February 27, 2025 • 24 mins
Certified Professional Life Coaches and Abuse Survivors turned Warriors lead you through to topic of Isolation, what it looks like, how to combat it, and how to recover from it. They also address questions from their followers, as well as discussing how to leave an abusive relationship safely.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
They started pulling away from me, and I stopped getting
invited to events and girls' night outs, and then I
would see it on Facebook and I'm like, why wasn't
I invited?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Welcome to the Victim to Warriors show.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Warrior Talk, and this is our first episode.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're John and Melissa and we are survivors of narcissistic abuse.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
So welcome to our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Right, Welcome. Today we're going to talk about isolation. Now,
isolation is a tactic that abusers use to control their victims.
So today we're going to talk about what it looks like,
what isolation looks like, how to combat it, and how
to recover from it. So maybe let's talk about some
examples of isolation and what it looks like.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Well, for me, when I was going through it, he
socially isolated me. I had worked for a company for years,
and I had the group of friends like twenty five years.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
In fact, we called ourselves the Yah Yah Sisterhood.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
They did a lot of drinking together.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
We did a lot of drinking together, and I noticed,
after a while of going through this abuse, they started
pulling away from me and I stopped getting invited to
events and girls' night outs, and then I would see
it on Facebook and I'm like, why why wasn't I invited?
And then I finally realized I had pulled away from them.
(01:27):
I mean I was ashamed, I was embarrassed. I was
tired of being depressed. When I talked about it to them,
I couldn't share any fun stories.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
I was either covering from.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
My abuser lying about it, or they were telling me
things that I didn't want to hear. So I started
self isolating, which is another form of isolation, where I
literally pulled away from everyone. And so it's it's not
a good place to be when you're in an abusive
situation and your support network is gone, right, So, I
(01:59):
mean that's social. There's emotional isolation, there's dependency on the abuser.
There's physical isolation where they move you away from family
and friends and now you have no one. Any type
of isolation is dangerous, it's scary, and it literally taxes
your ability to make your own logical decisions.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Right, you know. The unusual thing for me was I
was being isolated and I didn't even know it. I
was in the middle of a smear campaign. She was
telling everybody that I physically abused her. Can you imagine
that as a man having to go through that. I
had no idea what was going on. I just realized
that nobody was connecting with me anymore. My friends, a
lot of my family were disconnecting themselves from me. So
(02:46):
I was being isolated and I didn't even know it.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And it's a very hurtful experience because when you need
your family and friends most is when your narcissist or
your abuser doesn't want them to you. They don't want
anybody that can influence you one way or the other
because that means they're.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Going to lose control of you.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
So isolation is very manipulative, very toxic, very dangerous for
the victim.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Right now, we did a whole series on isolation right
on our social media channels and it's it shows. It's
kind of a promotion of what you're going to see
and then three different examples of different types of isolation,
so you can really see the interaction of what it
is that what isolation looks like. So if you haven't
(03:32):
seen this series yet, please go to any one of
our social media channels and all the links are here
in the description below. On TikTok or Facebook or Instagram
and you can watch the Isolation series and you can
kind of see what that looks like.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Yeah, and sometimes that's what it takes. Sometimes it actually takes.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Because, like I said, I didn't even know I was
going through it.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Well exactly, And when your friends start pulling away and
you start realizing it, sometimes it does take actually seeing
it to register with you and you you know, what,
this is what I'm going through. And even if you're
out of it and you still feel disconnected, you know,
you still feel disconnected from your family and friends.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
I know I was.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
It took me a while to be courageous enough to
actually make the phone calls.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
To my ya yahs.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
And it was because I guess I was ashamed and
I thought too much time had passed, you know, too
much time had gone by. You know, I'm just going
to suffer in silence, which is ridiculous because you don't
need to suffer in silence. Your family and friends, people
that care about you are just waiting for you to
reach out.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
And I guess, so what happened when you called your friends.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Well, it was like the first phone call, I mean,
the minute I made I was courageous enough to make
the phone call. They just grabbed hold of me and
we're so happy.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
To hear from me. And that's what family and friends do.
What we don't realize.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
We pull away, but don't be afraid to go back,
no matter how much time, Please, no matter how much
time it's been, pick up the phone call somebody that
cared about you, and that you, who cared about the
connection that you feel by reuniting with someone, will take
that isolation fear away. And it's just little steps. I
(05:09):
was so happy that I did that. I mean they
embraced me. We you know, went out drinking.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Now it's like sh see, that's the truth.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Your true friends and family are waiting for you to reconnect.
You know they they were trying for years and years
and years to connect with you and and there was
that disconnect.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
And it can be at the hands of your Mars. Yeah,
because they're they're famous for that. They are literally they
will make it so miserable for you to connect with someone,
or they could have started that SMAR campaign. And that's
why people pull away, right.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
So, no matter how much time and distance has passed,
those people who really truly love you and care for you,
are waiting for you, So don't discount that. Make that call.
