May 29, 2025 • 14 mins
In this episode of “Victim to Warrior” | Warrior Talk, John and Melissa dive into the shocking connection between narcissism and addiction. Narcissists are far more likely to struggle with addictions like gambling, substance abuse, po-rnography, shopping, and other compulsive behaviors. Why does this happen, and how can it impact those around them?
We explore:
Why narcissists often develop addictions
The dangerous personality traits that fuel addiction
Real-life examples of addiction in narcissistic relationships
How their fragile self-esteem and need for validation play a role
Don’t miss out on this important information that can help you take control of your life and health.
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Melissa call link: https://thev2w.com/personalized-support/ 8-week Life Transformation Method: https://thev2w.com/life-transformatio...
Website: www.thev2w.com 12 Critical Steps to Take Before You Leave webinar: https://thev2w.com/webinars/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Now, the statistics and the research and this is interesting
because the combination of narcissism and addiction is like ninety
percent compared to the general population where it's like five percent.
So you can see how far the general population having
(00:20):
these addictions to someone with narcissism and having these addictions.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Right, Welcome to the Victim to Warrior Show Warrior.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Talk, where John and Melissa and we are survivors of
narcissistic abuse and our mission is to help other survivors
reclaim and rebuild their lives.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Right now, in this podcast, we're going to talk about
the dangerous overlap of narcissism and addiction. Right. It's a
very very scary thing and it's amazing how many narcissists
have addiction issues. Now, these addictions could range from anywhere
from pornography to substance abuse with just alcoholism and drug abuse, gambling,
(01:08):
or any other type of excessive compulsive behavior that drives
them to excess. Now why is.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
This, Well, there could be a lot of reasons. I know,
for a fact, mine had just about everyone that you named, sadly,
I mean unfortunately poor an addiction. He was an alcoholic,
he did recreational drugs a lot, and he gambled, and
he also did compulsive things like racing, speeding, dangerous things
(01:41):
that to a narcissist caused a hie. To someone that
doesn't have it, I was terrified. Now, there are many
reasons why narcissists have these combination of addiction. Along with
that personality, they use it for a coping mechanism for
emotional pain. They often have fragile self esteem. Now you
(02:04):
wouldn't know that because they act so grandiose and confident,
but deep down they're very insecure. They're hiding pain on
the inside because they don't want anybody to know about it.
So they may use substances to bury that down and
to give them that liquid courage reward seeking behavior. They
(02:25):
tend to have exaggerated sense of entitlement. Don't you all
know that? I mean we all know that, and they
need instant gratification, gratification, so a substance abuse a fix
that can bring that high immediately impaired self regulation. They
don't know when to stop. Now, you had an issue
with yours, Wasn't she like a shovel?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
You would spend money faster that I could make it.
There would be things that would just show up in
the house and I'm like, where do these come from?
And no communication between us as to what she was
going to buy expense, and then what budget there was
for these items.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Wasn't it your credit cards?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Of course, of course, of course, I don't need to
laugh at that side, but it was. It was something
that she, obviously will needed to make herself feel better
because she could not produce.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
That feeling, right it was she said it was from
her childhood never having any money. So all of a
sudden she has money and she's spending it again, driving
me into the poorhouse. But that was because she didn't
have that growing up.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Well, when that's none of them a social and situational factors,
it could be something that a narcissist can Either it
can be genetic or it can be environmental. So if
they grow up in a dysfunctional household, it can lead
to really dangerous personality patterns. They often seek environments where
(03:49):
their self image can be enhanced. I would imagine by
her buying expensive things in your house, it was to
impress others, to make others think she had money, because
she knew how it felt to be dirt poor, Unfortunately
she didn't talk to you about it. That statute and
(04:10):
admiration co occurrent disorders. This narcissism can go hand in
hand with other mental health issues such as anxiety or depression.
So especially drugs and alcohol can bring on that, yes,
that sense of well being, but to an extreme, to
(04:33):
the point where they're not just taking it to level
out for the day, they're abusing it, which obviously causes
issues for everybody. Now, the statistics and the research and
this is interesting because the combination of narcissism and addiction
is like ninety percent compared to the general population where
(04:55):
it's like five percent. So you can see how far
the general population having these addictions to someone with narcissism
and having these addictions. Right, So, now you were going
to ask the audience, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
I'd love to have your input, because Melissa just said
ninety percent a narcissist have some sort of addiction issue.
