August 30, 2021 • 50 mins
This week’s theme: “Duality.” A pair of scientists try to understand humor, a mafia rat tries to juggle his two lives and winds up in over his head, and a clairvoyant specializes in expiration dates.
Special Guest Contributor Brian Huskey is an actor, writer and improviser. You may recognize him from “Veep,” “Bob’s Burgers,” “Children’s Hospital” and his many performances at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. He also hosts the fascinating podcast "Bald Talk” with Charlie Sanders.
Twitter: @thebrianhuskey
IG: @thebrianhuskey
Bald Talk Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bald-talk/id1525769739
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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Portions of This is Americans Life, the improvised documentary podcast,
are brought to you by listeners like yourself, are esteemed sponsors,
and the all powerful, all knowing Random Sentence Generator, which
inspires the stories you're about to hear. Yes, whenever you
hear this sound, the next sentence you hear is a
random sentence provided by our revered, omnipotent random sentence Generator.
(00:23):
For more This is Americans Live. Listened to more episodes
of This is Americans Live. I Guess and now your
first random sentence. Kangarosages rabbits on steroids. That's what genealogists
were claiming, Not that they had any background and rabbit genealogy,
(00:46):
but they were taking a stab at it and this
is the outcome that they came up with. A lot
of people were critical of using a sort of like
common phrase like on steroids, right that that that kind
of approach loss system little credibility as far as like
getting the work published. But once we did establish that yes,
kangaroos were indeed like rabbits on steroids, we went back
(01:09):
and we worked with some different scientists who focus on
laga morphs, which we all know our rabbits. Everyone. You
had a harder time getting people on your side because
in your first article you said, why a rabbits choosing?
And it's not carrots. Yes, we were taking an attempt
at humor, right, which is not what our strong suit is. No. No,
(01:32):
we spent the first three months just trying to come
up with some humorous approach to the to the study.
And we don't really have a vast knowledge of drugs
in general. So that's why everything is steroids. I mean,
I don't even know what else is out there for Well,
someone else said that maybe it's on cocaine, or maybe
it's one. I don't think you've pronounced that first one cocaine.
(01:55):
Oh yes, yes, right, cocaine, not not cocaine, which is
the ingredient in coca cola. A lot of people don't
know that. They keep going on and on about the
pronunciation of cocaine, really focusing on the little rabbit in
the room, the fact that they were trying to start
a whole new science that didn't even exist. Well, I
(02:15):
think an honor is clearly a weasel on steroids. Yeah,
and a and a giraffe is a horse on steroids,
and a rat is a mouse, several mice actually on
steroid wearing a rat suit, and a man is a fish.
Over millions and millions years of using steroids, you think
(02:35):
maybe the fact that both you guys lost your jobs
at the big major dab. He's just trying to find
a way to make money by creating studies or studying
things that nobody really cares about, because he's trying to
make an income. That question was like a statement on steroids.
It really did feel like an indictment of our dignity
on steroids. Is this is American's life? I mean sorry?
(03:02):
With producer Andy, our special guest contributor for this episode
is Brian Husky. In our show, we'll be using our
trustee random sentence generator to bring you a story in
three improvised acts. This week's theme duality. Everything that you
think you know about yourself, there's always the opposite side
of the spectrum to your personality. There is a dark
and a light, happy and sad. A batman and Bruce
(03:26):
Wayne say with us, You're gonna say Robin Act one,
the secret ingredient There's wonderful life was crime nobody knew,
not his family and not his friends. Everybody else. He
(03:47):
was just a neighborhood guy who had a family in
a regular job. But at night, Thomas had a habit.
I'm sorry, I just gotta call. I gotta, I gotta
go out. Well, I just said dinner down. I know,
I just gotta call, right, can help me with my homeworker?
Or no, daddy's got to go out again? What? Dad
(04:07):
just came back home from being out. I know what
I have very important erin run. What I could help
you with it? We could do it after dinner. Is
a family that would be that very time sensitive. Let's
do it now, right, we could pick up some food. This,
(04:28):
I can just put this back in the the cast role.
It's easy to store. That's why I making so many
of them. I just don't want to do it right now. Okay,
we're gonna do this now. I don't want to know what.
You don't want to do this now, but the family
needs time together. You guys getting a divorce? No, sweet,
we're not getting a divorce. Divorce, No, we're not. Just
(04:49):
Sometimes adults have responsibilities to their family, and then they
have responsibilities to mysterious things that they never explain. I'm
never going to leave if you're a month, you don't know,
I'll just try to go where the funk you want. Yeah,
it's like fucking he said, you're gonna be just like
(05:11):
fucking how the time is right now in the back. Yeah,
by six fift day and a six fifth day? How
many that I'm going to not only many many And
it's Jerry, Jerry's Louis, it's Louis do. Yeah, we're the triplets.
They all sound the same. You know that. Yeah, you
know that, all four of you. I'm trying get this
(05:35):
is this is Jerry, all right, you get you get
right now? All right? You don't the kid and the girl,
I don't know if you're married to her. I've gotten
into that by your life exactly. We haven't talked and
we haven't bonded yet. We've been working. Are you okay? Well,
the gratulation you will go down to, so you get
down yet. Trying, guys, I'll be right that there I've
(05:59):
not criminals. That was not carminals. When this in me
be talking to, I mean that was is that your
white van outside? Hold on, I gotta make up. I
gotta make a call real quick. I guess I'll put
in the oven. It seems like it's gonna win those nine.
Please please just call this work. You have your wire,
(06:21):
you don't. Don't do that. When you do that, it
hurts my ears wearing headphones asking he's wearing his wire?
Is that Jimmy, it's Jimmy, Yes, it's it's it's Agent Jimmy.
Terry there too, Agent Terry is here too. Yeah, I'm
here too. Barry there, I got the twins and then
the sidekick A four. Just hang out. You had to
bring Agent Barry because you know I don't bring Agent
Berry this button. Do you need me here for this?
(06:48):
I just was calling to tell you that you should
probably move the rand alot. I want you to understand
something what you have to deliver to us, but we
asked you to deliver to us. Otherwise our deals off
and you don't get the today of immunity, the legal deal.
I mean a little bit of a pinch here. I've
got all of us are on a pinch. But you
know who's gonna get pinched? You, my friend, sweetheart. This
(07:10):
is the last thing I'm going to say to you.
If I leave this cast role in the oven any longer,
it's going to be dry all right, it is going
to be a dry chicken Caesar casserole. Okay, the second
time chicken has gone dry castle. All right, you know
what family of mine? I say, we all sit down
to a nice quick family dinner. There we go, and son,
(07:35):
that's how you have a healthy relationship. You come to
see what your partner and your your dependence needs are
such a quick quick dinner. All right, let's join hands
and have a quick prayer. All right, okay, quick, Lord
our father who are in heaven and also in each
of our individual hearts, thank you for the food and
(07:57):
for the protection we feel from our home, our community.
And now I'd like to pass it off to my son,
who I know has a few things on the table,
like a new girl in his life that I know
he would love to press. I like her a lot,
you know. I think that she likes me and and
and I think that maybe that if I, you know,
(08:21):
do better, I think that I'll be. I think that
we could be if you you let her know who
you I let her know who I. I can't remember
what you told me. Let her know who you are,
how specially special I am, and that you have a
golden heart, that God has touched himself, that I have
a I have a golden heart, and that God has
(08:44):
touched you, has touched him, touched the heart, touched my heart.
That fire outside. I gotta run outside real quick, you know,
I put a pin in that. I'll be back guy,
and amen, all right, I'll slowly or of the salad.
Here it was clear that he was playing three sides
of the kin, his family, the FBI, and this organized
(09:07):
crime syndicate that he had somehow organized on his own,
not knowing that he had started his own mafia. Alright,
I'm looking for four good guys who can pull off
some ice. Who the fuck are you? Yeah, my name
is Thomas. Yeah Thomas. You don't walk into a pool
hall and just say, hey, I'm looking for three guys
(09:28):
or wet four guys. I'm looking for four guys and
just say I'm looking for guys to do, Like what
do you to do? What? I know? I know? You
just come up like like I don't even know if
you're criminals. I'm assuming you're a criminal because you're in
a pool hall playing pool in the afternoon. That that's
disrespectful to us. I'm offensive. I feel like we got
(09:48):
off on the wrong foot. Yeah, let's let me just
just give me one. Can I give you a tip? Hello?
My name is Thomas. What is your fucking name? All right?
Sounds good. I bought some fucking manners, No, not to self,
have more manners. Introduced myself first. Hey, why are you
saying that into the tape recording? What do you adopted? You? No? No, no, no,
(10:12):
you just like got a luddite. There's got a walkman,
I don't know. I'm just scratching, scratch a little bit,
all right, I get it. You got a pastmaker. I
don't work. I don't work with fucking weak hearted pussies
like you like blow into my chest every once in
a while and tap it. Alright, alright, all everything, all right,
let's start this over because we're you know, we're a
(10:34):
little up on the cocaine right now. It's cocaine. It's
very much cocaine. I think that he's pronounced. Could you
tell me how you pronounce that again? But let's say
it into my chest. You know, the word, independent of
any other usage or relationship to my life. You just
say it cocaine. All right, But can you use that
word in a sentence like maybe like yeah, sure, all right, mind,
I'm saying the word cocaine. You can state your full
(10:58):
name and then me what you know about Yeah, sure,
here I go. My full name is Vinny the Zippa Patucci.
And this is my dog Cocaine, which is I actually
was thinking it was. That name is for a dog.
It's fun, right, you know what. Let's start fresh. Let's
go around the room. Everyone tell me their full names,
literally the entire pool. There are thirty duty just you four,
(11:21):
just you four, the triplet's, and you go around the room.
Help me your full name, use the word cocaine in
a sentence, preferably one that would end the cage. How
often you come in contact? Alright, alright man, I'm Joe
Sih also known as Joey Bones. And that's Vinny and
his budda Vidi and his VICI. Yeah we changed their names.
(11:44):
You didn't know. Yeah, we were Jerry, Benny and Terry.
I think it's a name. Hang back for just one second.
Sure they have changed their names, so triple let's have
changed their names. I repeat, The triplets have changed their names.
I repeat a third time, the triplets they changed their
(12:05):
names again? Hello, they left me in the times. You're
the only agent, Liz Berry. For the rest of them.
They went out. They said, this guy doesn't know what
he's doing. I think they went out for in and out. Berry,
Is there a pen nearby? I need to write this
down for them when they come back. Well, let me
look around. Okay, we're gonna make a quick diggressive scar Yeah, okay,
(12:29):
go on, all right, thank you very special agent Berry.
Can you write this down please? The triplets T R
I P L E T S. Trip. I'm gonna approximate.