I knew that first call. It's hard, it's got to
be hard, but it's so worth it. The sun is
brighter like birds chirp louder. I mean, when you have
people back in your life that support you, it just
(06:07):
changes everything. So before we go further, let's talk about
So we had the different examples of what isolation is
and what it looks like, so let's talk about how
do we combat isolation if we're still in it.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Well, being still in it is difficult because if you
have been pulled away from people that care about you,
making contact with them may be not as easy as
it sounds. But reaching out to even one trusted family
or friends just to let them know what you're going through,
(06:44):
you've got to have some You've got to have an
olive branch with somebody, because if you don't make that move,
they've already been pretty much cut out of your life.
You're going to be the one that has to make
that move. Now, if you're out of it and you're
still struggling, pick up the phone, send them attacks, connect.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
On social media.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Again, it's easier when you're out than when you're in it.
So definitely connecting with family and friends.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
That's huge. If you're out and you connect with somebody
that you thought was your friend and they.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Don't reciprocate, don't let that discourage you because you might
get your feelings hurt.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
We both did.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
We both reached out to people that we thought were
our friends and they weren't. And so you might go
through some disappointment. But that's all part of healing and
getting yourself a steamback. But don't let that stop you.
Don't let that combat you. Don't let that stop you
from trying to combat this.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
And so let's talk about a couple other things about
along the same lines too. Okay, So a private Facebook group, yes, yes, okay, okay,
right there, right, a private Facebook group is an amazing
place where you can kind of dip your toe in
the water and connect with people that have been through
the exact same thing that you're going through. So the
(08:02):
beautiful thing about our private Facebook group is it is
completely anonymous. You can't even find it on Facebook, so
you don't have to worry about it. It's a safe
space and you actually have to be invited in. So
we'll put the link to our private Facebook group in
the description below. Just click on that link. You'll then
be getting You'll then go to a Facebook and you'll
(08:23):
be asking a couple of questions. We have to vet
everybody that's in there. About fifteen hundred people in there
from all over the planet. And there is someone in
there on twenty four to seven. There's someone there so suffering.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Yeah, you've suffered. That's in it, that's out of.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
It, right, that you can ask a question of or say, hey,
I'm dealing with this, and someone will go, oh gosh,
I dealt with the exact same here, here's what I did.
So that's a phenomenal way to get started reconnected and
get reconnected. That's kind of like a first step. Also,
if you're not ready to connect with friends and family,
connect with Melissa. She is amazing, you know. I just
(08:59):
I brag about her all the time. The client she
has from all over the world. She's changed lives, she
really really has.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
I know how it feels to be isolated and alone
and not have anybody in your corner, right.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
And I just don't want that. I don't want that
for anybody that follows us.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
That's part of our group and That's why I'm so
passionate about it because I know, I.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Know you can get from where you are to where
you want to be. You just have to know how
to do it right, you know.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
And taking this the beautiful thing about working with Melissa.
You know, I hear this all the time. These clients
are I got to work with all these therapists, and
no one told me the things that you told me
because they haven't been there and survived it. They never
they never had really, and so it's really nice to
have somebody in your corner who knows exactly what you're
going through and how to get through it, how to
(09:50):
get through it and get out in the other end.
And so let's talk about recovery and just just just
for a minute. But I want to read this question.
Oh yes, really really quick. I'm going to put my
glasses on right now, so bear with me and I have
to read it for it. Okay. So, hi guys, this
is a from Australia, one of our favorite clients. We
(10:10):
just love her. She's amazing And did you hear what
I said? From Australia, she's on the We're in the States,
so she's on the other side of the globe from
us part of our Facebook group and she's part of
the Facebook group too. But what's amazing about this is
I want you to hear that from Australia. We have
clients from all from Europe, Canada, the States, all over
(10:32):
the world. So it's not you and you're not alone.
