July 30, 2025 • 18 mins
Struggling to forgive after narcissistic abuse? You’re not alone—this video reveals the hidden truth about forgiveness that no one talks about. Learn how to release the pain, let go of resentment, and finally reclaim your power after emotional abuse.
Don’t miss out on this important information that can help you take control of your life and health.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Forgiveness. It's not about them, it's about you. And today
we're going to talk about the power of letting go.
So you're not gonna want to miss this episode.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Welcome to the Victim the Warrior Podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Were John and Melissa and we are narcissistic abuse survivors
and our mission is to help other survivors reclaim and
rebuild their lives. We've also incorporated milt Bag, so make
sure you stated the end because it just might be
your question that we answer right now. Today's topic is
forgiveness and all the myths that go along with forgiveness.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Right, so let's start with what forgiveness is not. It
is not for them, it's for you.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Well, and people think because you forgive someone, you're forgiving
their behavior, you are letting them off the hook. And
they also think, I've got to do this in person,
because if I'm gonna forget someone, they need to know
about it. But that's not what forgiving an abuser is
all about. It's releasing you from carrying the weight of
that burden around because when you carry unforgiveness, you carry resentment, anger, shame, frustration,
(01:21):
or fear, anxiety, all of these emotions that guess who's
not feeling any of those your abuser They have moved on.
And I hate to be so harsh about it, but
it's true. They're not losing an ounce of sleep over
what they did to you. But you are losing a lot,
including moving forward with your healing, if you're hanging on
(01:44):
to this bitterness.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
So it's not about forgetting what happened. It's not about reconciliation,
and it's absolutely not about saying it's okay, right.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
So you suffered with non forgiveness, So talk about how
that held you back and what it prevented you from
moving farward.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Absolutely that you know when you don't forgive, it doesn't
hurt them, Like Melissa said, it only hurts you. And
it hurt me so bad for years, several years after
my divorce, I had such regrets and I could not
forgive her because I didn't want to let her off
(02:26):
the hook. But then also I wasn't forgiving myself either.
I didn't forgive myself for the red flags that I
failed to recognize, for all the times I was manipulating,
for all the times I went back, Oh my gosh.
So not only was I not forgiving her more importantly,
I wasn't forgiving myself either, So I wasn't forgiving anybody
(02:48):
and the situation and the only person it hurt was me.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Well, because think about it, when you're carrying around that
weight of anger towards someone else and resentment and you
want them to pay for what they did, I mean,
you want them to hurt as bad as they hurt you.
And that's okay to feel that way, it really is,
because that is normal, that's a human But it also
(03:13):
prevents you from actually moving forward with your healing journey.
So you literally have to take a pause on what
forgiveness is not. And it's just what John said. It
is not letting them off the hook. It's not forgiving
their behavior. You do not have to do it in person.
I had a restraining order against mine art and still
do to this day. There's no way I was going
(03:34):
to go face to face him just to try to
forgive him. To make myself feel better, I had to
understand what forgiveness meant, and that meant I am going
to release the burden that I've been carrying around by
what someone else did to me, and by releasing that
it gives you freedom. It gives you the chance to say,
(03:56):
you know what, I didn't deserve that, I didn't cause that.
But I am tired of carrying the weight around on
my shoulders about what somebody else did to me, what
they took from me. So I am going to forgive them.
They have to pay that price. With their higher up
you don't have to pay that price. But carrying around
(04:17):
non forgiveness is like a weight.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
It's like you.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Can't get rid of that part of them from you,
and you want to spreak them off. You do. You
don't want any part of that person to go into
your future. And both John and I know that if
you want a chance at happiness again, if you want
a chance to move forward with your life and have
a healthy relationship with someone else, you can't carry around baggage.
(04:43):
And it's hard to get rid of the baggage. So
I know with you, you know you, I mean you had.
