July 29, 2025 • 45 mins
Nila Morton is a graduate of Howard University where she earned her Masters in Social Work and a passionate disability advocate born with Ullrich congenital muscular dystrophy, a rare condition that requires her to use a wheelchair. Her advocacy work focuses on challenging ableism and promoting inclusivity within the disability community. In this episode, Nila opens up about the struggles of fighting for accountability in accessibility for disabled people on campus, in the professional world, and their personal lives.
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Instagram: @nilanmorton
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hey, y'all, we're back with another episode of tvgu I'm
your host, doctor joy Hard and Bradford. We'll be back
with our special guests for the week right after a
word from our sponsors. Nyla Morton is a graduate of
(00:27):
Howard University, where she earned her master's in social work
and a passionate disability advocate. Born with all rich congenital
muscular dystrophy, a rare condition that requires her to use
a wheelchair, her advocacy work focuses on challenging ableism and
promoting inclusivity within the disability community. Nyla has shared her experiences,
(00:48):
including a traumatic incident during air travel, to raise awareness
about the challenges faced by individuals with disabilities. She contributes
to the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation's blog discussing topics
such as black disabled history and the importance of inclusive holidays.
Through her writing and public speaking, Nyla strives to amplify
(01:09):
the voices of disabled individuals and foster a more inclusive society.
In our conversation, Nyla opens up about the struggles of
fighting for accountability and accessibility for disabled people on campus,
in the professional world, and their personal lives. If something
resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with
us on social media using the hashtag TBG in session.
(01:32):
Here's our conversation. Thank you so much for joining us today, Nyla.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Thank you. I'm so excited.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah, I'm excited to chat with you as well. So
for those who may not be familiar, tell us a
little bit about yourself and your background and the work
that you do.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yes, So, I'm Nyla Morton. I currently live in Washington,
d C. I got my master's in social work. I
recently just grow for Howard with that back in May.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
So yeah, congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
I'm a youth coordinator for a nonprofit that's recently been
my new job. I lived with a rare disease called
or muscular gistrophy. The way you spell it is ull riicch.
At the time of my diagnosis back in two thousand
and nine, I was the only one in the state
of South Carolina with my disease and also number ninety six,
(02:29):
So I love to say I'm one in a million.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
In lots.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Yeah, and I'm also a disability advocate. So I became
an advocate when I was an undergrad, I used my
social media to talk about the lack of accessibility and
also the systemic ableism on college campuses, and my platform
started to grow as I connected with other disabled people
(02:57):
who were also experiencing the same thing. And then I
as my platform expanded, that's when I started to talk
about many disability related topics, especially things that are considered
uncomfortable a taboo like sex and disability dating as a
disabled person, things like that. And even though most of
my advocacy is on social media, I had the opportunity
(03:21):
to collab with other disability organizations, speak on different panels,
and also be intern for the US Department of Transportation
last summer under a Disability policy advisor, where I was
able to help with making sure that transportation was more
accessible for disabled people, which was a wonderful opportunity.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Yeah, very important work. In my past life. Before Therapy
for Black Girls was my full time job, I was
actually the director of the Counseling Center at Clark Atlanta University,
and the counsing Center was combined with the Office of
Disability Services there and so I know a little bit
about you know, like the kinds of concerns that students
will have on campuses. Can you share from your work, like,
(04:03):
what are some of the common accessibility things that happen
on college campuses that you'd like more people to be
aware about.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Yeah, So something I would love for more people to
be aware about is having access to the disability services.
Something that was a trouble, a constant like struggle for
me was the fact that they wasn't as accessible. There
wasn't like around, It wasn't easy to find. It's kind
of one of those you just have to know somebody
(04:30):
to know somebody that know them. And also like the timeline,
I didn't know that I had to be connected to
the disability services so early on, even before I got
on campus, so I was sort of considered behind getting
my accommodations and all those things in order. Also the events,
(04:51):
you know how school have certain events so students can
come together and make connections all those things. Most of
those events weren't a sucessible. There wasn't in places where
a person like me who have a wheelchair a power wheelchair,
that can go and just enjoy myself at an event.
It was like always a constant struggle and professors having
(05:16):
their biases when it comes to accommodations. A lot of
them believe that accommodations are like handouts, not looking at it,
accommodation is to help someone be successful and they work.
I want people to be aware of, like how even
though they hear the word accommodation, they think it's, oh,
anybody can get it, It's really not like it's a
(05:38):
constant battle. And also just like the dorm rooms or
their campus apartments, sometimes they're not always accessible, and if
they do have accessible rooms, it's very limited. So you
have to be one of the people to be aware of,
like making sure to apply for housing on time so
you can get one of those rooms or else it
(05:58):
can be very booked out. But they don't provide that information.
So I think overall it's just the lack of resources,
the lack of support, and also the lack of information
that make it very inaccessible on college campuses.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
M Yeah, you know, you bring up some really good points,
not that I mean, because I think the other thing
is that people get confused, like accommodations are not really
optional for colleges and universities, right like the Americans with disabilities,
that means that you have to provide these things like
federal funding and so these are things that are legally
required as a you know, a default of you being
a public institution. And so what kinds of things would
(06:34):
you tell fellow college students about how to advocate for
themselves and what kinds of documentation and things are required
for them to be able to get the accommodations that
they may need.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Yes, so I always say it's very necessary, and it's
also okay to have someone to support you. So for me,
it was my mother. My mother was able to help
advocate on times when I wasn't able to advocate for myself.
So she was asked the necessary your question because my
mom used to work in the medical field, so she
knew what questions to ask and making sure to go
(07:07):
to the doctor and saying, hey, this is my disability.
You already know what I go through. Can you make
sure to fill out the documentation so you can give
it to the disability services. But also even with them,
sometime they can be a little not as supportive because,
like I mentioned, biases and just being more vocal and like, hey,
(07:27):
like this is what I need, this is what the
doctor said about law y'all have to provide these accommodations.
Make sure you even read your disability rights so you
can know your rights. I think a lot of people
go in when they hear the word no or unfortunately
you can't, they think that's it. No, No, you're right because,
like I said, by law, they have to accommodate you regardless,
(07:50):
because they have the resources to do that. They have
to be ADA approved anyway, so they have the resources.
Don't let them make you feel like it's not optional.
If you need those accommodation, get those accommodations, and don't
be afraid of using your voice or coming off as annoying.
It's better to seem annoying and having what you need
(08:11):
than try not to seem like a bother in struggling,
Like you do not want to struggle in college because
college yourself is already a struggle and you definitely don't
want to struggle even more if you don't have your
needs and being supported.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah, Sonala, what has it been like for you to
navigate being both black and disabled in spaces where that
is not equally affirmed, even in advocacy spaces. Would have
been your experiences there?
Speaker 2 (08:37):
I would say my experience has been unique and it
has not been easy dealing with both racism and ableism.
It comes with very unique challenges that it's sometimes hard
to discuss with a lot of people because if I
talk to someone who's black, they may not understand ableism
(08:58):
as much. I'll talk to someone who's disabled. Unfortunately, if
they are different color, then they don't understand my struggles.
So like their intersectionality of race and disability, it comes
with so many unique challenges because I've been in places
and a lot of spaces where I've been with a
lot of disaved people but unfortunately did not look like me.
(09:20):
So the struggles they went through, I'm not gonna say
it wasn't bad or like it's invalid, but I will
say it's certain things I know for a fact that
wouldn't be able to go through because of the color
they skin, and I unfortunately go through those things. I
remember being in a group and there was a conversation
(09:41):
about intersectionality, and it was a group of to save people,
and I remember being uncomfortable because a lot of them
had a limited understanding of intersectionality. It was kind of
like trying to play the struggle game love who got
it worse? And I was trying to explain that no
matter what they go through in life, because of the
(10:03):
color they skin, that would somewhat be protected and still
be picked. And I said, the fact that we even
in this group, that's privilege. And I said, in intersectionality,
they talk about how your identity is not only caused
you to experience oppression, but also there's certain privileges because
of your identities. I said, the fact that y'all focus
on the oppression part but don't want to acknowledge that
(10:26):
the color of your skin give you some level of privilege,
Like that says a lot that y'all don't want to acknowledge.
