“If you know that you're not a person who's easily irritated, and you find yourself becoming easily irritated, that might be a definite sign that you are out of mental alignment. If the things that normally bring you joy, you're no longer interested in, you might be out of mental alignment. If you feel it in your body, then you might be out of mental alignment.” - Dr. Dominique Broussard
Welcome to Stay a While with Tommi Vincent! If you’re tired of feeling worn out, stressed, and like you’re stuck in the same sick mental and emotional rut, this episode is for you! Licensed psychologist Dr. Dominique Broussard aka “Dr. Dom” has some immediately actionable tools to help all of us speak up and out for our mental and emotional health. Whether you’re 25 or 75, right now is always the best time to learn how to give yourself what you need. For some of us it might be taking inventory of how much sleep we’re getting (or not). For others it may be checking in on our spiritual practice. Dr. Dom breaks down her top three strategies for ensuring alignment and exactly what we need to find our voice and speak up for our mental health.
More affectionately known as, Dr. Dom, I was born and raised in New Orleans. I received a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and a Master's degree in Community Counseling from The University of Georgia. My Bachelor's degree is in Psychology from Loyola University New Orleans. My career has focused on providing therapy and teaching at college campuses in Georgia, North Carolina, Texas, and California. While I am unapologetically here to provide care for Black people, I use a culturally responsive approach to make clients from any background feel welcome. When I am not seeing clients through my private practice, you may find me working with college students at the University of San Francisco or creating space for Black women through my co-hosted podcast, Cultivating H.E.R. Space. My loves (in no particular order): reading good books, my family, friends, podcasting, traveling, Peloton workouts, and wine.
In this episode we cover
[00:01 - 02:41] The Key Ingredients to Embracing your True, Authentic Self
[02:42 - 17:27] Introducing Dr. Dominique Broussard
[17:28 - 38:35] Getting Into Mental Alignment to Be at Our 100%
[38:36 - 54:12] Being in Tune With Yourself to Recognize the Signs
[54:13 - 56:25] Closing Segment
Key Quotes
“When we sleep, when we rest, that's our brain, our mind's opportunity to reset and restore.” - Dr. Dominique Broussard
“More importantly, when you get enough sleep, when you have enough rest, you're able to show up in all of the spaces that need you with a clear mind.” - Dr. Dominique Broussard
“Having that moment to be still really allows yourself that time to process all the thoughts that you might be having. It allows you to clear some of those thoughts. It allows you to get in tune with what you really need in those moments of quiet in those moments of stillness. ” - Dr. Dominique Broussard
“If you're not truly in tune with yourself, and you're in that focus of being on the grind, then you might not notice it.” - Dr. Dominique Broussard
“When you learn to say no to other people, it also, on the flip side, teaches you to seek consent from other people...so that you can honor other people's boundaries as well.” - Dr. Dominique Broussard
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Put your bags down and pull up a seat. You
are listening to Stay Awhile the Podcast with Tommy Vincent.
You could, y'all load, we could found keep it real
and it's how good. Wherever you are, pull up a
seat to the table where we not only serve food
(00:22):
for the soul, but provides you with the key ingredients
to embracing your true, authentic self. It's not difficult to
(00:43):
tell when we're out of mental and emotional alignment if
we know what to look for, but many of us
are so inundated with to do lists and life's never
ending obligations that we forget how to check in with
ourselves and how to speak up about what we need. Well. Today,
(01:05):
therapist Dr Dominique Brossard, affectionately known as Dr Dom is
equipping us with some practical tools for checking in, speaking up,
and realigning our mental health. So get your notebooks ready. Everyone,
(01:26):
Welcome to the Stay Awhile Table. I am Tommy Vincent,
your host, and today we have joining us the lovely
Dr Dominique Brossard and also known as Dr dom in
which we will be referring to her throughout the podcast.
So thank you so much, Dr Dom for joining me
(01:47):
at the Stay a While table today. I'm looking forward
to our conversation. I know that you will provide a
lot of insight for the listeners. Not only insight, but
you're gonna leave them with some takeaway days that they
will be able to apply to their life. Now, this season,
we have been very intentional about bringing on guests that
(02:10):
will be able to provide strategy and action steps for
women in their lives. I appreciate affirmations. I appreciate you know,
speaking good stuff over your life, but the good stuff
doesn't take away what's going on inside of you when
you speak those words. That's not the work. That's just
(02:33):
a tool that you can use. So I am looking
forward to our conversation believing that we are going to
get some strategies here. But before we get into the
main course of this conversation, I would love to talk
to you about a place that was healing for me.
I found my healing in the kitchen via food, and
(02:55):
it loved me back to life. And so I want
to talk to you about my food segment. Food is Love,
And the first question I have for you here is
what food best describes your personality? And why oh oh
that's a great question, Okay. I was ready to answer,
(03:17):
like what's my favorite food and like why I love it? Um,
I would say gumbo is it's like my favorite food,
and I think that it could also describe my personality
as well. So I you know, I born and raised
in New Orleans, Louisiana, and so I grew up eating
(03:41):
gumbo all the time. And what I love so much
about gumbo is that it is always you have to
serve it hot, right, and it's something that is so
warm and soothing for the soul. And I think that
I my personality is one that's warm that and then
(04:05):
my work that I do as a therapist, I help
folks soothe their soul. M hmm, that's beautiful. Okay, gumbo.
Name one recipe that is special to you and why?
Oh m hmm rumballs? Rumballs? Yes, um, okay, So I'll explain.
(04:35):
So it's a recipe that my grandmother introduced it to
the family. I'm not sure where she got it. I
probably should ask, but it's a recipe that she introduced
to the family, and she and I as I got older, Um,
(04:56):
certain points in my life when I had more vacation
time available around the holidays, I would spend time at
her house and we would make Christmas sweets for the
entire family. And so it ranged from rum balls, pe
con tarts, two cookies, and so rum balls was the
(05:17):
one that the task that she always assigned me to.
And and so for me, that recipe holds a lot
of meaning, not so much because of what the food
is itself, but the opportunity to spend time with my
grandmother and really getting to know her as as an individual.
(05:38):
Mm hmm. That's what I love about dishes that have
graced our tables throughout the history of our lives, because
they truly do tell a story and they keep us
connected to our ancestors um And that's why for me,
food is that connective tissue. And my grandmother played a
(06:01):
huge role in where I am today and why I
even created this table because her kitchen was his place.
It was like a community, like a water hole where
people came and they received the nourishment that they needed,
and it was so powerful. I don't think I recognized
it when I was younger, but as an adult and
(06:23):
when I was going through challenging times, I always found
myself looking to feed my family. But the preparation of
the food and my ability to pour my love and
everything um that was in my heart into those dishes
that somehow really healed me and helped me to get
through some really tough times in my life. So I
(06:46):
love that story and and why it means so much
to you. Thank you. So was there a time in
your life where food was healing for you? You know? So,
I'll I'll say that I am not a frequent cook.
I'll put it like that. I know how to cook,
(07:10):
but I'm not a frequent cook. And but what I
do think about in terms of when food was healing
for me, I reflect back to when my doctor told
me that I had fibroids and that her immediate recommendation
(07:30):
was for me to have surgery. And I didn't want
to have surgery. Uh, And so I started doing research
on okay, well what can I do to avoid it?
And a lot of it was around diet change and
so like extreme diet change, like cutting out sugar, like
cutting out alcohol, cutting out coffee, cutting out like all
(07:56):
the things that like I enjoyed eating, and so whole
I had to I decided, like, Okay, if I want
to avoid having surgery, what can I do, What changes
can I make in my diet that will help? And
so I looked into for so for a while I
(08:18):
became pscytarian. And so what that forced me to do
is that even though I'm from Louisiana and We're used
to having lots of really delicious seafood dishes, we also
have a lot of dishes that have like pork and
beef and other types of meat in it. And so
(08:39):
what it did was it forced me to step back
and look at other ways in which I could still
sustain myself through food, you know, with food, but in
ways that would be delicious for me. And so I
found it really healing in the sense of it allowed
(09:04):
me to stretch my way of thinking and and expand
my my taste boods mm hmm. So do you still
is that still your diet of choice? Are you still
a pescytarian? I'm not. I'm not. I love sweets like sugar.
