January 28, 2020 • 46 mins
Vanderpump Rules star Lala Kent and her fiance Randall join Teddi to reveal how they handle co-parenting with Randall's Ex and how Lala became best friends with Ambyr. Co-parenting started out messy but they were able to turn it around. They also detail their wedding planning and when will they have kids.
Plus, Lala reveals a Vanderpump Pregnancy Pact.
Teddi brings on expert Kati Morton to help assist everyone sorting out co-parenting and how to do it successfully.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is teddy Te PODB Hi, guys, welcome back to
teddy Te Pod. I'm on today co hosting with Katie Morton.
She is a master and she sorry, I am here
(00:22):
co hosting with Katie Morton. She holds her master's in
clinical psychology from Pepperdine and as a licensed marriage and
family therapist. UM. She also has like an amazing YouTube,
so you need to follow her. You're so nice, Thanks
for having me. I'm excited to be here, of course,
and we're talking all things co parenting and also just
(00:43):
to kind of touch on what's been going on here.
If I sound a little somber today, Um, yesterday was
like such a shocking day as we're talking about parenting
and um, Kobe Bryant's passing and all of the family's
involved and hurt, and I I feel like I woke
(01:05):
up this morning with so much anxiety just thinking about
how each person that's there, you know, without a dad
or without parents are now now dealing and I just
I really wanted to, you know, take a moment to say,
like give your loved ones a hug, remember what you're
grateful for, and you know, it's just such a tough situation,
(01:28):
it is and to think that I'm sure in that
moment he was wondering how he could protect her, what
he could do. There's nothing, it's it's really it's devastating,
and I think, you know, we all feel it today
and UM, but yeah, so that's that. Just to be
completely transparent, that's kind of where I am today, and
you know, my love goes out to everybody involved. UM.
(01:54):
But in another topic, something that comes up often UM
questions when it comes to me is on co parenting
because when I met my husband, he had a baby.
I was recently divorced and he had recently had a baby,
and um, most people on the show that watched the
show don't actually know that about me, and so then
(02:14):
they'll go to my Instagram and they're like, what's going on.
I'm so good, what's happening? And now, I mean, now
she's eleven years old, and I think the biggest thing,
you know, and a lot of people ask me about
co parenting, and the biggest thing for me has really
been about respect for the other parent and also being organized.
I know it sounds crazy, but like having a set schedule,
(02:36):
putting things in email, not like last minute phone calls
where things can get heated. But if you really try to,
you know, put your love for the child first, organize things,
and like have respect for the other parent, things seem
to run as smooth as possible. Yes, and kids thrive
on consistency, so having consistent schedules is key to them
(02:57):
feeling good through potentially if it's like a rough divorce
or something something that where it feels like their whole
life is kind of you know, not even not I
don't know, not safe, that gives them a safety And
I think also it's if you do make a mistake
and you do say something that may rub somebody the
wrong way, or you do schedule something that's incorrect or
(03:19):
whatever it may be, it's okay to apologize. I think
so many of us double down when that happens and
like really try to own what we did wrong, and
then it's just causes so much more drama before we
get into the meat of things. I also want to say,
we're gonna have on Laala Kent. You guys know her
from vander pomp Rules, I'm sure, and her fiance Randall
(03:40):
who they are in the midst of co parenting themselves.
So we're going to ask them some questions. But before that,
I want to get through a lot of listener questions
with you because you're a professional. Um. The first question
that everybody's asking is what is a recommended book? Oh,
on co parenting? Like they just want to get right
(04:01):
into it. I'd have to think on that one for
a minute. All right, we'll give you some time. Give
you some time to mark with a book. Okay. And
then something that happened, Um, we did a podcast on narcissism.
If you guys haven't listened to it, it's a good one.
It's a real doozy. I already like it, caring about
But the therapist that I had on that day, I
had asked, like, what do you do if you have
(04:22):
to co parent with a narcissist? And she responded, good luck.
And a lot of my listeners are going, hey, no,
we we we were doing this right now, give us
some advice. What do we know? What do we do? So?
Do you have any advice on somebody that is co
parenting with a narcissist? Yes? And actually had a video
probably I don't know, time flies two years ago. I'm
(04:43):
not sure, Um, but about co parenting with a toxic
X and I think that goes childlike behavior, narcissism, anything
like that. The main thing is to keep it. Run
it like a business. It's not personal. It's business. So
you create a calendar that specific for the you know,
navigating the times that who's going to have the children
(05:04):
and when and what, and you only interact through calendars
and emails and that's how it works, and there's no
last minute changes, and that's just I mean, I know
that life isn't perfect and there will be things that
come up, but that's the best way. And you keep
all of your interactions and communications direct and to the point.
Only about the instance. They'll try to pull it back
to be like you're such a horrible parent. They said
(05:26):
you did did dada? Who knows what they're saying, um
all garbage, and you just say, you know what, like
I said, Sunday, I will bring them by it this
time and I'll see you. Then that's it. You don't
respond to any other like attempts to hook you into
a fight to the fment, don't play into the childish
tantrums are throwing you just keep it to the point.
It's a business, it's not personal. Just keep telling yourself that,
(05:49):
and that's why calendars emails. That's the easiest way. What
if the other person and narcissist or not is constantly
also feeding your children with this information, how do you
try to one shield your children from it, but also
give them a safe place to talk about things. I
think it's the thing that people worry about is how
are they going to verbalize things to kids, like worry
that their kids are gonna I don't know, absorb it
(06:11):
or think that mom's a jerk or dad's a jerk
or whatever. The best way is just to be honest
and say, you know, let's say your spouse, your ex
spouses and narcissist, you can say, you know, um, dad
can sometimes have a tough time expressing how he feels
and it can be hard for me, you know, and
that's part of the reason why we broke up. And
so if you ever have trouble that you can talk
to me about it and you're not really painting them
(06:33):
in a bad picture like there's such a jerk. You know.
We don't want a name call. We don't want to
make children a messenger between um. We don't want to
trash talk the other spouse like in front of our children. Um,
but that's just kind of calling it blankly what it
is and then allowing for open dialogue so that your
child feels like they can come to you and can
be like, yeah, you know mom or dad yelled at
me and then they threw a fit and then I
was embarrassed. We were at a restaurant. You know, who
(06:55):
knows what's happening. Then you'll get the real deal. But
what about if the X is like kind of ripping
you apart to the kids, So then the kids like
feel like they almost are doing double duty and like
trying to protect each parent on each side. But then
you start to see them kind of act out in
different ways or try to overprotect one parent. What do
you do if you see that happening? Get them in therapy?
(07:16):
Get them in therapy. Yeah, because the truth is they
shouldn't be put in the middle. And you can tell
them like if you notice that stuff, or let's say
they say to you, like you know, mom or dad
said something bad about you, you can say, you know,
they must be going through a hard time and you
don't have to listen to that. That's not something that
you have. So every time it happens just just too
now it's okay, you know, And what if you know
(07:37):
when this happens and you have constant worry when the
your child is with the other parent, how do you
relieve those worries and also know that your child is
being well taken care of? Like how do you get
rid of that anxiety? Your own therapy? I wish it
was easier, but I mean, but it's so hard. I mean,
some people don't have that option. And if you don't, think, well,
(08:00):
there's lots of options now, so because of you know,
the Internet, magical internet. If you can't afford traditional therapy,
or like let's say you live in like rural Indiana
and you're like, wow, we have one and they're Christian
and I'm not Christian, Like what do I do? Um?
There's better help. There's talk space, there's lots of online resources,
or if you feel like you're in crisis, there's crisis
text line. You can text like help to seven four one,
(08:22):
seven four one. Someone's there to talk you through it.
They're trained. Um, they're not licensed professionals, but they're trained
crisis counselors. So there's lots of resources out there. There's
probably even groups on Facebook you can get into. I
know that's not like professional help do. Sometimes it's just
nice to have someone be like support system. And this
is what I did and this is it was okay.
And this is a funny question. Um, what do you
(08:44):
do if you're significant other doesn't have a pair of
balls to stand up to his ex wife or you
feel like he never has your back? And I mean
you hear this often because you all of a sudden
make it about you and you're like, why they don't
love me? Because they're not doing this for me. But
some people just don't want confrontation. A lot of people
don't want confrontation. It's uncomfortable. Who wants to fight? I mean,
(09:07):
I feel like you live in two spaces. Either enjoy
the fights or you hate the fight. I'm the hate
the fighting same avoid avoid well, Like I try to
put it all out there at the beginning, all of
the information, so like, no matter who I'm talking to,
regardless of what it's about. I'm like, if I put
all of my information at the beginning, then there's less
likely a need for confrontation exactly, not as many misunderstandings.
(09:29):
And that is how you deal with this. So if
you feel like your spouse isn't um, doesn't have your back,
doesn't have balls to stand up to their X, if
it's affecting your relationship, I would encourage you to communicate
it in that way. It's not like you're such a
pussy you didn't stand up to that or whatever. Then
instead you can say like when when you don't stand
up for me in conversations with your ex, I end
(09:50):
up feeling like I'm not as important and that hurts
my feelings and then I don't feel as connected to you.
But can I ask a question, I mean, just playing
Devil's advocate here, why is there almost a need for
that conversation to stand up to the X? Like at
what point do you have to also take a little
self accountability and be like, what does it really matter
(10:11):
what so and so's X thinks of me? As long
as they know that I'm taking good care of there,
you know, her son or daughter or whoever it may be.
I think it just depends on how it's affecting you
in your relationship, because it really part of it is
your work, Like you shouldn't we shouldn't care what they think.