So you're not truly isolated, unfortunately, You're part of a
global community of people of abuse survivors and people are
that are still victims, that are dealing with the exact
same thing that you are. So please take some strength
and courage in that knowing that it's not you you,
(10:54):
you are tied with all these other people that are
doing it with the exact same thing. So what a
great place of community reached. We'll pull you in right
right exactly. So what and what a ask is how
did you guys handle the loneliness? And then she says
love and light. I love how she always always, even
though she's a victim right now of isolation and she's
(11:17):
dealing with a lot of other things, she still always
signs off love and light.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
That's hope right there. That is hope.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
And you know what that that's what it's all about,
is having hope.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
And I was very lonely. I mean I I was,
I was in it.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
I worked for huge companies, so I had people around
me all the time, and I still felt so lonely
because I couldn't be my true self. I really felt
like when I left work and left people, I went
home to like a dungeon. I mean it didn't matter
where I was. I felt alone. I felt alone in
my car, I felt alone at home. And I struggled
(11:57):
for a long time to actually start digging my way
out of that darkness. And journaling, let me tell you,
journaling saved my life because I didn't know how to
get my thoughts out because I hadn't quite reached out
to my support net. I wasn't brave enough yet. So
I just started writing things down, writing things down that
you know.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
That's part of our program. Actually, yeah, let's talk about it. Yeah,
our eight week life transformation method. It's something that Melissa
and I built. It took us months to build it
because we wanted it to be amazing.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
And we suffered years because we didn't have it right.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
But there was That was another reason that we suffered
for ice from isolation for so long, is because we
had no idea how to get past it. So Melissa
and I created the eight week Life Transformation Method and
it is amazing. It literally is. It's a guided eight
week method in stay right that teaches you exactly how
(12:53):
to rebuild your strength and self confidence daily basis after
many many different types of abuse, but but how to
how to rebuild yourself emotionally and mentally and physically and
financially and spiritually, all of those amazing things that the
person you were before you met your abuser you can
become again after our stronger version right right. So for
(13:14):
more information about our eight week Life Transformation Method, please
go to our website vv twow dot com or you
can just google Victim to Warrior and you'll find us.
But when you get to our website, just click on
eight week Life Transformation Method and there's a whole page
that has everything that's included in it. It's really amazing. Again,
(13:36):
it took us months to build this thing, it really
really did, and it comes from years of experience that
we want to pass on to you so that you're
going to struggle, right, but you're going to recover, you know, again,
like Moses said, we don't want you to struggle for years.
We want to compress those timelines, and by following this method,
you're gonna be able to do that. Now, when you're
on that page and you're like, you know what, I
(13:58):
still want to know about this? I want to know
about this? Is it going to do this? No problem.
There's a place down there. It's my calendly link. You
can just click on it and set up a free
fifteen minute call with me where we can just talk
about it. We can talk about everything that's included. How's
it going to what's going to happen, what are the
weekly Q and A sessions look like, how does that work?
You know, any of those things will talk about because
(14:21):
we want you to understand exactly how this is going
to transform your life, because it will.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Yeah, and John, if he's really good about finding out
where you are and if for some reason you're not
ready to take this step, we have a lot of
other resources that can actually help you get there.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Yeah, Because we.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Don't want you staying stuck.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Right, And that's where so many people feel is like
they cannot get out. They're so bewildered by either not
knowing how to get out, or once they get out,
being terrified of being out. So no matter where you are,
everything about victim to warrior is to taking you from
a victim to a proactive warrior.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Warrior, we want to give you one of these.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Shs do We wear them proudly, and so.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Do many And that's one of the beautiful things. At
the end of the eight weeks, you will be a warrior.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
And you're going to get one of these and you'll
be wearing it proudly as well.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
I want to let's talk about this real quickly. Remember
your client from a couple of days ago, the one
that made that long drive across the country by herself. Okay, Now,
if you're still if you can't even think about recovery,
You're like, I can't even think about that right now, John,
I'm just trying to survive. I don't I don't even
know what to do right now. You know, we talk
about this all the time. You know, it's like, you know,
(15:40):
how do how do you leave an abusive relationship? How
do you do that?
Speaker 3 (15:45):
How do you take the first step?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I mean, I'm terrified, and I love the way John
puts this, because you have to prepare. You've got to prepare,
You've got to take certain steps to prepare to leave,
so you are are prepared to leave, you can leave safely,
and you're not desperate enough to go back to your abuser.
And he talks about it like when you're going on vacation.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
You know, you just think about it. Think about the
day before you leave for vacation. Okay, you have your
whole checklist. I got to get my dry clean, I
got to pack my bags, I got to get my suitcases.
I got to put the pets in the kennel. I've
got to get my passport, I got to get some cash.
Check my credit cards are good over oversea. So you've
got this whole list, right, And what that list does
for you is it takes away the anxiety. Yes, you
(16:31):
know what time you have to leave the house, of
the airport or whatever. You've got all that same thing here.
We've created the twelve critical steps to take before you leave.
And it's the twelve very very critical steps. Setting up
an emergency fund, checking for tracking devices, making copies of it.
I mean, just this whole list of everything. Now, it's
going to take some time. Yeah, you know this is
(16:51):
something you do overnight. It's a plan plan, But what
I feel about. You know, if you have a plan
of action, the anxiety level is lower, and if.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
It's written for you and you don't have to think
about it yourself, it's very easy for you to just
follow the steps rather than being so bewildered that you
don't even know what to do, how to do it.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
You know that that was the biggest problem. When I left,
I just blurted out, I want a divorce, and yeah,
and and and then you know, it just it went
downhill from there. I mean I showed up my home
one evening after work and the whole house was emptying.
