September 24, 2025 • 7 mins
The terrible truth about isolation in narcissistic relationships is something most people never talk about. In this podcast, John and Melissa explain how narcissists use isolation tactics to control their victims. From social isolation to emotional isolation and even self-isolation, they reveal the hidden strategies abusers use to keep you disconnected from your support system. If you’ve ever wondered why friends stopped inviting you, why family pulled away, or why you felt completely alone, this discussion will open your eyes.
You’ll also hear how John was unknowingly trapped in a smear campaign, and how Melissa struggled with the shame and silence that came from being isolated. Together, they outline clear steps for narcissistic abuse recovery, showing you how to rebuild trust, reconnect with loved ones, and break free from the chains of isolation.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
They started pulling away from me, and I stopped getting
invited to events and girls' night outs, and then I
would see it on Facebook and I'm like, why why
wasn't I invited?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Welcome to the Victim to Warrior Show.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Warrior Talk and John and Melissa and we are survivors
of narcissistic abuse. So welcome to our podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Right, Welcome. Today we're going to talk about isolation. Now,
isolation is a tactic that abusers use.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
To control their victims.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
So today we're going to talk about what it looks like,
what isolation looks like, how to combat it, and how
to recover from it. So maybe let's talk about some
examples of isolation.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
And what it looks like.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Well, for me, when I was going through it, he
socially isolated me. I had worked for a company for
years and I had the best group of friends, like
twenty five years. In fact, we called ourselves the Yah
Yah Sisterhood.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
They did a lot of drinking together.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
We did a lot of drinking together, and I noticed,
after a while of going through this abuse, they started
pulling away from me, and I stopped getting invited to
events and girls' night outs, and then I would see
it on Facebook, and I'm like, why wasn't I invited?
And then I finally realized I had pulled away from them.
(01:24):
I mean, I was ashamed, I was embarrassed. I was
tired of being depressed. When I talked about it to them,
I couldn't share any fun stories. I was either covering
from my abuser lying about it, or they were telling
me things that I didn't want to hear. So I
started self isolating, which is another form of isolation, where
(01:45):
I literally pulled away from everyone. And so it's not
a good place to be when you're in an abusive
situation and your support network is gone. So, I mean,
that's social there's emotional isolation, there's dependency on the abuser.
There's physical isolation where they move you away from family
(02:07):
and friends and now you have no one. Any type
of isolation is dangerous, it's scary, and it literally taxes
your ability to make your own logical decisions.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Right, you know.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
The unusual thing for me was I was being isolated
and I didn't even know it. I was in the
middle of a smear campaign. She was telling everybody that
I physically abused her. Can you imagine that as a
man having to go through that. I had no idea
what was going on. I just realized that nobody was
connecting with me anymore. My friends, a lot of my
family were disconnecting themselves from me. So I was being
(02:45):
isolated and I didn't even know it.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
And it's a very hurtful experience because when you need
your family and friends most is when your narcissist or
your abuser doesn't want them near you. They don't want
anybody that can influence you one way or the other
because that means they're going to lose control of you.
