July 20, 2021 • 52 mins
In the sixth episode of Truth Hounds, Anna and Kyle continue their investigation into why time flies by when you're having fun. After meeting with their late people focus group, Anna and Kyle’s investigation takes an unexpected turn … in fact, they develop their very own late-night show. But: things take a turn for the worse when Anna surprises Kyle with a terrible surprise: a meeting with a clown.
For the inside sniff, follow @truthhounds on Instagram & @thetruthhounds on Twitter.
Hosted by Anna Seregina @cashmoneygranpa & Kyle Mizono @jylemizono.
Edited by Adam Wand @Adam_Wand.
Produced by Anna Hossnieh & Miles Gray.
Special thanks to late people focus group, Ron, Demorge, Emily, Kevin, Jared & Bill (sort of).
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Truth Hounds, a production of I Heart Radio.
I'm Anna and I've been unemployed for about a year now,
so I really have nothing going on and do'n Kyle.
In middle school, I received the award most Enthusiastic to Learn,
So that makes me pretty special and that is what
(00:21):
makes us the perfect investigative duo. We are two friends
who love each other very much, but what we love
even more is getting to the bottom of mysteries, all mysteries.
Sure that small mysteries, specifically, trust me, No mystery is
too small. No, no, no, Why don't you trust me
when I tell you we are ready to sniff a round?
(00:44):
We are the true pou m. Hello, hey, Kyle, Yeah, Hey,
I'm puts up Sanna. Yeah, hey hey, Um, are you
(01:04):
busy right now? Well yeah, I'm actually in the middle
of eating pet tie. Oh yeah um, I'm sorry. We
but we do need to talk. I'll be right there.
M hi, Hi, thank you so much for meeting me here. Yeah. Hi,
(01:34):
you look so refreshed. I am a refreshed. I got
some sleep, I took some time to myself. It's nice.
Did you take um, did you take the Valerian root thing?
I told you about Uh come again, Valerian Root Uh
come again. M hmm okay, okay, it's just a sleep thing.
(01:55):
I it helps me sometimes. Yeah, you look great, well,
thank you. I feel good. You know what. Honestly I
was thinking. I was looking at the ocean and just
the way that the waves are. You see that they're
they're going out and they're coming back in, and they're
(02:18):
going out and they're coming back in, and it it
just makes me think like out with the old, in
with the new. You know what I mean, Like out
with the old, in with the new. Yeah. I think
that's exactly it. I think you make a really good point. Ye,
(02:39):
And I guess in the spirit of that, I wanted
to ask you if you were up for looking further
into this same investigation. Yeah, I think so. I'm ready
to go Episode six. Why does time fly by when
(03:09):
you're having fun? Part two? So, everything up until the
Chickens didn't work out, no need to get into it,
and well chickens they were just not boring enough. If
(03:35):
you recall, we had run over to Instagram and put
out a call to action, Give us your most boring
task and we'll do it for you, and you'll even
remember that we added it would be your pleasure. Okay,
So we were naive and we went with the first
message that had a boring task. We were charmed by
the glitz and glamor of the chicken task and had
(03:58):
paid for it in heart break. But not anymore. We
would be thorough this time, and luckily our tip line
was brimming with messages. Let's listen to some. Hi. This
is Kate. I have been putting off for so long
(04:19):
submitting my super bill to my insurance company for my therapy,
and it's something I can't bring myself to do no
matter what. Probably involves a phone call, some some really
boring tvous paperwork. Please help me. Okay, this was a
good start. It for sure sounded boring, but it also
(04:39):
had to do with this person's therapy, and that sounds private.
After what happened with us last week and the guy
who talked about the Blair Witch project, we had to
start setting some boundaries while we were investigating. I mean,
it sounded like this person was in therapy, so she'd
understand about boundaries. Next call, Hi, this is Karen. I
(05:04):
need help hanging my owl box on the fence in
my backyard. Hope's help. Bye bye. I'm sorry, but what
do I look like? Chip and Joanna Gaines? This is
not h G t V. It's just not put up
your own owl box. And I'm sorry in owl box?
(05:27):
What is this an anthropology store? Look, I know we're
being a little mean, but the thing is we went
through something traumatic, and those who carry with them the
wounds of war cannot be expected to laugh with the
lightness of children. I don't know what that means. But
(05:47):
next call, I have a big pile of roun from
my backyard. I started to make a path in the
side yard day. It's been like that for a year. Okay,
thank you. Okay, this was for sure boring. But where
(06:08):
were this guy's manners? No hello, no introduction, I mean,
show some respect to your elders. That's us. Next call, Hey,
Kyle and Anna, this is Hillary. I'm calling because I
have this huge pile of dirt in my backyard and
I don't know how to get rid of it because
I don't have a wheel barrow. There's also some weird
(06:32):
metal in it, but it's a locally just dirt, all right. Well,
that helps, Bye bingo. This boring task was the best one.
Yet dirt is the perfect level of boring, nothing to
kill yourself over. But hey, I'm not squealing with fun either,
(06:55):
Anna and I molded over the whole point of this
investigation was to see if time really does fly by
when you're having fun no matter what you're doing. That
means you could theoretically be doing something that is technically boring,
but if you're having fun, time will still fly by. Kapeche.
(07:19):
So we exchanged a few emails with our dirt source,
Hillary and had her right out clearly what the task
would entail. We scheduled a time to remove her dirt
and put it in the books. Next, we had to
ensure that we would be having fun. I mean, I
guess we thought we knew how to have fun, but
we really wanted to make sure. We wanted a variety
(07:43):
of opinions on what fun even was. We didn't want
to do yet another call to action because, let's face it,
even Picasso and by that I mean Kyle, even Picasso
needed to take a nap every once in a while.
We knew just the people we needed to reach out
to our late People focus group. We knew reaching out
to them could be risky. I mean, let's face it,
(08:05):
these are not the most reliable people in the world
because they're late, but they did come from all walks
of life. They were like a little census. We gathered
them for another focus group, this time on the topic
of fun, so we arranged a zoom meeting. We had
to everyone begin by introducing themselves, just first names, no
(08:28):
big deal. However, we didn't want them to forget who
they really were at their core, which is late people.
But we also didn't want them to forget why they
were here to talk about fun. We had them say
something along the lines of Hi, my name is blank,
and I am a late person at my core, but
that's not what it's about today. They did the best
(08:49):
that they could do. Take a listen. Hi, I'm Dylan,
and I at my core, I am a late person.
Though it's not what we're going to be addressing today,
but it is a part of me, to every fiber
of my being. Hi, my name is Hannah, Um I
(09:10):
am Can you remind me what I was supposed to say?
I am a later person. Um, that's not what we're
going to be addressing today, but at my core, it
is the truth, with every fiber of my name. Hi,
I'm Callen and I'm late, as you can see, uh,
(09:34):
with every fiber of my being. But that's not what
we're going to be talking about today. Hi am Chris.
And even though it's not about this today, I am
a late person at my core and with every fiber
of my being. However, today I was early. Um. Hello,
my name is Sarah. I wait, I am a late person,
(09:56):
even though that's not what we're talking about today. I'm
late with every fiber of my being. Hi. My name
is Heather. And even though it's not about this today,
I am a late person at my core, with every
fiber of my being. After everyone had introduced themselves and
(10:19):
had gotten comfy, we got into it. We had learned
from our last focus group that it was important to
maintain order, so we asked the group again to use
the phrase just to pivot off that that worked best
last time we had them do that. So the first
question we have for you today is what do I
(10:40):
have so much fun doing? And that I and the
scenario as you, what do I have so much fun doing?
That time just seems to slip away? UM, just to
pivot off that UM listening listening to music with a
friend that has similar music taste. I think it's really fun,
makes it time fly. Your friend plays something and you're
(11:02):
and you're like, oh yeah, I freaking love that one.
And you're like singing along. And then you put on
something and she's like, dude, throwback or whatever. And and
just to pivot off that, UM. Something I like to
do that that is really fun is to get together
(11:23):
with a friend and we go through Zillo listings of
of poorly thought out and ill constructed multimillion dollar homes
in in terrible areas and just and roast them and
imagine the horrible effects that that that property had on
(11:46):
whoever financed it. Just to pivot off that, there are
no objections. You are not going to get a single
objection from me, Chris. UM. Something that I really enjoy
doing that I find fun where time slips bies um
(12:07):
going on long trips, like driving trips with friends. UM,
I feel like you get into this state where everything
becomes funny and it just seems to make the trip
go much faster. Uh. That's all just to pivot off that. UM.
