June 20, 2025 • 30 mins
Erika and Teddi dish out advice on leaving your hometown and handling in-laws to work situationships, coparenting, and making real romantic connections.
Plus, Teddi shares updates on her own dating life.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hi, guys, welcome to another episode of Dear Diamonds with
myself Teddy Mellencamp and I'm.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Erica Jane and I can't imagine why anybody wants our advice.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I could have either.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Okay, so here we go. Are you ready, Dear Diamonds.
I'm in school right now, studying to get my bachelor's
degree and fear that I'll be stuck living in my
hometown for years and years. What did you guys do
to overcome the fear of leaving your routine and shooting
for the stars? And also curious what your thoughts are
in this day and age when it comes to leaving home.
I'm in California and it's extremely expensive to live on
(00:46):
your own.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Best aj Aj, I appreciate you for sharing your name
or initials.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yeah, I like it.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
We appreciate it. I personally think there are some people
that look so much to leave their hometown and they
don't really want to, and then they end up regretting.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
It, regretting leaving or not.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Leaving leaving, and then I think there's also people that
need to leave. And if you need to leave, you're
going to feel an overall like earning in your body
that you have to do it, and that will give
you the strength to be able to do it.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I'll also say this, if you're graduating right now and
you don't have any responsibilities let's say family or kids,
do it now, because take the chance now, while you
have the zero holding you down, take the leap of faith.
Teddy's right, You're right. If you feel like you need
to leave, you will leave.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yeah, if you.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Nothing will stop you, no amount of I don't have anything,
like I remember just it was going to work out,
like it was going to work out. I didn't know how,
but I knew it was going to so AJ now
is your chance to test it? And I know it's
expensive here. That's kind of the price for where we live. Yeah,
(02:04):
it's overpriced.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
And you can do it in different ways. I mean
you can go on Craigslist. You can go and find
different roommates. Like my first living situation here, people never
believe me, but like I lived in a studio apartment
with another girl.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I remember that, and like it.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Was teeny tiny. We had bunk beds in there. We
couldn't afford, but we were living the dream. We were
both acting. We worked as hostesses and waitresses and in
the mailrooms at different companies. But like we really wanted to.
We didn't want to leave just because we didn't want
to be around our parents.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
No, you wanted to leave because it was something calling you.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah, there was something bigger calling me. That being said,
to this day, I'm like, gosh, you know, if I
had the opportunity to move back to South Carolina.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
You know what, South Carolina is like a real good
right now. It's interesting because you set out to do
something like that, nothing will stop you. So if you
have that burning desire, it will work out.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
It will work out, and just out.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
And do it now before you have anything holding you.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Back, and then people will start saying things. If you
talk about something for too long without doing it, people
will start to bring you down.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Well, keep that to yourself, keep your plans close, and
you know all of that, all right, Dear diamonds. How
do I deal with a selfish brother in law who
only takes takes takes. He's my hubby's only brother, so
my husband does like to see him, but he's lazy,
won't come to visit us, and only wants us to
travel to him. Calls my husband a clan what a
(03:42):
clan if we don't pick up the bill for a
clam a clam like a clam. Okay, and taught his
kids to call him uncle no because when he and
his two kids lived with us after his wife threw
him out, we didn't pay for their entertainment and every win. Well,
who is this? I can't even finish this? Hey, my
(04:04):
husband wants to see his niece and nephew, but I
can barely like be in this guy's presence. Should I
grin and barrett or write him off? Or what? Growing
in patient sister in law, I'm not down with this now.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
I'm not done with this at all.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Took this man in and he's calling your husband these
names uncle no and just like and he seems.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Like uncle no, he's the one, the one go anywhere?
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Hey, stop projecting? How about that?
Speaker 1 (04:27):
How about that? Growing in patients sister in law? You're
doing way more than I would actually.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Do, situation, any of this shit. You'd get one chance
with me?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah, I think that maybe your husband should grow a
little bit of a pair and say to him, Hey,
you want to see us, let's meet here. It's halfway.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Let's do something with the kids. I miss you, I
love you. You're my brother. But this would be a
good plan for us. If if your brother in law
financially can't do it, but your brother wants to see
him anyway, then yeah, he should pay for it. If
he doesn't care to see him, then he should go
visit him wherever he is.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Right, But there has to be some effort made by
this brother in law to at least show like good faith, like, hey,
I want to be around you guys, not you know,
the bills and the fuck you.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I also want to know what the age gap is.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
I also want to know why who gets to act
like this? But I'm at a time, I'm at a
place in my life, you know, on patience for that. No,
you don't either.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
I mean I would just assume that the wife is
taking over, trying to eliminate the pain that her husband
is feeling by doing it all for her.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Yeah, she feels bad for him, but I.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Would just, you know, kind of cut it as it is.
And if your brother, if your husband wants to see
his brother, he can make the opportunity some time, he.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Can make some effort. Okay, your diamonds, I'm a thirty
two year old gay man. I started a friends with
benefit thing with this really cool guy about seven months ago.
He's about seventeen years older than me. We've been hanging
out one to three times a week since we met.
We've gone on a few little trips together and met
each other's friends. Recently, I told him I wanted to
(06:10):
be ooh.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Recently, I told him I wanted him to be my boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
I couldn't even get the words out.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I know.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I am so sorry, sir, and he kind of laughed
at me and said that he was surprised. I would
say that since we started as friends with benefits, it
was kind of humiliating, but I let it go and
we've still been hanging out.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Since no more hanging out.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Should I keep seeing him even though I asked him
out and he rejected me. Or should I stop seeing
him and look for someone who actually wants to date me.
I say you do both. I say you still do
the friends with benefits, but get your ass out there
and look for other opportunities.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Because this guy has made it very clear, very abundantly clear,
he wants nothing but friends with benefits.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Right and Cam, he laughed at you. This is Cam, Hey, Cam?
He laughed at you, Cam, he can go f himself.
But in the meantime you can keep effing him. You
find something, right, I say, keep him on and like,
but then you need to get your sights out there
and like get something else.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Going plus and then watches.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
I don't know, forty two fifty something. Okay, you could
do better.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
I'm assuming can forty nine.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Thank you forty nine. Really, I know Slate's and honors algebra,
but we so I just saw Slate in the house
and she's like said, He's like, tell Erica, I'm in
honor to algebra. It's like, oh my god, I never
even got there, Like.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, we we can't even read the dude, diamond, I don't.
