to have to go to work, You're not
always going to be there. And when we yeah and
when we entertain things such as like blaming the parent
to you know, asking where were the parents, well, whether
(42:05):
the parent was there or not, you don't sexually assault anybody.
I've been around children, and like I said, the thought
never crossed my mind. So I think they're all interconnected
for the most part. But people have to remember that
(42:26):
unless you're just going to just throw away your life
entirely to the point where you know you're not going
to go to work or you know, it's also good
to devote your time to your own child. That's the
only way you can always have an eye on them.
So I also want parents to understand that they shouldn't
(42:51):
feel shame. It's normal to feel defeat and blame, like
you know, you failed your child, But there's also a
responsibility that we all have as human beings as part
of societies that have rules and structures and laws in
place that states that we shouldn't be participating in this
(43:11):
type of behavior in the first place. So I think
it all boils down to people being willing to have
those really super uncomfortable conversations. And sometimes it takes time,
you know, but you definitely keep on going and one
(43:32):
day there will be a revolution. I truly believe that.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
I can't wait to see it.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
Yeah, and I fully believe that you are going to
be a part of that, just with you know, everything
that you've been building and working towards. I fully believe
that you will play a role in that.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
So I hope too. I hope to be at the
front lines, absolutely right at the front lines.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
So that kind of to be to my next question,
what do you view as some of the ways that
here in the United States we could use some of
the lessons and the insights that you all are doing
in your movements, in your organizing in Ghana or in
different countries in Africa that could expand or you know,
(44:21):
challenge how we are thinking about healing and justice when
it comes to sexual assault and sexual violence.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
So this is such a really great question. I almost
don't know how to answer.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
I feel like it's a it's a big broad one too,
So you know, however you answer it is great because
there's probably so many different angles that we could you know,
take it okay.
Speaker 3 (44:45):
I think we should continue or we should keep or start,
depending on the atmosphere. We need to, uh start at
the root of the issue, which is that some of
these things happen because of social norms, like, for example,
(45:06):
in some places here, people actually think that sexually assaulting
someone is a way to court somebody, Like what happened
to me and what I have spoken about in the
book that my late friend's brother did. It is known
to some people that what he did was actually apparently
(45:29):
a way of him showing interest in me, which of
course is nonsense, but it's an actual belief. It all
boils down to this belief that people have, this understanding
that people have that the moment you have somebody of
(45:49):
the opposite sex within your vicinity or they're your friend,
it immediately has to become sexual or it has to
become romantic. We perpetuate some of these stereotypes as well,
like is mom jokingly telling me to marry him, and
he using that as an excuse to get riled up
(46:11):
and do what he did. But the fact that she
even joked like that, that's all part of the problem
because as a society we've told ourselves that automatically, if
somebody of the opposite sex, you know, even platonically gets
close to you or entertains you platonically, that means they
want something more and That's why I'm saying that it
(46:33):
goes down to the norms, because that's where a lot
of it comes from. And you know, even when people
say things, oh, well, why were you with him or her?
Or why were you alone with him or her? And
it's like, guys, like, we all have friends that we've
been around, and we ourselves are friends to other people
(46:54):
and we don't behave like this, So why is that
even an excuse? Right? And if those are the arguments
people want to make, not to get grotesque, but there
are people who have literally been assaulted by their own parents,
So what are you going to say that? You know?
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Yeah, it's like how far are you willing to accept this?
You know, like what is the what is it? What
does the spectrum look like for you of what is
acceptable and what is unacceptable? Because when it comes to
the law, it should be pretty clear what is unacceptable,
(47:36):
you know. And I think you have done a great
job in your work from what I've seen, in articulating
it as sort of a leak within the legal framework
like this, you know, it is illegal. These behaviors are
actually illegal, and so for us societally to just choose
(47:56):
to accept some of them as part of our norms.
It's like, no, like you are forgetting this important, huge
part that this is just actually straight up the legal behavior.
