Two Jersey Js: SOs & XOs

It’s Valentine’s Day week, so what better way to celebrate than sharing love stories!

Jeff and Evan join to share their perspective on love and marriage with their wives.

Who met at a bar? Whose pick up line was about filet mignon?

And, who had to kiss someone else to realize their husband was the one?

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, guys, welcome back to Jersey Jays. I am Jackie Goldschneider.
I'm Jennifer Wessler.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
And today we are talking about Vallan Valentine today.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Very exciting and we have the two.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
Hottest guests on and yes I get carried away. Okay,
Yes they're cute. They're very Cute're very cute.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
It's Evan Goldschneider and Jeffrey Fessler.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
Do you call him jack or Jeffrey.

Speaker 3 (00:29):
Depends what mood I'm in, jeff Jeffrey. There's other choice
words that I use that will go unmentioned here, but yeah,
we both answered it just about anything.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
So all right, Well we'll get into everything with them,
but before that, let's catch up a little because I
did see you.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
At fashion Week this week, but I saw you didn't.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
I mean, everything was so crazy, we didn't get to
talk too much.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
How was your week? Did you have fun? I wasn't.

Speaker 3 (00:57):
It wasn't a fashion week. I had a week event,
so I think you probably did a lot more than
I did. But I loved it. You were the one
that I was at per Grave event and it was
just it was amazing. It was so much fun. I
haven't been to a lot of fashion shows, so I'm
a total newbie in this category. And yeah, it was

(01:19):
really really cool. The Graven is an amazing new brand,
and I have been loving their clothing for a while
now because I got a package from them, probably going back,
I don't know, maybe six months ago, and have absolutely
loved what they sent me, and just looking at their

(01:41):
new collection, it is so gorgeous. It is so high quality,
it is so luxurious. Materials are amazing. I loved that
fashion show. Oh good, Yeah, it was really fun.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
I mean I think we were both front row, and
the models are so beautiful and the clothes were so nice.
Sort of transports you to a different world for the moment.
You forget that the whole world's on buyer and like
everything sucks once you walk out the tour.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
But I thought the first part also was. I mean,
I didn't again, I didn't have my expectations. I didn't
have I didn't really know what I was walking into.
I've only been to a few of these, but I
mean they were serving caviar on blinis. What are those
little wait, what are the little pancakes called? Yeah, I
think they called Bellini's Bellini's right, and they were serving
belinis because it was at Kasta Chipriani. We're drinking Bellini's

(02:32):
and all like the most beautiful, fabulous people. And you
saw Rachel my daughter working. She looks amazing. So Jen's
daughter graduated college last year.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
She graduated Delaware and now she is working in pr Ryes.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
She works in the city. Then, yeah, she just like
looks like a city check. Now, oh really she's well
sophisticated working girl. Yeah, Julia Hart. And she didn't even
know that it was really Julia Hart, but came in
and complimented her on her outfit and she knew who
she was, just like, mom, that's and she was sort
of like try and pull together. I was like, yeah,

(03:08):
that's tooly hard. She was so flattered.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yeah, Julia is the sweetest. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
It was a great event. And yeah, now back to life.
I have one more this week and then back to
regular life. Back to the unglamorous life. No, just kidding,
everything's glammory.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
No.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
So other than that, do you uh well, we'll save
some of this for with the guys. But but do
you do you celebrate Valentine's Day?

Speaker 1 (03:34):
No?

Speaker 3 (03:35):
Not really, I mean no, well, we have like a
couple of traditions that we can save it for our
discussion with the guys that are just silly. But no,
we don't do anything big. We don't make big dinner
plans to you.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
Yeah, no, you know we used to. But it's funny.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
Now my fourteen year old daughter's got a little guy
that she's been dating for like three months, and my
sixteen year old almost seventeen next and a month and
a half, has a girlfriend, and so now they want
to both take their you know, others out to dinner,
and so we and Evan are kind of like, well,
I think we're just going to be like driving people
all night.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
So I have to say, did you do this with
the little one?

Speaker 3 (04:18):
So when mine were little, every holiday it was I
had to set something up with I don't know, bloomed
and then they had these little presents and there was
candy when they woke up, and then you remember you
have to like make all little bound hines for them
to bring to school for the class.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
Oh my god, yes, and they were Actually there was
a lot because I always had to do two at
a time because just that's the twins, right, So I
always had to do like forty six of them and
like write out the messages and then like seal them
with the candy and everything, and like it took a
lot of time.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
But yeah, I miss those days. Got it goes so fast.
Oh that sounds very cliche, but it goes so fast.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
But we'll go through everything with the guys. I mean,
and you know, back when we were first date, like
everything everything had to be like super special. But then
you know, you we actually keep our love alive, but
not so much in life. You know, when it's on
a date in a time, you know, like it's we
don't do things like just because it's a certain day,

(05:15):
but just birthdays, maybe anniversary, yeah, just birthdays, although you
know I'm not a big birthday person. What else, And
you're your son's in law school. He's doing well. My
son is in law school. My son is stressed. I
don't know if you were like this, Jack, but he is.
I mean, he doesn't get stressed. And it's been a lot.

(05:36):
And it's also now the internships after first year, so
he's dealing with all of that and they are now.
So I don't know if anybody even cares about this,
but he's in his he just started his second semester
of his first year, and he needs to start applying
for internships for the summer after his second year.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yep, which I don't. I'm like, now, what even even
started hill first year? He'll be fine.

Speaker 3 (05:59):
But he you know, he's really not stress case like
Rachel and I are stress cases.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
But he's stressed. No, it is very stressful.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
And then, but you know, you could do so many
things with the law degree.

Speaker 1 (06:11):
For example, I'm on a podcast in the real house.
That's right there, you go.

Speaker 4 (06:21):
Thanks, all right.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
Well, welcome to our handsome husbands, Jeff and Evan. Thank
you guys for being here.

Speaker 4 (06:30):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
I God, So, I want to jump right in so
Fessler's I actually.

Speaker 1 (06:35):
Don't know as close as we are, Jenna, I don't
know how you guys met. I don't tell me you
and you don't remember. Really, I think I do. My story, Jeff,
you want to tell it?

Speaker 2 (06:46):
I want to tell Yeah, you guys, tell me how
you met, first im questions, first date, how.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
You feel like, give me all of it. It is
actually a really good story. Go ahead, jeffy Okay.

Speaker 5 (06:57):
So I had used as about seven to nineteen ninety seven,
so I had used a dating service. A couple of
times called it just lunch in New York and one
day ome in the office.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
They wait, so it's just lunch, said it. They set
professionals up on lunch date. So the the I actually
think it's still around. But the idea is like, Okay,
if you're a busy professional, you don't have time for dinner,
but everybody has time for lunch or a drink. So
the premise was, excuse me fixing professionals up on lunch dates.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
It's just by the way I used it. Also, there
you go, yeah, I might have met you, Jack. I know.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
I've actually been furiously searching my emails from back then,
but email was so new, really, I mean it wasn't
new new, but like you really didn't do all of
it through email. So I can't find my emails back
from like two thousand and one, two thousand and two.
But I bet you you and you you were my
person there.