There is some racism within the disability community. You feel
like we're all the same, but we're not. So navigating
to a lot of spaces, it can be hard because
most of the time when I can say I'm privileged,
(10:46):
like I mentioned earlier, my mom worked in a medical field,
so she was able to get access to a lot
of things. So I can be able to be a
part of things to get the resources I need, and
most of those spaces will unfortunately people who didn't I
look like me. I always acknowledge that yes, I do
have privileges because of my background, but also too when
(11:06):
I go in these spaces, I'm the only one or
one of the feuds that is black and disabled.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
And can you tell us a little bit more about
like ableism and how it shows up, because I do
think that that is one of those things that people
are not like always aware of or realize, like how
much our society like promotes in ways that are very
I think innoculous send sometimes. So what are some examples
of ableism that people might miss that you think is
important for them to know?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yes, so I feel like people have a very limited
view of ableism. One of the biggest things is not
just only like places being inaccessible. It's like how it's
inaccessible because people think, oh, there's a ramp so you
can go in, but it's not necessary, just that it's
the space. Can I move around? Can I navigate without
(11:56):
hitting a chair, hearting a table? Hear in the walk?
Can I move around and actually talk to people? Is
the bathroom accessible? Is there a real so I can
hold on and transfer myself to the toilet and transfer
myself back to my chair. Also, like when there's outside events,
is it on the grass? Some wheelchair users or people
who use mobility aids or whatever the case they may be.
(12:18):
When it comes to the disability, they may not be
able to walk on the grass and that's not accessible either,
especially like if it's a rainy day, they can be
very muggy and nobody wants to deal with all that
also too, like I mentioned about when I was in college,
people idea of accommodation, people thinking it's a handout. That's
another ablest belief that can hinder people from being able
(12:41):
to thrive and they work or in school, whatever the
case may be. Something else I have talked about earlier
where is when people pretend to be friend the disabled
person to make themselves feel good. That's another form of
ableism because you're not actually seeing that disabled person as
a person. You see them as a way, as I say,
(13:02):
a ticket to heaven. So you're trying to make yourself
reel good, but you're not actually being genuine. Another thing
is like transportation. A lot of people don't think about
how transportation is very inaccessible. I'm from Greenville, South Carolina,
and in the South, it's not a lot of access
to public transportation. If there is, it's very far away.
(13:24):
So like now, me being in DC, I would say
transportation is very reliable because I can take the Metro,
I can take the bus, there's accessible ubers, but all
those options is not in the South. So that's another
form of ableism, which is more aligned with systemic ableism,
because if you don't have access to reliable transportation, then
(13:47):
it can impact your overall well being, and I don't
think a lot of people think about that. So a
lot of the times to say people don't have access
to transportation or have a hard time getting accessible vans
which can cost thousands of dollars, and that's a lot
of to save people that's just living in their homes
(14:08):
because they don't have transportation. Also, going more in the
medical not believing to save people, that's another form of ableism,
not believing in their pain, not believing in the fact
that we have certain issues and we are aware and
it needs to get checked. I know recently I went
to the doctor and basically how to advocate for myself
(14:29):
because they were trying to ignore an issue I had
by saying, oh, where it's related to your muscular distriphee,
when I knew for a fact it's not. Because I
know my disease I have to study, and plus it's rare.
Not everybody is aware of my disease. So I'm telling
my doctor like, hey, I know what something's wrong. I
(14:50):
know when it's my disease, and I know when it's
something else, and I don't want to get worse, So
we need to check that. And a lot of the
times to say people have to advocate for themselves or
they constantly ignore and they have to go to different doctors,
and some to say people don't have the privilege of
going to different doctors because that costs. And unfortunately, there's
(15:13):
a lot of the same people that live in poverty,
so their pain or their illness get ignored and they
become worse. So it's a lot of form of ableism
that we don't think about day to day. But that's
just some that people aren't aware that is happening.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Yeah, more from our conversation after the break. You talked
a little bit earlier about the internship or the fellowship
that you were able to do with the Department of Transportation.
What kinds of policy changes were you able to kind
of help with and what kinds of things did you
(15:50):
look forward to seeing change in the future as it
relates to transportation.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Yes, so that was one of the best opportunities I
was given something that I worked on and the policy
that was helped able to push was fly with Dentity
and so that policy focused on making sure that disabled
passengers are able to remain safe for traveling by air. Unfortunately,
(16:16):
when disaved people, especially those who have mobility a's, when
they travel by air, most of the time their mobility
a's are damaged. And one of those people that happened
to me back in November. I was traveling back to
DC from being home for Thanksgiving and the hair rest
of my chair was broken and the joystick was missing.
(16:38):
Also when I was heading to South Carolina for Thanksgiving,
to airport staff, they dropped me and so yeah, so
I've been living with with chronic pain ever since then.
So it's been a constant battle. But that's just an
example of what the saved people go through when traveling
by air, another form of systemic ableism unfortunately, and so
(17:00):
I was able to help push that because it's a
very important policy, like to say, people should be able
to travel without being injured or having the mobility aids
like being broken. Because I don't think people realize our
mobility aids help us live. That's the way we survive
life each and every day. That's how we navigate the world.
So without them, it impacts our lives.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
So what kinds of work came out of that initiative,
the fly with Dignity initiative? Are there specific ways now
that maybe wheelchairs need to be stored on planes? What
kinds of changes came out of that?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Oh? Yeah, so now like airlines are being held accountable
if there any negligence or dorees, anything that goes wrong
with somebody mobility aid, they are responsible to making sure
they're replaced it and making sure they get repaired. Also
just basically just holding the airlines more accountable because before
it would be a constant thing, but not a lot
(17:57):
would happened. It would just be like oh okay, but nothing,
nothing would move. But now airlines are being held accountable
more and being more responsible if something does happen on
their airline.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
M yeah, and that's really important, I mean, because you know,
it's one thing to be able to just pay for
the repairs, but you know, sometimes it takes a while
for like those kinds of chairs to be replaced or
even care, right, and so now your ability to maybe
get to work is impacted. So does the initiative also
talk about like time for like lost wages and that
kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
No, it doesn't, It doesn't get into that, but it
just mostly making sure that, like I said, the airlines
to be held accountable, but also making sure that the
person get their mobility age repaired quickly as possible, because
unfortunately a lot of just say people been like, have
to wait weeks or months or years just to get
something fixed or replaced. And that's not accessible, Like it's
(18:53):
not it's inaccessible and it's not acceptible at all.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
So something else that you've been pretty vocal about talking
about on your platforms is inspiration porn. Right, And you
kind of talked about this right with the oh my
best friend is disabled kind of thing. Right, How do
you define inspiration porn and why is that damaging especially
for black women who are disabled?
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Oh? Yes, So inspirational porn is basically using disay people
who are doing something, whatever the case. Maybe it could
be like they'm going to the cafe or going out
to eat with friends and using that as a way
to motivate yourself and make yourself feel better about your circumstances.
(19:32):
It's so damaging, and I don't think people realize how
damaging it is because you're basically trying to say that, oh,
like this person is disabled, at least I'm not living
the life they live in, like I should be happy
because I'm not like them. And it's very damaging for
black disabled women because people have high expectation for black
(19:54):
women anyway, and it can be very exhausting because we
can do no wrong, we have to look a certain way,
we have to be presentable. It's like all these unrealistic
rules that is placed on black women, but for black
disabled women when it comes to inspirational porn, it's like
you're basically trying to shame black disabled women who are
(20:18):
not capable of doing something that somebody else is doing. Like,
for example, someone trying to use me and use my
accomplishment to shame a black disabled person who may not
have those same accomplishment and not looking at that Black
disabled women just existent is enough, and that's why it's
very damaging. I have seen that happen a lot, especially
(20:40):
with me, when people use like the fact that I
graduated or the fact that I share my accomplishment as like, oh,
if she could do it, then why can't you. It's like, no,
I have those capabilities. But also that's not all who
I am. My accomplishment is not all who I am,
and it shouldn't be tied to my word. It's wrong
to do that to black disay with people, black disay
(21:03):
with women, because just us existence should just be enough.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah, has there been any pressure for you to kind
of modify the way that you show up online or
like present yourself as more digestible or change kind of
how you show up in any kind of way.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I would say yeah. I like yeah, because I feel like,
especially now with a lot that is going on, I
do feel like I have to be seen in a
certain way that it's light because I don't think a
lot of people understand that I'm a black disabled woman
and what I mean by that, like, I'm black, I
(21:41):
have my culture. So it's certain things that I say,
it's certain things that I express in a different way.
And unfortunately, certain people who are my target audience they
can't understand or they have a problem with the way
I say things or the way I express myself. They
feel like it's wrong and it makes me feel like
(22:01):
I can't really fully express who I am or express
all my identities. It's like I have to be presentable
in a certain way that is like by other people.
Got it?
