This is... Chelsea Handler

She's bold, spirited, unabashed and unapologetic....and we love her for it. Comedian, actress, activist, television host and she is just an all around hilarious friend, Chelsea Handler is here. 

Chelsea and Paris cover it all from doing your own makeup to wearing sexy lingerie, dating, getting married and having babies. Chelsea is giving us all some much needed advice and with Chelsea there is no sugarcoating. Chelsea and Paris aren't holding anything back.  

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is Paris. Hey, everybody, I'm very excited about today's guest.
She is hilarious. She is just such a strong woman,
just so funny and someone I've actually been terrified of

(00:24):
before for years because I was so scared to go
on her show. So this is crazy that I'm interviewing
her now. Um, Chelsea Handler, Hi, how's it going good?
So I was just saying, for years, I was so
scared to go on your show because I was like,
oh my god, I'm so shy and I don't know,

(00:44):
You're just always so funny with people. I just was
not as secure as I am with myself now. So um, yeah, yeah,
I I I've heard that a lot and yeah, that
is yeah, I've heard that a lot. After After I
was done with my show, Chelsea, lately, lot of people
revealed to me how scared or terrified they were to
come on the show. And I was like, what why,

(01:07):
And I'm like, because you're a fucking and I'm like, okay, yeah.
You know, after a therapy you start to realize like
how you come across you know, the gift of self
awareness is why one goes to therapy, and so when
you're in it, You're just like, yeah, yeah, you know.
You don't You don't realize you're not taking into account
I think at the age and at this like and

(01:27):
in the in that medium, you're not taking into account
how people perceive you. You're taking into account trying to entertain.
You're like, I've got to keep the ball rolling. I've
got to do that. So yes, I've heard that before
from a lot of people. You're not alone that I
that I was scary and may still be scary as
an individual. Well, my mom loves you. I just was
on the phone with her. Yeah, I love her too.

(01:50):
She loves you. She's like, oh my god, I love her.
Tell her she is the most hilarious. She is beautiful.
I love her. I remember used to call me and
say like, oh, I'm scared to her show. And she
was like, she's like the new Dawn Riggles. Come on,
my god, the new Don Riggles. It's not even a compliment.
That's old already, the new Don Riles already. She said
this a while ago, because Dawn used to come to

(02:12):
all of our Christmas parties and he would do all
these jokes and like roast me and everyone, and I
would just be like mom, please, So my mom's like no,
taking as a compliment, like it's funny. I'm like, all right,
my mom just has like I don't know, I guess,
like a more funny sense of you more than me.
Sometimes did you did you? Were you ever a guest
on my show? No? I was too scared. I guess

(02:33):
that would be a better question for myself. But I
mean there were so many shows it's hard to remember.
But we have met over the years. Yeah, parties are
like social things. Yeah, yeah, we've been to each other.
And I think once in Abiza you're there all the time, right,
And you also hate when people say abitha. I hate
it so especially when Americans do it. It's like who

(02:54):
who are you trying to impress? It's like people who
don't really know about it, like a Bitha's cool. I'm like,
unless you're like from there or Europe, Like, I just
don't understand when people do that. I remember one time
going to Abisa and I was with UM, I was
with a boyfriend, uh and I. We were on the

(03:16):
beach and I saw this eight year old kid who
looked like they were tripping on whatever acid or something,
And I was like, is that what is going on
here on this island. I'm like, our kids getting sucked up.
And then my friend's like, no, that's just this part
of the island. I'm like, oh my god, there's like
a kid part of the islands to do drugs. So yeah,
I went to a visa, but I stayed away from

(03:38):
I went to patcha rights right, Yeah, well I need
a pronunciation class and uh, but I do remember calling
because I was like, Okay, we need to get some
drugs here. You know, I wanted to get some drugs
when I was at a visa, and I remember calling
a drug dealer. Oh. I went downstairs to the hotel
like concierge, and I was like, hey, is there a
drug dealer or somebody that can come by? And so

(04:00):
and and I was dating Ted Harvard. That's why I
was saying, are you gonna love this story? So I called.
I was like, okay, I gotta get some weed and
you know, maybe some other things. Let's see what they've got.
So the guy comes up to the hotel room. The
concierge hooks me out. The guy comes to our room,
knocks on the door, and literally rolls out like a
suitcase filled with poppers, cocaine, uh like, ecstasy, molly dead

(04:23):
and then and just went down the list and literally
my eyes were like, oh my god. I was like,
this is so intimidating and scary. I'm like, I don't
you know, I'm in a foreign country. I don't want
to go overboard, but I didn't want to have fun.
I was like, we'll just take some joints for now.
And I remember Ted, who was really uptight and not
into any of that stuff, came and got me and
was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, whoever this guy is,

(04:43):
you better get all the drugs you want right now
because I don't want to see him in this hotel
room again. And I was like, got it, got it.
So yeah, that was my bes Are experience. But it's
a beautiful island. Really just marijuana, because I didn't want
to work around with like serious stuff unless it's someone
I know. If I'm going to do something heavier like

(05:04):
molly on a night, I needed to get it from
someone that I trust, not a drug dealer that I've
never met before. Yeah, but you have some of the
best drug stories. I mean, I grew up with stepbrothers
who were into a lot of fund up stuff and
their stories, a drug stories in general, just my favorite
thing in the entire world. I just think that the
they always have the best beginnings, middle and endings. I

(05:24):
love it. Yeah, well, they don't always have the best beginning.
The beginning funky yeah, And it is your attitude too, right,
Like when you're in that situation and you are taking
something you know and you are into like socializing in
that way, it is it's up to you to like
set an intention. Even if it's something that you don't

(05:45):
think is serious enough to set an intention for, it
does help you have a more positive experience. You're just like,
I'm going to have a good time. I'm not going
to freak out. You know when people have are trying
cannabis for the first time, so many people are worried about,
you know that o D feeling where you're just like
you can't move or your paranoid or you're nauseated, and
it's like, uh, I always just try to really go

(06:08):
into it and be like this is gonna be fun,
You're gonna have a good time. Keep it light, don't
get too crazy, don't get too heavy, just you know,
happy dancing, laughing. Yes, well, speaking of substances, I heard
that you did ayahuasca. I wanted to know how that was.
It was really really intense, it was, but in a

(06:28):
in a really beautiful way, like it wasn't. Um. You know,
I did it because I was shooting a special for Netflix,
by the way, thank you, thanks um, and it was
called Chelsea Does and one was Chelsea Does Drugs. So
we went to Peru, to this rainforest in the middle
of Peru off of the Amazon, and we brought a

(06:50):
whole crew down and I brought two friends with me
and we had a shaman um and the first night
it hit them really really hard, so it kind of
took me out of mind, Like I started to feel
the tingling. You're lying down, it's very spiritual. Um. You know,
the guy was speaking and only Spanish. She gives you
a cup and you just kind of take a shot
and you lie back and wait for it to kick in.

