July 14, 2025 • 11 mins
In this podcast, I share my personal journey of surviving narcissistic abuse after a seven-year marriage to a narcissist. It was a long and painful road, but I’m here to show you that healing is possible. If you’re struggling with emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and the aftermath of a narcissistic relationship, you’re not alone. I discuss the steps I took to not just survive, but thrive after leaving the toxic relationship, including dealing with love bombing, hoovering, and the intense emotional turmoil that comes with narcissistic partners. You’ll hear about how I eventually learned what a narcissist truly is and how I took back control of my life.
Don’t miss out on this important information that can help you take control of your life and health.
Private FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thev2w
Melissa call link: https://thev2w.com/personalized-support/
8-week Life Transformation Method: https://thev2w.com/life-transformatio...
Victim to Warrior Website: www.thev2w.com
12 Critical Steps to Take Before You Leave webinar: https://thev2w.com/webinars/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi. My name is Melissa Raymer.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Took me a while to get enough courage to actually
make a YouTube channel, but I thought it was really
important because there are so many of us that have
suffered at the hands of a narcissist. I have a
whole series of videos coming out that basically outline the
steps I took to not only survive, but to thrive
(00:24):
after seven years of a narcissistic, abusive marriage, and I
would love to be able to share that with you.
So if you would please subscribe and hit that belt
so you can be alerted when my next videos come out,
I would really appreciate it, because when you're going through
this and you're thinking to yourself, why me, I mean
the thumbnail says everything chosen by a narcissist.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Absolutely, yes, you were chosen. I was chosen. In fact,
we were hand picked.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Our narks knew more details about us before we even
knew that.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
We were a target. Because they're very narcissists don't do
anything casually.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
They don't wake up one day and go, let me
go strolling for a new supply. They have very specific
needs to keep themselves happy, and of course they can't
create their own happiness, so they have to.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Suck it from their victims.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
So the reason you were chosen and that I was
chosen is because of what we had. Our inner strength,
our charm our, charisma, maybe our intelligence.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Who knows wealth, our aura, our energy.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Things that attracted people to us is exactly what attracted
our narcs. And I know you may not feel like
that right now, because I know when I left, I
was a shell of who I was before, because that's
what they do to you.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
But who you were before is somebody that you can
be now. You just have to believe in yourself. I
know when I went through this, literally seven.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Years of a terrifying, abusive marriage and the second act
of domestic violence against me, I had to file a
restraining order against him, and the court made me go
through domestic violence counseling, and my counselor asked me, Melissa.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Is he a narcissist? And I did not know what
a narcissist was.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I mean, today, like half the world is a narcissist.
I mean, the terms are being thrown around everywhere, but
not all of them are evil and violent. Mine was,
yours might be as well. And I told her I
didn't think so, because I thought, isn't that a person
that actually falls asleep in the middle of their sentence,
or like while they're driving, they just fall asleep in
(02:40):
their car. And she actually laughed at me and she said, no, honey,
you got your disorders confused. So here is a checklist
and it was twelve common characteristics of narcissism.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
And she goes take this.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Home and look at it, read it, and then we'll
go over it in the next session.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
And I said, okay, it was really scary.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I mean, I'm like, oh my god, this is written
about my narc I mean, give me like a perfect score.
And if you are thinking or wondering or questioning who
the monster you're with right now is a narcissist or not,
please take a copy of this checklist.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
It'send the link below. Look at it, go through the.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Questions, because if you are trying to deal with a
narcissist like a regular person, they are going to outmaneure you,
out manipulate.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
You, outsmart you, and you're going to be left with
your head spinning.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
It happened so many times to me I couldn't even
believe it, and I would be defending myself. I mean
I literally would begin in defense mode when it was
something horrific he did that.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I brought to the forefront. It's all gaslighting, word salad,
and are those terms hysterical?
Speaker 2 (03:52):
I mean, we have to deal with these terms now
if you're involved in a narcissist to give use a relationship, hoovering,
love bombing, mirroring, gray rock, all of these things that
we have to deal with now because of these this
evilness in people, and it is an evilness, it really is,
(04:16):
is really scary, and when you are in the middle
of it, you can't think clearly.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I mean, you are just trying to get through the day.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
And if your nark has decided you were a failure,
which ultimately they will, because the person before us was
doomed a failure and a burden and they were discarded
and then we were loved.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Bomb because we were the new supply.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And I really do believe, and I could be wrong
because I'm not a therapist, but I believe that when
a narcissist goes after a new supply and they find it,
they believe this is the one finally who was going
to bring them a life along of happiness and love
and they're not going to have to look for anybody else.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Again. The problem with that is no one is that perfect.
