December 3, 2025 • 56 mins
Country artist Conner Smith joins Brooke Taylor and co-host Pastor Mark Evans on The Upload for his first in-depth conversation since the tragic accident that made headlines this past summer. Known for hits like “I Hate Alabama,” and “Creek Will Rise,” Conner has quickly risen through the country music ranks—touring festivals, releasing his debut album, and building a loyal fanbase. But behind the momentum was a season of profound heartbreak.
On the final day of CMA Fest, just one day after taking the Riverfront Stage, Conner was involved in a devastating accident that took a life. In this episode, he opens up with honesty and humility about the grief, trauma, and deep soul-searching that followed, and how the Lord became his anchor when the world around him collapsed.
Conner shares how God met him in the shock and silence, the community that rallied around him, and the spiritual “crushing and stripping” that has reshaped him in ways he never expected. He talks about learning to trust God in the valley, surrendering the weight he can’t carry alone, and how the peace he has today is only because of the presence of Christ in the darkest hours.
This is a powerful conversation about suffering, healing, and the God who restores what feels shattered beyond repair.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey is Connor Smith. On June the eighth, I was
involved in an accident that caused someone to lose their
life in a moment, it's like a tornado runs through
your house and there's so much grief and there's so
much trauma. I turned off my phone and I put
it in a drawer for four weeks or I got
like a joke moment. There's nothing here I can try
to salvage. God, you get to decide what you want
to build. And this is the upload.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We're just chatting about college football and how amazing it is,
but we're also chatting with Connor Smith and how amazing
he is.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
What's going on?
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Welcome back to the upload?
Speaker 4 (00:33):
Yeah, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
It's good to be back.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
A lot's happened since then, a little bit.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
We've talked about it before, kind of how we recorded
a couple episodes.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Things happened. The episodes were lost.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Connor's was one of them, and I was actually really
sad about it because we talked about spiritual warfare, great conversation.
We had some pretty great conversation. Before we talk about
anything on the upload. We have these faith filled conversations
and just really want to dive into Connor as a
human being, not as an artist or anything else, just
Connor as a human being. If you would describe to
(01:07):
someone your faith, what would you say?
Speaker 1 (01:10):
That's a good question also for this conversation. I love
that you brought my pastor into the conversation.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Mack is here, Yeah, past the mad.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Yeah, if I were to describe my faith, I think
every every word that comes to mind is cliche, and
their cliche for a reason. But I mean my rock, right,
like especially kind of coming out of the season we're
coming out of, it's such a it was such a
reminder of like you can build your house in the sand,
you can build your house on identity. You can build
your house on your career, you know, for us your
music or your ticket sales, or you can build your
(01:42):
house in the rock, which is salvation in Christ, which
is identity in Christ, which is community in Christ. So
that's my everyday pursuit is how do I build my
house on the rock of Jesus Christ. So I would
just say, you know, He's my rock.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
When you think about growing up, what moments do you
think really share your faith?
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yea, and how you.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Grew up you know, it's a good question. I think
about the prayers I prayed that shaped my faith, because
I remember specifically two prayers throughout my life that I
prayed at the time. I can remember as a young kid,
like feeling repentance as like a seven year old when
(02:24):
I didn't pray the night before. I remember like waking
up the night the next morning and like, oh, I
didn't pray last night, and I remember like feeling guilty
to the Lord. So I remember prayer was always something
that my heart longed for. And you know, I grew
up into church. My parents were faith based, but I
don't exactly know where that came from. And then there
were two prayers that I always prayed as a kid.
(02:45):
One I remember hearing about it in like fourth grade
youth group about praying for wisdom and so this idea
of wisdom is worth more than gold. And that, you know,
is the story of Solomon, where Solomon can ask anything
of God and he says, well, you know, what do
you want? And he asked for wisdom. And I remember
that story hit me for some reason, and so that
became a daily prayer of my life since I was
nine or ten. Now there's a verse an Ecclesiastes. I
(03:09):
think the last verse Ecclesiaste is one that says, with
more wisdom comes more sorrow, which is an interesting verse
that I think is true and a lot of ways
that there is a weight to wisdom. But that's been
a prayer of my life. And then I remember about twelve,
I started to pray this prayer that I also had
no idea what it meant. That was God used me
like David. And the more that I've grown up, the
(03:31):
more that I've seen kind of the calling on my
life balancing ministry and music, specifically country music. You know,
you look at the story of David, where David was
an annoying to be the king, but how he was
entered into the kingdom was through the gift of writing
song and music. It was through his gift that he
could channel the spirit of God through music that got
him into the room and into the courthouse of the king,
(03:51):
and that led to his ministry as a king. So
those were the two prayers that I can remember praying
before I knew what they meant. And now I look
at my life now and I the Lord. I'm twenty five,
so there's so much that you know, I don't know
what the Lord's going to do, but I see you where
those prayers have kind of shaped too I am as
a person.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
It's crazy that you say that the story of David
and glythe kind of like like was one that you
kind of clung to growing up. Because my daughter, she's
four and she's always bringing me her Bible. She's like, Mommy,
can you find David and Goliath? And that's the one
she always wants to listen to. And I'm like, all right,
am I supposed to what are we putting together here?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
What's going to happen?
Speaker 4 (04:26):
And you might have a country star in your hands.
I have a little David David Ette is that?
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Dude?
Speaker 4 (04:36):
I love the what you said about wisdom and sorrow.
I think the inverse of that would be ignorance is bliss. Yeah,
And I think that knowing you and like there is
a depth and wisdom beyond your years. Anyone that ever,
I'm like, hey, this is Connor And then they're like,
how are you like fifty two? You know, like, look
(04:58):
you you're spirit, your maturity, your depth, and I think
speak into that, like what does the weight of wisdom
look like?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Like?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
When you talk about sorrow is it? Man? Is it
the multi threads I'm processing all the time? What does
it look like when wisdom gets off the rails? Does
it ever?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Like?
Speaker 4 (05:20):
What does that look like?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
I mean, as you said that, I kind of thought
of a something through kind of my career as an artists.
You know, I signed a record at eighteen. I started
hitting the road at twenty. I didn't go to college,
so like my college experience was playing college bars, which
is the rowdiest experience of college you can have, and
so all my friends were in college. I was kind
(05:43):
of traveling to all these different schools and at the time,
you know, I was twenty year old kid and just
figuring out success and figuring out this idea that I
would roll into these towns and these were kids that
were my age, and they were singing songs and you know,
like I hit Alabama, take it slow or quicker? Is
it like? And it was a really wild thing. And
I remember in those moments like as I'm you know,
(06:06):
figuring out who I am inside of that, you know,
I've made a ton of mistakes and there's because there's
so much temptation on the road, right And I can
remember I would always try to get as close to
sin without sinning. That was kind of how I was
living instead of instead of realizing that my heart and
my job as a Christian was to get as close
(06:26):
to CHRISTI as I could get as far away from sin.
But I remember so vividly, like in the mornings after
some of these shows where I just like would either
drink too much or flirt with girls too much, whatever,
Like I would just have such anxiety, and I would
be so mad about it because I would I would
I would be like I would see other people doing
way worse things than me and not caring right, and
(06:49):
I would be like I would just like flirt too
much with a girl or something, and like, once again,
I've made I've made a lot of mistakes. But like,
I remember feeling so such a guilt in that, and
I remember being mad about it, and I would be like, God,
why am I mad about this? And I realized later
on that I was getting mad at God for the
Holy Spirit. I was getting mad at God because he
(07:11):
was answering the prayers of conviction on my on my
heart right. And I think that's a part of wisdom,
that's a part of the whole I mean the fear
of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom. The
Holy Spirit within us is wisdom is like and the
more that you invite the Holy Spirit to take control
of your life, the more conviction, the more opportunity has
(07:31):
to like to hit you with truth. And that's not
always fun. And so I felt that a lot early on,
you know, before I met my wife and before it
got married, of just like that feeling of kind of
like dancing around sin and then getting convicted for and
then feeling anxious and then wondering why, and then really
going through a process of like we have a God
(07:53):
of peace, and so without God there is no peace,
and without a pursuit of righteousness, there is no peace
and the joy of that. But that's something that when
you say, like the weight of wisdom, what is that,
it's conviction. It's this fact that like, you can't run
from God because all the time, the moment you're alone
with your thoughts. I would feel myself in those moments
(08:15):
where I was scared to be alone. I was scared
to be alone with my thoughts. And that's always been
a trigger for me of like if my heart's not
right or I need a recalibration is so I have
this tattoo right here that just says abide on my hand,
and I put it right there because I wanted to
see it all the time. But it says abide in
Hebrew from Psalms ninety one. It's just this idea that
I felt like the Lord's been teaching me recently of
(08:36):
what does it look like to constantly abide in Him,
constantly recalibrating in these atmospheres, and these conversations and these
moments were like, so much of my job is about
self promotion and being called to like and being thrown
into the ways of the world. How do I constantly
abide in Christ over and over again? So that I
mean to answer your question, that's kind of what it
(08:57):
brought me to.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
And I feel like it's just so profound.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
And you opening saying that you remember a prayer at
nine years old about wisdom and how fast forward you know,
however many years and God is giving you that wisdom,
and then you're mad about it, You're like, why are
you giving me this? But I also want to call
that out too, because I feel like people listening to
this who might not be on you know, a journey
(09:20):
of faith or they're figuring it out, not understanding those
feelings of conviction, and they are anxious, they're mad, they're
not sure. What are some tangible ways that you kind
of walked through that with, you know, seeking the Lord
and going through that, because I feel like some people
just don't know where to go or don't know what
to do when they feel those things.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah, I think I go back to like we serve
a God of peace, and like pursuing Christ and like
pursuing righteousness is a pursuit of peace. I think we're
living in a culture and you know that is so
anxious all the time when the truth is that we
have a God, and we have Christ who who died
so we could feel the peace of his salvation and
(10:02):
the peace of his fatherhood and his friendship. I've been
on that journey, you know. I feel like over the
last few years it's been a process of like moving
into peace. And I would say where I'm at in
my life right now is truly in a place of peace,
like no matter what comes, no matter how hard the
trial is, like there's been a peace that has defined
(10:23):
my life based on sowing seeds of faith and sowing
seeds of like, hey, I'm not in control of any
of this. There's nothing I can do to like hold
my career up. There's nothing I can do to you know,
pay my mortgage other than just like working as hard
as I can and like giving everything else to the Lord.
(10:43):
And so to live in that place, especially in an
industry and in a career that is so self dependent
and you have so many people who are reliant on
your success. To come to a place of peace in
my heart has been a game changer. And just to
get from the Lord. And that just comes through like
sowing seeds and whter plans, and it takes time. This
isn't like an overnight thing. But like when you begin
(11:04):
to like sow seeds of righteousness and like do not
go weird and doing good, for in the proper season,
you'll reap what you have sown. And like all these things.
And once again that's you know, that's mixed with my
failures every single day. But the more that I spend
time with God, the more that I spend time in
His authority and in his kingship, and then the fact
that like he can do more in a breath than
I can do in a lifetime, the more peace begins
(11:26):
to watch over me.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
Yeah, the peace is tangibly evident, bro, on you and
in you, and.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
I mean we've been through that process over the last
two years of just the growth of peace. I mean,
you know, Mark and I have been you know, best
friends for what two or three years now, And.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Connor is the reason we started the church. You showed
up on a Friday night. We shared. Can I tell
them what we shared?
