April 3, 2025 • 15 mins
Certified Professional Life Coaches and survivors of abuse, John and Melissa, are here to help you answer a difficult question: Am I with a narcissist? In this video, John and Melissa share their expertise and personal insights to help you identify narcissistic traits and red flags in your relationship. Learn to recognize manipulation, set boundaries, and protect your emotional well-being. Don't miss this empowering and informative guide to understanding narcissistic behavior and taking back control of your life. Don't miss this empowering podcast designed to give you clarity, confidence, and hope for a healthier future.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Am I with a Narcissist? Have you ever asked yourself
that question? Because of what's going on in your relationship?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
You know something is wrong, but no matter what you do,
it doesn't get any better, and somehow you're always to
blame no matter what the problems are.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Welcome to the Victim to Warriors show Warrior Talk.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
We're John and Melissa and we are survivors of narcissistic
abuse and our mission is to help other survivors reclaim
and rebuild their lives.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Right this is episode six. I'm so excited about that. Yes,
Today's topic.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Am I with a Narcissist? Have you ever asked yourself
that question? Because of what's going on in your relationship?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
You know something is wrong, but no matter what you do,
it doesn't get any better, and somehow you're always to blame,
no matter.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
What the problems are.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Right, So, if you're asking yourself that question, am I
with a Narcissist?
Speaker 3 (01:04):
How do you know?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Well?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Melissa and I created a questionnaire for.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
You, and this questionnaire is interactive. I'm just going to
read off just five of them.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
There's actually fifteen questions and it tallies up your score
for you and it Lets you know, Hey, maybe you
just have somebody that's not really a nice person all
the time, but they're not a narcissist.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Yeah, maybe they just have traits.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yeah, or serious traits that may make you consider whether
or not you want to stay in it. Are Are
they a full blown narcissism? Most likely a narcissist, And
if they are, there's no changing a narcissist. There's no
fixing a narcissist. There's no fixing the relationship, no matter
how hard you try.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
So I'm going to go ahead and ask some of
these questions.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Right, Oh, no, so this can really help you understand
what do I do with this relationship? Yes, so you
understand if you're with someone like we said, that just
has traits, or if they're a full long narcissists like
Meurisses said.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
So, yeah, please, let's see. Let's let's listen to a
couple of the questions.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
All right, My partner often talks about themselves and their
accomplishments without showing any genuine interest in my experience or feelings.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Yeah, so it's all about them all exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I feel like I'm walking on egg shells around my partner,
afraid to upset them or trigger their anger.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Does that sound your like your home were talking? Yeah,
we talk about that all the time, that your home
is supposed to be a safe place.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Yes, I know that.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Whenever I got home, I was walking on eggshells because
I didn't want to get crazy going you know.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
And uh, and that anxiety that you feel when, like
you said, it should be.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Your place of refuge, your comfort.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
And if you are having anxiety about going home or
about your partner coming home, that is a huge reflat.
My partner frequently belittles or criticizes me, making me feel
inadequate or worthless, always chipping away at your self esteem.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Yeah, that's a good goal.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Yeah, that is your the the more insecure you are,
the easily you are to manipulate and control. It seems
like my partner has a sense of entitlement and expects
special treatment or privileges.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
Man, of course they do.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Now would we answer that yes or no? Or they're
very degrees?
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Yes, very in degrees.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I mean it could be never, it could be sometimes, rare, rigorly.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Often, right, so some of these are not?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yes, Yeah, so that's so, just be honest when you
take this. If we're going to put the link in
the description below. Be honest when you take this questionnaire,
because I only it's going to hurt you if you're
not honest. And don't inject yourself into any of these questions,
like we've had some people say, well, they only act
like that when I do.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
This or when I don't do that. Now, don't put
yourself into it. Just be honest. Ask the questions.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Take the quiz, and it'll tally up the results automatically
for you.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
And here's here's number five.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
My partner becomes visibly upset or angry when they're not
the center of attention.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
And we're going into the holidays, and boy is that
talk about ruining the holidays.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Because they want to be the center of attention.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
So yeah, it's exhausting, it's exhausting how that how that works.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
But we want you to take this because we want
you to educate yourself.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
We want you to be honest with yourself.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Take the quiz, it'll tally up the results, it'll send
it to you, and you'll know what you're dealing with,
and you'll know whether or not is the relationship fixable
or do you even want to stay in it? Or
is it not fixable at all?
