December 22, 2021 • 35 mins
The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
At the end of a year, I typically like to share some journal prompts for you to write and reflect on. But I realized we hadn’t ever actually talked about why journaling can be so helpful and how you can get started. So we’re gonna dig into that today. Joining me for this conversation is Olivia F. Scott. Olivia and I chatted about what journaling can unlock in our lives, how to get started with a journaling practice, and she shares a beautiful journaling exercise for you to wrap up 2021 and usher in 2022.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
H okay, Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,
a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all
the small decisions we can make to become the best
(00:21):
possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy hard
and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more
information or to find a therapist in your area, visit
our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While
I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast,
(00:42):
it is not meant to be a substitute for a
relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks
so much for joining me for session to thirty nine
of the Therapy for Like Girls Podcast. We'll get right
into the episode after a word from our sponsors. At
(01:13):
the end of a year, I typically like to share
some journal problems for you to write and reflect on,
but I realized we hadn't ever actually talked about why
journaling can be so helpful and how you can get started.
So we're gonna dig into this today. Joining me for
this conversation is Olivia F. Scott. Olivia is the founder
and principal consultant of Emerged Alliances and Integrated marketing communications consultancy.
(01:38):
She also creates community and workplace wellness experiences via her
freedom at the Mad Benefit Corporation. Olivia and I chatted
about what journaling can unlock in our lives, how to
get started with the journaling practice, and she shares a
beautiful journaling exercise for you to wrap up and prepare
for twenties twenty two. If there's something that resis the
(02:00):
nce with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with
us on social media using the hashtag TBG in session.
Here's our conversation. Thank you so much for joining me today, Olivia,
Thank you so much for having me. You know how
much of a fan I am of yours and a
(02:20):
therapy for black girls, So I'm grateful to be here, sincerely.
You know, I think we talk a lot here on
the podcast and just generally, and I know you use
your platform to talk about the importance of journaling. So
can you talk to us and give us a definition
of what we mean when we say journaling. I am
going to be broad with that because I like to
(02:41):
give us grace. I think if we say that journaling
is only this, then people in general they're not going
to do it right. If we say journaling is you
have to write something down, it's got to be five
cent and thig on the right hand page every day
when you go to bedtime. I like to say that
yarnling is just chronicling my thoughts. I find that I
(03:05):
have different journals and different rooms and in my purses.
I have them everywhere, and when I have a feeling
that comes to me, I make sure I get it out.
And so I have found that there is so much
release when there's something that's heavy on my spirit dr
joy and it's something that I'm wrestling with. I haven't
(03:28):
quite been able to get it to a friend. I
don't want to gossip about it. Perhaps it's an unformed
opinion around something, but it's a feeling that I have.
Then I will just write it out. And I've been
doing that a lot lately, where I be two sentences
and it'll be like this happened, and this made me
(03:48):
feel this way. I am not happy. This hurts. It
hurts when I think about how this went down and
I just leave it there. There's no resolution. Now. There
are sometimes times journaling is a bit more formal. When
I go on a trip, we go on vacations, and
we may be journaling every single day, but I would
(04:10):
never want to restrict us to it having to be
that consistent and in a certain format. And we don't
simply have the ability to do that every single day.
When you're saying, like, I have a different journal in
lots of different places, right, it doesn't have to be
for more structured. What are some of the benefits of journaling.
I think there is a benefit to us connecting with
(04:36):
our inner divide our spirit, and our spirit is telling
us every day there are thoughts and our feelings how
to conduct our lives. I really believe that. And so
if there's something that's on your spirit or your heart
or your mind and you get it out, you're able
to first of all, release it, look at it, acknowledge
(04:59):
it it, and then make a decision about how you
want to move forward. And it holds you accountable to
dr joy. If you have written something down in your handwriting,
it's like, this is how I'm feeling right now. Now.
What we know is feelings changed, right, so it may
change the next day, but this is what I'm feeling
right now. This doesn't feel really good to me. And
(05:20):
you can come back to it a couple of days later,
when something else perhaps happened to be like, that's what
I was thinking. I was thinking that, And I have
a really great example. I was married, wonderful X husband,
wonderful still friend of this day. But I'd had some
reservations before we married, and I was joggling really deep
at that time. And that was that we got married
(05:43):
when we moved from our apartment. Ever told the story before.
When we moved from our apartment in Harlem, New Jersey,
I went back after the movers had cleared out our
apartment and I just want to make sure they had everything.
And there was one thing that they had left behind
the floor in our bedroom, and that was one of
my journals. I flipped through this journal and I'm found
(06:07):
all of my entries where I had been questioning should
I get married? Is this the right time? Is this
the right partner? It was all this stuff in this journal,
and I sat on the floor and I wept. I
was like, you actually are not crazy. You were actually
questioning this way before, and here you are, the trail
(06:32):
of tears, moving from Parlow to Newark, trying to make
this thing better. But you were questioning it so for
me to answer your question directly, that journaling process allows
me to connect for a moment with my spirits, connect
with my thoughts. My thoughts are mine. I don't have
to listen anybody else. This is between me, myself and
(06:55):
my God. And this is how I'm feeling. And I
want to honor myself by writing these few words about
what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling. And I will
be able to hold myself accountable by coming back to
this over time. If I keep having the same thought
over and over again, am I going to do something
about it? And if that thought is haunting me? So
(07:16):
to me, that's the benefit of journaling is just getting
it out and having a reckoning with it. I find
that journaling is an effective way of being able to
just connect. You're pausing, you're connected with your spirit and saying, okay,
this is this is where I am right now, and
then that is therapeutic as well. Yeah, I think it's
really cool, especially if you are somebody who has journaled
(07:38):
across time, to look at the different patterns that might
come up in your life at like certain times of
the year or maybe around your birthday. Like I just
think it's interesting to kind of take a historical look
at like where you've come through journaling, because I think
that just can be so telling. Absolutely, absolutely, yeah. I
keep my journals now I'm kind of afraid to open
(07:59):
them because of what because if it's something that I
had talked about doing or being. And I'm sometimes I'm
upset with myself because I often do New Year's journaling,
and I journal, this is what happened, this is what
I want to become, this is what I want to do, whatever,
(08:20):
and then you come back to what a year later
and it's the same things. It's like, girl, wait, what
is you really doing? What are you really doing with
your life? And so I've seen that where I know,
for years I had patience at the top of my
list for areas in which I wanted to be better,
and then I had I wanted to lose fifteen pounds,
(08:43):
still never lost them. There was the same things that
were there that showed up time and time again. So
I gotta say, I think that there is something around
journaling and commitment to accountability too, because you can journal
all day long, but what's the objective of your journal
(09:05):
The objective of your journaling personally might just be too right,
but it might not be to actually affect change in
your life, and that's okay too. So I think that
for every person we have to make a decision around
what the objective is of our journal. That could just
be the right and just to kind of have some
me time, you know. Ali way, you bring up a
(09:27):
really good point, because I think I've heard from sisters
that there's this hesitation around journaling for some of the
same stuff that you said, right, like if I write
it down it makes it really real, or looking back
through old journals and then feeling super judgmental about ourselves
for like what we haven't done. Can you share some
tips about how to approach this with grace so that
(09:48):
you don't find yourself at the end of a year
feeling super negative about all the things you haven't done. Absolutely,
Oh my god, don't let the fact that what you
say today it's going to impact you tomorrow. Don't let
that stop you. Still right, because the writing process is
a part of your therapy to become a better you.
