April 5, 2021 • 46 mins
On today’s episode of Vitamin D, Dawn looks into her email bag and responds to letters from her listeners. Hear what Dawn has to say about a partner struggling with the idea of a polyamorous relationship, uncertainty on how to address when personal items are stolen by a family member, finding out a parent is committing adultery behind the other's back, and more personal dilemmas.
If you need advice on passion, purpose, career, love, and anything else, go ahead and submit your Vitamin D advice letter to vitamind@dawndaispeaks.com.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You are tuned into
the Vitamin D Podcast. Welcome, great day, amazing day to you,
and I'm your host on day and on this podcast,
it's all about you getting excited about your life so
that you can live life on purpose and for a purpose. See,
(00:21):
Vitamin D came with the concept because it's un off
my name. You know, my name is Dawn, right, and
you get that vitamin D from the sun, right. So
I'm here to shed light into your life. And I
do that with inspirational conversations with celebrities and everyday people
like you and me, just covering insights, just another way
to look at things. And you've gotta get this too.
(00:41):
Vitamin D is for your mind, body, and soul, and
in order for all of that to come play together,
that means it's shutting the light. And when you shut
the light, we're uncovering what's under the good and the bad.
Because in order to beat our best selves, we have
to see our best selves. I mean, you think about it,
taking consideration of fear. You fear what you do not see.
(01:02):
Even fear itself is false evidence appearing real. It's all
an illusion. But see, you know truth by the way
it feels right. You know, truth because it's what you
allow yourself to see. So we're cutting on the lights now.
Ever so often I'll do something where I may sit
down with somebody and have a good conversation just uncovering
different things that they're involved in and ways to inspire.
(01:24):
Other times, I'm doing something with cryptosis, and it's where
I'm taking the lyrics of popular music and I intertwined
into a motivational message. And then ever so often I
come with a special treat. And this treat is all
about hearing from you and giving advice to you. It's
our Vitamin D advice letters. So I have plenty of
people coming in to write about opinions and thoughts and
(01:44):
questions on relationships, on love, on dreams, their career, and
I just shed some light from my perspective. And here's
the thing. If you wanna hit me out, go ahead
and email me Vitamin D at Dawn day Speaks dot com. Again,
that's Vitamin D at Dawn day Speaks dot com. Okay,
so we're going into some advice letters. So without further ado,
(02:06):
it's some for your dose of Vitamin D. Right with
me and get excited about. Okay, So now let's go
to the very first letter, subject explaining vision boards and
Dear Dawn, I'm trying to find the best way to
(02:27):
manifest what I want in life. I'm thirty one, and
I live in Memphis. I really want to open a bookstore,
but I'm feeling like it's out of my reach. All
the little and big pieces of buying the property and
setting up deals and contracts with publishers and all other
aspects of starting a small business just feel overwhelming. I
know you talked a few times about having a vision,
(02:47):
but could you go into detail about manifesting and vision boards.
I've been trying to get my head right to get
the start on the dream, but often feel unfocused. I've
read some things about vision boards being a solution for that,
and assuming you've had experiences with them, could you tell
me your thoughts. Yes, I have a vision world right now,
this me talking to you on this podcast, right now,
(03:10):
that's on the vision board. Um. You know when you
talk about your dreams right oftentimes I think even the
word dream is placed in a uh a realm that
you're not in right now, right And in this realm,
it's magic it's what you create and what you make
of it. Always say that whether it's your dreams or
(03:31):
just communication with self, you can't negate the fact that
there is a spiritual self and then there's your physical self.
You can't exist without one another, at least in this realm.
And understanding these dreams that are coming to you, this
feeling that you have, this urge to be more, to
do more, that's your spiritual self. But remember this is
(03:52):
all about teamwork, it's about relationship. So now you have
to speak to your physical self. Now, yes, you may
have the inside of knowing that this is the dream,
this is the vision, this is what I want. But
how do you speak to the carnal mind, the one
that's used to eating and drinking and feeling. Right, Well,
you put the vision board out there, because now what
(04:14):
you feel inside you need to put in front of
you kind of like so you can go after it.
Now we've see it in different cases, right, you may
see it, um, you know the dog races. I don't
know if it's the greyhound, but they'll put like a
character or a toy, and you're going after it. And
see when we talk about purpose and we talk about dreams.
You have to put something so that you can look
forward to, because then you get caught up looking behind
you and you realize that even in life, the whole
(04:36):
mode is to just keep moving forward. You just gotta
keep going. And when we look at the instance of
life and understanding that the only time that you stop
is when you die. So when you ask me, Dawn,
is the vision board important? Absolutely? Guess it kind of
works in the subconscious mind, right. You know what you
(04:58):
can see, you can believe. So what happens when you
have all these ideas in your head? You need to
create it because it's your story. And if you look
for life in the realm right down to put the
vision for you to go after it, will your dreams
matterfest Well, I have to wonder after question because they're
your dreams. So it isn't necessarily something that somebody else
has done, because there's no other person like you. So
(05:19):
now the question becomes is whether or not you're ready
to have the conversation with your spiritualself and your physical self.
I mean, you hear two minds are better than one,
but two essences are better than one. Imagine the magic
that you can create there and don't overwhelm yourself. You know,
oftentimes we think vision boards have to be a physical thing.
As far as it's tangible in my hand, you can
(05:40):
also create it on your phone. It could be words,
it can be pictures, it can be quotes, it can
be colors. Whatever makes you feel alive, whatever makes you
feel that like, I want to go after it right,
and therefore allows you to dream wide awake. So when
you say that things get overwhelmed me, you may have
(06:03):
heard it before. Inch by inch, life's ascent yard by yard.
Life is hard. You just gotta put one ft in
front of the other and just let it start by
just putting a vision and biblically speaking, write the vision
and make it plain where else you need to see it.
The vision board. You gotta manifest with your affirmations. And
what happens is that when you put these vision boards
(06:24):
out there, when you look at it, it's a sense
to hold yourself accountable because you start to see it
and you remember what it is that you want, and
you need a consistent reminder of what it is that
you want. So make the vision without the vision of
people with pairs, So what is the vision? What do
you want? For your life. What do you see for yourself?
(06:45):
Make sure you wake up every day and subconsciously you
look at it. It's kind of like even a seed
in the ground you put water on, it's gonna grow.
You gotta fertilize your dreams on this vision board. That
is you planting your dreams. The only next step is
to wait for your season and remember it's right on time. Okay,
(07:07):
I'm completely for vision boards. Let's go all right, let's
get to the next letter subject. My partner wants to
open our relationship. Dear Dawn, thirty four year old man
and fan. Okay, thank you. I see you from p
a here. As someone who grew up being constantly bullied,
(07:28):
I've always seen myself as not good enough. Eventually I
managed to meet someone who thought I was a good
person and a good match. And she must have thought
the same. Because we've been together for the last six years.
Things have been good to be laugh, we argue, occasionally,
we have little inside jokes. It's been good. But my
partner recently opened up to me that she wants to
try being polyamorous. Now, knowing that my favorite person in
(07:52):
the world wants multiple partners, I feel more crushed than ever,
and those feelings are being not good enough are coming,
We're going back. I don't know what to do. I
want to love my partner alone and for her to
love me back the same way. I would usually try
and be accepting of this sort of stuff, but I
just can't. This time is too much. I trust her
(08:12):
with everything I have, but it's not about trust, It's
about feelings and how I would prefer to show them.
Am I wrong for not being accepting this? No, you're
not wrong for being in your truth. This is what
you want. This is what you want now. One thing
that I have to say off the bat, I have
to commend your partner, and I commend your relationship to
being open enough to share that. But aren't you grateful
(08:34):
that she gave you the option rightfully and deservingly. So
now there's another thing that I look at the flip
of the coin, whether or not she wanted to bring
some other person and relationship. There's a sense on your
end that there's a level of self confidence, like where
do you stand with yourself? And that's nothing that you
(08:54):
have to rely on. I'm reading in the letter, and
you set off the bat almost as if you were saved,
you know, by some type of net you know, like
I didn't think I was good enough because I was
constantly put down and she chose me. But it wasn't
that chosen of knowing that it was a blessing. It
was almost a chosen like, oh nobody else wanted me.
So then you gotta ask yourself, how much do you
(09:15):
value yourself? Because how you do anything is how you
do everything. And I'm not sure of what the narrative
of showing or saying what yourself is because this was
a very mature conversation, you know, it wasn't anything that
came behind the back. And in a relationship there are
things that are ebbs and flows. There are different wants
and needs for each partner. Now, one partner should not
(09:36):
go on her because in a relationship, the key thing
that you want is communication. Just as every right that
she wants to express with you that hey, I'd like
to explore multiple partners and uh pursue the polyamorous lifestyle,
you have every right to say that that does not
work for you. Now we're's gonna have to take to
the mature part of the table is to have a
conversation express who you are now. The thing that makes
(09:58):
me wonder and I want you to keep top of mind,
is that you said that you're used to being bullied. Now,
when I think of a bully, I always think of
somebody that doesn't have a voice. There's somebody that keeps quiet.
They they keep to themselves and so therefore they're not heard.
You have to be heard in this situation. Whether it's
not so much to say, hey, you can't do this,
(10:20):
but you need to express how you feel and how
you feel it makes it uncomfortable because is it more
so you're uncomfortable of feeling like she will go on
to someone else? Or is the idea of your favorite person?
You said a mixture of both, But I guess I
got a little mixed up because the first thing you
came into letters stating is that you've been bullied and
there's a time that you didn't feel like you were
(10:41):
good enough. It's gonna take a tremendous amount of confidence
and self assurance one to even explore this lifestyle and
the type of security in your relationship. But two, it's
also gonna take for you to know who you are
within yourself, because whether it's this relationship it'll spill out
into the next relationship. You gotta understand the gift that
(11:01):
you are for self, you know, and you know. I
think in the relationship oftentimes people have a means of changing.
You said that you've been married or you guys have
been together for the last six years. This has never
came up. This has never been something that you talked about,
you joked about, or did you choose not to hear it?
Only you know that. But when you talk about being
(11:22):
a relationship, I think it's our due diligence to know
our partner. Now, there are some things I think people
will keep to themselves, but I think there's a level
of when do you come with the communication and don't
break down the communication. Now you are going to have
to work on your self confidence with yourself in general,
because who you were when you were a little kid,
that's not the man, the thirty four year old man
that you are today, and if it is now, it's
(11:44):
your responsibility to do the work to change the narrative,
because what does that say to your partner that you
feel like, oh, I'm a damsel in distress and so lucky.
