Ep 51: Kyle’s Penis: The Director’s Cut

Today, this is what's important:

The first ever 'Let's gooooo,' cheugy, jeans, Kyle's vasectomy, deer, animals the guys think they can fight, and more.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to This Is Important, a production of I Heart Radio,
the show where we only talk about what is most
obviously very crucially important today. On This Is Important, they
cut my vast deference out. Gentlemen. It looked like a
sloppy mess, admittedly, but I think that's just Kyle's dick.
It's why throw a couple of napkins over your cock? Brow? Quick? Bro?

(00:25):
Did you make the mouth of your penis talk? Let's go? Hello? Hello,
sweet sweet? There we go again? Up, Yes, it feels

(00:52):
good man. I will say that someone hit me up
d M style, slit in them and they slip d M.
They slid right in them, and they said that they're
like I found the first Let's Go and it is
Tom DeLong in an old Blink tracks like Let's Go

(01:12):
from from just like after no doubt because at the
same time I think it was off take Off your
Pants and jacket Air great album. Well, to be fair,
I think that was a different type of Let's Go
that was more of like a Let's go in. How
is that different? Though? Yeah, that's exactly what Adam just doing.
That's literally what I just did. I'm sorry is that this? Yeah,

(01:39):
that's before I feel like that's the before thing, whereas
let's go has become an after thing, like a celebratory
like that happened, Let's go, But what you just played
is for sure pre But also let's go is like
it's like waiting for the game. Let's go, like we're going,
or like a bunch of bros that are going out
for the night and they just chugged in Ashland Salt, yes,

(02:04):
and then they go, they go, let's go, and then
they just go to the bar and only talk to themselves.
That's what we did at bars. We were so bad
at hitting on chick. You think it's more of a
pre still or more of an after celebration thing. Now, yeah,
I think it's now it's just ubiquitous. It's all the time, constant.

(02:26):
So what you're saying, yeah, it's it's just it's whenever
it's people people will say let's go, like when they
get their tokytoes at a restaurant. So what I'm saying
is they get they say it after they get the takeytoes.
You could get ta keytos at they get to tokytoes,
then they go, let's go. Right, So that's my point
is that that is an after example. No, that's a

(02:49):
before an example before you eat them, well, before you
eat them. But it's but they're celebrating after they got them.
They already ordered them. The game is you eating them,
not you ordering them. The game is that when the
whistle blows, you start eating your food. I feel like

(03:09):
when you're handed the food, When you're handed the food
and you say let's go, that's celebrating the fact that
you got them. And then when you sit and you
pick it up to take a bite and you say
let's go, that's like, oh, it's about to go down.
So those two different agree to disagree. It's all part
of the same game. Though, it's all part of the
same let's go family. I don't disagree with that. That's
a brother's sister, let's go family. Well, you could have

(03:31):
multiple like let's go releases during the same game, right,
like you know Quarters and all that ship and when
you're hyping up for place. I would argue to say,
life is a series of let's go. Let's just agree
that life is a series of let's go. Yeah, that's
what lets go, and then you go, and that will
be the sign that hangs in my back Blake is
our our resident um champion of current phrases. Uh, the

(03:56):
king of the the with the finger on the pulse.
If you need a guy to tell you the latest slang,
he'll pull up Yet the oldest gen z er pull out,
pull out run looks. I don't know if you guys
are aware of the word choogy. I was put on
this word. Oh yeah, some choog choogie. Evidently it's a
person who has aged out of being cool, but it

(04:19):
tries to remain relevant. That is a choogy person. And
did someone call you choogie Blake? What is choogie derives from?
And do you use it before you eat sukey do
at the restaurant before a restaurant players sounds delicious. So

(04:41):
choogie is someone that is holding on to a style
that was popular when they were in their early twenties,
from early mid twenties, when they were young and hip
and cool. For instance, I was thinking, like remember in
like two thousand to two thousand three, two thousand four,
like like poofy vests, like sweater vests or like popular

(05:04):
you mean like down dusts, Yeah, down vests that was
like cool people would wear that ship Yeah, And then
if you still every winter go ahead, Yeah, keeps you warm,
and so you rocking that. A gen Z would say
that that is a chuggy thing that you're doing. You're
hanging on. I think you claiming what a gen Z
is gonna say is fucking chuggie as hell. Bro. Yeah, sure,

(05:29):
I'm not offended by it. I'm I'm the epitome of
chug I'm the chuge moister general. I mean, my whole
style is ship that I liked when I was twenty
years old. I mean, yeah, I still wear shirts from
high school. They fit differently, they don't hang like they
used to, but like I can finally fill them out.

(05:49):
Are you kidding me? There's no way I'm fitting in
my ship from high school. Yeah, well you were on
the fucking prom court, so you know that. Yeah. Yeah,
I was lean back there and not no more bullshit. Kyle,
you wore size thirty eight pants, stands that you probably
fit better in your high school pants now, and then

(06:12):
you did that in That is so true. They used
to be Jenko's. Now they're just kind of tied around
the cloth fitting. Yeah. Here, Jenko's are jorts or jeggings.
Jenkos became jeggings. You got me, you got me. I

(06:32):
do think it's funny though, Like, uh, I kind of
have had essentially the same style since I was twelve,
when I kind of swore off jeans and just wore khakis.
I wish I was there that day. That would have
been a good jeans though. I swear to god, I
started wearing jeans after living in l A For like
six years, when like, you couldn't get into places without

(06:56):
jeans on. I remember you telling me about like adenomen
You're like, no, dude, it's it's tight. And then instead
of washing them, you put them in the freezer or
I how you disinfect them. My mind was blown. And
here's the best part. Never did either of that. Never
washed him, never put him in What was it like
when you swore off of jeans? Like were you just

(07:20):
like hanging out with your friends and they're like You're like,
I'm not gonna wear twelve years old too. That's such
a funny age. I'm done with the mom I'm done
with those to myself in the mirror, I said candy
Man twice and then I said I can't do it
the third time, and I said, I swear off. It
reminds me of that scene in Orgasmo where he's at

(07:41):
the table with his dad eating breakfast. He's like, Dad,
I'm not going to use hamster style anymore, and he
goes okay, son, and then they just move on with
their Yeah. Yeah. He builds it up so much and
then it's just like I remember I would wear khaki's
for to like church on the weekend or to like
a dress up thing, and I just liked it better.
And I like jeans at that point, We're not what

(08:01):
they are today. Guys. What were they please? What were
they at that I loved jeans back in the day
when I was a kid. They took a long ass
time to like breaking break in, so they were always
like crunkled, not if you had that sick ass French
Toast brand. Yeah, you're right, you don't remember that. Remember
French Toast? I don't at all. That's the best jeans

(08:22):
I ever had, bro, What are you talking about French Toast?
I'm talking about French Toast brand. Gene. This dude's mom
made him jeans and was like, they're French toes. She
was just please explain yoursel. No, you're on pain pills
and you're currently laying in your bed, picking your nose.
But I gotta know what these French toast jeans are.