(10:09):
So I want us all to journal. That's number one.
Number two I would say this, I firmly believe that
we all have a primary role in creating the lives
that we lead, and with effort, we can recreate those lives.
(10:30):
So if you see something over and over in your journal,
Dr Joy, year after year, month after month, you're still
upset about something that happened, and you keep talking about
it over and over again, you have the power in
your life to resolve it. You don't have to keep
(10:51):
talking about it without any resolution to it, like a
merry go round. I would say, empower yourself to create
the resolution that you need to have so that you're
not having that same issue or those same feelings. But
that's why I'm telling you, if I write it down
all my other times of what you hide from writing
in my journal, Dr Joy, there are times right when
(11:14):
I'm like, I'm so overwhelmed by it. I'm just carrying
it like a weight in my heart, in my body.
I'm carrying these emotions and that's not good. That journal
becomes a heavy load barrier. If you will they help
me carry this load and getting it off my plate,
and then at a certain point I will make a
decision on if and how I'm going to do something
(11:34):
to resolve it. More from my conversation with Olivia after
the break. Yeah, because, like you said, the journal could
just be that you write it to get it down.
There isn't anything that says you have to go back
to the journal and do something with it. It could
(11:55):
be that you just left it there. That's it. And
I'm all about being free. That's my whole objective is
supposed to live freer lives. I don't like to tell
people this is what it is, this is what journaling is,
this is what you have to do. So you know,
you don't have to make journaling and exercise towards resolution,
even if you don't set out for it to be
(12:16):
about resolution. I don't foresee from my life experience journaling
that you're going to journal on an ongoing basis and
not have some desire to make a change. Yeah, it's
gonna come naturally and organically right, not to joy right,
because that level of introspection and sharing your thoughts, like
(12:37):
you said, like naturally, you're going to probably want to
go back to it and like figure out, like, Okay,
what's going on here. I think it's really cool sometimes
when clients will bring their journals into therapy, it can
also be a great tool to like further or open
up conversations with your therapist. If you notice that there
are things that you keep coming back to and you
want to bring journal pages to your session, that's completely
(12:59):
welcome and and be a really great way to move
therapy forward. So for people who are wanting to maybe
get started with a practice, even though it doesn't have
to look one way, what are some suggestions you would
have for how we can maybe start developing a journaling practice.
If you're never journaled and you don't know where to start,
looking at a blank page just like as foreign as Greek,
that would invite me to find a guided journal that's
(13:21):
number one. Number two. For those of you who either
don't want to guide a journal or who you have
a relatively somewhat established practice, I invite you to make
a commitment, a small commitment, to some journaling time. And
I would start off in a very realistic, conservative manner
of once a week, and I would like us to
(13:43):
make it into a journaling ritual dr Joy, where it
could be every Thursday night at seven pm, I'm gonna write,
and I'm gonna have my model of wine, I'm gonna
have my candle it and I'm just gonna write. I
would invite you if you need to, like many people
who struggle with vation, like myself, where you set a
timer that goes on to put the phone and do
(14:05):
not disturb. It's a sacred ritual where you begin that way,
and then over time you'll begin to really look forward
to that introspection and to that pausing in your life,
and then you may decide that you want to do
it more frequently. But I think journaling ritual is something
that can be quite beautiful and serves two purposes of
(14:26):
you pausing, creating some self care and self love for yourself,
as well as you're getting some thoughts and emotions and
feelings out on paper. I love it. Do you have
some prompts for people to get started with? Maybe this
weekly journaling ritual will that might be helpful? So, dor Joy,
I do have a guided journal and Freedom at the mat.
(14:50):
So I have one that breaks down three different areas,
and I'm happy to share some of those areas. Now
we've got Soul, Mind and Buy And if you get
to a blank page and you're like, where do I start.
Some of the prompts that I have in the journal
support connecting with your inner voice. One of them in
(15:12):
particular is what is something your inner voice continues to
tell you to do? Is there a recurring thought that
your inner voice is saying not to joy? Need to
do this? Giving yourself that space to write and connect
with your inner voice. Other things I would talk about
our do talk about are connecting with your thoughts. Is
(15:36):
there a predominant thought that continues to come to you
on a regular basis that you haven't done something with
I invite people to really connect with themselves and they
have a particular prompt where I say name three words
you would use to describe yourself and from that it
(15:58):
would flow. Are you then, when we talk about relationships,
is there someone in your life that you just absolutely
positively love. Name five people that bring you joy? Who
are those five people? Why do they bring you joy?
And furthermore, how can you fold them more into your life?
(16:23):
It could be a best friend that lives somewhere else.
Can you go visit them more? Can you commit to
being a part of their lives more? Is it someone
that you can maybe make a phone call too? Because
what I know and you probably do as well, is
that we're all spiritual beings having a human experience that
our lives are all really made better by being around
(16:47):
people that we love. It's not the things that make
life go around, it's the people that make life go around.
