September 17, 2025 • 55 mins
Lala is starting a new chapter and sharing why her life is anything but traditional—like her “sister-wife” bond with actress Ambyr Childers.
For the very first time, Lala and Ambyr sit down to discuss their journey together from heated blowups to finally clearing the air.
Lala opens up about rewatching Vanderpump Rules and realizing the mistake she made. Ambyr gets very vulnerable and shares with Lala how she felt during the betrayals in her marriage.
Plus, all the tea on their love lives today including background checks, hopeless romance, and why they’ll never fall for the same guy again!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Oh my gosh, we are back, but we are a
little bit different but a little bit the same. I
feel like I don't even know what intro I want
to go with yet, because normally when you hear my voice,
I say hello, gorgeous, But I'm like, is that still
on brand?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I don't know, so welcome back, friends.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
I took a little bit of a break because I
really wanted to hone in on what I'm about these days.
And I've had the Give Them Lalla podcast for I
want to say around six years and it was a
wonderful experience. I loved everything we spoke about. I loved
(00:50):
all of the co hosts that I had, all of
the guests. But Give Them La La was just something
that came to be for those of you who watch
Banner Pump Rules see where I just wanted to shove
myself down everybody's throat, whether you liked it or not.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
And as I grew.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Up, some may say that still hasn't happened, but it
depends on who you ask. If you're asking me, I
like to say I am very evolved now with age
and two kids, I just felt like Give Them Lalla
was it just didn't sit right anymore. I felt like
we had outgrown it. I felt like it was juvenile
(01:30):
in a time in my life that was wonderful, but
I'll never be going back to. And as I was
kind of sitting with my thoughts and going what does
my life represent? What do I want this podcast to
be about? What really rings true to me? And tradition
kept coming into play and how my life is very
(01:50):
untraditional yet it's so normal to me, and some people
are very open and excited and inspired about my normal
and others really do not like to break outside of
the box that society tries to put us in.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
So untraditionally.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
La La is my new podcast, and I am so
freaking excited for this new chapter. I'm going to have
wonderful guests. It's going to open a conversation about life.
And the cards were dealt and it doesn't always go
the way we planned. I know.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I woke up on my.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Thirty fifth birthday and was like, Wow, this was not
a part of the plan. But I'm so happy because
in all of the things that I didn't get to choose,
I was given so many choices to still live the
life that I so desperately just want to live, and
(02:55):
you guys know I'm a crier, so just get used
to that. That part has not changed. I really want
to just shine a light on people who have thought
that their life was going to go one way and
it went the complete opposite direction, and they took life
by the ovaries and said, fuck this. It may be
(03:16):
the complete opposite of what I thought life was going
to be like, but I'm going to choose what i
want out of life with the situation that I've been given.
So my first guest, some of you or most of
you are going to know her from the show You
or Ray Donovan. She's got a very impressive resume, but
(03:36):
to me, she's my other co parent. We share a
baby daddy. She's my sister wife Amber Childers. Welcome God.
That was so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
It was a tangent that hasn't changed either.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
That. Damn good. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
I'm really excited.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
I'm a little nervous because our friendship and our relationship
has remained very private for many years. Whether we've been
in the lowest of lows or the highest of highs,
it's kind of just been the two of us, and
it's been very sacred to me, and I'm really grateful
that you're doing my podcast and you're my first guest.
(04:16):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
I know it's we've been talking about you know, we've
been through a lot, and we've you know, like you said,
we've kept everything really private. And I think that there's
a time where like either I'm like, okay, I think
I'm ready to kind of just like inspire not go
out and talk shit or you know, hurt people's feelings
(04:39):
or you know, but heal and this is part of
like my healing, which is a continuous journey for me.
But maybe you weren't ready, and then you were ready,
and then I wasn't ready. So I'm so glad that
we finally here. We are Timing twenty twenty five. I
Timing is everything, it.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Really is, and I think about life and there are
certain situations where I'm like, time heals everything. Time makes
everything a little bit easier to stomach, and it can
be your best friend or your worst enemy, because time
passing freaks me out. But it's also, like you said,
what heals a lot of wounds and puts people on
the same parallel path. And I think a lot of
(05:20):
people can go back and think about how our relationship
because we couldn't call it a friendship back then, how
it definitely not started and without you know, making a
certain someone the forefront of all of it and making
that person more of just like a common denominator, a silhouette,
(05:43):
if you will, how you and I started, and then
how we got as close as we got, Like what
is what is your perspective on that? And how do
you remember things?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (05:54):
My goodness, you know.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
I sometimes I don't even think about any thing when
when it comes to that stuff, but then something will
come up and I it feels like and that's just
part of like healing, right, And there's like healing is
not linear, and you can't teach someone that, like time heals,
you have to experience. And I had this conversation with London.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
My eldest.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
For those you obviously know London, but for those listening,
she just went through a breakup and I just can't.
I couldn't explain to her more that like, honey, time
will make it better, and she goes, mom, but it
feels like my heart has been broken.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
And I'm like, I know what that feels like.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Yeah, and not just once, but like multiple times, and
I promise you, like, we're going to get through this
one day at a time and you're gonna be okay.
So sometimes I you know, I see the relationship that
our children have and it is the most beautiful, unexpected,
(06:57):
untraditional way. But if there's anything that I wanted to
teach my girls out of my experience that I had
with you was the power of forgiveness. And it's not easy,
and like you you can forgive a million times over
every single day, but I am so grateful that I
(07:19):
just like literally was like if I don't forgive and
learn how to forgive, because you remember, I grew up
in a Mormon church, Like forgiveness was like that's the
first thing you go to. But true forgiveness you it's
for yourself, it's not for the other person, right, And
when someone explained it to me that way, I was like, oh, okay, yeah,
(07:40):
because I don't want to keep suffering. And I suffered
for a long time. It was like that that scratch
that you that would heal and then you would just
like pick at it and then would start bleeding again,
and then it would scab again. Then you it's like,
but why, It's like in this constant.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Like cycle, this loop of self sabotage, self pity, self torture,
and I was like, you get to a point where
you're just like, no more, I'm done, and you have
to have that gift of desperation where you're just like,
I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want
to live like this anymore. I do this thing where
and I don't do it often, but there are certain
(08:14):
times in my life, and there's two that I can pinpoint.
It's when it has to do with the passing of
my dad and my sobriety. Where I will go back
and watch old seasons of vander Pump Rules, and I
watch season seven the beginning a lot to kind of
remind myself where I was at when my dad passed
away and how dark that place was. And it sounds
(08:37):
like I'm some like emotional masochist, but it's really to
just remind myself how far we've come and how different
things are. But I was watching and I know you
don't watch vander Pump, but I was watching season six
and it was the first season where I wasn't hiding
my relationship and I wanted to punch my own self
(09:00):
in the face. I truly cannot imagine what it was
like for you to watch that person me at that
time and go, this is the person who came in.
I don't know if I'm using the right word destroyed
(09:23):
my my family is the person that's potentially going to
be around my children. I would have lost my mind.
Do you want to like, am I allowed to ask,
like what your mindset was when, like if you'd seen clips,
or like what was your headspace?
Speaker 3 (09:45):
My initial reaction for everything in life is I go nam, oh,
like I don't see I think actually, as I've gotten older,
my hormones have like changed a little bit perimenopause. I
see red sometimes okay, but then other times where I
just want to numb the fuck out because the feeling,
(10:06):
the feelings are just too big for me to manage.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
So I think during that time, I didn't know how
to cope. So for me, it was just like go
in and I just like, you just want to die.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
You just want to die? Yeah, but I didn't know.
I didn't die. I didn't die. You wanted to do what
you didn't. Those are very very different things. After the
the ball started rolling and it was like okay, this
person because you and I had had moments because I
(10:46):
was a very different version of myself when I was drinking.
Once I got sober, I feel like you and I
were able. It wasn't always roses like we had our
we had our outs, but yeah we did. Know there
were times where we were be on the phone, Amber
and I'd be like, this girl should be on reality TV.
She shouldn't be an actress. You're talking about me?
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, you bitch, ghost toes because I was being dramatic.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
No, the two of us a bitch at each other
on the phone.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Do you remember we'd be on the phone and be like,
fuck you bitch. It was a wild yeah yeah, yeah,
but now I'm a mom.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
And by the way, I actually haven't thought about that
in a long time.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
My girl, Remember where I was so mean?
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Here's the thing, though, Amber, No matter no matter what
the reasoning of how it happened, let me tell you,
had I been sober and where I am now and
the woman I am now, it would have never happened.
But I have to trust that the universe had a
plan for me my path. Your path was written in
the star as well. Before we even got here and
(11:51):
we were equipped with all the tools to manage the heartbreak,
the trauma, all of the things. Like and even if
that's not true, I have to tell myself that that
was the plan. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
If I don't tell myself that, I will go crazy.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
I will beat myself up until I can't get out
of bed. So going back and looking at how it happened,
had I been in my right frame of mind, I would.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Have been able to say the math ain't math in.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
But that's the point of life, Like we are in
the school of life. If you're not evolving, Like, why
are you on this earth right? And it doesn't matter
what age, like, you are meant to go on this path.
I'm meant to go on this path. And it just
so happened that our past fetched and crossed and then
here we are today.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Yeah, that part is we're okay, We're great, and I
love having you in my life. I feel like you're
a sister to me. We're for ever going to be
family because of our kids.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
And I think, you know.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
It's very normal. You hear about people who get divorced
and then like new partners come in and they can
all go to dinner. It is very that you hear
a situation where there was a cheating scandal that happened
and the wife forgives. I'm gonna put it in quotes
because I still refuse to call myself a mistress. A mistress?
(13:17):
Am I a mistress? I don't know.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
I mean, if you are, I don't know what it's like.
What is the definition of a definition of a mistress?
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Is?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
This is someone who's married.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
So even if you know, even if you know, but
I should have known, you should the math was not mathing.
And I like it to drink and numb it and
go know everything that you're filling in your gut. Just drink,
You'll just numb it. That's true, all right? So yeah,
technically I am. It's very rare that the wifer gives
(13:49):
the mistress and then the mistress and the wife stay.
We're like getting the kids together.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
It's like that other movie than Nick Cassavetti's movie that
I was talking about, The Other Woman.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
We are, Well, I'm the other woman.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I'm Leslie Man. I think I'm Leslie Man in that movie. Right,
she was the wife you are? And then the third
where's the third? Okay? So where we are? Now? What
would you say the turning point in our in our
relationship wise when.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
I okay, I I know the turning point for me
was when you called me one day when your name
I had you under Lalla by the way, it wasn't
anything other than that. And I answered it and you're
like can you talk? And I said okay, sure, and
(14:36):
you literally just made amends to me. And I never
thought that day would come. And it's everything that I
needed in my healing, and that allowed me to have
the closure I needed between.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
You and I because I know you're not a bad person.
