August 6, 2025 • 43 mins
Balancing a career and family life isn’t always easy, but it is possible. Today, I’m joined by actor, producer, author, and podcast creator Tika Sumpter. A true multi-hyphenate, her career continues to thrive. Since becoming a mother, she’s embraced her creativity even more, defying the societal expectation that women should scale back their ambitions after motherhood. Through her company Fort Sumpter, she has thrust herself into amplifying the experiences of mothers and children. And after releasing children’s media like her debut book ‘I Got It From My Mama’ and podcast ‘The Adventures of Curiosity Cove,’ Tika is rewriting the narrative on what it means to realize your dreams while raising a family.
About the Podcast
The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
Resources & Announcements
Did you know you can leave us a voice note with your questions for the podcast? If you have a question you'd like some feedback on, topics you'd like to hear covered, or want to suggest movies or books for us to review, drop us a message at memo.fm/therapyforblackgirls and let us know what’s on your mind. We just might share it on the podcast.
Grab your copy of Sisterhood Heals.
Where to Find Our Guest
Stay Connected
Join us in over on Patreon where we're building community through our chats, connecting at Sunday Night Check-Ins, and soaking in the wisdom from exclusive series like Ask Dr. Joy and So, My Therapist Said.
Is there a topic you'd like covered on the podcast? Submit it at therapyforblackgirls.com/mailbox.
If you're looking for a therapist in your area, check out the directory at https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/directory.
Grab your copy of our guided affirmation and other TBG Merch at therapyforblackgirls.com/shop.
The hashtag for the podcast is #TBGinSession.
Make sure to follow us on social media:
Twitter: @therapy4bgirls
Instagram: @therapyforblackgirls
Facebook: @therapyforblackgirls
Our Production Team
Executive Producers: Dennison Bradford & Maya Cole Howard
Director of Podcast & Digital Content: Ellice Ellis
Producers: Tyree Rush & Ndeye Thioubou
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly
conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small
decisions we can make to become the best possible versions
of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford,
a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or
(00:32):
to find a therapist in your area, visit our website
at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you
love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is
not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with
a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much
(00:57):
for joining me for session four twenty three of the
Therapy for Like Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our
conversation after a word from our sponsors. Balancing a career
in family life isn't always easy, but it is possible.
(01:18):
Today I'm joined by actor, producer, author, and podcast creator
Tika Sumter, a true multi hyphenate, her career continues to
thrive since becoming a mother. She's embraced her creativity even more,
defining the societal expectation that women should scale back their
ambitions after motherhood. Through her company Fort Sumter, she has
(01:39):
thrust herself into amplifying the experiences of mothers and children,
and after releasing children's media like her debut book I
Got It from My Mama and podcasts The Adventures of Curiosity,
cove Tka is rewriting the narrative on what it means
to realize your dreams while raising a family. If something
resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with
(02:01):
us on social media using the hashtag TVG in session,
or join us over in our patreons to talk more
about the episode. You can join us at community dot
therapy for Blackgirls dot com. Here's our conversation. Well, thank
you so much for joining us today, Tika.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I'm so happy to be here. I've been following you
for a very long time and I love what you
guys do, So thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Very excited to chat with you, and I know the
community will be so excited to hear from you. You
have one of our favorites. So you have won so
many creative hands, actor, director, now author. How are you
do fining creativity for yourself these days?
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Ooh, defining creativity. I've been talking to a friend about
that and I literally am like, what moves me, what
sparks joy?
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Literally, like, what is the thing that makes me want
to get up and do it?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Not where I'm like, I mean, I think some things
are going to be that way because I think people
see the end results on social media, But the process
is where the mud is happening, right, and so but
I want to be able to go through the mud
and feel like, oh, this is something that I really
want to do. So I think I define my creative
process as I want to literally like wring myself out
(03:17):
before I get to heaven, right, Like I want to
use every ounce of my creativity.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
You know, I want to say I tried, I did it.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Whatever success means to this person, my metric of success
is I did it and I tried.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
What a beautiful definition.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
You know, you mentioned social media, so you are a
fan of the platform. So you know, we talk a
lot about social media, and as you were talking, it
occurred to me your incredible career kind of predates like
what we see of social media now, and so I
just love to hear from you as a creative, as
someone who has been doing this for some time. How
do you think your work has changed in the advent
(03:51):
of social media, and what do you feel like your
relationship to social media is as a creative That's.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
A really good question.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
I think my work ethic in the way I work
is not dependent on social media, right, like in terms
of like I need to get this many people to
see me dance and do all these things. It's never
been dependent on the part where it's like fame and
like all that stuff where whatever you get from the
results of social media nowadays. So it's always been like
(04:22):
about the work for me. So my interest in my
heart and my goals have never been tied to like,
oh this many people like this thing, right, So it's
always been about the work.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
But also I.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Think what social media has done is it has an
open line of communication directly to your audience.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
And I love that. I love that. I mean that's
why Cinners killed it, right.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Because it was they were like, it's not doing so well,
and everybody was like, bet okay, you know what I mean,
and we galvanize. Everybody galvanized. No matter where you are
on the spectrum, you were like, oh, okay, cool, I'm
going to go support it.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
And it was awesome.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
It was great, And so I think it changed in
that way, like there wasn't a direct line if you
ever want to DM somebody that you're interested in creating
with and saying hi, you can do it like nowadays,
you know. And so I love that aspect, even doctor Joy,
you being online and seeing what you do and all that,
like the connectivity of the community, like I'm able to
(05:23):
be like, hey, doctor Joy, do you know this resource,
like can you help me?
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Whatever?
Speaker 2 (05:28):
There's like a communal thread that I love about it,
And it gives people their own sense of power.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
That's what I like about it.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
It gives them this sense of wait a second, if
you don't believe in this thing, whether you're agent, a
manager or whatever, that looks like I have my community
who has my back? You know that I cultivate it,
and so I love that aspect of it. I think
the other aspect of it is the shenanigans that.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
You know, the shenanigans that I want no part of.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
It's like you get the good with the challenging, I
feel like, and so the shanigans of like having to
like do all these things and like go viral or
people feel like they need It's like that's exhausting to me.
So I just feel like if I can just be
completely myself and put myself out there on socials and
who I am, fine, but I'm not going to like
(06:17):
try to cultivate that and a frame work that is
just not me.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
So I think, you know a lot of women kind
of slow down as they are approaching pregnancy and giving
birth and motherhood.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
And it feels like you have really used that.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
As a launch pad almost right like you're like, oh,
it's time to hit the accelerator.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
Talk to me about this transition into motherhood and what
this has meant for you career wise.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
It's so interesting that you say that. Yeah, it's so interesting.
You're saying such thoughtful things. That's why I'm taking a
minute to kind of put it through the factory in
my brain. I feel more than ever. You know, I'm
forty four years old, I have an eight year old,
I'm married and all those things. But I feel like
I haven't done everything that I've wanted to do. And
(07:06):
I feel like new dreams come with different phases of life,
and so my dreams of ten years ago is not
necessarily the same that it is now. And so what
I love about now is like it isn't too late.
It's never too late to start something fresh and start
something new. I don't know if you ever see on
this is the great thing about Instagram and these quotables.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
It's like KFC.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Started sixty years old and Varuang started at forty four
or whatever, and it's like that is inspiring for a
lot of people who lay their dreams down after they're
like a married advocate.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
I feel like it's a lot of inspiration. My inspiration
comes from me.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Wanting to cultivate like mothers to be their best selves
and families to literally whatever that looks like for you.
I just want to inspire them with everything that I
create and to live their most fulfilling lives.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Do you feel like my motherhood has unlocked anything for
you creatively?
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Oh, motherhood has unlocked things creatively.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I think one of the things it's unlocked is my
sense of time in terms of girl, do what you
need to do, because time is gonna move on with
or without you, Especially when you have a kid. You
see them growing year by year and you're like, oh,
eight years later, I could almost be a doctor. I
(08:31):
used to drive a stick shift and it's like the
gear of like, Okay, let's accelerate, get the dreams that
you have out and go. Yeah, I think it unlocked
the intensity of me wanting to actually even though I
do it scared, it makes me do it scared anyway.
It's unlocked that like you're afraid to put this thing out,
You're afraid to invest in this for yourself, and you
(08:54):
know what I mean, it's scary.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
It's still scary. So I think what it has unlocked is.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
My intensity to go and to see the growth of
my child year by year. It's literally physically manifested in
my face, you know. And also just on that same
end of kind of not caring. Also, it's like not
caring in the sense of, Okay, I make a fool
out of myself, or somebody doesn't like it, or somebody
(09:22):
is something that's okay, Okay. I'm at the point of like, okay,
you think the sky is green, great, it's green. What
I mean, That's where I'm at in my life.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
So I'm like, okay, you don't like it, I love it,
that's okay.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Yeah, So as you were looking around in the landscape,
because it sounds like a lot of your work, as
you mentioned, is really designed to kind of help moms
kind of unlock these different things and know that it's
not too late, like you can always do these new things.
