August 27, 2024 • 31 mins
Daniel is joined in the studio by his five-year-old son for a wide ranging conversation about toys, cheese, and bedtime stories.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Do you know what this is right now? And what
we're doing?
Speaker 2 (00:03):
We are interviewing each other.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Do you know the name of this shows show? Is
that the song Tash Shaw Tosh Shows Show Show. Welcome
to Toash Show, the only podcast that is one hundred
(00:28):
percent ad libbed. Can we do that again? Welcome to
Toash Show, the only podcast that is one hundred percent
ad libbed, all crowd work, every episode, zero preparation in
the history of podcast This is the only improvised one.
(00:54):
I can't believe we pull this off every week.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
All right, Eddie, you're here, Yeah, I'm here.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Congratulations, thanks for what for what? You know? What? Today
is right? Today is the season finale of Toss Show.
This is our first option. iHeart picked us up for
two options. They picked up our second option already. This
(01:22):
is the final episode, the finale of option one. It
doesn't really make sense because we started last year and
I think it was November, and then you know, all
all the way to August. Option one. The finale is
a big day. Here, We've done it. Congratulations to everyone
(01:45):
that made my dreams come true. Now will we are
we taking time off before option two? No, we'll be
back next week. Same time, same channel, knuckleheads, what are
we doing this week?
Speaker 3 (02:00):
We're going to do a little feedback.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
The all feed What a way to wrap up the
first option with feedback, because people, you know, they come
at us like we've been doing this for a long time,
and that's not that's not true at all. We've only
been doing this podcast for one option. All right, Well,
let me let's hear what the people have to say,
(02:24):
because I'm sure it's it's constructive.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Yeah, here we go. A lot of people are asking,
when are you going to interview your wife?
Speaker 1 (02:30):
The old ball and chain? When will I interview the wife?
I mean, I don't know how that's possible with her
busy schedule of not doing shit. Now we are in talks.
My people have reached out to her people, and I
believe that we can reach a deal, hopefully by the
(02:53):
end of this calendar year twenty twenty four. I mean,
there's been there's been a few sticking points in the negotiation,
a lot of back and forth, but we're close to
a deal and I think people will be pleasantly surprised
at the chemistry the two of us have together.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
What else, Dang, that frame is looking good.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
You know what, though, as great as our frame is,
it's about what's inside the frame. You could make that
frame four inches thicker and I put this smile in it,
It's gonna pop. Okay, that's just keeping the main thing,
the main thing, you know, that's from that's from this
douchebag that's on the Bachelorette right now. He just keeps
(03:42):
saying it. He keeps trying to make it a thing,
and it's just embarrassing. But I actually am like, that's
kind of funny.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
What's with comedians selling out to DraftKings.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Well, first, I'd like to point out that all comedians
are degenerates. I love gambling, and even though I don't
need the money, the people that are working here, that
are creating this show every week with me, they want
to get paid. And I'm sure a shit not going
out of pocket. So we're going to have advertisers, hopefully
(04:14):
tons of them. I would prefer this show be thirty
seconds on sixty seconds advertising the whole way through. That's
my goal.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
How long has Tosh been dying his hair?
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Dying my hair? Never dyed my hair. That's not true either.
I have dyed my hair. I don't dye my hair
at all. I haven't dyed my hair in thirty years,
but when I was young they eighteen to twenties, there
was times where I would bleach it white, just look
cool as shit, spike it out. Oh man, I miss
(04:49):
those days.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
From our Cookie episode. It's a legitimate credit to Daniel
that he found so many decent, kind people in Los Angeles.
I've lived here for nine years and maybe found two
of them.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Shut up. There's wonderful people everywhere. Everybody in Arkansas doesn't
butt fuck their sister, but some do, and those are
the ones we focus on when we make jokes. Oh,
everybody in Los Angeles is horrible. Okay, if that's what
you need to say to yourself, because you could never
(05:20):
afford to live here and enjoy how much better this
place is than every place else. Fine, there's no one
here that's good, but it's just a reflection of you.
There's tons of great people. Go out and meet them.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
This is from one of your Father in Law episodes,
Physical Exam Yesterday PSA zero point four to seven. You
made me check appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Hey, look at that.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
You saved a life.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Well, we didn't save his life because his PSA was
below one, which is all we were told you need
to do, per my father in law, who is not
a doctor, so that information could be completely bogused. I'd
like to go on record is saying that. But it
sounds like your PSA is great and you didn't need
(06:07):
to get it checked.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
If you watched Tosh point zero, you would have never
thought Daniel would be a great family man.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
It never would have known I'd be a great family man.
By the way, I hosted a clip show about internet videos. Ah,
it seems like a weird way to gauge if somebody
would be good or bad as a father or a husband.
But uh, all right, I'm glad you're pleasantly surprised.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
From your father in law's episode. A wealthy man saying
the economy is booming here in Florida while we all
suffer is wild.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Joke's on you. You thought they're wealthy boy because he was
a banker, because banks have money. Okay.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Also about Greg, is this the guy that sits on pillows?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
He is?
Speaker 1 (06:52):
That's the guy that sits on my throw pillows.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
I'm an ice man, just like you.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Greg.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Never apologize for ice.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
You know what I did for him? This I got
him an ice machine. It was a joke gift, but
it was it was a nice one. It was like
on Prime Day, look at that, a little little play.
I don't know. I saw this ice maker. It was
like the greatest ice maker. People loved it. Four hundred
bucks or something like that. I'm like, oh, this will
(07:18):
make him laugh. Put this on his on his counter
down in the guest house.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
I'm not sure where else to post this, meaning which video,
but please, if possible, have Mema on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Mema is dead. Okay, that wasn't clear. She was killed
in a snowplow accident Jeremy Renners driveway as I don't know,
I don't I don't think that's true.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
From the Astronaut episode, Interstellar is an amazing movie. Come on, Gosh,
raise your game.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I know I'm not smart enough to get it, but
if an Astronaut says the movie is stupid, I stand
by it. Interstellar's garbage and I watched the whole thing,
which means it wasn't all garbage until it became garbage,
and that last part was enough garbage for me to
be like, that whole movie is horrible.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
From the Tour episode showering with kids is weird, no
way around it.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Well, yeah, showering with kids. I was showering with my kids.