(12:28):
Something that I find fun and makes the time fly
by is cooking um with other people or by myself.
Just to pivot off that point. Uh, what I think
is so much fun that time just seems to slip away?
(12:50):
Is singing in a group and a choir as they're called,
Just to pivot off that. Uh what what I think
it's fun to do that makes time just slip away? Um?
I really enjoyed this very dumb inside jokes my friends,
just the the the less they make sense, and the
(13:10):
more um specific they are to that friendship. That was
really helpful. But we wanted them to be more specific.
I mean, we were hoping to gather a list of
fun go too so that we could steal for ourselves.
Anna asked some follow up questions to get a bit
more insight on these fun activities so we'd have a
clear idea of how we could have fun. I couldn't
(13:34):
really remember the individual's names, so I had them put
numbers on their zoom screens and instead I addressed them
by those That's wonderful, Kyle, I pit's okay. I have
just a couple of follow up questions. Number seven, can
you name a specific dish that you are cooking when
you're having the time? You're like, uh, maybe, I guess
(13:57):
the most recent one I've made was because the which
is the ground meat filling of impanadas? Number five, can
you please provide a specific neighborhood that we would be
able to look up a house um in on Zillo. Well,
just to pivot off that, there's there's a two million
(14:19):
dollar home for sale in Parker, Arizona. That it's it's
a real treat, fantastic, And just to pivot off that,
another specific question um uh. Number four, can you provide
a specific UH music examples such as artist and song please? Yeah? Um, Well,
(14:42):
recently we were listening to a playlists with like early
two thousands dance music. A really great song that we
shared some fun over it was got to Get Through
This by Daniel Beddingfield and um Days go By by
Dirty Vague guess great. And just to pivot off that,
(15:03):
UM number six, where is the long trip to UH?
What is the starting point in the destination? Um? I
just pivot off that. I would say a good one
is like Los Angeles to Tucson, Arizona. Or leave it further.
Number eight, can you provide a specific song that you
(15:26):
like to sing? And if it's a made up song
and that's okay, then just a couple of verses. Wow. Uh,
just to pivot off that that point. You know, I'm
into old music, the older the better, Barroke, Renaissance, It's
all good, though not magicals, because I find them pretty demoralizing.
I had a full up question for number three, what
kind of insight joke if you could be as specific
(15:49):
as possible that would be? That would be great, Just
to pivot off that. Um, I have one of my
one of my favorites is with a friend of mine,
we have a bit where um, it's Harry Potter's mom
calling Harry Potter asking him to come to her house
(16:11):
to pick up her mail. Um, and the mom has
a very high pitched Scottish accent. It's just fun, it's nice.
This sounded like a really great joke. I wish I
had been there, but the problem was that I wasn't,
(16:32):
And that, my friends, is actually both the beauty and
the curse of an inside joke. You had to be there,
and again I wasn't. But maybe what he had said
could actually be used as a kind of blueprint for
a joke for us to build, Like, maybe we could
use it to come up with our own inside joke,
(16:53):
which for us, and I guess you, guys, Anna, I
think that's a great idea. We'll get to those other
fun suggestions later, but let's look into this first. So
we quickly dismissed the group and thank you for coming,
and thank you for being on time and even sometimes early.
I'm looking at you, Chris. We started working on our
(17:17):
own inside joke. Inside jokes are the type of things
that just sort of happened. They're a naturally occurring phenomena,
like a geyser or a waterfall. Remember pre COVID when
you'd hang out with two to three friends and jokes
would fly from wall to wall. Next thing, you know,
(17:38):
belly laughs all around. And three weeks later, we're still
talking about that thing we said we needed to recreate that.
I know things are getting really good, but we have
to take a break for some ads. And the ad
(17:59):
break is over. We actually have a third friend, Rod. Hi,
I'm Rod, I'm the third friend. He's a good guy. Anyway,
we didn't feel entirely comfortable hanging out with Rod in person,
(18:21):
no offense, just you know, COVID stuff. We arranged a
virtual hangout with Rod. We'd hang out, chill and see
if we could naturally end up coming up with a
joke about Harry Potter and all the other stuff. The
guy said, we logged on and prepared to blast off.
(18:44):
It's nice to see you, Rod, It's good to see you.
Um yeah. Anyways, so Rod, um do you I was
just I was curious. Have you read Harry Potter? Actually? Yeah,
it's been a while, but I have Red Harry Potter.
M hm. Wow. That was a dead end? Is that is? It?
(19:12):
Was that? It? Do you have? No? We we're just
hanging out and we're just out. There's no pressure on anything. Sure,
this isn't a interrogation or anything. Yeah, just like some
but just a couple of friends wondering if the third
friend has Red Harry Potter. Yeah, hey Rod, what's up? Kyle?
(19:38):
Have you been to Scotland? No? No, I haven't. Cricket cricket? Wow? Okay? Um,
any plans to go to Scotland? I've bean not in
the immediate future. I think it may be be fun. Okay, yeah,
(20:02):
but not nothing right now? Nothing in the books. Now
should I should I think about going? He wasn't giving
us anything. It was like trying to shoot a soap
opera with a couch instead of a lead actress. Now
we're just a couple of friend hanging out chill. Pressure. Yeah,
there's no presure to go anywhere. Honestly feeling a lot
(20:24):
of pressure. This is exactly why we limit the amount
of time that we spend with our third friend Road.
He just always brings the drama. We had to leave.
This was a big waste of time. Well, yeah, I
actually leave. Oh um, I'm sure I'll see you whenever
(20:47):
it's safe again. And well I'm I'm like, I'm all
vax s up, but I've been vax stup for like
about a month. Like you guys, You guys are okay
to hang out. We could, we could, you know, I don't.
I don't really want to get into it, but I
don't not now, yeah I have some person off. Oh okay, yeah, okay.
(21:16):
That obviously didn't work. We thought that having a chill
hang with our third friend Rod would get our creative
juices flowing. But I'll be honest with you, it did nothing,
no offense. Remember, we were looking for an inside joke
to arm ourselves with, to make sure that we had
fun doing our boring task moving the dirt, and the
(21:39):
event was right around the corner. I mean it was
in the books. We had to recalibrate again. We thought
long and hard about who would be good at coming
up with jokes. Um, My mom can be funny in Russian?
Oh what about Rod? But Anna, we just talked to Rod.
(22:02):
Oh oh yeah. There was only one option, the newest plan.
We would reach out to professional comedians and have them
write professional jokes for us, because I mean, that was
their job. We all know that there's only one thing
that makes a comedian a professional being on late night bingo.
(22:27):
So we went through a catalog of late night sets
across history. We started at the very beginning Bob Hope. Okay,
but that was way too far back and not helpful.
I mean, how would we even go about getting in
contact with Bob Hope? And not to be rude, but
(22:49):
was he even alive? Um, Kyle, it's not a big
deal or anything, but I just think you should know
he actually died into Luca Lake at the age of
a hundred. That's pretty old, Mozel. We sped things up
and found three contemporary late night comics. Here was our criteria.
(23:12):
They had to have been on late night, they had
to have done topical jokes and they had to have
responded to our email. We sent the comedians the same
prompt write as a joke that centers around Harry Potter,
Harry Potter's momb calling him to pick up his mail,
and a Scottish accent. We gave them two days to
(23:32):
develop their jokes because we wanted enough time to memorize
the joke before moving the dirt. Late night was exciting
and we love the pageantry of it. We made sure
to let the comedians know that they should feel free
to treat it like a real late night set, so
that meant saying things like, how's everybody doing tonight, and
(23:55):
that's been my time, have a good night. The US
was a big deal for us. I mean, think about it.
We had put in a kind of order for a joke,
and from there it got sent to the production line.