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Yeah? Sure, sure.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
We both had really demand experiences on weed and we
connected and it was just like it opened ourselves up
to spiritual stuff that we weren't even like, weren't even
it was just crazy.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And they were both like old experiences where they were
both like a part of our testimony.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
Totally. That's a good clarification, Not like at that moment
we both had a create Friday whatever for the clicks, right,
But no, it's the truth is that Friday. Then we
started having a Bible study and really kind of has
been not only like, Bro, you've just been such an
encouragement to me and my family, and just even just
the seeing the journey recently with what you've been through
(12:35):
has been so I'm thirty seven you're twenty five. You
are a leader of leaders. You are an example, and
there is a wisdom Solomon David, leader of leaders. There
is times, Bro as your pastor and friend that you've
led me, and I just am so interested in unpacking
(12:58):
this tangible piece and the process of I'm just gonna
look at the roof and there's the tissues. I don't
need tissues. Men don't have tissues. Just use their sleeve
or something. I don't know, but I just want to
say Bro, that I want to unpack. I love you
and I want to unpack. I want people to see
(13:19):
you talk about in an anxious world. You talk about
in a pandemic of worry and chaotic thoughts and thought life.
Yet the condition or the details on the outside of
everything you've walked through should say that you should feel
the least amount of peace. It doesn't make sense. It's
a paradox. Unpack the process of this paradox, Like what's
(13:44):
it been from I guess the tragedy that you experienced
earlier this year and even just the beyond that.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Yeah, yeah, it kind of the revolution of like when
I wasn't fully following Jesus because I've always been you know,
I would always say I'm Christian, I'm always and I
gave my life. I got baptized in elementary school, like
was leading Bible studies in middle school. Like it was
always a journey, but definitely was like not not fully
(14:15):
living as a disciple of Christ for a majority of
my life and fully at least kind of be phases.
I would go through kind of like a three month phase,
and the moment the discipline of the Lord and the
moment the Lord wanted to like really like mature me,
I would just kind of run away from him. And
that was really until I kind of I found the
verse in First Timothy two I think might be two
(14:35):
Timothy too, that says fully youthful passions and pursue righteousness
for what it comes, like peace, love and whatever. And
that virtually like kind of rocked me as a twenty one,
twenty two year old kid to like become a man
just be like I got to grow up and like there,
I do feel like there's a calling on my life
through country music and through music to honor God, and
(14:57):
I got to figure out what that means and what
that looks like. I realized that like when I wasn't
following the Lord fully. There was a lot less problems
in my life, but there was a lot less peace
as I followed begin to follow Christ. There were way
more problems that arose, but there was way more peace.
And it was kind of that paradox. And you know,
I think there in every person's life there comes a
(15:19):
moment of like deep stripping, especially when you're following Christ.
Like the call to follow Christ is the call to die,
It's the call to be disciplined by God every day.
It's the call to be sanctified. It's the call to
be called out. It's the call to be to literally
lay yourself down and humble yourself in every moment. And
that is not fun, easy, enjoyable. That that is brutal,
(15:42):
that is excruciating. And so inside of that there comes
like God will send you through things. He'll send you
through trials that you can't comprehend, right right, And it's
this crushing and it's this breaking, but in that He
also promises to meet you there more than ever. There
was so much revelation in my heart through like you know,
the trial of my life that was so beyond comprehension
(16:03):
for me. But there was such revelation of who God
was as like the God of suffering and who he
was as a friend to his people. Right because like
you see, Christ comes down and you have a God
of all creation who steps into manhood and steps into
a mortal being so that he can come share the
same experiences with his people. So it then can elicit
(16:25):
a place of friendship. There's a CS. Lewis quote I
love that talks about how all a friendship and all
relationship is founded in two words, which is you two.
It's like Mark and I when we met, we found
friendship immediately because we had things in common, which was
a pursuit after the Lord. It was this you know,
demonic story with weed that we talked about. It was
(16:46):
like it was it was these moments of connection. This
heart for discipleship is heart to follow Christ. And that's
like with everything you think about meeting any person you
meet for the first time, and like you have the
same few questions like what do you do for a living,
what are your hobbies? Do you follow the sports? What
sports team? Where are you from? You're asking questions because
you're looking for points of connection. You're looking for anything
(17:06):
that you can say with this person, Oh, me too,
and then you have something to talk about. Well with God.
We have a God who came and experienced the darkest
and deepest levels of suffering so that in our suffering
He could meet us in a place and go me too, right,
And so there is a revelation to Christ in the
deepest levels of our suffering and that we all experience
(17:27):
as humans, no matter if it was my story or
if it's anybody's story of just life and losing your
parent or losing a friend or breaking up with someone
or divorce or like these moments of like deep trial
and suffering is where we actually get revelation of Christ
to just go I get it. You know, God can
(17:48):
say I've been there, I get it. And in those moments,
like the prayers that I was praying before everything happened,
before this trial began, was three prayers of see if
I remember him. One was for increased tenderness, so asking
God to make me more tender in my spirit. And
(18:09):
I was asking God that he would allow everything that
was in my head that I knew of him to
like go down to my heart right, and I was
asking Him to leave me on a process of just
realizing that, like, He's all I need. And so then
here comes this trial that I just can't fathom. But
(18:30):
in that all of those prayers were answered through the
power of Christ. That like all of those things I
knew and I thought, and I could sit on a
podcast and we could do a podcast. You know, six
months ago that gets lost. I could tell you all
these things about who I think Christ to be and
who I read Christ to be, and who I've heard
Christ to be. But now I've seen Christ to be
those things, and that radically transforms your peace. You know.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
It's that revelation. That's, like you said, from heart, from
head to heart. It's the ingrafting of the word. It's
the you know, there's they talk about the different levels
of revelation logos meaning I understand the principle m h
raima meaning like it's been revealed by not flesh and blood,
(19:13):
by something supernatural, and then zoeh and zai is the
word for life. What you're talking about is that's the
depth of when you engraft the word. It's not just
a principle, it's not just a revelation. It's a creative,
living part of who Connor Smith is now and so
you had to go through life with what the lamp
(19:35):
until your feet? And how did you how did you
walk through? Like what what for those who don't know
are you? Are you open to just kind of giving
some context in your own words of just what did
it feel like to walk through I'm sure not just
a this was a tough day, but what was it
like to be Connor in that in that moment?
Speaker 1 (19:58):
You know, I'll just see that. Like in June the eighth,
I was involved in an accident that caused someone to
lose their life and it was so out of nowhere
and it was like, so yeah, just in a moment,
like you know, you're like it's like a tornado runs
through your house and there's so much grief and there's
so much like trauma from that, like intense trauma though.
(20:21):
I mean, it's just there's a darkness in that that
like it's you just can't there's no words, right, It
felt like a tornado just blown through my house, you know,
like you don't have a concept of reality and like
what is going on and all you have is the
people you love and the people that are around you.
And I was so blessed to have those people just
show up for me in unfathomable ways. I literally the
(20:45):
night everything happened, I I turned off my phone and
I put it in a drawer for four weeks, Like
I didn't have a phone for a month because it
was like just so traumatic and I just locked myself.
I was at my parents' house, who live south of
Nashville and on some property, and so that was such
(21:06):
a blessing to be there, and my wife and I
just kind of camped out there and the people that
would just show up at the door. You know, Mark
was there that first day, Gator was there that very
first day. The first person that showed up at my
house on Monday morning was Dela Marlow and his wife,
and they just dropped everything the moment they heard and
they just came and like those people that just showed
(21:27):
up for you. And you know, I've told Mark this
and we've talked about a bunch and I'll never forget.
Like it was two days after, We're sitting on the floor.
It felt like a job moment where you just have
your friends and you're sitting on the ground and words
aren't coming. You just are sitting there, there's nothing to say.
And I'll never forget. He just said, hey, Connor, you
(21:50):
you do such a good job of carrying the weight
for other people every day, and now it's your turn,
and now you have to allow us to carry this
for you. And that was that was that really kind
of shaped the journey for me of just like I
can't carry this. There's nothing here I can carry in
any way. Yeah, like there's nothing here I can try
to salvage. Like that's not even the point. And so
(22:12):
my prayer in that was like, God, you just like
everything is gone except for the Rock of Christ, right,
And that's what I said at the beginning, and these
people that I love in this community and my marriage,
but every other than that, like, there's nothing here for
me to salvage. And so God, you get to decide
what you want to build. You get to decide. And
(22:34):
so my prayer and and you know, after these months
is like as we begin to kind of you know,
get back to playing shows and get back to life
and work and been so grateful to do that, it's
just like, God, I don't want to pick a color
of the paint on the walls. Like there's a new
house being built here and I don't I don't want
to have a single decision and what the color of
(22:54):
the door is or if it's what if it's panels
or like or if there's a front portra if there's not,
Like God, you build this house, yeah, and I will
sit and I will I will sit with you and
I will be with you. And there's been you know,
obviously this was you know, four or five six months
ago that this all happened. So there's been so many
people ask me, like, man, what are you gonna get
back and post on socials or you know, put out
(23:18):
music again, And there's always questions, and it's like when
God tells me to like, I'm I'm just living in
such a place of peace and just such such a
place of like overflow and like the spirit of the
Lord that like, and I feel like, you know, it's
really really soon when when we're gonna be able to
step back into that. And I feel a lot of
peace over that. But that's been the process. It's just
like God, you've you've brought us to a crushing and
(23:41):
I honor you for that and I praise you for
that because I see in your scriptures and Proverbs three
where it says do not despise the discipline of the
Lord right because he the Lord, disciplines those he loves
as a son, like as a father to his son.
And I see that It's like, all right, God, like
you get to decide what this next chapter looks like.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Those moments of surrender. Truly, it's such a tangible feeling
that I can feel on you too, of like it's
not about me anymore. And that's what this walk with
Christ is all about. It's not about us. And I
think that in these conversations, that's what we kind of
want to be sitting at the table is knowing that
(24:20):
this is not about us, this is about something else.
And man, to be able to walk through something so
tragic and so hard and to come out with just
this lightness, it's truly something you can't understand without the
love and the presence.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Of the Lord.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
And then those people around you, like Mark, I mean,
he's sitting here, I'm sure, being a best friend and
being a part of that journey and walking through that
with Connor, watching him change has got to be just
a cool transformation to watch too.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Well.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
First thing, it is true, you reap what you say
because you've been that and Ah can need to be
that for me for the longest, And I think it's
weird how connected our journeys have been. And I think
it's like that's just a gift whenever you find somebody
that you're like the parallels of like God's doing in you,
what they're doing, what He's doing in them is so
(25:17):
much more than like, yeah, we both like baseball sick
well I don't, but like I like cricket, but it's
so much deeper on that spiritual and I think it's
easy to hold each other's arms up and it's so fulfilling.
Like to me, it's like that's the greatest friendships, and
I just want to I'm just going through our group chap.
But what you said about like the front porch, the
(25:38):
paint on the walls and the surrender thing, like this
is what we're talking about the other day. But like,
he's not asking for a cleaned up porch. He's asking
for a house where every room is his, every door unlocked,
every hidden closet swept by light. You thought you could
tidy for company, but he's not company. He is lord,
and lordship rearranges furniture, knocks down walls, renames the deed.
(25:59):
Renaming the deed means I don't own it anymore. I
grow up thinking that I own my life. I'm the
you know, I'm the CEO. Conceptually, you can resign from
that position. And I think this is the This is
the tough thing. It's been even the journey and again
in the parallels, but like in their own way, the
(26:21):
whole like I am fully resigning, not conceptually, has been
a very painful process, you know, has been a very
peaceful process. It's the it's the fruit. It's the only
way to fruit. It's the only method to fruit.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
And so.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
I feel like that in this process for you. One
thing I want to point out is when you hear
kind of talk already this conversation five verses six maybe
I'm not counting, but we can get a counter at
the bottom of the screen. But like every time, this
is a Bible verse, but one thing that's different about you.
(27:00):
It's like, oh, there's this aura of wisdom. There's an
aura of this David thing. Can I just point out
that we'd have this joke about a couple of warriors,
which is a couple of warriors, you know, just in
this spiritual battle together. But like the sword for Connors,
the sword for you is not ornamental something in a
frame in your house. That the sword is like a
(27:24):
It is a weapon that is actively being used. It's
alive and active, sharper than a double edged sword. The
Word of God. It divides, It judges the thoughts and
intentions of the heart and even being annoyed at the
Holy Spirit. In the first part of the conversation of like,
why am I feeling this way, it's because you're in
your word. It's because it's not ornamental. And I think
I heard this line now that in a song. I
(27:46):
love this. I was playing golf yesterday and I was
just hitting some tunes and this guy's like, try this song.