That's a huge difference. I'm not gonna take a bath
with them. That's disgusting. They were sitting a bath with
your kids. It's just like, oh, it's a ticking time
bomb until you know what happens. When I was much younger,
(08:31):
my first four million kids, I showered with them. They
went right down the drain. You get what I'm talking about.
So i'mbout jerking off in the shower.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
It's actually ridiculous. How much I look forward to hearing
your son's bedtime stories every week?
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Well, I hope you have rubber sheets, because you're about
to go potty in your bed when you find out
who today's guest is. Enjoy Pasha, My guest today is
the creative mind behind our wildly popular and often confusing
Toss Show bedtime Stories. Hopefully I only needs permission from
(09:11):
one of his parents to be here today. Please welcome
from a bedroom just across the hall from mine, my
son Dan Junior dad name that's not his real name. No,
I'm not gonna say your real name. I don't want
people to yell it. By the way, we don't have
to have him blurred like he's in witness Protectionark, you
(09:32):
look like a chicken. I don't want that either. A rooster. No,
there we go. That's perfect. You like a robot. Yeah,
we're just trying to obscure your identity. I just don't
want people at you know, pervs at home just staring
at your beautiful No, why.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
They stand at my beauty?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
All right? First question, and you're gonna talk loud into
the microphone. Okay, okay, you don't just scream are you
a boy or a girl?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Boy? But everyone thinks I'm a girl When I'm like
buy myself and someone says, I don't tell them like, hey,
I'm a boy and not a gul.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Why do people say, look at that girl?
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Because I have one hair and I'm pretty.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
You are pretty and you do have long hair. Oh man,
do you believe in ghosts?
Speaker 2 (10:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
I respect that. Where were you born and a doctor
in the doctor You're born in Los Angeles, you live
in Malibu and Tahoe, Ah. You are destined to have
some problems. Do you love California?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
I don't know what to say to that. I am
probably yes.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
You do love California. Is it embarrassing that we often
dress alike?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
I kind of like that.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
I think I like it too. Mom likes to put
us in the same clothes all the time, doesn't she? Oh, so,
do we ready for your next question?
Speaker 2 (11:04):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Bacon or sausage?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Bacon?
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Drums or piano?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Piano?
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Mommy's or daddies? Who maybe daddy's favorite thing to do
with your little sister?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Dear properly, I don't think I know the answer to
that question.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
When somebody says, oh, that's funny or you're funny, what
do you say?
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Comedy is subjective?
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Comedy is subjective, and what does that mean?
Speaker 2 (11:41):
It means if soundings funny to you, it doesn't mean
it's funny to the other person.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Now, you are very funny. Who do you think you
got your sense of humor from?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Who do you think it tried to make you funnier?
Mommy or Daddy?
Speaker 2 (11:55):
You? Daddy?
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Who's the funniest person in the family?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Or bully Susan? Susan, She's like, Oh, they was just crazy,
but that's fun.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Do you have any imaginary friends? I mean, shit, I
can can you name all five of them?
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Bumba ye is one of them? Cheetah? Who Cheetah? No?
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Remember? Bingda bingda?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:20):
What about hamby gymby? What about me?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
How? Mehow?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
What it sounds like?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Me? How?
Speaker 1 (12:28):
The greeting and Mandarin? But we we you changed it
to me? How?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
I mean? I might get rid of them, get some
new ones, cool ones like imaginary dragon?
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Interesting? Where did Bumba live?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
New York?
Speaker 1 (12:42):
New York? Oh man, it's so expensive. Tell everybody your
favorite food?
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Oh dear, I bet I have a bunch of them.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
What are some foods that you like?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Bacon? But you already heard that. I think I like kisada, cheese,
burga maybe I like pretty much like a lot of
she think mac and cheese, cheese boogie?
Speaker 1 (13:04):
You like sushi?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Oh? Yeah, you think I like skin?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
What do you like for breakfast?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I could have anything. I don't know what I would
have something good?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
What about breakfast burritos in Mexico? I had a what
do you have in Mexico?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
boxIt burt is delicious?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
What's your bedtime?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Don't think I know?
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Do you have a bedtime?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Except on what day?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
On Friday? Don't have a bedtime on the boss of
bedtime on Friday.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
You're the boss of bedtime on Friday. But sometimes you
forget to ask us what day of the week it is,
and then you miss it and then how mad do
you get?
Speaker 2 (13:41):
And I get so mad? Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
The problem is when you're the boss of bedtime, how
late do you stay awake?
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Pretty great?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Like pretty right?
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yeah? Like you'd never get tired.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I never want to go to bed.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Who lets you watch more movies? Who gives you more
screen time? Mommy or daddy?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
I'd say, I mean daddy, like, let me watch some movies.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
You mommy doesn't like you to watch?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
What scary movies?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Do you like scary movies?
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah? I think so. I mean I would like like
a shop dragon things like at all scilly, like everything
that's scilly, but not in real life, because it's like you,
it's scammy, right of course.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Have you ever been married?
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Yes? Yes?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Who did you get married to?
Speaker 2 (14:22):
You?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
And why did you want to get married to me?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Because I just think I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
We got married. We had a nice, little small wedding
in our backyard, didn't I Yeah, that.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Was pretty fun.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
It was fun.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
I love you more than any person that in the
whole wide wall.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Oh, where do you think you're gonna live when you
get older?
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I think Moms wants me to stay here Malibu.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
I think that's right. Are you gonna stay with us?
Just stay here? Are you gonna stay in her house forever?
Speaker 2 (14:49):
I don't know how they say any house, but I
might stay in the city.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
What about the airstream? Could you just move into the airstream? Oh?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
How come when you talk to me every day your life?
You talk to me NonStop from six thirty in the
morning until eight o'clock at night, and you start every
single sentence with me with dad, Can I tell you something?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
A new like? Oh, I got Dad? I mean, like,
what a weird being chased by some giant inder city?
