August 23, 2024 • 17 mins
Daniel literally bears it all as he walks us through the most personal surgery of his lifetime, a vasectomy.
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Posh show.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Hi, everybody, it's me Daniel Tosh, host of a podcast
called Toss Show. All right, Eddie, hit me with the
emergency pod sirens. You're right, what is this emergency pod about?
Roll the clip. Hey, guys, it's your boy d to
(00:28):
the t driving myself to my vasectomy. Oh, this is
exciting now. The reason I'm driving myself is because nobody
my family cares and I'm not going under. So they
said I could drive myself, so we'll see what happens.
Get to watch the procedure. We'll see if they let
(00:48):
me film, how bad can it be? Huh?
Speaker 1 (00:52):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Spoiler alert. I'm still alive. I had a vasecto me.
Oh man, now going in to this vessectomy. I was
not nervous during the vasectomy. Was not nervous. Was humiliated, embarrassed, sure,
(01:14):
but wasn't nervous.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Now.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
The reason I did it, first of all, having kids
past forty nine seems weird. But also, hey, and my wife,
she birth controls tricky with her with her bleeding disorder.
So I was like, no, you don't need to do this.
I'll take care of it now. I talked to a
lot of people and they were like, Oh, I can't
believe you're not getting put under now. My doctor, he's
(01:36):
the number one vasectomy reversal doctor in the country. I
had to go in a few weeks earlier and they
just check you out, you pull your pants down, they
squeeze your balls, you know, the normal stuff. And he
tells me, I have to tell you before you sign
this that this is not reversible. Now that being said,
(01:57):
I'm the number one vasectomy reverse doctor in the country.
So I was like, oh, okay, that's good to know,
but I don't really care about reversing it. He's like,
you're gonna have the procedures in Beverly Hills, h You're
gonna be in and out. Then you're gonna have to
come back to my office about six weeks later. Uh,
we're gonna have to test your seamen. And I had
(02:20):
went to their bathroom when I first got to that
doctor that appointment that day, and I noticed there's tons
and tons of pornography and I was like, oh, I
know it goes on in this bathroom, a little jerkshack.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Ugh. Anyway, I didn't I didn't touch anything, and I
washed I'd be instead. It's just weird.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
To see so many publications of pornography still in print. Anyway,
he looks at me and he says, you know, are
you sure you don't. I'm like, God, listen, I've got
two kids. I've got tons and tons of semen that
I store in all my socks. Now, yeah, I had some.
(03:01):
I've got some stored if things would ever change. And
then leading up to it, I've talked to some friends
and people sort of tell all, you're not getting put under.
I'm like, ah, he told me, fifty percent of people
get put under, fifty percent don't. So I was like,
all right, I'll drive myself, I won't get put under,
and I'll watch it. I get there for my appointment,
(03:21):
and lo and behold, it's at a place that I
know very well. It's at a fertility doctor's office where
the surgery happened, which was not where his office was originally,
and that i'd been there before, and that those places are.
You know, there's a lot of emotion going on there.
There's there's women in there getting you know, egg retrievals,
(03:41):
embryos implanted. You know, they're being told that they can't
have kids. So there's just there's just a lot of
stress there. There's a sign when you go to that
facility like don't bring your kids, don't show off, you know,
and people are getting cysts drained. It's it's just all bad.
And then me and they're just im just in here
(04:02):
to get my balls singed. It's just a circle of life,
is what I'm saying. This place does everything from we'll
make sure that your seemen, you know, makes the baby,
all the way to we'll make sure you never just again,
that's not what they do.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
But you understand. Okay, I get there.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I get They give me the questionnaire to fill out
and I always get furious and I don't read it.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I just check no.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
It's just a thousand boxes because you feel like if
you hit yes on any of them that they might
not do your surgery and you have to come back.
So I just hit and I checked no on everything.
But some of them were like really silly, like have
you ever had back pain? I'm like nope, never, of
course I have.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
You know.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Finally they call me, they call my name. I go
back there and she's like, here, put this with RoboN,
leave the backside open. You can just keep your socks on.
I'm like okay, and I go in there. I never
know how to tie the thing because it's behind me.