So isolation is very manipulative, very toxic, very dangerous for
(03:09):
the victim.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Right now, we did a whole series on isolation right
on our social media channels, and it shows it's kind
of a promotion of what you're going to see and
then three different examples of different types of isolation, so
you can really see the interaction of what it is
that what isolation looks like. So if you haven't seen
(03:30):
this series yet, please go to any one of our
social media channels and all the links are here in
the description below on TikTok or Facebook or Instagram and
you can watch the Isolation series and you can kind
of see what that looks like.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Yeah, and sometimes that's what it takes. Sometimes it actually takes.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Because, like I said, I didn't even know I was
going through it.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Well, and when your friends start pulling away and you
start realizing it, sometimes it does take actually seeing it
for it to register with you and you you know what,
this is what I'm going through. And even if you're
out of it and you still feel disconnected, you know,
you still feel disconnected from your family and friends. I
know I was. It took me a while to be
(04:11):
courageous enough to actually make the phone calls to my
yah yahs. And it was because I guess I was
ashamed and I thought too much time had passed, you know,
too much time had gone by. You know, I'm just
going to suffer in silence, which is ridiculous because you
don't need to suffer in silence. Your family and friends,
people that care about you are just waiting for you
to reach out.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
And I guess, so what happened when you called your friends.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Well, it was like the first phone call. I mean,
the minute I made I was courageous enough to make
the phone call, they just grabbed hold of me and
We're so happy to hear from me. And that's what
family and friends do.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
What we don't.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Realize We pull away, But don't be afraid to go back,
no matter how much time, Please, no matter how much
time it's been, pick up the phone, call somebody that
cared about you and that you cared about the connection
that you feel by reuniting with someone will take that
isolation fear away, and it's just little steps.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I was so happy that I did that.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I mean they embraced me. We you know, went out drinking.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Now it's like shit.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
See that's the truth.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Your true friends and family are waiting for you to reconnect,
you know. They they were trying for years and years
and years to connect with you, and and there was
that disconnect.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
And it can be at the hands of your Marvis. Yeah,
because they're they're famous for that. They are literally they
will make it so miserable for you to connect with someone,
or they.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Could have started that SMAR campaign.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
And that's why people pull away.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Right, So, no matter how much time and distance has passed,
those people who really truly love you and care for
you are waiting for you.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
So don't discount that. Make that call. I knew that
first call. It's hard, It's got to be hard, but
it's so worth it. The sun is brighter, that birds chirp.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
I mean, when you have people back in your life
that support you, it just changes everything. So before we
go further, let's talk about So we had the different
examples of what isolation is and what it looks like,
So let's talk about how do we combat isolation if
we're still in it.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Well, being still in it is difficult because if you
have been pulled away from people that care about you,
making contact with them may be not as easy as
it sounds. But reaching out to even one trusted family
or friends just to let them know what you're going through,
(06:41):
you've got to have some You've got to have an
olive branch with somebody, because if you don't make that move,
they've already been pretty much cut out of your life.
You're going to be the one that has to make
that move. Now, if you're out of it and you're
still struggling, pick up the phone, send them attack connect
on social media. Again, it's easier when you're out than
(07:05):
when you're in it. So definitely connecting with family and
friends it's huge if you're out and you connect with
somebody that you thought was your friend and they don't reciprocate,
don't let that discourage you because you might get your
feelings hurt.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
We both did.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
We both reached out to people that we thought were
our friends and they weren't, and so you might go
through some disappointment. But that's all part of healing and
getting yourself esteem back.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
But don't let that stop you. Don't let that combat you.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Don't let that stop you from trying to combat
They started pulling away from me, and I stopped getting
invited to events and girls' night outs, and then I
would see it on Facebook and I'm like, why why
wasn't I invited?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Welcome to the Victim to Warrior Show.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Warrior Talk and John and Melissa and we are survivors
of narcissistic abuse. So welcome to our podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Right, Welcome. Today we're going to talk about isolation. Now,
isolation is a tactic that abusers use.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
To control their victims.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
So today we're going to talk about what it looks like,
what isolation looks like, how to combat it, and how
to recover from it. So maybe let's talk about some
examples of isolation.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
And what it looks like.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Well, for me, when I was going through it, he
socially isolated me. I had worked for a company for
years and I had the best group of friends, like
twenty five years. In fact, we called ourselves the Yah
Yah Sisterhood.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
They did a lot of drinking together.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
We did a lot of drinking together, and I noticed,
after a while of going through this abuse, they started
pulling away from me, and I stopped getting invited to
events and girls' night outs, and then I would see
it on Facebook, and I'm like, why wasn't I invited?
And then I finally realized I had pulled away from them.
(01:24):
I mean, I was ashamed, I was embarrassed. I was
tired of being depressed. When I talked about it to them,
I couldn't share any fun stories. I was either covering
from my abuser lying about it, or they were telling
me things that I didn't want to hear. So I
started self isolating, which is another form of isolation, where
(01:45):
I literally pulled away from everyone. And so it's not
a good place to be when you're in an abusive
situation and your support network is gone. So, I mean,
that's social there's emotional isolation, there's dependency on the abuser.