Speaker 3 (07:54):
Can you imagine? Yeah, I was the director of Y
and then the director of Jersey. All right away, go on,
Jeffrey John.

Speaker 4 (08:01):
All right.

Speaker 5 (08:02):
So I'm sitting in my office and I get a call.
It was a Friday afternoon. I think I get a
call and it's Jen and she's like, you know, I
see that you used. It's just lunched. Do you want
to come back? I go no, it was horrible. I'm
not doing that again. And she was like, just you know,
I want you to come in and want you to
meet me. And for some reason, I was like, you

(08:22):
know what, I have nothing to do. It's Friday afternoon,
all right, I'll go over and see.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
I was the new director there, so you try to
so you wanted him to meet you for purposes of
like it's joining. It was as a numbers game, right, like, okay,
somebody joined. That was the idea to get more people
to join. So you called old clients to see if
they were renew Okay.

Speaker 6 (08:45):
So well I went over.

Speaker 5 (08:47):
I walked in and I was you know, I met
her and I was like wow, that was my first
thought was wow, she looks amazing. And we started talking
and she, you know, does her gen thing with talking
making you feel great, you know.

Speaker 6 (09:06):
The whole thing. And then she goes, what is your type?
And I said, look in the mirror.

Speaker 3 (09:13):
Oh, and I just well, can I just jump in
to say that if you know Jeff Fessler, I mean
you two. Do you know that is not no Jeff
Fessler thing to say. So, like, looking back on it,
you know, I remember it happened, and I was like,
ha ha haha. Another guy thinking he has all this
you know game. Meanwhile, Jefffessler, no offense. My love has

(09:34):
a zero game. So that was like a very big deal.

Speaker 4 (09:39):
He did that.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
He did, Oh yeah, well it didn't work.

Speaker 5 (09:42):
Actually, well, yeah, no, it didn't work because then she
goes she said, well, I'm in a Hampton's house and
I have a boyfriend.

Speaker 6 (09:51):
And then blah blah blah.

Speaker 5 (09:53):
And this was like May, and I'm thinking there was
no way she have a boyfriend in May in a
Hampton's house. You may be maybe at the end of
the summer, but not now. So I kept pursuing it.
And you know, first date, what was the first date was.

Speaker 3 (10:11):
Four seasons drink at the four Seasons, right, It was
like not a date he was sending me. I was like, no, listen,
I'm you're a client. It's not professional. I don't do that. Meanwhile,
I really took the job to find a husband. But whatever.
So I was like no, and then he's like, well,
we just meet up whatever, have a drink whatever. And
I remember we went to the we met at the

(10:32):
Four Seasons, and I was like, this is not like
we could be friends. This is not going to be
a love connection. He was shorter than me. Sorry, honey,
I'm just telling you. My one thing was that I
wanted a tall guy that was like, didn't I didn't
care if he was wealthy or you know, really over well,

(10:53):
he just wanted him taller than me because I always
felt like kind of like a big girl.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
So careful what you wish for, ladies. So when did
you know that you were in love?

Speaker 3 (11:05):
Well, we just became friends. I was like, listen, this
is not going to happen. I'm you know, let's just
be friends. We could hang out. And we started to
hang out and like every Thursday. So for all you
young people listening, Thursday night was friends seinfeld E r
Night and back in the day. So he would come

(11:26):
over every Thursday and I would I was like such
a little beach. I was like, listen, go to chicken kitchen,
pick up chicken, come over to my apartment, don't make
eye contact. I'm very tired. If you want us to
be friends, fine, sit there, we'll eat chicken. And watch
Seinfeld and when yours over, get the hell out. I
mean it, like he must have really liked me. It

(11:50):
was like that was like my whole attitude, like fine,
you're a nice guy, we'll be friends.

Speaker 2 (11:54):
Whatever, And then how long until you guys were a couple?

Speaker 4 (11:59):
Well?

Speaker 5 (12:00):
And then then what happened was you know, she was
still said, still remain friends. And then one day she said,
why don't you come into the office and look through
the files?

Speaker 1 (12:11):
Ill girl, you other women?

Speaker 6 (12:13):
And I said, all right, sounds good to me, and.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
I did, yeah, And then what happened. Yeah, I wasn't
I was not pleased. That was it.

Speaker 3 (12:23):
I was not pleased. Yeah, but it was you know.
So then he wanted to be fixed up, and I
was like, what do you want to fixed up? You're
madly in love with me? What are you what are
you talking about? Right at the time, I was dating
this other guy and who it was totally unrequited love.
I was crazy about him and he was not crazy
about me. But started to even out a little bit,

(12:46):
and like one day I saw him and Jeff in
the same day and I kissed that guy, and then
I kissed Jeff Wessler and I was like, wait a second,
and wait a second, wait a second, like Jeff Wessler
And it was it was like as soon as I

(13:10):
liked him, and then I then I loved him in
about three minutes, and about three minutes later I was like,
where's my ring? And this is gonna have to happen now.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
Sorry, you guys. How old were you when you got married?
I was thirty.

Speaker 3 (13:25):
I was thirty one when we got married, thirty when
we got engaged, right, Jeff. And then last question, and
we'll pivot. What where'd you get married? Marine Beach and
Yacht Club, New York Outdoors? Uh, And it was not outdoors,
it was, but it was on the water and it

(13:46):
was just a million years ago and it was just beautiful.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
Oh beautiful. Well your turn, all right, Well havn't gone.

Speaker 4 (13:56):
I'll let you tell the story.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Oh, now do you remember the night we met?

Speaker 4 (14:00):
Of course, brother Jimmies.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yeah, we were Brother Jimmies.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
Anyone who's from New York City or they or went
to New York City in the nineties early aughts, and
they call it right, everyone remembers Brother Jimmy's. It was
like for those who don't know, it's like a beer
bar through and throw. It's like a barbecue joint. And
they serve these fish bowls full of like mystery liquids, alcohol,

(14:26):
one hundred straws coming out, dirty plastic toys inside, and
like they're designed for lots of people to share them.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
It's so fun.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
They play like great you know, classic rock, great music.
And I was there on a Thursday with my best
friend at the time, who's still one of my closest friends,
and uh, and I saw Evan. The funny thing is
that he was where. Evan's the biggest Jets fan ever.
Do you know we named one of our children after
the Jets. Middle name is Jet. And he was wearing

(14:56):
a Giant's hat and I always ask him, why were
you wearing a Gian Evan? Why are wearing a joint set?

