July 15, 2025 • 35 mins
Daniel and Eddie recap ten shows, six cities, and one bus crash from their recent stint on the road.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
A.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Hey, y'all, welcome to Daniel's bus cooking show. Hey, what
we're doing is taking on the leftovers. We got some
sharred lobster tail and we're gonna feed my father in law.
I hope it's best good Wayne.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
It's not too big.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I just made it for you. What do he thinks
it was good?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
It's good?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
How was lobster Tosh Tosh Shush show. Welcome to Tosh
show there, I said it. Happy to be here. Just
got back from the road with Eddie Gosling, a couple
of road dogs, a couple road dogs. We're in the
(00:48):
Midwest doing what Midwest comics do. What's that kill? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Murdering.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
No, we're in the Midwest. It was nice, just making
good people have a good time. I want to thank
everyone for coming to the shows. But before we get
into it, let's delve into some of our fan mail.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Fan mail, so, I don't think Daniel realizes that video
games are the highest grossing form of entertainment in the world. Oh,
that's sadly common with people who don't play games. They
just think herder nerds sitting in their mom's basement. Why
they think it's just for kids? Meanwhile, the industry is
a hole, makes more money than the entirety of the
movie and television streaming industries. It's massive, with millions upon
(01:31):
millions of regular normal people who play games.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Okay, well you're wrong, but I'm glad you've felt compelled
to write all that in the comment section. Beefy cool.
People don't play video games. That's the way it's always been.
It's the way they always will be.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
It's true. What do you get to rewrite the world?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
You can't change it?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
All right?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
But how much to sponsor the show? How much to
have Eddie do it in his dragon voice.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
To get Schneze gets on this show? I can't even
I can't. I can't imagine it. It costs more than
I mean, fifty thousand I think? Is here everybody? That
what am I?
Speaker 1 (02:11):
What am I pitching today?
Speaker 2 (02:14):
I'm usually a catcher, if you know what I mean. Alright,
we got to sing that away. We're gonna edit the
singing out. I can't out what's the next one?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Sorry? Your dad is daddy Eddie?
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Ah, you know that that's right in my wheelhouse. It's
a combination of stupid and funny. Sorry, yeah, sorry, your
dad is deady Eddie, you know what I say.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Comment of the year, common of the year.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Hit the bells winter Winter. Congratulations. You know you were
You were being sincere, but you were also being funny
to Eddie for his loss.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Definitely a dark spot when I read that, and that
did make me laugh. If this person gets.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Don't care who passes. If somebody says sorry, your dad
is daddy Eddie's, that's gonna tickle you for a second.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
You made a rhyme. That's good.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
You made a dumb rhyme. Yeah, I liked it. That's
pretty good.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Well, thanks a lot for m h w J. Three
PK means a lot.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
That guy gets it.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
That guy gets it somehow realize that some of Eddie's
laughs are piped in. How long does it take to edit?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
No shade, no, no shade ed. They're not making fun
of us. They just don't want you to see. That
wasn't a real laugh. I'm looking at Eddie right now,
right here, he sits right here. There's zero chance that
we've editor ever edited Eddie laughing. We got three microphones
on this show, we got three cameras. None of them
are pointed at Eddie, but we do record his laugh
(03:49):
when it happens.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
When is the last time you had to pull off
the road at a construction site to use their portage.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
On I've already told my worst porta potty story on
the show, which was when I left my daughter outside
of it. I jumped a fence at night in Charleston,
South Carolina, a city that I find repulsive, and used
a porta potty. I think I think that was the
most recent as well. You know, when my house was
being built, I had a porta potty in the front
(04:18):
of my house, and I found that many women in
my neighborhood that go for walks just walk onto construction
sites and use the porta potty. Seems crazy, And I said, Sergio,
is that normally goes yep wow on construction sites all
the time? Like walkers will just be like, yeah, we
get to use it too. That's gross.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I went to the show in Minneapolis last Friday night
with a good friend. Meanwhile, my pregnant wife was home
having contractions. We live about an hour away, and after
the show wasn't about to walk out of this masterpiece early.
I drove home and got her to the hospital. The
baby's heart rate was dropping so fast and she went
in for an emergency C section. We had a little
girl at one fifty three in the morning.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Ah, look at that. I should have saved the comment
of the year for this guy, but that's already that
ship is sailed, so you don't get it. But this guy, well,
what a fan. I mean, a horrible, horrible husband, probably
gonna be a bad dad, But what a fan.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
To whom it may concern. Eddie's Apple watch almost blinded
me at a show this weekend. If it doesn't clear
up soon, I may pursue legal action. I thoroughly enjoyed
the Milwaukee show, loved every minute of it.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I'm gonna side with this person. I don't think you
should wear an Apple Watch on stage. Do you shut
off notifications?
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Yeah, because one time you told me you could see it,
so I was like, oh, it was lighting up mode there,
so I put that on. But this still does catch
the spotlight and hit the people in the front row.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Sometimes you don't need it. It serves no purpose. I've got
a clock for you on stage. Sure you can be
away from your family for a few minutes.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
But I take it off and I have such a
like a bad sun tan thing happening. Maybe I'll put
a bracelet on.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
You just never take a watch off. Huh. You just
wear a watch all the time. You know what you do?
Ed Okay, okay, here's what you do. You do what
my grandpa did. Grandpa toash Okay, he always wore his
watch with the watch on the inside. Makes sense, and
because he always was like, well it's easier to tell
(06:25):
time when I can see it this way. But you
only do that just for when you're on stage. You
turn it in right then we cover up your tan line.
You still have your watch so that your wife Lord
knows that Megan can't get a hold of your heads.
Are gonna roll, say.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
What I'm doing it? I like this little just spin
it around.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I mean, I don't know if you have to loosen
it a notch or if you wear it loose enough
that you can spin it.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Well, just it's a velcrow so it's easy.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
You have a velcrow watch where it is?
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Child?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
All right? Well, let you know what, Let's give people
a real breakdown of the tour. Yeah, and you Casha,
We're gonna talk about the tour today on the show
What Tour the World Tour? Oh, JT in the house. Now,
I wasn't a world tour that I was on. I
(07:15):
just went to the Midwest. I flew there with my
kids and my wife and Eddie and Pete, and then
when we landed, my in laws flew in. And then
we met our bus driver and he was wearing a
big cross. And you want your bus driver to be
super religious. Yeah, you know when you're falling asleep on
(07:39):
the highway at seventy miles an hour, you want to
know that up front that guy knows that. Well, not
everything's in his control. So we were in Kansas City
for night one of the tour, and I was a
little nervous for the first show, but it went fine.
I'd do like an hour and a half. Did you
enjoy Kansas City showy? I thought. I thought they were nice,
(08:02):
and we had Q thirty nine barbecue afterwards. I wonder
if people agree that that's one of the top barbecue
spots in KC. It was good. Yeah, I thought it
was great. They were out of sausage. I remember, hey, youth,
I don't know if you're on a gold belly, but
send me some sausage because I ordered I wanted sausage
(08:22):
and then after the show. See Pete makes me order
before I go on stage. Then when I get off stage,
the food is there. But so many times he's like, hey,
they didn't have blank so instead you're getting elk yea.
Desserts are always the worst. I'll be like, oh, I'll
(08:43):
take a cheesecake and he's like, oh, I got you
Tara Masoux. I'm like, why don'd you go fuck yourself?
Tara Masoux and cheesecake are not in the same family. Oh, okay,
what do you want to I wanted to brownie? Okay,
what'd you end up getting me? I got you a
cheese tart. It's just all we it. It's weird. Anyway.