She should feel like she has a prize too. And
just like a diamond, it doesn't apologize for shining to
get your shines and all of its imperfections, because there's
value in it, and you have to see the value
of yourself and the value comes from your voice and
(12:05):
expressing to your partner that this is something that you
are uncomfortable with and see what it goes from there.
Now we can sit here and try to play how
every scenario, what could happen, what could be said, But
what it takes right now is what you know right now,
this is not what you want. And I think oftentimes
when we're making decisions in life, we're trying to predict
what's to come after. Sometimes the best decision is just
(12:27):
knowing where you don't want to be because it forces
you to move, keep moving forward, make sure you continue
to communicate. Okay, all right, let's go to the next
letter subject Getting the thing done the deud An. I've
been trying to write a book for about ten years now,
and I feel like I'm about to go crazy. It
(12:49):
all started when I was a team I got to
college and decided that journalism was going to be my thing,
so I really fell into love with writing. Turns out, though,
that Journalism wasn't my thing, but fiction was go figure.
I really fell in love with the freedom to that,
and I hadn't telling stories and the centrality that ideas
I was interested in could take. But the thing about
getting bitten by that sort of bug is when you
(13:11):
don't immediately make it, you can start to feel like
you felt immeasurably. So I like twenty I decided I
wanted to write a novel. I started and got a
bit of ways in. But since that first year it's
been stopping start. That was six years ago. Since I
haven't been able to finish it. I keep feeling like
a failure. And now, even though I'm financially okay I
(13:31):
managed to find a job as a grant writer after school,
I feel just down in the dump spiritually. So what
I want to ask you, Dahn, is this, how do
I hunker down and term my vision into reality. I
know I won't feel right until I get back to Ranny.
I mean, even if I can't finish the book, if
I could just develop a daily habit, I think this
soul sickness I've had for a few years would start
(13:53):
to get better. I'm not under the impression that things
will get better right away. But if it could change
a little, I would be so relieved. Okay, so I
feel like you just answered your own question about what
you want. So I guess what you want? For me
to just reiterate, okay, cool, you had this vision, it
came to you ten years ago. You've identified the fact that,
(14:15):
um that ten years ago you were eighteen, and then
you did like a starting stop. So then at twenty
you were like, I'm gonna really do this, and it
still hasn't been executed. So then it comes down to
how bad do you want it? You know, I said
in the previous letter, inch by inch life's ascent, yard
by yard life is hard. So again, what do you want?
(14:36):
Mm hmm. You've identified it. You know what it takes,
because you even said yourself, you said, okay, it's not
something that's just a fad that just came once or twice.
It's been plaguing you for years now a decade. You're saying, Hey,
I can't put too much pressure on myself because of
writing the book right now, so how about I just
do a little by little write the paragraph. But there
was something that is so important and I always tried
(14:59):
to identify that still it out to me, and it
was the line in what you said is that I
keep feeling like a failure. And now even though I'm
financially okay, hold on, let me go again. You said,
I keep feeling like a failure. And now even though
I'm financially okay, I managed to find a job as
a grant writer after school, I just fell down in
(15:20):
the dump spiritually. Can you see why? Because you've allowed
your dream to be based and distracted on financially what
you're getting from this job. Now, when you got a dream,
you gotta understand that it's to satisfy all your needs.
Your dream is not something where you're gonna be a lacking.
Your dream is to come from a yes and type
of space where you receive it and then it's an abundance. Right.
(15:42):
So when we have this safety net, we're trying to
be so careful, we realize we knock ourselves out of
the ram where the magic happens. Because now we're in
this comfortable space. I mean, you just said it, Okay,
I'm financially okay. That doesn't mean that you should have
to struggle financially for your dreams. But when you're in
a position where that's a distraction. Where's your focus? It
boils down? What do you want? Do you feel like
(16:04):
this is an extreme focus or do you need to
sit down and waste of time? How is it for you?
Just as those saying you're trying to make a habit
or break a habit, a lot of people feel like
they have to go all in and jump. Some people
are good at doing a little by little. But you've
answered it for yourself. How long are you gonna sit
in this job and not go after your dream? And
if you get frustrated, you know that you're only getting
(16:25):
frustrated with yourself. Why? Because here it goes here you're
telling yourself this is what you want. So your spiritual
self is saying, yes, we're gonna get this dream. We're
gonna write this. Now, all this book out here. You
know it may not have been, um, what did you say, journalism?
But now I know that I want to write this fiction.
So now you've got all these stories inside, including the
story that you're telling yourself that you want it, but
(16:46):
it's actually you don't want it because you're staying comfortable
in your job. You don't want to because you're not
spending time and just writing sentences just to get the
paragraphed out. You don't want it because you aren't holding
yourself accountable. So what happens is this communication of what
you're saying spiritually, it's not matching up what you're doing
in the physical realm. So I have to ask you,
what do you want? If you truly believe that you
(17:09):
can create whatever you want on the life, which has
been proven time and time again. When you hear that
people in insurmountable circumstances have achieved and uh exceeded against
all odds, why can't you The impossible has been done before,
and the impossible is only until it's possible. And you
think about how many things are possible? So when do
(17:31):
you step into the realm of knowing that you're possible?
M hm? Do you just see what I'm saying? More importantly,
do you understand where I'm coming from? What I'm saying.
It's about you making the decision and how long are
you're gonna have that little child inside of you saying
that you want to write and you're not writing why
(17:52):
Because you're allowing fear, You're allowing the idea of what's
next to come to get in your way instead of
just taking the next step, Can you just put one
foot in to the other. Can you just click one
finger after the other. What do you want? Because if
you're gonna stay down this bad being a writer and
writing your own novel, that's not what you want. Because
(18:13):
you do what you want for what you need, and
you you should want your dreams as bad as you
want to breathe. I've mentioned this story before. I first
heard the story from Eric Thomas, he sort of detroit Et,
the hip hop preacher. He talked about this young man
and he had this dream and he wants to be
a billionaire. And so he met this guy. He said, hey, kid,
(18:34):
you want to make a lot of money? He sai, yeah,
He's okay, meet me by the water. I'll tell you
whatever you need to know by the beach. So the
kid comes through. He's kind of waiting there. The guy
is doing the stretch, doing his own thing, right. He
got there at six am because the guy said be
there on time sharp. He's suiting the booty of heady
to go. So he's like, okay, are you gonna teach
me or show me how to become a millionaire, a billionaire,
(18:55):
have everything you want in the life. And he says, yes, okay,
so he said come out to the water. So the
young kid was like, wow, you know, you got me
dressed out here to come out the water, like are
we gonna get this done? Like what's up? And he's like,
I'm gonna show you, you you know, just wait a second.
So he's getting impatient. He's like, sir, like, at what
point are you going to tell me how to achieve
(19:15):
everything I want on the life, to get all the money,
to get all the success. He immediately took the young
man and he doused him under the water. The little
boy jumped up. He's like, oh my gosh, you know,
why would you do that? I mean, think about this
guy almost tried to kill him. As soon as he
got his breath, he doused some money there again, held
him down there a little longer. He jumps up trying
to get his breath, and then the guy does it
again and this time he holds it down longer. At
(19:37):
this point, the the young boy is just moving around,
really fighting for until he comes up. And you know,
he had to compose herself because you know, he almost
got out of character. He looked at this old man
like yea. But the guy said, that's the secret to
being successful. Dawn, What does this mean? You gotta want
your dreams as bad as you want to breathe. There
(19:58):
comes to a point that when everything around you is
gonna say that it's impossible. You gotta find the fight
within yourself. If you try to restrict yourself from oxygen,
even if you are in a state if you wanted
to take your life, if you try to restrict yourself
from oxygen, do you know that your body will fight?
(20:19):
That's what it means to go have your dreams or
what your dreams? As bad as you want to breathe?
How bad do you want your dreams? You gotta fight
when there's no fight left. So you can make whatever
excuses you want, But you gotta put yourself in a position.
You gotta put yourself in soil that allows you to grow.
Are you rooted? Are you connected to what you want?
(20:41):
Or are you distracted? Are you rooted and connected with
what you want? Are you in procrastination? Are you rooted
and know what you want? Or are you just lying
to yourself? So? Do you really want to write the novel?
You tell me, and that's what I got for you all.
Let's go onto the next letter subject recognized in your dream. Oh.
(21:05):
I like that We've been get a lot of posts
about our letters about people in their dreams. That means
a lie because you know, vitamin D is a dream
of mine, it's my vision. And to know that this
exchange is happening right now, I'm just grateful that we're
all on the same with them together of living our
best life, living out the dreams wide away. All right,
let's dive in. Dear Dawn Hey from Missouri. Hey Dawn,
(21:30):
I'm a thirty year old woman living in St. Louis
and I have been doing pretty okay during the last year.
My job let me work from home and I mostly
just hang out. I feel like everything is just in
a holding pattern right now, and I'm worried that once
life gets back up to speed it was charging yet before,
I won't be able to get going with a running start.
I want to get myself together and actually achieve something
(21:51):
outside of my comfortable, with boring day job. I tried
to pick up some hobbies that I could maybe make
some money off of, but that didn't pan out. That's funny.
Because got really into making bread imposta thinking I was
going to start a bakery or something. Okay, but nothing
really sparked a fire in my belly the way I expect.
And maybe that's the problem that I expected to be
(22:12):
something big and overwhelming. I've never really had a strong
sense of passion before, so it's hard to know if
the field is right. You seem like a very passionate person.
So could you shine the light on how to know
when something is your dream? For lacquer or for a
better word, for those of us who may not have
thought they could have a dream, and that was beautiful
(22:33):
recognizing the dream. I like that. The best way that
I can explain that when we talk about dreams is
a dream is going to speak before you open your mouth.
It's something that comes to you. It actually gives you life,
the idea of it. Even oftentimes when you're exercising it.
(22:56):
A dream you're gonna notice is gonna actually feed yourself.
