You Never Know

Kalie talks about the difference between what people show and what's really going on. TW: eating disorders, sexual assault, suicidal thoughts.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, guys, I'm Kaylie Short and this is too much
to say, but questions it out you. Okay, So this
week's episode is on something that I feel like we

(00:21):
can all relate to, which is you never know what
other people have going on. And it ties back to
that old cliche you can't judge a book by its cover,
but you can't judge somebody's life by how it looks
from the outside because you really never know. And if
somebody's going through something really difficult, the chances of them
opening up to every single person that they see about
it is very rare and honestly just impossible. Like I'm

(00:45):
a very open person. That's why my album is called
Open Book, and I write about all of these things
that are very um, you know, very personal to me
and a lot of the difficult things I've gone through.
But it's still there's so much like that really only
scratches the surface of the things that I deal with.
And I have had a really crazy past few weeks

(01:06):
dealing with some family stuff, and it's just it's hard
because like, okay, so, like you have somebody who isn't
responsive or they have to call out of work, or um,
they just they do something to quote unquote let you down,
and they're like, oh, you know, I just had some
family drama. And it's so easy to assume like, okay,
like we all have family drama, but when somebody says

(01:28):
something like that, like it could be huge, you know.
I mean I know people who have said something like
that when they found out that their mom had cancer
because they just don't want to get into it. And also,
you don't really owe anybody an explanat planation when it
comes to something like that. And it just got me
thinking about all the times in my life that I've
been presenting as I was living a life that was

(01:50):
not anywhere close to what was actually going on. And
there's this person I follow on Instagram named mix zas
On and she's so great. She's very like um body
positivity focus. She's in recovery from a needing disorder and
just post these very like real raw things. And it's
so important to see people without filters, because I find

(02:12):
myself these days like seeing filters and being like, for
like the first time in my life, being like, should
I like do something in my face? Like sho, should
I get something fixed? And it's like because I'm seeing
people with not real faces and then you see them
in person, You're like, wow, that is not what you
look like. And that's like a microcosm for this greater issue.

(02:33):
But um Mick posted a thing like a real that
was like what was happening when these photos were taken?
And it was like the story behind these photos. And
one of them was like a picture of her looking
super happy on a boat and like in a bathing suit,
and it was like I hadn't eaten for three days,

(02:53):
and I um photo shopped the ship out of this
like face doing the ship out of it, and you
just don't realize that that's happening because it's like, I mean,
I know that we all know this about Instagram. I
know that we know that it's people's highlight reel, but
you just you just the more you think about it,
the more layers, the more like just insane. It gets

(03:16):
to like the extent that of which we do that.
And so I was looking back at some of my
old Instagram posts and I was like thinking about the
story behind them and the things that we're going on,
and it just doesn't line up to what I'm posting
on Instagram. And also, like I don't know what the
solution is in that sense, because it's like do you
post something on Instagram and be like, I'm having the

(03:40):
worst time ever. Here's all this stuff that's going on
with me, Like it's not really anybody's business. So I
think that the solution isn't so much like it's not
so much too like be completely transparent, but it's to
understand that everybody else isn't going to be completely transparent

(04:02):
and that's okay, and to just treat people with you know, compassion.
So I'm going to share some specific examples when we
come back about times that this has happened to me
and tell the story behind some of my Instagram posts. Okay,

(04:25):
we are back, and I've told this story before on
the podcast because it just feels like such a like
great example of this. Then you know, you never know
what people have going on phenomena. But um, there was
a time like right after my sister passed away and
I was going to alter because I had to return
something and I was just like I was a zombie,

(04:47):
like I was not functioning. It was like the first
time I think i'd like honestly like got like put
on pants in days like I've just been like in
a robe, crying and like not eating and not in
like an eating disorder way, but like in a um
just like forgetting that I had bodily needs, you know,
like not showering, like just worst worst, like just completely

(05:11):
let myself go. And I had to go to Alta
and so I remember like just being in a daze
and just not like just being so foggy and out
of it. And I walked the door and somebody held
the door for me and I didn't notice, and they
were like, um, you're supposed to say thank you, and
I just looked at them and I was like, oh

(05:34):
my god. I could just like because what you know,
like I could unload on them right then and I
could be like, Okay, well, you know, three days ago,
my sister just died and left two children orphan, and
now I'm stressed because I think I'm gonna have to
take them in one day and I'm absolutely unraveling and
the funerals in two days and I'm flying out tomorrow.
So like, but I'm not going to say all that.
It's not the fucking persons business. But they chose to

(05:57):
like react. You just don't know. Someone cuts you off
in traffic. Maybe they're like on their way to the
hospital and like or they're like running late to something
really really important, and you just like it's just not
worth it to assume that everything is a personal front
because so much, so often it has so much less

