June 5, 2025 • 12 mins
Have you been the target of a smear campaign by a narcissist? These malicious tactics can ruin your reputation, relationships, and even your peace of mind. In this episode of Warrior Talk, “John and Melissa”—both survivors of narcissistic abuse—share actionable strategies to combat smear campaigns, rebuild your life, and reclaim your voice.
Don’t miss out on this important information that can help you take control of your life and health.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And she was trying to warn me that I needed
to be careful around John because he was an abusive,
violent wife beater, and I couldn't believe it because I
know this man better than anyone.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome to the Victim to Warriors Show Warrior Talk.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
We're John and Melissa and we are both survivors of
narcissistic abuse and our mission is to help other survivors
reclaim and rebuild their lives.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Right now, today we're going to talk about smear campaigns.
Smear campaigns are horrible if you've ever been the victim
of one. So today we're going to talk about what
is a smear campaign and how do you get it
out of it and how do you combat it if
you are in one. So before we start, if you've
(00:55):
been a victim of a smear campaign, please let us
know in the comments during this podcast, let us know
that you've been in one, how did you survive and
what it was about?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Well, and if you've watched our recent series on our
social media channels, we actually talked about it. We gave
two examples. They were both true story. One was about me,
one was about John. And unfortunately people think don't tell
anyone they could be flying monkeys, and yeah, they could
be flying monkeys. But when you suffer in silence, no
one has your back. No one because you're narcissist, is
(01:29):
not going to tell these stories to you. They're going
to be telling them to everyone else because they don't
want to look like the villain. They want you to
look like the villain when the relationship destroys itself. So
you have to talk to people that you trust, family, friends,
people that care about you because they can have your back.
(01:49):
They actually can defend you, or at least tell you
what's going on. And one of the things that I
don't think John did, because I'm the one that told
him about his smear campaign, and this was ten years
after he was out of his relationship. He and I
had been together three years, and I was at a
woman's Bible study where one of the women there actually
(02:11):
was friends with his ex wife, and she was trying
to warn me that I needed to be careful around
John because he was an abusive, violent, wife beater, and
I couldn't believe it because I know this man better
than anyone. So I came home and told him and
he was mortified.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Right, I had no idea this was going on. So
I suffered in silence. You know, I did know something
was happening, though, because my friends weren't responding to me.
You know, I was getting the cold shoulder from people
that I typically was friends with or had relationships with,
and they were hearing this from her, and so they
(02:51):
were automatically taking her side of the story without even
knowing my side.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Well, and they weren't saying anything because people generally don't
want to get in your business. But if you notice
people pulling away from you, pick up the phone and
call them. Typically, if somebody that cares about you has
heard something, maybe they just don't want to get involved.
But if you ask them, hey, you know, why aren't
(03:17):
you returning my phone call? Did I do something to
offend you? Typically they're going to tell you, well, no,
it you didn't do, but I heard, which is exactly
how I found out. I mean, I was suffering in silence.
Same thing. I didn't want to air my dirty laundry.
I was just trying to survive. So I had no
idea that my narcissists had spread these rumors about me,
(03:39):
that I was abusing prescription drugs and drinking and that's
why I was always stressed out. It was that's how
I was working so many hours, and that he was
really concerned about me, and he wanted to have an intervention.
Are you kidding me? And my brother actually called me
and said, is everything okay? And I'm just like, no,
(04:02):
everything's not okay. My whole world is crumbling. But I said,
why do you want to know? And he told me
and I said, oh my gosh, and he goes, why
didn't you tell us what you were going for?
Speaker 2 (04:14):
You know, he was so strategic with you. Yes, he
was finding the people that were close to you, your
family members and hitting each one of them individually with
this story.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Like he was so caring and concerned and worried, all
the while ruining my reputation.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
And it could have ruined your job too.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Absolutely, because this had spread to other people. And I
should have told people that cared about me. I should
have said something because when this rumor started going around,
they would have been able to defend me. And so
not everybody's a flying monkey.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
You know that. The thing is, we really didn't know
what a smear campaign. I know, I had no clue,
and so I didn't know to be proactive about this.