John had a lot of relationships between me and him, I.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Know, a lot of first dates, not let's not say relationships,
let's just say a lot of first dates.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
But he just he kept seeing red flies amy they
were there. I'm glass all those red flies because then
it paid that way for me, But I mean I
did it? Did harm you opening up yourself? Oh yes,
to trust somebody else.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Let's do a visual because I kind of thought about
this from church yesterday. You know, we really talked a
lot about this, and this is why we felt so
strongly about doing this podcast on this today. There was
an image of a heart that was hard because there
was so much resentment and so much unforgiveness that someone
was holding on to that their heart actually turned into stone,
(05:34):
and so they couldn't love anybody else.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
They couldn't love anything else, couldn't.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Love themselves and love themselves right that Yeah, huge point
because their heart was hard.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Think about it that way.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
And so when you forgive that abuse abuse er, you
kind of release yourself to allow your heart to become
soft again and warm again. And it's just such an
amazing thing to be able to do that. There's so
much power in it. It is and it is not
a sign of weakness.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
You know.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I thought, as a.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
As a man especially that that I, if I forgave
her it was a sign of weakness on my part.
How horrible for me to think that, because it was
it was.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
He's not a strength, right, It is a total.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Sign of strength for men and for women if you
can forgive them, release it and move on. It's in
the rear view mirror and I'm not looking back and so.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
And it's a chance for you to further understand what
it's done to you and what's holding you back. A
lot of my clients have a hard time with that,
and so what I told them is to actually write
down what the abuse feels like. Why are you still
(06:48):
holding on to it? Is it because you think they're
living their best life? Is it because you want them
to understand the pain they've caused you. Every single thing
you're feeling is valid, Write it down, get rid of it.
That may be your first step in order to forgive them.
If you just write down every all of the feelings
(07:08):
that you've been holding inside since the end of that
relationship and put them on paper. They're there so you
can see what it is, all of the negativity that
is inside of you festering. You need to get it out.
And sometimes it helps to actually write a letter of forgiveness.
I'm not asking you to send it to them. I'm
(07:30):
just asking you to write down what you forgive them
for that you are forgetting them, for what they did
to you. Whatever that is, all the things that you
wrote down, you're letting it go, you're releasing it. And
you know what, you can burn that letter up, it
doesn't matter. But when you hold things down and you
just ignore them or you're bitter, it just affects the
(07:52):
relationships with everyone else. I mean your coworkers, your neighbors,
your kids, you're religious, maybe somebody that you might want
to have a relationship with because you're not yourself. You've
got that, you know, that reservation up to where somebody
can't actually get to know you. And you can't even
get to know yourself anymore because you're not giving yourself
any compassion. You're not giving yourself self love. And you
(08:15):
have to do that with a softened heart.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Eater if you can't deal with a hard heart, now
I can't.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
No, no, you can't.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
So so we're talking about the steps, and I love
what you're said. You know, first you kind of have
to acknowledge the abuse and the pain and how it
affected you, and then writing it all down, cleansing it
and put it on paper. I think I recall one
of your clients that said she didn't burn it. But
every time she starts feeling that resentment coming up and
you can feel it. It's a physical thing. Oh yeah,
(08:45):
she actually pulled that letter out and read it over
and over again until that kind of dissipated went away.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
How powerful is that?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
It's very powerful. It's like it's like dealing with a trigger.
I mean, when you have triggers and not forgetting somebody
can certainly cause you triggers because you replay things in
your mind. I know you've told me stories about how
you would replace something over and over and you should
have done this, and why didn't you do this? And
if you had done that, all of those regrets that
(09:16):
play over and over in your mind, you actually relive
the anger, the hurt, the bitterness that you felt, the
heartache that you felt going through that abusive relationship. So,
you know, purging that from your body, letting it go,
whether you burn the letter tier and a million pieces,
put it in a jar, a book and go back
(09:37):
and read it when you're filling those triggers. It's very powerful.
But it's something that is courageous. It gives you strength.
It takes strength to forgive someone for what they did
and I would not forgive. It's like I prayed to
forgive him, but I did feel it. I did not
feel it, And sometimes you won't. You might just say
(09:59):
the words out, but your life. I don't really that
sound if you bache, you know, because that's what I
would think to myself. I'm like, that didn't sound earnest.
You know what, It's just you. You're not saying it
to them. You're trying to release it from holding it
inside you and making your heart harden, or being so
distrustful that you don't even want to give life another shot.
(10:20):
So I had to practice. I had to practice, and
finally I just said, you know what I'm done. Yeah,
I've forgiven him. He's not my concern anymore. I will
always remember things, but they're not going to hold me back.