And you did, and you're like, and I have to
say that, right?
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Okay, So what you're trying to say there is I said,
stop saying Dad, Can I tell you something? Just start talking?
Because like if somebody was chasing with you, would you
be like, Dad, can I tell you something? And then
you wait for me to say yes, and then you go,
there's somebody chasing me? Or would you just say there's
somebody chasing me? So can you stop saying dad? Can
(15:48):
I tell you something? And just start telling me something dad?
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Man?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I mean like, do you want to do some jokes?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Hmm, yeah, I want to do some jokes. I right,
does your dad ever say bad words?
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Do you ever say bad words?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
I mean I think I say bad words when you're
not listening?
Speaker 1 (16:10):
What funny? And then we have this whole conversation. And
I don't think they're actually called bad words. They're just
like rude words are inappropriate or they're not nice. It
depends on the contexts. It's a lot goes into it.
But then there are actual bad words, but I don't
even want to get into those. I don't even know
when I'm supposed to start teaching you some things that
people say, Oh that's tough. Now do you know what
(16:31):
I do for a living?
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Be funny?
Speaker 1 (16:34):
I'm just funny.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
You're pretty funny.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
What do you want to do when you get older?
Speaker 2 (16:38):
I mean, I'm a great builder, right, you're a great builder.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Do you want to be a builder?
Speaker 2 (16:42):
I mean maybe? Right?
Speaker 1 (16:45):
What do you like going to work with me?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
I mean, I think this is I don't care.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
What about tours? Do I like going on tours.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
You do or not? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Maybe yeah, sure, you've already turned into a fifteen year old.
That's so sad. Do you know what this is right
now and what we're doing?
Speaker 2 (17:09):
We are interviewing each other.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Do you know what a podcast is?
Speaker 2 (17:13):
What's the podcast?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
That's what we're doing. That's what this is. That's what
this is. Do you know the name of this show,
Toss Show? Is that the song do an impression of
my fans?
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Now?
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Did you know that you were on the Toss Show
that I was putting your bedtime stories that we that
Eddie animates them, turns them into a little little.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
I know what Eddie animates them?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Okay, do you like your stories being animated?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
I think so please. I think one time I head
animation show on TV.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
I think you were three years old, and every night
before bed you would tell me a story, and I
always recorded you because I thought it was funny that
your voice was so cute and I wanted to remember
it forever, And now I put it on the show
so that everybody can watch it and hear your stories.
Do you understand your old stories when you listen to them?
(18:18):
Do you know what you're saying when I ask you
what word is this?
Speaker 2 (18:21):
I don't know if I always understand myself, I mean, listen,
I'm just free as well. You don't always understand myself
when I'm free years old.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
That makes sense.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
I would understand myself when I'm free he as old,
but like when I grew up in and i'd listen
to what I'm fleasy as well. They don't think I
can understand?
Speaker 1 (18:41):
That makes sense. What is your process? Are your stories
well thought out? Or do you just see things in
the room and start talking?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Just ask me another question. That's way better than that.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Okay, I'll ask you another question's way better than that.
Is it more fun to hear a bedtime story or
tell a bedtime story?
Speaker 2 (18:59):
I think she at bedtime? Sorry?
Speaker 1 (19:01):
How many? But I also thinking geez, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I also think it would be fun to tell warm
like people like, go yay, that's cool. You know.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
How many people do you think have heard the bedtime
stories that you've told.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Robberie A couple of people?
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Yeah, no, maybe, so your storytelling hasn't stopped. You still
tell stories, but I don't record you at night? Are
you mad that I recorded you every night? Telling stories
or no. So, okay, good, I think it's neat. I've
always loved them. You know what's tough now is now
(19:41):
that you read books that are like smaller print. Is
I have to have all the lights on to read
at night to you, and then you don't get sleepy.
It's a problem.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
You will make my eyes too when you put on
the lights, and then I get used to the lights.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
I know, and then when I turned down it's it
gets too dark. Oh okay. Recently on a trip, you
and one of your cousins there, Panda, you used an
app on her phone and you made your first stop
motion little film.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah, it's called sta Attack.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
It's called snail Attack.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
And do you know why? And say why is that?
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Why is that?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Because then gets attacked?
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Oh okay, so the title is just a complete description
of the movie.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
I made up that one.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
I said, okay, so you made up this whole movie
snail Attack, and then you did stop motion. Can we
play it on the show?
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Now, do you want to tell them when the credits
roll that they need to keep watching?
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Yeah, they need to keep watching because they're a funny.
Extra scene.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
There's an extra scene in the credits time ago.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
It was a village have village. There was some snaps.
One of the snails really like treasure, and it went
off and that you will come a d itch. Jum yum.
(21:21):
Oh you look good.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Everybody that's on my show gets a present.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Oh what is that?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Yeah, but it's just stuff that that's at my house,
which happens to be your house that I'm getting rid of.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Okay, well the first here's your first gift. You're gonna
love this.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
And do I like it?
Speaker 1 (21:43):
This is every every craft that you did in preschool,
every single thing that you came home. I saved them all,
but I don't because Mom will let me throw it away,
So I thought I would just give it back to you.
And now you're in charge of it. There's just hundreds
and hundreds of things in here. You want to get
that off my desk?
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Please, okay, please get it off?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
What I like?
Speaker 1 (22:15):
You're gooful?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Oh do you have any other gift for me? More
one my gift? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, would I
like it?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
You'll love it?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Oh? Come on, yay, rocky box wacky.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
You don't ever play with these, and yet you just
take them out and then it's impossible to put them
back in the box because they all have to be
put in so perfectly for the box to close. Can
we donate these? Can we give these to some other
other kids?
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Give it to them? Then you have to give me
a not a pleasant.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
To replace it. That's not how it works.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
All this other stuff, and yet you just gave me
this and now you don't even want it.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
That's true, But what's the rule in the house. You
have to give away what ten or twenty toys to
get one new one?
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Twenty twenty.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
That's a good rule. The problem is that's not enough.