(07:12):
But my two friends had such intense experiences that the
first night I didn't really I wasn't able to focus
on that because I wanted to like help my girlfriend
who was hysterically crying and she was having these visions
of her son. It's like I think ayahuasca brings out
the love you have for the closest person in your life,
so the most meaningful relationship you have. It brings kind
of um to the four and you're able to look

(07:35):
at that from like you're like outside of yourself, able
to look at your life and and and that's the
best way to describe it. So that so that the
next night, the shaman was like, listen there, there was
too much interference. There was too much going on. You
need to do this alone with less camera people in
the room. Like you're not focused, you're getting distracted. And
I was like, okay, copy that. So I was like,

(07:57):
give me a double dose, because like, let's get this
fucking all on the road, right. I'm like, what is
gonna happen. I knew you could vomit, and I knew
you could shoot your pants, so I was like, that's
not happening. I'm not fucking beginner, so I'm not shipping
my pants, Like that's not on the table and no
one's gonna do that here. I did vomit, but it
wasn't the kind of vomit like it was just a release.

(08:18):
It wasn't like I was nauseous for a minute. It
was just came on and you purge and you're done.
And I sat there and I was really present and
just waited for anything to come. And I you know,
I thought it was going to be a lot about
my mom dying or my brother dying, because those are
the biggest experiences like traumatic in my life. But it wasn't.
It was weirdly about my sister Shoshana, and it was

(08:40):
just about me, Like it was all these visions and
images of our childhood, like true things that have happened
growing up in Martha's vineyard, running on the beach, Our
childhood dog was there. She was wearing her bathing suit
from childhood that I remembered, this like blue and white
striped bathing suit. And I just had all these flat
It was like an I like an iPod shuffle of

(09:02):
imagery from our childhood. And I know, you know how
you're close with your sisters, Like it was as holding
hands on the beach, like laughing so hard in kayaks
that we were tipping them over, and it was all
this just crazy fast imagery, and it was just this
voice going, be kinder to your sister. This is your sister.
She's not you. You're expecting her to want what you

(09:25):
want out of life, but she doesn't want that. You
want that you're different than her. And it was like
this voice in my head that just kept repeating, you
have to love her, you have to be kind. And
you know, I always loved my sister, but I wasn't
always kind to my sister. I kind of had like
a lack of patience for her. I didn't understand why
she didn't want more out of life, you know, why

(09:46):
living in New Jersey would be enough for her and
it is. And it was like, that's enough, that's her,
that's her life. And so I came out of that
and I was like, and then oh wait at the
end of that, so I had that emotion and I
was like, you know, I'm sitting there on my eyes
are closed, and I'm crying, and it was like the
most peaceful, enigmatic kind of feeling, and I'm like, oh wow, Okay,

(10:10):
I get this. But I was still very conscious of
everything that was going on, and I knew my whole
crew was downstairs kind of waiting to hear about my experience.
So as soon as I was like done with the
sister portion, and then the voice in my head was
like okay, and you have too many people in your life, like,
there's too many people around you. It's okay to be alone,

(10:30):
it's okay to be by yourself. You're there's too much noise,
there's too much noise. And all I could think of
is I can't wait to go downstairs and tell everybody
about this experience. And then I was like, oh, ship,
but they're telling me not not to socialize and that
it's too much. I was like, oh, funk it. I'm leaving.
I'm like, it's a wrap on this, and they're like,
what it could go for eight hours, you know, you

(10:50):
could let it happen for eight hours, but I'm like no.
I went downstairs and how a cocktail and told everybody
because I got my message. You know, my message was
about my sister. And after that she definitely like it
was different our relationship from then they're on in. I
didn't say anything to her. I just changed my behavior
into a more loving kind like an understanding place. And

(11:14):
then when the documentary did come out on Netflix, she
called me and was like, oh my god, you have
been so different. And I couldn't. I didn't know what
it was and now I'm seeing it, like I talked
about her in the documentary and so that was really
nice and our relationship has been that way ever since now.
So it is life changing. Have you done it? No?

(11:35):
A lot of my friends have and just said it's
just it changed their entire life and just how deep it.
It's not like parting. It's like something that's like a
very spiritual thing where you just like learned so much
about yourself. And the trees around them were like people.
I don't know, it was really crazy to listen to.
And like you said, the purging. They said when they
did it, it wasn't like like puking, It felt like

(11:57):
bats or something like all this negative toxic energy coming
out of them. Um, So I just find it like fascinating.
Would you do it? I don't know, Yeah, I mean
why wouldn't you. You don't even have to go to Peru.
People do it into paying a canyon all the time. Here.
I mean everyone's doing Ayahuaska now. So it's not like
it's easy to do, but it is about being in
the right environment, you know, with with people or without.

(12:20):
Like it's not really a social drug, but people like
to do it together for that kind of camaraderie. Right,
I've done mushrooms and I've done some very large doses
because I'm not afraid at all and my intention is
always good. I would love to do ayahuasca. What's the
similarity between the two, Well, mushrooms are more I think,

(12:40):
you know, they make you laugh your asses, So I've
never done that before. What that terrifies me? Oh god, really.
I take a piece of chocolate mushroom like every other day.
Everyone does. I've noticed that, Like some of my friends
are like eating the chocolates and I'm just like out
with people and they're all on it, and I'm just
like so scared to do it them. They're just literally

(13:00):
people on mushrooms are the happiest. Yeah, it's just it
makes you laugh really hard, and then you know there
are some psychedelics. I mean, you get there's a psychedelic
component to mushrooms obviously, but with micro dosing mushrooms, that's
not it. It's just kind of like a pick me.
It's like an upper you know, it's like taking an
adderall or something with less edge. I find like having

(13:22):
half a beer. Like people think if you do one
of these like psychedelic drugs that you're getting the full
experience no matter what, and it's really like a dosage thing,
like you could do a small amount and you will
feel a small amount for the most part if you're
smart about it and you have people guiding you, and yeah, yeah, yeah,
but I'm all, you know, I love drugs because reality
is fucking boring sometimes and things need I need a

(13:44):
pep in my step, you know what I mean. Why
she hasn't done drugs is because Paris's life is not
boring and we are just living the more. Like I'm
a huge fan of you. I told you off the podcast,
but um, I think we had very I've definitely followed
tried to follow your footsteps a lot with the TV hosting,
but it gets monotonous and it gets to be very
draining to have to do this kind of daily talk

(14:06):
show thing and you have a lot of responsibility and
then you put out a product in the next day,
it's over. And I feel like for people like us,
idea of having an experience like a drug experience is
just mind blowing, the exciting. You're like, I get to
break out of this monotony and I don't know how
much monotony you've had ever in your life? No, my
life as a drug. Yeah, it really is. I mean, yeah,

(14:29):
what what is the most monotonous thing that you do?
I don't know. Do you do something? Do you do
what are the same things that you do every day? Eat? Sleep? Repeat?
Do you ever get bored of something? Like? Do you
ever get literally some people get bored eating. They're like,
I love eating. Um, I've actually not been born. I

(14:52):
thought I would be so bored during this pandemic, but
I've actually like the first time I've been at home
and like not traveling on a plane and like a
fifty million part you. So it's actually been very like
a nice break from all that, which is weird. Did
you ever get bored from the party? M hmm. Sometimes,
but not really towards the end, like right before quarantine,
Like right before I met my fiancee, I was kind

(15:14):
of bored with going out and everything, and it's all
the guys in this town are just fucking losers. Um,
then I was bored. Then he found a good one
and actually we wanted to talk about this with you.
You start your HBO special by dedicating it to your
future husband. Yes, if you're listening. I'm here, What are
you looking for? Because Paris is a fantastic wing woman.

