August 13, 2025 • 16 mins
You finally left the narcissist — but staying gone is the real challenge. In this video, we reveal 5 powerful strategies to help you resist the urge to return and stay on the path to healing and freedom. Whether you're tempted by guilt, trauma bonds, or manipulation tactics, these tips will help you stay strong, maintain no contact, and rebuild your sense of self after narcissistic abuse.
Don’t miss out on this important information that can help you take control of your life and health.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So you've left. You finally got the courage to leave.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
So how do you build the resilience you need to
keep you from going back?
Speaker 3 (00:10):
In this video, we're going to talk about the five strategies,
the most important strategies that you can start immediately to
help you build resiliencely so that you never go back
and you become that warrior and you know you can become.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yes, we don't want you to fear off your healing journey.
So one of the most important steps, probably the most
important step, is going no contact. I mean, you've all
heard that. We've all heard it, go no contact. If
you don't go no contact, that means that person is
still the anchor hooked around your ankle and you're trying
(00:45):
to swim to the top of the water.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
They're going to pull you under. They're drowning you.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Okay, So you're going to have to pretend they are
in a vault locked and you don't have the key.
They have to become invisible to you. And I know
if you have kids, it makes it a little more difficult,
but you can communicate through.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
A parent app, through your attorneys.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
You don't have to be alone with that person. You
don't have to have intimate conversations with that person. If
you don't block them, they're not going to be out
of your head.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Don't search their social media, you know.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
That's I wanted to mention that that's something we hear
a lot of and it gets them in even deeper
into this feeling of depression and being alone. And that's
the worst thing. You can't follow them. You can't want
to know what they're doing. They are dead you, just
like Melissa said, they're dead you. Yeah, okay, So that's
the best way that you can start healing is to
(01:39):
move past this person.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Yeah, and don't worry about whether they're happy or not.
Narts don't change. The outcome is going to be the
same as what the outcome was with you. You were that
happy person at one time when you fell in love
with the fake person. So it's not this isn't your business, Okay.
Your business is to recover and get stronger and move
(02:01):
forward so you can actually enjoy a life free from abuse.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
You deserve that. What's another thing.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
Let's talk about number two.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
And I love this step because I think it's so
important for clearing your mind, getting all that negative energy
out journaling. Journaling, Yeah, and wants to talk about this
because she is an awesome expert at this and really
saved her when she first left.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Well from the gas lighting, because if you've been through it,
you understand how they can make you doubt yourself. They
make you doubt your sanity, they can twist things around,
and then you're questioning yourself or you're defending yourself when
you're the one asking them whether or not they did
something or not, and you know for a fact that
they did, but they're not going to admit it.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Journaling, honestly, and this is the journal I use.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I love it because it not only lets you journal,
but it lets you write down goals for the day, wishes, dreams, mantras.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Things that can help you get through the day.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Because when you first leave, it's an hour by hour situation,
so blocking person out of your mind.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Anything you need to say, write it down.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Honestly, Probably the first month that I left, everything in
my journal was a curse word.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I just had to get it out.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I was so angry, I was so bitter, I was
just I was heartbroken, and who was I going to
say that to? I could just start screaming out a
bunch of fouls.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
They don't and you can't unload like that. But you
have got to unload.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
So journaling was huge, And I'll tell you what else
journaling is all about. Because you can even start this
before you leave. I did this keeps you from losing
your sanity. So when you write down something that happened
really bad, you write it down. It helps you get
your feelings out because you know your narcissistic, abusive partner will.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Not let you speak, so you're writing everything down.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
So when they come back and start reversing this on you,
denying it, telling you that you did this, you cause that,
or that was because of you, go back to this.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
This is your bible. These are your words, your truth.
You know what happened.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
You wrote it down, and rereading what actually happened, I
know it will be triggering, but it needs to be
because then you.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Realize, you know what, I'm not falling for it. I
know what happened. This is my truth. The more you.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Do this, the more your head will shut down when
that narcissistic person is trying to fill your head with
a bunch of gas lighting stories. You know.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
I think also when we start thinking about well, it
wasn't that bad. Maybe I should go back, look back
in your journal where you wrote those events down.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
They were that bad.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Don't let your mind play tricks on you that it
wasn't that bad.
Speaker 4 (04:47):
Maybe I should go back. It was and that's why
you get pain.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
And so you have to write down.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
You have to believe your own truth, and that's really
the only truth you can believe. So, like John said,
don't ever convince yourself that it wasn't that bad. It
was that bad because you finally had the courage to leave,
and we want you to move forward on your journey
to a happy, healthy life.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
So let's talk about number three.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
You know, we talked a little bit about clarity and
about how to clear our minds of all this negative energy.
