February 8, 2024 • 42 mins
Devin and Carolina catch each other up on their dating lives before diving into a recap of the new season of The Bachelor featuring an actual hot person named Joey who is breaking revolutionary ground by asking the women on the show questions about themselves. Devin and Carolina comment on Joey’s potential connections from a pair of tense sisters to an ancient thirty-one year old and more!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh it's true.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hello and welcome to true Romance. This is Carolina Barlow.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
This is Devin Leary.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
So I know everyone's been on the edge of their
seats probably all week, probably wondering how did Carolina's date go?
She did go on a date with a hinge standout.
What's that like to go on a date with a
minor celebrity. My date was uneventful. I took a cueue
out of Devin's book and I went for ice cream,
(00:42):
which could not have been smarter. I do not understand
I would not be able to survive on a dinner
with this man. This man showed up looking so scared.
It was as if I brought a gun to the date,
like I was if I was holding a gun to him.
He I approached him, he did not open his arms
the hug. He just stood there and said Hi. That
(01:05):
was sort of the tone that was set for our date.
It was so stilted, so awkward. It suddenly filled me
with confidence because I was like, I actually, like, for
someone who has been on zero dates in the past,
we're going to say four years. I was actually the
(01:26):
one who was kind of like, you know what, I'm
going to be more relaxed than you are, clearly, and
I was kind of relaxed in talking about myself and
feeling myself, and I he looked extremely uncomfortable, to the
point where we were just guessing at things to talk about, like, oh, right,
so you said you lived with your sister, all right,
so you said you're from Seattle, And it was just
(01:48):
so uncomfortable is the word. And but the whole time,
I was just thrilled that I was on a date.
And I like, I had my New Year's resolutions this year,
and there were all of them were like pretty setting
high bars for myself, except for I said go on
one date, Like, just go on one date. And I
(02:10):
was so thrilled that I just went on the date
and I didn't have to talk about my car accident.
I didn't have to talk about my trauma. I could
just go on a normal date and it could be
a dud and I could survive from that. And I
was talking to my therapist about it, and she was like,
because I was talking about how dating kind of feels
like obligatory right now, like I'm not like, oh my god,
(02:30):
I'm met with the cutest guy. What if he's the
one like, it's more like, I'm talking to this guy.
He seems fine. The conversation is about TV shows. I
don't really want to have a conversation over text with
a stranger about watching Severance, But here I am. And
she was like, that's actually kind of a good place
to be at with dating, because you can have a
date that's a dud and you can't lead out like
(02:50):
on the floor. But that is how my date went.
I'm talking to other people on hinge. It's a little
nerve wracking. Nerve wracking is the wrong word. It's a
little annoying. I don't want to be talking to strangers
on the internet who I'm not sure if I'll be
attracted to in person. But yet here I am.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Here you are. You did it. I think it's good
to just get in the practice of it too, and
then it just like, truly, I am so much more
comfortable on first dates now because I've just been on
so many, like it just becomes more like second nature. Ish,
I guess totally. So I feel like, just keep doing
(03:32):
it and eventually it could work out and you could
meet someone and then you like them and then it's
going really well and everything's perfect. And you think, wow, like,
when is the other shoot going to drop? And then
you go on a trip and it's the first time
you guys have really been apart. And then he falls
asleep without telling you that, and you think that all
(03:54):
is lost.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah, Devin recently did not receive a text back after
sending it out fit pick and.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Almost tribulation. You know you need to go if you
wanted details on a story, go to for the drama
dot substack dot com the number four the drama dot
substack dot com. But I will say I haven't deleted
the apps yet because I'm not naive. I'm smart and
I get but I don't really check them anymore. So
(04:25):
I forgot about this. I do want to read this
because it's just like I have compassion for men. I
know that, like masculinity is really hard and like men
don't have friends to talk to and stuff, but like
this kind of behavior is so incredible to me. So
I was checking my message requests actually, just in case
(04:46):
anyone associated with the person I have a crush on
who wasn't responding to me, in case any of them
just thought of me and thought to like message me
and let me know what he's up to normal normal.
So I was my message request. You know, maybe one
of one of his friends I met loosely, would you know?
They're at the hospital, like something awful happened. They're like,
(05:08):
who was that girl? That that beautiful girl with the
red hair, and anyone remember her? She's just like a
vision in our minds now, But we have to tell
her what's going on with him? Okay. So I checked
my message request and I see a message from some
guy I won't name him. He says, message, do you
(05:28):
want to riot? But maybe this is better. I'm coming
into the city tonight for a meeting done by eight thirty.
Want to grab a late dinner or drinks? Ps? And
then puts his phone number. So I'm like, all right,
just first of all, like I'm coming into the city,
like where do you live? And also like it just
the message was so familiar, like it was like so like, hey,
(05:54):
I'm coming in, like let's meet up after but then like, ps,
here's my phone number because we've never spoken and never met.
Then the next thing under that is I had posted
a thing that I'm in Seattle, and he responded with
a frown face emoji. I'm like okay, So I go
to Riya find this guy. His first message to me
weeks ago was nothing before this, and by the way,
(06:17):
I have nothing in my bio on Riya, like there's nothing,
there's no thing to respond to. He goes, if it's
any consolation, I was born with red hair, too.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Done, goodbye, presuming like that means like you have any
shame about having red hair. It's so weird. That is
so weird. The next message is PS. This guy loves PS.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
By the way. The next message is PS. I'll be
in the city Thursday night if you'd like to get together.
Then a few days later, PPS, we can get a
late dinner downtown at like nine if that works for you,
or we hang out with your cats. I'm down for either.
Let me know sooner or later, because if I don't
end up with any plans, I might just take a
late trade back to DC versus staying until Friday.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Psh oh, so this reminds me of like the worth
this actually is. I I have sympathy for this man.
The redhead comment kind of bothers me, but I have
sympathy for his desperation. I really do. Like I have
been in places where I wish I could take back
screenshots of a notes app because I blocked him on
(07:25):
Instagram of me texting a guy being like I really
like you, I'd really like to hang out soon. That
is really desperate. That's crazy behavior. And we've all been
there when we feel like this is someone who I
need to meet. I've only double texted someone on Riot once,
and it was a musician that I felt like, I
like need to be with you. You're so hot, And
(07:50):
even that felt like oh fuck when I texted him like, Hi,
I love this album, the one that he had in
his story or on his profile, and then I follow
it up literally like a month later, being like let
me know when you're in La question mark. But even
that was less than me being like even that was
minor compared to the female version of that, which is like,
(08:12):
I am at one one four six Lucille Avenue in
Los Angeles, California. Please contact me and let me know
when you get into a cab after you land at LAX.
It will cost approximately sixty dollars to get to my house.
I will pay.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
If you don't let me know, I will have to
change my entire plans. It's like that's The thing that
really got me is like, first of all, like I
don't need to know your plans if I don't know you,
Like my parting is like if I'm walking down the
street and someone passes me with a suitcase, I don't
need to know where they're going. Like that's the equivalent
of how well I know this man? And he's like, so, PS,
if you don't let me know soon, like I'll be
(08:51):
going to Washington, DC. It's like I don't okay, I
don't know you. I don't know why you would go there,
Like who are you the president of the goddamn United States?
As well be because to me you're no one. But
it's really but yeah, I think, but it's different than
what you're saying, Like I mean, I've sent multiple dms
to Vinie Guadagnino from Jersey Shore and he doesn't respond.
(09:15):
Like it's one thing to like send a few cute
thirty flirty things or like to send one thing like
I've had people will message like something flirty and then
the next message is like do you actually want to
like hang out? And that's fine, but like to send
multiple things that are like hey, ps, I found you
on a different platform because I needed to get in
touch with you because PPS, I have to go to Washington,
(09:36):
DC and PPS can when we get dinner at an IPM,
I have a business meeting. It's like, are you having
a mental breakdown? Are you about to be diagnosed with
something you didn't know you had? That explains a lot,
you know what I mean? Like that's kind of the vibe.
But anyway, I blocked him and that was just an
interesting That was an interesting recall in to the world
(10:00):
of dating. Yeah, and I don't think you should let
it distract you, or I don't think you should let
it deter you.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Or distract me. Speaking of love and dating, we have dived,
dove in, dipped our dove in. Okay, to the new season.