(09:28):
I love sugar way too much. You know, I live
in the Bay Area and so I'm not that far
from wine country, so yeah, it's kind of hard. And
then I love coffee, so like I had to, I
did start to incorporate all of those things back into
my life. Okay, well listen, if you go with it,
(09:52):
that's what matters, right. That's the one thing about food,
you know, I know there are a lot of options
and ways that people can choose to eat, but it's
your choice, um, And so that is for me as
a chef, it's a point of conversation for me where
I'm pretty sensitive to it because sometimes people make diet
(10:15):
choices and then their judgmental with other people or really
try to push their diet choice on other people because
of how it benefited them, which is great, you know
that you found the benefit there. But the beauty of
food is there's enough of it and we can choose,
and quite frankly, there are some communities that don't get
(10:36):
to choose. So choice with food is truly a privilege,
It truly truly is. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, So now
we've done, we've done got through the food and we
can get into the main course. And I introduced you
up top as doctor Dom. So can you speak to
(10:57):
who you are um in your own words and what
it is and how you would like the listeners to
know who Dr Dom is. I love that. Oh, that
is so wonderful. This is offering folks the opportunity to
introduce themselves and speak on who they are. That's so beautiful. Uh,
(11:17):
so thank you for that. UM. I am Dr Dom
and I am a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
I like I said, I was born and raised in
New Orleans, Louisiana, and that is that is so ingrained
in my spirit. Um. I have lived in multiple states
(11:43):
throughout the South before moving to California. So you know,
like I said, grew up in Louisiana, lived in Georgia,
North Carolina, and Texas before coming to California. And I
think that living in all of those places has shaped
how how I look at my work as a psychologist.
(12:07):
I think more importantly, though, identifying as a black woman
in America truly shapes my work as a psychologist. I
know that therapy is in the field of psychology, you know,
started out as a male, white, male dominated field. M h.
(12:30):
And even to this day, there's only five percent of
us that are licensed psychologists, like five black licensed psychologists
across the country. Wow. So yeah, and so part of
who I am is is someone who really wants folks
to understand the the power of addressing your own mental health,
(12:55):
and also wanting to reduce the stigma around Sea King therapy,
and and wanting folks to really understand the power that
can be found, the healing that can be found in
therapy when you need it. Mm hmm. Absolutely. Can you
(13:19):
speak to the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist? Yes, Um.
I love answering that question because even my family, who
they've been with me on this journey, they getting used
so and so, and I put that out there to
(13:40):
say that, like, I get that it is confusing for folks. So,
a psychologist is one who specializes in talk therapy and
and so and then we generally go to graduate school.
So whether that at a university or at a professional school, Um,
(14:06):
we spend four to six years post bachelor's degree earning
that doctorate in psychology. Mhm. And then um, a psychiatrist
is the one who prescribes medication. The psychiatrists goes to
medical school. Now, I will say the one caveat that
(14:31):
is starting to throw folks off a little bit is
that there are a few states where psychologists are able
to get prescription privileges. So that can throw people off
a little bit, Like if you're in Louisiana or New Mexico.
(14:51):
But generally the biggest distinction is that your psychiatrists goals
is based on our education. Right, So you're psychiakris goals
to medical school and then you're psychologists attends a graduate
school program. Okay, Yeah. When I did um my therapy,
(15:12):
I went to a psychologist. UM and uh it was
a black, older woman, which was very important to me. UM.
One that she was black, and then also that she
was older. UM, I had lived so much life and
I felt like where I needed to be spoken into that.
I really wanted someone that had life experience, not just
(15:36):
you know, the knowledge of their education, but if I
were to need medication. So it was a mother daughter tandem.
The mother was the psychologist and the daughter was a psychiatrist.
So if she needed to prescribe someone in any medication,
she was able to work, you know, with her daughter
to do do that. So, UM, thank you for clarifying that.
(15:58):
And I want to be very clear, there's nothing wrong
with the need to be attended by a psychiatrist. And
part of the stigma I believe in our community is
when we think of mental health, we have pictures of
like people in white straight jackets and being carried off
(16:23):
in a vehicle. You know. And while I'm not saying
that that never happens to someone, um, but that's not
what when we're talking about mental health as a means
of having good health from the top to the bottom,
(16:43):
it's it's like going to the gym. It's like how
you're choosing, what types of food you're choosing to eat,
how you're choosing to you know, bolster up your mental health.
All of those things apply to us and provide us
with an opportunity. You people, you know, say very casually
that they're going to live their best life. Okay, well,
(17:05):
if you truly believe and truly desire to have your
best life results, then you should keep everything on the
table because whatever it takes and whatever whatever is necessary,
that's what we need to do as um human beings,
and especially for black women. Yes, yes, yes, I am
(17:26):
so with that. Definitely, yes. So let's get into the
questions that I believe will provide women with some healing,
with some action, and with some strategy, because that was
(17:46):
that's what was important to me. I didn't want to
have another conversation with a girlfriend that was either going
to feed where I was, or you know, wasn't going
to be able to speak into what do I do next?
To get from where I am right now? I needed
a strategy and so that's why counseling was so critical
for me. You know, so many of us we live
(18:10):
our life outside of our body. We just exist, We
just survive um and we don't get to reach the
point of thriving. What are some practices that can help
us get in tune with our minds and our bodies. Oh,
so the first thing that I think of is sleep. Mhm.
(18:40):
So many of us take that for granted. And when
I say sleep, I mean it's not just the quantity,
but also the quality of the sleep that you get.
Because the thing is is that when we sleep, when
we rest, that it's our brain, our minds opportunity to
(19:03):
reset and restore. So I'm also a college professor, and
so one of the things that like, when I'm talking
about good sleep hygiene with college students, I talked to
them about the need to get rest, appropriate rest so
that all the information that you're taking in in your
(19:24):
classes actually sets in in your brain. Because if you
are only sleeping for three or four hours a night,
all that information that you just learned in class all day,
it's not it's you're not gonna be able to remember it.
Mm hmm. But then also thinking about you know, as
(19:49):
we're older and getting and we're out of that college setting,
that sleep affects our weight, right, So if we are
not sleeping enough, then our body doesn't have a chance
to fully metabolize all the food that we eat, and
(20:09):
for some of us, that could lead to weight gain
that we don't want, because I do want to acknowledge
that some of us do want it mm hmmm. But
for those of us that don't, if we're not sleeping enough,
then we that weight will pile on and then it
(20:30):
becomes a cycle. But also more importantly, when you get
enough sleep and you have enough rest, you're able to
show up in all of the spaces that need you
with a clear mind. I know personally, when I haven't
(20:52):
had enough rest, I'm not functioning at one And if
I'm not far shining at a hundred pent then that
means that I'm not fully present for my clients. That
means that I'm not fully present for my students. It
also means that I'm not fully present for anyone in
(21:12):
my personal life, so friends and family m hm. And
that's important to me to be able to show up
fully for those around me m hm. So I would
say sleep is probably the number one strategy. The second
strategy that I would encourage is prayer or meditation hm.
(21:40):
So something that allows you whatever your practice might be,
but something that allows you to be still and get
get in touch with yourself and spirit and whatever other
faith based, faith based notions or ritual rules that are
(22:08):
important to you. Right. Each of those, like having that
moment to be still, really allows yourself that time to
process all the thoughts that you might be having. It
(22:28):
allows you to clear some of those thoughts. It allows
you to get in tune with what you really need
in those moments of quiet, In those moments of stillness
when you're praying, those are those are the moments when
you're able to really get in touch with what it
(22:49):
is you need and want mm hmm. The last thing,
the last strategy that I would really encourage, um so
those are like my so like my top three would
be exercise. Exercise can it not only has like the
physical health benefits which a lot of people that's what
(23:12):
they focused on, right, does the physical health beness fits
of exercising, But truly, when you exercise multiple times a week,
what that does is that's also good for your mental
health mhm, because it keeps you from being depressed because
(23:34):
you're active and you're moving, I know, you know. And
for some folks it doesn't have to be like the
standard exercises. I encourage folks to get creative with exercise
and that it doesn't have to take two hours out
of your day m hm, which I think is like
a turn off for a lot of people because they're like, Okay,
(23:58):
well I have to for ain't something to wear, and
then I had to drive to the gym, and then
I have to come home and I have to shower
because I'm not showering at that gym. That gym is nasty,
like all those things, right, Like, we can come up
with all kinds of reasons, but I encourage people to
start with baby steps fifteen minutes a day m hm.
(24:21):
You know. And since the pandemic started, like, there's been
an abundance of work at home videos, you know, on YouTube,
Like they're there are so many. I was amazed when
I started searching how many exercise videos there are on
on YouTube and all it takes is fifteen minutes. Mm hmm.