(15:37):
She's trying to set me up and she can try
and set you up as well. Be great. I'm looking
for a black man or an Asian man. White men
right now are not interesting to me because it's a
ship show out there, and they don't seem to be
getting the message, uh, that things are changing and they
need to hop on board. Like I was having this
conversation with my assistant Brandon, and I was like, even

(15:59):
some white men think they're lit, and you know, obviously
not all white men are bad, I get that, but
there are just enough bad ones that it's really putting
a stain on all of you. And even some white
men that think they're lit and progressive still don't understand,
like what's happening. You know, they still don't, like this
guy said to me the other day, like we do
we still have to open the door for you. It's like, yeah, asshole,

(16:21):
And those kinds of questions are not helpful in moving
the conversation forward. You know. It's just like somebody who's
resisting the fact that women have been treated like less
than for all this time and it's time to have
some equitability. If that's a proper word. I think it is. Anyway,
we'll find out. Listen, we're not the podcast to tell
you about big words, copy, happy, bad. I should have

(16:41):
looked that up. Yes, the word inventor herself is granted
do that permission, So that's yeah. I I could totally
see that. I think people need to change, and I
think when they do the whole should I still open
the door? We should split pay, we should split the bill. Right,
It's like you're just doing that to try and impose

(17:01):
your ego a little bit and be like, oh, I'm
aware of what's going on, but do I have to
fall like how cool I am? It's silly. So just
be a good person, Just be as nice as you can.
I don't understand how people don't get that. Yeah, somebody
said to me, uh he said. A friend of mine said,
it just feels like, I said, how are you feeling
as a white man with everything that's going on, Because
I know you guys feel like you're under attack, but

(17:22):
it's not that. Like you're not under attack if you're
on the right side of things, if you understand that
women are equal and that you have to. We have
to make up for lost time, Like now is the
period where there are going to be more opportunities for
women because we have to make it equal, and then
eventually it will be and then everything can be you know,
everyone will succeed in that um And my friend said,
you know, it just feels a lot like reverse discrimination,

(17:44):
and I'm just like, so you were okay with the
first kind of discrimination, but not the reverse discrimination. You know.
So it is a learning curve for a lot of us.
So it's just better for men to shut up and
listen to what is happening and say thank you, thank
you for telling us, thank you, thank you. Lack self
awareness is like mind boggling to me. Sometimes. What's up
with your fiance? Where did you meet him? We met

(18:06):
fifteen years ago, um at one of my house parties
in l A and then reconnected on Thanksgiving of two
thousand nineteen and literally have not left each other's side,
like we've not spent one night apart. Obsessed. That's great, congratulations,
that's nice. Yeah, Well, hopefully he'll listen to this episode

(18:28):
of the podcast and get what the funk is going on.
I think he should. He gets it, He gets it.
He's a really really sweet guy. So what are you
going to do about your wedding? We're planning it right now.
So it's just been kind of event. It's gonna be
a very big event. It's just hard to figure out
where to do it. Since the pandemic, every wedding was
moved to the fall, which one is when we want

(18:51):
to do it. So um, just trying to find a
venue that is perfect just hard because I want to
do it in l A, I think, and he doesn't
want to do it here. So from he's from a
little town in Chicago that has like two thousand people.
You don't want to do it there. That's off limits,
not often in Yeah, they're going to film the whole thing.
It's gonna be really good. I have a house in

(19:12):
my Orca. You could do it there that's just across
a hop, skip at a jump. That's a beautiful. It's
right on the water. I love my I love my
Orca too. I love Spain. I love Spain. That the
vibe in Spain is so cool because no one gives
a ship about anything and everyone takes a cs. When
whole towns are asleep is when I get my best
work done. I was walking around it like you know,

(19:35):
one o'clock in Spain. I'm like, this is very quiet
right now, and they're all sleeping boarded up, like windows shut,
no sun. You're like, oh my god, taking a nap
in the middle of the day and like blackout and
then coming back. It's like if I go down in
the middle of the day, I'm not coming back up.
You know, I'm not going back to work later. I know.
I used to live in a BISA for like from

(19:55):
May till October for years, so I would literally experience
into that every single day. I was so chill. Wait, hey,
break that down for me. So when you're doing that
and you're deejaying, you're getting home at what time? Like
ten am? Yeah, Basically, like I get to the club
around like two to do like the red carpet and
interviews and meet and greets with the v I p

(20:16):
s and fans and then start DJ. My set was
like four thirty am to six thirty and then change
into a swimsuit, then spray foam from like six to
eight thirty in the morning. Then like have to like
talk to people again as I was leaving, so I
covered in foam um and then I would sleep all day.

(20:38):
I was like a vampire there. But I don't think
it does your body ever get used to that schedule.
It did, I did. I couldn't do it now, though,
I think after just being at home for like the
past year, there's no fucking way I want to go
back to that. I went to dinner the other night
with a group of friends and I was like so
socially unprepared, Like I didn't I couldn't think of things

(20:59):
to talk about. I was like, what am I going
to say next? I'm like, oh my god, Like I'm
so out of practice after being in this pandemic, Like, yeah,
going back to the things we did before just seems
like assinine. It doesn't seem possible. I feel it so
much crazy. Yeah, But then there's all these kids who
have spent the past, you know, two years in the
pandemic or year and a half, and they're like dying

(21:20):
to get out and be the crazy ones. I just
think we're like, we're right past it now. Now. We
saw the niceness of being home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I
didn't realize that I liked, I enjoyed, you know, my
own company as much as I did, and you become
like I became a little bit of a recluse over
quarantine because I spent so much time alone. You know,
I'm not in a relationship and I and I don't

(21:42):
have children, thankfully, so I felt like victorious. When people
were talking about homeschooling and and being at home with her,
I was like, I fucking killed it in life, Like
this was the clutch. My decision making is clutch. Clutch.
That's great. Also, so much fight, I mean, except for
Paris and Carter, just being in a relationship and being

(22:02):
stuck in the same house no matter how big it is,
you share the same mostly the same rooms. So that's
a lot of people on top of people time. That's hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it is hard. It looked out for sure. This is Paris,
This is Paris. We wanted to kind of talk about

(22:28):
Oprah just kind of revealed that her most inappropriate question
ever was about she was talking to Sally Fields and
she said, does Bert sleep with his two pay on?
And she I think while she was married to him.
She asked that, yeah, yeah, God, a pretty aggressive question,
Salid Fields, But in your will, not that aggressive kind

(22:49):
of an opening question for a guest. Maybe, do you
ever do Is there anything you regret saying to a guest? Oh? God,
I'm sure if I had to, like, if I could remember,
you know, all of those conversations. Yeah, because you know,
I mean regret like you know in the moment. No,
because that was my job to be body, to be outspoken,