And so I think that that is one thing that
I really appreciated about how you kind of go about
articulating this in some of the messaging that you've been
(48:17):
sharing with Sexual Assault Africa.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
Yes, exactly, because it is a core reason why a
lot of these stupid little comments are thrown around this,
all this victim blaming and why predators feel emboldened because
they know that society is going to back them. They
know society is going to be like, well, you shouldn't
have been there, you shouldn't have been wearing that, you
(48:43):
shouldn't have done this, you shouldn't have done that, all
these you shouldn't have, you shouldn't have or you should have.
But what about the person who decided to do it?
Why couldn't they have just not? You know, right? Yeah,
and we may excuses for it, we justify it, and
this just you know, lessens the severity of it, which
(49:07):
is also something we shouldn't allow to happen. You read
the book and you see that there are people who
don't even know or believe or understand what they're doing
as sexual assault, Like they know it's wrong, they know
they shouldn't be doing it. But as you can see,
it's not something that's really drilled into people's heads until
(49:31):
you doubled down on it and I'm like, you didn't
just touch me, you literally assaulted me. You molested me,
you committed a crime. You know, we have to start
calling things for what they are and normalize it instead
of allowing these things to remain as norms that, oh,
(49:54):
you know, if you don't want something happening to you,
then you need to just stay at home and shrivel
up and die as if people don't have randoms breaking
into their houses and assaulting them. So enough is really
too much? How long are people going to just go
(50:15):
through these extreme hoops to defend these degenerate, morally bankrupt people.
We need to start holding them accountable very abrasively. Dare
I say it?
Speaker 4 (50:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (50:31):
Yeah, So that goes to my final question for you.
What do you hope this sort of diasporic conversation, this
you know, wider understanding around sexual assault and sexual violence.
What do you hope it looks like in the next
five to ten.
Speaker 3 (50:51):
Years in the next five to ten years, I hope
to see that more people are coming forward. I hope
to see some improvements in our justice system. One of
the goals of Sexual Assault Africa actually is to see
that sex Offender Registry or a system that's similar to
(51:15):
that is established not only here but in other African
countries as well, and the tolerance for this behavior is
just lowered, and we create an environment that really makes
people think more than just two times before they decide
(51:35):
to do something as cruel as sexual assault.
Speaker 1 (51:43):
I appreciate that, and so we can't can't wait to
see what the Transformation Foundation looks like at the forefront
of that over these next five to ten years. Yeah,
I can't wait to see what you are doing, miss
Rachel in this regard as well.
Speaker 2 (52:01):
And so I'm wondering.
Speaker 1 (52:03):
If you have anything that you would like to share
in terms of how listeners can reach out to you
or how they can support any of your work that
you have going on right now.
Speaker 3 (52:14):
Yes. So currently we are based on line, so we're
spreading information and you can follow us at sexual Assault
Africa on Instagram and Assault Africa on Twitter.
Speaker 1 (52:34):
So let me just say I appreciate you sharing everything
that you've shared with us today. I don't take any
of it lightly anytime we have these conversations, and I'm
just honored to be able to have you share what
this is looking like for you and what your experience
has been like in Ghana, because I don't think, like
(52:55):
I said, we get enough of that.
Speaker 2 (52:58):
Understanding here in the United States.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
And I want to make sure that we are connecting
all across the diaspora with this conversation because it's so
important for us to take this wider global lens, because
we are all so intimately connected, whether we are survivors
or not, just as black women, we need to make
sure that we are there for each other. We're honoring
each other's stories, and we are saving space for us
(53:23):
to speak our truths whenever we can. So I'm so
grateful for you, Rachel, and I just appreciate you so
much and everything you're doing with sexual South Africa.
Speaker 3 (53:33):
Thank you so much. It's an honor to be on
your platform.
Speaker 4 (53:39):
We'll talk soon, yes, bye bye.
Speaker 1 (53:54):
As I wrapped up my conversation with Rachel, I am
struck by how far we've come this season and how
many conversations we've got to have and how many amazing
guests we've had a chance to listen to in our
role call segments, But this segment always makes me think
how much farther we have to go. This conversation with
(54:16):
Rachel only reinforce that, and I'm so glad to have
had you on that journey with us Throughout this season.