I want to talk about this because this is one
of my favorite things. It really is, even to this day,
ten years, more than ten years since I was able
to leave my narcissist. I started meditating every single morning,
just for five minutes, and it changes your whole outlook,
(05:34):
in your whole day. Now I'm up to fifteen minutes
a day. I just absolutely love it. And I find
my private quiet spot in the house. I put my
headphones on and I put on a meditation. They are
guided meditations, and they take you through and it's so
so you focus your mind. You can really focus and
(05:56):
get all the negative thoughts out and it just is
so cleansing.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
And you found these people you like.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
I want to tell everybody about that. There's two people
that I love to listen to in the mornings. My favorite,
by far is Boho Beautiful, and the reason is both
their husband and wife and both of their voices are
just so soothing. And so they take you through this
great meditation. Then they give you a mantra to repeat
quietly to yourself through a period of time, and it's
(06:24):
a powerful mantra, and then they close. But the other
really neat thing is they shoot these videos from really
exotic locations with waterfalls and waves crashing and rainforests, and
it just gives you that amazing piece. What a great
way to start your day in this environment, and you
can hear those waves crashing through the entire meditation of
(06:44):
the waterfall. And the other one that I really like,
it's called Mindful Movement, and she really takes you through
breathing exercises and different types of things to really help
clear your mind. And I really enjoy both of those,
so please please check it out. Make this part of
your daily practice. If you can do it first thing
in the morning, it really sets your day up.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
It really really does.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
So I know I do it at night sometimes because
I have a tendency to have insomniac So these meditations
actually really help me calm down so I can get
a good night rest. Because you don't want to go
to bed with all those jumble thoughts, so you may
have to do it in the morning and at night.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
You can't meditate enough.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Believe me.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
If you have any questions about the meditation, please leave
us the comments our questions in the comments, and we'll
be happy to answer those for you. But number four,
let's talk about this is some huge for me. Was
getting into a physical activity every single day. You know,
you might have been wallowing in some depression and woe
is me, and I can't get out of bed. I
(07:49):
just don't feel like doing anything. Don't get stuck in
this cycle.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
And it's just there's easy to get stuck.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
In this right.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
It's like it's water going down to drain. It's going nowhere. Good,
So talk about what you did you know when you.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
First well, had I worked out. I love to work out.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I loved physical activity. I liked doing athletics outside. Going
through this abuse just deflated me. It took every ounce
of energy I had. I could barely get through the days.
I mean, I was working and I was just struggling
to breathe. So I honestly started forcing myself.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
I had to do it.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I had to get out from that isolation. Because they
isolate you. I had to get out. So I just
started I just started walking.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
I mean I walked for five minutes.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
It just cleanses your mind, body, and soul because you're
in the sunlight, you hear the birds, you're breathing the air,
and you're actually away from that closed in environment that
sometimes you find yourself in. You look at it as
your comfort zone. It's actually not your comfort zone. You
need to get out of it. So I just started walking.
I just walked to the end of my driveway and
(08:58):
back a little bit later. I walked a couple times,
then I walked around the block. It made me feel
so good that I knew I.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Could start venturing back into things that I like. Now.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
If you're not comfortable going to a gym or a
plate studio or anything like that. There's tons of workouts
that you can do straight from home on YouTube, just
like the meditation tons.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
You could start from beginners.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
No ways, yoga, dancing, anything to get your body moving.
Because the one thing we lose when we're in an
abusive relationship is our self esteem and our confidence.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
This will help you get that back. It'll help you
get back to.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
The person you were before your nark stole everything from you.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Right, And if you can do this just every single day,
just for three weeks, I mean, and just ten or
fifteen minutes every single day, you start to develop a habit.
