November 25, 2025 • 12 mins
Discover the shocking truth about this powerful manipulation tactic narcissists use to twist your reality and make you doubt yourself. Learn the signs of gaslighting and how to protect your mind from emotional abuse. In this episode of The Victim to Warrior Show, John and Melissa dive deep into gaslighting in narcissistic relationships, exposing how abusers use psychological manipulation, denial, and twisting the truth to gain power and control. You’ll learn how to spot gaslighting, how it impacts your self-esteem, and most importantly — how to combat gaslighting and reclaim your confidence.
Private FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thev2w
Melissa call link: https://thev2w.com/personalized-support/
8-week Life Transformation Method: https://thev2w.com/life-transformatio...
Victim to Warrior Website: www.thev2w.com
12 Critical Steps to Take Before You Leave webinar: https://thev2w.com/webinars/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Know if you feel like you're a victim of gaslighting
right now? And if you are, what does it look
like in your life? What are these examples are you
dealing with right now?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to the Victim to Warrior Show.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Warrior Talk, where John and Melissa and we are survivors
of narcissistic abuse and our mission is to help other
survivors reclaim and rebuild their lives.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
In this podcast, we're going to talk about an important
topic called gaslighting.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
What is gaslighting?
Speaker 1 (00:39):
What does it look like if it's happening to you,
and if it is happening to you, how do you
combat it well?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation where the abuser or gaslighter
is causing you to doubt your memories, your reality, your
sense of well being, and whether or not events actually happened. Now,
this document explains it in detail. We're going to put
this in the link below, so make sure you grab
(01:06):
a free copy so you understand exactly what we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
It right right, So let's talk about that. What.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Yeah, we've talked about ya, what is it? But what
does it look like? More importantly, so we can digest
if this is actually happening in our lives, and it
could be.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
In your personal relationship with your significant other, your spouse,
it could be in the workplace, or it could be
with a toxic friend. Right now, here are some of
the signs that you need.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
To beware of.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Denial of the facts. The gas lighter denies the events
ever even occurred. How many of us have been through that?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah, I know that happened to you quite a bit.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Oh my god, and I did doubt my own sanity
and I was questioning whether I remember correctly. This is
a very harmful manipulation tactic. If it goes on long enough,
that is exactly how you will start feeling like you're
always confused, You're always in the wrong. You're starting to
whether you have memory issues, things like that. Twisting the truth,
(02:04):
oh yeah, always twist it. And it always seems to
twist back to you being the one at fault, by
you being the one making up things or exaggerating, minimizing
your feelings. Basically, they don't even acknowledge how it makes
you feel. No one can tell you how you are feeling,
but a gas lighter will absolutely try that tactic on you.
(02:26):
They'll withhold information from you only give you bits and
pieces about what actually occurred are what you know occurred,
but they want you to think you're confused and maybe
you missed some of the important details about what happened.
They use others against you. This is also called triangulation,
where they get other people to basically question you as well,
(02:50):
because they've already had a conversation with this other person
and they filled in their side of the story. And
then when they bring this person in, that person already
knows what the gas lighter told them. So then you
do start stumbling over things because this other person's also
questioning your sanity or your reality. They create confusion. All
(03:12):
of these stems do excessive criticism. When somebody criticizes you
for your feelings, what you believe happened, what you remember happened,
they start subjecting you to lack of confidence, so you're
not assertive enough to stand up for yourself. That is
a way that they can beat you down and further confusion.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Why it chips away yourself out cash, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
It's definite.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
They sabotage your credibility when they question things in front
of others and you start trying to defend it. Anyone
that becomes excessively defensive, which they make us become that
way all of a sudden becomes the one people start doubting,
and then you just stop defending yourself. And that's the
way the gas lighter can say, See told you this
(03:59):
happens a lot in counseling, right.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
So let's talk about this quickly. So we've gone through
some examples of what gaslighting is. But to help you
even further understand and actually see gas lighting happen, we
did a whole series on gas lighting right now. You
can find this on our TikTok TikTok channel excuse me,
called Unmasking gas Lighting, and I'm going to put the
(04:24):
link and the description below also so you can click
on that and see those videos. It's examples being portrayed
for you so that it can really help you understand yes,
that's what I'm dealing with, or that seems really familiar,
and so we'll want to show you those. So before
we move on to combating gas lighting, if you would
in the comments below, I want your involvement here. Let
(04:46):
us know if you feel like you're a victim of
gaslighting right now, and if you are, what does it
look like in your life, what are these examples are
you dealing with right now? So I think that's really important.