They're not going to stop me from moving forward, loving
myself again, loving someone else, and opening my heart to
(10:43):
someone else, everything that it was stalling in my life.
I finally just said, you know what, I'm done with that.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
You know what else? Not forgiving somebody is keeping you
from your best life. Yes it is, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
And I didn't realize that either.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
I was just so resentful and so unforgiving that I
didn't see all the amazing things that I had in
my future, I couldn't see them. Then I had this
this winders on I couldn't see it. But look what
I was able to find by giving all that away forgiving.
I was able to find someone who I really want
(11:19):
to spend my life with. We were able to start
this amazing business, all these amazing things that we were
able to accomplish because we were able to forgive and
move on. And the same exact scene thing can happen
for you when you decide to forgive.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
It exactly. And you know what for all of you
that are watching, write something in the comments have are
you struggling with forgiveness? Have you forgiven? And what did
it do? Because you know everybody benefits from different people's
experiences in this narcissistic abuse of arena, So let us know,
(11:56):
let you know everybody else know what you've experienced or
what you're struggling with. One goes through these comments every
single day and answers them because you might be stuck,
and you might be where we were years ago, where
we just could not get past it, and it robbed
us of our of our our true potential our happiness,
our freedom.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
And also if you have a success store, if you
were if you have forgiven someone in your life and
it changed you for the better and it gave you
the strength to do something really amazing with your life,
we would love to kill that too, So please share
that with us.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Yeah, well, well we want to congratulate you. How do
you want to sud right wins? I mean we tell
me and other people can learn from it too. Absolutely absolutely.
We talk about a lot of tough subjects on our
podcast and in our videos, but it's nice to share
wins with people else, nice to share inspiration and let
people know there's hope. And forgiveness is part of the
(12:51):
healing journey. You've got to forgive someone to let something that.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I don't think you can heal without it.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
No, actly, Just man, you'll go through the motions like
you said you yes you, we kind of did, but
you can't really fully heal and and find that best
life that's waiting for you unless you forgive.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Absolutely absolutely, Well, do you want to read the question?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
I would love to read the questions. We've got some
really great questions.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
These actually came up through comments in our videos and things,
but they they revolved around forgiveness.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
So yeah, so we're kind of chosen for that Reason's
back here we go. If I am no contact, how
will my ex narcissists know I've forgiven them.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
That's a great question because people think in order to
forgive someone we just covered this, that you have to
do it face toe and genuinely speaking, that that's the
proper way to do with forgiveness. But not with an abuser,
not with a narcissist who doesn't care about your feelings.
In fact, if you do it face to face, it
will probably make you feel worse at trigger anger and
(13:55):
then you'll want to take it back. And that's not
what this is. This is about. This is about you
releasing it from you. So I wouldn't suggest that you
do it in person. To be honest with you, this
is something to release from the inside and free yourself
of that burden that you're carrying around, because, like I said,
they're not losing one ounce of sleep. They've moved on,
(14:17):
they don't care what they did to you. You're the
one losing sleep, You're the one not living your best life,
and they're just out Lord knows, you know, victimizing somebody else,
But you don't want to victimize yourself. So by forgiving them,
you've released it. So it's not in person thing. It's
something for you to let go.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
So I living your best life.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yeah, it's very free.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Yeah, okay, Next question, what should I say if my
narcissist tells me they did not do anything wrong to
be forgiven for? So how do I keep them from
becoming angry.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Or yourself will becoming ed?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
And Greg, did you understand that question?
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Well, it's how do I how it's how do they
stop being angry? Yeah? In this case, this actually kicked
from something in one of our videos because they did
do it in person. They actually said I'm going to
be the bigger person and I'm going to forgive you.
And the narcissists who when do they ever admit that
(15:21):
they'd have done anything wrong? I said, well, I never
did anything for you to forgive. I'm not asking for
your forgiveness. I didn't do anything wrong. They got anger,
they got angry, the viewer got angry. It was like, well,
you know what you did, and then they wanted to
rehash what they did. That just created a whole nother
trigger of being furious. And angry, and it was almost
(15:45):
a setback, and so it felt.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Like they gave power away.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
They yeah, exactly, That's exactly what it felt like. So
we don't ever suggest that you do this in person.