Speaker 1 (22:14):
So what suggestions would you have maybe for people who
are also maybe hoping to develop a platform and they
are disabled, Like, what kinds of suggestions would you tell
them about? You know, maybe pointers that you wish you
had known before they get into this space.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Oh yes, I would say, make sure you have a
good circle outside of social media. Make sure you have
a great support group, because if it wasn't for my
support group, I know, me being on social media would
drive me, like in saying, honestly, seeing the hate comments,
seeing the constant ableism, all that having a good support
(22:51):
group does wonders and it helps you be able to
focus on the purpose of why you want to start
your platform. I also would say, you don't have to
engage in every hate comment or every hate post that's
about you. Unfortunately, people are gonna have thoughts and sometimes
it can be very triggering, and sometimes you do want
(23:12):
to be like, you know what, let me tell this
person something, But it's not worth it all the time
because unfortunately with certain people you can't educate, but there
are certain people you just can't, and it's like, okay,
that's a lost cause, and I'm just gonna ignore it
and let it go. You will be a lot happier
that way. And I would say third, understand that you
(23:35):
don't have to take on everything. There's certain issues that
I know I specifically cannot talk about because I'm not
educated in that area. So I don't try to like
pretend I just take that as you know what, that's
just not for me to talk about. I just give
that to somebody who's more knowledgeable in that area, and
(23:58):
that's okay to do. It doesn't mean that you're wrong.
If you're not able to talk about something, doesn't mean
that you aren't aware. It's just you just it's very
important to know what to share, what not to share,
and know what you're knowledgeable of, because that's a lot
of people who love to spread misinformation and you can
see how that turns out. So it's just best to
(24:19):
stay in areas that you have more information about. Cause
then I feel like that's why I don't want to
say you used to worry canceled, but you get less canceled.
That way instead of like trying to talk about something
you know you don't know any information about. You know.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Other black women who have large social media platforms have
talked about this experience of especially when you do advocacy
work or like pointing out things that you know are
going wrong, it will often get bombarded in their DMS
or emails with these requests are like, hey, have you
seen this bad thing happening? Like you should talk about this?
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Right?
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Has that been your experience? I see you shaking your head. Yeah,
So it sounds like yeah, and how do you protect
yourself against you know, because you want to be like
supportive and advocate for people in your community, but there
is a limit, right, Like, just because this is your
platform doesn't mean that you can overly extend yourself to
do all the things, to talk about all the awful
things happening. How do you protect yourself against that and
(25:14):
gorge your mental health there?
Speaker 2 (25:17):
So what I do I always tell people thank you
for letting me know and I'll read up on it.
But I also like let them know like, hey, I'm
only one person. I cannot talk about every single thing.
And plus I try not to sound rude when I
say that but I do have a life outside of
social media and sometimes like outside of advocacy, even though
it's an everyday thing, but it has to get to
(25:38):
a point where I'm like, all right, I gotta stop.
And it be hard because I don't want to come
off as like insensitive or I'm not being aware of
what's going on, or I'm just being ignorant. There's a
certain things that just beyond my intelligence level, and I'm
okay with saying that. And sometimes there's stuff that's very
triggering where it takes time for me to read something
(26:00):
and I'll be honest, I may not want to read
it because I don't want to get triggered, because I
don't think people realize how triggering ableism is as a
desay your person, especially as a black to say your person.
And like when people send me things like someone died
or someone went through something that's very traumatic, like all
I think in my head like, oh my god, that
could have been me. And I try to get information,
(26:21):
but sometimes it, like I said, it can be very triggering.
So I have to pick and choose what's best that
I can share that's not going to affect my mental help.
But I always try to acknowledge the person who sent
it to me and be like, oh, thank you for
this information, thank you for trusting me to be able
to share. But also please be aware that I'm only
(26:41):
one person. And I think that's okay, like to say,
because like it is true, I'm only one person. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Yeah, So, as you mentioned, Nila, you know, something else
that you use your platform to talk about is like
sexual health, right, and like the lack of information and confidence.
I think that is sometimes there when you talk about
sexuality and disability when it comes to your sexual health.
How has your mom's involvement in that space really helped
you to kind of be more informed and feel more
(27:10):
confident talking about sexual health?
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Oh? Yes, So it started when I was just tweeting
like any other person. I had a partner at the time,
so I had shared a wonderful night with that partner
and it went viral. I did not expect it to
go viral because the way I think is the things
that go viral are not the things I want to
go viral. But when I'm talking about like anything disability
(27:34):
related crickets, which I'm okay as long as it get
to who we need to get to. But I just
find it hilarious, so I shared that it went viral,
and like I saw this whole discourse going on about
me having sex and people wondering if I should be
having sex, having these debates without my input or anything.
(27:54):
So like it's like going viral, Like other people haven't
like thank pieces about at me saying how it was
discussing anybody find me attractive, saying that the person who
I had sex with they need to be putt down
like a dog, all this ableism basically, And at first
I was like, oh my god, I probably shouldn't have
(28:16):
shared it because all these people having all these think pieces.
But then it dawned on me in that moment, I'm like,
people have these think pieces because they're not aware that
the same people have sex. They think that we just
either asexual or we just not capable of having sex,
and I said, that is a concern. But then there
(28:36):
was people who was messaging me or making comments who
were also the same when they were like, actually, thank
you for sharing, because I want people to actually see
that we are human beings. We also a sexual beings
and that's okay. And for a while it was annoying,
like seeing all the think pieces. But I replied and
I was like, Hey, this is just life. Yes I
(28:59):
have a disable, Yes I'm in a wheelchair, but that
doesn't necessarily mean that I can't have sex, or that
it's impossible or I'm not attractive. Like what my wheelchair
had to do anything about me being the tractive. I'm
just in a wheelchair and my partner at the time,
they just was laughing. It was like, I don't understand
(29:20):
why people mad at me too. I'll say, I don't know.
They just mad at everybody all involved. But at that
moment I took that as this is a great way
to start talking about sex and disability, because when people
who have that mindset, they don't realize how it can
not only be very negative, but how it can influence
(29:42):
a lot of people, especially in the healthcare system, especially
when it comes to policy making, how those believe can
impact the same people on la a systemic level.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Yeah, more from our conversation after the break, Ella, what
were some of your early maybe spoken and unspoken information
and ideas as it came to sexuality and disability, Like,
what were some of your early thoughts about.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
That When I was younger, I did not think I
could have sex. I used to think, oh, okay, I'm
to say, well, it's just not possible for me. So
I was still back in South Carolina having these thoughts
and I was talking to my doctor back then, and
I was like, Hey, can I have sex? And she
was like, can you feel when you pee? I'm like yeah,
she said, okay, day, so you can have organs, So yes,
(30:34):
you can have sex. I was like, oh, okay, but
that's that's a wild answer, but all right. But she
didn't see me as oh, to say a person. She
acknowledged that I have a disability, but she was like, yes,
it is possible, and she was honest. She said you
may have to do it differently because of your disability,
and that's okay. She said that the important part is
(30:56):
just having a partner who is willing to be patient, understanding.
She said that's the most important part. And I was like, okay,
thank you. So my mom. One thing I always appreciated
by her when growing up. She was always open and
honest when it came to the sex talks. She will
always explain what STDs were, you know, making sure that
(31:16):
I understood the importance of a condom, all those things
and she would have those talks for me when I
turned thirteen, all the way up until like I grew
up going to college. Even now we just have a
little conversation here and there, but she believed that I
could have sex. She was like, I know what's going
to happen, and I want you to have this information.
(31:37):
But when I was in the outside world, I think
I let the outside work influence me to think that
it wasn't possible. Until one day I did engage in
sexual activities with someone and I was like, oh, okay,
so it is possible. It's just I have to just
do it differently, and I just need to make sure
I have somebody who's willing to be patient and open minded.
(31:59):
I think that was very important for me to have,
Like whoever I have sexual relationship with, they have to
be very open minded because sex is different for me.
And as I was like starting to express like my
sexual experiences and just sharing them, not going in too
much details, but just basically sharing enough for like others
(32:22):
to say people to not only have hope, but be
aware that yes, it's possible, and yes there is so
many positions. Please know that it is possible. And also
wanted them to know that you define what sex is
for you. It doesn't necessarily mean that it's you in
a mail or it could be a woman and a woman,
it could be whoever, but it is possible. Something that
(32:46):
people would share with me was how in the medical
feel there were doctors who didn't believe they could have sex.
This one person shared that she almost didn't get a
pep smear because the doctor said, oh, you don't need that,
it's not necesscessary. And luckily she advocated for herself because
when she did finally get a pet SMAR, something was
(33:06):
wrong and she was like, all she can think about
is what if she just, you know, accepted what the
doctor said and it could have been something worse. And
that's something that a lot of the saved people go through.
And also the lack of sex education. There's a lot
of the same people who never received sex education when
they was younger because of that thought or that bias
(33:28):
that the saved people don't have sex. So when they
grow up and then they do finally have sex, they
don't even know their own bodies because they are already
having in their head like, oh, I'm not having sex.