So to just instead of holding it inside is is go
ahead and and share with us the gas lighting that
(05:07):
you're experiencing your life right now.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Yeah, and it's it's very damaging to your wellbeing, especially
when it occurs for a long period of time. So
this is not something that you want to let go.
You want to understand it, recognize it, and then use
some of these tactics to combat it. What John said, Yeah,
so let's talk about that.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Okay, So if it's going on in your life right now,
like Melissa said, whether it's with a spouse, significant other,
and the workplace, in the workplace of toxic friend, let's
talk about ways to combat gas lighting because there's there's
several of them and they really work.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yes, one of the ones that helped me tremendously was journaling.
And this is the actual journal that I use. It's
called My Daily Wellness Journal, and we'll also put the
link to that. This is an amazing tool. It helps
you trust your reality and your perception writing things down,
especially when you are in that combative situation where you're
(06:08):
trying to defend your position and in some type of
event that they are totally denying that it ever happened,
exaggerating pushing it back on you when that happens. Not
arguing with him is the best way. You're just being
assertive on your reality, what you believe happened. They're never
(06:28):
going to accept that, they're never going to acknowledge it,
but go back and write it down. I had years
of these, and it really helped me to understand my
truth because that's how that matters. Yeah, is what you
know happened. They're not going to allow you to have
that reality with them, but you can with your journal.
Your journal is not going to.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Argue backward, right.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
You know the great thing about the journal and writing
your truth down are when you're being gaslight all you
have to do is go back to your journal and
know that's not what happened. Now, I don't have to
argue about it because you're not going to win that
argument with a narcissist. But at least you know for
your own self esteem and strength, sanity, insanity exactly, that
(07:10):
this is what the truth is now from men, I
love this journal that's called self mastery and this is
really this is the journal I use, and so Melissa
has my daily wellness journal I helped self mastery. This
is what I use every day. We'll put the links
to both of these in the description below so you
can access those.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Journaling has such amazing tools with it because when you
write something down, your brain actually actually recognizes what you're
writing down, So that whirle of confusion that the gas
lder puts you in, when you actually write down the truth,
your brain is recognizing it will help you defend your
position right right. Seeking validation. Talking to trust its family
(07:54):
and friends or our coach helps you relay what your
feet because your abuser doesn't care about your feelings. All
they want to do is keep you off balance. You're
easier to control that way.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Now, make sure you mostly use the word trusted. Ye friends,
not a flying not a flying monkey. We want to
make sure this is someone that you really really trust
and care. I can you can relay your feelings to them,
and then they in return can give you back information.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Yes, and validate that validate right what your experience and
is not something in your head. You are actually feeling
these things. So having somebody that you trust to bounce
things off of is crucial. Setting boundaries, don't continue to
argue with them. You can end that conversation by.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
You know what.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
We can continue to continue this conversation when I feel
respected and just walk away. They may yell and scream
and do whatever they want to, but you have shut
that down. You have closed the door of having to
defend your position or defend your feelings. They're your feelings, right,
don't don't. You don't have to defend them. So setting boundaries,
(09:02):
avoid arguing over the facts. It doesn't matter if you
even have I had videos. I'm like, this is scene
right here that you would be like, well, you started
that video after the conversation started, so you missed all
of this. So no, that doesn't prove anything. It would
make me so bad. I was like, arguing with myself.
It's an argument that you will never weigh. Oh my god,
(09:24):
is that the true Educate yourself learning about gas line nice,
understanding it. It is so toxic. It is so bad
for your well being. Make sure you grab a free
copy of PR.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
We're going to put this below, so just please click
on this and download it for yourself.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Absolutely building self esteem. Building self esteem can happen in
your journal, writing things down, going back and reading. I
go back and read my journal, especially when John and
I are singing some of these skits that are really
triggering for both of us. I'll go back and read
my journal from years ago. I can't even believe that
was my life back then and generally actually saved my life.