It went through several steps at the factory. But that's
not all because at a certain point the worker in
(24:19):
charge of our order stepped away and in his stead
and artist came back and finished the job. And as such,
what was once just an unimaginative request for a Harry
Potter joke would become art art that would be released
into the lights of the stage. Wow. Basically, what Anna
(24:45):
was saying was that it would be pretty cool to
see these comedians come up with jokes and then performed
them in front of us. So, without further ado, here's
our first late night comedian, Jared with his Harry Potter joke. Hey,
how's everybody doing tonight? Yeah? I was watching Harry Potter
(25:05):
the other day. Kyle. This is not late night, Remember,
it's the pageantry, which we loved. This is I mean,
we're listening to a guy tell us a Harry Potter
joke at night in the morning on Zoo. There needs
to be tension, music, glamor a host. He at least
(25:28):
needs a formal introduction. I mean we don't even know
his full name or what we might know him from.
That's the only way you know someone is good at comedy,
because if you might have seen them in another thing.
The thing is, you're right. We hassled Bernard or sound
effects guy to give this material the works. I'm talking
(25:51):
about the royal treatment. We wanted it to feel like
late night and that means the right music. Okay, thinks
we're sitting with us, Bernard, Um, can you I kind
of feel like when we try listening to like a
gong sound, I feel like that would really sound nice
(26:13):
with the show. Okay, okay, sure like this. Wow, that's cool.
Oh it's yeah, it's awesome. I mean it's a little
like I guess it's like a gong, so it's like
(26:34):
kind of one not well, it's a little like the
Gong Show or so I don't know which is cool. Yeah,
I think Okay, I'm not saying no, but what do
you think about maybe something that's a little more like
you know, you're just like you're sitting down, You're just
like like having a couple of beers. You're laughing, and
you know, like you like you know the bartender, you know,
(26:58):
so she's kind of cooking it up, you know, you
have something like that. But yeah, maybe maybe this it's
totally and um, I don't think that that doesn't sound
like a late night show from all the cliffs we've watched.
(27:20):
I just I like it, but I don't think it's
really a moment where you're having a couple of beers
with your friends. Yeah, I just typed in a talk
show in this. Okay, what about about this? Yeah? That's
(27:40):
this is good. It's totally like, yeah, oh yeah, that's perfect. Great,
the music was good, but now what about the host?
I mean, that's a huge part of the show. And
we wanted to make these professional comedians feel good about
(28:00):
themselves and their accomplishments, and we wanted to give you
the listener a hell of a show. We tried taking
on that role ourselves. Okay and okay, m hmm, and
now the moment and now and okay and now. It
(28:32):
was awful. I mean I literally got so much stage
fright just rehearsing as the host. I want to walk
into my closet and never walk out. I would just
stay there like a coat that you bought two seasons
ago that you're never gonna wear again. Since Anna had
too much stage fright, I decided to give it a go.
(28:53):
Maybe I could be the perfect host that we were
looking for. Okay, Kyle and her monster voice, I'm sorry,
(29:15):
that's not what a host sounds like. It's just not
I guess maybe if you're performing stand up in your
nightmares in hell, but not for this. So Anna and
I were not hosts. We decided it would be best
to hire a professional host to host the professional comedians
(29:36):
we looked around and found two candidates with experience. You
can usually tell a good host is a good host
right away. I mean, think about it. They usually begin
with the words and now, and those two words tell
a story. And the story either says I'm a good
host or I'm not so good at my job. So
(30:00):
we arranged an audition with both of the guys. In
the audition, we would have them say those words. Here's
the first guy, and now, thank you so much. Yeah,
that was thank you. We'll let you know be in touch. Well,
all right, thanks. Um, he was definitely good. But um,
(30:22):
could we please hear this other guy? Kyle? That guy
was really good and this episode is already so long. Um,
I kind of already told this other guy that we
would hear him out, So please all right, okay, and no,
(30:44):
see he's pretty good, a find of entertainment, a platinum gesture,
a magic moment. Um, Kyle, words rung together? Yes, Uh,
what's going on? Did you send him something else to
audition with? Um? Kind of? I I just told him
(31:07):
to give us a good show, much like Pains of
Glass colored both primitive and detailed in the stained glass window. Kyle,
this is not what we asked for Oh, let's just
say at dream or Shocked. Yes, the cathedral, the Rose window,
the Catherine wheeled. Where did you find this guy? Um?
(31:33):
Remember I told you I was in an acting class. Well,
he's actually my teacher and he's been begging me to
be on the show. I thought we could give him
a shot. He was definitely very interesting and we could
definitely use him for something else, but let's just say
(31:56):
not this time. We contacted the first guy and let
him know he got the job. We just wanted to
let you know that you got the job. You got it? Oh,
oh thanks good. Our hosts seemed just as excited as
(32:17):
we were. Thrilled. Even just to be on the safe side,
we conducted an official background check on him, you know,
after what happened with the trauma with that guy. It
did cost us forty dollars, but the peace of mind
of knowing that this guy was safe was priceless, and
(32:40):
the background check ended up being pretty cool because we
even found out that he had been on conan In.
This was going to be a seriously professional show with
professional comedians and a very professional host. So we had
our late night host, who himself had been on late night.
But now the big question what would he say? We
(33:03):
knew that host typically listed comedians credits, but what else
did they say? We stayed up all night and researched. Okay, okay,
so well here's here's what I was thinking. Let me
know what you think about this. I love that. So
(33:30):
you like the that he said? And now here's Johnny Yeah,
so long. I like how long he says it for
he it's so long. Yeah, it's definitely a choice he made.
Then okay, this one guy said, oh, I hope they
(33:51):
have an omelet station. He's gonna snack and I don't
want to be Yeah, why because it's Hollanday as you
more on, And then the boss said, okay, I think
that what I realized from this clip is that I
wouldn't necessarily know when the joke is, but it really
helps that they're laughter. So maybe if we added some
(34:15):
like laugh track in there, totally exactly, because at first
it's like hollandays whatever you know, but then they laugh like,
oh that is a joke. Oh I didn't know. Yeah, okay,
this is gentlemen. My next guest tonight is a stand
up comedian creator of Please Understand me on Amazon Prime.
(34:37):
Please welcome Ahmed Weinberg. H I mean, I love like
the energy. Yeah, I just wish that he told us
a little bit more about where this guy came from.
Like I don't want to know too much about a comic,
you know, but like, I think it's exactly what you're saying.
(34:58):
I think it's like where they I guess where they
haling from. That would be really nice to know. Yeah,
missed opportunity. And now an AD break. The ad break
is over. It was all coming together. We had the
(35:25):
perfect music, the perfect host, and the perfect host. Words.
Those are words that the host says, um Anna, there's
actually one more thing that I think would be really cool,
fulle added Kyle, when it comes to you, I'm an
open book. What is it? Um At the very end
(35:46):
of the show, can the host say take care of
yourselves and each other? Do you mean what Jerry Springer
says at the end of his show. Yeah, I just
think it sends a really positive message. You know, it's
like a lighthouse submitted a violent storm, you know, it
like guides you to the lighthouse. Huh. I never thought
(36:12):
about it that way. That sounds nice. Yeah, thanks, And
now without further ado, a very special Late night showcase
produced by Anna and co Um. Hey, Anna, there's just
one more thing. Can you say? We're sponsored by Bags? Um?
(36:35):
Just bags generally? Yeah, I just really like Bags, So
maybe they'll sponsor us when the show gets released. That's
actually really good thinking, Kyle. Okay, let me get back
to it. Oh okay, no problem, Just remember sponsored by Bags.
(36:56):
And now without further ado of very special late night
showcase produced by Anna and Kyle sponsored by Bags. Yeah,
(37:18):
you're first. Comedian hails from Morgantown, West Virginia. You may
know him from The Late Late Show with James Gordon.
Here Jared Logan, Hey, how's everybody doing tonight? Wow? You know,
(37:40):
I was watching Harry Potter the other day and uh,
it occurred to me that, like, no heroes have living parents, right,
Like Batman doesn't have living parents, Spider Man's parents are dead.
Harry Potter's parents are dead, and there's a reason for that.
It's like, uh, it's not heroic to have living parents.
(38:02):
It's just embarrassing. Like imagine, you know, Harry Potter's mom
just like leaving a message, you know, for him at school,
like very well, it seems like I can never catch
you on the phone. Look, I was just calling to
see if that thing with your foot clear at all.