(24:48):
So those are my strategies. Sleep, prayer, meditation, and exercise
and listen. I personally, all three of those are things
that I had have committed to being disciplined in. I
go to bed every night at eleven pm. Ye, and
I've I've I've gotten to know myself so well that
(25:12):
if I go to bed ten minutes before, fifteen minutes before,
I will pop up at four thirty in the morning.
If I go to bed at eleven o'clock on the dot,
I'll wake up at six am. And so for me,
the rest is so critical. And even like now my
(25:33):
voice is raspy because over the weekend UM I hosted
my annual women's retreat, and so I was up early
and I was going to bed the wee hours of
the morning, and my body it was like it threw
it into shock. And so one one of the things
that I always know that I'm not getting the rest
(25:56):
that I need is I'll wake up and my throat
is sore and my voice is raspy, and so I know,
like and and it's hard to recover when you don't
get ample rest because it's like you're constantly trying to
pick it up to catch to catch up on that rest,
(26:16):
and then um with the prayer. So my morning, every morning,
I start out with my prayer time, UM, and I
have three spaces, four spaces in my home that I've
allocated as areas where I can go and I can pray.
So it's very it's like a space that immediately when
I go there, my mind is the posture is already
(26:40):
ready to be still and to be quiet into you know,
really spend that time in prayer. And then I go
from my prayer time into my exercise. And I was
one back in the day child because not no more,
but where I was exercising an hour and a half
(27:01):
to two hours a day and quite frankly, I don't
have that kind of time um. And then to your point,
it became more of a chore and a burden, like okay,
let me, you know, get my mind ready for this
work out, like I'm training like I'm an olympian or
(27:21):
you know, I'm playing some type of professional sport. And
then I just got to the space where I realized,
for me, the time allocation is important just as important
as the exercise I'm doing for me to every day
make the commitment. So I said, a thirty minute timer
and I exercise, and when that timer goes off, no
(27:42):
matter what I'm doing, I'm finished with my exercise. And
I make sure that I do things. I don't do
the same thing every single day because for me, that
that would drive me crazy. And I also include time
where I'm just outside walking, So I out in the
air and I'm looking at all of the glorious creations
(28:04):
all around me, and it really just does something for me.
So I am glad that you pointed those three out
three things out because you know what, all three of
them are at everyone's disposal. Yes, you don't need money, Nope,
you you don't need anyone else. All you need is
(28:26):
a made up mind that these are three practices I'm
going to include in my day to ensure that I'm
doing things that are going to build me up and
come against the things in life that tear me down. Yes,
so you hear them now, easy, nothing complicated about those
(28:49):
three pieces of strategy that you can implement in your
life that Dr Dom has shared. Everyone can do it.
You just need to make your mind up. Yes, yeah, absolutely.
So for those of us who weren't raised to even
consider our mental health, what can first steps to being
(29:11):
vocal about it look like and sound like? So, yeah,
there's a lot of us out there that weren't raised
that way, right, Like, that wasn't talked about in my household. Um,
and so I think what I usually encourage folks to
do is to say it out loud to somebody, m
(29:35):
right that, to say I think I might need therapy.
And if that feels like too much, then think about
who your goal to person is, the person that you
bounce off all of your ideas and share it with them,
(30:01):
but don't share it with them from the intention of
getting approval mm hmm, because that's when we oftentimes, if
we reach out to our go to person and we're
seeking approval, then that might stop us from actually taking
the step. Right. But reach out to your goal to
(30:23):
person and let them know and ask for support in that,
you know, let them know that, Hey, here's I think
I could benefit from going to therapy, and I want
you to be my accountability partner in this. I don't
you know, I don't need you to believe in what
(30:44):
I'm doing, but I need you as I'm starting this process.
I just need you to be my accountability partner to
make sure I'm doing it mm hm. And so what
that could look like is your person can in on
you after maybe two weeks and asking, well, did you
(31:05):
look some folks up, did you make a few calls?
And then once you've made a few calls and you've
made a connection, and you know, and I'll be honest
that that can take a while. And so I would
encourage people when they're going through that process to be
patient and to stick with it, because I know that
(31:27):
depending on where you live, if you're looking for a
black woman therapist, which I mean I know for myself
that's also my preference, right, it may be harder to
find or it maybe that they don't take insurance, or
(31:50):
that you know you they're not taking new clients, and
and so there's a host of reasons why they you know,
you might not be able to find one, and so
it may take some time, but I wouldn't give up
on it. I think one of the things now that
(32:12):
one of the beautiful things that we've gotten out of
the pandemic, in the midst of all of the the
sadness and the grief and the trauma that have come
along with it. One of the beautiful things is that
there has been opportunity for folks to have more access
to therapy. Since therapy most therapists are still virtual. So
(32:35):
you know here in California, California is a huge state,
and so because I'm licensed to see anyone who lives
in the state of California, I can see someone virtually
who's eight hours away in San Diego. And so I
think that has opened up the door for more availability
(32:59):
for folks to access therapy services. Now, mm hmm. Is
that something you believe that you'll keep? Um? God willing
we get post pandemic for real, because we're still in
the pandemic. Um, is that something that you believe that
you'll maintain, you know, the ability to do virtual so
(33:22):
you can touch more people. Yes, definitely, you know. To
be perfectly honest, Prior to the pandemic, I was hesitant
about the virtual space in terms of providing therapy because
I was so used to providing it in person m hm.
And and so for me it was, well, why would
(33:44):
I provided virtually when I have the option to see
someone in person? And then when the pandemic hit the
university that I work for, we I mean, and everybody
had to switch to virtual mm hmm. And so all
of a sudden I was forced into seeing the benefit
(34:07):
and seeing how much my my clients benefited from having
this available to them, and then also recognizing that there
were also there were a lot of folks who sought
out therapy services because it was virtual now, because there
(34:30):
was a lot of hesitancy around being in person seeing
a therapist in perposon, but the idea of being able
to meet with the therapists from the comfort of your
home made a lot of folks warm up to the
idea of therapy mm hmm. And no one saw them
(34:54):
walking into the office. Oh yes, that's a good one too. Yeah, yeah,
you know, we had we we create these mental obstacles
in our mind to cause us to um really lose
sight of what's on the other side of the obstacle.
If we can just get past it, there's something great
(35:16):
on the other side of it, and so you know,
we can make some stuff up now, Yeah, we can.
I have seen it. What are some key indicators that
lets someone know that they're out of mental alignment? So
(35:37):
I would think the first thing is how they're responding
to people around them mm hm. So if you find yourself,
if you know that you're not a person who's easily irritated,
and you find yourself becoming easily irritated, that might be
a definite sign that you are out of mental alignment.
(36:00):
Mm hmm. If the things that normally bring you joy
you're no longer interested in, you might be out of
mental alignment. If you feel it in your body, then
you might be out of mental alignment, because, as you
(36:22):
mentioned before, there is a deep connection between mind and
body mm hm. And so I think the thing that
we can often miss is we may be experiencing physical
conserve physical issues when really it's a mental concern manifesting
(36:48):
in a physical realm mm hmmm. I think about the
number of people that go to the emergency room thinking
they're having a heart attack when it's truly a panic
attack mhm. And and so I mean, and that's the
biggest example that most people can understand, right that just
(37:12):
recently happened to a dear friend of mine where her
you know, her chest started aching and getting tight, and
she thought she was having a heart attack, and When
she went to the hospital, every test came back negative
and one of the tests there was an error, so
they kept her overnight, and it was that time overnight
(37:34):
that gave her an opportunity to process outside of her home,
away from her family, where she knew there was some
changes that needed to be made in her life. And
so it truly was a blessing in disguise for her
because she got the opportunity to have that mental break
to really be able to like say, Okay, so now
(37:56):
what am I going to do to change the results
that I'm receiving in my physical body so that it
doesn't become something far more worse and become something actual
that's taking place inside of me. Yeah, that's so important
for us to be in tune with mm hmm. And
(38:17):
I think the thing is is that you know her,
you're having that time in the hospital overnight gave her
that quiet space to get in tune with spirit mm hmm.
And and that's how you get in alignment m hmm. Yeah.
(38:38):
It's very easy to get caught up in life where
you're you have this body that you live in, but
you're not in tune with it. You're not living in it.
You're just kind of going through life robotically and you
never get to know you mm hmm. You know, when
I think about the amazing women that raised me and
(39:00):
you know, that had an opportunity to put their thumb
print on my life, I definitely witnessed women who we're
just taking life and throwing it on their back, didn't pause,
didn't take a break, and it truly became for many
years of my life. It became the guide to how
(39:22):
I would live womanhood. And I never saw anyone verbally
um talk about life in that way and the stress,
the stress that they were carrying um or, nor did
I see them, you know, take a step back or
take action into addressing their mental health. So for me,
(39:46):
the journey to recognizing that I needed to get help,
it wasn't something I probably I'm sure I needed it
long before I got it. But by the time I
did get help, the lights had already went out and
had I been in tune and you know, just had
(40:07):
someone talk to me about that, you know, just recognizing
signs and things that I could be on the lookout
for to know that, you know, Tommy, you need you
need to talk with someone a professional because your light
is about to go out. Yeah, that's so, that's so real. Yeah.