Speaker 7 (15:03):
Because every team, if I wear their their hat or
their shirt, I bring bad luck to it. And I
have a lot of shot in Freuda in my life
as being a Jet fan. Any team that wins, I'm
jealous of the thing with brother Jimmy's. By the way,
if you think about it, it's like the exact opposite
of it's just lunch you go to It's just lunch
to find somebody that you could fall in love.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
Right, I know where you can see Jimmy's like out.

Speaker 4 (15:27):
You know, find somebody for the night. That's the intention.
You don't expect to find your wife.

Speaker 5 (15:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
So I was actually sitting at the bar with my
friend Hannah because we used to go every Thursday night
we had we were friends at the bartender and the
staff there, and she wanted to or or something from
the menu. So I made eye contact with Evan. But
I was not in the best headspace at that time.
I was, you know, I was anorexic. I was not

(15:56):
like very secure, you know, and I I saw him,
and I thought that guy will never like me.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
And I hate that.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
That's my first thought that when I saw and my
first impression is that guy would never like me. But anyway,
so she's looking through the men and you, and then
I hear a voice behind my shoulder and he says,
I hear the filet mignon is delicious. And I turned
around and it was him, and I was just so
shocked that he came over to talk to us.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
But it was very very smooth, that's very cute. It
was cute.

Speaker 2 (16:27):
And then from there we went so our first date,
he took me to a Mexican restaurant and I marry Anne.
So I was in a phase of not eating. No,
what was it called it went away? It's called Zerella.

Speaker 4 (16:40):
It was called Zerella. It's charming.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
We had our first day there.

Speaker 2 (16:43):
He ordered an appetizer for us to share and it
was fried and I had a very long internal struggle
over whether to eat the fried food and let the
guy think I was normal, or not eat the fried
food and stick to my diet. So that's what I
took away from our first date. But we ended up.
He decided to stay for the craye and we ended up.

(17:06):
I think our third date we had drinks at just
like your four Seasons day we had. We had drinks
that the man's are in, and that's where we kind
of like, we're like, this is this is something real?

Speaker 4 (17:16):
Well, the second date was good too.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
Yeah, the second date was good too, But the third date.

Speaker 4 (17:21):
Was yeah, that was good. What was your third date?

Speaker 1 (17:24):
What did you think when you saw her?

Speaker 7 (17:27):
I don't remember my first impression, but obviously if I
went up to her, I was attracted to her.

Speaker 4 (17:32):
I have to be honest, like, at that point in
my life. It was.

Speaker 7 (17:36):
It was late two thousand and three. I had been
drinking a lot for a long time. You're kind of
like that stage in your life where you're twenty nine
years old and I just saw something that I liked
started talking to her, but you know, I was I
was drunk. I came straight from the gym. I think
I had my gym bag with me too. I was

(17:58):
wearing that stupid giants hat. But I obviously liked her physically,
and then getting to talk with her was even.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
One last story about that night, and then we'll move
on to Valentine's Day. But so Evan said to Evan
values his sleep a lot more than I do. I'm
not a big sleeper. Evan is a big sleeper. And
so he said to me at a back out eleven
thirty or right with it.

Speaker 1 (18:22):
About eleven thirty, he said, midnight.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
It was really midnight, and I used to go out
until like two in the morning. So he said to me, listen,
I'm going to tell my buddies that I'm going to
grab a slice of pizza and then come back. But
I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going home
because i want to go to sleep. So he took
my number whatever, we exchange information, and then he left.

Speaker 1 (18:46):
And then one of.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
His friends comes up to me, like fifteen minutes later,
and he goes, listen, I got bad news for you.
I hope you didn't like that guy, because I think
I think he gohested you. I think he left. And
I said, oh, no, I know he's not coming back.
I think he lied to you, not to me. And
he's like, no, no, no, I think he lied to you, and
I said, no, no, no, I.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
Think he lied to you.

Speaker 2 (19:03):
Anyway, he never came back, but he did call.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
Well listen.

Speaker 3 (19:08):
That says a lot Jack, because back in the day,
at that age of some guy said that to me,
I would have been like, all right over, not interested.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
No, I was so interested. I knew.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
I knew my mother would like this one. Tell me
about your first Do you remember your first Valentine's Day?

Speaker 1 (19:32):
No? Do you know? Really had no idea.

Speaker 2 (19:37):
I remember ours. We went to a place I don't
know if it's still around. It started with a p
what was it called?

Speaker 4 (19:42):
It called public? It was down. I think it was
probably like in the East village or around there.

Speaker 1 (19:47):
Yeah, and I wore this pretty flowery dress. I was
so excited.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
I don't think i'd ever really had like a real
proper Valentine's Day college my college boyfriends, but not really
like an exciting bound.

Speaker 7 (20:00):
I remember my first male Valentine's Day. Jeff would appreciate
that men's.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
Valentine's Day steaking a blow What is a male Valentine's Day.
I don't know a male Valentine it's like.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
Every year.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
Yeah, I never heard of.

Speaker 2 (20:14):
That, Jeff, of you, I'm not writing it down in
my calendar. It's a steaking a blowjob.

Speaker 6 (20:19):
In March twenty third.

Speaker 4 (20:22):
That I remember very well. We want the sparks, and then.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
Excuse me, the listening public doesn't need to know.

Speaker 4 (20:29):
That talking about the Sparks was the steakhouse.

Speaker 1 (20:32):
No, I live right down the street from Sparks forty
six and second, Yeah, that's.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
Where so there was like a big mafia murder there right, Yeah,
outside Sparks.

Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yeah, very old school for people.

Speaker 3 (20:43):
Oh my god, I just all those those days seem
so long ago. Liked, right, we're making it up because
it just I just picturing that street and Jeff and
I hanging out. I had this apartment that was like
the size of I don't have a room small enough
in my house to show you how small it was.
It paced a brick wall and it was a teeny

(21:03):
tiny little studio. And I kept like in the underwear
in the city forty six and second, I kept my
underwear under a drawer, in a drawer under my bed,
like something I would pull out. Jeff Fessler thought that
he saved me.

Speaker 1 (21:16):
He had this.

Speaker 3 (21:18):
Apartment in Gottenburg, New Jersey. So right, so he bought
this apartment in this place called the Galaxy, this high
rise views of the city, and he thought that he
was saving me from this little cell that I lived in.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
Meanwhile, loved it. I loved it. I loved having my
own own little space. Was the person I had.

Speaker 3 (21:38):
I lived with roommates for years, so it was like mine.
It was my own apartment, and it was just there
was a doorman, it was safe.

Speaker 1 (21:46):
I felt.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
I just loved living there. And to this day he
just is like, I rescued you. I'm like, no, I
rescued you, Okay, well did you move in?