(38:24):
Remember to use the ointment that Dr Shankar gave you
and where your flip flops in the shower? Harry. I'm
gonna turn it back over to your host. Uh, and
I'll see you guys in the future. Good night, spectacular stuff. Yeah.
(38:50):
The ex comedian hails from San Francisco, California. You may
know him from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Here, Kevin,
call me up. Hey, what's up everybody? How's everybody doing? Yes,
(39:15):
gonna be out here, you guys, You guys into Harry Potter.
Harry Potter. I don't even believe that world. I don't
believe that whole world. How come he can't be like
Abracadabra I got lay six. Also, also, I don't know
(39:37):
if you know this, but Harry Harry Potter took place
in the nineties. Really, how come he never mentioned Tu
PACs dear Mama, not even once. If Harry's mom was alive,
you know, he wouldn't be half the wizard. He could be, right,
(40:02):
There's just no way you can't be if your mom's
calling you all the time, Harry, come home and pick
up your mail, you rat bastard. All right, y'all, Hey,
I'm Kevin Kamya. Hashtag stopation hate peace. We'll see you
next time. Spread tacular stuff. This final comedian hails from Alameda, California.
(40:31):
You may know her from Late Night with Seth Meyers,
The Late Late Show with James Gordon, Conan O'Brien's Late
Night Show in two thousand thirteen, ConA O'Brian's Late Night
Show in two thousand fourteen, and Conan O'Brien's Late Night
Show in two thousands seventeen. Here Emily Heller, So, I've
(41:01):
been thinking about Harry Potter. There's a lot that's kind
of stupid about Harry Potter, but I think one of
the stupider things about it is that the only way
to send messages to people if you're a wizard is
to either appear in their fireplace or send an owl. Like.
I don't understand why they can't use the actual post office,
(41:23):
but okay, I guess it's better to send a nocturnal
bird to carry your message for you and just hope
it doesn't get distracted by a rabbit and the birds
always like find you wherever you are to bring you letters.
I don't even want to get mail at my house,
much less when I'm like on vacation. Harry comes back
(41:45):
from semester at sea or whatever, and his mom calls
him up and it's like, hey, yeah, can you come
pick up your mail? You got three letters and a
bunch of mouse bones. I'm just kidding. She can't call him,
she's dead. And also they don't have phones because apparently
(42:06):
wizards can't use electricity because it interferes with their magic,
which really makes you ask is it worth it to
do magic? Like isn't email cooler than what you can
do with Harry Potter magic? Like maybe I'd rather watch
internet porn and figure out how to code than spend
seven years where the most useful thing I can learn
(42:29):
is how to defend myself against a dragon, which wouldn't
even be an issue if one of my three best
friends wasn't an adult Scottish giant who loves keeping dragons
as a pet. That's my time. Thank you very much,
Spectacular Stock. Well, take care of yourselves and each other. Yea,
(43:03):
that was awesome. I wish you guys could have seen me.
I was rolling on the ground laughing. Spirits were high
after Kyle and I had successfully put on an amazing
professional late night showcase. Remember we had put the showcase
(43:24):
together to get the perfect insight joke, which we would
then use to help us have fun while moving the dirt.
Now we were set up for success. In fact, we
actually had a whole show of jokes to choose from.
I was feeling so good. I wanted to do something
a little extra, a little gift for my big Kyle.
(43:46):
If there's one thing that Kyle loves more than the
law or even her dog, it's the circus, every part
of it. The red and white stripes, the Hong Kong,
the trapeze, the popcorn, the elephant standing on a ball.
How did he get up there? So I had a
(44:06):
crazy thought Kyle should meet a clown behind her back.
I arranged for us to talk to Bill, a world
renowned clown. My name is Bill, and I am a
professionally trained clown. I was appreciative that Anna thought to
give me a gift of meeting a clown. But I'm
(44:27):
telling you, this guy did not look like a clown.
He sort of looked like a guy. You might see
standing outside of a building for hours, and honestly, I
wasn't seeing a lot of Hong Kong, but maybe it
would come later. Kyle, give him a chance. This guy
is a professional. I know he doesn't look like a clown,
(44:51):
but he's not wearing clown makeup. I'm sure the Hong
Kong is still there. He's still a clown, trust me. Oh, okay,
that makes sense. We settled in I um studied with
an old French clown by the name of Philippe Gaullier
(45:11):
in France. Kyle, did you hear that he studied in France.
He's a legitimate clown. Okay, Anna, we we anyway. I
know the point was just for Kyle to meet a clown,
but I couldn't help myself. And here was a guy
who was an expert on what we were investigating fun.
(45:32):
I mean, if you got to meet Plato, you wouldn't
not ask him about the cave. Excitedly, I asked Bill
about what fun was. Anyone who needs to ask questions
about fun and how to have fun has have a
serious problem. So the fact that you guys are like, well,
what is fun and how do you have fun? Is
(45:53):
like a real deficit of your own personalities and abilities
to enjoy yourself. Uh, okay, back to it, but anyway,
go ahead and question um okay, okay, okay. That all
(46:16):
you guys have to say is okay, come on, hit
me with something. Okay, hit you with something anyway. I
knew this type of confrontation was hard for Kyle, so
I tried to steer the ship away. Well, that's kind
of what we're trying to look into. And I guess
I was wondering, like, if you're doing specific to the
(46:36):
investigation at hand, like if you're doing something really boring,
do you think the onus is on you to create
your own fun? Um? Um? No, not really? No, Oh okay,
come on, Bill, this was a really good question. We
even gave him an example to help him answer. Yeah,
(46:58):
well what about Okay, I don't is this clowning? Sometimes
if vacuum ng, I can pretend that the vacuum is
like like an elephant or something snake, yeah, or like
like is that like like is that is that what
you do? I don't know. This guy is not a
happy clown. Forgive me for being um like slightly condescending
(47:22):
or insulting towards you guys, but like the really dumb questions. Seriously,
it's like, what is this like a self help thing?
We knew we had to get out of there. Okay,
well this has been We really appreciate this interview before
we sign off? You really did you really appreciate it? Yeah? Yeah,
we do. Okay, alright, what is it that you appreciate
(47:45):
something about it? I mean it's I always appreciated when
someone takes the time out of their day to talk
to us. Oh yeah, all right. It wasn't actually like
what was said or did. Needless to say, this was
not what I had in mind. In fact, it was
the opposite. I had arranged for us to meet with
(48:07):
Bill to get in the mood for a fun day
of moving dirt, and I just wanted to do something
nice for Kyle. Instead, Bill had crushed our spirits. Here
was a clown, the very picture of fun and happiness,
and instead of welcoming us with open arms and giving
us a giggle and putting on a show, he had
(48:29):
left us for debt. Disappointment wasn't new to us, but
that didn't make it hurt any less. I was especially
worried about Kyle this investigation was taking forever and there
was still no end in sight. I wasn't sure that
Kyle could handle it, and damn, you know, it just
(48:52):
occurred to me. The guy who we had talked to,
I guess he really was a world renowned clown because
he clowned mass. I loved Kyle's house and then gave
her a call the second that I got home. Hello, Hey, Kyle, Hi, Hey,
(49:16):
it's Anna. Hey. What's what's up? Um? Are you? Are
you busier right now? Actually? I've been in mind to
get my priest service for about like three hours and
I think I'm next. Wow. Um, sorry, it's just I
think we need to talk. I'll be right there. Hey, hey,
(49:45):
thank you so much for meeting me here. Wow. Yeah,
It's just I mean, it's crazy. I am getting my
oil changed almost every week, and at this point, I'm like,
should I move to a place that's near this beach
because I'm just driving here so much? And then on
(50:05):
top of that, I'm like, should I get a job
out here because I need to pay to have a
get a place out here because it's more expensive near
the beach. I mean, I just this is causing me
just so much stress. Financially driving here. I'm glad we're here.
(50:28):
I'm glad we can talk because I am sorry about
what happened. I mean, Anna, but it's just temporary. It's okay.