(06:18):
to do with you and more to do with what's
going on in that person's life, And especially if it's
somebody you don't know very well. It's like if someone
isn't responding to your text messages. This is my biggest
pet peeve is when like people are like very quick
to get upset with someone for not responding, because like
if I don't respond to text messages, which I know

(06:38):
I'm bad at it, but like I'm constantly overwhelmed, and
that is the first thing to fall to the wayside
is responding because I just like get really anxious looking
at my phone, and in order to function in like
real life, which at the end of the day is
what matters, I need to like put my phone down,
or like, if I have it, put it on, do
not just sturt u and play a crossword puzzle like
that's I'm not I'm actually not on my phone twenty

(07:01):
four seven. So people are like you can respond you're
on your phone. I'm like, I'm not. I'm literally not.
I hate I hate being on my phone unless I'm
doing a like word or a cross word, like I
love reading books, like physical books, Like I don't like
the books that much because I have to look at
a screen to do it. So like, if I want
to unlind, I'm reading a physical book, Like, I don't

(07:22):
want to look at a screen if I don't have to.
And so like that was just I mean, it gave
me a wake up call because I was irritated at
that person obviously, but the real, the real lesson there
to me was like, oh my god, if somebody's ever
rude to me and like doesn't wave back or you know,
doesn't hold the door or whatever, like they could be

(07:44):
having the worst day of their life. You just literally
never know. And so I, in um the spirit of
what mix Sason did, I wanted to go through some
of my old instagrams and like talk about what was
going on. So there's this one that I posted on
May and I had just gotten to play the rheyman

(08:07):
um it was it was the first time I ever
played the Rhememan. It was for opera country classics. So
I covered like two old school country songs. I did
um it Wasn't God who made Hockey took Angels? And
I did uh oh to Billy Jump. It was so
fun and it was like absolutely magical, and I loved
my outfit. I was wearing these hollographic go go boots

(08:27):
and I looked like really sixties, and I, you know,
post a caption about how I was like so happy
and like felt so loved and it was like the
best sound I'd ever felt like or heard on stage,
and all that was true. But also I had just
broken up with my boyfriend of six years and had
like three days before, you know, had him get physical

(08:52):
and like shake me up against the bathtub and after
cheating on me, and I'm like absolutely unraveling, and I
found this bright bought in the middle of everything. But
they also like when you're looking at that picture, you
can't see that my best friend at the time got
angry at me for saying yes to playing the rieman
because I was missing out on her birthday dinner and

(09:13):
like was pissed at me. And so I'm like trying
to balance all of that, and I'm like watching this
friendship kind of deteriorate, and I'm watching this like relationship
deteriorate and feeling all this pressure. But I just post
something my cute outfit talking about how much I love
playing the Raemen and you just don't fucking no right.

(09:33):
And there's like so many more examples of this. I mean,
I definitely feel like the breakup was a big part
of that. UM. I mean, there's like there's been times
that I've posted something on Instagram, like I played this. Um.
The first time I ever posted my song Lullaby was
September and I was feeling so low, Like that was

(09:57):
probably the worst point of that breakup for me. I
think it had like sunk in at that point, and
I was just at home crying in front of my piano,
which was one of my former favorite activities. It still
happens every once in a while. UM, but yeah, that
was like a really really really bad time. Oh and
then also like a lot of drama happens around the Rheman.

(10:17):
But there was the next time I played the Rheman
was in December, and this one, I suppose I was
a little honest, but it was like December, and I said,
life is a lot of things, messy, magic, overwhelming, but
mostly it's beautiful. And the messy part I was referring
to was the fact that the night that I played
The Rheman and was celebrating and during my very special

(10:38):
red Billbona Satin Pants, I went out to a bar
with my friend, ran into my ex boyfriend for like
one of the first time since we broke up, and
went home with him and had like a horrible evening
where we just like it was, I mean, we hooked up,
but it was just like clearly me hurting myself on

(10:59):
purpose by doing that. There was nothing like truly intimate
about it. It It was like me going over there so
I could like have someone treat me as shitty as
I felt like I deserved to be treated at that point.
But you know, supposed to keep picture in front of
the Rhyman God. The Ryman was like a dramatic time um.

(11:20):
And then I mean, I was pretty publicly open when
my sister passed away, But the week that someone dies
isn't when you feel the worst about it. You're honestly
still processing, so you just like, I mean, the biggest
example of that, though, was when I shot the Awake
Pop mix music video that was two days after my
sister had died, and I had to like be in

(11:42):
a music video, so I really really had to turn
on the like I'm fake happy for this music video thing,
and you just don't you don't see that. You don't
see the fact that I was like crying in my
car for two hours before we shot and I had
to retouch my makeup and was reading tabloid articles about
her dying while I'm on the music video shoot. It

(12:05):
was like the most surreal thing ever and you just
you just don't freaking no. And then, um, well another
another big one was on my birthday in or twenty nineteen.
Sorry my birthday and twenty nineteen, I turned and um

(12:25):
the night you know, I'm posting about my Sex and
the City theme birthday party and how fun it was
and had such a blast, And the truth of it was,
I had Yeah, I was thanks for all the birthday wishes, guys.
It's probably the best birthday party I've ever had. Um.
We put on our carry Bradshaw best, drank too many cosmos,
and I got iced in one of my presents, like ice.