Can we take that back? We sound so stupid. Actually,
just keep it all in. We have jumped. That's easy
(10:33):
into the new season of the Bachelor.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
She blanked guys. Her face would blank for the new
season of Guys.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
I'm stupid.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Probably ten million things came into your head. Could be traders,
could be do you know what.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
I don't know how to speak, Like sometimes I wonder
if I know how to speak. I was trying to
use an analogy the other day that was reading the
tea leaves and I was not speaking English. I just frozen,
like I don't know how good I am at speaking English.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I don't know how good I am either, And actually
I know it's not very good at all. And I
think that's fine. I think that's fine.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I am not good at that.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
We do have a job where we speak into microphones
and it's broadcast, but we don't have to be good
at that, And like, that's what they don't tell you
is that you don't have to be good at speaking
to have a podcast. You don't have to you don't
have to have but any skills to be doing this.
And if you're listening to this and that makes you
feel like empowered, this is a rip off that you
(11:39):
have the wrong response because you should feel empowered inspired.
Ps pps, this could be you.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
I want to talk about Joey. He is the Bachelor,
he was on Charity Season, he was in the last
two People. He I haven't felt turned on in a while,
Like I've just felt like kind of like Barbie, like
nothing's going on down there for me, and Joey has
(12:08):
awoken me a little bit. I don't know what it is.
I think that there is something authentic about him. I
think there this is like a breath of fresh air.
I guess the ratings are really good for the season.
And someone on Twitter was like, yeah, because you actually
hired an attractive man, Like he is so beautiful. But
he also is the first and I've unfortunately been watching
(12:32):
a lot of seasons of The Bachelor I'm bachelorette. He
is the first lead who has really sought to get
to know these people, like every date he yes, he's like,
can you tell me a little bit more about yourself?
Like you said that you ran a nonprofit and I
really saw you light up when you talked about it.
I would love to hear more about that. Like he
(12:53):
isn't just the kind of everyone else I feel like
on dates or anything, was like I'm just feeling the
spark with us, and I really how you're just so
yourself and you just have this beautiful energy or you
just are like so confident and I really love it.
Like it's the most vague, boring bullshit. And here he's like, Hey,
(13:14):
you said you had trouble getting vulnerable. I'm so curious,
why do you think that is? And it just like
leads us to these actual fruitful conversations where I have
watched the blast I swear to I swear, I'm not
going to swear to God. I'm not going to swear
to our Lord almost to God earlier and it was
really say, I was so scared today, I swear to God,
(13:37):
and I do not know it's tell my parents tonight.
Oh God, oh God, please, I I swear to no one.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Wait, what was I watching? Oh, Real House Lives in
Miami That Adriana said a prayer when they were on
the boat in Mexico City, and she's like, God, please
have mercy on this friend group. Some of us need
more help than others.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
So good, so great. So I swear I've been able
to turn like off my brain when watching the past
five seasons of The Bachelor and Bachelorette, Like I just
don't care that, Like I was watching it like five
(14:28):
years ago. I'm being like this guy, Pilot Pete sucks dick,
Like I just hate it.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
All right, So let me say something. I agree that
Pilot Pete sucks dick. All right, God, are you listening.
I do agree that Pilot Pete sucks dick. But at
the same time. I also have to say that on
the Traders specifically, he is attractive, but only on the
Traders as Pravai, as Parvati Shallow describes him, he is
(14:54):
the most blue blood detective of the group and he
is attractive in that role.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Alighting on moving on he Here's the comparison between him
and Joey. There was a pillow fight competition on Pilot
Pete season where as the girls fought, Pete shouted at them,
how bad do you want it? Cut to years later,
Joey's the Bachelor and as the girls are doing push
(15:20):
ups for some physical challenge, Joey goes, I'll join you.
He starts with push ups too. As the girls are
attempting to push tires over he he helps them. It's
like he.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Now this sounds I'm hearing it. I know it's like
sad to hear this out loudcause it's like he does
push ups with them, and therefore he's a good man girls.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Girl.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
I just is what I am loving for is a
girl's girl like I would love to find someone who
could hop on the mic with us, much like Kylie
Kelsey does with Travis and Jason Kelsey and hops on
their podcast At times, I would love to find a
man who I said, you are joining this episode of
the podcast to talk about arguments we get into, or
(16:06):
sex we have, or how you proposed in my fantasy.
He's also proposed to me. I would like someone.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
How you're obsessed with me, How you're always saying I'm
stunning and perfect, How rich.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
You are, How you actually want to build a house
for me. How you want to take care of the
kids mostly while I get to hang out and watch
TV alone. How you would like to be the primary
child's care, child caretaker, child take care. Don't know how
to speak English? Nobody ever told me, But Joey just
(16:41):
actually seems interested in these women. He also whenever a
girl cries, which on this season they do, I seriously
think it's because they're like shocked that a man is
listening to them. Yes, also obviously like this franchise is
full of women crying and men crying, But every time
a girl cries, he wipes away his tear their tears
with his thumb. It is the hottest thing I've ever
(17:03):
seen in my life that I'm just so into it.
And as he always says, take a breath. It's okay,
I'm right here. It's okay, you're good. You're all good.
And it's just like, actually what you need to hear
when you're panicking or you're about to cry, and he
actually knows how to do it. He doesn't freak out.
He remains completely calm while these girls are like having meltdowns.
(17:25):
It's so early to cry, by the way, and all
the girls are doing it.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
That's kind of a classic. That's a classic. But I
think so I wasn't really attracted him in Charity season,
as some may recall, and I felt his mom was
disturbing and by the way, I'm excited for her to
return as a mom do she just was like one
of those women who like has wind chimes and like
(17:51):
ready Black speaks about speaks about energies and healing and reiki.
But she also was like obsessed with him and like
clearly attracted to him. And as someone who's maybe dealt
with that in the previous relationship, mom being obsessed with
and maybe attracted to their son, it's tough, not it's easy.
(18:16):
It's not easy, and it's not something that makes a
lot of sense.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
And much more common than you would believe. I think
mothers and sons, dads and daughters and mothers and sons.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Weird sinister as hell, and you know, the thing is
like we're human beings, and human beings are mammals, and
mammals are part of you know, like what Charles Darwin
would call like a species. And so it's we learn
these community roles and we learn like this is typically
like mom and dad raised child and don't have attraction
(18:50):
to them. And then when you come into a situation
where that gets skewed somehow. You know, dad, daughter sitting
on dad's lap while daughter is adult, Like I mom
texting son twenty four to seven about her personal issues
and uh, I don't know, son saying something about the
(19:12):
mom's hair style. I just you know, these things, These things.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Are tough, yeah, because it throws you.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
You're like, I'm just in it. It throws you to
that place where you're like, but I'm a mere I'm
a mere mammal and I'm trying to distinguish where is safe?
When how will I survive here? And I'm confused?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
That makes total sense. And I weirdly think that a
lot of moms get threatened by a girlfriend's presence, yes,
which I find cuckoo because wouldn't you just be like,
thank god, someone likes my son. The normal response, I
don't have personal experience with this. I've just seen it
from Afar. A lot of the time, moms tend to
(19:55):
love me, I'm.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
The normal response I've experienced is like thank god, yeah,
because I think like I think the thing with daughters,
like with women, it's like most people start from a
skeptical place like does this person deserve you? And with men,
I think people like start from a thank god place
of like, wow, someone will love you. Question Mark. So anyway,
(20:18):
Joey's mom's weird, but like whatever, he's a tennis instructor.
That's how he's tan. And let me say it's so true.
None of these men have been attractive recently, Like just
on The Bachelor, it's like.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
The Zach Oh my god, he looked like such a
fight nerd. He looks like the kid and like class
who was bragging about what college he went to. He
totally he looks like the guy who got into Cornell
and is like, guys, I'm going to an IVY League.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Yeah. He's like, technically it's IVY League. A lot of
people forget it's Ivy. That's so him. That's so him,
and he's like on the rowing team and like vaguely
gay about it, like I just I can't. So that's him.
He sucks, Honestly, Matt James was the last hot bachelor
we had.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Matt James is really hot, but I will say Matt
James was someone who seemed so uninterested in listening to
the women, Like he was just like.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
He just chose who he was attracted to and doesn't
care about her person.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
He chose Baby Voice Rachel Kirconnell. I mean, they're still together,
so like, kudos to them, and they're in a longer
relationship than I've ever been in so who am I
to say?