I did say the R word on stage right at
(09:04):
the beginning of the show, and I probably shouldn't have,
but you know, in context, I'll let the audience here
be the judge. I don't like to do material, but
I congratulated Kansas City on winning the NBA Championship, and
then you know, I make it made reference to you
can't convince me Oklahoma City in Kansas City are different places.
And if you do a punch in the face and
(09:25):
then I know what you're saying. Is you shouldn't punch you,
And then I said the R word. I'm like, but
that's what you're calling yourself, so it's not you get it.
I think I'm in the clear. I probably shouldn't have
said it. My fault.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Well, they said it in your head.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
In my head they said the word yep. So but anyway,
we stayed the night in Kansas City. Did I like
my hotel?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Yeah? We did.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
It had a great you know what I liked about
my hotel? Hold on, let me just give some props.
This is almost gonna sound like a free play. The
Crossroads Hotel had a restaurant in it, and the hotel
was quirky, kind of funky industrial. I didn't have a
good view out my room, that's for sure. I was
looking into a parking garage. That was disappointing. But where
(10:10):
you made up for it was your restaurant. They made pizza.
Their pizzas were delicious. But they had a salad there
that I'm and I don't get excited about salads ever,
but this is just kind of a pre pizza salad.
It was unbelievable. Yeah, I'm calling it one of my
top three favorite salads. And I know if I know,
if I get the the ingredients, I'm not going to
(10:32):
get the ratios. Right. What was the salad I got?
Speaker 1 (10:35):
That was a charred cucumber salad.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
It was a charred cucumber salad. I believe it's tell
me exactly how to make it crossroads so I can
try to duplicate it at home. That salad was delicious. Okay. Anyway,
so sorry for saying the R word. Q thirty nine,
you forgot your sausages. It was my first show, probably
went long because the first night I'm just trying to
(10:59):
figure out, okay, what material am I doing? And then
the next day we were going to Omaha. We had
to leave Kansas City early because we wanted to get
to Omaha by noon to go to the College World Series.
Because the College World Series of Baseball is a bucket
(11:21):
list item for my father in law, and I just
keep looking at him every time he said you know this,
you know, Daniel, it's my bucket list to I'm like, okay, well,
I'm glad everything on your bucket list is obtainable, you know,
in a two week period. I worry about his bucket list.
First of all, nothing on it is out of reach,
(11:43):
and I feel like we're going to be wrapped up
with it, you know, any day now. Now. The theater
that we were performing at, we just asked, hey, do
you guys have any tickets to the baseball game? And
they said yes. I'm not against paying for tickets, but
they had tickets, and they go, well, we have a box,
you know, a suite, but it's just you don't get
(12:06):
the whole suite. It's a partial. There's another group in
there that uses it. And then you guys can go
and they've got food and TVs and and you know,
you got some seating outside of your window and you
get to watch. I'm like, oh, cool, we'll do it
and bring the father in law there. Well, we go there.
The other party is already there, and these people couldn't
(12:27):
have been more confused at our arrival, like who are you?
And I don't do well in those situations. I'm just like, yeah,
we're here. We have tickets here in my seat because
you still actually had a signed seating. But she was like, oh,
these are ours, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, well we
got the She's like, well, what group are you with.
I'm like, I'm not with a group. And she's and
I'm just I show her the phone. It's we're in
(12:49):
the right place. And then she's like, Okay, okay, we
welcome you. We well, and she's holding her hands like
this and she keeps saying it over and over, Okay,
we welcome you. I'm like, first of all, this you
don't need to welcome me. I have, I have. I
was given these tickets. I don't need to tell you
where I got them from. But I'm sure she works
(13:10):
for the same company that we got the tickets for.
And she's like, we've used these tickets for like twenty
years and we've never had anybody come into the box
besides us. I don't care about the backstory. This is
this is where our tickets are. And but she's kept going,
we well, we welcome you, and I don't. There's there's
(13:31):
That's what I hate when people talk about when they
shit on California, but they say that the South is
so sweet and nice, and I know this is omah,
so I don't even know what that means. But I
felt very unwelcomed. We will we welcome you. She's like,
get out of my way. I'm gonna eat a sandwich.
(13:52):
They had a spread of food in there. They had
weird food too, and like pulled chicken, veggie patties, some
guas chips. There's a salsa station and some bad popcorn.
My son liked the popcorn. Whatever, we welcome you. So anyway, now, uh,
you know, ever since the tour, whenever I see somebody,
(14:14):
I just go, we welcome you, And then my daughter
does it, and she's two, and she's and she does
the hands too, and she goes, we welcome you. I
just hope this somehow gets back to that lady, that
that I was the one in your suite and your
group was very unwelcoming, even though you said forty times
(14:36):
we welcome you. And the game was dumb. I'm the
base I stayed maybe an inning and a half. I
watched the first in the Coastal Carolina put up six runs.
I went and bought a couple of hats for my
in laws. I'm like, here, you guys, go little souvenirs. Uh.
And then I took both my children, jumped in an
(14:58):
uber and left. And the people that are like, you
can't come back in if you leave now, and I'm like, yeah, yeah,
I don't care. I'm I'm out of here. Good now.
I took both the kids. I told my wife stay
enjoy the game with the welcoming people, and I just
brought the kids back to the hotel. We get in
the pool, we order virgin pina coladas, and the bartender
(15:25):
didn't even want to charge me. She's like, you don't
need to pay. I'm like, ah, but I can't tip
you if you don't charge me, because it's you know,
I gotta put on the room. She's like, okay, I
might go to charge me. And then I go put
fifty percent on for you. Look at that. Yeah, I
was being welcoming.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
That's gonna say.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
And that was it. And we didn't even spend the
night in Omaha. Just did the show and the show
was good. The people of Omaha were welcoming. And then
we just left that night to go to Minneapolis because
it's a long drive. Now this is where things get ridiculous.
We drive all night long to Minneapolis until about three
in the morning, and I stay in the bus asleep
(16:05):
downtown Minneapolis on the side of the road next to
the theater, just me and the bus with two children.
Everybody else gets out and goes into the hotel. Now,
this hotel was like a couple blocks away in this
area of downtown Minneapolis. I mean, I have to be
honest with you, not the safest, sketchy sketchy yep. Okay,
(16:30):
we'll point out some of the people that we saw
ran into later. But my wife goes in to go
sleep into the hotel, and then the next day when
I go, I pass a hooker and not a good
hooker either, like like pulling her skirt down because her
big fucking gross asses like hanging out of it, and
(16:52):
her pimp walking out of the front hotel door. And
by the way, this hotel doesn't have a lot, just
has a woman on a desk. It's almost like it
felt like a youth hostel. But whatever. The room that
we had was enormous, just a huge suite, I guess.
But my wife was terrified. She went in there in
(17:13):
the middle of the night, couldn't like find the bed,
and I like walk in with the kids and I go, okay,
we're leaving, and we just we just left and went
to the Four Seasons. Now, why didn't they go to
the Four Seasons in the first place, Well, that's because
they said they were full a few months before, but
apparently rooms had opened up and we just went down
the street and now we're at the four. I took
(17:35):
my in laws out. I said, Eddie, you're staying at
this crack hotel. Pete, you're staying at the crack hotel.
Bus driver, you're staying at the crack hotel. In Laws,
you're with me, kids, you're with me, wife, You do
what you want.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I already impacked.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Eddie didn't want to move because he was unpacked. And
then Pete loses his mind because he didn't realize that
Eddie every day on tour unpacks in a hotel and
puts things in drawers. Love it.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Especially two days I'm like, I'm living here.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Eddie's like the accountant.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
It just got everything all organized. So I and day
one my family went to the Mall of America and
I'm like, I'm like, They're like, do you want to come?