(08:43):
Vibro dog, I'm just living that vibro life right now.
But like, and that's important for you. And what were
French toast jeans, Kyle French? It was just a brand
called French toast. Slide in this dude's d M S.
If you know what French toast you had some fucking
osh gosh but gosh, and then you also had some
French toast that if you were lucky to find him
at ross Ressurt, what are you talking about when you
were a toddler. What you just did is you named

(09:05):
a brand everyone knows and then you named another brand
that no one's ever heard of as anonymous makes it
seem more It makes it seem more relatable. And I
hope it's triggered. You just said a brand that that
everyone's heard of, and then you said at breakfast food,
and we're all supposed to believe that was a popular GA.
I know, I understand. I apologize. We're all the exact

(09:27):
same edge besides Dirs, who is thirty five years old
out but we're damn we're within months of each other.
And I never heard a French toast jeans in my line.
You know what, when you were talking about jeans, it
just triggered something in my head. I shouldn't have done
the oshcosh, but gosh, that was a manipulative tactics bler. Overall,

(09:48):
here's my style. My style, Like it's different for sure
than when I was in high school. I feel like
my style was solidified when I was in my mid
twenties of just like mostly Bay sick T shirts and
regular as jeans and Vans sneakers. Yeah, you were kind
of you always kind of dressed like commercial ready, no

(10:09):
logo like blank tea. I don't I don't like a
logo on a T. I don't like walking around feeling
like I'm a billboard, you know. So I couldn't afford
those clothes. Although your jeans back in the day, well
they say on the fly, why what what they say?
What did what did your jeans say? Jibbo no, no, no?
What did they say out? Oh lucky you? Yeah, shirt

(10:33):
say nothing, but jeans they said lucky you. They said
lucky you because they were Lucky brand jeans and the
button fly and they would say lucky you, which by
the way, no one was sucking my dick. No one
was there. No one was lucky. Would they be lucky
to do so? Hang on, that's not true. That's not true.
It was your roommates your No, your roommates were lucky
because they got a little laugh out of it. Yeah,

(10:55):
I need the zipper that says I'm sorry. Well, hand
a second. That's not true. So that's not true. There
there's a few. There's a small handful, and we don't
need to get into dats. But I do want to
know a little bit of tails about um, not the
eats with the tails, tails, the tails that a tails
so well, someone for sure had opened your jeans and
saw that at some point, and was there any mention

(11:16):
of it? Was there like a Jesus? Or was it
just that I don't think. I think if I was
gonna get a blowjob, I ripped my pants off so quickly.
It was never like, let me take those off for you.
It was I was already butt naked right right like
if there was like it was it was gonna go down,

(11:36):
It's like, and I'm butt naked. There was no. That's
not alarmed. That's not alarming, or I know if a girl,
if if the mail band was a woman, I'd come
to the door naked. There's Adams just saying there's a
window when someone a very small window. When a girl
would realize, oh shit, I'm about to hook up with
this guy. He's like, I just gotta get to it right.

(11:56):
This dude would rob break away underwear and ship just
snap snaps on the side, just like win suit. He
had a bulls warm up. You had a fucking rip
away T shirt like whole Cogan. Do you remember I
used to rock those button up sos like Western wear,
the snap button with the snap buttons. You also Lucky Brand,
I believe I do you believe his Lucky Brand? I

(12:18):
did with some Lucky Brand back in the day. Lucky
and I would snap that off. Do you remember that
was that was a comedy move that I had. I
would bust that out fun that disarms. Oh yeah, I
remember that. I loved it. It was the funniest part
now looking back, as we had to button it back up.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. After I did the big gotta

(12:38):
laugh and then it was just slowly that's the most memorable,
gonna go over hereup? Okay, God good, I do like
the idea of like, oh he's funny. He's definitely not
someone who screams when he has winning. Lucky me, lucky
me speaking of sex. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

(13:07):
How about that for interrupt my pal and transition? Absolutely
good ship man. Let's throw it to Kyle, who is
laying in a bed. And it's not a deathbed, it's
a life bed. I knew a check. He's post surgery.
He just had a big, big, maybe the biggest outpatient surgery.
You can have the final cut, the final snip. I

(13:29):
finally got final cut, final cut, final cut. That's pretty
funny from editor to director to getting your dick cut. Bro,
it's the craziest. It's the crazy one more time, Blake,
I said, editor, that's a director to getting your dick cut? Right?
Was that? Like? That was really really, really good? It's cut.

(13:51):
They cut my vast deference out, gentlemen. Can we name
the episode that they cut my vast deference out? Gentlemen?
That's what they did and I saw it, And what's
the death what's what's the difference between us? I don't
go when no more started the pain? You can start
at the uh so break it down for us because
we're sending live photographic evidence of you getting your dick snapped,

(14:15):
bloody bandages and ship and we couldn't really see what's
going on, but it did seem like there was a
lot of blood. Yes, it was nuts. You do a
tummy tuck at the same time banging out. You were awake.
I was awake, and you could see everything. Yeah, walk
us through this. I went into the doctor's office and
they basically were like, okay, sit down right here and
put this little you know, undressed from the waist down

(14:36):
and put this uh like napkin skirt thing over your body.
And I was like, okay, cool, I did it and
I did that, and that's when their words take this
knack and skert skirt thing and taco bell knack the
bros arc you were to the bros arcs doctor oh

(14:57):
ship fam grabbed this snap and skirt thing and throw
it over your dick. Hey, dude, you might have cancer.
What's up? I don't know. I'm not gonna double check
a couple of napkins over your cock brook. The instruments
are on a fast food tray. Lucky you. This was insane.
And then they were like she came back in and

(15:18):
she's like, okay, lay down, and I was like, all right,
all right, fine, I will Yeah. Then she takes a
napkin thing that's skirt off and she dumps this. She's
like it might be cold, and I'm like what Then
and there's this whole dump of just like you know
that brown fucking like cleaning liquid. No, you know that
brown like yeah, it just dumped. I a dying all

(15:40):
over my fucking dick and balls. Bro boy, I would
pay to see that. It was unreal. Yeah, why did
you send that picture? Just your muddy looking junk. I'll
send you the picture. I took a picture of it afterwards.
But I was like, this is too gruesome. This is nasty,
Like did you have to shave before you went in
or did they? Did they shave you? Yeah? I shaved

(16:00):
my nuts in the shower beforehand. I did that leading
up to did you can we throw to our sponsor
Manscape skate buzzers with the light on it that like
highlights everything. I love, man, that's great products. You're gonna
want the light product. Wait, did you have to shave
or did you do that out of like a curtain

(16:21):
so you had to I was like, oh fuck, why
see how much? Why why are we paying them? Like
if we're at home doing all the shaving bullshit? Thank you.
I'm prepping myself for surgery. Now come on, give me up,
hang on, hang on, hang on. So let's slow it down,
all right. You shaved the nut sacks the night before?
What did you eat? Slow it down? Slow it down.
I shaved the nuts like the morning up. It's bulky,

(16:43):
but I considered carry on. Did you shave the nutsack
both both sides or did what? Did they just go
through one s everything? Did you get underneath? I shaved everything?
Did you shave both sides or just leave like a mohawk?
Did you shave your buttle? Did you know that has
nothing to do with my buttle? It's only my balls?
Did I go through the bottle? But I was just thinking,

(17:04):
you're already down there, you might as well, because they're
gonna be down in that area, because your legs are
going to be up in stirrup. I think if I
would have did it the night before, I would have
got lost in what you're talking about, Adam. But because
I did it the morning of, I had somewhere to be.
So you raced through it. I did. I was nervous
first time. So it looks like it looked like, uh,

(17:25):
what's a good example of something like a chip of
copas basically like there's a little bit of hair come
out of part of it. It's like a little patch, Yeah,
a little patch like a rabid rodent, like the World's
Ugliest dog. Do you remember that photo? Oh man, Yeah,
your dick definitely looks like the world Ugliest dog. Lucky you,

(17:47):
that's you said to the doctor. Lucky. It's the movie
where like a rat goes through like some sort of
like thing and it comes out the other side all
like crazy and mangled with like a white eyeball slide
in my ms with that answer, people, I don't know
Ninja turtles too. I think it's something like that somebody

(18:08):
allow seems really never fails. Okay, so they dumped the ooze.
They dumped the ooze all over my dick, and yeah,
it's kind of ninja turtle scenario. And is that idine
doesn't numb you? Right? No? Was your dick numbs? No? No,
not at that point, but that's what they were doing.
They were cleaning it for the numbing because so and
were these male doctors or was there a female doctor.