So that's really what we want to talk about today,
is being proactive. Even if you don't know this is
going on, you have to assume it is, because what
(05:13):
the narcissist has lost control over you, or you are
leaving the relationship, and he wants to make sure she
or she right right, or she wants to make sure
that everyone else knows that it was your fault, not theirs.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
But if you do nothing, it can destroy things. It
can destroy your reputation, It can mess up your job,
it can mess up your reputation in your community, if
in your church, these things, if you just let it happen,
they are abusing you even though you're out of the relationship.
(05:49):
Doing nothing is probably worse than actually trusting someone, even
if they are a flying monkey. Okay, let's say they are,
and you basically say, no, this is what happened, and
this is the reason we're getting a divorce, and this
is the reason I left them. Even if they go
back and tell the abuse of narcissists, guess what, the
narcissist knows. You are not suffering in silence. You are
(06:13):
not just letting them run run rampant, destroying your You
are actually defending yourself. So even if they are, it's
better for you not to suffer in silence and at
least get your side of the story out.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I didn't do that.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Now, well I didn't either.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I just someone think about for ten years later, that
woman approached you and said that whole decade after the
smear campaign because I did nothing. I did nothing about it,
and we watch out.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
To friends that were avoiding you. Another thing people forget
to do, or maybe they don't want to do it,
is you have to block the narcissists. You've got to
block joint friends on your social media. You've got to
turn your page into private. If you do that, then
you can't be tagged in horrific things that they're saying
(07:04):
about you. You have to do that because they can't
link your name to anything that they say. So it
is safer for you to turn your page private and
to block your narcissist anyone associated. You had to block
his family and I even cared about some of his
family members. I could not trust it. I couldn't if
(07:24):
they were friends with him. I had to block them
and they're still blocked to this day. You know, you
just have to take care of yourself. You've got to
take care of your own reputation. And like we said,
don't suffer in silence because ten years, yeah, ten old years.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
If you feel like you are in the process of
a smear campaign, you're getting the cold shoulder. People won't
return to your calls. Are not getting recently broken out of,
broken up as a relationship or moved on, or you're
going through a divorce. You have to be proactive. You
have to call people and let them know why you left,
what you're right, and what you're going through, so that
(08:02):
you can find out, Okay, who are who am my
inner circle? Who are these people that I can trust
right no matter what, they have my back? And there
are people like that. A lot of people had said
on our playlist that that they didn't think they had
anybody they can trust, and that's not true. There's people
that you knew before this relationship, that went through a
lot with you before that are still there with you.
(08:24):
So those are great friends to reach out to. Family
members that you know are are have your back. So
you have to create that inner circle so that those
people can fight on your behalf. Also, that's the important.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Thing, yeah, because then your narciss is not going to
say it to your face, right, They're going to be
saying it behind your back. And that's why you want
people in your corner that actually can defend you or
at least tell you what's going on. And it's it's
really important that you do that. It is so important
even if you're afraid to do it. The consequences of
doing nothing. It can destroy your reputation, it can ruin
(08:59):
your you and the can unity because the only one
saying anything is the narcissists, and they're saying nothing but lies.
You have to defend yourself. Don't let them make you
a victim forever. You're standing out for yourself.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
There.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
If there's a flying monkey out there, they're gonna know
you're standing out for yourself.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
So so better choices. Right, So we're gonna find people
we trust, friends and family that we trust and create
that inner circle of people that have your back, and
then you know that those people are gonna help you
fight for your reputation as well. Also blocks on social media,
no matter what your channels are, make sure you block,
(09:39):
make your channels private for as long as you need
to until this is past. But also like Melissa had
to do. You're gonna have to block people. You're gonna
have to make some decisions on blocking certain people that
you may suspect can be flying monkeys.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Are you and you may even care about them and
they may not have done anything wrong to you. However,
if they're linked to your narcissists, then they can tag
you and things and other people people that you care
about that you don't want all these lies spreading around to.