Speaker 1 (21:56):
So you moved in with.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
Him once we got engaged. Yes, yes, that's I was
actually doing it. I was like, I really wanted that ring.
So I was like, listen, I would never ever live
with a guy before I was engaged, like just trying
to pull everything.

Speaker 2 (22:12):
Well, I think you need to by the way, I
would advocate for that. I think that you need to
know if you can.

Speaker 3 (22:18):
Live with somebody well before engagement, well together, what maybe
after engagement you can always.

Speaker 1 (22:24):
Break off and engage. Do you guys work together?

Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yeah, you're gonna spend all that money on a ring
for somebody that you don't know.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
If you can live with. I mean, yeah, I guess, yeah,
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (22:36):
I would advocate for it, but yeah, we we lived together. Well,
you know, it was like a matter of like like
our leases running out kind of thing, and like what
do you do?

Speaker 1 (22:48):
Do you re sign for another year?

Speaker 2 (22:49):
We'd already been dating for six months, you know, so
do you wait or seven months? Do you wait another year?
You know at our age, we were already Yeah.

Speaker 3 (22:58):
We engaged. It happened very quickly. Once it happened, like
I was ready. I wanted to get knocked up before
a while. I wanted to nail him in. I was like, really,
oh my god, Like once I realized because I was
thirty and I mean I used to have these dreams,
these baby dreams where I would wake up and just

(23:19):
be so upset that the baby wasn't there, like these
really maternal yeah, like the it really my biological clock
was loud.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
And so once we got engaged, I was like, let's
do this. Let's go. I wanted done.

Speaker 3 (23:34):
Now, let's go. And then we got married and he's like, well,
can we travel a little this is all happening. I
was like, no, we have to get pregnant now, like
we got pregnant fast everything. Once I knew that it
was going to be Jeff, I was like, make this
happen well.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
Evan and I were like, let's travel.

Speaker 2 (23:52):
And then it's funny because we got married in August
of six, right, so February of seven, just a few
months later, we go on vacation and we had planned
to like wait a little bit before having kids because
I had just turned thirty and I wasn't in a
huge rush.

Speaker 1 (24:06):
I was a young lawyer.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
And we go to Mexico and I'm laying at the
pool and there's this old lady laying next to me
and we start talking and she says to me, she
goes and I told her that I just got married
a few months ago, she says, when are you going
to try to have a baby. I said, no, We're
going to travel a little first, and she was Adam
and she was like, no, do not wait. She actually

(24:32):
happened to live even though I met her in Mexico,
she happened to live a few blocks from me in
the city. She was like one of these long time
Upper West Siders. Side note. I stayed in touch with
her forever until she passed away about two years ago.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
And her name was Lois.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
She was lovely, but she was like one hundred years old,
and she was like, no, don't wait, you might have
trouble getting pregnant.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
You never know.

Speaker 2 (24:53):
She gave me the name of a doctor and I
left the pool and I said to Evan, we need
to get fred.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
I didn't now, we need to go see this doctor now.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
I literally made the appointment from Mexico, went as soon
as we came home, and we ended up using that
doctor and I ended up having problems. So it was
good that we went. But you know, whatever trajectory brought
us to having the children that we have was the
right one one. But we did intend to travel a
little bit more. I don't think everyone was thrilled with
the timing.

Speaker 3 (25:23):
Well, I mean it was all bad that not as
it wasn't as long go as it was longer for
us than it is for you guys. My point is
that like that time seems so it was so fabulous
and fun and exciting and just feels like another life,
like we have one that we talked about. You know,

(25:43):
we talk about what we're going to talk about before
we actually talk about it here on the pod. So
we said, you know, would you change anything about your wedding?

Speaker 1 (25:48):
That's one of the questions here, right, Yeah, would you
change anything about our wedding?

Speaker 4 (25:53):
Yes? I would have done a destination wedding.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
Really, Oh, I don't think I would with like.

Speaker 7 (25:59):
Like four people and then and then God, just because
it's I feel like a wedding is done on behalf
of other people and it's just you don't have to,
you know, you don't have to have a huge wedding
to kind of prove your love for somebody else and
to do all that work, which you did most of it,
like ninety nine percent of it, of finding the flowers,

(26:19):
finding the band, finding everything, and then narrowing it down
to like the three of which I helped choose. I
just think it's a lot of work and a lot
of money for something that you know, the marriage would
be just as strong and you'd have maybe even a
better experience if you'd gotten somewhere.

Speaker 4 (26:35):
Exotic to get.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah, but then you have a video.

Speaker 4 (26:39):
Yeah exactly.

Speaker 1 (26:40):
I don't want to see that.

Speaker 6 (26:44):
Yeah, the the first first song.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
But for first dance, why what was it?

Speaker 6 (26:52):
What was it? It was? It was the Carpenters. We've
only just begun.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
Oh I love that song.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
Why would you change it?

Speaker 4 (27:02):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (27:03):
Dance? Oh yeah, the first dance.

Speaker 4 (27:06):
Effects at last.

Speaker 2 (27:10):
We had through the years, ironic because we had only
known each other for like two years.

Speaker 3 (27:14):
We wanted he wanted it last, And looking back, I
hate our wedding song. I chose it because some girl
who worked it. It's just lunch who was at our wedding,
but she said, you know what would be a great
I always wanted this would be the best wedding song.
And I was like, yeah, okay, And like, looking back,
it just was not the right choice. But yeah, we
always laugh about it when it last comes on.

Speaker 2 (27:35):
So we were going to we were going to coordinate
a dance for our first for our first dance, and
we went to a dance school together and I am
not a very good dancer at all. And we had
a lovely relationship.

Speaker 1 (27:52):
Evan and I were.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
Like deeply, madly in love and never ever fought. We
still hardly ever find And we went to dance school
and had the biggest fight, like we just hated every
second of it.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
Do you remember, Oh my god, I can't believe you
guys did that. That was so bad.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
We could we just could not coordinate and we had
a big fight and we were like, you know what,
I forget it. We'll just generically dance. So I was
saying we did through the Years as our first dance,
which is ironic.

Speaker 1 (28:26):
Because that's also one of my absolute faces. I know.

Speaker 2 (28:28):
But we had only known each other for two years,
so what through what?

Speaker 1 (28:31):
Yeah, that's a thing. I know. It's more of an
anniversary song were we talking about, you know?

Speaker 2 (28:35):
So the thing I would change about our wedding is
that there were just so many people there that I
didn't know and that Evan didn't know. Actually, I remember
sitting at our dais and somebody came over to congratulate us,
and when they walked away, I said to Evan, who
is that? And he goes, I don't know, they're on
your side. I said, no, no, they're on your side.
We had no idea who happen people there were, so I.

Speaker 3 (28:54):
Feel like we we did, I mean, well like you though, Jackie.
I was in the throes of an eating disorder at
the time time, So I do if there's also something
I would change, Like I could not eat that cake,
no way, and that was like a whole weird thing.
And I brought along my own food to my own wedding. Yeah,
so yeah, like that's what I changed that. I don't
know would I change anything at all?