(18:30):
Female doctor was prepping me and the she just got
to see all your nuts and stuff, dude, straight up
hers of the job. I was blown away with how
open this process was. Like I was like, what is
going on? But just like moving it around and making
sure it's all clean and all that, like picking it
up dude. Yes, wait, did she have like she had

(18:58):
gloves on and stuff or does she use like force ups?
I think so. I was kind of looking straight up bro,
because I'm just like, did she use your mouth at no? Well,
we we just want to know you went to like
at the Brosarc's doctor. Didn't they use their mouth? No,
not at all. She was very professional. It just this
is going somewhere that makes me uncomfortable. But answer, It

(19:20):
just caught me off guard. But it was pro They
dressed all the time, so I have to assume that
this is par for the course, lack of a better word.
They were man handling your cock. Yes, yeah, did she
make the mouth of your penis to She did not.
She didn't play any games. It was all business. It
was all good. Watch did you do this? Can I
just the lockness monster? I felt safe? Okay, let's just

(19:43):
I felt safe, all right, Okay? Then the then the
doctor comes in and says like, yo, I want to
listen to some music. Why don't you pick some music?
Why don't even do this? Cool? He wanted to set
the mood. They got the vibe. He wanted to set
the mood a little bit well, and I was like
then he then he left. He's like, I'll be back
and then play a little let's get it. He left,

(20:04):
and so then I was like, what is what does
he like to listen to? Want? I want him to
listen to what he but he would listen to, you know,
like what's up? And so then I'm like, all right,
fuck it, let's just play some jazz and so jazz, Yeah,
I said Jack. What if the doctor, Kyle, what if
the doctor was like she didn't tell your patis, did you?
And You're like, yeah, this kid, and they have to

(20:25):
do that. Let's have some fun, like uh music you want?
You like weird? Al So I put on some I
said jazz. She said, Alexa play jazz, and then she
played it. Shut the funk up, seriously, I swear to god.
She said, Alexa played jazz, and oh, I thought her
name was Alexa. She didn't even drop some cold training
on your face. No, it was whack. And then she

(20:46):
left the room and I'm like, this is not the
type of music I want to listen to. So then
I was like, Alexa, play Allman Brothers. Yeah, you don't
want somebody improvising, I said, Alexa, play Allman Brothers. I
thought that might be a better thing to get snipped too.
And then it came on with Dude, Dude. I was like, nah,
what song is that, Jessica? It was. It's from Guitar

(21:08):
Hero for sure. Back in our house, like throwback style
to the did old days. Yeah, just just very sweaty
drinking a tall boy playing some guitar Hero. There's only
it's one long one. I thought that was The Grateful
Dead though ironically that like Brant, I always thought that

(21:31):
was Grateful similar vibe. Could be sure the Internet will
tell us that we are how many times that we're
all collectively like, yeah, that is the Almond Brothers, absolutely
for sure. And then the Internet is like, no, that
was sucking Jamaine dupri or something. Wait, totally not at
all though, so deaf. That was mom tel Jordan's like,

(21:53):
you guys are so right, yeah no, Kyle, did you
say Jessica? Yeah? So yeah, no it's Melissa sweet move.
I don't know, alrighty whatever anyways, Almond Brothers pops. So
then I decide, I decide it's not the right track.
It's not the right track, though, I I said, I quickly,
are they they're coming in? I was like, Alexa, play

(22:15):
Miles Davis and then and then it went down. Alexis
confused kind of all over the place. And then the
whole thing after that was this like fucking wild ass
Miles Davis track that just like was insane. I had
never heard this track before. I don't know the track,
but it was. You know, it's like round about Midnight
where it's just like he starts to go nuts on

(22:36):
some ship and it's like, wow, this is the score
to get your vast deference cut out to. It's bizarre.
So okay to set the mood, what what we're imagining?
Pretty sexy woman? How old was this woman that man
handled your cock? I don't know what are we doing? Yeah?
How are we doing this? I don't want to do
this part. Let's talk about this is a professional person.
I felt safe. Now you felt you felt safe. I

(22:58):
felt safe. Old. Was this woman that man handled your cock?
No idea set six year old experience. This is all
Adams making this experienced. And she's flipping and flopping your
cock around. Did you get any kind of a job
or it was too much? It was too sterile of
an environment. Not it was very sterile, very safe. There

(23:19):
was a job to happen. It was fear bonnerrection nothing nothing,
no fearrection. And I will say I did glance to
make sure, but nothing. Because it was so cold. I
could barely feel my dick. It was so cold. This
iodine was freezing. What they're doing was was their hands cold?
The hands were cold. Everything about it was cold. There

(23:41):
was not a warm part of this whole situation. It
was all cold. Now you think they would want a
hot hot hot? No, hear me, what dude? Think they
had hot so they could stretch the skin a little more, Kyle,
You would think they would want this, right, I would, Yeah,
you're right. I think that because it's everything's everything kind

(24:04):
of run up. It's harder to work with shrunk up.
It's hard to get in there. You're kind of cutting,
zigging and zag and the way that you don't want to.
I actually think the cold is set up for a
reason because it constricts everything so that they're not making
wrong incisions or like following around the vein, you know
what I mean. Your balls go like up in your
body when they're cold. They kind of get close to

(24:24):
the to the units to maintain the So when they're
warm and loose, they got some slack. Yeah, but that
that's your balls. Your voss deference stays closer to the surface.
And that's what I think. Where is that? Where is
the boss difference? There's two tubes. They had to make
two incisions. It's in the side of a nut sack,
so on either side of the nut sack. So is
that through the butter not not through the butt? They

(24:45):
did not have to go up through the butt like
previously thought, but they did anyways. I asked them if
they could, and they said, we can't get in shave
back that did. I did get involved. This was the
one time I got involved. I did challenge them just
to see if they could go in through the through
the anal cavity. But they said no, So okay, who's

(25:08):
in there? It's just me and some know something's on
the bed. Some just moved. Oh that's me. Oh you're
saying who's in his room right now? I thought you
were saying who's I just saw a shadow shadow. Oh,
it's probably this. It's probably my leg because I got
no pants on. I gotta strap. Don't move your leg
like that. Are you gonna rip the scene? Yeah, you're

(25:29):
gonna rip and chill. Dude, Kyle, you forgot your jock strap?
Did you want to throw a plug? Oh? Dude, I
forgot my jock strap. But I figured it was all
good because I was rocking sacks underwear s A x
X and they have a little cup for the nuts.
And I talked to doctor about it and he was
pretty pumped about it. Not a sponsor the pop, but
we would love him. Yeah, come on over. So yeah, yeah,