And so really connecting with Okay, you know what I'm
feeling some kind of way, but I should call Lisa.
So writing that on your journal like really connecting with
your soul. What's your soul needs? And a lot of
what I try to do when I'm writing is really
(17:08):
connecting with my soul. Dr Joy. Not connecting so much
with things that I do for work, but how i
feel like this thing happened today and I'm so happy
that this happened, this made me feel so good, or
this thing happened, and I feel horrible that I did
(17:32):
that to that person. I am going to go back
and apologize to that, right. So it's I try to
spend a lot of time with my feelings, how I'm
feeling today and what it is I'm wanting in my
life to be different and how I can be a
better person. And then the last one that I will share,
which is in our better journal, but I just offered
everybody is body. So how is your body feeling? We
(17:57):
go through life every day to get up gotta ben
go to work, blah blah. But I'm really paying attention
to our bodies. How is the activity of our arms,
our legs, our feet, our thighs, our hips are abdinant,
our backs, our neck, how we're feeling and just doing
(18:19):
a body scans and checking in with how our overall
help is and how we feel about our body. You know,
our body and our physicality is what encounters with the
world every single day. How do you feel about your body,
which is one of my problems. How do you feel
a scale one to tend? How much do you love
your body? Do you honor your body for what your
(18:40):
body offers to the world in the sense of what
it allows you to do. So those are just some
of the prompts that I would offer. Thank you for those.
Those are an excellent story. So you mentioned a little
earlier that you like to do some New Year's journaling,
and I think that that's typically how we wrap up
the year here. Therapy for black girls too is that
I will typically offer some journal problems for just reflect
(19:00):
on the year. But I think that can feel very
grand right when you think about the previous twelve months,
especially in a year like this year. When there's been
so much like chaos. What kind of suggestions do you have? Are?
Where can we even get started in reflecting on the
year that has been well? Dr Joy? Will you allow
me to take us through a little journal exercise? Of course,
(19:22):
because I would look okay, so everybody listening, Hey, so
go ahead find a journal. If you don't have one
in your hands, go get a journal, could be a
notebook and a pencil or a pet and just find
yourself right now clearing your thoughts. Plus do some very
(19:44):
simple inhaling and exhale and very simple inhal exhale in
hell exhale honoring twenty one because we have made it
through yet another year. These last two years have been
absolutely positively insane, and they have threatened to take many
(20:10):
of us out, and they've taken many of us out.
So the prompts I have for us are Number one,
can you name one experience that truly brought you joy
this year? What is something that happened? And I want
(20:31):
you to think about it. And if you don't think
about it now and you want to come back to it,
that's fine too. But when you look back through January
February March April May, June, July, August, September, October, November,
and now December. What is an experience that brought joy?
Why did it bring you joy? How did it make
(20:53):
you feel inside? Next, I want you to name and
experiences that might have brought you some setness, something that
you had to confront or face. It could have been
a loss of some kind that you had to go through.
(21:13):
Because life is about the joy and the pain, so
acknowledging both of those, and then I should think about
the joy and the pain of your acknowledging. Perhaps with
your eyes closed, perhaps with an open, But there is
treasure that lies in both the joy and the pain.
(21:37):
I invite you to look at your life as it
stands right now, the day in which you're listening to
this particular podcast, and ask yourself, are you happy with
the life that you are leading? There's no judgment on
(22:00):
that answer. Don't judge yourself, but just ask yourself. If
you want to rank yourself and do a one to ten, fine,
but are you happy? And then if you are less
than a ten, ask yourself, are there little barriers that
(22:22):
exists to you pursuing or creating the life that you
really want? Knowing that each of us we are creative
being who were created out of creation. So if there
is something that you want to become, something you want
(22:47):
to be in this light, trusting that each of us
was created on purpose and with a purpose that if
there is a gap between where you are right now
and you're total happiness, that you can create your happiness.
That does not mean it's going to be without work.
(23:09):
You might have to make some bold rules. We have
to move fear out of the way, but thinking about
what stands between your happiness and your best life. And
as we close this particular exercise, I invite us to
(23:29):
inhale and exhale as we close, inhaling what is and
exhaling what can be. So I always do right four
to four breathing. So just inhaling one two three four
for what is holding for two exhaling four three two
(23:55):
one for what will be? That is my via journal exercise,
and I invite you all to really take the lives
and we have been given by our creator. Seriously, what
is it that you need to do to live the
life that you were created to? Laugh? Thank you so
(24:15):
much for them, Olivia, What a beautiful exercise I think
can be a great way to close out what has
been Thank you for sharing it. More from my conversation
with Olivia after the break. So, another thing that you
(24:38):
talked a lot about on your channel is the use
of affirmations, and I think that is also something that
more people are using as a part of their like
self care routines and like really taking care of themselves.
Can you say a little bit more about what affirmations
are and like when we need to use them? Absolutely,
If you look at the etymology of the word ask
too from Latin and firm firm so to firm, it's
(25:03):
when you need to acknowledge something in your life. And
I find that we need to speak affirmations over our lives,
Dr Joy. We need to define who we are and
what we want because we have an entire world that
is happy to tell us who to be, how to be,
(25:27):
where to go, how to dress, what dress, sides, which
you have, what man we should have, what kind of house,
what kind of car. But affirmations for us can cement
this is what we're doing today. I will be strong today,
I will not have fear, I will live my best life.
(25:50):
I will honor my body. So I love just being
like Okay, all this craziest is happening around me, But
let me tell mean what I will and will not do,
and it allows me to stand as a woman of character,
a woman of integrity. We've all heard that saying that
(26:12):
people who stand for nothing will fall or nothing, And
I think there's nothing better to stand for than standing
for who I am and what I want in my
life and what I will and will not do, what
I will and will not allow in my life. So, Olivia,
how do we take care not to dip into toxic
(26:36):
positivity with affirmations? Because I feel like there's like a
fine line. Who when I think about toxic positivity, I'm
thinking about these things that we tell people like everything
will be fine, are like there's a reason for this storm,
things that kind of separates you from actually feeling the
(26:56):
pain maybe of an experience, which is necessary, right we
already talked about like joy in the pain that exists
because we're human. I mean, sometimes I feel like you
have to be careful with affirmations because sometimes they go
too far in pushing you from experiencing the reality of
a situation. It's so interesting because I actually purchased the
set of affirmation cards and a few of them. I'm like,
(27:16):
this is crazy. I'm not saying this right, It's like,
I'm absolutely not saying this. I think your affirmations need
to come from your spirit. It's something that is resolute
and divine. If you ask me, based on your life experience,
(27:41):
it's gotta be grooted in truth, your truth. So as
you're looking for affirmations, I actually invite us to look within.