But when they they don't know what they like, what
they don't like, like how they body feel, like being
able to guys want to be like, oh yeah, I
(33:49):
like this, I don't like that. And unfortunately there's a
lot of disaved people who haven't sexually assaulted because some
people are aware that they believe they can't have sex,
or they just take advantage of their innocence. And that's
also because to say, people don't have the knowledge about
(34:12):
sex education, about how sexual work and consent and all that,
and it's very important that we talk about those things
because to say, people are sexual beings and they deserve
to have a healthy, safe and consensual sex life. And
so I would try to use social media to share that,
like this is the reason why I share, because I
(34:33):
want people to understand this is what a safe and
consensual sex life looks like. This is what it's about
because it's about pleasure and plus, sex is a part
of life and it shouldn't be something that's only seen
for able body people. It's for everybody whoever consent to it.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Yeah, you know the number of dms it sounds like
that you got after you share some of your experiences
and the way that you're talking about this lets me
know that there is like lots more of education and
you know, sex, I think it's hard to talk about
for lots of different people, and I would imagine you
know this as an additional factor to that. What are
some places beyond like your social media, like, are there
other organizations or other resources for people who you know,
(35:15):
maybe want to have more of these conversations and get
more education about the combination of sexuality and disability.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
I would say there's not really many organizations that focus
on that, unfortunately, I feel like because they see it
more as a taboo. So a lot of the sex
and disability conversations are very limited. So it's like people
like me who just share my story and just trying
to educate people. There's like articles online that people can
(35:44):
look up that talks about sex and disability, but it's
not really many organizations. I know some like there probably
is some people who have platforms that are disabled and
they're very more expressive when it comes to sex, like
sex and sexuality, but it's not really a lot because
there's a lot of shame around sex and disability because,
(36:05):
as I mentioned, the biases that people think that we
shouldn't be having sex, so we can't have sex or
they feel like it's disgusting. But that's why I wanted
to use my platform to kind of help like tear
down those misconceptions, because it shouldn't be seen as an
uncomfortable thing. Like, yeah, sex is a hard topic, but
(36:27):
I feel like it shouldn't be hard when nowadays, like
people push for people to have children and all that,
and I'm thinking they got they gotta make kids somehow,
So like we shouldn't shame be shameful when it comes
to the top of sex, Like sex is a part
of life, It creates life, and it shouldn't be seen
as something bad. But especially when it comes to the
(36:49):
same people, like it shouldn't be seen as something terrible.
But I think that's just because of eugenics. Like people
they yeah, they believes even though they may not admit it,
they do.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Yeah. Yeah, So one of your goals is to become
a sex therapist at some point, what are you hoping
to do with as a sex therapist? And are you
thinking you're going to have a private practice, Like what
would that look like for you?
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Yes, so my goal is to be a sex therapist.
I think what I really want is to have a
private practice. I do want to provide a space where
to say, people can come to me and find like
different ways when it comes to pleasure, being able to
feel more confident in their bodies, because I think that's
something that's really big, Like society really shamed to say
(37:38):
people for how we look, especially we have a physical
disability or it's very invisible that we have a disability,
and society have this idea that if you're disabled, you're
not attractive, you're not desirable. And I want to use
my work as a way to help the say people
feel more confident, we're not in a badroom, and not
(37:59):
feel a shame for being disabled, because everybody deserve to
feel desired and feel beautiful and to try to do
and even if someone is disabled, they still deserve to
have those feelings as well. So I would love to
use my work to help with that, also helping with
finding position that works for them and all those things,
and also just not being ashamed of being a disabled
(38:23):
person who loves sex. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
So do you feel like therapy in the mental health
space in general is a welcoming space for people with
disabilities or is there more work to be done there.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
I think it's a lot more work to be done there.
I feel like, in my opinion, I don't think that's
enough conversation about ableism for like therapists to actually be
able to provide the best services to disab clients. I know,
for me who like go to therapy, I'm really big
on therapy. I'm pro therapy, but I do notice that
(38:59):
there is a limited knowledge about ableism and how it
can impact one mental health. There's been times when I
feel like I always had to educate my therapist or
basically had to do like the whole rundown, and as
someone who constantly go through ableism, and there's been times
when I've been in dark places because it just took
(39:20):
a big mental toll on me. I don't want to
explain ableism sometimes, like I just want to be able
to say, hey, like today I felt real bad about
being disabled and I hate it, Like I need help
navigating out those feelings because it's really impacting my overall
life right now, and then having a therapy be like, okay,
(39:41):
but can you explain like how it's like, No, I
don't feel like doing that. I just want you to
already have that understanding and I feel like there is
work that is out there where therapists are getting more knowledge.
You know, there's more articles out there, there's more books.
But I do feel like there's a lot of work
that do need to be done, especially when it comes
(40:01):
to how ables to impact someone's mental health.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Yeah, we already talked a lot about the work that
you want to do around sexuality and disability and the
work that you've done in terms of transportation policy. Is
there any other lane or policy that you're looking forward
to happening in the future.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Yeah, So I'm a really big policy girl. So right now,
I think just bringing awareness right now about medicaid. Unfortunately,
like they trying to cut Medicaid, which I would try
to bring awareness to people that it's very important that
we make sure that doesn't happen because it's a lot
of the same people who rely on medicaid, like me,
(40:41):
because that's how way of having access to our needs,
to the things that help us live, especially when it
comes to medical needs and doctors all those things. Even
like my wheelchair it costs fifty thousand dollars, but if
it wasn't for Medicaid, I wouldn't be able to have
this chair, and I'm hoping that a lot of people
(41:02):
become more aware, a lot of people are able to
use a voice, so that doesn't happen because just a
people deserve to live and our benefits should be cut
off or because of hate. Like I feel like we
deserve to live just like anybody else, especially like we
already deal with enough. We already have to struggle enough,
(41:22):
and that's something that we shouldn't have be punished just
because of who we are. Like I feel like a
lot happened, like a lot of policies that implemented in
place is because of ableism, but also it's like a
form of punishment for us just being who we are.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
No, what's something that you would say to eighteen year
old Nila?
Speaker 2 (41:46):
I would just say, just keep on living. I know
during that time, I was uncertain, I was scared. I
didn't know how life was going to be, and even
with my red disease, I didn't even know if I
was going to be here. But all I wuna say
just keep on living. Never be afraid of using your voice,
and always take up space and don't feel bad for it,
(42:09):
because what you have to say is very important and
very impowerful.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
Are there any particular affirmations or wellness rituals that are
helpful in grounding you?
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Oh? Yes, I have many of them. But one of
the things that I love to say every day. It's
funny because I used it when Beyonce had made an
announcement about the Renaissance Tour and I thought I was going.
But that's when I was having to move for graduate school.
But I was. I said, I couldn't get the tickets,
but I was like, it's okay. I said, could one
(42:40):
thing about my God she gonna always provide and she
don't play about her children. And ever since then, I've
been saying that because anytime I go through a situation
where uncertain about something, I'm dealing with so much ableism
that is impacting me, or whatever the case may be,
I always say that one thing about my God, She's
gonna always provide and she don't play it by her children.
(43:00):
And every time I say that, for some reason, I
always feel like that's when miracles happen and I feel
very grounded. Also, like, just keep on living. That's something
my mom had always said, and at first I was like,
what does she mean? Just keep on living? Like I
don't know what that means, but I get it. I
get it because even though it may not seem okay
(43:21):
right now, but it does get better.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Yeah, very South coated. My grandmother from Louisiana would always
say that a lot to.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
Those a little South Carolina roots clearly coming back. Oh yeah, yeah,
it has been so great to talk with you, Nila.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
Please let us know where we can stay connected with you.
What is your website as well as any social media
channels you'd like to share?
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Oh yeah, so I'm all on social media, so for Instagram,
TikTok and Twitter x whatever that is. But you can
follow me at Nila the letter N Morton m rt.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
N perfect will be short to include that in our
show notes. Thank you so much for spending some time
with us today.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Oh yes, thank you. I really enjoyed this conversation.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
Thank you. I'm so glad Nila was able to join
me for this conversation. To learn more about her and
her work, be sure to visit the show notes at
Therapy for Blackgirls dot com, slash tvgu and don't forget
to text this episode to two of your girls right now.
Did you know you could leave us a voicemail with
your questions for the podcast. If you have books or
(44:32):
movies you'd like to suggest for us to review, or
even have thoughts about topics you'd like us to discuss.
Drop us a message at Memo dot fm slash Therapy
for Black Girls and let us know what's on your mind.
We might just feature it on the podcast. Also, we're
switching things.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
Up with TVGU.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
We're introducing a new advisory console to help shape the
direction of the podcast and to join me for lively
conversations around issues and topics that are most important to you.
To learn more about how you can apply for the council,
go to Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash jobs. If
you're looking for a therapist in your area, visit our
therapist directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory.