And if for some reason you did do it in person,
know what you're dealing with. If that curse and sits
there and says, well, I didn't do anything, do you
to deserve forgiveness. I'm not asking you for forgiveness. They're not.
But what you can say is I forgave you anyway
(16:10):
and just walk away, right because it was for you,
not for them. So for some reason, if you feel
like you have to do it in person, just be
prepared for that negative comment because remember the relationship that
you were in. How many times they told you it
was your fault, your responsibility, no apology. It's going to
be the same way if you try to do this
(16:31):
to them and expect something in return. If you don't
expect anything.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Not going to be reciprocated.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
No, no, it's not going to be. So don't expect
something from them. You're just releasing it. And so if
they get snarky with you, you just turn around and said,
you know what, I forbid you anyway, and you just
walk away to them and then start living your best life.
Don't let it hold you back. And that's probably the
only reason that I tell my clients this is not
(16:58):
something that you need to do and or on the
phone or have like have the physical contact with them.
They don't need to know that you forgave them because
they don't care.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
It really is an individual it is.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
It is a burden to release from yourself, not a
burden to release from them that they don't even think
they caused in the first place. So this is an
exercise and a freeing exercise. So so that's pretty much
what I would say to that. That would make me
mad too, But you have to recognize where it's coming from,
(17:31):
and it's coming from someone that probably made you very
mad many many, many times. So just walking away from
it and not letting it cause emotional distress, not arguing back,
that's probably would make them upset because they didn't get
to you. So you know that that might be a
way to kind of have it go backlash on them.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
No, that's something else too. When you release all that,
it doesn't affect you anymore.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
No, it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
No, it doesn't, so you can't be true.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
No, you can't.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
And we appreciate you guys tuning in. If you haven't
liked this video, please do please subscribe. We obviously are
trying to get this word out to as many people
that need this help as possible, and.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Subscribe because we have some amazing things coming up. Yes,
we're adding a whole new dimension to Victim to Warrior
and it's all about wellness, yes, and fiscal wellness, so
nutrition and fitness and all of those exciting things you
go with healing. God, you're feeling right, so one of
those pillars are healing.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, really excited. John came up with the name Warrior
Wellness or your wellness, So you've got to stay tuned
and we will be bringing that onto this podcast. Barison, Yeah,
Forgiveness. It's not about them, it's about you. And today
we're going to talk about the power of letting go.
So you're not gonna want to miss this episode.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Welcome to the Victim the Warrior Podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Were John and Melissa and we are narcissistic abuse survivors
and our mission is to help other survivors reclaim and
rebuild their lives. We've also incorporated milt Bag, so make
sure you stated the end because it just might be
your question that we answer right now. Today's topic is
forgiveness and all the myths that go along with forgiveness.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Right, so let's start with what forgiveness is not. It
is not for them, it's for you.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Well, and people think because you forgive someone, you're forgiving
their behavior, you are letting them off the hook. And
they also think, I've got to do this in person,
because if I'm gonna forget someone, they need to know
about it. But that's not what forgiving an abuser is
all about. It's releasing you from carrying the weight of
that burden around because when you carry unforgiveness, you carry resentment, anger, shame, frustration,
(01:21):
or fear, anxiety, all of these emotions that guess who's
not feeling any of those your abuser They have moved on.
And I hate to be so harsh about it, but
it's true. They're not losing an ounce of sleep over
what they did to you. But you are losing a lot,
including moving forward with your healing, if you're hanging on
(01:44):
to this bitterness.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
So it's not about forgetting what happened. It's not about reconciliation,
and it's absolutely not about saying it's okay, right.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
So you suffered with non forgiveness, So talk about how
that held you back and what it prevented you from
moving farward.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Absolutely that you know when you don't forgive, it doesn't
hurt them, Like Melissa said, it only hurts you. And
it hurt me so bad for years, several years after
my divorce, I had such regrets and I could not
forgive her because I didn't want to let her off
(02:26):
the hook. But then also I wasn't forgiving myself either.
I didn't forgive myself for the red flags that I
failed to recognize, for all the times I was manipulating,
for all the times I went back, Oh my gosh.