As you looked around in the media escape, what kinds
of messages do you feel like you were getting about
motherhood that drove you then into creating the things you've
(09:55):
created right.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Well, in the beginning when I started a while ago,
when I've had the Sugar podcast, I just didn't see
a lot of podcasts talking directly to me or it
was kind of like doom and gloom to me. It
was like, you're dying at pregnancy, here's a percentage of
divorce rate, here's and it just felt like whoa, where
(10:16):
is our Like, you know, fun motherhood stuff and talking
about things that could be a depth but also making
light and having fun and joy And so for me
at that time when I first started that, and it's
no longer anymore, but I knew that I always wanted
to cultivate a place where there were resources but also
there was joy, and whether that is with our children.
(10:39):
I don't want people's parents to like I hate when
people say you're just a mother or you're just this
to me, that undercuts all the things a mother is.
But I think from motherhood we get wrapped in this
like you're a mother, now, this is what you do,
and it's like, no, there's a dichonomy of like, I'm
also a woman separated from my child who has dreams
(11:01):
of my own and things that I have to fulfill
on my own. And I just feel like I wanted
to kind of merge the two of talking to women
in general, but talking to mothers and families and creating
content that would bring joy to them.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
And your daughter Ella is at the center of this
and is a character in the world. So Ella the
Curious is named after your daughter, and that's the center
of the podcast and the book. How would you say
she has really influenced the things that you've created.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Ella has influenced everything I've created in terms of this lane.
She is the officer in chief of telling me the truth.
She's the officer of truth, and if it's not good,
she's like, no, it's very honest.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
If you don't want the truth, don't go to a kid.
They will tell you you're under armstink like smell it
outside all the things.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, So she basically inspired me she is a curious kid.
She asked a lot of questions. I didn't realize even
for the book. I got it from my mama. I
said this before that I would be apologizing, which is
very different from how I grew up or just taking
responsibility for how I played a part in the situation.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Right, It's not this kind.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Of way of like my way or the highway all
the time, because she is just a different kid, and
every kid is not going to just sit there and
be like I feel like you suppressed so much in
them when you're like, sit down and be quiet.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
It's like, but I.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Have something to say, and obviously you can do it
in a respectful manner for the kid, because I get it.
I'm also of the sense of like respect is very
big in my household, especially how I grew up, and
especially respecting your elders, but also respecting your elders with
also a sense of having your own voice, and that
was very important to me.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
With all of the.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Curious I think a lot of kids sometimes or generations
have grown up with well just follow the adult, and
it's not always the right way. It's not always the
right direction. And so I think even for me growing up.
I had to find my sense of voice when I
became an adult, a younger adult, because I didn't know
what I liked.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
I'm like, oh, should I say something? I don't know?
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I'm scared, And I feel like if we allow our
children to grow their voices as kids, they won't be
those kind of lost adults. They'll be ahead of the curve.
And so for me that was really important with Eled
Curious and aocc Adventures of Curiosity Code, which is the podcast.
So yeah, el of the Curious is one of the
worlds in which the series within the podcast, but there
(13:36):
are other one off stories that definitely conversations have happened
in our household where we were like, oh, let's create
a story around this. So yeah, just given kids a
voice and also doing something fun where parents can also
have a break.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
M what have you been most surprised by?
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Like, maybe something Ella has shared based on one of
the stories, or something that inspired one of the stories.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
What have you I think I'm.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Most surprised by Ella when she listens to the stories,
what conversation comes out of those stories. So right now,
all I can think of is this story called the Dragon,
which is one of my favorite stories, and Nick wrote it.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
It's about fear and this.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Little kid who has to walk to school through the
woods every day and he runs because he hears the dragon.
And one day he goes back to go home and
the dragon is like this big, not so good looking dragon,
and he's talking to the dragon, and the dragon actually
represents his fear. And as this conversation goes along, the
(14:37):
fear grows smaller and smaller and smaller, and so much
so where the kids like, you're so tiny, and he's like,
I might be around the corner.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
I might be in the corner. You know.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
They get to talk about his fear and he kind
of overcomes it, but it's always there. It's not as
scary as it looked in the beginning, right when you
face it.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
And so I remember listening to it in the ellen.
She's like, mom, what's your biggest fear?
Speaker 2 (15:03):
And she asked her dad, and I was like, honestly,
my biggest fear is losing you, and she.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Said, that's my biggest fear.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
And so once we kind of all said the fear,
it felt like like we all like, you know, it
kind of makes me a little teary eye, but like
it dropped something something happened where it was like not
as scary because we talked about it, and the fact
that she brought it up and asked what our biggest
fear was and we weren't like, oh, our biggest fear
is you know something that it really wasn't. Just to
(15:36):
kind of protect her. It felt really good as a
parent for her to see me open up, to see
my husband open up, and then also for her to
say that is also my biggest fear.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
It's really cool.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Wow. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
My next question was going to be how do you
hope parents and children engage with your content?
Speaker 4 (15:53):
But it feels like.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
That is the way that you've just outlined, right, like
having these kinds of conversations that you might not.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Have exactly And I think sometimes as pariments, we think
we always have to fill the space. And it's like,
if you just allow even if you give yourself a moment,
turn on the podcast, give yourself a break, a brain break, right,
let your kid do their thing, listen, I think you'll
get more than what you actually thought you would get
(16:21):
from it, and more conversations maybe that you've thought about
in passing. And you're like, I don't know how to
bring it up. And then if you allow your child
to talk and not shush them away, I think you're
gonna get so much more than you honestly believed you
can ever get. And that's how things have happened for
(16:42):
us constantly, where I've just like, I know, I'm tired,
and I'm like, girl, she's like, Mama, have something to say,
because you know it's exhausting after a while. But yeah,
they're little geniuses I call them, and I feel like
they have so much going on in their mind and
when they say it, we're just like, Oh, where'd you
get that from?
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Yeah, more from our conversation after the break. So something
you said made me feel like we have similar upbringings
in that I was very much taught that kids should
be seen and not heard, right, So this idea that like,
(17:23):
kids have their own opinions and things. So it sounds
like that's one thing that you've unlearned and are aiming
to do different with your own daughter. What other things
do you feel like you have had to unlearn about motherhood?
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Oh, things that I've had to unlearn about motherhood. That's
a really good question. There's a few things I've had
to learn I've had to learn to just be quiet.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
It's like, you don't always.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Have to say something, you know what I mean, in
motherhood and in marriage, like okay, it's so exhausting to
always go back and forth.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
You're just like why am I for what they? I said?
What I said? And you could talk to yourself, you
know what I mean, Like, just be quiet.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Learned a lot of patients still learning that, working on that.
And I think I've also learned I don't have to
be perfect to be a parent.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
My daughter knows for sure I am not perfect.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
And that the standard of having to make everything somehow fit.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
In these perfect little holes.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I just need to be present, like literally, it's like
not being perfect, but just being present. And that's kind
of a monstra that I have in my head because
the quicker, they know that you don't know all the answers.
When she sometimes asked me questions and I'm like, oh,
that's a good question, let's.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Look it up.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
You know, it takes the load off of my back
with the bricks in it to think a mom needs
to know everything, a parent needs to know everything. It's like, no,
you don't, And it releases them to know they don't
have to know everything.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
They can go look for it.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
You mentioned earlier that every kid is different, and so
I wonder are there things that you feel like you
thought you would go into parenting being one way, and
now you realize with ella, like, oh yeah, that actually
doesn't work.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
I thought I would be like this really strict parent,
like you better you, you better listen to me everything
you and I didn't realize. Children come out in their
own personalities that were created, you know, and their own
strong wills. You could push it down as much as
(19:26):
you want. That doesn't mean that person is not going
to be the person that they came out as. And
I realized I'm actually not that parent. I'm very much
and everything's in moderation. Go ahead, have the ice cream,
you don't eat it every day. I'm definitely like, hold on, guys, content,
Let her say what she needs to say.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
What do you need to say?
Speaker 2 (19:47):
My daughter sometimes is like I cut her off, and
she's like, mom, you cut me off.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
I didn't finish my sentence where I.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Would be like excuse now, I'm like, you're right, I
did cut you off.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
What did you have to say? You know?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
And I give her that leeway, and I didn't know
that I would be that parent, and I actually love
it because it.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Softens me as a human.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
But it also allows me just listen, Like just listen,
be quiet, listen.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Yeah, So what kinds of things help you to stay grounded,
especially raising a child in the public eye.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
I think I just grew up in a very grounded situation.
You know.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
I grew up with a single mom. I grew up
with just not a lot of things, but still was happy.
And I think it's the everyday stuff. It's not this
big thing that makes me stay grounded. It's the every day.
It's the thank you, It's the looking somebody in the eye.