I can't do a good job. But I didn't have
to tie this one because it only had one string
(05:08):
on one side. The other side had ripped off, probably
from someone's frustration, so I just had to pinch it
closed while I walked out of the bathroom through the
common area to back to my room, and then I
sat down. Now, the nurse that I had was was young,
kind of cute. Immediately felt bad for her. I, oh, man,
you're gonna you're gonna see a lot today. What I
(05:29):
picked up on later is she was relatively new, or
at least new to doing this procedure, because some of
the couple of the older nurses were, uh, we're giving
her a lot of oh, this is what you should
do here, this is what She might have just been
an intern. Maybe when I wasn't looking at stuff, I
signed that, yeah, sure have some intern, uh sit in
(05:52):
on this one.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
So anyway, I keep my phone with me, of course,
and and uh.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
And once I get into the into the operating room,
they lay me out on a table and they open
these arm things for my arms, and then they immediately
pull up my thing and expose me from belly button
to mid thigh. So I'm laying on my back, arms spread,
just dicking balls in the you know, an operating room.
(06:20):
So well that and at least three to five people
at any any moment are inside this room, and I'm
like this, balls and penis just up. You're probably gonna
see my penis in this emergency pod from time to time.
I'm gonna show you my testicles. Okay, but we need
(06:41):
to be mature here. This is medical. I want other
people to learn from this, to know what to expect
going into it. I don't need people taking my penis
or my testicles and then putting them into some AI
generator and doing funny things with them. You know, Oh
my my penis just endorsed Trump.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I don't want it. I had trimmed.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I didn't shave going into this surgery, so I wasn't
I didn't look like a monster. But you know, she's like, oh,
did you shave? There was an older nurse and she's like,
did you shave? I said no, I didn't shave. I'm sorry,
and she's like, no, it's fine, and then she grabs
this like a little tiny hand raiser that doesn't have
like a stick on it, like she just hold her
(07:25):
to the finger and she just starts doing my ball
so fast. And then the girl, the young girl, she
comes over with some tape, like just a big piece
of it's not duct tape, but it's it's wide, it's
about the same with and she just starts sticking it
to my balls like sorry, and like is collecting the hair.
It's like a lint roller. There's quickly shaving my balls.
(07:49):
And then just she's just patting him. Then they begin cleaning,
and I say they there's three. There's three nurses, two
older nurses, and then this one young girl and they're
just my floppy sad Penis who's you know, scared and
rightfully so doesn't know what's going on.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
It's literally like the dream scenario.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Remember if you've ever gotten a massage, and not I'm
not talking about like a place that the owner of
the Patriots goes, but a real place like a nice spa,
and they're rubbing and they get really close to your
private and you're like, oh, my goodness, is so close,
but they don't. They don't actually touch anything. They tuck
things the right way. This is the exact opposite. This
(08:32):
is they exposed your penis and only touch your penis,
all of them at once. They're just and they're just
like it's just moving around, you know, they're putting eyed
eye everywhere, and it's just it's just embarre. It's just
whipping around. This is ten fifteen minutes of more and
she's spraying it with some cleanser, which it felt like
(08:52):
if you had a can of lighter fluid on a
charcoal grill that you was like going shit because like
it was cold. I was like, well, oh I jumped
a little bit at that, and she's like, oh, I'm sorry.
And then casually my doctor walks in and goes, oh, guys,
what are you doing. You never want to hear that. Guys,
what do you do? Like, oh, they're definitely doing something wrong.
(09:12):
He goes, oh, just tape is his penis down because
he saw it doing the helicopter thing. So they took
a piece of tape just across my waist and taped
it to my stomach. You know, like if you ever
when you were a kid or on a plane and
you got a boner, you hide it under your waistband.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
You know, keep it flush against you. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
He made to a long nap on a plane. You
woke up with a heart on. It's happened anyway. Now
it's time. Now it's time for the big show. He
comes in and he's just gonna he's got his own
concoction of whatever is gonna numb me, and he's like,
this is gonna hurt just for a second, about twenty seconds,
he's gonna puncture and you know, fill me.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
And he's and he's gonna pinch hard.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
He basically, you know, finds the Vaz deference with his
finger and that's where he's going to go through. And
so he pinches. He injects, I'm feeling it. I'm like oh,
and he's like you're doing fine. I'm like okay, but
like that hurts.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
It hurts.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
I'm like, okay, now we just wait a few minutes.