I don't know what is going on right now? What
is this investigation even about at this point? I mean,
it's been going on forever. It's been months and months,
and I am thinking about moving near the beach and
(50:51):
getting a condo, Like, what is it even happening? I'm
just so over it, and I just I honestly, I
can't I keep coming here. You know, I'm gonna leave,
Like where are you going? Uh? Wait? Roman? Can you
(51:14):
did she leave? My gol? Damn it. It's crazy because
I was going to tell her that this episode is
now actually a three part damn to be continued. Sniff Sniff.
(51:47):
If you like this podcast, please subscribe, rate, and review.
Truth Hounds is a production of I Heart Radio. For
more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart
Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Welcome to Truth Hounds, a production of I Heart Radio.
I'm Anna and I've been unemployed for about a year now,
so I really have nothing going on and do'n Kyle.
In middle school, I received the award most Enthusiastic to Learn,
So that makes me pretty special and that is what
(00:21):
makes us the perfect investigative duo. We are two friends
who love each other very much, but what we love
even more is getting to the bottom of mysteries, all mysteries.
Sure that small mysteries, specifically, trust me, No mystery is
too small. No, no, no, Why don't you trust me
when I tell you we are ready to sniff a round?
(00:44):
We are the true pou m. Hello, hey, Kyle, Yeah, Hey,
I'm puts up Sanna. Yeah, hey hey, Um, are you
(01:04):
busy right now? Well yeah, I'm actually in the middle
of eating pet tie. Oh yeah um, I'm sorry. We
but we do need to talk. I'll be right there.
M hi, Hi, thank you so much for meeting me here. Yeah. Hi,
(01:34):
you look so refreshed. I am a refreshed. I got
some sleep, I took some time to myself. It's nice.
Did you take um, did you take the Valerian root thing?
I told you about Uh come again, Valerian Root Uh
come again. M hmm okay, okay, it's just a sleep thing.
(01:55):
I it helps me sometimes. Yeah, you look great, well,
thank you. I feel good. You know what. Honestly I
was thinking. I was looking at the ocean and just
the way that the waves are. You see that they're
they're going out and they're coming back in, and they're
(02:18):
going out and they're coming back in, and it it
just makes me think like out with the old, in
with the new. You know what I mean, Like out
with the old, in with the new. Yeah. I think
that's exactly it. I think you make a really good point. Ye,
(02:39):
And I guess in the spirit of that, I wanted
to ask you if you were up for looking further
into this same investigation. Yeah, I think so. I'm ready
to go Episode six. Why does time fly by when
(03:09):
you're having fun? Part two? So, everything up until the
Chickens didn't work out, no need to get into it,
and well chickens they were just not boring enough. If
(03:35):
you recall, we had run over to Instagram and put
out a call to action, Give us your most boring
task and we'll do it for you, and you'll even
remember that we added it would be your pleasure. Okay,
So we were naive and we went with the first
message that had a boring task. We were charmed by
the glitz and glamor of the chicken task and had
(03:58):
paid for it in heart break. But not anymore. We
would be thorough this time, and luckily our tip line
was brimming with messages. Let's listen to some. Hi. This
is Kate. I have been putting off for so long
(04:19):
submitting my super bill to my insurance company for my therapy,
and it's something I can't bring myself to do no
matter what. Probably involves a phone call, some some really
boring tvous paperwork. Please help me. Okay, this was a
good start. It for sure sounded boring, but it also
(04:39):
had to do with this person's therapy, and that sounds private.
After what happened with us last week and the guy
who talked about the Blair Witch project, we had to
start setting some boundaries while we were investigating. I mean,
it sounded like this person was in therapy, so she'd
understand about boundaries. Next call, Hi, this is Karen. I
(05:04):
need help hanging my owl box on the fence in
my backyard. Hope's help. Bye bye. I'm sorry, but what
do I look like? Chip and Joanna Gaines? This is
not h G t V. It's just not put up
your own owl box. And I'm sorry in owl box?
(05:27):
What is this an anthropology store? Look, I know we're
being a little mean, but the thing is we went
through something traumatic, and those who carry with them the
wounds of war cannot be expected to laugh with the
lightness of children. I don't know what that means. But
(05:47):
next call, I have a big pile of roun from
my backyard. I started to make a path in the
side yard day. It's been like that for a year. Okay,
thank you. Okay, this was for sure boring. But where
(06:08):
were this guy's manners? No hello, no introduction, I mean,
show some respect to your elders. That's us. Next call, Hey,
Kyle and Anna, this is Hillary. I'm calling because I
have this huge pile of dirt in my backyard and
I don't know how to get rid of it because
I don't have a wheel barrow. There's also some weird
(06:32):
metal in it, but it's a locally just dirt, all right. Well,
that helps, Bye bingo. This boring task was the best one.
Yet dirt is the perfect level of boring, nothing to
kill yourself over. But hey, I'm not squealing with fun either,
(06:55):
Anna and I molded over the whole point of this
investigation was to see if time really does fly by
when you're having fun no matter what you're doing. That
means you could theoretically be doing something that is technically boring,
but if you're having fun, time will still fly by. Kapeche.
(07:19):
So we exchanged a few emails with our dirt source,
Hillary and had her right out clearly what the task
would entail. We scheduled a time to remove her dirt
and put it in the books. Next, we had to
ensure that we would be having fun. I mean, I
guess we thought we knew how to have fun, but
we really wanted to make sure. We wanted a variety
(07:43):
of opinions on what fun even was. We didn't want
to do yet another call to action because, let's face it,
even Picasso and by that I mean Kyle, even Picasso
needed to take a nap every once in a while.
We knew just the people we needed to reach out
to our late People focus group. We knew reaching out
to them could be risky. I mean, let's face it,
(08:05):
these are not the most reliable people in the world
because they're late, but they did come from all walks
of life. They were like a little census. We gathered
them for another focus group, this time on the topic
of fun, so we arranged a zoom meeting. We had
to everyone begin by introducing themselves, just first names, no
(08:28):
big deal. However, we didn't want them to forget who
they really were at their core, which is late people.
But we also didn't want them to forget why they
were here to talk about fun. We had them say
something along the lines of Hi, my name is blank,
and I am a late person at my core, but
that's not what it's about today. They did the best
(08:49):
that they could do. Take a listen. Hi, I'm Dylan,
and I at my core, I am a late person.
Though it's not what we're going to be addressing today,
but it is a part of me, to every fiber
of my being. Hi, my name is Hannah, Um I
(09:10):
am Can you remind me what I was supposed to say?
I am a later person. Um, that's not what we're
going to be addressing today, but at my core, it
is the truth, with every fiber of my name. Hi,
I'm Callen and I'm late, as you can see, uh,
(09:34):
with every fiber of my being. But that's not what
we're going to be talking about today. Hi am Chris.
And even though it's not about this today, I am
a late person at my core and with every fiber
of my being. However, today I was early. Um. Hello,
my name is Sarah. I wait, I am a late person,
(09:56):
even though that's not what we're talking about today. I'm
late with every fiber of my being. Hi. My name
is Heather. And even though it's not about this today,
I am a late person at my core, with every
fiber of my being. After everyone had introduced themselves and
(10:19):
had gotten comfy, we got into it. We had learned
from our last focus group that it was important to
maintain order, so we asked the group again to use
the phrase just to pivot off that that worked best
last time we had them do that. So the first
question we have for you today is what do I
(10:40):
have so much fun doing? And that I and the
scenario as you, what do I have so much fun doing?
That time just seems to slip away? UM, just to
pivot off that UM listening listening to music with a
friend that has similar music taste. I think it's really fun,
makes it time fly. Your friend plays something and you're
(11:02):
and you're like, oh yeah, I freaking love that one.
And you're like singing along. And then you put on
something and she's like, dude, throwback or whatever. And and
just to pivot off that, UM. Something I like to
do that that is really fun is to get together
(11:23):
with a friend and we go through Zillo listings of
of poorly thought out and ill constructed multimillion dollar homes
in in terrible areas and just and roast them and
imagine the horrible effects that that that property had on
(11:46):
whoever financed it. Just to pivot off that, there are
no objections. You are not going to get a single
objection from me, Chris. UM. Something that I really enjoy
doing that I find fun where time slips bies um
(12:07):
going on long trips, like driving trips with friends. UM,
I feel like you get into this state where everything
becomes funny and it just seems to make the trip
go much faster. Uh. That's all just to pivot off that. UM.