So not only was I not forgiving her more importantly,
I wasn't forgiving myself either, So I wasn't forgiving anybody
(02:48):
and the situation and the only person it hurt was me.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Well, because think about it, when you're carrying around that
weight of anger towards someone else and resentment and you
want them to pay for what they did, I mean,
you want them to hurt as bad as they hurt you.
And that's okay to feel that way, it really is,
because that is normal, that's a human But it also
(03:13):
prevents you from actually moving forward with your healing journey.
So you literally have to take a pause on what
forgiveness is not. And it's just what John said. It
is not letting them off the hook. It's not forgiving
their behavior. You do not have to do it in person.
I had a restraining order against mine art and still
do to this day. There's no way I was going
(03:34):
to go face to face him just to try to
forgive him. To make myself feel better, I had to
understand what forgiveness meant, and that meant I am going
to release the burden that I've been carrying around by
what someone else did to me, and by releasing that
it gives you freedom. It gives you the chance to say,
(03:56):
you know what, I didn't deserve that, I didn't cause that.
But I am tired of carrying the weight around on
my shoulders about what somebody else did to me, what
they took from me. So I am going to forgive them.
They have to pay that price. With their higher up
you don't have to pay that price. But carrying around
(04:17):
non forgiveness is like a weight.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
It's like you.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Can't get rid of that part of them from you,
and you want to spreak them off. You do. You
don't want any part of that person to go into
your future. And both John and I know that if
you want a chance at happiness again, if you want
a chance to move forward with your life and have
a healthy relationship with someone else, you can't carry around baggage.
(04:43):
And it's hard to get rid of the baggage. So
I know with you, you know you, I mean you had.
John had a lot of relationships between me and him, I.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Know, a lot of first dates, not let's not say relationships,
let's just say a lot of first dates.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
But he just he kept seeing red flies amy they
were there. I'm glass all those red flies because then
it paid that way for me, But I mean I
did it? Did harm you opening up yourself? Oh yes,
to trust somebody else.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Let's do a visual because I kind of thought about
this from church yesterday. You know, we really talked a
lot about this, and this is why we felt so
strongly about doing this podcast on this today. There was
an image of a heart that was hard because there
was so much resentment and so much unforgiveness that someone
was holding on to that their heart actually turned into stone,
(05:34):
and so they couldn't love anybody else.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
They couldn't love anything else, couldn't.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Love themselves and love themselves right that Yeah, huge point
because their heart was hard.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Think about it that way.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
And so when you forgive that abuse abuse er, you
kind of release yourself to allow your heart to become
soft again and warm again. And it's just such an
amazing thing to be able to do that. There's so
much power in it. It is and it is not
a sign of weakness.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
You know.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I thought, as a.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
As a man especially that that I, if I forgave
her it was a sign of weakness on my part.
How horrible for me to think that, because it was
it was.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
He's not a strength, right, It is a total.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Sign of strength for men and for women if you
can forgive them, release it and move on. It's in
the rear view mirror and I'm not looking back and so.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
And it's a chance for you to further understand what
it's done to you and what's holding you back. A
lot of my clients have a hard time with that,
and so what I told them is to actually write
down what the abuse feels like. Why are you still
(06:48):
holding on to it? Is it because you think they're
living their best life? Is it because you want them
to understand the pain they've caused you. Every single thing
you're feeling is valid, Write it down, get rid of it.
That may be your first step in order to forgive them.
If you just write down every all of the feelings
(07:08):
that you've been holding inside since the end of that
relationship and put them on paper. They're there so you
can see what it is, all of the negativity that
is inside of you festering. You need to get it out.
And sometimes it helps to actually write a letter of forgiveness.
I'm not asking you to send it to them. I'm
(07:30):
just asking you to write down what you forgive them
for that you are forgetting them, for what they did
to you. Whatever that is, all the things that you
wrote down, you're letting it go, you're releasing it. And
you know what, you can burn that letter up, it
doesn't matter. But when you hold things down and you
just ignore them or you're bitter, it just affects the
(07:52):
relationships with everyone else. I mean your coworkers, your neighbors,
your kids, you're religious, maybe somebody that you might want
to have a relationship with because you're not yourself. You've
got that, you know, that reservation up to where somebody
can't actually get to know you. And you can't even
get to know yourself anymore because you're not giving yourself
any compassion. You're not giving yourself self love. And you
(08:15):
have to do that with a softened heart.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Eater if you can't deal with a hard heart, now
I can't.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
No, no, you can't.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
So so we're talking about the steps, and I love
what you're said. You know, first you kind of have
to acknowledge the abuse and the pain and how it
affected you, and then writing it all down, cleansing it
and put it on paper. I think I recall one
of your clients that said she didn't burn it. But
every time she starts feeling that resentment coming up and
you can feel it. It's a physical thing. Oh yeah,
(08:45):
she actually pulled that letter out and read it over
and over again until that kind of dissipated went away.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
How powerful is that?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
It's very powerful. It's like it's like dealing with a trigger.