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Because, as they are, a narcissist, right, so you took
this place, what happened when you took it about your
ex narcissist?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
The total score is seventy five. Mine scored a seventy two. Wow,
And I think I was being kind on a couple
of the questions.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
A seventy two at a.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Seventy five's I don't know if we've ever had someone
that scored that high before, but Melissa, unfortunately had one
of the worst abusive situations. It was really, really horrible,
and she was lucky to get out of it alive,
really honestly, and in.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Years, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't
know what the problem was. I kept trying to make
things better, be better at what I did, have the
house cleaner, the dinner on the table earlier, the clothes
done a certain way, and I was working full time.
I had an executive job, so it wasn't like I
was staying at home where I could possibly have more
(05:56):
time to do these things. I was rushing home and
then trying to do everything walking on eggshells.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Nothing was ever.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Good enough, so I was nausting.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I was like beating myself up trying to fix something
that was there was no way it could possibly.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
You can't behave better, or act better, or commit more.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I mean, there's.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Nothing you can do to fix the situation if you're
with a narcissist. And that's the amazing thing about this
questionnaire is that can really give you some clarity about
what you're dealing with.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
And so let's say someone takes this test and.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
There's different there's variations of the score, and so if
they score where they are in a relationship with a narcissist,
what should they do at that point?
Speaker 2 (06:45):
D Well, like we said, a narcissism or narcissistic personality
disorder has no cure.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
There is no cure for it.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
The person that is the narcissist rarely thinks anything's along
with them.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
They always think it's someone else they're not.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
They won't take accountability, they won't genuinely apologize. They absolutely
will not change.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
They can't change.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
And being a narcissist can beat up two ways. It
can be genetics or it can be environmental. They actually
grew up in an environment that was hugely abusive and narcissistic,
and it's the only way they know how to act.
Mine was genetic. His parents were awesome people, his brother
(07:32):
was awesome. He was the problem and it was the
problem since he was small.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
And all through adults.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
So if it scores where you are, you find yourself
that you're with a narcissist, and as Molis said, there's
no changing to that. There's no fixing that. A couple
of things that we might recommend. Have a call with Melissa,
you know, and it kind of talk through things and
figure out, Okay, what do I do from here?
Speaker 3 (07:59):
What are the best because there's a lot.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
Of planning to do.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
If you if you realize what you're in, which is
not going to change, it's a life.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
Of misery or worse, planning a safe exit strategy is key.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Just blurting out that you want to leave or threatening
that you're going to leave if they don't change, that
is only going to basically give them the playbook of
what you're planning on doing, so they can sabotage you.
They can start a smear campaign like happening with John
the trans Transfer Fund.
Speaker 5 (08:31):
So you have nothing to no ability to leave, or worse,
they'll file divorce first and all the money's gone and
then you're trying to figure out how in the world
do you.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Hire an attorney telling a narcissist you want to leave
or you want to divorce, It is the worst possible.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
They make you right, really right.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
We also have a webinar that you can view that
is fantastic, the twelve critical steps to take before you
leave to really make sure you've got all your ducks
in the road before you leave. So let's talk about
a couple of red flags that if you are not
in the relationship yet. Let's say you're still dating, or
you're engaged, or you haven't signed the contract where you're
(09:12):
going to get into that business relationship, or maybe you
have some in laws or.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
And you know something's wrong, right, don't you know something's wrong.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Let's talk about some red flags that you know, maybe
you haven't taken this squizz yet, but you know something's wrong.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
In fact, I've got a direct.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Message today on Instagram from one of our audience and
she kind of outlined everything, and she said, he keeps
saying it's going to be different when we're married.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Everything will be different when we're married. That is a
huge red flag.
Speaker 6 (09:46):
If something has if something has to happen for it
to be better, you need to run from that. That's like, oh,
it'll be better once we have children, right, it'll be
better once we get married.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Where you telling that?