(25:50):
we got some sex to ad him. Get them okay,
so just set them into Yeah, the mood has been
pretty hot. Six year old came in. Man, your slipped
it around. They left in a very professional, very professional man. Huh,
they're still in the room. Actually, she's in the room
the whole time. Okay, she's there to check it out,

(26:11):
to observe in the corner, playing with herself. Yeah, peeping
tongue play, we're gonna go, let's go, okay, And then
the doctor comes in, male doctor, male doctor, male doctor,
male doctor, and I've met him before, strong, strong hands.
He dumps iodine all over okay, she recklessly like photos

(26:34):
you sent, like it was everywhere, like without a band.
It was a big, big dump. It looked like a
sloppy mess. But I think that's just Kyle's dick. It's wine.
It's the nut sack itself is like bulbous, so it's
just like a fucking it's like a preach, like uh,
when you feel like hot water with something without like

(26:54):
that bag. Her mom puts it like underneath the hot
water bottle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that's a
douche yeah speaker on when your mom would shove that
up your ass? Is that why the top of its
shaped like that the top of what your dick, none
of the top of a hot water bottles kind of
um long. I guess you could say that on their

(27:18):
fill with water and and then I don't think that
has anything to do. I think that's for people with
backpants and don't think that's like an anal sex thing.
Slide into Blake's d M s if you ever used
it for that giving yourself a rubber munging? So what
did they give to numb? They have to numb the penis?
So doctor comes in. Yeah, So doctor comes in. He says,

(27:38):
how you doing? I say, I'm fine. He gets another
napkin on it and pulls just my nuts through a
little hole, right, and so that's now his operating zone.
That's when I come. So it's a little it's a
it's a glory hole, basically, it's basically a glory hole, yes,
And they're pulling the nuts through, and then that's what
he's working on. I've seen a porno like that for sure.

(28:03):
He was like, hey, buddy, how's it going. What do
you do again? I was like, oh, I'm a director filmmaker.
He's like, oh right, Um, you should have said I'm
a penis model. And and then he's like he proceeds
to like, you know, stabbed me with the inject me
with the local anesthetic on one side of my nuts,

(28:23):
and that fucking how long is the needle? Do you
see the needle? Like? This is when I was like,
oh no, I'm so scared about this. Right now, I
didn't look at the needle, but its long is the needle?
I don't I would I don't know. I didn't look, dude,
I was looking straight up and I just how much
would you venture? To? Say? Seven inches? Eight inches? I
don't know, seven so three times the size of your cock? Goodbye?

(28:48):
And he put that in your butt hole? I asked
him to. He went straight into the into the sack.
I'm sorry, that's right, Africa, okay, god man, No, I
don't know how big it was. But the pain went
all the way up to like above my belly button,
God like it went. It was like it went all
the way up to above my fucking belly button. Yeah,
into my ribs and it was like like you're getting

(29:09):
kicked in the nuts constantly for about thirty five seconds,
and then it starts to Yeah, it's like when they
numb your gums or something when you're doing dental work,
you know what fucking stings. But then it's like, all right,
it's you can do whatever the funk you want down
there now. And he and did they? Yeah? And was
that awesome? Were you like? The doctor was just like

(29:30):
then you just started flicking in and punching it exactly
Speedbag to He's like, remember the Speedbag videos, Like, gotta
make sure it's okay. Didn't we watch the speedbag in
video in the Writer's room allegedly? Yes? Well, when Kyle
said they pulled his balls through a thing, I was like,
haven't we seen a video where there's like a woman
like boxings through like a wooden board. Yeah, brutal, Like

(29:53):
she's skill, it's brutal. You guys have seen that. I
thought I was the only one. Yeah, Like she's legit,
like a like a Russian boxer. She's like upper cutting
this guy's ball. That nuts, dude. People are in the
weirdest ship. Yeah, okay, so then after that people are
in a weird so you're covered in this brown goop. Yeah.

(30:15):
So now Miles Davis is just blaring, just fucking like
the fucking trumpets going nuts. So what would have happened
if you picked some music? If you like comedy? I mean,
Miles Davis that that's a little bit of a swing.
But I could see maybe a doctor being into something
like that. What if you just played slipknot. It's just like, dude, yeah,

(30:39):
just something that like the doctor is like, oh, I
cannot I'm gonna murder this guy to this music like
exactly you played disturbed. Its like whoa, and he's just
sucking jamming you with a needle. He gets a little
too aggressive. My hindsight, as I probably would have gone
with some fucking metalica or some Pantera or something like that,
I think it would have been a better subject. So
you do that would have been better. You think something

(31:02):
like that would have been more fun for me. I
was nervous because it was freaking me out, dude, Like
the fucking like it was definitely a surreal jazz movement
happening in the background, and I was a little It
made me nervous. You know what's weird is like the
fact that you don't know what track it is. Is
You're going to be somewhere and that's going to come
on and it's going to trigger you, and it's going

(31:22):
to send you right back to the table. You're gonna
be in a hotel lobby somewhere and gonna start crying
and starting to try to rub the iodine off your
cock like it's Macbeth. Feels like I'm being speedbag honey
dude for real. Well, okay, so then and then how
long did it actually take here? So he did one side,
he cut in and did it. That was probably about

(31:45):
five minutes or so, and that's when I was damn
did he ever say? And well, yes, actually yes. So
then he did the other side and he had to
he did the other side, and he had to torture
me again and put the fucking on the other side
as well. So I had to do that again because
it's two sons. So he did that and then went

(32:07):
to work. And this is when he fucking pitched me
an idea for a movie. Yes, dude, I love it.
Everybody has a good idea on him. Well, he was.
He was it sick. It was his buddies movie. So
I got an idea for a movie. It's a doctor, right,

(32:28):
and he's sick of cutting nuts, so he's just chopped
chopping guys nut sex off and it's a horror comedy
dr Balls. It was just like some fucking World War two.
It was like a World War two movie that his
friend had written. And I was like, yeah, all right, man,
cool right, And he's holding your nutsack in his hands

(32:48):
when he's pitching it, yes, and he's cutting my power.
Movie's power. I seriously said to him. I'm like, oh, well, hey,
you got me by the balls for this pitch. And
he was like, what, yes, what's up? Oh boy, you
had to repeat it? And I was like no, he
just didn't get it. I'm like, well, you know, there's
like an elevator pitch. That's what people say, have your
elevator pitch. This is like you got the pitch when

(33:10):
you have your patience by the balls And he was like,
do you want to hear the story? You're not like
he did not understand that it was weird. Yeah, that
guy's never going to make it in Hollywood. And I
was like, alright, alright, yeah it sent me. Go ahead,
grab my number and send it to me later. Cool man,
thank you. Wait you gave him your personal number. You
took it off the fucking records, bro, he took it off.

(33:32):
Can give it to him? Can we face? Can he
be the second guest on the podcast? And we're calling
now and we're back, we couldn't reach him, so he
pitches me. So he pitches me this this story and
then I'm like all right, and he's like and then
he's like, oh, shoot, where did the where did it go?
Didn't go and I was like, what's left four steps

(33:55):
inside you? He was like, where's the vast difference? Where's
the tube? I like to was like, what do you mean? Like,
where's my vape? He's like and he talks to the nurse.
Now he's like, is it on one of the tools
over there? Did I leave it on the tools? She's like,
I can't see it. I don't know where it is,
or because he pulled out the whole thing. So he's
looking for dude. And then I like kind of sit
up like this and he's like, oh, got it And

(34:16):
I see it just hanging off of one of his tools,
and I was like, fuck, that's the thing. That's the
funny thing that that makes me come real. Come, that's
the thing. And it was fucking bizarred. Oh my god,
this is disturbing. I will no longer come real. Crom
This doesn't feel like it was sanctioned or strong nuts. Yeah.