And like my great grandmother used to clean offices. How
(20:49):
grounded is that? You know, I treat people with the
respect that I feel like everybody deserves. And so I
just feel like when you come from a place of
not having a lot and seeing how other people treat
people with you know, not having a lot, there's no
way that I can be an idiot to somebody, Like
there's no way. And not only that, I feel like
(21:11):
another thing is I grew up like do as I say,
not as I do. It's like, no that's not how
it works. And I learned that too. Like my daughter
is like, oh, you have attitude. I'm gonna go to
my room and be quiet and not talk. And I'm like, oh,
which makes me realize Or if I have a bad day,
everybody has a bad day, right where you could be
like a little strong outside with people and your daughter sees.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
It and she's like, why did you talk to them? Though?
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Like it makes you having a kid makes you realize, Oh,
they're doing as you do, and they see you and
they will call you out a lot of the times,
or they'll just do that too as well.
Speaker 4 (21:49):
That's always very humble.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
So what kinds of things have been like non negotiables
in terms of your healing and things that help you
to really kind of navigate the process of continuing to
be a creative.
Speaker 4 (22:03):
But also now as a mom.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
I think I'm still figuring out what the non negotiables
are beside like I can't be away from my kid
for this amount of time, right, or my non negotiables
of having my morning time that's very important, having my tea,
having my book, having like that time to be like, Okay,
what do I need to do just to settle myself.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
I think those are non negotiables for me.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Also, if I feel stretched, a good no is always
on the right hand side of my bedside, like a
good no, Nope, I'm sorry, I can't do it. Nowadays,
I don't stretch myself where I try to do everything.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
I can't do everything.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
So I got to really choose the things that I'm
able to do, and maybe we'll come back around to
that thing, but not feeling bad about it, Like I
don't feel bad about if I can't do something.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
Yeah, what kinds of things do you think have allowed
you to get to that place?
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Because I think that's something a lot of as struggle with, right,
like saying no much easier.
Speaker 4 (23:02):
What has helped you to get to that place?
Speaker 2 (23:04):
I think when you are stretched to the point where
you're crying, that's bad. Your body is literally saying help me,
help you because you should not be doing this. You
shouldn't be crying because you're like, I am so tired,
I am so tired. My body feels like it's going
to break. I think when I've gotten to that point
of like my body feels like it's going to break,
(23:25):
then I was like look at my calendar or tell
my assistance like I can't do it all, like I
can't and try it and be a mom and be
this and be that, and then try to have a
little time for myself. So sometimes it takes you feeling
like you're going to break, like that's what it took
for me at one point. And then sometimes it's just
(23:46):
like where your schedule is so crazy and you look
at it and you're like, how am I going to?
Speaker 3 (23:52):
When you have to say how am I going to?
Speaker 2 (23:54):
You should probably start shifting something so that you don't
get to the I'm going to break part?
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Tika, Has there been a struggle with you between like
ambition and being present?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
Oof? Oof?
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Yes, that's a constant struggle ambition and being present. Yes,
I am so ambitious and I want to achieve so.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Many things and.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
That are just in my heart, like threaded in my heart.
And also I have responsibilities. I have things that I
have to take care of at home with my child,
being with my child. And I remember I was on
my phone. You know, you use your phone as your computer.
You know, you're just like on your phone at home
and da da da da. And I remember Ella saying
(24:41):
I just wish they never invented iPhones. And I was like, oh,
I was like wow, She's like I just you and Dad.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Like I'm like, Ella, I'm working. She goes, yeah, but
I just wish they never invented them. I don't want
to be I don't want to phone.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
And I'm like, oh that conviction of like, okay, I
need to figure out the times of where and when,
because if she's saying I wish they never invented them,
that's saying something about me and how I'm working things right, Like, so, yeah,
it's a constant battle for me.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
It's a constant battle.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
You mentioned that, you know, you try to get your
meditation in when you can. Are there particular meditations or
affirmations that you found yourself using recently that have been
really helpful?
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (25:26):
I did one this morning. I do it on peloton.
She just said, this morning, clear mind, clear heart. Like
clear mind, clear heart. And then when I get up
in the morning, I say thank you. I just say
thank you. And today is gonna be a good day.
Today's gonna be a good day. You know, It's like
it's gonna be a good day. It's just gonna be
(25:47):
a good day. I always say thank you, thank you
just for waking me up this morning, and then I'm like,
it's gonna be a great day.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
And then it's also like get.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
Up and then do something right, Like we can't just
see it going to be a good day.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
You know, it's cozy, like oh, you know, I'm like,
get up.
Speaker 4 (26:08):
Yeah, it's a good next step to get.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
So I have found and I feel like your work
reflects this as well. But I have found that, like
community has been incredibly important throughout my life, but definitely
in motherhood. Can you talk about like the community that
you have found in motherhood and an extension, like you've
created Fort Sumter as a way for other moms to
kind of create community. So I'm talking about community in motherhood.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Again, Like I think what oh I would say, we
have these tribes and like tribes within motherhood I think
is so important.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
It lets us know that we're not the only ones.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
I see you, I get what you're going through. Here's
a little encouragement, and I just feel like it's just
a connective tissue just to hold each other's hands. I think,
you know, my mom's that she grew up with her
aunt living with her, her grandma was there. There was
just a generational people in the home right where it
(27:09):
was community. I didn't just have to rely on my
small unit, right. And I think a lot of times
we're all in these little units all over the place,
broken off rather than connected and feeling like, oh girl,
I got you. And I think you have that in
physical in real life, right. You have your people who
you're like, girl, I'm tired, and somebody's like, I'm tired too,
(27:32):
and here's what I'm going through. Whether it's with my
husband or whether it's with my kids or whatever. You're like, oh, okay,
we figured this out. But I also think the community
online and the community when I go and go on
a plane and I remember and somebody reminded me of
this in the comments, and also I've done it a
few times when I forget what I do. Sometimes somebody's like,
(27:54):
you know how sometimes they call kids like come up first,
if you have a kid to get on the plane,
Da da da, They din't. I like spoke up for them,
and she's like, oh, it's this first.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
And then and I was like and I looked at
them and I was just like they were like, thank you.
For speaking up. But I'm always speaking up.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Or I grab somebody's baby when they need help, or
I'm like, give me that stroller.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
I got it. Like I just.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Feel like eighties just in this is instinctual for me
to look out for other people and their kids. I
don't care who you are, if you got kids and
you're just like I got it, because I'm too, I
got it.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
I'm okay.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
It's like that is what community is for, to say no,
you don't have to have it all right, Like you
don't have to have it all You're gonna drop some things.
I'm there to pick it up. And so I hope
that that's what Fort Sumter brings is connective tissue, to
feel like we can hold one another up, that we
can laugh at things that we do that are crazy,
that we can have like mom fails or not be
(28:53):
perfect right but be present, and also just have content
that gives parents a break to say, go listen to
that fifteen minutes, let me go start cooking, or let
me be quiet in the car for a second.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Here I'm about this, you know.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
I just want to alleviate some things for parents and
mothers especially and also still allow them to feel themselves right,
Like I did this little TikTok the other day where
somebody's like, how do you feel about You're not no
longer a bad girl? I'm like, I'm still a bad girl.
Like I want women to still feel like this is
not only the part of me that I am, I'm
(29:29):
also still me and that's really important with the Fort
Sumter community.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
More from our conversation after the break.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I love that you mentioned mom fails, because I think
what happens sometimes in mom communities is that there is
this like judginess of like, oh, I only do organic
food and I only do like right, and so it
sounds like you're attempting to build something very differ. Friend,
what kinds of things do you think are necessary for
us to let go of this like judging each other
as moms?
Speaker 3 (30:07):
Oof?
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
First, I think everybody's just doing the best that they
can with what they got.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
I think if we start from there and like remember
that before we write the thing comment like girl, that
is not organic or that chocolate is so bad? You
know what I mean, it's like, how about you just
think everybody is doing the best they can with what
they got. I think some of the things that we
could probably change is everybody's starting point is just different,
(30:34):
whether they breastfeed or whether they you know, feed with
milk from the can.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
What's it called formula formula the can?
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Right, we used to be in a can.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
I think that's getting better, Honestly. I just think it's
the thing that that seeps into you, like that little
hmm when you see somebody doing something that you don't
do right, and just because.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
You don't do it doesn't mean it's not right.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
And so I think I don't know specifics right now,
but whether it's what somebody's eating or how they're dressing
their kid during the summer or the winter or the whatever,
it looks like it's like that thing where I know
we want to help, but I think it's like say
it to somebody how you would want them to say
it to you. That's how I feel like. It's something
(31:27):
like the very baseline level of like, how about we
not be snarky? Parents and especially moms are doing like
a lot of work, and if we could, like the
baseline of being kind and saying ooh, maybe I could
say it like take it or leave it, this is
what I do right, like not like girl you know,
you shouldn't be you know, or you should not be
(31:49):
or this is how I do it.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
You know, it's like okay, that's how you do it.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
So I think giving each other a little more grace
of how we would want to be treated.