And it's a great habit. It's a healthy habit. It's
one that can prolong your life. Yeah, I mean, so
why not do this every single day? But after twenty
one days, you're gonna really are looking better, feeling better,
(10:02):
and you're gonna want to do this every day. So
you're like, gosh, I'd like to do this for thirty
minutes a day or forty five minutes a day, or
now I want to get a peloton, or now I
want to get a gym membership, and you want to
meet people at the gym.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
All sorts of things can.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Evolve from this, but you have to start with those
small daily steps every single day and right in your journal.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I did, and like John said, it's just baby steps.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Don't don't bite off something so overwhelming that you give
it up, because it's like like, if I would have
gone back to the exercise routine I had before I
met min Art, I would probably die of.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
A heart attack.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
You just can't well, you would have quit, I would
have I would have quit. I would have gotten very discouraged.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
You have to start small.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
So start something small and then just stick to it
for a few days.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
If you want to increase it, then do that.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
But getting an accountability partner is big, even if it's someone
on YouTube, even if it's your h my fitness Pal,
you can actually have that and they're accountability partners on
my fitness Pal. John uses a peloton, he has tons
of accountability partners on that.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
So there's so.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Many things you can do, but it will definitely bring
back your self confidence, your self esteem.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
You'll feel better about yourself.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
And one of the exercises I did is I found
pictures of myself before I met my Nart. Okay, and
I put it on my refrigerator, and then I found
a photo of myself, literally probably the worst time of
the abuse. The difference in the way I held myself,
my face, my color of my skin, my hair, It
was so obvious.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
And so I did little tiny bits.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Of exercise every day for thirty days, and I took
another picture of myself and I put it right next
to it. Now, did I look like I looked when
I first met my No, But my face was different,
my skin was better, my hair looked better.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
My eyes and my smile were back. So it's a
big thing.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And just seeing that kind of difference, it could be
just the way you look looking.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
At yourself in the mirror. That's a big, big difference.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Because I know when we leave, we're selling the people
we were, and we don't like who we see.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
This is a way you can get back to like
and who you are.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Right, Let's talk about number five, and this needs to
be number five because all these other steps have to
happen first before you do this, and it's getting your
passion back. My gosh, this is my favorite one by far,
and it's really what changed my life back to where
I was before. And I know Melissa feels the exact
same way, But you can't do this first. You really
(12:31):
need to accomplish these other steps and get these this
routine going before you really feel strong enough and feel
good enough about yourself to say, you know what, I
loved to blank before I got into this relationship now
for Melissa, and I love this because she's so good
at it.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
She loved to paint, but go tell a story about.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Well, I'm an acrylic painter. And I had to give
it up because it was it was just too much.
I mean, I didn't have that much spare time without
my narc just breathing down my neck about do this,
do this?
Speaker 4 (13:06):
Where are you?
Speaker 2 (13:07):
It became such a difficult situation it wasn't even enjoyable
for me anymore.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
And I just packed up.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
My paints and canvases and I just said, you know what,
this is something I'm just not going to be able
to do anymore. So after I left, once I went
through steps one through four and I was really feeling
good about myself, I'm like, you know what, maybe I'll
give it a shot. It had been years since I
picked up those paint brushes and those paints and those canvases.
I got lost in painting, and in fact John would
(13:34):
be texting at two am.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Are you still alive? What are you doing down there?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
It all is, it is what it is, but it
just brings me such joy, happiness, tranquility. Honestly, I would
never give that up again. And that's something that you
think about, even if you say, well, I don't really
know what I was passionate about.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
What would you be passionate about? What do you want
to do?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Do you want to learn how to say, play an instrument,
become a hiker, start belly dancing, whatever.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
There's nothing, there's nothing.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
Out of you that you can't do. You know.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
The important thing though here is because this really I
get to see this through your recovery. Her nark was
really in the review mirror at this point. He was
way back there, he was gone. She was recovering before
she started this step. It's really really critical that you
cleanse your mind, get all that negative stuff out of you,
(14:30):
get moving with your physicality, get them way in the
rear view mirror where they're not in your life anymore.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
You're not and you're not going to be doing something
just to get them out of your mind.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
You've actually moved past them.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
You have done the recovery steps, and you are ready
to just enjoy your life and do something that you're
passionate about.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
John got back into martial arts. I mean, he loved martial.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Arts, totally had to give it up, got back into
martial arts, and he is absolutely loving that. So it's
little things like that that bring this joy in your life.
And then you realize, you know what, I'm invincible. No
one's going to do this to me again. I'm going
to recognize the red flags.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
I'm not going to ignore them.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I'm going to recognize patterns of red flags because.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
We didn't see them in the beginning.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
And until you know them, which you do now, you
can't just pluck them out. And when red flag doesn't
make somebody a whole oble person, but when the patterns
start coming up and they start adding up, you know,
red flags should go off and you need to back
away from that relationship because it can only go one
way and that's toxic.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Yeah, so listen, Thank you so much for your time
in listening to this, but please please make this part
of your journey, make this part of your life. You'll
love it. It's really going to be life changing for you.