Speaker 3 (21:26):
And he's so like they're in love and honestly, like
that's beautiful and we would love to go to the
wedding and.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
We'd love to have them on the pod. But he,
like so many girls like spilled their hindsight to him
and he was like, wow, thank you so much for
telling me that. Thank you.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Yeah, he didn't know jack shit.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Meanwhile, Joey is like my therapist.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Joey's my therapist. I zoom with him once a week
and he is attractive. And I also will say that
like it made a lot of sense. Like when when
the what's Jesse? We're always like, wait, who's that guy?
Speaker 2 (22:04):
I actually have never seen someone more unattractive than Jesse,
the host of The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. He
is like someone cut him out of cardboard. He's like,
you buy a lawnmower or something and he's the model
on the cardboard of the lawnmower and you're like, who's
so sexual being no?
Speaker 3 (22:23):
You know what it reminds me of I used to
smoke cigarettes. Yeah, let that sink in. I was badass.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
I was hard as nail. Show that we are not
like other girls. We are sick, we are we are
her head. We used to smoke cigarettes, and famously and
Hurricane Sandy, I was throwing out cigarettes that were half
smoked and was receiving physical, violent threats because of it.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Well, it's actually like, you know, people will say they're
a runner, and it's like they maybe they will go
on a jog once every couple of weeks. It's like
they're not running marathons. That's similar to how Carolina said
she was a smoke her because she never had her
own packs and never finished a cigarette. She would smoke
half of one and be like, oh, I don't feel
good and like throw it out.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
So this is true. I'm sick of denying, denying, denying.
This is true. This is a true fact about me.
People want for me.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
When that happens normally, like that's annoying, and we can
like make fun of you for it. But when it
happens during Hurricane Sandy and we've chosen to be staying
in my parents' apartment, that the lobby was flooded and
there was no electricity and we had nowhere to go,
and there was no bodega's opening, we would have to
walk through hellish conditions with water up to our knees.
God knows what's in the water.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
I was hooking up with my soon to be boyfriend
in your bed and being like, Devin, be normal about it.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
And I didn't have a boyfriend and never had and
thought I never would. And we're going to have to
trudge through rat water to get more cigarettes. When that happens,
and you're on the balcony and Carolina Drop takes two
drags and drops in slow motion a cigarette. We watched it.
Barrel down toward the floodwater. Anyone could have had the
last drags of that, and many of us were nicotine dependent.
(24:07):
That was hard.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
I hear you. I regret my behavior. I will say
it was a national emergency and no one right how
to behave.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Right.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
I think that's similar to what FEMA said about Hurricane Katrina.
So that makes sense. Is that the right name of
the organization? FEMA?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
You're talking to someone stupid? Sorry to tell you, all right.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
Whatever organization that George Bush did a bad job with
during Amakie Katrina had.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Us on Instagram, tell us it is it FEMA or not?
Speaker 3 (24:47):
All right? There was this little boy from Texas. His
name was George and he was not a very good president.
And some say now they're like, oh wow, I wish
I could have George Bush compared to Trump. Really think
about that, think about it.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Think about it an actual war criminal who killed hundreds
of thousands of people.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
And when you're thinking about that, go on Wikipedia dot
org and figure out what the organization was. Was it
FEMA and let us know? Okay, So what I'm trying
to say is I used to smoke cigarettes this apartment
I lived in, and every single day when I went
out on the balcony there. And by the way, Beth
Jacobs is listening to this, just fucking salivating out over
how many humble brags have been contained in this. She'll
(25:26):
never forgive me for when I said I was grateful
for having a balcony, and how that's a humble brag
to have a balcony. Yes, I had a balcony in
my apartment, and I smoked cigarettes on the balcony. And
every single day I would see the apartment across the
way there was one of those rest or boxing mannequin guys,
like it was like a foam man's body on a spring. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah, it's one of those red foam bodies. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Every single day, multiple times a day, I would see that,
think it was a man, and get startled and then
be like, oh, it's just that guy. That is Jesse Palmer.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
That is so true.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
If that had been Jesse Palmer just standing there in
the same position, staring off into the distance, getting punched
a few times a day and just bouncing back, I
wouldn't be surprised. And in some ways that's a compliment.
So what was the point of this, Oh, just.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Talking about how unlike how we can't remember his name
and how unattractive he is.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
But that wasn't the point. Thanks for saying that, But
that wasn't the point. The point was Jesse Palmer said
that this is the most women there's ever been on
the season of The Bachelor, and most of the women
were coming because they were so interested in Joey. I
was not surprised by that, Like the world was a
light with interest when it was announced that this hot
(26:43):
tennis instructor who lived in Hawaii was going to be
the bachelor who's like always one of those guys who's
always tan and you don't really know why, though, I
will say his eyes look a little weird to me
sometimes and like when they were like.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Yes, Stevin thinks he's sick. I think he's sick because
the whites of his eyes are like a little bit yellow.
She thinks his lover's failing, his liver is descending into darkness,
but his heart remains pure. I also think that I'm
(27:23):
gonna I'm gonna bring back pilot P because I think
he was one of the worst bachelors. Pilot P was
like really sexual with the women, like he would be
in like talking to them, and he'd be like, what
I think you should do is get up on this
counter right now for me to kiss you. Like he's
just like very aggressive cut too. Every time that Joey
kisses one of these women, I like trust his instincts
(27:46):
and and I don't think maybe he's not the smartest
guy in the world, because I truly believe him when
he's like, I think my wife is here. I truly
think he believes that. And I truly don't think he
here for like a sponsorship. I mean, don't get me wrong,
everyone's here because it'll like lead to like sponsored ads
and it's like you're gonna get like constant income for
(28:08):
the next five years. But yeah, I do believe that
he has like this kind of fairy tale idea of love.
There are some people who are really excited about Daisy
who has the cochlear implant. She obviously love her. She
does seem kind of stupid, but I love the vulnerability.
(28:31):
She's very genuine, very genuine Kelsey who was the one
who brought a voodoo doll because she's from New Orleans,
which I frankly don't mess with.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
Wait is that Kelseya?
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Yeah, she's always being like.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
Kel Cia Kelcia. Oh, I'm gonna have to think about Kelca.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
But then of course we have the sisters. So sisters
joined the season, which I think, and I'm just going
to say the word is frankly disgusting.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
It goes back to the species thing, the skewing of lines.
It goes you know, as a scientist, I would say,
this goes back to the skewing of lines within the species.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
And my sister and I had a rule growing up
which was we would never if like someone like, we
would never kiss the same person. Like we went to
the same high school obviously, and if someone hooked up
with someone, it was like, that's you never touched that
person because they've already been like touched without my sister. Gross.
Come to find out, this certain guy we'll call him
(29:38):
tud I kissed once to get my to get this
guy that were eventually going to become my boyfriend jealous,
and it was the worst kiss of my life. Cut
to years later, my sister hooks up with him. I
am fine with the fact that she hooks up with him,
(29:59):
because it's true really like five years after the fact,
but even then I get for shicks. I'm like you
broke our rule like do not hook up with the
same person. But this is different going on a reality
dating show with your sister and talking to a guy
together about how your sisters there was something deeply gross
(30:20):
about that.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
To me, it's disgusting.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
And you know, speaking of the sponsorships, a lot of
people do think that these two came on the show
to become like Bachelor in Paradise staples like those blonde
twins where I got it, are those like little boy
twins who came on yeah, and like get a career
out of it.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
But one moment that made me think otherwise was when
the youngest sister got the first rose in the first
rose ceremony, and the older sister turned around and said,
you can fuck off, and then the younger sister immediately
started crying. I said, that's a trauma response. The immediacy
(31:04):
of the crying, that's something has happened there. There's darkness there,
and I think you know the right the right sibling stayed,
I will say, but I don't think either of them
is for the long haul.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Well, the older sister truly did have something I think
we both can identify with, which is like I am
waiting to see this guy. I am now in such
a bad mood that I am ready to walk away,
Like you have built up so much anger that you're
like this isn't worth it anymore. Ye I've gotten Like
I remember I was dating someone who like didn't text
(31:42):
me back, like for an entire day, and by the
time I talked to him, I was like, I hate you.
