Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Another day to be great, another day to live out
our dreams, another day to live life on purpose and
for a purpose. Now it's been a minute. It's been
a minute since I dived into the Vitamin D advice
letter bag to come with you with some vice on
how you live your life. Now, I just want to
(00:21):
be clear when we talk about Vitamin D. It's all
about shedding the light on the good and the bad.
Because what do I say? If you want to be
better and you want to do better, then you're going
to have to be able to see better. Does that
make sense? I mean the good and not so good.
You can't be hide in the shadows. You can't be
(00:43):
tucking behind a corner. You're going to have to step
right front and center. So I always encourage if you
need advice on your relationships, on your career, on your business,
anything that you would like my input, to send a
letter to me and you can email me Vitamin D
at dawn daispeaks dot com. Now understand, these are just
(01:04):
my views and opinions. You eat the meat and you
spit out the bones. Okay, I'm not saying I'm right
or am I wrong. I'm just letting you know what
I would do if I were you. So with that
being said, I'm ready to dive into this letter. Okay.
Subject had to put my mama out. Now, let me
(01:27):
do that again. Subject had to put my own mama out. Hey, Dawn,
I love listening to you. Just recently, my mama came
back into my life after abandoning me at six years old.
That was twenty three long years ago. My mama wasn't
in my life like she should have been, you know,
(01:49):
in and out of jail, couldn't keep a job, on drugs,
laying up with different men, and just never ending mess
of problems and bad choices. Well, four months ago she
showed up on my doorstep, cleaned for the last two years,
and wanted for us to be a family again. Oh Dawn,
there was so much anger and hurt and bitter disappointment
(02:10):
in me. I'm talking years and years of tears and
awful hurt here. But I figured this may be the
only chance that I'll ever have to have my mama back.
I didn't want to look back and wonder what if.
So me and my husband talked and we gave her
a chance and took her in and of course, four
(02:31):
weeks later, my mama relapsed, and she relapsed hard. It
got so bad that I had to put my own
mama out and I told her to leave us alone
and to never ever come back here. And I've been
crying in my husband's arms none stop ever since. Horribly
sad for my mama and very very very angry at
her at the same time. You know, I tried, Dawn,
(02:53):
I really tried. But I can't keep letting her hurt
me over and over again. Am I right? Sincerely yours missus,
Eva Parker, aged twenty nine from Riverside, California. Well, there's
a lot of ways we can go with this letter, right.
My first question to you, Eva, Well, first, let me
(03:14):
say thank you so much for writing in. Thank you
so much for your vulnerability, thank you so much for sharing,
and thank you so much for making room you still
may roam no matter what. Now, the first question I
got to ask you is what were your expectations? I
feel as though expectations are unfair. See, there was something
(03:37):
that you expected from your mother, the woman that gave
birth to you, which wasn't promised. Okay, Now, one thing
to take in consideration too. There's nothing wrong in your decision,
just like any person who doesn't want to be loved,
who doesn't want to be wanted, who doesn't want to
be cared for, who doesn't want to be looked after,
(03:59):
and what that comes with place of vulnerability and vulnerability
is all about opening up. And that's what you did.
It wasn't necessarily what you expected, which we will touch
on that in a second. But like you said, you
didn't want to live a life of what if. And
I'm a person where you will hear me constantly say
(04:19):
over and over again that you're going to have to
take a chance on yourself. That means literally yourself and
any opportunities, any chances, anything that you want to see,
be calm do you are going to have to take
a chance. Now. The next thing I want to say,
your mother has been out of your life for twenty
three years. You were six years old when you said
(04:40):
that she abandoned you. Now for you to know that
she has been in on and off drugs, I want
to presume that you have seen her or had her
at a distance, right, but there was some sort of contact, Okay. Nevertheless,
for you not to know the intricacy of her lifestyle,
I meantanding how bad addiction is. Would you or would
(05:04):
you not say that she was a stranger. I mean,
we do have our own brain at six years old,
but there's no maturity there. And you've had twenty three
years since she abandoned you that you lived your life.