(12:28):
Something that I find fun and makes the time fly
by is cooking um with other people or by myself.
Just to pivot off that point. Uh, what I think
is so much fun that time just seems to slip away?
(12:50):
Is singing in a group and a choir as they're called,
Just to pivot off that. Uh what what I think
it's fun to do that makes time just slip away? Um?
I really enjoyed this very dumb inside jokes my friends,
just the the the less they make sense, and the
(13:10):
more um specific they are to that friendship. That was
really helpful. But we wanted them to be more specific.
I mean, we were hoping to gather a list of
fun go too so that we could steal for ourselves.
Anna asked some follow up questions to get a bit
more insight on these fun activities so we'd have a
clear idea of how we could have fun. I couldn't
(13:34):
really remember the individual's names, so I had them put
numbers on their zoom screens and instead I addressed them
by those That's wonderful, Kyle, I pit's okay. I have
just a couple of follow up questions. Number seven, can
you name a specific dish that you are cooking when
you're having the time? You're like, uh, maybe, I guess
(13:57):
the most recent one I've made was because the which
is the ground meat filling of impanadas? Number five, can
you please provide a specific neighborhood that we would be
able to look up a house um in on Zillo. Well,
just to pivot off that, there's there's a two million
(14:19):
dollar home for sale in Parker, Arizona. That it's it's
a real treat, fantastic, And just to pivot off that,
another specific question um uh. Number four, can you provide
a specific UH music examples such as artist and song please? Yeah? Um, Well,
(14:42):
recently we were listening to a playlists with like early
two thousands dance music. A really great song that we
shared some fun over it was got to Get Through
This by Daniel Beddingfield and um Days go By by
Dirty Vague guess great. And just to pivot off that,
(15:03):
UM number six, where is the long trip to UH?
What is the starting point in the destination? Um? I
just pivot off that. I would say a good one
is like Los Angeles to Tucson, Arizona. Or leave it further.
Number eight, can you provide a specific song that you
(15:26):
like to sing? And if it's a made up song
and that's okay, then just a couple of verses. Wow. Uh,
just to pivot off that that point. You know, I'm
into old music, the older the better, Barroke, Renaissance, It's
all good, though not magicals, because I find them pretty demoralizing.
I had a full up question for number three, what
kind of insight joke if you could be as specific
(15:49):
as possible that would be? That would be great, Just
to pivot off that. Um, I have one of my
one of my favorites is with a friend of mine,
we have a bit where um, it's Harry Potter's mom
calling Harry Potter asking him to come to her house
(16:11):
to pick up her mail. Um, and the mom has
a very high pitched Scottish accent. It's just fun, it's nice.
This sounded like a really great joke. I wish I
had been there, but the problem was that I wasn't,
(16:32):
And that, my friends, is actually both the beauty and
the curse of an inside joke. You had to be there,
and again I wasn't. But maybe what he had said
could actually be used as a kind of blueprint for
a joke for us to build, Like, maybe we could
use it to come up with our own inside joke,
(16:53):
which for us, and I guess you, guys, Anna, I
think that's a great idea. We'll get to those other
fun suggestions later, but let's look into this first. So
we quickly dismissed the group and thank you for coming,
and thank you for being on time and even sometimes early.
I'm looking at you, Chris. We started working on our
(17:17):
own inside joke. Inside jokes are the type of things
that just sort of happened. They're a naturally occurring phenomena,
like a geyser or a waterfall. Remember pre COVID when
you'd hang out with two to three friends and jokes
would fly from wall to wall. Next thing, you know,
(17:38):
belly laughs all around. And three weeks later, we're still
talking about that thing we said we needed to recreate that.
I know things are getting really good, but we have
to take a break for some ads. And the ad
(17:59):
break is over. We actually have a third friend, Rod. Hi,
I'm Rod, I'm the third friend. He's a good guy. Anyway,
we didn't feel entirely comfortable hanging out with Rod in person,
(18:21):
no offense, just you know, COVID stuff. We arranged a
virtual hangout with Rod. We'd hang out, chill and see
if we could naturally end up coming up with a
joke about Harry Potter and all the other stuff. The
guy said, we logged on and prepared to blast off.
(18:44):
It's nice to see you, Rod, It's good to see you.
Um yeah. Anyways, so Rod, um do you I was
just I was curious. Have you read Harry Potter? Actually? Yeah,
it's been a while, but I have Red Harry Potter.
M hm. Wow. That was a dead end? Is that is? It?
(19:12):
Was that? It? Do you have? No? We we're just
hanging out and we're just out. There's no pressure on anything. Sure,
this isn't a interrogation or anything. Yeah, just like some
but just a couple of friends wondering if the third
friend has Red Harry Potter. Yeah, hey Rod, what's up? Kyle?
(19:38):
Have you been to Scotland? No? No, I haven't. Cricket cricket? Wow? Okay? Um,
any plans to go to Scotland? I've bean not in
the immediate future. I think it may be be fun. Okay, yeah,
(20:02):
but not nothing right now? Nothing in the books. Now
should I should I think about going? He wasn't giving
us anything. It was like trying to shoot a soap
opera with a couch instead of a lead actress. Now
we're just a couple of friend hanging out chill. Pressure. Yeah,
there's no presure to go anywhere. Honestly feeling a lot
(20:24):
of pressure. This is exactly why we limit the amount
of time that we spend with our third friend Road.
He just always brings the drama. We had to leave.
This was a big waste of time. Well, yeah, I
actually leave. Oh um, I'm sure I'll see you whenever
(20:47):
it's safe again. And well I'm I'm like, I'm all
vax s up, but I've been vax stup for like
about a month. Like you guys, You guys are okay
to hang out. We could, we could, you know, I don't.
I don't really want to get into it, but I
don't not now, yeah I have some person off. Oh okay, yeah, okay.
(21:16):
That obviously didn't work. We thought that having a chill
hang with our third friend Rod would get our creative
juices flowing. But I'll be honest with you, it did nothing,
no offense. Remember, we were looking for an inside joke
to arm ourselves with, to make sure that we had
fun doing our boring task moving the dirt, and the
(21:39):
event was right around the corner. I mean it was
in the books. We had to recalibrate again. We thought
long and hard about who would be good at coming
up with jokes. Um, My mom can be funny in Russian?
Oh what about Rod? But Anna, we just talked to Rod.
(22:02):
Oh oh yeah. There was only one option, the newest plan.
We would reach out to professional comedians and have them
write professional jokes for us, because I mean, that was
their job. We all know that there's only one thing
that makes a comedian a professional being on late night bingo.
(22:27):
So we went through a catalog of late night sets
across history. We started at the very beginning Bob Hope. Okay,
but that was way too far back and not helpful.
I mean, how would we even go about getting in
contact with Bob Hope? And not to be rude, but
(22:49):
was he even alive? Um, Kyle, it's not a big
deal or anything, but I just think you should know
he actually died into Luca Lake at the age of
a hundred. That's pretty old, Mozel. We sped things up
and found three contemporary late night comics. Here was our criteria.
(23:12):
They had to have been on late night, they had
to have done topical jokes and they had to have
responded to our email. We sent the comedians the same
prompt write as a joke that centers around Harry Potter,
Harry Potter's momb calling him to pick up his mail,
and a Scottish accent. We gave them two days to
(23:32):
develop their jokes because we wanted enough time to memorize
the joke before moving the dirt. Late night was exciting
and we love the pageantry of it. We made sure
to let the comedians know that they should feel free
to treat it like a real late night set, so
that meant saying things like, how's everybody doing tonight, and
(23:55):
that's been my time, have a good night. The US
was a big deal for us. I mean, think about it.
We had put in a kind of order for a joke,
and from there it got sent to the production line.
It went through several steps at the factory. But that's
not all because at a certain point the worker in
(24:19):
charge of our order stepped away and in his stead
and artist came back and finished the job. And as such,
what was once just an unimaginative request for a Harry
Potter joke would become art art that would be released
into the lights of the stage. Wow. Basically, what Anna
(24:45):
was saying was that it would be pretty cool to
see these comedians come up with jokes and then performed
them in front of us. So, without further ado, here's
our first late night comedian, Jared with his Harry Potter joke. Hey,
how's everybody doing tonight? Yeah? I was watching Harry Potter
(25:05):
the other day. Kyle. This is not late night, Remember,
it's the pageantry, which we loved. This is I mean,
we're listening to a guy tell us a Harry Potter
joke at night in the morning on Zoo. There needs
to be tension, music, glamor a host. He at least
(25:28):
needs a formal introduction. I mean we don't even know
his full name or what we might know him from.