(45:12):
This episode was produced by Elise Ellis, Indichibu and Tyree Rush.
Editing was done by Dennis and Bradford. Thank y'all so
much for joining me again for this episode of CBGU.
We'll be back with another conversation next month. Until then,
take good care,
Hey, y'all, we're back with another episode of tvgu I'm
your host, doctor joy Hard and Bradford. We'll be back
with our special guests for the week right after a
word from our sponsors. Nyla Morton is a graduate of
(00:27):
Howard University, where she earned her master's in social work
and a passionate disability advocate. Born with all rich congenital
muscular dystrophy, a rare condition that requires her to use
a wheelchair, her advocacy work focuses on challenging ableism and
promoting inclusivity within the disability community. Nyla has shared her experiences,
(00:48):
including a traumatic incident during air travel, to raise awareness
about the challenges faced by individuals with disabilities. She contributes
to the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation's blog discussing topics
such as black disabled history and the importance of inclusive holidays.
Through her writing and public speaking, Nyla strives to amplify
(01:09):
the voices of disabled individuals and foster a more inclusive society.
In our conversation, Nyla opens up about the struggles of
fighting for accountability and accessibility for disabled people on campus,
in the professional world, and their personal lives. If something
resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with
us on social media using the hashtag TBG in session.
(01:32):
Here's our conversation. Thank you so much for joining us today, Nyla.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Thank you. I'm so excited.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah, I'm excited to chat with you as well. So
for those who may not be familiar, tell us a
little bit about yourself and your background and the work
that you do.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yes, So, I'm Nyla Morton. I currently live in Washington,
d C. I got my master's in social work. I
recently just grow for Howard with that back in May.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
So yeah, congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
I'm a youth coordinator for a nonprofit that's recently been
my new job. I lived with a rare disease called
or muscular gistrophy. The way you spell it is ull riicch.
At the time of my diagnosis back in two thousand
and nine, I was the only one in the state
of South Carolina with my disease and also number ninety six,
(02:29):
So I love to say I'm one in a million.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
In lots.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Yeah, and I'm also a disability advocate. So I became
an advocate when I was an undergrad, I used my
social media to talk about the lack of accessibility and
also the systemic ableism on college campuses, and my platform
started to grow as I connected with other disabled people
(02:57):
who were also experiencing the same thing. And then I
as my platform expanded, that's when I started to talk
about many disability related topics, especially things that are considered
uncomfortable a taboo like sex and disability dating as a
disabled person, things like that. And even though most of
my advocacy is on social media, I had the opportunity
(03:21):
to collab with other disability organizations, speak on different panels,
and also be intern for the US Department of Transportation
last summer under a Disability policy advisor, where I was
able to help with making sure that transportation was more
accessible for disabled people, which was a wonderful opportunity.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Yeah, very important work. In my past life. Before Therapy
for Black Girls was my full time job, I was
actually the director of the Counseling Center at Clark Atlanta University,
and the counsing Center was combined with the Office of
Disability Services there and so I know a little bit
about you know, like the kinds of concerns that students
will have on campuses. Can you share from your work, like,
(04:03):
what are some of the common accessibility things that happen
on college campuses that you'd like more people to be
aware about.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Yeah, So something I would love for more people to
be aware about is having access to the disability services.
Something that was a trouble, a constant like struggle for
me was the fact that they wasn't as accessible. There
wasn't like around, It wasn't easy to find. It's kind
of one of those you just have to know somebody
(04:30):
to know somebody that know them. And also like the timeline,
I didn't know that I had to be connected to
the disability services so early on, even before I got
on campus, so I was sort of considered behind getting
my accommodations and all those things in order. Also the events,
(04:51):
you know how school have certain events so students can
come together and make connections all those things. Most of
those events weren't a sucessible. There wasn't in places where
a person like me who have a wheelchair a power wheelchair,
that can go and just enjoy myself at an event.
It was like always a constant struggle and professors having
(05:16):
their biases when it comes to accommodations. A lot of
them believe that accommodations are like handouts, not looking at it,
accommodation is to help someone be successful and they work.
I want people to be aware of, like how even
though they hear the word accommodation, they think it's, oh,
anybody can get it, It's really not like it's a
(05:38):
constant battle. And also just like the dorm rooms or
their campus apartments, sometimes they're not always accessible, and if
they do have accessible rooms, it's very limited. So you
have to be one of the people to be aware of,
like making sure to apply for housing on time so
you can get one of those rooms or else it
(05:58):
can be very booked out. But they don't provide that information.
So I think overall it's just the lack of resources,
the lack of support, and also the lack of information
that make it very inaccessible on college campuses.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
M Yeah, you know, you bring up some really good points,
not that I mean, because I think the other thing
is that people get confused, like accommodations are not really
optional for colleges and universities, right like the Americans with disabilities,
that means that you have to provide these things like
federal funding and so these are things that are legally
required as a you know, a default of you being
a public institution. And so what kinds of things would
(06:34):
you tell fellow college students about how to advocate for
themselves and what kinds of documentation and things are required
for them to be able to get the accommodations that
they may need.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Yes, so I always say it's very necessary, and it's
also okay to have someone to support you. So for me,
it was my mother. My mother was able to help
advocate on times when I wasn't able to advocate for myself.
So she was asked the necessary your question because my
mom used to work in the medical field, so she
knew what questions to ask and making sure to go
(07:07):
to the doctor and saying, hey, this is my disability.
You already know what I go through. Can you make
sure to fill out the documentation so you can give
it to the disability services. But also even with them,
sometime they can be a little not as supportive because,
like I mentioned, biases and just being more vocal and like, hey,
(07:27):
like this is what I need, this is what the
doctor said about law y'all have to provide these accommodations.
Make sure you even read your disability rights so you
can know your rights. I think a lot of people
go in when they hear the word no or unfortunately
you can't, they think that's it. No, No, you're right because,
like I said, by law, they have to accommodate you regardless,
(07:50):
because they have the resources to do that. They have
to be ADA approved anyway, so they have the resources.
Don't let them make you feel like it's not optional.
If you need those accommodation, get those accommodations, and don't
be afraid of using your voice or coming off as annoying.
It's better to seem annoying and having what you need
(08:11):
than try not to seem like a bother in struggling,
Like you do not want to struggle in college because
college yourself is already a struggle and you definitely don't
want to struggle even more if you don't have your
needs and being supported.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah, Sonala, what has it been like for you to
navigate being both black and disabled in spaces where that
is not equally affirmed, even in advocacy spaces. Would have
been your experiences there?
Speaker 2 (08:37):
I would say my experience has been unique and it
has not been easy dealing with both racism and ableism.
It comes with very unique challenges that it's sometimes hard
to discuss with a lot of people because if I
talk to someone who's black, they may not understand ableism
(08:58):
as much. I'll talk to someone who's disabled. Unfortunately, if
they are different color, then they don't understand my struggles.
So like their intersectionality of race and disability, it comes
with so many unique challenges because I've been in places
and a lot of spaces where I've been with a
lot of disaved people but unfortunately did not look like me.
(09:20):
So the struggles they went through, I'm not gonna say
it wasn't bad or like it's invalid, but I will
say it's certain things I know for a fact that
wouldn't be able to go through because of the color
they skin, and I unfortunately go through those things. I
remember being in a group and there was a conversation
(09:41):
about intersectionality, and it was a group of to save people,
and I remember being uncomfortable because a lot of them
had a limited understanding of intersectionality. It was kind of
like trying to play the struggle game love who got
it worse? And I was trying to explain that no
matter what they go through in life, because of the
(10:03):
color they skin, that would somewhat be protected and still
be picked. And I said, the fact that we even
in this group, that's privilege. And I said, in intersectionality,
they talk about how your identity is not only caused
you to experience oppression, but also there's certain privileges because
of your identities. I said, the fact that y'all focus
on the oppression part but don't want to acknowledge that
(10:26):
the color of your skin give you some level of privilege,
Like that says a lot that y'all don't want to acknowledge.
There is some racism within the disability community. You feel
like we're all the same, but we're not. So navigating
to a lot of spaces, it can be hard because
most of the time when I can say I'm privileged,
(10:46):
like I mentioned earlier, my mom worked in a medical field,
so she was able to get access to a lot
of things. So I can be able to be a
part of things to get the resources I need, and
most of those spaces will unfortunately people who didn't I
look like me. I always acknowledge that yes, I do
have privileges because of my background, but also too when
(11:06):
I go in these spaces, I'm the only one or
one of the feuds that is black and disabled.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
And can you tell us a little bit more about
like ableism and how it shows up, because I do
think that that is one of those things that people
are not like always aware of or realize, like how
much our society like promotes in ways that are very
I think innoculous send sometimes. So what are some examples
of ableism that people might miss that you think is
important for them to know?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yes, so I feel like people have a very limited
view of ableism. One of the biggest things is not
just only like places being inaccessible. It's like how it's
inaccessible because people think, oh, there's a ramp so you
can go in, but it's not necessary, just that it's
the space. Can I move around? Can I navigate without
(11:56):
hitting a chair, hearting a table? Hear in the walk?