But if it's affecting us directly. Like if we're in
conversations together at the same place and you feel like
they're putting you down or ignoring your you know, comments,
(10:34):
then it's worth saying something. But if it's just like
you know, she's talking to you to him and you're
like whatever, yeah, Like, then that's like your work to
be like I'm confident in who I am. That's like
your own positive self talk understanding, like, hey people, not
everyone's gonna like me, and that's okay. Yeah, And I
think it's a different thing if the X is talking
about you too their child and then setting up this
(10:57):
relationship that's not really are because of their own insecurity exactly. Yeah,
that's you know, there's there's lines, right, So some of
it's you, some of its relationships with your spouse, some
of its relationships with children, and you get to decide
where it's okay and where it's not okay. But a
lot of it's just you know, working on yourself. So
you're like whatever, So what do you think the pros
(11:18):
and cons of having a sit down with your significant
other's X or you know, having a group meeting, Like
do you think those are actually beneficial or It depends
on the people involved. If one of those is the narcissist,
it's not worth your time. Or if one is still
very petty, if you find them like, you know, always
putting you down. If you hear from your kids and
(11:40):
you hear in conversations ways that they're like undermining you
or saying nasty things, if they're very childlike, it's not
going to be beneficial. That's why emails, keeping it short
to the point, treating like a business calendars, that's where
it works. But if you all are just trying to
find the best way to work together. Let's say it's
a new thing and there hasn't been any real arguments
or disagreements yet, that's when I think it's like nipping
(12:03):
in the bud. So there's no preconceived notions. You don't
have any you know, experiences where ones like you did
this and I didn't like it, and you fed them
sugar late or let them stay up at you know,
and I have to be the bad parents. If none
of that has happened, then you can have a real
conversation about how you want to co parent as a group,
right um, and then what about family members? So like,
if you're what if you're watching you know, two people
(12:25):
struggle trying to co parent, and then family members want
to get involved, like the sister or the mom or
the blah blah blah, like what out tell him? Now,
tell him now, mind your own business. Exactly. It's only
going to make it more complicated. It's hard enough to
parent with two parents who love each other and are married,
let alone throwing in another person when you get divorced,
then you're married to someone else, and then just exponentially
(12:45):
more difficult as you had more people in because if
everybody has an opinion, and not everyone's opinion is like
actually worth taking into consideration at that time, only the
people parenting directly need to be involved. Yeah, I mean,
I think it goes back to what you what you
said from the beginning, insistency being organized and sticking to
the to the schedule, and then there's less things that
you need to find out. And I can say the
(13:06):
same like when it goes for holidays, I mean, we
do our schedules for like we already know our summer schedule.
You should. It makes it easier because like then we
can all just kind of plan ahead. There's no last
minute chaos. There's no like, oh, I was hoping for
this vacation that we could take an ounce your fault
that I can't take it with you know whatever. And
especially when you're adding more kids to the mix, because
(13:27):
we both have more kids, you know, like, it gets
more and more difficult. But that's why the structure is
really key, and I think it's key for the kids,
and I think it's also key for the parents. Agreed
for your own sanity, um, and then something please cover
parental alien nation. It's so painful to experience. Yeah, I mean,
(13:48):
i'd assume what they're talking about is like one parent
just letting the other parent take it because I don't
want to fight, so they're like, you can get full custody.
That happens a lot, especially to men um. I have
a couple of clients over the years who loved being
a parent, but the ex wife was so difficult that
they just gave up because it was so they figured
it was harder on the child to fight. I'm not
sure if that's exactly what they're talking about, but i'd
(14:08):
assume it's like one parent just bowing out, being like
I can't deal um. I think part of that is
just talking to that parent, making a point to be like, hey,
I would like you in my life. I would like
to have a relationship. Um And then therapy because a
lot of being an adult and this sounds so sad,
and I don't mean it just sounds that. It's actually
how we grow, how we process what's happened when we
(14:30):
were younger. But a lot of being an adult is
just grieving what we thought our parents could be, because
that's like a dream. And then it's like the reality
is we're all you know, we're not infallible, we're imperfect beings,
but we do the best we can. UM. And then
how with being very consistent, organized and all of those things,
(14:51):
how do you deal with completely different parenting styles between households?
You just do your best. I feel like you have
to let it, but you have to let them be there.
It's like a boundary. What happens in my house is
my on my like my rules, it's it's what I
get to say. But then what happens in their house.
You can't have control over other people. I swear to God,
the sooner we all realize we don't have control over
(15:12):
other people. I can't manipulate situations to get you to
do what I want you to do. I can't. You
could try, but that's exhausting. So it's easier if you're like, hey,
I can only control what I can do with my
kids and how I parent, and they get to parent
how they want to parent. I know it's hard. And
then what advice would you give to step parents in
regards to discipline and regards to making sure that they
(15:35):
are the best step parents possible. Get on the same
page with your spouse. So let's say your husband has
two children and that he brings into the marriage. Have
a conversation with him to pad how old the kids are, too.
You might want to include them in the conversation, like
I want to be the best parent I can be.
I understand I'm not your mom. I'm not trying to
replace your mom, but I want to be there for
you in the best way that I can. And so,
(15:57):
depending on their age, you could have a conversation with
them and your spouse or just your spouse. So it's
the same. It's consistent because even though you're a stepparent,
and that's a very important rule, they've had other parents first,
and so as long as you're in line with your spouse.
It'll cause less disagreements between you and your spouse and
the kids because they're already used to that, you know
what I mean. If dad always acts this way and
(16:18):
stepmom max the same, it's consistent. Yeah. I mean for us,
it's kind of all our you know, our family unit
has ever known, and so it's been, you know, such
an organic conversation for us. You know, like you're all
brothers and sisters and this is how it is. And
you know they don't ask. But where I notice we
get a lot of questions is like when we have
play dates, like hold on, uh, explain this to me?
(16:43):
What what does this mean? You know? Like, so how
do you explain siblings being half siblings to other people's kids?
I guess just keeping it shortened to the point, be like,
you know, I was married before and had another kid,
and that's where they came from. But then I got
married to this dad and that's where they came from.
(17:06):
I mean simple. Kids are just nosy and they answer
and then they keep they're like, but hold up, I
mean more, and then you hear you can hear the
kids like trying to explain it too. But then your
your kids are so young they don't even really understand it.
So like even a couple of weeks ago, I let
Slay watch this TV show that's like, I don't know,
I'm Nickelodeon or whatever. I guess it's like a little
(17:27):
bit more advanced. But it's like, come up to me
and she's like, Mom, I have a question for you.
Did you have a boyfriend ever before dad? And I
was like, uh, yes, I did. A matter of fact,
I was actually married before your dad. And she was like, what, Like,
what do you mean you could get married more than
(17:49):
one time? You know, like all these things. And I realized,
like I don't really have all the answers to these questions,
but I didn't want to tell her something that wasn't true.
But it was like, you walked into something I walked.
And so now almost like every day she's like, who
are you married to? Have we met him? You know,
like a little And I'm like, you know somebody that
(18:11):
mommy loved very much, But we were very young and
we got married and it didn't end up being something
that for the rest of my life. So the only
advice that I can give to you is yes, follow
your heart. But wait until you're really sure. Um. But
then she's like, but I'm the first baby you ever had. Right,
It's like, quit trying to uncover this like scandal, but
(18:34):
it is funny. It's like they're trying to because children
act out of In the therapy world, we call it
kind of like a foundation, like a story that they
tell themselves about their family that makes them feel safe
to go out and have other relationships. Right. So her
the foundation was that you and daddy were like soulmates
and you've never been with anybody else, and you were
meant to be and you've been married and she's the
(18:54):
only you know what I mean. I remember I found
out my dad had been married before my mom when
I was probably like ten year years old, and I
was like, what, did you have a whole another family?
He didn't. They were married for like six months. Yeah,
I mean, but it does. It does throw children. Oh yeah.
Like but and then my son, on the other hand,
he could He's like, yeah, of course she did. And
he's like, whatever, Yeah, she's she had boyfriends. Well, girls
(19:17):
are different than boys. Like he just totally brushed it off,
speaking of boyfriends and whatnot. Some somebody's asking in regards
to cheating husbands, how do I let my kids be
around new girlfriends after I'm so scorned after being cheated on.
That's really hard and I totally get wanting to burn
down the house. I would feel that way, but I
(19:38):
think it's best to UM talk if you can. This
is hard, but if you can talk with your cheating
son of a you know, ex husband, UM have certain
rules around when they're able to meet, like you know,
if you're just dating someone, because it's hard for kids
that people in and out of their lives, because they'll
ask like where'd Susie go? Where did Jenny go? I Like,
(19:58):
you know they're going to wonder where these peop it went.
And so just I would talk to the um, your
spouse or ex spouse about like the fact that you
want it consistent for the kids. Try to keep your
emotion out of it. Be like, I'm happy if you
want to be with someone else, that's totally fine, even
if we're not. It doesn't matter. To lie through teeth
the straight face and then just say, you know, I
(20:19):
just don't want people in and out of the children's
lives and then wondering who these people are and where
they went and if they did something to make them leave,
because kids will worry that like I did something to
ruin that. So just say, you know, until you feel
like it's serious, maybe nine months a year into a relationship,
Like don't have them around the kids a lot, you know,
like if you go out to lunch, you're like, oh,
this is my friend and they pop up, that's fine.
(20:39):
But if they're consistently for me, I think that then
it's like almost like you're fibbing to the kids. And
kids are smart, yeah, I mean it depends on how
old your kids are, but even if your kids are like,
I don't know, I just think. I mean I remember
meeting people that like my parents dated after they got
(21:00):
a divorce and being like this is my friend blah
blah blah, and I was like, yeah, whatever, how you
probably like seven, okay, and that's that's different. What's so yeah,
And that's old enough to be able to so I think,
I mean, seven's it's on the cusp. I'd say like
eight and older. The girls are different too, but I
(21:21):
think once they're eight ten, you can have a conversation
where you're like, you know, mommy and daddy aren't together. Anymore.
And this is the person that I'm going on a
date with. And do you know what dating means you
can have a conversation, is getting to know one another.
