February 2, 2023 • 13 mins
This week is Kalie and her boyfriend’s 3 year anniversary. She talks about their (sometimes) long distance relationship and shares the best tips she’s learned along the way to keep it going strong, no matter how many miles are in between.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, I'm Kaylie Shore and this is too much
to say. Don't ask questions it out you. Thank you
so much for the response in last week's episode. Obviously,
(00:22):
it's a subject that's very close to my heart and
just something that I want to get the message out about.
And it's just feels like a very big blessing in
the middle of some very sad things. Um. But the
blessing is to be able to have a platform to
share it and know that people are listening and not
(00:42):
just scream into the ether um, which I would be
doing anyways. But thank you for listening. And also, heads up,
I'm very sorry for the loud construction in the background.
I record this at home, and I both of the
neighborhoods I live in in Nashville and Los Angeles are
in very under development. So um, that just means it's
(01:07):
loud all the time, but it gets me up at
a normal time. Um. But speaking about living in two
cities this episode, I wanted to talk about long distance
relationships because I suppose I'm sort of in one. UM.
My boyfriend Sam and I we both live between Nashville
and l A. So we have a house here in
the house there and a trillion roommates to make it work,
(01:30):
but we will have to go periods of time without
seeing each other. And even though like you know, right now,
I'm in l A and like this is our house
and we'll be in Nashville together and that's our house, UM,
it's still kind of it's it's a it's an interesting setup,
but it does feel very much like a long distance relationship.
(01:52):
And the longest we've had to go without seeing each
other was when he was filming his movie and I
was like in the UK and it was just to
very cluster fudge of a month. Um. But that was
like back in October, and we had to go almost
a month without seeing each other. And I am the
kind of person where I really don't like being on
(02:15):
my phone. I really prefer to be in person with people,
and so having face time and texting and all of
that be the only way that I can talk to
my favorite person on the planet really stresses me out
because I want to talk to him. But I also
just like I don't want to look at a screen
any longer than I possibly have to. Um. And so
(02:37):
we have like kind of different styles of that and
we're working on, you know, just paying attention to each
other's needs and learning more about each other. And I
think that us being quote unquote long distance has made
our relationships so much stronger. And there's so many things
that we've had to communicate about that if we were
together might just be able to be swept under the
(02:59):
rug and then might become bigger issues down the road. Um.
I've never really last time was in a long distance relationship.
It was like middle school. So um, and it's still
nice because like there's a lot of things you deal
with being in a long distance relationship that don't necessarily
apply to Sam and I. UM, so we're going to
(03:21):
dive into that more. But yeah, we're gonna spill a
little tea and talk to you guys about what happens
um in my relationship Granma. Okay, So obviously there's plenty
(03:44):
of downsides to being in a long distance relationship, right,
like you know, not seeing each other, But there's also
like some really sneaky ones that I think might be
what really causes friction in a relationship. And so I,
like I said, haven't been in any adult long distance
(04:04):
relationships aside from just being on the road. Um, and
like touring. But Sam has been in several actually all
of his adult girlfriends have been long distance until me,
and then I still have to throw us for a
loop with the whole l a thing. Um. But I
think that from observing with my friends and hearing him
(04:27):
talk about his past relationships, I think that one of
the most detrimental things to a long distance relationship is
the fact that one person when you come to visit,
one person is on vacation, and one person still has
to do their regular life. And if they don't any
flexibility and you're able to take time off just to
(04:48):
hang out with your person while they're there, then they
never fully enter your world, and they never fully enter
your pattern, and they never fully enter like what your
day to day is. And so having somebody that you're
just on vacation with when you see each other like
and then y'all one day aren't in a long distance
(05:09):
relationship anymore, it's going to be really hard to find
that rhythm because you've never done everyday stuff, you know.