Just write the number three three and then draw a
(12:49):
draw stick figure with an angry face on his face
to somewhere else, just to make sure there's a frown
in there so they know that the three equals they're
bad guys, sad people. How am I going to get
this kind of What are you talking to yourself like that? Blow? Blow?
Blow up, scratch scratchmaker. This guy is obsessed with cocaine,
and he said, cocaine blow? What's up with you? You
(13:11):
got a problem? You're right, I obsised with cocaine. I'm
sure doers are a new word. I got something, Harry right,
the Stark. Eventually Tom Thomas. Eventually Tom was successful in
Thomas called me Thomas Christ because my fucking show. Eventually,
Tom Thomas, successful in rounding up, comins to work on
(13:33):
his team. Believe the triplets they were on their first job,
Casey had joined. Al Right, here we go outside Generald
Dane's packing and shipping. Here they have a safe in
the back. Why did you just say we're outside? We know,
outside of jail. Yeah, I know, I know how I
got you. I know I know where I'm sitting. But
then he told like, look, guys, I like to I
like to narrate my own life. You know, he's I
(13:57):
don't know why the funk he's doing this is making
me feel a weird. You know, maybe I'm gonna put
a pill in this guy's fucking head. You know what.
I like to narrate, either when I'm pooping or I'm
making love. I hate you doing it in the bathroom
all the time. Nothing, Yeah, both things right, And I'll
let it. I'll let people know what's going on. I'll say,
here I am in the toilet, and here it comes. Oh,
here comes that magic rope coming out of me. You know,
(14:19):
some people don't like that kind of talk, but it
helps me. It relaxes me, and the same thing for
the lady. You know what I'm in. The lady is
like here it comes to my magic rope, which I
that indicates my penis. I like pushing both things a
little bit. All right, what you want to start it?
Talking to yourself? Yeah, I was talking to all of us,
talking to the world's of stage. I was talking to
the audience that is the rest of the right the
(14:41):
shipping place. What is safe in the back? Safe in
the back? I am trying to think of how we
should break in and crack that safe. I wish I
knew if anybody had some experience doing that. This is
a pool hall question. Seriously, you don't come to the
and be like, how are we gonna do it? You know?
(15:02):
Have you ever done this ship before? Yes? What names
some jobs you've done? Some recent one? Yeah, names some jobs.
Name a job. One job. He has a gun to
your fucking hit buck, Name a job. Nice narration, Thank
you Gerald, Dean's car wash. Gerald is not part of it.
Like a hold on, shut up, shut up, shut up,
shut the funks. My private phone. Hello, this is the Zippa.
(15:26):
It's Agent Ferry. Hey, Hey, guys, I'm sorry it's my niece.
It's Keith Signera. I gotta take it. Tell her congratulate.
What do you say for a kid congratulating? All right? Hello?
Did he tell you what he did? Listen, I'm on it. Okay,
he's about to use the same Geraldine's him? Where Geraldine shipping?
You know what happens if you don't get the information,
(15:48):
you go alright bye, sweetheart. I think that dress sounds great.
That was my niece, you know, Keira, you know, I
gotta tire you. Your niece sounds like somebody I know
what she's a fifty say, you know my good my niece. Yeah, yes,
I know a lot of you, your old girls. Oh shit,
(16:10):
I'm holding a knife to your neck now, this is
me nar rating. Yeah, you take that back, I bro, bro, Okay,
I don't I don't know your niece. I gotta make
a quick calls, right, just one second. Hello, it's Verry
Perry Um Thomas hair. Yeah. I always saw I came
(16:33):
up on the on the idea. I got your picture
on there, so so hey, I was on the job here. Um,
I know I see you. I see you on the
screen only informing you have the others. I can't tell you.
I mean, you knew when you're coming into the informant
game that you might be killing your best friend. Y,
(16:54):
why you're good boy? Tell me if you're working with
other informants. I'm not in a position at I mean,
you could talk to my higher up if you want
to take that. The FBI, he spoke to the first
spader FBI. Oh, yes, it's it's the It's just the main,
the main operator. The English Press one, the Spanish Press two,
(17:16):
English English. You have reached the FBI. Oh my god,
speak to an agent Press one. I thought I was one.
Enter your zip code now or I'm sorry, you've exceeded
the time limit. O my god, how do I go back? Agent? Agent? Agent? Hello, fion,
(17:43):
what's the nature of your national emergency? Um? Yeah, Hi,
my name is Thomas. Get my picture. Yeah, it's pretty easy.
It's called Google. Anyway. I'm out here on a job
and uh, all right, on the job. I'm trying to
I'm working with these guys. I think it's expect they
might be this guy named Barry. I'm working with him.
(18:04):
He's might one of my he's on special like offecial
Asian Berry. You just tell me what I'm gonna say.
You're finding out if Berry is a working a angle
on you, if he's working with two two independent undercover operatives. Yeah,
we're on top of it. You're not Thomas, and you're
coming dangerously close to having the thing you don't want
to have happened happened to you. Wait wait, wait, wait,
(18:26):
proceed with the execution of the procedure, and if you
do not buy weeks in, well we all know what's
gonna happen. Oh God, thank you for calling the FBI.
I'm already time to take a part of the survey.
Please one, okay, I'll take this survey. Were you happy
with your agents level of service? Press one for yes,
(18:47):
five or absolutely not? Girl? Who's coming? Four? No? No, no,
wait too. This is the Asian you're just dealing with.
I just saw you gave me a very low rating
on your didn't mean to. It's because they have that
they haven't set the opposite one being number one the best.
Just like in any ranking, number one is the best
(19:08):
and five out of five would be the worst. And
you chose four, which is towards five. I was this
kind of paying attention. Come on, you know me, sir,
you can take it up with a review board. You
can sort of posed a statement as to why you
misunderstood the very simple to use rating system. We can
examine it and see what the council things, you know,
and i'd like to take it up with the review board. Actually,
if you don't mind, I'm going to give you one
(19:30):
number to that. Okay, FBI help, all right. I didn't
have to write this down. It's not my pro Some
people can't remember these things. Okay, what was it? Okay? Help, alright,
go talking to you again. You don't have to say goodbye,
(20:02):
thank you for calling one hundred flowers. God, damn it,
you didn't write it down to the way eight hundred
health PI. Hell yeah, I don't think he wrote it down.
Because you want flowers? No, you know what, I would
like to order some flowers because there's an agent that
I kind of perturbed. I want to order flowers or not? Yes,
I would like to order flowers. Flowers, you know what.
(20:23):
I'd like to order two sets of flowers. One is
an apology set of flowers and the others for a
King Signia. First one is the ghost too, you know.
Just make it out to Agent Comma you're gonna want
to write all this time. I remember it. It's me Thomas,
thank you for your excellent service, which I meant to
(20:44):
give a one for period. Will you forgive me question
mark love? Should I say love? Whatever you want? It's
your dime, sir? Is this the coneniors apology flowers? Obviously
some apology flowers? I don't know. Some people like to
senn apology flowers to consider nearest. Can I'm gonna go
get a job, but juice? Do you want one? Can
you get me strawberries? Wild? Small? Good luck with this one?
(21:07):
He think you? He said he's a work. Will there
be a survey after this call? Just out of curiosity? Yeah?
Okay great? The other one they're fifteen year old Nae
Comma happy at ketson Era love Thomas. Can you get
one of the XO XO? Actually? Please? If I just
happy Kinsira love Thomas. Yes, I was just saying that eight.
(21:29):
He didn't write down the right letters. He sent the
wrong flowers to the wrong person. Agent Marry, you get
the kinds of flowers? Oh what why taste good? Hello?
Agent special agent Berry? Hey Berry, you might have gotten
a confusing okay, a note recently. I just want to
(21:52):
kind of clear it up a little bit for you.
Oh yeah, Actually I thought this was a message from
a Mexican cartel saying that I was going to go
down like it's very concerned about it. If you get
a bouquet for a King Sania and you're a male,
especially the adult male like me, Oh, that's like your
head on a tortoise. You know what I mean, your
head out of the tortoise, which is a turtle on
(22:14):
steroids by the way, something it's a breaking bad reference.
Oh yeah, with the toga. Are you saying you sent
this to me? I honestly, Berry, full disclosure, I really
didn't know the key Sania flower boukay thing meant that
you're going to die. Hey, I didn't mean to do that. Frankly,
I'm glad they were sent to you because if they
(22:35):
would have been sent to the phone line started scrambling,
Thomas gonna get his film message to Barry. Barry started
piecing it together, realized Thomas must be the head of
a cartail that Thomas immediately went to his buzzes and
Pat Thomas is the top five wanted man. Come again
you be Berry put him as the head of the
(22:58):
top five. You said Thomas did it. You said that Thomas.
Let me just get this studies shade. I know what
I'm doing. I'm I'm the fucking notes of the show.
All right, I'm a big fan. Thank you. I don't
even anything since the first episode to one about the
guy made his own pants. We actually have that episode,
the first episode of pants episode one. Yeah, I think
(23:18):
guy made his down pants. Guys, yeah, Robin, coming on,
even women has to have pants. While you're making a
pair of pants, and you always have a pair of pants.
Are you're wearing that? You should say that because I
have her to me on it. Trely every one of
these non days, I can make my old pants. You've
(23:39):
been watching me. At this point, the show had gone
off the alse he tryed to degree it. Barry got
behind the board and he started narrating it, and he
was trying to establish that Okay, he knew that Thomas
was head of the cartel because of the mistake, but
the host are he said it wrong the first time,
and it took a way too long to explain that situation.
(24:00):
A quick question. We're gonna get to hear me take
the survey for the flower, I was kind of looking
forward to anything else. I don't even know how you
got to this predicament. Thank you so much for using one, Flowers.
We'd love to have your feedback. If you're highly ecstatically
appreciative of the attention that your representative gave you, press one,
(24:23):
two or three. If you're somewhere in the middle where
you can't quite decide how you feel about it and
maybe need a little more time, try four or five, six,
or even seven. If you're vastly disappointed by the experience,
any number combination might represent this. From eight two, let's
say a thousand should have written that down at any point.
(24:44):
If you'd like to leave your response after the tone,
do so, right, Flowers. Oh yeah, this is Thomas Um,
I'm leaving a message, he said after the tone. I
didn't need to tune, so he said to the sound
of the sounder, and it was I heard it for Flowers. Well,
I was leaving my review. Cool question, Ari. Will there
(25:07):
be a survey at the end of the show and
let you know the experience in general. It'll be letter.
It comes in the mail bubble dot and then you
get to put it back the scanchin is there going
to be a survey about the difficulty of complaining that
this is Americans live survey? Anyway? Was this the recording?