I don't know if i'll like them. I don't know
if they'll like me. That's okay to talk to have
those kind of conversation when they're little, like you know,
three four whatever, you can't really explain that to them. Yeah,
(21:43):
they're like just putting their lightness together. What do you
think a healthy amount of time is before introducing somebody too,
I'd say six months. I think that's a fair because
you know, de on how quickly things move. But dating,
if you're going out every other weekend or I mean,
you know, time flies by, I think And it's if
you're co parenting and you don't have the kids all
the time, you have time to date when you're not
(22:05):
with your kids. So it's easier take those weekends that
you have off from the children and then date. Just
to make it less complicated, yeah, unless less room for drama. Um,
now we're gonna get on. We gotta take a little break,
but then I think we're gonna bring on La La
and Randall and kind of talk about some of their
experiences with co parenting. So be right back. Hi guys,
(22:36):
you are on with myself and Katie and we're so
happy to have you on. And we wanted to say
congratulations on Give Them La La with Randall podcast. You
guys are so cute. Thank you. No, you're listened to
your first one with Stacy. It was so good, So congratulations,
we love it, Thank you, thank you. We have the
(22:59):
best and with her, she was like the most epic
first guy. Yeah, well she's so fun and so are
you guys. So we are happy that you are joining
us on the teapod. Yes, we're excited. So we are
going to dig right into it, the world of co parenting.
Ye to do it. I'm not really a beat around
(23:21):
the bush kind of gal. Let's be honest. I just
see that I could say. I mean, I didn't even
I didn't even get an appetizer like a warm up.
We're not going to get an appetizer with me on
this time schedule. We're going to have to book something
at a later date for that kind of snack. Okay, okay,
that'll be at dinner. That'll be a dinner. Um um,
I'll just I'll answer, at least in a quick cliff
(23:41):
belt version. You know, co parenting obviously is the most
important thing when you when you have children and uh
and in their product of divorce. Um. But I will
tell you this that the best thing that could ever
happen to children of a divorce home uh is that
everybody works together. And Laala can God bless her soul,
(24:03):
has taken on that role of stepmother, uh, you know,
with with a vigor and with passion and with love.
And just yesterday, just to give you a little snapshot, um,
you know, we were saying goodbye to my kids yesterday
and Sundance as they were heading back to l A
and we had a head off to work, and La
La and my my nine year old were falling in
(24:26):
tears of of you know, just leaving each other because
Lalla was leaving for a few weeks, etcetera. So of
course I started crying like a little baby. But that's
that's the love that that La La has for for
for my kids and and uh and and she works
hard to uh be a great uh stepmother to them
and work alongside their mother Amber. So that's been you know,
(24:51):
they they've worked hard to put differences aside, and and
and put the kids first and and uh, and that's it.
I mean, I think that's wha you want to say
anything to that, to add on to that. I mean,
I we we did not have a very smooth start,
and you know, we did everything we could to make
(25:12):
sure that the babies did not know that. And now
we are all in such a great place, myself, their
mom where it's just it's the happiest time in the
entire world. It was like a Christmas miracles and we're
it's just it truly was, and it's just a breathe.
Now the kids are happy, and that's all you want.
(25:35):
And I think, as you say that, you know, it's
a breeze now. But I think what a lot of
people forget is how much work it is at the
beginning to it is and to figure out what works
for everybody and set boundaries. I know, when I first
met my husband, um, he had a daughter from a
previous relationship. And when he told me and when we
got serious and I met her, I was, you know,
(25:57):
twenty seven years old. I had never really been around kids.
I really didn't know how I was going to feel.
And the moment I met her, I immediately fell in
love with her. I fell in love with him ten
times more, and like everything in my life shifted because
I met her. And I remember the adjustment period being
(26:19):
something that like, wow, this is never what I had
expected from my life. This is so much more because
I'm able to give love to this person. And but
it's also it's a trial and error of seeing what
works best for all parties involved so that everybody can stay,
you know, as happy as possible and so the kids
(26:39):
feel good. You're absolutely right, and then you know, coming
in as a step mom, you also don't want to
step on the biological mama's toes. You know, how does
she like things done? How? You know, how can I
discipline to where it's like, I know my role is
not the real mama, but you know, and that was
(27:01):
a balance that I had to fight very hard to find.
And Katie, I'm curious how you found that balance, Like
were there tough conversations at the beginning. I know we
had a lot of listener questions about like how to
navigate that at the beginning, you know, it was basically
just trial and error. I would at first, I was like,
I'm not their mom, I'm just going to be their friend.
(27:23):
And then I was like, oh my gosh, I'm like
being bullied by children. That it was like exactly, they
sensed weakness. I was their most favorite person. I was
the weakest link. And so then you know, Randall told me,
you're allowed to put them in check. So now they
(27:44):
know that I do have authority, and now that I'm
you know, great with their mom. We talk on a
regular basis. If if one of the kids meeting special
care or she acted out at her mom's house. You know,
Amber will call me and say, I told London she
can't have her phone for two hours, and I'm like, okay,
we can do that. I'm going in. I know she
(28:05):
didn't have her phone for two hours. So well, it
was just like a learning process. And let me let
me just say one thing that's really neat is that
even from the beginning, even when there were some rough
waters with Lall and Amber, you know, we never let
the children see that. Amber and I never let the children.
Lawla never let the children see any of that stuff.
But today, because Lalla and Amber are so in sync,
(28:29):
they really do talk a lot, and they do. Amber
will call Lawla and say hey, blah blah blah, and
La La will call Amber and it's like, now, London
is kind of my My oldest is kind of screwed
because she can't manipulate, conquer and divide, so so she's yeah,
for for London, for London. Amber and I getting along
was like the worst thing to and how old is
(28:52):
she turning? Pen? Turning ten this week? But the funny
thing is my oldest one now, you know, comes to
me always is like that, you know, daddy, they're all
doing this, and I'm like, I'm the softest in the group,
so I'm like, what they did that? Oh my, that's horrible.
Now you're on the weakest wend. And Teddy, Teddy, I
(29:16):
wasn't aware that you were also a stepmom, And I
really don't feel that step mom get the credit they
deserve because you're taking on two children that are not yours,
and you know, you're already at the bottom of the
totem pole because they're like, well, you know, you're not
their real mom, remember your place, and it's really hard.
(29:37):
I think the biggest thing for for me has been
that as the time goes on and as we've like developed,
you know, because now I'm eleven years into this, so
like I can't imagine our family unit without because now
I have two kids in my own, I'm pregnant, and
(29:58):
we just keep you know, and her and Bella's other
family they're growing as well as you know as well,
so we just have to all kind of be on
the same page. But it's like gotten to the point
where like it is so much fun because you know,
and you'll see as well. All I heard you speaking
about like you're ready to start a family to kind
of soon, and I feel like as that starts to happen,
(30:19):
you realize, like you really are going to start to
get even more on the same page with Randall about
parenting and you kind of really fall into your roles
and you'll become an even better stepmother because you'll start
to like everything starts to kind of grow. And I mean,
but Randall, you're gonna continue being the week my husband
will say something to me and he'll be like, you know,
(30:40):
I really don't think the kids should do whatever, And
then I'll be the one to kind of be like, okay, guys,
and then I swear Edwin will go the kids will
come back and be like dad mom said blah blah blah,
and edone will go no TOUGHI why does she do that? No? Not? Yeah?
(31:02):
Oh yeah that's that's Amber and La La are are
are the force to be reckoned with and and like
especially now going back to l A and I have
the kids for you know, is going to be at
work for a couple of weeks and it's like destroy
the house, don't clean anything up, eat tons of cookies
and popcorn. It's just we're gonna go. We're gonna go crazy.
(31:25):
Number parties to brush your hair. Yeah, um what So
to be a little cheeky, what's the rule now on
the social media because a lot of our listeners are like,
what do you guys think the rule is on? And
I'm like, for us, social media wasn't when when we
first started co parenting and we first started you know,
(31:46):
there wasn't as much. There wasn't like Instagram. There was
like um, you know Facebook that you maybe posted on
once a week. So it's definitely shifted. Yes, uh well
today I mean today they I mean, I mean La
La you know, supports Amber's jewelry company and post her.
I mean there's and without getting into too much detail,
(32:09):
Amber and I were not in a great place. And
when we had the meeting before Christmas, there were tears
that were shed, there were apologies. I let her know,
you know, and I'm gonna say this without getting chokes
to have, but I'm an emotional break right now. I
don't know why. Um, you know those I just basically
thanked her because those girls that she brought into the world,
(32:31):
they're like, my life is forever changed, forever better for them.
And now she doesn't have a problem, Like if she
sees the girls on Instagram, if I post them, she'll
send me a message just like, oh my gosh, that's
so funny, that's so cute. So I think when you
put the personal issues aside and remember the one goal
is to make these kids incredible human beings, they can
(32:53):
go out into the world and take it on. That's
all that matters. Yeah. I think we get to that
place you thrive. Yeah, And you showed her empathy, and
I think that's such a big thing. When you can
connect on that level and really understand, you know, there's
a respect and there's also empathy, then everybody can kind
of go for it and go I was just going
(33:15):
to say a big sire having to deal with at tension,
because I think that's the thing we get to. I
don't know if anybody agrees with this. I think we
get too upset about our own issues and our own relationships.
We we can't forget the kids. It's really about them, absolutely.
Kids are always, always, always got to be put in
front and always, you know. And I think I think
(33:35):
when I think, you know, we went to this dinner
and Amber and uh, like I said, you know, just
to skin the service. But when we went to this dinner,
I mean the two of them, I mean, it was
just the connection and empathy, lawless show and the and
the apologies and just all that was just gone in
like half hour, and it was just the biggest wait,
(33:56):
you know, lifted off everybody. And I just thought about
the day. That dinner was like one of the best
moments that I've ever had in my whole life, because
I spelled that my life was really great, but there
was one dark cloud that was hanging over my head
and it was always that relationship that I did not
have with the girl's mom. And I can honestly say,
(34:18):
like she's one of my favorite human beings. Now they're
actually breaking a rock star. She honestly has a better
relationship with Amber. I have to go through Lalla, now
that's what you kind of go through it, but I
think you know a lot it goes back. We actually
answered this question earlier because the listener was saying, you know,
(34:39):
do you think a meeting is worth it? And Katie
had said, you know, a meeting is worth it if
both parties are ready, and you know what, Teddy and Katie,
that's totally true because there were many occasions where we
would try to set up these meetings and one party
would not be down for it, and so you know
that will happen where it's just like you're not in
(34:59):
the place yet, but once you get to it, it's
like you forget all of those moments that you guys
like I can't even imagine Amber and I going TOES now,
like I would never do it. Never. Wait, can I
say one other thing. I have a friend, a very
close friend who um became a step mother as well
and went to war for ten years. She told us,
(35:22):
she told law on it on the day we met.