There is not a human being on the planet that is.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
That perfect that can supply what I call nark fuel
to this person for the rest.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Of your life.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I mean, it's impossible, and it's exhausting. And when the
relationship is finally getting to the point where you're like,
I don't know how much more I can take of this,
I mean, they've drained you of everything and you are
just trying to breathe. You're literally just trying to get
through the days, and you're walking on egg shells and
(05:39):
tiptoeing around, and you're doing everything not to anger them
or throw them into a tantrum, and you're barely surviving.
So if you've had enough courage to actually leave, or
you have enough courage that you're planning to leave, then
you're in a very dangerous spot because you're very vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
You're in a.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Situation where you know there is nothing but leaving that's
going to.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Save your life or your family's life.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
And then you're sitting here going Okay, I left, now
what Because.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
You're not controlled everything they're so controlling.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
So you're you finally got out, but you're going what now?
And the worst place to be in that situation is desperate,
isolated alone. I'm sure terrified, because that is when you're
not actually can hoover you back. And if you've ever
(06:42):
gone back I did three times, then you know what
it's like.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
It's all about punishments because they don't have to trick you.
They don't have to.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Be that soulmate anymore, they don't have to act those charades.
They may have loved bombing you to trick you into
going back, but once you're back, that mask is right off,
and then it's all about being punished, punished because you
had the audacity to leave them before they decided to
completely discard you. Because I promise you they are out
(07:12):
looking for a new supply because.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
We disappointed them.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
We weren't that perfect person to supply Nark fuel endlessly.
So but that doesn't mean they're necessarily done with us.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
They're going to.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Continue to suck the life out of us until they
decide we have nothing left to offer. And when you
were in that situation, you cannot be clearly, I know
the only thing that saved me from being not mentally
and physically destroyed, because believe me, he did that, but
he was trying to financially destroy me. And I was
(07:49):
the breadwinner. I mean I had worked my entire life
for every single thing that I had, and he was
always coming up with these crazy business ideas. I'm investing
in these bad ideas, and of course they would always fail,
but it was never his fault.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
It was the client's fault, my fault, whoever's fault.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
And he could never work for anybody because he was
so much smarter than everyone else, so he could never
work for someone that was not as smart as he was.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
But yet he was always unemployed. I know, you guys
know what I'm talking about there.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
So I was not going to let him do that,
and so honestly I had to literally go, girl, you
better get up and you better realize if you don't
fight this man, you will lose everything because he will
outsmart you. Because your shatter and you're hurt, and you're thinking,
my god, am I going to get through this day?
Speaker 1 (08:40):
They're not. They are onto the next supply. They're not shattered,
they're not hurt, they're not scared, they're not not broken,
they feel nothing. They can think clearly that you can't.
So the series of.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Videos that I created, I'll address a top on simple
guidance and steps to take to protect yourself financially because
you're not thinking about that.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
These are things that you can just follow along. You
don't have to think about them. Just follow the steps, and.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Then when you recover mentally and physically and emotionally, and
you will, you will recover.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
You won't be financially ruined.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Because if once you just once you recover physically, mentally, emotionally,
and you're also financially destroyed, that's when you become desperate
because you have to have money, you have to have credit,
you have to be able.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
To support yourself and your family.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
So if I can offer guidance to help you do this,
because I did it, I survived and I thrived, and
instead of being reactive and always two steps behind my nark,
I became proactive and then I was in front and
his head was spinning and I absolutely crucified him in court.
(10:06):
And I just feel compelled to share these steps that
I took in order to protect myself financially, because that
is not what people are thinking about, but.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
My background is the only thing that kept.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Me from being one hundred percent destroyed, and I'd love
to offer that with you, so please, Like I said,
if you would subscribe and hit that belt, the videos
would be coming out a couple of days, and maybe
some of the topics will resonate with you and you
can actually take that information back and you can do
something with it so your life.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Is not financially destroyed.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
And I just want to say that you are braver
than you believe, and you are stronger than you think,
and you can go from being a victim to a warrior.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
I did. In fact, that's my motto, victim to warrior,
and I would love to be able to help you
do that.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
It's not fair. It's not fair what we've had to
go through. It's not fair what you're going through right now.