(12:48):
So so thankful to my friends for always being willing
to dress up for a theme party, take too many
tekil shots, and also volunteered to hold up their flashlights
so we can get the perfect rooftop photo. Thankful, happy,
and maybe still a bit hungover. And that was the fifteen.
In July twelfth, nineteen, I posted a video of me
and Candy backstage at the Opry when I had gone
to their opera debut and just how proud I was

(13:10):
of them. And literally the day before that, on my
actual birthday, like I had been sexually assaulted. Like you
don't see that on Instagram, And that was like one
of the worst mental places I've ever been in because
so much of it was outside of my mind and
it was just like my body reacting. Like when I
drove to the opera that night to go see Candy,

(13:32):
I blacked out on the highway and like just woke
up like ten minutes later. I was like at the
opera and it was the scariest thing ever because I
had no memory of how I got there. I hadn't
drink anything. It was just like a full Like I
just think that That's what people you haven't been assaulted
don't understand, is so much of your reaction is out
of your control because it's not mental, it's physical, and

(13:53):
it's like you feel this residual, like I have no
control of my body. People can do anything they want
to it at any time, Like there's no privacy. I'm
not even at home in my own body. It's been
you know, I felt violated. There's been an intruder, all
of that, and you don't see it on Instagram. Get
Just so the past few weeks, I've been dealing with

(14:24):
some UM, dealing with some on my drama and I'm
only gonna get into a little bit because I just
don't feel like we're vomiting all of not even that
it's my business, it's other people's business too. But I've
been UM trying to take care of my niece and
nephew from Afar, the ones who are my sisters kids

(14:44):
UM who passed away, and there was some very major
life decisions for them that I think that their caregiver
is making the wrong ones. And just there was like
one morning that there were like several warnings where I
was on the phone with like different um like school

(15:05):
system stuff and whatever, like just a lot of administrative things,
and I was on the phone with those people for
like three to four hours every morning for like a
week straight. And it's an Eastern time, so I had
to get up like really early because like eight am
my time is still like I mean, it's already like
school lunchtime there. So I'm dealing with all that and
having a crisis and you know, um realizing that the

(15:30):
day is just getting closer and closer, where like I'm
going to have to take them in and ultimately, like
my my dad is seventy three and these kids are
eight and thirteen, and I'm the only person in my
family who can take care of them, and the fact
that I'm that person and I'm the youngest is so stressful.

(15:52):
And so I'm dealing with all this and like you know,
I have like people bothering me about like just things
that don't matter and and little little things and then
getting annoyed that I'm not excited enough about something that
they told me about, and I'm like, I just like
I love you so much, Like I'm not being mean,
and I feel like that's the best I can do

(16:12):
right now. Like I'm not I'm not being rude, I'm
not saying anything negative. I'm just like maybe not reacting
like a truly ecstatic happy person, because I'm not a
truly ecstatic happy person, And just the pressure that people
can put on you and and also not ask you
how you are, that's very hard when you have friends
like that. Um, I find that I'm that kind of friend,
but I also try to not. I I don't put

(16:36):
my stuff on people without asking them how they are
and also asking them if they're in a place to
handle it. So it's like when you have a friend
who always needs you, but they're not there when you
need them. Like that's the problem. I don't mind when
people don't ask me how I'm doing, it's when they
expect me to always ask them how they're doing. It's
just double standards. Like I have plenty of friends and

(16:56):
I don't talk to all the time, but then when
we're together, it's really really special. And like I love
those friendships there. They're like high loyalty but low maintenance.
And I think as you get older, that's a really
important kind of friend because like you just you just
hang out with your friends less the older you get.
I mean, I still like very social and I have
roommates and stuff, so I see my friends a lot,
but definitely less than I did when I was twenty

(17:18):
two and I was like seeing my friends every single
day and it's um, that's really hard too, and I
just am like, somebody's a really close friend and they
don't understand that they might not know everything that's going
on in your life, especially because they're not asking like that.
That is not a fun feeling. So all of that
being said, be gentle with people you really, really really

(17:41):
don't know. The happiest person on the planet could have
been having you know, suicidal thoughts to night before. You
literally never ever ever know, So be nice to people,
give them hugs, Tell the people you love that you
love them. And we will be back next week. I'm
really sure. And this is too much to say, but
don't go ask me questions you done answer to. I've

(18:05):
got to say now I'll turn it out of you.
You