There's small talk. He's telling me all kinds of things
about other celebrities, and you know, he's like, I can't
tell you who this athlete is, but just celebrity gossip.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
It was fun. By the way, Well I'm having the surgery.
Guess what music they're playing?
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Literally eighties rock ballads like everything is about like losing love,
and I'm like, is this a joke? And it had
to have been, but he's like, oh, it's just what's
on anyway. Next thing, you know, my balls are not
can you feel this? And I'm like no, and he's
like are you sure? And I'm like, whoa now, none
(10:51):
of that. So then he goes in there with his thing.
It's just like it's like a puncture hole, clips it
and you know it cauterizes it and people say, oh
you can like it smells like bacon or something. I
didn't smell anything. I've got a great sense of smell,
and smells sometimes freaked me out. I didn't smell anything.
And then I was like, oh, that wasn't so bad.
And he's like, okay, now we got to do the
other side. And I was like, oh, I didn't think
(11:13):
about that. You know, you got two balls. It's basically
you're going in for two surgeries, one for each boy,
and so then the exact same thing, pinch, painful, inject
a hole, sticks it in, clips, cauter rises, and that's it.
I pulled my phone out At one point He's like,
put your phone away, man, I'm like all right, sorry.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Then I pulled it out again.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I took a phone over my penis because I'm like
that if I'm gonna have one dick pic in my phone,
it should be of this again.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
So many people just in there seeing this. He's done.
I thank him.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
I guess I was like, I'll see in a few weeks,
and I'm like, okay, hey, I have to go home.
I have to heal, and then I have to masturbate
for twenty ejaculations in twenty four hours. No, not twenty
four hours. I think he said six to eight weeks.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
I'm like, easy.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, I didn't think that impressed him, but whatever. So
he finishes. Then the nurses begin cleaning me up, and
they're like, can you like lift up. There's a lot
of stuff underneath now, like wiping my butt. Like I'm
just like a and I'm fully awake and like, you know,
everything is normal, so I can help. But I'm like,
just keep doing it.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
There's rubbing me clean, all of them at once, like
just it's almost like it's like a team at a
car wash where they're just as fast as they can.
Let's let's get this dick out and get the next
one in here, and yeah. Then they're like, okay, let's
you know, we'll go over. And by the way, when
she was like, go over your post of the young
girl again, I could barely look her in the eyes
(12:52):
at this point. I'm like, you should see me erect
And I didn't say any of that, but no, She's like,
you can read. That's what she said to me.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
You can read. It's just this paper base.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I need you to ice your balls for twenty four
to forty eight hours every twenty minutes. I'm like, well,
what about when I sleep? As she's like, oh, just
go to bed. I'm like, okay, good. And they give
you a jockstrap to wear, and then they give you
like thirty medical gloves that they just want you to
fill with ice and tie it ont And I'm like,
why don't you guys have your own ice pack mechanism?
(13:21):
Why am I using a glove? Is like a little
funny hand job joke that you got you have for
people to give vasectomies. But you put that down there,
you wrap it in gauze, and you put it there
twenty minutes on, twenty minutes off for the first twenty
four to forty eight hours. I don't know if I
was good about it. I didn't have any swelling. They
gave me some tile and all three you know, the
coating one. I took that one time because I wanted
(13:43):
to get ahead of the pain when the numbing wore off.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
And I never felt pain, so I never took it again.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
And then I took the You have your antibiotics that
you take, and you can't go into a pool of
jacuzzi for a week or work out for a week.
I guess I'm on day four right now, and I'm
not allowed to ejaculate for five to seven days. And
I'm told that feels a little different on your first ejaculation.
But I will see. I'm gonna do it on air.