I mean, when you have triggers and not forgetting somebody
can certainly cause you triggers because you replay things in
your mind. I know you've told me stories about how
you would replace something over and over and you should
have done this, and why didn't you do this? And
if you had done that, all of those regrets that
(09:16):
play over and over in your mind, you actually relive
the anger, the hurt, the bitterness that you felt, the
heartache that you felt going through that abusive relationship. So,
you know, purging that from your body, letting it go,
whether you burn the letter tier and a million pieces,
put it in a jar, a book and go back
(09:37):
and read it when you're filling those triggers. It's very powerful.
But it's something that is courageous. It gives you strength.
It takes strength to forgive someone for what they did
and I would not forgive. It's like I prayed to
forgive him, but I did feel it. I did not
feel it, And sometimes you won't. You might just say
(09:59):
the words out, but your life. I don't really that
sound if you bache, you know, because that's what I
would think to myself. I'm like, that didn't sound earnest.
You know what, It's just you. You're not saying it
to them. You're trying to release it from holding it
inside you and making your heart harden, or being so
distrustful that you don't even want to give life another shot.
(10:20):
So I had to practice. I had to practice, and
finally I just said, you know what I'm done. Yeah,
I've forgiven him. He's not my concern anymore. I will
always remember things, but they're not going to hold me back.
They're not going to stop me from moving forward, loving
myself again, loving someone else, and opening my heart to
(10:43):
someone else, everything that it was stalling in my life.
I finally just said, you know what, I'm done with that.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
You know what else? Not forgiving somebody is keeping you
from your best life. Yes it is, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
And I didn't realize that either.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
I was just so resentful and so unforgiving that I
didn't see all the amazing things that I had in
my future, I couldn't see them. Then I had this
this winders on I couldn't see it. But look what
I was able to find by giving all that away forgiving.
I was able to find someone who I really want
(11:19):
to spend my life with. We were able to start
this amazing business, all these amazing things that we were
able to accomplish because we were able to forgive and
move on. And the same exact scene thing can happen
for you when you decide to forgive.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
It exactly. And you know what for all of you
that are watching, write something in the comments have are
you struggling with forgiveness? Have you forgiven? And what did
it do? Because you know everybody benefits from different people's
experiences in this narcissistic abuse of arena, So let us know,
(11:56):
let you know everybody else know what you've experienced or
what you're struggling with. One goes through these comments every
single day and answers them because you might be stuck,
and you might be where we were years ago, where
we just could not get past it, and it robbed
us of our of our our true potential our happiness,
our freedom.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
And also if you have a success store, if you
were if you have forgiven someone in your life and
it changed you for the better and it gave you
the strength to do something really amazing with your life,
we would love to kill that too, So please share
that with us.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Yeah, well, well we want to congratulate you. How do
you want to sud right wins? I mean we tell
me and other people can learn from it too. Absolutely absolutely.
We talk about a lot of tough subjects on our
podcast and in our videos, but it's nice to share
wins with people else, nice to share inspiration and let
people know there's hope. And forgiveness is part of the
(12:51):
healing journey. You've got to forgive someone to let something that.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I don't think you can heal without it.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
No, actly, Just man, you'll go through the motions like
you said you yes you, we kind of did, but
you can't really fully heal and and find that best
life that's waiting for you unless you forgive.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Absolutely absolutely, Well, do you want to read the question?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
I would love to read the questions. We've got some
really great questions.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
These actually came up through comments in our videos and things,
but they they revolved around forgiveness.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
So yeah, so we're kind of chosen for that Reason's
back here we go. If I am no contact, how
will my ex narcissists know I've forgiven them.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
That's a great question because people think in order to
forgive someone we just covered this, that you have to
do it face toe and genuinely speaking, that that's the
proper way to do with forgiveness. But not with an abuser,
not with a narcissist who doesn't care about your feelings.