I'm like, everyone's a Christian until it gets biblical was
the line. And I was like, damn. Can I say
damn on this podcast? I don't know. But in Australia
that's not a cust word. So in Australia it was fun.
But that's what I felt like. Yeah, I was like,
(28:08):
good that hits and I think, where is that? What
does that look like for you in this process? Whereas
I don't even know the question. I just want to
encourage you that you're you're a great warrior.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Mate.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Man, well, I feel like being you know, in a
like call it what it is, the spotlight, right, Like
a story like this happens, the world sees it, and
then everybody's scared to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Yeah, that's scared to go into those conversations.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
And I feel like, you know, in the beginning, right
four weeks in no phone, you're not hearing things of
this world, and you're hearing so much peace, And I
think that that is such a tangible noise maker, right
like this and everything that happens outside and you putting
literally everything out, You're spending time I'm in the wilderness
(29:01):
literally at your parents' house, just kind of you know,
your family and who you're around, and letting the noise
of the outside world die down and then the voice
of the father speak up. I don't think that any
there's any other way to heal than through that now
being able to come out and like talk about these things,
(29:21):
because truly it's going to be something that lives with
you forever. Going to shows, playing in front of people again,
getting in a car, those are hard things that I'm
sure you're still trying to battle with. Going through that
and living that spiritually emotionally. What does that look like
(29:43):
for you?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Yeah, I'll never forget like the first time I picked
up my phone. I'm a big YouTube guy, Like that's
kind of my vice is I'm on YouTube all the time,
and my wife thinks is really annoying. But I'll never
forget like grabbing my phone like for one of the
first times after and for one just seeing so many
text messages and just like feelings like man like thousands
(30:08):
of unread sex messages. In that moment, there was such
a public element to it. But the return of that
is that and so obviously so much comes into that,
and you know, I wouldn't dare go in my DMS.
But like the other side of that is I had
so I had literally thousands of people praying over me
and my wife and my family, and like our home.
(30:30):
I had a friend of mine I ended up seeing
maybe two months after and we had dinner and uh
Peyton Smith and other country artists. We had dinner with
him and his wife and he said, man like, when
we heard, we didn't know what to do, and so
we just got in our car and we just drove
around your house and just prayed, he said. And when
we got there, we saw other cars of people we
knew doing the exact same thing, and like the reality
(30:53):
of that that, like, dude, you have people and we
weren't even there, we weren't even at my house. But
we're literally just driving around our house praying for us, dude.
And and so the tangible piece of just like feeling
that is is life changing. But I'll never forget like
pulling up my phone and like going on YouTube, like
for the first time, and uh, first recommended video was
(31:15):
NBC News with my picture and I just quickly like,
not yet.
Speaker 4 (31:20):
You know.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
And I think I think the reality of like of
it was a lot of that wasn't really able to
pierce my heart because of the protection of the Lord.
For one and two, just like knowing there was nothing
I could do and just being even in that just
how much the Lord had protected me in that moment,
you know. And then as we've gotten to you know,
(31:43):
we took a few months off shows and then I
think started playing shows again in August and had a
bunch of shows committed. So we've done all those and
they've been great. It's been great to get back out.
It has been great to see people and their kindness
has been incredible, and there's been so much more love
than anything like like one hundred percent. But yeah, I mean,
it's just like it just takes time to heal. We
were very blessed. Like day after the accident. Two days
(32:07):
after the accident, miles from on site runs onsite, an
amazing ministry or or therapy group or whatever here in Nashville,
he sent like a trauma person to our house, like
within two days. In sitting with him, I just was like, hey,
like I understand the amount of trauma that just took
place in my mind, in my brain and just like
(32:29):
the grief that I now carry. I just kind of said,
like I don't want to rush this process, like I
want to fully heal, and I think through the Lord
and through kind of those conversations, like the Lord has
done so much healing and all those things. But there
is just like especially in community, it's like, man, you
(32:50):
realize in those moments how important community is to you,
and like in stewarding faith based Christian community, because like
that's all you have, Like I'll never forget. It's one
of my favorite story, but one of my best friends
in the World's Ben Pierce. We've been best friends since,
uh since we were twelve, but I'll never forget. Uh.
It was Tuesday morning and I woke up and like
(33:12):
immediately just hit with such a wave of anxiety and
like crippling because there's so many things up in the
air here. And I went to my wife and I
was like, I was like, hey, like, can you just
tell Ben to come over at some point today? And
like an hour later, forty five minutes later, like it's
like ten in the morning, and Ben ends up rolling
up and I'm like, goodness, like this dude like took
(33:33):
off work because I said I needed him. He gets
out of the car and he comes and hugs me,
and uh, he was like sorry, man, I slept in.
I was like what. And I realized in that moment
that he had he had called off work the night
before just in case I wouldn't need him. And it's
like those moments of friendship. Dude like that, Like I
spoke that story to him and in his wedding just
was weeping because it's like, man, that's everything. And in
(33:56):
those moments, like Mark says like you I can't I
couldn't carry it. But like to have people around me
could that could carry it for me, both on the
career side and like work stuff and the lawyer stuff
and all those things. But then also in just like relationship,
friendship and faith based community, I.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Think it's important to call out sort of I feel
like a theme that I'm finding in this full story
of community and surrounding yourself with people that build you
up not break you down. There's something that I always
tell my friends when they're going through something, whatever it like,
whatever it is, I always say, if you don't have
faith right now, like you.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Can have some of mine.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
And I think that is such a sweet thing that
you've been kind of touching on, and that who you
are Connor Smith already kind of just this pastor Connor,
is what I would I would say out loud because
I feel like you we.
Speaker 4 (34:43):
Ever told about that, because that's what I called him.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
Really we have never.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
Told about that. But it's no, it's it's it's evident,
it's evident of this king and priest. I'm Conna, and
I just want to say.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yes, yes, And I'm not even just now, but like
before like six months ago or however long ago we
recorded that first episode. You were then just such a
light and such a uh you use the Bible as
such a weapon in the best of ways, like you have.
Friend Dylan Marlow literally cannot say any bad things about you,
(35:18):
you know what I mean, Like you're a spiritual tower
for him.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
I says a lot of bad things behind closed doors,
but well out out loud.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
But I think to just I don't even know where
I'm going this.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
I just want to say that your coronation, Yeah, this
is your.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Con I haven't talked about this at all, so I
appreciate it very much.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Just the inspiration that you can be to people that
in the midst of tragedy, in the midst of the
hardest thing in the entire world, like the way that
you have carried yourself through it all, and the way
that you carried yourself before even crazy to say that
you're the same guy.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Thank you. I felt like I was so grateful that
this moment wasn't like a wake up call in my life,
right like, because like my heart was in a great
place with the Lord, Like I was living in peace
all these things before everything happened, And you know, the
last year of my life had been really challenging, like
it was a really challenging year of just like stripping
(36:18):
for me, like of humbling. Yeah, I mean I think
I think the stripping pot.
Speaker 4 (36:25):
Sorry you didn't.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Get not appropriate things back in your life that you
don't It was a tough.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Year of God removing things from your life.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Yes, it's a secondary story.
Speaker 3 (36:38):
Person who thought of it that way?
Speaker 4 (36:40):
I was, and I'm ashamed of it, but you don't want.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
But like there was such a process of like, this
is a really hard year for me, and I in my head,
like I thought that was the test. I thought, because
there's always throughout Scripture anytime God annoyed someone, anytime God's
going to use someone, he takes them through a massive
process of crushing. That's years. Like it's like a brutal
(37:05):
process for anybody you see God used throughout scripture. And
so like I thought kind of the last year was
like that, that stripping season of just like everything that
I had to hold on to, that was my identity,
and I realized that all that was was just preparing
me for what the moment, what the test was, and
like the testing of my heart of just like where
are you going to run? You know, like are you
(37:26):
going to try to save your career. You're going to
try to tell people the truth of the narrative. You know,
you're you going to try to like defend yourself in
these lies? Are you going to try to like whatever?
It's like, I have Jesus and I have people around
me that love and respect me and know the truth.
And inside of that, I need nothing else. And I
don't need a career. I don't need to sell tickets.
(37:47):
I don't need to get streams on Spotify. I don't
need to hear my songs on radio. I love those things.
I feel like that's a part of the calling of
my life. I do, but I don't need them. I
need Christ and seek first the Kingdom of God, and
all these things will be added, right and then also
like sorry, I'm not like trying to tick up our
counter here, but like also like for all things the
(38:09):
Lord will work together for good, and like that is
not all things will be good. He'll work all things
for good. You look at this situation, you go, how
the heck is this ever gonna be good? And it's
not on this side of eternity, there's nothing about this
that like you can go like this is good on
on what we see on what we're going to see
in our lifetime. There will be good. There will be
(38:32):
certain things that are good, right, there will be Now
there's so much more power. My testimony, my testimony the
last time we were on this podcast was I grew
up in a Christian home and you know, always was
following God in and out. I had some demonic encounters
like that led me whatever, and it's like, that's great
that those are, That's awesome. But now I have an
(38:53):
ability to actually speak to someone through tragedy and through
trauma in a wadd before and like even since then,
the phone calls that I've gotten from people asking me
to speak to their brother, asking me to speak to
their son or these things, and I've gotten to like
step into some of those roles and like that's you know,
that's something that Christ has done to turn things for
(39:15):
good in a beautiful way. And obviously, like I said
at the beginning, there's nothing about this that is like good, right,
So that's not what I'm saying. But the Lord will
bring beauty from for what the enemy means for evil.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
I just keep the song keeps playing in my mind
in the crushing, in the pressing, you will make new wine.
And how you're saying that you know you're able to
now use this testimony to help other people, I think
is always such a beautiful thing. When you talk to
people that are dealing with trauma, or maybe somebody listening
to the podcast that's dealing with some immense amount of
(39:49):
trauma in their life. What are some things that you
speak into those people and advice that you give them.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
The idea of considering it joy is revolutionary. The idea
of considerate joy when the testing of your faith, for
the testing of your faith produces endurance, and endurance went
to it complete work, so that you are mature and
complete and lacking nothing.
Speaker 4 (40:08):
Right.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
The idea that when we go through trials and when
we go through trauma, and we go through these moments
of crushing, the fact that we have a God who said, hey,
I know this is hard. I know this is terrible.
I know that you never wish this on your worst anyman.
I know that you have no way to rationalize why
I would allow this to happen. He didn't, He didn't
make it happen. It wasn't his idea. But he'll right.
(40:31):
But if you will trust me, and if you put
your faith in me, Like I promise you the transformation
and the growth that I will bring to your life
and the fruit that I'll bring to your life that
you can then use the for my kingdom and my glory.
You will look back on that and you go like,
thank you God for trusting me with trial. Thank you
God that you trusted me to experience that crushing and
(40:53):
once again, like you have to like hold all these
things like suffering and pain and enjoy and peace are
not opposite, Like they can go together, and you can
hold the tragedy and also hold this like gratitude for
the Lord at the same time. And I think being
able to balance those emotions is a beautiful thing. That's what,
Like there's never going to be a moment in our
(41:13):
lives that we're just like, all right, man, this has
been fun and easy, Like that's just not what we're
promised here, especially if you're following Christ, like we're called
to just for the rest of our lives, die to ourselves,
humble ourselves and think, lay our lives down. And the
reward of that, the reward of like finishing the race well,
is a beautiful ward that God promises, but it's not
for this life, right, There's a lot of fruit for
this life that God will let you experience. But I
(41:34):
would just say, man, like the whole fight's for our faith.
Everything's for our faith. It's for our faith in everything
we do this podcast. What you guys have to do
is fight for your faith in it. Every time you
have a conversation and every time you think about putting
out an episode or launching it, you're fighting for your faith.