I invite us for everything, to not do so much
of looking without, but more within. What are things you
need to affirm or yourself? That's where all of my
(28:02):
affirmations come from. They come from my life experience and
knowing what it felt like to have experienced a certain
things that likely was negative and saying I will not
allow myself to be used. I will not enter into
(28:23):
a relationship in which I am not honored and cherished.
You know what I mean. It's like what I will
and will not do based on my life experience. So
to me, that's where I believe they should come from.
It's from your spirit. And to your point, I think
a lot of people sometimes get turned off by words
(28:45):
of affirmation and like using affirmations because it does feel
kind of cheesy, But I think a lot of times
that cheesiness comes because we're trying to borrow other people's
words right as opposed to what we really feel like.
We need affirm for ourselves that really only we can
give us without to joy to that period right there.
That's it, That's what I've created myself. And if you
(29:05):
want to say them, I use your own words with
drive by people to do on my childel that this
is what I'm saying, but say it in your own way.
Got it? So you've already offered us a beautiful journal
exercise for how to close out? Are there additional journal
prompts that you would offer for how to usher? In
twenty twenty two? I would invite us to ask ourselves,
(29:28):
and it's similar to one of the things I said,
but what are you doing here on earth? And that's braun?
But I believe a lot of us get disconnected with
our purpose living in this life. There are things that
(29:50):
happened between us being a hopeful five year old little
girl and a year old person. And I invite us
to ask ourselves what are we really doing with our time?
What are we dealing with our resources? And is there
(30:11):
something different that we want to be doing, because for me,
it continues to come back to another being redundant, this
part of it living our best, most free lives ever.
So I think in that I would invite us to
do an inventory of our relationships, the company we keep
(30:32):
dr joy. Are there some new people that we want
to invite our lives. I would definitely write that down.
For me. I remember about three years ago writing down
that I wanted to expand my circle, that I wanted
to connect with more entrepreneurial woman And I just wrote
(30:53):
it down as something that I wanted. And after writing
it down and how into my awareness that it was
something that I really wanted to attract in my life.
And then when various people began to show up and
engage me who were entrepreneurial women, I was like, this
is what I was writing about several years ago. So
(31:16):
I just invite us to to lean into writing things
that are on our spirit about things we want to
attract in our lives. In every area. Career relationship, even
if you're married, there you can we can always have
a better relationship. So career relationships, being a parent, if
(31:40):
you are a businesswoman, if you are a chourch leader.
If you're a civic leader, they're always aerients on which
we can improve ourselves. Thank you for it. So the
other space that many of us are in right now is, Okay,
what do we give to the people we love in
our lives? And so I feel like you've given us
this beautiful gift to talk about, like journaling and affirmation.
But for people well in our lives who maybe are
(32:01):
into this, or if we think this would be a
great practice for them to adopt. Do you have favorite
like journals or brands that you really love that you
think we should have our eye on. Michaels have in
their arts and crafts section. They got sketch books, and
they've got some journals. I got some free form sketch
pads that are bound that I used from our journals.
(32:23):
From Michaels, I get a lot of gifts that are
just blunt journals, and I know they get them from
Marshals at Home Goods and all that stuff there, and
I think those work just fun. This does not have
to be This is not golf or even pilates or
yoga where this has to be an expensive venture. Right,
we can go to Marshalls and Home goods and dar
anywhere you go and just get you and let me
tell you something. There have been times when I have
(32:47):
been traveling and very very rarely though, when I don't
have a journal with me, where I would just have
to get a note pan from the hotel or just
a regular three way binder. Like the whole writing process,
you know, I don't want it to be any barriers
to it. Dr Joy whatever you can get your hands
(33:07):
on the write and get it out, do it. So, Olivia,
tell us where we can stay connected with you if
you would like to share your website as well as
any social media handles that you'd like to share. Absolutely so,
Freedom at the Matt dot com. It's going to be
the point of entry for where our videos from YouTube.
Our house. We do have a YouTube channel. I invite
(33:29):
everybody please to subscribe. It's free and we offer affirmations, meditations,
my influenced exercises, anti yoga and the whole premise with
Freedom at the mattus to make one successible to everyone globally.
But also most importantly, we know that it is hard
for us to prioritize me time. So our content we
(33:51):
promised all between two minutes and thirty minutes. So Freedom
at the Matt dot com is what I would love
for you. I'll just spend some time and then subscribe
to our channel on YouTube. Now, of course we're on
Instagram and Facebook, but the core is really the YouTube content.
That's really where the course. But we are also Instagram
(34:13):
Freedom at the Man dot com as Wallace, Facebook frem perfect,
but we would be sure as to include all of
that in our show notes. Thank you so much forward
sharing with us today, Olivia. Beautiful conversation as well as
the journal exercise. Thank you so much, and again, I'm
so grateful to you for what you created. And I
honor every single woman in the world, and I hope
(34:35):
that together we support each other in becoming the best
most free women possible, mentally free, emotionally free, socially free,
so that we can really live life in the way
it was intended for us to live. Indeed, thank you
for that. I'm so glad Olivia was able to share
her expertise with us today. To learn more about her work,
(34:57):
or to check out her YouTube page with other great exercises,
visit the show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot Com.
Slash Session to thirty nine, and don't forget to text
two of your girls right now and tell them to
check out the episode as well. If you're looking for
a therapist in your area, be sure to check out
our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com
(35:17):
slash directory. And if you want to continue digging into
this topic or just be in community with other sisters,
come on over and join us in the Sister Circle.