(25:27):
The whole time was the survey? We go, Oh, God, Flower,
how do I flower? Agent? Agent? Agent? Eight hundred flowers.
I see that you were trying to make a selection
about your satisfaction and you thought that it was a voicemail. Sir,
would you like this? Kicked up to my manager. It
seems like you're very upset. We tried to de escalate
as quickly as we can. Now you're screaming certain, no, no,
(25:50):
your voice is very it's upsetting to me. I'm actually
the volume of my voice is Oh, he's a manager?
How you can do? Welcome to Flowers? What welcome to?
What is your flowers? What's your problem? Um? Where to begin? Well,
we're with you. I've been listening to the whole thing.
I listen. I listen to everything. I listen to the calls.
(26:10):
Is my fucking job, bro. Nobody listens to me. That's
why I concurse all. I want a piece of ship.
Do you have a manager that I can speak to you?
I own the company. You're Mr Flowers. My name is
missed the maripose. But yeah, fancily it is Flowers who
then tell him I'm your manager, to kick it over
to me. You talk to my boss. Yeah, I want
to talking. Yo. You got the zipper here? What the
(26:35):
Fund's the problem? You got an issue? Yeah, what's the
problem me? I was going to complain about the zipper?
What are you doing? Who the fuck is this Thomas? Thomas,
you fucking stepped away from We were casing that place
where you don't call you you know how long you've
been gone, like where the fund you've been? Of course
we're gonna start a side hustle. Yeah, yeah, what do
you We've always had decided hustle. We make the most
(26:57):
of our time if we ever has some downtime. Yeah,
we're going to tap in to do hr work for
one hundred Flowers. Yeah, it's one of those you know,
satellite jobs. Yeah. Who's casing the Gerald Deed's I don't know.
You're the one in charge of the case. Yeah. You
brought us here, and I wonder who could do the
safe thing? And then you just dissippeated and make an
I said, you guys watched garld D's while I'm gone
(27:18):
we're still watching. It hasn't left. I gotta make money
while I'm sitting. You're waiting for you. Yeah, you slow turtle.
You put your head on from from Yeah, you like that.
I love that. It's a great reference, such a good
I love that. Just do it a lot? All right?
What are we doing? What we do? We don't even
know why? The fun game me. You're thinking about how
(27:38):
much time I wasted thinking that I was talking to
a flower company and deciding flowers when I realized that
I'm taking surveys. I'm talking to agents. I could have
just agents agents. What the fund you're talking about? What
the funk you're talking about? No? No, no agents that
that work at customer service, not every agent. Oh oh
(27:59):
you mean, like like what we are? What do you think?
I have some kind of a rat mice on steroid
in a rat suit. They think I'm a rat. I repeat,
they think I'm a rat Berry Berry. If you could
hear that, I think I'm a rat Berry special Agent, Barry, Yeah,
Berry Mary. I was saying it into my lapel, and
(28:20):
I'm saying it in piece. I'm getting feedback. Can you
turn one of them? Are you calling your shirt? Barry Yeah,
what's up with that? What the fund is going on? Here? Guys?
Hang tight one second, rab Yeah, open his shirt and
give me a ship. Hey, I'll do it like he does.
(28:40):
And now I'm open in your shirt? What the fund
is that? What the fund is that? What is it? Tattoo?
A tattoo of what a y? And it looks like
a pair of iPods tape to your chest? Yeah, pods?
I mean it is. Oh, that's a tattoo of that?
Then how come I can pull it? There's a temporary
(29:03):
tattoo removable? What I went to my nieces key sing here.
They had a painting body body body painting everything. Everybody
tattoos and I had that congratulations to your niece, by
the way, thank you. I don't know your niece. Yeah right.
I think you'd be very strange if you knew her niece.
I know, I felt it very odd that you knew mine.
(29:23):
And now of a sudden you're like, oh, do you
hang out with my niece? Were you? I just thought
maybe nieces hung out with other nieces. Maybe you guys
would come into contact like a nice club. My eyes,
he's wearing a wire. I see how you could come
to the conclusion that because I am wearing something that
looks exactly like the wires at the FEDS issue to
(29:44):
their informants, and that I was talking into my temporary tattoo,
I can see how you would think that I was
an informant. Give me that wire, Give it to me.
Who am I talking to? Oh? Hey, wire, very tell
about it? Can everybody hear me? Yeah? Barry on speaker?
(30:04):
Did tattoo on speaker? I want to talk to Barry?
Who are you? I got that part stupid. I'm I'm
a special agent for chocolate. They're trying to send you
some chocolates because you've been such a good criminal criminals? Um,
(30:28):
would you like to take a survey? Agent? Berry added,
point to his boss in Quantico to tell him what
happened to poor Thomas who disappeared. Barry, I'm going over
all of us. It's quite a case. Can you break
this down in like the simplest, easily consumable, easily listenable
for both of us in terms? Please? It seems that
(30:50):
this guy Thomas was a little over his head and
he was working with criminals, and he didn't work out
what his story was going to be before he went
into it. And then you just sort of make snapped
his decisions and step away, and then he wouldn't think
of what to say once he came back, and so
it was almost like a football he's kicking down the
field trying to pick it up. It's like a quality epilogue.
(31:12):
So your process is fascinated coming up back to the
first the word from our esteemed sponsors stay with us
(31:34):
act to the interview, especially guests contributed by Nusky. How
are you today? Oh, I'm very good. Thanks for having me.
I'm I've only been listening to the show. I you know,
I came to it maybe about halfway through your run.
You know, I had some people also recommend it to me.
I always trust sort of word of mouth and um,
and these people were you know, really sort of tapped
(31:56):
into a lot of zeitgeists podcasts and then so I
really felt like that's, uh, that spoke to me. I'm
doing it for a long time. Yeah, and and for
me to go back and sort of go find all
these archives. It's also a time capsule, you know, like
you're focusing on the first cell phone and you know, yeah,
(32:16):
and then sort of you know when when small inspection
stations closed down like these big moments in society that
the shifts, we actually have that small inspections one. I've
always been there yet, but we have that in the
archives that when the small ye such as such as
a family runs small inspection empire, when that goes down,
(32:37):
that I mean, it's heartbreaking, it's really heartbreaking. Any it's
number inspection house, uh, any chain of different small inspections
across the Houston Metroplex area shut down for really two days.
People who needed to get their cars inspected and you
know the status of the smack of their own cars.
We're just sitting there with their pockets in their hands. Yea.
(32:59):
We have had this our family for must have been
three years now have three three years and nine months
this Tuesday. Yeah, we don't want to Yeah we want
to say four years, but it's not four years yet.
But we will be in two months in one week. Yeah,
but we didn't want to say that it was four
years because we know you're a journalist and we don't
(33:22):
want to be any gotcha journalism. If we want, we
want to be factual for you, and also we want
to be factual about we're closing down, but not for
any kind of criminal reasons. We really want to emphasize that. Yeah,
which are we're gonna divolte to people, Well, you just
say any closed down, We'll divulge all the reasons why,
all the reasons that are not reasons why we closed down.
(33:44):
Like will say, like we did not close down because
for criminal reason. Yeah, well, we did not close down
because theft or future arson like if that, if that
happens in the future. We did not burn it for
insurance money purposes because it got to be too much
not having place open very long. We got mouse to feed.
(34:05):
We did not try to cash in. I burned the
place down. We do not have a gambling problem that
is currently up ending our existence. Surely, after the interview,
all four locations burned in the hell fire and the
two brothers twin brother smug inspection banished, and the blue
leading a lot of people with no smug inspection places
(34:25):
to go to. Yah, I would like to apply for
a driver's license. Um, I am not trying to get
a new identity. I'm not playing a law I just
had to accompany him to the d n V. Sir.
I can only help one of y'all, So who who
needs the I d and who does not. I do
not not need it. Okay, I don't have I do
(34:47):
not have time for this. And I am I am
not a word play person. I am not a double entendre.
If you were trying to post some of that crap,
you can take it right out of here. Rad now,
my friends, And that that was a good one. Yeah,
I kind of is a young me, very much of
a round over version, and I thought it was really interesting. Yeah,
and you did the last act on her, yeah, which
(35:09):
is honestly, I mean that there wasn't much to her.
She was kind of just a woman who worked at
the d m V. Yeah. Well negative. So I don't
want to give you, but I love your work. We do.
We actually we have that too, by the way of
the third act of that episode, when you were talking,
when you followed the the m V woman around. Yeah,
you guys, I have to play it. You know what.
(35:30):
I'm serious. What just trying to make you up here?
I know you're sorry. I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm just trying
to I know, but I do not. Can I get
a check one to please in right now? Check one
to check one to sibilants. Sibilants like in that SNL
sketch about sound. I know what y'all do. Go ahead, now,
(35:51):
go ahead, you're you're in my living room now, in
my my one evening off. I gave you my time,
so let's do this interview. Yeah, that was a very
tough interview. Yeah, I don't know why included that stuff.
I just saying I used to have his stab out
back in the day when I just did everything that
I've included, I just put it out there, you know.
I just really very much about transparency. You've You've really
grown and it tells about yourself. Oh wow, that's a
(36:14):
good interview. Question from originally from Charlotte, North Carolina, and uh,
now I live in Los Angeles. I went to a
college in Charlotte, in Charlotte for Oh my god, where'd
you live in Charlotte? Was passing in the night? Yeah,
the Queen City. You lived in New York when you
moved here? Yes, I was in uh moved there in
ninety six, and then I moved out here in two
(36:37):
thousand and six. But you in New York for ten years?
Ten years? In math? Did you enjoy your time, dude?
I I did, and then I got exhausted with it.
It's an exhausting city. It takes a lot of energy, right,
And I broke my toe because I kicked the wall
after my car was broken into for the seventh time,
and um, subways uh started to make me sad so
(36:57):
uh And there was no more work there. All the
work was out. Now what I was gonna say, there's
no more work in New York? All right? What kind
of work do you do? I've bet to get there?
Really seem to take a while. Was that the kind
of look, Oh, I'm an actor and a writer, mainline actor.
Have I seen you and stuff? I don't know what
you watch. I watch all kinds of stuff. I watch
(37:19):
a lot of old old movies in the nineteen eighties. Yeah,
I mean I'm in most of those. Tell us about
what you've been working on? Now these days I feel
stop hearing record. Do we have let me step recluding? Okay,
so when we're in this part, do I sort of
talk about the reality, like the harsh reality we've all
been through with a COVID and stuff, or do I
steer away from that? Well, I would say, like, well,
(37:41):
the past year and a half, I haven't really been
doing much I've had my own podcasts and stuff. But
I got a podcast called bald Talk on. We'll talk
about that. Yeah, and and then, um, I've been auditioning.