(10:01):
I'll cut you out right.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Now, right.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
And one of the things too, I take if you
haven't yet, take our free master class.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Oh gosha, what.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
A great way to give you some tools to use
to rebuild your strength if it's been chipped away. Oh yeah,
to kind of rebuild your strength and your journaling with
your truth.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Oh my gosh, that alone will help help you gain
your confidence. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
So we'll put the link to the free master class below.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Also, yeah, very very educational. Limit your interaction. I know
you guys have heard us talk about gray rocking the
gray Rock Method. We have a whole series on that.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
We've actually have a podcast.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
We have a podcast on it. Grab a freebie there
as well if you haven't watched that podcast. But limiting
your interaction with a gas lighter, especially when you are
trying to relay something to them and they are just
spinning yet, and it's better to back away and talk
to somebody that you trust. And that's like even seeking
professional help. I mean, we coach people all the time
(10:58):
who are experiencing traumatic gas lighting from somebody that they
thought they could trust and love and they obviously the
abuser is doesn't have any of those emotions to give
to you. They'll just take them from you. So we'll
put both of our links below her. We'd love to
be able to help you with that.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah, Melissa is amazing. She has so many clients that
she's helped with this exact same thing. And we're going
to put a discount code alongside her link as well
to receive twenty.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Five dollars off your call.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
So if you're struggling with gas lighting, please book a
call with Melissa. She can really help you through that.
And one thing before we end, I want to talk
about you know, you were talking about the Gray Rock method.
You know, we always say it's impossible to argue with
the rock. You think about a rock, you can't argue
with it. She's right, it's right, but it doesn't respond.
(11:47):
So if you're in the middle of this gas lighting situation,
gray Rock is a great list. Just shut it down
and walk away and just journal, write down you what
actually happened so that you have that.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Yeah, get your thoughts back up, collect your thoughts, collect
your your reality, and you'll feel so much better about
it because you're never going to win that argument, like
John said, so it's not even worth your energy to try.
It just steals your energy, it steals your self esteem,
it steals your confidence. So using these tools will definitely
(12:21):
help you combat it. And if you haven't subscribed to
our channel, please do what you liked this video. We
thank all of you so much for following us and
we're so happy that we're here to be able to
help you through these difficult phases of a narcissistic, abusive journey.
So thank you again and we look forward to seeing
you on our next podcast
Know if you feel like you're a victim of gaslighting
right now? And if you are, what does it look
like in your life? What are these examples are you
dealing with right now?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to the Victim to Warrior Show.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Warrior Talk, where John and Melissa and we are survivors
of narcissistic abuse and our mission is to help other
survivors reclaim and rebuild their lives.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
In this podcast, we're going to talk about an important
topic called gaslighting.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
What is gaslighting?
Speaker 1 (00:39):
What does it look like if it's happening to you,
and if it is happening to you, how do you
combat it well?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation where the abuser or gaslighter
is causing you to doubt your memories, your reality, your
sense of well being, and whether or not events actually happened. Now,
this document explains it in detail. We're going to put
this in the link below, so make sure you grab
(01:06):
a free copy so you understand exactly what we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
It right right, So let's talk about that. What.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Yeah, we've talked about ya, what is it? But what
does it look like? More importantly, so we can digest
if this is actually happening in our lives, and it
could be.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
In your personal relationship with your significant other, your spouse,
it could be in the workplace, or it could be
with a toxic friend. Right now, here are some of
the signs that you need.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
To beware of.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Denial of the facts. The gas lighter denies the events
ever even occurred. How many of us have been through that?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah, I know that happened to you quite a bit.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Oh my god, and I did doubt my own sanity
and I was questioning whether I remember correctly. This is
a very harmful manipulation tactic. If it goes on long enough,
that is exactly how you will start feeling like you're
always confused, You're always in the wrong. You're starting to
whether you have memory issues, things like that. Twisting the truth,
(02:04):
oh yeah, always twist it. And it always seems to
twist back to you being the one at fault, by
you being the one making up things or exaggerating, minimizing
your feelings. Basically, they don't even acknowledge how it makes
you feel. No one can tell you how you are feeling,
but a gas lighter will absolutely try that tactic on you.