It's our cozy corner of the Internet designed just for
black women. You can join us at community that Therapy
for Black Girls dot com. Thank you all so much
for joining me again this week. I look forward to
continue in this conversation with you all real soon. Take
(35:40):
good care,
H okay, Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,
a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all
the small decisions we can make to become the best
(00:21):
possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy hard
and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more
information or to find a therapist in your area, visit
our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While
I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast,
(00:42):
it is not meant to be a substitute for a
relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks
so much for joining me for session to thirty nine
of the Therapy for Like Girls Podcast. We'll get right
into the episode after a word from our sponsors. At
(01:13):
the end of a year, I typically like to share
some journal problems for you to write and reflect on,
but I realized we hadn't ever actually talked about why
journaling can be so helpful and how you can get started.
So we're gonna dig into this today. Joining me for
this conversation is Olivia F. Scott. Olivia is the founder
and principal consultant of Emerged Alliances and Integrated marketing communications consultancy.
(01:38):
She also creates community and workplace wellness experiences via her
freedom at the Mad Benefit Corporation. Olivia and I chatted
about what journaling can unlock in our lives, how to
get started with the journaling practice, and she shares a
beautiful journaling exercise for you to wrap up and prepare
for twenties twenty two. If there's something that resis the
(02:00):
nce with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with
us on social media using the hashtag TBG in session.
Here's our conversation. Thank you so much for joining me today, Olivia,
Thank you so much for having me. You know how
much of a fan I am of yours and a
(02:20):
therapy for black girls, So I'm grateful to be here, sincerely.
You know, I think we talk a lot here on
the podcast and just generally, and I know you use
your platform to talk about the importance of journaling. So
can you talk to us and give us a definition
of what we mean when we say journaling. I am
going to be broad with that because I like to
(02:41):
give us grace. I think if we say that journaling
is only this, then people in general they're not going
to do it right. If we say journaling is you
have to write something down, it's got to be five
cent and thig on the right hand page every day
when you go to bedtime. I like to say that
yarnling is just chronicling my thoughts. I find that I
(03:05):
have different journals and different rooms and in my purses.
I have them everywhere, and when I have a feeling
that comes to me, I make sure I get it out.
And so I have found that there is so much
release when there's something that's heavy on my spirit dr
joy and it's something that I'm wrestling with. I haven't
(03:28):
quite been able to get it to a friend. I
don't want to gossip about it. Perhaps it's an unformed
opinion around something, but it's a feeling that I have.
Then I will just write it out. And I've been
doing that a lot lately, where I be two sentences
and it'll be like this happened, and this made me
(03:48):
feel this way. I am not happy. This hurts. It
hurts when I think about how this went down and
I just leave it there. There's no resolution. Now. There
are sometimes times journaling is a bit more formal. When
I go on a trip, we go on vacations, and
we may be journaling every single day, but I would
(04:10):
never want to restrict us to it having to be
that consistent and in a certain format. And we don't
simply have the ability to do that every single day.
When you're saying, like, I have a different journal in
lots of different places, right, it doesn't have to be
for more structured. What are some of the benefits of journaling.
I think there is a benefit to us connecting with
(04:36):
our inner divide our spirit, and our spirit is telling
us every day there are thoughts and our feelings how
to conduct our lives. I really believe that. And so
if there's something that's on your spirit or your heart
or your mind and you get it out, you're able
to first of all, release it, look at it, acknowledge
(04:59):
it it, and then make a decision about how you
want to move forward. And it holds you accountable to
dr joy. If you have written something down in your handwriting,
it's like, this is how I'm feeling right now. Now.
What we know is feelings changed, right, so it may
change the next day, but this is what I'm feeling
right now. This doesn't feel really good to me. And
(05:20):
you can come back to it a couple of days later,
when something else perhaps happened to be like, that's what
I was thinking. I was thinking that, And I have
a really great example. I was married, wonderful X husband,
wonderful still friend of this day. But I'd had some
reservations before we married, and I was joggling really deep
at that time. And that was that we got married
(05:43):
when we moved from our apartment. Ever told the story before.
When we moved from our apartment in Harlem, New Jersey,
I went back after the movers had cleared out our
apartment and I just want to make sure they had everything.
And there was one thing that they had left behind
the floor in our bedroom, and that was one of
my journals. I flipped through this journal and I'm found
(06:07):
all of my entries where I had been questioning should
I get married? Is this the right time? Is this
the right partner? It was all this stuff in this journal,
and I sat on the floor and I wept. I
was like, you actually are not crazy. You were actually
questioning this way before, and here you are, the trail
(06:32):
of tears, moving from Parlow to Newark, trying to make
this thing better. But you were questioning it so for
me to answer your question directly, that journaling process allows
me to connect for a moment with my spirits, connect
with my thoughts. My thoughts are mine. I don't have
to listen anybody else. This is between me, myself and
(06:55):
my God. And this is how I'm feeling. And I
want to honor myself by writing these few words about
what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling. And I will
be able to hold myself accountable by coming back to
this over time. If I keep having the same thought
over and over again, am I going to do something
about it? And if that thought is haunting me? So
(07:16):
to me, that's the benefit of journaling is just getting
it out and having a reckoning with it. I find
that journaling is an effective way of being able to
just connect. You're pausing, you're connected with your spirit and saying, okay,
this is this is where I am right now, and
then that is therapeutic as well. Yeah, I think it's
really cool, especially if you are somebody who has journaled
(07:38):
across time, to look at the different patterns that might
come up in your life at like certain times of
the year or maybe around your birthday. Like I just
think it's interesting to kind of take a historical look
at like where you've come through journaling, because I think
that just can be so telling. Absolutely, absolutely, yeah. I
keep my journals now I'm kind of afraid to open
(07:59):
them because of what because if it's something that I
had talked about doing or being. And I'm sometimes I'm
upset with myself because I often do New Year's journaling,
and I journal, this is what happened, this is what
I want to become, this is what I want to do, whatever,
(08:20):
and then you come back to what a year later
and it's the same things. It's like, girl, wait, what
is you really doing? What are you really doing with
your life? And so I've seen that where I know,
for years I had patience at the top of my
list for areas in which I wanted to be better,
and then I had I wanted to lose fifteen pounds,
(08:43):
still never lost them. There was the same things that
were there that showed up time and time again. So
I gotta say, I think that there is something around
journaling and commitment to accountability too, because you can journal
all day long, but what's the objective of your journal
(09:05):
The objective of your journaling personally might just be too right,
but it might not be to actually affect change in
your life, and that's okay too. So I think that
for every person we have to make a decision around
what the objective is of our journal. That could just
be the right and just to kind of have some
me time, you know. Ali way, you bring up a
(09:27):
really good point, because I think I've heard from sisters
that there's this hesitation around journaling for some of the
same stuff that you said, right, like if I write
it down it makes it really real, or looking back
through old journals and then feeling super judgmental about ourselves
for like what we haven't done. Can you share some
tips about how to approach this with grace so that
(09:48):
you don't find yourself at the end of a year
feeling super negative about all the things you haven't done. Absolutely,
Oh my god, don't let the fact that what you
say today it's going to impact you tomorrow. Don't let
that stop you. Still right, because the writing process is
a part of your therapy to become a better you.