Speaker 4 (31:57):
Mm hm.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
So of course the name for Sumter is a nod
to your name. Is there more behind the meaning that
why you chose for it Sumter as a name for
your community?
Speaker 3 (32:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (32:06):
My dad he passed away when I was thirteen years old,
and he was somebody who was so empathetic with people
like he was somebody who tried really hard in life
to do the best he can. But he started behind
the eight ball in a lot of ways.
Speaker 3 (32:25):
And I think what he.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Wanted to build was and what he did build at
a certain point in our lives was like a home
full of love and laughter even if we didn't have
a lot. And to me, carrying on his legacy would
be to lend a hand, whether it's upside back, forward, down, whatever,
lend a hand when people need it no matter what,
(32:47):
and create joy right and cultivate a situation where people
want to be part of it. And I feel like
where my dad was, he was cool he just dressed
nice and he also was kind, but he also would
like have people stay at our house who needed to
from church, and you're like.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
Who is it? You know, what is this? Why are you?
Speaker 2 (33:08):
And it's just like that was his heart and his
heart was so big, and I think that's the thing
he passed on to me is my heart for people
and especially women. My heart is so big for them
that the empathy just runs through it and I just
want to be there to pick up whatever they have
to leave down and to also give them a laugh
and whatever that looks like, or give them inspiration of
(33:31):
like hey, here's a makeup tip or here's a da
da da da.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Dah, like take it again.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
I want to leave this earth where I feel drained
of everything that I have to offer somebody. And that's
fort Sumter, creating a space where people feel loved and
they can laugh and they can have content that really
helps alleviate a little bit of their burden.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:54):
So you mentioned the book briefly.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
I got it from my mama, but it is really
a celebration of like intergenerational life and learning. Tell me
more about why you thought that that was important to
write and how did the book Come to Life.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Yeah, I mean the book obviously came out of the
podcast idea, but I think the book also came from
a place of ME realizing again, like the conversations that
we've been having, having to apologize doing things that I
never thought that I would do as a parent, I
thought that's not who I would be. I didn't even
know that was a way, really, And so I wanted
(34:28):
to give parents, especially moms, the okay to say I
make mistakes and everybody sees it, including my child. And
I wanted to honor moms in terms of being enamored
with them, like I want to be like this.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
Like my mom. You know, when you're younger, you're like,
ooh that dressed. I want to be like this, or
her hair, the way she did her hair.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
But also when we like in the book, the mom
kind of blows up at her. It's like when gentle
parenting is not gentle anymore, and the daughter goes to
school and mirrors that same attitude that the mom created
at home. And the mom comes and gets the daughter
and she's like, where do you get that? We don't
treat people that way? And she's like, I got it
from you.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Mama.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
I think that's a constant thing in my house, where
Ella's like, well you did that, and You're like what
I did, and it's okay, you did And to me,
it's always about the repair. It's always about how do
we fix this and how do you know that I
apologize and I get frustrated too, not just you, because
(35:31):
they're learning how to react to things. They're learning how
to be in the world by you showing them and
giving them an.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Example, you know.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
And so yeah, I wanted to put that in a
book because I think a lot of times in these
kids books, you don't see the parents making any mistakes
or that you know, they're perfect during the whole time.
And so every time I have a read aloud and
I get to that part, all the parents gaff they go.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
Oh and they're like literally it's like a.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
And I'm like, oh, it worked, So yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:08):
I love it. I love that.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
So, Tika, when you think about legacy, not just for
yourself and for your daughter, but for all moms and children,
what are you thinking you want the impact of your
work to be?
Speaker 2 (36:19):
Oh, if I just impact a few people, I'd be happy.
I think my impact of Tika was kind and Tika
created a company that really helped me feel like I'm
not alone while also helped my child with emotional intelligence
(36:40):
and somehow helped me realize I need a break from
this kid, and we need to go on a date
night and I need to put on a little lipstick
because I'm still cute and I'm not only a mom, right,
I'm still me. And if somebody feels like my work
has basically wrapped them with a big hug and made
(37:00):
them feel like they still matter no matter where they
are as a woman and especially in motherhood, then I
feel like I've done my work. That they can wake
up another day and do what they need to do,
then I feel like I've done it.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
Thank you so much for that.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Now, speaking of lipsick, now you have shown up today
looking especially gorgeous, especially glowy and fresh. I feel like
the community is going to be very upset if I
don't at least as can we get some details on
some skincare makeup like when is the key girl?
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Okay, I always go by.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Kiss right, keep it simple, simple, like I keep everything simple,
because I feel like when you start like you do
the mask, you do that and you can do that
once in a while, but like, I feel like I've
messed up my skin so much in the past because
I I just want to try it all and I'm like, oh,
this is going to do this and this is going
(37:58):
to take away this mark and then but time is all.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
It's like the products.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Are confused, child, They're confused and they don't know what
to do, and your face is like hell, I use
Mario Bdesco cleanser. It's very simple cleanser. It's literally for
sensitive skin. Because my skin is so sensitive. I don't
use a toner every day. To be honest, I use
it once, maybe once a week. Maybe I just feel
(38:25):
like I don't need it. I don't need a toner
every single day. I just feel like your skin knows
what it's supposed to do and if you just allow
it to. And I know everybody has different skin situations,
but I just don't do it every day because I
noticed that I would break out a lot more and
then a simple cream. I created this oil and so yeah,
(38:46):
so it's gonna be you're gonna hear about it soon,
sooner than later.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
But it's this oil that I like oil based products
because I don't know. It just I don't know.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
It does something for my skin and it it's not
sticky oil though, it's not like where you feel like
it goes away and it absorbs in your face and
it's like vitamin E and it's like all the good stuff,
all the good oil. And then that's all I do.
I don't really do much. I don't I keep it simple.
I do want to start red light there because I
know as you get older, like certain things happen. So
(39:18):
I'll probably get that for my birthday. But that mask
that looks like a serial killer.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
Is that one? Yeah, so I'll probably start doing that,
but I don't know. I'm just trying to. Also, it's
an inside out.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Thing, right, like walk more, eating better, you know, even
if it's a few things that you change, Like I
just reassessed how I eat, because it doesn't matter how
somebody looks like somebody can look healthy, but you go
and get those bio markers and you're like, your glucose
is a little high.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
Which affects everything.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
And so I'm just being more aware of the things
that I eat. And so, cause it does shine from
the inside out, that's really where it is. Cause if
you're whatever you're drinking and it's not good for you,
and it's full of sugars and all that stuff. So
I think it's all like the body is separated, right.
I think sometimes we think that and it all works
(40:11):
as a whole, and so I think it's multiple things.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
But those are the things that I do. I love
to keep it simple. I don't.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
I don't do a lot. But for makeup, I love Maxtill,
I love Oh. I love the powder called SunPower. I
put that on after I put on my just regular powder.
Sun Power makes you feel like, look glowy. You put
that on and then my goats to Usually I'm not
(40:37):
wearing it today. But Ruby Woo red kinda if you
want to feel powerful you walking in room, you're like.
Speaker 3 (40:46):
Good morning. Every time I posted, they're like, what are
you wearing? I'm like, guys, I've told you Ruby Woo.
Speaker 4 (40:52):
Get with your program.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
It's a staple. But yeah, simple mascara, regular mascara. Anyway,
you can go to a drugstore and just yeah, you
probably have it all in your drawer. It's all there.
But the one thing I do love is on.
Speaker 3 (41:07):
Power from mac Okay.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
And we will be on the lookout for this oil update.
We definitely will stay tuned for the information there. This
has been so much fun, Tika, please let us know
where can we stay connected with you and grab our
copy of the book and listen to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Yes, you can grab your copy of the book at Amazon, Walmart,
anywhere online where you get books, target wherever.
Speaker 3 (41:29):
You can go to Fort Sumter dot com.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
There's some resources there as well, and updates of things
that are going on that sometimes I don't always post
on Instagram right away, and there's great resources and like
blog posts and things like that. But then online at
Tika Sumter on Instagram, on TikTok, I don't have my
blue check yet, but it's at the real tik Asumpter
(41:51):
on TikTok, the realty.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
Everybody's like, is this you? I'm like, this is much
about me. They're like, for real, this is you have?
I'm like, I promise it's me.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
So the real tek a Sumter on TikTok and then
Tek a Sumpter on Instagram and then I haven't really
used Twitter lately that much, but I think it's I
am tek a Sumpter perfect.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
We'll be sure to include all of that in our
show notes, thank you for spending some time with us today.
Speaker 3 (42:15):
Oh my gosh, it was such a pleasure.