And I think that there's this, um. You know, you
want to entertain people when they come visit, and you
want to entertain this person, You want to spend all
this time with them, so it's kind of hard to
have the discipline to do that, and especially if you
don't see each other very often. So Sam and I
(05:32):
definitely make an effort for when we are together too,
like both still be working, and I feel like that's
a place where we're very lucky because we both um
our singer songwriters and can work in l a and
Nashville equally. So he has, you know, a bunch of
sessions while he's here in l A UM and he's
actually here for a month, so we're kind of heading
(05:52):
more towards him being here more often and finding that
rhythm together. So it's really nice to like get up
and like we do work on our on our laptops
together and answer emails and like it's not just oh,
let's stay in bed all day and watch TV, because
that could be so fun, Like it's so fun, but
it's not real, Like that's not that's not an actual
(06:15):
like relationship. That's that's a vacation, you know, And so
I feel like that can be hard and say, I'm
one of his long term relationships was in another country,
so when he went there, there was no way he
was ever going to enter her real life, because if
he flew all the way to a different hemisphere, then
(06:36):
of course all the time that they're together is going
to be like spent together. Securely blame people for it,
but I think that the more you can try to
like be mindful of that, the better, so that you
feel like you're actually a part of each other's lives
and not just an entire break from it. And then
obviously the biggest downside is just missing each other. But
(06:59):
it's missing each other there in several senses of the word.
It's missing each other and like wanting to be together
and having that like aching feeling where you just like
want to be with your person, but it's also being
on different time zones and being on different schedules and
wanting to FaceTime. But one person's three hours ahead and
(07:23):
Sam and I've run into that when he's been in
um like when he was doing his movie, he was
an Eastern time and when I was in l A.
Then not to mention when I was in the UK,
and that's a nine hour difference. So like when he's
waking up, I'm like in the middle of my day
and doing stuff, and so it's just like a very
(07:44):
very interesting schedule to try to balance because you have
two different schedules and routines and so it's very frequent
that you miss each other and then because of that,
you miss each other. Okay, so here's the happy part.
(08:09):
I have found ways to make this work. Sam and
I have definitely found ways to make it work. And
I will say, like, you know, being together for months
at a time certainly helps. And I know that we're
lucky because we can both work in the same cities
that we go back and forth between. But um, I
think we found a routine that really works and makes
(08:31):
us both feel like present in the relationship and like
we're still part of each other's lives, because that can
be the hardest thing is just feeling like distant, I mean, duh,
but like feeling like you're one degree separated from your person,
Like that's not a good feeling at all. So just
(08:52):
I mean, phase time being a thing like is incredible. Um.
And Sam is the best because he's usually when he's
a Nashville, he's two hours ahead, and he's the nicest
guy ever about letting me wake him up. So when
I get home, even if it's like super super late,
like three am, my time five am, his time. He
(09:15):
still wants me to call him, and I think that
that's so sweet because sleep is a very important thing
and he will always lose it to say good night
to me, and I think that that's just the best.
And so just calling each other throughout the day to
say that we miss each other, and um, like I'll
take pictures when I'm out of stuff that makes me
think of him and make him feel like he's there. Um,
(09:36):
we'll face time with like if he's a Nashville FaceTime
with our roommates when in l A and um, you know,
I'll help. He'll feel like he's sitting around the kitchen
counter with us too and feel included. Um. And he'll
do really cute things like he sends me flowers for
no reason, which is like my favorite thing ever as
far as like Valentine's and stuff like I don't really
(09:57):
care about chocolates or really anything, but I love flowers.
I love flowers. I love having them around the house
and buy myself flowers and Trader Joe's all the time.
But it's just really cute to be able to like,
you know, get that from him. Or sometimes he'll um
like he'll buy me. Um, he'll ask me what I
(10:18):
want from a restaurant and he'll send me Uber eats
and he'll be in Nashville, but he'll send me like dinner.