That's the only way you know someone is good at comedy,
because if you might have seen them in another thing.
The thing is, you're right. We hassled Bernard or sound
effects guy to give this material the works. I'm talking
(25:51):
about the royal treatment. We wanted it to feel like
late night and that means the right music. Okay, thinks
we're sitting with us, Bernard, Um, can you I kind
of feel like when we try listening to like a
gong sound, I feel like that would really sound nice
(26:13):
with the show. Okay, okay, sure like this. Wow, that's cool.
Oh it's yeah, it's awesome. I mean it's a little
like I guess it's like a gong, so it's like
(26:34):
kind of one not well, it's a little like the
Gong Show or so I don't know which is cool. Yeah,
I think Okay, I'm not saying no, but what do
you think about maybe something that's a little more like
you know, you're just like you're sitting down, You're just
like like having a couple of beers. You're laughing, and
you know, like you like you know the bartender, you know,
(26:58):
so she's kind of cooking it up, you know, you
have something like that. But yeah, maybe maybe this it's
totally and um, I don't think that that doesn't sound
like a late night show from all the cliffs we've watched.
(27:20):
I just I like it, but I don't think it's
really a moment where you're having a couple of beers
with your friends. Yeah, I just typed in a talk
show in this. Okay, what about about this? Yeah? That's
(27:40):
this is good. It's totally like, yeah, oh yeah, that's perfect. Great,
the music was good, but now what about the host?
I mean, that's a huge part of the show. And
we wanted to make these professional comedians feel good about
(28:00):
themselves and their accomplishments, and we wanted to give you
the listener a hell of a show. We tried taking
on that role ourselves. Okay and okay, m hmm, and
now the moment and now and okay and now. It
(28:32):
was awful. I mean I literally got so much stage
fright just rehearsing as the host. I want to walk
into my closet and never walk out. I would just
stay there like a coat that you bought two seasons
ago that you're never gonna wear again. Since Anna had
too much stage fright, I decided to give it a go.
(28:53):
Maybe I could be the perfect host that we were
looking for. Okay, Kyle and her monster voice, I'm sorry,
(29:15):
that's not what a host sounds like. It's just not
I guess maybe if you're performing stand up in your
nightmares in hell, but not for this. So Anna and
I were not hosts. We decided it would be best
to hire a professional host to host the professional comedians
(29:36):
we looked around and found two candidates with experience. You
can usually tell a good host is a good host
right away. I mean, think about it. They usually begin
with the words and now, and those two words tell
a story. And the story either says I'm a good
host or I'm not so good at my job. So
(30:00):
we arranged an audition with both of the guys. In
the audition, we would have them say those words. Here's
the first guy, and now, thank you so much. Yeah,
that was thank you. We'll let you know be in touch. Well,
all right, thanks. Um, he was definitely good. But um,
(30:22):
could we please hear this other guy? Kyle? That guy
was really good and this episode is already so long. Um,
I kind of already told this other guy that we
would hear him out, So please all right, okay, and no,
(30:44):
see he's pretty good, a find of entertainment, a platinum gesture,
a magic moment. Um, Kyle, words rung together? Yes, Uh,
what's going on? Did you send him something else to
audition with? Um? Kind of? I I just told him
(31:07):
to give us a good show, much like Pains of
Glass colored both primitive and detailed in the stained glass window. Kyle,
this is not what we asked for Oh, let's just
say at dream or Shocked. Yes, the cathedral, the Rose window,
the Catherine wheeled. Where did you find this guy? Um?
(31:33):
Remember I told you I was in an acting class. Well,
he's actually my teacher and he's been begging me to
be on the show. I thought we could give him
a shot. He was definitely very interesting and we could
definitely use him for something else, but let's just say
(31:56):
not this time. We contacted the first guy and let
him know he got the job. We just wanted to
let you know that you got the job. You got it? Oh,
oh thanks good. Our hosts seemed just as excited as
(32:17):
we were. Thrilled. Even just to be on the safe side,
we conducted an official background check on him, you know,
after what happened with the trauma with that guy. It
did cost us forty dollars, but the peace of mind
of knowing that this guy was safe was priceless, and
(32:40):
the background check ended up being pretty cool because we
even found out that he had been on conan In.
This was going to be a seriously professional show with
professional comedians and a very professional host. So we had
our late night host, who himself had been on late night.
But now the big question what would he say? We
(33:03):
knew that host typically listed comedians credits, but what else
did they say? We stayed up all night and researched. Okay, okay,
so well here's here's what I was thinking. Let me
know what you think about this. I love that. So
(33:30):
you like the that he said? And now here's Johnny Yeah,
so long. I like how long he says it for
he it's so long. Yeah, it's definitely a choice he made.
Then okay, this one guy said, oh, I hope they
(33:51):
have an omelet station. He's gonna snack and I don't
want to be Yeah, why because it's Hollanday as you
more on, And then the boss said, okay, I think
that what I realized from this clip is that I
wouldn't necessarily know when the joke is, but it really
helps that they're laughter. So maybe if we added some
(34:15):
like laugh track in there, totally exactly, because at first
it's like hollandays whatever you know, but then they laugh like,
oh that is a joke. Oh I didn't know. Yeah, okay,
this is gentlemen. My next guest tonight is a stand
up comedian creator of Please Understand me on Amazon Prime.
(34:37):
Please welcome Ahmed Weinberg. H I mean, I love like
the energy. Yeah, I just wish that he told us
a little bit more about where this guy came from.
Like I don't want to know too much about a comic,
you know, but like, I think it's exactly what you're saying.
(34:58):
I think it's like where they I guess where they
haling from. That would be really nice to know. Yeah,
missed opportunity. And now an AD break. The ad break
is over. It was all coming together. We had the
(35:25):
perfect music, the perfect host, and the perfect host. Words.
Those are words that the host says, um Anna, there's
actually one more thing that I think would be really cool,
fulle added Kyle, when it comes to you, I'm an
open book. What is it? Um At the very end
(35:46):
of the show, can the host say take care of
yourselves and each other? Do you mean what Jerry Springer
says at the end of his show. Yeah, I just
think it sends a really positive message. You know, it's
like a lighthouse submitted a violent storm, you know, it
like guides you to the lighthouse. Huh. I never thought
(36:12):
about it that way. That sounds nice. Yeah, thanks, And
now without further ado, a very special Late night showcase
produced by Anna and co Um. Hey, Anna, there's just
one more thing. Can you say? We're sponsored by Bags? Um?
(36:35):
Just bags generally? Yeah, I just really like Bags, So
maybe they'll sponsor us when the show gets released. That's
actually really good thinking, Kyle. Okay, let me get back
to it. Oh okay, no problem, Just remember sponsored by Bags.
(36:56):
And now without further ado of very special late night
showcase produced by Anna and Kyle sponsored by Bags. Yeah,
(37:18):
you're first. Comedian hails from Morgantown, West Virginia. You may
know him from The Late Late Show with James Gordon.
Here Jared Logan, Hey, how's everybody doing tonight? Wow? You know,
(37:40):
I was watching Harry Potter the other day and uh,
it occurred to me that, like, no heroes have living parents, right,
Like Batman doesn't have living parents, Spider Man's parents are dead.
Harry Potter's parents are dead, and there's a reason for that.
It's like, uh, it's not heroic to have living parents.
(38:02):
It's just embarrassing. Like imagine, you know, Harry Potter's mom
just like leaving a message, you know, for him at school,
like very well, it seems like I can never catch
you on the phone. Look, I was just calling to
see if that thing with your foot clear at all.
(38:24):
Remember to use the ointment that Dr Shankar gave you
and where your flip flops in the shower? Harry. I'm
gonna turn it back over to your host. Uh, and
I'll see you guys in the future. Good night, spectacular stuff. Yeah.