You've heard it oftentimes um be an instrument of peace
or even your own peace. I think when you're pursuing
your dream, that is your peace. And I'm not saying
that you're not going to spend countless hours of being
up and doing all these things, you're just gonna realize
that you can get lost in it and it feels
(23:19):
good when you do it. Now, when you talk about like, Okay,
how do I find into it? But it sounds like
you dived into something. You said, I got really into
making bread imposta thinking I was going to start a
bakery or something. So it was the passion that you
were just into post or where you're going after because
you won't start the bakery. I'll tell you the main
problem that I'm identifying is that you are comfortable. And
(23:40):
what I realized is that when you're going after the dream,
just like I said in the previous letter, it's everything
that happens outside of your comfort zone. Stakes are higher,
you have to look more, you're discerning more. But if
you're in the midst of you know, normality, and you're
just comfortable with just being where you are, why would
you have any other passion to move forward while you've
Why would you be ambitious to think outside of the box.
(24:02):
Why would you want to even exist or even know
to exist where the magic happens. Dreams are magical. That's
why they call them dreams. It's a figment of your imagination.
But if you're caughting a world in a box, a
box because you're comfortable, you know all four while sides,
all four walls. You know how it stands, how it sits,
how it looks. It doesn't change it just that box,
(24:25):
and you have borders, you have parameters, and what you're
staying in that box. But a dream, if it's magical,
it's everything that happens outside of that and finding that
you just have to get out there and explore. You say, hey,
I'm just hanging out. That's good. You get to observe
and you get to see. But now it's time to
do something that challenges you after your day. Go out
there and do something different. Go paint, go draw, go sing,
(24:47):
just explore. Life is meant for us to live. And
I know, like you said, we got all have to
get into the house and stay in for a bit,
to really lock in because of all the craziness that's
going out outside. But a lot of people, just as yourself,
while not being able to go outside, we all have
been forced to look inside. What's in? So what do
you want? Well, you can only know what you want
(25:08):
by explore. You would have put it on your wear
in the world is carm in San Diego ahead, whereas
Waldo and just get out there and just take a chance,
because you already know what this feels like. We already
know this, like we keep living life to experience something different,
something more. But if you already know this and you
know there's more to exist, because that's the way time is,
(25:30):
that's the way different circumstances, why not go after it? Now?
You can say, hey, Dawn, you know, uh, I just
know what I like. But you know that this isn't
enough because if it was enough, you wouldn't be right
at me. So that I'm telling you go out there
and explore. Pick up the baker and thing. You didn't
say that you didn't like it. You just said that
you didn't stop and start. And oftentimes, you know, we
(25:54):
can't expect it to look magical, but you gotta realize
that the magic is inside it, the journey, like my
old barber has he would say, Louis T. Powell. He said, Dawn,
the journey is the experience, and the experience is the journey.
You don't you don't never arrive until you die. In
the meantime, we're all just becoming. So whether you're becoming
(26:16):
a chef temporarily, whether you're becoming a singer, just become
just evolved. Just keep going wing. We see a time
and time again as we move forward, that oftentimes is
that something so far distance, It can look so huge,
it can look like a distraction. But as you approach
and as you move forward, you start to realize, I
(26:36):
get a clear idea on what the picture is. Take
a step forward to find your picture and put it together.
Peace par piece. Okay, So the passion lies and doing
exactly what you were doing, and that is just simply
finding out what you can get lost in finding out
what gives you peace, because that's the gift. So you
(26:57):
can present it to other people and it turns out
to be presented back to you. Remember, we're all in
this next energy exchange. Okay, keep exploring, Go make some
of my positive In fact, I might um email me again.
I might reply with my dress again. Us send me
some goodies after COVID restrictions of course. Okay, all right,
(27:18):
let's move on to the next letter subject aft in
the family, Dear Dawn, what do you do in family
steals from you? That's my question to you down. My
sister took my favorite cookbook, and I know that girl
don't cook. See, this is the problem that she has
had for a while. She'll pill for something quick during
a family function or a party and then keep her later.
(27:38):
I caught her doing it several times when we were
growing up. I never told our parents, but I warned
her that it would come back to bite her, but
that was when we were girls. Anyway, I think she
must have taken it when she was helping me move
last week. I've been so busy getting things in ordered
my new place that I had been ordering out until
a few days ago. I tore the place apart after
I had put it together looking for it. The only
(28:00):
conclusion I could come up with is that she had
taken it. So I'm wondering should I confront her. I'm
not going to start drama, but I would like my
book back. And I also worry that she's still stealing
things frivolously. Is it my place to tell her what
to do? Should I just ask her to not steal
from me? Should I tell our parents that's something to say?
Should you act like an adult? And I mean, I'm
(28:22):
not trying to be smart about it. I'm just saying
real as an adult, you would confront your sister and say, hey,
what happened? You know? Did you see this? But see, oftentimes,
how we do anything is how we do everything. And
you were a child yourself as a child, or as
she was picking up things frivously as a child, but
nobody reprimmended to her tell her not to do. You
(28:43):
understand what I'm saying. So she got in a situation
where she got used to moving like that. So that
becomes a norm now for me. Once, shame on you,
fool me twice, shame on me. Okay, I said that, right, Okay,
So if we're going on the lines that how somebody
does any thing is how you do everything? What made
you feel that you're an exception that your sister wouldn't
steal from you? And by no means I'm trying to
(29:05):
paint your sister off to be a bad person. But
is there a cloud or a show that you think
that she wouldn't Because your sister is a person just
like anyone else. You understand what I'm saying. And the
fact that she went in there and took your belongings,
so you think it needs to be addressed. But more importantly,
you're gonna have to step up at your front your sister,
And that's just the ask is not to accuse. Now,
(29:26):
it's unfortunate that sometimes our history it follows us, but
that's just the nature of the beast. And as a
grown woman, if she's the one that help you, you
can't find it. One plus one is too, but doesn't
mean that it's true. So should you confront her? Yeah,
just ask you know, um, And it's not about certain drama.
It's just about hey, if you saw it, but you
can go on, go ahead and live the life that
(29:48):
you did before. And seeing her as a young child,
stealing things and not saying anything, not addressing to your parents.
But she gonna end up locked up one day. You know.
It could be a bag, you could be a shirt
this term then the way, a thousand dollars, a million dollars,
it could be somebody's credit, who knows. But it does
have to stop. Now. It's not for you to throw
your body on the line, but to hold her accountable
(30:09):
for who she is and what she's done. And often
times I speaking up for yourself, So yes, come from her.
But that confrontation is just the inquiry. Now, if you
can't get through, perhaps this is something that you can
have a conversation with your parents about. I mean again,
that is their child. They know her inside and out
and get to the bottom of it. But I don't
think that this is something that you should brush up
(30:31):
under the rug. Okay, all right, let's move on to
the next letter. Subject to X is want me? Do
I want them? Dear Dawn, I recently had a running
with an old accident. It's got me a little shaken. See.
I'm thirty and we go back a long way, twelve
years to my freshman year at college. She's a year older,
so I was cotton spitting when she expressed interest in me.
(30:53):
The love came fast and felt like it left faster,
But that was after four years together and the ups
and downs I've come to understand come with a lot
of relationships. Things were good and she was my first love,
but she wasn't really down with my choice of careers. See,
I'm a jazz musician by trade, went to school for
it and everything. She didn't think it was suitable or
a stable job, and I just couldn't put the sacks
(31:15):
down so we split and eventually I found myself in
situation with some other women. Now years later, she's been
hitting me with these bitter texts like this could have
been us, two pictures of couples and other mess I
can't lie that I still have some love for her,
but I don't really know what's changed on her end.
And to add on to that, in the last six years,
(31:37):
I've made a connection with a woman who really knows
me and loves me for who I am. We've been
on and off since be mad In. I haven't really
spent more than five months single prior to I think,
of course, I messed it up, partially by continuing to
be communication with my first ax. After our third breakup,
the new girl decided to take a job abroad. That
(31:58):
was at the start of quarantine. We've had middling contact
since then, and for the last year I've been kind
of keeping a low profile, not dating, trying to stay
alive make it work in l A as a cash here.
It's been a struggle, but I feel good where I'm at,
good with myself. Now she's drunk, calling me and telling
me how she's always loved me and asking to come
(32:18):
out to visit her. I keep thinking that, yes, that
sounds great. I love her and the vacation would be nice.
But I wonder do I want to be in a relationship?
And both of these incidents started around the same time
last month. What's going on? Should I get back to
the one of them? Should I just keep my head
down and move forward with my life? In life? You
(32:39):
gotta know what you want, baby, period um. And one
thing you said is that you don't know if this
is what you want a relationship. You know, I heard
I saw on a TikTok video on social media somebody
posted on Instagram. It was reposted from TikTok on Instagram,
(32:59):
and somebody said, if you have to ever question whether
somebody likes you, they don't. So you have the question
whether or not you want to be in a relationship.
You don't. Um, just thinking about the first X, you know,
it reminds me of ericabai Do and her track bag. Lady,
You're gonna miss your buzz dragging all those bags like that.
(33:21):
I guess nobody ever told you all you must hold onto?
Is you now? You had a situation where's back? She
wasn't in agreement with your dreams? Your vision right, And remember,
like I said previously another letter, I said, you have
to know what you want right. If it doesn't serve you,
it doesn't deserve you. If you aren't getting fed from
(33:41):
this relationship, why are you there now? You used your
keen discernment, you said, I don't belong here, this is
not for me. Why does it change in this situation
of knowing what you want? If you're saying that you
don't know that your relationship, perhaps stay away and just
like Erica, do I see how this the first X
she wasn't for you? And when I say for you,
probably literally in the sense, but even for your dreams.
(34:03):
Who wants to feel like they can't be themselves with
the most intimate person in their life. You should be
sharing your dreams, exploring your dreams, but you have a
situation where she's not for them. So what happens? You
got into another relationship with a young lady. It sounds
like you're a guy who does like relationships, but it
sounds like you're trying to find your footing, so you
move on. You meet the younger than young lady before
(34:24):
she goes abroad, and you find out that your ex
Remember that baggage that was behind you was starting to
interfere with this relationship. It's interesting that you have the
capacity to move forward, but you consistently carry a lot
of things with you. So when you say, Okay, perhaps Dawn,
I don't know if I want to be in a relationship,
and should I just keep my head down the answers yes.