And I think that that's just literally the most precious
thing ever, um, and it makes me feel like he's
here with me. And we also have UM we watched
TV together, so we'll face time and like we'll have
to mute it, you know, because you'll hear the it
(10:39):
echoing back and forth and that's really annoying. But UM,
we'll like watch something together and watch it at the
exact same time and like count down to three before
we pause an unpausit um, so that we're watching the
same thing. And right now we've been watching White Lotus uh.
And now that he's here in l A, we've been
watching The Last of Us and it is way more
(10:59):
fun to watch like a spooky show when you can
actually cuttle the person. So I love that. I love
that he's here, um, and I love that we found
ways to make this work. And I'm very thankful that
he's going to be in California more because, you know,
given the chance, who really wants to be a long
distance but I also think that something happens when we're
(11:21):
gone from each other, and it's like I have to
stay busy because I will get sad and miss him.
And so when I come home at night and the
house is just like quiet, like I'll work on something
and I'll start a song idea, or like when I'm
by myself and I'm not talking to someone, like, I
feel like I end up posting on social media more
(11:43):
because it's like talking to people, um if that makes
any sense, Like I'll have a funny thought and I'll
be like, oh, I should post it on TikTok. And
it doesn't happen as much when I'm like around people,
whether it's Sam or not. Um. So, I feel like
my creative output is a little bit higher. And then
I have this opportunity to miss him like crazy, and
then when we see each other, it's like absolutely amazing.
(12:05):
Um So, you know, I really feel like there's been
a lot of good to come out of this situation.
I'm very proud of us in our relationship and also, um,
February third is our three year anniversary, and I'm very excited.
It's been an amazing three years with him. I've learned
so much about myself. I've learned so much about the world,
and I've never been in love like this before. But
(12:29):
he's the absolute best. And it's so funny because I
don't think he listens to my podcast at all, and
to be fair, like if he had one, I probably
wouldn't either, because like living with me is like a podcast. Um,
but yeah, so if he does hear this, he knows.
I tell him how much I love him all the time.
But you guys are the best. Thank you so much
(12:50):
for listening. I'm Kley Shure and this is too much
to say. Go to my say I'll tell it out
of you. You
Hey guys, I'm Kaylie Shore and this is too much
to say. Don't ask questions it out you. Thank you
so much for the response in last week's episode. Obviously,
(00:22):
it's a subject that's very close to my heart and
just something that I want to get the message out about.
And it's just feels like a very big blessing in
the middle of some very sad things. Um. But the
blessing is to be able to have a platform to
share it and know that people are listening and not
(00:42):
just scream into the ether um, which I would be
doing anyways. But thank you for listening. And also, heads up,
I'm very sorry for the loud construction in the background.
I record this at home, and I both of the
neighborhoods I live in in Nashville and Los Angeles are
in very under development. So um, that just means it's
(01:07):
loud all the time, but it gets me up at
a normal time. Um. But speaking about living in two
cities this episode, I wanted to talk about long distance
relationships because I suppose I'm sort of in one. UM.
My boyfriend Sam and I we both live between Nashville
and l A. So we have a house here in
the house there and a trillion roommates to make it work,
(01:30):
but we will have to go periods of time without
seeing each other. And even though like you know, right now,
I'm in l A and like this is our house
and we'll be in Nashville together and that's our house, UM,
it's still kind of it's it's a it's an interesting setup,
but it does feel very much like a long distance relationship.
(01:52):
And the longest we've had to go without seeing each
other was when he was filming his movie and I
was like in the UK and it was just to
very cluster fudge of a month. Um. But that was
like back in October, and we had to go almost
a month without seeing each other. And I am the
kind of person where I really don't like being on
(02:15):
my phone. I really prefer to be in person with people,
and so having face time and texting and all of
that be the only way that I can talk to
my favorite person on the planet really stresses me out
because I want to talk to him. But I also
just like I don't want to look at a screen
any longer than I possibly have to. Um. And so
(02:37):
we have like kind of different styles of that and
we're working on, you know, just paying attention to each
other's needs and learning more about each other. And I
think that us being quote unquote long distance has made
our relationships so much stronger. And there's so many things
that we've had to communicate about that if we were
together might just be able to be swept under the
(02:59):
rug and then might become bigger issues down the road. Um.