(23:09):
to say the thing that nobody else was going to say,
but everybody was thinking. Right, So when you get rewarded
for that, you think that's your commodity and you're like, oh,
this is good. You know, you want to call people out.
So now if you played back episodes, of course I'd
be horrified by some of the things. And and and
that's okay, you know, that's what an evolution is. You know,
we're all learning now about how to behave better and

(23:31):
how to hurt less people's feelings. And especially comedians, you know,
have a different job now and and the ones that
are resisting that like that, you have to find a
new way to talk about different things. It's not about
making fun of anybody other than yourself. White men excluded.
You know, we can still make fun of them right now. Well,
we're our focus actually is on them right now, So

(23:51):
that is um, but you know it's yeah, that's I
think that is the great thing about everything that's happened
most recently is that it makes everybody's have to be
It makes everybody have to be a little bit more
clever about the story that they're telling or the joke
that they're telling. And I appreciate a challenge like that.
And it's also the decent thing to do, right, So,

(24:13):
I mean, are you trying to be indecent? Do you
want to hurt people? You know, now that we know
what we know and how offensive everything can be, um,
taken in context or out of context. Yeah, there's a
lot of thinking to be done. And and in the
medium of stand up. You know, I'm writing my next
stand up show right now, and you you you're considering

(24:34):
all of that, you know, like, how do you be
funny without making fun of people? And it turns out
it's fucking easy. Start with yourself, you know. That's where
comedy comes from. Self deprecation. Um, And I've never had
a problem with that, so luckily I'm the victim of
myself too. Is it hard to go up there and
just do like a live comedy like I would be
so scared just to go up there and do that.

(24:56):
It just seem so confident, like you just don't give
a ship. Now I'm scared. I'm scared, but I like
to be scared, like I give that gives me the
to go, you know, like, yeah, I'm starting next week
a fresh new hour of stand up because I I
shot my special over the summer during the pandemic, and
um and I shot that, so you know, you burn

(25:17):
that material, so then you have to uh record a
new I mean start a new hour that you're working
on for the next special, right, so uh yeah, I'm
going up with like an hour of new material that
I've never tried out, that I've just gotten written down,
you know, notes and notes. But that's and I start
out in clubs for like I do, like you know,
thirty nights and clubs and get it to the point,

(25:38):
and then I go on a theater tour, you know,
a tour tour. So yeah, I'm about to start that,
and I am scared, but I know, like you know,
people are there, like it's that's what stand up is
is like trying things out, working on bits, seeing if
this is funny or if you can go longer. So
and and you know, it's very It's fun to be

(25:58):
the only person with a microphone on a stage. I mean,
that's what comedy is, right, You're like, how can I
talk with no one interrupting me? You have such beautiful eyes,
by the way, Oh, thank you, thank you. I tried
to do my own makeup today. It's always a ship
show when that happens my makeup artists. The other day,
I was like trying to teach me. I'm like, can
you just teach me how to do my own makeup?

(26:19):
And like two minutes and I was like, I don't care.
I just can't be bothered, you know what I mean.
All I want to look is not exhausted so and
not stoned, which I'm not today. By the way, aren't
you most of the time though, I am, Yeah, yeah,
I was just thinking, wow, I feel so clear. Um. No.
I took a month off because someone called into my
podcast and was talking about smoking too much weed, and

(26:41):
I was like, oh, well you need to take a
break and I'll do it with you. So in solidarity.
I am on like day twenty eight of thirty days
of no smoking weed. So celebration coming on. I don't know. Yeah,
whenever thirty. It's in my calendar, so I have like
two days left. It's like forty five times in the calendar.

(27:02):
One more day, right exactly. Yeah. But you know, whenever
you get rid of anything in your life, like it
only takes a short amount of time to adjust. Like
I thought I'd be miserable and I wouldn't be able
to do it, But once I got past the first week,
it's like I don't really care or miss it. So
it's interesting with like, you know, substances that you know,
when you become dependent on something or you feel like

(27:22):
you're using something too much, it is good to take
stock and go, Okay, I'm gonna take like a week
off or a month off and recalibrate, because it puts
you back in the control seat. And that way you're
you're using cannabis. Cannabis is not using you. You're using alcohol.
Alcohol is not using you, and so on and so forth.
And that's from a medical doctor, because that's what I

(27:44):
am not. That's good advice. It's really good advice. I
hope someone calls into this show and says, I want
to do mushrooms for thirty days Paris. Will you do it?
In solidarity with me, to Paris, to a psychotic break
just right out of the game. There is one time though,
at some point she's going to Joshua Tree and we're

(28:06):
gonna Yeah, I can't see you going through life without
having this experiment. No, I mean, mushrooms is not going
to be a big problem. That's going to be fun purely.
I'm terrified. Carter has never done any of that either,
so he is terrified as well. So do you have
a friend in your life besides Carter obviously that you
feel one thousand percent like, oh, I trust them. I

(28:28):
think a lot of times with drugs you get worried
that I don't trust a lot of people. See, that's rough.
You have to find someone, especially in our world, where
you know that they're not going to pull out a
phone even as a joke and be like, I want
to film this just for us. And yeah, the biggest
fear for for people doing drugs who have any sort
of brand that they're trying to protect. If you don't
have that friend, think about it, because I'm sure you did.

(28:51):
That's a good piece of advice actually in today's world,
because people are such assholes. Did you did you hear
about that guy who posted a picture of Alec Rodriguez
going to the bathroom and he's what it taking. He
was on the toilet and was it New York. It's
in his skyscraper window, and someone is probably across another skyscraper,
and he just didn't put the blinds down or something,

(29:12):
and so you can't see like his butt cheeks or anything.
It's like cut off pretty perfectly, but you can tell
he's pooping. He's got his little monogram towel next to him.
I will say, though, if it was going to have
to have like the person who do that is gross,
that's disgusting, and posting it is so a gross and
like I can't even imagine ever even thinking that. But
I will say, if it had to happen to somebody,
I'm glad it happened to Alex Rodriguez. So it's so

(29:35):
funny too, because he's like it's the most almost storybook
way like time in his life to get a photo
of him taking a ship. It's right. He's like, he's
probably on the toilet reading the New York Post article
about the two of them hooking up late night, and
he's like, oh, ship, guess what I have to do.

