May 13, 2025 • 12 mins
Are you questioning your reality, doubting your memories, or feeling confused in your relationship? You might be a victim of gaslighting — a psychological manipulation tactic used to make you feel uncertain about your own perception of events.
In this episode of 🎙️Warrior Talk🎙️, John and Melissa, survivors of narcissistic abuse, break down the signs of gaslighting, how it shows up in your life, and what you can do to combat it. Gaslighting doesn’t just happen in romantic relationships; it can occur in the workplace, friendships, or even within your family.
Don’t miss out on this important information that can help you take control of your life and health.
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Melissa call link: https://thev2w.com/personalized-support/ 8-week Life Transformation Method: https://thev2w.com/life-transformatio...
Website: www.thev2w.com 12 Critical Steps to Take Before You Leave webinar: https://thev2w.com/webinars/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Know if you feel like you're a victim of gaslighting
right now? And if you are, what does it look
like in your life? What are these examples are you
dealing with right now?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to the Victim to Warrior Show.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Warrior Talk, where John and Melissa and we are survivors
of narcissistic abuse and our mission is to help other
survivors reclaim and rebuild their lives.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
In this podcast, we're going to talk about an important
topic called gaslighting.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
What is gaslighting?
Speaker 1 (00:39):
What does it look like if it's happening to you,
and if it is happening to you, how do you
combat it well?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation where the abuser or gaslighter
is causing you to doubt your memories, your reality, your
sense of well being, and whether or not events act happened. Now,
this document explains it in detail. We're going to put
this in the link below, so make sure you grab
(01:06):
a free copy so you understand exactly what we're talking about.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
It right right, So let's talk about that. What yah,
we've talked about you know, what is it? But what
does it look like? More importantly, so we can digest
if this is actually happening in our lives, and it could.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Be in your personal relationship with your significant other, your spouse,
it could be in the workplace, or it could be
with a toxic friend. Right now, here are some of
the signs that you need to beware of. Denial of
the facts. The gas lighter denies the events ever even occurred.
How many of us have been through that?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah, I know that happened to you quite a bit.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Oh my god, And I did doubt my own sanity
and I was questioning whether I remember correctly. This is
a very harmful manipulation tactic. If it goes on long enough,
that is exactly how you will start feeling like you're
always confused, you're always in the wrong, You're starting to
doubt whether you have memory issues. Things like that. Twisting
(02:03):
the truth, oh yeah, always twist it. And it always
seems to twist back to you being the one at fault,
by you being the one making up things or exaggerating,
minimizing your feelings. Basically, they don't even acknowledge how it
makes you feel. No one can tell you how you
are feeling. But a gas lighter will absolutely try that
(02:25):
tactic on you. They'll withhold information from you, only give
you bits and pieces about what actually occurred are what
you know occurred, but they want you to think you're
confused and maybe you missed some of the important details
about what happened. They use others against you. This is
also called triangulation, where they get other people to basically
(02:49):
question you as well because they've already had a conversation
with this other person and they filled in their side
of the story, and then when they bring this person in,
that person already knows what the gas lighter told them,
So then you do start stumbling over things because this
other person's also questioning your sanity or your reality. They
(03:10):
create confusion. All of these sms do excessive criticism. When
somebody criticizes you for your feelings, what you believe happened,
what you remember happened, they start subjecting you to lack
of confidence so you're not assertive enough to stand up
for yourself. That is a way that they can beat
(03:32):
you down and further confusion.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Why it chips away yourself Outcaush.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Yeah, it's definite. They sabotage your credibility when they question
things in front of others and you start trying to
defend it. Anyone that becomes excessively defensive, which they make
us become that way, all of a sudden becomes the
one people start doubting and then you just stop defending yourself.
(03:56):
And that's the way the gas lighter can say, see
told you this happens a lot in counseling.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Oh my eyes.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Right, So let's talk about this quickly. So we've gone
through some examples of what gaslighting is. But to help
you even further understand and actually see gas lighting happen,
we did a whole series on gas lighting right now.