(17:32):
Everything had been moved out of it. I bought it
before we got married. It was my furniture, it was
all my stuff. It was all gone from my house.
And so I didn't follow my own well, I didn't know,
you didn't know. I just thought, if I'm one rational
person talking to another about, hey, hey, it's just not working,
let's let's get a divorce. You think, okay, well let's
(17:54):
do that. You know, you're when you're dealing with an
abusive person, that's not the way it ends for them.
They want to ruin your life. And so it's really
really important that you know you go through these twelve steps,
and so we recorded a whole webinar. It's an hour
and a half exactly do it the steps ad and
(18:15):
to keep your mouth closed right and keep everything the
same so that you can leave safely. But most importantly,
once you leave, you don't have to go back because
you know what happens when you go back. It's even worse.
So we are so prideful of that webinar the twelve
critical steps to take before you leave. So if you
haven't left yet and you just don't know how, please
(18:37):
when you're on our website check that out.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Yeah. Absolutely, And if you have left and you're still
struggling with doubt, worry, concern, then call John and talk
to him about eight week life transformation because that is
a bad place to be. When you finally got your freedom,
you were finally brave enough to leave, and now you're
(19:02):
feeling shattered. That is the most vulnerable time for you,
especially if you haven't gone one hundred percent no contact,
because it's it's a way to have a chip in
your armor and your abuser can get through. And that's
when you actually need to take control of your mind.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
And sometimes someone else has to.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
They have to tell you what steps to do so
your mind doesn't play tricks on you, because your mind
only knows the abuse that you've suffered for knows how long,
so many years, and undoing that takes intentional, methodical steps
on a daily basis, and these steps that we're talking about,
we do them to this day every day.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I mean, he's been out of it fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I've been out of it twelve years, and we do
these steps every day because it keeps us focused, it
lets us, I mean, we can express ourselves better to
each other.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
It's it's like any type of abuse that you suffer
in life. You have to you have to recover from
it properly. But that recovery just doesn't end. It continues
through your life pretty much and then you move past
it where it's not such a huge part of your life,
but you have to you have to be working on
your recovery every day.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
It's just a life person or an opportunity to learn
from and.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Happiness is possible.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I mean, we're we're living proof because when you're healed,
then you understand what you're looking for.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
I mean, we all fail for.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Those red flags, but when you are a whole person,
you know.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
You know what, I'm going to trust somebody's actions instead
of their words. We all trust it.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
The words and the actions were completely different, and we
made excuses for it. Once you have healed and you
feel really good about yourself and you're no longer the
shallow the person you are, you are strong enough to
recognize that you're strong enough to know what you want right,
you know, So we've got we've got tons of resources.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Well, okay, let's talk about the podcast here. Let's let's
make sure we talk about that real quick. Now. You
heard at the top of the show Melissa said, this
is episode one. We hope you enjoyed this episode. We
really really do. And every week we're going to put
up a new podcast where we can spend a lot
of time diving down into topics, answering questions, and really
(21:22):
talking about solutions and ways to build back your life
to the way it was before you met your abuser.
That's what the goal is for this podcast. That's why
we call it Warrior Talk because we want everyone to
have one of these shirts eventually or should be a warrior.
So in the comments, would you please just put what
(21:43):
you thought about this podcast what we could do differently.
We really want your import because this is for you.
Melissa and I are here for you, so this is
for you. Also, we'd love for you to participate in
our upcoming podcast, So please send us your questions to
questions at the v twow dot com and we can
(22:03):
put that in the description below to so that you
can have that. Please do us a favor and like
this podcast so that the algorithms push it out to
more people to channel and subscribe to that channel. We
are trying to grow our YouTube channel. We're so excited
about it because it allows us to put this content
out for you and that you can watch it at
(22:24):
whenever you want to watch it, and so that's what
we're so excited about with this.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
So and make sure you're following us on our other
social media channels. We post content every single day and
there are a lot of videos that we've done where
we're actually re enacting the abuse that we went through,
but most of that time actually hits home for people
like we talked about, when they actually visually see what
the abuse looks like.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
It's amazing how many people respond to go, oh my gosh,
how do you see in my house exactly. That's exactly
what my exers or that's exactly what my abuser does.
So yeah, we hear that all the time, and that
needs a lot to us because we feel like we're
getting the point across. So TikTok, Facebook, any of those
places you can find us, and again especially here on
(23:10):
on YouTube, we're going to be putting uh information up
all the time for you. And so we're just so
grateful that you were here today and we like to
close up every one of our lives. We're here for
you no matter what you need. Please send us, you know,
put put your comments in there, let us.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Know because you want you want us to cover because
we'll cover anything and everything and our and our ability
to just bring that, you know, the resources to you
and to guide you through that the healing process and
recovery on the other side.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
That's why we call it Victim to Warrior. We want
you to go from being a victim to a warrior
and we want to be with you every step of
the way.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Absolutely, So thank you guys for tuning in and we
hope to see you on episode two.