I did some commercials. I do voices for Bob's Burgers.
Do that. We'll talk about that. Okay, all right, so
when we go when when you when you ask the
question again, are you taking notes? I don't have a pen. Okay, podcast,
(38:04):
Bob's Buggers. Yeah, auditioning, but you know, trying to generate work.
I think that's a you know, Okay, do you have
any podcasts going on? Oh? Sure, I've got a podcast
called bald Talk. Let's just try that one again. I
I'd like a clean one and we'll just kind of
do you want me to be him? Do you want
me to do you want do you want to run
the lines with me? Right? Use this audio and then
(38:25):
we'll use your your thing. Okay, So okay, UM tell
me about Hey, can you not do it in his voice?
Because yeah, what is that? What the fund is that
even you've been doing impetitions to me behind my back,
that's a that's a new character mark. You know. I
don't I don't need to. I don't need the question,
I'll just say, okay, three to one. I have a
podcast called Bald Talk. It's myself and Charlie Sanders. Uh,
(38:49):
two bald comedians interview bald everybody. We've had actors, directors, musicians,
wig makers. We just interviewed them about being bald, and
then it kind of goes from there into their creative
work and their insecurities and sort of the idea of
like vanity and perception and stuff. Are there any things
that you discovered that you didn't know of other people's
(39:11):
perspectives on being bald? The big takeaway is that, uh,
it's always a bigger hang up for you than anybody
else in the whole world, and especially if you have
a hang up about dating. Women do not give a
f They really don't. So take that away. If you're
if you're listening and you're bald, it's fine, it's totally fine. Well,
thank you guys. Yeah, you're welcome. You use you want
(39:34):
to leave. I don't know, it seemed like it was
just I just eating. You do get very close to
people's face when you talk to him, I think to
make sure that they can hear maybe when it comes
out of my mouth. We have headphones and microphones. Yeah,
that's what the mike's I mean, we're literally on both
on your mic. You started on the other side of
the room. You are now over with me because I
(39:54):
don't want I don't want to throw you know, I
don't want to mess up we guys have. It's just
just some if if if you guys were to make
a survey available to me, I would take it and
give some feedback. But you know, actually have that survey.
We have a line phone number. I have to press
the button. Well, you have to press several buttons because
you're down the number. What is in It's one, It's
(40:18):
the one. This is Americans Live Survey. This is Americans Numbers, right,
it's like way too many. Hold on, Sorry, sorry guys,
my phone's ringing. Hold on, Thank you for calling. This
is American's Live Customer Service. This is Andy the producer.
Can I are you taking the survey for me? I
feel like I should take today. Would you get away
(40:40):
from my mic so I can take the survey? Please
please just for this moment, step away for like a second. Okay,
thank you? Yeah, Hi, Hi, Brian, Yes, oh, hey, how
you doing. Hey, you're you're calling the survey line. Yeah,
I just wanted to give some feedback on the interview section. Okay,
how's it going so far? Are you enjoying it? I mean, yeah,
there's some problem. I mean I feel like there's some
(41:00):
elements to it that I'm not totally psyched about. Like
he gets a little close and and I felt like
when you ask opening questions like tell me about yourself? Yeah,
I mean what am I supposed to? Well, you know, free? Sorry,
can you hand just one second, I'm getting another calla alright,
(41:21):
I've got Brian on the survey. Yeah, I know he's
saying that. I can see you talking to him. I
can turn around if it's can you do me? Could
you do me a favorite? And just turn around real quick? Yeah?
What's that? Yeah, he's on the phone. He's bitch and
again about again. This is what he sounds like right now,
he's sting too close to me. Again. I'm sorry, I'm
(41:44):
at turn back around. You guys gave me the option,
Like I just said, is there a survey? And so
you're letting me do a survey? But now just now
you're sort of upended. This is this weird? You know,
if you have a survey about your survey. I would
I would give some feedback on that. As a matter
of fact, we're going to end it on this. We
actually have one. This is American's Live Survey survey. Who's
(42:05):
calling it? I'll do it. I have a new I
have a new phone. I want to Yeah, yeah, I'm
just gonna do a voicing. One eight hundred. This in
a shift now wrong number one hundred. This is Americans
Live Survey Survey. I'm sorry, did you mean one eight hundred?
This is Americans Live Survey, no survey survey. I'm sorry,
(42:29):
did you mean this is Americans Live Survey? I think
it might be confusing the phone because we say survey twice.
Probably I'm gonna I'm gonna hang out making the call.
I'm gonna call it surday diving it now, Hey guys,
one second, my phone's ringing. Sure, I'm gonna grab it.
Thank you for calling the This is Americans Live Survey line.
(42:50):
This is Andy. How can I help you? How was
your How was how's it going? Allright? We love it?
If you just let me start talking at some point,
Oh okay, I would probably with my producer, Can I
tell you what it is? He's too great, he's too great,
it's too funny. He's asking me to play different parts
of the archives. And you know how many tapes we
have any archives? Thousands? Right? And then now we've got
(43:13):
to end on this. I'm sorry, I got I'm getting
a call. One a second. Hey, Brian, he's on the phone.
He's on the phone. I really like what he's doing.
You do it. I don't think he sounds like a Yeah,
(43:33):
he sounds like a dying librarian or something. Sorry, what
are you doing here? Oh? I've been here the whole time.
He's listening to here. Got a bit full of shit.
I'm really sorry. I'm sorry. I think I I caused
the problem in this. The problem, just like the thing,
is that I do my best to movies fits along.
(43:54):
Sometimes my producer gets a little archive crazy, and then
we started dipping in the thing, and then all of
a sudden we have no time for nothing. I really
like the way that you're tired. I'm gonna called the survey.
Here we go again. Hold on my phone, right, Hello, Hey,
it's me. Hey, what's up. Well? Ari is kind of
being a dick right now to you? I know, okay? Well,
(44:17):
by zero stars, guys, contributed by Husky. Thank you so
much for this opportunity. Yeah, coming up at three, but
first the word from our sponsors who make this high
quality program possible. Stay with us at three. Well, all
(44:43):
her friends were positive that Mary had a sixth sense.
She knew that she had a seventh sense. It was
a tingling sense kind of helped her see things in
a different dimension. He was a new kind of psychic.
You know what, I think you have what I like
to call a SA And since are you serious? I do?
I am? I do in serious? You do in seriously?
(45:06):
See I doing serious? All day long and then the
rest of the day at the night time. I've had
so many people say that there's something about me that
I have an energy that they can really that radiates.
And my new My mama, My mama had this special ability.
She knew, she knew and the milk was about to
go bad. She knew it before it happened. She wouldn't
(45:26):
even look at the date. She's just say, milk gone bad,
and sure enough we wouldn't drink it. Wait a second,
but your mama was the milking bad lady. Yeah, she
was the milks here she was, She's the milks here.
Oh my god, I didn't know that I was amongst
the royalties. Stop yah, stop, you're making me blush. I
(45:47):
wrote my college thesis on your mother. Are you serious?
Just dead on the milks here? I didn't know that
her reach is that fas was. Excuse me, it is
all right, and milks here. I've been seeing the future
of milk since the early nineties. It was very popular
N six number. She'd put on commercials that would air
(46:08):
at late time at night. You feel like your milks
mak go bad am, Well, let me hold the cart
and now, sweetheart, you got another week of milk on
that one. O't thank you so much that I had
to leave you with this. What if this milk is
left towards the front of the fridge, away from the
(46:28):
ventilation that cools it, you're gonna have half a day left,
and if you want a full week, you gotta put
it towards the back. If you do not hear my words,
you'll have six and a half days of milk. She
wasn't the only one who had a future knowing of
dairy products. There was also the cheese here. Let's see
the thing with the cheese. As you what if you
(46:49):
got Tuesday. Just tell me Tuesday, Tuesday, what Tuesdays want.
It's gonna go back, so we can't have Tuesday. Yeah,
after Tuesday youet done with it. And I'm not understanding
what's so confusing about this. We just bought this cheese,
just bought it. We just bought this cheese. Was like
something that you might want to take up with the
customer service at the grocery store where you bought it,
because they should probably should not be selling cheese that
(47:10):
is so close to his expiration date. So so so
after Tuesday it's done. Yes, after Tuesday has done, is
there any way to make it? Preserve it? The milk
lady used to tell us where to put the milk in?
Where do we put What you want for me? What
do you want from me? I don't know that cheese.
That's the date. Eat the cheese, don't eat the cheese.
What do you want? What do you want? You know what?
You're expecting a little bit more out of me than
I'm willing to give to you. He was an accidental medium,
(47:32):
didn't really want to have his job. He would just
bring Blacks the cheese to him and he would just
begredge and eat tell him when it was going to
go bad. He just always pissed about it. I don't
know the date on this. Gorgon Sella clearly says in
two weeks. So what what? What else are you wanting
me to do? I can read the date, okay. I
want to know, much like the milk's here, what the
essence of the cheese? When the essence will pass? I
(47:54):
don't know. Open it up, smell it what? I don't
understand how we drove twelve hours for this? He's right,
smell it. I don't like Goregon till let's start with
what are we doing? What are we doing with our lives?
I don't know. Even though you just tell people to
fuck off, he would just keep coming. I'm not understanding
what all of you people want. Look at the cheese,
Smell it. If it smells bad, don't eat it. If
(48:18):
it's past the date, don't eat it. What is with
the line of cars turned around? Dude? I can't do
anything more for you. I'm trying to point together on
telling tree for my bat and I can't risk it
and cheese that's going bad. Don't you fucking see? This
is at about my life by the one with the
latest date on it blug. And that's why my mom
(48:45):
is sort of faded from popularity because of the cheese guy.
He undermined her whole craft and her vision and it
was just gone. Is there anything? Is there any kind
of food products that you feel like you have you
can you can see the future of Is this the
job interview? I'm so nervous before I was talking to
a young lady who's doing a doctoral piece of my mama. Now,
(49:05):
how did I get in this office? I'm from the
Paranormal Investigations Group, and um, I'm sorry I interrupted an interview.
It was really rude of me. I apologize. How you
chloroformed meat real fast? I didn't know how I ended
up in here? Do you feel like you can see
the future of other produced by chance? If it'll get
me out of this creepy room? Yes, I mean, what
(49:26):
do you want for me? I will go undercover for
you guys. I do not care. It does not matter.
I'll where why. I do not give a ship. I
do not like offices like this. Hi. I'm Barry. I'm
supervisor for this upcoming case. I'm very excited to work
with you so you can tell and Lettuce go to
be Berry. What are you doing? Where are you? I'm sorry,
(49:50):
this is very confusing. We'll work it out. I'm gonna
get out. It was the first time Andy the producer
had produced himself into a only time with the other
if you can figure the episode out was the last
we ever saw of him, So producer to Annie and
our special guest contributed by nisky I am you know? Sorry?