Can I move around and actually talk to people? Is
the bathroom accessible? Is there a real so I can
hold on and transfer myself to the toilet and transfer
myself back to my chair. Also, like when there's outside events,
is it on the grass? Some wheelchair users or people
who use mobility aids or whatever the case they may be.
(12:18):
When it comes to the disability, they may not be
able to walk on the grass and that's not accessible either,
especially like if it's a rainy day, they can be
very muggy and nobody wants to deal with all that
also too, like I mentioned about when I was in college,
people idea of accommodation, people thinking it's a handout. That's
another ablest belief that can hinder people from being able
(12:41):
to thrive and they work or in school, whatever the
case may be. Something else I have talked about earlier
where is when people pretend to be friend the disabled
person to make themselves feel good. That's another form of
ableism because you're not actually seeing that disabled person as
a person. You see them as a way, as I say,
(13:02):
a ticket to heaven. So you're trying to make yourself
reel good, but you're not actually being genuine. Another thing
is like transportation. A lot of people don't think about
how transportation is very inaccessible. I'm from Greenville, South Carolina,
and in the South, it's not a lot of access
to public transportation. If there is, it's very far away.
(13:24):
So like now, me being in DC, I would say
transportation is very reliable because I can take the Metro,
I can take the bus, there's accessible ubers, but all
those options is not in the South. So that's another
form of ableism, which is more aligned with systemic ableism,
because if you don't have access to reliable transportation, then
(13:47):
it can impact your overall well being, and I don't
think a lot of people think about that. So a
lot of the times to say people don't have access
to transportation or have a hard time getting accessible vans
which can cost thousands of dollars, and that's a lot
of to save people that's just living in their homes
(14:08):
because they don't have transportation. Also, going more in the
medical not believing to save people, that's another form of ableism,
not believing in their pain, not believing in the fact
that we have certain issues and we are aware and
it needs to get checked. I know recently I went
to the doctor and basically how to advocate for myself
(14:29):
because they were trying to ignore an issue I had
by saying, oh, where it's related to your muscular distriphee,
when I knew for a fact it's not. Because I
know my disease I have to study, and plus it's rare.
Not everybody is aware of my disease. So I'm telling
my doctor like, hey, I know what something's wrong. I
(14:50):
know when it's my disease, and I know when it's
something else, and I don't want to get worse, So
we need to check that. And a lot of the
times to say people have to advocate for themselves or
they constantly ignore and they have to go to different doctors,
and some to say people don't have the privilege of
going to different doctors because that costs. And unfortunately, there's
(15:13):
a lot of the same people that live in poverty,
so their pain or their illness get ignored and they
become worse. So it's a lot of form of ableism
that we don't think about day to day. But that's
just some that people aren't aware that is happening.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Yeah, more from our conversation after the break. You talked
a little bit earlier about the internship or the fellowship
that you were able to do with the Department of Transportation.
What kinds of policy changes were you able to kind
of help with and what kinds of things did you
(15:50):
look forward to seeing change in the future as it
relates to transportation.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Yes, so that was one of the best opportunities I
was given something that I worked on and the policy
that was helped able to push was fly with Dentity
and so that policy focused on making sure that disabled
passengers are able to remain safe for traveling by air. Unfortunately,
(16:16):
when disaved people, especially those who have mobility a's, when
they travel by air, most of the time their mobility
a's are damaged. And one of those people that happened
to me back in November. I was traveling back to
DC from being home for Thanksgiving and the hair rest
of my chair was broken and the joystick was missing.
(16:38):
Also when I was heading to South Carolina for Thanksgiving,
to airport staff, they dropped me and so yeah, so
I've been living with with chronic pain ever since then.
So it's been a constant battle. But that's just an
example of what the saved people go through when traveling
by air, another form of systemic ableism unfortunately, and so
(17:00):
I was able to help push that because it's a
very important policy, like to say, people should be able
to travel without being injured or having the mobility aids
like being broken. Because I don't think people realize our
mobility aids help us live. That's the way we survive
life each and every day. That's how we navigate the world.
So without them, it impacts our lives.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
So what kinds of work came out of that initiative,
the fly with Dignity initiative? Are there specific ways now
that maybe wheelchairs need to be stored on planes? What
kinds of changes came out of that?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Oh? Yeah, so now like airlines are being held accountable
if there any negligence or dorees, anything that goes wrong
with somebody mobility aid, they are responsible to making sure
they're replaced it and making sure they get repaired. Also
just basically just holding the airlines more accountable because before
it would be a constant thing, but not a lot
(17:57):
would happened. It would just be like oh okay, but nothing,
nothing would move. But now airlines are being held accountable
more and being more responsible if something does happen on
their airline.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
M yeah, and that's really important, I mean, because you know,
it's one thing to be able to just pay for
the repairs, but you know, sometimes it takes a while
for like those kinds of chairs to be replaced or
even care, right, and so now your ability to maybe
get to work is impacted. So does the initiative also
talk about like time for like lost wages and that
kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
No, it doesn't, It doesn't get into that, but it
just mostly making sure that, like I said, the airlines
to be held accountable, but also making sure that the
person get their mobility age repaired quickly as possible, because
unfortunately a lot of just say people been like, have
to wait weeks or months or years just to get
something fixed or replaced. And that's not accessible, Like it's
(18:53):
not it's inaccessible and it's not acceptible at all.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
So something else that you've been pretty vocal about talking
about on your platforms is inspiration porn. Right, And you
kind of talked about this right with the oh my
best friend is disabled kind of thing. Right, How do
you define inspiration porn and why is that damaging especially
for black women who are disabled?
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Oh? Yes, So inspirational porn is basically using disay people
who are doing something, whatever the case. Maybe it could
be like they'm going to the cafe or going out
to eat with friends and using that as a way
to motivate yourself and make yourself feel better about your circumstances.
(19:32):
It's so damaging, and I don't think people realize how
damaging it is because you're basically trying to say that, oh,
like this person is disabled, at least I'm not living
the life they live in, like I should be happy
because I'm not like them. And it's very damaging for
black disabled women because people have high expectation for black
(19:54):
women anyway, and it can be very exhausting because we
can do no wrong, we have to look a certain way,
we have to be presentable. It's like all these unrealistic
rules that is placed on black women, but for black
disabled women when it comes to inspirational porn, it's like
you're basically trying to shame black disabled women who are
(20:18):
not capable of doing something that somebody else is doing. Like,
for example, someone trying to use me and use my
accomplishment to shame a black disabled person who may not
have those same accomplishment and not looking at that Black
disabled women just existent is enough, and that's why it's
very damaging. I have seen that happen a lot, especially
(20:40):
with me, when people use like the fact that I
graduated or the fact that I share my accomplishment as like, oh,
if she could do it, then why can't you. It's like, no,
I have those capabilities. But also that's not all who
I am. My accomplishment is not all who I am,
and it shouldn't be tied to my word. It's wrong
to do that to black disay with people, black disay
(21:03):
with women, because just us existence should just be enough.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah, has there been any pressure for you to kind
of modify the way that you show up online or
like present yourself as more digestible or change kind of
how you show up in any kind of way.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I would say yeah. I like yeah, because I feel like,
especially now with a lot that is going on, I
do feel like I have to be seen in a
certain way that it's light because I don't think a
lot of people understand that I'm a black disabled woman
and what I mean by that, like, I'm black, I
(21:41):
have my culture. So it's certain things that I say,
it's certain things that I express in a different way.
And unfortunately, certain people who are my target audience they
can't understand or they have a problem with the way
I say things or the way I express myself. They
feel like it's wrong and it makes me feel like
(22:01):
I can't really fully express who I am or express
all my identities. It's like I have to be presentable
in a certain way that is like by other people.
Got it?