A decade of war. Now she is best friends, best
friends with you know some the mom best friends, and
she says, I really wish I had done this ten
years ago, like this is so stupid. But again, when
people aren't ready, like you're not gonna have that same outcome. Well,
I always I always tell myself do I want to
(35:43):
be right? Or do I want to be happy? True?
Happy happy? And when you really think about it, you're like,
I just want to be happy. I just want to
have peace. I just want to be Like it goes
into you know, like discussions even with your husband that
don't have to do with your kids or your friends
or whatever it may like, at some point you gotta
be like, okay, this this isn't worth it to go
(36:05):
around turn around, Like even though I think I'm right, right,
but I am right. I mean, I'm a know it all.
So I mean, I I know I'm right, but I'm
like common it works for us. Yeah, that's great. And
I what I realized, what I realized if I fought
(36:26):
it for about the first three years, now, I don't
give it. I'll be wrong every days. Answer. My husband
kind of does this switch off. He'll be like when
it comes to like I'll have like a gut instinct
about somebody, and then that's when he wants to use
my like no at all thing. He'll be like, okay,
(36:47):
so what do you think of this person I just
interviewed him, Like nope, and he's like, then he likes it,
but if it's involving him, he's like, I don't want
to hear about it, no at all. Petty. By the way,
Law is the same, very similar. She always gives me
her opinion on people, and it truly is accurate. I
don't want to hear some like say that's a good person.
(37:08):
She's like, oh, yeah, okay, you're an idiot. Three months
from now, wait and see three months from now. It's
like the worst person I've ever met. It's always right
to pick the towel up off the floor. I want
to I want to take a renade launch day. That's
what happens. You use as for our skills, but then
(37:31):
you know, when you're pointing out the obvious, it's just
so irritating to you. Uh. Speaking of m how's the
wedding planning going? Oh my gosh, we're we're being worth
at this. We had to bring our mom's in to
we're horrible, which is amazing because like Randall's mom is
(37:51):
like the typical Jewish mother. She gets the job done,
I'm gonna with her. And then like she's like, not
uh to crowd, to play the bad guy, just his
mom and my mom, you you need to start an
event company, or because I from the world, my mom,
my mom, my mom said this is this? Is it?
(38:14):
Like this? Because remember my mom's in her seventies. I mean,
obviously just gonna kill me for saying this. My mom's
in her seventies and she's flying back and forth and
running around and meeting flower people with her mom and
blah blah. But I will tell you if they did
not step in and he do, is how bad we are.
And and just put it in perspective. We're less than
ninety days away from the wedding. We have not sent
(38:35):
out our wedding invites yet. Okay, so you're the opposite
of bride zillah. Yeah, like absent bride or just like
I'll just show up on the day bride. Um, well
you know what I have to to make you feel better.
I am the world's worse with thank you notes. They
(38:57):
honestly give me raging anxiety. God, I'm like if there's
a party and like there's gonna be gifts. I'm like, please,
just don't bring gifts because I don't want to have
to write sixty thank you cards over Like Teddy, I'm
the same way. In fact, I didn't even realize that
after this wedding there's still the thank you notes that
I have to go. Yeah, that's what I'm warning you about.
(39:18):
Get ready, girl, it is a disaster. Like you need
to get somebody that has your same exact writing and
have her get to work because it is torture. This
is this is Randall's fault though, you guys, because I
told him, let's somewhere really small, let's like make it
cute and quaint, and he was like, I want it grand,
I want it huge. I'm like, what we get, I've had.
(39:43):
But I was married twice, so like I ed one's
my second husband. My first reason I had a huge wedding,
you know, more like of my parents friends than my own,
like had to spend the time like walking from table
to table like hi, how are you? Thanks for coming?
And then my second one like just our family, you
know it, So both were you know both. I was
(40:06):
a little bit bridezilla about because I'm the most type
a human being of life. But um, it's definitely you're
gonna have some thank you cards. You need to get
the invites out or you can't get butt hurt if
people don't show up. Totally not going to be but hurt.
That's what I text people, like the hotel code and
(40:28):
I'm like, don't forget my wedding day. People are like,
are you serious? You're texting me and invite you know,
I feel like you and Edwin have a lot in common,
Like Edwin will do the same. It'll be like his
work holiday party with a thousand people and he'll be like, hey,
it's Saturday night. I'm like, you're just telling me and
he's like, oh yeah, and it's a white theme. I'm like,
(40:49):
I'm eight months pregnants a white themed holiday party. You're dead.
You're the cutest, you know, You're like the cutest pregnant
person alive. Like you couldn't throw on anything, and you're
gonna look cheap as they come. I can assure you
if you saw me in person right now, you would
not feel that way. I'm like sweating through this chair,
like I'm like, sorry, Katie, it's rough going around Jane. Um,
(41:13):
when do you guys think that you're gonna start, yeah,
babies right away, babies later. I started yesterday. But Randall
is like, we have to be married for at least
one year before we get it popping. And I'm like, okay,
well that's nine months to make a baby, so we
can just get it popping and then you know, an here,
the baby will be here. It's all anxiety. I mean
(41:37):
what a lot of the common thing is like, well,
i've got a ja being off birth control, and then
we see what happens. But then what ends up happening
is most people get pregnant your body ad just pretty quickly.
Don't write let this let me do this with with
La La. Honestly, we've done it so perfectly. Like we
(41:57):
we dated for like what three years eight that we
get that we've got a gauge for a little over
a year, and I just want to enjoy being married
for a year and then she can have as many
babies as you want you want. It's so funny because
he'll be like, but Law, like, you're so young, and
I'm like, I know, but you're not. You're like, you
know what you're going to have to be? Well, she
(42:20):
do you mean think about the you know, high school graduation.
But I do agree with Randall. You want to enjoy there,
I know, but it's like a time. It's like a
timer that's that's going to expire eventually. So I understand.
I agree that we will have a baby quickly. I
just want to have like eleven or months, baby ten nine, eight,
(42:43):
something where we can run around and play husband one.
You know, I heard the eight months. I heard the
eight months. Don't worry Teddy. I definitely am taking enough.
But I have a pregnancy pact with Brittany, Stacy and Katie,
so like we all know we're when we're gonna like
are getting it moving. So you know, Randall, apparently you
don't have any saying that, So just get ready. No,
(43:06):
he thinks he does, but he doesn't. He's going to
learn this quickly, Like he's learning slower than I thought.
Like I run the show, but it will happen. Most
men do that takes them a little while to come
around to go all right, I'm just here for the ride,
right exactly. Oh my gosh, Well, I can't thank you
guys enough for coming on. You guys are so easy
(43:29):
to talk to and so fun. I am so happy
that you guys are co parenting with ease and everything
is going great and I wish you the very very best.
Thank you so much, Teddy and Katie, you guys are
the best. Thanks. I like, I didn't know what was
coming on that they are so awesome, great, and I
just love the conversation. They are co parenting so easily.
(43:52):
I mean, I know it hasn't been the beginning, but
they made it work and they're fun and they you
can tell they really like one another. I know they're
laughing each other's jokes. It's I mean, I really I
felt good about that. I did too, and Randall hilarious.
So we got to take a little break and then
we'll close out, all right, So we are back from
(44:21):
the break and Katie, and now we're back from the
break and all right, Katie, you ready to give us
the book right now? I'm ready. And this one's been
talked about a lot over the years. It's mom's house,
dad's house, and that's kind of a way to deal
with divorce and co parenting and kind of all that stuff.
And there are a lot of like the co Parenting Handbook,
there's other things that people have used two, But that's
the one that I know that people use the most.
(44:43):
And then what about support groups, whether it be for
the mom, the dad, the step mom. What's your recommendations there?
I mean support groups. Facebook is a great way to
join groups of people who have similar issues and at
the very least you get someone in there that is
going through something similar and they can be like, it
gets better. But do think that sometimes people can rev
each other up even more because so and so is
(45:04):
angry and then they're like, yes, I'm justifying what I'm
angry about. Now here we are. So pay attention to
how you feel before you get into the groups and
after and leave and enter accordingly. Right, so you make
sure it's helpful because you want to leave feeling like
I'm not alone and it's okay to be mad, and
it's okay to be frustrated, but you should feel like
I'll try that tip that Susiette told me or whatever.
(45:27):
So if you could give everybody one takeaway from co
parenting other than the being organized, setting the tone, setting
the schedules, kind of laying it out and then showing
the children love, what would you say, Just remember it's
about the kids. It's not about you. So every time
you try to get you feel frustrated, you're angry, take
(45:49):
your ego out of it. It's really about the kids.
You know. You can't really beat that. Advice guys. And
for those of you guys who are wanting more information
on Katie, Katie take it away. Yeah. I have a
YouTube channel. My name is Katie Morton. You can find me.
And then I had a book that came out called
Are You Okay? A Guide Caring for your Mental Health.
It's kind of like where to start, what to ask?
Just see a therapist, what's it like? Toxic relationships, communications,
(46:12):
skills to talk about all that stuff? And I mean, guys,
I have to brag for her a little bit. Her
YouTube channel has like over fifty million downloads. What amazing? Well,
thank you, yeah, thank you, and you guys keep writing
in questions because I love to continue on down these topics.
I want to know what you guys want to know about.