I don't know that I have an excuse, because even
if I didn't have my excuse, I would still have
a hard time reading this farm whatever. You know.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I got reading glasses, and I keep forgetting to bring them.
They look like a total fucking geek.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Oh well, guess what I got tented reading glasses, and
those are even geek here.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
I don't even know what it's like. Okay, dear Diamonds,
I just turned what I just turned three years divorce?
I I'm so sorry. I don't know what my I
don't know if this is meant. I was like, we
gave us this, all right, why'd you get married so young?
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Three years old? Jeers? Who?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Okay, dear diamonds, I just turned three years divorced on
May nineteenth. I'm in a friends with benefit situation. This
happened while my marriage was falling apart. I'm quite afraid
to ask him if he wants more, because I don't
want to be rejected. And we do work together. What
should I do? Anonymous shocking?
Speaker 1 (08:37):
This person's anonymous because they work together and it started
before they're messed.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
So first off, let me just tell you something. You're
divorced and you need a job. So we're not rocking
this boat. Okay, we're not rocking the boat for the dick.
I would say again, like we just told cam this.
I am the worst. I think that we keep things
status quo, but you need to start looking around.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
But also I think if this started as like a.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
The bad thing is that it's at work. So work
comes first when you're when you're born, you got to
keep you have to preserve the work thing. Do you
see where I'm coming from?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
I I do understand, but I'm curious if this guy
was willing to, you know, take it further, take it further,
if he was doing it for the thrill.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Of the of the workshit and the marriage shit and
all that.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Interested?
Speaker 1 (09:31):
I mean, I think she could ask in a way
slightly less than CAM love you, Cam, but I think
she should ask like, Hey, should I be like dating
other people? I'm new to this whole thing, and like,
now I realize I went right from a marriage to
a relationship. What is your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2 (09:50):
What are your thoughts? Like, how are you feeling about this?
It's so interesting. I wonder what that's like to have
those conversations like what do we do with this?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Yeah? I mean I have to have some type of
the hard conversations with dating, not even hard conversations, but
more so like clarity. I most of the time people
are asking me because it's weird. Maybe I'm not the
most clear.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Is that a real thing? Like I think you're one
of the most direct humans I've ever met.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
I think I'm direct, but in.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Like romantic situations, you're not there.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, I think I'm direct, but I also you know,
I've I've had to make it clear to people i've dated, like, listen,
kind of this is where I am. This is what
I've got. If it's enough for you, great. If it's
not enough.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
For you, I understand.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I won't be upset. I mean, yes, my feelings will
probably be hurting, but like.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
This is this is really all you got to give.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
This is all I got to give. And if that's enough, great.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Are you still dating the same guy?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
I am still dating the same guy. And I haven't
had to say any of those things. But he is
really sweet, sweet and kind, Like I know I said
that before, No.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
But I saw it, but like it's no, I've seen it.
I've seen it in real life.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Like he came and picked us up this week from
the show and he could like tell that I was down.
He like sat and watched like one million hours of
horror show rounds. Like he's just a good guy. And
I always say to him, I'm like, listen, you so
deserve that. One. I know I deserve it and it's
really nice. But two him, like if for some reason
(11:23):
you realize you need somebody that doesn't have three kids
one million activities to do eighty seven podcasts, like you
want more time than I'm able to give. I understand
I would not be mad at you for not even
a second. He's like, I am willing to do anything
(11:43):
to be able to spend time with you.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Do you know what he said to me in the
driveway when I first met him, when we were he
had to move his gargaz Teddy's such a really good girl,
And I said, yeah, she really is. Me is a
very sweet spirit about him.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I don't know why he thinks that, but he's very
very nice.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Because Teddy, you know, he knows you differently than like
the rest of the people that watch you.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
And I think, also, I know this sounds bananas, but
I think I changed as a human being.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Well, it's so funny because your best friend and I
had a long conversation about you this weekend.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Oh really, what'd y'all say? Am I going to be
pissed at?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
No? I said, I think that you've softened your edges
and I see you being very caring and I gave
some great examples of how you were supportive of me
during this time, this really hard time in your life.
And I said, I think that Teddy has uncovered a
new level of empathy.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yeah, I want to know what's weird what I give
hugs now? Because you know why, because I felt what
it feels like to maybe never have another.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
That's right, that's right, yeah, and that changes everything everything.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
So I definitely feel like I have a softer side
to me. We talked about other people's.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Time well, and I respect that, like, but I know
what you're saying with your with your guy. But I
was telling her. I was like, she meaning, you are
so You're so soft and you're you asked me, You're like, well,
what's going on with you? Like, how are you? And those?
I was like, com fine, You're like, no, no, no, Erica,
what's really going on? You just have You've grown. It's
(13:22):
gonna sound so crazy. You've grown so much during this period,
I think. And it's really beautiful the.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Way thank you it's it's really been nice. But you're
definitely caught through them in the middle, because like, on
one side of my life, I recap housewives, I recap
you guys, and I'm so petty and so shitty and
I and then on the other side, I'm like, I've
turned into a freaking softie.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Which is beautiful, which is beautiful.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I can't wait you're a softie, but only behind closed doors.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I'm a softy behind closed doors. I'm a softie with
those that I love and I trust. I am a mushball,
and you can ask any like I am. She motherfucking
hen But but I don't much like you. I didn't
have the luxury of being nice because I was out
here trying to like protect myself and be I wasn't
in a loving environment all the time. And sometimes when
(14:17):
that happens, you can't show that sad.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yeah, so AJ, this should tell you you want to
come out here, you want to go after it. You're
probably gonna have to, you know, Yeah, be a little,
be a little dicey from time to time to get
what you want.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
I agree, all right, let's move on your diamond's. I'm
a twenty eight year old woman that's never been in
a relationship or ever been on a date.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Oh, have you had sex?
Speaker 2 (14:43):
My best friend is getting married next year, So now
it's really hit me that I myself have never formed
a romantic connection with anyone yet. I didn't realize how
quickly time was flying by, and I'm wondering if I
should just put myself out there or at least try.
Dating problem is how do I meet people to try
to form these connections and how do I even get
a date? Help this girl out, listen, Alicia. Yes, the
(15:05):
answer is you need to live your life. Well you
know what you take this Well.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
First of all, Alta, I need to know have you
been hooking up?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Well, let's okay, Well we do need to know this,
I mean, let us know, but like, have you been
hooking up?