(10:09):
So I want us all to journal. That's number one.
Number two I would say this, I firmly believe that
we all have a primary role in creating the lives
that we lead, and with effort, we can recreate those lives.
(10:30):
So if you see something over and over in your journal,
Dr Joy, year after year, month after month, you're still
upset about something that happened, and you keep talking about
it over and over again, you have the power in
your life to resolve it. You don't have to keep
(10:51):
talking about it without any resolution to it, like a
merry go round. I would say, empower yourself to create
the resolution that you need to have so that you're
not having that same issue or those same feelings. But
that's why I'm telling you, if I write it down
all my other times of what you hide from writing
in my journal, Dr Joy, there are times right when
(11:14):
I'm like, I'm so overwhelmed by it. I'm just carrying
it like a weight in my heart, in my body.
I'm carrying these emotions and that's not good. That journal
becomes a heavy load barrier. If you will they help
me carry this load and getting it off my plate,
and then at a certain point I will make a
decision on if and how I'm going to do something
(11:34):
to resolve it. More from my conversation with Olivia after
the break. Yeah, because, like you said, the journal could
just be that you write it to get it down.
There isn't anything that says you have to go back
to the journal and do something with it. It could
(11:55):
be that you just left it there. That's it. And
I'm all about being free. That's my whole objective is
supposed to live freer lives. I don't like to tell
people this is what it is, this is what journaling is,
this is what you have to do. So you know,
you don't have to make journaling and exercise towards resolution,
even if you don't set out for it to be
(12:16):
about resolution. I don't foresee from my life experience journaling
that you're going to journal on an ongoing basis and
not have some desire to make a change. Yeah, it's
gonna come naturally and organically right, not to joy right,
because that level of introspection and sharing your thoughts, like
(12:37):
you said, like naturally, you're going to probably want to
go back to it and like figure out, like, Okay,
what's going on here. I think it's really cool sometimes
when clients will bring their journals into therapy, it can
also be a great tool to like further or open
up conversations with your therapist. If you notice that there
are things that you keep coming back to and you
want to bring journal pages to your session, that's completely
(12:59):
welcome and and be a really great way to move
therapy forward. So for people who are wanting to maybe
get started with a practice, even though it doesn't have
to look one way, what are some suggestions you would
have for how we can maybe start developing a journaling practice.
If you're never journaled and you don't know where to start,
looking at a blank page just like as foreign as Greek,
that would invite me to find a guided journal that's
(13:21):
number one. Number two. For those of you who either
don't want to guide a journal or who you have
a relatively somewhat established practice, I invite you to make
a commitment, a small commitment, to some journaling time. And
I would start off in a very realistic, conservative manner
of once a week, and I would like us to
(13:43):
make it into a journaling ritual dr Joy, where it
could be every Thursday night at seven pm, I'm gonna write,
and I'm gonna have my model of wine, I'm gonna
have my candle it and I'm just gonna write. I
would invite you if you need to, like many people
who struggle with vation, like myself, where you set a
timer that goes on to put the phone and do
(14:05):
not disturb. It's a sacred ritual where you begin that way,
and then over time you'll begin to really look forward
to that introspection and to that pausing in your life,
and then you may decide that you want to do
it more frequently. But I think journaling ritual is something
that can be quite beautiful and serves two purposes of
(14:26):
you pausing, creating some self care and self love for yourself,
as well as you're getting some thoughts and emotions and
feelings out on paper. I love it. Do you have
some prompts for people to get started with? Maybe this
weekly journaling ritual will that might be helpful? So, dor Joy,
I do have a guided journal and Freedom at the mat.
(14:50):
So I have one that breaks down three different areas,
and I'm happy to share some of those areas. Now
we've got Soul, Mind and Buy And if you get
to a blank page and you're like, where do I start.
Some of the prompts that I have in the journal
support connecting with your inner voice. One of them in
(15:12):
particular is what is something your inner voice continues to
tell you to do? Is there a recurring thought that
your inner voice is saying not to joy? Need to
do this? Giving yourself that space to write and connect
with your inner voice. Other things I would talk about
our do talk about are connecting with your thoughts. Is
(15:36):
there a predominant thought that continues to come to you
on a regular basis that you haven't done something with
I invite people to really connect with themselves and they
have a particular prompt where I say name three words
you would use to describe yourself and from that it
(15:58):
would flow. Are you then, when we talk about relationships,
is there someone in your life that you just absolutely
positively love. Name five people that bring you joy? Who
are those five people? Why do they bring you joy?
And furthermore, how can you fold them more into your life?
(16:23):
It could be a best friend that lives somewhere else.
Can you go visit them more? Can you commit to
being a part of their lives more? Is it someone
that you can maybe make a phone call too? Because
what I know and you probably do as well, is
that we're all spiritual beings having a human experience that
our lives are all really made better by being around
(16:47):
people that we love. It's not the things that make
life go around, it's the people that make life go around.
And so really connecting with Okay, you know what I'm
feeling some kind of way, but I should call Lisa.