I already hate you. And so she is ready to
leave the house because she's like, I'm just in a
bad mood and this is so stupid. And he again
is talking to her like you know, a hostage crisis negotiator,
where he's like, I can see you're upset. Okay, I'm
(32:03):
really sorry if I did anything to upset you. Like
He's very calm, cool and collected, but she's ready to
bounce because she had to wait too long to talk
to him. And I completely understand that.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
You know. I also have to mention in episode one
the well, I don't have anything to say about this,
but I guess it's just we have to say that
the girl who got the like audience Participation Award or something,
oh my god, she got like a letter and it's
like the whole night she's like, I don't know if
(32:37):
I should read the letter, and then she reads it
and it's like you can steal a one on one
and she's like, I'm actually a good person, so I'm
going to burn this letter. And that was like so
much drama that I was like, this just isn't that
big of a deal, Like I just do whatever you want.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
She was crying multiple times, and you could tell it
was sincere, like she was like, I'm sorry, I don't
know this happening.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Again, she's like, but I would never do this to
women who like gone. So it was honestly like it
reminded me of the Joe Litulio character in Burning Life
was like, dude, I'm away from my son for this,
where she's like women have come so far away from
their families to be here and like I can't take
a one on one from them, and I'm not going
(33:18):
to play God. At one point she's like I can't
like play God, and it's like, you know, I don't
know that God is residing necessarily over the Bachelor mansion
in La Jolla, California, but that who knows. I don't
know where God reigns, and that's something I always say,
it's like I don't know where God is or where
he reigns.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
That's why I won't swear to him.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
And I don't swear to him, and like I don't know.
Merry Christmas. But let me say, by the way, speaking
of Christmas, what about the girl that was like, I'm
like when the girl was like, hey, Joey, so my
special thing for you is I grew up on a
Christmas tree farm. So here is a fully decorated Christmas
tree that represents my family. And that made me think
(33:59):
of the producers because I'm like, imagine most of the
girls are like, so I would love to like pull
up on a bicycle. It's like that's like pretty easier.
Like I would love to have like a shot of
tequila that I can hand to him. And this girl's like,
so I would like a fully decorated seven foot tall
fur balsam fur with lights and a tree skirt. It's
like did you really need all that? And all these
(34:19):
producers are having to put that together? But anyway, also,
who grows up on a Christmas tree farm? That's not
Taylor Swift Like Anyway, the other thing I wanted to
bring up was how humbling. It was as a thirty
one turning thirty two year old watching the girl who
said that she is thirty one years old, so this
(34:41):
is really hard for her.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
It was really dark.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
And she she doesn't have as much time. She basically inferred, like,
I don't have as much time on earth as you guys,
so it would be nice to get some time with Joey.
Like I am really teetering on the edge of the
grave here.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
When I will die, it could be soon in this mansion.
Can I please get some couch time with Joey?
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Yeah? Like and I please? And then Maria is that
the other girl who I love, who Marie I love?
She's like, I wanted to change into something more comfortable
and it's like lingerie and she's like, no, this is
actually more comfortable than my outfit. No, it actually is,
like this is so comfortable. This bra and tight skirt
(35:26):
is like actually so comfortable. So she was like, well,
I'm old too, so like I don't really because she's
twenty nine. She's like, I'm actually really old too, so
like I don't know why she's upset because like just whatever,
Like you're supposed to meet your person when you meet
nothing like being twenty nineteen years old to make you
think you know everything about what other people should be
(35:46):
thinking and doing and being like, you know what, you
actually only meet someone when you're supposed to meet them.
Just FYI. So that was something I loved.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Yeah, as a thirty three year old turning thirty four
in a couple of months, it was humbling. But you
know what's so funny to me about the Bachelor Mansion too,
is Okay, so you have a crush in your life
right now, think about yourself before and after you see
your crush. So before I can only imagine knowing you,
like a lot of work goes into presenting yourself and
(36:20):
then maybe post seeing this person. And I'm not saying
anything about your appearance right now, but I'm guessing you're
in some sort of wolf sweatshirt and.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
My double is like lightly resting at the top of
my sweatshirt.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
I'm wearing a shirt that today is Sunday, that I
wore to work on Friday and I just haven't gotten out.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Of it, and hair has not been washed washed.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Both of us, you can speak for both of us.
And I see these girls when they're resting in the
mansion and I'm like, as soon as Joey would have
left the premises and gone to his you know, wherever,
whichever little condo they're keeping him in, I would be
like unzipping my female suit and getting into like a
shirt with no bra, like pajama pants that I got
(37:11):
for free on like an airplane once and have not
gotten rid of, and like probably been like picking at
my toenails. And yes, I do not see that behavior.
And I start to wonder, you know, let's bring back Darwin.
Am I a member of this species? Is this a
different species?
Speaker 3 (37:28):
Is this? Because is she? Who are they?
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Who are they? I don't care if a camera is around,
as long as like a guy that I am trying
to sleep with is not around, I literally will look
like just like a crazy person who has my mother
once delicately put to me, sleeps on a bus.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
Right. Yeah, It's like I at this age, I am
right now in Seattle visiting my closest friend, and I
really for me, you know, stuff like that one of
my closest friends, she's one of my closest friends. And
I I like, look at this as a vacation from
(38:10):
the crosh I'm like having a crush is so intense.
When I'm in New York. It's like I have to
shave my legs every other day, I have to put
makeup on, I have to whatever. I literally was like,
I'm kind of excited to just like be have a
break from that and then immediately have a mental breakdown
when he doesn't respond right away.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
What about it if instead of getting into lingerie, if
I was like, I need to slip it is something
more comfortable and I just came out in like a
crop top that showed my belly and like sweatpants, and
I was like.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Ah, I actually think that would be incredible. Like imagine
the fan favoritism that would follow that. That's the thing
like if either of us was the on the Bachelor,
we would become America's sweetheart and they would be like,
she's the bacheorette, and then it would be interesting what follows,
But we would become the Bacherette.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
I would come out of the limo and I would
be like, hey, Joey, I just thought you should know something,
and then I would queef and I would go I
can quep on command, and I would come out of
America would be like, that is a girl. For us,
I would really be the Jessica Simpson of the Bachelorette.
Speaker 3 (39:15):
I would say, Hi, Joey, I'm like really anxious right now,
and I don't know why, like something just I don't know,
like I think I have to call my mom. I'm
really sorry, but I just don't.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Feel like you would go back into a limo.
Speaker 3 (39:32):
That would be me.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
I love the girl who was like, hey, do you
want to hear something crazy?
Speaker 5 (39:36):
And she just screamed doing this trick, I want to
hear something crazy.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
Yeah, that's literally what she did. And he was like okay, yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
He's like, now that is a wild one. I mean,
imagine having to react all that stuff. That would be
So it's so in the first episode, didn't they say
like the soun is rising now. At one point he's like, sorry,
it's been a late night. I'm like, this is actually
so terrifying to me, Like it's like, there's nothing more
terrifying to me than the sun rising, because it's like
either I had insomnia all night or I was like
(40:12):
doing drugs all night, and either way, like there's no
way of having a good day, like today is gone.
So to think of this sun coming up in the
Bachelor Mansion, and all you've been doing all night is
like waiting for five seconds to say you grew up
on a Christmas tree farm. I don't know about that.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
Yeah, I've stayed up all night watching the OC before
and like watch the sun Rise, and it was just
because I needed to watch the OC.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
I need a show like that. If anyone has recommendations,
I've already watched the OC, but I need like a show.
I can binge until six am because that really gives
me life.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Two am and I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
This song is a good Gray's anatomy.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
It's like Grace anatomy. When that fucking bomb was stuck
in that.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
Guy's Coach Taylor was like, all right, just take it out.
I know I'm gonna die, and she's like, you know.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
I have masturbated to that scene before. Isn't that funny?
Speaker 3 (41:03):
That's not funny at all. You shouldn't you shouldn't have
that reaction.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
To Coach Taylor. It was Coach Taylor.
Speaker 3 (41:12):
Coach Taylor is so hot. I wish he raised us
and also skewed the species lines with us.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
On that note.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
Oh did we both say that at the same time?
Speaker 2 (41:24):
We really did oh that's so cute.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
All right, well, thanks for.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Coming, Thanks for coming to our show.
Speaker 3 (41:32):
See you next time.