You can find this on our TikTok TikTok channel excuse me,
called Unmasking gas Lighting, and I'm going to put the
(04:24):
link and the description below also so you can click
on that and see those videos. It's examples being portrayed
for you so that it can really help you understand yes,
that's what I'm dealing with, or that seems really familiar,
and so we'll want to show you those. So before
we move on to combating gas lighting, if you would
in the comments below, I want your involvement here. Let
(04:46):
us know if you feel like you're a victim of
gaslighting right now, and if you are, what does it
look like in your life? What are these examples are
you dealing with right now? So I think that's really
really important. So to just instead of holding it inside is
is go ahead and share with us the gas lighting
(05:07):
that you're experiencing your life right now.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Yeah, and it's very damaging to your wellbeing, especially when
it occurs for a long period of time. So this
is not something that you want to let go. You
want to understand it, recognize it, and then use some
of these tactics to combat it. What John said, Yeah,
so let's talk about that. Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
So if it's going on in your life right now,
like Melissa said, whether it's with a spouse, significant other,
and the workplace, in the workplace of toxic friend, let's
talk about ways to combat gas lighting, because there's several
of them and they really work.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yes, one of the ones that helped me tremendously was journaling.
And this is the actual journal that I use. It's
called My Daily Wellness Journal, and we'll also put the
link to that. This is an amazing tool. It helps
you trust your reality and your perception writing things down,
especially when you are in that combative situation where you're
(06:07):
trying to defend your position and in some type of
evet that they are totally denying that it ever happened,
exaggerating pushing it back on you when that happens. Not
arguing with them is the best way. You're just being
assertive on your reality, what you believe happened. They're never
(06:28):
going to accept that, they're never going to acknowledge it,
but go back and write it down. I had years
of these and it really helped me to understand my
truth because that's how that matters, is what you know happened.
They're not going to allow you to have that reality
with them, but you can with your journal. Your journal
is not going to argue back with right.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
You know, the great thing about the journal and writing
your truth down are when you're being gaslight all you
have to do is go back to your journal and
know that's not what happened. Now you have to argue
about it, because you're not going to win that argument
with a narcissist, but at least you know for your
own self esteem and strength, sanity, insanity exactly, that this
(07:10):
is what the truth is now for men. I love
this journal. It's called self mastery and this is really
this is the journal I use, and so Melissa has
my daily wellness journal I helped self mastery. This is
what I use every day. We'll put the links to
both of these in the description below so you can
access those.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Journaling has such amazing tools with it because when you
write something down, your brain actually recognizes what you're writing down,
So that whirle of confusion that the gas slider puts
you in, when you actually write down the truth, your
brain is recognizing it will help you defend your position
right right. Seeking validation talking to trusted family and friends
(07:55):
or our a coach helps you relay what you feeling
because your abuser doesn't care about your feelings. All they
want to do is keep you off balance. You're easier
to control that way.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Now, make sure you mostly use the word trusted friends,
not a flying not a flying monkey. We want to
make sure this is someone that you really really trust
and that can you can relay your feelings to them,
and then they in return can give you back information yes,
and validate that validate right what your experience and is
not something in your head. You are actually feeling these things.
(08:29):
So having somebody that you trust to bounce things off
of is crucial. Setting boundaries, don't continue to argue with them.
You can end that conversation by you know what. We
can continue to continue this conversation when I feel respected
and just walk away. They may yell and scream and
do whatever they want to, but you have shut that down.
(08:52):
You have closed the door of having to defend your
position or defend your feelings. They're your feelings, right, don't don't.
You don't have to defend them. So setting boundaries, avoid
arguing over the facts. It doesn't matter if you even
have I had videos.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
I'm like, this is scene right here that you would
be like, well, you started that video after the conversation started,
so you missed all of this. So no, that doesn't
prove anything. It would make me so bad. I was like,
arguing with myself.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
It's an argument that you will never weigh you.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Oh my god, in that the true educate yourself learning
about gas line nice, understanding it. It is so toxic,
it is so bad for your well being. Make sure
you grab a free copy of it.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
We're going to put this below, so just please click
on this and download it for yourself.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Absolutely building self esteem, building self esteem, could happen in
your journal, writing things down, going back and reading. I
go back and read my journal, especially when John and
I are setting some of these skits that are really
triggering for both of us. I'll go back and read
my journal from years ago. I can't even believe that
was my life back then. Journally actually saved my life.