They started pulling away from me, and I stopped getting
invited to events and girls' night outs, and then I
would see it on Facebook and I'm like, why wasn't
I invited?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Welcome to the Victim to Warriors show.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Warrior Talk, and this is our first episode.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're John and Melissa and we are survivors of narcissistic abuse.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
So welcome to our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Right, Welcome. Today we're going to talk about isolation. Now,
isolation is a tactic that abusers use to control their victims.
So today we're going to talk about what it looks like,
what isolation looks like, how to combat it, and how
to recover from it. So maybe let's talk about some
examples of isolation and what it looks like.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Well, for me, when I was going through it, he
socially isolated me. I had worked for a company for years,
and I had the group of friends like twenty five years.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
In fact, we called ourselves the Yah Yah Sisterhood.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
They did a lot of drinking together.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
We did a lot of drinking together, and I noticed,
after a while of going through this abuse, they started
pulling away from me and I stopped getting invited to
events and girls' night outs, and then I would see
it on Facebook and I'm like, why why wasn't I invited?
And then I finally realized I had pulled away from them.
(01:27):
I mean I was ashamed, I was embarrassed. I was
tired of being depressed. When I talked about it to them,
I couldn't share any fun stories.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
I was either covering from.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
My abuser lying about it, or they were telling me
things that I didn't want to hear. So I started
self isolating, which is another form of isolation, where I
literally pulled away from everyone. And so it's it's not
a good place to be when you're in an abusive
situation and your support network is gone, right, So, I
(01:59):
mean that's social. There's emotional isolation, there's dependency on the abuser.
There's physical isolation where they move you away from family
and friends and now you have no one. Any type
of isolation is dangerous, it's scary, and it literally taxes
your ability to make your own logical decisions.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Right, you know. The unusual thing for me was I
was being isolated and I didn't even know it. I
was in the middle of a smear campaign. She was
telling everybody that I physically abused her. Can you imagine
that as a man having to go through that. I
had no idea what was going on. I just realized
that nobody was connecting with me anymore. My friends, a
lot of my family were disconnecting themselves from me. So
(02:46):
I was being isolated and I didn't even know it.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And it's a very hurtful experience because when you need
your family and friends most is when your narcissist or
your abuser doesn't want them to you. They don't want
anybody that can influence you one way or the other
because that means they're.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Going to lose control of you.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
So isolation is very manipulative, very toxic, very dangerous for
the victim.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Right now, we did a whole series on isolation right
on our social media channels and it's it shows. It's
kind of a promotion of what you're going to see
and then three different examples of different types of isolation,
so you can really see the interaction of what it
is that what isolation looks like. So if you haven't
(03:32):
seen this series yet, please go to any one of
our social media channels and all the links are here
in the description below. On TikTok or Facebook or Instagram
and you can watch the Isolation series and you can
kind of see what that looks like.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Yeah, and sometimes that's what it takes. Sometimes it actually takes.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Because, like I said, I didn't even know I was
going through it.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Well exactly, And when your friends start pulling away and
you start realizing it, sometimes it does take actually seeing
it to register with you and you you know, what,
this is what I'm going through. And even if you're
out of it and you still feel disconnected, you know,
you still feel disconnected from your family and friends.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
I know I was.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
It took me a while to be courageous enough to
actually make the phone calls.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
To my ya yahs.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
And it was because I guess I was ashamed and
I thought too much time had passed, you know, too
much time had gone by. You know, I'm just going
to suffer in silence, which is ridiculous because you don't
need to suffer in silence. Your family and friends, people
that care about you are just waiting for you to
reach out.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
And I guess, so what happened when you called your friends.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Well, it was like the first phone call, I mean,
the minute I made I was courageous enough to make
the phone call. They just grabbed hold of me and
we're so happy.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
To hear from me. And that's what family and friends do.
What we don't realize.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
We pull away, but don't be afraid to go back,
no matter how much time, Please, no matter how much
time it's been, pick up the phone call somebody that
cared about you, and that you, who cared about the
connection that you feel by reuniting with someone, will take
that isolation fear away. And it's just little steps. I
(05:09):
was so happy that I did that. I mean they
embraced me. We you know, went out drinking.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Now it's like sh see, that's the truth.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Your true friends and family are waiting for you to reconnect.
You know they they were trying for years and years
and years to connect with you and and there was
that disconnect.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
And it can be at the hands of your Mars. Yeah,
because they're they're famous for that. They are literally they
will make it so miserable for you to connect with someone,
or they could have started that SMAR campaign. And that's
why people pull away, right.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
So, no matter how much time and distance has passed,
those people who really truly love you and care for you,
are waiting for you, So don't discount that. Make that call.