Right in the same way that like the bigger scheme,
there's a war over our minds and over our hearts
that we do not battle. We do not fight against
(41:55):
flesh and blood, against principalities of light and darkness. Time.
That's it. That's a battle for our faith. It's a
battle for our mind. And that's why I'm quoting scripture
over and over because like that is our sword, that's
the only thing we have for our faith. It's a
battle for our thought. Everything's a battle for your thought.
Your anxiety is a battle for your thought. Your peace
is a battle for your thought. In my career, in
(42:15):
my life, in my marriage, in my family, in my leadership,
and in my walk with the Lord, all of that
is a battle for what am I listening to? Who
am I going to allow to speak whom? What am
I going to identify as truth? Today? And it's a
battle for our faith. And so if you can read
those scriptures and say, consider a joy, if you can
lean on that and put your faith in that, like,
(42:36):
the fruit will be unbelievable. You.
Speaker 4 (42:39):
I just wanted to let you just preach because there
is such a conviction that's real. And if you're listening
to this and you think this is just nice sentiments,
then I don't know. No one possible. What I'm trying
to say is no one listening to this could believe
that You're just yeah, man, I'm a kind of a
lifestyle Christian. I'm kind of no there. It's real for
(42:59):
you. You can feel it, you can see it in the
conviction of the passion. The question really comes into full circle.
This is more than a sentiment. Did you read it
the first time? Consider it pure joy? Did you read
it the first time and you're like, oh, I get it.
Did you listen to a podcast of someone like you
with conviction? What was the journey? Let's us go real
(43:20):
quick on this right focus. Guess what I'm digging at.
Is I know people are going, dude, this is it's
just too good to be true. It's just not like
it's all fake. It's all like I don't know if
I can believe that it might be good for you.
But why if you're saying to somebody, man, all just
this self help make you feel good, blah blah, fluffy,
(43:42):
fake kind of quotable religion.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
I would say if you're thinking that, I think your
first question would be what have I tried before that
has worked? Because nothing? Yeah, nothing, Like I've experienced levels
of success, Like there's the levels that I aspire in
my career or whatever. But I've been on a stage
(44:07):
and I've sold it out, and I've seen twelve hundred
people scream words to songs that I've written, and like
the dream come true. I've seen followers on Instagram grow.
I married a beautiful professional surfing model that loves Jesus.
But like, the only thing that actually brings you peace
and fulfillment and joy is Christy. I've tried everything else,
(44:28):
Like I know this, and like, if you're listening and
you're asking that question, then just ask yourself, what have
you tried the work? Because those are all good things.
Those are all awesome moments, but like a lot of times,
especially after like great career moments, the following days are depression.
The following days are like you have these massive highs
(44:48):
and then like the days after where you accomplished a
dream and a goal, and then the days after are
like crap.
Speaker 4 (44:54):
What now?
Speaker 1 (44:55):
What next? Like I fully believe there's like something in
our system that like has to equal out right, Like
there's just an equilibrium theorym I have that like the
higher I go in a show, the higher I get
on my song, getting on the charts, there's always gonna
be a moment after then I'm like I'm like down
and it's just gonna equal out. So it's like, Okay,
well that didn't fulfill me, and that's what I thought
was gonna fulfill me. And then it's like you get married,
(45:18):
and like my wife's incredible and like if you want
to talk about sanctification and like spiritual maturity, in my heart,
I owe so much credit to my wife and her
stewardship of her life with the Lord and the way
she challenges me and she's incredible. But marriage, yeah, shout
out Leah, But like marriage isn't some like ultimate fulfillment,
you know, you get married and then it's like, oh,
(45:39):
now we just are supposed to talk about kids, you
know what I mean, Like it's just not that's not
gonna you know. And so it's like, what have you
tried that fulfilled you? Because my guess is nothing. And
then if you haven't fully tried Jesus, if you haven't
been in that foxhole, if you haven't been on your
knees where nothing else matters and you felt that peace
completely overcome you and overtake, it's like another CS. Lewis
(46:01):
course that talks about like the only rational explanation for
why nothing on this earth will satisfy us is that
we were made for something that is not of this earth. Yeah, right,
And I've seen God too many times to allow myself
to be convinced that he's not real or that his
piece isn't real.
Speaker 4 (46:17):
If you go bungee jumping, you see this beautiful brochure
and it's like everyone's like elation, and you're like, dude,
this looks like incredible. Let's just say you're reading the
Bible and you see this beautiful brochure of the life
that's fulfilled, that has purpose, that is eternity, you know,
(46:38):
and all of the fruit. Then you're like, man, I
want that, like and I'm going to go bungee jumping,
but I don't really know about the like the bridge
thing because I'm like afraid of heights, you know. And
so instead of that, like this chair is fine and
you tie a rope to your leg and you get
it all set up and you're like, all right, three,
do one, and you just bungee jump off that chair.
Your experience will not match up to the brochure. And
(47:02):
the truth is, as you just said, have I've not
fully tried Jesus. I just want to land on that
of like man, so many of our experiences are disappointment
of Like man, my life doesn't look like the Bible,
Like it doesn't look like what they'd say it's supposed
to be. Like I've tried it. My question would be,
have you tried the chair or have you given the full?
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Ye you jumped off? Have you jumped off?
Speaker 4 (47:25):
And listening to you talk, it's like, dude, the surrender
and like, yeah, I thought I had jumped off, But
I had to go through some things that were really
the hardest things in my life to really let go
of that control of the of the rail or the
chair or whatever it looks like to fully jump off.
And now it's like what I'm seeing, you know, is
(47:46):
like peace beyond all understanding. We talk about it in
the beginning. You can feel it tangibly all over your life.
Now your life stands up. It matches the bro Oh
I was getting excited, but you're like, the broche matches
the experience. And I think that's the goal, and that's
the heartbeat, and I think that's what I can feel
like you wanting for people that are listening, and wanting
(48:09):
for anyone that you encounter in your life is like, Matt,
I want you to know this is real and I
want you to know that it can live up to
the brochure.
Speaker 3 (48:18):
Brochure.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Brochure?
Speaker 4 (48:19):
Is that what it is? Fo?
Speaker 3 (48:21):
Yeah, just so you know, the brochure, the brochure.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
I'm curious to know as you look back on this season,
you look back on twenty twenty five, what do you
hope it reveals about who God is?
Speaker 1 (48:35):
Enough? Yeah, He's enough, Like if he's all you have,
he's all you need, you know, And I believe that
the Lord wants to give you good gifts he loves.
He's a father who loves giving you good gifts and
like whatever, but He is the gift, right. And when
I look back at this last year and I think
(48:57):
about all the times that I've made my own plan
and ask God to to you know, sign off, and
realizing coming to a place in my life where it's
just like all right, God, like I'm gonna work as
hard as I can because there is stewardship. It's the
principle of the talents, the parable of the talents, where
like God gives you five ten, you know, talents, and
(49:18):
it's your job to go multiply those. So this isn't
just like, you know, pray ten hours a day and
see what happens. There's I kind of had this theory
the other day that as I'm kind of re beginning
to relook at what my career looks like and putting
out music and all these things, and there's been so
much change on that side of my career too, and
getting out of a record deal and all these things
throughout the last five months. That has is something I'm
(49:40):
super excited about. But I looked at I was like,
kind of talking to the team, I'm like, what does
success look like for us? And I believe that it's discipline, vision,
and faith. It's all three of those, right. You have
to have the discipline to work hard, you have to
have the vision for where you're going, but you also
have to have a faith that like God can accomplish
all things through us. But I would just say of
this last year, where there was no career success, there
was no financial success, there was no The only song
(50:02):
that got put out this year under named Connor Smith
was a Dylan Marla feature that he asked me to
be on, which thank God that happened. You know, other
than that, it would have been twelve months of no
music and all these things. I can sit here and
say like, I'm more content than ever. I'm my marriage
is better than ever, and my relationships are better than ever,
and so inside of that, it's like, well, then the
(50:23):
only possible explanation for that is that Jesus is enough.
Speaker 3 (50:28):
Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2 (50:30):
Well, I just want to say thank you for opening
up to us about I know that you haven't really
spoken up about this and talked about it, but it's
really cool to see God just kind of magnify in
your life and you it is very apparent that He
is enough in your world and thankful for people like
Mark to be with you alongside the journey. And I
(50:50):
love that he's alongside my journey here on the upload too.
But in this coming season, as we kind of you know,
come out of a value, what can we be praying
for you about.
Speaker 1 (51:04):
Yeah, that's a good question. I think that I have
a ton of faith right now that, like what the
Lord is bringing us out of, he's like actually going
to bring us into a season of favor. And I
don't know what that looks like. You know, I'm never
gonna I try not to like fill in the equation
on what God's favor looks like, but I do have
a lot of faith for that of what I feel
(51:24):
him speaking to me. Like I said, I would just
set out of a record deal and like beginning a
whole new chapter of my career in my life and
something that I've been I've been praying for and praying into,
and so inside of that, there's a lot of unanswered
questions and there's also a lot of just like I
feel like I'm getting to dream again for the first
time in a while. I feel like I'm actually getting
to like see how I want God, what my desire
(51:45):
is for like God to use me and like to
be fully obedient with him through his career. I feel
like I finally have that opportunity now, and so I
would just ask that the Lord would bring that favor
over my marriage, over my career, and and that in
that that that what he brought is a try I
would turn into a testimony that could actually impact people
in a way that I didn't have the power to before,
(52:05):
and that there would be such a boldness within me
to do so in every moment, every conversation. And for humility,
I think that fight for humility in every moment is
the most important thing.
Speaker 4 (52:17):
And I just have a to bring our counter to eleven.
But this is just a word for you, bro. It's
a scripture that's familiar, but no eye has seen, no
year has heard, no mind has conceived or imagined what
God has in store for those who love him. And
the surrender of things that you've seen, the surrender of
things that you've heard and things that have come out
(52:39):
of your mouth, and the surrender of things that you've
imagined makes room for that to be true. And I
just declare that over you, bro is like so good.
The emptying of the things that you've imagined makes a
room for the things. That's like, so when you say
favor and you say I just don't know what that
looks like, that sounds like there's a room for God
(52:59):
to do what no one could have imagined or seen
or heard through you and in you and on you.
And God's looking for trustworthy people to pour out his
favor on trustworthy because they're not about themselves, they're not
about a brand, they're about eternity. They're about introducing people
to the greatest relationship that you could ever possibly have
(53:21):
with your Savior, the person who made you in his image.
And you live that you're trustworthy. Thanks man, And it's obvious.
Thanks man. That's it. Let's pray.
Speaker 1 (53:33):
We'll let me say this too. This was a word
Mark gave me. So I have like two like kind
of key spiritual mentors through my life and Mark is
one of them. And then another one who is named Gabe,
and he did officiate our wedding and was out in California,
and they were super instrumental through the journey that we've
been on. But I'll never forget they both individually spoke
(53:55):
the exact same scripture and word over me separate, and
that was you can you would know the verse more
than me. But it was basically the story of war
where the arrows at the opposing army had shot over
that the Israelites are God's army ends up picking up
those arrows and like killing them with them. And they
both spooke that very specific story over that what the
(54:16):
what the enemy means for evil against my life, I'm
actually going to use for evil against his his life.
And so I think that's uh, that's another another prayer
mind heading to the new season.
Speaker 2 (54:25):
So we I'm gonna pray us out and I'm gonna
put my hands on you. The Holy Spirit's telling me
to just pray. Dear Heavenly Father, Lord, we just thank
you for Connor. We just say thank you that he
is a good gift for the Kingdom God, that you
are using his testimony for just an unbelievable weapon against
(54:47):
the spiritual realm God, and we just we we just
pray over this next season of his Lord, that you
would just give him favor not just in his marriage,
not just in relationship, not in community, but in his
career and in his boldness for you, Lord, you would
continue to give him the words to speak, that you
would continue to give him the boldness to speak, that
you would continue to give him the humility to speak. Lord,
(55:09):
that you would just continue to remind him that this
is not about us, This is about you, Father. And
we just say thank you for thank you for his story,
and thank you for his willingness to be open to
rearrange the home, to allow you to knock down walls,
to allow you to just rebuild on such a firm foundation. God,
and we just ask for favor in this next season,
(55:31):
that you would just bless him, give him things that
he would not even believe. God, that you would just
continue to use his microphone that you've put in his
hand for your glory. God.
