Slaying The Monster

Weekend Motivation: The monster was me. I was the monster. I did not believe enough that I could find this love until I truly started diving in and working on the root of what was causing that. You do not understand what that feels like after 54 years of feeling like some magical dark force is against you. To know that you finally put it to bed. You slayed it, it is done, it’s over. It was the greatest feeling I ever had!!

 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome into Unbreakable, a Mental Wealth podcast with Jay Glazer.
I'm Jay Glazer and this is weekend motivation. You all
know that I just came back to my wedding, obviously,
tall I've talked about for quite some time, but I
want to share a story and experience with me that
happened at the wedding that will really, I think, resonate

(00:21):
with a lot of people here mental health wise. My
entire life, I have like been in this wrestling match
with the universe. Now not the whole universe, let me
explain her. I'm a big god guy. I'm a big
believer that the universe conspires to help us. But my
whole life, my depression told me that I was unworthy
of being loved. So I was always under the impression

(00:43):
that there's some magical monster or thing or force, some
dark force against me that was always going to prevent
me from having my dream come true, which was being
loved and having love. So I either sought out relationships
I knew would end, or if relationships are going well,
I would sabotage them, because when you're convinced that things

(01:06):
are against you and it's going to end, a lot
of times the question of when that's going to end
is way more painful than an ending. And I've talked
to some guys who've you know, athletes who had drug suspensions,
who are about to come back from their drug suspension
and they use again, and it's just they have this
unworthiness also thinkuring, well, man, it's gonna happen again, but

(01:29):
I'm going to speed up the inevitable. I'm gonna do
it again instead of just saying, hey, I'm worthy of
these good things, so I'm going to just let this happen.
And that the same thing that's happened with me in love.
But as a result, I've been in this wrestling match
for all these years, even like, God, Universe, why are
you letting this other thing in the universe happened to
me when I was the one happening to me. I

(01:51):
want you to hear that the monster that was me,
I was the monster. I didn't believe in that I
could actually find this love until I really truly started
diving in and working on the root of what was
causing that, and really working on myself and showing this

(02:13):
different side of vulnerability that I started only a couple
of years ago with everybody here. So I've had this
for fifty four years of my life. You know it's
crazy again. Turned out, Rosie and that wife had the
exact same thing. She called it a monster, and she
saw it in a dream when she was eight years old,

(02:35):
that this monster grabbed her hand in this dream and
told her she'll never find love. Now she's always going
to be the monsters, and over time, every time something
bad happened, she started believing that dream was a dream
that was gonna come true. Instead, it became a self
fulfilled prophecy. So for all these years, Rosie's had that

(02:55):
same monster thinking, no, she's never going to find love.
One of the most beautiful women in the world inside
and out convinced she'll never find love. So here we
are a gang, two of us doing all this work
to get to this point. And even the month leading
up to the wedding, I started sabotaging. I started giving

(03:16):
that monster a little bit too much power, too much voice.
And luckily now we know to turn to a therapist,
which we did with a couple therapists to help us,
going in to get me to see that I was
sabotaging and to get Rosie and I talk about together
and I needed some help through it also, and she did.
She was a great partner with it. So gang here
we are, finally sitting up there, about to get married.

(03:39):
My bride walks to the edge of the grass to
start making her walk. The moment that walk began, I
just started crying. How did she and we compare this
what our feelings were after At that moment, the two
of us felt like we had slayed the monster. You
don't understand what that feels like after fifty four years,

(04:00):
feeling like some magical dark forces against you, to know
that you put it to bed, you killed it, you
slayed it. It's done, it's over. And we made that
choice later on in life to find this teammate to
walk this walk together with forever. But the two of
us had that same exact thing. It was so liberating,

(04:20):
It was so great to celebrate with or not just
our love, but to put that monster to bed. But
now that we look back at it, we've actually been
able to look and say, how much of that it coincidence?
How much was somebody else, but how much of that
was us? How much were weath the monster? Believe him

(04:41):
something that's not true, But we give it life. And
had I been able to take this version of Jay
Glazer and talk to the version of Jay Glazer and
his teens or twenties or thirties or forties whatever, and
have this conversation, say, dude, it's not real, it's not real.
You're making it real. You're giving it life. We got
to work through this together. Anybody who thinks something's against

(05:04):
you for love, it's not. It's just you. And there's
ways to get through it. You've got to do the work,
you've got to dive in. But Gang, the Monster's dead.
And it was I would say the best moment of
my entire life. Now I get to go on live
life with someone who we have both been in a
battle with together and our loves been able to grow.

(05:28):
Hope this helps you. It's never too late to find love.
Let's keep walking this walk together.