So in the comments below, let's hear from you. What
type of addiction issues have you dealt with in your
narcissistic abusive relationship, whether it's with a spouse or significant other,
(05:34):
when working relationship, parents, sibling, It doesn't matter what type
of addictions have you dealt with We're going to talk
about how you deal with these addictions, but before we do,
take a second go down to the comments and let's
hear from you what types of And I'd like to
kind of find out what is the common Is there
(05:56):
a common denominator?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Is there? It's very very well, at least with our clients,
and we have hundreds of clients, and porn seems to
be prevalent. And it's always this partner's fault. It's you're
not you don't have sex with me enough, you don't
do what I want you to do. In fact, we
(06:19):
just did a whole series on narcissism and addiction and
all of it was blamed on of course me as
it was in my real relationship. But it makes the
victim feel like they're responsible, or they're not worthy, or
they're not good.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Right. But and when you say pornography, their level of
sexuality is almost to an extreme. Yes, it's like it's
it's almost to a dysfunction.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Yeah, I mean, well, knowing no one can measure up,
and that's why it makes you feel so bad about
yourself because you can't measure they're comparing you to this fantasy,
and how could anybody be someone's fantasy one hundred percent
of the time, And so they degrade their partners and say,
you're the reason that I'm having to do that. So
(07:11):
it's really it's really sad, and if you're going through that,
we are so sorry because I know how painful it
is and I know how it made me feel, and
I was desperate, I was hopeless. I didn't know what
to do to get him to stop. But that's the
thing about addiction. You can't you can't force the person
(07:32):
who's addicted to stop. It's their journey. And that's where
enablers don't get that. We try to fix it, we
try to explain it away, we try to make excuses
for it. All that does is give the person that's
addicted of far range to be more addicted. There's no consequences.
(07:57):
So that's one of the things when we talk about
coping mechanism. You can't stop that person's addiction. That's their battle,
but you having to cope with it if you can't leave,
and that's one of the decisions you're going to have
to make. Can you remain in this relationship when it
has this dangerous combination, because those will harm you as well.
(08:21):
You need to acknowledge it, acknowledging the reality of the addiction,
rather than making excuses for it. Like your ex it
was from my childhood. She was using that as an excuse. Now,
I'm sure she felt horrible about being poor, but that
was no excuse to use your money to buy these
(08:43):
lavish things that you didn't want and didn't even know about.
But it gave her that high. So you will become
a victim of their addiction if you don't set boundaries.
You have to set clear and concise boundaries. Are you
going to accept it?
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Are not?
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Are you going to demand they go into treatment. Treatment
may help the alcoholism, the drug abuse, the porn addiction.
It's not going to cure narcissism. There is no cure,
but there are cures for addiction. So that's something you're
going to have to decide between you and that abusive partner.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, and a support group. What a great way to
get involved with other people that are doing with the
exact same thing that you are. Now. Melissa and I
have created a fantastic support group on Facebook. It's called
the Victim to Warrior Method and it's a private, anonymous group,
and we're going to put the link in the description below,
and we're going to put the link to the playlist
(09:41):
that we just did on this series of narcissism and
addiction in here below as well, so you can see
the videos that we did and maybe it'll give you
that aha moment that yes, I'm dealing with that. And
we also coach with these videos too, to kind of
help you understand, Hey, there's ways to get through this
and to hope with these things if you have to,
(10:02):
If you can't leave and you have to continue to
cope with them, you know, how do you do that well?
Speaker 1 (10:07):
And substance abuse, alcoholism, pornography, addictions, there are groups that
specialize in that. Our community deals with narcissistic abuse and
all of the horrific things that go along with it.
