Session 439: ICYMI - Steadying Yourself for the Holidays - Therapy for Black Girls

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly
conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small
decisions we can make to become the best possible versions
of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor joy hard and Bradford,
a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

(00:32):
to find a therapist in your area, visit our website
at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you
love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is
not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with
a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much

(00:57):
for joining me for session four thirty nine of the
Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our
conversation afterword from our sponsors. The holidays can be beautiful, stressful, joyful,
and overwhelming, sometimes all at once. As we step into

(01:21):
this season, I wanted to revisit a conversation that so
many of you have told me was helpful for you
in the years past. In this throwback episode, I'm talking
about the holiday blues. I break down what it actually is,
why it happens, and how to tell the difference between
holiday blues and major depression. Most importantly, I'm walking through
six practical tips you can use right now to help

(01:43):
you move through the holidays with more intention and less stress.
I hope this episode meet you where you are. If
something resonates with you while enjoying this conversation, please share
with us on social media using the hashtag TVG in session.
We've made it to that time of the year that

(02:03):
you've either been looking forward to or dreading for any
number of reasons. Next week officially starts the holiday season,
even though some of those stores have had their Christmas
decorations up for at least a month now.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
Heading into the holidays often brings up a lot for people,
so I wanted to spend some time today talking about
the difference between the holiday blues and depression, and to
offer some tips on steadying yourself for the holiday season.
The holiday blues might best be described as increase sadness
and anxiety during the holiday season for a variety of

(02:37):
different reasons. An article from UC Davis Health indicates that
some of the reasons we see an increase in sadness
and anxiety is related to a couple of factors. The
first is time change. We know that we've just set
our clocks back an hour, which means we have few
hours of daylight, which can have an impact on our mood,

(02:58):
resulting in decreased energy, loss of interest in pleasurable activities,
and sleep disturbances. A second factor that may contribute to
the holiday blues is increased alcohol use. So we know
that many times when we gather to celebrate, alcohol is
often a part of the equation, and since there tends

(03:19):
to be a lot of gatherings for the holiday season,
we may be consuming more alcohol than usual and may
not really be paying attention to actually how much alcohol
we are consuming. It's important to remember that alcohol acts
as a depressant on the system, so if you're already
feeling a little down, the increased alcohol may actually make
your mood more depressed. A third factor that may contribute

(03:43):
to the holiday blues is unrealistic expectations about ourselves. The
article from UC Davis Health states during the holidays, we
frequently meet other people that are quite successful and are
advancing throughout their careers. This may lead us to play
these unrealistic expectations on ourselves concerning our own accomplishments or

(04:05):
our perceived lack of them. None of us is perfect,
and sometimes we develop unrealistic expectations over the holidays of
what we should accomplish and focus on our failures. Be
realistic in what you seek to achieve, both personally and professionally.
Don't label the holidays as a time to cure all
past problems. The holidays do not prevent sadness or loneliness,

(04:30):
so as I mentioned earlier, there definitely is a difference
between the holiday blues and a diagnosis of major depressive disorder,
and it's important for us to be aware of the
symptoms of depression so that we'll know whether we're actually
struggling with holiday blues or something more serious. To meet
criteria for a major depressive disorder, a person must experience

(04:52):
five or more of the symptoms below for a continuous
period of at least two weeks. These symptoms include feelings
of sadness, hopelessness, depressed mood, loss of interest or pleasure
in activities that used to be enjoyable. Change in weight
are appetite either increased or decreased. Change in activity psychomotor

(05:16):
agitation being more active than usual or psychomotor retardation being
less active than usual. Insomnia are sleeping too much, feeling tired,
are not having any energy, feelings of guilt or worthlessness,
difficulties concentrating and paying attention, and thoughts of death are suicide.

(05:39):
These symptoms must be present every day or nearly every day,
and must cause significant distress or problems in our daily
lives are functioning. So if you notice that you've been
experiencing some of these symptoms during the holidays and they
last well into the new year, or if you've already
been experiencing these symptoms, then it may be time to

(06:02):
talk with someone about getting some help. Like I mentioned earlier,
the holidays often bring up a lot for people. Some
stuff is positive and some stuff not so much, So
I wanted to offer you six tips for steadying yourself
for the holiday season. So the first tip is to
be realistic about your budget. I think there's often a

(06:23):
tendency to overspend to show the people in our lives
just how much we care about them, and I think
we need to question whether this is really necessary. And
I often wonder if we get into overspending as a
guilt reaction for not spending enough time with the people
we love throughout the year. So something for you to
think about a couple of ideas about being more realistic

(06:47):
and smart with your money. One, think of gifts that
you can give that don't have an obvious monetary amount.
So can you do things like offered to babysit or
make a special playlist for the people that you love
more from our conversation after the break, Two, plan ahead

(07:16):
for next year by setting aside a little money each
month for gifts so that there's not a panic come
November in December and you're trying to scramble figuring out
what you're going to buy for everybody. The second tip
is to create new traditions or re examine old ones.
This may be particularly relevant if for some reason, you