It should have been thirty. You were in preschool for
two and a half years. Do you want me to
tell you the time I was the most proud of you?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Which time?
Speaker 1 (23:27):
One time I picked you up from school and you
had a new toy in your hand, and I got
upset because I immediately thought that you had taken somebody
else's toy. So I went to your teacher and I said,
and you're like, no, no, they gave this to me,
and I just wanted to get confirmation. And she told me.
(23:48):
Your teacher said that you were so nice that day
that there was a new kid at school that nobody
was playing with, and you went over and invited him
to play with you, and so she let you go
into the treasure chest as a reward since nobody told
you to go over there, and you just included him
in the games. And I said, oh, man, I thought
(24:10):
my son stole something, but instead.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
He was super super nice.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Way, what are you gonna ask Santa for Christmas this year?
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Tubercada? Things that I would like and I might get
I might say, can I have something that I would
like for even you.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Want to ask him for something that you'll like forever? Yeah,
that's a pretty good gift. And you know that you
know that gift is memories. Memories. That's right, that's great
that you just said that. I was gonna say. Love. Hey,
let's talk about sports real quick. First of all, do
you play any sports?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (24:46):
What sports do you play? Ready?
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Position? Two?
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Which way do you swing the racket? Load of high, baby,
load of high? You gotta put that top on it.
What about breakdancing?
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I'm done doing that and I'm benning it again.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
You're starting back up and break dancing?
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Now?
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Did you see did you see that Australian in the
Olympics that the people said baking data. Yeah, and she
was doing the little like little kangaroo hop. Did you
think she was good or did you also find it uncomfortable?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Just? Please? Oh my much? Just just I don't think
I know you're talking about it.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Have you lost interest in this interview?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
You wanted me to do this, so I did it?
Speaker 1 (25:32):
All right? You goofball. Well listen, it's been wonderful having
you on the podcast. Thank you for all your hard
work doing the bedtime stories, and we'd love to have
you back in like twenty years. Are we best friends forever?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Love you today? Love you come on? Best friends?
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah? Casha, Well, I want to thank you my son
for letting me interview him. Do you like today's guest?
You don't, do you because what does he do all day?
Tortures you? Although sometimes you torture him. I've seen you
(26:12):
run at full speed clip him, take his legs clean out,
hit a full flip. That was impressive, I believe it
or not. Carl, we're coming to the end of his stories,
his bedtime stories. This is the finale of option one,
and we were only gonna do my son's bedtime stories
(26:33):
for the first season. Now I've saved a few that
maybe in the future special episodes will air one, but
that is to be determined. Then my daughter, when she
hits the age where she can start spitting out stories,
we'll record hers and we'll let the audience at home
(26:55):
decide which one of my children should get a larger
and hair tents. We got a few more years for
my daughter. Although she has excelled in some things very quickly.
She might be a she might be a champ. All right,
what else?
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Hey, I want to talk about some free stuff that
came our way. These aren't plugs again. Remember when a
Stance sent me those socks. They sent me nine pair
and I got furious because what am I to do
with nine pairs of socks? And I made the joke
that Bombas if Stance didn't up their game, I was
gonna switch to Bombas. Bombas did it. They sent me
(27:36):
two one hundred and fifty pairs of socks. I've got them.
I got just tons of socks from them, you know,
tons of them. They're just boxes and boxes of socks,
every color in the world, every style in the world.
Just and listen. I couldn't be happier. They also it's
(27:57):
because their business models. They then donated two hundred and
fifty pair to the unhoused and unsocked socks. Unsocks. I
don't know how you say it. People that don't have
a home but also don't have socks. They donated two
hundred and fifty pair to them. So you can't even
get mad for them sending me free socks. Now, am
(28:18):
I gonna switch? I don't know, Probably not, but uh
I like them. I'm gonna go through them. I'm gonna
pick the ones I want. They weren't even the only
people that sent me stocks in this other company, what
are they? Merge four? They sent my kid a bunch
of socks. They got monsters on them stuff. They made
a joke or something saying that you can't cancel their socks.
(28:41):
I don't know. It doesn't I didn't find it funny.
But they sent me a ton of socks for me
and my kid, So I go through those as well.
It is a great day for free socks here. Now
did they donate to charity? Probably not. That's okay. Bombas
took care of them. I also a candle company, send
me some more candles. I don't know what they are Hey,
(29:03):
Penn and Beach, may send me one bourbon, a couple
of these nays smells holiday, I'll put I'll lay those
up around December. That's nice. That's all the free stuff
that we got this week. You know, I want to
start sending us free stuff. This is getting silly. I
should ask for sponsor to just buy the stuff myself.
But that's not fun. Chomps those beef sticks, but I
(29:24):
want a lot of turkey. Okay, I like the turkey sticks.
But you can send some beef for the boys here.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yeah, some beef for the boys here.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Yeah, why not send me a bunch of those. I
like those things. Those things are good anyway. Speaking of clothes,
boyswoarpink dot com my children's clothing line. Let's get that
off the books. Somebody's swooping and buy that for me.
You can go see Eddie do stand up. You don't
have to just listen to me. You can go to
his website and check out his tour dates. Also check
(29:53):
out my tour dates. Come see me in Hawaii and
New Orleans. Oh, my son's never been to New Orleans.
I'm so excited for his first proper bignet. Oh that's
gonna be fun, and I'm gonna give him a po
boy first, just gonna wreck his entwards, some jumbalaya, oh,
some crawfish, teach him how to suck the head like
(30:14):
his daddy do before we throw. I'm a little emotional
here to my son's bedtime story. This is the final one,
and I'm not gonna subtitle this one. I'm gonna let
you guys figure out what he said. You feel free
to write it at the bottom, all right. And by
(30:35):
the way, these are never in any particular order. This one,
I believe was one of his earlier works. I was
much more patient with his painful story and telling than
I did toward the end of that run. But anyway,
that's the one we're gonna end on. See you guys
next week. All right, go ahead and tell me a
(30:57):
happy story.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Okay, time in a sauce sauce over with a two
time out. They were played with Dinal's dinos were not sely,
so they won one put in their one, silly Dynald,
(31:19):
And that's.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
A great story. Thank you.