So if you like this video, please give us a
like and please subscribe. We've got so much more information
coming your way, and we're just we want to help
(15:56):
you on your journey. We wish you nothing but happiness
and above all else, safety
Speaker 2 (16:02):
And you can go from being a victim to a
warrior by just taking the first step.
So you've left. You finally got the courage to leave.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
So how do you build the resilience you need to
keep you from going back?
Speaker 3 (00:10):
In this video, we're going to talk about the five strategies,
the most important strategies that you can start immediately to
help you build resiliencely so that you never go back
and you become that warrior and you know you can become.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yes, we don't want you to fear off your healing journey.
So one of the most important steps, probably the most
important step, is going no contact. I mean, you've all
heard that. We've all heard it, go no contact. If
you don't go no contact, that means that person is
still the anchor hooked around your ankle and you're trying
(00:45):
to swim to the top of the water.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
They're going to pull you under. They're drowning you.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Okay, So you're going to have to pretend they are
in a vault locked and you don't have the key.
They have to become invisible to you. And I know
if you have kids, it makes it a little more difficult,
but you can communicate through.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
A parent app, through your attorneys.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
You don't have to be alone with that person. You
don't have to have intimate conversations with that person. If
you don't block them, they're not going to be out
of your head.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Don't search their social media, you know.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
That's I wanted to mention that that's something we hear
a lot of and it gets them in even deeper
into this feeling of depression and being alone. And that's
the worst thing. You can't follow them. You can't want
to know what they're doing. They are dead you, just
like Melissa said, they're dead you. Yeah, okay, So that's
the best way that you can start healing is to
(01:39):
move past this person.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Yeah, and don't worry about whether they're happy or not.
Narts don't change. The outcome is going to be the
same as what the outcome was with you. You were that
happy person at one time when you fell in love
with the fake person. So it's not this isn't your business, Okay.
Your business is to recover and get stronger and move
(02:01):
forward so you can actually enjoy a life free from abuse.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
You deserve that. What's another thing.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
Let's talk about number two.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
And I love this step because I think it's so
important for clearing your mind, getting all that negative energy
out journaling. Journaling, Yeah, and wants to talk about this
because she is an awesome expert at this and really
saved her when she first left.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Well from the gas lighting, because if you've been through it,
you understand how they can make you doubt yourself. They
make you doubt your sanity, they can twist things around,
and then you're questioning yourself or you're defending yourself when
you're the one asking them whether or not they did
something or not, and you know for a fact that
they did, but they're not going to admit it.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Journaling, honestly, and this is the journal I use.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I love it because it not only lets you journal,
but it lets you write down goals for the day, wishes, dreams, mantras.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Things that can help you get through the day.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Because when you first leave, it's an hour by hour situation,
so blocking person out of your mind.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Anything you need to say, write it down.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Honestly, Probably the first month that I left, everything in
my journal was a curse word.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I just had to get it out.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I was so angry, I was so bitter, I was
just I was heartbroken, and who was I going to
say that to? I could just start screaming out a
bunch of fouls.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
They don't and you can't unload like that. But you
have got to unload.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
So journaling was huge, And I'll tell you what else
journaling is all about. Because you can even start this
before you leave. I did this keeps you from losing
your sanity. So when you write down something that happened
really bad, you write it down. It helps you get
your feelings out because you know your narcissistic, abusive partner will.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Not let you speak, so you're writing everything down.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
So when they come back and start reversing this on you,
denying it, telling you that you did this, you cause that,
or that was because of you, go back to this.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
This is your bible. These are your words, your truth.
You know what happened.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
You wrote it down, and rereading what actually happened, I
know it will be triggering, but it needs to be
because then you.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Realize, you know what, I'm not falling for it. I
know what happened. This is my truth. The more you.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Do this, the more your head will shut down when
that narcissistic person is trying to fill your head with
a bunch of gas lighting stories. You know.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
I think also when we start thinking about well, it
wasn't that bad. Maybe I should go back, look back
in your journal where you wrote those events down.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
They were that bad.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Don't let your mind play tricks on you that it
wasn't that bad.
Speaker 4 (04:47):
Maybe I should go back. It was and that's why
you get pain.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
And so you have to write down.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
You have to believe your own truth, and that's really
the only truth you can believe. So, like John said,
don't ever convince yourself that it wasn't that bad. It
was that bad because you finally had the courage to leave,
and we want you to move forward on your journey
to a happy, healthy life.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
So let's talk about number three.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
You know, we talked a little bit about clarity and
about how to clear our minds of all this negative energy.