(40:30):
I think that's the thing is, like, you know, that's
exactly what it is, is being in tune with self,
right mm, so that you can recognize those signs. Because
I think too that even the signs that I mentioned,
if you're not truly in tune with yourself and you're
in that focus of being on the grind, then you
(40:52):
might not notice it. I think about myself for example.
I remember when I was in graduate school and we
were studying for our exams are comprehensive exams, major exams.
You gotta pass it. You're not going further if you
don't pass it. Mhm. And I remember the morning before
(41:22):
I like, I woke up and I my lip, A
portion of my lip was swollen, and I was like,
what what's going on here? I haven't had any I
didn't eat anything out of the ordinary, nothing that I
should be having a reaction to. What's going on? I
don't know, just left it alone, kept pushing because I'm like,
(41:42):
I need I got these exams. I gotta focus on
these exams. Next day, the other side of my lip
had swollen, and I'm like, what is happening here like
the one. This is like not a steptically cute like
(42:02):
what's the goud in public with the quarter of their
lips molding? Right? But two, this is a distraction from
me studying for my exams. Right, Like, I was bothered
by it. I was upset by it. And then I
was like, okay, we'll wait, hold on, a slowdown, girl,
go to the doctor. So I went to the doctor
(42:22):
and the doctor was like, well, if you didn't have
anything that you're having an allergic reaction to what's going
on in your life right now? What are you stressed about?
And I was like oh, And then that became like
an aha moment for me of oh. So even though
I might say out loud I'm fine, I got this,
(42:45):
my body is gonna show me no, you don't. You
don't you You are possibly denying or minimizing the stress
that you're experiencing. So I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna
get your attention, and I'm gonna show you that you've
(43:07):
got to slow down. And I think sometimes it can
feel so overwhelming when we get the sign it's like, WHOA,
hold on, I didn't need to sign this big that
that it was time to slow down. But the reality
(43:29):
that we have to face is that we did right,
that we were so on that grind that there it
had to be something big for us to truly slow down,
because otherwise we would have looked at it, added it
(43:50):
to our backpack and said let's keep going, let's keep pushing. Yeah,
And so you know, I do think one of the
things that I really enjoy. Um. I followed the Knap
Ministry on Instagram, and I just love all the things
that she shares because what it does is it encourages rest, right,
(44:15):
and like I was saying before, like it's about that quality,
and then I think what I you know, the other
piece that I love about the Nap Ministry is that
it teaches us that grind culture is not healthy for us,
and that even though, like you mentioned before, our our mom's,
(44:37):
our grandmoms, our aunties, like all of the women who
came before us, even though that was what they did,
like grinding, and sometimes we're like a badge of honor.
Absolutely we don't have to mm hmm. We we don't
have to mm hmm. Yeah. I Um, I make it
(45:03):
my business to take off the Superwoman cape because um,
I'm not a superwoman. And there was a period of
time in my marriage and with my children there was
no lines of demarcation. I had no boundaries, and I
literally was working myself into a hole that inevitably it
(45:27):
got to the point where I wasn't coming out of
that thing until I got the help that I needed.
And so now you know, I worked my boundaries, you know,
and I and very clear in my communication. And it's
it's gotten to the point where you know, initially, when
you start boundary setting and stuff like that, it had
(45:49):
come across really hard and harsh, you know, when you're
speaking to your spouse and speaking to your children. But
they recognize that this is necessary in order for me
to be my best self. Um, these are things I
need to do. And when I'm my best self, I
actually have more to offer to my husband and to
(46:10):
my children. Yes, I love that. I you know, what
I tell folks. An example that I give folks is
thinking about a cup, right, and when you have a cup,
the idea is that you want your cup to be
overflowing because when anytime you are doing something for others
(46:37):
that is taking from your cup, work, spouse, children, other relatives,
extra like professional organizations, like just any extra stuff, any
of all of those things pull from your cup. But
(46:58):
if you are not poor and into yourself, So if
you aren't getting enough rest, if you aren't praying and meditating,
if you aren't exercising, if you aren't feeding yourself the
foods that make you feel good, if you aren't spending
time with girlfriends, like, if you aren't doing the things
(47:21):
that fill your cup to the point where it's overflowing,
then everyone around you is gonna keep pulling and you're
gonna have nothing left to give. Mm hm. So I
have one more question, and then I want to talk
about your cultivating her space podcasts. So the final question
(47:44):
here is what are some basic scripts that we can use,
both internally and with others to advocate for ourselves to
and create firm boundaries. Oh okay, I love boundaries. So
the first one is no period, no, it is a
(48:09):
complete sentence. Okay. That is probably to start there. Start there.
If you have trouble saying no to yourself or to
the people in your life, then you're gonna struggle with
setting any other boundary. So start with saying no. Say
(48:34):
you know if you know, like if you set a
goal that you want to wake up in the morning
and get your thirty minutes of exercise in. Right, then
you may say no to staying up past your bedtime
the night before m hm. You may say no to
hitting that snooze button when you are a long ago
(48:59):
you have. So that's how you say no to yourself, right,
But then you say no to others. When your children
ask you to cook something that wasn't in your plan,
that you know is not necessarily healthy for them. It's
not part of their nutritionist diet for them, right, you
(49:21):
say no and you stick to the boundary. If you're
at work, and this is how you can add like
more more to the sentence. If you're at work and
someone ask you, for instance, to stay late and you
know that you can't because you have to pick up
(49:43):
your kids, No, I can't. You don't have to offer
an explanation why m hm, No I can't. Sorry, sorry,
I can't. So start with no, and then you'll be
(50:03):
able to deepen the boundaries based on what it is
that you need around you. But yeah, baby steps, start
with no. Mm hmm. As I like to say that
a no to others is a yes to yourself. And UM,
so that is it is such an important word in
our vocabulary. But if we're being honest, we're taught at
(50:25):
a very early age to remove it, right, we all are,
we are. And I think the other piece of what
that does too is when you learn to say no
to people, to other people, it also, on the flip side,
teaches you to seek consent from other people. Mm hmmm.
So it keeps you So if you know that you
(50:47):
want your boundaries respected, then in turn, you're gonna you
are not going to be in the space of violating
other people's boundaries or putting your will on others. You're
gonna start to seek consent so that you can honor
other people's boundaries as well. Yeah, that's good. That's really good. Um,
(51:10):
that's really good. So now let's let's get into your
Cultivating her Space podcast. Um. Can you talk a little
bit about the premise of it and why you have
elected to create that platform? Um, and then if you
could share one of your favorite episodes with us? So, yes, okay,
(51:35):
So I created Cultivating her Space podcast with my friend, uh,
Terry Lomax. And and so the the purpose of us
creating this podcast was we came together and we said
we need to have We wanted to have a space
where we could talk about the things that affect black
(51:58):
women in particular and and do it in a way
that feels real to who we are. So, you know,
our tagline is, you know, from fibroids to fake friends,
like we're we're talking, we're trying to create a space
where black women can just be a right and and
so that's the major premise is truly just creating an
(52:22):
opportunity to have the kinds of conversations that black women
want to have that we know we're having a brunch
that we're having at church, you know, that create the
space to have those conversations for black women. Do you
(52:42):
have UM a favor favorite episode that sticks out or
even specifically based off of our conversation, Is there an
episode in your queue that people could tune into to
get even more out of this conversation. Yes, So, you know,
the episode that comes to mind immediately is the episode
(53:06):
about UM Manifestation, And it's probably one of our more
popular episodes because in that episode, my co host and
I talk about how we focused on manifesting things for
the podcast, but then also manifesting things in our personal lives.
(53:31):
So for Terry, you know her and her husband wanting
to have a baby. And then for me, at the
time that we started the podcast, like I was struggling
to pass the licensing exam and which is a requirement
to practice independently. And so we folks, we in that
(53:53):
episode we talk about how we have to get in
touch with spirit, get in touch with ourselves, kind of
set boundaries to it with other people. But all the
things that you have to do to get to the
space that you want to be in life. Make sure
that you are adding to your list of podcasts that
(54:17):
you're checking out and that you have your notifications on
for make sure you do that for cultivating her Space podcast.