And this is this is Americans Live during his next time.
(50:10):
This is Americans Live can be found wherever you get
your podcasts. Be sure to subscribe, rate and review. You
can also find This is Americans Live on Instagram at
this is Americans Live and on Twitter at Americans Live.
Portions of This is Americans Life, the improvised documentary podcast,
are brought to you by listeners like yourself, are esteemed sponsors,
and the all powerful, all knowing Random Sentence Generator, which
inspires the stories you're about to hear. Yes, whenever you
hear this sound, the next sentence you hear is a
random sentence provided by our revered, omnipotent random sentence Generator.
(00:23):
For more This is Americans Live. Listened to more episodes
of This is Americans Live. I Guess and now your
first random sentence. Kangarosages rabbits on steroids. That's what genealogists
were claiming, Not that they had any background and rabbit genealogy,
(00:46):
but they were taking a stab at it and this
is the outcome that they came up with. A lot
of people were critical of using a sort of like
common phrase like on steroids, right that that that kind
of approach loss system little credibility as far as like
getting the work published. But once we did establish that yes,
kangaroos were indeed like rabbits on steroids, we went back
(01:09):
and we worked with some different scientists who focus on
laga morphs, which we all know our rabbits. Everyone. You
had a harder time getting people on your side because
in your first article you said, why a rabbits choosing?
And it's not carrots. Yes, we were taking an attempt
at humor, right, which is not what our strong suit is. No. No,
(01:32):
we spent the first three months just trying to come
up with some humorous approach to the to the study.
And we don't really have a vast knowledge of drugs
in general. So that's why everything is steroids. I mean,
I don't even know what else is out there for Well,
someone else said that maybe it's on cocaine, or maybe
it's one. I don't think you've pronounced that first one cocaine.
(01:55):
Oh yes, yes, right, cocaine, not not cocaine, which is
the ingredient in coca cola. A lot of people don't
know that. They keep going on and on about the
pronunciation of cocaine, really focusing on the little rabbit in
the room, the fact that they were trying to start
a whole new science that didn't even exist. Well, I
(02:15):
think an honor is clearly a weasel on steroids. Yeah,
and a and a giraffe is a horse on steroids,
and a rat is a mouse, several mice actually on
steroid wearing a rat suit, and a man is a fish.
Over millions and millions years of using steroids, you think
(02:35):
maybe the fact that both you guys lost your jobs
at the big major dab. He's just trying to find
a way to make money by creating studies or studying
things that nobody really cares about, because he's trying to
make an income. That question was like a statement on steroids.
It really did feel like an indictment of our dignity
on steroids. Is this is American's life? I mean sorry?
(03:02):
With producer Andy, our special guest contributor for this episode
is Brian Husky. In our show, we'll be using our
trustee random sentence generator to bring you a story in
three improvised acts. This week's theme duality. Everything that you
think you know about yourself, there's always the opposite side
of the spectrum to your personality. There is a dark
and a light, happy and sad. A batman and Bruce
(03:26):
Wayne say with us, You're gonna say Robin Act one,
the secret ingredient There's wonderful life was crime nobody knew,
not his family and not his friends. Everybody else. He
(03:47):
was just a neighborhood guy who had a family in
a regular job. But at night, Thomas had a habit.
I'm sorry, I just gotta call. I gotta, I gotta
go out. Well, I just said dinner down. I know,
I just gotta call, right, can help me with my homeworker?
Or no, daddy's got to go out again? What? Dad
(04:07):
just came back home from being out. I know what
I have very important erin run. What I could help
you with it? We could do it after dinner. Is
a family that would be that very time sensitive. Let's
do it now, right, we could pick up some food. This,
(04:28):
I can just put this back in the the cast role.
It's easy to store. That's why I making so many
of them. I just don't want to do it right now. Okay,
we're gonna do this now. I don't want to know what.
You don't want to do this now, but the family
needs time together. You guys getting a divorce? No, sweet,
we're not getting a divorce. Divorce, No, we're not. Just
(04:49):
Sometimes adults have responsibilities to their family, and then they
have responsibilities to mysterious things that they never explain. I'm
never going to leave if you're a month, you don't know,
I'll just try to go where the funk you want. Yeah,
it's like fucking he said, you're gonna be just like
(05:11):
fucking how the time is right now in the back. Yeah,
by six fift day and a six fifth day? How
many that I'm going to not only many many And
it's Jerry, Jerry's Louis, it's Louis do. Yeah, we're the triplets.
They all sound the same. You know that. Yeah, you
know that, all four of you. I'm trying get this
(05:35):
is this is Jerry, all right, you get you get
right now? All right? You don't the kid and the girl,
I don't know if you're married to her. I've gotten
into that by your life exactly. We haven't talked and
we haven't bonded yet. We've been working. Are you okay? Well,
the gratulation you will go down to, so you get
down yet. Trying, guys, I'll be right that there I've
(05:59):
not criminals. That was not carminals. When this in me
be talking to, I mean that was is that your
white van outside? Hold on, I gotta make up. I
gotta make a call real quick. I guess I'll put
in the oven. It seems like it's gonna win those nine.
Please please just call this work. You have your wire,
(06:21):
you don't. Don't do that. When you do that, it
hurts my ears wearing headphones asking he's wearing his wire?
Is that Jimmy, it's Jimmy, Yes, it's it's it's Agent Jimmy.
Terry there too, Agent Terry is here too. Yeah, I'm
here too. Barry there, I got the twins and then
the sidekick A four. Just hang out. You had to
bring Agent Barry because you know I don't bring Agent
Berry this button. Do you need me here for this?
(06:48):
I just was calling to tell you that you should
probably move the rand alot. I want you to understand
something what you have to deliver to us, but we
asked you to deliver to us. Otherwise our deals off
and you don't get the today of immunity, the legal deal.
I mean a little bit of a pinch here. I've
got all of us are on a pinch. But you
know who's gonna get pinched? You, my friend, sweetheart. This
(07:10):
is the last thing I'm going to say to you.
If I leave this cast role in the oven any longer,
it's going to be dry all right, it is going
to be a dry chicken Caesar casserole. Okay, the second
time chicken has gone dry castle. All right, you know
what family of mine? I say, we all sit down
to a nice quick family dinner. There we go, and son,
(07:35):
that's how you have a healthy relationship. You come to
see what your partner and your your dependence needs are
such a quick quick dinner. All right, let's join hands
and have a quick prayer. All right, okay, quick, Lord
our father who are in heaven and also in each
of our individual hearts, thank you for the food and
(07:57):
for the protection we feel from our home, our community.
And now I'd like to pass it off to my son,
who I know has a few things on the table,
like a new girl in his life that I know
he would love to press. I like her a lot,
you know. I think that she likes me and and
and I think that maybe that if I, you know,
(08:21):
do better, I think that I'll be. I think that
we could be if you you let her know who
you I let her know who I. I can't remember
what you told me. Let her know who you are,
how specially special I am, and that you have a
golden heart, that God has touched himself, that I have
a I have a golden heart, and that God has
(08:44):
touched you, has touched him, touched the heart, touched my heart.
That fire outside. I gotta run outside real quick, you know,
I put a pin in that. I'll be back guy,
and amen, all right, I'll slowly or of the salad.
Here it was clear that he was playing three sides
of the kin, his family, the FBI, and this organized
(09:07):
crime syndicate that he had somehow organized on his own,
not knowing that he had started his own mafia. Alright,
I'm looking for four good guys who can pull off
some ice. Who the fuck are you? Yeah, my name
is Thomas. Yeah Thomas. You don't walk into a pool
hall and just say, hey, I'm looking for three guys
(09:28):
or wet four guys. I'm looking for four guys and
just say I'm looking for guys to do, Like what
do you to do? What? I know? I know? You
just come up like like I don't even know if
you're criminals. I'm assuming you're a criminal because you're in
a pool hall playing pool in the afternoon. That that's
disrespectful to us. I'm offensive. I feel like we got
(09:48):
off on the wrong foot. Yeah, let's let me just
just give me one. Can I give you a tip? Hello?
My name is Thomas. What is your fucking name? All right?
Sounds good. I bought some fucking manners, No, not to self,
have more manners. Introduced myself first. Hey, why are you
saying that into the tape recording? What do you adopted? You? No? No, no, no,
(10:12):
you just like got a luddite. There's got a walkman,
I don't know. I'm just scratching, scratch a little bit,
all right, I get it. You got a pastmaker. I
don't work. I don't work with fucking weak hearted pussies
like you like blow into my chest every once in
a while and tap it. Alright, alright, all everything, all right,
let's start this over because we're you know, we're a
(10:34):
little up on the cocaine right now. It's cocaine. It's
very much cocaine. I think that he's pronounced. Could you
tell me how you pronounce that again? But let's say
it into my chest. You know, the word, independent of
any other usage or relationship to my life. You just
say it cocaine. All right, But can you use that
word in a sentence like maybe like yeah, sure, all right, mind,
I'm saying the word cocaine. You can state your full
(10:58):
name and then me what you know about Yeah, sure,
here I go. My full name is Vinny the Zippa Patucci.
And this is my dog Cocaine, which is I actually
was thinking it was. That name is for a dog.
It's fun, right, you know what. Let's start fresh. Let's
go around the room. Everyone tell me their full names,
literally the entire pool. There are thirty duty just you four,
(11:21):
just you four, the triplet's, and you go around the room.
Help me your full name, use the word cocaine in
a sentence, preferably one that would end the cage. How
often you come in contact? Alright, alright man, I'm Joe
Sih also known as Joey Bones. And that's Vinny and
his budda Vidi and his VICI. Yeah we changed their names.
(11:44):
You didn't know. Yeah, we were Jerry, Benny and Terry.
I think it's a name. Hang back for just one second.
Sure they have changed their names, so triple let's have
changed their names. I repeat, The triplets have changed their names.
I repeat a third time, the triplets they changed their
(12:05):
names again? Hello, they left me in the times. You're
the only agent, Liz Berry. For the rest of them.
They went out. They said, this guy doesn't know what
he's doing. I think they went out for in and out. Berry,
Is there a pen nearby? I need to write this
down for them when they come back. Well, let me
look around. Okay, we're gonna make a quick diggressive scar Yeah, okay,
(12:29):
go on, all right, thank you very special agent Berry.
Can you write this down please? The triplets T R
I P L E T S. Trip. I'm gonna approximate.
Just write the number three three and then draw a
(12:49):
draw stick figure with an angry face on his face
to somewhere else, just to make sure there's a frown
in there so they know that the three equals they're
bad guys, sad people. How am I going to get
this kind of What are you talking to yourself like that? Blow? Blow?