(02:26):
They'll withhold information from you only give you bits and
pieces about what actually occurred are what you know occurred,
but they want you to think you're confused and maybe
you missed some of the important details about what happened.
They use others against you. This is also called triangulation,
where they get other people to basically question you as well,
(02:50):
because they've already had a conversation with this other person
and they filled in their side of the story. And
then when they bring this person in, that person already
knows what the gas lighter told them. So then you
do start stumbling over things because this other person's also
questioning your sanity or your reality. They create confusion. All
(03:12):
of these stems do excessive criticism. When somebody criticizes you
for your feelings, what you believe happened, what you remember happened,
they start subjecting you to lack of confidence, so you're
not assertive enough to stand up for yourself. That is
a way that they can beat you down and further confusion.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Why it chips away yourself out cash, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
It's definite.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
They sabotage your credibility when they question things in front
of others and you start trying to defend it. Anyone
that becomes excessively defensive, which they make us become that
way all of a sudden becomes the one people start doubting,
and then you just stop defending yourself. And that's the
way the gas lighter can say, See told you this
(03:59):
happens a lot in counseling, right.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
So let's talk about this quickly. So we've gone through
some examples of what gaslighting is. But to help you
even further understand and actually see gas lighting happen, we
did a whole series on gas lighting right now. You
can find this on our TikTok TikTok channel excuse me,
called Unmasking gas Lighting, and I'm going to put the
(04:24):
link and the description below also so you can click
on that and see those videos. It's examples being portrayed
for you so that it can really help you understand yes,
that's what I'm dealing with, or that seems really familiar,
and so we'll want to show you those. So before
we move on to combating gas lighting, if you would
in the comments below, I want your involvement here. Let
(04:46):
us know if you feel like you're a victim of
gaslighting right now, and if you are, what does it
look like in your life, what are these examples are
you dealing with right now? So I think that's really important.
So to just instead of holding it inside is is go
ahead and and share with us the gas lighting that
(05:07):
you're experiencing your life right now.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Yeah, and it's it's very damaging to your wellbeing, especially
when it occurs for a long period of time. So
this is not something that you want to let go.
You want to understand it, recognize it, and then use
some of these tactics to combat it. What John said, Yeah,
so let's talk about that.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Okay, So if it's going on in your life right now,
like Melissa said, whether it's with a spouse, significant other,
and the workplace, in the workplace of toxic friend, let's
talk about ways to combat gas lighting because there's there's
several of them and they really work.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yes, one of the ones that helped me tremendously was journaling.
And this is the actual journal that I use. It's
called My Daily Wellness Journal, and we'll also put the
link to that. This is an amazing tool. It helps
you trust your reality and your perception writing things down,
especially when you are in that combative situation where you're
(06:08):
trying to defend your position and in some type of
event that they are totally denying that it ever happened,
exaggerating pushing it back on you when that happens. Not
arguing with him is the best way. You're just being
assertive on your reality, what you believe happened. They're never
(06:28):
going to accept that, they're never going to acknowledge it,
but go back and write it down. I had years
of these, and it really helped me to understand my
truth because that's how that matters. Yeah, is what you
know happened. They're not going to allow you to have
that reality with them, but you can with your journal.