(10:01):
I'll tell you that right now.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
And one of the things too, I take if you
haven't yet, take our free master class. Oh gosh, yeah,
what a great way to give you some tools to
use to rebuild your strength if it's been chipped away. Yeah,
to kind of rebuild your strength and your journaling with
your truth.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Oh my gosh, that alone will help help you gain
your confidence.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yeah. So we'll put the link to the free master
class below.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Also, yeah, very very educational. Limit your interaction. I know
you guys have heard us talk about gray rocking the
gray Rock Method. We have a whole series on that.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
We've got actually have a podcast, We have a.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Podcast on it. Grab a freebie there as well if
you haven't watched that podcast. But limiting your interaction with
a gas slider, especially when you are trying to relay
something to them and they are just spinning yet, and
it's better to back away and talk to somebody that
you trust. And that's like even seeking professional help. I mean,
we coach people all the time who are experiencing traumatic
(11:02):
gas lighting from somebody that they thought they could trust
and love and they obviously the abuser is doesn't have
any of those emotions to give to you. They'll just
take them from you. So we'll put both of our
links below. We'd love to be able to help you
with that.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah, Melissa is amazing. She has so many clients that
she's helped with this exact same thing. And we're going
to put a discount code alongside her link as well
to receive twenty five dollars off your call. So if
you're struggling with gas lighting, please book a call with Melissa.
She can really help you through that. And one thing
before we end, I want to talk about you know,
you were talking about the Gray Rock method. You know,
(11:38):
we always say it's impossible to argue with the rock.
You think about a rock, you can't argue with it.
She's right, but it does right, but it doesn't respond.
So if you're in the middle of this gas lighting situation,
gray Rock is a great Just shut it down and
walk away and just journal, write down what actually happened
(12:00):
so that you have.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
That Yeah, get your thoughts back up, collect your thoughts,
collect your your reality, and you'll feel so much better
about it because you're never going to win that argument,
like John said, so it's not even worth your energy
to try. It just steals your energy, it steals your
self esteem, it steals your confidence. So using these tools
will definitely help you combat it. And if you haven't
(12:23):
subscribed to our channel, please do what you like this video.
We thank all of you so much for following us
and we're so happy that we're here to be able
to help you through these difficult phases of a narcissistic
abusive journey. So thank you again and we look forward
to seeing you on our next podcast
Know if you feel like you're a victim of gaslighting
right now? And if you are, what does it look
like in your life? What are these examples are you
dealing with right now?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to the Victim to Warrior Show.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Warrior Talk, where John and Melissa and we are survivors
of narcissistic abuse and our mission is to help other
survivors reclaim and rebuild their lives.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
In this podcast, we're going to talk about an important
topic called gaslighting.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
What is gaslighting?
Speaker 1 (00:39):
What does it look like if it's happening to you,
and if it is happening to you, how do you
combat it well?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation where the abuser or gaslighter
is causing you to doubt your memories, your reality, your
sense of well being, and whether or not events act happened. Now,
this document explains it in detail. We're going to put
this in the link below, so make sure you grab
(01:06):
a free copy so you understand exactly what we're talking about.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
It right right, So let's talk about that. What yah,
we've talked about you know, what is it? But what
does it look like? More importantly, so we can digest
if this is actually happening in our lives, and it could.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Be in your personal relationship with your significant other, your spouse,
it could be in the workplace, or it could be
with a toxic friend. Right now, here are some of
the signs that you need to beware of. Denial of
the facts. The gas lighter denies the events ever even occurred.