Speaker 1 (09:59):
I this is the red flag that I ignored over
and over and over again. We dated for five years
before we got married, and we were engaged for.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
I think half years soon, and you knew something.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
I had more red flags, but I was ignoring a
lot of them. But the biggest red flag that I ignored
and I want to make sure you don't and I
wanted to make sure this person didn't lords was she
kept telling me, Oh, wan, it to be different when
we're married. I won't be so jealous, I won't be
so insecure, I'll be calmer. All of these things were
(10:32):
going to change once we got married, and guess what
they didn't. They got worse, and then it was too
late because now we're married and right legally trapped. So
don't if you're hearing that in your relationship, please don't
ignore that. Now, let's talk about a couple other red
flags that might be procursors to something that can can
(10:56):
really hurt us in our lives.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Well, if they are making excuses financially like mine did.
And I ignored this. I had a great job, and
he said he had gone through a divorce and had
three kids and his ex wife took him to the cleaners.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Of course, all of this was lies.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I didn't know it at the time, but he kept
encouraging me to pay for things because he was starting
a new business.
Speaker 4 (11:26):
He was starting a.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
New business, and he was putting all of his money
into the new business, which was going to be a
huge success, and then he would pay me back. We
would have this amazing life. When someone wants you to
bear all the financial responsibility with excuses as to why
they're not contributing, or they say they're going to pay
(11:50):
you back and they don't, don't ignore that because if
you've got a good job, the problem is they're going
to drain your financial resources. I ended up paying for everything,
and it was too late because now we're married, and
it was it was stapping all of the money out
of me, and it took it was very expensive for me.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
To get out of this.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Right and this can happen men and women on both sides,
because this happened to me too. Where my ex narcissist
really was trying to spend money as fast as I
could make it. But also you know credit card fraud
and other things like that that happened that I wasn't
aware of until it was too late. So make sure
(12:34):
you're paying attention to these red flags now. On our
social media channels, we have a series called red Flag
Series where we really outline red flags and don't believe
your narcissist lives. So we really go deep into some
of these series that we do to help you see
them and you might be able to say, wow, this
(12:55):
is the exact thing that's going into my in my
relationship right now. So we want to make sure that
you have acts to this. Are they a narcissist questionnaire?
So we'll put the link below. Also, the twelve critical
steps to take before you leave, we're going to put
that in the description below too, so you can access
that if you take this questionnaire and realize you're with
(13:15):
a narcissist and you want to make sure you get
out safely and don't have to go back, if that's
that's your plan. But also I think that having a
call with Melissa is a huge step and try to understand, Okay,
I am with a narcissist. I realize that now because
of this questionnaire, what do I do? I have no
idea what. It's great to have Melissa in your corner, men,
(13:36):
and I'm happy to help you as well. Men, if
you'd like to talk with me instead of Melissa, I'll
put my link below as well. But we're so grateful
that you've been with us today, and we're so excited
about the opportunity to share this information with you, because,
you know what, it's unfortunate we didn't have this information.
We didn't know, especially me. I mean this has been
(13:59):
quite a while ago. No one knew what a female
narcissist was, and so we had no idea what we
were dealing with.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
I said we because my whole no one in my
family were like what what? Who is this person?
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Then?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
What is this? Especially when they're so different on the
outside than they are on the inside, and that is
a huge red flag as well. So don't don't ignore them.
Like John said, we have tons of resources to help
you make that decision and.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Send us a message.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Yeah if you if you put in the comments below,
tell us what's going on and we'll be happy to apply. Also,
if you want to send us something that's a little
bit more private h questions at the VTWW dot com.
I'm going to put that below as well, so you
can just you can direct email us if it's something
that you don't want to put on onto comments of
(14:47):
YouTube channels. Also, please check out our website VVTW dot com.
I'm going to put that in a week below two weaksources.
We put these out every single week, so please if
you haven't subscribed or YouTube channel, please do that and
like it and like yeah, we really appreciate that. Like
we said, this is episode six, this is growing. We're
(15:08):
so excited about it because our mission, like Melissa's had
at the beginning, is to really help survivors reclaim and
rebuild their lives, and for folks that haven't, unfortunately into
an abusive relationship, we want to help you avoid that
as well.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Absolutely so we appreciate you following us and joining us today.