Your journal is not going to.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Argue backward, right.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
You know the great thing about the journal and writing
your truth down are when you're being gaslight all you
have to do is go back to your journal and
know that's not what happened. Now, I don't have to
argue about it because you're not going to win that
argument with a narcissist. But at least you know for
your own self esteem and strength, sanity, insanity exactly, that
(07:10):
this is what the truth is now from men, I
love this journal that's called self mastery and this is
really this is the journal I use, and so Melissa
has my daily wellness journal I helped self mastery. This
is what I use every day. We'll put the links
to both of these in the description below so you
can access those.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Journaling has such amazing tools with it because when you
write something down, your brain actually actually recognizes what you're
writing down, So that whirle of confusion that the gas
lder puts you in, when you actually write down the truth,
your brain is recognizing it will help you defend your
position right right. Seeking validation. Talking to trust its family
(07:54):
and friends or our coach helps you relay what your
feet because your abuser doesn't care about your feelings. All
they want to do is keep you off balance. You're
easier to control that way.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Now, make sure you mostly use the word trusted. Ye friends,
not a flying not a flying monkey. We want to
make sure this is someone that you really really trust
and care. I can you can relay your feelings to them,
and then they in return can give you back information.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Yes, and validate that validate right what your experience and
is not something in your head. You are actually feeling
these things. So having somebody that you trust to bounce
things off of is crucial. Setting boundaries, don't continue to
argue with them. You can end that conversation by.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
You know what.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
We can continue to continue this conversation when I feel
respected and just walk away. They may yell and scream
and do whatever they want to, but you have shut
that down. You have closed the door of having to
defend your position or defend your feelings. They're your feelings, right,
don't don't. You don't have to defend them. So setting boundaries,
(09:02):
avoid arguing over the facts. It doesn't matter if you
even have I had videos. I'm like, this is scene
right here that you would be like, well, you started
that video after the conversation started, so you missed all
of this. So no, that doesn't prove anything. It would
make me so bad. I was like, arguing with myself.
It's an argument that you will never weigh. Oh my god,
(09:24):
is that the true Educate yourself learning about gas line nice,
understanding it. It is so toxic. It is so bad
for your well being. Make sure you grab a free
copy of PR.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
We're going to put this below, so just please click
on this and download it for yourself.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Absolutely building self esteem. Building self esteem can happen in
your journal, writing things down, going back and reading. I
go back and read my journal, especially when John and
I are singing some of these skits that are really
triggering for both of us. I'll go back and read
my journal from years ago. I can't even believe that
was my life back then and generally actually saved my life.
(10:01):
I'll cut you out right.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Now, right.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
And one of the things too, I take if you
haven't yet, take our free master class.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Oh gosha, what.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
A great way to give you some tools to use
to rebuild your strength if it's been chipped away. Oh yeah,
to kind of rebuild your strength and your journaling with
your truth.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Oh my gosh, that alone will help help you gain
your confidence. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
So we'll put the link to the free master class below.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Also, yeah, very very educational. Limit your interaction. I know
you guys have heard us talk about gray rocking the
gray Rock Method. We have a whole series on that.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
We've actually have a podcast.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
We have a podcast on it. Grab a freebie there
as well if you haven't watched that podcast. But limiting
your interaction with a gas lighter, especially when you are
trying to relay something to them and they are just
spinning yet, and it's better to back away and talk
to somebody that you trust. And that's like even seeking
professional help. I mean, we coach people all the time
(10:58):
who are experiencing traumatic gas lighting from somebody that they
thought they could trust and love and they obviously the
abuser is doesn't have any of those emotions to give
to you. They'll just take them from you. So we'll
put both of our links below her. We'd love to
be able to help you with that.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Yeah, Melissa is amazing. She has so many clients that
she's helped with this exact same thing. And we're going
to put a discount code alongside her link as well
to receive twenty.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Five dollars off your call.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
So if you're struggling with gas lighting, please book a
call with Melissa. She can really help you through that.
And one thing before we end, I want to talk
about you know, you were talking about the Gray Rock method.
You know, we always say it's impossible to argue with
the rock. You think about a rock, you can't argue
with it. She's right, it's right, but it doesn't respond.
(11:47):
So if you're in the middle of this gas lighting situation,
gray Rock is a great list. Just shut it down
and walk away and just journal, write down you what
actually happened so that you have that.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Yeah, get your thoughts back up, collect your thoughts, collect
your your reality, and you'll feel so much better about
it because you're never going to win that argument, like
John said, so it's not even worth your energy to try.
It just steals your energy, it steals your self esteem,
it steals your confidence. So using these tools will definitely
(12:21):
help you combat it. And if you haven't subscribed to
our channel, please do what you liked this video. We
thank all of you so much for following us and
we're so happy that we're here to be able to
help you through these difficult phases of a narcissistic, abusive journey.
So thank you again and we look forward to seeing
you on our next podcast
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com