I knew that first call. It's hard, it's got to
be hard, but it's so worth it. The sun is
brighter like birds chirp louder. I mean, when you have
people back in your life that support you, it just
(06:07):
changes everything. So before we go further, let's talk about
So we had the different examples of what isolation is
and what it looks like, so let's talk about how
do we combat isolation if we're still in it.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Well, being still in it is difficult because if you
have been pulled away from people that care about you,
making contact with them may be not as easy as
it sounds. But reaching out to even one trusted family
or friends just to let them know what you're going through,
(06:44):
you've got to have some You've got to have an
olive branch with somebody, because if you don't make that move,
they've already been pretty much cut out of your life.
You're going to be the one that has to make
that move. Now, if you're out of it and you're
still struggling, pick up the phone, send them attacks, connect.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
On social media.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Again, it's easier when you're out than when you're in it.
So definitely connecting with family and friends.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
That's huge. If you're out and you connect with somebody
that you thought was your friend and they.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Don't reciprocate, don't let that discourage you because you might
get your feelings hurt.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
We both did.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
We both reached out to people that we thought were
our friends and they weren't. And so you might go
through some disappointment. But that's all part of healing and
getting yourself a steamback. But don't let that stop you.
Don't let that combat you. Don't let that stop you
from trying to combat this.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
And so let's talk about a couple other things about
along the same lines too. Okay, So a private Facebook group, yes, yes, okay, okay,
right there, right, a private Facebook group is an amazing
place where you can kind of dip your toe in
the water and connect with people that have been through
the exact same thing that you're going through. So the
(08:02):
beautiful thing about our private Facebook group is it is
completely anonymous. You can't even find it on Facebook, so
you don't have to worry about it. It's a safe
space and you actually have to be invited in. So
we'll put the link to our private Facebook group in
the description below. Just click on that link. You'll then
be getting You'll then go to a Facebook and you'll
(08:23):
be asking a couple of questions. We have to vet
everybody that's in there. About fifteen hundred people in there
from all over the planet. And there is someone in
there on twenty four to seven. There's someone there so suffering.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Yeah, you've suffered. That's in it, that's out of.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
It, right, that you can ask a question of or say, hey,
I'm dealing with this, and someone will go, oh gosh,
I dealt with the exact same here, here's what I did.
So that's a phenomenal way to get started reconnected and
get reconnected. That's kind of like a first step. Also,
if you're not ready to connect with friends and family,
connect with Melissa. She is amazing, you know. I just
(08:59):
I brag about her all the time. The client she
has from all over the world. She's changed lives, she
really really has.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
I know how it feels to be isolated and alone
and not have anybody in your corner, right.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
And I just don't want that. I don't want that
for anybody that follows us.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
That's part of our group and That's why I'm so
passionate about it because I know, I.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Know you can get from where you are to where
you want to be. You just have to know how
to do it right, you know.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
And taking this the beautiful thing about working with Melissa.
You know, I hear this all the time. These clients
are I got to work with all these therapists, and
no one told me the things that you told me
because they haven't been there and survived it. They never
they never had really, and so it's really nice to
have somebody in your corner who knows exactly what you're
going through and how to get through it, how to
(09:50):
get through it and get out in the other end.
And so let's talk about recovery and just just just
for a minute. But I want to read this question.
Oh yes, really really quick. I'm going to put my
glasses on right now, so bear with me and I have
to read it for it. Okay. So, hi guys, this
is a from Australia, one of our favorite clients. We
(10:10):
just love her. She's amazing And did you hear what
I said? From Australia, she's on the We're in the States,
so she's on the other side of the globe from
us part of our Facebook group and she's part of
the Facebook group too. But what's amazing about this is
I want you to hear that from Australia. We have
clients from all from Europe, Canada, the States, all over
(10:32):
the world. So it's not you and you're not alone.