(34:47):
You gotta know what you want, just as clear that
you are able to tell the first X that Yo,
I want to be a musician. I want to pick
up my sex and play at these jazz clubs. You
gotta be that specific with your life because remember, how
you do anything is how you do everything, So you
may not be able to see it that clearly now
when it comes to relationship and love. But just take
the same scenario and put that in your dream. Are
(35:09):
you willing to compromise your dream for a relationship. I
think that's how you're gonna know off the bat. So
when you have to juggle just talking about the first
acts and whether or not you guys should be together,
you gotta say to yourself, Hey, she's not supporting the
identity of you, so how how can that feel good?
So you can look at all these pictures of these
couples and say, oh, this could have been us. No,
(35:31):
it could have been because you're gonna be at the
jazz club. Is she gonna be there to support you?
Now you upset because now when you guys want to
go out to eat, you gotta staying look on your
face because she didn't even support your dreams. The very
thing is that you change your life for the very
thing that you invested your time, to energy, your money
for your dreams and she's not there. So could that
be as heck? You know you gotta be for each other.
(35:54):
Now you got the other young lady who actually does support.
But now you have to ask yourself are you available emotionally?
Do you have the capacity to hold what she's offering.
It's interesting because you just said, hey, don I don't
know if I want to be in a relationship. Both
of these instances happened at the same time. See, just
(36:15):
as clear as your disarnment was with your first sex
about knowing what your dreams are, you need to have
your discernment that clear where you talk about sharing your
life with somebody, sharing that intimate moment with your with somebody,
because all of that bleeds in every other area of
your life. And what you just said is that you're
unsure where you want to be well, as home is
where the heart is, and the heart is a representation
(36:35):
of love. Does that feel like home? Can you lay
your head down there and feel comfortable? Does it make
you change the identity of who you are, what you
believe in, what you're going after? Those are the questions
you have to ask yourself. And so you know the
truth by the way it feels and where it directs you.
And it sounds like you're not being directed in that location,
(36:55):
that location of knowing I want to be located. I
want to put myself in the GPS to be in
a relationship. Do you know what I'm saying? I kind
of would left to go right, But you know what
I'm saying, is this your location? Is that what you want?
It doesn't sound like because you don't know, and you
know the difference of knowing what you want. So I
think you might all to keep your head down because
(37:17):
you've been there, done that. You know what they have
to offer, and if it doesn't satisfy you enough to
go that way, Please do not waste anybody's time. We
are too grown for that we are at a love
on our lives. We are not young kids anymore, that
we need to play with emotions. If somebody is direct
enough to tell you what they want, just as direct
as you were to say what your dreams are, please
(37:37):
offer the same courtesy and respect. Allow somebody to choose.
Do not sign up for a position that you don't
plan to show up to. Okay, So until you can
say I want to be in a relationship, stop stop
with the foolish and stop entertaining it. Because you're clear
on what they want. But the question is what do
you want? And any type of relationship, we actually have
(37:58):
to show up for one another. They're showing up and
where are you? All right, let's go to the next letter.
And this is the last letter. Subject was making progress.
Then dad came back. Dear Dawn, I I don't really
have a lot to complain about, or at least I
didn't until recently, six weeks ago exactly actually, when my
(38:20):
dad came back into my life. A little background. My
dad is the fly by the seat of your pants
kind of guy. Him and my mom broke up not
long after I was born, and he's been moving from
company to company in city to city. For the last
twenty five years, I rarely saw him or heard from him.
MR birthdays were norm It was hurtful, but I'm in
therapy working on it. For a while in my early twenties,
(38:42):
I was feeling so unacceptable that I had the hardest
time even leaving the house. Now I'm enjoying life to
the extent you can, and I'm working at a job
I love, so on some level, I know that whatever
pain I was called, I came out okay. Sometimes I
even think that I don't need to know my dad,
and the thing is, he's still my dad. Even though
(39:04):
I loki kind of hated him, I love him and
I want to have a positive relationship with him. So
six weeks ago, he moves back to Oakland and starts
living with my older sister. There are like five year
age gap between us, so they have a lot closer relationship.
She really wants to mend the rift in the family,
and I'm just feeling kind of mixed of the idea.
It's so awkward around him because every time I try
(39:26):
to talk about the pain in his absence calls, he
tells me it really wasn't his fault. And now after
having improved therapy and gotten my life on an upward trajectory.
Their prospect of having to engage in making me fear
losing all of this progress I've made. How do I
tell my sister I just can't or do I face
my fear. I'm not sure what the fear is, um
(39:53):
because if anything that I received that what you said
was the fear is probably the confrontation of your dad
because you're being vulnerable. Now. Where I applaud you is
that you're doing the work. What I have to tell
you to cut the light bulb and to keep in
mind is that he's not willing to do the work.
So it's a sticky situation. But you're showing up to
(40:13):
a table that your dad isn't sitting at, and this
table is laying out of how you feel, and what
you're looking for is to completely heal. You can't ignore
the fact and say I want no relationship with my
father and say everything is okay, because if everything's okay,
you wouldn't feel that missing piece. But you can't make
(40:34):
somebody do anything because it sounds like what the communication
is that he's receiving. It's not my fault and it's like,
I'm not sure this dialogue is the sense of blame,
but you're expressing how it made you feel. And I
know myself, I always say when I'm in a discribinant
of somebody that I'm not trying to prove who's right
or wrong, but I think it's about how it made
someone feel. And when you love someone, you care about somebody,
(40:57):
you care about what why they feel the way they
feel you, because we all just want to be heard.
You heard me saying before, whether it was the spiritual
self trying to connect with the physical self to try
to manifest dreams, whether it's a relationship with a partner,
whether it's a daughter and a father, you're asking to
be heard because at some point, this little girl, whose
father was out there living his life, going after the
(41:19):
next thing, perhaps didn't get a chance to see the
little girl. And so as an adult, you're like, oh,
my life is booming, I'm popping. Whoa, whoa. You forgot
that that little girl is still hurt. Now To sit
there and try to negate the fact that she doesn't
need her father, well that's not fair. But it also
wasn't fair to the adult to know yourself is that
(41:39):
you're showing up and your father isn't showing up in
the way that you can now The next thing I
was saying, because you have been going to therapy, perhaps
try to invite him to one of your sessions. Open
up the conversation, because oftentimes I feel like we can
see the message and where it's coming from, and immediately
it's a block. And sometimes just as though if we
were try get to one location another another, we use
(42:02):
a car, whether we're cooking dishes, we use the utensils.
We have these tools in planes so that we can
effectively do what it is that we need to do.
And one of the tools that you have is that
you have a therapist. So use your tools appropriately. Open
the invitation to have your death there and truly expressed
that this is not a blame, but I want to
let you know how I feel because no matter what
how you trying to say, I'm just gonna go away
(42:23):
from it and not, you know, address my father. That's
not true because it still exists because it's how it
makes you feel and understanding that it's gonna bleed out
in other areas of your life. But at the same time,
you gotta love on yourself to know that what doesn't
serve you doesn't deserve you. And if it puts you
in the same situation every time that you're around your
(42:43):
father that your remind of we can take you back
into depression, that we can take you back backwards, then
you have to save yourself. And it doesn't mean cutting off.
It just depends on how I say. You gotta treat
someertain people like you gotta white outfit on. You can't
let them get too close. And sometimes that close that
you're thinking about. What I'm referring to is physically is
that you can't emotionally expose yourself to those things. That's
(43:06):
just the maturity level. You can't control that. But you
have to understand what you're dealing with. You have to
truly see what you're dealing with. And there's a trickery
because we get to this point in our life when
we're kids, we look at our parents and people that
are older than us as though they have the answer
to everything. And it isn't until we get to an
adult that we realized that yo, they were just trying
to figure out the same thing. But what's gobout to
(43:28):
happen right now is that this whole awkward feeling that
you're feeling around him. It's called because you guys can't communicate,
So that's gonna cause friction, and then it's gonna cause
a sense of blame and saying, oh, it's not my fault,
it is your fault versus like can you hear me?
I'm speaking, So don't stop your shine, but try another approach.
(43:51):
Try to go ahead and um see if he's all
but welcoming to come to therapy, just so that you
can be heard and let him know that you're just
trying to be heard and to be understood, because sometimes
that goes along further than where the blame is. And
hopefully with your dad and hopefully with you, you guys
realize that that relationship is important because if it's not
a situation right now where he's badgering you and saying no, no, no,
(44:11):
no no, let's mend about what the past was, because
guess what, he ain't gonna be here forever. You're not
gonna be here forever. And I'm telling you from a
person who both of my parents are deceased. I would
love to have a conversation. I would love to figure
out how to work it out, but I do understand
that you still deserve to be hurt because that little
girl is hurt. So my suggestion will be the next
(44:33):
step invite him overto therapy and then just see where
it goes from there. But do not sacrifice yourself. You
come too far to go backwards, all right? And uh,
those are all the letters that we have today. Thank you.
Shout out to each and every one of you guys
that wrote the letter. Thank you. I'll receive you, and
(44:53):
I appreciate you for being bold enough to want to
be better, and not because I'm just saying it, but
to put yourself on the line to know that some
things may be all balanced. And when I say all balance,
it just doesn't feel right. And you know that's one
thing that I talked about with the vitamin D as
I talk about your life that account, and when you
know that you are your greatest asset, you understand that
(45:14):
just like an account, it's all about deposits and withdrawals.
What are you adding to your life and what are
you deducting? And the thing is it's going to be
a constant ever flow. But it's just about balance and
when you can addrust yourself and cut on the lights
on and say, hey, I don't have it all figure out. Hey,
I'm trying to still figure out everything. You realize that
how much you can grow from that. You feel what
(45:36):
I'm saying, So thank you. I appreciate it. And if
you heard something you're like, Dawn, I want to get
your thoughts too. You can email me Vitamin D at
Dawn day Speace dot com and you can just put
in the subject advice letter and I'm either myself or
Jeremiah or Inn. We will get to it and we'll
make sure that we answer these questions because we like
(45:57):
to hear from you. Because remember, Vitamin D is all
about being better so that you can live life on
purpose and for purpose. All right, So again the email
is Vitamin D at Dawn Day Speak dot com. Now,
outside of the podcast, if you want some more Vitamin
D in your life, one, you need to check me
out on Saturdays on the Steve Harvey Morning Show for
(46:18):
my What's Happening segment. Too. You need to follow me
on social media at Dawn Day Speaks on social media
and get some extra Vitamin D in your life. So
I'm gonna talk to you next time. We got a
lot of great things coming up with the podcast Why
we Do Live Like We're cooking up a lot of magic.