Speaker 1 (15:20):
If you haven't and you enjoy your life of just
like hooking up with people casually. I don't think you
have to rush into a marriage or a serious relationship
or get on dating apps or doing any of those
things if you're happy with what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
But she's never even been on a date. This is
something we need to tackle. She needs to be human
beings need touch and companionship, a date.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
A date. Yeah, So I would say this, I would say,
if you don't know anybody in your friend group that
can sell you. I also, I have to say I
have a little bit of a red flag. I have
a girlfriend that was like this. Yeah, she was older
than twenty eight and when this was all going on,
But a lot of it had to do with the.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Way she acted, I was gonna say the same thing.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
And I don't know Alicia, and so I hate to
say that, but like I wonder if Alicia is very
like stubborn, and what.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
If Alicia's scared and she gives off shy vibes and
she's not even resonating, you know, because you broadcast out
as I know what you want. So maybe Alicia's just
maybe she doesn't feel confident, maybe she's shy, maybe she
has social anxiety.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Maybe take a look in and see what it is
that you want, what you need. I mean, there's a
million ways to meet somebody's but.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
You also have to put yourself in places to meet people.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Yeah, you have to put yourself. And like, we have
a friend who like laughed at me and she's like, teddy,
I can't believe. Not she didn't laugh at me in
a bad way, but she was like, I can't believe
you had the balls to go out with somebody you
met online. I was scared and and it wasn't her,
And I was like, well, of course I don't want
to go out with all the same people I already know.
(17:05):
Like if I wanted to be with one of those people,
then I would have, but I also don't. I'm not.
I don't have that shyness to me. But I also
think it's easier to sometimes meet somebody completely fresh if
like go online and do it, go on a couple
of days. They may be terrible, but at least then
(17:26):
you'll know how to go on date.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Teddy has a different Teddy has uh. I couldn't do that.
I can't. I can't go online because I just can't.
I've tried, and Teddy is very confident like that. I'm not.
I prefer to be meeting someone in real life. And
so Alicia like, I don't know whether you're cool going
online or not, but I understand if you're not, that's
what I'm.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Trying to Yeah, And if you're not, then you have
to start being vocal with the people in your life
great spend time with or I mean, you can even
say certain things like if you have your friend that's
getting married and you want to have a plus one
and you want to do those things. I know everybody's like,
no plus ones unless you're in a serious face.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
You're being cheap and they don't want to pay for that.
You're being cheap.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
So what I would do to start would say, hey,
can I bring a friend? I've been single our entire
time of knowing each other, but apparently you love me
enough that you want me to be at your wedding.
Can I bring a friend? We'll stay in the same room, right,
do that? Do that, and then get a little tipsy
and then go out with your friend that night wherever
(18:30):
amazing place this wedding is going to be, and you know, kiss,
make out with someone, and.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
How about this make out with someone. But then don't
rush into anything. You gotta go slow, babystips. I think
that you should go out. I think you should. You
know you have to. You have to put yourself out
there a little bit as uncomfortable as it is.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yeah, and Alicia, please slide into my DMS. I bet
I could probably find you someone.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Let me tell you something, if anybody could find it, anybody,
let me tell you this bitch.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Right here, I can sign just about anyone to.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Whom ever's listening. This one has a special talent. Like
I thought I was good, I got shadowed.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I'm sorry. I can find about it, find anything. So yeah, Alicia,
get on it, Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Dear diamonds. I was once friends with this guy. And
I am no longer anymore, except he keeps trying to
reach out to another friend of mine to see me.
What should I do? He is blocked on everything on
my phone? Why Ashley? Actually absolutely no need, no need, Ashley,
move on. If he's blocked, he's blocked for a good reason.
I'm assuming tell this guy to stop fucking Tell your
(19:49):
friend to stop talking to this fool, and then tell
us talk to him. Don't tell you, that's my point.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Then don't tell her. Don't tell you.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
There is saying, Oh god, hey, Teddy, you know that
guard that you hate so much. He's been hitting me
up all the time to see you so bad. Look, dude,
don't hit me up about my friend and break you up.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Remember the reason why you blocked him in the first place.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I don't even do that, okay, dear Diamonds. I'm fifty two,
have five kids from the ages of twenty four to eleven.
I am a single parent. Co parent is not reliable, responsible,
or helpful in a financial mess. How can I dig
myself out? Anonymous Anonymous? Do you have a job?
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Anonymous Anonymous? This is tough, Anonymous. This would be hard
for anybody, because five kids is a shit ton of kids.
Your ex, who your co parent?
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Who can have fathered these kids? And why isn't he reliable?
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Because he's probably done pay his bills or he's probably
a douche lord. This is the majority of people. This
is single parenting. This is what so many people go
have to go, so.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Many women have to go through.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Yeah, and I think the first way to dig your
yourself out is find some happiness. What makes you happy?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
What makes you happy? You're gonna have to do two things.
You're gonna have to carve out at least thirty minutes
to yourself a day. And then we need to absolutely
because if you don't feel good about yourself, you're never
gonna wake up with the strength to go get it correct.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
And your kid, Now that I'm looking at the ages
of your kids, you're young.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
You shouldn't be responsible, right you should? Yeah, you shouldn't
be responsible for a child that's twenty four. So anybody
that's over the age of eighteen, they got to get
a job and get themselves together. Yeah, so eleven, that's
still your responsibility. But anybody like my mother, when I
turned eighteen, my mother looked at me, she said, pay
rent or get out.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah no, I mean when I'm not taking care of
adults out here, they're like, we'll ship your car. That's it.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
That's it, that's it. That's it. So whoever's over the
age of eighteen, I'm sorry, playtime is over. You're an adult.
You are a an able bodied like no, the little ones,
that's a different story.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
And I also have this gut feeling that there's probably
a lot of resentment towards the cope parenting party in
this that you potentially may still have feelings for.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
It is a waste of your time. So waste of
your time, waste of your breath. Let it go, move on, Okay, okay, no,
go ahead. What were you going to say?
Speaker 1 (22:15):
No, that was it's a waste.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Now that you've gone through everything that you do, you
just look at things like I don't have time. This
is stupid.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Well, certain things, I mean they're small things that feel overwhelming,
but a lot of things that I just say no
to right like I'm like, no, no, not interested, not
going to do it. And I used to stress about
completely unnecessary shit like what am I going to do Friday?