Speaker 1 (55:44):
We love you, Lord, Amen, Amen, love you.
Speaker 3 (55:48):
Bray know right.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
Thanks guys A
Hey is Connor Smith. On June the eighth, I was
involved in an accident that caused someone to lose their
life in a moment, it's like a tornado runs through
your house and there's so much grief and there's so
much trauma. I turned off my phone and I put
it in a drawer for four weeks or I got
like a joke moment. There's nothing here I can try
to salvage. God, you get to decide what you want
to build. And this is the upload.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We're just chatting about college football and how amazing it is,
but we're also chatting with Connor Smith and how amazing
he is.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
What's going on?
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Welcome back to the upload?
Speaker 4 (00:33):
Yeah, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
It's good to be back.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
A lot's happened since then, a little bit.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
We've talked about it before, kind of how we recorded
a couple episodes.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Things happened. The episodes were lost.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Connor's was one of them, and I was actually really
sad about it because we talked about spiritual warfare, great conversation.
We had some pretty great conversation. Before we talk about
anything on the upload. We have these faith filled conversations
and just really want to dive into Connor as a
human being, not as an artist or anything else, just
Connor as a human being. If you would describe to
(01:07):
someone your faith, what would you say?
Speaker 1 (01:10):
That's a good question also for this conversation. I love
that you brought my pastor into the conversation.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Mack is here, Yeah, past the mad.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Yeah, if I were to describe my faith, I think
every every word that comes to mind is cliche, and
their cliche for a reason. But I mean my rock, right,
like especially kind of coming out of the season we're
coming out of, it's such a it was such a
reminder of like you can build your house in the sand,
you can build your house on identity. You can build
your house on your career, you know, for us your
music or your ticket sales, or you can build your
(01:42):
house in the rock, which is salvation in Christ, which
is identity in Christ, which is community in Christ. So
that's my everyday pursuit is how do I build my
house on the rock of Jesus Christ. So I would
just say, you know, He's my rock.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
When you think about growing up, what moments do you
think really share your faith?
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yea, and how you.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Grew up you know, it's a good question. I think
about the prayers I prayed that shaped my faith, because
I remember specifically two prayers throughout my life that I
prayed at the time. I can remember as a young kid,
like feeling repentance as like a seven year old when
(02:24):
I didn't pray the night before. I remember like waking
up the night the next morning and like, oh, I
didn't pray last night, and I remember like feeling guilty
to the Lord. So I remember prayer was always something
that my heart longed for. And you know, I grew
up into church. My parents were faith based, but I
don't exactly know where that came from. And then there
were two prayers that I always prayed as a kid.
(02:45):
One I remember hearing about it in like fourth grade
youth group about praying for wisdom and so this idea
of wisdom is worth more than gold. And that, you know,
is the story of Solomon, where Solomon can ask anything
of God and he says, well, you know, what do
you want? And he asked for wisdom. And I remember
that story hit me for some reason, and so that
became a daily prayer of my life since I was
nine or ten. Now there's a verse an Ecclesiastes. I
(03:09):
think the last verse Ecclesiaste is one that says, with
more wisdom comes more sorrow, which is an interesting verse
that I think is true and a lot of ways
that there is a weight to wisdom. But that's been
a prayer of my life. And then I remember about twelve,
I started to pray this prayer that I also had
no idea what it meant. That was God used me
like David. And the more that I've grown up, the
(03:31):
more that I've seen kind of the calling on my
life balancing ministry and music, specifically country music. You know,
you look at the story of David, where David was
an annoying to be the king, but how he was
entered into the kingdom was through the gift of writing
song and music. It was through his gift that he
could channel the spirit of God through music that got
him into the room and into the courthouse of the king,
(03:51):
and that led to his ministry as a king. So
those were the two prayers that I can remember praying
before I knew what they meant. And now I look
at my life now and I the Lord. I'm twenty five,
so there's so much that you know, I don't know
what the Lord's going to do, but I see you where
those prayers have kind of shaped too I am as
a person.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
It's crazy that you say that the story of David
and glythe kind of like like was one that you
kind of clung to growing up. Because my daughter, she's
four and she's always bringing me her Bible. She's like, Mommy,
can you find David and Goliath? And that's the one
she always wants to listen to. And I'm like, all right,
am I supposed to what are we putting together here?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
What's going to happen?
Speaker 4 (04:26):
And you might have a country star in your hands.
I have a little David David Ette is that?
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Dude?
Speaker 4 (04:36):
I love the what you said about wisdom and sorrow.
I think the inverse of that would be ignorance is bliss. Yeah,
And I think that knowing you and like there is
a depth and wisdom beyond your years. Anyone that ever,
I'm like, hey, this is Connor And then they're like,
how are you like fifty two? You know, like, look
(04:58):
you you're spirit, your maturity, your depth, and I think
speak into that, like what does the weight of wisdom
look like?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Like?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
When you talk about sorrow is it? Man? Is it
the multi threads I'm processing all the time? What does
it look like when wisdom gets off the rails? Does
it ever?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Like?
Speaker 4 (05:20):
What does that look like?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
I mean, as you said that, I kind of thought
of a something through kind of my career as an artists.
You know, I signed a record at eighteen. I started
hitting the road at twenty. I didn't go to college,
so like my college experience was playing college bars, which
is the rowdiest experience of college you can have, and
so all my friends were in college. I was kind
(05:43):
of traveling to all these different schools and at the time,
you know, I was twenty year old kid and just
figuring out success and figuring out this idea that I
would roll into these towns and these were kids that
were my age, and they were singing songs and you know,
like I hit Alabama, take it slow or quicker? Is
it like? And it was a really wild thing. And
I remember in those moments like as I'm you know,
(06:06):
figuring out who I am inside of that, you know,
I've made a ton of mistakes and there's because there's
so much temptation on the road, right And I can
remember I would always try to get as close to
sin without sinning. That was kind of how I was
living instead of instead of realizing that my heart and
my job as a Christian was to get as close
(06:26):
to CHRISTI as I could get as far away from sin.
But I remember so vividly, like in the mornings after
some of these shows where I just like would either
drink too much or flirt with girls too much, whatever,
Like I would just have such anxiety, and I would
be so mad about it because I would I would
I would be like I would see other people doing
way worse things than me and not caring right, and
(06:49):
I would be like I would just like flirt too
much with a girl or something, and like, once again,
I've made I've made a lot of mistakes. But like,
I remember feeling so such a guilt in that, and
I remember being mad about it, and I would be like, God,
why am I mad about this? And I realized later
on that I was getting mad at God for the
Holy Spirit. I was getting mad at God because he
(07:11):
was answering the prayers of conviction on my on my
heart right. And I think that's a part of wisdom,
that's a part of the whole I mean the fear
of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom. The
Holy Spirit within us is wisdom is like and the
more that you invite the Holy Spirit to take control
of your life, the more conviction, the more opportunity has
(07:31):
to like to hit you with truth. And that's not
always fun. And so I felt that a lot early on,
you know, before I met my wife and before it
got married, of just like that feeling of kind of
like dancing around sin and then getting convicted for and
then feeling anxious and then wondering why, and then really
going through a process of like we have a God
(07:53):
of peace, and so without God there is no peace,
and without a pursuit of righteousness, there is no peace
and the joy of that. But that's something that when
you say, like the weight of wisdom, what is that,
it's conviction. It's this fact that like, you can't run
from God because all the time, the moment you're alone
with your thoughts. I would feel myself in those moments
(08:15):
where I was scared to be alone. I was scared
to be alone with my thoughts. And that's always been
a trigger for me of like if my heart's not
right or I need a recalibration is so I have
this tattoo right here that just says abide on my hand,
and I put it right there because I wanted to
see it all the time. But it says abide in
Hebrew from Psalms ninety one. It's just this idea that
I felt like the Lord's been teaching me recently of
(08:36):
what does it look like to constantly abide in Him,
constantly recalibrating in these atmospheres, and these conversations and these
moments were like, so much of my job is about
self promotion and being called to like and being thrown
into the ways of the world. How do I constantly
abide in Christ over and over again? So that I
mean to answer your question, that's kind of what it
(08:57):
brought me to.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
And I feel like it's just so profound.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
And you opening saying that you remember a prayer at
nine years old about wisdom and how fast forward you know,
however many years and God is giving you that wisdom,
and then you're mad about it, You're like, why are
you giving me this? But I also want to call
that out too, because I feel like people listening to
this who might not be on you know, a journey
(09:20):
of faith or they're figuring it out, not understanding those
feelings of conviction, and they are anxious, they're mad, they're
not sure. What are some tangible ways that you kind
of walked through that with, you know, seeking the Lord
and going through that, because I feel like some people
just don't know where to go or don't know what
to do when they feel those things.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah, I think I go back to like we serve
a God of peace, and like pursuing Christ and like
pursuing righteousness is a pursuit of peace. I think we're
living in a culture and you know that is so
anxious all the time when the truth is that we
have a God, and we have Christ who who died
so we could feel the peace of his salvation and
(10:02):
the peace of his fatherhood and his friendship. I've been
on that journey, you know. I feel like over the
last few years it's been a process of like moving
into peace. And I would say where I'm at in
my life right now is truly in a place of peace,
like no matter what comes, no matter how hard the
trial is, like there's been a peace that has defined
(10:23):
my life based on sowing seeds of faith and sowing
seeds of like, hey, I'm not in control of any
of this. There's nothing I can do to like hold
my career up. There's nothing I can do to you know,
pay my mortgage other than just like working as hard
as I can and like giving everything else to the Lord.
(10:43):
And so to live in that place, especially in an
industry and in a career that is so self dependent
and you have so many people who are reliant on
your success. To come to a place of peace in
my heart has been a game changer. And just to
get from the Lord. And that just comes through like
sowing seeds and whter plans, and it takes time. This
isn't like an overnight thing. But like when you begin
(11:04):
to like sow seeds of righteousness and like do not
go weird and doing good, for in the proper season,
you'll reap what you have sown. And like all these things.
And once again that's you know, that's mixed with my
failures every single day. But the more that I spend
time with God, the more that I spend time in
His authority and in his kingship, and then the fact
that like he can do more in a breath than
I can do in a lifetime, the more peace begins
(11:26):
to watch over me.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
Yeah, the peace is tangibly evident, bro, on you and
in you, and.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
I mean we've been through that process over the last
two years of just the growth of peace. I mean,
you know, Mark and I have been you know, best
friends for what two or three years now, And.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Connor is the reason we started the church. You showed
up on a Friday night. We shared. Can I tell
them what we shared?
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Yeah? Sure, sure.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
We both had really demand experiences on weed and we
connected and it was just like it opened ourselves up
to spiritual stuff that we weren't even like, weren't even
it was just crazy.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And they were both like old experiences where they were
both like a part of our testimony.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
Totally. That's a good clarification, Not like at that moment
we both had a create Friday whatever for the clicks, right,
But no, it's the truth is that Friday. Then we
started having a Bible study and really kind of has
been not only like, Bro, you've just been such an
encouragement to me and my family, and just even just
the seeing the journey recently with what you've been through
(12:35):
has been so I'm thirty seven you're twenty five. You
are a leader of leaders. You are an example, and
there is a wisdom Solomon David, leader of leaders. There
is times, Bro as your pastor and friend that you've
led me, and I just am so interested in unpacking
(12:58):
this tangible piece and the process of I'm just gonna
look at the roof and there's the tissues. I don't
need tissues. Men don't have tissues. Just use their sleeve
or something. I don't know, but I just want to
say Bro, that I want to unpack. I love you
and I want to unpack. I want people to see
(13:19):
you talk about in an anxious world. You talk about
in a pandemic of worry and chaotic thoughts and thought life.