(14:11):
But all in all, you know a good thing. Now
I have to go back after fifteen ejaculations, fifteen to twenty,
and I have to get two zero sperm count, you know,
all clears before they say you're good to go to
bang roadhors. I have to go back to his original office,
(14:31):
go into the bathroom with all the pornography. You know,
he's got to collect a sample. I don't think I
can bring a sample in. I'll check pete. See if
I can bring a sample in. Yeah, you can. It
just can only be like an hour old. Oh man,
that's gonna be tough. So I can bring my own
sample in What kind of container am I gonna put
it in? They sent us a link to some on
Amazon that we can use.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I thought I was gonna have to use some of
my tupperware, because I know Carly get mad because we
have tupperware that we give away to people.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
I gave some way to my cookie dealer, and then
I've got the good stuff at home that we use glass.
The next day, my wife scheduled a back to school
pool party, so a bunch of my son's friends were over,
and she's like, well, you can't swim, so you can
be lifeguard. Just keep an eye on everybody. I'm like, well,
if somebody's drowned, I can't jump in, and she's like, yeah,
(15:19):
that's a good point. But then all the dads were
asking me like, oh, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't.
There's no way. I always think that's weird. Why but yeah,
the amount of people are like, you lose some of
your libido when you do this. I'm like, how much
libido do you need? How much libido do you guys
want tons? You want tons? No, how much more productive
(15:42):
would I be my entire career if I had thirty
percent less libido. That's a high number. I think you
only lose like, I don't know five. I don't even
know what you lose. I don't even know if you
lose any and some men. I know there's some side effects.
So one of the side effects is dementia, which I
think is a great side effect. Love to get dementia
right now. That's not my problem. That's my wife's problem.
(16:04):
I'm not gonna remember shit anyway. I've got a reversal
scheduled for next week. I wonder what the fastest someone's
done a reversal. I wonder if I could come in
the next day and get a reversal, that would be
That'd be interesting.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Doc, I made a huge mistake. It just seems like
such an easy thing.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
For a guy to take care of, versus counting on
women to take a pill every single day at the
same time.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
That's just nonsense. I know how you're responsible. My wife is. Meanwhile,
I've been sending anybody who asked, oh I was of
a second. I just send him a.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Photo of my balls during the surgery, all right. That
does it for me and my sad boy balls. Eddie
hit with the siren. It's just sad sounding. My poor
little balls, my poor little balls.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Man. They went through a lot
Posh show.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Hi, everybody, it's me Daniel Tosh, host of a podcast
called Toss Show. All right, Eddie, hit me with the
emergency pod sirens. You're right, what is this emergency pod about?
Roll the clip. Hey, guys, it's your boy d to
(00:28):
the t driving myself to my vasectomy. Oh, this is
exciting now. The reason I'm driving myself is because nobody
my family cares and I'm not going under. So they
said I could drive myself, so we'll see what happens.
Get to watch the procedure. We'll see if they let
(00:48):
me film, how bad can it be? Huh?
Speaker 1 (00:52):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Spoiler alert. I'm still alive. I had a vasecto me.
Oh man, now going in to this vessectomy. I was
not nervous during the vasectomy. Was not nervous. Was humiliated, embarrassed, sure,
(01:14):
but wasn't nervous.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Now.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
The reason I did it, first of all, having kids
past forty nine seems weird. But also, hey, and my wife,
she birth controls tricky with her with her bleeding disorder.
So I was like, no, you don't need to do this.
I'll take care of it now. I talked to a
lot of people and they were like, Oh, I can't
believe you're not getting put under now. My doctor, he's
(01:36):
the number one vasectomy reversal doctor in the country. I
had to go in a few weeks earlier and they
just check you out, you pull your pants down, they
squeeze your balls, you know, the normal stuff. And he
tells me, I have to tell you before you sign
this that this is not reversible. Now that being said,
(01:57):
I'm the number one vasectomy reverse doctor in the country.
So I was like, oh, okay, that's good to know,
but I don't really care about reversing it. He's like,
you're gonna have the procedures in Beverly Hills, h You're
gonna be in and out. Then you're gonna have to
come back to my office about six weeks later. Uh,
we're gonna have to test your seamen. And I had
(02:20):
went to their bathroom when I first got to that
doctor that appointment that day, and I noticed there's tons
and tons of pornography and I was like, oh, I
know it goes on in this bathroom, a little jerkshack.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Ugh. Anyway, I didn't I didn't touch anything, and I
washed I'd be instead. It's just weird.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
To see so many publications of pornography still in print. Anyway,
he looks at me and he says, you know, are
you sure you don't. I'm like, God, listen, I've got
two kids. I've got tons and tons of semen that
I store in all my socks. Now, yeah, I had some.