(29:55):
Do you like having the podcast because you get to
basically do some of you get to do material all
the time and have fun. Yeah, my podcast, well we
just started it, Dear Chelsea, and so I do it
with my assistant Brandon, and we have people calling for advice.
Because I went to therapy and I was very vocal
about it when I was like forty. I wrote a
book about it. My Last Stand of Special Evolution on

(30:17):
HBO MAX is all about that, like, you know, finding
out you're such a fucking and then you're trying to
unt yourself right. You're like, oh my god, and then
you're like you you kind of overcorrect because at first
you get this information, you're like, oh, I have to
be kinder, nice or more gentler and you because like
I went really inward and became very quiet and was like,
don't insert yourself into conversations. Don't talk just because there's

(30:41):
like a moment of silence, Like, don't fill every moment
up with your personality. It's not it's not necessary. Like
these are all the things I was learning in therapy.
So I remember going to a dinner party at my
girlfriends after and everyone's you know, drinking and having fun
and I'm just like sitting there like a fucking nun,
you know, and my friends are like, hey, this is

(31:01):
getting a little carried away, like you're not fun anymore.
And so you kind of have to learn. I had
to learn how to integrate my old personality, the stuff
that is good about me, you know, and the edge
and the uniqueness of whatever I have to offer with
the new like set of tools about how to be
a little bit more careful in the world with other
people's feelings, right, and and to be more empathetic and

(31:24):
all of that. So there is an adjustment period, you know,
where you're like, oh, oh my god, who am I?
What is my personality? And then eventually you kind of
come together and you're like, Okay, this is a much
better version of me. I think I kind of dealt
with the same thing with my therapist, which is like
I got I got so worried about my ego. It's like,
oh my god, that's the only reason I perform is

(31:45):
to feed this like weird, little needy part of my brain.
And so I pulled back a lot, and then I
had this existential crisis, like but that's who I am?
What do I do, and then you realize that you're
you're providing value to other people in making them smile
and entertaining. Still it just don't do it for yourself solely,
like genuinely think about other people. When you think about
other people first, you're usually more kind because it's not

(32:06):
just purely selfish, So right, which is so what I
was saying was that was what you know, what I
was thinking of with this podcasts, Like I didn't want
to just do a podcast where I interview celebrities because
I've done that for so long and and I wanted
to do something where I was making a contribution in
a way, you know, because I over overshared my therapy
experience so much that people would come to me. And

(32:27):
in my life, my girlfriends always come to me when
there's a crisis, even if it's a person I don't know, well,
they'll be like this person's husband, she just found out
he's having an affair, Like can you go and be
with her? And like, you know, I've done that in
my life, and I take a lot of pride in that.
You know, I am that girl that will be there
for you. I will defend you, I will make sure
you're okay, and I will sit on your bed. Um.
But and so when I was coming up with the

(32:48):
concept of a podcast, like I had to deal with
my heart after my first one, and I just was like,
I don't know what to do. Let me think of,
you know, if I can come up with a good idea,
And then an advice podcast just to me was so
funny to be giving advice to anyone, To deem myself
worthy of giving advice is so like audacious that I
was like, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. But in

(33:09):
doing it, we've had like real fucking shit come Like
people call in with real fucking life problems and we've
brought in like experts, and you know, sometimes I'm like
we're a little bit out of our wheelhouse here, like
I can't give you real advice about this, um, And
you know, some people call them with stupid problems. Like
one guy called it and was like, you know, I've
been micro docing cocaine at work and I've been really,

(33:30):
really productive. He goes, everyone's you know, been complimenting me
about my performance. My boss thinks I'm killing it, but
no one knows I'm micro dosing cocaine. I'm like, first
of all, there is no micro docing cocaine. That is
a like great too narcotic that you are a cokehead.
You're not micro docing anything. I'm Mike. So that's not

(33:51):
that's a pretty slippery slope. So there's funny ones like
that which are stupid and acidine. And then there are
real people with real problems, and and it's really nice
to be able to give advice because it's more like
giving people a push in the right direction, like your
best girlfriend going hey, no, you can do this. You
can break up with this guy that's not treating you well.

(34:12):
Or you don't have to live for your parents, you know,
and sacrifice your happiness for theirs. And so there's a
lot of people that have kind of like made their
decision already but need an extra push. And I really
just love I love talking to regular people and hearing
interpersonal stories with families and coming out stories and conservative parents,

(34:32):
you know, all the dynamics that are uh that are
at play with your family. I mean, you come from
a big family, you know what I'm talking about. Do
you come from a big family? Kind of my my
parents divorced, we got like a big step family infused
with us. Oh, like a bonus family. That's what they
say in Sweden. It's called bonus family, called a bonus family.
It's my bonus dad, but my real dad goes don't

(34:53):
call him dad. So yeah, but I kind of have that.
Do you feel like you're an advice giver to your friends?
I am. I feel that I wish I knew everything
I know now back when I was a teenager, because
I just feel like I wouldn't have had so much
anxiety and depression from going through things that were hard.
So I feel like I've had so many life experiences

(35:14):
that I can give to people. So yeah, I'm a
very good advice giver. You've had a lot. Every time
we talk, someone will be like Paris would be like,
I know that person. And we dated for a year,
not everyone, but then we had some really funny ones
where Paris knew them very well and the stories are
just so insane, so good. I love it. I bet,

(35:36):
I bet they are insane. Who's the closest person to you,
like in your life besides your fiance, My sister NICKI Yeah, yeah,
there's nothing really like a sister. I'm so blessed to
have a sister, Like I just feel like everyone needs
a sister in their life. If you're a boy, your brother,
I've got my brother. He were about the same age,
so we have that. But yeah, mushrooms brought me really
close to my brother. Totally changed my view on like

(36:00):
just a family dynamic. And I think when you're really
close to someone sometimes you have the same thing with
your sister where it felt like you wanted more for
them than they wanted for themselves. My brother is the
same way. I asked, and I was like, if you
could have if you could have any salary in the world,
what would you have to pick A number, doesn't matter,
it's just an exercise. He's like a hundred grand a year.
I'm like, I just said, you can pick it less

(36:23):
than ten million, kidding And then doing mushrooms with them,
I was like, that's his life, that's what he wants.
You let him have his whatever he wants, and I'll
help him get that and then just do my own thing.
So again, if you want to be closer to your sister,
Paris is only one way and it's psychedelics. Well, there's
also like there's it doesn't sound like she needs to
get closer to her sister, because you guys have always
been close, right, have you ever had a big, big blowout?

(36:46):
Not really like when we were a little like if
I would like borrow her clothes without asking, But that's
about it. Yeah, Like I've heard much crazier stories from
my friends about like what they've had with their siblings,
and ours is nothing like that. Yeah, I me too,
and l I, especially in l A, everyone's you know,
a clusterfuck, like everyone's from a family that's either broken
or you know, everyone here is an implant from somewhere else. Um.

(37:08):
But the thing about having sisters is like there is
an unspoken understanding of any look that you could have
in your eye. They know what the funk that means,
like telepathic Yes, Like you could be like I need
to get away from this person right now, and I
can literally glance at my sister and um, you know,

(37:29):
there's just that thing between women, I think, and it's
really you Like, I have two sisters and I have
two brothers, and I was on the phone with both
of my sisters this morning and there's one in crisis,
and we were like circling around and my sister or
sman was like, isn't it sad that we can't call
either of our brothers or any advice? And I was like,

(37:51):
not because they don't care. They're just not equipped. They
don't they're not girls, and they don't get it. You know, girls,
there's just a vibe that you can't really really describe
unless you become one um and an understanding where you
just could say anything, tell any secret. You know, they're
never gonna like suck you over and have like a

(38:12):
secret language with each other, or it could be just
like one word and they like know exactly what you mean.
And also that exposing yourself, you know, when you do
something uglier that you're not proud of, you know, which
all of us are guilty of, and you tell someone
like you tell your sister and like the love of
like oh honey, Like I remember telling my sister. I
don't remember what it was, but I remember revealing something