Make sure you subscribe like John said, and we'll see
you next week.
Am I with a Narcissist? Have you ever asked yourself
that question? Because of what's going on in your relationship?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
You know something is wrong, but no matter what you do,
it doesn't get any better, and somehow you're always to
blame no matter what the problems are.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Welcome to the Victim to Warriors show Warrior Talk.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
We're John and Melissa and we are survivors of narcissistic
abuse and our mission is to help other survivors reclaim
and rebuild their lives.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Right this is episode six. I'm so excited about that. Yes,
Today's topic.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Am I with a Narcissist? Have you ever asked yourself
that question? Because of what's going on in your relationship?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
You know something is wrong, but no matter what you do,
it doesn't get any better, and somehow you're always to blame,
no matter.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
What the problems are.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Right, So, if you're asking yourself that question, am I
with a Narcissist?
Speaker 3 (01:04):
How do you know?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Well?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Melissa and I created a questionnaire for.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
You, and this questionnaire is interactive. I'm just going to
read off just five of them.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
There's actually fifteen questions and it tallies up your score
for you and it Lets you know, Hey, maybe you
just have somebody that's not really a nice person all
the time, but they're not a narcissist.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Yeah, maybe they just have traits.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yeah, or serious traits that may make you consider whether
or not you want to stay in it. Are Are
they a full blown narcissism? Most likely a narcissist, And
if they are, there's no changing a narcissist. There's no
fixing a narcissist. There's no fixing the relationship, no matter
how hard you try.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
So I'm going to go ahead and ask some of
these questions.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Right, Oh, no, so this can really help you understand
what do I do with this relationship? Yes, so you
understand if you're with someone like we said, that just
has traits, or if they're a full long narcissists like
Meurisses said.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
So, yeah, please, let's see. Let's let's listen to a
couple of the questions.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
All right, My partner often talks about themselves and their
accomplishments without showing any genuine interest in my experience or feelings.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Yeah, so it's all about them all exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I feel like I'm walking on egg shells around my partner,
afraid to upset them or trigger their anger.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Does that sound your like your home were talking? Yeah,
we talk about that all the time, that your home
is supposed to be a safe place.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Yes, I know that.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Whenever I got home, I was walking on eggshells because
I didn't want to get crazy going you know.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
And uh, and that anxiety that you feel when, like
you said, it should be.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Your place of refuge, your comfort.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
And if you are having anxiety about going home or
about your partner coming home, that is a huge reflat.
My partner frequently belittles or criticizes me, making me feel
inadequate or worthless, always chipping away at your self esteem.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Yeah, that's a good goal.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Yeah, that is your the the more insecure you are,
the easily you are to manipulate and control. It seems
like my partner has a sense of entitlement and expects
special treatment or privileges.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
Man, of course they do.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Now would we answer that yes or no? Or they're
very degrees?
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Yes, very in degrees.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I mean it could be never, it could be sometimes, rare, rigorly.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Often, right, so some of these are not?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yes, Yeah, so that's so, just be honest when you
take this. If we're going to put the link in
the description below. Be honest when you take this questionnaire,
because I only it's going to hurt you if you're
not honest. And don't inject yourself into any of these questions,
like we've had some people say, well, they only act
like that when I do.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
This or when I don't do that. Now, don't put
yourself into it. Just be honest. Ask the questions.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Take the quiz, and it'll tally up the results automatically
for you.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
And here's here's number five.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
My partner becomes visibly upset or angry when they're not
the center of attention.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
And we're going into the holidays, and boy is that
talk about ruining the holidays.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Because they want to be the center of attention.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
So yeah, it's exhausting, it's exhausting how that how that works.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
But we want you to take this because we want
you to educate yourself.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
We want you to be honest with yourself.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Take the quiz, it'll tally up the results, it'll send
it to you, and you'll know what you're dealing with,
and you'll know whether or not is the relationship fixable
or do you even want to stay in it? Or
is it not fixable at all?