Speaker 1 (29:15):
Let us hear so.

Speaker 3 (29:16):
But okay, so let's talk about what has changed though
over the years in terms of you guys, go first,
So go first. Do you still do you still do
like romantic stuff?

Speaker 2 (29:28):
How do you keep your like your love like kind
of like exciting and romantic?

Speaker 1 (29:36):
Jeff Essler, I'll let you answer. Be you still celebrate,
Let's start with that.

Speaker 6 (29:42):
Yeah, I'd buy cards, get her some chocolates.

Speaker 1 (29:48):
I'll tell them about the chocolates. I don't like flowers either.

Speaker 3 (29:52):
Not weird, but also all I ever wanted growing up
was a little girl was like one of those big
pink heart shaped boxes chocolate from CBS, like a Russell
Stoffers with the bows. So he that's like all I
ever wanted was some was a boy to bring me.

Speaker 2 (30:07):
Well, Aiden's girlfriends about it home, true, because that's what
I got.

Speaker 1 (30:12):
I love that. So are you That's what I want? Yeah?
Do you do anything? No, we don't do much. I
mean like McCard it gets me, okay, yeah.

Speaker 6 (30:21):
Get yeah, cards, chocolate's.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
We go out to dinner. We did for a long time. No,
we really do a long time.

Speaker 6 (30:29):
I don't think we ever we did. I don't think
we ever did.

Speaker 2 (30:32):
I mean it's just hard now because like most of
the time it's on a weeknight. This year it happens
to be on a Friday night. But even on this
Friday night, like our older boys have a game at seven,
and then Alexis wants to go to dinner with her
little boyfriend, and then Aiden wants to go out to
dinner with his girlfriend after his game.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
So I mean, when are we gonna go? You know,
I'll hold your hands at the basketball game. What else
are we gonna do? You know?

Speaker 4 (30:57):
I think that's the best. Yeah, I think that's great, and.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
I think it is what you make it, you know,
and we could always do it related.

Speaker 3 (31:04):
Well, So these questions that we have also coming you guys,
are really more about not just Valentine's Day, but like
relationships are specifically ours and how they've changed over the years.
And we wrote down a bunch of questions. Jackie actually
wrote down most of them. I'll give you that credit,
But like, what do you do to keep the love alive?

(31:26):
Has the meaning of love changed over the years? How
often do you talk about your relationship to each other?
I think those are really good questions because ours, our
relationship has certainly evolved. We've been through we've been married
over twenty five years now, so.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
In what ways?

Speaker 3 (31:45):
Well, I mean, whoever watched the Housewives this first season
I was on, been only on two, but heard me
talk about the fact that Jeff and I were separated
for a year and a half. That happened at like
year seven of our marriage, and for me, I don't
know that changed things. I'm not recommending this, so whoever's listening,

(32:10):
I'm not telling you to get separated, but for us,
I feel like everything changed after that or the better.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
What do you Jeff, do you think.

Speaker 5 (32:21):
You appreciate you You appreciate but you don't have anymore.
I mean, you appreciate it more because you've lived through
the fact that you may never have it again and
then and then you get it back.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
Not many people do.

Speaker 3 (32:38):
We felt very lucky, right, you are very lucky. Yeah, no,
I know, we really are. I mean we just couldn't
make it happen. Like we just neither one of us
really wanted to go to the lawyer. Neither one was
really wanted to, you know, and Jeff was Jeff so
like whatever I said, I was like, we would tell
We would tell the lawyers like I don't care, like

(32:59):
Jeff will be fair with me, and the lay like,
oh you don't know.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
That's like, no, no, you don't know. Jeff, Jeff Fessler.

Speaker 3 (33:04):
He's not screwing me and he's not screwing his kids,
and both we would like try to make an appointment
to go to the lawyer or the media. We would
blow it off and go like to Chili's and sit
and just hang out. We just didn't neither one of us,
I think, really wanted to get and.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
Did you have to have like a solid conversation like
let's just, you know, call off the dogs and get
back together and move back.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
Remember, Jeff, do you remember that, like us deciding to.

Speaker 5 (33:34):
Yeah, I think it was when wasn't it when I
went to the Jamaica with the kids and you went
to Saint Bart's with my boyfriend?

Speaker 4 (33:46):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yes, and.

Speaker 6 (33:49):
Yeah and you and you wanted.

Speaker 3 (33:51):
To exactly I so, yeah, they were at like some
beaches Jamaica and I was at like the Eden Rock
and Saint Barts. But it just wasn't right and the
thought of I don't know, this is really not all
Valentine's That's okay, it's a material and other people go
through it, so it's real life couple stuff. And yeah,

(34:12):
so yeah, I just missed them, and I would have.
I just wanted to be at whateverever beaches Jamaica, wherever
they were. Yeah, that was I guess that was the beginning, right, Yeah,
this is not.

Speaker 1 (34:28):
Just why where were you before? The same town, same town,
new house, okay, all right?

Speaker 3 (34:36):
And then like although we had so many good memories
in that the first house, though, like beginning of our
marriage is like we had a bad marriage. It started
to disintegrate a little bit. I guess maybe you're six,
but it's not like we babies.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
It was fun, you know.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
Yeah, Well then I think that's maybe a cautionary tale
that you have to like keep the level, Like you
have to communicate, you have to tell each other. So
Evan and I are big on Evan and I are
big on telling each other I love you. We we
say I love you when we get off the phone
with each other, when we see each other, and good morning,
like we do. We're a big I love you family.
We're kind of gushy. One of our sixteen year olds

(35:09):
is pulling away, but the other ones are all like mushy, gushy.

Speaker 3 (35:14):
R Jeff's not mushy, but the rest of the three
of us are mushy, so he has no choice.

Speaker 1 (35:20):
No, we've turned Evan into a big mushball. But we
we do.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
You know, I enjoy like a date night.

Speaker 1 (35:26):
We just don't get many of them. It's hard.

Speaker 2 (35:28):
You have to prioritize that, and we gets a little
like life gets very overwhelming. Our kids' schedules are crazy,
and then you have your own shit, right and like
so you have to carve out these these times and
these nights to reconnect with each other. We've only had
like two nights away without kids, like since we've gotten married. Yeah,

(35:54):
I don't mean like two nights total. I mean like
two nights in time, maybe like once or twice a year.

Speaker 1 (35:59):
Yeah, we'll have.

Speaker 4 (36:00):
A lot of that in a few years, which is great.
We have.

Speaker 1 (36:06):
Rush.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
Yeah, so do what do you guys do? What do
you do with all that empty nest or time? Is
it easier now to prioritize each other or is it
harder without the kids there to kind of like glue
you together.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
Easier?