Sexual violence has been socialized in societies around the world,
but together we can reshape those societies. We're going to
keep pushing that change forward every chance and in every
(54:37):
way we can. And one example of that is how
Rachel and I were able to dive into how the
African diaspora can support and learn from one another's movements
to end sexual violence across the world. As members of
this global black community, we can share resources and strategies
(54:58):
across borders. The hashtag me too movement, for example, sparked
conversations in Hollywood and in the United States, but there
have been parallel hashtags and campaigns in African countries that
haven't always gotten that same international spotlight.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
Those of US abroad, those.
Speaker 1 (55:17):
Of US in different countries can help amplify these stories,
particularly with the advancements of technology and social media, in
ways that we can stay connected, and that's how I
was able to meet Rachel in the first place. Through
social media, we can donate to local organizations that empower
survivors and fight stigma, and we can pressure international institutions
(55:41):
to fund safe shelters and crisis centers, and we can
simply listen. This finale episode is about making sure that
every black woman, fem and gender expansive person, whether it's
Chicago or legos Cape Down or London, knows that this
sorority of survival is truly global. We are widening our
(56:02):
circle of support because no survivors should feel alone or
forgotten no matter where they are. Rachel shares in her
role call.
Speaker 2 (56:11):
Segment her own experiences.
Speaker 1 (56:14):
And the cultural and social challenges that survivors face in Ghana,
challenges like victim blaming and stigmatization that can be as
traumatizing as the abuse itself. According to the Spotlight Initiative,
which is a United Nations based online resource platform for
programs to end violence against women and girls, in many places,
(56:35):
a woman's worth is still tied to her purity, so
when a woman or girl is raped, she risks being
ostracized as unmarriageable, worried about shame and isolation by the
very people she should be able to turn to, and
as Rachel points out, survivors are often made to feel
like they did something wrong when in truth, the blame
(56:57):
really lies with the perpetrator, and so it creates this
culture of silence and stigma. That is exactly what she's
fighting to change in her organization. And one of the
things Rachel emphasizes is the importance of safe spaces and
survivor communities. Healing from sexual assault is hard enough, doing
(57:19):
it alone under the weight of that stigma is even harder,
and we talked about creating spaces where survivors can support
each other and reclaim their sense of safety. And in Kenya,
for example, survivors like Florence Kia have established the Measia
Girls Safehouse, which is a sanctuary for girls who have
(57:41):
experienced sexual violence, and it provides not just a shelter,
but a haven for growth where survivors receive everything from
medical care, to education, to seeking justice and a community
of empathetic peers who truly understand what that experience is like.
And beyond individual safe haven, Rachel and I discussed the
(58:01):
importance of not just accepting, but working to change society's
norms as a critical effort to preventing sexual violence in.
Speaker 2 (58:09):
The first place.
Speaker 1 (58:11):
Rachel talked about how social norms and stereotypes need to
be confronted, had on whether it's the toxic ideas around
sex being seen as taboo, which just simply leaves young
people uninformed about consent, or the dangerous stereotype that a
woman who was wearing a certain thing or a person
(58:33):
who looked a certain way was somehow inviting her assault.
And organizations on the ground in Africa recognize this need.
Another organization from Kenya, the Wangu Kanja Foundation, which was
founded by a survivor, asserts that only by shifting social
norms that propagate sexual violence and holding perpetrators accountable can
(58:57):
we truly prevent abuse and enable dignified recovery and resilience
for survivors. In other words, it's not enough to treat
the wounds after the fact. We have to address the
attitudes and the mindsets that allow those wounds to happen
in the first place, and Rachel, through her projects and
her advocacy, is doing just that in her own country,
(59:20):
pushing for honest conversations about consent, to respect and gender
equality so that the next generation doesn't internalize the same
harmful beliefs. And so again, this final episode is broadening
our scope to a pan African and diasporic perspective out
of necessity. Too often, when sexual violence in Africa gets
(59:44):
attention here in the United States, it's only in the
context of extreme conflict, the horrific wartime rapes in places
like the Democratic Republic of Congo or Sudan which dominate
the headlines. And it's true the atrocities in those conflicts
are staggering. In Sudan's recent war, for example, human rights
(01:00:06):
groups have documented that all sides have committed rape and abuse,
with one militia using rape systematically as a weapon of war.