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Because, as they are, a narcissist, right, so you took
this place, what happened when you took it about your
ex narcissist?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
The total score is seventy five. Mine scored a seventy two. Wow,
And I think I was being kind on a couple
of the questions.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
A seventy two at a.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Seventy five's I don't know if we've ever had someone
that scored that high before, but Melissa, unfortunately had one
of the worst abusive situations. It was really, really horrible,
and she was lucky to get out of it alive,
really honestly, and in.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Years, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't
know what the problem was. I kept trying to make
things better, be better at what I did, have the
house cleaner, the dinner on the table earlier, the clothes
done a certain way, and I was working full time.
I had an executive job, so it wasn't like I
was staying at home where I could possibly have more
(05:56):
time to do these things. I was rushing home and
then trying to do everything walking on eggshells.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Nothing was ever.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Good enough, so I was nausting.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I was like beating myself up trying to fix something
that was there was no way it could possibly.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
You can't behave better, or act better, or commit more.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I mean, there's.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Nothing you can do to fix the situation if you're
with a narcissist. And that's the amazing thing about this
questionnaire is that can really give you some clarity about
what you're dealing with.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
And so let's say someone takes this test and.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
There's different there's variations of the score, and so if
they score where they are in a relationship with a narcissist,
what should they do at that point?
Speaker 2 (06:45):
D Well, like we said, a narcissism or narcissistic personality
disorder has no cure.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
There is no cure for it.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
The person that is the narcissist rarely thinks anything's along
with them.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
They always think it's someone else they're not.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
They won't take accountability, they won't genuinely apologize. They absolutely
will not change.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
They can't change.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
And being a narcissist can beat up two ways. It
can be genetics or it can be environmental. They actually
grew up in an environment that was hugely abusive and narcissistic,
and it's the only way they know how to act.
Mine was genetic. His parents were awesome people, his brother
(07:32):
was awesome. He was the problem and it was the
problem since he was small.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
And all through adults.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
So if it scores where you are, you find yourself
that you're with a narcissist, and as Molis said, there's
no changing to that. There's no fixing that. A couple
of things that we might recommend. Have a call with Melissa,
you know, and it kind of talk through things and
figure out, Okay, what do I do from here?
Speaker 3 (07:59):
What are the best because there's a lot.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
Of planning to do.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
If you if you realize what you're in, which is
not going to change, it's a life.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
Of misery or worse, planning a safe exit strategy is key.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Just blurting out that you want to leave or threatening
that you're going to leave if they don't change, that
is only going to basically give them the playbook of
what you're planning on doing, so they can sabotage you.
They can start a smear campaign like happening with John
the trans Transfer Fund.
Speaker 5 (08:31):
So you have nothing to no ability to leave, or worse,
they'll file divorce first and all the money's gone and
then you're trying to figure out how in the world
do you.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Hire an attorney telling a narcissist you want to leave
or you want to divorce, It is the worst possible.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
They make you right, really right.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
We also have a webinar that you can view that
is fantastic, the twelve critical steps to take before you
leave to really make sure you've got all your ducks
in the road before you leave. So let's talk about
a couple of red flags that if you are not
in the relationship yet. Let's say you're still dating, or
you're engaged, or you haven't signed the contract where you're
(09:12):
going to get into that business relationship, or maybe you
have some in laws or.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
And you know something's wrong, right, don't you know something's wrong.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Let's talk about some red flags that you know, maybe
you haven't taken this squizz yet, but you know something's wrong.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
In fact, I've got a direct.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Message today on Instagram from one of our audience and
she kind of outlined everything, and she said, he keeps
saying it's going to be different when we're married.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Everything will be different when we're married. That is a
huge red flag.
Speaker 6 (09:46):
If something has if something has to happen for it
to be better, you need to run from that. That's like, oh,
it'll be better once we have children, right, it'll be
better once we get married.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Where you telling that?