Speaker 4 (42:17):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
I'm so glad Tika was able to join us for
today's episode. I hope you enjoyed our conversation as much
as I did. To learn more about Tika and the
work she's doing. Be sure to visit the show notes
at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash session four two three,
and don't forget to text this episodes to two of
your girls right now and tell them to check it out.
Did you know that you could leave us a voicemail
(42:43):
with your questions or suggestions for the podcast. If you
have movies or books you'd like us to review, or
have thoughts about topics you'd like us to discuss, drop
us a message at Memo dot fm slash Therapy for
Black Girls and let us know what's on your mind.
We just might feature it on the podcast. If you
tame for a therapist in your area, visit our therapist
directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory, and
(43:06):
don't forget to follow us over on Instagram at Therapy
for Black Girls or join us over in our Patreon
channel at Therapy for Blackgirls dot Com, slash Patreon, where
exclusive updates, behind the scenes content, and much more. This
episode was produced by A least Ellis, Inde Chubu and
Tyree Rush. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all
(43:27):
so much for joining me again this week. I look
forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon.
Take good care,
Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly
conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small
decisions we can make to become the best possible versions
of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford,
a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or
(00:32):
to find a therapist in your area, visit our website
at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you
love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is
not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with
a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much
(00:57):
for joining me for session four twenty three of the
Therapy for Like Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our
conversation after a word from our sponsors. Balancing a career
in family life isn't always easy, but it is possible.
(01:18):
Today I'm joined by actor, producer, author, and podcast creator
Tika Sumter, a true multi hyphenate, her career continues to
thrive since becoming a mother. She's embraced her creativity even more,
defining the societal expectation that women should scale back their
ambitions after motherhood. Through her company Fort Sumter, she has
(01:39):
thrust herself into amplifying the experiences of mothers and children,
and after releasing children's media like her debut book I
Got It from My Mama and podcasts The Adventures of Curiosity,
cove Tka is rewriting the narrative on what it means
to realize your dreams while raising a family. If something
resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with
(02:01):
us on social media using the hashtag TVG in session,
or join us over in our patreons to talk more
about the episode. You can join us at community dot
therapy for Blackgirls dot com. Here's our conversation. Well, thank
you so much for joining us today, Tika.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I'm so happy to be here. I've been following you
for a very long time and I love what you
guys do, So thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Very excited to chat with you, and I know the
community will be so excited to hear from you. You
have one of our favorites. So you have won so
many creative hands, actor, director, now author. How are you
do fining creativity for yourself these days?
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Ooh, defining creativity. I've been talking to a friend about
that and I literally am like, what moves me, what
sparks joy?
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Literally, like, what is the thing that makes me want
to get up and do it?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Not where I'm like, I mean, I think some things
are going to be that way because I think people
see the end results on social media, But the process
is where the mud is happening, right, and so but
I want to be able to go through the mud
and feel like, oh, this is something that I really
want to do. So I think I define my creative
process as I want to literally like wring myself out
(03:17):
before I get to heaven, right, Like I want to
use every ounce of my creativity.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
You know, I want to say I tried, I did it.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Whatever success means to this person, my metric of success
is I did it and I tried.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
What a beautiful definition.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
You know, you mentioned social media, so you are a
fan of the platform. So you know, we talk a
lot about social media, and as you were talking, it
occurred to me your incredible career kind of predates like
what we see of social media now, and so I
just love to hear from you as a creative, as
someone who has been doing this for some time. How
do you think your work has changed in the advent
(03:51):
of social media, and what do you feel like your
relationship to social media is as a creative That's.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
A really good question.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
I think my work ethic in the way I work
is not dependent on social media, right, like in terms
of like I need to get this many people to
see me dance and do all these things. It's never
been dependent on the part where it's like fame and
like all that stuff where whatever you get from the
results of social media nowadays. So it's always been like
(04:22):
about the work for me. So my interest in my
heart and my goals have never been tied to like,
oh this many people like this thing, right, So it's
always been about the work.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
But also I.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Think what social media has done is it has an
open line of communication directly to your audience.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
And I love that. I love that. I mean that's
why Cinners killed it, right.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Because it was they were like, it's not doing so well,
and everybody was like, bet okay, you know what I mean,
and we galvanize. Everybody galvanized. No matter where you are
on the spectrum, you were like, oh, okay, cool, I'm
going to go support it.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
And it was awesome.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
It was great, And so I think it changed in
that way, like there wasn't a direct line if you
ever want to DM somebody that you're interested in creating
with and saying hi, you can do it like nowadays,
you know. And so I love that aspect, even doctor Joy,
you being online and seeing what you do and all that,
like the connectivity of the community, like I'm able to
(05:23):
be like, hey, doctor Joy, do you know this resource,
like can you help me?
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Whatever?
Speaker 2 (05:28):
There's like a communal thread that I love about it,
And it gives people their own sense of power.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
That's what I like about it.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
It gives them this sense of wait a second, if
you don't believe in this thing, whether you're agent, a
manager or whatever, that looks like I have my community
who has my back? You know that I cultivate it,
and so I love that aspect of it. I think
the other aspect of it is the shenanigans that.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
You know, the shenanigans that I want no part of.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
It's like you get the good with the challenging, I
feel like, and so the shanigans of like having to
like do all these things and like go viral or
people feel like they need It's like that's exhausting to me.
So I just feel like if I can just be
completely myself and put myself out there on socials and
who I am, fine, but I'm not going to like
(06:17):
try to cultivate that and a frame work that is
just not me.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
So I think, you know a lot of women kind
of slow down as they are approaching pregnancy and giving
birth and motherhood.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
And it feels like you have really used that.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
As a launch pad almost right like you're like, oh,
it's time to hit the accelerator.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
Talk to me about this transition into motherhood and what
this has meant for you career wise.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
It's so interesting that you say that. Yeah, it's so interesting.
You're saying such thoughtful things. That's why I'm taking a
minute to kind of put it through the factory in
my brain. I feel more than ever. You know, I'm
forty four years old, I have an eight year old,
I'm married and all those things. But I feel like
I haven't done everything that I've wanted to do. And
(07:06):
I feel like new dreams come with different phases of life,
and so my dreams of ten years ago is not
necessarily the same that it is now. And so what
I love about now is like it isn't too late.
It's never too late to start something fresh and start
something new. I don't know if you ever see on
this is the great thing about Instagram and these quotables.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
It's like KFC.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Started sixty years old and Varuang started at forty four
or whatever, and it's like that is inspiring for a
lot of people who lay their dreams down after they're
like a married advocate.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
I feel like it's a lot of inspiration. My inspiration
comes from me.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Wanting to cultivate like mothers to be their best selves
and families to literally whatever that looks like for you.
I just want to inspire them with everything that I
create and to live their most fulfilling lives.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Do you feel like my motherhood has unlocked anything for
you creatively?
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Oh, motherhood has unlocked things creatively.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I think one of the things it's unlocked is my
sense of time in terms of girl, do what you
need to do, because time is gonna move on with
or without you, Especially when you have a kid. You
see them growing year by year and you're like, oh,
eight years later, I could almost be a doctor. I
(08:31):
used to drive a stick shift and it's like the
gear of like, Okay, let's accelerate, get the dreams that
you have out and go. Yeah, I think it unlocked
the intensity of me wanting to actually even though I
do it scared, it makes me do it scared anyway.
It's unlocked that like you're afraid to put this thing out,
You're afraid to invest in this for yourself, and you
(08:54):
know what I mean, it's scary.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
It's still scary. So I think what it has unlocked is.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
My intensity to go and to see the growth of
my child year by year. It's literally physically manifested in
my face, you know. And also just on that same
end of kind of not caring. Also, it's like not
caring in the sense of, Okay, I make a fool
out of myself, or somebody doesn't like it, or somebody
(09:22):
is something that's okay, Okay. I'm at the point of like, okay,
you think the sky is green, great, it's green. What
I mean, That's where I'm at in my life.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
So I'm like, okay, you don't like it, I love it,
that's okay.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Yeah, So as you were looking around in the landscape,
because it sounds like a lot of your work, as
you mentioned, is really designed to kind of help moms
kind of unlock these different things and know that it's
not too late, like you can always do these new things.
As you looked around in the media escape, what kinds
of messages do you feel like you were getting about
motherhood that drove you then into creating the things you've
(09:55):
created right.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Well, in the beginning when I started a while ago,
when I've had the Sugar podcast, I just didn't see
a lot of podcasts talking directly to me or it
was kind of like doom and gloom to me. It
was like, you're dying at pregnancy, here's a percentage of
divorce rate, here's and it just felt like whoa, where
(10:16):
is our Like, you know, fun motherhood stuff and talking
about things that could be a depth but also making
light and having fun and joy And so for me
at that time when I first started that, and it's
no longer anymore, but I knew that I always wanted
to cultivate a place where there were resources but also
there was joy, and whether that is with our children.
(10:39):
I don't want people's parents to like I hate when
people say you're just a mother or you're just this
to me, that undercuts all the things a mother is.