I want to talk about this because this is one
of my favorite things. It really is, even to this day,
ten years, more than ten years since I was able
to leave my narcissist. I started meditating every single morning,
just for five minutes, and it changes your whole outlook,
(05:34):
in your whole day. Now I'm up to fifteen minutes
a day. I just absolutely love it. And I find
my private quiet spot in the house. I put my
headphones on and I put on a meditation. They are
guided meditations, and they take you through and it's so
so you focus your mind. You can really focus and
(05:56):
get all the negative thoughts out and it just is
so cleansing.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
And you found these people you like.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
I want to tell everybody about that. There's two people
that I love to listen to in the mornings. My favorite,
by far is Boho Beautiful, and the reason is both
their husband and wife and both of their voices are
just so soothing. And so they take you through this
great meditation. Then they give you a mantra to repeat
quietly to yourself through a period of time, and it's
(06:24):
a powerful mantra, and then they close. But the other
really neat thing is they shoot these videos from really
exotic locations with waterfalls and waves crashing and rainforests, and
it just gives you that amazing piece. What a great
way to start your day in this environment, and you
can hear those waves crashing through the entire meditation of
(06:44):
the waterfall. And the other one that I really like,
it's called Mindful Movement, and she really takes you through
breathing exercises and different types of things to really help
clear your mind. And I really enjoy both of those,
so please please check it out. Make this part of
your daily practice. If you can do it first thing
in the morning, it really sets your day up.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
It really really does.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
So I know I do it at night sometimes because
I have a tendency to have insomniac So these meditations
actually really help me calm down so I can get
a good night rest. Because you don't want to go
to bed with all those jumble thoughts, so you may
have to do it in the morning and at night.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
You can't meditate enough.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Believe me.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
If you have any questions about the meditation, please leave
us the comments our questions in the comments, and we'll
be happy to answer those for you. But number four,
let's talk about this is some huge for me. Was
getting into a physical activity every single day. You know,
you might have been wallowing in some depression and woe
is me, and I can't get out of bed. I
(07:49):
just don't feel like doing anything. Don't get stuck in
this cycle.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
And it's just there's easy to get stuck.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
In this right.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
It's like it's water going down to drain. It's going nowhere. Good,
So talk about what you did you know when you.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
First well, had I worked out. I love to work out.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I loved physical activity. I liked doing athletics outside. Going
through this abuse just deflated me. It took every ounce
of energy I had. I could barely get through the days.
I mean, I was working and I was just struggling
to breathe. So I honestly started forcing myself.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
I had to do it.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I had to get out from that isolation. Because they
isolate you. I had to get out. So I just
started I just started walking.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
I mean I walked for five minutes.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
It just cleanses your mind, body, and soul because you're
in the sunlight, you hear the birds, you're breathing the air,
and you're actually away from that closed in environment that
sometimes you find yourself in. You look at it as
your comfort zone. It's actually not your comfort zone. You
need to get out of it. So I just started walking.
I just walked to the end of my driveway and
(08:58):
back a little bit later. I walked a couple times,
then I walked around the block. It made me feel
so good that I knew I.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Could start venturing back into things that I like. Now.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
If you're not comfortable going to a gym or a
plate studio or anything like that. There's tons of workouts
that you can do straight from home on YouTube, just
like the meditation tons.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
You could start from beginners.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
No ways, yoga, dancing, anything to get your body moving.
Because the one thing we lose when we're in an
abusive relationship is our self esteem and our confidence.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
This will help you get that back. It'll help you
get back to.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
The person you were before your nark stole everything from you.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Right, And if you can do this just every single day,
just for three weeks, I mean, and just ten or
fifteen minutes every single day, you start to develop a habit.