You weren't a bad person.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Maybe you made bad choices, yeah, but fuck it, I
make bad choices all the time.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
We had a conversation the other day where you said
you get protective of me when you see certain things,
and that meant so much to me.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Yeah I even did back then because I know our
story and I know the details of it, and it's
like and again, maybe this is from like a you know,
being brought up with a religious background. If you ask
my youngest daughter, she'd be like, well, you're a cancer,
so you're just too sensitive. I don't I never wanted
(15:56):
people to be mean to you, like because that doesn't
that doesn't help the healing at all. Like I imagine putting
myself in your shoes, how I would feel about myself
if I you know, if I did that, You're beating
yourself up enough.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
I know you now, knowing you, I know.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
What you were experiencing, and I didn't want that for you. Well,
thank you, And you had Ocean like your job was
to show up and be the best mom and show
up for your own mom who was going through her
own grief. Yeah, and Easton like, I I don't know,
I don't know what it is. I just needed the
(16:35):
I needed that phone call for myself, for my girls
right to move past. And I think I do get
very protective of the people I love, and I do
love you.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
I love you too a lot. You're my sister wife.
I always say it because people cannot make sense of it.
And I'm like, this is just our very untraditional little
family that we have created and it works for us.
And you're doing single motherhood and you're in a different
phase than me, So like I'm calling you wondering how
(17:17):
I do single motherhood with a four and a half
year old, and you can talk me through it, because
they share genes, right, I'm like sometimes I look at
her and I'm like, this doesn't make sense. I don't
Oh there was another person, you know.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
I tell you all the time.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Shit, I tell London and Riley all the time.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
I'm like, Okay, you guys, if you ever get married,
the first thing that we're gonna do is we're going
to scan their brain. That's like a non negotiable. I
love this brain scan. And they're like, you nuts. I'm like, yeah,
I am nuts kind of, but no, seriously, Like I
I look at you, and I see ocean, and I
hear the stories, and I see like she's just so
(17:57):
friggin adorable, Like this is gonna go by so fascinating
I am dealing with. I always say, remember little kids,
little problems, Big kids, big problems.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Yeah, And as they get older, it's just it gets
just it's tough, it gets tough.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
How are you balancing raising? Because Riley is now eleven,
I've known her since she was three. She's always had
like a very special personality. Like at the moment I
saw her, she had a twinkle in her eye. I
was like, you have a twinkle like Santa Claus London
was my not my hour, our EMO child, and like
(18:35):
I saw her when and when she would go through things.
I'm like, I so feel for you right now, Like
I'm in the trenches with you. How do you balance
what each kid who's very different, what they need, what
they've been through, and also what you need out of
life because you had them very young, you're a young person.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
How do you still live your life while giving them
what they need in their life.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
It's a really hard balance and it takes a village.
Meaning like I really lean on my mom and my dad,
and they have really stepped in this past year to
help me navigate, you know, dealing with with London and
you know, her challenges that she faces. And then there's
Riley who's coming. She's in sixth grade and in completely
(19:19):
new state in a completely.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
New school because you moved to Montana.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Moved to Montana, so she went from private school to
public school in a new town with new people, a
new environment, new like you know, we're going to experience
all four seasons. It's if I think too much about
the future, I start tripping. I'm like, oh shit, Like
(19:42):
I'm not married. How do I keep my shit together?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Like I think about London's future.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
I think about Riley and I'm like, Okay, where are
we going to make her an athlete? Like are we
going to force her to like find that sport that
she likes her? She but she's really like artistic and
she wants to be an actor. And it's like it's
it's hard and there's no there's no answer because if
there was no one would be sitting on a couch
talking about how to.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Be the perfect parent.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Right, there's no there's no rule book. And like God
literally gave me two kids that are so different from
each other. And I love that though, because I get
to see the beauty in each one of them. And
you're gonna experience that with Sosa and Ocean. They're gonna
be so different, right you know? And I I have
to pause throughout the day and like remind myself, Okay,
(20:30):
which kid am I talking to? I know I had
to turn my phone off or London would literally call
me like five times. Yeah, Like when London calls me,
I know that she needs more the emotional side, Like
she just wants someone to listen to, Like if she's
upset about something, that means that I have to shut
my fucking mouth and just listen, okay, And that's what
all kids want at fifteen. Most of the time, they
(20:51):
just want someone, especially girls, they want someone to listen. Riley,
on the other hand, she's getting to be a little
more sassy. Like we just like are entering the sixth
grade and we're experiencing like I'm starting to see changes
in her that I've never seen before. So that like
beautiful little twinkle. And she literally was when I had her,
I was going through a very dark time in my
(21:13):
family life, and she gave me that rayl light. I
was like, oh, this child's from God like this this
one was like God like, I got you, here's this one.
And she was the best baby. And she everything was
just like super easy.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
And she'd never even when she was sick and she
had like snon she was throwing up, she would just.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Be smiling and I just.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Like, who are you?
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Who are you that? And she would remember when she
would get like a guitar and sing. She would go
to say Shabbat right on Friday. She would come home,
she'd grab my little acoustic guitar that like I got
on the set of Ray Donovan and she would sit
there and like strum and sing like who are you?
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Yeah, no I and.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Then she'd get on the treadmill human and like run
at like three she's like I'm working.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
I'm just like wow, old.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Soul, sery, old soul. But now you're going through that
tween stage with her, because then they get sassy and
they like, OK, gonna hear story always.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Two days ago, so we're at.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
This new school and she's I signed her up.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Literally, I'm that parent now tennis, track, basketball, volleyball.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
You name it, and she's gonna do pick a ball.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
But I said, okay, you're going to take the bus
from the middle school to the high school, which is
like two miles from each other. It's like nothing, and
she already has friends in the whole bit. She's like,
I don't want to do tennis. I want to do
pick a ball. And I said, well, I love that
you want to do pick a ball, but you're going
to try all different sports and then we could like
have a family meeting and decide which ones that you
(22:44):
really love, okay, And she's like, no, I don't want it,
and I'm like, you're going.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
She has a phone.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
I'm at home unpacking boxes and She's like hi, I said, hi,
are you on the bus? And she goes, no, I
told you it was going on the bus.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
What I was like, huh oh, oh my god, I
wouldn't have the ready set match. Let's go, bitch.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
I was like, okay, I said, how about this. Now
you get a walk home from school and it's literally
like a mile a mile.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Oh, great distance, great distance.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
And there's tons of kids that walk, like and ride
their bike.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
It's like down where you live, it's gorgeous. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
So I'm welcome for the walk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, by the.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Way, yes. And I was like, you're walking. She's like,
but I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
I go, I don't care. So I hang up the phone.
She calls me back. It's fifteen minutes to walk home.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
And I was like, oh my god, that sounds like
a great walk.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
See you're in fifteen minutes.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Bye. And now, of course, because I'm like the investigator
investigator that I am, I look on her like map
and now I'm like fuming because I'm pissed that she
was like, I'm not going on the bus. I didn't
go on the bus, you know what I mean. I've
never done that my mom. I was like so afraid
of her that I didn't want to like fuck up
in any area of my life. So I was like.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
It just you know, I was telling you, I see red.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
That's where I was like. So I called my mom.
I said, Mom, what do I do? And she goes
go pick her up and take her to practice and
make her explain to her coach why she was late,
and I.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Go, genius, genius tapp in the og parents, yep, yeah, thank.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
God, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Mom.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
So I get in the car and I am just
like feeling empowered, and I'm watching and watching her on
her iPhone, like tracking her. She's not moving, she's not
even she did so not only does she not get
on the bus, but she's not leaving school okay, she's
not even attempting to walk okay. And it's like, eaty
degrees outside is beautiful.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I'm like, oh this, I mean, I'm going.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
So I pull up to the school and she's sitting
on the bench. What sitting on the bench like this?
Speaker 1 (24:53):
I said.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
She gets in the car. I go, were you even
gonna attempt to walk home for dinner? And she's like no,
And I said, and then then of course I got
the like doctor Amon in my mind going like firm
but kind, and I'm like, I don't want to be
fucking kind right now. It just defined me. So I said,
(25:17):
you disrespected me at the highest level, like not only
you basically said fuck you to mom. And I said that,
I said, you said fuck you to mom. And I'm
gonna choose not to get in the car.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
I said, you're going to practice.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
She goes, but I'm in a sweater.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
I said, I don't care if you sweat your balls off.
You knew you were going to tennis today. I reminded
you this morning and last night before. So I dropped
her off. Yeah, now she's crying.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
I'm sorry. I'm like okay, And.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
She goes out to her friends. She sees like a
group of girls and I'm like, oh see, those girls.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Look like they're in sixth grade. There's like tons of kids.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
It's like at the high school, which is like beautiful,
and she goes over there. She starts crying, and you know, Riley, Riley,
that kid is like she doesn't shed a tear for anything.
She is like a scorpio through and through.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
And I was like, okay.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
So she goes and She's crying now in front of
her friends. And this little girl looks back at me
and like she's clearly telling her what like that she
got in trouble. And this little girl looked at She's
like and I was like, fucking comfort you too, don't
even start with me.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
And make you watch.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
And then I had, by the way, now I have
ten miles till till I'm empty, okay, so I go
straight to the gas station. I was like, okay, well,
I don't want my daughter to pass out, so she
prota to get her a gatorade. So I'm pumping my
gas and I go and get a gatorade.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I come out.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
I'm now on the phone with my mom telling her
and my sister on face. I'm telling everything that's happened,
and I'm now fuming because I'm doing the thing where
I ripped a bandid off and I'm like, keep scratching
at the surface.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I'm like reliving that anger. And what do I drew? Did?
Speaker 3 (26:48):
I literally drove off with the gas still in the
oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Then this cowboy was like, ma'am, ma'am.
I was like, oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
And now how different than La they'd be like you.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Fucking dumb BG. Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
By the way, that's five hundred dollars. So I'm literally
mid mouth because like when I when I and we'll talk,
you know, if you want, we could talk about addiction.
But like for me, now I go to food and
so I had I had a diet coke in one
hand and an almond joy like in my mouth.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
And I'm like, what accell in combo?
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Yeah, weird combo.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
But it's like the coconut, the cocaine and the diet
coke don't really mix together. But at that point I
didn't carry just needed needed the fix. Okay, So I
go back, I pick her up. We go to the
grocery store.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
And she goes you also don't get pregnant. At eighteen,
I was coming.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
I was like, now this bitch is gonna double down.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Well she's doubling now. Now I'm crying. Now she now
she like hit my inner like my cancer. And I'm
like trying to like I'm looking out the window, trying
like not to see her that.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
She's like like he really hurt my feelings at this point,
and I'm just like, dude, I want to stay over.
So I go home, I end up cooking dinner and
I said, you're getting fucking can soup for dinner tonight
and broccoli And that's what I made her.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
It's a lovely dinner.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Yeah, tomato soup, progresso.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Excellent, top shelf soup if you ask me.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
And she's had a vegetable.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Back to full circle, that's what it's like.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Raising that's like a day in the life of sounds
very entertaining to me. Yeah, And then I loved the story.
Girl has balls, that is for sure.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
And by the way, I'm so down with that for
now because I know when she gets older.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
You want her to have that, you want her to
have this stamina, you know what. I think about that
with Ocean all the time, because the girl does not
let up. She does not.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
It's exhausting.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
She's a mad and I'm like, you know what, I'm
not going to try to fix this. It's exhausting. But
like out in the real world, like you're gonna go
places because you don't take notes, you will beat someone
down until they're like fine.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
But that's the hard things, like how do you earn
how do you get your kids to earn respect? But
then you don't want to like ruin that.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
It's a very fine balance, I know, and it's kind
of trial and error. I want to wrap back around
because you said you're dating. You and I were the
opposite when when we left the silhouette of the person
(29:27):
I went into like, I'm doing background checks, I'm not dating.