We're making dreams cometable. Okay, So until next time, I'll
(46:39):
talk to you, and I want you to always remember
that you are. Your greatest has act
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You are tuned into
the Vitamin D Podcast. Welcome, great day, amazing day to you,
and I'm your host on day and on this podcast,
it's all about you getting excited about your life so
that you can live life on purpose and for a purpose. See,
(00:21):
Vitamin D came with the concept because it's un off
my name. You know, my name is Dawn, right, and
you get that vitamin D from the sun, right. So
I'm here to shed light into your life. And I
do that with inspirational conversations with celebrities and everyday people
like you and me, just covering insights, just another way
to look at things. And you've gotta get this too.
(00:41):
Vitamin D is for your mind, body, and soul, and
in order for all of that to come play together,
that means it's shutting the light. And when you shut
the light, we're uncovering what's under the good and the bad.
Because in order to beat our best selves, we have
to see our best selves. I mean, you think about it,
taking consideration of fear. You fear what you do not see.
(01:02):
Even fear itself is false evidence appearing real. It's all
an illusion. But see, you know truth by the way
it feels right. You know, truth because it's what you
allow yourself to see. So we're cutting on the lights now.
Ever so often I'll do something where I may sit
down with somebody and have a good conversation just uncovering
different things that they're involved in and ways to inspire.
(01:24):
Other times, I'm doing something with cryptosis, and it's where
I'm taking the lyrics of popular music and I intertwined
into a motivational message. And then ever so often I
come with a special treat. And this treat is all
about hearing from you and giving advice to you. It's
our Vitamin D advice letters. So I have plenty of
people coming in to write about opinions and thoughts and
(01:44):
questions on relationships, on love, on dreams, their career, and
I just shed some light from my perspective. And here's
the thing. If you wanna hit me out, go ahead
and email me Vitamin D at Dawn day Speaks dot com. Again,
that's Vitamin D at Dawn day Speaks dot com. Okay,
so we're going into some advice letters. So without further ado,
(02:06):
it's some for your dose of Vitamin D. Right with
me and get excited about. Okay, So now let's go
to the very first letter, subject explaining vision boards and
Dear Dawn, I'm trying to find the best way to
(02:27):
manifest what I want in life. I'm thirty one, and
I live in Memphis. I really want to open a bookstore,
but I'm feeling like it's out of my reach. All
the little and big pieces of buying the property and
setting up deals and contracts with publishers and all other
aspects of starting a small business just feel overwhelming. I
know you talked a few times about having a vision,
(02:47):
but could you go into detail about manifesting and vision boards.
I've been trying to get my head right to get
the start on the dream, but often feel unfocused. I've
read some things about vision boards being a solution for that,
and assuming you've had experiences with them, could you tell
me your thoughts. Yes, I have a vision world right now,
this me talking to you on this podcast, right now,
(03:10):
that's on the vision board. Um. You know when you
talk about your dreams right oftentimes I think even the
word dream is placed in a uh a realm that
you're not in right now, right And in this realm,
it's magic it's what you create and what you make
of it. Always say that whether it's your dreams or
(03:31):
just communication with self, you can't negate the fact that
there is a spiritual self and then there's your physical self.
You can't exist without one another, at least in this realm.
And understanding these dreams that are coming to you, this
feeling that you have, this urge to be more, to
do more, that's your spiritual self. But remember this is
(03:52):
all about teamwork, it's about relationship. So now you have
to speak to your physical self. Now, yes, you may
have the inside of knowing that this is the dream,
this is the vision, this is what I want. But
how do you speak to the carnal mind, the one
that's used to eating and drinking and feeling. Right, Well,
you put the vision board out there, because now what
(04:14):
you feel inside you need to put in front of
you kind of like so you can go after it.
Now we've see it in different cases, right, you may
see it, um, you know the dog races. I don't
know if it's the greyhound, but they'll put like a
character or a toy, and you're going after it. And
see when we talk about purpose and we talk about dreams.
You have to put something so that you can look
forward to, because then you get caught up looking behind
you and you realize that even in life, the whole
(04:36):
mode is to just keep moving forward. You just gotta
keep going. And when we look at the instance of
life and understanding that the only time that you stop
is when you die. So when you ask me, Dawn,
is the vision board important? Absolutely? Guess it kind of
works in the subconscious mind, right. You know what you
(04:58):
can see, you can believe. So what happens when you
have all these ideas in your head? You need to
create it because it's your story. And if you look
for life in the realm right down to put the
vision for you to go after it, will your dreams
matterfest Well, I have to wonder after question because they're
your dreams. So it isn't necessarily something that somebody else
has done, because there's no other person like you. So
(05:19):
now the question becomes is whether or not you're ready
to have the conversation with your spiritualself and your physical self.
I mean, you hear two minds are better than one,
but two essences are better than one. Imagine the magic
that you can create there and don't overwhelm yourself. You know,
oftentimes we think vision boards have to be a physical thing.
As far as it's tangible in my hand, you can
(05:40):
also create it on your phone. It could be words,
it can be pictures, it can be quotes, it can
be colors. Whatever makes you feel alive, whatever makes you
feel that like, I want to go after it right,
and therefore allows you to dream wide awake. So when
you say that things get overwhelmed me, you may have
(06:03):
heard it before. Inch by inch, life's ascent yard by yard.
Life is hard. You just gotta put one ft in
front of the other and just let it start by
just putting a vision and biblically speaking, write the vision
and make it plain where else you need to see it.
The vision board. You gotta manifest with your affirmations. And
what happens is that when you put these vision boards
(06:24):
out there, when you look at it, it's a sense
to hold yourself accountable because you start to see it
and you remember what it is that you want, and
you need a consistent reminder of what it is that
you want. So make the vision without the vision of
people with pairs, So what is the vision? What do
you want? For your life. What do you see for yourself?
(06:45):
Make sure you wake up every day and subconsciously you
look at it. It's kind of like even a seed
in the ground you put water on, it's gonna grow.
You gotta fertilize your dreams on this vision board. That
is you planting your dreams. The only next step is
to wait for your season and remember it's right on time. Okay,
(07:07):
I'm completely for vision boards. Let's go all right, let's
get to the next letter subject. My partner wants to
open our relationship. Dear Dawn, thirty four year old man
and fan. Okay, thank you. I see you from p
a here. As someone who grew up being constantly bullied,
(07:28):
I've always seen myself as not good enough. Eventually I
managed to meet someone who thought I was a good
person and a good match. And she must have thought
the same. Because we've been together for the last six years.
Things have been good to be laugh, we argue, occasionally,
we have little inside jokes. It's been good. But my
partner recently opened up to me that she wants to
try being polyamorous. Now, knowing that my favorite person in
(07:52):
the world wants multiple partners, I feel more crushed than ever,
and those feelings are being not good enough are coming,
We're going back. I don't know what to do. I
want to love my partner alone and for her to
love me back the same way. I would usually try
and be accepting of this sort of stuff, but I
just can't. This time is too much. I trust her
(08:12):
with everything I have, but it's not about trust, It's
about feelings and how I would prefer to show them.
Am I wrong for not being accepting this? No, you're
not wrong for being in your truth. This is what
you want. This is what you want now. One thing
that I have to say off the bat, I have
to commend your partner, and I commend your relationship to
being open enough to share that. But aren't you grateful
(08:34):
that she gave you the option rightfully and deservingly. So
now there's another thing that I look at the flip
of the coin, whether or not she wanted to bring
some other person and relationship. There's a sense on your
end that there's a level of self confidence, like where
do you stand with yourself? And that's nothing that you
(08:54):
have to rely on. I'm reading in the letter, and
you set off the bat almost as if you were saved,
you know, by some type of net you know, like
I didn't think I was good enough because I was
constantly put down and she chose me. But it wasn't
that chosen of knowing that it was a blessing. It
was almost a chosen like, oh nobody else wanted me.
So then you gotta ask yourself, how much do you
(09:15):
value yourself? Because how you do anything is how you
do everything. And I'm not sure of what the narrative
of showing or saying what yourself is because this was
a very mature conversation, you know, it wasn't anything that
came behind the back. And in a relationship there are
things that are ebbs and flows. There are different wants
and needs for each partner. Now, one partner should not
(09:36):
go on her because in a relationship, the key thing
that you want is communication. Just as every right that
she wants to express with you that hey, I'd like
to explore multiple partners and uh pursue the polyamorous lifestyle,
you have every right to say that that does not
work for you. Now we're's gonna have to take to
the mature part of the table is to have a
conversation express who you are now. The thing that makes
(09:58):
me wonder and I want you to keep top of mind,
is that you said that you're used to being bullied. Now,
when I think of a bully, I always think of
somebody that doesn't have a voice. There's somebody that keeps quiet.
They they keep to themselves and so therefore they're not heard.
You have to be heard in this situation. Whether it's
not so much to say, hey, you can't do this,
(10:20):
but you need to express how you feel and how
you feel it makes it uncomfortable because is it more
so you're uncomfortable of feeling like she will go on
to someone else? Or is the idea of your favorite person?
You said a mixture of both, But I guess I
got a little mixed up because the first thing you
came into letters stating is that you've been bullied and
there's a time that you didn't feel like you were
(10:41):
good enough. It's gonna take a tremendous amount of confidence
and self assurance one to even explore this lifestyle and
the type of security in your relationship. But two, it's
also gonna take for you to know who you are
within yourself, because whether it's this relationship it'll spill out
into the next relationship. You gotta understand the gift that
(11:01):
you are for self, you know, and you know. I
think in the relationship oftentimes people have a means of changing.
You said that you've been married or you guys have
been together for the last six years. This has never
came up. This has never been something that you talked about,
you joked about, or did you choose not to hear it?
Only you know that. But when you talk about being
(11:22):
a relationship, I think it's our due diligence to know
our partner. Now, there are some things I think people
will keep to themselves, but I think there's a level
of when do you come with the communication and don't
break down the communication. Now you are going to have
to work on your self confidence with yourself in general,
because who you were when you were a little kid,
that's not the man, the thirty four year old man
that you are today, and if it is now, it's
(11:44):
your responsibility to do the work to change the narrative,
because what does that say to your partner that you
feel like, oh, I'm a damsel in distress and so lucky.