Yet the condition or the details on the outside of
everything you've walked through should say that you should feel
the least amount of peace. It doesn't make sense. It's
a paradox. Unpack the process of this paradox, Like what's
(13:44):
it been from I guess the tragedy that you experienced
earlier this year and even just the beyond that.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Yeah, yeah, it kind of the revolution of like when
I wasn't fully following Jesus because I've always been you know,
I would always say I'm Christian, I'm always and I
gave my life. I got baptized in elementary school, like
was leading Bible studies in middle school. Like it was
always a journey, but definitely was like not not fully
(14:15):
living as a disciple of Christ for a majority of
my life and fully at least kind of be phases.
I would go through kind of like a three month phase,
and the moment the discipline of the Lord and the
moment the Lord wanted to like really like mature me,
I would just kind of run away from him. And
that was really until I kind of I found the
verse in First Timothy two I think might be two
(14:35):
Timothy too, that says fully youthful passions and pursue righteousness
for what it comes, like peace, love and whatever. And
that virtually like kind of rocked me as a twenty one,
twenty two year old kid to like become a man
just be like I got to grow up and like there,
I do feel like there's a calling on my life
through country music and through music to honor God, and
(14:57):
I got to figure out what that means and what
that looks like. I realized that like when I wasn't
following the Lord fully. There was a lot less problems
in my life, but there was a lot less peace
as I followed begin to follow Christ. There were way
more problems that arose, but there was way more peace.
And it was kind of that paradox. And you know,
I think there in every person's life there comes a
(15:19):
moment of like deep stripping, especially when you're following Christ.
Like the call to follow Christ is the call to die,
It's the call to be disciplined by God every day.
It's the call to be sanctified. It's the call to
be called out. It's the call to be to literally
lay yourself down and humble yourself in every moment. And
that is not fun, easy, enjoyable. That that is brutal,
(15:42):
that is excruciating. And so inside of that there comes
like God will send you through things. He'll send you
through trials that you can't comprehend, right right, And it's
this crushing and it's this breaking, but in that He
also promises to meet you there more than ever. There
was so much revelation in my heart through like you know,
the trial of my life that was so beyond comprehension
(16:03):
for me. But there was such revelation of who God
was as like the God of suffering and who he
was as a friend to his people. Right because like
you see, Christ comes down and you have a God
of all creation who steps into manhood and steps into
a mortal being so that he can come share the
same experiences with his people. So it then can elicit
(16:25):
a place of friendship. There's a CS. Lewis quote I
love that talks about how all a friendship and all
relationship is founded in two words, which is you two.
It's like Mark and I when we met, we found
friendship immediately because we had things in common, which was
a pursuit after the Lord. It was this you know,
demonic story with weed that we talked about. It was
(16:46):
like it was it was these moments of connection. This
heart for discipleship is heart to follow Christ. And that's
like with everything you think about meeting any person you
meet for the first time, and like you have the
same few questions like what do you do for a living,
what are your hobbies? Do you follow the sports? What
sports team? Where are you from? You're asking questions because
you're looking for points of connection. You're looking for anything
(17:06):
that you can say with this person, Oh, me too,
and then you have something to talk about. Well with God.
We have a God who came and experienced the darkest
and deepest levels of suffering so that in our suffering
He could meet us in a place and go me too, right,
And so there is a revelation to Christ in the
deepest levels of our suffering and that we all experience
(17:27):
as humans, no matter if it was my story or
if it's anybody's story of just life and losing your
parent or losing a friend or breaking up with someone
or divorce or like these moments of like deep trial
and suffering is where we actually get revelation of Christ
to just go I get it. You know, God can
(17:48):
say I've been there, I get it. And in those moments,
like the prayers that I was praying before everything happened,
before this trial began, was three prayers of see if
I remember him. One was for increased tenderness, so asking
God to make me more tender in my spirit. And
(18:09):
I was asking God that he would allow everything that
was in my head that I knew of him to
like go down to my heart right, and I was
asking Him to leave me on a process of just
realizing that, like, He's all I need. And so then
here comes this trial that I just can't fathom. But
(18:30):
in that all of those prayers were answered through the
power of Christ. That like all of those things I
knew and I thought, and I could sit on a
podcast and we could do a podcast. You know, six
months ago that gets lost. I could tell you all
these things about who I think Christ to be and
who I read Christ to be, and who I've heard
Christ to be. But now I've seen Christ to be
those things, and that radically transforms your peace. You know.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
It's that revelation. That's, like you said, from heart, from
head to heart. It's the ingrafting of the word. It's
the you know, there's they talk about the different levels
of revelation logos meaning I understand the principle m h
raima meaning like it's been revealed by not flesh and blood,
(19:13):
by something supernatural, and then zoeh and zai is the
word for life. What you're talking about is that's the
depth of when you engraft the word. It's not just
a principle, it's not just a revelation. It's a creative,
living part of who Connor Smith is now and so
you had to go through life with what the lamp
(19:35):
until your feet? And how did you how did you
walk through? Like what what for those who don't know
are you? Are you open to just kind of giving
some context in your own words of just what did
it feel like to walk through I'm sure not just
a this was a tough day, but what was it
like to be Connor in that in that moment?
Speaker 1 (19:58):
You know, I'll just see that. Like in June the eighth,
I was involved in an accident that caused someone to
lose their life and it was so out of nowhere
and it was like, so yeah, just in a moment,
like you know, you're like it's like a tornado runs
through your house and there's so much grief and there's
so much like trauma from that, like intense trauma though.
(20:21):
I mean, it's just there's a darkness in that that
like it's you just can't there's no words, right, It
felt like a tornado just blown through my house, you know,
like you don't have a concept of reality and like
what is going on and all you have is the
people you love and the people that are around you.
And I was so blessed to have those people just
show up for me in unfathomable ways. I literally the
(20:45):
night everything happened, I I turned off my phone and
I put it in a drawer for four weeks, Like
I didn't have a phone for a month because it
was like just so traumatic and I just locked myself.
I was at my parents' house, who live south of
Nashville and on some property, and so that was such
(21:06):
a blessing to be there, and my wife and I
just kind of camped out there and the people that
would just show up at the door. You know, Mark
was there that first day, Gator was there that very
first day. The first person that showed up at my
house on Monday morning was Dela Marlow and his wife,
and they just dropped everything the moment they heard and
they just came and like those people that just showed
(21:27):
up for you. And you know, I've told Mark this
and we've talked about a bunch and I'll never forget.
Like it was two days after, We're sitting on the floor.
It felt like a job moment where you just have
your friends and you're sitting on the ground and words
aren't coming. You just are sitting there, there's nothing to say.
And I'll never forget. He just said, hey, Connor, you
(21:50):
you do such a good job of carrying the weight
for other people every day, and now it's your turn,
and now you have to allow us to carry this
for you. And that was that was that really kind
of shaped the journey for me of just like I
can't carry this. There's nothing here I can carry in
any way. Yeah, like there's nothing here I can try
to salvage. Like that's not even the point. And so
(22:12):
my prayer in that was like, God, you just like
everything is gone except for the Rock of Christ, right,
And that's what I said at the beginning, and these
people that I love in this community and my marriage,
but every other than that, like, there's nothing here for
me to salvage. And so God, you get to decide
what you want to build. You get to decide. And
(22:34):
so my prayer and and you know, after these months
is like as we begin to kind of you know,
get back to playing shows and get back to life
and work and been so grateful to do that, it's
just like, God, I don't want to pick a color
of the paint on the walls. Like there's a new
house being built here and I don't I don't want
to have a single decision and what the color of
(22:54):
the door is or if it's what if it's panels
or like or if there's a front portra if there's not,
Like God, you build this house, yeah, and I will
sit and I will I will sit with you and
I will be with you. And there's been you know,
obviously this was you know, four or five six months
ago that this all happened. So there's been so many
people ask me, like, man, what are you gonna get
back and post on socials or you know, put out
(23:18):
music again, And there's always questions, and it's like when
God tells me to like, I'm I'm just living in
such a place of peace and just such such a
place of like overflow and like the spirit of the
Lord that like, and I feel like, you know, it's
really really soon when when we're gonna be able to
step back into that. And I feel a lot of
peace over that. But that's been the process. It's just
like God, you've you've brought us to a crushing and
(23:41):
I honor you for that and I praise you for
that because I see in your scriptures and Proverbs three
where it says do not despise the discipline of the
Lord right because he the Lord, disciplines those he loves
as a son, like as a father to his son.
And I see that It's like, all right, God, like
you get to decide what this next chapter looks like.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Those moments of surrender. Truly, it's such a tangible feeling
that I can feel on you too, of like it's
not about me anymore. And that's what this walk with
Christ is all about. It's not about us. And I
think that in these conversations, that's what we kind of
want to be sitting at the table is knowing that
(24:20):
this is not about us, this is about something else.
And man, to be able to walk through something so
tragic and so hard and to come out with just
this lightness, it's truly something you can't understand without the
love and the presence.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Of the Lord.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
And then those people around you, like Mark, I mean,
he's sitting here, I'm sure, being a best friend and
being a part of that journey and walking through that
with Connor, watching him change has got to be just
a cool transformation to watch too.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Well.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
First thing, it is true, you reap what you say
because you've been that and Ah can need to be
that for me for the longest, And I think it's
weird how connected our journeys have been. And I think
it's like that's just a gift whenever you find somebody
that you're like the parallels of like God's doing in you,
what they're doing, what He's doing in them is so
(25:17):
much more than like, yeah, we both like baseball sick
well I don't, but like I like cricket, but it's
so much deeper on that spiritual and I think it's
easy to hold each other's arms up and it's so fulfilling.
Like to me, it's like that's the greatest friendships, and
I just want to I'm just going through our group chap.
But what you said about like the front porch, the
(25:38):
paint on the walls and the surrender thing, like this
is what we're talking about the other day. But like,
he's not asking for a cleaned up porch. He's asking
for a house where every room is his, every door unlocked,
every hidden closet swept by light. You thought you could
tidy for company, but he's not company. He is lord,
and lordship rearranges furniture, knocks down walls, renames the deed.
(25:59):
Renaming the deed means I don't own it anymore. I
grow up thinking that I own my life. I'm the
you know, I'm the CEO. Conceptually, you can resign from
that position. And I think this is the This is
the tough thing. It's been even the journey and again
in the parallels, but like in their own way, the
(26:21):
whole like I am fully resigning, not conceptually, has been
a very painful process, you know, has been a very
peaceful process. It's the it's the fruit. It's the only
way to fruit. It's the only method to fruit.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
And so.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
I feel like that in this process for you. One
thing I want to point out is when you hear
kind of talk already this conversation five verses six maybe
I'm not counting, but we can get a counter at
the bottom of the screen. But like every time, this
is a Bible verse, but one thing that's different about you.
(27:00):
It's like, oh, there's this aura of wisdom. There's an
aura of this David thing. Can I just point out
that we'd have this joke about a couple of warriors,
which is a couple of warriors, you know, just in
this spiritual battle together. But like the sword for Connors,
the sword for you is not ornamental something in a
frame in your house. That the sword is like a
(27:24):
It is a weapon that is actively being used. It's
alive and active, sharper than a double edged sword. The
Word of God. It divides, It judges the thoughts and
intentions of the heart and even being annoyed at the
Holy Spirit. In the first part of the conversation of like,
why am I feeling this way, it's because you're in
your word. It's because it's not ornamental. And I think
I heard this line now that in a song. I
(27:46):
love this. I was playing golf yesterday and I was
just hitting some tunes and this guy's like, try this song.
I'm like, everyone's a Christian until it gets biblical was
the line. And I was like, damn. Can I say
damn on this podcast? I don't know. But in Australia
that's not a cust word. So in Australia it was fun.