I'm moving my family out here, and I'm just gonna
like incubate and not give myself to any soul. You
are like, I believe in love. I want to be
on every dating app and like it inspires me. But
you've had a lot of boyfriends, and I'm like, where
are you finding them? Not a lot of boyfriends. I
(29:49):
wouldn't say that I've dated. First of all, you've had
boyfriends in the course of a year. That's a lot.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
That's not that's true.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I'm saying you bad men.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Where are they?
Speaker 2 (30:03):
How do you find that this is not an insult? Is
a compliment you?
Speaker 3 (30:05):
No, it is an insult because I'm not a whatever
you call that.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
I'm not a serial dater.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
Well yeah, maybe at one point I was, but that's exhausting.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Okay, So let's just clear up what thing.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
I did not get on the dating apps until January
of this past year.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Okay, so the dating apps are recent, Yeah, they are recent.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
I didn't want to. I don't.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
I'm I believe in old school love, like I want
to be meeting at a coffee shop. Yes, okay, but
so many of my friends were like, dude, it's not
going to happen, like you just need to at.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Least in La. I think La, and like the bigger cities.
It's really I actually know, it's really difficult.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Okay, and so but I would either get introduced to
people or my manager would set me up or I
what I realized in dating is this, and this is
why I think they call it duty dating.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
But dating is so important. It's like I really learned
about what I wanted and what I liked. It was
more about selfishly, about understanding who I am as a person,
and I didn't have that because I got married at
twenty I had my first baby at twenty one.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
That is a baby. When I was twenty one, I
was passed out in downtown Salt Lake on a spike
bracelet to a cop telling me to get the fuck up.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I love you. You are a wild one, but it's
where are these men not in La? Well I found
one in Oh.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
She's so wild to me. You're like, I'm leaving La.
There's nothing here. I'm taking a year. I'm moving to Montana.
I'm like she calls me, She's like, I got a boyfriend.
I'm dating this guy. I was like, that's so wonderful
you met some When he's like, yeah, I'm gonna come
out to LA to see him, I'm like, oh he
lives in LA. What Yeah?
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Yeah, I mean listen to the world. Like, so, I've
reached a point in my life where I just I
believe in God. So whatever your higher power is, that's
like great, But for me.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
I didn't want to do it anymore. I don't want
to control anything. It's exhausting.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Yeah, I mean this goes back to like in my
early twenties when I was like, I don't want to
control anyone. I don't want to like I want to
handle my side of the street and that's it. And
like I feel like that's where.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
Is that so variety that's come into play, Like when
you're like, I want to keep my side of the
street clean.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
I don't want to control things. I want to hand
it over to God.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Did you learn that when you decided to get sober, Yeah,
and you just implemented it in all areas.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
In a matter of life.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
So I was I got sober for two years, but
I wasn't working a program. And but for me personally,
I need a spiritual program in order to I need
something that's bigger than me, because it's not like it's
all about self pity, woe is me? Like I don't
want to live that way, and I know the best
way for me to show up being a sober person.
(32:58):
And by the way, like it's just today, I only
have today. Who I don't know what the fuck I
have tomorrow. Of course, I don't know if if I'll
be here tomorrow or if something will set me off,
but just for today, like I'm sober and I'm happy,
and I think like the best version of myself is
without using drugs or alcohol.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
Yeah, and I think that that's the best way also
to raise children, Like.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
I don't want my kids to be around you know
a mom who is using substance or sees like orange
bottles all over the house or like it's it's not
what I want.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
So I think about that all the time that like
I feel so fortunate that I got to a place
where I was wanting, I was begging for sobriety well
before I got sober in twenty eighteen. Ocean was born
in twenty twenty one, And I love knowing that I
had that kind of under my belt before I brought
a child into the world, because had it been the
(33:51):
other way around and she came before sobriety like.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
It would have, it would have been awful. Yeah, I
mean so bad.
Speaker 3 (33:58):
I came in through well, I came in through alan On,
so my codependance or my codepency, which I had and
I heal every day from. I didn't understand why I
kept choosing bad relationships, like really bad relations I didn't
understand I have a great father, My parents have been
married for forty something years, Like why do I feel
(34:20):
so broken?
Speaker 1 (34:21):
It's wild Amber, because we kind of like I witnessed
the same kind of thing. Yeah, Like my parents were together,
they were like completely normal, healthy. I watched them go
through ups and downs and come out on top together.
So the fact that you and I both experienced that
in our households and then just kind of went in
(34:44):
a different direction is something that I wish someone could
explain to me. How many people want to say it
is because you have daddy issues. I'm like, that cannot
be it.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Yeah, I'm like, do I have daddy issues? Well, maybe
I have mommy issues. Maybe I have it's not it's
it's I have I have the most amazing parents and
they're not perfect, but like they're perfect just the way
they are right, And it was real and I still
go through this, like in every new relationship I enter
(35:15):
or or I start dating. I like, it's such a
great time to like self reflect and like get to know.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
Amber a little bit more totally.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
And it's it's sometimes it doesn't end up being because
I really want them, and so like I I will,
you know, I'll do the chase, but.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Like I don't want that.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
I don't want what's not mine, like or what's meant
for me.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
I don't want that. I love that. I don't want
what's not mine. My God, that is.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
So what I say.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Now.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
I heard this on a podcast, But when I pray,
I say, God, if like is for me, let it
be known. And if he's not, I give you permission
to remove him.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
And I didn't.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
I heard that somewhere on a podcast, but I when
I did hear that? I go, oh my god. That's
another version of just like letting it go because I
am a hopeless romantic. Yeah, I love love like I
know you do. I love love.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
I know it makes me so happy, and I know.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
That not everyone's gonna be for me, And that was
something that was really hard for me to learn. Right,
is like step one, not numbing yourself out. Going on
a date sober is freakin' hard. Like when I first
started dating and I was sober, I was like, who
am I? Like, I didn't know how to manage these emotions.
But now I have tools that I could use, and like,
I actually can also listen to my body sober. I
(36:40):
love that, Like I'm not running on like Xanax and
not understanding like, oh, I'm gonna numb myself out because
like totally these feelings are too big for me to manage.
It's like, okay, now what are these feelings?
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Is it hinpointing them?
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Yeah? Are you just nervous in the moment? Okay, that's
actually exciting. It's fun to be like feel like a
teenager and like be fifteen again and have those butterfly feelings.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
But are or are these like is.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
This person doing something, saying something, or like moving in
a way that is triggering. That's true, that reminding you
of maybe a past relationship. And so now I get
to ask these questions when I leave a date. And yeah,
I moved to Montana and and low and behold. I
went to the bank like no one does anymore, and
(37:22):
because I'm like so old school, and I ran into
someone that I hadn't seen in a long time, and
he thought I was dating someone. I was like, oh, no, no, no,
I'm not dating anyone. And he's like, let me take
you to dinner. Like okay, but I'm leaving just so
you know, like I literally am leaving in like I'm
literally here to wire money for the new house.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Yeah, like I'm leaving, I'm leaving moving.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
And by the way, what was so great at that
point I had gone I dated a handful of people
to where I knew that even if that relationship was
going to work, I wasn't staying. Like I knew that
this is like I'm in my lane now, like you
have to fit into my life and we will make
our lives beautiful together. I wasn't gonna let anyone derail
(38:07):
me and let my codependency sneak in to like change
my mind.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
Right.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
So I was like okay, and and he's like, well,
are you driving?
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Are you flying?
Speaker 3 (38:17):
I said no, no, I'm gonna put my car listen. I
could barely make it to Palm Springs, like with the traffic,
like I'm not driving to Montana. And he was like,
let's drive. And I was like, mm, nah, I'm not driving.
Like that sounds you know, it just sounds awful. Yeah,
it sounds awful, thank you.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
And I was thinking about it. I was like, whoa
wait a second. You're in this season of doing things
that you don't want to do and like be open minded, right,
And I was.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
Like, you know what, fuck it, let's go. And you
guys made it. Like how long is that drive? That's
like a real road trip.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
It's a real road trip.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
It's like sixteen and a half. And we stayed over
in Salt Lake or yeah, outside of Salt Lake City.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Oh look you yeah, sounds beautiful.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
It was. It was. So it sounds like a very
nice way to get to know somebody. Can I tell
you this is yes, this and we are in different stages,
but like with my kids, the way that they are
right now, like I'm just gonna for a minute, I
was like a born again virgin, like, no joke, I
hadn't had sex.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
I'm calling you and I'm like it had been like.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
Almost two years, right like, and that's so unhealthy, but
keep going, well, I'm a masturbader, like, don't even fuck around,
you give me.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
I have a drawer full of all the toys.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
And I just sit there and I'm like, it's gonna
be a fun day any mini miney mo boom, you
all win, you all whim a loom for everybody, but
for me. I'm sitting here this morning, so right now,
and I'm just gonna say it, and I don't give
a fuck. I'm I'm just sleeping with people, like I
(39:59):
know exactly. That's wonderful. I mean, it's wonderful too. And
for some reason people cannot wrap their mind. If I
were a man, it would just be like, oh, he's
playing the field, he's not interested, Like you can't lock
him down. He's a bachelor. I'm a bachelorette, okay. I
don't need a man for anything. And people keep trying
to push this dating thing on me, and then I
(40:21):
start thinking like Okay, well, maybe I'll get out there.
Then I had this moment of clarity where I'm like,
what do I want, law do you want to date?
If you want to date, get your mess out there
and date. And I'm like, I don't want to date.
I just want a man to come in, fulfill a
need and go home because I'm so happy right now.
And that could change tomorrow. Today I say I'm never
(40:44):
getting married. I know how the world works. There could
be a day where I'm like, I want to get married.
I understand that is it a very low possibility? Yes,
but for now, come in, come out, and this morning.
And I'm not joking. My dog is fifteen and a
half and all she does is shit and pee herself.
Speaker 2 (41:04):
It is a lot, and I love this dog.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
And I feel so guilty that I'm going back and
forth on like is is it time or do I
just keep rocking it this way? It was a full
on explosion at my house, not of shit, but of
mesen and my mom screaming at the top of our
lungs at each other, telling each other that you don't
do enough, you're fucking lazy. And it all stemmed from this,
(41:30):
from this gorgeous animal lily. Okay, and I was driving
here to the podcast because we all like made up,
and it was like, I'm so sorry. Had that happened
with me and a partner, it would weigh so heavy
on the relationship that our sex life would suffer, resentment
would build because there's not unconditional love with your partner.
(41:51):
And people can say that all day long, that like,
find someone who you love, flaws and all, and I
used to very much co sign on that, but finding
a partner that love is conditional. I'm expecting you to
show up for me, be my teammate, be loyal, be trustworthy.
You fuck up one time you have put my heart
in jeopardy. With my family, I don't expect anything from them.
(42:13):
We have come from literally thoughts, right you said, and
I were just thoughts, and then we came to be
into our family. It is unconditional love. Whether it's Easton
struggling with his drinking, my mom struggling with her hip
or her arm, it doesn't affect the intimacy because there
isn't any When intimacy is affected in a relationship, everything
(42:36):
starts going to shit.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
So for me right now, I'm like, if.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
Everything's working, and I can have blow ups with my
family and there's a lot of moving parts. There's a
one year old who's preventing sleep. There's a four and
a half year old who's wanting to sleep in my bed.