(38:33):
to her um about a boyfriend maybe or something. Oh yeah,
somebody had boyfriend had treated me like badly, that to
the point where I was embarrassed to even tell anyone, right,
because you're so shameful and you're like you're in denial.
And I remember I told my sister and that I
was like, you know, and I was like, I still
love him, and I don't know what to do, and

(38:54):
I can't believe someone like me, with my personalities accepting
this kind of behavior. And I remember her just going, oh, honey,
like it was so okay. That I told her. It
was such a relief her reaction, and it was like,
you know, she's like, you haven't done anything wrong. You know,
you haven't done anything wrong. You're just like you're you know,
And it was it was the most um kind of

(39:14):
like comforting um experience that I can point to to
know that like in our flawed selves, there's always room
for acceptance, you know, and those and your sisters or
your mom or your dad or whomever you're closest to,
when they show you that kind of um, that kind
of unconditional love, it is just it feels so warm,

(39:37):
you know, you feel love and safe. Yeah, right safe.
It's not the same with brothers. I'll tell my brother,
like the most vulnerable I get is I'll say like, yeah,
I got sad earlier for some reason. He'll go h
When I go, I feel better now, thank you. That's
exactly what I needed to hear. I told one of
my brothers. This summer, we all went on a family
vacation and afterward I was like, so piste off at

(39:59):
everyone's behavior. I'm like, you know what, guys, I don't
have to do these vacations every year, So like, these
are the rules moving forward. Everybody needs to get off
the fucking phone for one hour. One hour, just one.
I'm not asking to hang out with me all day,
but we're on a family vacation, like we can play
a game, have dinner and not be on Instagram, Like
are you serious? And anyway, I told my brother, I

(40:19):
go listen, I need a little bit more from you.
I need a little bit more connection and a little
bit more conversation. I go, you, it feels like you're
using me. Like that's how I feel like. You haven't
hung out with me once. You haven't come over and
been like how's life going, How's what are you doing?
Um and so? And he was really receptive, you know,
he goes, oh, god, you know you're so valuable to

(40:39):
this family. I don't want you to ever feel that way.
Of course I want to be connected with you, and
of course I will work harder. We will all work
harder to make sure you feel that love back and forth.
And then you know, two days later he tried to
have like reach out about something that I couldn't give
a shit about, Like this is not what I mean,
This is not what I'm talking about. You know, you
didn't get it. Aways need guidance sort of like vulnerability

(41:03):
and how to navigate within themselves or other people. So
it's good that you started the process. Yeah, it's it
is good because once I went to therapy, my whole
family basically had to go to therapy because I was like, okay,
we're meditating now. You know, when we're on vacation, we'll
all work out in the morning, we'll do plod ease
or whatever. And after like our eight o'clock nine o'clock
blood ease at ten, I was like, okay, we're all

(41:23):
going to do a group meditation. And everyone's just like fuck,
like oh great, now she's sucking meditating and now we
have to get on board with this. So I remember
like sitting there and we're like all in a circle
and just you know, I'm playing like Deepak Chopra guided meditation,
and when I opened my eyes, there was one person left.
Everyone had gotten up and walked inside the house. They're like, okay,

(41:44):
our eyes are closed, let's go. This is Paris, this
is seven s living questions. Are you ready for seven
sliving questions? I think so, I don't know, we'll see,
let's do it. What is the craziest rumor that you've

(42:04):
ever heard about yourself? That I had vaginal rejuvenation? Or
Perez Hilton when I was on Chelsea Lately said I
had a vaginal operation, like a tight vaginal tight like rejuvenation,
And I was like, first of all, if I had,
I haven't had a baby, so what kind of ship
show would have had to pass through there for me

(42:24):
to have vaginal rejuvenation? But it made me think a
lot about it because I was like, maybe I should
get it. What does that entail? I think it means
tightening up your vagina? Like the hell did they do that? Oh?
Well for people who have bab pitching it, yes, But
there's also like a laby act to me because I
researched it when it came out, because I was like, wait,
what did I have done? Where some girls have an

(42:45):
any Pikachu and some have an Audi, which means some
of like you know, that little extra skin can come
out of your vagina and that's called a laby actomy,
where they make it in any where they cut it
because some girls don't like that extra skin. Meanwhile, guys,
I've don't give a ship. Let's go. We could have
balls and they'd be fine. Oh yeah, what is the

(43:10):
worst day you've ever been on? And why I went
on a date. I've had a lot of bad dates,
but oh I have a really good wait, let me think, Well,
I'll talk about the most recent one. I went out
with a guy that I met on Rajah. This was
like at the probably in the middle of the pandemic,
and uh, he was really cute and we went for

(43:33):
a walk on the beach because it wasn't like I
wasn't comfortable yet, you know, like you know, when people
were going for walks, which I had never been on
in my life before the pandemic, I'm like, oh my god,
a another walk. I'm gonna shoot myself. Um. So I
went on a walk with this guy and within the
first fifteen minutes he told me about a ball injury
that he had sustained to his testicle and I we

(43:55):
were walking on the strand in Santa Monica like that
bike path, and I remember just looking at him, like,
you can't be serious that this is your opener, Like
I haven't even met you yet and you're telling me
about your ball accident. Hey, I don't give a ship b.
I don't want to hear about your balls. Even if
we've been dated for two years, I don't want to
hear about it. Like we're not talking about it's never
coming up again. And I just couldn't believe that that

(44:18):
was his opener, you know, like that that that's what
he thought was okay to say to me, and my
friend goes. You know, I think men probably think that
they're being funny around you like that you want to
hear that? And I'm like that, I want to hear
about balls. All I've been talking about for twenty years
is to stop talking about balls. So I don't know
how I'm giving off that vibe. The joke you said
right before, this is a joke about right so, but

(44:40):
it's okay for me to say it, but we don't.
I don't think I mean Paris, do you agree? Do
you want to hear anyone talking about their balls, especially
someone you just met like that? Probably like turned you
off right away and you're just like thinking of like
a deflated ball the whole time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And
then he was in many He also told me a
story about like how he doesn't think living too with
women or the opposite sex is good, like if you

(45:01):
if you fall in love and you you're with someone,
you guys should live in the same house, but in
separate bedrooms or possibly separate homes. And I was like, hey, listen,
I'm down with that, but like, this is not an opener.
All these subjects are not things you open with. They
they make me not want to fuck you or even
and I want to fuck you, Like I came here
wanting to fuck you, like thinking I hope I can
suck that guy, and then you ruined it. You blew it.