But that's what I felt like. Yeah, I was like,
(28:08):
good that hits and I think, where is that? What
does that look like for you in this process? Whereas
I don't even know the question. I just want to
encourage you that you're you're a great warrior.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Mate.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Man, well, I feel like being you know, in a
like call it what it is, the spotlight, right, Like
a story like this happens, the world sees it, and
then everybody's scared to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Yeah, that's scared to go into those conversations.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
And I feel like, you know, in the beginning, right
four weeks in no phone, you're not hearing things of
this world, and you're hearing so much peace, And I
think that that is such a tangible noise maker, right
like this and everything that happens outside and you putting
literally everything out, You're spending time I'm in the wilderness
(29:01):
literally at your parents' house, just kind of you know,
your family and who you're around, and letting the noise
of the outside world die down and then the voice
of the father speak up. I don't think that any
there's any other way to heal than through that now
being able to come out and like talk about these things,
(29:21):
because truly it's going to be something that lives with
you forever. Going to shows, playing in front of people again,
getting in a car, those are hard things that I'm
sure you're still trying to battle with. Going through that
and living that spiritually emotionally. What does that look like
(29:43):
for you?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Yeah, I'll never forget like the first time I picked
up my phone. I'm a big YouTube guy, Like that's
kind of my vice is I'm on YouTube all the time,
and my wife thinks is really annoying. But I'll never
forget like grabbing my phone like for one of the
first times after and for one just seeing so many
text messages and just like feelings like man like thousands
(30:08):
of unread sex messages. In that moment, there was such
a public element to it. But the return of that
is that and so obviously so much comes into that,
and you know, I wouldn't dare go in my DMS.
But like the other side of that is I had
so I had literally thousands of people praying over me
and my wife and my family, and like our home.
(30:30):
I had a friend of mine I ended up seeing
maybe two months after and we had dinner and uh
Peyton Smith and other country artists. We had dinner with
him and his wife and he said, man like, when
we heard, we didn't know what to do, and so
we just got in our car and we just drove
around your house and just prayed, he said. And when
we got there, we saw other cars of people we
knew doing the exact same thing, and like the reality
(30:53):
of that that, like, dude, you have people and we
weren't even there, we weren't even at my house. But
we're literally just driving around our house praying for us, dude.
And and so the tangible piece of just like feeling
that is is life changing. But I'll never forget like
pulling up my phone and like going on YouTube, like
for the first time, and uh, first recommended video was
(31:15):
NBC News with my picture and I just quickly like,
not yet.
Speaker 4 (31:20):
You know.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
And I think I think the reality of like of
it was a lot of that wasn't really able to
pierce my heart because of the protection of the Lord.
For one and two, just like knowing there was nothing
I could do and just being even in that just
how much the Lord had protected me in that moment,
you know. And then as we've gotten to you know,
(31:43):
we took a few months off shows and then I
think started playing shows again in August and had a
bunch of shows committed. So we've done all those and
they've been great. It's been great to get back out.
It has been great to see people and their kindness
has been incredible, and there's been so much more love
than anything like like one hundred percent. But yeah, I mean,
it's just like it just takes time to heal. We
were very blessed. Like day after the accident. Two days
(32:07):
after the accident, miles from on site runs onsite, an
amazing ministry or or therapy group or whatever here in Nashville,
he sent like a trauma person to our house, like
within two days. In sitting with him, I just was like, hey,
like I understand the amount of trauma that just took
place in my mind, in my brain and just like
(32:29):
the grief that I now carry. I just kind of said,
like I don't want to rush this process, like I
want to fully heal, and I think through the Lord
and through kind of those conversations, like the Lord has
done so much healing and all those things. But there
is just like especially in community, it's like, man, you
(32:50):
realize in those moments how important community is to you,
and like in stewarding faith based Christian community, because like
that's all you have, Like I'll never forget. It's one
of my favorite story, but one of my best friends
in the World's Ben Pierce. We've been best friends since,
uh since we were twelve, but I'll never forget. Uh.
It was Tuesday morning and I woke up and like
(33:12):
immediately just hit with such a wave of anxiety and
like crippling because there's so many things up in the
air here. And I went to my wife and I
was like, I was like, hey, like, can you just
tell Ben to come over at some point today? And
like an hour later, forty five minutes later, like it's
like ten in the morning, and Ben ends up rolling
up and I'm like, goodness, like this dude like took
(33:33):
off work because I said I needed him. He gets
out of the car and he comes and hugs me,
and uh, he was like sorry, man, I slept in.
I was like what. And I realized in that moment
that he had he had called off work the night
before just in case I wouldn't need him. And it's
like those moments of friendship. Dude like that, Like I
spoke that story to him and in his wedding just
was weeping because it's like, man, that's everything. And in
(33:56):
those moments, like Mark says like you I can't I
couldn't carry it. But like to have people around me
could that could carry it for me, both on the
career side and like work stuff and the lawyer stuff
and all those things. But then also in just like relationship,
friendship and faith based community, I.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Think it's important to call out sort of I feel
like a theme that I'm finding in this full story
of community and surrounding yourself with people that build you
up not break you down. There's something that I always
tell my friends when they're going through something, whatever it like,
whatever it is, I always say, if you don't have
faith right now, like you.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Can have some of mine.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
And I think that is such a sweet thing that
you've been kind of touching on, and that who you
are Connor Smith already kind of just this pastor Connor,
is what I would I would say out loud because
I feel like you we.
Speaker 4 (34:43):
Ever told about that, because that's what I called him.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
Really we have never.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
Told about that. But it's no, it's it's it's evident,
it's evident of this king and priest. I'm Conna, and
I just want to say.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yes, yes, And I'm not even just now, but like
before like six months ago or however long ago we
recorded that first episode. You were then just such a
light and such a uh you use the Bible as
such a weapon in the best of ways, like you have.
Friend Dylan Marlow literally cannot say any bad things about you,
(35:18):
you know what I mean, Like you're a spiritual tower
for him.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
I says a lot of bad things behind closed doors,
but well out out loud.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
But I think to just I don't even know where
I'm going this.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
I just want to say that your coronation, Yeah, this
is your.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Con I haven't talked about this at all, so I
appreciate it very much.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Just the inspiration that you can be to people that
in the midst of tragedy, in the midst of the
hardest thing in the entire world, like the way that
you have carried yourself through it all, and the way
that you carried yourself before even crazy to say that
you're the same guy.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Thank you. I felt like I was so grateful that
this moment wasn't like a wake up call in my life,
right like, because like my heart was in a great
place with the Lord, Like I was living in peace
all these things before everything happened, And you know, the
last year of my life had been really challenging, like
it was a really challenging year of just like stripping
(36:18):
for me, like of humbling. Yeah, I mean I think
I think the stripping pot.
Speaker 4 (36:25):
Sorry you didn't.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Get not appropriate things back in your life that you
don't It was a tough.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Year of God removing things from your life.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Yes, it's a secondary story.
Speaker 3 (36:38):
Person who thought of it that way?
Speaker 4 (36:40):
I was, and I'm ashamed of it, but you don't want.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
But like there was such a process of like, this
is a really hard year for me, and I in my head,
like I thought that was the test. I thought, because
there's always throughout Scripture anytime God annoyed someone, anytime God's
going to use someone, he takes them through a massive
process of crushing. That's years. Like it's like a brutal
(37:05):
process for anybody you see God used throughout scripture. And
so like I thought kind of the last year was
like that, that stripping season of just like everything that
I had to hold on to, that was my identity,
and I realized that all that was was just preparing
me for what the moment, what the test was, and
like the testing of my heart of just like where
are you going to run? You know, like are you
(37:26):
going to try to save your career. You're going to
try to tell people the truth of the narrative. You know,
you're you going to try to like defend yourself in
these lies? Are you going to try to like whatever?
It's like, I have Jesus and I have people around
me that love and respect me and know the truth.
And inside of that, I need nothing else. And I
don't need a career. I don't need to sell tickets.
(37:47):
I don't need to get streams on Spotify. I don't
need to hear my songs on radio. I love those things.
I feel like that's a part of the calling of
my life. I do, but I don't need them. I
need Christ and seek first the Kingdom of God, and
all these things will be added, right and then also
like sorry, I'm not like trying to tick up our
counter here, but like also like for all things the
(38:09):
Lord will work together for good, and like that is
not all things will be good. He'll work all things
for good. You look at this situation, you go, how
the heck is this ever gonna be good? And it's
not on this side of eternity, there's nothing about this
that like you can go like this is good on
on what we see on what we're going to see
in our lifetime. There will be good. There will be
(38:32):
certain things that are good, right, there will be Now
there's so much more power. My testimony, my testimony the
last time we were on this podcast was I grew
up in a Christian home and you know, always was
following God in and out. I had some demonic encounters
like that led me whatever, and it's like, that's great
that those are, That's awesome. But now I have an
(38:53):
ability to actually speak to someone through tragedy and through
trauma in a wadd before and like even since then,
the phone calls that I've gotten from people asking me
to speak to their brother, asking me to speak to
their son or these things, and I've gotten to like
step into some of those roles and like that's you know,
that's something that Christ has done to turn things for
(39:15):
good in a beautiful way. And obviously, like I said
at the beginning, there's nothing about this that is like good, right,
So that's not what I'm saying. But the Lord will
bring beauty from for what the enemy means for evil.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
I just keep the song keeps playing in my mind
in the crushing, in the pressing, you will make new wine.
And how you're saying that you know you're able to
now use this testimony to help other people, I think
is always such a beautiful thing. When you talk to
people that are dealing with trauma, or maybe somebody listening
to the podcast that's dealing with some immense amount of
(39:49):
trauma in their life. What are some things that you
speak into those people and advice that you give them.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
The idea of considering it joy is revolutionary. The idea
of considerate joy when the testing of your faith, for
the testing of your faith produces endurance, and endurance went
to it complete work, so that you are mature and
complete and lacking nothing.
Speaker 4 (40:08):
Right.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
The idea that when we go through trials and when
we go through trauma, and we go through these moments
of crushing, the fact that we have a God who said, hey,
I know this is hard. I know this is terrible.
I know that you never wish this on your worst anyman.
I know that you have no way to rationalize why
I would allow this to happen. He didn't, He didn't
make it happen. It wasn't his idea. But he'll right.
(40:31):
But if you will trust me, and if you put
your faith in me, Like I promise you the transformation
and the growth that I will bring to your life
and the fruit that I'll bring to your life that
you can then use the for my kingdom and my glory.
You will look back on that and you go like,
thank you God for trusting me with trial. Thank you
God that you trusted me to experience that crushing and
(40:53):
once again, like you have to like hold all these
things like suffering and pain and enjoy and peace are
not opposite, Like they can go together, and you can
hold the tragedy and also hold this like gratitude for
the Lord at the same time. And I think being
able to balance those emotions is a beautiful thing. That's what,
Like there's never going to be a moment in our
(41:13):
lives that we're just like, all right, man, this has
been fun and easy, Like that's just not what we're
promised here, especially if you're following Christ, like we're called
to just for the rest of our lives, die to ourselves,
humble ourselves and think, lay our lives down. And the
reward of that, the reward of like finishing the race well,
is a beautiful ward that God promises, but it's not
for this life, right, There's a lot of fruit for
this life that God will let you experience. But I
(41:34):
would just say, man, like the whole fight's for our faith.
Everything's for our faith. It's for our faith in everything
we do this podcast. What you guys have to do
is fight for your faith in it. Every time you
have a conversation and every time you think about putting
out an episode or launching it, you're fighting for your faith.
Right in the same way that like the bigger scheme,
there's a war over our minds and over our hearts
that we do not battle. We do not fight against
(41:55):
flesh and blood, against principalities of light and darkness. Time.
That's it. That's a battle for our faith. It's a
battle for our mind. And that's why I'm quoting scripture
over and over because like that is our sword, that's
the only thing we have for our faith. It's a
battle for our thought. Everything's a battle for your thought.