Speaker 3 (36:17):
But also, Jeff, don't you think like it's just saw
something literally on before we came on do this. I
saw something on TikTok about this guy talking about the
best marriages or the marriages that have companionships, like all
of that, you know, sparks and the tummy rolling and

(36:39):
the craziness of when you first fall in love changes period.
I don't care what anyone says, you don't have that
for a lifetime with someone. I don't think you guys.
Maybe you guys do have it, and I just don't
know that for a lifetime. It just it just changes.
But like now, so when you say prioritize each other,
even if it's we Jeff and I the kid's gone,

(37:01):
it's just we like each other so like all the
other stuff, but I just we just have fun together,
whatever it is. It's like, and we travel together, we
have fun together, and we're not like all over each other.
I mean we at any given night just in his
office and I'm upstairs watching TV, right, I mean we
don't like we don't write, but I mean I feel

(37:22):
like somebody said also maybe mel Robins, like I don't
want to be madly in love. I want to be
peacefully in love something like that. But I feel like
that's how our relationship has changed. Like it's just we're
just more first and foremost above everything else. Like we're
best friends and I'm doing all the talking, Jeff, So
feel free to jump in. Please tell them all how

(37:43):
much you would doore me.

Speaker 6 (37:44):
You don't have the pressure anymore with the kids.

Speaker 5 (37:46):
Not around to like you know, just I mean, you're
you're focused on each other.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
What are your best times together?

Speaker 4 (38:02):
Is it?

Speaker 1 (38:03):
Like?

Speaker 2 (38:03):
What are your like when you realize, oh, this is
the right person for me and we've just you went
to that.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
I'm curious, Yeah, Like, do you have those moments traveling. Yeah, traveling.
I was going to say that too.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
Yeah, we don't get to we haven't gotten to travel
to too many exotic places. We just started, so we
went a few places before we had kids, but we
really just started taking our kids far away. So we
went to Rome with them last year, and we're going
to Barcelona with them this year. But those those really

(38:35):
are the best times well with their kids for sure,
Like by ourselves. We always kind of did because they
always were in Sleepway camp. So we take like least
one trip the year, Oh you had sleep boy kids.
We don't write we sleep with kids. But we're literally
ever ever alone. We also have like a bunch of
friends that go away together always in the summers, and

(38:56):
we never joined them. Maybe one day I would like to.

Speaker 3 (39:00):
But and I feel like though we are so very
specific in the way that we travel together, we are
exactly on the same rhythm, like you have to be.
We want to do this much sight seeing. We based
a whole trip around three meals and this much sight
seeing and then this much chilling out time. I don't know,
it's just that those are our best times for sure.

(39:20):
I haven't jump in.

Speaker 4 (39:21):
Right about uh no, so I have a philosophical thing.

Speaker 7 (39:25):
So I think when you're single, you're like one hundred
percent that's selfish. When you get married, before you have kids,
it's like fifty percent selfish, and then immediately when you
have that first kid, it's like one hundred percent selfless
and zero percent selfish. So what I look forward to,
I'm not trying to rush it, is when the kids

(39:45):
are all in college, because then you can become back
to that.

Speaker 4 (39:48):
Fifty to fifty.

Speaker 7 (39:51):
Maybe it's a little bit less because you still have
kids that demands on your time, but the stuff that
I love is yeah, yeah, there's the banality of life
right where a lot of people do the same things
every day and that's fine and that's great, But it's
really traveling and seeing the world and doing it with
someone that you love that's the best.

Speaker 4 (40:09):
So you know, that's the best part.

Speaker 2 (40:11):
You know. I would just hope I met my best
self when I have a good balance of friendships, family, time,
and work. And right now, you know, also, like work
is very up in the air. So Jen and I
were just discussing, like our contracts are up in I
think this.

Speaker 1 (40:32):
Week, this week, oh is it this week?

Speaker 4 (40:34):
Job?

Speaker 2 (40:35):
I don't know, I think, yeah, I think our Bravo
contracts are up this week. We still don't know what's
going on with the show.

Speaker 1 (40:41):
I mean, and either way it'll be fine.

Speaker 2 (40:43):
But you know, like right now, I don't feel like
I have that career part down because I don't know
what's going on with the Bravo job, which does take
up a lot of your time. You know, It's funny
because when you watch these shows and someone's like, what
do you do for work? Well, like, it does take
up a lot of your time and you do get
paid for it, so that is kind of work, but
like it's not work because that's what you're You're on
your job talking about what you do for work, so

(41:06):
you know what I'm saying, Like, you can't say that
that's your job, but like in reality, that is a
large portion of how you.

Speaker 1 (41:11):
Make your money when you're on one of these shows.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
So right now, I don't really feel like I have
closure with where I am with work until I know
what's going on with well.

Speaker 3 (41:23):
I think also, like Jack, you're you're a worker, like
you always want to have a million things going on.
I need I need to have a million things going on.
I like it, but also like our husbands, I think both.
I think, Evan, you're like this too. But Jeff is
an insane workaholic and I don't even say that.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
I'm not even.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
It's not like a compliment like oh my husband's he
just is. He has like a sickness. It's not even.
And I think it stems from this weird financial insecurity
that for some reason he thinks that any moment we
could be homeless. I don't know what goes on there,
but anyway, I think that it's the greatest thing when
at least for us, like Jeff is so absorbed in work,

(41:59):
we're not on of each other as empty nesters like
he's got and I always had. Yeah, well, I mean,
what do you think, Evan.

Speaker 7 (42:07):
I always want to be busy with some outside pursuit,
whether it's teaching or my current job, definitely, but I
want to start scaling down. So I don't want to
be I don't want to be a seventy five year
old and twenty five years and you know, be working
ten hours a day that's one hundred percent because I
can't take the money with me. I live once. I

(42:30):
don't live for work. I don't live for money. I
don't live for material goods at all. You can probably
tell by the way I dress. What I care about
is relationships and experiences.

Speaker 4 (42:40):
That's it.

Speaker 7 (42:41):
So you know, one you know, in forty years or whatever,
I'm nearing the end of my life. I wanted to
be with no regrets, but forever I'm not gonna be
able to do that.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
You do need money in order to live the course
life that you want to live.

Speaker 5 (42:57):
I think.

Speaker 2 (43:00):
Teachers at Georgetown, I don't. I don't think many people
know that. Evan teachers two classes this.

Speaker 4 (43:04):
Year, well three three three this year actually out.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
I know.

Speaker 4 (43:09):
Yeah, I feel bad for the students.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
No, yeah, I'm sure I feel bad for the females,
definitely not.