She should feel like she has a prize too. And
just like a diamond, it doesn't apologize for shining to
get your shines and all of its imperfections, because there's
value in it, and you have to see the value
of yourself and the value comes from your voice and
(12:05):
expressing to your partner that this is something that you
are uncomfortable with and see what it goes from there.
Now we can sit here and try to play how
every scenario, what could happen, what could be said, But
what it takes right now is what you know right now,
this is not what you want. And I think oftentimes
when we're making decisions in life, we're trying to predict
what's to come after. Sometimes the best decision is just
(12:27):
knowing where you don't want to be because it forces
you to move, keep moving forward, make sure you continue
to communicate. Okay, all right, let's go to the next
letter subject Getting the thing done the deud An. I've
been trying to write a book for about ten years now,
and I feel like I'm about to go crazy. It
(12:49):
all started when I was a team I got to
college and decided that journalism was going to be my thing,
so I really fell into love with writing. Turns out, though,
that Journalism wasn't my thing, but fiction was go figure.
I really fell in love with the freedom to that,
and I hadn't telling stories and the centrality that ideas
I was interested in could take. But the thing about
getting bitten by that sort of bug is when you
(13:11):
don't immediately make it, you can start to feel like
you felt immeasurably. So I like twenty I decided I
wanted to write a novel. I started and got a
bit of ways in. But since that first year it's
been stopping start. That was six years ago. Since I
haven't been able to finish it. I keep feeling like
a failure. And now, even though I'm financially okay I
(13:31):
managed to find a job as a grant writer after school,
I feel just down in the dump spiritually. So what
I want to ask you, Dahn, is this, how do
I hunker down and term my vision into reality. I
know I won't feel right until I get back to Ranny.
I mean, even if I can't finish the book, if
I could just develop a daily habit, I think this
soul sickness I've had for a few years would start
(13:53):
to get better. I'm not under the impression that things
will get better right away. But if it could change
a little, I would be so relieved. Okay, so I
feel like you just answered your own question about what
you want. So I guess what you want? For me
to just reiterate, okay, cool, you had this vision, it
came to you ten years ago. You've identified the fact that,
(14:15):
um that ten years ago you were eighteen, and then
you did like a starting stop. So then at twenty
you were like, I'm gonna really do this, and it
still hasn't been executed. So then it comes down to
how bad do you want it? You know, I said
in the previous letter, inch by inch life's ascent, yard
by yard life is hard. So again, what do you want?
(14:36):
Mm hmm. You've identified it. You know what it takes,
because you even said yourself, you said, okay, it's not
something that's just a fad that just came once or twice.
It's been plaguing you for years now a decade. You're saying, Hey,
I can't put too much pressure on myself because of
writing the book right now, so how about I just
do a little by little write the paragraph. But there
was something that is so important and I always tried
(14:59):
to identify that still it out to me, and it
was the line in what you said is that I
keep feeling like a failure. And now even though I'm
financially okay, hold on, let me go again. You said,
I keep feeling like a failure. And now even though
I'm financially okay, I managed to find a job as
a grant writer after school, I just fell down in
(15:20):
the dump spiritually. Can you see why? Because you've allowed
your dream to be based and distracted on financially what
you're getting from this job. Now, when you got a dream,
you gotta understand that it's to satisfy all your needs.
Your dream is not something where you're gonna be a lacking.
Your dream is to come from a yes and type
of space where you receive it and then it's an abundance. Right.
(15:42):
So when we have this safety net, we're trying to
be so careful, we realize we knock ourselves out of
the ram where the magic happens. Because now we're in
this comfortable space. I mean, you just said it, Okay,
I'm financially okay. That doesn't mean that you should have
to struggle financially for your dreams. But when you're in
a position where that's a distraction. Where's your focus? It
boils down? What do you want? Do you feel like
(16:04):
this is an extreme focus or do you need to
sit down and waste of time? How is it for you?
Just as those saying you're trying to make a habit
or break a habit, a lot of people feel like
they have to go all in and jump. Some people
are good at doing a little by little. But you've
answered it for yourself. How long are you gonna sit
in this job and not go after your dream? And
if you get frustrated, you know that you're only getting
(16:25):
frustrated with yourself. Why? Because here it goes here you're
telling yourself this is what you want. So your spiritual
self is saying, yes, we're gonna get this dream. We're
gonna write this. Now, all this book out here. You
know it may not have been, um, what did you say, journalism?
But now I know that I want to write this fiction.
So now you've got all these stories inside, including the
story that you're telling yourself that you want it, but
(16:46):
it's actually you don't want it because you're staying comfortable
in your job. You don't want to because you're not
spending time and just writing sentences just to get the
paragraphed out. You don't want it because you aren't holding
yourself accountable. So what happens is this communication of what
you're saying spiritually, it's not matching up what you're doing
in the physical realm. So I have to ask you,
what do you want? If you truly believe that you
(17:09):
can create whatever you want on the life, which has
been proven time and time again. When you hear that
people in insurmountable circumstances have achieved and uh exceeded against
all odds, why can't you The impossible has been done before,
and the impossible is only until it's possible. And you
think about how many things are possible? So when do
(17:31):
you step into the realm of knowing that you're possible?
M hm? Do you just see what I'm saying? More importantly,
do you understand where I'm coming from? What I'm saying.
It's about you making the decision and how long are
you're gonna have that little child inside of you saying
that you want to write and you're not writing why
(17:52):
Because you're allowing fear, You're allowing the idea of what's
next to come to get in your way instead of
just taking the next step, Can you just put one
foot in to the other. Can you just click one
finger after the other. What do you want? Because if
you're gonna stay down this bad being a writer and
writing your own novel, that's not what you want. Because
(18:13):
you do what you want for what you need, and
you you should want your dreams as bad as you
want to breathe. I've mentioned this story before. I first
heard the story from Eric Thomas, he sort of detroit Et,
the hip hop preacher. He talked about this young man
and he had this dream and he wants to be
a billionaire. And so he met this guy. He said, hey, kid,
(18:34):
you want to make a lot of money? He sai, yeah,
He's okay, meet me by the water. I'll tell you
whatever you need to know by the beach. So the
kid comes through. He's kind of waiting there. The guy
is doing the stretch, doing his own thing, right. He
got there at six am because the guy said be
there on time sharp. He's suiting the booty of heady
to go. So he's like, okay, are you gonna teach
me or show me how to become a millionaire, a billionaire,
(18:55):
have everything you want in the life. And he says, yes, okay,
so he said come out to the water. So the
young kid was like, wow, you know, you got me
dressed out here to come out the water, like are
we gonna get this done? Like what's up? And he's like,
I'm gonna show you, you you know, just wait a second.
So he's getting impatient. He's like, sir, like, at what
point are you going to tell me how to achieve
(19:15):
everything I want on the life, to get all the money,
to get all the success. He immediately took the young
man and he doused him under the water. The little
boy jumped up. He's like, oh my gosh, you know,
why would you do that? I mean, think about this
guy almost tried to kill him. As soon as he
got his breath, he doused some money there again, held
him down there a little longer. He jumps up trying
to get his breath, and then the guy does it
again and this time he holds it down longer. At
(19:37):
this point, the the young boy is just moving around,
really fighting for until he comes up. And you know,
he had to compose herself because you know, he almost
got out of character. He looked at this old man
like yea. But the guy said, that's the secret to
being successful. Dawn, What does this mean? You gotta want
your dreams as bad as you want to breathe. There
(19:58):
comes to a point that when everything around you is
gonna say that it's impossible. You gotta find the fight
within yourself. If you try to restrict yourself from oxygen,
even if you are in a state if you wanted
to take your life, if you try to restrict yourself
from oxygen, do you know that your body will fight?
(20:19):
That's what it means to go have your dreams or
what your dreams? As bad as you want to breathe?
How bad do you want your dreams? You gotta fight
when there's no fight left. So you can make whatever
excuses you want, But you gotta put yourself in a position.
You gotta put yourself in soil that allows you to grow.
Are you rooted? Are you connected to what you want?
(20:41):
Or are you distracted? Are you rooted and connected with
what you want? Are you in procrastination? Are you rooted
and know what you want? Or are you just lying
to yourself? So? Do you really want to write the novel?
You tell me, and that's what I got for you all.
Let's go onto the next letter subject recognized in your dream. Oh.
(21:05):
I like that We've been get a lot of posts
about our letters about people in their dreams. That means
a lie because you know, vitamin D is a dream
of mine, it's my vision. And to know that this
exchange is happening right now, I'm just grateful that we're
all on the same with them together of living our
best life, living out the dreams wide away. All right,
let's dive in. Dear Dawn Hey from Missouri. Hey Dawn,
(21:30):
I'm a thirty year old woman living in St. Louis
and I have been doing pretty okay during the last year.
My job let me work from home and I mostly
just hang out. I feel like everything is just in
a holding pattern right now, and I'm worried that once
life gets back up to speed it was charging yet before,
I won't be able to get going with a running start.
I want to get myself together and actually achieve something
(21:51):
outside of my comfortable, with boring day job. I tried
to pick up some hobbies that I could maybe make
some money off of, but that didn't pan out. That's funny.
Because got really into making bread imposta thinking I was
going to start a bakery or something. Okay, but nothing
really sparked a fire in my belly the way I expect.
And maybe that's the problem that I expected to be
(22:12):
something big and overwhelming. I've never really had a strong
sense of passion before, so it's hard to know if
the field is right. You seem like a very passionate person.
So could you shine the light on how to know
when something is your dream? For lacquer or for a
better word, for those of us who may not have
thought they could have a dream, and that was beautiful
(22:33):
recognizing the dream. I like that. The best way that
I can explain that when we talk about dreams is
a dream is going to speak before you open your mouth.
It's something that comes to you. It actually gives you life,
the idea of it. Even oftentimes when you're exercising it.
(22:56):
A dream you're gonna notice is gonna actually feed yourself.
You've heard it oftentimes um be an instrument of peace
or even your own peace. I think when you're pursuing
your dream, that is your peace. And I'm not saying
that you're not going to spend countless hours of being
up and doing all these things, you're just gonna realize
that you can get lost in it and it feels
(23:19):
good when you do it. Now, when you talk about like, Okay,
how do I find into it? But it sounds like
you dived into something. You said, I got really into
making bread imposta thinking I was going to start a
bakery or something. So it was the passion that you
were just into post or where you're going after because
you won't start the bakery. I'll tell you the main
problem that I'm identifying is that you are comfortable. And
(23:40):
what I realized is that when you're going after the dream,
just like I said in the previous letter, it's everything
that happens outside of your comfort zone. Stakes are higher,
you have to look more, you're discerning more. But if
you're in the midst of you know, normality, and you're
just comfortable with just being where you are, why would
you have any other passion to move forward while you've
Why would you be ambitious to think outside of the box.