How many of us have been through that?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah, I know that happened to you quite a bit.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Oh my god, And I did doubt my own sanity
and I was questioning whether I remember correctly. This is
a very harmful manipulation tactic. If it goes on long enough,
that is exactly how you will start feeling like you're
always confused, you're always in the wrong, You're starting to
doubt whether you have memory issues. Things like that. Twisting
(02:03):
the truth, oh yeah, always twist it. And it always
seems to twist back to you being the one at fault,
by you being the one making up things or exaggerating,
minimizing your feelings. Basically, they don't even acknowledge how it
makes you feel. No one can tell you how you
are feeling. But a gas lighter will absolutely try that
(02:25):
tactic on you. They'll withhold information from you, only give
you bits and pieces about what actually occurred are what
you know occurred, but they want you to think you're
confused and maybe you missed some of the important details
about what happened. They use others against you. This is
also called triangulation, where they get other people to basically
(02:49):
question you as well because they've already had a conversation
with this other person and they filled in their side
of the story, and then when they bring this person in,
that person already knows what the gas lighter told them,
So then you do start stumbling over things because this
other person's also questioning your sanity or your reality. They
(03:10):
create confusion. All of these sms do excessive criticism. When
somebody criticizes you for your feelings, what you believe happened,
what you remember happened, they start subjecting you to lack
of confidence so you're not assertive enough to stand up
for yourself. That is a way that they can beat
(03:32):
you down and further confusion.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Why it chips away yourself Outcaush.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Yeah, it's definite. They sabotage your credibility when they question
things in front of others and you start trying to
defend it. Anyone that becomes excessively defensive, which they make
us become that way, all of a sudden becomes the
one people start doubting and then you just stop defending yourself.
(03:56):
And that's the way the gas lighter can say, see
told you this happens a lot in counseling.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Oh my eyes.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Right, So let's talk about this quickly. So we've gone
through some examples of what gaslighting is. But to help
you even further understand and actually see gas lighting happen,
we did a whole series on gas lighting right now.
You can find this on our TikTok TikTok channel excuse me,
called Unmasking gas Lighting, and I'm going to put the
(04:24):
link and the description below also so you can click
on that and see those videos. It's examples being portrayed
for you so that it can really help you understand yes,
that's what I'm dealing with, or that seems really familiar,
and so we'll want to show you those. So before
we move on to combating gas lighting, if you would
in the comments below, I want your involvement here. Let
(04:46):
us know if you feel like you're a victim of
gaslighting right now, and if you are, what does it
look like in your life? What are these examples are
you dealing with right now? So I think that's really
really important. So to just instead of holding it inside is
is go ahead and share with us the gas lighting
(05:07):
that you're experiencing your life right now.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Yeah, and it's very damaging to your wellbeing, especially when
it occurs for a long period of time. So this
is not something that you want to let go. You
want to understand it, recognize it, and then use some
of these tactics to combat it. What John said, Yeah,
so let's talk about that. Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
So if it's going on in your life right now,
like Melissa said, whether it's with a spouse, significant other,
and the workplace, in the workplace of toxic friend, let's
talk about ways to combat gas lighting, because there's several
of them and they really work.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yes, one of the ones that helped me tremendously was journaling.
And this is the actual journal that I use. It's
called My Daily Wellness Journal, and we'll also put the
link to that. This is an amazing tool. It helps
you trust your reality and your perception writing things down,
especially when you are in that combative situation where you're
(06:07):
trying to defend your position and in some type of
evet that they are totally denying that it ever happened,
exaggerating pushing it back on you when that happens. Not
arguing with them is the best way. You're just being
assertive on your reality, what you believe happened. They're never
(06:28):
going to accept that, they're never going to acknowledge it,
but go back and write it down. I had years
of these and it really helped me to understand my
truth because that's how that matters, is what you know happened.
They're not going to allow you to have that reality
with them, but you can with your journal. Your journal
is not going to argue back with right.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
You know, the great thing about the journal and writing
your truth down are when you're being gaslight all you
have to do is go back to your journal and
know that's not what happened. Now you have to argue
about it, because you're not going to win that argument
with a narcissist, but at least you know for your
own self esteem and strength, sanity, insanity exactly, that this
(07:10):
is what the truth is now for men. I love
this journal. It's called self mastery and this is really
this is the journal I use, and so Melissa has
my daily wellness journal I helped self mastery. This is
what I use every day. We'll put the links to
both of these in the description below so you can
access those.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Journaling has such amazing tools with it because when you
write something down, your brain actually recognizes what you're writing down,
So that whirle of confusion that the gas slider puts
you in, when you actually write down the truth, your
brain is recognizing it will help you defend your position
right right. Seeking validation talking to trusted family and friends
(07:55):
or our a coach helps you relay what you feeling
because your abuser doesn't care about your feelings. All they
want to do is keep you off balance. You're easier
to control that way.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Now, make sure you mostly use the word trusted friends,
not a flying not a flying monkey. We want to
make sure this is someone that you really really trust
and that can you can relay your feelings to them,
and then they in return can give you back information yes,
and validate that validate right what your experience and is
not something in your head. You are actually feeling these things.