Do you want to? And I'm like, what, I've been
in Minneapolis three hundred times. The Mall of America is
possibly the worst place you could ever go.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Like, I'll go to the airport first.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
The airport's nicer, but no, So they went there and
it was miserable. But you know, I guess my son
had fun. Yeah, my daughter slept in a stroller, that
type of stuff. You know, Nickelodeon go on a few
roller coasters or whatever they have in the middle. I mean,
how many stores that you thought had gone out of business?
Can you visit? There's a Toys r Us in the
(18:44):
Mall of America. Aren't they out of business? Yes? I
would think, no they are. I thought they like famously
went out of business. Whatever. Minneapolis. First night was great,
Second night was oddly not my it was second night
wasn't my favorite, and that was my fault, not there.
I got a little mush mouthed sometimes I get mushmouth
on stage and words don't come out as perfect as
(19:05):
I wanted them to. You don't care. They were. But
near the theater was a big old banner of a tiny,
tiny Asian man, mister Lewis Lee, owner of the Acme
Comedy Club, which is a club that I got my
start at, probably one of the first real clubs that
ever headlined me. You know, it's like kind of it
(19:28):
is in the Warehouse district, you go down below. The
following day, I took my family for a walk and
I made them walk by the club and then I said,
let's go in, and there was nobody there. But then
I saw an Asian woman cleaning, and I like knocked
on the window and she came over and she unlocked
the door, and I said, hi, I used to work
(19:49):
here a long time ago. I'm friends with the owner,
Lewis Lee. Can I come in and show my family.
She doesn't say a single word. She just leaves the
door open and walks away. And so we all walk
in and we go back to the green room, and
the green room leads right onto the stage, and then
we walked onto the stage and she just immediately turned
(20:09):
all the stage lights on, like from the booth. She's like,
just made the place look beautiful. Still hasn't said a word.
I'm like, well, that was nice. And then we walked
around and then we walked out, and she walked up
behind us and I said, thank you so much, and
she's locked the door. This Minneapolis was the first place
on tour that I got violent diarrhea. Had I had
(20:31):
some Mediterranean food at the time. It was delicious, but
I I, you know, it didn't it didn't stay in
me long, but I made it to a toilet.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Good for you.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Yeah. The funniest thing that happened in Minneapolis certainly wasn't
me on stage. My father in law was walking around
the city with me, and you have to understand, this
man has never traveled outside of Florida, so everything he
sees is new to him, and he tries to like
give me like tidbits, like, oh, you'll find this one interesting.
(21:00):
You see that building over there, that's US Bank's international headquarters.
And I'm like, no, it's not. That's where the Vikings play.
I kid you, not US Bank Stadium. It says stadium
right underneath US Bank Massive. And then he spends the
next thirty minutes trying to look up on his phone
to see if I'm right, and then eventually he's like, Yo,
(21:22):
it turns out you are right. But I know that
international headquarters is around here somewhere. I'm like, yeah, it
probably doesn't say stadium on the side of it.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
The rest of the time of the bus, relentlessly pointing
out any building and asking him what bank that was
was so funny.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Oh, we didn't let up any baseball field that we saw.
We're like, oh, you've got to go to that bank
it's so beautiful, like that bank is so nice. Yeah,
we know we tease him pretty hard, but he commits,
you know, he puts himself in those situations. Bucket. Yeah.
And then from Minneapolis we headed over to Milwaukee. Milwaukee
(21:59):
was too hot, by the way, every place we were
at was like ninety degrees. Oh, it's just miserable. In Milwaukee,
who was it was Donut Monster. Thank you. They they
gave us like four dozen donuts, which is not If
you want to give me donuts, that's nice, but like,
give me two. There's nothing I can do with that
(22:20):
many dons. I just had to start giving them away
to people and then people like I don't want donuts.
I'm like, well it's it's they're free, and they're like, yeah,
I didn't think you were gonna charge me. Milwaukee, we
did two shows that night, which is never my favorite,
but it allows me to do laundry in the venue,
which also isn't fun because I'm just down there in
my underwear, shirtless, and like staff is just walking by,
(22:43):
like what is going on? Is that the performer? And
I'm like, yeah, it's just doing laundry.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
I think the first time I saw you do that
just like, not wear anything other than you're washing everything.
I'm like, huh, just wouldn't. I wouldn't pick you to
do that.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Well, I don't have any I didn't have any extra clothes,
and I want all of them to be clean. I'm
not gonna keep pair on. So I'm just in my
underwear water and I'm watching everybody's stuff, like my mother
in law. You ever fold your mother in law's unmentionables? Huh?
Any of you?
Speaker 1 (23:09):
No, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
I've done it so many times. I can't. I don't
even care. I just you know, shake him out there.
We go, put the fold there, and then Pete was like, hey,
right after the show we're taken off, do you want
me to fold the last load? I'm like, or put
it in the in the bus. I'm like, no, I
don't want you to touch I didn't want him touching
(23:30):
my mother in law and my wife's, my daughter's panties,
Pete's and he just kept on, I'll do it, It's
no big deal. He kept pushing.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Why what's going on?
Speaker 2 (23:40):
He kept pushing. He's like, I'll do it, no big deal.
I don't yeah, I don't care. I'll close my eyes
and do it. The hotel that I stayed at in Milwaukee,
they had little ukuleles in the room, and my kids
loved those so much that when I came home, my
wife had bought two ukuleles, and I'm like, oh, I'm like, can't,
can I couldn't. That just been like a moment for them,
(24:02):
like a memory. Oh remember when we were playing with
the ukuleles. Now I have to have two ukuleles, which
eventually I will give to a guest. And then off
to Madison, Wisconsin from Milwaukee. And that's a short drive
and everyone loves Madison. But we had the same problem
that most people have when you travel, where your hotel
room won't let you check in till four o'clock and
(24:24):
we're they're at noon, and I'm like, oh, this stinks.
So now I'm stuck in the bus. My wife's like,
we're gonna the girls are gonna grow Me and mom
are gonna go run and get massages. I'm like, oh, great,
I'll just sit in this bus while my daughter naps
because I can't leave. Oh. And then then my wife
came back and they're like, oh, the massages were great,
(24:45):
so so me and my father in law went to
get massages, and I'm gonna tell you something right now.
I fell in love that massuse in Madison. Oh my goodness.
She had tiny hands and she was so she talks
so softly, and when she massaged you, if she was
going to go do something in the room, she never
let a hand leave your body. She would like go
(25:07):
get something, but still kept her hand. Ah, she was magical.
She didn't. It was nothing, you know a John moment. No, No,
it was nothing. There was nothing sexual. This was just
just a good massage. Felt amazing. The problem with Madison
it was Sunday. We're in Madison, Wisconsin on Sunday, and
we did two shows. And for whatever reason, now on
(25:29):
tour on Sundays, if you add a second show, they
put it before your first show. So I had an
eight o'clock show and then I had a five o'clock show.
And I don't care how liberal your town is. When
you say the things that I say and it's still
sunny outside, you feel kind of dirty. So I found
(25:51):
that five o'clock show a bit awkward. Did you like it?
Speaker 1 (25:55):
It was No, they were tight. It was early. It's
just so early.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
They were tight. You can't help it. If you're at
a show at five o'clock, your body just knows that
this is inappropriate behavior.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
What are we doing here?
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Yeah, then we've got two days off. We've got a
Monday and Tuesday. I used to work Mondays and Tuesdays.