(24:02):
Why would you want to even exist or even know
to exist where the magic happens. Dreams are magical. That's
why they call them dreams. It's a figment of your imagination.
But if you're caughting a world in a box, a
box because you're comfortable, you know all four while sides,
all four walls. You know how it stands, how it sits,
how it looks. It doesn't change it just that box,
(24:25):
and you have borders, you have parameters, and what you're
staying in that box. But a dream, if it's magical,
it's everything that happens outside of that and finding that
you just have to get out there and explore. You say, hey,
I'm just hanging out. That's good. You get to observe
and you get to see. But now it's time to
do something that challenges you after your day. Go out
there and do something different. Go paint, go draw, go sing,
(24:47):
just explore. Life is meant for us to live. And
I know, like you said, we got all have to
get into the house and stay in for a bit,
to really lock in because of all the craziness that's
going out outside. But a lot of people, just as yourself,
while not being able to go outside, we all have
been forced to look inside. What's in? So what do
you want? Well, you can only know what you want
(25:08):
by explore. You would have put it on your wear
in the world is carm in San Diego ahead, whereas
Waldo and just get out there and just take a chance,
because you already know what this feels like. We already
know this, like we keep living life to experience something different,
something more. But if you already know this and you
know there's more to exist, because that's the way time is,
(25:30):
that's the way different circumstances, why not go after it? Now?
You can say, hey, Dawn, you know, uh, I just
know what I like. But you know that this isn't
enough because if it was enough, you wouldn't be right
at me. So that I'm telling you go out there
and explore. Pick up the baker and thing. You didn't
say that you didn't like it. You just said that
you didn't stop and start. And oftentimes, you know, we
(25:54):
can't expect it to look magical, but you gotta realize
that the magic is inside it, the journey, like my
old barber has he would say, Louis T. Powell. He said, Dawn,
the journey is the experience, and the experience is the journey.
You don't you don't never arrive until you die. In
the meantime, we're all just becoming. So whether you're becoming
(26:16):
a chef temporarily, whether you're becoming a singer, just become
just evolved. Just keep going wing. We see a time
and time again as we move forward, that oftentimes is
that something so far distance, It can look so huge,
it can look like a distraction. But as you approach
and as you move forward, you start to realize, I
(26:36):
get a clear idea on what the picture is. Take
a step forward to find your picture and put it together.
Peace par piece. Okay, So the passion lies and doing
exactly what you were doing, and that is just simply
finding out what you can get lost in finding out
what gives you peace, because that's the gift. So you
(26:57):
can present it to other people and it turns out
to be presented back to you. Remember, we're all in
this next energy exchange. Okay, keep exploring, Go make some
of my positive In fact, I might um email me again.
I might reply with my dress again. Us send me
some goodies after COVID restrictions of course. Okay, all right,
(27:18):
let's move on to the next letter subject aft in
the family, Dear Dawn, what do you do in family
steals from you? That's my question to you down. My
sister took my favorite cookbook, and I know that girl
don't cook. See, this is the problem that she has
had for a while. She'll pill for something quick during
a family function or a party and then keep her later.
(27:38):
I caught her doing it several times when we were
growing up. I never told our parents, but I warned
her that it would come back to bite her, but
that was when we were girls. Anyway, I think she
must have taken it when she was helping me move
last week. I've been so busy getting things in ordered
my new place that I had been ordering out until
a few days ago. I tore the place apart after
I had put it together looking for it. The only
(28:00):
conclusion I could come up with is that she had
taken it. So I'm wondering should I confront her. I'm
not going to start drama, but I would like my
book back. And I also worry that she's still stealing
things frivolously. Is it my place to tell her what
to do? Should I just ask her to not steal
from me? Should I tell our parents that's something to say?
Should you act like an adult? And I mean, I'm
(28:22):
not trying to be smart about it. I'm just saying
real as an adult, you would confront your sister and say, hey,
what happened? You know? Did you see this? But see, oftentimes,
how we do anything is how we do everything. And
you were a child yourself as a child, or as
she was picking up things frivously as a child, but
nobody reprimmended to her tell her not to do. You
(28:43):
understand what I'm saying. So she got in a situation
where she got used to moving like that. So that
becomes a norm now for me. Once, shame on you,
fool me twice, shame on me. Okay, I said that, right, Okay,
So if we're going on the lines that how somebody
does any thing is how you do everything? What made
you feel that you're an exception that your sister wouldn't
steal from you? And by no means I'm trying to
(29:05):
paint your sister off to be a bad person. But
is there a cloud or a show that you think
that she wouldn't Because your sister is a person just
like anyone else. You understand what I'm saying. And the
fact that she went in there and took your belongings,
so you think it needs to be addressed. But more importantly,
you're gonna have to step up at your front your sister,
And that's just the ask is not to accuse. Now,
(29:26):
it's unfortunate that sometimes our history it follows us, but
that's just the nature of the beast. And as a
grown woman, if she's the one that help you, you
can't find it. One plus one is too, but doesn't
mean that it's true. So should you confront her? Yeah,
just ask you know, um, And it's not about certain drama.
It's just about hey, if you saw it, but you
can go on, go ahead and live the life that
(29:48):
you did before. And seeing her as a young child,
stealing things and not saying anything, not addressing to your parents.
But she gonna end up locked up one day. You know.
It could be a bag, you could be a shirt
this term then the way, a thousand dollars, a million dollars,
it could be somebody's credit, who knows. But it does
have to stop. Now. It's not for you to throw
your body on the line, but to hold her accountable
(30:09):
for who she is and what she's done. And often
times I speaking up for yourself, So yes, come from her.
But that confrontation is just the inquiry. Now, if you
can't get through, perhaps this is something that you can
have a conversation with your parents about. I mean again,
that is their child. They know her inside and out
and get to the bottom of it. But I don't
think that this is something that you should brush up
(30:31):
under the rug. Okay, all right, let's move on to
the next letter. Subject to X is want me? Do
I want them? Dear Dawn, I recently had a running
with an old accident. It's got me a little shaken. See.
I'm thirty and we go back a long way, twelve
years to my freshman year at college. She's a year older,
so I was cotton spitting when she expressed interest in me.
(30:53):
The love came fast and felt like it left faster,
But that was after four years together and the ups
and downs I've come to understand come with a lot
of relationships. Things were good and she was my first love,
but she wasn't really down with my choice of careers. See,
I'm a jazz musician by trade, went to school for
it and everything. She didn't think it was suitable or
a stable job, and I just couldn't put the sacks
(31:15):
down so we split and eventually I found myself in
situation with some other women. Now years later, she's been
hitting me with these bitter texts like this could have
been us, two pictures of couples and other mess I
can't lie that I still have some love for her,
but I don't really know what's changed on her end.
And to add on to that, in the last six years,
(31:37):
I've made a connection with a woman who really knows
me and loves me for who I am. We've been
on and off since be mad In. I haven't really
spent more than five months single prior to I think,
of course, I messed it up, partially by continuing to
be communication with my first ax. After our third breakup,
the new girl decided to take a job abroad. That
(31:58):
was at the start of quarantine. We've had middling contact
since then, and for the last year I've been kind
of keeping a low profile, not dating, trying to stay
alive make it work in l A as a cash here.
It's been a struggle, but I feel good where I'm at,
good with myself. Now she's drunk, calling me and telling
me how she's always loved me and asking to come
(32:18):
out to visit her. I keep thinking that, yes, that
sounds great. I love her and the vacation would be nice.
But I wonder do I want to be in a relationship?
And both of these incidents started around the same time
last month. What's going on? Should I get back to
the one of them? Should I just keep my head
down and move forward with my life? In life? You
(32:39):
gotta know what you want, baby, period um. And one
thing you said is that you don't know if this
is what you want a relationship. You know, I heard
I saw on a TikTok video on social media somebody
posted on Instagram. It was reposted from TikTok on Instagram,
(32:59):
and somebody said, if you have to ever question whether
somebody likes you, they don't. So you have the question
whether or not you want to be in a relationship.
You don't. Um, just thinking about the first X, you know,
it reminds me of ericabai Do and her track bag. Lady,
You're gonna miss your buzz dragging all those bags like that.
(33:21):
I guess nobody ever told you all you must hold onto?
Is you now? You had a situation where's back? She
wasn't in agreement with your dreams? Your vision right, And remember,
like I said previously another letter, I said, you have
to know what you want right. If it doesn't serve you,
it doesn't deserve you. If you aren't getting fed from
(33:41):
this relationship, why are you there now? You used your
keen discernment, you said, I don't belong here, this is
not for me. Why does it change in this situation
of knowing what you want? If you're saying that you
don't know that your relationship, perhaps stay away and just
like Erica, do I see how this the first X
she wasn't for you? And when I say for you,
probably literally in the sense, but even for your dreams.
(34:03):
Who wants to feel like they can't be themselves with
the most intimate person in their life. You should be
sharing your dreams, exploring your dreams, but you have a
situation where she's not for them. So what happens? You
got into another relationship with a young lady. It sounds
like you're a guy who does like relationships, but it
sounds like you're trying to find your footing, so you
move on. You meet the younger than young lady before
(34:24):
she goes abroad, and you find out that your ex
Remember that baggage that was behind you was starting to
interfere with this relationship. It's interesting that you have the
capacity to move forward, but you consistently carry a lot
of things with you. So when you say, Okay, perhaps Dawn,
I don't know if I want to be in a relationship,
and should I just keep my head down the answers yes.
(34:47):
You gotta know what you want, just as clear that
you are able to tell the first X that Yo,
I want to be a musician. I want to pick
up my sex and play at these jazz clubs. You
gotta be that specific with your life because remember, how
you do anything is how you do everything, So you
may not be able to see it that clearly now
when it comes to relationship and love. But just take
the same scenario and put that in your dream. Are
(35:09):
you willing to compromise your dream for a relationship. I
think that's how you're gonna know off the bat. So
when you have to juggle just talking about the first
acts and whether or not you guys should be together,
you gotta say to yourself, Hey, she's not supporting the
identity of you, so how how can that feel good?