(03:01):
I've got some stored if things would ever change. And
then leading up to it, I've talked to some friends
and people sort of tell all, you're not getting put under.
I'm like, ah, he told me, fifty percent of people
get put under, fifty percent don't. So I was like,
all right, I'll drive myself, I won't get put under,
and I'll watch it. I get there for my appointment,
(03:21):
and lo and behold, it's at a place that I
know very well. It's at a fertility doctor's office where
the surgery happened, which was not where his office was originally,
and that i'd been there before, and that those places are.
You know, there's a lot of emotion going on there.
There's there's women in there getting you know, egg retrievals,
(03:41):
embryos implanted. You know, they're being told that they can't
have kids. So there's just there's just a lot of
stress there. There's a sign when you go to that
facility like don't bring your kids, don't show off, you know,
and people are getting cysts drained. It's it's just all bad.
And then me and they're just im just in here
(04:02):
to get my balls singed. It's just a circle of life,
is what I'm saying. This place does everything from we'll
make sure that your seemen, you know, makes the baby,
all the way to we'll make sure you never just again,
that's not what they do.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
But you understand. Okay, I get there.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I get They give me the questionnaire to fill out
and I always get furious and I don't read it.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I just check no.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
It's just a thousand boxes because you feel like if
you hit yes on any of them that they might
not do your surgery and you have to come back.
So I just hit and I checked no on everything.
But some of them were like really silly, like have
you ever had back pain? I'm like nope, never, of
course I have.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
You know.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Finally they call me, they call my name. I go
back there and she's like, here, put this with RoboN,
leave the backside open. You can just keep your socks on.
I'm like okay, and I go in there. I never
know how to tie the thing because it's behind me.
I can't do a good job. But I didn't have
to tie this one because it only had one string
(05:08):
on one side. The other side had ripped off, probably
from someone's frustration, so I just had to pinch it
closed while I walked out of the bathroom through the
common area to back to my room, and then I
sat down. Now, the nurse that I had was was young,
kind of cute. Immediately felt bad for her. I, oh, man,
you're gonna you're gonna see a lot today. What I
(05:29):
picked up on later is she was relatively new, or
at least new to doing this procedure, because some of
the couple of the older nurses were, uh, we're giving
her a lot of oh, this is what you should
do here, this is what She might have just been
an intern. Maybe when I wasn't looking at stuff, I
signed that, yeah, sure have some intern, uh sit in
(05:52):
on this one.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
So anyway, I keep my phone with me, of course,
and and uh.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
And once I get into the into the operating room,
they lay me out on a table and they open
these arm things for my arms, and then they immediately
pull up my thing and expose me from belly button
to mid thigh. So I'm laying on my back, arms spread,
just dicking balls in the you know, an operating room.
(06:20):
So well that and at least three to five people
at any any moment are inside this room, and I'm
like this, balls and penis just up. You're probably gonna
see my penis in this emergency pod from time to time.
I'm gonna show you my testicles. Okay, but we need
(06:41):
to be mature here. This is medical. I want other
people to learn from this, to know what to expect
going into it. I don't need people taking my penis
or my testicles and then putting them into some AI
generator and doing funny things with them. You know, Oh
my my penis just endorsed Trump.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I don't want it. I had trimmed.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I didn't shave going into this surgery, so I wasn't
I didn't look like a monster. But you know, she's like, oh,
did you shave? There was an older nurse and she's like,
did you shave? I said no, I didn't shave. I'm sorry,
and she's like, no, it's fine, and then she grabs
this like a little tiny hand raiser that doesn't have
like a stick on it, like she just hold her
(07:25):
to the finger and she just starts doing my ball
so fast. And then the girl, the young girl, she
comes over with some tape, like just a big piece
of it's not duct tape, but it's it's wide, it's
about the same with and she just starts sticking it
to my balls like sorry, and like is collecting the hair.