And if we could kind of stand together and help
each other out, then you know what We've done something.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Good for another warrior, and I've loved to do that
for you. So be safe, please, and I hope to
see you on my next video. Thanks for tuning in.
Hi. My name is Melissa Raymer.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Took me a while to get enough courage to actually
make a YouTube channel, but I thought it was really
important because there are so many of us that have
suffered at the hands of a narcissist. I have a
whole series of videos coming out that basically outline the
steps I took to not only survive, but to thrive
(00:24):
after seven years of a narcissistic, abusive marriage, and I
would love to be able to share that with you.
So if you would please subscribe and hit that belt
so you can be alerted when my next videos come out,
I would really appreciate it, because when you're going through
this and you're thinking to yourself, why me, I mean
the thumbnail says everything chosen by a narcissist.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Absolutely, yes, you were chosen. I was chosen. In fact,
we were hand picked.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Our narks knew more details about us before we even
knew that.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
We were a target. Because they're very narcissists don't do
anything casually.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
They don't wake up one day and go, let me
go strolling for a new supply. They have very specific
needs to keep themselves happy, and of course they can't
create their own happiness, so they have to.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Suck it from their victims.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
So the reason you were chosen and that I was
chosen is because of what we had. Our inner strength,
our charm our, charisma, maybe our intelligence.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Who knows wealth, our aura, our energy.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Things that attracted people to us is exactly what attracted
our narcs. And I know you may not feel like
that right now, because I know when I left, I
was a shell of who I was before, because that's
what they do to you.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
But who you were before is somebody that you can
be now. You just have to believe in yourself. I
know when I went through this, literally seven.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Years of a terrifying, abusive marriage and the second act
of domestic violence against me, I had to file a
restraining order against him, and the court made me go
through domestic violence counseling, and my counselor asked me, Melissa.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Is he a narcissist? And I did not know what
a narcissist was.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I mean, today, like half the world is a narcissist.
I mean, the terms are being thrown around everywhere, but
not all of them are evil and violent. Mine was,
yours might be as well. And I told her I
didn't think so, because I thought, isn't that a person
that actually falls asleep in the middle of their sentence,
or like while they're driving, they just fall asleep in
(02:40):
their car. And she actually laughed at me and she said, no, honey,
you got your disorders confused. So here is a checklist
and it was twelve common characteristics of narcissism.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
And she goes take this.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Home and look at it, read it, and then we'll
go over it in the next session.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
And I said, okay, it was really scary.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I mean, I'm like, oh my god, this is written
about my narc I mean, give me like a perfect score.
And if you are thinking or wondering or questioning who
the monster you're with right now is a narcissist or not,
please take a copy of this checklist.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
It'send the link below. Look at it, go through the.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Questions, because if you are trying to deal with a
narcissist like a regular person, they are going to outmaneure you,
out manipulate.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
You, outsmart you, and you're going to be left with
your head spinning.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
It happened so many times to me I couldn't even
believe it, and I would be defending myself. I mean
I literally would begin in defense mode when it was
something horrific he did that.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I brought to the forefront. It's all gaslighting, word salad,
and are those terms hysterical?
Speaker 2 (03:52):
I mean, we have to deal with these terms now
if you're involved in a narcissist to give use a relationship, hoovering,
love bombing, mirroring, gray rock, all of these things that
we have to deal with now because of these this
evilness in people, and it is an evilness, it really is,
(04:16):
is really scary, and when you are in the middle
of it, you can't think clearly.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I mean, you are just trying to get through the day.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
And if your nark has decided you were a failure,
which ultimately they will, because the person before us was
doomed a failure and a burden and they were discarded
and then we were loved.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Bomb because we were the new supply.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And I really do believe, and I could be wrong
because I'm not a therapist, but I believe that when
a narcissist goes after a new supply and they find it,
they believe this is the one finally who was going
to bring them a life along of happiness and love
and they're not going to have to look for anybody else.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Again. The problem with that is no one is that perfect.