(45:24):
So it's it's to take from this. Nothing happened after
the date, No, no, but he got he texted me
for a long time and I was like, no, it's
not happening. It's game is over. He's probably listening to
this now and it's like, I'm never using that line again,
I hope. So I should have texted him and been like, hey,
don't do that again, you know, to help him. There's
so many dates where that happens. You're like, should I

(45:46):
let this person know that they did an insane thing?
Another guy did it to me. I was skiing and
Whistler this like over the winter. This past winter, I
was skiing with a group of my friends and this
guy that I was like into, I was like thinking,
I was like, oh, maybe I can hook up with
that guy. He was single. He literally skied off the
chair lift behind me and told me a story about
his ball, and I was like, what is going on

(46:07):
here exactly? That's why people are like, well it might
be you. Like people wanted like they think they're being
funny or something. And I remember looking at him like
I was just thinking about sucking you too, and you
now I had I had to ski away from him.
I just skied. I turned around, just skied right away.
I was like, well, that's over. Got the skiing trip
when you were like skiing almost naked down the slopes. Yes, yes,

(46:30):
you looked so hot. Your body is insane, thank you. Yeah,
my body's gotten a lot better since I in my forties,
probably because I've access to all this anti aging ship
and it's fucking working. So I'm on board good. How
How was that was it freezing? No? I love to
be like I love to be naked and I love
the cold, so I was like it was the most refreshing.
I didn't want to put my clothes on that day.

(46:52):
But the ski lift people were like, the ski patrol
was fucking because I do it every year and Whistler,
so they know that I'm there and they know him
up to it, so they're always is on the lookout
because I have a joint and a margarita in my
hand too, um and so so we had to really
do it quick this year. Do they get mad? No? Well,
this year it was like all over the news everywhere.
So it was fun because it was a year that

(47:14):
it was shut down, so Whistler got all this attention
and it was like a big viral video. So people like,
they did love it, and they've accepted that that's just
what I'm gonna do on my birthday every years. Trying
to stop me. You know, I love Whistler. It's so
much fun with night skiing there. Oh you did not naked,
but oh yeah, missed opportunity. It sounds like I don't

(47:37):
know if I could do baby, So I get so cold. Yeah,
I have the opposite. I'm hot all the time. I'm
always hot too, but I hate being too cold. I
would rather be freezing than hot. Yeah hotness, Like I
hate sweating. Yeah yeah, yeah, I don't like the hair.
Yeah yeah, what tempt you sleep at sixty seven? Me too.
Sixty seven used to be sixty nine and then I

(47:57):
turned it down to sixty seven. But I like to
you really cold when I sleep, and it's better for
your skin. You know, you wake up, you're not puffy,
You're a little bit you know. It's like an anti
aging thing. I love it. I wish I could put
my head in the fucking freezer and sleep like that.
But until they figure out a way to make that happen,
oh my god, I'm sure they will. Well, they have
those like cryo machines for your face, which are pretty dope.

(48:19):
I like collect everything there is for like anti aging
and like obsessed like inspector gadget where I need to
like find every single like light like laser thing like
neurotricity like put on you, and it's like working out
like contracts your muscle. It's a lightning fit that workout
where they basically electrocute you while you're working out. No,
you don't even have to work out, you just lay there.

(48:41):
I do it while I'm getting a facial Oh my god,
so good. I've done it with the workout. I've been
doing it actually because it makes you so sore and
the workout is ten minutes. What is that one it's
called I think it's called lightning fit. It's like they
strap you into that vest that you're talking about and
the thing and it just vibrates and contracts. But you're
doing like lunges and squats just for ten or fifteen minutes,

(49:01):
and then you're so it's like doing it for two hours.
I need to find out that for me, because I
haven't seen that on yet. Okay, first kiss, you have
one minute to tell us everything. I think his name
was Justin Chew. It was in Martha's vineyard. We went
to the movies and he kissed me at the end
of the movies, and I thought, this is the most

(49:22):
disgusting feeling I've ever had. I was thirteen or fourteen,
and I felt a tongue in my mouth and I
was like, I'm a lesbian. I know this for sure.
And I woke up in the morning, and I told
my whole family I was a lesbian, and they're like, okay,
but even if you're a lesbian, that's gonna happen, Like
someone's a girl's gonna put her tongue in your mouth,
and I'm like, I don't ever want to talk in
my mouth. Cut to I didn't mind tongues in my
mouth from the right person. So true. Like some people

(49:45):
are really good kissers or it's like this like electricity
and it feels so good, and then some people just
don't know what the hell they're doing. I don't know
if it's like they're not meant to be with you
or something, but some people suck they're meant to be,
Like you can't even talk to them again after that.
It's like when you feel someone teeth or when you
feel someone's mouth too hard on you, like an aggressive
Like it's just so much better to be a soft kisser,

(50:07):
Like no one wants to be mouth raped, no with
like slabber, yeah, like teeth. Yeah. I think I have
a theory about lips. It's like it depends on lip size.
Is like the main thing for kissing people with small
lips find another small lip person if you have big
lips or medium lips, you gotta find someone with matching lips.
So I love big lips. Yeah, oh my god, it's

(50:30):
the greatest. See that's so funny you say that because
guys with really skinny, like, you know, guys who don't
look like they have a lip. I recently was dating
somebody like that and he was really handsome, but I
was like, where's his lip, you know, like it's not there,
and I'm like, how's that going to be kissing him?
And it ended up being fine, Like you know, it's
just kind of like your taste what you're attracted to.
But I don't like too big of a lip, Like

(50:52):
I like my size lips, yeah coming at me. Yeah yeah, yeah.
Well I don't always like the slab slaver if you're kissing.
I don't want slaver when you're talking. And of course,
of course, but some men have that gross it's more
older between the teeth, like slippery lips. Slippery lips in

(51:16):
the right moment again, yes, in the right moment. I
love messy kissing when you're with someone you really like,
it's so much more fun, so much more fun. Yeah,
some card to ever get messy, We're fun. This is
what the podcast should be. We're very romantic and sweet.
We've heard the romantic, we've heard the sweet. Tell us something,

(51:39):
tell us something, but you haven't mentioned on the podcast
yet about we're not thinking lord very like what innocence?
What's your favorite thing about him? But he's loyal because
that is like the most important thing to me in
the world. That's priceless to me. And I've just been
in so many shitty relationships with like really bad guys
who have been cheaters if you to just like really

(52:01):
not good people. So just to be with someone who's
so kind and warm and loyal and loving and supportive
and like lifts me up. I've just never had it before.
That's nice. What about physically? What's your favorite thing about him? Physically?
He's like six threes, like really like sick abs. He's
hot and we're gonna have really hot kids. So yeah, Okay,

(52:25):
have you ever done this is like a good intro
question to trying to find out these intimate details for
your listeners. Have you ever done role play with Carter?
Role play or like one of you pretends to be
a nurse and he pretends to be a contractor. Both
people are taking on these roles. He's like he's a

(52:45):
contractor in the hospital and she's guiding into where the No,
you've never done a role play with him. M m.
I've like worn like sick like costumes and stuff like
from trashy lingerie. But it's not like I'm like, Hi,
I'm a nurse. Nurse is a baritone and I love it.
I just have a lot of sick I would like

(53:06):
obsessed with the Halloween and costumes, so sometimes I'll try
to be cute so some costumes, got it? Okay, Well
that's the first step of role play. I guess. Come. Yeah,
I don't need it, but it's helpful. I feel like
if I ever put on lingerie like that, I couldn't
even walk out of a room in lingerie because it's
just so not my personality. Like trying to be sexy

(53:27):
is not my cup of tea because I'm just like
to I can't keep a straight face. But you you
think guys are looking past like I know, I get it,
but I give a ship, you know what I mean?
Like I wish I could be like that. I wish
I could be like playful and like okay with like,
you know, being sexy like that. But I just I

(53:49):
can't take myself. I guess I can't. I just get embarrassed,
you know. It's like that's something that makes me embarrassed.
Good to know I didn't think there wasn't some God
we got that one thing. This is like one of
my favorite podcasts ever. This is like all of ours

(54:10):
have been like very PG. This is like a very
first R rated episode. Good. I'm glad. I'm I'm glad.
I'm glad we moved it to the next level. You guys. Yeah, sorry,
tell the little kids listening, all right. Um, first celebrity
crush and current celebrity crush. Oh, I've had so many

(54:30):
celebrity crushes. Probably like Kirk Cameron would have been my
first when we were growing up, Like I fucking loved him,
and maybe a little dash of Scott Bayou and my
crush now. God, it's so hard to have a crush
on anyone right now. I mean I had a crush
on John Ham for a long time. I loved him.