Do you know what this is right now? And what
we're doing?
Speaker 2 (00:03):
We are interviewing each other.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Do you know the name of this shows show? Is
that the song Tash Shaw Tosh Shows Show Show. Welcome
to Toash Show, the only podcast that is one hundred
(00:28):
percent ad libbed. Can we do that again? Welcome to
Toash Show, the only podcast that is one hundred percent
ad libbed, all crowd work, every episode, zero preparation in
the history of podcast This is the only improvised one.
(00:54):
I can't believe we pull this off every week.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
All right, Eddie, you're here, Yeah, I'm here.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Congratulations, thanks for what for what? You know? What? Today
is right? Today is the season finale of Toss Show.
This is our first option. iHeart picked us up for
two options. They picked up our second option already. This
(01:22):
is the final episode, the finale of option one. It
doesn't really make sense because we started last year and
I think it was November, and then you know, all
all the way to August. Option one. The finale is
a big day. Here, We've done it. Congratulations to everyone
(01:45):
that made my dreams come true. Now will we are
we taking time off before option two? No, we'll be
back next week. Same time, same channel, knuckleheads, what are
we doing this week?
Speaker 3 (02:00):
We're going to do a little feedback.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
The all feed What a way to wrap up the
first option with feedback, because people, you know, they come
at us like we've been doing this for a long time,
and that's not that's not true at all. We've only
been doing this podcast for one option. All right, Well,
let me let's hear what the people have to say,
(02:24):
because I'm sure it's it's constructive.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Yeah, here we go. A lot of people are asking,
when are you going to interview your wife?
Speaker 1 (02:30):
The old ball and chain? When will I interview the wife?
I mean, I don't know how that's possible with her
busy schedule of not doing shit. Now we are in talks.
My people have reached out to her people, and I
believe that we can reach a deal, hopefully by the
(02:53):
end of this calendar year twenty twenty four. I mean,
there's been there's been a few sticking points in the negotiation,
a lot of back and forth, but we're close to
a deal and I think people will be pleasantly surprised
at the chemistry the two of us have together.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
What else, Dang, that frame is looking good.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
You know what, though, as great as our frame is,
it's about what's inside the frame. You could make that
frame four inches thicker and I put this smile in it,
It's gonna pop. Okay, that's just keeping the main thing,
the main thing, you know, that's from that's from this
douchebag that's on the Bachelorette right now. He just keeps
(03:42):
saying it. He keeps trying to make it a thing,
and it's just embarrassing. But I actually am like, that's
kind of funny.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
What's with comedians selling out to DraftKings.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Well, first, I'd like to point out that all comedians
are degenerates. I love gambling, and even though I don't
need the money, the people that are working here, that
are creating this show every week with me, they want
to get paid. And I'm sure a shit not going
out of pocket. So we're going to have advertisers, hopefully
(04:14):
tons of them. I would prefer this show be thirty
seconds on sixty seconds advertising the whole way through. That's
my goal.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
How long has Tosh been dying his hair?
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Dying my hair? Never dyed my hair. That's not true either.
I have dyed my hair. I don't dye my hair
at all. I haven't dyed my hair in thirty years,
but when I was young they eighteen to twenties, there
was times where I would bleach it white, just look
cool as shit, spike it out. Oh man, I miss
(04:49):
those days.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
From our Cookie episode. It's a legitimate credit to Daniel
that he found so many decent, kind people in Los Angeles.
I've lived here for nine years and maybe found two
of them.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Shut up. There's wonderful people everywhere. Everybody in Arkansas doesn't
butt fuck their sister, but some do, and those are
the ones we focus on when we make jokes. Oh,
everybody in Los Angeles is horrible. Okay, if that's what
you need to say to yourself, because you could never
(05:20):
afford to live here and enjoy how much better this
place is than every place else. Fine, there's no one
here that's good, but it's just a reflection of you.
There's tons of great people. Go out and meet them.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
This is from one of your Father in Law episodes,
Physical Exam Yesterday PSA zero point four to seven. You
made me check appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Hey, look at that.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
You saved a life.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Well, we didn't save his life because his PSA was
below one, which is all we were told you need
to do, per my father in law, who is not
a doctor, so that information could be completely bogused. I'd
like to go on record is saying that. But it
sounds like your PSA is great and you didn't need
(06:07):
to get it checked.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
If you watched Tosh point zero, you would have never
thought Daniel would be a great family man.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
It never would have known I'd be a great family man.
By the way, I hosted a clip show about internet videos. Ah,
it seems like a weird way to gauge if somebody
would be good or bad as a father or a husband.
But uh, all right, I'm glad you're pleasantly surprised.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
From your father in law's episode. A wealthy man saying
the economy is booming here in Florida while we all
suffer is wild.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Joke's on you. You thought they're wealthy boy because he was
a banker, because banks have money. Okay.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Also about Greg, is this the guy that sits on pillows?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
He is?
Speaker 1 (06:52):
That's the guy that sits on my throw pillows.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
I'm an ice man, just like you.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Greg.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Never apologize for ice.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
You know what I did for him? This I got
him an ice machine. It was a joke gift, but
it was it was a nice one. It was like
on Prime Day, look at that, a little little play.
I don't know. I saw this ice maker. It was
like the greatest ice maker. People loved it. Four hundred
bucks or something like that. I'm like, oh, this will
(07:18):
make him laugh. Put this on his on his counter
down in the guest house.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
I'm not sure where else to post this, meaning which video,
but please, if possible, have Mema on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Mema is dead. Okay, that wasn't clear. She was killed
in a snowplow accident Jeremy Renners driveway as I don't know,
I don't I don't think that's true.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
From the Astronaut episode, Interstellar is an amazing movie. Come on, Gosh,
raise your game.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I know I'm not smart enough to get it, but
if an Astronaut says the movie is stupid, I stand
by it. Interstellar's garbage and I watched the whole thing,
which means it wasn't all garbage until it became garbage,
and that last part was enough garbage for me to
be like, that whole movie is horrible.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
From the Tour episode showering with kids is weird, no
way around it.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Well, yeah, showering with kids. I was showering with my kids.