What is what plan am I going to make with
my kids? This Friday, or like what how do I
(22:45):
organize this birthday? Or blah blah blah, and I would
overthink things till the frick and cows come home. Now
I'm like, if we miss the birthday, it's not one
of my kids best friends. They don't even remember.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
It's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
I'd rather take them and go swimming and do something
thing that like, because you know, I'm not legally allowed
to drive right now.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
You didn't drive anywhere, but I could.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
At least before drive. But now every moment of every
day has to be planned out. Oh my god, yeah,
because I can't just like zip in my car. I
used to be able to like drive my friend La
Tall's house drives, you know. Like now it's like I
either walk or like I walk.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
One of the fuck you walking around for with whom
by myself?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Where anywhere? Oh my god, dear diamonds, We'll.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Let you walk around. I'm not trying to police you,
but I am like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (23:42):
No, I walk around?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Better not be by yourself. That that's not safe.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Not at night, I'm not. I am constantly walking around.
Put an air tag in my wigs and you'll know
how I am by mood. She's let today in an
uber let it ride around.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
No.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Kyle and Jane god so mad. They're like, why'd you
take your fine my friends off? I was like, I
don't like y'all finding me. Whenever you want, you better
put it back on. I'm not putting it back on.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I don't like you walking around.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
I like to be free.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
I know you're free, but sweetheart, like you can be
out of here walking around. Well, please don't do that.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
The second that you add me to find my friends,
I'll add you.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
No, you're not, I say this. Nope, none of y'all
know what I'm doing in my ass. Okay, anyway, go ahead,
dear dim okay.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Dear diamonds. My husband and I have been together for
almost sixteen years. The affection is gone. Is there any
way to get to him to love me again? What
happens when that is gone? Is there any recovering from that?
When we first got together, we were younger, out at
the bars, et cetera. He got very sick with pancreatis
and had to stop drinking. He is not drinking almost
(24:53):
three years he did not.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I do not know the sober version of him.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
You take it from here.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
I do not know the sober version of him. It
was like I was just seeing who he really was.
We've both been unfaithful in the marriage, but we are
committed to staying together making it work. We have no
kids together. Is there any saving this or is this
just a matter of time before it dissolves? Help Anonymous? Okay,
you go, do you what well?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
I have a couple of things. If there's no love
there and you're wondering how to get him to love
you and you don't have kids, leave bye.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
I agree, bye bye bye. Also too, if you don't
know each other sober and you know you got to
drink a lot to get pancreatitis.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
That's the one where like you drink again and you
could kick it right.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
It's like, yeah, pancreatitis is legit.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
And maybe they We don't know you, Anonymous, and we're
not judging you either way. But if your sole thing
that you guys did together was drinking together, that's not good.
It's not good because you're never gonna find that that
feeling and you.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Don't really an Alcohol and drugs mask your personality so
much and you become.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
And loneliness and loneliness they mask loneliness because even though
it's like a depressant, it still like gives you that,
Like Joel.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Well, you also have that you drop your social restraints,
so you become like this, either angry drunk or fun drunk,
whichever you prefer. That's why I don't drink as a rule.
But yeah, I mean, it's wonderful that he's sober, but
the reality is you two don't know each other.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
But I also wonder if he's sober like you went
through the program, or if he's just a dry drunk,
because then sometimes the dry drunk they fall off. No,
their emotions are just the same as when they were drinking.
A dry drunk means you didn't go to any therapy
to gain you just quit. You just quit drinking.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
Well, they should be in therapy, both of them should.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
And also if you personally can't stop drinking to be
when you to be around him and you don't enjoy
your time together not drinking, you're probably not going to No.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
And I think that you know, look, sixteen years, no kids,
go live your life. Yeah, I just I don't know,
and maybe that like people will criticize me for that,
But when I look at things like this. I'm like,
you know what, sixteen years is a long time.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Yeah, And I also I wonder how long's it's been
like this, Like was it like this before he got sober?
Speaker 2 (27:32):
You mean that there's no affection? Yes, Well, if you're
drinking like this heavily, I doubt you're having a lot
of sex, that's true, or even affection, because you know,
theo alcohol clouds your personality, It clouds your judgment when
that comes first. How can you be affectionate or intimate
(27:52):
or anything.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yeah, And I think she's probably feeling guilty because she
didn't know the sober version of him, and maybe the
sober version of him is very boring.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Maybe maybe she's maybe they're just.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Or maybe she's still pounding it out and he's trying
to stay sobs.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
We don't know if she's drinking or not. We don't know,
but it says when we were younger, we were going
out in bars and also too, here's the thing. After
sixteen years, Yeah, you're both going.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
To change a lot, a lot, a lot. I would
say there's a massive change in my life at least
every five years. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
For you for sure, over five years, five weeks with
your ass. I don't know what's going on. I get
panicked every fucking day. Oh my gosh, I might know,
but it's true. Like remember when I said to you,
the last five years of yours in my life is
fucking insane.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Yes, I talked to it.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Do you realize that everybody in our friend group the
last five years have been upending, Like all of our
lives have turned upside.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Down, every single line of us. But by bet, I
you know, I don't know if I should be proud
of the fact that I was the one that started
it all.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
I think you were. I think that I think you
should be very proud.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
That start that started all of our lives falling apart.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I don't know that I could be proud of that,
But I don't know hold on our lives apart. Yes,
our lives fell apart for a reason. I have to
believe that from the bottom of my soul.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
And I also have to believe that we're friends during
this time to witness each other and help each other
through this because our friend group, like everybody's been decimated,
I fucking just destroyed. None of our lives look.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
The same, none, none, none.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
It's kind of fun it's kind of unusual for all
of us.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
To fall like and just to get over this bs
of like. I think it's because you're on a reality
television show. I really don't believe it. I saw this
thing that I don't even want to mention her name,
but she's an ex housewife and she says, you know,
I think all these people, and she included us, got
divorces because they were on Real Housewives, And I strongly
(29:59):
disagree with that. I think my marriage may have lasted
longer because I was on Real Housewives.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
I yours for sure. I think that my marriage. I
had no intentions of my marriage ending up the way
that it did. I was gonna hold just that was
not I didn't want to go anywhere I was.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
You know, like, no, you would have figured it out.
But guys, we love doing these episodes with you. We
also are pretty excited because there's something that's coming up. Son.
What our birthdays? Well, our birthdays?
Speaker 2 (30:30):
What are you going to do? Oh? I have to
reply to your party. Oh I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
It's okay, I was. I love that we call it
a party. It's five o'clock dinner with fifteen people.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
I'm gonna have a good time. I'm here to celebrate you, honey.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
You never know, but thanks guys for tuning in to
another episode of Diamonds in the Rough.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Thanks guys, and we'll be back.