Could you imagine I had a boyfriend? He said? An
English there said I do. When I say you imagine,
I could a little British. But I'm like it would
be so hard. So the timing is not right, and
(43:03):
my mind, body, and gut are telling me that the time.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
Why are you selling? You're fighting with yourself, I'm fighting
with other people? Who cares what other people think?
Speaker 1 (43:12):
Thank you? I feel soppy?
Speaker 3 (43:15):
Have you ever read Mel Robbins book Let Them No?
But you told me to get this?
Speaker 1 (43:18):
So I ordered it on Amazon and it did arrive.
It did arrive. I'm extriminating it.
Speaker 3 (43:22):
No, that whole philosophy. Let them, thank you, Let them
who cares?
Speaker 1 (43:27):
No. I feel like I'm talking at you because people
don't understand. You're the first person that was like okay,
And I'm like, do you know how many times I've
explained this to people and they're like, you just have
some stuff you need to work through. You know, you've
been through a lot. I'm like, we're over it. We're
over it. Let me, Yeah, I'm letting them. Let me.
(43:49):
How about that just where you're you have so much
going on.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
Right I do.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
I mean from the outside looking at you've just named
you have two kids under the age of five.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
A lot of people we know kind of well I.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
Know, but but they like you're operating. Someone explained to
me the life is like a pie, right, and so
like you're how much of sosa and ocean are going
to fill up that pie? A lot?
Speaker 1 (44:14):
Right? Eight percent? Yeah? Okay?
Speaker 3 (44:17):
And then you have time to work out right and
stay healthy and fit or okay, that takes the piece.
Then you have work, which is which is huge because
you're a one like income household, right You're you're raising
two kids on your own. That's a huge piece, okay.
And then you have fun like like lalla time right
(44:37):
with your little friends or like late night whatever it is, like, Okay,
where is the like last percentage that very small percentage
for a man like if he comes in, if that
one percent, like that's that's enough for you to be
able to take that one percent and not fit a
marriage in that one percent because marriage is a lot
(44:59):
of work.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
It's an other business. Yeah, it's work.
Speaker 3 (45:02):
It's work, and then you have to maybe if that
person also has kids.
Speaker 1 (45:05):
Can you imagine?
Speaker 3 (45:06):
No, it's like you're you're you're good. So go have fun,
go sleep with as many men. Just be careful as
you want.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Just be careful, be careful. I'm an educated ho amber.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
We know this. I do background checks. Married. We'll see
what the background check. Suye, buddy, you're telling me no,
but your eyes are saying otherwise. No. I'm safe going
about it, and I feel happy and fulfilled and I
love sitting see you get me. I feel so seen
(45:40):
by you all the time. Can we talk about this
one thing that we talked about on the phone, because
I completely died you saying that la men are too
dependent and I was just wait. I thought you were
(46:01):
gonna say moms or too dependent on like their friends,
and you said they're too dependent on their dogs.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
You know, people like in the world are gonna hate
me right now for saying that.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
Let me give you some context.
Speaker 3 (46:13):
So on the dating apps or just out in general,
I have found this is my opinion. Yeah, people are
so and whether they are using their animals as like
an escapegoat to not like be able to show up
in a relationship like as like like this is who
I am. I find that men are truly hiding behind
(46:37):
like their their dogs and I and okay, let me
just like be blunt. I have seen so many guys
walking around or on Instagram or social different social media
platforms wearing like a satchel with their dog in it. So,
unless your dog has three fucking legs or is on
its last day, your dog does not belong in a
(46:59):
baby fucking bajor or whatever you call it, like your baby,
your your dog belongs on a leash or by you, right,
maybe not leash if you're in a park that whatever.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
Yeah, what about a stroller? Oh? Even worse, I can't,
I can't, I can't, I can't. I don't know why
it is so not sexy to me. I want a
fucking man.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Okay, what does I want you for?
Speaker 1 (47:27):
You?
Speaker 3 (47:29):
I want you to pump my guess hot. I want
you to come behind me in the kitchen when I'm
doing dishes and fucking grab me. Okay, yeah, like I
want a man, Like how can you?
Speaker 1 (47:43):
First of all, how can you do that when you
have a dog here? Right? We're on the back.
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Well, I just want And the guy that I'm with
now is so good that way, Like he opened my
car door and like I thought that was so sweet
and I'm not. It's just the little things I want.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
Like if you date someone, just fucking ball check them.
Please check their balls. Yeah, just make sure the size
of the balls. Like just meaning like I'm speaking metaphorically, like, oh,
I just.
Speaker 3 (48:11):
Thought you meant literally. I was like, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
All right, I'm gonna feel them measure.
Speaker 3 (48:18):
I particularly like balls so long, no, not long? I like,
you know, what do your ears saying load?
Speaker 1 (48:26):
Do they do your balls? Okay?
Speaker 3 (48:29):
I sing that with my girls, but with your boobs?
Do your boobs saying load?
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Because that's a.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
Whole other conversation. Wearing brals in our house is like
a whole discussion whether you wear them, whether you don't.
I don't like wearing them. London's like what the fuck?
Riley's like a fuck it. We're in Montana now, let
it all hang out.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Oh my gosh, that is so funny. What's important for
you when it comes to a man? Oh, when it
comes to a man. Well, they have to make me laugh,
And I know that sounds so cheesy. I have to
be able because because I'm weird, like I have leaned
into the fact, like I'm done being like sexy, Like
I make weird jokes, I'm a little out there, I
(49:09):
move a lot when I talk, like I'm a quirky
fucking bitch.
Speaker 2 (49:12):
Right, you have to, like, you have to like that.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
I'm not gonna sit here and be like a trophy
and like Stepford wife who has very little to say
and doesn't change her voice when she talks. That's just
not me. And I feel like I tried to be
that way when I was younger. Now you have to
kind of come in and you have to match. You
have to think I'm funny, and I have to think
you're funny. Yeah. I have to be able to lay
in bed and eat Gouda cheese with you and watch
(49:38):
Seinfeld and you have to actually enjoy it. That's number one.
And also I think the physical part for me is
very important, Like I, oh, this sounds so bad. I'm
not just searching for like a good heart, Like you
have to come in here in first and foremost. I
have to want to rip your clothes off at all
fucking times. Mm hmm, I did it. We're done here.
(50:01):
I'm not going to sit here and say, oh, but
he's so nice. So I'm gonna let certain things go. No,
first and foremost, I have to want to fuck the
shit out of you all the time.
Speaker 3 (50:10):
Yeah, you can't chase potential, No, because potential will just
end up disappointing you.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
Exactly right, you it's the worst. And then we'll go
to like the heart because here's the thing. If if
you if I'm not sexually attracted to you, then like
what are we even doing? No?
Speaker 3 (50:26):
Sexual compatibility is the most By the way, let me
say something. Sometimes you get in bed with people and
you're like, they're okay, and then meaning like physically, and
then you get in ben You're like, whoa, well, yeah,
that guy knows how to move.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
That guy's all got down there, like we did a
ball check. We're happy the ball check. The manscapes. Yes, yes,
you know.
Speaker 2 (50:46):
I'm not gonna be floss in my teeth while I'm
down there. I don't love that at all.
Speaker 3 (50:51):
By the way, how would you approach that if you
were with someone that didn't Because some guys maybe don't
know or do they.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
I think I think it's similar to a chick like
some some chicks like a bush. I think some men
who have a situation going on down there, they're like,
I like it, this is I'm a man baby. Yeah,
I guess that's true. I would say we got to
like figure out the situation. I could do it for you.
I have shaved someone before. Oh a many, I don't care.
(51:20):
I'm down there. Let me let me get it all
cleaned up. I know what it should look.
Speaker 3 (51:23):
Like with your tweezers exactly.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
I'm down here anyway, might as well get it done.
You are dirty. You are dirty.
Speaker 2 (51:32):
But how do I go from being like a complete
nun to being like.
Speaker 1 (51:37):
Fuck it tits out?
Speaker 3 (51:38):
But I'm just you know what's so interesting? I am
the same way I'm I'm extremist. Yeah, yeah, I have like.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
Two speeds, you know, yeah, zero or one hundred. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (51:53):
I'm either like working in the kitchen at like seven am,
getting the kids ready for school, yeah, or I'm like,
you know, all buttoned up totally. But I think that
there's a time and place for everything I do too, right, Yes, Like,
I think that's what makes you so unique and beautiful things,
And men don't want that men, I feel like they
(52:17):
want personality, at least the right ones want personality.
Speaker 1 (52:20):
So too because on the flip side of what I said,
because that's kind of where I'm at now. But let's
just say I was looking for like my partner, there
would be things that would outweigh the physical. And here's why.
Because when you're going in that direction, looks are going
to fade. Sex life is going to fade. What really
(52:42):
stays true is someone's core and their heart and their personality.
You hope, I mean a normal person like at our age,
You would hope that their personalities are if they're funny,
they're not going to lose their sense of humor.
Speaker 2 (52:55):
Those are the things that are going to carry you through.
Speaker 1 (52:57):
Right. So, if I'm looking for someone who's going to
be in my life every single day, obviously the kids
got to get along with the kids, But for me,
you have to be my best friend. I have to
call you when I'm at the highest of highs and
the lowest of lows. I have to want to be
around you all the time, because that's what's gonna get
us to the very end. Right.
Speaker 3 (53:17):
Yeah, Yeah, it's finding somebody you could be a best
friend with but I also think that sex doesn't have
to fade.
Speaker 1 (53:22):
You're either a sexual person or you're not. Honey, when
you're grown and you need a hip replacement and you
got to be on the bed for a little bit. No,
I'm starting to be having sex or you're kidding, you're
a savage. I fucking love you.
Speaker 3 (53:34):
I need I need sex, Like that's like the first
thing I feel like that when I step into a
relationship and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (53:39):
Just so you know, like I I like sex. What
are we talking like once? How many times a week? No,
I mean it's a healthy amount. Don't worry.
Speaker 3 (53:49):
I don't I don't need another.
Speaker 1 (53:50):
Program we really should check into.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
I think a couple times a week is normal.
Speaker 2 (53:59):
Oh, totally doable.
Speaker 1 (54:01):
Yeah. I asked my married friends, and they probably think
I'm a weirdo that's going to go home and like
masturbate to thinking about them. But I truly do wonder,
like how often my married friends have sex, And it's
truly just to understand, like what does and what is antsy.
A lot of them say that it's two times a week,
(54:21):
but then when kids come into play, they're like, we're
lucky to get twice a month. But we always make
sure that we're like getting into bed together, We're going
to bed together, and I think that's very important. The
day sex is the best when the kids are at school.
Speaker 3 (54:35):
There's something so sexy about that because you.
Speaker 1 (54:37):
Feel like you shouldn't be doing I know, but you should.
I love an afternoon masturbation, Sash. We talked about that
last night. I'm gonna try it. You have to. Yeah, yeah,
it's the freaking best. I had a wonderful time having
you on my podcast. Thank you. Do you feel good?
I feel like psyched to talk to you for like
five more hours. I know you're still going to get
(54:58):
the crazy Lalla as you have just seen because we
were talking about blowjobs and all the things still, so
it's like it's like it's new and reinvented, but like
we still have some of the same bones, the core.
Speaker 2 (55:10):
It's the core.