It's like a lint roller. There's quickly shaving my balls.
(07:49):
And then just she's just patting him. Then they begin cleaning,
and I say they there's three. There's three nurses, two
older nurses, and then this one young girl and they're
just my floppy sad Penis who's you know, scared and
rightfully so doesn't know what's going on.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
It's literally like the dream scenario.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Remember if you've ever gotten a massage, and not I'm
not talking about like a place that the owner of
the Patriots goes, but a real place like a nice spa,
and they're rubbing and they get really close to your
private and you're like, oh, my goodness, is so close,
but they don't. They don't actually touch anything. They tuck
things the right way. This is the exact opposite. This
(08:32):
is they exposed your penis and only touch your penis,
all of them at once. They're just and they're just
like it's just moving around, you know, they're putting eyed
eye everywhere, and it's just it's just embarre. It's just
whipping around. This is ten fifteen minutes of more and
she's spraying it with some cleanser, which it felt like
(08:52):
if you had a can of lighter fluid on a
charcoal grill that you was like going shit because like
it was cold. I was like, well, oh I jumped
a little bit at that, and she's like, oh, I'm sorry.
And then casually my doctor walks in and goes, oh, guys,
what are you doing. You never want to hear that. Guys,
what do you do? Like, oh, they're definitely doing something wrong.
(09:12):
He goes, oh, just tape is his penis down because
he saw it doing the helicopter thing. So they took
a piece of tape just across my waist and taped
it to my stomach. You know, like if you ever
when you were a kid or on a plane and
you got a boner, you hide it under your waistband.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
You know, keep it flush against you. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
He made to a long nap on a plane. You
woke up with a heart on. It's happened anyway. Now
it's time. Now it's time for the big show. He
comes in and he's just gonna he's got his own
concoction of whatever is gonna numb me, and he's like,
this is gonna hurt just for a second, about twenty seconds,
he's gonna puncture and you know, fill me.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
And he's and he's gonna pinch hard.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
He basically, you know, finds the Vaz deference with his
finger and that's where he's going to go through. And
so he pinches. He injects, I'm feeling it. I'm like oh,
and he's like you're doing fine. I'm like okay, but
like that hurts.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
It hurts.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
I'm like, okay, now we just wait a few minutes.
There's small talk. He's telling me all kinds of things
about other celebrities, and you know, he's like, I can't
tell you who this athlete is, but just celebrity gossip.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
It was fun. By the way, Well I'm having the surgery.
Guess what music they're playing?
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Literally eighties rock ballads like everything is about like losing love,
and I'm like, is this a joke? And it had
to have been, but he's like, oh, it's just what's
on anyway. Next thing, you know, my balls are not
can you feel this? And I'm like no, and he's
like are you sure? And I'm like, whoa now, none
(10:51):
of that. So then he goes in there with his thing.
It's just like it's like a puncture hole, clips it
and you know it cauterizes it and people say, oh
you can like it smells like bacon or something. I
didn't smell anything. I've got a great sense of smell,
and smells sometimes freaked me out. I didn't smell anything.
And then I was like, oh, that wasn't so bad.
And he's like, okay, now we got to do the
other side. And I was like, oh, I didn't think
(11:13):
about that. You know, you got two balls. It's basically
you're going in for two surgeries, one for each boy,
and so then the exact same thing, pinch, painful, inject
a hole, sticks it in, clips, cauter rises, and that's it.
I pulled my phone out At one point He's like,
put your phone away, man, I'm like all right, sorry.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Then I pulled it out again.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I took a phone over my penis because I'm like
that if I'm gonna have one dick pic in my phone,
it should be of this again.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
So many people just in there seeing this. He's done.
I thank him.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
I guess I was like, I'll see in a few weeks,
and I'm like, okay, hey, I have to go home.
I have to heal, and then I have to masturbate
for twenty ejaculations in twenty four hours. No, not twenty
four hours. I think he said six to eight weeks.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
I'm like, easy.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, I didn't think that impressed him, but whatever. So
he finishes. Then the nurses begin cleaning me up, and
they're like, can you like lift up. There's a lot
of stuff underneath now, like wiping my butt. Like I'm
just like a and I'm fully awake and like, you know,
everything is normal, so I can help. But I'm like,
just keep doing it.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
There's rubbing me clean, all of them at once, like
just it's almost like it's like a team at a
car wash where they're just as fast as they can.