That's a huge difference. I'm not gonna take a bath
with them. That's disgusting. They were sitting a bath with
your kids. It's just like, oh, it's a ticking time
bomb until you know what happens. When I was much younger,
(08:31):
my first four million kids, I showered with them. They
went right down the drain. You get what I'm talking about.
So i'mbout jerking off in the shower.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
It's actually ridiculous. How much I look forward to hearing
your son's bedtime stories every week?
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Well, I hope you have rubber sheets, because you're about
to go potty in your bed when you find out
who today's guest is. Enjoy Pasha, My guest today is
the creative mind behind our wildly popular and often confusing
Toss Show bedtime Stories. Hopefully I only needs permission from
(09:11):
one of his parents to be here today. Please welcome
from a bedroom just across the hall from mine, my
son Dan Junior dad name that's not his real name. No,
I'm not gonna say your real name. I don't want
people to yell it. By the way, we don't have
to have him blurred like he's in witness Protectionark, you
(09:32):
look like a chicken. I don't want that either. A rooster. No,
there we go. That's perfect. You like a robot. Yeah,
we're just trying to obscure your identity. I just don't
want people at you know, pervs at home just staring
at your beautiful No, why.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
They stand at my beauty?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
All right? First question, and you're gonna talk loud into
the microphone. Okay, okay, you don't just scream are you
a boy or a girl?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Boy? But everyone thinks I'm a girl When I'm like
buy myself and someone says, I don't tell them like, hey,
I'm a boy and not a gul.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Why do people say, look at that girl?
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Because I have one hair and I'm pretty.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
You are pretty and you do have long hair. Oh man,
do you believe in ghosts?
Speaker 2 (10:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
I respect that. Where were you born and a doctor
in the doctor You're born in Los Angeles, you live
in Malibu and Tahoe, Ah. You are destined to have
some problems. Do you love California?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
I don't know what to say to that. I am
probably yes.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
You do love California. Is it embarrassing that we often
dress alike?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
I kind of like that.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
I think I like it too. Mom likes to put
us in the same clothes all the time, doesn't she? Oh, so,
do we ready for your next question?
Speaker 2 (11:04):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Bacon or sausage?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Bacon?
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Drums or piano?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Piano?
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Mommy's or daddies? Who maybe daddy's favorite thing to do
with your little sister?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Dear properly, I don't think I know the answer to
that question.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
When somebody says, oh, that's funny or you're funny, what
do you say?
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Comedy is subjective?
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Comedy is subjective, and what does that mean?
Speaker 2 (11:41):
It means if soundings funny to you, it doesn't mean
it's funny to the other person.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Now, you are very funny. Who do you think you
got your sense of humor from?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Who do you think it tried to make you funnier?
Mommy or Daddy?
Speaker 2 (11:55):
You? Daddy?
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Who's the funniest person in the family?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Or bully Susan? Susan, She's like, Oh, they was just crazy,
but that's fun.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Do you have any imaginary friends? I mean, shit, I
can can you name all five of them?
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Bumba ye is one of them? Cheetah? Who Cheetah? No?
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Remember? Bingda bingda?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:20):
What about hamby gymby? What about me?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
How? Mehow?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
What it sounds like?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Me? How?
Speaker 1 (12:28):
The greeting and Mandarin? But we we you changed it
to me? How?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
I mean? I might get rid of them, get some
new ones, cool ones like imaginary dragon?
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Interesting? Where did Bumba live?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
New York?
Speaker 1 (12:42):
New York? Oh man, it's so expensive. Tell everybody your
favorite food?
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Oh dear, I bet I have a bunch of them.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
What are some foods that you like?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Bacon? But you already heard that. I think I like kisada, cheese,
burga maybe I like pretty much like a lot of
she think mac and cheese, cheese boogie?
Speaker 1 (13:04):
You like sushi?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Oh? Yeah, you think I like skin?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
What do you like for breakfast?
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I could have anything. I don't know what I would
have something good?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
What about breakfast burritos in Mexico? I had a what
do you have in Mexico?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
boxIt burt is delicious?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
What's your bedtime?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Don't think I know?
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Do you have a bedtime?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Except on what day?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
On Friday? Don't have a bedtime on the boss of
bedtime on Friday.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
You're the boss of bedtime on Friday. But sometimes you
forget to ask us what day of the week it is,
and then you miss it and then how mad do
you get?
Speaker 2 (13:41):
And I get so mad? Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
The problem is when you're the boss of bedtime, how
late do you stay awake?
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Pretty great?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Like pretty right?
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yeah? Like you'd never get tired.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I never want to go to bed.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Who lets you watch more movies? Who gives you more
screen time? Mommy or daddy?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
I'd say, I mean daddy, like, let me watch some movies.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
You mommy doesn't like you to watch?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
What scary movies?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Do you like scary movies?
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah? I think so. I mean I would like like
a shop dragon things like at all scilly, like everything
that's scilly, but not in real life, because it's like you,
it's scammy, right of course.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Have you ever been married?
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Yes? Yes?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Who did you get married to?
Speaker 2 (14:22):
You?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
And why did you want to get married to me?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Because I just think I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
We got married. We had a nice, little small wedding
in our backyard, didn't I Yeah, that.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Was pretty fun.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
It was fun.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
I love you more than any person that in the
whole wide wall.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Oh, where do you think you're gonna live when you
get older?
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I think Moms wants me to stay here Malibu.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
I think that's right. Are you gonna stay with us?
Just stay here? Are you gonna stay in her house forever?
Speaker 2 (14:49):
I don't know how they say any house, but I
might stay in the city.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
What about the airstream? Could you just move into the airstream? Oh?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
How come when you talk to me every day your life?
You talk to me NonStop from six thirty in the
morning until eight o'clock at night, and you start every
single sentence with me with dad, Can I tell you something?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
A new like? Oh, I got Dad? I mean, like,
what a weird being chased by some giant inder city?
And you did, and you're like, and I have to
say that, right?