Hi, guys, welcome to another episode of Dear Diamonds with
myself Teddy Mellencamp and I'm.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Erica Jane and I can't imagine why anybody wants our advice.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I could have either.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Okay, so here we go. Are you ready, Dear Diamonds.
I'm in school right now, studying to get my bachelor's
degree and fear that I'll be stuck living in my
hometown for years and years. What did you guys do
to overcome the fear of leaving your routine and shooting
for the stars? And also curious what your thoughts are
in this day and age when it comes to leaving home.
I'm in California and it's extremely expensive to live on
(00:46):
your own.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Best aj Aj, I appreciate you for sharing your name
or initials.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yeah, I like it.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
We appreciate it. I personally think there are some people
that look so much to leave their hometown and they
don't really want to, and then they end up regretting.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
It, regretting leaving or not.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Leaving leaving, and then I think there's also people that
need to leave. And if you need to leave, you're
going to feel an overall like earning in your body
that you have to do it, and that will give
you the strength to be able to do it.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I'll also say this, if you're graduating right now and
you don't have any responsibilities let's say family or kids,
do it now, because take the chance now, while you
have the zero holding you down, take the leap of faith.
Teddy's right, You're right. If you feel like you need
to leave, you will leave.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yeah, if you.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Nothing will stop you, no amount of I don't have anything,
like I remember just it was going to work out,
like it was going to work out. I didn't know how,
but I knew it was going to so AJ now
is your chance to test it? And I know it's
expensive here. That's kind of the price for where we live. Yeah,
(02:04):
it's overpriced.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
And you can do it in different ways. I mean
you can go on Craigslist. You can go and find
different roommates. Like my first living situation here, people never
believe me, but like I lived in a studio apartment
with another girl.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I remember that, and like it.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Was teeny tiny. We had bunk beds in there. We
couldn't afford, but we were living the dream. We were
both acting. We worked as hostesses and waitresses and in
the mailrooms at different companies. But like we really wanted to.
We didn't want to leave just because we didn't want
to be around our parents.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
No, you wanted to leave because it was something calling you.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah, there was something bigger calling me. That being said,
to this day, I'm like, gosh, you know, if I
had the opportunity to move back to South Carolina.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
You know what, South Carolina is like a real good
right now. It's interesting because you set out to do
something like that, nothing will stop you. So if you
have that burning desire, it will work out.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
It will work out, and just out.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
And do it now before you have anything holding you.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Back, and then people will start saying things. If you
talk about something for too long without doing it, people
will start to bring you down.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Well, keep that to yourself, keep your plans close, and
you know all of that, all right, Dear diamonds. How
do I deal with a selfish brother in law who
only takes takes takes. He's my hubby's only brother, so
my husband does like to see him, but he's lazy,
won't come to visit us, and only wants us to
travel to him. Calls my husband a clan what a
(03:42):
clan if we don't pick up the bill for a
clam a clam like a clam. Okay, and taught his
kids to call him uncle no because when he and
his two kids lived with us after his wife threw
him out, we didn't pay for their entertainment and every win. Well,
who is this? I can't even finish this? Hey, my
(04:04):
husband wants to see his niece and nephew, but I
can barely like be in this guy's presence. Should I
grin and barrett or write him off? Or what? Growing
in patient sister in law, I'm not down with this now.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
I'm not done with this at all.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Took this man in and he's calling your husband these
names uncle no and just like and he seems.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Like uncle no, he's the one, the one go anywhere?
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Hey, stop projecting? How about that?
Speaker 1 (04:27):
How about that? Growing in patients sister in law? You're
doing way more than I would actually.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Do, situation, any of this shit. You'd get one chance
with me?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah, I think that maybe your husband should grow a
little bit of a pair and say to him, Hey,
you want to see us, let's meet here. It's halfway.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Let's do something with the kids. I miss you, I
love you. You're my brother. But this would be a
good plan for us. If if your brother in law
financially can't do it, but your brother wants to see
him anyway, then yeah, he should pay for it. If
he doesn't care to see him, then he should go
visit him wherever he is.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Right, But there has to be some effort made by
this brother in law to at least show like good faith, like, hey,
I want to be around you guys, not you know,
the bills and the fuck you.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I also want to know what the age gap is.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
I also want to know why who gets to act
like this? But I'm at a time, I'm at a
place in my life, you know, on patience for that. No,
you don't either.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
I mean I would just assume that the wife is
taking over, trying to eliminate the pain that her husband
is feeling by doing it all for her.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Yeah, she feels bad for him, but I.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Would just, you know, kind of cut it as it is.
And if your brother, if your husband wants to see
his brother, he can make the opportunity some time, he.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Can make some effort. Okay, your diamonds, I'm a thirty
two year old gay man. I started a friends with
benefit thing with this really cool guy about seven months ago.
He's about seventeen years older than me. We've been hanging
out one to three times a week since we met.
We've gone on a few little trips together and met
each other's friends. Recently, I told him I wanted to
(06:10):
be ooh.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Recently, I told him I wanted him to be my boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
I couldn't even get the words out.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I know.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I am so sorry, sir, and he kind of laughed
at me and said that he was surprised. I would
say that since we started as friends with benefits, it
was kind of humiliating, but I let it go and
we've still been hanging out.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Since no more hanging out.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Should I keep seeing him even though I asked him
out and he rejected me. Or should I stop seeing
him and look for someone who actually wants to date me.
I say you do both. I say you still do
the friends with benefits, but get your ass out there
and look for other opportunities.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Because this guy has made it very clear, very abundantly clear,
he wants nothing but friends with benefits.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Right and Cam, he laughed at you. This is Cam, Hey, Cam?
He laughed at you, Cam, he can go f himself.
But in the meantime you can keep effing him. You
find something, right, I say, keep him on and like,
but then you need to get your sights out there
and like get something else.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Going plus and then watches.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
I don't know, forty two fifty something. Okay, you could
do better.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
I'm assuming can forty nine.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Thank you forty nine. Really, I know Slate's and honors algebra,
but we so I just saw Slate in the house
and she's like said, He's like, tell Erica, I'm in
honor to algebra. It's like, oh my god, I never
even got there, Like.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, we we can't even read the dude, diamond, I don't.
I don't know that I have an excuse, because even
if I didn't have my excuse, I would still have
a hard time reading this farm whatever. You know.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I got reading glasses, and I keep forgetting to bring them.