Speaker 1 (55:11):
Uh. I loved this episode. I feel like I just
gave birth to a new baby. So I want to
thank all of you for following me from give Them
Laala to my reinvented podcast untraditionally Laala. I'm gonna catch
you guys next Wednesday, and remember we still have a
bonus on Monday, so i'll catch you there, Love you guys. Bye,
Oh my gosh, we are back, but we are a
little bit different but a little bit the same. I
feel like I don't even know what intro I want
to go with yet, because normally when you hear my voice,
I say hello, gorgeous, But I'm like, is that still
on brand?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I don't know, so welcome back, friends.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
I took a little bit of a break because I
really wanted to hone in on what I'm about these days.
And I've had the Give Them Lalla podcast for I
want to say around six years and it was a
wonderful experience. I loved everything we spoke about. I loved
(00:50):
all of the co hosts that I had, all of
the guests. But Give Them La La was just something
that came to be for those of you who watch
Banner Pump Rules see where I just wanted to shove
myself down everybody's throat, whether you liked it or not.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
And as I grew.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Up, some may say that still hasn't happened, but it
depends on who you ask. If you're asking me, I
like to say I am very evolved now with age
and two kids, I just felt like Give Them Lalla
was it just didn't sit right anymore. I felt like
we had outgrown it. I felt like it was juvenile
(01:30):
in a time in my life that was wonderful, but
I'll never be going back to. And as I was
kind of sitting with my thoughts and going what does
my life represent? What do I want this podcast to
be about? What really rings true to me? And tradition
kept coming into play and how my life is very
(01:50):
untraditional yet it's so normal to me, and some people
are very open and excited and inspired about my normal
and others really do not like to break outside of
the box that society tries to put us in.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
So untraditionally.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
La La is my new podcast, and I am so
freaking excited for this new chapter. I'm going to have
wonderful guests. It's going to open a conversation about life.
And the cards were dealt and it doesn't always go
the way we planned. I know.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I woke up on my.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Thirty fifth birthday and was like, Wow, this was not
a part of the plan. But I'm so happy because
in all of the things that I didn't get to choose,
I was given so many choices to still live the
life that I so desperately just want to live, and
(02:55):
you guys know I'm a crier, so just get used
to that. That part has not changed. I really want
to just shine a light on people who have thought
that their life was going to go one way and
it went the complete opposite direction, and they took life
by the ovaries and said, fuck this. It may be
(03:16):
the complete opposite of what I thought life was going
to be like, but I'm going to choose what i
want out of life with the situation that I've been given.
So my first guest, some of you or most of
you are going to know her from the show You
or Ray Donovan. She's got a very impressive resume, but
(03:36):
to me, she's my other co parent. We share a
baby daddy. She's my sister wife Amber Childers. Welcome God.
That was so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
It was a tangent that hasn't changed either.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
That. Damn good. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
I'm really excited.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
I'm a little nervous because our friendship and our relationship
has remained very private for many years. Whether we've been
in the lowest of lows or the highest of highs,
it's kind of just been the two of us, and
it's been very sacred to me, and I'm really grateful
that you're doing my podcast and you're my first guest.
(04:16):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
I know it's we've been talking about you know, we've
been through a lot, and we've you know, like you said,
we've kept everything really private. And I think that there's
a time where like either I'm like, okay, I think
I'm ready to kind of just like inspire not go
out and talk shit or you know, hurt people's feelings
(04:39):
or you know, but heal and this is part of
like my healing, which is a continuous journey for me.
But maybe you weren't ready, and then you were ready,
and then I wasn't ready. So I'm so glad that
we finally here. We are Timing twenty twenty five. I
Timing is everything, it.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Really is, and I think about life and there are
certain situations where I'm like, time heals everything. Time makes
everything a little bit easier to stomach, and it can
be your best friend or your worst enemy, because time
passing freaks me out. But it's also, like you said,
what heals a lot of wounds and puts people on
the same parallel path. And I think a lot of
(05:20):
people can go back and think about how our relationship
because we couldn't call it a friendship back then, how
it definitely not started and without you know, making a
certain someone the forefront of all of it and making
that person more of just like a common denominator, a silhouette,
(05:43):
if you will, how you and I started, and then
how we got as close as we got, Like what
is what is your perspective on that? And how do
you remember things?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (05:54):
My goodness, you know.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
I sometimes I don't even think about any thing when
when it comes to that stuff, but then something will
come up and I it feels like and that's just
part of like healing, right, And there's like healing is
not linear, and you can't teach someone that, like time heals,
you have to experience. And I had this conversation with London.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
My eldest.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
For those you obviously know London, but for those listening,
she just went through a breakup and I just can't.
I couldn't explain to her more that like, honey, time
will make it better, and she goes, mom, but it
feels like my heart has been broken.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
And I'm like, I know what that feels like.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Yeah, and not just once, but like multiple times, and
I promise you, like, we're going to get through this
one day at a time and you're gonna be okay.
So sometimes I you know, I see the relationship that
our children have and it is the most beautiful, unexpected,
(06:57):
untraditional way. But if there's anything that I wanted to
teach my girls out of my experience that I had
with you was the power of forgiveness. And it's not easy,
and like you you can forgive a million times over
every single day, but I am so grateful that I
(07:19):
just like literally was like if I don't forgive and
learn how to forgive, because you remember, I grew up
in a Mormon church, Like forgiveness was like that's the
first thing you go to. But true forgiveness you it's
for yourself, it's not for the other person, right, And
when someone explained it to me that way, I was like, oh, okay, yeah,
(07:40):
because I don't want to keep suffering. And I suffered
for a long time. It was like that that scratch
that you that would heal and then you would just
like pick at it and then would start bleeding again,
and then it would scab again. Then you it's like,
but why, It's like in this constant.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Like cycle, this loop of self sabotage, self pity, self torture,
and I was like, you get to a point where
you're just like, no more, I'm done, and you have
to have that gift of desperation where you're just like,
I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want
to live like this anymore. I do this thing where
and I don't do it often, but there are certain
(08:14):
times in my life, and there's two that I can pinpoint.
It's when it has to do with the passing of
my dad and my sobriety. Where I will go back
and watch old seasons of vander Pump Rules, and I
watch season seven the beginning a lot to kind of
remind myself where I was at when my dad passed
away and how dark that place was. And it sounds
(08:37):
like I'm some like emotional masochist, but it's really to
just remind myself how far we've come and how different
things are. But I was watching and I know you
don't watch vander Pump, but I was watching season six
and it was the first season where I wasn't hiding
my relationship and I wanted to punch my own self
(09:00):
in the face. I truly cannot imagine what it was
like for you to watch that person me at that
time and go, this is the person who came in.
I don't know if I'm using the right word destroyed
(09:23):
my my family is the person that's potentially going to
be around my children. I would have lost my mind.
Do you want to like, am I allowed to ask,
like what your mindset was when, like if you'd seen clips,
or like what was your headspace?
Speaker 3 (09:45):
My initial reaction for everything in life is I go nam, oh,
like I don't see I think actually, as I've gotten older,
my hormones have like changed a little bit perimenopause. I
see red sometimes okay, but then other times where I
just want to numb the fuck out because the feeling,
(10:06):
the feelings are just too big for me to manage.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
So I think during that time, I didn't know how
to cope. So for me, it was just like go
in and I just like, you just want to die.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
You just want to die? Yeah, but I didn't know.
I didn't die. I didn't die. You wanted to do what
you didn't. Those are very very different things. After the
the ball started rolling and it was like okay, this
person because you and I had had moments because I
(10:46):
was a very different version of myself when I was drinking.
Once I got sober, I feel like you and I
were able. It wasn't always roses like we had our
we had our outs, but yeah we did. Know there
were times where we were be on the phone, Amber
and I'd be like, this girl should be on reality TV.
She shouldn't be an actress. You're talking about me?
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, you bitch, ghost toes because I was being dramatic.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
No, the two of us a bitch at each other
on the phone.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Do you remember we'd be on the phone and be like,
fuck you bitch. It was a wild yeah yeah, yeah,
but now I'm a mom.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
And by the way, I actually haven't thought about that
in a long time.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
My girl, Remember where I was so mean?
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Here's the thing, though, Amber, No matter no matter what
the reasoning of how it happened, let me tell you,
had I been sober and where I am now and
the woman I am now, it would have never happened.
But I have to trust that the universe had a
plan for me my path. Your path was written in
the star as well. Before we even got here and
(11:51):
we were equipped with all the tools to manage the heartbreak,
the trauma, all of the things. Like and even if
that's not true, I have to tell myself that that
was the plan. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
If I don't tell myself that, I will go crazy.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
I will beat myself up until I can't get out
of bed. So going back and looking at how it happened,
had I been in my right frame of mind, I would.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Have been able to say the math ain't math in.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
But that's the point of life, Like we are in
the school of life. If you're not evolving, Like, why
are you on this earth right? And it doesn't matter
what age, like, you are meant to go on this path.
I'm meant to go on this path. And it just
so happened that our past fetched and crossed and then
here we are today.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Yeah, that part is we're okay, We're great, and I
love having you in my life. I feel like you're
a sister to me. We're for ever going to be
family because of our kids.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
And I think, you know.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
It's very normal. You hear about people who get divorced
and then like new partners come in and they can
all go to dinner. It is very that you hear
a situation where there was a cheating scandal that happened
and the wife forgives. I'm gonna put it in quotes
because I still refuse to call myself a mistress. A mistress?
(13:17):
Am I a mistress? I don't know.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
I mean, if you are, I don't know what it's like.
What is the definition of a definition of a mistress?
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Is?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
This is someone who's married.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
So even if you know, even if you know, but
I should have known, you should the math was not mathing.
And I like it to drink and numb it and
go know everything that you're filling in your gut. Just drink,
You'll just numb it. That's true, all right? So yeah,
technically I am. It's very rare that the wifer gives
(13:49):
the mistress and then the mistress and the wife stay.
We're like getting the kids together.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
It's like that other movie than Nick Cassavetti's movie that
I was talking about, The Other Woman.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
We are, Well, I'm the other woman.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I'm Leslie Man. I think I'm Leslie Man in that movie. Right,
she was the wife you are? And then the third
where's the third? Okay? So where we are? Now? What
would you say the turning point in our in our
relationship wise when.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
I okay, I I know the turning point for me
was when you called me one day when your name
I had you under Lalla by the way, it wasn't
anything other than that. And I answered it and you're
like can you talk? And I said okay, sure, and
(14:36):
you literally just made amends to me. And I never
thought that day would come. And it's everything that I
needed in my healing, and that allowed me to have
the closure I needed between.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
You and I because I know you're not a bad person.
You weren't a bad person.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Maybe you made bad choices, yeah, but fuck it, I
make bad choices all the time.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
We had a conversation the other day where you said
you get protective of me when you see certain things,
and that meant so much to me.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Yeah I even did back then because I know our
story and I know the details of it, and it's
like and again, maybe this is from like a you know,
being brought up with a religious background. If you ask
my youngest daughter, she'd be like, well, you're a cancer,
so you're just too sensitive. I don't I never wanted
(15:56):
people to be mean to you, like because that doesn't
that doesn't help the healing at all. Like I imagine putting
myself in your shoes, how I would feel about myself
if I you know, if I did that, You're beating
yourself up enough.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
I know you now, knowing you, I know.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
What you were experiencing, and I didn't want that for you. Well,
thank you, And you had Ocean like your job was
to show up and be the best mom and show
up for your own mom who was going through her
own grief. Yeah, and Easton like, I I don't know,
I don't know what it is. I just needed the
(16:35):
I needed that phone call for myself, for my girls
right to move past. And I think I do get
very protective of the people I love, and I do
love you.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
I love you too a lot. You're my sister wife.