Speaker 2 (43:16):
Don't feel bad for the college students, the female college
students at the hot professor. Feel bad for the wife exactly.
But anyway, tell us not back to love. Let's talk
about love because it's a Valentine's episode. So when you, Jeff,
when you buy Jena gift, does she choose it for
herself and then you buy it? Or are you good
at picking this out? And I will wrap this this

(43:37):
with a story. My friend called me about fifteen years ago.
She was dating her husband, and she said to me,
I don't know what to do. He bought me a
doonie and burke bag. Do I return it? Or like
he was trying so hard he went to a department store.
And I mean, but nobody carries a duney and burke
bag anymore.

Speaker 1 (43:54):
They'll you know.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
So I always advocate for picking out your own gift.
I don't think there's any problem with that. Some people
think that's horrific. Where are you guys?

Speaker 6 (44:03):
Well, I've learned over the years because I would. I
would buy her a gift and she'd be like, I
love it.

Speaker 5 (44:10):
I love it, and you know, literally the next day
she'd called me, well, well, you know, you wouldn't mind
if I like take it back and get this or
get And it happened constantly, So now.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
Would you mind? Were you insulted or did you not know?

Speaker 4 (44:26):
No?

Speaker 6 (44:27):
No, not at all. So now it's just what do
you want?

Speaker 2 (44:31):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (44:32):
What do I want?

Speaker 3 (44:32):
But also like it our jeweler, like we have all
like there's a wish list, so like people come in
and they give their wish lists. Their spouse can come
in or their boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever it is
and pick something out of that, it's all very manufactured
and not romantic at all.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
But then you get what you want, so right.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
But then you always have this thing that you can
look at and remember when they gave it to you.
Like so most of my jewelry or things that Evan
has given to me, and I've picked most of them out,
but after that one little occasion where you pick it out,
I forever look at this thing that I love and
I know exactly which occasion he gave it. He got
it for me, and it's still him getting it, so

(45:11):
I don't mind it. But I think, uh, we don't
do gifts for Valentine's Day.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
We do gifts for birthdays.

Speaker 4 (45:19):
Oh good, good, I got it.

Speaker 7 (45:20):
Oh no, yeah, we do get But I once got
you a gift of like a pack of massages. It's
probably like fifteen years ago, and you said, oh, thank you,
thank you. Oh yeah, and it sat there and said
thank you, and you're like, I thought, maybe if she'll
use it, and then you didn't use it, and then
ever since then, I'm like, all right, I'm just going

(45:41):
to differ whatever.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
You want, because I'm really bad with going for like
five days because it takes up in time tired, and
I'm not big on being like touched and needed and prodded.
I don't love that.

Speaker 1 (45:53):
I don't love.

Speaker 3 (45:54):
Jeff doesn't at all. He doesn't like to be touched period,
full stop.

Speaker 2 (45:57):
You never get a couple.

Speaker 1 (45:58):
This massage not for him.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
Yeah, Evan, do you like massages? I'm like, not that
into being touched like that.

Speaker 4 (46:05):
Yeah, I mean, well it depends what type, but yes,
I can't. Like.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
We went we went to Mohnk for a weekend.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
You ever go there, mo Honk Monk Mountain, like scrub
on me and like I was sitting in the scrub
and I was.

Speaker 1 (46:18):
Like, oh, get it off. It was like twitching. I
can't do those. I like it.

Speaker 2 (46:23):
I don't get facials. I don't get no facials. I
just started going again. I just started going for facials.

Speaker 6 (46:28):
We did that tie massage and Bali on our honeymoon.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
Honeymoon and that miserable.

Speaker 6 (46:34):
That was it.

Speaker 3 (46:35):
That was it, because it was also probably a bad idea.
I don't know if you'd ever had a massage before,
and it was a kind of massage where they pick
your foot up and basically spin like this insane. I
loved it. I thought it was great, but yeah, he
was like never again around. No, I'm just saying I'm
being facetious. I'm saying like they were there, your legs
are up here, and they're moving you on all these

(46:56):
crazy ways.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
But I mean I loved it.

Speaker 4 (47:00):
Yeah I love it.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
I do too, Yeah I do too. But no, that
was it. That's probably his last Moses.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
So if you were, if you were talking to so
you guys have I think we have two beautiful, solid marriages,
which is a lot of my friends are dropping like
flies by the way. I find out about a new
couple getting divorced constantly. But so I feel very fortunate.
I do because I feel like we're we're pretty rock solid.

(47:27):
And that's not to say that everything's always perfect, but
we're pretty Obviously, if you were talking to a couple
just starting out, what pieces of advice would you give
them about marriage, love, you know, the long haul.

Speaker 5 (47:40):
I would say, I think the biggest thing is to communicate.

Speaker 6 (47:45):
That's what I've learned. You just have to communicate.

Speaker 5 (47:48):
And if you're if you've you know, if you've got
these feelings and you.

Speaker 6 (47:53):
Know you're not letting them out and not telling your partner,
you know that I.

Speaker 3 (47:57):
Don't know what he's talking about right now. When was
the last time you come communicated with me? I mean,
I talk about your feelings. I don't even know what
you're talking about right now. Communicate I mean.

Speaker 6 (48:09):
Them, But you definitely talk about the feelings, all of them.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
I do. I Yeah, that's true. I would say that more.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (48:16):
Listen, we don't have the answers. I feel like a
lot of what we've got very luckier. But I think
that I say this to my daughter all the time,
not to my son, because he's no interest in what
I think in this area. But I tell Rachel all
the time, like more important than what he looks like,
more important than what he does, more important than like

(48:37):
the most important thing is That sounds so obvious, but
that is he a nice guy? There's this Jewish word
you guys who are listening you might not know, called
is he a mench? And that means is he somebody
who actually cares about the people around him the world
around him?

Speaker 1 (48:55):
Is he?

Speaker 3 (48:56):
And I was very got very lucky in that area
because I did. There's a lot of guys that were
not menches. I was just drawn to not bad guys.
I was really drawn to every guy. I was completely
boy crazy. But I think that part of why we
have work so long. Well, I'm crazy, bitch, And Jeff
is such a minch. He's such a good person, he
is such a good father, he is such a good husband.

(49:19):
So he's you know, I am out of my mind
and but he is rock salt all day.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
I want that for my daughter.

Speaker 3 (49:28):
I want her to find a guy that you know,
is just a good, devoted mensch, right.

Speaker 1 (49:34):
Because everything else can change, looks, your job, all of
that change. But like the inner I think, I think.

Speaker 2 (49:40):
What I would tell people well is not to let
little fights turn into big fights, right, like put it
to bed quickly. Like so when we have like a thing,
like we're pretty sure to talk it out or it
turns into something bigger, right, What would you tell people?