So you're going to have to make some choices. Blocking
any joint friends, any relative, anybody that has any link
(10:15):
to your ex. You're going to have to block them
for your own good and your own reputation.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Now, now, one thing I want to We didn't really
talk about this, but I think it's really really important.
A lot of people, from the comments we received from
from our smear campaign series, it didn't feel like some
of them didn't have the strength to fight. They're just so,
you know, I just want to move on. I don't.
It's so important to It's your reputation and this can
go on for years if you don't do something about it.
(10:43):
If you don't feel like you have the strength to
do this, I really recommend you take our free masterclass.
Oh yeah, it's just chock full of great daily activities
to help you strengthen yourself and get yourself esteem back
because it could have it could be you know, really
shot right now because of what you've gone through. But
just remember you're a warrior, because you've gone through this,
(11:04):
you did leave, or you did go through that divorce.
You're a warrior. You just have to know it in
your heart now. And so doing daily action steps to
build your strength can really help you during fighting a
smear campaign because you're backing after too, yeah, and you're
gonna need this strength. So please check out our free
master class. I'm going to put the link to that
(11:27):
in the description below and please please take that. And
if you haven't seen our series on the Smearcam Pain,
please go to any of our social media channels TikTok, Instagram, Facebook,
or YouTube and you can see the series. We just
showed two examples on this one of my smear campaign
one of Melissa's, so that you can kind of see
(11:49):
it from both sides, and then we coach a little
bit with that.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
And if you have any specific things that you want
to talk to us about, you can always send your
questions to questions at the V two dot com or
book a session with either John or myself. We'll put
our discount code below Recovery twenty five. If you are
a new client, you can please take advantage of that,
but if you talk specifically about what's going on, we
(12:13):
can actually coach you through what to do in your
specific situation exactly. So we thank you guys for watching.
If you haven't subscribed, please do and hit that notification
and like this video.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Yeah, because we do this every single week. Every week,
we're going to have a new topic and really get
down to the brass tacks of it so that it
can help you through whatever situation and whatever you are
in your journey in narcissistic abuse. We're here to help you.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Absolutely take care and we'll see you on the next podcast.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Stay safe.
And she was trying to warn me that I needed
to be careful around John because he was an abusive,
violent wife beater, and I couldn't believe it because I
know this man better than anyone.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome to the Victim to Warriors Show Warrior Talk.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
We're John and Melissa and we are both survivors of
narcissistic abuse and our mission is to help other survivors
reclaim and rebuild their lives.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Right now, today we're going to talk about smear campaigns.
Smear campaigns are horrible if you've ever been the victim
of one. So today we're going to talk about what
is a smear campaign and how do you get it
out of it and how do you combat it if
you are in one. So before we start, if you've
(00:55):
been a victim of a smear campaign, please let us
know in the comments during this podcast, let us know
that you've been in one, how did you survive and
what it was about?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Well, and if you've watched our recent series on our
social media channels, we actually talked about it. We gave
two examples. They were both true story. One was about me,
one was about John. And unfortunately people think don't tell
anyone they could be flying monkeys, and yeah, they could
be flying monkeys. But when you suffer in silence, no
one has your back. No one because you're narcissist, is
(01:29):
not going to tell these stories to you. They're going
to be telling them to everyone else because they don't
want to look like the villain. They want you to
look like the villain when the relationship destroys itself. So
you have to talk to people that you trust, family, friends,
people that care about you because they can have your back.
(01:49):
They actually can defend you, or at least tell you
what's going on. And one of the things that I
don't think John did, because I'm the one that told
him about his smear campaign, and this was ten years
after he was out of his relationship. He and I
had been together three years, and I was at a
woman's Bible study where one of the women there actually
(02:11):
was friends with his ex wife, and she was trying
to warn me that I needed to be careful around
John because he was an abusive, violent, wife beater, and
I couldn't believe it because I know this man better
than anyone. So I came home and told him and
he was mortified.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Right, I had no idea this was going on. So
I suffered in silence. You know, I did know something
was happening, though, because my friends weren't responding to me.