I love this, I love learning from people. I love
(46:34):
hearing people's stories. So thank you guys for listening, and
please keep these questions coming. Thanks for listening. Subscribe Ton
Pot on Radio or wherever you listen to podcasts
This is teddy Te PODB Hi, guys, welcome back to
teddy Te Pod. I'm on today co hosting with Katie Morton.
She is a master and she sorry, I am here
(00:22):
co hosting with Katie Morton. She holds her master's in
clinical psychology from Pepperdine and as a licensed marriage and
family therapist. UM. She also has like an amazing YouTube,
so you need to follow her. You're so nice, Thanks
for having me. I'm excited to be here, of course,
and we're talking all things co parenting and also just
(00:43):
to kind of touch on what's been going on here.
If I sound a little somber today, Um, yesterday was
like such a shocking day as we're talking about parenting
and um, Kobe Bryant's passing and all of the family's
involved and hurt, and I I feel like I woke
(01:05):
up this morning with so much anxiety just thinking about
how each person that's there, you know, without a dad
or without parents are now now dealing and I just
I really wanted to, you know, take a moment to say,
like give your loved ones a hug, remember what you're
grateful for, and you know, it's just such a tough situation,
(01:28):
it is and to think that I'm sure in that
moment he was wondering how he could protect her, what
he could do. There's nothing, it's it's really it's devastating,
and I think, you know, we all feel it today
and UM, but yeah, so that's that. Just to be
completely transparent, that's kind of where I am today, and
you know, my love goes out to everybody involved. UM.
(01:54):
But in another topic, something that comes up often UM
questions when it comes to me is on co parenting
because when I met my husband, he had a baby.
I was recently divorced and he had recently had a baby,
and um, most people on the show that watched the
show don't actually know that about me, and so then
(02:14):
they'll go to my Instagram and they're like, what's going on.
I'm so good, what's happening? And now, I mean, now
she's eleven years old, and I think the biggest thing,
you know, and a lot of people ask me about
co parenting, and the biggest thing for me has really
been about respect for the other parent and also being organized.
I know it sounds crazy, but like having a set schedule,
(02:36):
putting things in email, not like last minute phone calls
where things can get heated. But if you really try to,
you know, put your love for the child first, organize things,
and like have respect for the other parent, things seem
to run as smooth as possible. Yes, and kids thrive
on consistency, so having consistent schedules is key to them
(02:57):
feeling good through potentially if it's like a rough divorce
or something something that where it feels like their whole
life is kind of you know, not even not I
don't know, not safe, that gives them a safety And
I think also it's if you do make a mistake
and you do say something that may rub somebody the
wrong way, or you do schedule something that's incorrect or
(03:19):
whatever it may be, it's okay to apologize. I think
so many of us double down when that happens and
like really try to own what we did wrong, and
then it's just causes so much more drama before we
get into the meat of things. I also want to say,
we're gonna have on Laala Kent. You guys know her
from vander pomp Rules, I'm sure, and her fiance Randall
(03:40):
who they are in the midst of co parenting themselves.
So we're going to ask them some questions. But before that,
I want to get through a lot of listener questions
with you because you're a professional. Um. The first question
that everybody's asking is what is a recommended book? Oh,
on co parenting? Like they just want to get right
(04:01):
into it. I'd have to think on that one for
a minute. All right, we'll give you some time. Give
you some time to mark with a book. Okay. And
then something that happened, Um, we did a podcast on narcissism.
If you guys haven't listened to it, it's a good one.
It's a real doozy. I already like it, caring about
But the therapist that I had on that day, I
had asked, like, what do you do if you have
(04:22):
to co parent with a narcissist? And she responded, good luck.
And a lot of my listeners are going, hey, no,
we we we were doing this right now, give us
some advice. What do we know? What do we do? So?
Do you have any advice on somebody that is co
parenting with a narcissist? Yes? And actually had a video
probably I don't know, time flies two years ago. I'm
(04:43):
not sure, Um, but about co parenting with a toxic
X and I think that goes childlike behavior, narcissism, anything
like that. The main thing is to keep it. Run
it like a business. It's not personal. It's business. So
you create a calendar that specific for the you know,
navigating the times that who's going to have the children
(05:04):
and when and what, and you only interact through calendars
and emails and that's how it works, and there's no
last minute changes, and that's just I mean, I know
that life isn't perfect and there will be things that
come up, but that's the best way. And you keep
all of your interactions and communications direct and to the point.
Only about the instance. They'll try to pull it back
to be like you're such a horrible parent. They said
(05:26):
you did did dada? Who knows what they're saying, um
all garbage, and you just say, you know what, like
I said, Sunday, I will bring them by it this
time and I'll see you. Then that's it. You don't
respond to any other like attempts to hook you into
a fight to the fment, don't play into the childish
tantrums are throwing you just keep it to the point.
It's a business, it's not personal. Just keep telling yourself that,
(05:49):
and that's why calendars emails. That's the easiest way. What
if the other person and narcissist or not is constantly
also feeding your children with this information, how do you
try to one shield your children from it, but also
give them a safe place to talk about things. I
think it's the thing that people worry about is how
are they going to verbalize things to kids, like worry
that their kids are gonna I don't know, absorb it
(06:11):
or think that mom's a jerk or dad's a jerk
or whatever. The best way is just to be honest
and say, you know, let's say your spouse, your ex
spouses and narcissist, you can say, you know, um, dad
can sometimes have a tough time expressing how he feels
and it can be hard for me, you know, and
that's part of the reason why we broke up. And
so if you ever have trouble that you can talk
to me about it and you're not really painting them
(06:33):
in a bad picture like there's such a jerk. You know.
We don't want a name call. We don't want to
make children a messenger between um. We don't want to
trash talk the other spouse like in front of our children. Um,
but that's just kind of calling it blankly what it
is and then allowing for open dialogue so that your
child feels like they can come to you and can
be like, yeah, you know mom or dad yelled at
me and then they threw a fit and then I
was embarrassed. We were at a restaurant. You know, who
(06:55):
knows what's happening. Then you'll get the real deal. But
what about if the X is like kind of ripping
you apart to the kids, So then the kids like
feel like they almost are doing double duty and like
trying to protect each parent on each side. But then
you start to see them kind of act out in
different ways or try to overprotect one parent. What do
you do if you see that happening? Get them in therapy?
(07:16):
Get them in therapy. Yeah, because the truth is they
shouldn't be put in the middle. And you can tell
them like if you notice that stuff, or let's say
they say to you, like you know, mom or dad
said something bad about you, you can say, you know,
they must be going through a hard time and you
don't have to listen to that. That's not something that
you have. So every time it happens just just too
now it's okay, you know, And what if you know
(07:37):
when this happens and you have constant worry when the
your child is with the other parent, how do you
relieve those worries and also know that your child is
being well taken care of? Like how do you get
rid of that anxiety? Your own therapy? I wish it
was easier, but I mean, but it's so hard. I mean,
some people don't have that option. And if you don't, think, well,
(08:00):
there's lots of options now, so because of you know,
the Internet, magical internet. If you can't afford traditional therapy,
or like let's say you live in like rural Indiana
and you're like, wow, we have one and they're Christian
and I'm not Christian, Like what do I do? Um?
There's better help. There's talk space, there's lots of online resources,
or if you feel like you're in crisis, there's crisis
text line. You can text like help to seven four one,
(08:22):
seven four one. Someone's there to talk you through it.
They're trained. Um, they're not licensed professionals, but they're trained
crisis counselors. So there's lots of resources out there. There's
probably even groups on Facebook you can get into. I
know that's not like professional help do. Sometimes it's just
nice to have someone be like support system. And this
is what I did and this is it was okay.
And this is a funny question. Um, what do you
(08:44):
do if you're significant other doesn't have a pair of
balls to stand up to his ex wife or you
feel like he never has your back? And I mean
you hear this often because you all of a sudden
make it about you and you're like, why they don't
love me? Because they're not doing this for me. But
some people just don't want confrontation. A lot of people
don't want confrontation. It's uncomfortable. Who wants to fight? I mean,
(09:07):
I feel like you live in two spaces. Either enjoy
the fights or you hate the fight. I'm the hate
the fighting same avoid avoid well, Like I try to
put it all out there at the beginning, all of
the information, so like, no matter who I'm talking to,
regardless of what it's about. I'm like, if I put
all of my information at the beginning, then there's less
likely a need for confrontation exactly, not as many misunderstandings.
(09:29):
And that is how you deal with this. So if
you feel like your spouse isn't um, doesn't have your back,
doesn't have balls to stand up to their X, if
it's affecting your relationship, I would encourage you to communicate
it in that way. It's not like you're such a
pussy you didn't stand up to that or whatever. Then
instead you can say like when when you don't stand
up for me in conversations with your ex, I end
(09:50):
up feeling like I'm not as important and that hurts
my feelings and then I don't feel as connected to you.
But can I ask a question, I mean, just playing
Devil's advocate here, why is there almost a need for
that conversation to stand up to the X? Like at
what point do you have to also take a little
self accountability and be like, what does it really matter
(10:11):
what so and so's X thinks of me? As long
as they know that I'm taking good care of there,
you know, her son or daughter or whoever it may be.
I think it just depends on how it's affecting you
in your relationship, because it really part of it is
your work, Like you shouldn't we shouldn't care what they think.