Let's let's get this dick out and get the next
one in here, and yeah. Then they're like, okay, let's
you know, we'll go over. And by the way, when
she was like, go over your post of the young
girl again, I could barely look her in the eyes
(12:52):
at this point. I'm like, you should see me erect
And I didn't say any of that, but no, She's like,
you can read. That's what she said to me.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
You can read. It's just this paper base.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I need you to ice your balls for twenty four
to forty eight hours every twenty minutes. I'm like, well,
what about when I sleep? As she's like, oh, just
go to bed. I'm like, okay, good. And they give
you a jockstrap to wear, and then they give you
like thirty medical gloves that they just want you to
fill with ice and tie it ont And I'm like,
why don't you guys have your own ice pack mechanism?
(13:21):
Why am I using a glove? Is like a little
funny hand job joke that you got you have for
people to give vasectomies. But you put that down there,
you wrap it in gauze, and you put it there
twenty minutes on, twenty minutes off for the first twenty
four to forty eight hours. I don't know if I
was good about it. I didn't have any swelling. They
gave me some tile and all three you know, the
coating one. I took that one time because I wanted
(13:43):
to get ahead of the pain when the numbing wore off.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
And I never felt pain, so I never took it again.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
And then I took the You have your antibiotics that
you take, and you can't go into a pool of
jacuzzi for a week or work out for a week.
I guess I'm on day four right now, and I'm
not allowed to ejaculate for five to seven days. And
I'm told that feels a little different on your first ejaculation.
But I will see. I'm gonna do it on air.
(14:11):
But all in all, you know a good thing. Now
I have to go back after fifteen ejaculations, fifteen to twenty,
and I have to get two zero sperm count, you know,
all clears before they say you're good to go to
bang roadhors. I have to go back to his original office,
(14:31):
go into the bathroom with all the pornography. You know,
he's got to collect a sample. I don't think I
can bring a sample in. I'll check pete. See if
I can bring a sample in. Yeah, you can. It
just can only be like an hour old. Oh man,
that's gonna be tough. So I can bring my own
sample in What kind of container am I gonna put
it in? They sent us a link to some on
Amazon that we can use.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I thought I was gonna have to use some of
my tupperware, because I know Carly get mad because we
have tupperware that we give away to people.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
I gave some way to my cookie dealer, and then
I've got the good stuff at home that we use glass.
The next day, my wife scheduled a back to school
pool party, so a bunch of my son's friends were over,
and she's like, well, you can't swim, so you can
be lifeguard. Just keep an eye on everybody. I'm like, well,
if somebody's drowned, I can't jump in, and she's like, yeah,
(15:19):
that's a good point. But then all the dads were
asking me like, oh, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't.
There's no way. I always think that's weird. Why but yeah,
the amount of people are like, you lose some of
your libido when you do this. I'm like, how much
libido do you need? How much libido do you guys
want tons? You want tons? No, how much more productive
(15:42):
would I be my entire career if I had thirty
percent less libido. That's a high number. I think you
only lose like, I don't know five. I don't even
know what you lose. I don't even know if you
lose any and some men. I know there's some side effects.
So one of the side effects is dementia, which I
think is a great side effect. Love to get dementia
right now. That's not my problem. That's my wife's problem.
(16:04):
I'm not gonna remember shit anyway. I've got a reversal
scheduled for next week. I wonder what the fastest someone's
done a reversal. I wonder if I could come in
the next day and get a reversal, that would be
That'd be interesting.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Doc, I made a huge mistake. It just seems like
such an easy thing.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
For a guy to take care of, versus counting on
women to take a pill every single day at the
same time.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
That's just nonsense. I know how you're responsible. My wife is. Meanwhile,
I've been sending anybody who asked, oh I was of
a second. I just send him a.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Photo of my balls during the surgery, all right. That
does it for me and my sad boy balls. Eddie
hit with the siren. It's just sad sounding. My poor
little balls, my poor little balls.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Man. They went through a lot
Host
Daniel Tosh
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