Is there anything else, Dr Dom that you would like
to share with the listeners? You are enough, period, You
are enough. Yes, we are. And on that note, thank
(54:42):
you so much for joining me at the Stay Awhile Table,
Dr Dom. I have thoroughly enjoyed our conversation. I know
that the listeners will be truly blessed because I was
sitting on the other side of it. I got some
wisdom keys for myself, and I am grateful to have
you on this episode. Thank you so much for having me.
(55:05):
It was a pleasure. I hope you took notes so
you can refer back to Dr Dom's expertise and put
it into practice. Visit her website Dr Dominique Brassard dot
com to learn more about Bissard Psychological services and be
(55:26):
sure to check out the Cultivating her Space podcast. Anywhere
you listen to audio like what you here, then let
me know and tell a friend. You can find and
follow stay Awhile on Apple, Spotify and everywhere you listen
to podcasts. I can't thank you enough for your supportive
stay Awhile. Don't forget to rate and review us on
(55:50):
Apple Podcasts. Your feedback is greatly appreciated because it helps
us to set the table with the soul food you crave.
You can also talk Tommy directly on Instagram at Chef
Tommy v and that's Tommy with an eye And remember,
life happens at the table, So meet me there. I
(56:10):
want to stay who Tommy be? Come on, stay away,
Jommy Be, Come on Stay aloud with Jommy Be Gone,
Stay Aloud, Jommy Be
Put your bags down and pull up a seat. You
are listening to Stay Awhile the Podcast with Tommy Vincent.
You could, y'all load, we could found keep it real
and it's how good. Wherever you are, pull up a
seat to the table where we not only serve food
(00:22):
for the soul, but provides you with the key ingredients
to embracing your true, authentic self. It's not difficult to
(00:43):
tell when we're out of mental and emotional alignment if
we know what to look for, but many of us
are so inundated with to do lists and life's never
ending obligations that we forget how to check in with
ourselves and how to speak up about what we need. Well. Today,
(01:05):
therapist Dr Dominique Brossard, affectionately known as Dr Dom is
equipping us with some practical tools for checking in, speaking up,
and realigning our mental health. So get your notebooks ready. Everyone,
(01:26):
Welcome to the Stay Awhile Table. I am Tommy Vincent,
your host, and today we have joining us the lovely
Dr Dominique Brossard and also known as Dr dom in
which we will be referring to her throughout the podcast.
So thank you so much, Dr Dom for joining me
(01:47):
at the Stay a While table today. I'm looking forward
to our conversation. I know that you will provide a
lot of insight for the listeners. Not only insight, but
you're gonna leave them with some takeaway days that they
will be able to apply to their life. Now, this season,
we have been very intentional about bringing on guests that
(02:10):
will be able to provide strategy and action steps for
women in their lives. I appreciate affirmations. I appreciate you know,
speaking good stuff over your life, but the good stuff
doesn't take away what's going on inside of you when
you speak those words. That's not the work. That's just
(02:33):
a tool that you can use. So I am looking
forward to our conversation believing that we are going to
get some strategies here. But before we get into the
main course of this conversation, I would love to talk
to you about a place that was healing for me.
I found my healing in the kitchen via food, and
(02:55):
it loved me back to life. And so I want
to talk to you about my food segment. Food is Love,
And the first question I have for you here is
what food best describes your personality? And why oh oh
that's a great question, Okay. I was ready to answer,
(03:17):
like what's my favorite food and like why I love it? Um,
I would say gumbo is it's like my favorite food,
and I think that it could also describe my personality
as well. So I you know, I born and raised
in New Orleans, Louisiana, and so I grew up eating
(03:41):
gumbo all the time. And what I love so much
about gumbo is that it is always you have to
serve it hot, right, and it's something that is so
warm and soothing for the soul. And I think that
I my personality is one that's warm that and then
(04:05):
my work that I do as a therapist, I help
folks soothe their soul. M hmm, that's beautiful. Okay, gumbo.
Name one recipe that is special to you and why?
Oh m hmm rumballs? Rumballs? Yes, um, okay, So I'll explain.
(04:35):
So it's a recipe that my grandmother introduced it to
the family. I'm not sure where she got it. I
probably should ask, but it's a recipe that she introduced
to the family, and she and I as I got older, Um,
(04:56):
certain points in my life when I had more vacation
time available around the holidays, I would spend time at
her house and we would make Christmas sweets for the
entire family. And so it ranged from rum balls, pe
con tarts, two cookies, and so rum balls was the
(05:17):
one that the task that she always assigned me to.
And and so for me, that recipe holds a lot
of meaning, not so much because of what the food
is itself, but the opportunity to spend time with my
grandmother and really getting to know her as as an individual.
(05:38):
Mm hmm. That's what I love about dishes that have
graced our tables throughout the history of our lives, because
they truly do tell a story and they keep us
connected to our ancestors um And that's why for me,
food is that connective tissue. And my grandmother played a
(06:01):
huge role in where I am today and why I
even created this table because her kitchen was his place.
It was like a community, like a water hole where
people came and they received the nourishment that they needed,
and it was so powerful. I don't think I recognized
it when I was younger, but as an adult and
(06:23):
when I was going through challenging times, I always found
myself looking to feed my family. But the preparation of
the food and my ability to pour my love and
everything um that was in my heart into those dishes
that somehow really healed me and helped me to get
through some really tough times in my life. So I
(06:46):
love that story and and why it means so much
to you. Thank you. So was there a time in
your life where food was healing for you? You know? So,
I'll I'll say that I am not a frequent cook.
I'll put it like that. I know how to cook,
(07:10):
but I'm not a frequent cook. And but what I
do think about in terms of when food was healing
for me, I reflect back to when my doctor told
me that I had fibroids and that her immediate recommendation
(07:30):
was for me to have surgery. And I didn't want
to have surgery. Uh, And so I started doing research
on okay, well what can I do to avoid it?
And a lot of it was around diet change and
so like extreme diet change, like cutting out sugar, like
cutting out alcohol, cutting out coffee, cutting out like all
(07:56):
the things that like I enjoyed eating, and so whole
I had to I decided, like, Okay, if I want
to avoid having surgery, what can I do, What changes
can I make in my diet that will help? And
so I looked into for so for a while I
(08:18):
became pscytarian. And so what that forced me to do
is that even though I'm from Louisiana and We're used
to having lots of really delicious seafood dishes, we also
have a lot of dishes that have like pork and
beef and other types of meat in it. And so
(08:39):
what it did was it forced me to step back
and look at other ways in which I could still
sustain myself through food, you know, with food, but in
ways that would be delicious for me. And so I
found it really healing in the sense of it allowed
(09:04):
me to stretch my way of thinking and and expand
my my taste boods mm hmm. So do you still
is that still your diet of choice? Are you still
a pescytarian? I'm not. I'm not. I love sweets like sugar.
(09:28):
I love sugar way too much. You know, I live
in the Bay Area and so I'm not that far
from wine country, so yeah, it's kind of hard. And
then I love coffee, so like I had to, I
did start to incorporate all of those things back into
my life. Okay, well listen, if you go with it,
(09:52):
that's what matters, right. That's the one thing about food,
you know, I know there are a lot of options
and ways that people can choose to eat, but it's
your choice, um, And so that is for me as
a chef, it's a point of conversation for me where
I'm pretty sensitive to it because sometimes people make diet
(10:15):
choices and then their judgmental with other people or really
try to push their diet choice on other people because
of how it benefited them, which is great, you know
that you found the benefit there. But the beauty of
food is there's enough of it and we can choose,
and quite frankly, there are some communities that don't get
(10:36):
to choose. So choice with food is truly a privilege,
It truly truly is. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, So now
we've done, we've done got through the food and we
can get into the main course. And I introduced you
up top as doctor Dom. So can you speak to
(10:57):
who you are um in your own words and what
it is and how you would like the listeners to
know who Dr Dom is. I love that. Oh, that
is so wonderful. This is offering folks the opportunity to
introduce themselves and speak on who they are. That's so beautiful. Uh,
(11:17):
so thank you for that. UM. I am Dr Dom
and I am a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
I like I said, I was born and raised in
New Orleans, Louisiana, and that is that is so ingrained
in my spirit. Um. I have lived in multiple states
(11:43):
throughout the South before moving to California. So you know,
like I said, grew up in Louisiana, lived in Georgia,
North Carolina, and Texas before coming to California. And I
think that living in all of those places has shaped
how how I look at my work as a psychologist.