So writing that on your journal like really connecting with
your soul. What's your soul needs? And a lot of
what I try to do when I'm writing is really
(17:08):
connecting with my soul. Dr Joy. Not connecting so much
with things that I do for work, but how i
feel like this thing happened today and I'm so happy
that this happened, this made me feel so good, or
this thing happened, and I feel horrible that I did
(17:32):
that to that person. I am going to go back
and apologize to that, right. So it's I try to
spend a lot of time with my feelings, how I'm
feeling today and what it is I'm wanting in my
life to be different and how I can be a
better person. And then the last one that I will share,
which is in our better journal, but I just offered
everybody is body. So how is your body feeling? We
(17:57):
go through life every day to get up gotta ben
go to work, blah blah. But I'm really paying attention
to our bodies. How is the activity of our arms,
our legs, our feet, our thighs, our hips are abdinant,
our backs, our neck, how we're feeling and just doing
(18:19):
a body scans and checking in with how our overall
help is and how we feel about our body. You know,
our body and our physicality is what encounters with the
world every single day. How do you feel about your body,
which is one of my problems. How do you feel
a scale one to tend? How much do you love
your body? Do you honor your body for what your
(18:40):
body offers to the world in the sense of what
it allows you to do. So those are just some
of the prompts that I would offer. Thank you for those.
Those are an excellent story. So you mentioned a little
earlier that you like to do some New Year's journaling,
and I think that that's typically how we wrap up
the year here. Therapy for black girls too is that
I will typically offer some journal problems for just reflect
(19:00):
on the year. But I think that can feel very
grand right when you think about the previous twelve months,
especially in a year like this year. When there's been
so much like chaos. What kind of suggestions do you have? Are?
Where can we even get started in reflecting on the
year that has been well? Dr Joy? Will you allow
me to take us through a little journal exercise? Of course,
(19:22):
because I would look okay, so everybody listening, Hey, so
go ahead find a journal. If you don't have one
in your hands, go get a journal, could be a
notebook and a pencil or a pet and just find
yourself right now clearing your thoughts. Plus do some very
(19:44):
simple inhaling and exhale and very simple inhal exhale in
hell exhale honoring twenty one because we have made it
through yet another year. These last two years have been
absolutely positively insane, and they have threatened to take many
(20:10):
of us out, and they've taken many of us out.
So the prompts I have for us are Number one,
can you name one experience that truly brought you joy
this year? What is something that happened? And I want
(20:31):
you to think about it. And if you don't think
about it now and you want to come back to it,
that's fine too. But when you look back through January
February March April May, June, July, August, September, October, November,
and now December. What is an experience that brought joy?
Why did it bring you joy? How did it make
(20:53):
you feel inside? Next, I want you to name and
experiences that might have brought you some setness, something that
you had to confront or face. It could have been
a loss of some kind that you had to go through.
(21:13):
Because life is about the joy and the pain, so
acknowledging both of those, and then I should think about
the joy and the pain of your acknowledging. Perhaps with
your eyes closed, perhaps with an open, But there is
treasure that lies in both the joy and the pain.
(21:37):
I invite you to look at your life as it
stands right now, the day in which you're listening to
this particular podcast, and ask yourself, are you happy with
the life that you are leading? There's no judgment on
(22:00):
that answer. Don't judge yourself, but just ask yourself. If
you want to rank yourself and do a one to ten, fine,
but are you happy? And then if you are less
than a ten, ask yourself, are there little barriers that
(22:22):
exists to you pursuing or creating the life that you
really want? Knowing that each of us we are creative
being who were created out of creation. So if there
is something that you want to become, something you want
(22:47):
to be in this light, trusting that each of us
was created on purpose and with a purpose that if
there is a gap between where you are right now
and you're total happiness, that you can create your happiness.
That does not mean it's going to be without work.
(23:09):
You might have to make some bold rules. We have
to move fear out of the way, but thinking about
what stands between your happiness and your best life. And
as we close this particular exercise, I invite us to
(23:29):
inhale and exhale as we close, inhaling what is and
exhaling what can be. So I always do right four
to four breathing. So just inhaling one two three four
for what is holding for two exhaling four three two
(23:55):
one for what will be? That is my via journal exercise,
and I invite you all to really take the lives
and we have been given by our creator. Seriously, what
is it that you need to do to live the
life that you were created to? Laugh? Thank you so
(24:15):
much for them, Olivia, What a beautiful exercise I think
can be a great way to close out what has
been Thank you for sharing it. More from my conversation
with Olivia after the break. So, another thing that you
(24:38):
talked a lot about on your channel is the use
of affirmations, and I think that is also something that
more people are using as a part of their like
self care routines and like really taking care of themselves.
Can you say a little bit more about what affirmations
are and like when we need to use them? Absolutely,
If you look at the etymology of the word ask
too from Latin and firm firm so to firm, it's
(25:03):
when you need to acknowledge something in your life. And
I find that we need to speak affirmations over our lives,
Dr Joy. We need to define who we are and
what we want because we have an entire world that
is happy to tell us who to be, how to be,
(25:27):
where to go, how to dress, what dress, sides, which
you have, what man we should have, what kind of house,
what kind of car. But affirmations for us can cement
this is what we're doing today. I will be strong today,
I will not have fear, I will live my best life.
(25:50):
I will honor my body. So I love just being
like Okay, all this craziest is happening around me, But
let me tell mean what I will and will not do,
and it allows me to stand as a woman of character,
a woman of integrity. We've all heard that saying that
(26:12):
people who stand for nothing will fall or nothing, And
I think there's nothing better to stand for than standing
for who I am and what I want in my
life and what I will and will not do, what
I will and will not allow in my life. So, Olivia,
how do we take care not to dip into toxic
(26:36):
positivity with affirmations? Because I feel like there's like a
fine line. Who when I think about toxic positivity, I'm
thinking about these things that we tell people like everything
will be fine, are like there's a reason for this storm,
things that kind of separates you from actually feeling the
(26:56):
pain maybe of an experience, which is necessary, right we
already talked about like joy in the pain that exists
because we're human. I mean, sometimes I feel like you
have to be careful with affirmations because sometimes they go
too far in pushing you from experiencing the reality of
a situation. It's so interesting because I actually purchased the
set of affirmation cards and a few of them. I'm like,
(27:16):
this is crazy. I'm not saying this right, It's like,
I'm absolutely not saying this. I think your affirmations need
to come from your spirit. It's something that is resolute
and divine. If you ask me, based on your life experience,
(27:41):
it's gotta be grooted in truth, your truth. So as
you're looking for affirmations, I actually invite us to look within.