So you're not truly isolated, unfortunately, You're part of a
global community of people of abuse survivors and people are
that are still victims, that are dealing with the exact
same thing that you are. So please take some strength
and courage in that knowing that it's not you you,
(10:54):
you are tied with all these other people that are
doing it with the exact same thing. So what a
great place of community reached. We'll pull you in right
right exactly. So what and what a ask is how
did you guys handle the loneliness? And then she says
love and light. I love how she always always, even
though she's a victim right now of isolation and she's
(11:17):
dealing with a lot of other things, she still always
signs off love and light.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
That's hope right there. That is hope.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
And you know what that that's what it's all about,
is having hope.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
And I was very lonely. I mean I I was,
I was in it.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
I worked for huge companies, so I had people around
me all the time, and I still felt so lonely
because I couldn't be my true self. I really felt
like when I left work and left people, I went
home to like a dungeon. I mean it didn't matter
where I was. I felt alone. I felt alone in
my car, I felt alone at home. And I struggled
(11:57):
for a long time to actually start digging my way
out of that darkness. And journaling, let me tell you,
journaling saved my life because I didn't know how to
get my thoughts out because I hadn't quite reached out
to my support net. I wasn't brave enough yet. So
I just started writing things down, writing things down that
you know.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
That's part of our program. Actually, yeah, let's talk about it. Yeah,
our eight week life transformation method. It's something that Melissa
and I built. It took us months to build it
because we wanted it to be amazing.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
And we suffered years because we didn't have it right.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
But there was That was another reason that we suffered
for ice from isolation for so long, is because we
had no idea how to get past it. So Melissa
and I created the eight week Life Transformation Method and
it is amazing. It literally is. It's a guided eight
week method in stay right that teaches you exactly how
(12:53):
to rebuild your strength and self confidence daily basis after
many many different types of abuse, but but how to
how to rebuild yourself emotionally and mentally and physically and
financially and spiritually, all of those amazing things that the
person you were before you met your abuser you can
become again after our stronger version right right. So for
(13:14):
more information about our eight week Life Transformation Method, please
go to our website vv twow dot com or you
can just google Victim to Warrior and you'll find us.
But when you get to our website, just click on
eight week Life Transformation Method and there's a whole page
that has everything that's included in it. It's really amazing. Again,
(13:36):
it took us months to build this thing, it really
really did, and it comes from years of experience that
we want to pass on to you so that you're
going to struggle, right, but you're going to recover, you know, again,
like Moses said, we don't want you to struggle for years.
We want to compress those timelines, and by following this method,
you're gonna be able to do that. Now, when you're
on that page and you're like, you know what, I
(13:58):
still want to know about this? I want to know
about this? Is it going to do this? No problem.
There's a place down there. It's my calendly link. You
can just click on it and set up a free
fifteen minute call with me where we can just talk
about it. We can talk about everything that's included. How's
it going to what's going to happen, what are the
weekly Q and A sessions look like, how does that work?
You know, any of those things will talk about because
(14:21):
we want you to understand exactly how this is going
to transform your life, because it will.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Yeah, and John, if he's really good about finding out
where you are and if for some reason you're not
ready to take this step, we have a lot of
other resources that can actually help you get there.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Yeah, Because we.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Don't want you staying stuck.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Right, And that's where so many people feel is like
they cannot get out. They're so bewildered by either not
knowing how to get out, or once they get out,
being terrified of being out. So no matter where you are,
everything about victim to warrior is to taking you from
a victim to a proactive warrior.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Warrior, we want to give you one of these.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Shs do We wear them proudly, and so.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Do many And that's one of the beautiful things. At
the end of the eight weeks, you will be a warrior.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
And you're going to get one of these and you'll
be wearing it proudly as well.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
I want to let's talk about this real quickly. Remember
your client from a couple of days ago, the one
that made that long drive across the country by herself. Okay, Now,
if you're still if you can't even think about recovery,
You're like, I can't even think about that right now, John,
I'm just trying to survive. I don't I don't even
know what to do right now. You know, we talk
about this all the time. You know, it's like, you know,
(15:40):
how do how do you leave an abusive relationship? How
do you do that?
Speaker 3 (15:45):
How do you take the first step?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I mean, I'm terrified, and I love the way John
puts this, because you have to prepare. You've got to prepare,
You've got to take certain steps to prepare to leave,
so you are are prepared to leave, you can leave safely,
and you're not desperate enough to go back to your abuser.
And he talks about it like when you're going on vacation.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
You know, you just think about it. Think about the
day before you leave for vacation. Okay, you have your
whole checklist. I got to get my dry clean, I
got to pack my bags, I got to get my suitcases.
I got to put the pets in the kennel. I've
got to get my passport, I got to get some cash.
Check my credit cards are good over oversea. So you've
got this whole list, right, And what that list does
for you is it takes away the anxiety. Yes, you
(16:31):
know what time you have to leave the house, of
the airport or whatever. You've got all that same thing here.
We've created the twelve critical steps to take before you leave.
And it's the twelve very very critical steps. Setting up
an emergency fund, checking for tracking devices, making copies of it.
I mean, just this whole list of everything. Now, it's
going to take some time. Yeah, you know this is
(16:51):
something you do overnight. It's a plan plan, But what
I feel about. You know, if you have a plan
of action, the anxiety level is lower, and if.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
It's written for you and you don't have to think
about it yourself, it's very easy for you to just
follow the steps rather than being so bewildered that you
don't even know what to do, how to do it.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
You know that that was the biggest problem. When I left,
I just blurted out, I want a divorce, and yeah,
and and and then you know, it just it went
downhill from there. I mean I showed up my home
one evening after work and the whole house was emptying.
(17:32):
Everything had been moved out of it. I bought it
before we got married. It was my furniture, it was
all my stuff. It was all gone from my house.