But the reality is you leave a lot of money
on the table when you perform on a Monday or Tuesday.
Your ticket sales just naturally fall off. I mean, unless
you're just you know, at the peak of your popularity.
But I have that ship is whoo, those days are
(26:29):
long gone, so I need to wait till a Wednesday
to start performing. So what am I gonna do with
my two days off? I head up to Belgium Wisconsin.
Ever even heard of it? Nope, none of us had
plans really. Pete is like, I'm gonna go visit some
family in Chicago. Eddie's like, I got some friends of
(26:50):
the family at a lake house. I'm gonna go up
there and go fishing. Did you catch anything cat one
big pike, A pike? Yeah, I thought you caught walleye.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
No kid cut a walleye the night before. I got
a pike. A lot of teeth on a pike.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
You're not gonna eat a pike.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
I threw it back.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, get rid of it. Do you eat that walleye? Nope?
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Everyone went back with them. No, we wants to clean them.
I get it.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Huh, you're not really fishing. There's torture and animals were fishing.
We're eating. No, fishing's eating.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Well, you're.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
We stayed in Belgium, Wisconsin on the lake on on
Lake Michigan, and my son and I went into Lake Michigan.
Tons of dead little bait fish everywhere. Is that normal?
What is that? Why are there thousands and thousands of
dead fish on the water anyway? Uh, we went in
the water. It was frigid. I mean, one of those
(27:44):
where cold shock is going to hit you and you're
gonna die. I got panicked. I told myself, I we
get it out. I can't do this any longer. I'm
not a cold plunger. But we stayed at this house
and it was cute. It's kind of a ghost town.
Went over to Port Washington, had some ice cream a
little airstream and they did it right because they gave
(28:06):
kid ice cream and a cone this big, and then
they just put like a spoonful on top of it,
and I'm like, genius. Nobody needs more ice cream than
that for a child went to a breakfast place at PJ.
Piper's Pancake House in Cedarberg. I'm sure people love it.
My daughter was being a so that was that was tough.
(28:29):
I mean just she was just out of control. But
I didn't love it. The town there seemed quaint. I
was just in these quaint little lakes towns. It was
nice enough, but I was over it. I was like, Okay,
I always say, oh, we could live here, this is beautiful,
and then after like twenty four hours, I'm like, get
me out of here, all right. Well, anyway, so two
(28:51):
days in this little lake town and I was over it,
Like let's get let's get back to work. We got
to do our final big shows in Chicago at the
Chicago Theater, a beautiful theater. Oh my goodness. Oh man,
my father in law is impressed. If I ever actually
told him how much we got paid to do shows,
he would lose his mind. Uh. Anyway, we go to Chicago.
(29:15):
We get dropped off at the hotel and what happens
Immediately Pete and the bus driver drive to the venue.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
And then the bus driver who Pete had been just
the whole time, singing his praises like this guy, I'm
I'm a fan of this driver, which is weird because
he you know, Pete's Jewish and this guy's got a
huge crucifix on his chest. It's staying away Pete. It
seems like they would be at odds. But he's like, no, no,
(29:44):
he's good. He's to himself. He's on time. He drives.
He drives a little slow, but I'd rather slow than
than you know, somebody where you're getting thrown around when
you're in the back well. Anyway, the two of them
leave the hotel and they're driving to the venue, and
they go on a bridge and just shave the top
of the bus off that all the AC units, all
(30:07):
the satellite TV just shave just just a couple hundred
thousand dollars off the top of the bus. This bus
is easy. One point five million are over. I forgot
what band is owns it? What's name? It's a country band, right,
little big town's bus. That's the bus I rented. But man,
(30:27):
I could stare up through the AC and look at
the sky. After their little bridge, it got wedged under
the bridge. They had to get police to like let
them back out of the road downtown Chicago.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yeah, well I bailed out on foot. I just went
to sound check.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Yeah, Pete goes, hey, but I gotta go to a
sound check. So he just jumped out and then got
in a petty cab, which is also an I can't
imagine that that was the right option, but it was hot,
and Pete wanted to make a man huddle him to
a venue. What it was an ee bike? Okay, I
guess for some reason that's a little better. You're fine.
(31:09):
You know, I couldn't use the bus anymore because there's
just ninety degrees in there. Oh so hot. But thankfully
it was the final shows, and the first show went great,
Chicago crowd, amazing. Second show, second night, a little tight.
That's how I like to end a tour with a
show that's just like a little little tight. Hannibal Burris
(31:29):
came out to that show. That was great to him,
Chicago legend, just funny as always. As soon as I
see him, I start laughing. He said he's running and
owned his own or opened his own comedy club in
New York. Good for him. I'm never I've never been
that ambitious in Chicago during the day. Had to come
(31:51):
up with an activity. So my children's museum. Chicago's got
one of the greatest children's museum. Let's go over there.
On the way there, we're all about to have heat
stroke because we're walking along Lake Michigan. And then thankfully
they have those not a water found by, like a
splash pad. Kids could play in the water. You can
(32:12):
smell that they put some chlorine in it. It's spraying
every My kids are loving it, you know, they're they're
going through it. It's the best part of the tour,
I would think. And they're soaked. I'm like, take off
your clothes and just you run around in your underwear
and I'm trying to dry their clothes out in the sun.
And then my son comes over to me and he's like, hey, Dad,
I got I got a poop. And I'm like, okay,
(32:34):
but we'ren't a bad spot right now because you're in
your underwear and there's no bathrooms around here our closer,
your clothes are soaking wet. I'm like, we got to
just hide and we just I basically just make them
climb over this park bench and we'll buy this piece
of machinery and I might just squat down here. And
(32:55):
he's like, but I can see people. I'm like, they're
not looking at you. I'm just trying to block for them.
And he just drops like a fifteen inch or I'm
my good god. It was terrifying.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Chicago dog.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Yeah, I put a pickle next to it. But I'm like, hey,
what are you gonna do? I had no I had
no option. I mean, I'm sure I did. But that's
what he did. He just he just pooped in Chicao.
That's what you do in Chicago. If you can poop outside,
you do. It was nice here, you got We got
right back into the fountain, clean himself up, stood over
(33:29):
a get. He loved it. He loved that fountain. What
did I ate in Chicago? You know? I ate deep dish?
What we have Geno's the East And by the way,
we had it two nights in a row. Who deep
dish two nights in a row? And then I had uh.
They also have a deep dish brownie. You ever heard
of such a thing. It's a brownie that's no different
(33:51):
than every other fucking brownie. Whatever they get me, because
they called it deep dish Brownie. So I was like,
what I'll find it was? It was a first night.
It was in the shape of a circle, good enough,
we all survived, flew home the next day, and uh,
here we are in the studio. Best tour ever? Absolutely not,
(34:15):
but it was. It was enjoyable. Favorite favorite show Milwaukee
for me? What about you? I didn't have one.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
You got tie.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
No, I didn't have one. I didn't have a B
I didn't have a best show. Maybe I did. I
don't remember it, though.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
I remember coming off Sudden you really liked the Omaha
crowd Omaha.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Yeah, maybe it was Omaha. I don't know. I'm glad
it's behind me.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Well, we just keep going forward. We don't look back.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Did you have a worst show?
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Worst show? First show, Madison? I felt like it was
just it was too early I had.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
I had a three way tie for worst show, and
I'll just I'll just leave it at that. I don't
want I don't want the people in the cities to
be I feel like, oh, I was at that show,
I thought it was good, and I don't want them
to know that in my heart it was garbage. Well,
I can't wait to go on our next tour ready
(35:16):
and hopefully they get that roof fixed on the bus.