In Eastern Congo, another example is the tens of thousands
of women and girls who have survived brutal sexual assault
amidst the fighting, so much so that the region has
(01:00:26):
been infamously dubbed the rape capital of the world. And
these cities must be talked about. But as that conversation
with Rachel reminds us, sexual violence isn't only a wartime phenomenon.
It's woven into our social fabric during peacetime, as well.
Consider South Africa, where gender based violence has been called
(01:00:48):
a national crisis. In twenty eighteen, one in three women
there were reported to have been sexually attacked, and nearly
half of all reported rapes that year involved children, which
Rachel also spoke about having similarities in Ghana. South African
activists have risen up in protests since that time, bringing
(01:01:12):
about the hashtag and my next movement after a young
woman named u Yanane Mogachana and I apologize if I
mispronounced that was raped and murdered in a horrifying set
of circumstances, and it galvanized a countrywide demonstration in August
twenty nineteen. Cultural norms such as prioritizing female obedience and
(01:01:37):
male dominance creates an environment where marital rape or intimate
partner violence is normalize and survivors are pressured to endure
it rather than seek help, and in Uyinane's case, those
same mentalities also played out with a stranger. Rachel and
(01:01:59):
I discover how confronting these norms is huge, but it's
also necessary, not just in South Africa but across many societies.
Change has to happen at the community level, in our families.
Our churches, our mosques, our schools, and that is what
(01:02:19):
is going to encourage a new generation of survivor advocates
and we're already seeing that rising across different countries in Africa.
To drive that change, Rachel herself is a part of
that wave. She's using her voice and her platforms to
educate and agitate and she's not alone. Another example from
(01:02:41):
Nigeria is a survivor led network called the Women and
Children Conflict Survivors Foundation or WCCSF, which was launched in
late May of twenty twenty four to unite women who
endured conflict related sexual violence and to turn their pain
in The Research has shown that when survivors come together
(01:03:03):
in peer groups, it can enable survivors to overcome stigma
and assume a leading role in their healing and also
in the prevention and response to sexual violence. And I
just find that so inspiring and empowering. Survivors are relying
on what we do best, which is working in collaboration
(01:03:24):
to support one another and raise awareness through solidarity. Those
grassroot movements that we're seeing popping up all over the
continent of Africa are saying enough is enough and pushing
their governments, their leaders, and their society at large to
do better. And you've heard from so many others who
are doing the work in this country and beyond.
Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
And I am.
Speaker 1 (01:03:49):
So grateful for each of you tuning in each week
as we get into these amazing, incredible stories and conversations.
To all of the listeners, I thank you for joining
us on at the Unwanted Sorority this season, for every
story you've heard, every survivor who we've collectively uplifted, and
(01:04:11):
every uncomfortable truth that we've confronted. This may be the
final episode of this first season, but it's not the
end of this conversation. In fact, it's just the beginning
of a more expansive dialogue and conversation. And going forward,
we're going to continue to keep our perspective global, looking
across the diaspora and connecting our struggles and strengths and
(01:04:34):
just building this network of what The Unwanted Sorority was
created to do. And I invite you to continue sharing
your stories with me. You can reach out to the
email at the Unwanted Sorority at gmail dot com, or
connect on social media on TikTok or Instagram. Let's keep
this community growing, and I can't wait to share what's
(01:04:56):
next for the show, so stay tuned for all of
the updates. We're in this together, turning our pain into
power and making sure that no one has to walk
this road alone until next time. Take care of yourself,
take care of one another, and release whatever shame or
guilt you may be feeling about the harm that's been
done to you.
Speaker 2 (01:05:17):
You're not alone. I'll see you next time.
Speaker 1 (01:05:28):
The Unwanted Sorority is hosted and executive produced Bemmy Leander Tate.
Our executive producer is Joel Money, our producer is Carmen Loren,
and original cover art is created by Savannah Muler. I
would also like to be a special thanks to the
I Heard Podcast Next Up program for helping bring the
show to life. Also all of the guests who have
taken a step in sharing their story with you all
on these episodes, and finally, to all the members of
(01:05:50):
the Sorority who will never tell their story, we see
you and your story matters.
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