You know, I was getting the cold shoulder from people
that I typically was friends with or had relationships with,
and they were hearing this from her, and so they
(02:51):
were automatically taking her side of the story without even
knowing my side.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Well, and they weren't saying anything because people generally don't
want to get in your business. But if you notice
people pulling away from you, pick up the phone and
call them. Typically, if somebody that cares about you has
heard something, maybe they just don't want to get involved.
But if you ask them, hey, you know, why aren't
(03:17):
you returning my phone call? Did I do something to
offend you? Typically they're going to tell you, well, no,
it you didn't do, but I heard, which is exactly
how I found out. I mean, I was suffering in silence.
Same thing. I didn't want to air my dirty laundry.
I was just trying to survive. So I had no
idea that my narcissists had spread these rumors about me,
(03:39):
that I was abusing prescription drugs and drinking and that's
why I was always stressed out. It was that's how
I was working so many hours, and that he was
really concerned about me, and he wanted to have an intervention.
Are you kidding me? And my brother actually called me
and said, is everything okay? And I'm just like, no,
(04:02):
everything's not okay. My whole world is crumbling. But I said,
why do you want to know? And he told me
and I said, oh my gosh, and he goes, why
didn't you tell us what you were going for?
Speaker 2 (04:14):
You know, he was so strategic with you. Yes, he
was finding the people that were close to you, your
family members and hitting each one of them individually with
this story.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Like he was so caring and concerned and worried, all
the while ruining my reputation.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
And it could have ruined your job too.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Absolutely, because this had spread to other people. And I
should have told people that cared about me. I should
have said something because when this rumor started going around,
they would have been able to defend me. And so
not everybody's a flying monkey.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
You know that. The thing is, we really didn't know
what a smear campaign. I know, I had no clue,
and so I didn't know to be proactive about this.
So that's really what we want to talk about today,
is being proactive. Even if you don't know this is
going on, you have to assume it is, because what
(05:13):
the narcissist has lost control over you, or you are
leaving the relationship, and he wants to make sure she
or she right right, or she wants to make sure
that everyone else knows that it was your fault, not theirs.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
But if you do nothing, it can destroy things. It
can destroy your reputation, It can mess up your job,
it can mess up your reputation in your community, if
in your church, these things, if you just let it happen,
they are abusing you even though you're out of the relationship.
(05:49):
Doing nothing is probably worse than actually trusting someone, even
if they are a flying monkey. Okay, let's say they are,
and you basically say, no, this is what happened, and
this is the reason we're getting a divorce, and this
is the reason I left them. Even if they go
back and tell the abuse of narcissists, guess what, the
narcissist knows. You are not suffering in silence. You are
(06:13):
not just letting them run run rampant, destroying your You
are actually defending yourself. So even if they are, it's
better for you not to suffer in silence and at
least get your side of the story out.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I didn't do that.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Now, well I didn't either.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I just someone think about for ten years later, that
woman approached you and said that whole decade after the
smear campaign because I did nothing. I did nothing about it,
and we watch out.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
To friends that were avoiding you. Another thing people forget
to do, or maybe they don't want to do it,
is you have to block the narcissists. You've got to
block joint friends on your social media. You've got to
turn your page into private. If you do that, then
you can't be tagged in horrific things that they're saying
(07:04):
about you. You have to do that because they can't
link your name to anything that they say. So it
is safer for you to turn your page private and
to block your narcissist anyone associated. You had to block
his family and I even cared about some of his
family members. I could not trust it. I couldn't if
(07:24):
they were friends with him. I had to block them
and they're still blocked to this day. You know, you
just have to take care of yourself. You've got to
take care of your own reputation. And like we said,
don't suffer in silence because ten years, yeah, ten old years.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
If you feel like you are in the process of
a smear campaign, you're getting the cold shoulder. People won't
return to your calls. Are not getting recently broken out of,
broken up as a relationship or moved on, or you're
going through a divorce. You have to be proactive. You
have to call people and let them know why you left,
what you're right, and what you're going through, so that
(08:02):
you can find out, Okay, who are who am my
inner circle? Who are these people that I can trust
right no matter what, they have my back? And there
are people like that. A lot of people had said
on our playlist that that they didn't think they had
anybody they can trust, and that's not true. There's people
that you knew before this relationship, that went through a
lot with you before that are still there with you.