See next week
A.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Hey, y'all, welcome to Daniel's bus cooking show. Hey, what
we're doing is taking on the leftovers. We got some
sharred lobster tail and we're gonna feed my father in law.
I hope it's best good Wayne.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
It's not too big.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I just made it for you. What do he thinks
it was good?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
It's good?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
How was lobster Tosh Tosh Shush show. Welcome to Tosh
show there, I said it. Happy to be here. Just
got back from the road with Eddie Gosling, a couple
of road dogs, a couple road dogs. We're in the
(00:48):
Midwest doing what Midwest comics do. What's that kill? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Murdering.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
No, we're in the Midwest. It was nice, just making
good people have a good time. I want to thank
everyone for coming to the shows. But before we get
into it, let's delve into some of our fan mail.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Fan mail, so, I don't think Daniel realizes that video
games are the highest grossing form of entertainment in the world. Oh,
that's sadly common with people who don't play games. They
just think herder nerds sitting in their mom's basement. Why
they think it's just for kids? Meanwhile, the industry is
a hole, makes more money than the entirety of the
movie and television streaming industries. It's massive, with millions upon
(01:31):
millions of regular normal people who play games.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Okay, well you're wrong, but I'm glad you've felt compelled
to write all that in the comment section. Beefy cool.
People don't play video games. That's the way it's always been.
It's the way they always will be.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
It's true. What do you get to rewrite the world?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
You can't change it?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
All right?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
But how much to sponsor the show? How much to
have Eddie do it in his dragon voice.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
To get Schneze gets on this show? I can't even
I can't. I can't imagine it. It costs more than
I mean, fifty thousand I think? Is here everybody? That
what am I?
Speaker 1 (02:11):
What am I pitching today?
Speaker 2 (02:14):
I'm usually a catcher, if you know what I mean. Alright,
we got to sing that away. We're gonna edit the
singing out. I can't out what's the next one?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Sorry? Your dad is daddy Eddie?
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Ah, you know that that's right in my wheelhouse. It's
a combination of stupid and funny. Sorry, yeah, sorry, your
dad is deady Eddie, you know what I say.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Comment of the year, common of the year.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Hit the bells winter Winter. Congratulations. You know you were
You were being sincere, but you were also being funny
to Eddie for his loss.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Definitely a dark spot when I read that, and that
did make me laugh. If this person gets.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Don't care who passes. If somebody says sorry, your dad
is daddy Eddie's, that's gonna tickle you for a second.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
You made a rhyme. That's good.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
You made a dumb rhyme. Yeah, I liked it. That's
pretty good.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Well, thanks a lot for m h w J. Three
PK means a lot.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
That guy gets it.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
That guy gets it somehow realize that some of Eddie's
laughs are piped in. How long does it take to edit?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
No shade, no, no shade ed. They're not making fun
of us. They just don't want you to see. That
wasn't a real laugh. I'm looking at Eddie right now,
right here, he sits right here. There's zero chance that
we've editor ever edited Eddie laughing. We got three microphones
on this show, we got three cameras. None of them
are pointed at Eddie, but we do record his laugh
(03:49):
when it happens.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
When is the last time you had to pull off
the road at a construction site to use their portage.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
On I've already told my worst porta potty story on
the show, which was when I left my daughter outside
of it. I jumped a fence at night in Charleston,
South Carolina, a city that I find repulsive, and used
a porta potty. I think I think that was the
most recent as well. You know, when my house was
being built, I had a porta potty in the front
(04:18):
of my house, and I found that many women in
my neighborhood that go for walks just walk onto construction
sites and use the porta potty. Seems crazy, And I said, Sergio,
is that normally goes yep wow on construction sites all
the time? Like walkers will just be like, yeah, we
get to use it too. That's gross.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I went to the show in Minneapolis last Friday night
with a good friend. Meanwhile, my pregnant wife was home
having contractions. We live about an hour away, and after
the show wasn't about to walk out of this masterpiece early.
I drove home and got her to the hospital. The
baby's heart rate was dropping so fast and she went
in for an emergency C section. We had a little
girl at one fifty three in the morning.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Ah, look at that. I should have saved the comment
of the year for this guy, but that's already that
ship is sailed, so you don't get it. But this guy, well,
what a fan. I mean, a horrible, horrible husband, probably
gonna be a bad dad, But what a fan.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
To whom it may concern. Eddie's Apple watch almost blinded
me at a show this weekend. If it doesn't clear
up soon, I may pursue legal action. I thoroughly enjoyed
the Milwaukee show, loved every minute of it.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I'm gonna side with this person. I don't think you
should wear an Apple Watch on stage. Do you shut
off notifications?
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Yeah, because one time you told me you could see it,
so I was like, oh, it was lighting up mode there,
so I put that on. But this still does catch
the spotlight and hit the people in the front row.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Sometimes you don't need it. It serves no purpose. I've got
a clock for you on stage. Sure you can be
away from your family for a few minutes.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
But I take it off and I have such a
like a bad sun tan thing happening. Maybe I'll put
a bracelet on.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
You just never take a watch off. Huh. You just
wear a watch all the time. You know what you do?
Ed Okay, okay, here's what you do. You do what
my grandpa did. Grandpa toash Okay, he always wore his
watch with the watch on the inside. Makes sense, and
because he always was like, well it's easier to tell
(06:25):
time when I can see it this way. But you
only do that just for when you're on stage. You
turn it in right then we cover up your tan line.
You still have your watch so that your wife Lord
knows that Megan can't get a hold of your heads.
Are gonna roll, say.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
What I'm doing it? I like this little just spin
it around.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I mean, I don't know if you have to loosen
it a notch or if you wear it loose enough
that you can spin it.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Well, just it's a velcrow so it's easy.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
You have a velcrow watch where it is?
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Child?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
All right? Well, let you know what, Let's give people
a real breakdown of the tour. Yeah, and you Casha,
We're gonna talk about the tour today on the show
What Tour the World Tour? Oh, JT in the house. Now,
I wasn't a world tour that I was on. I
(07:15):
just went to the Midwest. I flew there with my
kids and my wife and Eddie and Pete, and then
when we landed, my in laws flew in. And then
we met our bus driver and he was wearing a
big cross. And you want your bus driver to be
super religious. Yeah, you know when you're falling asleep on
(07:39):
the highway at seventy miles an hour, you want to
know that up front that guy knows that. Well, not
everything's in his control. So we were in Kansas City
for night one of the tour, and I was a
little nervous for the first show, but it went fine.
I'd do like an hour and a half. Did you
enjoy Kansas City showy? I thought. I thought they were nice,
(08:02):
and we had Q thirty nine barbecue afterwards. I wonder
if people agree that that's one of the top barbecue
spots in KC. It was good. Yeah, I thought it
was great. They were out of sausage. I remember, hey, youth,
I don't know if you're on a gold belly, but
send me some sausage because I ordered I wanted sausage
(08:22):
and then after the show. See Pete makes me order
before I go on stage. Then when I get off stage,
the food is there. But so many times he's like, hey,
they didn't have blank so instead you're getting elk yea.
Desserts are always the worst. I'll be like, oh, I'll
(08:43):
take a cheesecake and he's like, oh, I got you
Tara Masoux. I'm like, why don'd you go fuck yourself?
Tara Masoux and cheesecake are not in the same family. Oh, okay,
what do you want to I wanted to brownie? Okay,
what'd you end up getting me? I got you a
cheese tart. It's just all we it. It's weird. Anyway.