(34:42):
I was in the back of a big lots So
this was at a real hospital, right, It wasn't it was, yeah,
it was all. It was all very real. It just
was a little surgery snaffoo like he doesn't he doesn't
need it, Like I don't need it to go back
in my body. He just wanted to know where it was,

(35:03):
and it was just like, well, I mean, don't you.
I mean, in case you want to have more kids
in the future, you at least want that option, right
if you can't find it, Yeah, do you get your
old one? Or do you get a new one? Do
you get like a cyboard one? No? I don't know
what happened to these things. So I donate mine. When
I get mine cut, I give you mine if you
need it, should you need it? Should you need it?

(35:24):
That would be yeah, I'll take it. Can we make
it into like a like a ring or like should
you need on necklace of sort? That's tight? That's a
great call. I didn't take it. Man. We we put
it in amber and wear it like that mosquito in
Jurassic Park, and we wear it around our next Absolutely,
we put it in the top of a cane. That's
a great idea. I gotta call him back, Holy ship,

(35:47):
do he call me today? Drop me the he called you? Bro?
You need to tell that guy lose my number, dude,
never never call me again. Whatever, let's produce this movie.
Let's produce your numbers on nine one one you lost
my bass deverence? Dude? Uh so, how do you feel

(36:13):
now that you are are shooting blanks? Is it? Are
we about to find out if the movie holds anyway
to you having to jerk off two th times? Here's
the big wrinkle. It's twenty five, I guess wrinkle. But
here's the wrinkle is that you have to jerk off
and ejaculate twenty five times in order for your wife

(36:35):
not to get pregnant when you have sex. Yeah, yeah,
in order to reach the blanks in the clip, you
know what I mean, fully clean the pipes out as
they said, yeah, exactly the clip. As people say, that's cool, man,
But I cannot jerk off for the next seven to
ten days, which is really really a huge wait wait

(36:56):
wait good luck? Yeah yeah, yeah, this was a huge bummer,
Like like I thought that I was gonna be like
chilling at home, like just getting rid of twenty five
of the of the clips of the bullets, the two
of us, And it turns out it's not that you
actually just have to lay in bed and get hell
of vibro and fucking not jerk off, which is like,

(37:20):
so do you uh win? Can you start blasting off
to the moon and how quickly are you going to
try to go through these twenty five are you gonna
Are you gonna say, yo, let me set a land
speed record in blast off and like two or three days, Yeah,
are you gonna go nuts? I don't know. I mean
it's gonna be a you're gonna say, I'm gonna spread
this out over a couple of weeks. Land seed a

(37:43):
man seed, Thank you, man Seed record. Give it to him, Blake.
I feel like this is gonna be I'll be able
to like right around the Ozarks trip, gonna have your
own private room at Adams Bash. You're just beating, yeah,
if you don't do it on a knee board bit

(38:05):
masturbation chamber. Chloe Kyle has to jerk off times at
my bachelor party. I got a tent from Amazon. It's
like a dollar tent that like you can like throw
and then it just sets up and it's like a
one man tent. So I figure, like I'll just kick
it in that, you know, and just so like anytime
you get the urge anywhere throughout the city, you throw

(38:27):
the tent down and start. It's a hundred degrees and
gets a hundred degrees. And also my parents live on
the side of a hill, so it would be very
hard to set up a tent. I can do this
in a room. Is that a challenge? I can do
it anywhere. I do want you to set it up
in a room. The room that we're all watching Men
in Black in on repeat. No one's going in that

(38:47):
room anymore, and you just go into this room and
and jerk off. But I'll be in my own room
in the room, so that's the place we all go
to watch movies. Quote on quote. You got you. We're
really gonna need the thing to erase our memories. You

(39:07):
bring your own oculus rift. You're just like, I just
can't I just love it. I just can't be without it. Yeah,
I know you guys are going out on the boat. Cool.
I'll just hold it down here real quick. So I'm
gonna go to the Grand Canyon. It's fine, it's hot
out here. So my mom just comes in to make
to make us all ham sandwiches for the afternoon. You're
just jerking off in the middle of her living room.

(39:29):
I thought you were at your friends. Oh cheez o
kayle goofy, She says, goofy. If some goofy did did
I tell you that my mom and we I might
have told this story. But when I was in Houston,
we're going to walk and I accidentally I got them
an airbnb started checking off I could uh no, I

(39:51):
got that in this airbnb and it was an expensive airbnb,
costs like ten grand for the month. And I was like, okay,
you know that's that's going to be a nice place
for them to stay. Did they thank you for that,
by the way? Uh no? And I'm waiting, well, when
I see him at the wedding, Okay, yeah, let's crack
some uh No. And they but it actually wasn't like

(40:14):
it was like it truly was in the hood, and
so it was crazy. I was like, what the fuck? Truly?
And so we go on this this hike and you
like walk past like a legit uh like a trash
what do they call that? A dump? Like where they're
like compacting cars and ship And that's like where my
mom and we walked past. Uh. We go underneath this

(40:38):
bridge and that's where she turns around and starts to
walk back, and there's a car park there and there's
just a guy there. Uh And he's sitting in the
car just alone, stirring ahead, and then I see the
top of the head, just like wow, this just chorky.
This man's dick. And I'm like, mom, what walk you over? Yeah,

(41:01):
and I go the the guy's getting a blowjob right there,
and she stops and looks and just goes, goofy. Hey,
that's what, turns around and starts walking again. I'm like, man,
I love it. Yeah, that's the answer to a lot
that That would be great if people just adopted that
and just keep moving and be all good, No more outrage,

(41:23):
no more nothing. It's just like this ship is goofy. Yeah,
just like that's goofy. Anyways, I'm walking. I like that.
By the way, my favorite part about the whole thing
is how before you go? I don't know if I've
told this story on the podcast. On any other podcast,
you would know if you told that story before podcast.
It's kind of like forty other story. My snapchat memory

(41:46):
is real, it's my I got that very specific to
every other podcast. Hey, man, it happens. I'm sorry, mama,
that's a good one. Well, I'm glad that you're that
your cock is. How's it fun now? Yeah, how is
your cock feeling on a scale from one to ten?
Right now? It's hurting on a scale of excellent, very good, good,

(42:08):
faira poor poor, it's feeling poor, really feeling poor. You
got a poor as dick. Yeah, it's feeling poor today
because I didn't do the pain pills again today. I
just I decided to just do them yesterday, and then
today I'm like, I don't really want to because how
much weed are you smoking? Are you smoking a ton
of weed? Are you eating? Are you self medicating? I'm
smoking weed. I'm smoking weed. I'm smoking joint after joint

(42:30):
after joint joint. Okay, does your dick look like a
sick dog kind of laying there, like taking deep breaths,
and like the dick and balls have become one because
I have a I think they messed up because they
have become one. There's no discernible difference between the two
because I'm wearing compression underwear to keep it tight, and

(42:54):
then I also have a jock strap on the outside
of the compression underwear and I have ice inside of
the to be come on, it's gonna be like, does
it look like a it looks like a mad ball? Yeah,
it's like when I go pee, I have to kind
of like, wait, what's a mad ball? Because I feel
like that's exactly what it looks like. Mad balls were

(43:16):
like a toy baseball that looked like a crazy like face,
like much together. That's exactly what it is, like a cyclops. Yes,
your dick looks like a mad ball because it's like
it's like it's like put together like this and then
you have to peel it away from itself just to
go potty. Or like the dude from Total Recall's face,
the guy who's like you've got a lot of nerves

(43:36):
showing your face around? Here is his name? His name
is not Quaid? Right? What was that guy? Yeah? I
can't remember that guy, but do you know who he is?
His name is really good. He's like it's the actor
from Breaking Bad, like the d e a guy. How
crazy is that? Dean Norris? Yeah, Dean Norris. I watched
it recently and then I got voice his voice cut

(43:57):
through because I'm like I know that voice, and then
I looked him for a second, was like, holy shit,
that's how boy never knew because the face is all
um different. Not to not to offend anybody. It's just
he has a different, different type of face, real thing structure.
His face looks like Kyle's cock after which is then
there's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong. It's okay.