(12:07):
I think more importantly, though, identifying as a black woman
in America truly shapes my work as a psychologist. I
know that therapy is in the field of psychology, you know,
started out as a male, white, male dominated field. M h.
(12:30):
And even to this day, there's only five percent of
us that are licensed psychologists, like five black licensed psychologists
across the country. Wow. So yeah, and so part of
who I am is is someone who really wants folks
to understand the the power of addressing your own mental health,
(12:55):
and also wanting to reduce the stigma around Sea King therapy,
and and wanting folks to really understand the power that
can be found, the healing that can be found in
therapy when you need it. Mm hmm. Absolutely. Can you
(13:19):
speak to the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist? Yes, Um.
I love answering that question because even my family, who
they've been with me on this journey, they getting used
so and so, and I put that out there to
(13:40):
say that, like, I get that it is confusing for folks. So,
a psychologist is one who specializes in talk therapy and
and so and then we generally go to graduate school.
So whether that at a university or at a professional school, Um,
(14:06):
we spend four to six years post bachelor's degree earning
that doctorate in psychology. Mhm. And then um, a psychiatrist
is the one who prescribes medication. The psychiatrists goes to
medical school. Now, I will say the one caveat that
(14:31):
is starting to throw folks off a little bit is
that there are a few states where psychologists are able
to get prescription privileges. So that can throw people off
a little bit, Like if you're in Louisiana or New Mexico.
(14:51):
But generally the biggest distinction is that your psychiatrists goals
is based on our education. Right, So you're psychiakris goals
to medical school and then you're psychologists attends a graduate
school program. Okay, Yeah. When I did um my therapy,
(15:12):
I went to a psychologist. UM and uh it was
a black, older woman, which was very important to me. UM.
One that she was black, and then also that she
was older. UM, I had lived so much life and
I felt like where I needed to be spoken into that.
I really wanted someone that had life experience, not just
(15:36):
you know, the knowledge of their education, but if I
were to need medication. So it was a mother daughter tandem.
The mother was the psychologist and the daughter was a psychiatrist.
So if she needed to prescribe someone in any medication,
she was able to work, you know, with her daughter
to do do that. So, UM, thank you for clarifying that.
(15:58):
And I want to be very clear, there's nothing wrong
with the need to be attended by a psychiatrist. And
part of the stigma I believe in our community is
when we think of mental health, we have pictures of
like people in white straight jackets and being carried off
(16:23):
in a vehicle. You know. And while I'm not saying
that that never happens to someone, um, but that's not
what when we're talking about mental health as a means
of having good health from the top to the bottom,
(16:43):
it's it's like going to the gym. It's like how
you're choosing, what types of food you're choosing to eat,
how you're choosing to you know, bolster up your mental health.
All of those things apply to us and provide us
with an opportunity. You people, you know, say very casually
that they're going to live their best life. Okay, well,
(17:05):
if you truly believe and truly desire to have your
best life results, then you should keep everything on the
table because whatever it takes and whatever whatever is necessary,
that's what we need to do as um human beings,
and especially for black women. Yes, yes, yes, I am
(17:26):
so with that. Definitely, yes. So let's get into the
questions that I believe will provide women with some healing,
with some action, and with some strategy, because that was
(17:46):
that's what was important to me. I didn't want to
have another conversation with a girlfriend that was either going
to feed where I was, or you know, wasn't going
to be able to speak into what do I do next?
To get from where I am right now? I needed
a strategy and so that's why counseling was so critical
for me. You know, so many of us we live
(18:10):
our life outside of our body. We just exist, We
just survive um and we don't get to reach the
point of thriving. What are some practices that can help
us get in tune with our minds and our bodies. Oh,
so the first thing that I think of is sleep. Mhm.
(18:40):
So many of us take that for granted. And when
I say sleep, I mean it's not just the quantity,
but also the quality of the sleep that you get.
Because the thing is is that when we sleep, when
we rest, that it's our brain, our minds opportunity to
(19:03):
reset and restore. So I'm also a college professor, and
so one of the things that like, when I'm talking
about good sleep hygiene with college students, I talked to
them about the need to get rest, appropriate rest so
that all the information that you're taking in in your
(19:24):
classes actually sets in in your brain. Because if you
are only sleeping for three or four hours a night,
all that information that you just learned in class all day,
it's not it's you're not gonna be able to remember it.
Mm hmm. But then also thinking about you know, as
(19:49):
we're older and getting and we're out of that college setting,
that sleep affects our weight, right, So if we are
not sleeping enough, then our body doesn't have a chance
to fully metabolize all the food that we eat, and
(20:09):
for some of us, that could lead to weight gain
that we don't want, because I do want to acknowledge
that some of us do want it mm hmmm. But
for those of us that don't, if we're not sleeping enough,
then we that weight will pile on and then it
(20:30):
becomes a cycle. But also more importantly, when you get
enough sleep and you have enough rest, you're able to
show up in all of the spaces that need you
with a clear mind. I know personally, when I haven't
(20:52):
had enough rest, I'm not functioning at one And if
I'm not far shining at a hundred pent then that
means that I'm not fully present for my clients. That
means that I'm not fully present for my students. It
also means that I'm not fully present for anyone in
(21:12):
my personal life, so friends and family m hm. And
that's important to me to be able to show up
fully for those around me m hm. So I would
say sleep is probably the number one strategy. The second
strategy that I would encourage is prayer or meditation hm.
(21:40):
So something that allows you whatever your practice might be,
but something that allows you to be still and get
get in touch with yourself and spirit and whatever other
faith based, faith based notions or ritual rules that are
(22:08):
important to you. Right. Each of those, like having that
moment to be still, really allows yourself that time to
process all the thoughts that you might be having. It
(22:28):
allows you to clear some of those thoughts. It allows
you to get in tune with what you really need
in those moments of quiet, In those moments of stillness
when you're praying, those are those are the moments when
you're able to really get in touch with what it
(22:49):
is you need and want mm hmm. The last thing,
the last strategy that I would really encourage, um so
those are like my so like my top three would
be exercise. Exercise can it not only has like the
physical health benefits which a lot of people that's what
(23:12):
they focused on, right, does the physical health beness fits
of exercising, But truly, when you exercise multiple times a week,
what that does is that's also good for your mental
health mhm, because it keeps you from being depressed because
(23:34):
you're active and you're moving, I know, you know. And
for some folks it doesn't have to be like the
standard exercises. I encourage folks to get creative with exercise
and that it doesn't have to take two hours out
of your day m hm, which I think is like
a turn off for a lot of people because they're like, Okay,
(23:58):
well I have to for ain't something to wear, and
then I had to drive to the gym, and then
I have to come home and I have to shower
because I'm not showering at that gym. That gym is nasty,
like all those things, right, Like, we can come up
with all kinds of reasons, but I encourage people to
start with baby steps fifteen minutes a day m hm.
(24:21):
You know. And since the pandemic started, like, there's been
an abundance of work at home videos, you know, on YouTube,
Like they're there are so many. I was amazed when
I started searching how many exercise videos there are on
on YouTube and all it takes is fifteen minutes. Mm hmm.
(24:48):
So those are my strategies. Sleep, prayer, meditation, and exercise
and listen. I personally, all three of those are things
that I had have committed to being disciplined in. I
go to bed every night at eleven pm. Ye, and
I've I've I've gotten to know myself so well that
(25:12):
if I go to bed ten minutes before, fifteen minutes before,
I will pop up at four thirty in the morning.
If I go to bed at eleven o'clock on the dot,
I'll wake up at six am. And so for me,
the rest is so critical. And even like now my
(25:33):
voice is raspy because over the weekend UM I hosted
my annual women's retreat, and so I was up early
and I was going to bed the wee hours of
the morning, and my body it was like it threw
it into shock. And so one one of the things
that I always know that I'm not getting the rest
(25:56):
that I need is I'll wake up and my throat
is sore and my voice is raspy, and so I know,
like and and it's hard to recover when you don't
get ample rest because it's like you're constantly trying to
pick it up to catch to catch up on that rest,
(26:16):
and then um with the prayer. So my morning, every morning,
I start out with my prayer time, UM, and I
have three spaces, four spaces in my home that I've
allocated as areas where I can go and I can pray.