I did say the R word on stage right at
(09:04):
the beginning of the show, and I probably shouldn't have,
but you know, in context, I'll let the audience here
be the judge. I don't like to do material, but
I congratulated Kansas City on winning the NBA Championship, and
then you know, I make it made reference to you
can't convince me Oklahoma City in Kansas City are different places.
And if you do a punch in the face and
(09:25):
then I know what you're saying. Is you shouldn't punch you,
And then I said the R word. I'm like, but
that's what you're calling yourself, so it's not you get it.
I think I'm in the clear. I probably shouldn't have
said it. My fault.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Well, they said it in your head.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
In my head they said the word yep. So but anyway,
we stayed the night in Kansas City. Did I like
my hotel?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Yeah? We did.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
It had a great you know what I liked about
my hotel? Hold on, let me just give some props.
This is almost gonna sound like a free play. The
Crossroads Hotel had a restaurant in it, and the hotel
was quirky, kind of funky industrial. I didn't have a
good view out my room, that's for sure. I was
looking into a parking garage. That was disappointing. But where
(10:10):
you made up for it was your restaurant. They made pizza.
Their pizzas were delicious. But they had a salad there
that I'm and I don't get excited about salads ever,
but this is just kind of a pre pizza salad.
It was unbelievable. Yeah, I'm calling it one of my
top three favorite salads. And I know if I know,
if I get the the ingredients, I'm not going to
(10:32):
get the ratios. Right. What was the salad I got?
Speaker 1 (10:35):
That was a charred cucumber salad.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
It was a charred cucumber salad. I believe it's tell
me exactly how to make it crossroads so I can
try to duplicate it at home. That salad was delicious. Okay. Anyway,
so sorry for saying the R word. Q thirty nine,
you forgot your sausages. It was my first show, probably
went long because the first night I'm just trying to
(10:59):
figure out, okay, what material am I doing? And then
the next day we were going to Omaha. We had
to leave Kansas City early because we wanted to get
to Omaha by noon to go to the College World Series.
Because the College World Series of Baseball is a bucket
(11:21):
list item for my father in law, and I just
keep looking at him every time he said you know this,
you know, Daniel, it's my bucket list to I'm like, okay, well,
I'm glad everything on your bucket list is obtainable, you know,
in a two week period. I worry about his bucket list.
First of all, nothing on it is out of reach,
(11:43):
and I feel like we're going to be wrapped up
with it, you know, any day now. Now. The theater
that we were performing at, we just asked, hey, do
you guys have any tickets to the baseball game? And
they said yes. I'm not against paying for tickets, but
they had tickets, and they go, well, we have a box,
you know, a suite, but it's just you don't get
(12:06):
the whole suite. It's a partial. There's another group in
there that uses it. And then you guys can go
and they've got food and TVs and and you know,
you got some seating outside of your window and you
get to watch. I'm like, oh, cool, we'll do it
and bring the father in law there. Well, we go there.
The other party is already there, and these people couldn't
(12:27):
have been more confused at our arrival, like who are you?
And I don't do well in those situations. I'm just like, yeah,
we're here. We have tickets here in my seat because
you still actually had a signed seating. But she was like, oh,
these are ours, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, well we
got the She's like, well, what group are you with.
I'm like, I'm not with a group. And she's and
I'm just I show her the phone. It's we're in
(12:49):
the right place. And then she's like, Okay, okay, we
welcome you. We well, and she's holding her hands like
this and she keeps saying it over and over, Okay,
we welcome you. I'm like, first of all, this you
don't need to welcome me. I have, I have. I
was given these tickets. I don't need to tell you
where I got them from. But I'm sure she works
(13:10):
for the same company that we got the tickets for.
And she's like, we've used these tickets for like twenty
years and we've never had anybody come into the box
besides us. I don't care about the backstory. This is
this is where our tickets are. And but she's kept going,
we well, we welcome you, and I don't. There's there's
(13:31):
That's what I hate when people talk about when they
shit on California, but they say that the South is
so sweet and nice, and I know this is omah,
so I don't even know what that means. But I
felt very unwelcomed. We will we welcome you. She's like,
get out of my way. I'm gonna eat a sandwich.
(13:52):
They had a spread of food in there. They had
weird food too, and like pulled chicken, veggie patties, some
guas chips. There's a salsa station and some bad popcorn.
My son liked the popcorn. Whatever, we welcome you. So anyway, now, uh,
you know, ever since the tour, whenever I see somebody,
(14:14):
I just go, we welcome you, And then my daughter
does it, and she's two, and she's and she does
the hands too, and she goes, we welcome you. I
just hope this somehow gets back to that lady, that
that I was the one in your suite and your
group was very unwelcoming, even though you said forty times
(14:36):
we welcome you. And the game was dumb. I'm the
base I stayed maybe an inning and a half. I
watched the first in the Coastal Carolina put up six runs.
I went and bought a couple of hats for my
in laws. I'm like, here, you guys, go little souvenirs. Uh.
And then I took both my children, jumped in an
(14:58):
uber and left. And the people that are like, you
can't come back in if you leave now, and I'm like, yeah, yeah,
I don't care. I'm I'm out of here. Good now.
I took both the kids. I told my wife stay
enjoy the game with the welcoming people, and I just
brought the kids back to the hotel. We get in
the pool, we order virgin pina coladas, and the bartender
(15:25):
didn't even want to charge me. She's like, you don't
need to pay. I'm like, ah, but I can't tip
you if you don't charge me, because it's you know,
I gotta put on the room. She's like, okay, I
might go to charge me. And then I go put
fifty percent on for you. Look at that. Yeah, I
was being welcoming.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
That's gonna say.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
And that was it. And we didn't even spend the
night in Omaha. Just did the show and the show
was good. The people of Omaha were welcoming. And then
we just left that night to go to Minneapolis because
it's a long drive. Now this is where things get ridiculous.
We drive all night long to Minneapolis until about three
in the morning, and I stay in the bus asleep
(16:05):
downtown Minneapolis on the side of the road next to
the theater, just me and the bus with two children.
Everybody else gets out and goes into the hotel. Now,
this hotel was like a couple blocks away in this
area of downtown Minneapolis. I mean, I have to be
honest with you, not the safest, sketchy sketchy yep. Okay,
(16:30):
we'll point out some of the people that we saw
ran into later. But my wife goes in to go
sleep into the hotel, and then the next day when
I go, I pass a hooker and not a good
hooker either, like like pulling her skirt down because her
big fucking gross asses like hanging out of it, and
(16:52):
her pimp walking out of the front hotel door. And
by the way, this hotel doesn't have a lot, just
has a woman on a desk. It's almost like it
felt like a youth hostel. But whatever. The room that
we had was enormous, just a huge suite, I guess.
But my wife was terrified. She went in there in
(17:13):
the middle of the night, couldn't like find the bed,
and I like walk in with the kids and I go, okay,
we're leaving, and we just we just left and went
to the Four Seasons. Now, why didn't they go to
the Four Seasons in the first place, Well, that's because
they said they were full a few months before, but
apparently rooms had opened up and we just went down
the street and now we're at the four. I took
(17:35):
my in laws out. I said, Eddie, you're staying at
this crack hotel. Pete, you're staying at the crack hotel.
Bus driver, you're staying at the crack hotel. In Laws,
you're with me, kids, you're with me, wife, You do
what you want.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I already impacked.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Eddie didn't want to move because he was unpacked. And
then Pete loses his mind because he didn't realize that
Eddie every day on tour unpacks in a hotel and
puts things in drawers. Love it.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Especially two days I'm like, I'm living here.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Eddie's like the accountant.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
It just got everything all organized. So I and day
one my family went to the Mall of America and
I'm like, I'm like, They're like, do you want to come?