Blow up, scratch scratchmaker. This guy is obsessed with cocaine,
and he said, cocaine blow? What's up with you? You
(13:11):
got a problem? You're right, I obsised with cocaine. I'm
sure doers are a new word. I got something, Harry right,
the Stark. Eventually Tom Thomas. Eventually Tom was successful in
Thomas called me Thomas Christ because my fucking show. Eventually,
Tom Thomas, successful in rounding up, comins to work on
(13:33):
his team. Believe the triplets they were on their first job,
Casey had joined. Al Right, here we go outside Generald
Dane's packing and shipping. Here they have a safe in
the back. Why did you just say we're outside? We know,
outside of jail. Yeah, I know, I know how I
got you. I know I know where I'm sitting. But
then he told like, look, guys, I like to I
like to narrate my own life. You know, he's I
(13:57):
don't know why the funk he's doing this is making
me feel a weird. You know, maybe I'm gonna put
a pill in this guy's fucking head. You know what.
I like to narrate, either when I'm pooping or I'm
making love. I hate you doing it in the bathroom
all the time. Nothing, Yeah, both things right, And I'll
let it. I'll let people know what's going on. I'll say,
here I am in the toilet, and here it comes. Oh,
here comes that magic rope coming out of me. You know,
(14:19):
some people don't like that kind of talk, but it
helps me. It relaxes me, and the same thing for
the lady. You know what I'm in. The lady is
like here it comes to my magic rope, which I
that indicates my penis. I like pushing both things a
little bit. All right, what you want to start it?
Talking to yourself? Yeah, I was talking to all of us,
talking to the world's of stage. I was talking to
the audience that is the rest of the right the
(14:41):
shipping place. What is safe in the back? Safe in
the back? I am trying to think of how we
should break in and crack that safe. I wish I
knew if anybody had some experience doing that. This is
a pool hall question. Seriously, you don't come to the
and be like, how are we gonna do it? You know?
(15:02):
Have you ever done this ship before? Yes? What names
some jobs you've done? Some recent one? Yeah, names some jobs.
Name a job. One job. He has a gun to
your fucking hit buck, Name a job. Nice narration, Thank
you Gerald, Dean's car wash. Gerald is not part of it.
Like a hold on, shut up, shut up, shut up,
shut the funks. My private phone. Hello, this is the Zippa.
(15:26):
It's Agent Ferry. Hey, Hey, guys, I'm sorry it's my niece.
It's Keith Signera. I gotta take it. Tell her congratulate.
What do you say for a kid congratulating? All right? Hello?
Did he tell you what he did? Listen, I'm on it. Okay,
he's about to use the same Geraldine's him? Where Geraldine shipping?
You know what happens if you don't get the information,
(15:48):
you go alright bye, sweetheart. I think that dress sounds great.
That was my niece, you know, Keira, you know, I
gotta tire you. Your niece sounds like somebody I know
what she's a fifty say, you know my good my niece. Yeah, yes,
I know a lot of you, your old girls. Oh shit,
(16:10):
I'm holding a knife to your neck now, this is
me nar rating. Yeah, you take that back, I bro, bro, Okay,
I don't I don't know your niece. I gotta make
a quick calls, right, just one second. Hello, it's Verry
Perry Um Thomas hair. Yeah. I always saw I came
(16:33):
up on the on the idea. I got your picture
on there, so so hey, I was on the job here. Um,
I know I see you. I see you on the
screen only informing you have the others. I can't tell you.
I mean, you knew when you're coming into the informant
game that you might be killing your best friend. Y,
(16:54):
why you're good boy? Tell me if you're working with
other informants. I'm not in a position at I mean,
you could talk to my higher up if you want
to take that. The FBI, he spoke to the first
spader FBI. Oh, yes, it's it's the It's just the main,
the main operator. The English Press one, the Spanish Press two,
(17:16):
English English. You have reached the FBI. Oh my god,
speak to an agent Press one. I thought I was one.
Enter your zip code now or I'm sorry, you've exceeded
the time limit. O my god, how do I go back? Agent? Agent? Agent? Hello, fion,
(17:43):
what's the nature of your national emergency? Um? Yeah, Hi,
my name is Thomas. Get my picture. Yeah, it's pretty easy.
It's called Google. Anyway. I'm out here on a job
and uh, all right, on the job. I'm trying to
I'm working with these guys. I think it's expect they
might be this guy named Barry. I'm working with him.
(18:04):
He's might one of my he's on special like offecial
Asian Berry. You just tell me what I'm gonna say.
You're finding out if Berry is a working a angle
on you, if he's working with two two independent undercover operatives. Yeah,
we're on top of it. You're not Thomas, and you're
coming dangerously close to having the thing you don't want
to have happened happened to you. Wait wait, wait, wait,
(18:26):
proceed with the execution of the procedure, and if you
do not buy weeks in, well we all know what's
gonna happen. Oh God, thank you for calling the FBI.
I'm already time to take a part of the survey.
Please one, okay, I'll take this survey. Were you happy
with your agents level of service? Press one for yes,
(18:47):
five or absolutely not? Girl? Who's coming? Four? No? No, no,
wait too. This is the Asian you're just dealing with.
I just saw you gave me a very low rating
on your didn't mean to. It's because they have that
they haven't set the opposite one being number one the best.
Just like in any ranking, number one is the best
(19:08):
and five out of five would be the worst. And
you chose four, which is towards five. I was this
kind of paying attention. Come on, you know me, sir,
you can take it up with a review board. You
can sort of posed a statement as to why you
misunderstood the very simple to use rating system. We can
examine it and see what the council things, you know,
and i'd like to take it up with the review board. Actually,
if you don't mind, I'm going to give you one
(19:30):
number to that. Okay, FBI help, all right. I didn't
have to write this down. It's not my pro Some
people can't remember these things. Okay, what was it? Okay? Help, alright,
go talking to you again. You don't have to say goodbye,
(20:02):
thank you for calling one hundred flowers. God, damn it,
you didn't write it down to the way eight hundred
health PI. Hell yeah, I don't think he wrote it down.
Because you want flowers? No, you know what, I would
like to order some flowers because there's an agent that
I kind of perturbed. I want to order flowers or not? Yes,
I would like to order flowers. Flowers, you know what.
(20:23):
I'd like to order two sets of flowers. One is
an apology set of flowers and the others for a
King Signia. First one is the ghost too, you know.
Just make it out to Agent Comma you're gonna want
to write all this time. I remember it. It's me Thomas,
thank you for your excellent service, which I meant to
(20:44):
give a one for period. Will you forgive me question
mark love? Should I say love? Whatever you want? It's
your dime, sir? Is this the coneniors apology flowers? Obviously
some apology flowers? I don't know. Some people like to
senn apology flowers to consider nearest. Can I'm gonna go
get a job, but juice? Do you want one? Can
you get me strawberries? Wild? Small? Good luck with this one?
(21:07):
He think you? He said he's a work. Will there
be a survey after this call? Just out of curiosity? Yeah?
Okay great? The other one they're fifteen year old Nae
Comma happy at ketson Era love Thomas. Can you get
one of the XO XO? Actually? Please? If I just
happy Kinsira love Thomas. Yes, I was just saying that eight.
(21:29):
He didn't write down the right letters. He sent the
wrong flowers to the wrong person. Agent Marry, you get
the kinds of flowers? Oh what why taste good? Hello?
Agent special agent Berry? Hey Berry, you might have gotten
a confusing okay, a note recently. I just want to
(21:52):
kind of clear it up a little bit for you.
Oh yeah, Actually I thought this was a message from
a Mexican cartel saying that I was going to go
down like it's very concerned about it. If you get
a bouquet for a King Sania and you're a male,
especially the adult male like me, Oh, that's like your
head on a tortoise. You know what I mean, your
head out of the tortoise, which is a turtle on
(22:14):
steroids by the way, something it's a breaking bad reference.
Oh yeah, with the toga. Are you saying you sent
this to me? I honestly, Berry, full disclosure, I really
didn't know the key Sania flower boukay thing meant that
you're going to die. Hey, I didn't mean to do that. Frankly,
I'm glad they were sent to you because if they
(22:35):
would have been sent to the phone line started scrambling,
Thomas gonna get his film message to Barry. Barry started
piecing it together, realized Thomas must be the head of
a cartail that Thomas immediately went to his buzzes and
Pat Thomas is the top five wanted man. Come again
you be Berry put him as the head of the
(22:58):
top five. You said Thomas did it. You said that Thomas.
Let me just get this studies shade. I know what
I'm doing. I'm I'm the fucking notes of the show.
All right, I'm a big fan. Thank you. I don't
even anything since the first episode to one about the
guy made his own pants. We actually have that episode,
the first episode of pants episode one. Yeah, I think
(23:18):
guy made his down pants. Guys, yeah, Robin, coming on,
even women has to have pants. While you're making a
pair of pants, and you always have a pair of pants.
Are you're wearing that? You should say that because I
have her to me on it. Trely every one of
these non days, I can make my old pants. You've
(23:39):
been watching me. At this point, the show had gone
off the alse he tryed to degree it. Barry got
behind the board and he started narrating it, and he
was trying to establish that Okay, he knew that Thomas
was head of the cartel because of the mistake, but
the host are he said it wrong the first time,
and it took a way too long to explain that situation.
(24:00):
A quick question. We're gonna get to hear me take
the survey for the flower, I was kind of looking
forward to anything else. I don't even know how you
got to this predicament. Thank you so much for using one, Flowers.
We'd love to have your feedback. If you're highly ecstatically
appreciative of the attention that your representative gave you, press one,
(24:23):
two or three. If you're somewhere in the middle where
you can't quite decide how you feel about it and
maybe need a little more time, try four or five, six,
or even seven. If you're vastly disappointed by the experience,
any number combination might represent this. From eight two, let's
say a thousand should have written that down at any point.
(24:44):
If you'd like to leave your response after the tone,
do so, right, Flowers. Oh yeah, this is Thomas Um,
I'm leaving a message, he said after the tone. I
didn't need to tune, so he said to the sound
of the sounder, and it was I heard it for Flowers. Well,
I was leaving my review. Cool question, Ari. Will there
(25:07):
be a survey at the end of the show and
let you know the experience in general. It'll be letter.
It comes in the mail bubble dot and then you
get to put it back the scanchin is there going
to be a survey about the difficulty of complaining that
this is Americans live survey? Anyway? Was this the recording?
(25:27):
The whole time was the survey? We go, Oh, God, Flower,
how do I flower? Agent? Agent? Agent? Eight hundred flowers.