So you were essentially letting a stranger in, believe it
or not, a stranger that looks like you, a stranger
(05:27):
in which you carried the same DNA, but nevertheless a
stranger because this is a woman that you do not know.
So I have to ask you what were your expectations?
M Now you said, am I wrong? No? You can't
be wrong for loving on yourself. You can't be wrong
(05:50):
for protecting yourself. You can't be wrong for doing what
you have to do to stand by yourself. The only
thing that you can be wrong with is disenfranchising yourself,
putting yourself in situations that you know that you cannot
prosper from. Okay, now, I'm just looking back at the letter.
(06:12):
You said she left you as six years old. You
said she was in and out of jail, couldn't keep
a job, and on drugs, laying with different men, and
just a never ending mess of problems and bad choices. See,
one thing about history is it has a tendency to
repeat itself. Nevertheless, it doesn't mean that it's too late
to change. See, I'm all about grace, and to me,
(06:33):
grace is all about making room, whether that's room for
somebody else or that's room so that you can get
to know the woman that left you. Because, believe it
or not, it was probably a high stressful situation. I mean,
you got two grown women in this house and her
husband who are related, and one that is holding some
bitter resentment. It's not healthy. But you were doing the
(06:55):
best that you knew how with what was going on.
Plus you took a cheae is because you said, well
what if? What if this possibility? Now another thing, what
do you know about addiction? HM? Like me and myself
if I can keep it real, so you knowhing deal
(07:16):
my addiction lines with food. If anybody has known me
over the past several years, a couple of decades. Now,
wait a minute, don't live tim H too much. My
weight has always been an up and down thing and
it's something that you're going to have to work intentionally with.
In fact, I was just speaking with a friend the
other day and she was sharing about a dude that
(07:39):
she was talking to and he had kind of went
kind of distant, and he said to her, he said,
you know, I'm not in the best space right now.
I've been dealing with substance abuse. And I said, wow,
the vulnerability there. But she was so upset at the
fact that he hadn't been in contact. And at the
(08:00):
same time, I had looked at her and I said, well,
did you reach out to him? I said, there was
a level of vulnerability that he opened up to welcome
you in. So did you reach out? She said no. See,
when we talk about relationships, any type of relationships, one
of the main things that we got to highlight is communication.
Communication is so key, and what happens is you gotta
(08:21):
be you gotta focus in on that channel because all
around you it's gonna be static. Okay, it's gonna be
confusion or in other words, a distraction. And I'm wondering
if you distracted yourself of wanting the relationships so bad
that you could not see who was standing, sitting walking
in front of you, sitting beside you, who was behind you. Well,
(08:46):
see that's why I had to ask you, what was
your expectation. What did you expect? Did you allow yourself
to see what it is for what it is? Because
into knowing your mother, that means you have to know
what addiction is. It means that you're gonna have to
take a moment to understand. There's gonna have to be
some grace that has to be made. And realizing that
(09:08):
when you're dealing with addiction on anything that you have
done consistency, whether in the right direction or the wrong direction,
is that it's going to take time. And I know
when the perfect world, with the rainbows and butterflies, y'all
would have been scripting, skipping down the street, got some
ice cream, went to the movies, out to dinner. You
would have had so much. But you gotta realize what
(09:29):
it is. And this is a woman just like you
who is longing for this relationship, a woman just like
you that deals with addiction. Now, your addiction may not
be drugs, it may not be a lack of self confidence,
it may not be you up here sleeping with a
lot of men, but nevertheless, we all have our addictions.