There is not a human being on the planet that is.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
That perfect that can supply what I call nark fuel
to this person for the rest.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Of your life.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I mean, it's impossible, and it's exhausting. And when the
relationship is finally getting to the point where you're like,
I don't know how much more I can take of this,
I mean, they've drained you of everything and you are
just trying to breathe. You're literally just trying to get
through the days, and you're walking on egg shells and
(05:39):
tiptoeing around, and you're doing everything not to anger them
or throw them into a tantrum, and you're barely surviving.
So if you've had enough courage to actually leave, or
you have enough courage that you're planning to leave, then
you're in a very dangerous spot because you're very vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
You're in a.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Situation where you know there is nothing but leaving that's
going to.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Save your life or your family's life.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
And then you're sitting here going Okay, I left, now
what Because.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
You're not controlled everything they're so controlling.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
So you're you finally got out, but you're going what now?
And the worst place to be in that situation is desperate,
isolated alone. I'm sure terrified, because that is when you're
not actually can hoover you back. And if you've ever
(06:42):
gone back I did three times, then you know what
it's like.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
It's all about punishments because they don't have to trick you.
They don't have to.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Be that soulmate anymore, they don't have to act those charades.
They may have loved bombing you to trick you into
going back, but once you're back, that mask is right off,
and then it's all about being punished, punished because you
had the audacity to leave them before they decided to
completely discard you. Because I promise you they are out
(07:12):
looking for a new supply because.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
We disappointed them.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
We weren't that perfect person to supply Nark fuel endlessly.
So but that doesn't mean they're necessarily done with us.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
They're going to.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Continue to suck the life out of us until they
decide we have nothing left to offer. And when you
were in that situation, you cannot be clearly, I know
the only thing that saved me from being not mentally
and physically destroyed, because believe me, he did that, but
he was trying to financially destroy me. And I was
(07:49):
the breadwinner. I mean I had worked my entire life
for every single thing that I had, and he was
always coming up with these crazy business ideas. I'm investing
in these bad ideas, and of course they would always fail,
but it was never his fault.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
It was the client's fault, my fault, whoever's fault.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
And he could never work for anybody because he was
so much smarter than everyone else, so he could never
work for someone that was not as smart as he was.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
But yet he was always unemployed. I know, you guys
know what I'm talking about there.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
So I was not going to let him do that,
and so honestly I had to literally go, girl, you
better get up and you better realize if you don't
fight this man, you will lose everything because he will
outsmart you. Because your shatter and you're hurt, and you're thinking,
my god, am I going to get through this day?
Speaker 1 (08:40):
They're not. They are onto the next supply. They're not shattered,
they're not hurt, they're not scared, they're not not broken,
they feel nothing. They can think clearly that you can't.
So the series of.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Videos that I created, I'll address a top on simple
guidance and steps to take to protect yourself financially because
you're not thinking about that.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
These are things that you can just follow along. You
don't have to think about them. Just follow the steps, and.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Then when you recover mentally and physically and emotionally, and
you will, you will recover.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
You won't be financially ruined.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Because if once you just once you recover physically, mentally, emotionally,
and you're also financially destroyed, that's when you become desperate
because you have to have money, you have to have credit,
you have to be able.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
To support yourself and your family.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
So if I can offer guidance to help you do this,
because I did it, I survived and I thrived, and
instead of being reactive and always two steps behind my nark,
I became proactive and then I was in front and
his head was spinning and I absolutely crucified him in court.
(10:06):
And I just feel compelled to share these steps that
I took in order to protect myself financially, because that
is not what people are thinking about, but.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
My background is the only thing that kept.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Me from being one hundred percent destroyed, and I'd love
to offer that with you, so please, Like I said,
if you would subscribe and hit that belt, the videos
would be coming out a couple of days, and maybe
some of the topics will resonate with you and you
can actually take that information back and you can do
something with it so your life.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Is not financially destroyed.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
And I just want to say that you are braver
than you believe, and you are stronger than you think,
and you can go from being a victim to a warrior.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
I did. In fact, that's my motto, victim to warrior,
and I would love to be able to help you
do that.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
It's not fair. It's not fair what we've had to
go through. It's not fair what you're going through right now.
And if we could kind of stand together and help
each other out, then you know what We've done something.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Good for another warrior, and I've loved to do that
for you. So be safe, please, and I hope to
see you on my next video. Thanks for tuning in.
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