I see that you were trying to make a selection
about your satisfaction and you thought that it was a voicemail. Sir,
would you like this? Kicked up to my manager. It
seems like you're very upset. We tried to de escalate
as quickly as we can. Now you're screaming certain, no, no,
(25:50):
your voice is very it's upsetting to me. I'm actually
the volume of my voice is Oh, he's a manager?
How you can do? Welcome to Flowers? What welcome to?
What is your flowers? What's your problem? Um? Where to begin? Well,
we're with you. I've been listening to the whole thing.
I listen. I listen to everything. I listen to the calls.
(26:10):
Is my fucking job, bro. Nobody listens to me. That's
why I concurse all. I want a piece of ship.
Do you have a manager that I can speak to you?
I own the company. You're Mr Flowers. My name is
missed the maripose. But yeah, fancily it is Flowers who
then tell him I'm your manager, to kick it over
to me. You talk to my boss. Yeah, I want
to talking. Yo. You got the zipper here? What the
(26:35):
Fund's the problem? You got an issue? Yeah, what's the
problem me? I was going to complain about the zipper?
What are you doing? Who the fuck is this Thomas? Thomas,
you fucking stepped away from We were casing that place
where you don't call you you know how long you've
been gone, like where the fund you've been? Of course
we're gonna start a side hustle. Yeah, yeah, what do
you We've always had decided hustle. We make the most
(26:57):
of our time if we ever has some downtime. Yeah,
we're going to tap in to do hr work for
one hundred Flowers. Yeah, it's one of those you know,
satellite jobs. Yeah. Who's casing the Gerald Deed's I don't know.
You're the one in charge of the case. Yeah. You
brought us here, and I wonder who could do the
safe thing? And then you just dissippeated and make an
I said, you guys watched garld D's while I'm gone
(27:18):
we're still watching. It hasn't left. I gotta make money
while I'm sitting. You're waiting for you. Yeah, you slow turtle.
You put your head on from from Yeah, you like that.
I love that. It's a great reference, such a good
I love that. Just do it a lot? All right?
What are we doing? What we do? We don't even
know why? The fun game me. You're thinking about how
(27:38):
much time I wasted thinking that I was talking to
a flower company and deciding flowers when I realized that
I'm taking surveys. I'm talking to agents. I could have
just agents agents. What the fund you're talking about? What
the funk you're talking about? No? No, no agents that
that work at customer service, not every agent. Oh oh
(27:59):
you mean, like like what we are? What do you think?
I have some kind of a rat mice on steroid
in a rat suit. They think I'm a rat. I repeat,
they think I'm a rat Berry Berry. If you could
hear that, I think I'm a rat Berry special Agent, Barry, Yeah,
Berry Mary. I was saying it into my lapel, and
(28:20):
I'm saying it in piece. I'm getting feedback. Can you
turn one of them? Are you calling your shirt? Barry Yeah,
what's up with that? What the fund is going on? Here? Guys?
Hang tight one second, rab Yeah, open his shirt and
give me a ship. Hey, I'll do it like he does.
(28:40):
And now I'm open in your shirt? What the fund
is that? What the fund is that? What is it? Tattoo?
A tattoo of what a y? And it looks like
a pair of iPods tape to your chest? Yeah, pods?
I mean it is. Oh, that's a tattoo of that?
Then how come I can pull it? There's a temporary
(29:03):
tattoo removable? What I went to my nieces key sing here.
They had a painting body body body painting everything. Everybody
tattoos and I had that congratulations to your niece, by
the way, thank you. I don't know your niece. Yeah right.
I think you'd be very strange if you knew her niece.
I know, I felt it very odd that you knew mine.
(29:23):
And now of a sudden you're like, oh, do you
hang out with my niece? Were you? I just thought
maybe nieces hung out with other nieces. Maybe you guys
would come into contact like a nice club. My eyes,
he's wearing a wire. I see how you could come
to the conclusion that because I am wearing something that
looks exactly like the wires at the FEDS issue to
(29:44):
their informants, and that I was talking into my temporary tattoo,
I can see how you would think that I was
an informant. Give me that wire, Give it to me.
Who am I talking to? Oh? Hey, wire, very tell
about it? Can everybody hear me? Yeah? Barry on speaker?
(30:04):
Did tattoo on speaker? I want to talk to Barry?
Who are you? I got that part stupid. I'm I'm
a special agent for chocolate. They're trying to send you
some chocolates because you've been such a good criminal criminals? Um,
(30:28):
would you like to take a survey? Agent? Berry added,
point to his boss in Quantico to tell him what
happened to poor Thomas who disappeared. Barry, I'm going over
all of us. It's quite a case. Can you break
this down in like the simplest, easily consumable, easily listenable
for both of us in terms? Please? It seems that
(30:50):
this guy Thomas was a little over his head and
he was working with criminals, and he didn't work out
what his story was going to be before he went
into it. And then you just sort of make snapped
his decisions and step away, and then he wouldn't think
of what to say once he came back, and so
it was almost like a football he's kicking down the
field trying to pick it up. It's like a quality epilogue.
(31:12):
So your process is fascinated coming up back to the
first the word from our esteemed sponsors stay with us
(31:34):
act to the interview, especially guests contributed by Nusky. How
are you today? Oh, I'm very good. Thanks for having me.
I'm I've only been listening to the show. I you know,
I came to it maybe about halfway through your run.
You know, I had some people also recommend it to me.
I always trust sort of word of mouth and um,
and these people were you know, really sort of tapped
(31:56):
into a lot of zeitgeists podcasts and then so I
really felt like that's, uh, that spoke to me. I'm
doing it for a long time. Yeah, and and for
me to go back and sort of go find all
these archives. It's also a time capsule, you know, like
you're focusing on the first cell phone and you know, yeah,
(32:16):
and then sort of you know when when small inspection
stations closed down like these big moments in society that
the shifts, we actually have that small inspections one. I've
always been there yet, but we have that in the
archives that when the small ye such as such as
a family runs small inspection empire, when that goes down,
(32:37):
that I mean, it's heartbreaking, it's really heartbreaking. Any it's
number inspection house, uh, any chain of different small inspections
across the Houston Metroplex area shut down for really two days.
People who needed to get their cars inspected and you
know the status of the smack of their own cars.
We're just sitting there with their pockets in their hands. Yea.
(32:59):
We have had this our family for must have been
three years now have three three years and nine months
this Tuesday. Yeah, we don't want to Yeah we want
to say four years, but it's not four years yet.
But we will be in two months in one week. Yeah,
but we didn't want to say that it was four
years because we know you're a journalist and we don't
(33:22):
want to be any gotcha journalism. If we want, we
want to be factual for you, and also we want
to be factual about we're closing down, but not for
any kind of criminal reasons. We really want to emphasize that. Yeah,
which are we're gonna divolte to people, Well, you just
say any closed down, We'll divulge all the reasons why,
all the reasons that are not reasons why we closed down.
(33:44):
Like will say, like we did not close down because
for criminal reason. Yeah, well, we did not close down
because theft or future arson like if that, if that
happens in the future. We did not burn it for
insurance money purposes because it got to be too much
not having place open very long. We got mouse to feed.
(34:05):
We did not try to cash in. I burned the
place down. We do not have a gambling problem that
is currently up ending our existence. Surely, after the interview,
all four locations burned in the hell fire and the
two brothers twin brother smug inspection banished, and the blue
leading a lot of people with no smug inspection places
(34:25):
to go to. Yah, I would like to apply for
a driver's license. Um, I am not trying to get
a new identity. I'm not playing a law I just
had to accompany him to the d n V. Sir.
I can only help one of y'all, So who who
needs the I d and who does not. I do
not not need it. Okay, I don't have I do
(34:47):
not have time for this. And I am I am
not a word play person. I am not a double entendre.
If you were trying to post some of that crap,
you can take it right out of here. Rad now,
my friends, And that that was a good one. Yeah,
I kind of is a young me, very much of
a round over version, and I thought it was really interesting. Yeah,
and you did the last act on her, yeah, which
(35:09):
is honestly, I mean that there wasn't much to her.
She was kind of just a woman who worked at
the d m V. Yeah. Well negative. So I don't
want to give you, but I love your work. We do.
We actually we have that too, by the way of
the third act of that episode, when you were talking,
when you followed the the m V woman around. Yeah,
you guys, I have to play it. You know what.
(35:30):
I'm serious. What just trying to make you up here?
I know you're sorry. I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm just trying
to I know, but I do not. Can I get
a check one to please in right now? Check one
to check one to sibilants. Sibilants like in that SNL
sketch about sound. I know what y'all do. Go ahead, now,
(35:51):
go ahead, you're you're in my living room now, in
my my one evening off. I gave you my time,
so let's do this interview. Yeah, that was a very
tough interview. Yeah, I don't know why included that stuff.
I just saying I used to have his stab out
back in the day when I just did everything that
I've included, I just put it out there, you know.
I just really very much about transparency. You've You've really
grown and it tells about yourself. Oh wow, that's a
(36:14):
good interview. Question from originally from Charlotte, North Carolina, and uh,
now I live in Los Angeles. I went to a
college in Charlotte, in Charlotte for Oh my god, where'd
you live in Charlotte? Was passing in the night? Yeah,
the Queen City. You lived in New York when you
moved here? Yes, I was in uh moved there in
ninety six, and then I moved out here in two
(36:37):
thousand and six. But you in New York for ten years?
Ten years? In math? Did you enjoy your time, dude?
I I did, and then I got exhausted with it.
It's an exhausting city. It takes a lot of energy, right,
And I broke my toe because I kicked the wall
after my car was broken into for the seventh time,
and um, subways uh started to make me sad so
(36:57):
uh And there was no more work there. All the
work was out. Now what I was gonna say, there's
no more work in New York? All right? What kind
of work do you do? I've bet to get there?
Really seem to take a while. Was that the kind
of look, Oh, I'm an actor and a writer, mainline actor.
Have I seen you and stuff? I don't know what
you watch. I watch all kinds of stuff. I watch
(37:19):
a lot of old old movies in the nineteen eighties. Yeah,
I mean I'm in most of those. Tell us about
what you've been working on? Now these days I feel
stop hearing record. Do we have let me step recluding? Okay,
so when we're in this part, do I sort of
talk about the reality, like the harsh reality we've all
been through with a COVID and stuff, or do I
steer away from that? Well, I would say, like, well,
(37:41):
the past year and a half, I haven't really been
doing much I've had my own podcasts and stuff. But
I got a podcast called bald Talk on. We'll talk
about that. Yeah, and and then, um, I've been auditioning.
I did some commercials. I do voices for Bob's Burgers.
Do that. We'll talk about that. Okay, all right, so
when we go when when you when you ask the
question again, are you taking notes? I don't have a pen. Okay, podcast,
(38:04):
Bob's Buggers. Yeah, auditioning, but you know, trying to generate work.