But you might need to find an alanon group, You
(10:30):
might need to find a codependency group. There are things
that you may need to sit around others with that
specific combination of addictions. There are groups that support porn
addiction to someone's partner. So those are the things that
you can find anonymously in your area. All you have
(10:51):
to do is google it and that might be a
place to go to validate your feelings, to realize this
is not your fault. You did not pause this. And
that's another thing is prioritize self care. Letting yourself be
beat down by them blaming their addiction on you will
tear you down. It'll give you anxiety, you won't be
(11:13):
able to sleep, You'll start feeling really bad about yourself.
Their addiction is not you. So prioritizing taking care of yourself,
getting enough sleep, distancing yourself. Maybe you have to leave,
Maybe you have to walk out the door. Maybe you
have to not get in the car. That was the
(11:34):
biggest mistake of my life. I got in the car
and he was driving and he almost killed us. But
oh he was totally drunk. But I had a choice
not to get in that car.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
But it was my car.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Was it worth it? No? I could have bought another car.
You know, if he would have killed me, what do
we be doing? I don't know. So there's decisions that
you have to make, so we can help you plan
a safe exit strategy.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
If that's what she wanted to talk about that, you know,
you were talking about building your strength and self esteem back.
I love our free Masters. Yeah, I really really do,
because it goes into different pillars of strength that you
need to kind of work on on a daily basis.
So the free masterclass is a fantastic resource. And now
I'm gonna put that link in the description as well.
(12:23):
And if you feel like you need one on one coaching,
Melissa is fantastic with this. Not only did she deal
with it at in a major way in her previous
relationship and was able to get past that, but is
also has worked with so many clients, hundreds of clients,
like she said, that have dealt with this, especially the
(12:43):
sexual addiction and the pornography, and has really helped women
understand and men understand that it's not their fault and
how to how to grow stronger from it. So I'm
gonna put Melissa's link down below two. I'm gonna put
a discount code in there as well, Recover twenty five,
so you can get twenty five dollars off your initial call.
(13:04):
It's amazingly helpful. So if you feel like you need
that one on one coaching, it's Melissa is fantastic.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
So yeah, I'd love to I'd love to help you
through it. And like John said, so many of our
clients are dealing with this combination and it makes so
much more difficult. But we appreciate you joining us. Pray
please subscribe if you haven't, and hit that bell and
light this podcast.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Oh and don't forget in the comments below let us
know what you have dealt with or are dealing with
right now.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Yeah, we always look at the comments and appreciate it.
We love you guys, your interaction. We love hearing from you,
So we really really appreciate you following us and tuning
into our podcast, Warrior Talk. We'rior Talk. I will see
you on the next podcast.
Now, the statistics and the research and this is interesting
because the combination of narcissism and addiction is like ninety
percent compared to the general population where it's like five percent.
So you can see how far the general population having
(00:20):
these addictions to someone with narcissism and having these addictions.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Right, Welcome to the Victim to Warrior Show Warrior.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Talk, where John and Melissa and we are survivors of
narcissistic abuse and our mission is to help other survivors
reclaim and rebuild their lives.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Right now, in this podcast, we're going to talk about
the dangerous overlap of narcissism and addiction. Right. It's a
very very scary thing and it's amazing how many narcissists
have addiction issues. Now, these addictions could range from anywhere
from pornography to substance abuse with just alcoholism and drug abuse, gambling,
(01:08):
or any other type of excessive compulsive behavior that drives
them to excess. Now why is.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
This, Well, there could be a lot of reasons. I know,
for a fact, mine had just about everyone that you named, sadly,
I mean unfortunately poor an addiction. He was an alcoholic,
he did recreational drugs a lot, and he gambled, and
he also did compulsive things like racing, speeding, dangerous things
(01:41):
that to a narcissist caused a hie. To someone that
doesn't have it, I was terrified. Now, there are many
reasons why narcissists have these combination of addiction. Along with
that personality, they use it for a coping mechanism for
emotional pain. They often have fragile self esteem. Now you
(02:04):
wouldn't know that because they act so grandiose and confident,
but deep down they're very insecure. They're hiding pain on
the inside because they don't want anybody to know about it.