I've never really last time was in a long distance relationship.
It was like middle school. So um, and it's still
nice because like there's a lot of things you deal
with being in a long distance relationship that don't necessarily
apply to Sam and I. UM, so we're going to
(03:21):
dive into that more. But yeah, we're gonna spill a
little tea and talk to you guys about what happens
um in my relationship Granma. Okay, So obviously there's plenty
(03:44):
of downsides to being in a long distance relationship, right,
like you know, not seeing each other, But there's also
like some really sneaky ones that I think might be
what really causes friction in a relationship. And so I,
like I said, haven't been in any adult long distance
(04:04):
relationships aside from just being on the road. Um, and
like touring. But Sam has been in several actually all
of his adult girlfriends have been long distance until me,
and then I still have to throw us for a
loop with the whole l a thing. Um. But I
think that from observing with my friends and hearing him
(04:27):
talk about his past relationships, I think that one of
the most detrimental things to a long distance relationship is
the fact that one person when you come to visit,
one person is on vacation, and one person still has
to do their regular life. And if they don't any
flexibility and you're able to take time off just to
(04:48):
hang out with your person while they're there, then they
never fully enter your world, and they never fully enter
your pattern, and they never fully enter like what your
day to day is. And so having somebody that you're
just on vacation with when you see each other like
and then y'all one day aren't in a long distance
(05:09):
relationship anymore, it's going to be really hard to find
that rhythm because you've never done everyday stuff, you know.
And I think that there's this, um. You know, you
want to entertain people when they come visit, and you
want to entertain this person, You want to spend all
this time with them, so it's kind of hard to
have the discipline to do that, and especially if you
don't see each other very often. So Sam and I
(05:32):
definitely make an effort for when we are together too,
like both still be working, and I feel like that's
a place where we're very lucky because we both um
our singer songwriters and can work in l a and
Nashville equally. So he has, you know, a bunch of
sessions while he's here in l A UM and he's
actually here for a month, so we're kind of heading
(05:52):
more towards him being here more often and finding that
rhythm together. So it's really nice to like get up
and like we do work on our on our laptops
together and answer emails and like it's not just oh,
let's stay in bed all day and watch TV, because
that could be so fun, Like it's so fun, but
it's not real, Like that's not that's not an actual
(06:15):
like relationship. That's that's a vacation, you know, And so
I feel like that can be hard and say, I'm
one of his long term relationships was in another country,
so when he went there, there was no way he
was ever going to enter her real life, because if
he flew all the way to a different hemisphere, then
(06:36):
of course all the time that they're together is going
to be like spent together. Securely blame people for it,
but I think that the more you can try to
like be mindful of that, the better, so that you
feel like you're actually a part of each other's lives
and not just an entire break from it. And then
obviously the biggest downside is just missing each other. But
(06:59):
it's missing each other there in several senses of the word.
It's missing each other and like wanting to be together
and having that like aching feeling where you just like
want to be with your person, but it's also being
on different time zones and being on different schedules and
wanting to FaceTime. But one person's three hours ahead and
(07:23):
Sam and I've run into that when he's been in
um like when he was doing his movie, he was
an Eastern time and when I was in l A.
Then not to mention when I was in the UK,
and that's a nine hour difference. So like when he's
waking up, I'm like in the middle of my day
and doing stuff, and so it's just like a very
(07:44):
very interesting schedule to try to balance because you have
two different schedules and routines and so it's very frequent
that you miss each other and then because of that,
you miss each other. Okay, so here's the happy part.