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Okay, So what you're trying to say there is I said,
stop saying Dad, Can I tell you something? Just start talking?
Because like if somebody was chasing with you, would you
be like, Dad, can I tell you something? And then
you wait for me to say yes, and then you go,
there's somebody chasing me? Or would you just say there's
somebody chasing me? So can you stop saying dad? Can
(15:48):
I tell you something? And just start telling me something dad?
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Man?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I mean like, do you want to do some jokes?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Hmm, yeah, I want to do some jokes. I right,
does your dad ever say bad words?
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Do you ever say bad words?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
I mean I think I say bad words when you're
not listening?
Speaker 1 (16:10):
What funny? And then we have this whole conversation. And
I don't think they're actually called bad words. They're just
like rude words are inappropriate or they're not nice. It
depends on the contexts. It's a lot goes into it.
But then there are actual bad words, but I don't
even want to get into those. I don't even know
when I'm supposed to start teaching you some things that
people say, Oh that's tough. Now do you know what
(16:31):
I do for a living?
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Be funny?
Speaker 1 (16:34):
I'm just funny.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
You're pretty funny.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
What do you want to do when you get older?
Speaker 2 (16:38):
I mean, I'm a great builder, right, you're a great builder.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Do you want to be a builder?
Speaker 2 (16:42):
I mean maybe? Right?
Speaker 1 (16:45):
What do you like going to work with me?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
I mean, I think this is I don't care.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
What about tours? Do I like going on tours.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
You do or not? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Maybe yeah, sure, you've already turned into a fifteen year old.
That's so sad. Do you know what this is right
now and what we're doing?
Speaker 2 (17:09):
We are interviewing each other.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Do you know what a podcast is?
Speaker 2 (17:13):
What's the podcast?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
That's what we're doing. That's what this is. That's what
this is. Do you know the name of this show,
Toss Show? Is that the song do an impression of
my fans?
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Now?
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Did you know that you were on the Toss Show
that I was putting your bedtime stories that we that
Eddie animates them, turns them into a little little.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
I know what Eddie animates them?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Okay, do you like your stories being animated?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
I think so please. I think one time I head
animation show on TV.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
I think you were three years old, and every night
before bed you would tell me a story, and I
always recorded you because I thought it was funny that
your voice was so cute and I wanted to remember
it forever, And now I put it on the show
so that everybody can watch it and hear your stories.
Do you understand your old stories when you listen to them?
(18:18):
Do you know what you're saying when I ask you
what word is this?
Speaker 2 (18:21):
I don't know if I always understand myself, I mean, listen,
I'm just free as well. You don't always understand myself
when I'm free years old.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
That makes sense.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
I would understand myself when I'm free he as old,
but like when I grew up in and i'd listen
to what I'm fleasy as well. They don't think I
can understand?
Speaker 1 (18:41):
That makes sense. What is your process? Are your stories
well thought out? Or do you just see things in
the room and start talking?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Just ask me another question. That's way better than that.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Okay, I'll ask you another question's way better than that.
Is it more fun to hear a bedtime story or
tell a bedtime story?
Speaker 2 (18:59):
I think she at bedtime? Sorry?
Speaker 1 (19:01):
How many? But I also thinking geez, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I also think it would be fun to tell warm
like people like, go yay, that's cool. You know.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
How many people do you think have heard the bedtime
stories that you've told.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Robberie A couple of people?
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Yeah, no, maybe, so your storytelling hasn't stopped. You still
tell stories, but I don't record you at night? Are
you mad that I recorded you every night? Telling stories
or no. So, okay, good, I think it's neat. I've
always loved them. You know what's tough now is now
(19:41):
that you read books that are like smaller print. Is
I have to have all the lights on to read
at night to you, and then you don't get sleepy.
It's a problem.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
You will make my eyes too when you put on
the lights, and then I get used to the lights.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
I know, and then when I turned down it's it
gets too dark. Oh okay. Recently on a trip, you
and one of your cousins there, Panda, you used an
app on her phone and you made your first stop
motion little film.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah, it's called sta Attack.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
It's called snail Attack.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
And do you know why? And say why is that?
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Why is that?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Because then gets attacked?
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Oh okay, so the title is just a complete description
of the movie.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
I made up that one.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
I said, okay, so you made up this whole movie
snail Attack, and then you did stop motion. Can we
play it on the show?
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Now, do you want to tell them when the credits
roll that they need to keep watching?
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Yeah, they need to keep watching because they're a funny.
Extra scene.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
There's an extra scene in the credits time ago.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
It was a village have village. There was some snaps.
One of the snails really like treasure, and it went
off and that you will come a d itch. Jum yum.
(21:21):
Oh you look good.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Everybody that's on my show gets a present.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Oh what is that?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Yeah, but it's just stuff that that's at my house,
which happens to be your house that I'm getting rid of.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Okay, well the first here's your first gift. You're gonna
love this.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
And do I like it?
Speaker 1 (21:43):
This is every every craft that you did in preschool,
every single thing that you came home. I saved them all,
but I don't because Mom will let me throw it away,
So I thought I would just give it back to you.
And now you're in charge of it. There's just hundreds
and hundreds of things in here. You want to get
that off my desk?
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Please, okay, please get it off?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
What I like?
Speaker 1 (22:15):
You're gooful?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Oh do you have any other gift for me? More
one my gift? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, would I
like it?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
You'll love it?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Oh? Come on, yay, rocky box wacky.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
You don't ever play with these, and yet you just
take them out and then it's impossible to put them
back in the box because they all have to be
put in so perfectly for the box to close. Can
we donate these? Can we give these to some other
other kids?
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Give it to them? Then you have to give me
a not a pleasant.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
To replace it. That's not how it works.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
All this other stuff, and yet you just gave me
this and now you don't even want it.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
That's true, But what's the rule in the house. You
have to give away what ten or twenty toys to
get one new one?
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Twenty twenty.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
That's a good rule. The problem is that's not enough.
It should have been thirty. You were in preschool for
two and a half years. Do you want me to
tell you the time I was the most proud of you?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Which time?