(44:17):
If your face looks like Kyle's cock after surgery, thank you.
If you have a mad ball for a face, we
we actually love that. It looks like a dick that's
had iodine poured on it, dunked and iodine. It looks
like a bunch of it looks like a bunch of
melted muscle men put together. That was like the craziest part.
It looks like a big water, big league chew bubble gum.
When they were done with the surgery, they were like,

(44:39):
when they were done with it, they were like, okay, cool,
put your pants back on and get out of here.
And I'm like, I guess that's about all this fucking
iodine that's in my butt crack right now? Right? What
am I supposed to do with all this ship? Because
you just poured and you're like, should the hunt six
year old nurse take care of that? From the finished?
Should I just opened up and say can you clean it?

(45:01):
You come? White men? Bad? I don't know. I don't
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know about
that one. But that's not what happened though, Right, you
didn't say that, right, that didn't happen. But well, I'm
very uh, I'm happy that the surgery went okay. We

(45:22):
were all a little worried seeing the amount of blood.
Kyle was live. He was texting us as he was happening.
He was like, I'm going under the knife. Then like
two minutes later, I'm at work and it was where
I'm shooting right now. I'm not getting great cell reception,
so I was coming in like way after the fact.
But I could see when you sent it and you're

(45:43):
just covered in blood, and I'm like, I think Kyle
might be dead, right, You're like, are you in a hospital? Yeah?
I was like, what the fun is going on? I
had no idea because you go the final cut, and
I thought, because you're working on a movie right now,
I thought you like, you're in the edit doing the
final cut already. I'm like, damn, that was quick. Didn't
you wrap like a week ago? He went from director
to editor? Was it? I can't remember? Man? Come on,

(46:09):
from director to editor to yeah, it was a little
it was like it was out of nowhere because I
had forgotten, and then I was I was pumped for you. Man,
this was great. This is great news. Yeah, this is
really great news. You shouldn't you should not bring more
children into the world. Dude, Okay, we were talking about
this when you signed off last week. Were Yeah, we
were all talking about that's all good. Um, there's a

(46:32):
group chat going about it. I Um. I was. Actually
I wasn't scared until, like, you know, like when I
got there and I started being like, you know what,
I'm going to hit up the chat. Then I feel
like I was legit hitting up that chat for support. Yeah,
you were hitting up a lot of chats. You were
hitting up our chat, you were hitting up the back
Home Homies chat. You were like you were really reaching out.

(46:53):
But back Home Homies one was like right afterwards, I
just wanted to let them know you guys were right
there while all I was doing it because I was like,
help me, dude, help me, Like this is I'm fucking
scared and fucking yeah, and that's fucking cool that when
you get your dick into trouble you come to us,
your boy. Thank you for that you're my boy. I

(47:14):
really appreciate your day three man. That that is something. Yeah,
so thank you guy. Man. You come to the this
is important chat and you fucking spill your guts and
we love you for that. Was that the chat that
has like our manager and his assistant in it? Yes? Yes,
I felt very, very bad once I realized that. Sorry, Abby,

(47:37):
she's into the Abby's one of the gang, you know,
she's she's she's privy to a lot of sensitive intel. Hasty,
She's just in there now. She's seen your blood, yeah,
your cock blood. Yeah, well, dude, I forget about that.
I totally forget about and I'm like, oh, I'm just
sharing this with my homies. And then she's like, hey,

(47:59):
can you guys stop fund of meeting like two hours
and I'm like, oh, fuck, everything's going to her too.
There's a weird I mean, I guess that's probably changing now,
but I do remember, like when you're an assistant in
Hollywood or whatever, and I guess more industries like you
listen in on all the phone calls. You're listening just
so you can hear, like if something's getting set up

(48:20):
or whatever. But half the time or more you're just
listening to like people talking about whatever their lives are
doing and the ship that they and you're just like, oh,
I don't know if I should have heard that, but
like they don't care because they just they're trying to
catch up. They're trying to be normal people. But someone
is listening, and I guess that's probably changing now. Yeah, no,
I mean, what's her name? Just that? But did like

(48:42):
Rachel Nichols for like ESPN, Like it was like just
that she was like pre zooming and said some ship
and then next thing you know, she's not court sighting
right right, there's always somebody, right, So watch what you're saying. Nice.
I'm in a pretty cool place right now. I'm in

(49:03):
this place off of like two hours south of Charleston,
South Carolina, for the shooting the right Jempstones and we're
shooting at this island culture Fripp Island. And what is it? Sorry,
riprip rip like the guitar player f r I p
P Is that named over a person? Fripp? What's a FRIP?

(49:24):
I have no idea. I think it's a guy's name,
like his last game Fripp John, What are you thinking about? Frampton?
Peter Fripton So anyways, you get on the island and
everyone's like, dude, watch out for the deer there, and
I'm like, what do you what do you mean by that?
And they're like there's thousands of them on that island
and I'm like, okay, I'm sure no joke, dude. Every day,

(49:44):
like Chloe posted on her story the other day about
it might still be out. Yeah, this giant buck, like
this big buck, this ten point buck comes right up
to me and I'm like grilling and have like food
out and he just stands like like literally like this
close to me, this fucking buck, And I like hand
him a strawberry and he's like eating horns and ship.

(50:06):
Yeah with the horns and chin. Yeah, check it out.
And it's eating strawberries like out of my hands. And
then I find out that strawberries killed deer. I killed
this What are you serious? Yeah, dude, yeah, I'm murdered
a deal. Wait really no, no, strawberries don't kill deer.
And then I fillaid the deer. See. I was wondering

(50:27):
if that changed your relationship with wildlife because what I
saw in the video was very like poetic and beautiful,
and I miss this was it a story. It was
it was it was, It wasn't mine. It was Closes
like his emotional like. It was right after the other
hard Seltzer. Yeah, because I like how that's almost a burn. Yeah,

(50:47):
it was right after that commercial she was paid for. Yeah,
you know, it just wasn't Ashley. It just it wasn't
trying to dish the Ashland. He's trying to diss my boys, Ashland.
I'm actually just trying going to bring it up so
that you could do this, you know what I mean,
because I'm a homie. We're team Ashland over here. Yeah, Adam,
how do how do we approach these Seltzer wars? Because

(51:08):
you know, the pod sauce is going strong. This Bellinger
bomb is delicious. Where we're going. That's the first good one.
It's the first Seltzer and Dodger Stadium. It's their official Seltzer.
Uh yeah, we're at all the race tracks now, Ashlan's
Ashley is doing great work out there. That being said,