(38:50):
The ex comedian hails from San Francisco, California. You may
know him from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Here, Kevin,
call me up. Hey, what's up everybody? How's everybody doing? Yes,
(39:15):
gonna be out here, you guys, You guys into Harry Potter.
Harry Potter. I don't even believe that world. I don't
believe that whole world. How come he can't be like
Abracadabra I got lay six. Also, also, I don't know
(39:37):
if you know this, but Harry Harry Potter took place
in the nineties. Really, how come he never mentioned Tu
PACs dear Mama, not even once. If Harry's mom was alive,
you know, he wouldn't be half the wizard. He could be, right,
(40:02):
There's just no way you can't be if your mom's
calling you all the time, Harry, come home and pick
up your mail, you rat bastard. All right, y'all, Hey,
I'm Kevin Kamya. Hashtag stopation hate peace. We'll see you
next time. Spread tacular stuff. This final comedian hails from Alameda, California.
(40:31):
You may know her from Late Night with Seth Meyers,
The Late Late Show with James Gordon, Conan O'Brien's Late
Night Show in two thousand thirteen, ConA O'Brian's Late Night
Show in two thousand fourteen, and Conan O'Brien's Late Night
Show in two thousands seventeen. Here Emily Heller, So, I've
(41:01):
been thinking about Harry Potter. There's a lot that's kind
of stupid about Harry Potter, but I think one of
the stupider things about it is that the only way
to send messages to people if you're a wizard is
to either appear in their fireplace or send an owl. Like.
I don't understand why they can't use the actual post office,
(41:23):
but okay, I guess it's better to send a nocturnal
bird to carry your message for you and just hope
it doesn't get distracted by a rabbit and the birds
always like find you wherever you are to bring you letters.
I don't even want to get mail at my house,
much less when I'm like on vacation. Harry comes back
(41:45):
from semester at sea or whatever, and his mom calls
him up and it's like, hey, yeah, can you come
pick up your mail? You got three letters and a
bunch of mouse bones. I'm just kidding. She can't call him,
she's dead. And also they don't have phones because apparently
(42:06):
wizards can't use electricity because it interferes with their magic,
which really makes you ask is it worth it to
do magic? Like isn't email cooler than what you can
do with Harry Potter magic? Like maybe I'd rather watch
internet porn and figure out how to code than spend
seven years where the most useful thing I can learn
(42:29):
is how to defend myself against a dragon, which wouldn't
even be an issue if one of my three best
friends wasn't an adult Scottish giant who loves keeping dragons
as a pet. That's my time. Thank you very much,
Spectacular Stock. Well, take care of yourselves and each other. Yea,
(43:03):
that was awesome. I wish you guys could have seen me.
I was rolling on the ground laughing. Spirits were high
after Kyle and I had successfully put on an amazing
professional late night showcase. Remember we had put the showcase
(43:24):
together to get the perfect insight joke, which we would
then use to help us have fun while moving the dirt.
Now we were set up for success. In fact, we
actually had a whole show of jokes to choose from.
I was feeling so good. I wanted to do something
a little extra, a little gift for my big Kyle.
(43:46):
If there's one thing that Kyle loves more than the
law or even her dog, it's the circus, every part
of it. The red and white stripes, the Hong Kong,
the trapeze, the popcorn, the elephant standing on a ball.
How did he get up there? So I had a
(44:06):
crazy thought Kyle should meet a clown behind her back.
I arranged for us to talk to Bill, a world
renowned clown. My name is Bill, and I am a
professionally trained clown. I was appreciative that Anna thought to
give me a gift of meeting a clown. But I'm
(44:27):
telling you, this guy did not look like a clown.
He sort of looked like a guy. You might see
standing outside of a building for hours, and honestly, I
wasn't seeing a lot of Hong Kong, but maybe it
would come later. Kyle, give him a chance. This guy
is a professional. I know he doesn't look like a clown,
(44:51):
but he's not wearing clown makeup. I'm sure the Hong
Kong is still there. He's still a clown, trust me. Oh, okay,
that makes sense. We settled in I um studied with
an old French clown by the name of Philippe Gaullier
(45:11):
in France. Kyle, did you hear that he studied in France.
He's a legitimate clown. Okay, Anna, we we anyway. I
know the point was just for Kyle to meet a clown,
but I couldn't help myself. And here was a guy
who was an expert on what we were investigating fun.
(45:32):
I mean, if you got to meet Plato, you wouldn't
not ask him about the cave. Excitedly, I asked Bill
about what fun was. Anyone who needs to ask questions
about fun and how to have fun has have a
serious problem. So the fact that you guys are like, well,
what is fun and how do you have fun? Is
(45:53):
like a real deficit of your own personalities and abilities
to enjoy yourself. Uh, okay, back to it, but anyway,
go ahead and question um okay, okay, okay. That all
(46:16):
you guys have to say is okay, come on, hit
me with something. Okay, hit you with something anyway. I
knew this type of confrontation was hard for Kyle, so
I tried to steer the ship away. Well, that's kind
of what we're trying to look into. And I guess
I was wondering, like, if you're doing specific to the
(46:36):
investigation at hand, like if you're doing something really boring,
do you think the onus is on you to create
your own fun? Um? Um? No, not really? No, Oh okay,
come on, Bill, this was a really good question. We
even gave him an example to help him answer. Yeah,
(46:58):
well what about Okay, I don't is this clowning? Sometimes
if vacuum ng, I can pretend that the vacuum is
like like an elephant or something snake, yeah, or like
like is that like like is that is that what
you do? I don't know. This guy is not a
happy clown. Forgive me for being um like slightly condescending
(47:22):
or insulting towards you guys, but like the really dumb questions. Seriously,
it's like, what is this like a self help thing?
We knew we had to get out of there. Okay,
well this has been We really appreciate this interview before
we sign off? You really did you really appreciate it? Yeah? Yeah,
we do. Okay, alright, what is it that you appreciate
(47:45):
something about it? I mean it's I always appreciated when
someone takes the time out of their day to talk
to us. Oh yeah, all right. It wasn't actually like
what was said or did. Needless to say, this was
not what I had in mind. In fact, it was
the opposite. I had arranged for us to meet with
(48:07):
Bill to get in the mood for a fun day
of moving dirt, and I just wanted to do something
nice for Kyle. Instead, Bill had crushed our spirits. Here
was a clown, the very picture of fun and happiness,
and instead of welcoming us with open arms and giving
us a giggle and putting on a show, he had
(48:29):
left us for debt. Disappointment wasn't new to us, but
that didn't make it hurt any less. I was especially
worried about Kyle this investigation was taking forever and there
was still no end in sight. I wasn't sure that
Kyle could handle it, and damn, you know, it just
(48:52):
occurred to me. The guy who we had talked to,
I guess he really was a world renowned clown because
he clowned mass. I loved Kyle's house and then gave
her a call the second that I got home. Hello, Hey, Kyle, Hi, Hey,
(49:16):
it's Anna. Hey. What's what's up? Um? Are you? Are
you busier right now? Actually? I've been in mind to
get my priest service for about like three hours and
I think I'm next. Wow. Um, sorry, it's just I
think we need to talk. I'll be right there. Hey, hey,
(49:45):
thank you so much for meeting me here. Wow. Yeah,
It's just I mean, it's crazy. I am getting my
oil changed almost every week, and at this point, I'm like,
should I move to a place that's near this beach
because I'm just driving here so much? And then on
(50:05):
top of that, I'm like, should I get a job
out here because I need to pay to have a
get a place out here because it's more expensive near
the beach. I mean, I just this is causing me
just so much stress. Financially driving here. I'm glad we're here.
(50:28):
I'm glad we can talk because I am sorry about
what happened. I mean, Anna, but it's just temporary. It's okay.
I don't know what is going on right now? What
is this investigation even about at this point? I mean,
it's been going on forever. It's been months and months,
and I am thinking about moving near the beach and
(50:51):
getting a condo, Like, what is it even happening? I'm
just so over it, and I just I honestly, I
can't I keep coming here. You know, I'm gonna leave,
Like where are you going? Uh? Wait? Roman? Can you
(51:14):
did she leave? My gol? Damn it. It's crazy because
I was going to tell her that this episode is
now actually a three part damn to be continued. Sniff Sniff.
(51:47):
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