They look like a total fucking geek.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Oh well, guess what I got tented reading glasses, and
those are even geek here.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
I don't even know what it's like. Okay, dear Diamonds,
I just turned what I just turned three years divorce?
I I'm so sorry. I don't know what my I
don't know if this is meant. I was like, we
gave us this, all right, why'd you get married so young?
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Three years old? Jeers? Who?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Okay, dear diamonds, I just turned three years divorced on
May nineteenth. I'm in a friends with benefit situation. This
happened while my marriage was falling apart. I'm quite afraid
to ask him if he wants more, because I don't
want to be rejected. And we do work together. What
should I do? Anonymous shocking?
Speaker 1 (08:37):
This person's anonymous because they work together and it started
before they're messed.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
So first off, let me just tell you something. You're
divorced and you need a job. So we're not rocking
this boat. Okay, we're not rocking the boat for the dick.
I would say again, like we just told cam this.
I am the worst. I think that we keep things
status quo, but you need to start looking around.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
But also I think if this started as like a.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
The bad thing is that it's at work. So work
comes first when you're when you're born, you got to
keep you have to preserve the work thing. Do you
see where I'm coming from?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
I I do understand, but I'm curious if this guy
was willing to, you know, take it further, take it further,
if he was doing it for the thrill.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Of the of the workshit and the marriage shit and
all that.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Interested?
Speaker 1 (09:31):
I mean, I think she could ask in a way
slightly less than CAM love you, Cam, but I think
she should ask like, Hey, should I be like dating
other people? I'm new to this whole thing, and like,
now I realize I went right from a marriage to
a relationship. What is your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2 (09:50):
What are your thoughts? Like, how are you feeling about this?
It's so interesting. I wonder what that's like to have
those conversations like what do we do with this?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Yeah? I mean I have to have some type of
the hard conversations with dating, not even hard conversations, but
more so like clarity. I most of the time people
are asking me because it's weird. Maybe I'm not the
most clear.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Is that a real thing? Like I think you're one
of the most direct humans I've ever met.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
I think I'm direct, but in.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Like romantic situations, you're not there.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, I think I'm direct, but I also you know,
I've I've had to make it clear to people i've dated, like, listen,
kind of this is where I am. This is what
I've got. If it's enough for you, great. If it's
not enough.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
For you, I understand.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I won't be upset. I mean, yes, my feelings will
probably be hurting, but like.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
This is this is really all you got to give.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
This is all I got to give. And if that's enough, great.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Are you still dating the same guy?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
I am still dating the same guy. And I haven't
had to say any of those things. But he is
really sweet, sweet and kind, Like I know I said
that before, No.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
But I saw it, but like it's no, I've seen it.
I've seen it in real life.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Like he came and picked us up this week from
the show and he could like tell that I was down.
He like sat and watched like one million hours of
horror show rounds. Like he's just a good guy. And
I always say to him, I'm like, listen, you so
deserve that. One. I know I deserve it and it's
really nice. But two him, like if for some reason
(11:23):
you realize you need somebody that doesn't have three kids
one million activities to do eighty seven podcasts, like you
want more time than I'm able to give. I understand
I would not be mad at you for not even
a second. He's like, I am willing to do anything
(11:43):
to be able to spend time with you.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Do you know what he said to me in the
driveway when I first met him, when we were he
had to move his gargaz Teddy's such a really good girl,
And I said, yeah, she really is. Me is a
very sweet spirit about him.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I don't know why he thinks that, but he's very
very nice.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Because Teddy, you know, he knows you differently than like
the rest of the people that watch you.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
And I think, also, I know this sounds bananas, but
I think I changed as a human being.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Well, it's so funny because your best friend and I
had a long conversation about you this weekend.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Oh really, what'd y'all say? Am I going to be
pissed at?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
No? I said, I think that you've softened your edges
and I see you being very caring and I gave
some great examples of how you were supportive of me
during this time, this really hard time in your life.
And I said, I think that Teddy has uncovered a
new level of empathy.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yeah, I want to know what's weird what I give
hugs now? Because you know why, because I felt what
it feels like to maybe never have another.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
That's right, that's right, yeah, and that changes everything everything.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
So I definitely feel like I have a softer side
to me. We talked about other people's.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Time well, and I respect that, like, but I know
what you're saying with your with your guy. But I
was telling her. I was like, she meaning, you are
so You're so soft and you're you asked me, You're like, well,
what's going on with you? Like, how are you? And those?
I was like, com fine, You're like, no, no, no, Erica,
what's really going on? You just have You've grown. It's
(13:22):
gonna sound so crazy. You've grown so much during this period,
I think. And it's really beautiful the.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Way thank you it's it's really been nice. But you're
definitely caught through them in the middle, because like, on
one side of my life, I recap housewives, I recap
you guys, and I'm so petty and so shitty and
I and then on the other side, I'm like, I've
turned into a freaking softie.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Which is beautiful, which is beautiful.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I can't wait you're a softie, but only behind closed doors.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I'm a softy behind closed doors. I'm a softie with
those that I love and I trust. I am a mushball,
and you can ask any like I am. She motherfucking
hen But but I don't much like you. I didn't
have the luxury of being nice because I was out
here trying to like protect myself and be I wasn't
in a loving environment all the time. And sometimes when
(14:17):
that happens, you can't show that sad.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yeah, so AJ, this should tell you you want to
come out here, you want to go after it. You're
probably gonna have to, you know, Yeah, be a little,
be a little dicey from time to time to get
what you want.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
I agree, all right, let's move on your diamond's. I'm
a twenty eight year old woman that's never been in
a relationship or ever been on a date.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Oh, have you had sex?
Speaker 2 (14:43):
My best friend is getting married next year, So now
it's really hit me that I myself have never formed
a romantic connection with anyone yet. I didn't realize how
quickly time was flying by, and I'm wondering if I
should just put myself out there or at least try.
Dating problem is how do I meet people to try
to form these connections and how do I even get
a date? Help this girl out, listen, Alicia. Yes, the
(15:05):
answer is you need to live your life. Well you
know what you take this Well.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
First of all, Alta, I need to know have you
been hooking up?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Well, let's okay, Well we do need to know this,
I mean, let us know, but like, have you been
hooking up?