Speaker 7 (49:59):
Ma, Yeah, so you're you're right, Jeff's right about communication
and listening. But it's also I think it's perspective, right,
So if you have a little fight, nothing's ever like
a straight line up of greatness. And Jackie makes a
lot of mistakes and I always forgive her for them,
but no, when I'm crazy to right, but when you

(50:22):
when you have something that you disagree, and there's kind
of a step back in the relationship the right perspective
of understanding the main things of is this a good person?
Is this somebody that you want to be with the
rest of your life, which you know has never changed
in my eyes, it's always been yes, just remembering all
the good stuff and the key things, because when little

(50:43):
things come up, I think more people than not probably
take them and kind of lead to a dangerous path,
whereas you've got to realize you just got to let
it go and realize that you know, there there are
waves in the ocean, so to speak.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
Yeah, So you know what, if we ever do have
a time, I look at my kids and they all
really look a lot like Evan. They've got a mix
of both of us, but some of their strongest features
are Evan's, and like I just I love them so
much and I look at them and I see his face,
you know, and I realize, like nothing is worth like

(51:17):
having like any kind kind of like dispute within your family,
Like that's your people. This is your safe like place
of love, right, and like don't let anything from the
outside world fuck that up, right, And so that's what
always come back to I know, I came.

Speaker 1 (51:34):
From divorce, a lot of divorce.

Speaker 3 (51:36):
I was the child of multiple divorces, and Jeff grew
up with the greatest parent, very just this it was him,
and it was his sister, and it was his two parents,
and they just we came from such different worlds, and like,
I wanted that so badly. I think I lost sight
of that at some point during our marriage, and that

(51:58):
led to what it led to. But like, I feel
very lucky to have this family and like this man
who loves my kids as much as I do. And
I'm not saying people shouldn't get divorced, because there's certainly many, many,
many cases where it's better to get divorced than stay together.
I truly believe that you don't always just stay together,
but if if you can, it is there is something

(52:21):
so fabulous to be said for it right to be.

Speaker 2 (52:23):
I know, my parents haven't lived together in twenty five years.
They're very happily married, more happily married now.

Speaker 1 (52:31):
That they don't live together. That's so interesting.

Speaker 2 (52:34):
Did live together, Yeah, a lot of fighting when I
grew up. Now not so much fighting because they don't
know where the hell each other are half the time,
so it works out.

Speaker 1 (52:43):
But this is nice. Thank you boys for joining us.

Speaker 4 (52:47):
Thank you for having us.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
Jeff, thank you Evan. Happy Valentine's Day to you guys
and Jeff. Valentine's Day. What'd you get me? Honey? What'd
you get me?

Speaker 2 (52:58):
Hi?

Speaker 6 (52:58):
What do you want?

Speaker 4 (53:02):
Oh?

Speaker 6 (53:02):
I already got it, already.

Speaker 1 (53:03):
Got on the registry at the jeweler.

Speaker 3 (53:06):
Yes, and Russell stopers, please pink box, lots of bows.

Speaker 2 (53:10):
All right, Thank you guys, You.

Speaker 1 (53:15):
Guys, sign off. You guys, chat with miss fassel Hair.

Speaker 3 (53:21):
Very cute, You're cute, very lucky, very lucky.

Speaker 2 (53:27):
I hope that our kids a lot of fine, a
lot of people dropping like flies. And I do I
do think like if you're in a bad marriage, that
that's probably the way to go.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
You know. I don't advocate for like stay married no
matter what at all, Like I just think it's it's
fabulous to have this deal with that.

Speaker 3 (53:46):
Yeah, but yeah, but I mean that's not always the answer.
I think it's better for your kids if you're miserable
to not to get to be Yes.

Speaker 2 (53:53):
Probably is your mom remarried now? Yes, he's married.

Speaker 1 (53:57):
Now? How long have you been with her husband? Now?
So twenty oh, that's time. So this was the one.
This is the beast few years married.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
Well, my mom and my dad got divorced when I
was very young, like three, and my sister was two,
and then they both remarried and then that marriage did
not work out for either of them. But then my
mom got remarried again and he died. Oh and right,
so and then my dad got married again and they

(54:30):
got divorced. I mean, that's a whole other We could
do a different pod on this, but.

Speaker 1 (54:35):
I experience a divorce, not in my parents, not in me. Nothing. Yeah,
no experience of it.

Speaker 3 (54:43):
And I think also divorces, people are doing them in
a way that's way better, I hope. I think better
for the kids now. I think, like people, there's a
lot of lessons that have been learned over the years
about divorce, what not to do. And when we were separated,
neither one of us would say one what bad word
about the other one. I mean, oh really, I loved
each other.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
Year and right.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
The things I saw were just I mean, these divorces
were bad. I was at a very wealthy Park Avenue
divorce firm. I had clients, a lot of wives who
were a lot younger than their very wealthy husbands. It
was their first marriage, but their husband's like fourth marriage.
And you know, it was sad a lot of times sad,

(55:26):
and I just hated like when the kids were involved.

Speaker 3 (55:31):
So it was sad, you know. So it was not
it's just not divorced. I mean as being you know,
a kid of divorced. Definitely, definitely not easy. Yeah, well,
let's not talk about divorce. Talk about Valentine's Day. Yeah,
Valentine's Day to you any Galentines with your girlfriends. I
just did a Salentines which I I you know, I
had this partnership now with the Avenue at American Dream.

Speaker 1 (55:52):
Oh yeah about them.

Speaker 3 (55:54):
But I so I am working with the Avenue, which
is that luxury wing of American Dream, and and just
trying to I don't think people in Bergen County specifically
or in the city really know. And for all of you,
all of those of you who are not listening, who
are listening and don't live in one of those places,
this is gonna be fast and working with them anyway
to sort of like show people how fabulous this area

(56:14):
of the mall is. It's all the luxury stores it's
champagne and caviar bar and this unweavil restaurant called Carpacias.

Speaker 1 (56:21):
Blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (56:22):
I did this promo and I talked about Salentine's Day.
Salentine's Day made up is self love. Oh I love
that my bag right, yeah, I took myself right to
the mall by my little self, took myself out to lunch.

Speaker 1 (56:36):
Was fabulous.

Speaker 3 (56:38):
And no, I don't know, I don't need Gallantines things
going on to you.

Speaker 2 (56:42):
Yeah, I got two of them this week, but we'll see.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
Its supposed to fun.

Speaker 2 (56:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fun.

Speaker 1 (56:49):
I enjoy it.

Speaker 2 (56:50):
I think I like the Galentines better than the Valentine.
I'll just be like sitting, you know. I like being
with my girlfriends.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
I love it. Yeah that my.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
Kids are a little less sneedy, know, I enjoy going
out with my girlfriends. So yeah, and you know, but
Valentine's we don't really have any plans. But anyway, Happy
Valentine's Toe you Happy Valentine's Day from two Jersey Jays.

Speaker 1 (57:15):
From two Jersey Jays, and we will see you guys
next time. Enjoy your day, guys. Bye, Hope you get
lots of gifts. Bye,