Speaker 4 (41:34):
Love you, Devin, Love you Carol's.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
It's so romant.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Lo Babey, don't leave me hanging.
Speaker 4 (42:04):
I want your
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Room, man,
Oh it's true.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hello and welcome to true Romance. This is Carolina Barlow.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
This is Devin Leary.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
So I know everyone's been on the edge of their
seats probably all week, probably wondering how did Carolina's date go?
She did go on a date with a hinge standout.
What's that like to go on a date with a
minor celebrity. My date was uneventful. I took a cueue
out of Devin's book and I went for ice cream,
(00:42):
which could not have been smarter. I do not understand
I would not be able to survive on a dinner
with this man. This man showed up looking so scared.
It was as if I brought a gun to the date,
like I was if I was holding a gun to him.
He I approached him, he did not open his arms
the hug. He just stood there and said Hi. That
(01:05):
was sort of the tone that was set for our date.
It was so stilted, so awkward. It suddenly filled me
with confidence because I was like, I actually, like, for
someone who has been on zero dates in the past,
we're going to say four years. I was actually the
(01:26):
one who was kind of like, you know what, I'm
going to be more relaxed than you are, clearly, and
I was kind of relaxed in talking about myself and
feeling myself, and I he looked extremely uncomfortable, to the
point where we were just guessing at things to talk about, like, oh, right,
so you said you lived with your sister, all right,
so you said you're from Seattle, And it was just
(01:48):
so uncomfortable is the word. And but the whole time,
I was just thrilled that I was on a date.
And I like, I had my New Year's resolutions this year,
and there were all of them were like pretty setting
high bars for myself, except for I said go on
one date, Like, just go on one date. And I
(02:10):
was so thrilled that I just went on the date
and I didn't have to talk about my car accident.
I didn't have to talk about my trauma. I could
just go on a normal date and it could be
a dud and I could survive from that. And I
was talking to my therapist about it, and she was like,
because I was talking about how dating kind of feels
like obligatory right now, like I'm not like, oh my god,
(02:30):
I'm met with the cutest guy. What if he's the
one like, it's more like, I'm talking to this guy.
He seems fine. The conversation is about TV shows. I
don't really want to have a conversation over text with
a stranger about watching Severance, But here I am. And
she was like, that's actually kind of a good place
to be at with dating, because you can have a
date that's a dud and you can't lead out like
(02:50):
on the floor. But that is how my date went.
I'm talking to other people on hinge. It's a little
nerve wracking. Nerve wracking is the wrong word. It's a
little annoying. I don't want to be talking to strangers
on the internet who I'm not sure if I'll be
attracted to in person. But yet here I am.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Here you are. You did it. I think it's good
to just get in the practice of it too, and
then it just like, truly, I am so much more
comfortable on first dates now because I've just been on
so many, like it just becomes more like second nature. Ish,
I guess totally. So I feel like, just keep doing
(03:32):
it and eventually it could work out and you could
meet someone and then you like them and then it's
going really well and everything's perfect. And you think, wow, like,
when is the other shoot going to drop? And then
you go on a trip and it's the first time
you guys have really been apart. And then he falls
asleep without telling you that, and you think that all
(03:54):
is lost.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah, Devin recently did not receive a text back after
sending it out fit pick and.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Almost tribulation. You know you need to go if you
wanted details on a story, go to for the drama
dot substack dot com the number four the drama dot
substack dot com. But I will say I haven't deleted
the apps yet because I'm not naive. I'm smart and
I get but I don't really check them anymore. So
(04:25):
I forgot about this. I do want to read this
because it's just like I have compassion for men. I
know that, like masculinity is really hard and like men
don't have friends to talk to and stuff, but like
this kind of behavior is so incredible to me. So
I was checking my message requests actually, just in case
(04:46):
anyone associated with the person I have a crush on
who wasn't responding to me, in case any of them
just thought of me and thought to like message me
and let me know what he's up to normal normal.
So I was my message request. You know, maybe one
of one of his friends I met loosely, would you know?
They're at the hospital, like something awful happened. They're like,
(05:08):
who was that girl? That that beautiful girl with the
red hair, and anyone remember her? She's just like a
vision in our minds now, But we have to tell
her what's going on with him? Okay. So I checked
my message request and I see a message from some
guy I won't name him. He says, message, do you
(05:28):
want to riot? But maybe this is better. I'm coming
into the city tonight for a meeting done by eight thirty.
Want to grab a late dinner or drinks? Ps? And
then puts his phone number. So I'm like, all right,
just first of all, like I'm coming into the city,
like where do you live? And also like it just
the message was so familiar, like it was like so like, hey,
(05:54):
I'm coming in, like let's meet up after but then like, ps,
here's my phone number because we've never spoken and never met.
Then the next thing under that is I had posted
a thing that I'm in Seattle, and he responded with
a frown face emoji. I'm like okay, So I go
to Riya find this guy. His first message to me
weeks ago was nothing before this, and by the way,
(06:17):
I have nothing in my bio on Riya, like there's nothing,
there's no thing to respond to. He goes, if it's
any consolation, I was born with red hair, too.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Done, goodbye, presuming like that means like you have any
shame about having red hair. It's so weird. That is
so weird. The next message is PS. This guy loves PS.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
By the way. The next message is PS. I'll be
in the city Thursday night if you'd like to get together.
Then a few days later, PPS, we can get a
late dinner downtown at like nine if that works for you,
or we hang out with your cats. I'm down for either.
Let me know sooner or later, because if I don't
end up with any plans, I might just take a
late trade back to DC versus staying until Friday.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Psh oh, so this reminds me of like the worth
this actually is. I I have sympathy for this man.
The redhead comment kind of bothers me, but I have
sympathy for his desperation. I really do. Like I have
been in places where I wish I could take back
screenshots of a notes app because I blocked him on
(07:25):
Instagram of me texting a guy being like I really
like you, I'd really like to hang out soon. That
is really desperate. That's crazy behavior. And we've all been
there when we feel like this is someone who I
need to meet. I've only double texted someone on Riot once,
and it was a musician that I felt like, I
like need to be with you. You're so hot, And
(07:50):
even that felt like oh fuck when I texted him like, Hi,
I love this album, the one that he had in
his story or on his profile, and then I follow
it up literally like a month later, being like let
me know when you're in La question mark. But even
that was less than me being like even that was
minor compared to the female version of that, which is like,
(08:12):
I am at one one four six Lucille Avenue in
Los Angeles, California. Please contact me and let me know
when you get into a cab after you land at LAX.
It will cost approximately sixty dollars to get to my house.
I will pay.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
If you don't let me know, I will have to
change my entire plans. It's like that's The thing that
really got me is like, first of all, like I
don't need to know your plans if I don't know you,
Like my parting is like if I'm walking down the
street and someone passes me with a suitcase, I don't
need to know where they're going. Like that's the equivalent
of how well I know this man? And he's like, so, PS,
if you don't let me know soon, like I'll be
(08:51):
going to Washington, DC. It's like I don't okay, I
don't know you. I don't know why you would go there,
Like who are you the president of the goddamn United States?
As well be because to me you're no one. But
it's really but yeah, I think, but it's different than
what you're saying, Like I mean, I've sent multiple dms
to Vinie Guadagnino from Jersey Shore and he doesn't respond.
(09:15):
Like it's one thing to like send a few cute
thirty flirty things or like to send one thing like
I've had people will message like something flirty and then
the next message is like do you actually want to
like hang out? And that's fine, but like to send
multiple things that are like hey, ps, I found you
on a different platform because I needed to get in
touch with you because PPS, I have to go to Washington,
(09:36):
DC and PPS can when we get dinner at an IPM,
I have a business meeting. It's like, are you having
a mental breakdown? Are you about to be diagnosed with
something you didn't know you had? That explains a lot,
you know what I mean? Like that's kind of the vibe.
But anyway, I blocked him and that was just an
interesting That was an interesting recall in to the world
(10:00):
of dating. Yeah, and I don't think you should let
it distract you, or I don't think you should let
it deter you.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Or distract me. Speaking of love and dating, we have dived,
dove in, dipped our dove in. Okay, to the new season.