Speaker 1 (15:20):
If you haven't and you enjoy your life of just
like hooking up with people casually. I don't think you
have to rush into a marriage or a serious relationship
or get on dating apps or doing any of those
things if you're happy with what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
But she's never even been on a date. This is
something we need to tackle. She needs to be human
beings need touch and companionship, a date.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
A date. Yeah, So I would say this, I would say,
if you don't know anybody in your friend group that
can sell you. I also, I have to say I
have a little bit of a red flag. I have
a girlfriend that was like this. Yeah, she was older
than twenty eight and when this was all going on,
But a lot of it had to do with the.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Way she acted, I was gonna say the same thing.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
And I don't know Alicia, and so I hate to
say that, but like I wonder if Alicia is very
like stubborn, and what.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
If Alicia's scared and she gives off shy vibes and
she's not even resonating, you know, because you broadcast out
as I know what you want. So maybe Alicia's just
maybe she doesn't feel confident, maybe she's shy, maybe she
has social anxiety.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Maybe take a look in and see what it is
that you want, what you need. I mean, there's a
million ways to meet somebody's but.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
You also have to put yourself in places to meet people.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Yeah, you have to put yourself. And like, we have
a friend who like laughed at me and she's like, teddy,
I can't believe. Not she didn't laugh at me in
a bad way, but she was like, I can't believe
you had the balls to go out with somebody you
met online. I was scared and and it wasn't her,
And I was like, well, of course I don't want
to go out with all the same people I already know.
(17:05):
Like if I wanted to be with one of those people,
then I would have, but I also don't. I'm not.
I don't have that shyness to me. But I also
think it's easier to sometimes meet somebody completely fresh if
like go online and do it, go on a couple
of days. They may be terrible, but at least then
(17:26):
you'll know how to go on date.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Teddy has a different Teddy has uh. I couldn't do that.
I can't. I can't go online because I just can't.
I've tried, and Teddy is very confident like that. I'm not.
I prefer to be meeting someone in real life. And
so Alicia like, I don't know whether you're cool going
online or not, but I understand if you're not, that's
what I'm.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Trying to Yeah, And if you're not, then you have
to start being vocal with the people in your life
great spend time with or I mean, you can even
say certain things like if you have your friend that's
getting married and you want to have a plus one
and you want to do those things. I know everybody's like,
no plus ones unless you're in a serious face.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
You're being cheap and they don't want to pay for that.
You're being cheap.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
So what I would do to start would say, hey,
can I bring a friend? I've been single our entire
time of knowing each other, but apparently you love me
enough that you want me to be at your wedding.
Can I bring a friend? We'll stay in the same room, right,
do that? Do that, and then get a little tipsy
and then go out with your friend that night wherever
(18:30):
amazing place this wedding is going to be, and you know, kiss,
make out with someone, and.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
How about this make out with someone. But then don't
rush into anything. You gotta go slow, babystips. I think
that you should go out. I think you should. You
know you have to. You have to put yourself out
there a little bit as uncomfortable as it is.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yeah, and Alicia, please slide into my DMS. I bet
I could probably find you someone.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Let me tell you something, if anybody could find it, anybody,
let me tell you this bitch.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Right here, I can sign just about anyone to.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Whom ever's listening. This one has a special talent. Like
I thought I was good, I got shadowed.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I'm sorry. I can find about it, find anything. So yeah, Alicia,
get on it, Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Dear diamonds. I was once friends with this guy. And
I am no longer anymore, except he keeps trying to
reach out to another friend of mine to see me.
What should I do? He is blocked on everything on
my phone? Why Ashley? Actually absolutely no need, no need, Ashley,
move on. If he's blocked, he's blocked for a good reason.
I'm assuming tell this guy to stop fucking Tell your
(19:49):
friend to stop talking to this fool, and then tell
us talk to him. Don't tell you, that's my point.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Then don't tell her. Don't tell you.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
There is saying, Oh god, hey, Teddy, you know that
guard that you hate so much. He's been hitting me
up all the time to see you so bad. Look, dude,
don't hit me up about my friend and break you up.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Remember the reason why you blocked him in the first place.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I don't even do that, okay, dear Diamonds. I'm fifty two,
have five kids from the ages of twenty four to eleven.
I am a single parent. Co parent is not reliable, responsible,
or helpful in a financial mess. How can I dig
myself out? Anonymous Anonymous? Do you have a job?
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Anonymous Anonymous? This is tough, Anonymous. This would be hard
for anybody, because five kids is a shit ton of kids.
Your ex, who your co parent?
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Who can have fathered these kids? And why isn't he reliable?
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Because he's probably done pay his bills or he's probably
a douche lord. This is the majority of people. This
is single parenting. This is what so many people go
have to go, so.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Many women have to go through.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Yeah, and I think the first way to dig your
yourself out is find some happiness. What makes you happy?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
What makes you happy? You're gonna have to do two things.
You're gonna have to carve out at least thirty minutes
to yourself a day. And then we need to absolutely
because if you don't feel good about yourself, you're never
gonna wake up with the strength to go get it correct.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
And your kid, Now that I'm looking at the ages
of your kids, you're young.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
You shouldn't be responsible, right you should? Yeah, you shouldn't
be responsible for a child that's twenty four. So anybody
that's over the age of eighteen, they got to get
a job and get themselves together. Yeah, so eleven, that's
still your responsibility. But anybody like my mother, when I
turned eighteen, my mother looked at me, she said, pay
rent or get out.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah no, I mean when I'm not taking care of
adults out here, they're like, we'll ship your car. That's it.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
That's it, that's it. That's it. So whoever's over the
age of eighteen, I'm sorry, playtime is over. You're an adult.
You are a an able bodied like no, the little ones,
that's a different story.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
And I also have this gut feeling that there's probably
a lot of resentment towards the cope parenting party in
this that you potentially may still have feelings for.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
It is a waste of your time. So waste of
your time, waste of your breath. Let it go, move on, Okay, okay, no,
go ahead. What were you going to say?
Speaker 1 (22:15):
No, that was it's a waste.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Now that you've gone through everything that you do, you
just look at things like I don't have time. This
is stupid.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Well, certain things, I mean they're small things that feel overwhelming,
but a lot of things that I just say no
to right like I'm like, no, no, not interested, not
going to do it. And I used to stress about
completely unnecessary shit like what am I going to do Friday?