And it's a great habit. It's a healthy habit. It's
one that can prolong your life. Yeah, I mean, so
why not do this every single day? But after twenty
one days, you're gonna really are looking better, feeling better,
(10:02):
and you're gonna want to do this every day. So
you're like, gosh, I'd like to do this for thirty
minutes a day or forty five minutes a day, or
now I want to get a peloton, or now I
want to get a gym membership, and you want to
meet people at the gym.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
All sorts of things can.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Evolve from this, but you have to start with those
small daily steps every single day and right in your journal.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I did, and like John said, it's just baby steps.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Don't don't bite off something so overwhelming that you give
it up, because it's like like, if I would have
gone back to the exercise routine I had before I
met min Art, I would probably die of.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
A heart attack.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
You just can't well, you would have quit, I would
have I would have quit. I would have gotten very discouraged.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
You have to start small.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
So start something small and then just stick to it
for a few days.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
If you want to increase it, then do that.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
But getting an accountability partner is big, even if it's someone
on YouTube, even if it's your h my fitness Pal,
you can actually have that and they're accountability partners on
my fitness Pal. John uses a peloton, he has tons
of accountability partners on that.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
So there's so.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Many things you can do, but it will definitely bring
back your self confidence, your self esteem.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
You'll feel better about yourself.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
And one of the exercises I did is I found
pictures of myself before I met my Nart. Okay, and
I put it on my refrigerator, and then I found
a photo of myself, literally probably the worst time of
the abuse. The difference in the way I held myself,
my face, my color of my skin, my hair, It
was so obvious.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
And so I did little tiny bits.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Of exercise every day for thirty days, and I took
another picture of myself and I put it right next
to it. Now, did I look like I looked when
I first met my No, But my face was different,
my skin was better, my hair looked better.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
My eyes and my smile were back. So it's a
big thing.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And just seeing that kind of difference, it could be
just the way you look looking.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
At yourself in the mirror. That's a big, big difference.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Because I know when we leave, we're selling the people
we were, and we don't like who we see.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
This is a way you can get back to like
and who you are.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Right, Let's talk about number five, and this needs to
be number five because all these other steps have to
happen first before you do this, and it's getting your
passion back. My gosh, this is my favorite one by far,
and it's really what changed my life back to where
I was before. And I know Melissa feels the exact
same way, But you can't do this first. You really
(12:31):
need to accomplish these other steps and get these this
routine going before you really feel strong enough and feel
good enough about yourself to say, you know what, I
loved to blank before I got into this relationship now
for Melissa, and I love this because she's so good
at it.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
She loved to paint, but go tell a story about.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Well, I'm an acrylic painter. And I had to give
it up because it was it was just too much.
I mean, I didn't have that much spare time without
my narc just breathing down my neck about do this,
do this?
Speaker 4 (13:06):
Where are you?
Speaker 2 (13:07):
It became such a difficult situation it wasn't even enjoyable
for me anymore.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
And I just packed up.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
My paints and canvases and I just said, you know what,
this is something I'm just not going to be able
to do anymore. So after I left, once I went
through steps one through four and I was really feeling
good about myself, I'm like, you know what, maybe I'll
give it a shot. It had been years since I
picked up those paint brushes and those paints and those canvases.
I got lost in painting, and in fact John would
(13:34):
be texting at two am.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Are you still alive? What are you doing down there?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
It all is, it is what it is, but it
just brings me such joy, happiness, tranquility. Honestly, I would
never give that up again. And that's something that you
think about, even if you say, well, I don't really
know what I was passionate about.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
What would you be passionate about? What do you want
to do?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Do you want to learn how to say, play an instrument,
become a hiker, start belly dancing, whatever.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
There's nothing, there's nothing.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
Out of you that you can't do. You know.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
The important thing though here is because this really I
get to see this through your recovery. Her nark was
really in the review mirror at this point. He was
way back there, he was gone. She was recovering before
she started this step. It's really really critical that you
cleanse your mind, get all that negative stuff out of you,
(14:30):
get moving with your physicality, get them way in the
rear view mirror where they're not in your life anymore.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
You're not and you're not going to be doing something
just to get them out of your mind.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
You've actually moved past them.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
You have done the recovery steps, and you are ready
to just enjoy your life and do something that you're
passionate about.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
John got back into martial arts. I mean, he loved martial.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Arts, totally had to give it up, got back into
martial arts, and he is absolutely loving that. So it's
little things like that that bring this joy in your life.
And then you realize, you know what, I'm invincible. No
one's going to do this to me again. I'm going
to recognize the red flags.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
I'm not going to ignore them.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I'm going to recognize patterns of red flags because.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
We didn't see them in the beginning.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
And until you know them, which you do now, you
can't just pluck them out. And when red flag doesn't
make somebody a whole oble person, but when the patterns
start coming up and they start adding up, you know,
red flags should go off and you need to back
away from that relationship because it can only go one
way and that's toxic.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Yeah, so listen, Thank you so much for your time
in listening to this, but please please make this part
of your journey, make this part of your life. You'll
love it. It's really going to be life changing for you.
So if you like this video, please give us a
like and please subscribe. We've got so much more information
coming your way, and we're just we want to help
(15:56):
you on your journey. We wish you nothing but happiness
and above all else, safety
Speaker 2 (16:02):
And you can go from being a victim to a
warrior by just taking the first step.
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