And so I didn't follow my own well, I didn't know,
you didn't know. I just thought, if I'm one rational
person talking to another about, hey, hey, it's just not working,
let's let's get a divorce. You think, okay, well let's
(17:54):
do that. You know, you're when you're dealing with an
abusive person, that's not the way it ends for them.
They want to ruin your life. And so it's really
really important that you know you go through these twelve steps,
and so we recorded a whole webinar. It's an hour
and a half exactly do it the steps ad and
(18:15):
to keep your mouth closed right and keep everything the
same so that you can leave safely. But most importantly,
once you leave, you don't have to go back because
you know what happens when you go back. It's even worse.
So we are so prideful of that webinar the twelve
critical steps to take before you leave. So if you
haven't left yet and you just don't know how, please
(18:37):
when you're on our website check that out.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Yeah. Absolutely, And if you have left and you're still
struggling with doubt, worry, concern, then call John and talk
to him about eight week life transformation because that is
a bad place to be. When you finally got your freedom,
you were finally brave enough to leave, and now you're
(19:02):
feeling shattered. That is the most vulnerable time for you,
especially if you haven't gone one hundred percent no contact,
because it's it's a way to have a chip in
your armor and your abuser can get through. And that's
when you actually need to take control of your mind.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
And sometimes someone else has to.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
They have to tell you what steps to do so
your mind doesn't play tricks on you, because your mind
only knows the abuse that you've suffered for knows how long,
so many years, and undoing that takes intentional, methodical steps
on a daily basis, and these steps that we're talking about,
we do them to this day every day.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I mean, he's been out of it fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I've been out of it twelve years, and we do
these steps every day because it keeps us focused, it
lets us, I mean, we can express ourselves better to
each other.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
It's it's like any type of abuse that you suffer
in life. You have to you have to recover from
it properly. But that recovery just doesn't end. It continues
through your life pretty much and then you move past
it where it's not such a huge part of your life,
but you have to you have to be working on
your recovery every day.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
It's just a life person or an opportunity to learn
from and.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Happiness is possible.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I mean, we're we're living proof because when you're healed,
then you understand what you're looking for.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
I mean, we all fail for.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Those red flags, but when you are a whole person,
you know.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
You know what, I'm going to trust somebody's actions instead
of their words. We all trust it.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
The words and the actions were completely different, and we
made excuses for it. Once you have healed and you
feel really good about yourself and you're no longer the
shallow the person you are, you are strong enough to
recognize that you're strong enough to know what you want right,
you know, So we've got we've got tons of resources.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Well, okay, let's talk about the podcast here. Let's let's
make sure we talk about that real quick. Now. You
heard at the top of the show Melissa said, this
is episode one. We hope you enjoyed this episode. We
really really do. And every week we're going to put
up a new podcast where we can spend a lot
of time diving down into topics, answering questions, and really
(21:22):
talking about solutions and ways to build back your life
to the way it was before you met your abuser.
That's what the goal is for this podcast. That's why
we call it Warrior Talk because we want everyone to
have one of these shirts eventually or should be a warrior.
So in the comments, would you please just put what
(21:43):
you thought about this podcast what we could do differently.
We really want your import because this is for you.
Melissa and I are here for you, so this is
for you. Also, we'd love for you to participate in
our upcoming podcast, So please send us your questions to
questions at the v twow dot com and we can
(22:03):
put that in the description below to so that you
can have that. Please do us a favor and like
this podcast so that the algorithms push it out to
more people to channel and subscribe to that channel. We
are trying to grow our YouTube channel. We're so excited
about it because it allows us to put this content
out for you and that you can watch it at
(22:24):
whenever you want to watch it, and so that's what
we're so excited about with this.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
So and make sure you're following us on our other
social media channels. We post content every single day and
there are a lot of videos that we've done where
we're actually re enacting the abuse that we went through,
but most of that time actually hits home for people
like we talked about, when they actually visually see what
the abuse looks like.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
It's amazing how many people respond to go, oh my gosh,
how do you see in my house exactly. That's exactly
what my exers or that's exactly what my abuser does.
So yeah, we hear that all the time, and that
needs a lot to us because we feel like we're
getting the point across. So TikTok, Facebook, any of those
places you can find us, and again especially here on
(23:10):
on YouTube, we're going to be putting uh information up
all the time for you. And so we're just so
grateful that you were here today and we like to
close up every one of our lives. We're here for
you no matter what you need. Please send us, you know,
put put your comments in there, let us.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Know because you want you want us to cover because
we'll cover anything and everything and our and our ability
to just bring that, you know, the resources to you
and to guide you through that the healing process and
recovery on the other side.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
That's why we call it Victim to Warrior. We want
you to go from being a victim to a warrior
and we want to be with you every step of
the way.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Absolutely, So thank you guys for tuning in and we
hope to see you on episode two.
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