What is what plan am I going to make with
my kids? This Friday, or like what how do I
(22:45):
organize this birthday? Or blah blah blah, and I would
overthink things till the frick and cows come home. Now
I'm like, if we miss the birthday, it's not one
of my kids best friends. They don't even remember.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
It's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
I'd rather take them and go swimming and do something
thing that like, because you know, I'm not legally allowed
to drive right now.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
You didn't drive anywhere, but I could.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
At least before drive. But now every moment of every
day has to be planned out. Oh my god, yeah,
because I can't just like zip in my car. I
used to be able to like drive my friend La
Tall's house drives, you know. Like now it's like I
either walk or like I walk.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
One of the fuck you walking around for with whom
by myself?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Where anywhere? Oh my god, dear diamonds, We'll.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Let you walk around. I'm not trying to police you,
but I am like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (23:42):
No, I walk around?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Better not be by yourself. That that's not safe.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Not at night, I'm not. I am constantly walking around.
Put an air tag in my wigs and you'll know
how I am by mood. She's let today in an
uber let it ride around.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
No.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Kyle and Jane god so mad. They're like, why'd you
take your fine my friends off? I was like, I
don't like y'all finding me. Whenever you want, you better
put it back on. I'm not putting it back on.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I don't like you walking around.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
I like to be free.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
I know you're free, but sweetheart, like you can be
out of here walking around. Well, please don't do that.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
The second that you add me to find my friends,
I'll add you.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
No, you're not, I say this. Nope, none of y'all
know what I'm doing in my ass. Okay, anyway, go ahead,
dear dim okay.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Dear diamonds. My husband and I have been together for
almost sixteen years. The affection is gone. Is there any
way to get to him to love me again? What
happens when that is gone? Is there any recovering from that?
When we first got together, we were younger, out at
the bars, et cetera. He got very sick with pancreatis
and had to stop drinking. He is not drinking almost
(24:53):
three years he did not.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I do not know the sober version of him.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
You take it from here.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
I do not know the sober version of him. It
was like I was just seeing who he really was.
We've both been unfaithful in the marriage, but we are
committed to staying together making it work. We have no
kids together. Is there any saving this or is this
just a matter of time before it dissolves? Help Anonymous? Okay,
you go, do you what well?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
I have a couple of things. If there's no love
there and you're wondering how to get him to love
you and you don't have kids, leave bye.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
I agree, bye bye bye. Also too, if you don't
know each other sober and you know you got to
drink a lot to get pancreatitis.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
That's the one where like you drink again and you
could kick it right.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
It's like, yeah, pancreatitis is legit.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
And maybe they We don't know you, Anonymous, and we're
not judging you either way. But if your sole thing
that you guys did together was drinking together, that's not good.
It's not good because you're never gonna find that that
feeling and you.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Don't really an Alcohol and drugs mask your personality so
much and you become.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
And loneliness and loneliness they mask loneliness because even though
it's like a depressant, it still like gives you that,
Like Joel.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Well, you also have that you drop your social restraints,
so you become like this, either angry drunk or fun drunk,
whichever you prefer. That's why I don't drink as a rule.
But yeah, I mean, it's wonderful that he's sober, but
the reality is you two don't know each other.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
But I also wonder if he's sober like you went
through the program, or if he's just a dry drunk,
because then sometimes the dry drunk they fall off. No,
their emotions are just the same as when they were drinking.
A dry drunk means you didn't go to any therapy
to gain you just quit. You just quit drinking.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
Well, they should be in therapy, both of them should.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
And also if you personally can't stop drinking to be
when you to be around him and you don't enjoy
your time together not drinking, you're probably not going to No.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
And I think that you know, look, sixteen years, no kids,
go live your life. Yeah, I just I don't know,
and maybe that like people will criticize me for that,
But when I look at things like this. I'm like,
you know what, sixteen years is a long time.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Yeah, And I also I wonder how long's it's been
like this, Like was it like this before he got sober?
Speaker 2 (27:32):
You mean that there's no affection? Yes, Well, if you're
drinking like this heavily, I doubt you're having a lot
of sex, that's true, or even affection, because you know,
theo alcohol clouds your personality, It clouds your judgment when
that comes first. How can you be affectionate or intimate
(27:52):
or anything.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yeah, And I think she's probably feeling guilty because she
didn't know the sober version of him, and maybe the
sober version of him is very boring.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Maybe maybe she's maybe they're just.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Or maybe she's still pounding it out and he's trying
to stay sobs.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
We don't know if she's drinking or not. We don't know,
but it says when we were younger, we were going
out in bars and also too, here's the thing. After
sixteen years, Yeah, you're both going.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
To change a lot, a lot, a lot. I would
say there's a massive change in my life at least
every five years. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
For you for sure, over five years, five weeks with
your ass. I don't know what's going on. I get
panicked every fucking day. Oh my gosh, I might know,
but it's true. Like remember when I said to you,
the last five years of yours in my life is
fucking insane.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Yes, I talked to it.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Do you realize that everybody in our friend group the
last five years have been upending, Like all of our
lives have turned upside.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Down, every single line of us. But by bet, I
you know, I don't know if I should be proud
of the fact that I was the one that started
it all.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
I think you were. I think that I think you
should be very proud.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
That start that started all of our lives falling apart.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I don't know that I could be proud of that,
But I don't know hold on our lives apart. Yes,
our lives fell apart for a reason. I have to
believe that from the bottom of my soul.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
And I also have to believe that we're friends during
this time to witness each other and help each other
through this because our friend group, like everybody's been decimated,
I fucking just destroyed. None of our lives look.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
The same, none, none, none.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
It's kind of fun it's kind of unusual for all
of us.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
To fall like and just to get over this bs
of like. I think it's because you're on a reality
television show. I really don't believe it. I saw this
thing that I don't even want to mention her name,
but she's an ex housewife and she says, you know,
I think all these people, and she included us, got
divorces because they were on Real Housewives, And I strongly
(29:59):
disagree with that. I think my marriage may have lasted
longer because I was on Real Housewives.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
I yours for sure. I think that my marriage. I
had no intentions of my marriage ending up the way
that it did. I was gonna hold just that was
not I didn't want to go anywhere I was.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
You know, like, no, you would have figured it out.
But guys, we love doing these episodes with you. We
also are pretty excited because there's something that's coming up. Son.
What our birthdays? Well, our birthdays?
Speaker 2 (30:30):
What are you going to do? Oh? I have to
reply to your party. Oh I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
It's okay, I was. I love that we call it
a party. It's five o'clock dinner with fifteen people.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
I'm gonna have a good time. I'm here to celebrate you, honey.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
You never know, but thanks guys for tuning in to
another episode of Diamonds in the Rough.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Thanks guys, and we'll be back.
Hosts And Creators
Teddi Mellencamp
Tamra Judge
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