Can we take that back? We sound so stupid. Actually,
just keep it all in. We have jumped. That's easy
(10:33):
into the new season of the Bachelor.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
She blanked guys. Her face would blank for the new
season of Guys.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
I'm stupid.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Probably ten million things came into your head. Could be traders,
could be do you know what.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
I don't know how to speak, Like sometimes I wonder
if I know how to speak. I was trying to
use an analogy the other day that was reading the
tea leaves and I was not speaking English. I just frozen,
like I don't know how good I am at speaking English.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I don't know how good I am either, And actually
I know it's not very good at all. And I
think that's fine. I think that's fine.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I am not good at that.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
We do have a job where we speak into microphones
and it's broadcast, but we don't have to be good
at that, And like, that's what they don't tell you
is that you don't have to be good at speaking
to have a podcast. You don't have to you don't
have to have but any skills to be doing this.
And if you're listening to this and that makes you
feel like empowered, this is a rip off that you
(11:39):
have the wrong response because you should feel empowered inspired.
Ps pps, this could be you.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
I want to talk about Joey. He is the Bachelor,
he was on Charity Season, he was in the last
two People. He I haven't felt turned on in a while,
Like I've just felt like kind of like Barbie, like
nothing's going on down there for me, and Joey has
(12:08):
awoken me a little bit. I don't know what it is.
I think that there is something authentic about him. I
think there this is like a breath of fresh air.
I guess the ratings are really good for the season.
And someone on Twitter was like, yeah, because you actually
hired an attractive man, Like he is so beautiful. But
he also is the first and I've unfortunately been watching
(12:32):
a lot of seasons of The Bachelor I'm bachelorette. He
is the first lead who has really sought to get
to know these people, like every date he yes, he's like,
can you tell me a little bit more about yourself?
Like you said that you ran a nonprofit and I
really saw you light up when you talked about it.
I would love to hear more about that. Like he
(12:53):
isn't just the kind of everyone else I feel like
on dates or anything, was like I'm just feeling the
spark with us, and I really how you're just so
yourself and you just have this beautiful energy or you
just are like so confident and I really love it.
Like it's the most vague, boring bullshit. And here he's like, Hey,
(13:14):
you said you had trouble getting vulnerable. I'm so curious,
why do you think that is? And it just like
leads us to these actual fruitful conversations where I have
watched the blast I swear to I swear, I'm not
going to swear to God. I'm not going to swear
to our Lord almost to God earlier and it was
really say, I was so scared today, I swear to God,
(13:37):
and I do not know it's tell my parents tonight.
Oh God, oh God, please, I I swear to no one.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Wait, what was I watching? Oh, Real House Lives in
Miami That Adriana said a prayer when they were on
the boat in Mexico City, and she's like, God, please
have mercy on this friend group. Some of us need
more help than others.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
So good, so great. So I swear I've been able
to turn like off my brain when watching the past
five seasons of The Bachelor and Bachelorette, Like I just
don't care that, Like I was watching it like five
(14:28):
years ago. I'm being like this guy, Pilot Pete sucks dick,
Like I just hate it.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
All right, So let me say something. I agree that
Pilot Pete sucks dick. All right, God, are you listening.
I do agree that Pilot Pete sucks dick. But at
the same time. I also have to say that on
the Traders specifically, he is attractive, but only on the
Traders as Pravai, as Parvati Shallow describes him, he is
(14:54):
the most blue blood detective of the group and he
is attractive in that role.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Alighting on moving on he Here's the comparison between him
and Joey. There was a pillow fight competition on Pilot
Pete season where as the girls fought, Pete shouted at them,
how bad do you want it? Cut to years later,
Joey's the Bachelor and as the girls are doing push
(15:20):
ups for some physical challenge, Joey goes, I'll join you.
He starts with push ups too. As the girls are
attempting to push tires over he he helps them. It's
like he.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Now this sounds I'm hearing it. I know it's like
sad to hear this out loudcause it's like he does
push ups with them, and therefore he's a good man girls.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Girl.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
I just is what I am loving for is a
girl's girl like I would love to find someone who
could hop on the mic with us, much like Kylie
Kelsey does with Travis and Jason Kelsey and hops on
their podcast At times, I would love to find a
man who I said, you are joining this episode of
the podcast to talk about arguments we get into, or
(16:06):
sex we have, or how you proposed in my fantasy.
He's also proposed to me. I would like someone.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
How you're obsessed with me, How you're always saying I'm
stunning and perfect, How rich.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
You are, How you actually want to build a house
for me. How you want to take care of the
kids mostly while I get to hang out and watch
TV alone. How you would like to be the primary
child's care, child caretaker, child take care. Don't know how
to speak English? Nobody ever told me, But Joey just
(16:41):
actually seems interested in these women. He also whenever a
girl cries, which on this season they do, I seriously
think it's because they're like shocked that a man is
listening to them. Yes, also obviously like this franchise is
full of women crying and men crying, But every time
a girl cries, he wipes away his tear their tears
with his thumb. It is the hottest thing I've ever
(17:03):
seen in my life that I'm just so into it.
And as he always says, take a breath. It's okay,
I'm right here. It's okay, you're good. You're all good.
And it's just like, actually what you need to hear
when you're panicking or you're about to cry, and he
actually knows how to do it. He doesn't freak out.
He remains completely calm while these girls are like having meltdowns.
(17:25):
It's so early to cry, by the way, and all
the girls are doing it.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
That's kind of a classic. That's a classic. But I
think so I wasn't really attracted him in Charity season,
as some may recall, and I felt his mom was
disturbing and by the way, I'm excited for her to
return as a mom do she just was like one
of those women who like has wind chimes and like
(17:51):
ready Black speaks about speaks about energies and healing and reiki.
But she also was like obsessed with him and like
clearly attracted to him. And as someone who's maybe dealt
with that in the previous relationship, mom being obsessed with
and maybe attracted to their son, it's tough, not it's easy.
(18:16):
It's not easy, and it's not something that makes a
lot of sense.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
And much more common than you would believe. I think
mothers and sons, dads and daughters and mothers and sons.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Weird sinister as hell, and you know, the thing is
like we're human beings, and human beings are mammals, and
mammals are part of you know, like what Charles Darwin
would call like a species. And so it's we learn
these community roles and we learn like this is typically
like mom and dad raised child and don't have attraction
(18:50):
to them. And then when you come into a situation
where that gets skewed somehow. You know, dad, daughter sitting
on dad's lap while daughter is adult, Like I mom
texting son twenty four to seven about her personal issues
and uh, I don't know, son saying something about the
(19:12):
mom's hair style. I just you know, these things, These things.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Are tough, yeah, because it throws you.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
You're like, I'm just in it. It throws you to
that place where you're like, but I'm a mere I'm
a mere mammal and I'm trying to distinguish where is safe?
When how will I survive here? And I'm confused?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
That makes total sense. And I weirdly think that a
lot of moms get threatened by a girlfriend's presence, yes,
which I find cuckoo because wouldn't you just be like,
thank god, someone likes my son. The normal response, I
don't have personal experience with this. I've just seen it
from Afar. A lot of the time, moms tend to
(19:55):
love me, I'm.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
The normal response I've experienced is like thank god, yeah,
because I think like I think the thing with daughters,
like with women, it's like most people start from a
skeptical place like does this person deserve you? And with men,
I think people like start from a thank god place
of like, wow, someone will love you. Question Mark. So anyway,
(20:18):
Joey's mom's weird, but like whatever, he's a tennis instructor.
That's how he's tan. And let me say it's so true.
None of these men have been attractive recently, Like just
on The Bachelor, it's like.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
The Zach Oh my god, he looked like such a
fight nerd. He looks like the kid and like class
who was bragging about what college he went to. He
totally he looks like the guy who got into Cornell
and is like, guys, I'm going to an IVY League.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Yeah. He's like, technically it's IVY League. A lot of
people forget it's Ivy. That's so him. That's so him,
and he's like on the rowing team and like vaguely
gay about it, like I just I can't. So that's him.
He sucks, Honestly, Matt James was the last hot bachelor
we had.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Matt James is really hot, but I will say Matt
James was someone who seemed so uninterested in listening to
the women, Like he was just like.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
He just chose who he was attracted to and doesn't
care about her person.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
He chose Baby Voice Rachel Kirconnell. I mean, they're still together,
so like, kudos to them, and they're in a longer
relationship than I've ever been in so who am I
to say?