So it's very it's like a space that immediately when
I go there, my mind is the posture is already
(26:40):
ready to be still and to be quiet into you know,
really spend that time in prayer. And then I go
from my prayer time into my exercise. And I was
one back in the day child because not no more,
but where I was exercising an hour and a half
(27:01):
to two hours a day and quite frankly, I don't
have that kind of time um. And then to your point,
it became more of a chore and a burden, like okay,
let me, you know, get my mind ready for this
work out, like I'm training like I'm an olympian or
(27:21):
you know, I'm playing some type of professional sport. And
then I just got to the space where I realized,
for me, the time allocation is important just as important
as the exercise I'm doing for me to every day
make the commitment. So I said, a thirty minute timer
and I exercise, and when that timer goes off, no
(27:42):
matter what I'm doing, I'm finished with my exercise. And
I make sure that I do things. I don't do
the same thing every single day because for me, that
that would drive me crazy. And I also include time
where I'm just outside walking, So I out in the
air and I'm looking at all of the glorious creations
(28:04):
all around me, and it really just does something for me.
So I am glad that you pointed those three out
three things out because you know what, all three of
them are at everyone's disposal. Yes, you don't need money, Nope,
you you don't need anyone else. All you need is
(28:26):
a made up mind that these are three practices I'm
going to include in my day to ensure that I'm
doing things that are going to build me up and
come against the things in life that tear me down. Yes,
so you hear them now, easy, nothing complicated about those
(28:49):
three pieces of strategy that you can implement in your
life that Dr Dom has shared. Everyone can do it.
You just need to make your mind up. Yes, yeah, absolutely.
So for those of us who weren't raised to even
consider our mental health, what can first steps to being
(29:11):
vocal about it look like and sound like? So, yeah,
there's a lot of us out there that weren't raised
that way, right, Like, that wasn't talked about in my household. Um,
and so I think what I usually encourage folks to
do is to say it out loud to somebody, m
(29:35):
right that, to say I think I might need therapy.
And if that feels like too much, then think about
who your goal to person is, the person that you
bounce off all of your ideas and share it with them,
(30:01):
but don't share it with them from the intention of
getting approval mm hmm, because that's when we oftentimes, if
we reach out to our go to person and we're
seeking approval, then that might stop us from actually taking
the step. Right. But reach out to your goal to
(30:23):
person and let them know and ask for support in that,
you know, let them know that, Hey, here's I think
I could benefit from going to therapy, and I want
you to be my accountability partner in this. I don't
you know, I don't need you to believe in what
(30:44):
I'm doing, but I need you as I'm starting this process.
I just need you to be my accountability partner to
make sure I'm doing it mm hm. And so what
that could look like is your person can in on
you after maybe two weeks and asking, well, did you
(31:05):
look some folks up, did you make a few calls?
And then once you've made a few calls and you've
made a connection, and you know, and I'll be honest
that that can take a while. And so I would
encourage people when they're going through that process to be
patient and to stick with it, because I know that
(31:27):
depending on where you live, if you're looking for a
black woman therapist, which I mean I know for myself
that's also my preference, right, it may be harder to
find or it maybe that they don't take insurance, or
(31:50):
that you know you they're not taking new clients, and
and so there's a host of reasons why they you know,
you might not be able to find one, and so
it may take some time, but I wouldn't give up
on it. I think one of the things now that
(32:12):
one of the beautiful things that we've gotten out of
the pandemic, in the midst of all of the the
sadness and the grief and the trauma that have come
along with it. One of the beautiful things is that
there has been opportunity for folks to have more access
to therapy. Since therapy most therapists are still virtual. So
(32:35):
you know here in California, California is a huge state,
and so because I'm licensed to see anyone who lives
in the state of California, I can see someone virtually
who's eight hours away in San Diego. And so I
think that has opened up the door for more availability
(32:59):
for folks to access therapy services. Now, mm hmm. Is
that something you believe that you'll keep? Um? God willing
we get post pandemic for real, because we're still in
the pandemic. Um, is that something that you believe that
you'll maintain, you know, the ability to do virtual so
(33:22):
you can touch more people. Yes, definitely, you know. To
be perfectly honest, Prior to the pandemic, I was hesitant
about the virtual space in terms of providing therapy because
I was so used to providing it in person m hm.
And and so for me it was, well, why would
(33:44):
I provided virtually when I have the option to see
someone in person? And then when the pandemic hit the
university that I work for, we I mean, and everybody
had to switch to virtual mm hmm. And so all
of a sudden I was forced into seeing the benefit
(34:07):
and seeing how much my my clients benefited from having
this available to them, and then also recognizing that there
were also there were a lot of folks who sought
out therapy services because it was virtual now, because there
(34:30):
was a lot of hesitancy around being in person seeing
a therapist in perposon, but the idea of being able
to meet with the therapists from the comfort of your
home made a lot of folks warm up to the
idea of therapy mm hmm. And no one saw them
(34:54):
walking into the office. Oh yes, that's a good one too. Yeah, yeah,
you know, we had we we create these mental obstacles
in our mind to cause us to um really lose
sight of what's on the other side of the obstacle.
If we can just get past it, there's something great
(35:16):
on the other side of it, and so you know,
we can make some stuff up now, Yeah, we can.
I have seen it. What are some key indicators that
lets someone know that they're out of mental alignment? So
(35:37):
I would think the first thing is how they're responding
to people around them mm hm. So if you find yourself,
if you know that you're not a person who's easily irritated,
and you find yourself becoming easily irritated, that might be
a definite sign that you are out of mental alignment.
(36:00):
Mm hmm. If the things that normally bring you joy
you're no longer interested in, you might be out of
mental alignment. If you feel it in your body, then
you might be out of mental alignment, because, as you
(36:22):
mentioned before, there is a deep connection between mind and
body mm hm. And so I think the thing that
we can often miss is we may be experiencing physical
conserve physical issues when really it's a mental concern manifesting
(36:48):
in a physical realm mm hmmm. I think about the
number of people that go to the emergency room thinking
they're having a heart attack when it's truly a panic
attack mhm. And and so I mean, and that's the
biggest example that most people can understand, right that just
(37:12):
recently happened to a dear friend of mine where her
you know, her chest started aching and getting tight, and
she thought she was having a heart attack, and When
she went to the hospital, every test came back negative
and one of the tests there was an error, so
they kept her overnight, and it was that time overnight
(37:34):
that gave her an opportunity to process outside of her home,
away from her family, where she knew there was some
changes that needed to be made in her life. And
so it truly was a blessing in disguise for her
because she got the opportunity to have that mental break
to really be able to like say, Okay, so now
(37:56):
what am I going to do to change the results
that I'm receiving in my physical body so that it
doesn't become something far more worse and become something actual
that's taking place inside of me. Yeah, that's so important
for us to be in tune with mm hmm. And
(38:17):
I think the thing is is that you know her,
you're having that time in the hospital overnight gave her
that quiet space to get in tune with spirit mm hmm.
And and that's how you get in alignment m hmm. Yeah.
(38:38):
It's very easy to get caught up in life where
you're you have this body that you live in, but
you're not in tune with it. You're not living in it.
You're just kind of going through life robotically and you
never get to know you mm hmm. You know, when
I think about the amazing women that raised me and
(39:00):
you know, that had an opportunity to put their thumb
print on my life, I definitely witnessed women who we're
just taking life and throwing it on their back, didn't pause,
didn't take a break, and it truly became for many
years of my life. It became the guide to how
(39:22):
I would live womanhood. And I never saw anyone verbally
um talk about life in that way and the stress,
the stress that they were carrying um or, nor did
I see them, you know, take a step back or
take action into addressing their mental health. So for me,
(39:46):
the journey to recognizing that I needed to get help,
it wasn't something I probably I'm sure I needed it
long before I got it. But by the time I
did get help, the lights had already went out and
had I been in tune and you know, just had
(40:07):
someone talk to me about that, you know, just recognizing
signs and things that I could be on the lookout
for to know that, you know, Tommy, you need you
need to talk with someone a professional because your light
is about to go out. Yeah, that's so, that's so real. Yeah.
(40:30):
I think that's the thing is, like, you know, that's
exactly what it is, is being in tune with self,
right mm, so that you can recognize those signs. Because
I think too that even the signs that I mentioned,
if you're not truly in tune with yourself and you're
in that focus of being on the grind, then you
(40:52):
might not notice it. I think about myself for example.
I remember when I was in graduate school and we
were studying for our exams are comprehensive exams, major exams.
You gotta pass it. You're not going further if you
don't pass it. Mhm. And I remember the morning before
(41:22):
I like, I woke up and I my lip, A
portion of my lip was swollen, and I was like,
what what's going on here? I haven't had any I
didn't eat anything out of the ordinary, nothing that I
should be having a reaction to. What's going on? I
don't know, just left it alone, kept pushing because I'm like,
(41:42):
I need I got these exams. I gotta focus on
these exams. Next day, the other side of my lip
had swollen, and I'm like, what is happening here like
the one. This is like not a steptically cute like
(42:02):
what's the goud in public with the quarter of their
lips molding? Right? But two, this is a distraction from
me studying for my exams. Right, Like, I was bothered
by it. I was upset by it. And then I
was like, okay, we'll wait, hold on, a slowdown, girl,
go to the doctor. So I went to the doctor
(42:22):
and the doctor was like, well, if you didn't have
anything that you're having an allergic reaction to what's going
on in your life right now? What are you stressed about?