But if it's affecting us directly. Like if we're in
conversations together at the same place and you feel like
they're putting you down or ignoring your you know, comments,
(10:34):
then it's worth saying something. But if it's just like
you know, she's talking to you to him and you're
like whatever, yeah, Like, then that's like your work to
be like I'm confident in who I am. That's like
your own positive self talk understanding, like, hey people, not
everyone's gonna like me, and that's okay. Yeah, And I
think it's a different thing if the X is talking
about you too their child and then setting up this
(10:57):
relationship that's not really are because of their own insecurity exactly. Yeah,
that's you know, there's there's lines, right, So some of
it's you, some of its relationships with your spouse, some
of its relationships with children, and you get to decide
where it's okay and where it's not okay. But a
lot of it's just you know, working on yourself. So
you're like whatever, So what do you think the pros
(11:18):
and cons of having a sit down with your significant
other's X or you know, having a group meeting, Like
do you think those are actually beneficial or It depends
on the people involved. If one of those is the narcissist,
it's not worth your time. Or if one is still
very petty, if you find them like, you know, always
putting you down. If you hear from your kids and
(11:40):
you hear in conversations ways that they're like undermining you
or saying nasty things, if they're very childlike, it's not
going to be beneficial. That's why emails, keeping it short
to the point, treating like a business calendars, that's where
it works. But if you all are just trying to
find the best way to work together. Let's say it's
a new thing and there hasn't been any real arguments
or disagreements yet, that's when I think it's like nipping
(12:03):
in the bud. So there's no preconceived notions. You don't
have any you know, experiences where ones like you did
this and I didn't like it, and you fed them
sugar late or let them stay up at you know,
and I have to be the bad parents. If none
of that has happened, then you can have a real
conversation about how you want to co parent as a group,
right um, and then what about family members? So like,
if you're what if you're watching you know, two people
(12:25):
struggle trying to co parent, and then family members want
to get involved, like the sister or the mom or
the blah blah blah, like what out tell him? Now,
tell him now, mind your own business. Exactly. It's only
going to make it more complicated. It's hard enough to
parent with two parents who love each other and are married,
let alone throwing in another person when you get divorced,
then you're married to someone else, and then just exponentially
(12:45):
more difficult as you had more people in because if
everybody has an opinion, and not everyone's opinion is like
actually worth taking into consideration at that time, only the
people parenting directly need to be involved. Yeah, I mean,
I think it goes back to what you what you
said from the beginning, insistency being organized and sticking to
the to the schedule, and then there's less things that
you need to find out. And I can say the
(13:06):
same like when it goes for holidays, I mean, we
do our schedules for like we already know our summer schedule.
You should. It makes it easier because like then we
can all just kind of plan ahead. There's no last
minute chaos. There's no like, oh, I was hoping for
this vacation that we could take an ounce your fault
that I can't take it with you know whatever. And
especially when you're adding more kids to the mix, because
(13:27):
we both have more kids, you know, like, it gets
more and more difficult. But that's why the structure is
really key, and I think it's key for the kids,
and I think it's also key for the parents. Agreed
for your own sanity, um, and then something please cover
parental alien nation. It's so painful to experience. Yeah, I mean,
(13:48):
i'd assume what they're talking about is like one parent
just letting the other parent take it because I don't
want to fight, so they're like, you can get full custody.
That happens a lot, especially to men um. I have
a couple of clients over the years who loved being
a parent, but the ex wife was so difficult that
they just gave up because it was so they figured
it was harder on the child to fight. I'm not
sure if that's exactly what they're talking about, but i'd
(14:08):
assume it's like one parent just bowing out, being like
I can't deal um. I think part of that is
just talking to that parent, making a point to be like, hey,
I would like you in my life. I would like
to have a relationship. Um And then therapy because a
lot of being an adult and this sounds so sad,
and I don't mean it just sounds that. It's actually
how we grow, how we process what's happened when we
(14:30):
were younger. But a lot of being an adult is
just grieving what we thought our parents could be, because
that's like a dream. And then it's like the reality
is we're all you know, we're not infallible, we're imperfect beings,
but we do the best we can. UM. And then
how with being very consistent, organized and all of those things,
(14:51):
how do you deal with completely different parenting styles between households?
You just do your best. I feel like you have
to let it, but you have to let them be there.
It's like a boundary. What happens in my house is
my on my like my rules, it's it's what I
get to say. But then what happens in their house.
You can't have control over other people. I swear to God,
the sooner we all realize we don't have control over
(15:12):
other people. I can't manipulate situations to get you to
do what I want you to do. I can't. You
could try, but that's exhausting. So it's easier if you're like, hey,
I can only control what I can do with my
kids and how I parent, and they get to parent
how they want to parent. I know it's hard. And
then what advice would you give to step parents in
regards to discipline and regards to making sure that they
(15:35):
are the best step parents possible. Get on the same
page with your spouse. So let's say your husband has
two children and that he brings into the marriage. Have
a conversation with him to pad how old the kids are, too.
You might want to include them in the conversation, like
I want to be the best parent I can be.
I understand I'm not your mom. I'm not trying to
replace your mom, but I want to be there for
you in the best way that I can. And so,
(15:57):
depending on their age, you could have a conversation with
them and your spouse or just your spouse. So it's
the same. It's consistent because even though you're a stepparent,
and that's a very important rule, they've had other parents first,
and so as long as you're in line with your spouse.
It'll cause less disagreements between you and your spouse and
the kids because they're already used to that, you know
what I mean. If dad always acts this way and
(16:18):
stepmom max the same, it's consistent. Yeah. I mean for us,
it's kind of all our you know, our family unit
has ever known, and so it's been, you know, such
an organic conversation for us. You know, like you're all
brothers and sisters and this is how it is. And
you know they don't ask. But where I notice we
get a lot of questions is like when we have
play dates, like hold on, uh, explain this to me?
(16:43):
What what does this mean? You know? Like, so how
do you explain siblings being half siblings to other people's kids?
I guess just keeping it shortened to the point, be like,
you know, I was married before and had another kid,
and that's where they came from. But then I got
married to this dad and that's where they came from.
(17:06):
I mean simple. Kids are just nosy and they answer
and then they keep they're like, but hold up, I
mean more, and then you hear you can hear the
kids like trying to explain it too. But then your
your kids are so young they don't even really understand it.
So like even a couple of weeks ago, I let
Slay watch this TV show that's like, I don't know,
I'm Nickelodeon or whatever. I guess it's like a little
(17:27):
bit more advanced. But it's like, come up to me
and she's like, Mom, I have a question for you.
Did you have a boyfriend ever before dad? And I
was like, uh, yes, I did. A matter of fact,
I was actually married before your dad. And she was like, what, Like,
what do you mean you could get married more than
(17:49):
one time? You know, like all these things. And I realized,
like I don't really have all the answers to these questions,
but I didn't want to tell her something that wasn't true.
But it was like, you walked into something I walked.
And so now almost like every day she's like, who
are you married to? Have we met him? You know,
like a little And I'm like, you know somebody that
(18:11):
mommy loved very much, But we were very young and
we got married and it didn't end up being something
that for the rest of my life. So the only
advice that I can give to you is yes, follow
your heart. But wait until you're really sure. Um. But
then she's like, but I'm the first baby you ever had. Right,
It's like, quit trying to uncover this like scandal, but
(18:34):
it is funny. It's like they're trying to because children
act out of In the therapy world, we call it
kind of like a foundation, like a story that they
tell themselves about their family that makes them feel safe
to go out and have other relationships. Right. So her
the foundation was that you and daddy were like soulmates
and you've never been with anybody else, and you were
meant to be and you've been married and she's the
(18:54):
only you know what I mean. I remember I found
out my dad had been married before my mom when
I was probably like ten year years old, and I
was like, what, did you have a whole another family?
He didn't. They were married for like six months. Yeah,
I mean, but it does. It does throw children. Oh yeah.
Like but and then my son, on the other hand,
he could He's like, yeah, of course she did. And
he's like, whatever, Yeah, she's she had boyfriends. Well, girls
(19:17):
are different than boys. Like he just totally brushed it off,
speaking of boyfriends and whatnot. Some somebody's asking in regards
to cheating husbands, how do I let my kids be
around new girlfriends after I'm so scorned after being cheated on.
That's really hard and I totally get wanting to burn
down the house. I would feel that way, but I
(19:38):
think it's best to UM talk if you can. This
is hard, but if you can talk with your cheating
son of a you know, ex husband, UM have certain
rules around when they're able to meet, like you know,
if you're just dating someone, because it's hard for kids
that people in and out of their lives, because they'll
ask like where'd Susie go? Where did Jenny go? I Like,
(19:58):
you know they're going to wonder where these peop it went.
And so just I would talk to the um, your
spouse or ex spouse about like the fact that you
want it consistent for the kids. Try to keep your
emotion out of it. Be like, I'm happy if you
want to be with someone else, that's totally fine, even
if we're not. It doesn't matter. To lie through teeth
the straight face and then just say, you know, I
(20:19):
just don't want people in and out of the children's
lives and then wondering who these people are and where
they went and if they did something to make them leave,
because kids will worry that like I did something to
ruin that. So just say, you know, until you feel
like it's serious, maybe nine months a year into a relationship,
Like don't have them around the kids a lot, you know,
like if you go out to lunch, you're like, oh,
this is my friend and they pop up, that's fine.
(20:39):
But if they're consistently for me, I think that then
it's like almost like you're fibbing to the kids. And
kids are smart, yeah, I mean it depends on how
old your kids are, but even if your kids are like,
I don't know, I just think. I mean I remember
meeting people that like my parents dated after they got
(21:00):
a divorce and being like this is my friend blah
blah blah, and I was like, yeah, whatever, how you
probably like seven, okay, and that's that's different. What's so yeah,
And that's old enough to be able to so I think,
I mean, seven's it's on the cusp. I'd say like
eight and older. The girls are different too, but I
(21:21):
think once they're eight ten, you can have a conversation
where you're like, you know, mommy and daddy aren't together. Anymore.
And this is the person that I'm going on a
date with. And do you know what dating means you
can have a conversation, is getting to know one another.