I always say it because people cannot make sense of it.
And I'm like, this is just our very untraditional little
family that we have created and it works for us.
And you're doing single motherhood and you're in a different
phase than me, So like I'm calling you wondering how
(17:17):
I do single motherhood with a four and a half
year old, and you can talk me through it, because
they share genes, right, I'm like sometimes I look at
her and I'm like, this doesn't make sense. I don't
Oh there was another person, you know.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
I tell you all the time.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Shit, I tell London and Riley all the time.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
I'm like, Okay, you guys, if you ever get married,
the first thing that we're gonna do is we're going
to scan their brain. That's like a non negotiable. I
love this brain scan. And they're like, you nuts. I'm like, yeah,
I am nuts kind of, but no, seriously, Like I
I look at you, and I see ocean, and I
hear the stories, and I see like she's just so
(17:57):
friggin adorable, Like this is gonna go by so fascinating
I am dealing with. I always say, remember little kids,
little problems, Big kids, big problems.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Yeah, And as they get older, it's just it gets
just it's tough, it gets tough.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
How are you balancing raising? Because Riley is now eleven,
I've known her since she was three. She's always had
like a very special personality. Like at the moment I
saw her, she had a twinkle in her eye. I
was like, you have a twinkle like Santa Claus London
was my not my hour, our EMO child, and like
(18:35):
I saw her when and when she would go through things.
I'm like, I so feel for you right now, Like
I'm in the trenches with you. How do you balance
what each kid who's very different, what they need, what
they've been through, and also what you need out of
life because you had them very young, you're a young person.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
How do you still live your life while giving them
what they need in their life.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
It's a really hard balance and it takes a village.
Meaning like I really lean on my mom and my dad,
and they have really stepped in this past year to
help me navigate, you know, dealing with with London and
you know, her challenges that she faces. And then there's
Riley who's coming. She's in sixth grade and in completely
(19:19):
new state in a completely.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
New school because you moved to Montana.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Moved to Montana, so she went from private school to
public school in a new town with new people, a
new environment, new like you know, we're going to experience
all four seasons. It's if I think too much about
the future, I start tripping. I'm like, oh shit, Like
(19:42):
I'm not married. How do I keep my shit together?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Like I think about London's future.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
I think about Riley and I'm like, Okay, where are
we going to make her an athlete? Like are we
going to force her to like find that sport that
she likes her? She but she's really like artistic and
she wants to be an actor. And it's like it's
it's hard and there's no there's no answer because if
there was no one would be sitting on a couch
talking about how to.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Be the perfect parent.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Right, there's no there's no rule book. And like God
literally gave me two kids that are so different from
each other. And I love that though, because I get
to see the beauty in each one of them. And
you're gonna experience that with Sosa and Ocean. They're gonna
be so different, right you know? And I I have
to pause throughout the day and like remind myself, Okay,
(20:30):
which kid am I talking to? I know I had
to turn my phone off or London would literally call
me like five times. Yeah, Like when London calls me,
I know that she needs more the emotional side, Like
she just wants someone to listen to, Like if she's
upset about something, that means that I have to shut
my fucking mouth and just listen, okay, And that's what
all kids want at fifteen. Most of the time, they
(20:51):
just want someone, especially girls, they want someone to listen. Riley,
on the other hand, she's getting to be a little
more sassy. Like we just like are entering the sixth
grade and we're experiencing like I'm starting to see changes
in her that I've never seen before. So that like
beautiful little twinkle. And she literally was when I had her,
I was going through a very dark time in my
(21:13):
family life, and she gave me that rayl light. I
was like, oh, this child's from God like this this
one was like God like, I got you, here's this one.
And she was the best baby. And she everything was
just like super easy.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
And she'd never even when she was sick and she
had like snon she was throwing up, she would just.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Be smiling and I just.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Like, who are you?
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Who are you that? And she would remember when she
would get like a guitar and sing. She would go
to say Shabbat right on Friday. She would come home,
she'd grab my little acoustic guitar that like I got
on the set of Ray Donovan and she would sit
there and like strum and sing like who are you?
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Yeah, no I and.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Then she'd get on the treadmill human and like run
at like three she's like I'm working.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
I'm just like wow, old.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Soul, sery, old soul. But now you're going through that
tween stage with her, because then they get sassy and
they like, OK, gonna hear story always.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Two days ago, so we're at.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
This new school and she's I signed her up.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Literally, I'm that parent now tennis, track, basketball, volleyball.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
You name it, and she's gonna do pick a ball.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
But I said, okay, you're going to take the bus
from the middle school to the high school, which is
like two miles from each other. It's like nothing, and
she already has friends in the whole bit. She's like,
I don't want to do tennis. I want to do
pick a ball. And I said, well, I love that
you want to do pick a ball, but you're going
to try all different sports and then we could like
have a family meeting and decide which ones that you
(22:44):
really love, okay, And she's like, no, I don't want it,
and I'm like, you're going.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
She has a phone.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
I'm at home unpacking boxes and She's like hi, I said, hi,
are you on the bus? And she goes, no, I
told you it was going on the bus.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
What I was like, huh oh, oh my god, I
wouldn't have the ready set match. Let's go, bitch.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
I was like, okay, I said, how about this. Now
you get a walk home from school and it's literally
like a mile a mile.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Oh, great distance, great distance.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
And there's tons of kids that walk, like and ride
their bike.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
It's like down where you live, it's gorgeous. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
So I'm welcome for the walk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, by the.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Way, yes. And I was like, you're walking. She's like,
but I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
I go, I don't care. So I hang up the phone.
She calls me back. It's fifteen minutes to walk home.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
And I was like, oh my god, that sounds like
a great walk.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
See you're in fifteen minutes.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Bye. And now, of course, because I'm like the investigator
investigator that I am, I look on her like map
and now I'm like fuming because I'm pissed that she
was like, I'm not going on the bus. I didn't
go on the bus, you know what I mean. I've
never done that my mom. I was like so afraid
of her that I didn't want to like fuck up
in any area of my life. So I was like.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
It just you know, I was telling you, I see red.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
That's where I was like. So I called my mom.
I said, Mom, what do I do? And she goes
go pick her up and take her to practice and
make her explain to her coach why she was late,
and I.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Go, genius, genius tapp in the og parents, yep, yeah, thank.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
God, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Mom.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
So I get in the car and I am just
like feeling empowered, and I'm watching and watching her on
her iPhone, like tracking her. She's not moving, she's not
even she did so not only does she not get
on the bus, but she's not leaving school okay, she's
not even attempting to walk okay. And it's like, eaty
degrees outside is beautiful.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I'm like, oh this, I mean, I'm going.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
So I pull up to the school and she's sitting
on the bench. What sitting on the bench like this?
Speaker 1 (24:53):
I said.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
She gets in the car. I go, were you even
gonna attempt to walk home for dinner? And she's like no,
And I said, and then then of course I got
the like doctor Amon in my mind going like firm
but kind, and I'm like, I don't want to be
fucking kind right now. It just defined me. So I said,
(25:17):
you disrespected me at the highest level, like not only
you basically said fuck you to mom. And I said that,
I said, you said fuck you to mom. And I'm
gonna choose not to get in the car.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
I said, you're going to practice.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
She goes, but I'm in a sweater.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
I said, I don't care if you sweat your balls off.
You knew you were going to tennis today. I reminded
you this morning and last night before. So I dropped
her off. Yeah, now she's crying.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
I'm sorry. I'm like okay, And.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
She goes out to her friends. She sees like a
group of girls and I'm like, oh see, those girls.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Look like they're in sixth grade. There's like tons of kids.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
It's like at the high school, which is like beautiful,
and she goes over there. She starts crying, and you know, Riley, Riley,
that kid is like she doesn't shed a tear for anything.
She is like a scorpio through and through.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
And I was like, okay.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
So she goes and She's crying now in front of
her friends. And this little girl looks back at me
and like she's clearly telling her what like that she
got in trouble. And this little girl looked at She's
like and I was like, fucking comfort you too, don't
even start with me.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
And make you watch.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
And then I had, by the way, now I have
ten miles till till I'm empty, okay, so I go
straight to the gas station. I was like, okay, well,
I don't want my daughter to pass out, so she
prota to get her a gatorade. So I'm pumping my
gas and I go and get a gatorade.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I come out.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
I'm now on the phone with my mom telling her
and my sister on face. I'm telling everything that's happened,
and I'm now fuming because I'm doing the thing where
I ripped a bandid off and I'm like, keep scratching
at the surface.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I'm like reliving that anger. And what do I drew? Did?
Speaker 3 (26:48):
I literally drove off with the gas still in the
oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Then this cowboy was like, ma'am, ma'am.
I was like, oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
And now how different than La they'd be like you.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Fucking dumb BG. Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
By the way, that's five hundred dollars. So I'm literally
mid mouth because like when I when I and we'll talk,
you know, if you want, we could talk about addiction.
But like for me, now I go to food and
so I had I had a diet coke in one
hand and an almond joy like in my mouth.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
And I'm like, what accell in combo?
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Yeah, weird combo.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
But it's like the coconut, the cocaine and the diet
coke don't really mix together. But at that point I
didn't carry just needed needed the fix. Okay, So I
go back, I pick her up. We go to the
grocery store.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
And she goes you also don't get pregnant. At eighteen,
I was coming.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
I was like, now this bitch is gonna double down.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Well she's doubling now. Now I'm crying. Now she now
she like hit my inner like my cancer. And I'm
like trying to like I'm looking out the window, trying
like not to see her that.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
She's like like he really hurt my feelings at this point,
and I'm just like, dude, I want to stay over.
So I go home, I end up cooking dinner and
I said, you're getting fucking can soup for dinner tonight
and broccoli And that's what I made her.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
It's a lovely dinner.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Yeah, tomato soup, progresso.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Excellent, top shelf soup if you ask me.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
And she's had a vegetable.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Back to full circle, that's what it's like.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Raising that's like a day in the life of sounds
very entertaining to me. Yeah, And then I loved the story.
Girl has balls, that is for sure.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
And by the way, I'm so down with that for
now because I know when she gets older.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
You want her to have that, you want her to
have this stamina, you know what. I think about that
with Ocean all the time, because the girl does not
let up. She does not.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
It's exhausting.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
She's a mad and I'm like, you know what, I'm
not going to try to fix this. It's exhausting. But
like out in the real world, like you're gonna go
places because you don't take notes, you will beat someone
down until they're like fine.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
But that's the hard things, like how do you earn
how do you get your kids to earn respect? But
then you don't want to like ruin that.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
It's a very fine balance, I know, and it's kind
of trial and error. I want to wrap back around
because you said you're dating. You and I were the
opposite when when we left the silhouette of the person
(29:27):
I went into like, I'm doing background checks, I'm not dating.
I'm moving my family out here, and I'm just gonna
like incubate and not give myself to any soul. You
are like, I believe in love. I want to be
on every dating app and like it inspires me. But
you've had a lot of boyfriends, and I'm like, where
are you finding them? Not a lot of boyfriends. I
(29:49):
wouldn't say that I've dated. First of all, you've had
boyfriends in the course of a year. That's a lot.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
That's not that's true.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I'm saying you bad men.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Where are they?