Do you want to? And I'm like, what, I've been
in Minneapolis three hundred times. The Mall of America is
possibly the worst place you could ever go.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Like, I'll go to the airport first.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
The airport's nicer, but no, So they went there and
it was miserable. But you know, I guess my son
had fun. Yeah, my daughter slept in a stroller, that
type of stuff. You know, Nickelodeon go on a few
roller coasters or whatever they have in the middle. I mean,
how many stores that you thought had gone out of business?
Can you visit? There's a Toys r Us in the
(18:44):
Mall of America. Aren't they out of business? Yes? I
would think, no they are. I thought they like famously
went out of business. Whatever. Minneapolis. First night was great,
Second night was oddly not my it was second night
wasn't my favorite, and that was my fault, not there.
I got a little mush mouthed sometimes I get mushmouth
on stage and words don't come out as perfect as
(19:05):
I wanted them to. You don't care. They were. But
near the theater was a big old banner of a tiny,
tiny Asian man, mister Lewis Lee, owner of the Acme
Comedy Club, which is a club that I got my
start at, probably one of the first real clubs that
ever headlined me. You know, it's like kind of it
(19:28):
is in the Warehouse district, you go down below. The
following day, I took my family for a walk and
I made them walk by the club and then I said,
let's go in, and there was nobody there. But then
I saw an Asian woman cleaning, and I like knocked
on the window and she came over and she unlocked
the door, and I said, hi, I used to work
(19:49):
here a long time ago. I'm friends with the owner,
Lewis Lee. Can I come in and show my family.
She doesn't say a single word. She just leaves the
door open and walks away. And so we all walk
in and we go back to the green room, and
the green room leads right onto the stage, and then
we walked onto the stage and she just immediately turned
(20:09):
all the stage lights on, like from the booth. She's like,
just made the place look beautiful. Still hasn't said a word.
I'm like, well, that was nice. And then we walked
around and then we walked out, and she walked up
behind us and I said, thank you so much, and
she's locked the door. This Minneapolis was the first place
on tour that I got violent diarrhea. Had I had
(20:31):
some Mediterranean food at the time. It was delicious, but
I I, you know, it didn't it didn't stay in
me long, but I made it to a toilet.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Good for you.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Yeah. The funniest thing that happened in Minneapolis certainly wasn't
me on stage. My father in law was walking around
the city with me, and you have to understand, this
man has never traveled outside of Florida, so everything he
sees is new to him, and he tries to like
give me like tidbits, like, oh, you'll find this one interesting.
(21:00):
You see that building over there, that's US Bank's international headquarters.
And I'm like, no, it's not. That's where the Vikings play.
I kid you, not US Bank Stadium. It says stadium
right underneath US Bank Massive. And then he spends the
next thirty minutes trying to look up on his phone
to see if I'm right, and then eventually he's like, Yo,
(21:22):
it turns out you are right. But I know that
international headquarters is around here somewhere. I'm like, yeah, it
probably doesn't say stadium on the side of it.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
The rest of the time of the bus, relentlessly pointing
out any building and asking him what bank that was
was so funny.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Oh, we didn't let up any baseball field that we saw.
We're like, oh, you've got to go to that bank
it's so beautiful, like that bank is so nice. Yeah,
we know we tease him pretty hard, but he commits,
you know, he puts himself in those situations. Bucket. Yeah.
And then from Minneapolis we headed over to Milwaukee. Milwaukee
(21:59):
was too hot, by the way, every place we were
at was like ninety degrees. Oh, it's just miserable. In Milwaukee,
who was it was Donut Monster. Thank you. They they
gave us like four dozen donuts, which is not If
you want to give me donuts, that's nice, but like,
give me two. There's nothing I can do with that
(22:20):
many dons. I just had to start giving them away
to people and then people like I don't want donuts.
I'm like, well it's it's they're free, and they're like, yeah,
I didn't think you were gonna charge me. Milwaukee, we
did two shows that night, which is never my favorite,
but it allows me to do laundry in the venue,
which also isn't fun because I'm just down there in
my underwear, shirtless, and like staff is just walking by,
(22:43):
like what is going on? Is that the performer? And
I'm like, yeah, it's just doing laundry.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
I think the first time I saw you do that
just like, not wear anything other than you're washing everything.
I'm like, huh, just wouldn't. I wouldn't pick you to
do that.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Well, I don't have any I didn't have any extra clothes,
and I want all of them to be clean. I'm
not gonna keep pair on. So I'm just in my
underwear water and I'm watching everybody's stuff, like my mother
in law. You ever fold your mother in law's unmentionables? Huh?
Any of you?
Speaker 1 (23:09):
No, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
I've done it so many times. I can't. I don't
even care. I just you know, shake him out there.
We go, put the fold there, and then Pete was like, hey,
right after the show we're taken off, do you want
me to fold the last load? I'm like, or put
it in the in the bus. I'm like, no, I
don't want you to touch I didn't want him touching
(23:30):
my mother in law and my wife's, my daughter's panties,
Pete's and he just kept on, I'll do it, It's
no big deal. He kept pushing.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Why what's going on?
Speaker 2 (23:40):
He kept pushing. He's like, I'll do it, no big deal.
I don't yeah, I don't care. I'll close my eyes
and do it. The hotel that I stayed at in Milwaukee,
they had little ukuleles in the room, and my kids
loved those so much that when I came home, my
wife had bought two ukuleles, and I'm like, oh, I'm like, can't,
can I couldn't. That just been like a moment for them,
(24:02):
like a memory. Oh remember when we were playing with
the ukuleles. Now I have to have two ukuleles, which
eventually I will give to a guest. And then off
to Madison, Wisconsin from Milwaukee. And that's a short drive
and everyone loves Madison. But we had the same problem
that most people have when you travel, where your hotel
room won't let you check in till four o'clock and
(24:24):
we're they're at noon, and I'm like, oh, this stinks.
So now I'm stuck in the bus. My wife's like,
we're gonna the girls are gonna grow Me and mom
are gonna go run and get massages. I'm like, oh, great,
I'll just sit in this bus while my daughter naps
because I can't leave. Oh. And then then my wife
came back and they're like, oh, the massages were great,
(24:45):
so so me and my father in law went to
get massages, and I'm gonna tell you something right now.
I fell in love that massuse in Madison. Oh my goodness.
She had tiny hands and she was so she talks
so softly, and when she massaged you, if she was
going to go do something in the room, she never
let a hand leave your body. She would like go
(25:07):
get something, but still kept her hand. Ah, she was magical.
She didn't. It was nothing, you know a John moment. No, No,
it was nothing. There was nothing sexual. This was just
just a good massage. Felt amazing. The problem with Madison
it was Sunday. We're in Madison, Wisconsin on Sunday, and
we did two shows. And for whatever reason, now on
(25:29):
tour on Sundays, if you add a second show, they
put it before your first show. So I had an
eight o'clock show and then I had a five o'clock show.
And I don't care how liberal your town is. When
you say the things that I say and it's still
sunny outside, you feel kind of dirty. So I found
(25:51):
that five o'clock show a bit awkward. Did you like it?
Speaker 1 (25:55):
It was No, they were tight. It was early. It's
just so early.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
They were tight. You can't help it. If you're at
a show at five o'clock, your body just knows that
this is inappropriate behavior.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
What are we doing here?
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Yeah, then we've got two days off. We've got a
Monday and Tuesday. I used to work Mondays and Tuesdays.
But the reality is you leave a lot of money
on the table when you perform on a Monday or Tuesday.