In fact, if you do it face to face, it
will probably make you feel worse at trigger anger and
(13:55):
then you'll want to take it back. And that's not
what this is. This is about. This is about you
releasing it from you. So I wouldn't suggest that you
do it in person. To be honest with you, this
is something to release from the inside and free yourself
of that burden that you're carrying around, because, like I said,
they're not losing one ounce of sleep. They've moved on,
(14:17):
they don't care what they did to you. You're the
one losing sleep, You're the one not living your best life,
and they're just out Lord knows, you know, victimizing somebody else,
But you don't want to victimize yourself. So by forgiving them,
you've released it. So it's not in person thing. It's
something for you to let go.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
So I living your best life.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yeah, it's very free.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Yeah, okay, Next question, what should I say if my
narcissist tells me they did not do anything wrong to
be forgiven for? So how do I keep them from
becoming angry.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Or yourself will becoming ed?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
And Greg, did you understand that question?
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Well, it's how do I how it's how do they
stop being angry? Yeah? In this case, this actually kicked
from something in one of our videos because they did
do it in person. They actually said I'm going to
be the bigger person and I'm going to forgive you.
And the narcissists who when do they ever admit that
(15:21):
they'd have done anything wrong? I said, well, I never
did anything for you to forgive. I'm not asking for
your forgiveness. I didn't do anything wrong. They got anger,
they got angry, the viewer got angry. It was like, well,
you know what you did, and then they wanted to
rehash what they did. That just created a whole nother
trigger of being furious. And angry, and it was almost
(15:45):
a setback, and so it felt.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Like they gave power away.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
They yeah, exactly, That's exactly what it felt like. So
we don't ever suggest that you do this in person.
And if for some reason you did do it in person,
know what you're dealing with. If that curse and sits
there and says, well, I didn't do anything, do you
to deserve forgiveness. I'm not asking you for forgiveness. They're not.
But what you can say is I forgave you anyway
(16:10):
and just walk away, right because it was for you,
not for them. So for some reason, if you feel
like you have to do it in person, just be
prepared for that negative comment because remember the relationship that
you were in. How many times they told you it
was your fault, your responsibility, no apology. It's going to
be the same way if you try to do this
(16:31):
to them and expect something in return. If you don't
expect anything.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Not going to be reciprocated.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
No, no, it's not going to be. So don't expect
something from them. You're just releasing it. And so if
they get snarky with you, you just turn around and said,
you know what, I forbid you anyway, and you just
walk away to them and then start living your best life.
Don't let it hold you back. And that's probably the
only reason that I tell my clients this is not
(16:58):
something that you need to do and or on the
phone or have like have the physical contact with them.
They don't need to know that you forgave them because
they don't care.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
It really is an individual it is.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
It is a burden to release from yourself, not a
burden to release from them that they don't even think
they caused in the first place. So this is an
exercise and a freeing exercise. So so that's pretty much
what I would say to that. That would make me
mad too, But you have to recognize where it's coming from,
(17:31):
and it's coming from someone that probably made you very
mad many many, many times. So just walking away from
it and not letting it cause emotional distress, not arguing back,
that's probably would make them upset because they didn't get
to you. So you know that that might be a
way to kind of have it go backlash on them.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
No, that's something else too. When you release all that,
it doesn't affect you anymore.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
No, it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
No, it doesn't, so you can't be true.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
No, you can't.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
And we appreciate you guys tuning in. If you haven't
liked this video, please do please subscribe. We obviously are
trying to get this word out to as many people
that need this help as possible, and.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Subscribe because we have some amazing things coming up. Yes,
we're adding a whole new dimension to Victim to Warrior
and it's all about wellness, yes, and fiscal wellness, so
nutrition and fitness and all of those exciting things you
go with healing. God, you're feeling right, so one of
those pillars are healing.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, really excited. John came up with the name Warrior
Wellness or your wellness, So you've got to stay tuned
and we will be bringing that onto this podcast. Barison, Yeah,
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