(08:29):
So having somebody that you trust to bounce things off
of is crucial. Setting boundaries, don't continue to argue with them.
You can end that conversation by you know what. We
can continue to continue this conversation when I feel respected
and just walk away. They may yell and scream and
do whatever they want to, but you have shut that down.
(08:52):
You have closed the door of having to defend your
position or defend your feelings. They're your feelings, right, don't don't.
You don't have to defend them. So setting boundaries, avoid
arguing over the facts. It doesn't matter if you even
have I had videos.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
I'm like, this is scene right here that you would
be like, well, you started that video after the conversation started,
so you missed all of this. So no, that doesn't
prove anything. It would make me so bad. I was like,
arguing with myself.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
It's an argument that you will never weigh you.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Oh my god, in that the true educate yourself learning
about gas line nice, understanding it. It is so toxic,
it is so bad for your well being. Make sure
you grab a free copy of it.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
We're going to put this below, so just please click
on this and download it for yourself.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Absolutely building self esteem, building self esteem, could happen in
your journal, writing things down, going back and reading. I
go back and read my journal, especially when John and
I are setting some of these skits that are really
triggering for both of us. I'll go back and read
my journal from years ago. I can't even believe that
was my life back then. Journally actually saved my life.
(10:01):
I'll tell you that right now.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
And one of the things too, I take if you
haven't yet, take our free master class. Oh gosh, yeah,
what a great way to give you some tools to
use to rebuild your strength if it's been chipped away. Yeah,
to kind of rebuild your strength and your journaling with
your truth.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Oh my gosh, that alone will help help you gain
your confidence.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yeah. So we'll put the link to the free master
class below.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Also, yeah, very very educational. Limit your interaction. I know
you guys have heard us talk about gray rocking the
gray Rock Method. We have a whole series on that.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
We've got actually have a podcast, We have a.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Podcast on it. Grab a freebie there as well if
you haven't watched that podcast. But limiting your interaction with
a gas slider, especially when you are trying to relay
something to them and they are just spinning yet, and
it's better to back away and talk to somebody that
you trust. And that's like even seeking professional help. I mean,
we coach people all the time who are experiencing traumatic
(11:02):
gas lighting from somebody that they thought they could trust
and love and they obviously the abuser is doesn't have
any of those emotions to give to you. They'll just
take them from you. So we'll put both of our
links below. We'd love to be able to help you
with that.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah, Melissa is amazing. She has so many clients that
she's helped with this exact same thing. And we're going
to put a discount code alongside her link as well
to receive twenty five dollars off your call. So if
you're struggling with gas lighting, please book a call with Melissa.
She can really help you through that. And one thing
before we end, I want to talk about you know,
you were talking about the Gray Rock method. You know,
(11:38):
we always say it's impossible to argue with the rock.
You think about a rock, you can't argue with it.
She's right, but it does right, but it doesn't respond.
So if you're in the middle of this gas lighting situation,
gray Rock is a great Just shut it down and
walk away and just journal, write down what actually happened
(12:00):
so that you have.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
That Yeah, get your thoughts back up, collect your thoughts,
collect your your reality, and you'll feel so much better
about it because you're never going to win that argument,
like John said, so it's not even worth your energy
to try. It just steals your energy, it steals your
self esteem, it steals your confidence. So using these tools
will definitely help you combat it. And if you haven't
(12:23):
subscribed to our channel, please do what you like this video.
We thank all of you so much for following us
and we're so happy that we're here to be able
to help you through these difficult phases of a narcissistic
abusive journey. So thank you again and we look forward
to seeing you on our next podcast
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