Your ticket sales just naturally fall off. I mean, unless
you're just you know, at the peak of your popularity.
But I have that ship is whoo, those days are
(26:29):
long gone, so I need to wait till a Wednesday
to start performing. So what am I gonna do with
my two days off? I head up to Belgium Wisconsin.
Ever even heard of it? Nope, none of us had
plans really. Pete is like, I'm gonna go visit some
family in Chicago. Eddie's like, I got some friends of
(26:50):
the family at a lake house. I'm gonna go up
there and go fishing. Did you catch anything cat one
big pike, A pike? Yeah, I thought you caught walleye.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
No kid cut a walleye the night before. I got
a pike. A lot of teeth on a pike.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
You're not gonna eat a pike.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
I threw it back.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, get rid of it. Do you eat that walleye? Nope?
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Everyone went back with them. No, we wants to clean them.
I get it.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Huh, you're not really fishing. There's torture and animals were fishing.
We're eating. No, fishing's eating.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Well, you're.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
We stayed in Belgium, Wisconsin on the lake on on
Lake Michigan, and my son and I went into Lake Michigan.
Tons of dead little bait fish everywhere. Is that normal?
What is that? Why are there thousands and thousands of
dead fish on the water anyway? Uh, we went in
the water. It was frigid. I mean, one of those
(27:44):
where cold shock is going to hit you and you're
gonna die. I got panicked. I told myself, I we
get it out. I can't do this any longer. I'm
not a cold plunger. But we stayed at this house
and it was cute. It's kind of a ghost town.
Went over to Port Washington, had some ice cream a
little airstream and they did it right because they gave
(28:06):
kid ice cream and a cone this big, and then
they just put like a spoonful on top of it,
and I'm like, genius. Nobody needs more ice cream than
that for a child went to a breakfast place at PJ.
Piper's Pancake House in Cedarberg. I'm sure people love it.
My daughter was being a so that was that was tough.
(28:29):
I mean just she was just out of control. But
I didn't love it. The town there seemed quaint. I
was just in these quaint little lakes towns. It was
nice enough, but I was over it. I was like, Okay,
I always say, oh, we could live here, this is beautiful,
and then after like twenty four hours, I'm like, get
me out of here, all right. Well, anyway, so two
(28:51):
days in this little lake town and I was over it,
Like let's get let's get back to work. We got
to do our final big shows in Chicago at the
Chicago Theater, a beautiful theater. Oh my goodness. Oh man,
my father in law is impressed. If I ever actually
told him how much we got paid to do shows,
he would lose his mind. Uh. Anyway, we go to Chicago.
(29:15):
We get dropped off at the hotel and what happens
Immediately Pete and the bus driver drive to the venue.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
And then the bus driver who Pete had been just
the whole time, singing his praises like this guy, I'm
I'm a fan of this driver, which is weird because
he you know, Pete's Jewish and this guy's got a
huge crucifix on his chest. It's staying away Pete. It
seems like they would be at odds. But he's like, no, no,
(29:44):
he's good. He's to himself. He's on time. He drives.
He drives a little slow, but I'd rather slow than
than you know, somebody where you're getting thrown around when
you're in the back well. Anyway, the two of them
leave the hotel and they're driving to the venue, and
they go on a bridge and just shave the top
of the bus off that all the AC units, all
(30:07):
the satellite TV just shave just just a couple hundred
thousand dollars off the top of the bus. This bus
is easy. One point five million are over. I forgot
what band is owns it? What's name? It's a country band, right,
little big town's bus. That's the bus I rented. But man,
(30:27):
I could stare up through the AC and look at
the sky. After their little bridge, it got wedged under
the bridge. They had to get police to like let
them back out of the road downtown Chicago.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yeah, well I bailed out on foot. I just went
to sound check.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Yeah, Pete goes, hey, but I gotta go to a
sound check. So he just jumped out and then got
in a petty cab, which is also an I can't
imagine that that was the right option, but it was hot,
and Pete wanted to make a man huddle him to
a venue. What it was an ee bike? Okay, I
guess for some reason that's a little better. You're fine.
(31:09):
You know, I couldn't use the bus anymore because there's
just ninety degrees in there. Oh so hot. But thankfully
it was the final shows, and the first show went great,
Chicago crowd, amazing. Second show, second night, a little tight.
That's how I like to end a tour with a
show that's just like a little little tight. Hannibal Burris
(31:29):
came out to that show. That was great to him,
Chicago legend, just funny as always. As soon as I
see him, I start laughing. He said he's running and
owned his own or opened his own comedy club in
New York. Good for him. I'm never I've never been
that ambitious in Chicago during the day. Had to come
(31:51):
up with an activity. So my children's museum. Chicago's got
one of the greatest children's museum. Let's go over there.
On the way there, we're all about to have heat
stroke because we're walking along Lake Michigan. And then thankfully
they have those not a water found by, like a
splash pad. Kids could play in the water. You can
(32:12):
smell that they put some chlorine in it. It's spraying
every My kids are loving it, you know, they're they're
going through it. It's the best part of the tour,
I would think. And they're soaked. I'm like, take off
your clothes and just you run around in your underwear
and I'm trying to dry their clothes out in the sun.
And then my son comes over to me and he's like, hey, Dad,
I got I got a poop. And I'm like, okay,
(32:34):
but we'ren't a bad spot right now because you're in
your underwear and there's no bathrooms around here our closer,
your clothes are soaking wet. I'm like, we got to
just hide and we just I basically just make them
climb over this park bench and we'll buy this piece
of machinery and I might just squat down here. And
(32:55):
he's like, but I can see people. I'm like, they're
not looking at you. I'm just trying to block for them.
And he just drops like a fifteen inch or I'm
my good god. It was terrifying.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Chicago dog.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Yeah, I put a pickle next to it. But I'm like, hey,
what are you gonna do? I had no I had
no option. I mean, I'm sure I did. But that's
what he did. He just he just pooped in Chicao.
That's what you do in Chicago. If you can poop outside,
you do. It was nice here, you got We got
right back into the fountain, clean himself up, stood over
(33:29):
a get. He loved it. He loved that fountain. What
did I ate in Chicago? You know? I ate deep dish?
What we have Geno's the East And by the way,
we had it two nights in a row. Who deep
dish two nights in a row? And then I had uh.
They also have a deep dish brownie. You ever heard
of such a thing. It's a brownie that's no different
(33:51):
than every other fucking brownie. Whatever they get me, because
they called it deep dish Brownie. So I was like,
what I'll find it was? It was a first night.
It was in the shape of a circle, good enough,
we all survived, flew home the next day, and uh,
here we are in the studio. Best tour ever? Absolutely not,
(34:15):
but it was. It was enjoyable. Favorite favorite show Milwaukee
for me? What about you? I didn't have one.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
You got tie.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
No, I didn't have one. I didn't have a B
I didn't have a best show. Maybe I did. I
don't remember it, though.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
I remember coming off Sudden you really liked the Omaha
crowd Omaha.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Yeah, maybe it was Omaha. I don't know. I'm glad
it's behind me.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Well, we just keep going forward. We don't look back.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Did you have a worst show?
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Worst show? First show, Madison? I felt like it was
just it was too early I had.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
I had a three way tie for worst show, and
I'll just I'll just leave it at that. I don't
want I don't want the people in the cities to
be I feel like, oh, I was at that show,
I thought it was good, and I don't want them
to know that in my heart it was garbage. Well,
I can't wait to go on our next tour ready
(35:16):
and hopefully they get that roof fixed on the bus.
See next week
Host
Daniel Tosh
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