Speaker 3 (21:26):
And he's so like they're in love and honestly, like
that's beautiful and we would love to go to the
wedding and.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
We'd love to have them on the pod. But he,
like so many girls like spilled their hindsight to him
and he was like, wow, thank you so much for
telling me that. Thank you.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Yeah, he didn't know jack shit.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Meanwhile, Joey is like my therapist.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Joey's my therapist. I zoom with him once a week
and he is attractive. And I also will say that
like it made a lot of sense. Like when when
the what's Jesse? We're always like, wait, who's that guy?
Speaker 2 (22:04):
I actually have never seen someone more unattractive than Jesse,
the host of The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. He
is like someone cut him out of cardboard. He's like,
you buy a lawnmower or something and he's the model
on the cardboard of the lawnmower and you're like, who's
so sexual being no?
Speaker 3 (22:23):
You know what it reminds me of I used to
smoke cigarettes. Yeah, let that sink in. I was badass.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
I was hard as nail. Show that we are not
like other girls. We are sick, we are we are
her head. We used to smoke cigarettes, and famously and
Hurricane Sandy, I was throwing out cigarettes that were half
smoked and was receiving physical, violent threats because of it.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Well, it's actually like, you know, people will say they're
a runner, and it's like they maybe they will go
on a jog once every couple of weeks. It's like
they're not running marathons. That's similar to how Carolina said
she was a smoke her because she never had her
own packs and never finished a cigarette. She would smoke
half of one and be like, oh, I don't feel
good and like throw it out.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
So this is true. I'm sick of denying, denying, denying.
This is true. This is a true fact about me.
People want for me.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
When that happens normally, like that's annoying, and we can
like make fun of you for it. But when it
happens during Hurricane Sandy and we've chosen to be staying
in my parents' apartment, that the lobby was flooded and
there was no electricity and we had nowhere to go,
and there was no bodega's opening, we would have to
walk through hellish conditions with water up to our knees.
God knows what's in the water.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
I was hooking up with my soon to be boyfriend
in your bed and being like, Devin, be normal about it.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
And I didn't have a boyfriend and never had and
thought I never would. And we're going to have to
trudge through rat water to get more cigarettes. When that happens,
and you're on the balcony and Carolina Drop takes two
drags and drops in slow motion a cigarette. We watched it.
Barrel down toward the floodwater. Anyone could have had the
last drags of that, and many of us were nicotine dependent.
(24:07):
That was hard.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
I hear you. I regret my behavior. I will say
it was a national emergency and no one right how
to behave.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Right.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
I think that's similar to what FEMA said about Hurricane Katrina.
So that makes sense. Is that the right name of
the organization? FEMA?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
You're talking to someone stupid? Sorry to tell you, all right.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
Whatever organization that George Bush did a bad job with
during Amakie Katrina had.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Us on Instagram, tell us it is it FEMA or not?
Speaker 3 (24:47):
All right? There was this little boy from Texas. His
name was George and he was not a very good president.
And some say now they're like, oh wow, I wish
I could have George Bush compared to Trump. Really think
about that, think about it.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Think about it an actual war criminal who killed hundreds
of thousands of people.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
And when you're thinking about that, go on Wikipedia dot
org and figure out what the organization was. Was it
FEMA and let us know? Okay, So what I'm trying
to say is I used to smoke cigarettes this apartment
I lived in, and every single day when I went
out on the balcony there. And by the way, Beth
Jacobs is listening to this, just fucking salivating out over
how many humble brags have been contained in this. She'll
(25:26):
never forgive me for when I said I was grateful
for having a balcony, and how that's a humble brag
to have a balcony. Yes, I had a balcony in
my apartment, and I smoked cigarettes on the balcony. And
every single day I would see the apartment across the
way there was one of those rest or boxing mannequin guys,
like it was like a foam man's body on a spring. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah, it's one of those red foam bodies. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Every single day, multiple times a day, I would see that,
think it was a man, and get startled and then
be like, oh, it's just that guy. That is Jesse Palmer.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
That is so true.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
If that had been Jesse Palmer just standing there in
the same position, staring off into the distance, getting punched
a few times a day and just bouncing back, I
wouldn't be surprised. And in some ways that's a compliment.
So what was the point of this, Oh, just.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Talking about how unlike how we can't remember his name
and how unattractive he is.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
But that wasn't the point. Thanks for saying that, But
that wasn't the point. The point was Jesse Palmer said
that this is the most women there's ever been on
the season of The Bachelor, and most of the women
were coming because they were so interested in Joey. I
was not surprised by that, Like the world was a
light with interest when it was announced that this hot
(26:43):
tennis instructor who lived in Hawaii was going to be
the bachelor who's like always one of those guys who's
always tan and you don't really know why, though, I
will say his eyes look a little weird to me
sometimes and like when they were like.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Yes, Stevin thinks he's sick. I think he's sick because
the whites of his eyes are like a little bit yellow.
She thinks his lover's failing, his liver is descending into darkness,
but his heart remains pure. I also think that I'm
(27:23):
gonna I'm gonna bring back pilot P because I think
he was one of the worst bachelors. Pilot P was
like really sexual with the women, like he would be
in like talking to them, and he'd be like, what
I think you should do is get up on this
counter right now for me to kiss you. Like he's
just like very aggressive cut too. Every time that Joey
kisses one of these women, I like trust his instincts
(27:46):
and and I don't think maybe he's not the smartest
guy in the world, because I truly believe him when
he's like, I think my wife is here. I truly
think he believes that. And I truly don't think he
here for like a sponsorship. I mean, don't get me wrong,
everyone's here because it'll like lead to like sponsored ads
and it's like you're gonna get like constant income for
(28:08):
the next five years. But yeah, I do believe that
he has like this kind of fairy tale idea of love.
There are some people who are really excited about Daisy
who has the cochlear implant. She obviously love her. She
does seem kind of stupid, but I love the vulnerability.
(28:31):
She's very genuine, very genuine Kelsey who was the one
who brought a voodoo doll because she's from New Orleans,
which I frankly don't mess with.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
Wait is that Kelseya?
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Yeah, she's always being like.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
Kel Cia Kelcia. Oh, I'm gonna have to think about Kelca.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
But then of course we have the sisters. So sisters
joined the season, which I think, and I'm just going
to say the word is frankly disgusting.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
It goes back to the species thing, the skewing of lines.
It goes you know, as a scientist, I would say,
this goes back to the skewing of lines within the species.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
And my sister and I had a rule growing up
which was we would never if like someone like, we
would never kiss the same person. Like we went to
the same high school obviously, and if someone hooked up
with someone, it was like, that's you never touched that
person because they've already been like touched without my sister. Gross.
Come to find out, this certain guy we'll call him
(29:38):
tud I kissed once to get my to get this
guy that were eventually going to become my boyfriend jealous,
and it was the worst kiss of my life. Cut
to years later, my sister hooks up with him. I
am fine with the fact that she hooks up with him,
(29:59):
because it's true really like five years after the fact,
but even then I get for shicks. I'm like you
broke our rule like do not hook up with the
same person. But this is different going on a reality
dating show with your sister and talking to a guy
together about how your sisters there was something deeply gross
(30:20):
about that.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
To me, it's disgusting.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
And you know, speaking of the sponsorships, a lot of
people do think that these two came on the show
to become like Bachelor in Paradise staples like those blonde
twins where I got it, are those like little boy
twins who came on yeah, and like get a career
out of it.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
But one moment that made me think otherwise was when
the youngest sister got the first rose in the first
rose ceremony, and the older sister turned around and said,
you can fuck off, and then the younger sister immediately
started crying. I said, that's a trauma response. The immediacy
(31:04):
of the crying, that's something has happened there. There's darkness there,
and I think you know the right the right sibling stayed,
I will say, but I don't think either of them
is for the long haul.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Well, the older sister truly did have something I think
we both can identify with, which is like I am
waiting to see this guy. I am now in such
a bad mood that I am ready to walk away,
Like you have built up so much anger that you're
like this isn't worth it anymore. Ye I've gotten Like
I remember I was dating someone who like didn't text
(31:42):
me back, like for an entire day, and by the
time I talked to him, I was like, I hate you.