So they may use substances to bury that down and
to give them that liquid courage reward seeking behavior. They
(02:25):
tend to have exaggerated sense of entitlement. Don't you all
know that? I mean we all know that, and they
need instant gratification, gratification, so a substance abuse a fix
that can bring that high immediately impaired self regulation. They
don't know when to stop. Now, you had an issue
with yours, Wasn't she like a shovel?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
You would spend money faster that I could make it.
There would be things that would just show up in
the house and I'm like, where do these come from?
And no communication between us as to what she was
going to buy expense, and then what budget there was
for these items.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Wasn't it your credit cards?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Of course, of course, of course, I don't need to
laugh at that side, but it was. It was something
that she, obviously will needed to make herself feel better
because she could not produce.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
That feeling, right it was she said it was from
her childhood never having any money. So all of a
sudden she has money and she's spending it again, driving
me into the poorhouse. But that was because she didn't
have that growing up.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Well, when that's none of them a social and situational factors,
it could be something that a narcissist can Either it
can be genetic or it can be environmental. So if
they grow up in a dysfunctional household, it can lead
to really dangerous personality patterns. They often seek environments where
(03:49):
their self image can be enhanced. I would imagine by
her buying expensive things in your house, it was to
impress others, to make others think she had money, because
she knew how it felt to be dirt poor, Unfortunately
she didn't talk to you about it. That statute and
(04:10):
admiration co occurrent disorders. This narcissism can go hand in
hand with other mental health issues such as anxiety or depression.
So especially drugs and alcohol can bring on that, yes,
that sense of well being, but to an extreme, to
(04:33):
the point where they're not just taking it to level
out for the day, they're abusing it, which obviously causes
issues for everybody. Now, the statistics and the research and
this is interesting because the combination of narcissism and addiction
is like ninety percent compared to the general population where
(04:55):
it's like five percent. So you can see how far
the general population having these addictions to someone with narcissism
and having these addictions. Right, So, now you were going
to ask the audience, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
I'd love to have your input, because Melissa just said
ninety percent a narcissist have some sort of addiction issue.
So in the comments below, let's hear from you. What
type of addiction issues have you dealt with in your
narcissistic abusive relationship, whether it's with a spouse or significant other,
(05:34):
when working relationship, parents, sibling, It doesn't matter what type
of addictions have you dealt with We're going to talk
about how you deal with these addictions, but before we do,
take a second go down to the comments and let's
hear from you what types of And I'd like to
kind of find out what is the common Is there
(05:56):
a common denominator?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Is there? It's very very well, at least with our clients,
and we have hundreds of clients, and porn seems to
be prevalent. And it's always this partner's fault. It's you're
not you don't have sex with me enough, you don't
do what I want you to do. In fact, we
(06:19):
just did a whole series on narcissism and addiction and
all of it was blamed on of course me as
it was in my real relationship. But it makes the
victim feel like they're responsible, or they're not worthy, or
they're not good.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Right. But and when you say pornography, their level of
sexuality is almost to an extreme. Yes, it's like it's
it's almost to a dysfunction.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Yeah, I mean, well, knowing no one can measure up,
and that's why it makes you feel so bad about
yourself because you can't measure they're comparing you to this fantasy,
and how could anybody be someone's fantasy one hundred percent
of the time, And so they degrade their partners and say,
you're the reason that I'm having to do that. So
(07:11):
it's really it's really sad, and if you're going through that,
we are so sorry because I know how painful it
is and I know how it made me feel, and
I was desperate, I was hopeless. I didn't know what
to do to get him to stop. But that's the
thing about addiction. You can't you can't force the person
(07:32):
who's addicted to stop. It's their journey. And that's where
enablers don't get that. We try to fix it, we
try to explain it away, we try to make excuses
for it. All that does is give the person that's
addicted of far range to be more addicted. There's no consequences.
(07:57):
So that's one of the things when we talk about
coping mechanism. You can't stop that person's addiction. That's their battle,
but you having to cope with it if you can't leave,
and that's one of the decisions you're going to have
to make. Can you remain in this relationship when it
has this dangerous combination, because those will harm you as well.