(51:28):
my future wife betrayed me and my family by sponsoring
and another brand of Seltzer. I won't say it here,
but they paid her good money, so it's it's totally okay.
But then uh, and then she posted me having a
real bond was here and all I could all I
could think about was if he charged me. I think

(51:49):
I could have grabbed the antlers, and I do feel,
I do feel in my heart of hearts I could
have taken this, dear. Okay, there would have been an
antler in your heart of hearts. Okay, they were not.
They weren't fuzzy andlers. They weren't pointy. I don't know
why that it's a reindeer. I still think he would
have fucking bucked your ass through the plate glass window

(52:12):
behind you. And this, actually, this actually brings me to
an age old question. Seen me in a while, dude,
I'm beefy. Well, i've seen you in your prime. You are.
But I made a sweatshirt that we had on Worcoholics
where it said animals I could kill with my bare hands,
and I listed out the animals I thought I could.
How many animals in the wild do you think you

(52:34):
could actually kill? Like if it was you one on? Well,
didn't we talk about this and you said your your
big thing was to reach up an animals asshole. No,
it was to reach down its throat. That's if you're
getting attacked by a wildcat. But I personally, I'm like,
pushed him to shove. Maybe I could kill a wildcat,
but yeah, I'm not through watching that video of the

(52:56):
guy who held up the bobcat and was like, it's
a bobcat and then he threw it and hold the
strap off his belt. I was like, Yo, this dude
has a gun. But he didn't kill that. He wasn't
in a ring with that thing. No, but like the
way he handled it, I was like, Okay, this dude's
chucking cats, which is like a thing I'm dying to.
Cats actually scare me at least, dear. I feel like,

(53:18):
deer don't want to funk with you unless uh these
deer for on the on Frip Island there's no one
hunting them. They're very chilled. I think they're used to
people like you. You go. I ran a little golf
cart to tutor around the island and to what around
the island, to toot toot about, do a little toot about, Okay,
continue take a little It's been gone for a long

(53:40):
time and so I'm tooting and dude, I'm tuting around
the island in my golf cart. And they're everywhere, Like legit,
every time you go out you see two dozen deer. Right.
But Adam, what you're talking what we were talking about
is what animals you could beat in a fight. And
now you're saying like, well, these animals aren't won't fight you,
But like if you were in a fight with one

(54:02):
of them, because like, you could have a bear that
also is around people a lot, and isn't I think
you would struggle with a deer for real, I really
think you would struggle with a deer, bro, But deer
would fuck you up? Well, it depends this deer. I mean,
you're gonna look at this and then that the video,
I'll send it to animals are strong? Thank you, dude, Dude,
I'm strong. I just saw your little golf ball triesup.

(54:26):
You've got beautiful biceps. But let's see the triestep again.
How come it stops? Why does it stop so high?
What do you mean it doesn't stop? Was that from
the car? Stop? Did a piece come? That's the way muscles? Look?
That's that's the V man, doesn't that's l yours? Doesn't
v V up? Are we talking about the hoof? What

(54:46):
are you talking about? What's the hoof? What are these guys?
Are we trying to do a flights off? Right? Now?
Get your FLEs on, dude, are we talking about the
huff the fuck? Look at that deer hoof? That's a deer.
If you can't, oh my god, neither of these muscles
matter when you fight a deer, Dude, Yours is longer,
mine is more bulbous. And well let's take it to

(55:08):
Mr Olympia to what the judges like. But that being said,
by the way, Robert Fripp guitar player for King Crimson,
very good, important, very good, plucking, weird deep. I'm stoked
on that, especially from But I do feel these deer

(55:32):
a deer that I've seen, like the deer that are
near my parents place, and like the ozarks, those dear
uh like we'll go on walks with their like little
little lass dog and the dog gets all protective when
it sees the deer and we're like chase after and
then these bucks I drop horns and are like ready
to fucking go, and they're protecting their their children. And

(55:54):
you see them and they're they're a little bigger. They uh,
their horns aren't like I don't know, what the free
horns are about here, and they don't see that that
fun is that right before they like shed them right,
there's a they like shed their horn. That's like a
young young horn is like a furry horn. That's what
I call Isaac's kids. And then maybe they like murder

(56:16):
because I haven't seen one like truly giant buck. I
wonder if they then once they get big, they slit
their throats and everyone uh bathes in their blood or
something on that like some sort of ceremony on this
island island. It's science. Yeah, it's weird. You guys seen
pictures of when deers antlers are are shedding that like

(56:38):
outer or whatever, and they're like hell of bloody and
there's like the like skin is hanging off their antlers. Yeah,
it looks like they're making beef jerky. Like it looks
like they're hanging it out to dry, so it lives
like Kyle's vass deference is hanging off. We're just drooping
off a tool off of an instrument. By the way,

(56:59):
dear antler, remember when like people were getting busted for
that in the NFL, right, because it was a like
a like a steroid kind of right, or you could
grind it up. You would grind it up and snort
it or something. It's like a rejuvenate You spray it
on your tongue, spread it on your tongue. What happens
if you spray it on Kyle's cock? Let's start doing that.
If you break off an antler, like it has something

(57:21):
in it that can rejuvenate, like regrow really quickly. So
like when you break stuff down in your body, like muscle,
I'm guessing that whatever that is helps your muscles regrow.
That's fucking cool science. Okay, So here's the pitch. So
when we turned forty and two and a half years
two and a half years for us and the rest

(57:42):
of us after there's already did when when the rest
of us did it? I did it was super easy,
it was awesome. You you enjoyed it. In two and
a half years, when we turned forty years old, let's
take deer antlers and steroids and then do a podcast
where we talk about how je subject um any take packs?

(58:06):
Apologies or are we there? Are we? Are we not
going to go down the line of kind of like
animals we think we could handle. So here's that scamp
I mean, I mean, I'm sucking up a skunk. Skunks
are that's a good place to start. Yeah, dangerous, I'm sure,

(58:26):
But dude, for sure, a skunk skunna is hose you
right in your face and you won't be able to
fight him out to I'm still sucking it up. The
two animals that throw me for a loop are dear
because I do think when push comes to shove, they
could fucking wallop you. And the other one is like
a pig or like a hog. You don't want to
wild hog, yea wild hog, like if you really but

(58:51):
if it's like you're gonna die and you have to
fight this thing, do you think you could kill them?
I think I would rather I honestly, I'd rather choose
a dear for it depends on the size of the deer, honestly,
because they can be fucking giant. Yes, And I'm speaking
as a California I don't even know hog size. If
it's a two pound deer, verse, let's just say average

(59:12):
full grown whatever that is. What I don't know what
that is? What's an average deer? But I'm just thinking
the deer that was outside that was eating strawberries out
of my hands. Let me see if I can pull
it up. I could, I could beat the ship out
of that, and if that deer and to this point,
if you have not seen the movie Surviving the Game,
Gary Busey has a speech in the beginning of the
movie that is the greatest acting and writing moment in

(59:35):
cinema history, where he talks about getting a pit bull
as a pet when he's a boy, and then his
dad trains the pit bull and then he forces his
kid to fight it to the death the next year
or something. Yes, he's a young man. We're we're kissing forty.
We'd better be able to suck a pitbull, right, I
don't know, dude, pull you know pitbull? For real? Though?