I already hate you. And so she is ready to
leave the house because she's like, I'm just in a
bad mood and this is so stupid. And he again
is talking to her like you know, a hostage crisis negotiator,
where he's like, I can see you're upset. Okay, I'm
(32:03):
really sorry if I did anything to upset you. Like
He's very calm, cool and collected, but she's ready to
bounce because she had to wait too long to talk
to him. And I completely understand that.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
You know. I also have to mention in episode one
the well, I don't have anything to say about this,
but I guess it's just we have to say that
the girl who got the like audience Participation Award or something,
oh my god, she got like a letter and it's
like the whole night she's like, I don't know if
(32:37):
I should read the letter, and then she reads it
and it's like you can steal a one on one
and she's like, I'm actually a good person, so I'm
going to burn this letter. And that was like so
much drama that I was like, this just isn't that
big of a deal, Like I just do whatever you want.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
She was crying multiple times, and you could tell it
was sincere, like she was like, I'm sorry, I don't
know this happening.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Again, she's like, but I would never do this to
women who like gone. So it was honestly like it
reminded me of the Joe Litulio character in Burning Life
was like, dude, I'm away from my son for this,
where she's like women have come so far away from
their families to be here and like I can't take
a one on one from them, and I'm not going
(33:18):
to play God. At one point she's like I can't
like play God, and it's like, you know, I don't
know that God is residing necessarily over the Bachelor mansion
in La Jolla, California, but that who knows. I don't
know where God reigns, and that's something I always say,
it's like I don't know where God is or where
he reigns.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
That's why I won't swear to him.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
And I don't swear to him, and like I don't know.
Merry Christmas. But let me say, by the way, speaking
of Christmas, what about the girl that was like, I'm
like when the girl was like, hey, Joey, so my
special thing for you is I grew up on a
Christmas tree farm. So here is a fully decorated Christmas
tree that represents my family. And that made me think
(33:59):
of the producers because I'm like, imagine most of the
girls are like, so I would love to like pull
up on a bicycle. It's like that's like pretty easier.
Like I would love to have like a shot of
tequila that I can hand to him. And this girl's like,
so I would like a fully decorated seven foot tall
fur balsam fur with lights and a tree skirt. It's
like did you really need all that? And all these
(34:19):
producers are having to put that together? But anyway, also,
who grows up on a Christmas tree farm? That's not
Taylor Swift Like Anyway, the other thing I wanted to
bring up was how humbling. It was as a thirty
one turning thirty two year old watching the girl who
said that she is thirty one years old, so this
(34:41):
is really hard for her.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
It was really dark.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
And she she doesn't have as much time. She basically inferred, like,
I don't have as much time on earth as you guys,
so it would be nice to get some time with Joey.
Like I am really teetering on the edge of the
grave here.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
When I will die, it could be soon in this mansion.
Can I please get some couch time with Joey?
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Yeah? Like and I please? And then Maria is that
the other girl who I love, who Marie I love?
She's like, I wanted to change into something more comfortable
and it's like lingerie and she's like, no, this is
actually more comfortable than my outfit. No, it actually is,
like this is so comfortable. This bra and tight skirt
(35:26):
is like actually so comfortable. So she was like, well,
I'm old too, so like I don't really because she's
twenty nine. She's like, I'm actually really old too, so
like I don't know why she's upset because like just whatever,
Like you're supposed to meet your person when you meet
nothing like being twenty nineteen years old to make you
think you know everything about what other people should be
(35:46):
thinking and doing and being like, you know what, you
actually only meet someone when you're supposed to meet them.
Just FYI. So that was something I loved.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Yeah, as a thirty three year old turning thirty four
in a couple of months, it was humbling. But you
know what's so funny to me about the Bachelor Mansion too,
is Okay, so you have a crush in your life
right now, think about yourself before and after you see
your crush. So before I can only imagine knowing you,
like a lot of work goes into presenting yourself and
(36:20):
then maybe post seeing this person. And I'm not saying
anything about your appearance right now, but I'm guessing you're
in some sort of wolf sweatshirt and.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
My double is like lightly resting at the top of
my sweatshirt.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
I'm wearing a shirt that today is Sunday, that I
wore to work on Friday and I just haven't gotten out.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Of it, and hair has not been washed washed.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Both of us, you can speak for both of us.
And I see these girls when they're resting in the
mansion and I'm like, as soon as Joey would have
left the premises and gone to his you know, wherever,
whichever little condo they're keeping him in, I would be
like unzipping my female suit and getting into like a
shirt with no bra, like pajama pants that I got
(37:11):
for free on like an airplane once and have not
gotten rid of, and like probably been like picking at
my toenails. And yes, I do not see that behavior.
And I start to wonder, you know, let's bring back Darwin.
Am I a member of this species? Is this a
different species?
Speaker 3 (37:28):
Is this? Because is she? Who are they?
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Who are they? I don't care if a camera is around,
as long as like a guy that I am trying
to sleep with is not around, I literally will look
like just like a crazy person who has my mother
once delicately put to me, sleeps on a bus.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
Right. Yeah, It's like I at this age, I am
right now in Seattle visiting my closest friend, and I
really for me, you know, stuff like that one of
my closest friends, she's one of my closest friends. And
I I like, look at this as a vacation from
(38:10):
the crosh I'm like having a crush is so intense.
When I'm in New York. It's like I have to
shave my legs every other day, I have to put
makeup on, I have to whatever. I literally was like,
I'm kind of excited to just like be have a
break from that and then immediately have a mental breakdown
when he doesn't respond right away.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
What about it if instead of getting into lingerie, if
I was like, I need to slip it is something
more comfortable and I just came out in like a
crop top that showed my belly and like sweatpants, and
I was like.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Ah, I actually think that would be incredible. Like imagine
the fan favoritism that would follow that. That's the thing
like if either of us was the on the Bachelor,
we would become America's sweetheart and they would be like,
she's the bacheorette, and then it would be interesting what follows,
But we would become the Bacherette.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
I would come out of the limo and I would
be like, hey, Joey, I just thought you should know something,
and then I would queef and I would go I
can quep on command, and I would come out of
America would be like, that is a girl. For us,
I would really be the Jessica Simpson of the Bachelorette.
Speaker 3 (39:15):
I would say, Hi, Joey, I'm like really anxious right now,
and I don't know why, like something just I don't know,
like I think I have to call my mom. I'm
really sorry, but I just don't.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Feel like you would go back into a limo.
Speaker 3 (39:32):
That would be me.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
I love the girl who was like, hey, do you
want to hear something crazy?
Speaker 5 (39:36):
And she just screamed doing this trick, I want to
hear something crazy.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
Yeah, that's literally what she did. And he was like okay, yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
He's like, now that is a wild one. I mean,
imagine having to react all that stuff. That would be
So it's so in the first episode, didn't they say
like the soun is rising now. At one point he's like, sorry,
it's been a late night. I'm like, this is actually
so terrifying to me, Like it's like, there's nothing more
terrifying to me than the sun rising, because it's like
either I had insomnia all night or I was like
(40:12):
doing drugs all night, and either way, like there's no
way of having a good day, like today is gone.
So to think of this sun coming up in the
Bachelor Mansion, and all you've been doing all night is
like waiting for five seconds to say you grew up
on a Christmas tree farm. I don't know about that.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
Yeah, I've stayed up all night watching the OC before
and like watch the sun Rise, and it was just
because I needed to watch the OC.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
I need a show like that. If anyone has recommendations,
I've already watched the OC, but I need like a show.
I can binge until six am because that really gives
me life.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Two am and I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
This song is a good Gray's anatomy.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
It's like Grace anatomy. When that fucking bomb was stuck
in that.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
Guy's Coach Taylor was like, all right, just take it out.
I know I'm gonna die, and she's like, you know.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
I have masturbated to that scene before. Isn't that funny?
Speaker 3 (41:03):
That's not funny at all. You shouldn't you shouldn't have
that reaction.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
To Coach Taylor. It was Coach Taylor.
Speaker 3 (41:12):
Coach Taylor is so hot. I wish he raised us
and also skewed the species lines with us.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
On that note.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
Oh did we both say that at the same time?
Speaker 2 (41:24):
We really did oh that's so cute.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
All right, well, thanks for.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Coming, Thanks for coming to our show.
Speaker 3 (41:32):
See you next time.
Speaker 4 (41:34):
Love you, Devin, Love you Carol's.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
It's so romant.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Lo Babey, don't leave me hanging.
Speaker 4 (42:04):
I want your
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Room, man,
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