I invite us for everything, to not do so much
of looking without, but more within. What are things you
need to affirm or yourself? That's where all of my
(28:02):
affirmations come from. They come from my life experience and
knowing what it felt like to have experienced a certain
things that likely was negative and saying I will not
allow myself to be used. I will not enter into
(28:23):
a relationship in which I am not honored and cherished.
You know what I mean. It's like what I will
and will not do based on my life experience. So
to me, that's where I believe they should come from.
It's from your spirit. And to your point, I think
a lot of people sometimes get turned off by words
(28:45):
of affirmation and like using affirmations because it does feel
kind of cheesy, But I think a lot of times
that cheesiness comes because we're trying to borrow other people's
words right as opposed to what we really feel like.
We need affirm for ourselves that really only we can
give us without to joy to that period right there.
That's it, That's what I've created myself. And if you
(29:05):
want to say them, I use your own words with
drive by people to do on my childel that this
is what I'm saying, but say it in your own way.
Got it? So you've already offered us a beautiful journal
exercise for how to close out? Are there additional journal
prompts that you would offer for how to usher? In
twenty twenty two? I would invite us to ask ourselves,
(29:28):
and it's similar to one of the things I said,
but what are you doing here on earth? And that's braun?
But I believe a lot of us get disconnected with
our purpose living in this life. There are things that
(29:50):
happened between us being a hopeful five year old little
girl and a year old person. And I invite us
to ask ourselves what are we really doing with our time?
What are we dealing with our resources? And is there
(30:11):
something different that we want to be doing, because for me,
it continues to come back to another being redundant, this
part of it living our best, most free lives ever.
So I think in that I would invite us to
do an inventory of our relationships, the company we keep
(30:32):
dr joy. Are there some new people that we want
to invite our lives. I would definitely write that down.
For me. I remember about three years ago writing down
that I wanted to expand my circle, that I wanted
to connect with more entrepreneurial woman And I just wrote
(30:53):
it down as something that I wanted. And after writing
it down and how into my awareness that it was
something that I really wanted to attract in my life.
And then when various people began to show up and
engage me who were entrepreneurial women, I was like, this
is what I was writing about several years ago. So
(31:16):
I just invite us to to lean into writing things
that are on our spirit about things we want to
attract in our lives. In every area. Career relationship, even
if you're married, there you can we can always have
a better relationship. So career relationships, being a parent, if
(31:40):
you are a businesswoman, if you are a chourch leader.
If you're a civic leader, they're always aerients on which
we can improve ourselves. Thank you for it. So the
other space that many of us are in right now is, Okay,
what do we give to the people we love in
our lives? And so I feel like you've given us
this beautiful gift to talk about, like journaling and affirmation.
But for people well in our lives who maybe are
(32:01):
into this, or if we think this would be a
great practice for them to adopt. Do you have favorite
like journals or brands that you really love that you
think we should have our eye on. Michaels have in
their arts and crafts section. They got sketch books, and
they've got some journals. I got some free form sketch
pads that are bound that I used from our journals.
(32:23):
From Michaels, I get a lot of gifts that are
just blunt journals, and I know they get them from
Marshals at Home Goods and all that stuff there, and
I think those work just fun. This does not have
to be This is not golf or even pilates or
yoga where this has to be an expensive venture. Right,
we can go to Marshalls and Home goods and dar
anywhere you go and just get you and let me
tell you something. There have been times when I have
(32:47):
been traveling and very very rarely though, when I don't
have a journal with me, where I would just have
to get a note pan from the hotel or just
a regular three way binder. Like the whole writing process,
you know, I don't want it to be any barriers
to it. Dr Joy whatever you can get your hands
(33:07):
on the write and get it out, do it. So, Olivia,
tell us where we can stay connected with you if
you would like to share your website as well as
any social media handles that you'd like to share. Absolutely so,
Freedom at the Matt dot com. It's going to be
the point of entry for where our videos from YouTube.
Our house. We do have a YouTube channel. I invite
(33:29):
everybody please to subscribe. It's free and we offer affirmations, meditations,
my influenced exercises, anti yoga and the whole premise with
Freedom at the mattus to make one successible to everyone globally.
But also most importantly, we know that it is hard
for us to prioritize me time. So our content we
(33:51):
promised all between two minutes and thirty minutes. So Freedom
at the Matt dot com is what I would love
for you. I'll just spend some time and then subscribe
to our channel on YouTube. Now, of course we're on
Instagram and Facebook, but the core is really the YouTube content.
That's really where the course. But we are also Instagram
(34:13):
Freedom at the Man dot com as Wallace, Facebook frem perfect,
but we would be sure as to include all of
that in our show notes. Thank you so much forward
sharing with us today, Olivia. Beautiful conversation as well as
the journal exercise. Thank you so much, and again, I'm
so grateful to you for what you created. And I
honor every single woman in the world, and I hope
(34:35):
that together we support each other in becoming the best
most free women possible, mentally free, emotionally free, socially free,
so that we can really live life in the way
it was intended for us to live. Indeed, thank you
for that. I'm so glad Olivia was able to share
her expertise with us today. To learn more about her work,
(34:57):
or to check out her YouTube page with other great exercises,
visit the show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot Com.
Slash Session to thirty nine, and don't forget to text
two of your girls right now and tell them to
check out the episode as well. If you're looking for
a therapist in your area, be sure to check out
our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com
(35:17):
slash directory. And if you want to continue digging into
this topic or just be in community with other sisters,
come on over and join us in the Sister Circle.
It's our cozy corner of the Internet designed just for
black women. You can join us at community that Therapy
for Black Girls dot com. Thank you all so much
for joining me again this week. I look forward to
continue in this conversation with you all real soon. Take
(35:40):
good care,
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