(08:21):
You need to acknowledge it, acknowledging the reality of the addiction,
rather than making excuses for it. Like your ex it
was from my childhood. She was using that as an excuse. Now,
I'm sure she felt horrible about being poor, but that
was no excuse to use your money to buy these
(08:43):
lavish things that you didn't want and didn't even know about.
But it gave her that high. So you will become
a victim of their addiction if you don't set boundaries.
You have to set clear and concise boundaries. Are you
going to accept it?
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Are not?
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Are you going to demand they go into treatment. Treatment
may help the alcoholism, the drug abuse, the porn addiction.
It's not going to cure narcissism. There is no cure,
but there are cures for addiction. So that's something you're
going to have to decide between you and that abusive partner.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, and a support group. What a great way to
get involved with other people that are doing with the
exact same thing that you are. Now. Melissa and I
have created a fantastic support group on Facebook. It's called
the Victim to Warrior Method and it's a private, anonymous group,
and we're going to put the link in the description below,
and we're going to put the link to the playlist
(09:41):
that we just did on this series of narcissism and
addiction in here below as well, so you can see
the videos that we did and maybe it'll give you
that aha moment that yes, I'm dealing with that. And
we also coach with these videos too, to kind of
help you understand, Hey, there's ways to get through this
and to hope with these things if you have to,
(10:02):
If you can't leave and you have to continue to
cope with them, you know, how do you do that well?
Speaker 1 (10:07):
And substance abuse, alcoholism, pornography, addictions, there are groups that
specialize in that. Our community deals with narcissistic abuse and
all of the horrific things that go along with it.
But you might need to find an alanon group, You
(10:30):
might need to find a codependency group. There are things
that you may need to sit around others with that
specific combination of addictions. There are groups that support porn
addiction to someone's partner. So those are the things that
you can find anonymously in your area. All you have
(10:51):
to do is google it and that might be a
place to go to validate your feelings, to realize this
is not your fault. You did not pause this. And
that's another thing is prioritize self care. Letting yourself be
beat down by them blaming their addiction on you will
tear you down. It'll give you anxiety, you won't be
(11:13):
able to sleep, You'll start feeling really bad about yourself.
Their addiction is not you. So prioritizing taking care of yourself,
getting enough sleep, distancing yourself. Maybe you have to leave,
Maybe you have to walk out the door. Maybe you
have to not get in the car. That was the
(11:34):
biggest mistake of my life. I got in the car
and he was driving and he almost killed us. But
oh he was totally drunk. But I had a choice
not to get in that car.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
But it was my car.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Was it worth it? No? I could have bought another car.
You know, if he would have killed me, what do
we be doing? I don't know. So there's decisions that
you have to make, so we can help you plan
a safe exit strategy.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
If that's what she wanted to talk about that, you know,
you were talking about building your strength and self esteem back.
I love our free Masters. Yeah, I really really do,
because it goes into different pillars of strength that you
need to kind of work on on a daily basis.
So the free masterclass is a fantastic resource. And now
I'm gonna put that link in the description as well.
(12:23):
And if you feel like you need one on one coaching,
Melissa is fantastic with this. Not only did she deal
with it at in a major way in her previous
relationship and was able to get past that, but is
also has worked with so many clients, hundreds of clients,
like she said, that have dealt with this, especially the
(12:43):
sexual addiction and the pornography, and has really helped women
understand and men understand that it's not their fault and
how to how to grow stronger from it. So I'm
gonna put Melissa's link down below two. I'm gonna put
a discount code in there as well, Recover twenty five,
so you can get twenty five dollars off your initial call.
(13:04):
It's amazingly helpful. So if you feel like you need
that one on one coaching, it's Melissa is fantastic.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
So yeah, I'd love to I'd love to help you
through it. And like John said, so many of our
clients are dealing with this combination and it makes so
much more difficult. But we appreciate you joining us. Pray
please subscribe if you haven't, and hit that bell and
light this podcast.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Oh and don't forget in the comments below let us
know what you have dealt with or are dealing with
right now.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Yeah, we always look at the comments and appreciate it.
We love you guys, your interaction. We love hearing from you,
So we really really appreciate you following us and tuning
into our podcast, Warrior Talk. We'rior Talk. I will see
you on the next podcast.
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