I think that's a you know, Okay, do you have
any podcasts going on? Oh? Sure, I've got a podcast
called bald Talk. Let's just try that one again. I
I'd like a clean one and we'll just kind of
do you want me to be him? Do you want
me to do you want do you want to run
the lines with me? Right? Use this audio and then
(38:25):
we'll use your your thing. Okay, So okay, UM tell
me about Hey, can you not do it in his voice?
Because yeah, what is that? What the fund is that
even you've been doing impetitions to me behind my back,
that's a that's a new character mark. You know. I
don't I don't need to. I don't need the question,
I'll just say, okay, three to one. I have a
podcast called Bald Talk. It's myself and Charlie Sanders. Uh,
(38:49):
two bald comedians interview bald everybody. We've had actors, directors, musicians,
wig makers. We just interviewed them about being bald, and
then it kind of goes from there into their creative
work and their insecurities and sort of the idea of
like vanity and perception and stuff. Are there any things
that you discovered that you didn't know of other people's
(39:11):
perspectives on being bald? The big takeaway is that, uh,
it's always a bigger hang up for you than anybody
else in the whole world, and especially if you have
a hang up about dating. Women do not give a
f They really don't. So take that away. If you're
if you're listening and you're bald, it's fine, it's totally fine. Well,
thank you guys. Yeah, you're welcome. You use you want
(39:34):
to leave. I don't know, it seemed like it was
just I just eating. You do get very close to
people's face when you talk to him, I think to
make sure that they can hear maybe when it comes
out of my mouth. We have headphones and microphones. Yeah,
that's what the mike's I mean, we're literally on both
on your mic. You started on the other side of
the room. You are now over with me because I
(39:54):
don't want I don't want to throw you know, I
don't want to mess up we guys have. It's just
just some if if if you guys were to make
a survey available to me, I would take it and
give some feedback. But you know, actually have that survey.
We have a line phone number. I have to press
the button. Well, you have to press several buttons because
you're down the number. What is in It's one, It's
(40:18):
the one. This is Americans Live Survey. This is Americans Numbers, right,
it's like way too many. Hold on, Sorry, sorry guys,
my phone's ringing. Hold on, Thank you for calling. This
is American's Live Customer Service. This is Andy the producer.
Can I are you taking the survey for me? I
feel like I should take today. Would you get away
(40:40):
from my mic so I can take the survey? Please
please just for this moment, step away for like a second. Okay,
thank you? Yeah, Hi, Hi, Brian, Yes, oh, hey, how
you doing. Hey, you're you're calling the survey line. Yeah,
I just wanted to give some feedback on the interview section. Okay,
how's it going so far? Are you enjoying it? I mean, yeah,
there's some problem. I mean I feel like there's some
(41:00):
elements to it that I'm not totally psyched about. Like
he gets a little close and and I felt like
when you ask opening questions like tell me about yourself? Yeah,
I mean what am I supposed to? Well, you know, free? Sorry,
can you hand just one second, I'm getting another calla alright,
(41:21):
I've got Brian on the survey. Yeah, I know he's
saying that. I can see you talking to him. I
can turn around if it's can you do me? Could
you do me a favorite? And just turn around real quick? Yeah?
What's that? Yeah, he's on the phone. He's bitch and
again about again. This is what he sounds like right now,
he's sting too close to me. Again. I'm sorry, I'm
(41:44):
at turn back around. You guys gave me the option,
Like I just said, is there a survey? And so
you're letting me do a survey? But now just now
you're sort of upended. This is this weird? You know,
if you have a survey about your survey. I would
I would give some feedback on that. As a matter
of fact, we're going to end it on this. We
actually have one. This is American's Live Survey survey. Who's
(42:05):
calling it? I'll do it. I have a new I
have a new phone. I want to Yeah, yeah, I'm
just gonna do a voicing. One eight hundred. This in
a shift now wrong number one hundred. This is Americans
Live Survey Survey. I'm sorry, did you mean one eight hundred?
This is Americans Live Survey, no survey survey. I'm sorry,
(42:29):
did you mean this is Americans Live Survey? I think
it might be confusing the phone because we say survey twice.
Probably I'm gonna I'm gonna hang out making the call.
I'm gonna call it surday diving it now, Hey guys,
one second, my phone's ringing. Sure, I'm gonna grab it.
Thank you for calling the This is Americans Live Survey line.
(42:50):
This is Andy. How can I help you? How was
your How was how's it going? Allright? We love it?
If you just let me start talking at some point,
Oh okay, I would probably with my producer, Can I
tell you what it is? He's too great, he's too great,
it's too funny. He's asking me to play different parts
of the archives. And you know how many tapes we
have any archives? Thousands? Right? And then now we've got
(43:13):
to end on this. I'm sorry, I got I'm getting
a call. One a second. Hey, Brian, he's on the phone.
He's on the phone. I really like what he's doing.
You do it. I don't think he sounds like a Yeah,
(43:33):
he sounds like a dying librarian or something. Sorry, what
are you doing here? Oh? I've been here the whole time.
He's listening to here. Got a bit full of shit.
I'm really sorry. I'm sorry. I think I I caused
the problem in this. The problem, just like the thing,
is that I do my best to movies fits along.
(43:54):
Sometimes my producer gets a little archive crazy, and then
we started dipping in the thing, and then all of
a sudden we have no time for nothing. I really
like the way that you're tired. I'm gonna called the survey.
Here we go again. Hold on my phone, right, Hello, Hey,
it's me. Hey, what's up. Well? Ari is kind of
being a dick right now to you? I know, okay? Well,
(44:17):
by zero stars, guys, contributed by Husky. Thank you so
much for this opportunity. Yeah, coming up at three, but
first the word from our sponsors who make this high
quality program possible. Stay with us at three. Well, all
(44:43):
her friends were positive that Mary had a sixth sense.
She knew that she had a seventh sense. It was
a tingling sense kind of helped her see things in
a different dimension. He was a new kind of psychic.
You know what, I think you have what I like
to call a SA And since are you serious? I do?
I am? I do in serious? You do in seriously?
(45:06):
See I doing serious? All day long and then the
rest of the day at the night time. I've had
so many people say that there's something about me that
I have an energy that they can really that radiates.
And my new My mama, My mama had this special ability.
She knew, she knew and the milk was about to
go bad. She knew it before it happened. She wouldn't
(45:26):
even look at the date. She's just say, milk gone bad,
and sure enough we wouldn't drink it. Wait a second,
but your mama was the milking bad lady. Yeah, she
was the milks here she was, She's the milks here.
Oh my god, I didn't know that I was amongst
the royalties. Stop yah, stop, you're making me blush. I
(45:47):
wrote my college thesis on your mother. Are you serious?
Just dead on the milks here? I didn't know that
her reach is that fas was. Excuse me, it is
all right, and milks here. I've been seeing the future
of milk since the early nineties. It was very popular
N six number. She'd put on commercials that would air
(46:08):
at late time at night. You feel like your milks
mak go bad am, Well, let me hold the cart
and now, sweetheart, you got another week of milk on
that one. O't thank you so much that I had
to leave you with this. What if this milk is
left towards the front of the fridge, away from the
(46:28):
ventilation that cools it, you're gonna have half a day left,
and if you want a full week, you gotta put
it towards the back. If you do not hear my words,
you'll have six and a half days of milk. She
wasn't the only one who had a future knowing of
dairy products. There was also the cheese here. Let's see
the thing with the cheese. As you what if you
(46:49):
got Tuesday. Just tell me Tuesday, Tuesday, what Tuesdays want.
It's gonna go back, so we can't have Tuesday. Yeah,
after Tuesday youet done with it. And I'm not understanding
what's so confusing about this. We just bought this cheese,
just bought it. We just bought this cheese. Was like
something that you might want to take up with the
customer service at the grocery store where you bought it,
because they should probably should not be selling cheese that
(47:10):
is so close to his expiration date. So so so
after Tuesday it's done. Yes, after Tuesday has done, is
there any way to make it? Preserve it? The milk
lady used to tell us where to put the milk in?
Where do we put What you want for me? What
do you want from me? I don't know that cheese.
That's the date. Eat the cheese, don't eat the cheese.
What do you want? What do you want? You know what?
You're expecting a little bit more out of me than
I'm willing to give to you. He was an accidental medium,
(47:32):
didn't really want to have his job. He would just
bring Blacks the cheese to him and he would just
begredge and eat tell him when it was going to
go bad. He just always pissed about it. I don't
know the date on this. Gorgon Sella clearly says in
two weeks. So what what? What else are you wanting
me to do? I can read the date, okay. I
want to know, much like the milk's here, what the
essence of the cheese? When the essence will pass? I
(47:54):
don't know. Open it up, smell it what? I don't
understand how we drove twelve hours for this? He's right,
smell it. I don't like Goregon till let's start with
what are we doing? What are we doing with our lives?
I don't know. Even though you just tell people to
fuck off, he would just keep coming. I'm not understanding
what all of you people want. Look at the cheese,
Smell it. If it smells bad, don't eat it. If
(48:18):
it's past the date, don't eat it. What is with
the line of cars turned around? Dude? I can't do
anything more for you. I'm trying to point together on
telling tree for my bat and I can't risk it
and cheese that's going bad. Don't you fucking see? This
is at about my life by the one with the
latest date on it blug. And that's why my mom
(48:45):
is sort of faded from popularity because of the cheese guy.
He undermined her whole craft and her vision and it
was just gone. Is there anything? Is there any kind
of food products that you feel like you have you
can you can see the future of Is this the
job interview? I'm so nervous before I was talking to
a young lady who's doing a doctoral piece of my mama. Now,
(49:05):
how did I get in this office? I'm from the
Paranormal Investigations Group, and um, I'm sorry I interrupted an interview.
It was really rude of me. I apologize. How you
chloroformed meat real fast? I didn't know how I ended
up in here? Do you feel like you can see
the future of other produced by chance? If it'll get
me out of this creepy room? Yes, I mean, what
(49:26):
do you want for me? I will go undercover for
you guys. I do not care. It does not matter.
I'll where why. I do not give a ship. I
do not like offices like this. Hi. I'm Barry. I'm
supervisor for this upcoming case. I'm very excited to work
with you so you can tell and Lettuce go to
be Berry. What are you doing? Where are you? I'm sorry,
(49:50):
this is very confusing. We'll work it out. I'm gonna
get out. It was the first time Andy the producer
had produced himself into a only time with the other
if you can figure the episode out was the last
we ever saw of him, So producer to Annie and
our special guest contributed by nisky I am you know? Sorry?
And this is this is Americans Live during his next time.
(50:10):
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