Your anxiety is a battle for your thought. Your peace
is a battle for your thought. In my career, in
(42:15):
my life, in my marriage, in my family, in my leadership,
and in my walk with the Lord, all of that
is a battle for what am I listening to? Who
am I going to allow to speak whom? What am
I going to identify as truth? Today? And it's a
battle for our faith. And so if you can read
those scriptures and say, consider a joy, if you can
lean on that and put your faith in that, like,
(42:36):
the fruit will be unbelievable. You.
Speaker 4 (42:39):
I just wanted to let you just preach because there
is such a conviction that's real. And if you're listening
to this and you think this is just nice sentiments,
then I don't know. No one possible. What I'm trying
to say is no one listening to this could believe
that You're just yeah, man, I'm a kind of a
lifestyle Christian. I'm kind of no there. It's real for
(42:59):
you. You can feel it, you can see it in the
conviction of the passion. The question really comes into full circle.
This is more than a sentiment. Did you read it
the first time? Consider it pure joy? Did you read
it the first time and you're like, oh, I get it.
Did you listen to a podcast of someone like you
with conviction? What was the journey? Let's us go real
(43:20):
quick on this right focus. Guess what I'm digging at.
Is I know people are going, dude, this is it's
just too good to be true. It's just not like
it's all fake. It's all like I don't know if
I can believe that it might be good for you.
But why if you're saying to somebody, man, all just
this self help make you feel good, blah blah, fluffy,
(43:42):
fake kind of quotable religion.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
I would say if you're thinking that, I think your
first question would be what have I tried before that
has worked? Because nothing? Yeah, nothing, Like I've experienced levels
of success, Like there's the levels that I aspire in
my career or whatever. But I've been on a stage
(44:07):
and I've sold it out, and I've seen twelve hundred
people scream words to songs that I've written, and like
the dream come true. I've seen followers on Instagram grow.
I married a beautiful professional surfing model that loves Jesus.
But like, the only thing that actually brings you peace
and fulfillment and joy is Christy. I've tried everything else,
(44:28):
Like I know this, and like, if you're listening and
you're asking that question, then just ask yourself, what have
you tried the work? Because those are all good things.
Those are all awesome moments, but like a lot of times,
especially after like great career moments, the following days are depression.
The following days are like you have these massive highs
(44:48):
and then like the days after where you accomplished a
dream and a goal, and then the days after are
like crap.
Speaker 4 (44:54):
What now?
Speaker 1 (44:55):
What next? Like I fully believe there's like something in
our system that like has to equal out right, Like
there's just an equilibrium theorym I have that like the
higher I go in a show, the higher I get
on my song, getting on the charts, there's always gonna
be a moment after then I'm like I'm like down
and it's just gonna equal out. So it's like, Okay,
well that didn't fulfill me, and that's what I thought
was gonna fulfill me. And then it's like you get married,
(45:18):
and like my wife's incredible and like if you want
to talk about sanctification and like spiritual maturity, in my heart,
I owe so much credit to my wife and her
stewardship of her life with the Lord and the way
she challenges me and she's incredible. But marriage, yeah, shout
out Leah, But like marriage isn't some like ultimate fulfillment,
you know, you get married and then it's like, oh,
(45:39):
now we just are supposed to talk about kids, you
know what I mean, Like it's just not that's not
gonna you know. And so it's like, what have you
tried that fulfilled you? Because my guess is nothing. And
then if you haven't fully tried Jesus, if you haven't
been in that foxhole, if you haven't been on your
knees where nothing else matters and you felt that peace
completely overcome you and overtake, it's like another CS. Lewis
(46:01):
course that talks about like the only rational explanation for
why nothing on this earth will satisfy us is that
we were made for something that is not of this earth. Yeah, right,
And I've seen God too many times to allow myself
to be convinced that he's not real or that his
piece isn't real.
Speaker 4 (46:17):
If you go bungee jumping, you see this beautiful brochure
and it's like everyone's like elation, and you're like, dude,
this looks like incredible. Let's just say you're reading the
Bible and you see this beautiful brochure of the life
that's fulfilled, that has purpose, that is eternity, you know,
(46:38):
and all of the fruit. Then you're like, man, I
want that, like and I'm going to go bungee jumping,
but I don't really know about the like the bridge
thing because I'm like afraid of heights, you know. And
so instead of that, like this chair is fine and
you tie a rope to your leg and you get
it all set up and you're like, all right, three,
do one, and you just bungee jump off that chair.
Your experience will not match up to the brochure. And
(47:02):
the truth is, as you just said, have I've not
fully tried Jesus. I just want to land on that
of like man, so many of our experiences are disappointment
of Like man, my life doesn't look like the Bible,
Like it doesn't look like what they'd say it's supposed
to be. Like I've tried it. My question would be,
have you tried the chair or have you given the full?
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Ye you jumped off? Have you jumped off?
Speaker 4 (47:25):
And listening to you talk, it's like, dude, the surrender
and like, yeah, I thought I had jumped off, But
I had to go through some things that were really
the hardest things in my life to really let go
of that control of the of the rail or the
chair or whatever it looks like to fully jump off.
And now it's like what I'm seeing, you know, is
(47:46):
like peace beyond all understanding. We talk about it in
the beginning. You can feel it tangibly all over your life.
Now your life stands up. It matches the bro Oh
I was getting excited, but you're like, the broche matches
the experience. And I think that's the goal, and that's
the heartbeat, and I think that's what I can feel
like you wanting for people that are listening, and wanting
(48:09):
for anyone that you encounter in your life is like, Matt,
I want you to know this is real and I
want you to know that it can live up to
the brochure.
Speaker 3 (48:18):
Brochure.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Brochure?
Speaker 4 (48:19):
Is that what it is? Fo?
Speaker 3 (48:21):
Yeah, just so you know, the brochure, the brochure.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
I'm curious to know as you look back on this season,
you look back on twenty twenty five, what do you
hope it reveals about who God is?
Speaker 1 (48:35):
Enough? Yeah, He's enough, Like if he's all you have,
he's all you need, you know, And I believe that
the Lord wants to give you good gifts he loves.
He's a father who loves giving you good gifts and
like whatever, but He is the gift, right. And when
I look back at this last year and I think
(48:57):
about all the times that I've made my own plan
and ask God to to you know, sign off, and
realizing coming to a place in my life where it's
just like all right, God, like I'm gonna work as
hard as I can because there is stewardship. It's the
principle of the talents, the parable of the talents, where
like God gives you five ten, you know, talents, and
(49:18):
it's your job to go multiply those. So this isn't
just like, you know, pray ten hours a day and
see what happens. There's I kind of had this theory
the other day that as I'm kind of re beginning
to relook at what my career looks like and putting
out music and all these things, and there's been so
much change on that side of my career too, and
getting out of a record deal and all these things
throughout the last five months. That has is something I'm
(49:40):
super excited about. But I looked at I was like,
kind of talking to the team, I'm like, what does
success look like for us? And I believe that it's discipline, vision,
and faith. It's all three of those, right. You have
to have the discipline to work hard, you have to
have the vision for where you're going, but you also
have to have a faith that like God can accomplish
all things through us. But I would just say of
this last year, where there was no career success, there
was no financial success, there was no The only song
(50:02):
that got put out this year under named Connor Smith
was a Dylan Marla feature that he asked me to
be on, which thank God that happened. You know, other
than that, it would have been twelve months of no
music and all these things. I can sit here and
say like, I'm more content than ever. I'm my marriage
is better than ever, and my relationships are better than ever,
and so inside of that, it's like, well, then the
(50:23):
only possible explanation for that is that Jesus is enough.
Speaker 3 (50:28):
Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2 (50:30):
Well, I just want to say thank you for opening
up to us about I know that you haven't really
spoken up about this and talked about it, but it's
really cool to see God just kind of magnify in
your life and you it is very apparent that He
is enough in your world and thankful for people like
Mark to be with you alongside the journey. And I
(50:50):
love that he's alongside my journey here on the upload too.
But in this coming season, as we kind of you know,
come out of a value, what can we be praying
for you about.
Speaker 1 (51:04):
Yeah, that's a good question. I think that I have
a ton of faith right now that, like what the
Lord is bringing us out of, he's like actually going
to bring us into a season of favor. And I
don't know what that looks like. You know, I'm never
gonna I try not to like fill in the equation
on what God's favor looks like, but I do have
a lot of faith for that of what I feel
(51:24):
him speaking to me. Like I said, I would just
set out of a record deal and like beginning a
whole new chapter of my career in my life and
something that I've been I've been praying for and praying into,
and so inside of that, there's a lot of unanswered
questions and there's also a lot of just like I
feel like I'm getting to dream again for the first
time in a while. I feel like I'm actually getting
to like see how I want God, what my desire
(51:45):
is for like God to use me and like to
be fully obedient with him through his career. I feel
like I finally have that opportunity now, and so I
would just ask that the Lord would bring that favor
over my marriage, over my career, and and that in
that that that what he brought is a try I
would turn into a testimony that could actually impact people
in a way that I didn't have the power to before,
(52:05):
and that there would be such a boldness within me
to do so in every moment, every conversation. And for humility,
I think that fight for humility in every moment is
the most important thing.
Speaker 4 (52:17):
And I just have a to bring our counter to eleven.
But this is just a word for you, bro. It's
a scripture that's familiar, but no eye has seen, no
year has heard, no mind has conceived or imagined what
God has in store for those who love him. And
the surrender of things that you've seen, the surrender of
things that you've heard and things that have come out
(52:39):
of your mouth, and the surrender of things that you've
imagined makes room for that to be true. And I
just declare that over you, bro is like so good.
The emptying of the things that you've imagined makes a
room for the things. That's like, so when you say
favor and you say I just don't know what that
looks like, that sounds like there's a room for God
(52:59):
to do what no one could have imagined or seen
or heard through you and in you and on you.
And God's looking for trustworthy people to pour out his
favor on trustworthy because they're not about themselves, they're not
about a brand, they're about eternity. They're about introducing people
to the greatest relationship that you could ever possibly have
(53:21):
with your Savior, the person who made you in his image.
And you live that you're trustworthy. Thanks man, And it's obvious.
Thanks man. That's it. Let's pray.
Speaker 1 (53:33):
We'll let me say this too. This was a word
Mark gave me. So I have like two like kind
of key spiritual mentors through my life and Mark is
one of them. And then another one who is named Gabe,
and he did officiate our wedding and was out in California,
and they were super instrumental through the journey that we've
been on. But I'll never forget they both individually spoke
(53:55):
the exact same scripture and word over me separate, and
that was you can you would know the verse more
than me. But it was basically the story of war
where the arrows at the opposing army had shot over
that the Israelites are God's army ends up picking up
those arrows and like killing them with them. And they
both spooke that very specific story over that what the
(54:16):
what the enemy means for evil against my life, I'm
actually going to use for evil against his his life.
And so I think that's uh, that's another another prayer
mind heading to the new season.
Speaker 2 (54:25):
So we I'm gonna pray us out and I'm gonna
put my hands on you. The Holy Spirit's telling me
to just pray. Dear Heavenly Father, Lord, we just thank
you for Connor. We just say thank you that he
is a good gift for the Kingdom God, that you
are using his testimony for just an unbelievable weapon against
(54:47):
the spiritual realm God, and we just we we just
pray over this next season of his Lord, that you
would just give him favor not just in his marriage,
not just in relationship, not in community, but in his
career and in his boldness for you, Lord, you would
continue to give him the words to speak, that you
would continue to give him the boldness to speak, that
you would continue to give him the humility to speak. Lord,
(55:09):
that you would just continue to remind him that this
is not about us, This is about you, Father. And
we just say thank you for thank you for his story,
and thank you for his willingness to be open to
rearrange the home, to allow you to knock down walls,
to allow you to just rebuild on such a firm foundation. God,
and we just ask for favor in this next season,
(55:31):
that you would just bless him, give him things that
he would not even believe. God, that you would just
continue to use his microphone that you've put in his
hand for your glory. God.
Speaker 1 (55:44):
We love you, Lord, Amen, Amen, love you.
Speaker 3 (55:48):
Bray know right.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
Thanks guys A
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