Speaker 1 (09:59):
I this is the red flag that I ignored over
and over and over again. We dated for five years
before we got married, and we were engaged for.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
I think half years soon, and you knew something.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
I had more red flags, but I was ignoring a
lot of them. But the biggest red flag that I ignored
and I want to make sure you don't and I
wanted to make sure this person didn't lords was she
kept telling me, Oh, wan, it to be different when
we're married. I won't be so jealous, I won't be
so insecure, I'll be calmer. All of these things were
(10:32):
going to change once we got married, and guess what
they didn't. They got worse, and then it was too
late because now we're married and right legally trapped. So
don't if you're hearing that in your relationship, please don't
ignore that. Now, let's talk about a couple other red
flags that might be procursors to something that can can
(10:56):
really hurt us in our lives.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Well, if they are making excuses financially like mine did.
And I ignored this. I had a great job, and
he said he had gone through a divorce and had
three kids and his ex wife took him to the cleaners.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Of course, all of this was lies.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I didn't know it at the time, but he kept
encouraging me to pay for things because he was starting
a new business.
Speaker 4 (11:26):
He was starting a.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
New business, and he was putting all of his money
into the new business, which was going to be a
huge success, and then he would pay me back. We
would have this amazing life. When someone wants you to
bear all the financial responsibility with excuses as to why
they're not contributing, or they say they're going to pay
(11:50):
you back and they don't, don't ignore that because if
you've got a good job, the problem is they're going
to drain your financial resources. I ended up paying for everything,
and it was too late because now we're married, and
it was it was stapping all of the money out
of me, and it took it was very expensive for me.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
To get out of this.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Right and this can happen men and women on both sides,
because this happened to me too. Where my ex narcissist
really was trying to spend money as fast as I
could make it. But also you know credit card fraud
and other things like that that happened that I wasn't
aware of until it was too late. So make sure
(12:34):
you're paying attention to these red flags now. On our
social media channels, we have a series called red Flag
Series where we really outline red flags and don't believe
your narcissist lives. So we really go deep into some
of these series that we do to help you see
them and you might be able to say, wow, this
(12:55):
is the exact thing that's going into my in my
relationship right now. So we want to make sure that
you have acts to this. Are they a narcissist questionnaire?
So we'll put the link below. Also, the twelve critical
steps to take before you leave, we're going to put
that in the description below too, so you can access
that if you take this questionnaire and realize you're with
(13:15):
a narcissist and you want to make sure you get
out safely and don't have to go back, if that's
that's your plan. But also I think that having a
call with Melissa is a huge step and try to understand, Okay,
I am with a narcissist. I realize that now because
of this questionnaire, what do I do? I have no
idea what. It's great to have Melissa in your corner, men,
(13:36):
and I'm happy to help you as well. Men, if
you'd like to talk with me instead of Melissa, I'll
put my link below as well. But we're so grateful
that you've been with us today, and we're so excited
about the opportunity to share this information with you, because,
you know what, it's unfortunate we didn't have this information.
We didn't know, especially me. I mean this has been
(13:59):
quite a while ago. No one knew what a female
narcissist was, and so we had no idea what we
were dealing with.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
I said we because my whole no one in my
family were like what what? Who is this person?
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Then?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
What is this? Especially when they're so different on the
outside than they are on the inside, and that is
a huge red flag as well. So don't don't ignore them.
Like John said, we have tons of resources to help
you make that decision and.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Send us a message.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Yeah if you if you put in the comments below,
tell us what's going on and we'll be happy to apply. Also,
if you want to send us something that's a little
bit more private h questions at the VTWW dot com.
I'm going to put that below as well, so you
can just you can direct email us if it's something
that you don't want to put on onto comments of
(14:47):
YouTube channels. Also, please check out our website VVTW dot com.
I'm going to put that in a week below two weaksources.
We put these out every single week, so please if
you haven't subscribed or YouTube channel, please do that and
like it and like yeah, we really appreciate that. Like
we said, this is episode six, this is growing. We're
(15:08):
so excited about it because our mission, like Melissa's had
at the beginning, is to really help survivors reclaim and
rebuild their lives, and for folks that haven't, unfortunately into
an abusive relationship, we want to help you avoid that
as well.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Absolutely so we appreciate you following us and joining us today.
Make sure you subscribe like John said, and we'll see
you next week.
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