(59:59):
Maybe a lab door? Could you beat? Could you fight
a labrador? To the people, remember what you do with
the pit bull. You start the finger up the butt.
That's what you do. That's how you get it to
release its jaws. I'm not fucking around, that's but that's
how you kill it. That's all. Kyle's all. Every pitch
of Kyle's just like you fingered the butt. You didn't
start jerking the cock off. No, I didn't say that.
I didn't say that. I just said to get it

(01:00:20):
to release, to release the cock off to release and
then and now are there any take? Yeah, like I
want to do like those Like you're on a golf course.
You keep seeing those videos of like geese attacking guys
like putting, and I'm kind of like, I know I
could handle it, but like navigating that, I would like

(01:00:42):
that to start there. Okay, so we want to see
honders versus a goose on a golf course, like those
big swans with it when you have a club. Yeah,
you have a club in your hand. Yeah, do you
have a web? I think you don't. Well we're talking
about no webs, right, So I think, like, yeah, I
think I could do a goose no putter. And the
goose comes up to you, like behind your car as
you're like looking for your club, I think, and you

(01:01:04):
get your hands around its neck. I think I could too.
I think that's a good place to start, you know
what I mean, Like before I worked my way up
to Labrador, if a fucking goose was going after my kid,
and like those big swans, the big white swans that
have like that neck they can reach no and that
and that would suck to have to murder, because for sure,

(01:01:26):
you don't want to kill an animal that couldn't kill you,
like ya ya YadA, Yeah, yeah, of course. No, I mean,
I mean like because that you're not fighting to the death.
It's a fucking goose. He's just mad that you're in
his territory. You just need to get out of his church.
You don't need to fight. But that's part of the challenge,
thank you, Adam. The part of the challenge is fighting
it to a death. No, Adam's changed, That's what I

(01:01:46):
was wondering, what the whole dear thing. It looked like
he was having a relationship. I looked into his eyes
and something changed within me. But no, I'm not trying
to kill an animal like he didn't do. He didn't
do nothing other than just being you're in his little zone,
so just get out of his own there's a speaking hypothetical.
So it's not a fight to the death anymore. I
don't think so, because I don't think that the goose

(01:02:07):
would kill you in any world. I don't. I don't
see goose has killed someone. What the yeah really, really,
Google goose kill person? This guy is talking about top
gun now, Yeah, problems with aggressive Canada geese of goose

(01:02:28):
kill you? Is there a death? Was that a gang
of geese? Was it a gaggle? Can a goose kill you? Yeah?
If a dozen geese sneak up on you, you got
some trouble. Google swan murder person. If you're in a
geese alleyway and all of a sudden they start fucking
sharks and jets right around your ass, ye, fight for

(01:02:50):
your life. But if it's just one goose. You're on
a golf course or some ship and one fucking goose
comes up and he's starting ship, it's just like, yo,
back the funk up? Yeah? Would you rather? Would you
either fight a raccoon or a possum? Raccoon? Possum, raccoon,
dog raccoon? I think we're too mean. Possums are They're

(01:03:13):
mean too. But possums are like, aren't they like rabid? Though?
Like they just carry rabies. They got the poison darts. Hey,
that sounds real to me. Let's just go. I think
they're just scry. I think they just carry rabies. That's
why I'm choosing a raccoon. I think raccoons are science.
Does that mean they're rabbid themselves. I think raccoons can

(01:03:33):
also be Uh, is it rabbitting with rabious? They can
be with rabies. Yeah, I don't know. How about the dog.
Oh you you think it'd be that easy? Yeah? No
takebacks today, any takebacks, apologies, get togethers, epic slams. Hey,

(01:03:55):
I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were reaching out for
emotional support on the day. I thought it was kind
of fun and funny. Um. I guess I would have
I would have texted more um stuff. It was okay.
It was what I got I needed. Yeah, And uh,
I didn't know what was quite happening. I was getting
intermittent texts where I was like, I don't know if
these are coming in when they're supposed to. I wasn't

(01:04:17):
getting many bars out there on this remote island. You
totally confused at him. I had no idea what the
fun was going on. I'm like, are you at the hospital?
There was a thing vibrating in my pocket, pictures and words.
It was confusing for me. And uh, I would like
to thank you for feeling um, open and honest enough
to share this experience of the six year woman man

(01:04:40):
handling your cock and I would like to what is it, commend,
what is it compliment Kyle on his choice of jazz
in the room. I feel like that probably loosened the
mood for everybody involved. If he didn't come out too aggressive,
you didn't come out to so off to like that

(01:05:01):
that's a good call. Like, I don't know, I would
have panicked when they're like, what kind of music you
want to listen to while we cut your balls? And
you would have been like scrambled eggs on my avocado toast,
and like I would have panicked. Dude, that was a
great call right on the Miles Davis was a stroke
of genius. Absolutely, but until you hear that song again
and it triggers you. And I'd like to thank Kyle

(01:05:21):
for getting this surgery and telling us all about it.
You know, he opened up and I think we covered
it for like thirty minutes there. So thank you for
didn't you just do that? Yeah, there's a double thing.
That's how we got back to talking about it. I
want to thank you for sharing it. I think I
think Kyle's up snapchat. Actually, I just want to say

(01:05:47):
one thing here. I want to compliment the doctor for
fucking doing a good job man, and not like not
sucking it up. You know. Yeah, I mean we don't know,
but so far, so good. Let's keep track, right, Let's
see how it goes. See if anybody gets brightnant. I
think that could be fun. Yeah, let's keep uh, let's
keep happening. And Kyle, I'm sure I'm next, buddy, Um,

(01:06:10):
I'm sure of it. Good you gave him the strength. Nah,
you gotta have three. You gotta have three home boys,
that's I think. I also want to give um Blake
a compliment for looking like early American apparel at up there. Okay,
pay to come shirt? Yeah, pay to come and then
like a super bright light and white background. Can we

(01:06:33):
see like your bad old girl underwear? Like I feel
like that's what they always rocked. Was lucky you, Na,
you gotta come get it baby. If you want to
see the lucky you, you gotta come over. Man. Any giveaways, giveaways,
do it. I'm still contemplating giving away the vote, but

(01:06:55):
that's not happening. Maybe next keep tuning in keeping with
that take. I gotta fix it. I got to go
get a new battery this week and see if it's
still runs. You don't have to people, will take it
without the bat No, I gotta get it the funk
out of my garage, just taking them space player player Okay, yeah,
I got it, I got it. I I'm sorry about that.

(01:07:15):
I apologize. That's the opioids that makes me irritable. I apologize.
I'm coming off We didn't even talked about the poids.
Are you on the h well I dropped him today. No,
I'm irritable because I'm coming off of it. So as
soon as we're done, I'm going to take another one.
Okay before I bring this heat to my wife. Nice
as you should, as you should take them in pain pills.
Don't be afraid. Just just don't get addicted to him.

(01:07:37):
Do you think any of your homies in the Ozarks
would would buy him off? Me? Absolutely bring him? And
should we mention that our next podcast will be coming
lot not live, but like from the Ozarks? Yeah? Should
we mention? I feel like we should say sometime in
the near future. Now it's the next one. I mean,
I'm gonna be there next Tuesday, so bring bring your

(01:07:58):
gear and we'll do it on Friday or Saturday. Well wait,
bring our gear or just kind of I'm bringing my
gear I'm bringing that I'm not important. Tacky can what

(01:08:24):
about all this fucking iadon that's in my butt crack
right now? Like, what am I supposed to do with
all those sheep