(07:36):
can't be with your family this year. Can you get
a group of friends together to do a friends giving.
Can you volunteer at a shelter to feed those in need?
I think sometimes we get guilted into celebrating the holidays
in the same ways that we always have by family members.
But it's really important to think about what feels right
to you and how you would like to spend this

(07:58):
time of the year. A third tip is to make
a game plan for dealing with the loss of a
loved one, So dealing with the loss during the holidays
can be very difficult to manage, particularly related to all
of the different rituals and traditions that are often surrounding
the holidays. One really good way to deal with the

(08:19):
loss is to reimagine what these traditions might look like.
For example, if your grandmother recently passed and she was
the one who would typically lead the Thanksgiving prayer on
Thanksgiving morning, then elect a new person to lead the prayer,
perhaps using some of her favorite passages, or redo the

(08:40):
prayer sequence altogether. Maybe instead of a prayer you sing
one of her favorite songs instead. One of the most
important things is to plan ahead and not get to
Thanksgiving morning and be panicked about who's going to lead
the prayer. You need to have a plan in place.
I also think that there can be the temptation to

(09:00):
avoid things Giving altogether, or any of the holidays after
a recent laws, and I don't think. I think it's
important that we try not to avoid things, because when
we avoid them, we never learn that we can actually
deal with it. So, of course, it will be painful
to go through a holiday season after you've experienced the

(09:21):
loss of a loved one, but it is manageable, and
so you shouldn't have any expectation that is going to
likely be a joyous occasion, but you likely will be
able to live through it and tolerate the pain related
to losing a loved one. The fourth tip should come
as no surprise to you if you've been listening to
the podcast for a while. The fourth one is setting

(09:44):
and sticking to your boundaries. So let me know if
this sounds familiar to you at all. You're in town
for five days for the holidays. In those five days,
you have been invited to a holiday brunch sponsored by
your college roommate at to Read during Christmas Eve service,
ask to take Aunt Cheryl's shopping for the last minute gifts.

(10:06):
They've asked you to make that special peach collar that
everybody loves. They want you to see your new nephew
that's three months old, and you have to help your
little cousin get her college applications together. Girl, this is exhausting,
and this just describes what might be happening when you
get to your hometown. This doesn't even account for all

(10:29):
of the holiday work gatherings and community service projects you
might have had to tend to before you left home.
Sis you simply cannot do everything, especially during the holidays,
It's okay to say no. If you're running around doing
all of this, then what time are you spending reflecting
and getting yourself ready to head into twenty eighteen? The

(10:54):
fifth tip, build some downtime into your schedule just for
yourself else. Perhaps this means heading back home a few
days earlier to give yourself a buffer before you have
to go back to work or school. Or maybe this
means you do something completely different this year for your break.
This might be the perfect time to take that solo

(11:16):
vacation you've been dreaming about, or as to have a
staycation right in your own home or your city. This
kind of goes back to creating your own new traditions.
Just because the holidays have always been done a certain
way doesn't mean that they have to be done that
same way now. And the sixth tip, allow yourself space

(11:37):
to feel whatever you feel. Because there is often this
expectation that holidays are a time of celebration and excitement.
There's often a feeling of what's wrong with me If
we don't feel that way for one reason or another.
It's okay to be sad about a recent loss, or
to be so worried about the state of our country

(11:58):
that you just don't feel so jolly, or if you
just are not feeling it this year, all of that
is okay. Give yourself permission to experience your feelings without
making any judgments about them. You don't have to explain
yourself to anyone. So I'm curious to know what your

(12:18):
plans are from maintaining your sanity during the holiday season.
Share them with us so that we can all get
some ideas. Make sure to use the hashtag on social
media TBG in session. And if there's a sister in
your life who has not heard about the podcast, stop
whatever you're doing right now unless you're driving, and send

(12:38):
her a quick text message to let her know about
the podcast. I'm so glad we could revisit this conversation together.
For more resources from today's episode, head on over to
Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash Session four thirty nine,
and don't forget to text us episodes to two of

(12:59):
your girls right now. Tell them to check it out.
Do you want to share your own holiday experiences or tips,
leave us a voicemail at Memo dot fm slash Therapy
for Black Girls. We'd love to hear from you. If
you're looking for a therapists in your area, visit our
therapist directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory.
Don't forget to follow us over on Instagram at Therapy

(13:21):
for Black Girls and come on over and join us
in our patreon at community dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot
com to connect with others navigating the holidays and share
your thoughts on the episode. This episode was produced by
Elise Ellis, Indietubu and Tyree Rush. Editing was done by
Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all so much for joining me again

(13:41):
this week. I look forward to continuing this conversation with
you all real soon. Take good care

Speaker 1 (13:52):
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Session 439: ICYMI - Steadying Yourself for the Holidays

Episode Transcript

Host

Dr. Joy Harden Bradford

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Session 439: ICYMI - Steadying Yourself for the Holidays