And I was like oh, And then that became like
an aha moment for me of oh. So even though
I might say out loud I'm fine, I got this,
(42:45):
my body is gonna show me no, you don't. You
don't you You are possibly denying or minimizing the stress
that you're experiencing. So I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna
get your attention, and I'm gonna show you that you've
(43:07):
got to slow down. And I think sometimes it can
feel so overwhelming when we get the sign it's like, WHOA,
hold on, I didn't need to sign this big that
that it was time to slow down. But the reality
(43:29):
that we have to face is that we did right,
that we were so on that grind that there it
had to be something big for us to truly slow down,
because otherwise we would have looked at it, added it
(43:50):
to our backpack and said let's keep going, let's keep pushing. Yeah,
And so you know, I do think one of the
things that I really enjoy. Um. I followed the Knap
Ministry on Instagram, and I just love all the things
that she shares because what it does is it encourages rest, right,
(44:15):
and like I was saying before, like it's about that quality,
and then I think what I you know, the other
piece that I love about the Nap Ministry is that
it teaches us that grind culture is not healthy for us,
and that even though, like you mentioned before, our our mom's,
(44:37):
our grandmoms, our aunties, like all of the women who
came before us, even though that was what they did,
like grinding, and sometimes we're like a badge of honor.
Absolutely we don't have to mm hmm. We we don't
have to mm hmm. Yeah. I Um, I make it
(45:03):
my business to take off the Superwoman cape because um,
I'm not a superwoman. And there was a period of
time in my marriage and with my children there was
no lines of demarcation. I had no boundaries, and I
literally was working myself into a hole that inevitably it
(45:27):
got to the point where I wasn't coming out of
that thing until I got the help that I needed.
And so now you know, I worked my boundaries, you know,
and I and very clear in my communication. And it's
it's gotten to the point where you know, initially, when
you start boundary setting and stuff like that, it had
(45:49):
come across really hard and harsh, you know, when you're
speaking to your spouse and speaking to your children. But
they recognize that this is necessary in order for me
to be my best self. Um, these are things I
need to do. And when I'm my best self, I
actually have more to offer to my husband and to
(46:10):
my children. Yes, I love that. I you know, what
I tell folks. An example that I give folks is
thinking about a cup, right, and when you have a cup,
the idea is that you want your cup to be
overflowing because when anytime you are doing something for others
(46:37):
that is taking from your cup, work, spouse, children, other relatives,
extra like professional organizations, like just any extra stuff, any
of all of those things pull from your cup. But
(46:58):
if you are not poor and into yourself, So if
you aren't getting enough rest, if you aren't praying and meditating,
if you aren't exercising, if you aren't feeding yourself the
foods that make you feel good, if you aren't spending
time with girlfriends, like, if you aren't doing the things
(47:21):
that fill your cup to the point where it's overflowing,
then everyone around you is gonna keep pulling and you're
gonna have nothing left to give. Mm hm. So I
have one more question, and then I want to talk
about your cultivating her space podcasts. So the final question
(47:44):
here is what are some basic scripts that we can use,
both internally and with others to advocate for ourselves to
and create firm boundaries. Oh okay, I love boundaries. So
the first one is no period, no, it is a
(48:09):
complete sentence. Okay. That is probably to start there. Start there.
If you have trouble saying no to yourself or to
the people in your life, then you're gonna struggle with
setting any other boundary. So start with saying no. Say
(48:34):
you know if you know, like if you set a
goal that you want to wake up in the morning
and get your thirty minutes of exercise in. Right, then
you may say no to staying up past your bedtime
the night before m hm. You may say no to
hitting that snooze button when you are a long ago
(48:59):
you have. So that's how you say no to yourself, right,
But then you say no to others. When your children
ask you to cook something that wasn't in your plan,
that you know is not necessarily healthy for them. It's
not part of their nutritionist diet for them, right, you
(49:21):
say no and you stick to the boundary. If you're
at work, and this is how you can add like
more more to the sentence. If you're at work and
someone ask you, for instance, to stay late and you
know that you can't because you have to pick up
(49:43):
your kids, No, I can't. You don't have to offer
an explanation why m hm, No I can't. Sorry, sorry,
I can't. So start with no, and then you'll be
(50:03):
able to deepen the boundaries based on what it is
that you need around you. But yeah, baby steps, start
with no. Mm hmm. As I like to say that
a no to others is a yes to yourself. And UM,
so that is it is such an important word in
our vocabulary. But if we're being honest, we're taught at
(50:25):
a very early age to remove it, right, we all are,
we are. And I think the other piece of what
that does too is when you learn to say no
to people, to other people, it also, on the flip side,
teaches you to seek consent from other people. Mm hmmm.
So it keeps you So if you know that you
(50:47):
want your boundaries respected, then in turn, you're gonna you
are not going to be in the space of violating
other people's boundaries or putting your will on others. You're
gonna start to seek consent so that you can honor
other people's boundaries as well. Yeah, that's good. That's really good. Um,
(51:10):
that's really good. So now let's let's get into your
Cultivating her Space podcast. Um. Can you talk a little
bit about the premise of it and why you have
elected to create that platform? Um, and then if you
could share one of your favorite episodes with us? So, yes, okay,
(51:35):
So I created Cultivating her Space podcast with my friend, uh,
Terry Lomax. And and so the the purpose of us
creating this podcast was we came together and we said
we need to have We wanted to have a space
where we could talk about the things that affect black
(51:58):
women in particular and and do it in a way
that feels real to who we are. So, you know,
our tagline is, you know, from fibroids to fake friends,
like we're we're talking, we're trying to create a space
where black women can just be a right and and
so that's the major premise is truly just creating an
(52:22):
opportunity to have the kinds of conversations that black women
want to have that we know we're having a brunch
that we're having at church, you know, that create the
space to have those conversations for black women. Do you
(52:42):
have UM a favor favorite episode that sticks out or
even specifically based off of our conversation, Is there an
episode in your queue that people could tune into to
get even more out of this conversation. Yes, So, you know,
the episode that comes to mind immediately is the episode
(53:06):
about UM Manifestation, And it's probably one of our more
popular episodes because in that episode, my co host and
I talk about how we focused on manifesting things for
the podcast, but then also manifesting things in our personal lives.
(53:31):
So for Terry, you know her and her husband wanting
to have a baby. And then for me, at the
time that we started the podcast, like I was struggling
to pass the licensing exam and which is a requirement
to practice independently. And so we folks, we in that
(53:53):
episode we talk about how we have to get in
touch with spirit, get in touch with ourselves, kind of
set boundaries to it with other people. But all the
things that you have to do to get to the
space that you want to be in life. Make sure
that you are adding to your list of podcasts that
(54:17):
you're checking out and that you have your notifications on
for make sure you do that for cultivating her Space podcast.
Is there anything else, Dr Dom that you would like
to share with the listeners? You are enough, period, You
are enough. Yes, we are. And on that note, thank
(54:42):
you so much for joining me at the Stay Awhile Table,
Dr Dom. I have thoroughly enjoyed our conversation. I know
that the listeners will be truly blessed because I was
sitting on the other side of it. I got some
wisdom keys for myself, and I am grateful to have
you on this episode. Thank you so much for having me.
(55:05):
It was a pleasure. I hope you took notes so
you can refer back to Dr Dom's expertise and put
it into practice. Visit her website Dr Dominique Brassard dot
com to learn more about Bissard Psychological services and be
(55:26):
sure to check out the Cultivating her Space podcast. Anywhere
you listen to audio like what you here, then let
me know and tell a friend. You can find and
follow stay Awhile on Apple, Spotify and everywhere you listen
to podcasts. I can't thank you enough for your supportive
stay Awhile. Don't forget to rate and review us on
(55:50):
Apple Podcasts. Your feedback is greatly appreciated because it helps
us to set the table with the soul food you crave.
You can also talk Tommy directly on Instagram at Chef
Tommy v and that's Tommy with an eye And remember,
life happens at the table, So meet me there. I
(56:10):
want to stay who Tommy be? Come on, stay away,
Jommy Be, Come on Stay aloud with Jommy Be Gone,
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