Speaker 2 (30:03):
How do you find that this is not an insult? Is
a compliment you?
Speaker 3 (30:05):
No, it is an insult because I'm not a whatever
you call that.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
I'm not a serial dater.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
Well yeah, maybe at one point I was, but that's exhausting.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Okay, So let's just clear up what thing.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
I did not get on the dating apps until January
of this past year.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Okay, so the dating apps are recent, Yeah, they are recent.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
I didn't want to. I don't.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
I'm I believe in old school love, like I want
to be meeting at a coffee shop. Yes, okay, but
so many of my friends were like, dude, it's not
going to happen, like you just need to at.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Least in La. I think La, and like the bigger cities.
It's really I actually know, it's really difficult.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Okay, and so but I would either get introduced to
people or my manager would set me up or I
what I realized in dating is this, and this is
why I think they call it duty dating.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
But dating is so important. It's like I really learned
about what I wanted and what I liked. It was
more about selfishly, about understanding who I am as a person,
and I didn't have that because I got married at
twenty I had my first baby at twenty one.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
That is a baby. When I was twenty one, I
was passed out in downtown Salt Lake on a spike
bracelet to a cop telling me to get the fuck up.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I love you. You are a wild one, but it's
where are these men not in La? Well I found
one in Oh.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
She's so wild to me. You're like, I'm leaving La.
There's nothing here. I'm taking a year. I'm moving to Montana.
I'm like she calls me, She's like, I got a boyfriend.
I'm dating this guy. I was like, that's so wonderful
you met some When he's like, yeah, I'm gonna come
out to LA to see him, I'm like, oh he
lives in LA. What Yeah?
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Yeah, I mean listen to the world. Like, so, I've
reached a point in my life where I just I
believe in God. So whatever your higher power is, that's
like great, But for me.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
I didn't want to do it anymore. I don't want
to control anything. It's exhausting.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Yeah, I mean this goes back to like in my
early twenties when I was like, I don't want to
control anyone. I don't want to like I want to
handle my side of the street and that's it. And
like I feel like that's where.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
Is that so variety that's come into play, Like when
you're like, I want to keep my side of the
street clean.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
I don't want to control things. I want to hand
it over to God.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Did you learn that when you decided to get sober, Yeah,
and you just implemented it in all areas.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
In a matter of life.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
So I was I got sober for two years, but
I wasn't working a program. And but for me personally,
I need a spiritual program in order to I need
something that's bigger than me, because it's not like it's
all about self pity, woe is me? Like I don't
want to live that way, and I know the best
way for me to show up being a sober person.
(32:58):
And by the way, like it's just today, I only
have today. Who I don't know what the fuck I
have tomorrow. Of course, I don't know if if I'll
be here tomorrow or if something will set me off,
but just for today, like I'm sober and I'm happy,
and I think like the best version of myself is
without using drugs or alcohol.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
Yeah, and I think that that's the best way also
to raise children, Like.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
I don't want my kids to be around you know
a mom who is using substance or sees like orange
bottles all over the house or like it's it's not
what I want.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
So I think about that all the time that like
I feel so fortunate that I got to a place
where I was wanting, I was begging for sobriety well
before I got sober in twenty eighteen. Ocean was born
in twenty twenty one, And I love knowing that I
had that kind of under my belt before I brought
a child into the world, because had it been the
(33:51):
other way around and she came before sobriety like.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
It would have, it would have been awful. Yeah, I
mean so bad.
Speaker 3 (33:58):
I came in through well, I came in through alan On,
so my codependance or my codepency, which I had and
I heal every day from. I didn't understand why I
kept choosing bad relationships, like really bad relations I didn't
understand I have a great father, My parents have been
married for forty something years, Like why do I feel
(34:20):
so broken?
Speaker 1 (34:21):
It's wild Amber, because we kind of like I witnessed
the same kind of thing. Yeah, Like my parents were together,
they were like completely normal, healthy. I watched them go
through ups and downs and come out on top together.
So the fact that you and I both experienced that
in our households and then just kind of went in
(34:44):
a different direction is something that I wish someone could
explain to me. How many people want to say it
is because you have daddy issues. I'm like, that cannot
be it.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Yeah, I'm like, do I have daddy issues? Well, maybe
I have mommy issues. Maybe I have it's not it's
it's I have I have the most amazing parents and
they're not perfect, but like they're perfect just the way
they are right, And it was real and I still
go through this, like in every new relationship I enter
(35:15):
or or I start dating. I like, it's such a
great time to like self reflect and like get to know.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
Amber a little bit more totally.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
And it's it's sometimes it doesn't end up being because
I really want them, and so like I I will,
you know, I'll do the chase, but.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Like I don't want that.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
I don't want what's not mine, like or what's meant
for me.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
I don't want that. I love that. I don't want
what's not mine. My God, that is.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
So what I say.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Now.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
I heard this on a podcast, But when I pray,
I say, God, if like is for me, let it
be known. And if he's not, I give you permission
to remove him.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
And I didn't.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
I heard that somewhere on a podcast, but I when
I did hear that? I go, oh my god. That's
another version of just like letting it go because I
am a hopeless romantic. Yeah, I love love like I
know you do. I love love.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
I know it makes me so happy, and I know.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
That not everyone's gonna be for me, And that was
something that was really hard for me to learn. Right,
is like step one, not numbing yourself out. Going on
a date sober is freakin' hard. Like when I first
started dating and I was sober, I was like, who
am I? Like, I didn't know how to manage these emotions.
But now I have tools that I could use, and like,
I actually can also listen to my body sober. I
(36:40):
love that, Like I'm not running on like Xanax and
not understanding like, oh, I'm gonna numb myself out because
like totally these feelings are too big for me to manage.
It's like, okay, now what are these feelings?
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Is it hinpointing them?
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Yeah? Are you just nervous in the moment? Okay, that's
actually exciting. It's fun to be like feel like a
teenager and like be fifteen again and have those butterfly feelings.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
But are or are these like is.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
This person doing something, saying something, or like moving in
a way that is triggering. That's true, that reminding you
of maybe a past relationship. And so now I get
to ask these questions when I leave a date. And yeah,
I moved to Montana and and low and behold. I
went to the bank like no one does anymore, and
(37:22):
because I'm like so old school, and I ran into
someone that I hadn't seen in a long time, and
he thought I was dating someone. I was like, oh, no, no, no,
I'm not dating anyone. And he's like, let me take
you to dinner. Like okay, but I'm leaving just so
you know, like I literally am leaving in like I'm
literally here to wire money for the new house.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Yeah, like I'm leaving, I'm leaving moving.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
And by the way, what was so great at that
point I had gone I dated a handful of people
to where I knew that even if that relationship was
going to work, I wasn't staying. Like I knew that
this is like I'm in my lane now, like you
have to fit into my life and we will make
our lives beautiful together. I wasn't gonna let anyone derail
(38:07):
me and let my codependency sneak in to like change
my mind.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
Right.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
So I was like okay, and and he's like, well,
are you driving?
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Are you flying?
Speaker 3 (38:17):
I said no, no, I'm gonna put my car listen. I
could barely make it to Palm Springs, like with the traffic,
like I'm not driving to Montana. And he was like,
let's drive. And I was like, mm, nah, I'm not driving.
Like that sounds you know, it just sounds awful. Yeah,
it sounds awful, thank you.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
And I was thinking about it. I was like, whoa
wait a second. You're in this season of doing things
that you don't want to do and like be open minded, right,
And I was.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
Like, you know what, fuck it, let's go. And you
guys made it. Like how long is that drive? That's
like a real road trip.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
It's a real road trip.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
It's like sixteen and a half. And we stayed over
in Salt Lake or yeah, outside of Salt Lake City.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Oh look you yeah, sounds beautiful.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
It was. It was. So it sounds like a very
nice way to get to know somebody. Can I tell
you this is yes, this and we are in different stages,
but like with my kids, the way that they are
right now, like I'm just gonna for a minute, I
was like a born again virgin, like, no joke, I
hadn't had sex.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
I'm calling you and I'm like it had been like.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
Almost two years, right like, and that's so unhealthy, but
keep going, well, I'm a masturbader, like, don't even fuck around,
you give me.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
I have a drawer full of all the toys.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
And I just sit there and I'm like, it's gonna
be a fun day any mini miney mo boom, you
all win, you all whim a loom for everybody, but
for me. I'm sitting here this morning, so right now,
and I'm just gonna say it, and I don't give
a fuck. I'm I'm just sleeping with people, like I
(39:59):
know exactly. That's wonderful. I mean, it's wonderful too. And
for some reason people cannot wrap their mind. If I
were a man, it would just be like, oh, he's
playing the field, he's not interested, Like you can't lock
him down. He's a bachelor. I'm a bachelorette, okay. I
don't need a man for anything. And people keep trying
to push this dating thing on me, and then I
(40:21):
start thinking like Okay, well, maybe I'll get out there.
Then I had this moment of clarity where I'm like,
what do I want, law do you want to date?
If you want to date, get your mess out there
and date. And I'm like, I don't want to date.
I just want a man to come in, fulfill a
need and go home because I'm so happy right now.
And that could change tomorrow. Today I say I'm never
(40:44):
getting married. I know how the world works. There could
be a day where I'm like, I want to get married.
I understand that is it a very low possibility? Yes,
but for now, come in, come out, and this morning.
And I'm not joking. My dog is fifteen and a
half and all she does is shit and pee herself.
Speaker 2 (41:04):
It is a lot, and I love this dog.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
And I feel so guilty that I'm going back and
forth on like is is it time or do I
just keep rocking it this way? It was a full
on explosion at my house, not of shit, but of
mesen and my mom screaming at the top of our
lungs at each other, telling each other that you don't
do enough, you're fucking lazy. And it all stemmed from this,
(41:30):
from this gorgeous animal lily. Okay, and I was driving
here to the podcast because we all like made up,
and it was like, I'm so sorry. Had that happened
with me and a partner, it would weigh so heavy
on the relationship that our sex life would suffer, resentment
would build because there's not unconditional love with your partner.
(41:51):
And people can say that all day long, that like,
find someone who you love, flaws and all, and I
used to very much co sign on that, but finding
a partner that love is conditional. I'm expecting you to
show up for me, be my teammate, be loyal, be trustworthy.
You fuck up one time you have put my heart
in jeopardy. With my family, I don't expect anything from them.
(42:13):
We have come from literally thoughts, right you said, and
I were just thoughts, and then we came to be
into our family. It is unconditional love. Whether it's Easton
struggling with his drinking, my mom struggling with her hip
or her arm, it doesn't affect the intimacy because there
isn't any When intimacy is affected in a relationship, everything
(42:36):
starts going to shit.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
So for me right now, I'm like, if.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
Everything's working, and I can have blow ups with my
family and there's a lot of moving parts. There's a
one year old who's preventing sleep. There's a four and
a half year old who's wanting to sleep in my bed.
Could you imagine I had a boyfriend? He said? An
English there said I do. When I say you imagine,
I could a little British. But I'm like it would
be so hard. So the timing is not right, and
(43:03):
my mind, body, and gut are telling me that the time.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
Why are you selling? You're fighting with yourself, I'm fighting
with other people? Who cares what other people think?