But I think from motherhood we get wrapped in this
like you're a mother, now, this is what you do,
and it's like, no, there's a dichonomy of like, I'm
also a woman separated from my child who has dreams
(11:01):
of my own and things that I have to fulfill
on my own. And I just feel like I wanted
to kind of merge the two of talking to women
in general, but talking to mothers and families and creating
content that would bring joy to them.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
And your daughter Ella is at the center of this
and is a character in the world. So Ella the
Curious is named after your daughter, and that's the center
of the podcast and the book. How would you say
she has really influenced the things that you've created.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Ella has influenced everything I've created in terms of this lane.
She is the officer in chief of telling me the truth.
She's the officer of truth, and if it's not good,
she's like, no, it's very honest.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
If you don't want the truth, don't go to a kid.
They will tell you you're under armstink like smell it
outside all the things.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, So she basically inspired me she is a curious kid.
She asked a lot of questions. I didn't realize even
for the book. I got it from my mama. I
said this before that I would be apologizing, which is
very different from how I grew up or just taking
responsibility for how I played a part in the situation.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Right, It's not this kind.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Of way of like my way or the highway all
the time, because she is just a different kid, and
every kid is not going to just sit there and
be like I feel like you suppressed so much in
them when you're like, sit down and be quiet.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
It's like, but I.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Have something to say, and obviously you can do it
in a respectful manner for the kid, because I get it.
I'm also of the sense of like respect is very
big in my household, especially how I grew up, and
especially respecting your elders, but also respecting your elders with
also a sense of having your own voice, and that
was very important to me.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
With all of the.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Curious I think a lot of kids sometimes or generations
have grown up with well just follow the adult, and
it's not always the right way. It's not always the
right direction. And so I think even for me growing up.
I had to find my sense of voice when I
became an adult, a younger adult, because I didn't know
what I liked.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
I'm like, oh, should I say something? I don't know?
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I'm scared, And I feel like if we allow our
children to grow their voices as kids, they won't be
those kind of lost adults. They'll be ahead of the curve.
And so for me that was really important with Eled
Curious and aocc Adventures of Curiosity Code, which is the podcast.
So yeah, el of the Curious is one of the
worlds in which the series within the podcast, but there
(13:36):
are other one off stories that definitely conversations have happened
in our household where we were like, oh, let's create
a story around this. So yeah, just given kids a
voice and also doing something fun where parents can also
have a break.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
M what have you been most surprised by?
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Like, maybe something Ella has shared based on one of
the stories, or something that inspired one of the stories.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
What have you I think I'm.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Most surprised by Ella when she listens to the stories,
what conversation comes out of those stories. So right now,
all I can think of is this story called the Dragon,
which is one of my favorite stories, and Nick wrote it.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
It's about fear and this.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Little kid who has to walk to school through the
woods every day and he runs because he hears the dragon.
And one day he goes back to go home and
the dragon is like this big, not so good looking dragon,
and he's talking to the dragon, and the dragon actually
represents his fear. And as this conversation goes along, the
(14:37):
fear grows smaller and smaller and smaller, and so much
so where the kids like, you're so tiny, and he's like,
I might be around the corner.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
I might be in the corner. You know.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
They get to talk about his fear and he kind
of overcomes it, but it's always there. It's not as
scary as it looked in the beginning, right when you
face it.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
And so I remember listening to it in the ellen.
She's like, mom, what's your biggest fear?
Speaker 2 (15:03):
And she asked her dad, and I was like, honestly,
my biggest fear is losing you, and she.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Said, that's my biggest fear.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
And so once we kind of all said the fear,
it felt like like we all like, you know, it
kind of makes me a little teary eye, but like
it dropped something something happened where it was like not
as scary because we talked about it, and the fact
that she brought it up and asked what our biggest
fear was and we weren't like, oh, our biggest fear
is you know something that it really wasn't. Just to
(15:36):
kind of protect her. It felt really good as a
parent for her to see me open up, to see
my husband open up, and then also for her to
say that is also my biggest fear.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
It's really cool.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Wow. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
My next question was going to be how do you
hope parents and children engage with your content?
Speaker 4 (15:53):
But it feels like.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
That is the way that you've just outlined, right, like
having these kinds of conversations that you might not.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Have exactly And I think sometimes as pariments, we think
we always have to fill the space. And it's like,
if you just allow even if you give yourself a moment,
turn on the podcast, give yourself a break, a brain break, right,
let your kid do their thing, listen, I think you'll
get more than what you actually thought you would get
(16:21):
from it, and more conversations maybe that you've thought about
in passing. And you're like, I don't know how to
bring it up. And then if you allow your child
to talk and not shush them away, I think you're
gonna get so much more than you honestly believed you
can ever get. And that's how things have happened for
(16:42):
us constantly, where I've just like, I know, I'm tired,
and I'm like, girl, she's like, Mama, have something to say,
because you know it's exhausting after a while. But yeah,
they're little geniuses I call them, and I feel like
they have so much going on in their mind and
when they say it, we're just like, Oh, where'd you
get that from?
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Yeah, more from our conversation after the break. So something
you said made me feel like we have similar upbringings
in that I was very much taught that kids should
be seen and not heard, right, So this idea that like,
(17:23):
kids have their own opinions and things. So it sounds
like that's one thing that you've unlearned and are aiming
to do different with your own daughter. What other things
do you feel like you have had to unlearn about motherhood?
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Oh, things that I've had to unlearn about motherhood. That's
a really good question. There's a few things I've had
to learn I've had to learn to just be quiet.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
It's like, you don't always.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Have to say something, you know what I mean, in
motherhood and in marriage, like okay, it's so exhausting to
always go back and forth.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
You're just like why am I for what they? I said?
What I said? And you could talk to yourself, you
know what I mean, Like, just be quiet.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Learned a lot of patients still learning that, working on that.
And I think I've also learned I don't have to
be perfect to be a parent.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
My daughter knows for sure I am not perfect.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
And that the standard of having to make everything somehow fit.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
In these perfect little holes.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I just need to be present, like literally, it's like
not being perfect, but just being present. And that's kind
of a monstra that I have in my head because
the quicker, they know that you don't know all the answers.
When she sometimes asked me questions and I'm like, oh,
that's a good question, let's.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Look it up.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
You know, it takes the load off of my back
with the bricks in it to think a mom needs
to know everything, a parent needs to know everything. It's like, no,
you don't, And it releases them to know they don't
have to know everything.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
They can go look for it.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
You mentioned earlier that every kid is different, and so
I wonder are there things that you feel like you
thought you would go into parenting being one way, and
now you realize with ella, like, oh yeah, that actually
doesn't work.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
I thought I would be like this really strict parent,
like you better you, you better listen to me everything
you and I didn't realize. Children come out in their
own personalities that were created, you know, and their own
strong wills. You could push it down as much as
(19:26):
you want. That doesn't mean that person is not going
to be the person that they came out as. And
I realized I'm actually not that parent. I'm very much
and everything's in moderation. Go ahead, have the ice cream,
you don't eat it every day. I'm definitely like, hold on, guys, content,
Let her say what she needs to say.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
What do you need to say?
Speaker 2 (19:47):
My daughter sometimes is like I cut her off, and
she's like, mom, you cut me off.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
I didn't finish my sentence where I.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Would be like excuse now, I'm like, you're right, I
did cut you off.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
What did you have to say? You know?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
And I give her that leeway, and I didn't know
that I would be that parent, and I actually love
it because it.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Softens me as a human.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
But it also allows me just listen, Like just listen,
be quiet, listen.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Yeah, So what kinds of things help you to stay grounded,
especially raising a child in the public eye.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
I think I just grew up in a very grounded situation.
You know.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
I grew up with a single mom. I grew up
with just not a lot of things, but still was happy.
And I think it's the everyday stuff. It's not this
big thing that makes me stay grounded. It's the every day.
It's the thank you, It's the looking somebody in the eye.
And like my great grandmother used to clean offices. How
(20:49):
grounded is that? You know, I treat people with the
respect that I feel like everybody deserves. And so I
just feel like when you come from a place of
not having a lot and seeing how other people treat
people with you know, not having a lot, there's no
way that I can be an idiot to somebody, Like
there's no way. And not only that, I feel like
(21:11):
another thing is I grew up like do as I say,
not as I do. It's like, no that's not how
it works. And I learned that too. Like my daughter
is like, oh, you have attitude. I'm gonna go to
my room and be quiet and not talk. And I'm like, oh,
which makes me realize Or if I have a bad day,
everybody has a bad day, right where you could be
like a little strong outside with people and your daughter sees.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
It and she's like, why did you talk to them? Though?
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Like it makes you having a kid makes you realize, Oh,
they're doing as you do, and they see you and
they will call you out a lot of the times,
or they'll just do that too as well.