Speaker 1 (22:14):
So what suggestions would you have maybe for people who
are also maybe hoping to develop a platform and they
are disabled, Like, what kinds of suggestions would you tell
them about? You know, maybe pointers that you wish you
had known before they get into this space.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Oh yes, I would say, make sure you have a
good circle outside of social media. Make sure you have
a great support group, because if it wasn't for my
support group, I know, me being on social media would
drive me, like in saying, honestly, seeing the hate comments,
seeing the constant ableism, all that having a good support
(22:51):
group does wonders and it helps you be able to
focus on the purpose of why you want to start
your platform. I also would say, you don't have to
engage in every hate comment or every hate post that's
about you. Unfortunately, people are gonna have thoughts and sometimes
it can be very triggering, and sometimes you do want
(23:12):
to be like, you know what, let me tell this
person something, But it's not worth it all the time
because unfortunately with certain people you can't educate, but there
are certain people you just can't, and it's like, okay,
that's a lost cause, and I'm just gonna ignore it
and let it go. You will be a lot happier
that way. And I would say third, understand that you
(23:35):
don't have to take on everything. There's certain issues that
I know I specifically cannot talk about because I'm not
educated in that area. So I don't try to like
pretend I just take that as you know what, that's
just not for me to talk about. I just give
that to somebody who's more knowledgeable in that area, and
(23:58):
that's okay to do. It doesn't mean that you're wrong.
If you're not able to talk about something, doesn't mean
that you aren't aware. It's just you just it's very
important to know what to share, what not to share,
and know what you're knowledgeable of, because that's a lot
of people who love to spread misinformation and you can
see how that turns out. So it's just best to
(24:19):
stay in areas that you have more information about. Cause
then I feel like that's why I don't want to
say you used to worry canceled, but you get less canceled.
That way instead of like trying to talk about something
you know you don't know any information about. You know.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Other black women who have large social media platforms have
talked about this experience of especially when you do advocacy
work or like pointing out things that you know are
going wrong, it will often get bombarded in their DMS
or emails with these requests are like, hey, have you
seen this bad thing happening? Like you should talk about this?
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Right?
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Has that been your experience? I see you shaking your head. Yeah,
So it sounds like yeah, and how do you protect
yourself against you know, because you want to be like
supportive and advocate for people in your community, but there
is a limit, right, Like, just because this is your
platform doesn't mean that you can overly extend yourself to
do all the things, to talk about all the awful
things happening. How do you protect yourself against that and
(25:14):
gorge your mental health there?
Speaker 2 (25:17):
So what I do I always tell people thank you
for letting me know and I'll read up on it.
But I also like let them know like, hey, I'm
only one person. I cannot talk about every single thing.
And plus I try not to sound rude when I
say that but I do have a life outside of
social media and sometimes like outside of advocacy, even though
it's an everyday thing, but it has to get to
(25:38):
a point where I'm like, all right, I gotta stop.
And it be hard because I don't want to come
off as like insensitive or I'm not being aware of
what's going on, or I'm just being ignorant. There's a
certain things that just beyond my intelligence level, and I'm
okay with saying that. And sometimes there's stuff that's very
triggering where it takes time for me to read something
(26:00):
and I'll be honest, I may not want to read
it because I don't want to get triggered, because I
don't think people realize how triggering ableism is as a
desay your person, especially as a black to say your person.
And like when people send me things like someone died
or someone went through something that's very traumatic, like all
I think in my head like, oh my god, that
could have been me. And I try to get information,
(26:21):
but sometimes it, like I said, it can be very triggering.
So I have to pick and choose what's best that
I can share that's not going to affect my mental help.
But I always try to acknowledge the person who sent
it to me and be like, oh, thank you for
this information, thank you for trusting me to be able
to share. But also please be aware that I'm only
(26:41):
one person. And I think that's okay, like to say,
because like it is true, I'm only one person. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Yeah, So, as you mentioned, Nila, you know, something else
that you use your platform to talk about is like
sexual health, right, and like the lack of information and confidence.
I think that is sometimes there when you talk about
sexuality and disability when it comes to your sexual health.
How has your mom's involvement in that space really helped
you to kind of be more informed and feel more
(27:10):
confident talking about sexual health?
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Oh? Yes, So it started when I was just tweeting
like any other person. I had a partner at the time,
so I had shared a wonderful night with that partner
and it went viral. I did not expect it to
go viral because the way I think is the things
that go viral are not the things I want to
go viral. But when I'm talking about like anything disability
(27:34):
related crickets, which I'm okay as long as it get
to who we need to get to. But I just
find it hilarious, so I shared that it went viral,
and like I saw this whole discourse going on about
me having sex and people wondering if I should be
having sex, having these debates without my input or anything.
(27:54):
So like it's like going viral, Like other people haven't
like thank pieces about at me saying how it was
discussing anybody find me attractive, saying that the person who
I had sex with they need to be putt down
like a dog, all this ableism basically, And at first
I was like, oh my god, I probably shouldn't have
(28:16):
shared it because all these people having all these think pieces.
But then it dawned on me in that moment, I'm like,
people have these think pieces because they're not aware that
the same people have sex. They think that we just
either asexual or we just not capable of having sex,
and I said, that is a concern. But then there
(28:36):
was people who was messaging me or making comments who
were also the same when they were like, actually, thank
you for sharing, because I want people to actually see
that we are human beings. We also a sexual beings
and that's okay. And for a while it was annoying,
like seeing all the think pieces. But I replied and
I was like, Hey, this is just life. Yes I
(28:59):
have a disable, Yes I'm in a wheelchair, but that
doesn't necessarily mean that I can't have sex, or that
it's impossible or I'm not attractive. Like what my wheelchair
had to do anything about me being the tractive. I'm
just in a wheelchair and my partner at the time,
they just was laughing. It was like, I don't understand
(29:20):
why people mad at me too. I'll say, I don't know.
They just mad at everybody all involved. But at that
moment I took that as this is a great way
to start talking about sex and disability, because when people
who have that mindset, they don't realize how it can
not only be very negative, but how it can influence
(29:42):
a lot of people, especially in the healthcare system, especially
when it comes to policy making, how those believe can
impact the same people on la a systemic level.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Yeah, more from our conversation after the break, Ella, what
were some of your early maybe spoken and unspoken information
and ideas as it came to sexuality and disability, Like,
what were some of your early thoughts about.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
That When I was younger, I did not think I
could have sex. I used to think, oh, okay, I'm
to say, well, it's just not possible for me. So
I was still back in South Carolina having these thoughts
and I was talking to my doctor back then, and
I was like, Hey, can I have sex? And she
was like, can you feel when you pee? I'm like yeah,
she said, okay, day, so you can have organs, So yes,
(30:34):
you can have sex. I was like, oh, okay, but
that's that's a wild answer, but all right. But she
didn't see me as oh, to say a person. She
acknowledged that I have a disability, but she was like, yes,
it is possible, and she was honest. She said you
may have to do it differently because of your disability,
and that's okay. She said that the important part is
(30:56):
just having a partner who is willing to be patient, understanding.
She said that's the most important part. And I was like, okay,
thank you. So my mom. One thing I always appreciated
by her when growing up. She was always open and
honest when it came to the sex talks. She will
always explain what STDs were, you know, making sure that
(31:16):
I understood the importance of a condom, all those things
and she would have those talks for me when I
turned thirteen, all the way up until like I grew
up going to college. Even now we just have a
little conversation here and there, but she believed that I
could have sex. She was like, I know what's going
to happen, and I want you to have this information.
(31:37):
But when I was in the outside world, I think
I let the outside work influence me to think that
it wasn't possible. Until one day I did engage in
sexual activities with someone and I was like, oh, okay,
so it is possible. It's just I have to just
do it differently, and I just need to make sure
I have somebody who's willing to be patient and open minded.
(31:59):
I think that was very important for me to have,
Like whoever I have sexual relationship with, they have to
be very open minded because sex is different for me.
And as I was like starting to express like my
sexual experiences and just sharing them, not going in too
much details, but just basically sharing enough for like others
(32:22):
to say people to not only have hope, but be
aware that yes, it's possible, and yes there is so
many positions. Please know that it is possible. And also
wanted them to know that you define what sex is
for you. It doesn't necessarily mean that it's you in
a mail or it could be a woman and a woman,
it could be whoever, but it is possible. Something that
(32:46):
people would share with me was how in the medical
feel there were doctors who didn't believe they could have sex.
This one person shared that she almost didn't get a
pep smear because the doctor said, oh, you don't need that,
it's not necesscessary. And luckily she advocated for herself because
when she did finally get a pet SMAR, something was
(33:06):
wrong and she was like, all she can think about
is what if she just, you know, accepted what the
doctor said and it could have been something worse. And
that's something that a lot of the saved people go through.
And also the lack of sex education. There's a lot
of the same people who never received sex education when
they was younger because of that thought or that bias
(33:28):
that the saved people don't have sex. So when they
grow up and then they do finally have sex, they
don't even know their own bodies because they are already
having in their head like, oh, I'm not having sex.