I don't know if i'll like them. I don't know
if they'll like me. That's okay to talk to have
those kind of conversation when they're little, like you know,
three four whatever, you can't really explain that to them. Yeah,
(21:43):
they're like just putting their lightness together. What do you
think a healthy amount of time is before introducing somebody too,
I'd say six months. I think that's a fair because
you know, de on how quickly things move. But dating,
if you're going out every other weekend or I mean,
you know, time flies by, I think And it's if
you're co parenting and you don't have the kids all
the time, you have time to date when you're not
(22:05):
with your kids. So it's easier take those weekends that
you have off from the children and then date. Just
to make it less complicated, yeah, unless less room for drama. Um,
now we're gonna get on. We gotta take a little break,
but then I think we're gonna bring on La La
and Randall and kind of talk about some of their
experiences with co parenting. So be right back. Hi guys,
(22:36):
you are on with myself and Katie and we're so
happy to have you on. And we wanted to say
congratulations on Give Them La La with Randall podcast. You
guys are so cute. Thank you. No, you're listened to
your first one with Stacy. It was so good, So congratulations,
we love it, Thank you, thank you. We have the
(22:59):
best and with her, she was like the most epic
first guy. Yeah, well she's so fun and so are
you guys. So we are happy that you are joining
us on the teapod. Yes, we're excited. So we are
going to dig right into it, the world of co parenting.
Ye to do it. I'm not really a beat around
(23:21):
the bush kind of gal. Let's be honest. I just
see that I could say. I mean, I didn't even
I didn't even get an appetizer like a warm up.
We're not going to get an appetizer with me on
this time schedule. We're going to have to book something
at a later date for that kind of snack. Okay, okay,
that'll be at dinner. That'll be a dinner. Um um,
I'll just I'll answer, at least in a quick cliff
(23:41):
belt version. You know, co parenting obviously is the most
important thing when you when you have children and uh
and in their product of divorce. Um. But I will
tell you this that the best thing that could ever
happen to children of a divorce home uh is that
everybody works together. And Laala can God bless her soul,
(24:03):
has taken on that role of stepmother, uh, you know,
with with a vigor and with passion and with love.
And just yesterday, just to give you a little snapshot, um,
you know, we were saying goodbye to my kids yesterday
and Sundance as they were heading back to l A
and we had a head off to work, and La
La and my my nine year old were falling in
(24:26):
tears of of you know, just leaving each other because
Lalla was leaving for a few weeks, etcetera. So of
course I started crying like a little baby. But that's
that's the love that that La La has for for
for my kids and and uh and and she works
hard to uh be a great uh stepmother to them
and work alongside their mother Amber. So that's been you know,
(24:51):
they they've worked hard to put differences aside, and and
and put the kids first and and uh, and that's it.
I mean, I think that's wha you want to say
anything to that, to add on to that. I mean,
I we we did not have a very smooth start,
and you know, we did everything we could to make
(25:12):
sure that the babies did not know that. And now
we are all in such a great place, myself, their
mom where it's just it's the happiest time in the
entire world. It was like a Christmas miracles and we're
it's just it truly was, and it's just a breathe.
Now the kids are happy, and that's all you want.
(25:35):
And I think, as you say that, you know, it's
a breeze now. But I think what a lot of
people forget is how much work it is at the
beginning to it is and to figure out what works
for everybody and set boundaries. I know, when I first
met my husband, um, he had a daughter from a
previous relationship. And when he told me and when we
got serious and I met her, I was, you know,
(25:57):
twenty seven years old. I had never really been around kids.
I really didn't know how I was going to feel.
And the moment I met her, I immediately fell in
love with her. I fell in love with him ten
times more, and like everything in my life shifted because
I met her. And I remember the adjustment period being
(26:19):
something that like, wow, this is never what I had
expected from my life. This is so much more because
I'm able to give love to this person. And but
it's also it's a trial and error of seeing what
works best for all parties involved so that everybody can stay,
you know, as happy as possible and so the kids
(26:39):
feel good. You're absolutely right, and then you know, coming
in as a step mom, you also don't want to
step on the biological mama's toes. You know, how does
she like things done? How? You know, how can I
discipline to where it's like, I know my role is
not the real mama, but you know, and that was
(27:01):
a balance that I had to fight very hard to find.
And Katie, I'm curious how you found that balance, Like
were there tough conversations at the beginning. I know we
had a lot of listener questions about like how to
navigate that at the beginning, you know, it was basically
just trial and error. I would at first, I was like,
I'm not their mom, I'm just going to be their friend.
(27:23):
And then I was like, oh my gosh, I'm like
being bullied by children. That it was like exactly, they
sensed weakness. I was their most favorite person. I was
the weakest link. And so then you know, Randall told me,
you're allowed to put them in check. So now they
(27:44):
know that I do have authority, and now that I'm
you know, great with their mom. We talk on a
regular basis. If if one of the kids meeting special
care or she acted out at her mom's house. You know,
Amber will call me and say, I told London she
can't have her phone for two hours, and I'm like, okay,
we can do that. I'm going in. I know she
(28:05):
didn't have her phone for two hours. So well, it
was just like a learning process. And let me let
me just say one thing that's really neat is that
even from the beginning, even when there were some rough
waters with Lall and Amber, you know, we never let
the children see that. Amber and I never let the children.
Lawla never let the children see any of that stuff.
But today, because Lalla and Amber are so in sync,
(28:29):
they really do talk a lot, and they do. Amber
will call Lawla and say hey, blah blah blah, and
La La will call Amber and it's like, now, London
is kind of my My oldest is kind of screwed
because she can't manipulate, conquer and divide, so so she's yeah,
for for London, for London. Amber and I getting along
was like the worst thing to and how old is
(28:52):
she turning? Pen? Turning ten this week? But the funny
thing is my oldest one now, you know, comes to
me always is like that, you know, daddy, they're all
doing this, and I'm like, I'm the softest in the group,
so I'm like, what they did that? Oh my, that's horrible.
Now you're on the weakest wend. And Teddy, Teddy, I
(29:16):
wasn't aware that you were also a stepmom, And I
really don't feel that step mom get the credit they
deserve because you're taking on two children that are not yours,
and you know, you're already at the bottom of the
totem pole because they're like, well, you know, you're not
their real mom, remember your place, and it's really hard.
(29:37):
I think the biggest thing for for me has been
that as the time goes on and as we've like developed,
you know, because now I'm eleven years into this, so
like I can't imagine our family unit without because now
I have two kids in my own, I'm pregnant, and
(29:58):
we just keep you know, and her and Bella's other
family they're growing as well as you know as well,
so we just have to all kind of be on
the same page. But it's like gotten to the point
where like it is so much fun because you know,
and you'll see as well. All I heard you speaking
about like you're ready to start a family to kind
of soon, and I feel like as that starts to happen,
(30:19):
you realize, like you really are going to start to
get even more on the same page with Randall about
parenting and you kind of really fall into your roles
and you'll become an even better stepmother because you'll start
to like everything starts to kind of grow. And I mean,
but Randall, you're gonna continue being the week my husband
will say something to me and he'll be like, you know,
(30:40):
I really don't think the kids should do whatever, And
then I'll be the one to kind of be like, okay, guys,
and then I swear Edwin will go the kids will
come back and be like dad mom said blah blah blah,
and edone will go no TOUGHI why does she do that? No? Not? Yeah?
(31:02):
Oh yeah that's that's Amber and La La are are
are the force to be reckoned with and and like
especially now going back to l A and I have
the kids for you know, is going to be at
work for a couple of weeks and it's like destroy
the house, don't clean anything up, eat tons of cookies
and popcorn. It's just we're gonna go. We're gonna go crazy.
(31:25):
Number parties to brush your hair. Yeah, um what So
to be a little cheeky, what's the rule now on
the social media because a lot of our listeners are like,
what do you guys think the rule is on? And
I'm like, for us, social media wasn't when when we
first started co parenting and we first started you know,
(31:46):
there wasn't as much. There wasn't like Instagram. There was
like um, you know Facebook that you maybe posted on
once a week. So it's definitely shifted. Yes, uh well
today I mean today they I mean, I mean La
La you know, supports Amber's jewelry company and post her.
I mean there's and without getting into too much detail,
(32:09):
Amber and I were not in a great place. And
when we had the meeting before Christmas, there were tears
that were shed, there were apologies. I let her know,
you know, and I'm gonna say this without getting chokes
to have, but I'm an emotional break right now. I
don't know why. Um, you know those I just basically
thanked her because those girls that she brought into the world,
(32:31):
they're like, my life is forever changed, forever better for them.
And now she doesn't have a problem, Like if she
sees the girls on Instagram, if I post them, she'll
send me a message just like, oh my gosh, that's
so funny, that's so cute. So I think when you
put the personal issues aside and remember the one goal
is to make these kids incredible human beings, they can
(32:53):
go out into the world and take it on. That's
all that matters. Yeah. I think we get to that
place you thrive. Yeah, And you showed her empathy, and
I think that's such a big thing. When you can
connect on that level and really understand, you know, there's
a respect and there's also empathy, then everybody can kind
of go for it and go I was just going
(33:15):
to say a big sire having to deal with at tension,
because I think that's the thing we get to. I
don't know if anybody agrees with this. I think we
get too upset about our own issues and our own relationships.
We we can't forget the kids. It's really about them, absolutely.
Kids are always, always, always got to be put in
front and always, you know. And I think I think
(33:35):
when I think, you know, we went to this dinner
and Amber and uh, like I said, you know, just
to skin the service. But when we went to this dinner,
I mean the two of them, I mean, it was
just the connection and empathy, lawless show and the and
the apologies and just all that was just gone in
like half hour, and it was just the biggest wait,
(33:56):
you know, lifted off everybody. And I just thought about
the day. That dinner was like one of the best
moments that I've ever had in my whole life, because
I spelled that my life was really great, but there
was one dark cloud that was hanging over my head
and it was always that relationship that I did not
have with the girl's mom. And I can honestly say,
(34:18):
like she's one of my favorite human beings. Now they're
actually breaking a rock star. She honestly has a better
relationship with Amber. I have to go through Lalla, now
that's what you kind of go through it, but I
think you know a lot it goes back. We actually
answered this question earlier because the listener was saying, you know,
(34:39):
do you think a meeting is worth it? And Katie
had said, you know, a meeting is worth it if
both parties are ready, and you know what, Teddy and Katie,
that's totally true because there were many occasions where we
would try to set up these meetings and one party
would not be down for it, and so you know
that will happen where it's just like you're not in
(34:59):
the place yet, but once you get to it, it's
like you forget all of those moments that you guys
like I can't even imagine Amber and I going TOES now,
like I would never do it. Never. Wait, can I
say one other thing. I have a friend, a very
close friend who um became a step mother as well
and went to war for ten years. She told us,
(35:22):
she told law on it on the day we met.