So you can look at all these pictures of these
couples and say, oh, this could have been us. No,
(35:31):
it could have been because you're gonna be at the
jazz club. Is she gonna be there to support you?
Now you upset because now when you guys want to
go out to eat, you gotta staying look on your
face because she didn't even support your dreams. The very
thing is that you change your life for the very
thing that you invested your time, to energy, your money
for your dreams and she's not there. So could that
be as heck? You know you gotta be for each other.
(35:54):
Now you got the other young lady who actually does support.
But now you have to ask yourself are you available emotionally?
Do you have the capacity to hold what she's offering.
It's interesting because you just said, hey, don I don't
know if I want to be in a relationship. Both
of these instances happened at the same time. See, just
(36:15):
as clear as your disarnment was with your first sex
about knowing what your dreams are, you need to have
your discernment that clear where you talk about sharing your
life with somebody, sharing that intimate moment with your with somebody,
because all of that bleeds in every other area of
your life. And what you just said is that you're
unsure where you want to be well, as home is
where the heart is, and the heart is a representation
(36:35):
of love. Does that feel like home? Can you lay
your head down there and feel comfortable? Does it make
you change the identity of who you are, what you
believe in, what you're going after? Those are the questions
you have to ask yourself. And so you know the
truth by the way it feels and where it directs you.
And it sounds like you're not being directed in that location,
(36:55):
that location of knowing I want to be located. I
want to put myself in the GPS to be in
a relationship. Do you know what I'm saying? I kind
of would left to go right, But you know what
I'm saying, is this your location? Is that what you want?
It doesn't sound like because you don't know, and you
know the difference of knowing what you want. So I
think you might all to keep your head down because
(37:17):
you've been there, done that. You know what they have
to offer, and if it doesn't satisfy you enough to
go that way, Please do not waste anybody's time. We
are too grown for that we are at a love
on our lives. We are not young kids anymore, that
we need to play with emotions. If somebody is direct
enough to tell you what they want, just as direct
as you were to say what your dreams are, please
(37:37):
offer the same courtesy and respect. Allow somebody to choose.
Do not sign up for a position that you don't
plan to show up to. Okay, So until you can
say I want to be in a relationship, stop stop
with the foolish and stop entertaining it. Because you're clear
on what they want. But the question is what do
you want? And any type of relationship, we actually have
(37:58):
to show up for one another. They're showing up and
where are you? All right, let's go to the next letter.
And this is the last letter. Subject was making progress.
Then dad came back. Dear Dawn, I I don't really
have a lot to complain about, or at least I
didn't until recently, six weeks ago exactly actually, when my
(38:20):
dad came back into my life. A little background. My
dad is the fly by the seat of your pants
kind of guy. Him and my mom broke up not
long after I was born, and he's been moving from
company to company in city to city. For the last
twenty five years, I rarely saw him or heard from him.
MR birthdays were norm It was hurtful, but I'm in
therapy working on it. For a while in my early twenties,
(38:42):
I was feeling so unacceptable that I had the hardest
time even leaving the house. Now I'm enjoying life to
the extent you can, and I'm working at a job
I love, so on some level, I know that whatever
pain I was called, I came out okay. Sometimes I
even think that I don't need to know my dad,
and the thing is, he's still my dad. Even though
(39:04):
I loki kind of hated him, I love him and
I want to have a positive relationship with him. So
six weeks ago, he moves back to Oakland and starts
living with my older sister. There are like five year
age gap between us, so they have a lot closer relationship.
She really wants to mend the rift in the family,
and I'm just feeling kind of mixed of the idea.
It's so awkward around him because every time I try
(39:26):
to talk about the pain in his absence calls, he
tells me it really wasn't his fault. And now after
having improved therapy and gotten my life on an upward trajectory.
Their prospect of having to engage in making me fear
losing all of this progress I've made. How do I
tell my sister I just can't or do I face
my fear. I'm not sure what the fear is, um
(39:53):
because if anything that I received that what you said
was the fear is probably the confrontation of your dad
because you're being vulnerable. Now. Where I applaud you is
that you're doing the work. What I have to tell
you to cut the light bulb and to keep in
mind is that he's not willing to do the work.
So it's a sticky situation. But you're showing up to
(40:13):
a table that your dad isn't sitting at, and this
table is laying out of how you feel, and what
you're looking for is to completely heal. You can't ignore
the fact and say I want no relationship with my
father and say everything is okay, because if everything's okay,
you wouldn't feel that missing piece. But you can't make
(40:34):
somebody do anything because it sounds like what the communication
is that he's receiving. It's not my fault and it's like,
I'm not sure this dialogue is the sense of blame,
but you're expressing how it made you feel. And I
know myself, I always say when I'm in a discribinant
of somebody that I'm not trying to prove who's right
or wrong, but I think it's about how it made
someone feel. And when you love someone, you care about somebody,
(40:57):
you care about what why they feel the way they
feel you, because we all just want to be heard.
You heard me saying before, whether it was the spiritual
self trying to connect with the physical self to try
to manifest dreams, whether it's a relationship with a partner,
whether it's a daughter and a father, you're asking to
be heard because at some point, this little girl, whose
father was out there living his life, going after the
(41:19):
next thing, perhaps didn't get a chance to see the
little girl. And so as an adult, you're like, oh,
my life is booming, I'm popping. Whoa, whoa. You forgot
that that little girl is still hurt. Now To sit
there and try to negate the fact that she doesn't
need her father, well that's not fair. But it also
wasn't fair to the adult to know yourself is that
(41:39):
you're showing up and your father isn't showing up in
the way that you can now The next thing I
was saying, because you have been going to therapy, perhaps
try to invite him to one of your sessions. Open
up the conversation, because oftentimes I feel like we can
see the message and where it's coming from, and immediately
it's a block. And sometimes just as though if we
were try get to one location another another, we use
(42:02):
a car, whether we're cooking dishes, we use the utensils.
We have these tools in planes so that we can
effectively do what it is that we need to do.
And one of the tools that you have is that
you have a therapist. So use your tools appropriately. Open
the invitation to have your death there and truly expressed
that this is not a blame, but I want to
let you know how I feel because no matter what
how you trying to say, I'm just gonna go away
(42:23):
from it and not, you know, address my father. That's
not true because it still exists because it's how it
makes you feel and understanding that it's gonna bleed out
in other areas of your life. But at the same time,
you gotta love on yourself to know that what doesn't
serve you doesn't deserve you. And if it puts you
in the same situation every time that you're around your
(42:43):
father that your remind of we can take you back
into depression, that we can take you back backwards, then
you have to save yourself. And it doesn't mean cutting off.
It just depends on how I say. You gotta treat
someertain people like you gotta white outfit on. You can't
let them get too close. And sometimes that close that
you're thinking about. What I'm referring to is physically is
that you can't emotionally expose yourself to those things. That's
(43:06):
just the maturity level. You can't control that. But you
have to understand what you're dealing with. You have to
truly see what you're dealing with. And there's a trickery
because we get to this point in our life when
we're kids, we look at our parents and people that
are older than us as though they have the answer
to everything. And it isn't until we get to an
adult that we realized that yo, they were just trying
to figure out the same thing. But what's gobout to
(43:28):
happen right now is that this whole awkward feeling that
you're feeling around him. It's called because you guys can't communicate,
So that's gonna cause friction, and then it's gonna cause
a sense of blame and saying, oh, it's not my fault,
it is your fault versus like can you hear me?
I'm speaking, So don't stop your shine, but try another approach.
(43:51):
Try to go ahead and um see if he's all
but welcoming to come to therapy, just so that you
can be heard and let him know that you're just
trying to be heard and to be understood, because sometimes
that goes along further than where the blame is. And
hopefully with your dad and hopefully with you, you guys
realize that that relationship is important because if it's not
a situation right now where he's badgering you and saying no, no, no,
(44:11):
no no, let's mend about what the past was, because
guess what, he ain't gonna be here forever. You're not
gonna be here forever. And I'm telling you from a
person who both of my parents are deceased. I would
love to have a conversation. I would love to figure
out how to work it out, but I do understand
that you still deserve to be hurt because that little
girl is hurt. So my suggestion will be the next
(44:33):
step invite him overto therapy and then just see where
it goes from there. But do not sacrifice yourself. You
come too far to go backwards, all right? And uh,
those are all the letters that we have today. Thank you.
Shout out to each and every one of you guys
that wrote the letter. Thank you. I'll receive you, and
(44:53):
I appreciate you for being bold enough to want to
be better, and not because I'm just saying it, but
to put yourself on the line to know that some
things may be all balanced. And when I say all balance,
it just doesn't feel right. And you know that's one
thing that I talked about with the vitamin D as
I talk about your life that account, and when you
know that you are your greatest asset, you understand that
(45:14):
just like an account, it's all about deposits and withdrawals.
What are you adding to your life and what are
you deducting? And the thing is it's going to be
a constant ever flow. But it's just about balance and
when you can addrust yourself and cut on the lights
on and say, hey, I don't have it all figure out. Hey,
I'm trying to still figure out everything. You realize that
how much you can grow from that. You feel what
(45:36):
I'm saying, So thank you. I appreciate it. And if
you heard something you're like, Dawn, I want to get
your thoughts too. You can email me Vitamin D at
Dawn day Speace dot com and you can just put
in the subject advice letter and I'm either myself or
Jeremiah or Inn. We will get to it and we'll
make sure that we answer these questions because we like
(45:57):
to hear from you. Because remember, Vitamin D is all
about being better so that you can live life on
purpose and for purpose. All right, So again the email
is Vitamin D at Dawn Day Speak dot com. Now,
outside of the podcast, if you want some more Vitamin
D in your life, one, you need to check me
out on Saturdays on the Steve Harvey Morning Show for
(46:18):
my What's Happening segment. Too. You need to follow me
on social media at Dawn Day Speaks on social media
and get some extra Vitamin D in your life. So
I'm gonna talk to you next time. We got a
lot of great things coming up with the podcast Why
we Do Live Like We're cooking up a lot of magic.
We're making dreams cometable. Okay, So until next time, I'll
(46:39):
talk to you, and I want you to always remember
that you are. Your greatest has act
Host
Dawn Dai
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