But when they they don't know what they like, what
they don't like, like how they body feel, like being
able to guys want to be like, oh yeah, I
(33:49):
like this, I don't like that. And unfortunately there's a
lot of disaved people who haven't sexually assaulted because some
people are aware that they believe they can't have sex,
or they just take advantage of their innocence. And that's
also because to say, people don't have the knowledge about
(34:12):
sex education, about how sexual work and consent and all that,
and it's very important that we talk about those things
because to say, people are sexual beings and they deserve
to have a healthy, safe and consensual sex life. And
so I would try to use social media to share that,
like this is the reason why I share, because I
(34:33):
want people to understand this is what a safe and
consensual sex life looks like. This is what it's about
because it's about pleasure and plus, sex is a part
of life and it shouldn't be something that's only seen
for able body people. It's for everybody whoever consent to it.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Yeah, you know the number of dms it sounds like
that you got after you share some of your experiences
and the way that you're talking about this lets me
know that there is like lots more of education and
you know, sex, I think it's hard to talk about
for lots of different people, and I would imagine you
know this as an additional factor to that. What are
some places beyond like your social media, like, are there
other organizations or other resources for people who you know,
(35:15):
maybe want to have more of these conversations and get
more education about the combination of sexuality and disability.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
I would say there's not really many organizations that focus
on that, unfortunately, I feel like because they see it
more as a taboo. So a lot of the sex
and disability conversations are very limited. So it's like people
like me who just share my story and just trying
to educate people. There's like articles online that people can
(35:44):
look up that talks about sex and disability, but it's
not really many organizations. I know some like there probably
is some people who have platforms that are disabled and
they're very more expressive when it comes to sex, like
sex and sexuality, but it's not really a lot because
there's a lot of shame around sex and disability because,
(36:05):
as I mentioned, the biases that people think that we
shouldn't be having sex, so we can't have sex or
they feel like it's disgusting. But that's why I wanted
to use my platform to kind of help like tear
down those misconceptions, because it shouldn't be seen as an
uncomfortable thing. Like, yeah, sex is a hard topic, but
(36:27):
I feel like it shouldn't be hard when nowadays, like
people push for people to have children and all that,
and I'm thinking they got they gotta make kids somehow,
So like we shouldn't shame be shameful when it comes
to the top of sex, Like sex is a part
of life, It creates life, and it shouldn't be seen
as something bad. But especially when it comes to the
(36:49):
same people, like it shouldn't be seen as something terrible.
But I think that's just because of eugenics. Like people
they yeah, they believes even though they may not admit it,
they do.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Yeah. Yeah, So one of your goals is to become
a sex therapist at some point, what are you hoping
to do with as a sex therapist? And are you
thinking you're going to have a private practice, Like what
would that look like for you?
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Yes, so my goal is to be a sex therapist.
I think what I really want is to have a
private practice. I do want to provide a space where
to say, people can come to me and find like
different ways when it comes to pleasure, being able to
feel more confident in their bodies, because I think that's
something that's really big, Like society really shamed to say
(37:38):
people for how we look, especially we have a physical
disability or it's very invisible that we have a disability,
and society have this idea that if you're disabled, you're
not attractive, you're not desirable. And I want to use
my work as a way to help the say people
feel more confident, we're not in a badroom, and not
(37:59):
feel a shame for being disabled, because everybody deserve to
feel desired and feel beautiful and to try to do
and even if someone is disabled, they still deserve to
have those feelings as well. So I would love to
use my work to help with that, also helping with
finding position that works for them and all those things,
and also just not being ashamed of being a disabled
(38:23):
person who loves sex. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
So do you feel like therapy in the mental health
space in general is a welcoming space for people with
disabilities or is there more work to be done there.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
I think it's a lot more work to be done there.
I feel like, in my opinion, I don't think that's
enough conversation about ableism for like therapists to actually be
able to provide the best services to disab clients. I know,
for me who like go to therapy, I'm really big
on therapy. I'm pro therapy, but I do notice that
(38:59):
there is a limited knowledge about ableism and how it
can impact one mental health. There's been times when I
feel like I always had to educate my therapist or
basically had to do like the whole rundown, and as
someone who constantly go through ableism, and there's been times
when I've been in dark places because it just took
(39:20):
a big mental toll on me. I don't want to
explain ableism sometimes, like I just want to be able
to say, hey, like today I felt real bad about
being disabled and I hate it, Like I need help
navigating out those feelings because it's really impacting my overall
life right now, and then having a therapy be like, okay,
(39:41):
but can you explain like how it's like, No, I
don't feel like doing that. I just want you to
already have that understanding and I feel like there is
work that is out there where therapists are getting more knowledge.
You know, there's more articles out there, there's more books.
But I do feel like there's a lot of work
that do need to be done, especially when it comes
(40:01):
to how ables to impact someone's mental health.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Yeah, we already talked a lot about the work that
you want to do around sexuality and disability and the
work that you've done in terms of transportation policy. Is
there any other lane or policy that you're looking forward
to happening in the future.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Yeah, So I'm a really big policy girl. So right now,
I think just bringing awareness right now about medicaid. Unfortunately,
like they trying to cut Medicaid, which I would try
to bring awareness to people that it's very important that
we make sure that doesn't happen because it's a lot
of the same people who rely on medicaid, like me,
(40:41):
because that's how way of having access to our needs,
to the things that help us live, especially when it
comes to medical needs and doctors all those things. Even
like my wheelchair it costs fifty thousand dollars, but if
it wasn't for Medicaid, I wouldn't be able to have
this chair, and I'm hoping that a lot of people
(41:02):
become more aware, a lot of people are able to
use a voice, so that doesn't happen because just a
people deserve to live and our benefits should be cut
off or because of hate. Like I feel like we
deserve to live just like anybody else, especially like we
already deal with enough. We already have to struggle enough,
(41:22):
and that's something that we shouldn't have be punished just
because of who we are. Like I feel like a
lot happened, like a lot of policies that implemented in
place is because of ableism, but also it's like a
form of punishment for us just being who we are.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
No, what's something that you would say to eighteen year
old Nila?
Speaker 2 (41:46):
I would just say, just keep on living. I know
during that time, I was uncertain, I was scared. I
didn't know how life was going to be, and even
with my red disease, I didn't even know if I
was going to be here. But all I wuna say
just keep on living. Never be afraid of using your voice,
and always take up space and don't feel bad for it,
(42:09):
because what you have to say is very important and
very impowerful.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
Are there any particular affirmations or wellness rituals that are
helpful in grounding you?
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Oh? Yes, I have many of them. But one of
the things that I love to say every day. It's
funny because I used it when Beyonce had made an
announcement about the Renaissance Tour and I thought I was going.
But that's when I was having to move for graduate school.
But I was. I said, I couldn't get the tickets,
but I was like, it's okay. I said, could one
(42:40):
thing about my God she gonna always provide and she
don't play about her children. And ever since then, I've
been saying that because anytime I go through a situation
where uncertain about something, I'm dealing with so much ableism
that is impacting me, or whatever the case may be,
I always say that one thing about my God, She's
gonna always provide and she don't play it by her children.
(43:00):
And every time I say that, for some reason, I
always feel like that's when miracles happen and I feel
very grounded. Also, like, just keep on living. That's something
my mom had always said, and at first I was like,
what does she mean? Just keep on living? Like I
don't know what that means, but I get it. I
get it because even though it may not seem okay
(43:21):
right now, but it does get better.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Yeah, very South coated. My grandmother from Louisiana would always
say that a lot to.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
Those a little South Carolina roots clearly coming back. Oh yeah, yeah,
it has been so great to talk with you, Nila.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
Please let us know where we can stay connected with you.
What is your website as well as any social media
channels you'd like to share?
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Oh yeah, so I'm all on social media, so for Instagram,
TikTok and Twitter x whatever that is. But you can
follow me at Nila the letter N Morton m rt.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
N perfect will be short to include that in our
show notes. Thank you so much for spending some time
with us today.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Oh yes, thank you. I really enjoyed this conversation.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
Thank you. I'm so glad Nila was able to join
me for this conversation. To learn more about her and
her work, be sure to visit the show notes at
Therapy for Blackgirls dot com, slash tvgu and don't forget
to text this episode to two of your girls right now.
Did you know you could leave us a voicemail with
your questions for the podcast. If you have books or
(44:32):
movies you'd like to suggest for us to review, or
even have thoughts about topics you'd like us to discuss.
Drop us a message at Memo dot fm slash Therapy
for Black Girls and let us know what's on your mind.
We might just feature it on the podcast. Also, we're
switching things.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
Up with TVGU.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
We're introducing a new advisory console to help shape the
direction of the podcast and to join me for lively
conversations around issues and topics that are most important to you.
To learn more about how you can apply for the council,
go to Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash jobs. If
you're looking for a therapist in your area, visit our
therapist directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory.
(45:12):
This episode was produced by Elise Ellis, Indichibu and Tyree Rush.
Editing was done by Dennis and Bradford. Thank y'all so
much for joining me again for this episode of CBGU.
We'll be back with another conversation next month. Until then,
take good care,
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