Speaker 1 (43:12):
Thank you? I feel soppy?
Speaker 3 (43:15):
Have you ever read Mel Robbins book Let Them No?
But you told me to get this?
Speaker 1 (43:18):
So I ordered it on Amazon and it did arrive.
It did arrive. I'm extriminating it.
Speaker 3 (43:22):
No, that whole philosophy. Let them, thank you, Let them
who cares?
Speaker 1 (43:27):
No. I feel like I'm talking at you because people
don't understand. You're the first person that was like okay,
And I'm like, do you know how many times I've
explained this to people and they're like, you just have
some stuff you need to work through. You know, you've
been through a lot. I'm like, we're over it. We're
over it. Let me, Yeah, I'm letting them. Let me.
(43:49):
How about that just where you're you have so much
going on.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
Right I do.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
I mean from the outside looking at you've just named
you have two kids under the age of five.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
A lot of people we know kind of well I.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
Know, but but they like you're operating. Someone explained to
me the life is like a pie, right, and so
like you're how much of sosa and ocean are going
to fill up that pie? A lot?
Speaker 1 (44:14):
Right? Eight percent? Yeah? Okay?
Speaker 3 (44:17):
And then you have time to work out right and
stay healthy and fit or okay, that takes the piece.
Then you have work, which is which is huge because
you're a one like income household, right You're you're raising
two kids on your own. That's a huge piece, okay.
And then you have fun like like lalla time right
(44:37):
with your little friends or like late night whatever it is, like, Okay,
where is the like last percentage that very small percentage
for a man like if he comes in, if that
one percent, like that's that's enough for you to be
able to take that one percent and not fit a
marriage in that one percent because marriage is a lot
(44:59):
of work.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
It's an other business. Yeah, it's work.
Speaker 3 (45:02):
It's work, and then you have to maybe if that
person also has kids.
Speaker 1 (45:05):
Can you imagine?
Speaker 3 (45:06):
No, it's like you're you're you're good. So go have fun,
go sleep with as many men. Just be careful as
you want.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Just be careful, be careful. I'm an educated ho amber.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
We know this. I do background checks. Married. We'll see
what the background check. Suye, buddy, you're telling me no,
but your eyes are saying otherwise. No. I'm safe going
about it, and I feel happy and fulfilled and I
love sitting see you get me. I feel so seen
(45:40):
by you all the time. Can we talk about this
one thing that we talked about on the phone, because
I completely died you saying that la men are too
dependent and I was just wait. I thought you were
(46:01):
gonna say moms or too dependent on like their friends,
and you said they're too dependent on their dogs.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
You know, people like in the world are gonna hate
me right now for saying that.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
Let me give you some context.
Speaker 3 (46:13):
So on the dating apps or just out in general,
I have found this is my opinion. Yeah, people are
so and whether they are using their animals as like
an escapegoat to not like be able to show up
in a relationship like as like like this is who
I am. I find that men are truly hiding behind
(46:37):
like their their dogs and I and okay, let me
just like be blunt. I have seen so many guys
walking around or on Instagram or social different social media
platforms wearing like a satchel with their dog in it. So,
unless your dog has three fucking legs or is on
its last day, your dog does not belong in a
(46:59):
baby fucking bajor or whatever you call it, like your baby,
your your dog belongs on a leash or by you, right,
maybe not leash if you're in a park that whatever.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
Yeah, what about a stroller? Oh? Even worse, I can't,
I can't, I can't, I can't. I don't know why
it is so not sexy to me. I want a
fucking man.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Okay, what does I want you for?
Speaker 1 (47:27):
You?
Speaker 3 (47:29):
I want you to pump my guess hot. I want
you to come behind me in the kitchen when I'm
doing dishes and fucking grab me. Okay, yeah, like I
want a man, Like how can you?
Speaker 1 (47:43):
First of all, how can you do that when you
have a dog here? Right? We're on the back.
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Well, I just want And the guy that I'm with
now is so good that way, Like he opened my
car door and like I thought that was so sweet
and I'm not. It's just the little things I want.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
Like if you date someone, just fucking ball check them.
Please check their balls. Yeah, just make sure the size
of the balls. Like just meaning like I'm speaking metaphorically, like, oh,
I just.
Speaker 3 (48:11):
Thought you meant literally. I was like, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
All right, I'm gonna feel them measure.
Speaker 3 (48:18):
I particularly like balls so long, no, not long? I like,
you know, what do your ears saying load?
Speaker 1 (48:26):
Do they do your balls? Okay?
Speaker 3 (48:29):
I sing that with my girls, but with your boobs?
Do your boobs saying load?
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Because that's a.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
Whole other conversation. Wearing brals in our house is like
a whole discussion whether you wear them, whether you don't.
I don't like wearing them. London's like what the fuck?
Riley's like a fuck it. We're in Montana now, let
it all hang out.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Oh my gosh, that is so funny. What's important for
you when it comes to a man? Oh, when it
comes to a man. Well, they have to make me laugh,
And I know that sounds so cheesy. I have to
be able because because I'm weird, like I have leaned
into the fact, like I'm done being like sexy, Like
I make weird jokes, I'm a little out there, I
(49:09):
move a lot when I talk, like I'm a quirky
fucking bitch.
Speaker 2 (49:12):
Right, you have to, like, you have to like that.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
I'm not gonna sit here and be like a trophy
and like Stepford wife who has very little to say
and doesn't change her voice when she talks. That's just
not me. And I feel like I tried to be
that way when I was younger. Now you have to
kind of come in and you have to match. You
have to think I'm funny, and I have to think
you're funny. Yeah. I have to be able to lay
in bed and eat Gouda cheese with you and watch
(49:38):
Seinfeld and you have to actually enjoy it. That's number one.
And also I think the physical part for me is
very important, Like I, oh, this sounds so bad. I'm
not just searching for like a good heart, Like you
have to come in here in first and foremost. I
have to want to rip your clothes off at all
fucking times. Mm hmm, I did it. We're done here.
(50:01):
I'm not going to sit here and say, oh, but
he's so nice. So I'm gonna let certain things go. No,
first and foremost, I have to want to fuck the
shit out of you all the time.
Speaker 3 (50:10):
Yeah, you can't chase potential, No, because potential will just
end up disappointing you.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
Exactly right, you it's the worst. And then we'll go
to like the heart because here's the thing. If if
you if I'm not sexually attracted to you, then like
what are we even doing? No?
Speaker 3 (50:26):
Sexual compatibility is the most By the way, let me
say something. Sometimes you get in bed with people and
you're like, they're okay, and then meaning like physically, and
then you get in ben You're like, whoa, well, yeah,
that guy knows how to move.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
That guy's all got down there, like we did a
ball check. We're happy the ball check. The manscapes. Yes, yes,
you know.
Speaker 2 (50:46):
I'm not gonna be floss in my teeth while I'm
down there. I don't love that at all.
Speaker 3 (50:51):
By the way, how would you approach that if you
were with someone that didn't Because some guys maybe don't
know or do they.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
I think I think it's similar to a chick like
some some chicks like a bush. I think some men
who have a situation going on down there, they're like,
I like it, this is I'm a man baby. Yeah,
I guess that's true. I would say we got to
like figure out the situation. I could do it for you.
I have shaved someone before. Oh a many, I don't care.
(51:20):
I'm down there. Let me let me get it all
cleaned up. I know what it should look.
Speaker 3 (51:23):
Like with your tweezers exactly.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
I'm down here anyway, might as well get it done.
You are dirty. You are dirty.
Speaker 2 (51:32):
But how do I go from being like a complete
nun to being like.
Speaker 1 (51:37):
Fuck it tits out?
Speaker 3 (51:38):
But I'm just you know what's so interesting? I am
the same way I'm I'm extremist. Yeah, yeah, I have like.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
Two speeds, you know, yeah, zero or one hundred. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (51:53):
I'm either like working in the kitchen at like seven am,
getting the kids ready for school, yeah, or I'm like,
you know, all buttoned up totally. But I think that
there's a time and place for everything I do too, right, Yes, Like,
I think that's what makes you so unique and beautiful things,
And men don't want that men, I feel like they
(52:17):
want personality, at least the right ones want personality.
Speaker 1 (52:20):
So too because on the flip side of what I said,
because that's kind of where I'm at now. But let's
just say I was looking for like my partner, there
would be things that would outweigh the physical. And here's why.
Because when you're going in that direction, looks are going
to fade. Sex life is going to fade. What really
(52:42):
stays true is someone's core and their heart and their personality.
You hope, I mean a normal person like at our age,
You would hope that their personalities are if they're funny,
they're not going to lose their sense of humor.
Speaker 2 (52:55):
Those are the things that are going to carry you through.
Speaker 1 (52:57):
Right. So, if I'm looking for someone who's going to
be in my life every single day, obviously the kids
got to get along with the kids, But for me,
you have to be my best friend. I have to
call you when I'm at the highest of highs and
the lowest of lows. I have to want to be
around you all the time, because that's what's gonna get
us to the very end. Right.
Speaker 3 (53:17):
Yeah, Yeah, it's finding somebody you could be a best
friend with but I also think that sex doesn't have
to fade.
Speaker 1 (53:22):
You're either a sexual person or you're not. Honey, when
you're grown and you need a hip replacement and you
got to be on the bed for a little bit. No,
I'm starting to be having sex or you're kidding, you're
a savage. I fucking love you.
Speaker 3 (53:34):
I need I need sex, Like that's like the first
thing I feel like that when I step into a
relationship and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (53:39):
Just so you know, like I I like sex. What
are we talking like once? How many times a week? No,
I mean it's a healthy amount. Don't worry.
Speaker 3 (53:49):
I don't I don't need another.
Speaker 1 (53:50):
Program we really should check into.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
I think a couple times a week is normal.
Speaker 2 (53:59):
Oh, totally doable.
Speaker 1 (54:01):
Yeah. I asked my married friends, and they probably think
I'm a weirdo that's going to go home and like
masturbate to thinking about them. But I truly do wonder,
like how often my married friends have sex, And it's
truly just to understand, like what does and what is antsy.
A lot of them say that it's two times a week,
(54:21):
but then when kids come into play, they're like, we're
lucky to get twice a month. But we always make
sure that we're like getting into bed together, We're going
to bed together, and I think that's very important. The
day sex is the best when the kids are at school.
Speaker 3 (54:35):
There's something so sexy about that because you.
Speaker 1 (54:37):
Feel like you shouldn't be doing I know, but you should.
I love an afternoon masturbation, Sash. We talked about that
last night. I'm gonna try it. You have to. Yeah, yeah,
it's the freaking best. I had a wonderful time having
you on my podcast. Thank you. Do you feel good?
I feel like psyched to talk to you for like
five more hours. I know you're still going to get
(54:58):
the crazy Lalla as you have just seen because we
were talking about blowjobs and all the things still, so
it's like it's like it's new and reinvented, but like
we still have some of the same bones, the core.
Speaker 2 (55:10):
It's the core.
Speaker 1 (55:11):
Uh. I loved this episode. I feel like I just
gave birth to a new baby. So I want to
thank all of you for following me from give Them
Laala to my reinvented podcast untraditionally Laala. I'm gonna catch
you guys next Wednesday, and remember we still have a
bonus on Monday, so i'll catch you there, Love you guys. Bye,
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