There's physical isolation where they move you away from family
(02:07):
and friends and now you have no one. Any type
of isolation is dangerous, it's scary, and it literally taxes
your ability to make your own logical decisions.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Right, you know.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
The unusual thing for me was I was being isolated
and I didn't even know it. I was in the
middle of a smear campaign. She was telling everybody that
I physically abused her. Can you imagine that as a
man having to go through that. I had no idea
what was going on. I just realized that nobody was
connecting with me anymore. My friends, a lot of my
family were disconnecting themselves from me. So I was being
(02:45):
isolated and I didn't even know it.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
And it's a very hurtful experience because when you need
your family and friends most is when your narcissist or
your abuser doesn't want them near you. They don't want
anybody that can influence you one way or the other
because that means they're going to lose control of you.
So isolation is very manipulative, very toxic, very dangerous for
(03:09):
the victim.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Right now, we did a whole series on isolation right
on our social media channels, and it shows it's kind
of a promotion of what you're going to see and
then three different examples of different types of isolation, so
you can really see the interaction of what it is
that what isolation looks like. So if you haven't seen
(03:30):
this series yet, please go to any one of our
social media channels and all the links are here in
the description below on TikTok or Facebook or Instagram and
you can watch the Isolation series and you can kind
of see what that looks like.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Yeah, and sometimes that's what it takes. Sometimes it actually takes.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Because, like I said, I didn't even know I was
going through it.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Well, and when your friends start pulling away and you
start realizing it, sometimes it does take actually seeing it
for it to register with you and you you know what,
this is what I'm going through. And even if you're
out of it and you still feel disconnected, you know,
you still feel disconnected from your family and friends. I
know I was. It took me a while to be
(04:11):
courageous enough to actually make the phone calls to my
yah yahs. And it was because I guess I was
ashamed and I thought too much time had passed, you know,
too much time had gone by. You know, I'm just
going to suffer in silence, which is ridiculous because you
don't need to suffer in silence. Your family and friends,
people that care about you are just waiting for you
to reach out.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
And I guess, so what happened when you called your friends.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Well, it was like the first phone call. I mean,
the minute I made I was courageous enough to make
the phone call, they just grabbed hold of me and
We're so happy to hear from me. And that's what
family and friends do.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
What we don't.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Realize We pull away, But don't be afraid to go back,
no matter how much time, Please, no matter how much
time it's been, pick up the phone, call somebody that
cared about you and that you cared about the connection
that you feel by reuniting with someone will take that
isolation fear away, and it's just little steps.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I was so happy that I did that.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I mean they embraced me. We you know, went out drinking.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Now it's like shit.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
See that's the truth.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Your true friends and family are waiting for you to reconnect,
you know. They they were trying for years and years
and years to connect with you, and and there was
that disconnect.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
And it can be at the hands of your Marvis. Yeah,
because they're they're famous for that. They are literally they
will make it so miserable for you to connect with someone,
or they.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Could have started that SMAR campaign.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
And that's why people pull away.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Right, So, no matter how much time and distance has passed,
those people who really truly love you and care for
you are waiting for you.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
So don't discount that. Make that call. I knew that
first call. It's hard, It's got to be hard, but
it's so worth it. The sun is brighter, that birds chirp.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
I mean, when you have people back in your life
that support you, it just changes everything. So before we
go further, let's talk about So we had the different
examples of what isolation is and what it looks like,
So let's talk about how do we combat isolation if
we're still in it.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Well, being still in it is difficult because if you
have been pulled away from people that care about you,
making contact with them may be not as easy as
it sounds. But reaching out to even one trusted family
or friends just to let them know what you're going through,
(06:41):
you've got to have some You've got to have an
olive branch with somebody, because if you don't make that move,
they've already been pretty much cut out of your life.
You're going to be the one that has to make
that move. Now, if you're out of it and you're
still struggling, pick up the phone, send them attack connect
on social media. Again, it's easier when you're out than
(07:05):
when you're in it. So definitely connecting with family and
friends it's huge if you're out and you connect with
somebody that you thought was your friend and they don't reciprocate,
don't let that discourage you because you might get your
feelings hurt.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
We both did.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
We both reached out to people that we thought were
our friends and they weren't, and so you might go
through some disappointment. But that's all part of healing and
getting yourself esteem back.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
But don't let that stop you. Don't let that combat you.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Don't let that stop you from trying to combat
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