Speaker 4 (21:49):
That's always very humble.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
So what kinds of things have been like non negotiables
in terms of your healing and things that help you
to really kind of navigate the process of continuing to
be a creative.
Speaker 4 (22:03):
But also now as a mom.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
I think I'm still figuring out what the non negotiables
are beside like I can't be away from my kid
for this amount of time, right, or my non negotiables
of having my morning time that's very important, having my tea,
having my book, having like that time to be like, Okay,
what do I need to do just to settle myself.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
I think those are non negotiables for me.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Also, if I feel stretched, a good no is always
on the right hand side of my bedside, like a
good no, Nope, I'm sorry, I can't do it. Nowadays,
I don't stretch myself where I try to do everything.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
I can't do everything.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
So I got to really choose the things that I'm
able to do, and maybe we'll come back around to
that thing, but not feeling bad about it, Like I
don't feel bad about if I can't do something.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
Yeah, what kinds of things do you think have allowed
you to get to that place?
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Because I think that's something a lot of as struggle with, right,
like saying no much easier.
Speaker 4 (23:02):
What has helped you to get to that place?
Speaker 2 (23:04):
I think when you are stretched to the point where
you're crying, that's bad. Your body is literally saying help me,
help you because you should not be doing this. You
shouldn't be crying because you're like, I am so tired,
I am so tired. My body feels like it's going
to break. I think when I've gotten to that point
of like my body feels like it's going to break,
(23:25):
then I was like look at my calendar or tell
my assistance like I can't do it all, like I
can't and try it and be a mom and be
this and be that, and then try to have a
little time for myself. So sometimes it takes you feeling
like you're going to break, like that's what it took
for me at one point. And then sometimes it's just
(23:46):
like where your schedule is so crazy and you look
at it and you're like, how am I going to?
Speaker 3 (23:52):
When you have to say how am I going to?
Speaker 2 (23:54):
You should probably start shifting something so that you don't
get to the I'm going to break part?
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Tika, Has there been a struggle with you between like
ambition and being present?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
Oof? Oof?
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Yes, that's a constant struggle ambition and being present. Yes,
I am so ambitious and I want to achieve so.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Many things and.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
That are just in my heart, like threaded in my heart.
And also I have responsibilities. I have things that I
have to take care of at home with my child,
being with my child. And I remember I was on
my phone. You know, you use your phone as your computer.
You know, you're just like on your phone at home
and da da da da. And I remember Ella saying
(24:41):
I just wish they never invented iPhones. And I was like, oh,
I was like wow, She's like I just you and Dad.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Like I'm like, Ella, I'm working. She goes, yeah, but
I just wish they never invented them. I don't want
to be I don't want to phone.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
And I'm like, oh that conviction of like, okay, I
need to figure out the times of where and when,
because if she's saying I wish they never invented them,
that's saying something about me and how I'm working things right, Like, so, yeah,
it's a constant battle for me.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
It's a constant battle.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
You mentioned that, you know, you try to get your
meditation in when you can. Are there particular meditations or
affirmations that you found yourself using recently that have been
really helpful?
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (25:26):
I did one this morning. I do it on peloton.
She just said, this morning, clear mind, clear heart. Like
clear mind, clear heart. And then when I get up
in the morning, I say thank you. I just say
thank you. And today is gonna be a good day.
Today's gonna be a good day. You know, It's like
it's gonna be a good day. It's just gonna be
(25:47):
a good day. I always say thank you, thank you
just for waking me up this morning, and then I'm like,
it's gonna be a great day.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
And then it's also like get.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
Up and then do something right, Like we can't just
see it going to be a good day.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
You know, it's cozy, like oh, you know, I'm like,
get up.
Speaker 4 (26:08):
Yeah, it's a good next step to get.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
So I have found and I feel like your work
reflects this as well. But I have found that, like
community has been incredibly important throughout my life, but definitely
in motherhood. Can you talk about like the community that
you have found in motherhood and an extension, like you've
created Fort Sumter as a way for other moms to
kind of create community. So I'm talking about community in motherhood.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Again, Like I think what oh I would say, we
have these tribes and like tribes within motherhood I think
is so important.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
It lets us know that we're not the only ones.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
I see you, I get what you're going through. Here's
a little encouragement, and I just feel like it's just
a connective tissue just to hold each other's hands. I think,
you know, my mom's that she grew up with her
aunt living with her, her grandma was there. There was
just a generational people in the home right where it
(27:09):
was community. I didn't just have to rely on my
small unit, right. And I think a lot of times
we're all in these little units all over the place,
broken off rather than connected and feeling like, oh girl,
I got you. And I think you have that in
physical in real life, right. You have your people who
you're like, girl, I'm tired, and somebody's like, I'm tired too,
(27:32):
and here's what I'm going through. Whether it's with my
husband or whether it's with my kids or whatever. You're like, oh, okay,
we figured this out. But I also think the community
online and the community when I go and go on
a plane and I remember and somebody reminded me of
this in the comments, and also I've done it a
few times when I forget what I do. Sometimes somebody's like,
(27:54):
you know how sometimes they call kids like come up first,
if you have a kid to get on the plane,
Da da da, They din't. I like spoke up for them,
and she's like, oh, it's this first.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
And then and I was like and I looked at
them and I was just like they were like, thank you.
For speaking up. But I'm always speaking up.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Or I grab somebody's baby when they need help, or
I'm like, give me that stroller.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
I got it. Like I just.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Feel like eighties just in this is instinctual for me
to look out for other people and their kids. I
don't care who you are, if you got kids and
you're just like I got it, because I'm too, I
got it.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
I'm okay.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
It's like that is what community is for, to say no,
you don't have to have it all right, Like you
don't have to have it all You're gonna drop some things.
I'm there to pick it up. And so I hope
that that's what Fort Sumter brings is connective tissue, to
feel like we can hold one another up, that we
can laugh at things that we do that are crazy,
that we can have like mom fails or not be
(28:53):
perfect right but be present, and also just have content
that gives parents a break to say, go listen to
that fifteen minutes, let me go start cooking, or let
me be quiet in the car for a second.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Here I'm about this, you know.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
I just want to alleviate some things for parents and
mothers especially and also still allow them to feel themselves right,
Like I did this little TikTok the other day where
somebody's like, how do you feel about You're not no
longer a bad girl? I'm like, I'm still a bad girl.
Like I want women to still feel like this is
not only the part of me that I am, I'm
(29:29):
also still me and that's really important with the Fort
Sumter community.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
More from our conversation after the break.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I love that you mentioned mom fails, because I think
what happens sometimes in mom communities is that there is
this like judginess of like, oh, I only do organic
food and I only do like right, and so it
sounds like you're attempting to build something very differ. Friend,
what kinds of things do you think are necessary for
us to let go of this like judging each other
as moms?
Speaker 3 (30:07):
Oof?
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
First, I think everybody's just doing the best that they
can with what they got.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
I think if we start from there and like remember
that before we write the thing comment like girl, that
is not organic or that chocolate is so bad? You
know what I mean, it's like, how about you just
think everybody is doing the best they can with what
they got. I think some of the things that we
could probably change is everybody's starting point is just different,
(30:34):
whether they breastfeed or whether they you know, feed with
milk from the can.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
What's it called formula formula the can?
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Right, we used to be in a can.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
I think that's getting better, Honestly. I just think it's
the thing that that seeps into you, like that little
hmm when you see somebody doing something that you don't
do right, and just because.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
You don't do it doesn't mean it's not right.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
And so I think I don't know specifics right now,
but whether it's what somebody's eating or how they're dressing
their kid during the summer or the winter or the whatever,
it looks like it's like that thing where I know
we want to help, but I think it's like say
it to somebody how you would want them to say
it to you. That's how I feel like. It's something
(31:27):
like the very baseline level of like, how about we
not be snarky? Parents and especially moms are doing like
a lot of work, and if we could, like the
baseline of being kind and saying ooh, maybe I could
say it like take it or leave it, this is
what I do right, like not like girl you know,
you shouldn't be you know, or you should not be
(31:49):
or this is how I do it.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
You know, it's like okay, that's how you do it.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
So I think giving each other a little more grace
of how we would want to be treated.
Speaker 4 (31:57):
Mm hm.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
So of course the name for Sumter is a nod
to your name. Is there more behind the meaning that
why you chose for it Sumter as a name for
your community?
Speaker 3 (32:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (32:06):
My dad he passed away when I was thirteen years old,
and he was somebody who was so empathetic with people
like he was somebody who tried really hard in life
to do the best he can. But he started behind
the eight ball in a lot of ways.
Speaker 3 (32:25):
And I think what he.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Wanted to build was and what he did build at
a certain point in our lives was like a home
full of love and laughter even if we didn't have
a lot. And to me, carrying on his legacy would
be to lend a hand, whether it's upside back, forward, down, whatever,
lend a hand when people need it no matter what,
(32:47):
and create joy right and cultivate a situation where people
want to be part of it. And I feel like
where my dad was, he was cool he just dressed
nice and he also was kind, but he also would
like have people stay at our house who needed to
from church, and you're like.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
Who is it? You know, what is this? Why are you?