(54:51):
I watched that the whole season series of mad Men
at the Spot. I was at the Spot in Austria
and I was there for two weeks, like on a
detox where they feed you, you know, like a pork chop,
and then you don't eat after five until five the
next morning, so your whole sleeping is off. So you're
wide awake the whole time you're starving. You're like, oh
my god, You're like up until one in the morning.

(55:11):
You can't sleep because your body is just detoxing everything. Anyway,
I watched the entire series of Mad Men, and that
all they're doing while I'm in a spa where you
can't eat, drink, smoke, do anything is drinking and smoking, right,
And so I was like, you know, eight episode, eight
seasons into that, I was like, I'm gonna fuck John
hamm Um. And that's never happened. So so I guess
that crush is over. But I don't really have a

(55:33):
current crush. I'm sorry, I don't have a better answer. Okay,
well let me know. Maybe we could hook it up. Yeah. No,
if I couldn't think of somebody, I will let you know.
John hamm if you're listening, was up. That's the nurse
coming out, by the way, Yes, what is the craziest
thing that you've done lately? I bought a house in

(55:56):
Whistler on FaceTime. That counts. It was pretty stupid. I
mean not stupid. I'm glad I went there. But when
I went there, I was like, oh, I didn't see this.
I didn't see that. Um. But I was in a
rush to get I was really scared before the election
that things were going to go south, and I was like,
I if this happens for another four years, I do
have to leave. And so yeah, I bought a house

(56:19):
over FaceTime. I guess that's the craziest thing I ever did.
I've done recently. Uh. The other thing I did recently
was asked to a house hunting as I told you, um,
I may be moving into the neighborhood. And and I
went to look at a house uh with my assister

(56:42):
Brandon before I left for Whistler. And then when I
was in Whistler, I got a bunch of links from
my agent and I saw the house I had already
looked at and said, I really want you to go
look at this house for me. And Brandon's like, we
were at that house and you didn't like it, and
I was like, what, I don't know, I'm looking at
it right now. I've never seen this house, and he's like, no,
you were you you were at the house, and I

(57:03):
didn't remember an entire house, so that felt pretty fucking crazy.
And I'm like, I wasn't drunk. I was like, if anything,
I was stoned, and you don't black out when you're stoned,
So what's the deal. He's like, Well, when you look
at that many houses in a row, it can go
all blow together. I'm like, thank you, enabler, thank you
very much. Yes, um, your top three bucket list items? Uh,

(57:26):
to live in Spain for more than a month at
a time. I want to spend like six months there
or three months at the very least. Um. Other bucket?
Oh shit, what do I want to do? I wouldn't
mind getting married one day. That'd be fun to get
married late in life and be like or later or
in life. I mean, I'm forty six, so if I
do it, I'm sure it won't be permanent. So I
would definitely like to cross it off my list and

(57:47):
been like I did it, I got married. Um, and
then what's another thing that I a bucket? Bucket? Bucket ship?
Everything has to do with vacationing for me, you know,
I just fucking love traveling and I love being in
different places, and like I love like meeting different cultures
and understanding different cultures. So it would probably be to

(58:10):
do a travel show, probably something like that. I mean,
that's going to happen at some point, you know, I
can't get away from that. So I could see you
doing what everybody tries to do but nobody can. I
could see doing it well as a Ordain style show
where the insight is there as well and it feels genuine. Yeah,
something like that would be very appealing to me, you know,
because because then I keep moving because I'm like, you

(58:30):
know what you were saying about things in a monotonous way.
I just can't be I hosted Ellen's show like it
comes out at the end of the month, and I
went in and it was just like it was so
awesome and it was such a fun memory because it
was like, you know, that's my wheelhouse. I know how
to do that, you know. And I went in and
they everything set up and the writers are on point.

(58:52):
They've got everything set for you. You literally like walk
in and walk out, and I was like, Oh, I'm like,
this is this is what I love. This is so easy.
It's like yeah, but you forget about the part where
you build that show. You know where you start from
the bottom and you have to build your staff and
you build your crew and you build your guests and
you do all of that. So there's so much work
put into that, and then that becomes so monotonous. So

(59:14):
I came home that day from taping Ellen. I did
like two episodes, and my assistant was like, did you
did you did you get any like old feelings back?
Like everyone on my team always wants me to do
a talk show again, And I was like, I loved it.
I loved it to like, oh this is awesome. I'm like,
but only for two days. Like I don't want to
do that. You know, anything monotonous kind of just takes
the fun out of things for me. I get bored

(59:35):
quickly for sure. Yeah, I can relate to that. Okay,
I think this is the last one. What is your
top beauty secret? Oh my Liz Earle serum that I
put on every night and every morning, and it makes
my skin. I mean I have like dry skins, so
I always look a little bit oily because I overuse
this Liz Earle. But it's the serum. It smells like

(59:55):
soothing cream. You know, it's like vitamin e and rose
hips and uh, it just kind of keeps my skin always,
you know, Dowey. So it's something you put on like
every night before we go to bed and in the
morning before makeup. Yeah, Liz Earl, Yeah, Liz Earle, serum,
you have amazing skin. Oh, thank you, Thank you very much. Well,
I mean I do enough ship you know, I get

(01:00:16):
lasers like every other fucking day, so I better have
nice skin at this point. Yes, well, thank you so much.
This was so much fun. Oh it was total fun. Guys.
It was so nice to meet you too. It's yeah,
good podcasts, good times, good ties. It is. I feel
like it's like a fun place people can come feel safe,
have a good time, talk about whatever the hell they

(01:00:38):
want and not be judged and just like I don't know,
learn and love. And this is the first podcast I've
done in person since the pandemic. Thank you so much.
So that's awesome. It's nice to be in person. Come
back whenever you want. If if our listeners enjoyed this podcast,
definitely go check check out Chelsea's podcast because it's just

(01:00:59):
as a candid and fun and awesome and it's a
really good podcast. I was listening to it this morning
and yesterday. UM, congrats, thank you so much, Thank you guys.
Congrats to you two. Thank you, thank you. Thanks for
listening to This Is Paris. You love hearing from you,
so leave us a review, Send an email to Paris
at I heart radio dot com. Leave a voicemail at
eight three three eighty seven Paris, and follow us at

(01:01:21):
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