A decade of war. Now she is best friends, best
friends with you know some the mom best friends, and
she says, I really wish I had done this ten
years ago, like this is so stupid. But again, when
people aren't ready, like you're not gonna have that same outcome. Well,
I always I always tell myself do I want to
(35:43):
be right? Or do I want to be happy? True?
Happy happy? And when you really think about it, you're like,
I just want to be happy. I just want to
have peace. I just want to be Like it goes
into you know, like discussions even with your husband that
don't have to do with your kids or your friends
or whatever it may like, at some point you gotta
be like, okay, this this isn't worth it to go
(36:05):
around turn around, Like even though I think I'm right, right,
but I am right. I mean, I'm a know it all.
So I mean, I I know I'm right, but I'm
like common it works for us. Yeah, that's great. And
I what I realized, what I realized if I fought
(36:26):
it for about the first three years, now, I don't
give it. I'll be wrong every days. Answer. My husband
kind of does this switch off. He'll be like when
it comes to like I'll have like a gut instinct
about somebody, and then that's when he wants to use
my like no at all thing. He'll be like, okay,
(36:47):
so what do you think of this person I just
interviewed him, Like nope, and he's like, then he likes it,
but if it's involving him, he's like, I don't want
to hear about it, no at all. Petty. By the way,
Law is the same, very similar. She always gives me
her opinion on people, and it truly is accurate. I
don't want to hear some like say that's a good person.
(37:08):
She's like, oh, yeah, okay, you're an idiot. Three months
from now, wait and see three months from now. It's
like the worst person I've ever met. It's always right
to pick the towel up off the floor. I want
to I want to take a renade launch day. That's
what happens. You use as for our skills, but then
(37:31):
you know, when you're pointing out the obvious, it's just
so irritating to you. Uh. Speaking of m how's the
wedding planning going? Oh my gosh, we're we're being worth
at this. We had to bring our mom's in to
we're horrible, which is amazing because like Randall's mom is
(37:51):
like the typical Jewish mother. She gets the job done,
I'm gonna with her. And then like she's like, not
uh to crowd, to play the bad guy, just his
mom and my mom, you you need to start an
event company, or because I from the world, my mom,
my mom, my mom said this is this? Is it?
(38:14):
Like this? Because remember my mom's in her seventies. I mean,
obviously just gonna kill me for saying this. My mom's
in her seventies and she's flying back and forth and
running around and meeting flower people with her mom and
blah blah. But I will tell you if they did
not step in and he do, is how bad we are.
And and just put it in perspective. We're less than
ninety days away from the wedding. We have not sent
(38:35):
out our wedding invites yet. Okay, so you're the opposite
of bride zillah. Yeah, like absent bride or just like
I'll just show up on the day bride. Um, well
you know what I have to to make you feel better.
I am the world's worse with thank you notes. They
(38:57):
honestly give me raging anxiety. God, I'm like if there's
a party and like there's gonna be gifts. I'm like, please,
just don't bring gifts because I don't want to have
to write sixty thank you cards over Like Teddy, I'm
the same way. In fact, I didn't even realize that
after this wedding there's still the thank you notes that
I have to go. Yeah, that's what I'm warning you about.
(39:18):
Get ready, girl, it is a disaster. Like you need
to get somebody that has your same exact writing and
have her get to work because it is torture. This
is this is Randall's fault though, you guys, because I
told him, let's somewhere really small, let's like make it
cute and quaint, and he was like, I want it grand,
I want it huge. I'm like, what we get, I've had.
(39:43):
But I was married twice, so like I ed one's
my second husband. My first reason I had a huge wedding,
you know, more like of my parents friends than my own,
like had to spend the time like walking from table
to table like hi, how are you? Thanks for coming?
And then my second one like just our family, you
know it, So both were you know both. I was
(40:06):
a little bit bridezilla about because I'm the most type
a human being of life. But um, it's definitely you're
gonna have some thank you cards. You need to get
the invites out or you can't get butt hurt if
people don't show up. Totally not going to be but hurt.
That's what I text people, like the hotel code and
(40:28):
I'm like, don't forget my wedding day. People are like,
are you serious? You're texting me and invite you know,
I feel like you and Edwin have a lot in common,
Like Edwin will do the same. It'll be like his
work holiday party with a thousand people and he'll be like, hey,
it's Saturday night. I'm like, you're just telling me and
he's like, oh yeah, and it's a white theme. I'm like,
(40:49):
I'm eight months pregnants a white themed holiday party. You're dead.
You're the cutest, you know, You're like the cutest pregnant
person alive. Like you couldn't throw on anything, and you're
gonna look cheap as they come. I can assure you
if you saw me in person right now, you would
not feel that way. I'm like sweating through this chair,
like I'm like, sorry, Katie, it's rough going around Jane. Um,
(41:13):
when do you guys think that you're gonna start, yeah,
babies right away, babies later. I started yesterday. But Randall
is like, we have to be married for at least
one year before we get it popping. And I'm like, okay,
well that's nine months to make a baby, so we
can just get it popping and then you know, an here,
the baby will be here. It's all anxiety. I mean
(41:37):
what a lot of the common thing is like, well,
i've got a ja being off birth control, and then
we see what happens. But then what ends up happening
is most people get pregnant your body ad just pretty quickly.
Don't write let this let me do this with with
La La. Honestly, we've done it so perfectly. Like we
(41:57):
we dated for like what three years eight that we
get that we've got a gauge for a little over
a year, and I just want to enjoy being married
for a year and then she can have as many
babies as you want you want. It's so funny because
he'll be like, but Law, like, you're so young, and
I'm like, I know, but you're not. You're like, you
know what you're going to have to be? Well, she
(42:20):
do you mean think about the you know, high school graduation.
But I do agree with Randall. You want to enjoy there,
I know, but it's like a time. It's like a
timer that's that's going to expire eventually. So I understand.
I agree that we will have a baby quickly. I
just want to have like eleven or months, baby ten nine, eight,
(42:43):
something where we can run around and play husband one.
You know, I heard the eight months. I heard the
eight months. Don't worry Teddy. I definitely am taking enough.
But I have a pregnancy pact with Brittany, Stacy and Katie,
so like we all know we're when we're gonna like
are getting it moving. So you know, Randall, apparently you
don't have any saying that, So just get ready. No,
(43:06):
he thinks he does, but he doesn't. He's going to
learn this quickly, Like he's learning slower than I thought.
Like I run the show, but it will happen. Most
men do that takes them a little while to come
around to go all right, I'm just here for the ride,
right exactly. Oh my gosh, Well, I can't thank you
guys enough for coming on. You guys are so easy
(43:29):
to talk to and so fun. I am so happy
that you guys are co parenting with ease and everything
is going great and I wish you the very very best.
Thank you so much, Teddy and Katie, you guys are
the best. Thanks. I like, I didn't know what was
coming on that they are so awesome, great, and I
just love the conversation. They are co parenting so easily.
(43:52):
I mean, I know it hasn't been the beginning, but
they made it work and they're fun and they you
can tell they really like one another. I know they're
laughing each other's jokes. It's I mean, I really I
felt good about that. I did too, and Randall hilarious.
So we got to take a little break and then
we'll close out, all right, So we are back from
(44:21):
the break and Katie, and now we're back from the
break and all right, Katie, you ready to give us
the book right now? I'm ready. And this one's been
talked about a lot over the years. It's mom's house,
dad's house, and that's kind of a way to deal
with divorce and co parenting and kind of all that stuff.
And there are a lot of like the co Parenting Handbook,
there's other things that people have used two, But that's
the one that I know that people use the most.
(44:43):
And then what about support groups, whether it be for
the mom, the dad, the step mom. What's your recommendations there?
I mean support groups. Facebook is a great way to
join groups of people who have similar issues and at
the very least you get someone in there that is
going through something similar and they can be like, it
gets better. But do think that sometimes people can rev
each other up even more because so and so is
(45:04):
angry and then they're like, yes, I'm justifying what I'm
angry about. Now here we are. So pay attention to
how you feel before you get into the groups and
after and leave and enter accordingly. Right, so you make
sure it's helpful because you want to leave feeling like
I'm not alone and it's okay to be mad, and
it's okay to be frustrated, but you should feel like
I'll try that tip that Susiette told me or whatever.
(45:27):
So if you could give everybody one takeaway from co
parenting other than the being organized, setting the tone, setting
the schedules, kind of laying it out and then showing
the children love, what would you say, Just remember it's
about the kids. It's not about you. So every time
you try to get you feel frustrated, you're angry, take
(45:49):
your ego out of it. It's really about the kids.
You know. You can't really beat that. Advice guys. And
for those of you guys who are wanting more information
on Katie, Katie take it away. Yeah. I have a
YouTube channel. My name is Katie Morton. You can find me.
And then I had a book that came out called
Are You Okay? A Guide Caring for your Mental Health.
It's kind of like where to start, what to ask?
Just see a therapist, what's it like? Toxic relationships, communications,
(46:12):
skills to talk about all that stuff? And I mean, guys,
I have to brag for her a little bit. Her
YouTube channel has like over fifty million downloads. What amazing? Well,
thank you, yeah, thank you, and you guys keep writing
in questions because I love to continue on down these topics.
I want to know what you guys want to know about.
I love this, I love learning from people. I love
(46:34):
hearing people's stories. So thank you guys for listening, and
please keep these questions coming. Thanks for listening. Subscribe Ton
Pot on Radio or wherever you listen to podcasts
Hosts And Creators
Teddi Mellencamp
Tamra Judge
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