(09:53):
So when you say, Dawn, was I wrong, No, you
weren't wrong. Taking a chance on yourself know you weren't
wrong for allowing that energy child to feel love. No,
you weren't wrong for wanting to have a relationship with
your mother, but perhaps how you approached it could have
been a little different. And what I mean by that
is giving it some time, having some understanding about what
(10:16):
the relifs is, putting yourself in a situation that if
she were to relapse, that it wasn't such a shock,
because it sounds like it shocked you to your core,
and always saying sometimes you gotta treat certain people like
you got an all white outfit on, And it doesn't
mean that you don't love them. You just don't allow
(10:36):
certain people to get too close or to put their
hands on you. But they can still get a view,
they can still be in arms reach. I mean, you
think about it. You got on some nice shoes, you
got on some all white shoes, you got on that
all white outfit. You're not leaning across everything, you're not
walking in all type of climates. You are sure to
assess the situation. So again, the only fault that I
(10:57):
put is what were your expectations? Now I don't know
what her relapse. You didn't tell me if she called
you outside of your name. You didn't tell me whether
she stole anything from your house. You didn't tell me
if she caused you or put you in any type
of danger. So I really need some more information with
that relapse. But coming from a person who can understand addiction,
(11:23):
coming from a person who wants to feel needed, wanted
and loved, I would probably get some counsel and figure
out how to circle back on this, because, believe it
or not, that six year old inside of you is
still hurting. And to some they just see, oh, I
had to put my mama out, but you had to
(11:46):
put the one person that you loaned for out of
your house. And I'm sure you still hurt. And I
hope that you get some counsel, and I hope that
you talk to somebody to not only understand what you
are feeling, but also understand what it looks like to
have I have a relationship with somebody that got an addiction.
Ain't nobody perfect. I feel like when you think about
(12:08):
relationships and you wouldn't think about love. It's all about
how hard you're gonna hold on? Are you gonna hold
on or are you gonna let go? Because yeah, Eva
twenty nine year old can say I kicked my mama out,
But what about that six year old girl that just
felt like she was abandoned? M What about her? Because
(12:28):
regardless of what you can understand at twenty nine years old,
that six year old is still hurt and that six
year old is inside of you. So no, I don't
think you are wrong. I do think you have to
evaluate what your expectations are and I feel as though
you should make room to get some counseling. And if
you can afford some counseling with her, or a counseling
(12:50):
session with all of you, I think that would be
great too, because at the end of the day, she
was trying. I don't know what stress happened. I don't
know what trigger, but we all have our triggers. So
missus Eva Parker from Riverside, California, who came or wrote
in with the letter, had to put my own mama out. No,
(13:14):
I don't think you were wrong, and I will never
fault you and I will never blame you for loving yourself.
All right, I would love for you to write me
back and let me know how things are going. I
know there are quite a few people who have a
troubling relationship with their parents. Now I may have shared
(13:35):
with you, I'm not sure, but I didn't have a
relationship with my dad. My dad died when I was
three months years old, So I know there is some
place in me that has daddy issues, but not the
stereotypical or the plain view of what we say daddy issues.
My mother was present. Was she perfect? No? But my
mother was always active. She always showed up. But I
(13:57):
have heard of situations where parents have abandoned their children,
they have suffered from abuse. Shoot, I haven't seen it on
social media of parents and grandparents cussing their kids out.
I don't know what that looks like. I personally don't
know what that feels like. But I know what it
feels like to be loved by my mama, and I
(14:18):
can't imagine the kind of pain or even wanting to
feel that love and to not have it at all.
So yeah, I think you got to get back to
six year old Eva. I would recommend that you get
some counseling, and if you can do some counseling with
all of you guys, do that. So write me back
and let me know. And that's what I got for
(14:39):
your answer to your advice letter. All right, now, I
want to encourage you that if you need an advice
on your relationships, on your career, on love life, or
just anything in general, send me an email Vitamin D
at Dawn Dai speaks dot com. That's Vitamin D at
dawn Dai speaks dot com. All right, and make sure
(15:02):
you follow us on on social media at Vitamin D
Dawn d Ai. And excuse me, you can follow me
on my own personal social media Dawn d Ai speaks.
We're gonna keep doing Vitamin D Live if you on TikTok,
make sure you view us live there. I'll come back
with some more dates, but in this specific timing. But
(15:25):
we're doing some things. Yeah, all right, all right, well
let me let me cut this off because this percrning
is done. You know, I always say I'm in the
business of making dreams come true, and I damn show
ain't gonna forget about mine. So until next time, always
remember you and your greatest asad get your Vitamin D.
(15:46):
You right with me, and get excited about your life.