(08:09):
I have found ways to make this work. Sam and
I have definitely found ways to make it work. And
I will say, like, you know, being together for months
at a time certainly helps. And I know that we're
lucky because we can both work in the same cities
that we go back and forth between. But um, I
think we found a routine that really works and makes
(08:31):
us both feel like present in the relationship and like
we're still part of each other's lives, because that can
be the hardest thing is just feeling like distant, I mean, duh,
but like feeling like you're one degree separated from your person,
Like that's not a good feeling at all. So just
(08:52):
I mean, phase time being a thing like is incredible. Um.
And Sam is the best because he's usually when he's
a Nashville, he's two hours ahead, and he's the nicest
guy ever about letting me wake him up. So when
I get home, even if it's like super super late,
like three am, my time five am, his time. He
(09:15):
still wants me to call him, and I think that
that's so sweet because sleep is a very important thing
and he will always lose it to say good night
to me, and I think that that's just the best.
And so just calling each other throughout the day to
say that we miss each other, and um, like I'll
take pictures when I'm out of stuff that makes me
think of him and make him feel like he's there. Um,
(09:36):
we'll face time with like if he's a Nashville FaceTime
with our roommates when in l A and um, you know,
I'll help. He'll feel like he's sitting around the kitchen
counter with us too and feel included. Um. And he'll
do really cute things like he sends me flowers for
no reason, which is like my favorite thing ever as
far as like Valentine's and stuff like I don't really
(09:57):
care about chocolates or really anything, but I love flowers.
I love flowers. I love having them around the house
and buy myself flowers and Trader Joe's all the time.
But it's just really cute to be able to like,
you know, get that from him. Or sometimes he'll um
like he'll buy me. Um, he'll ask me what I
(10:18):
want from a restaurant and he'll send me Uber eats
and he'll be in Nashville, but he'll send me like dinner.
And I think that that's just literally the most precious
thing ever, um, and it makes me feel like he's
here with me. And we also have UM we watched
TV together, so we'll face time and like we'll have
to mute it, you know, because you'll hear the it
(10:39):
echoing back and forth and that's really annoying. But UM,
we'll like watch something together and watch it at the
exact same time and like count down to three before
we pause an unpausit um, so that we're watching the
same thing. And right now we've been watching White Lotus uh.
And now that he's here in l A, we've been
watching The Last of Us and it is way more
(10:59):
fun to watch like a spooky show when you can
actually cuttle the person. So I love that. I love
that he's here, um, and I love that we found
ways to make this work. And I'm very thankful that
he's going to be in California more because, you know,
given the chance, who really wants to be a long
distance but I also think that something happens when we're
(11:21):
gone from each other, and it's like I have to
stay busy because I will get sad and miss him.
And so when I come home at night and the
house is just like quiet, like I'll work on something
and I'll start a song idea, or like when I'm
by myself and I'm not talking to someone, like, I
feel like I end up posting on social media more
(11:43):
because it's like talking to people, um if that makes
any sense, Like I'll have a funny thought and I'll
be like, oh, I should post it on TikTok. And
it doesn't happen as much when I'm like around people,
whether it's Sam or not. Um. So, I feel like
my creative output is a little bit higher. And then
I have this opportunity to miss him like crazy, and
then when we see each other, it's like absolutely amazing.
(12:05):
Um So, you know, I really feel like there's been
a lot of good to come out of this situation.
I'm very proud of us in our relationship and also, um,
February third is our three year anniversary, and I'm very excited.
It's been an amazing three years with him. I've learned
so much about myself. I've learned so much about the world,
and I've never been in love like this before. But
(12:29):
he's the absolute best. And it's so funny because I
don't think he listens to my podcast at all, and
to be fair, like if he had one, I probably
wouldn't either, because like living with me is like a podcast. Um,
but yeah, so if he does hear this, he knows.
I tell him how much I love him all the time.
But you guys are the best. Thank you so much
(12:50):
for listening. I'm Kley Shure and this is too much
to say. Go to my say I'll tell it out
of you. You
Host
Kalie Shorr
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