Speaker 2 (33:08):
And it's just like that was his heart and his
heart was so big, and I think that's the thing
he passed on to me is my heart for people
and especially women. My heart is so big for them
that the empathy just runs through it and I just
want to be there to pick up whatever they have
to leave down and to also give them a laugh
and whatever that looks like, or give them inspiration of
(33:31):
like hey, here's a makeup tip or here's a da
da da da.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Dah, like take it again.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
I want to leave this earth where I feel drained
of everything that I have to offer somebody. And that's
fort Sumter, creating a space where people feel loved and
they can laugh and they can have content that really
helps alleviate a little bit of their burden.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:54):
So you mentioned the book briefly.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
I got it from my mama, but it is really
a celebration of like intergenerational life and learning. Tell me
more about why you thought that that was important to
write and how did the book Come to Life.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Yeah, I mean the book obviously came out of the
podcast idea, but I think the book also came from
a place of ME realizing again, like the conversations that
we've been having, having to apologize doing things that I
never thought that I would do as a parent, I
thought that's not who I would be. I didn't even
know that was a way, really, And so I wanted
(34:28):
to give parents, especially moms, the okay to say I
make mistakes and everybody sees it, including my child. And
I wanted to honor moms in terms of being enamored
with them, like I want to be like this.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
Like my mom. You know, when you're younger, you're like,
ooh that dressed. I want to be like this, or
her hair, the way she did her hair.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
But also when we like in the book, the mom
kind of blows up at her. It's like when gentle
parenting is not gentle anymore, and the daughter goes to
school and mirrors that same attitude that the mom created
at home. And the mom comes and gets the daughter
and she's like, where do you get that? We don't
treat people that way? And she's like, I got it
from you.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Mama.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
I think that's a constant thing in my house, where
Ella's like, well you did that, and You're like what
I did, and it's okay, you did And to me,
it's always about the repair. It's always about how do
we fix this and how do you know that I
apologize and I get frustrated too, not just you, because
(35:31):
they're learning how to react to things. They're learning how
to be in the world by you showing them and
giving them an.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Example, you know.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
And so yeah, I wanted to put that in a
book because I think a lot of times in these
kids books, you don't see the parents making any mistakes
or that you know, they're perfect during the whole time.
And so every time I have a read aloud and
I get to that part, all the parents gaff they go.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
Oh and they're like literally it's like a.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
And I'm like, oh, it worked, So yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:08):
I love it. I love that.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
So, Tika, when you think about legacy, not just for
yourself and for your daughter, but for all moms and children,
what are you thinking you want the impact of your
work to be?
Speaker 2 (36:19):
Oh, if I just impact a few people, I'd be happy.
I think my impact of Tika was kind and Tika
created a company that really helped me feel like I'm
not alone while also helped my child with emotional intelligence
(36:40):
and somehow helped me realize I need a break from
this kid, and we need to go on a date
night and I need to put on a little lipstick
because I'm still cute and I'm not only a mom, right,
I'm still me. And if somebody feels like my work
has basically wrapped them with a big hug and made
(37:00):
them feel like they still matter no matter where they
are as a woman and especially in motherhood, then I
feel like I've done my work. That they can wake
up another day and do what they need to do,
then I feel like I've done it.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
Thank you so much for that.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Now, speaking of lipsick, now you have shown up today
looking especially gorgeous, especially glowy and fresh. I feel like
the community is going to be very upset if I
don't at least as can we get some details on
some skincare makeup like when is the key girl?
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Okay, I always go by.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Kiss right, keep it simple, simple, like I keep everything simple,
because I feel like when you start like you do
the mask, you do that and you can do that
once in a while, but like, I feel like I've
messed up my skin so much in the past because
I I just want to try it all and I'm like, oh,
this is going to do this and this is going
(37:58):
to take away this mark and then but time is all.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
It's like the products.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Are confused, child, They're confused and they don't know what
to do, and your face is like hell, I use
Mario Bdesco cleanser. It's very simple cleanser. It's literally for
sensitive skin. Because my skin is so sensitive. I don't
use a toner every day. To be honest, I use
it once, maybe once a week. Maybe I just feel
(38:25):
like I don't need it. I don't need a toner
every single day. I just feel like your skin knows
what it's supposed to do and if you just allow
it to. And I know everybody has different skin situations,
but I just don't do it every day because I
noticed that I would break out a lot more and
then a simple cream. I created this oil and so yeah,
(38:46):
so it's gonna be you're gonna hear about it soon,
sooner than later.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
But it's this oil that I like oil based products
because I don't know. It just I don't know.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
It does something for my skin and it it's not
sticky oil though, it's not like where you feel like
it goes away and it absorbs in your face and
it's like vitamin E and it's like all the good stuff,
all the good oil. And then that's all I do.
I don't really do much. I don't I keep it simple.
I do want to start red light there because I
know as you get older, like certain things happen. So
(39:18):
I'll probably get that for my birthday. But that mask
that looks like a serial killer.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
Is that one? Yeah, so I'll probably start doing that,
but I don't know. I'm just trying to. Also, it's
an inside out.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Thing, right, like walk more, eating better, you know, even
if it's a few things that you change, Like I
just reassessed how I eat, because it doesn't matter how
somebody looks like somebody can look healthy, but you go
and get those bio markers and you're like, your glucose
is a little high.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
Which affects everything.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
And so I'm just being more aware of the things
that I eat. And so, cause it does shine from
the inside out, that's really where it is. Cause if
you're whatever you're drinking and it's not good for you,
and it's full of sugars and all that stuff. So
I think it's all like the body is separated, right.
I think sometimes we think that and it all works
(40:11):
as a whole, and so I think it's multiple things.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
But those are the things that I do. I love
to keep it simple. I don't.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
I don't do a lot. But for makeup, I love Maxtill,
I love Oh. I love the powder called SunPower. I
put that on after I put on my just regular powder.
Sun Power makes you feel like, look glowy. You put
that on and then my goats to Usually I'm not
(40:37):
wearing it today. But Ruby Woo red kinda if you
want to feel powerful you walking in room, you're like.
Speaker 3 (40:46):
Good morning. Every time I posted, they're like, what are
you wearing? I'm like, guys, I've told you Ruby Woo.
Speaker 4 (40:52):
Get with your program.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
It's a staple. But yeah, simple mascara, regular mascara. Anyway,
you can go to a drugstore and just yeah, you
probably have it all in your drawer. It's all there.
But the one thing I do love is on.
Speaker 3 (41:07):
Power from mac Okay.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
And we will be on the lookout for this oil update.
We definitely will stay tuned for the information there. This
has been so much fun, Tika, please let us know
where can we stay connected with you and grab our
copy of the book and listen to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Yes, you can grab your copy of the book at Amazon, Walmart,
anywhere online where you get books, target wherever.
Speaker 3 (41:29):
You can go to Fort Sumter dot com.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
There's some resources there as well, and updates of things
that are going on that sometimes I don't always post
on Instagram right away, and there's great resources and like
blog posts and things like that. But then online at
Tika Sumter on Instagram, on TikTok, I don't have my
blue check yet, but it's at the real tik Asumpter
(41:51):
on TikTok, the realty.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
Everybody's like, is this you? I'm like, this is much
about me. They're like, for real, this is you have?
I'm like, I promise it's me.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
So the real tek a Sumter on TikTok and then
Tek a Sumpter on Instagram and then I haven't really
used Twitter lately that much, but I think it's I
am tek a Sumpter perfect.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
We'll be sure to include all of that in our
show notes, thank you for spending some time with us today.
Speaker 3 (42:15):
Oh my gosh, it was such a pleasure.
Speaker 4 (42:17):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
I'm so glad Tika was able to join us for
today's episode. I hope you enjoyed our conversation as much
as I did. To learn more about Tika and the
work she's doing. Be sure to visit the show notes
at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash session four two three,
and don't forget to text this episodes to two of
your girls right now and tell them to check it out.
Did you know that you could leave us a voicemail
(42:43):
with your questions or suggestions for the podcast. If you
have movies or books you'd like us to review, or
have thoughts about topics you'd like us to discuss, drop
us a message at Memo dot fm slash Therapy for
Black Girls and let us know what's on your mind.
We just might feature it on the podcast. If you
tame for a therapist in your area, visit our therapist
directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory, and
(43:06):
don't forget to follow us over on Instagram at Therapy
for Black Girls or join us over in our Patreon
channel at Therapy for Blackgirls dot Com, slash Patreon, where
exclusive updates, behind the scenes content, and much more. This
episode was produced by A least Ellis, Inde Chubu and
Tyree Rush. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all
(43:27):
so much for joining me again this week. I look
forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon.
Take good care,
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.