Speaker 1 (23:27):
One time I picked you up from school and you
had a new toy in your hand, and I got
upset because I immediately thought that you had taken somebody
else's toy. So I went to your teacher and I said,
and you're like, no, no, they gave this to me,
and I just wanted to get confirmation. And she told me.
(23:48):
Your teacher said that you were so nice that day
that there was a new kid at school that nobody
was playing with, and you went over and invited him
to play with you, and so she let you go
into the treasure chest as a reward since nobody told
you to go over there, and you just included him
in the games. And I said, oh, man, I thought
(24:10):
my son stole something, but instead.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
He was super super nice.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Way, what are you gonna ask Santa for Christmas this year?
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Tubercada? Things that I would like and I might get
I might say, can I have something that I would
like for even you.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Want to ask him for something that you'll like forever? Yeah,
that's a pretty good gift. And you know that you
know that gift is memories. Memories. That's right, that's great
that you just said that. I was gonna say. Love. Hey,
let's talk about sports real quick. First of all, do
you play any sports?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (24:46):
What sports do you play? Ready?
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Position? Two?
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Which way do you swing the racket? Load of high, baby,
load of high? You gotta put that top on it.
What about breakdancing?
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I'm done doing that and I'm benning it again.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
You're starting back up and break dancing?
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Now?
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Did you see did you see that Australian in the
Olympics that the people said baking data. Yeah, and she
was doing the little like little kangaroo hop. Did you
think she was good or did you also find it uncomfortable?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Just? Please? Oh my much? Just just I don't think
I know you're talking about it.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Have you lost interest in this interview?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
You wanted me to do this, so I did it?
Speaker 1 (25:32):
All right? You goofball. Well listen, it's been wonderful having
you on the podcast. Thank you for all your hard
work doing the bedtime stories, and we'd love to have
you back in like twenty years. Are we best friends forever?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Love you today? Love you come on? Best friends?
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah? Casha, Well, I want to thank you my son
for letting me interview him. Do you like today's guest?
You don't, do you because what does he do all day?
Tortures you? Although sometimes you torture him. I've seen you
(26:12):
run at full speed clip him, take his legs clean out,
hit a full flip. That was impressive, I believe it
or not. Carl, we're coming to the end of his stories,
his bedtime stories. This is the finale of option one,
and we were only gonna do my son's bedtime stories
(26:33):
for the first season. Now I've saved a few that
maybe in the future special episodes will air one, but
that is to be determined. Then my daughter, when she
hits the age where she can start spitting out stories,
we'll record hers and we'll let the audience at home
(26:55):
decide which one of my children should get a larger
and hair tents. We got a few more years for
my daughter. Although she has excelled in some things very quickly.
She might be a she might be a champ. All right,
what else?
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Hey, I want to talk about some free stuff that
came our way. These aren't plugs again. Remember when a
Stance sent me those socks. They sent me nine pair
and I got furious because what am I to do
with nine pairs of socks? And I made the joke
that Bombas if Stance didn't up their game, I was
gonna switch to Bombas. Bombas did it. They sent me
(27:36):
two one hundred and fifty pairs of socks. I've got them.
I got just tons of socks from them, you know,
tons of them. They're just boxes and boxes of socks,
every color in the world, every style in the world.
Just and listen. I couldn't be happier. They also it's
(27:57):
because their business models. They then donated two hundred and
fifty pair to the unhoused and unsocked socks. Unsocks. I
don't know how you say it. People that don't have
a home but also don't have socks. They donated two
hundred and fifty pair to them. So you can't even
get mad for them sending me free socks. Now, am
(28:18):
I gonna switch? I don't know, Probably not, but uh
I like them. I'm gonna go through them. I'm gonna
pick the ones I want. They weren't even the only
people that sent me stocks in this other company, what
are they? Merge four? They sent my kid a bunch
of socks. They got monsters on them stuff. They made
a joke or something saying that you can't cancel their socks.
(28:41):
I don't know. It doesn't I didn't find it funny.
But they sent me a ton of socks for me
and my kid, So I go through those as well.
It is a great day for free socks here. Now
did they donate to charity? Probably not. That's okay. Bombas
took care of them. I also a candle company, send
me some more candles. I don't know what they are Hey,
(29:03):
Penn and Beach, may send me one bourbon, a couple
of these nays smells holiday, I'll put I'll lay those
up around December. That's nice. That's all the free stuff
that we got this week. You know, I want to
start sending us free stuff. This is getting silly. I
should ask for sponsor to just buy the stuff myself.
But that's not fun. Chomps those beef sticks, but I
(29:24):
want a lot of turkey. Okay, I like the turkey sticks.
But you can send some beef for the boys here.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yeah, some beef for the boys here.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Yeah, why not send me a bunch of those. I
like those things. Those things are good anyway. Speaking of clothes,
boyswoarpink dot com my children's clothing line. Let's get that
off the books. Somebody's swooping and buy that for me.
You can go see Eddie do stand up. You don't
have to just listen to me. You can go to
his website and check out his tour dates. Also check
(29:53):
out my tour dates. Come see me in Hawaii and
New Orleans. Oh, my son's never been to New Orleans.
I'm so excited for his first proper bignet. Oh that's
gonna be fun, and I'm gonna give him a po
boy first, just gonna wreck his entwards, some jumbalaya, oh,
some crawfish, teach him how to suck the head like
(30:14):
his daddy do before we throw. I'm a little emotional
here to my son's bedtime story. This is the final one,
and I'm not gonna subtitle this one. I'm gonna let
you guys figure out what he said. You feel free
to write it at the bottom, all right. And by
(30:35):
the way, these are never in any particular order. This one,
I believe was one of his earlier works. I was
much more patient with his painful story and telling than
I did toward the end of that run. But anyway,
that's the one we're gonna end on. See you guys
next week. All right, go ahead and tell me a
(30:57):
happy story.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Okay, time in a sauce sauce over with a two
time out. They were played with Dinal's dinos were not sely,
so they won one put in their one, silly Dynald,
(31:19):
And that's.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
A great story. Thank you.
Host
Daniel Tosh
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