(08:24):
So those are great friends to reach out to. Family
members that you know are are have your back. So
you have to create that inner circle so that those
people can fight on your behalf. Also, that's the important.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Thing, yeah, because then your narciss is not going to
say it to your face, right, They're going to be
saying it behind your back. And that's why you want
people in your corner that actually can defend you or
at least tell you what's going on. And it's it's
really important that you do that. It is so important
even if you're afraid to do it. The consequences of
doing nothing. It can destroy your reputation, it can ruin
(08:59):
your you and the can unity because the only one
saying anything is the narcissists, and they're saying nothing but lies.
You have to defend yourself. Don't let them make you
a victim forever. You're standing out for yourself.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
There.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
If there's a flying monkey out there, they're gonna know
you're standing out for yourself.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
So so better choices. Right, So we're gonna find people
we trust, friends and family that we trust and create
that inner circle of people that have your back, and
then you know that those people are gonna help you
fight for your reputation as well. Also blocks on social media,
no matter what your channels are, make sure you block,
(09:39):
make your channels private for as long as you need
to until this is past. But also like Melissa had
to do. You're gonna have to block people. You're gonna
have to make some decisions on blocking certain people that
you may suspect can be flying monkeys.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Are you and you may even care about them and
they may not have done anything wrong to you. However,
if they're linked to your narcissists, then they can tag
you and things and other people people that you care
about that you don't want all these lies spreading around to.
So you're going to have to make some choices. Blocking
any joint friends, any relative, anybody that has any link
(10:15):
to your ex. You're going to have to block them
for your own good and your own reputation.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Now, now, one thing I want to We didn't really
talk about this, but I think it's really really important.
A lot of people, from the comments we received from
from our smear campaign series, it didn't feel like some
of them didn't have the strength to fight. They're just so,
you know, I just want to move on. I don't.
It's so important to It's your reputation and this can
go on for years if you don't do something about it.
(10:43):
If you don't feel like you have the strength to
do this, I really recommend you take our free masterclass.
Oh yeah, it's just chock full of great daily activities
to help you strengthen yourself and get yourself esteem back
because it could have it could be you know, really
shot right now because of what you've gone through. But
just remember you're a warrior, because you've gone through this,
(11:04):
you did leave, or you did go through that divorce.
You're a warrior. You just have to know it in
your heart now. And so doing daily action steps to
build your strength can really help you during fighting a
smear campaign because you're backing after too, yeah, and you're
gonna need this strength. So please check out our free
master class. I'm going to put the link to that
(11:27):
in the description below and please please take that. And
if you haven't seen our series on the Smearcam Pain,
please go to any of our social media channels TikTok, Instagram, Facebook,
or YouTube and you can see the series. We just
showed two examples on this one of my smear campaign
one of Melissa's, so that you can kind of see
(11:49):
it from both sides, and then we coach a little
bit with that.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
And if you have any specific things that you want
to talk to us about, you can always send your
questions to questions at the V two dot com or
book a session with either John or myself. We'll put
our discount code below Recovery twenty five. If you are
a new client, you can please take advantage of that,
but if you talk specifically about what's going on, we
(12:13):
can actually coach you through what to do in your
specific situation exactly. So we thank you guys for watching.
If you haven't subscribed, please do and hit that notification
and like this video.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Yeah, because we do this every single week. Every week,
we're going to have a new topic and really get
down to the brass tacks of it so that it
can help you through whatever situation and whatever you are
in your journey in narcissistic abuse. We're here to help you.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Absolutely take care and we'll see you on the next podcast.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Stay safe.
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